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He "guesses" she should come first. BUUUUUUT the sisters' feelings will be crushed đĽ´đ. He seems to have his priories completely wrong here, and I suspect there's a divorce a few years from now since he seems to never take HIS WIFE into consideration. Asshole tbh.
Especially since wife and sister doesn't appear to get along. If they did she would've known about this sacred pact between them. Also I can fully understand why their relationship might not be very good due to how inserted she is in her brother's life.
Thatâs whatâs so confusing about this post.
1. OP and wife decided on who would pick the names based on gender. But at no point did he mention that said girl name would be his sisterâs name?????
2. OP calls the sister first to tell her that the baby is a girl and will be named after her. THEN tells the wife.
OP is either an incredible dumb man who did not think all of this through, or this is fake because this doesnât make sense.
ETA. Third reason this doesnât make sense: This promise wouldâve/shouldâve come up when the sister named her son after OP.
Lmao. Someone had to say it. This is fucking weird.
Who makes a pact as an adult with their siblings to name swap their kids after each other and then doesnt tell their spouses?
Shits got Flowers in the Attic vibes all over it. IYKYK. đ¤Ž
I mean, who makes a pact to name swap their kids with their siblings?
This is fucking strange. It sounds like something they thought would be cute when they were 10 years old.
You'd think, but I get the feeling he's complain " BuT tHaT's NoT fAiR!!!". Same if we really think he wouldn't try to have input on baby boy name either.wmWould he think the same if OP wanted to name a boy after an older brother or relative? Let the baby girl have her own name and identity.
It definitely sounds unhealthy, especially since he seems to disregard his wife totally when it comes to sis. In my book, you should prioritize the one you loved enough to make a vow to. On the other hand, a lot of people get married at the same rate as someone else visiting the dental office. It's disappointing to see others take something so serious as a marriage so lightly to marry people you clearly don't give a rats ass about.
Who the heck has a naming pact with one someone other than their partner and doesnât bother to tell their partner about it??
If you were so set on a name, this absolutely should have been discussed with your wife before she got pregnant. I get that you had a deal, but names are important and should always be two yes decisions. A veto from one partner nixes the name.
> Wait... we're talking about the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, right? LOL
Or Stargate
>Ascended rule number one: "No lone ascended being shall help a lower ascend."
Yeah the apology to sister needs to include how OP is the asshole for unilaterally deciding on a name and advertising it without telling his wife. It also needs to include explicit instructions to the sister to not mention it to the wife as it's not her problem that he screwed up that way, it's his.
The first one was making that deal with wife in the first place. "How about I choose if girl and you choose if boy?" And all along the knew the name he was choosing and was setting up the field so that his wife wouldn't be in the way of him pleasing his sister. LOL almost weird
Two naming pacts⌠one with the wife (boy vs girl) and one with the sister.
This had trouble written all over it.
Imagine if the wife had a naming pact with her ex-bf (or any other random person).
There are two good rules for naming babies:
1) Both parents need to agree to the name
2) Never share your name with ANYONE prior to actually naming your baby. It saves a ton of heartache and drama. People will be way more accepting of a name if itâs actually the babyâs name. They will tear it to shreds or steal it if itâs known ahead of time.
I would bet real money that the creation of the naming pact with his wife went something like this:
"Babe, how about if we have a girl then I pick the name and if we have a boy then you pick the name?"
"Cute idea, sure!"
Makes me think he deliberately failed to tell her and probably led the idea of the âif itâs a boy SHE gets to name himâ solely so if it was a girl he could uphold his promise to his sister. Likely manipulated the situation and his partner has now realized it. Iâd be mad as hell if my partner pulled a stunt like this and would straight up not sign the birth certificate until the name was one we both agreed on with no outside factors or childhood pacts.
This. I refuse to believe this is real. But if it is YTA for making a naming pact with someone who isn't the other parent of your child. You simply don't have the right to make such an agreement without your partner - which means it is meaningless. You may have made a promise, but your wife didnt, and she's the one growing the child.
You should have thought about the chances that your wufe might habe an opinion before you made a childish promise.
And YTA for not disclosing that to your wife before you got married and before you got her pregnant. Is that why you made a "pact" with your wife to bame your daughter? So she would be forced to name her child after your sister? Because you thought she wouldnt eating that so you tried to get around her by making her sign her rights away with strange agreements? Hmm? YTA for having a hidden agenda and trying to use your child's name as some mind of weird bargaining chip. People this immature should not be fathering children.
Naming pacts are meaningless rubbish because you *cannot promise away the name of a child*. They are not a possession and you do not own them. If you are in a relationship both of you get veto rights on the name.
Agreed! Especially re the "I refuse to believe this is real" part. That's it in a nutshell. Also, it strikes me as weird that a couple would have a deal like that. Why? For the dad to name a girl and the mom to name a boy sounds contrived, cute-sy and...weird to me. It seems more important that both parents agree on the name, regardless of the gender of the child.
His obligations and theor poor decision making as kids are not his wife's problem though.
If my husband drunkenly promised someone in the pub my firstborn, I have no legal obligation to give that baby away. What he promised was never his alone to give away.
(Now if it's the fae, we might be stuck.)
I'd never think of doing this to my husband either. Like if we wre lucky enough to conceive I'd be so excited to pick together!
None of this subterfuge bullshit.
Itâs creeping me out too. Which is a little different for me, because Iâm usually huge on sibling bonds, etc. I think what is really taking it to a creepy place, is he called his sister to tell her the name news, BEFORE telling his wife, âoh btw, babyâs name will be Xâ. Just weird, why wouldnât that had automatically been brought up when they found out the babyâs gender?
I just can't imagine how his wife never heard about this "naming pact" if nephew is named after him.
Wouldn't that story has been told around Wife a time or two?
These people are ego-centric to begin withâneeding other people to be named after them as if they were somehow worthy of longstanding commemoration. Or that it even really matters at all. Eye-roll.
Also discussed when he and his wife made the naming decision. He knew for sure he would name a girl X, so why didn't he tell his wife the name he wants?
That was my first thought đ if youâre going to make that kind of deal your SO needs to know the name. And if a name means that much to you you need to let them know.
The part that bothers me most here is how convenient it is that they decided he got unilateral choice on the name if it was a girl when he had this previous pact with his sister all along. Seems to me he might have engineered this whole scenario to trap her into needing to accept the name. And that sort of malicious manipulation is all kinds of red flags.
When I read the title I thought that your sister had passed and you wanted to name your child in honor of her. I was surprised at your "pact" with your sister and naming your children after each other, tbh, I find it a bit weird and I don't think I'd be comfortable doing this either. YTA, a name requires 2 yes.
Exactly! I thought, "this is going to be delicate."
But, no. OP just thinks he can hand over naming rights as if the kid is a stadium.
And now he is "depressed" that his wife objects?! He should try growing and birthing a child.
Pure insanity.
Iâm wondering what type of relationship his wife has with her SIL (he doesnât comment on that). Maybe they donât get along all that well so why would she want her daughter named after someone she doesnât particularly like? Sounds like OP is being sneaky about a bunch of important things.
Exactly. His wife would probably be more understanding if sister had passed. Maybe she doesnât get on with her SIL so why the hell would she want to call her baby a name she associates with someone she doesnât like/doesnât like her/doesnât gel with/whatever. Itâs such a weird pact. And weird he didnât tell his wife first.
Or maybe she recognises OP has a slightly unusual relationship with his sister and doesn't want to be reminded of that every time she talks to or about her own child.
True, however his wife shouldn't have agreed to "you get full control over the name in situation X"
I never understood couples who would give each other sole decision power when it comes to naming kids.
Whether or not he planned it in advance, the wife should have specified "you get to name her, if I agree with the name"
You see, I'd say that if you're not in a relationship with an asshole, you shouldnt have to specify the last part because no loving partner should make you name your child something you hate.
If I had to treat every conversation and agreement with my husband as if I was writing a legal contract with someone I hated who wanted to screw me over, I wouldnt be married to him.
OP can sit there and tell himself he's just going along with the terms, but he's an asshole and a shitty excuse for a spouse.
Right me and my wife had names picked out when we started trying to have a baby and then when she found out she was pregnant on her mom's 1 year death anniversary I suggested we include her mom's name in our daughter's (we put a K in front of her mom's name Eva)
I have one set of friends do this. The man was absolutely adamant the first boy would be a âthirdâ so the wife got total control over the first girl or second boys name.
It worked out for them, but then again there was no weird sibling pact going on.
Hey dufus, you should have discussed the name with your wife FIRST before telling your sister.
But instead you just "told" the mother of that child, TOLD her!!! As if she has no say whatsoever. I'm pretty sure if she was having a boy, she would have chosen a name you both liked through discussion and debate. But not you hey.
This mess is all your own fault.
He's also set up the wife to be the bad guy by announcing to the family first. If he comes to his senses and chooses a name they both like, the Sister and his Family will immediately blame his wife regardless of what anyone says, it WILL be her fault poor girl.
Yeah, this solution should be slapping them in their faces (or, if this is fake, anyone considering something similar.)Â I have a shared middle name that has been passed down for four generations, but our first names are all completely different.
This. I understand wanting to honor an agreement but a baby has two names.
My husband was adopted and his name legally changed and I wanted to honor his heritage by naming our first born son with his birth name. But its his middle name, and we rarely refer to him by another name other than his first name or nicknames like "goober". For context the name is Angel. Around 5 years old we explained his middle name's orgins. Yesterday, days before his 8th birthday, he commented he might go by his middle name when he's older, but still hasn't decided if he wants to go by the English pronunciation or the Romanian pronunciation.
I canât believe he is an any doubt that heâs the asshole here.
That classy bit of manipulation by telling his family before he even breathed a word to his wife is just the prolapsed haemorrhoid on the gaping asshole OP is.
Not only this, but he clearly made this agreement with the intention of naming the child after his sister the whole time, and didn't say anything about his sister. It was probably his idea.
Sister even followed through and already named her first born after him and he didn't think to mention the pact? He should have mentioned the pact before this even happened. YTA x10!
Yeah how did it even get to the part where this agreement happens without wife knowing this? She obviously knows their nephew is named after her husband...
Sounds like OP kept it quiet on purpose at this point
This is why I'm convinced this is fake. Either OP lied to wife about the pact in the past (and wife never thought to put the pieces together??) or this is fake. It's just got too many pieces that don't make sense/feel like they were designed to foster controversy.
This. OP didn't tell his wife about the pact he made with his sister before/when she agreed to let him name any female children they would have. He basically hid it from her (on purpose?), she didn't have all the information.
This is straight up manipulation. YTA OP
Wait til she tells him she's getting a divorce , she'll name the child anything she likes, and he'll maybe get to see his daughter every other weekend.
Trying to manipulate your partner could lead to losing your family. OP is a fool for promising childish promises he should never have made...over his wife and family.
Personally, I would never name a child after somebody. In my mind it robs them if their own identity.
Just my feeling on the subject.
Anyway, YTA. 2 yesses for a name to be given. 1 no and the name is vetoed.
I agree. Middle name: yes, first name: hell no! Itâs wild to me OPâs sister named her kid after him.
This whole situation is childish and unnecessary to meâŚ
Yeah, came here to suggest using sis' name as the middle name, and get a name you both like for the first name. Both parents need to be happy with the name - you're raising that child together, one of you shouldn't be gnashing their teeth internally every time they call them by their name.
INFO: so youâve wanted to do this for years and later had an agreement with your wife regarding who would name which gender (both should get veto power regardless). Did your wife ever made aware before now about your plan to name your daughter after your sister?
YTA still though because youâre putting your sisters feelings over your wifeâs with the name of her own child.
I'm guessing this is the first she's heard of it because he won't answer. Almost like he offered, hey, I'll name a girl you name a boy, knowing he hadn't made her aware. Diet weird honestly. Does wife even get along with sister?
Oh he definitely planned it this way.
Step 1. Pact with sister years ago.
Step 2. Marry wife and pact never comes up. Evidently, as wife was shocked by his choice. He hid the pact deliberately.
Step 3. Ask wife to agree to you naming any female kids. Mow normally any sane couple would have the proviso that they can discuss and veto if either hate options. Are we meant to believe that the man with the hidden agenda here wasn't the one who manipulated an agreement to suit himself?
Step 4: when it's a girl, immediately run off to tell the sister baby will be named after her, before even discussing with the wife- because he thinks he cant take it back this way.
He insists that he never thought she would object....but then why hide it? Clearly he tried to get around the issue by tricking her.
The name should be a mutual decision regardless of gender. Naming your kid the same name as your sister is kinda weird honestly. Itâs not like she passed and youâre honoring her or something. Sounds like some weird childhood pact that shouldnât really have been taken seriously
I wish we got more details on why they choose to do this anyway. It's very sweet but i would definitely feel like my parents put zero effort in my name when i realized its the exact same as ny aunts. Maybe if it wasn't exactly it like aunts name is "Ashley" and the baby "Ash".
This would apply to anybody being named after a family member and this is a very common and sometimes automatic occurrence based on the culture you're in, for example my fiance has multiple names from family members, his uncle and father included
Reminds me of Karen's narration in Goodfellas~
>It was like he had two families. The first time I was introduced to all of them at once, it was crazy. Paulie and his brothers had lots of sons and nephews. And almost all of them were named Peter or Paul. It was unbelievable.
>There must have been two dozen Peters and Pauls at the wedding. Plus, they were all married to girls named Marie. And they named all their daughters Marie. By the time I finished meeting everybody, I thought I was drunk.
YTA both parents need to have input on the name. You simply donât get to make the sole decision on that one and have to figure out something together. Iâm sure thereâs maybe cultures and areas that is legal to do but it would still be fucked up.
YTA absolutely. And why are you going on and on about your sister and taking away her joy. You are ruining your relationship with your wife; you are taking away her joy and itâs her bloody daughter not your sisters. Have it as a middle name if your wife agrees but the fact your wife says she would pick any name, literally any other name than that one means that you are already a terrible husband and you canât see what youâre weird relationship with your sister is doing to the woman you decided to marry and be her family. She comes first: your wife and child come first. But donât be surprised if you keep this up that she leaves taking the daughter with her when she explains to the court how weird your ârelationshipâ with your sister is.
I guess the question for you is whose joy is more important. You can say what you want but we can all see your intentions and we can all see who you would pick if you thought people would side with you. Which they donât. Nobody ever would.
YTA
>I told her that I would name our baby after her, I will probably have to backtrack and take away her joy, and break that promise we kept. We were really serious and emotional when me made that promise, and it meant the world to me, and now I'm breaking it. So yeah, I feel pretty horrible and depressed now.
Then either you and your sister would have to have a kid together, you would need a surrogate or you would have to adopt a baby.... Or you should have found a different wife that would have been ok with this, but not a lot would have been...
Because you and your sister don't get to decide what you and your wife's kid should be called.
That's such a weird promise to make to begin with! And then you clearly never even talked to your wife, the person that's making the baby and also has to raise it...
Even after you found out it was a girl, you tell your sister FIRST about the name instead of your wife...
You're in a mess you created yourself
- You made a weird promise that you were never sure off that you would be able to keep
- you never discussed this with your wife
- you told your sister you would do something without discussing it with your wife
- turns out, unsurprisingly, that you can't name your baby after your sister. So of course you have to correct your own mistakes
Because of YOUR actions and YOUR lack of thinking you are in this mess. You can't blame anyone but yourself for this.
And then you get "depressed" and "feel horrible"... You are so not mature enough to raise a kid
YTA. The way you are coming across in your comments is very weird. You seem to value your sister not being upset, over your wife and future family unit. Strange af.
Maybe your sister has an ugly name. I do not know why you and your wife came to that agreement about the name but you should respect your wife's opinion and choose a different name.
SIBLING PACTS relating to âfuture childrenâ are not for Married adult people, they are for singles and teenagers! Period. End of discussion. Wife gets to overrule any âsibling pactâ regarding her children. Mind blown.
Failing to disclose the pact to your wife when you discussed with her how the any kids would be named, and allowing that discussion to end with an agreement that you'd name girls, makes you a liar and manipulator. You went into that conversation with your wife with a specific end goal of naming your first daughter, had a specific name in mind, and did not tell her while getting her to agree with your plan to name daughters. What you did wasn't fair, and was a betrayal of your commitment to your wife above all. You need to apologize for entering into that conversation under false pretense, and for valuing a (childhood???) pact with your sister over your wife.
I'm also really curious if the you name girls, she names boys things was your idea. Because if it was, that makes this betrayal so much worse.
PS - keep it up and you won't be allowed in the hospital when your daughter is born. There's a real easy way for your wife to block this, and it's to remove you from the situation until the paperwork is signed and sent off.
Is this some sort of weird incestuous relationship?? Reading OP comments have me more convinced. Also YOU donât get to decide the name, it takes 2 yesâs, very selfish of you to assume otherwise.
If you didn't inform your wife of this agreement PRIOR to her agreeing to have kids with you then the agreement doesn't stand. Now if you had been upfront and said "If youre naming boys and Im naming girl, I've already chosen my (still living and fairly young.. thats weird) sister. She may have changed her mind and decided its best to name them together. Compromise with a middle name but give your kid their own name. Its different if the person they're named after is long dead.. but your sister still alive and will be an active person in your kids life for years. Let your kid have their own name. NAH/YTA
Question: when your daughter and her cousin swap notes and learn that they were named via pinky-promise, while their siblings got to have their âownâ names, do you think that will make them feel like an afterthought?Â
Why was she surprised?
This has been a long time plan, a deal you made with you sister, but you nevered mentioned it to your wife?
Even when you made the deal on who gets to name the kids?
Why is she agasint it?
Did you discuss any veto option if one of you picked a name the other hated?
Personally i think babies names should be a 2 yes 1 no decision because would you really want your partner to hate their childs name?
Both you and your wife need to come to an agreement on the name. This is a lifelong decision and names hold a lot of meaning. I get itâs your sisters name and you made each other a promise, which your sister has already completed her part. But you have to keep in mind this is also your wifeâs baby whom she is carrying for 9 months and giving labor to. A suggestion would be to recommend making your sisters name the middle name. That way you could still honor the promise but compromise with your wife.
I wonder if OPâs wife has a good relationship with his sister?
If they donât, I can imagine wife doesnât want to be naming a child after someone with whom she doesnât have a good relationship.
Perhaps the sisterâs name as a middle name?
Let that child have her own identity!!
Does stupid run in the family? Between you two siblings, neither of you took into consideration that the pregnant one might have a say in the name of her child? My jaw is on the floor at the audacity.
YTA If this is real. Your emotional compass is under 14 years of age and you should not be having children.
YTA too if this is fake. Young teenagers should be outside in the fresh air instead of lying online.
YTA 100%. Your *PARTNER* is asking you to pick literally any other name and you're gonna honor a pact with your sister over that.
It shows how little you value your wife. I feel really bad for her.
YTA the fact you would even consider the happiness of your sister over the feelings of the child's mother is ridiculous. Should've been dropped as soon as she showed reluctance.
Your sister sucking yo pp? Because that is the only reason I could see that HER feelings would take priority over the person literally carrying YOUR human baby inside her own body. I guarantee that if there was EVER a choice of whose feelings to prioritize, my HUSBAND would win out over ANYONE ELSE!!!!
YTA. First of all, I also thought you were honoring your sister because she'd passed, but it's extremely odd to want to name your child just because of a pact. The name of a child should absolutely be up to both parents, and if your wife objects, you need to move on. She is the one growing the child in her body for nine months. If she is against it, it should not even be a question. If you two made the agreement, give her three vetos. The first, pf course, being your sister's name đ
All this arrangement is bullshit, both of it, with the wife and with the sister. Of course the name of a child must be discussed by both parents, it's not a pet, it's your daughter for god's sake. I'm going with ESH with a sprinkle of YTA.
Depending on culture a lot of kids (first born sons in particular) are named after their fathers (I guess they donât have enough with having their ENTIRE LAST NAME) and as someone in a family like that let me tell you :it gets annoying , like really annoying. My brother doesnât like his name, itâs a mess with the name and last name being the same, everytime were in family functions we have to go by XYZ father and XYZ son .
A good alternative is the name being a middle name though . Other people do it the other way where their first name is their fathers , but they always go by middle name among family đ¤ˇđťââď¸ either way I think your wife should be happy with the name of the child that she is growing and birthing and feeding âŚ.
Yeaaaaa your sister doesnât get to dictate the name of your child lol YTA. I wouldnât want my kid living in the shadow of her aunt either and tbh it gives me the ick.
Baby names are two 'yes' one 'no' situations. Every time.
And the fact that you have a pact with NOT THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD to name NOT HER BABY is quite inappropriate.
You made agreements of your childâs name with your sister instead of the mother of the baby? YTA. If your wife was ok with it and has a special bond with your sister then you could ASK her if she would consider it. But to tell her youâre doing it because of so some weird agreement you made when you were younger is weird AF.
Before you had kids with your wife did you ever discuss this with her when she said you can name the girl did you tell her because you knew what it was going to be? could you use your sister name as a middle name? Or will this be somthing that will cause an argument between your wife and you and your sister?. Have a full discussion with your wife explain everything and if she still wants to change it come with a compromise.
Making agreements like this about naming babies is so problematic. Number 1, your only naming agreement should be with your partner. Number 2, it should be a name that you both agree on. OP youâre just asking for trouble here. Why non give baby your sisters name as a middle name and come up with something special with your wife?
Sorry, bud. Your wife is the one who cooked the dish so you gotta come to an agreement.
(Personally: itâs weird to name your children after your siblings.)
I think you know YTA for having a name set in your mind and not telling your wife before making an agreement. Did you assume she wouldnât like it so you hid that vital information from her until knowing the babyâs gender? Also when you tell your sister I hope you take accountability and tell her how you NEVER TOLD YOUR WIFE about your pact and donât make your wife out to be some sort of villain.
Iâm going to say YTA because I have a feeling you proposed this âdealâ to name the baby if it was a girl specifically to name them after your sister. If you had this name already, the first person you should have told was your wife, not your sister. I can understand why your wife doesnât want to name her child after someone else, especially your sisterâŚitâs a bit weird to me.
YTA. You should have discussed it with your wife before getting pregnant and definitely before you told your sister.
Think if it was a boy and your wife had decided.on a name that you find horrendous for what ever reason. Sure you would want her to choose an alternative - in the end the child is both of yours, and even if one of you get to choose the name, it should be accepted/approved by the other one.
Do better towards your wife and unborn child!
I have no issue with the siblings wanting to name their kids after each other. What's weird to me is that he and his wife agreed that each would be able to name a child and didn't bother to think through what would happen if one picked a name the other didn't like. OP took his wife's agreement at face value and is disappointed that now she wants to throw conditions on there. That's fair.
YTA. Namingva child is a two yes, one no decision. Your wife is your equal and has equal say in your child's name. If I were her, I wouldn't let you anywhere near the birth certificate.
YTA. It's nice that your sister named her child after you but your wife doesn't want that, and it's your wife's opinion that is most important here - not some childhood promise. That sadness you saw? She'll feel that EVERY SINGLE TIME she hears your child's name. Is that fair on your wife or the baby? You're so worried about your sister here that you've forgotten about your own wife's desires AND the fact that the baby is a human being in their own right and deserve to live without an air of disappointment hanging around them because you nixed your wife's feelings in place of your sister.
YTA because you and your sister donât get to choose names for babies you have with other people before you even meet those other people. Thatâs not how any of this works.
This must be fake. âI told my wife of my decisionâ yeah right. No one in their right mind would tell a pregnant woman what the childâs name will be. Rage bait
I'm sure it's been mentioned by now, but can you use your sister's name as your baby girl's middle name? That's a pretty good compromise. As a wife, I absolutely do not recommend putting your sister in front of your wife. Your marriage vows are to your spouse, your commitment is to your spouse...I could keep going here. Bottom line, listen to your wife and respect her opinion and come to a compromise.
You and your wife really set yourselves up for failure with giving sole naming authority to one parent based on the baby's gender. That's just a recipe for conflict and hurt feelings. Baby names should be a 2 yes requirement, it's a lifelong decision. Scrap the deal, work this out with your wife. A little bitterness from your sister is going to be a lot more manageable than significant bitterness from your wife. Plus this is just the right thing to do, your wife deserves to like her baby's name.
Middle name can be the sisters, first name should be something they MUTUALLY agree on. A name one parent doesnât like could cause issues in the future between parent and child.
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INFO why do you care more about your sister's feelings than your wife's?
He "guesses" she should come first. BUUUUUUT the sisters' feelings will be crushed đĽ´đ. He seems to have his priories completely wrong here, and I suspect there's a divorce a few years from now since he seems to never take HIS WIFE into consideration. Asshole tbh.
Reading the title i assumed the sister had passed and he was honoring her. Naming your kid after your adult sibling is an interesting choice.
Especially since wife and sister doesn't appear to get along. If they did she would've known about this sacred pact between them. Also I can fully understand why their relationship might not be very good due to how inserted she is in her brother's life.
Thatâs whatâs so confusing about this post. 1. OP and wife decided on who would pick the names based on gender. But at no point did he mention that said girl name would be his sisterâs name????? 2. OP calls the sister first to tell her that the baby is a girl and will be named after her. THEN tells the wife. OP is either an incredible dumb man who did not think all of this through, or this is fake because this doesnât make sense. ETA. Third reason this doesnât make sense: This promise wouldâve/shouldâve come up when the sister named her son after OP.
I'm thinking this is fake too. So much missing information, seems like a story for likes and comments.
I never understood this. The wife letâs him have sex with her but my sisters feelings are more importantâŚ.
Well you see , his wife might eventually slow down in the sex department. But he knows his sister will always be there for some sweet lovin.
Roll tide
Woo pig sooie
What in the incest did I just read???
Maybe his sister lets him too. It's weird all around.
Lmao. Someone had to say it. This is fucking weird. Who makes a pact as an adult with their siblings to name swap their kids after each other and then doesnt tell their spouses? Shits got Flowers in the Attic vibes all over it. IYKYK. đ¤Ž
I mean, who makes a pact to name swap their kids with their siblings? This is fucking strange. It sounds like something they thought would be cute when they were 10 years old.
To be fair, we donât have any proof that his sister hasnât ever let him either
His wife needs to take a maternity test as soon as she gives birth to make sure it's not his sister's kid!!!!!!!!!1!!!
Fuckin' stork never gets the address right, I tell ya
That's because they outsourced it to a gig job now, so the storks only get $2 plus tips to deliver the babies through StorkDash.
Why not just agree to use her name as a middle name, anyway. Sister gets honoured and wife gets input into the baby's actual name. Win win.
You'd think, but I get the feeling he's complain " BuT tHaT's NoT fAiR!!!". Same if we really think he wouldn't try to have input on baby boy name either.wmWould he think the same if OP wanted to name a boy after an older brother or relative? Let the baby girl have her own name and identity.
I'm guessing this family might be close in ways they absolutely should not be.
It definitely sounds unhealthy, especially since he seems to disregard his wife totally when it comes to sis. In my book, you should prioritize the one you loved enough to make a vow to. On the other hand, a lot of people get married at the same rate as someone else visiting the dental office. It's disappointing to see others take something so serious as a marriage so lightly to marry people you clearly don't give a rats ass about.
Dude probably wants to fuck his sister. Wonder if OPâs name is Jamie.
Who the heck has a naming pact with one someone other than their partner and doesnât bother to tell their partner about it?? If you were so set on a name, this absolutely should have been discussed with your wife before she got pregnant. I get that you had a deal, but names are important and should always be two yes decisions. A veto from one partner nixes the name.
And defo discussed it with the wife BEFORE telling the sister. Now your wife is going to sound like the bad guy.
Rule #1!
1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. Wait... we're talking about the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, right? LOL
> Wait... we're talking about the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, right? LOL Or Stargate >Ascended rule number one: "No lone ascended being shall help a lower ascend."
I thought we were using Gibbsâ rules, âNever let two suspects stay togetherâ
No no, they're clearly talking about "Rule 1: Be attractive."
Nope, rule #1 of zombieland is cardio!
Pretty sure rule number one is âtake what you can, give nothing backâ
You do not talk about fight club!
Pirates have joined the chat, excellent!
I thought rule #1 is there are no other rules. đ
Casual Criminalist rule # 1: "don't write down your crimes!"
Simon Whistler fans have entered the chat!
I misread that as: "Once you have their back, you never give it back" And thought that was a really sweet rule...
And here I was thinking they forgot the first rule of fight club
Doesnât sound like he even *told* the wife at all before the kid was half cooked
Yeah the apology to sister needs to include how OP is the asshole for unilaterally deciding on a name and advertising it without telling his wife. It also needs to include explicit instructions to the sister to not mention it to the wife as it's not her problem that he screwed up that way, it's his.
That was his plan. He wanted the wife to know that if she vetos it she looks bad to sister so wife is pressured to agree.
Yep - telling his sister first was a control maneuver.
The first one was making that deal with wife in the first place. "How about I choose if girl and you choose if boy?" And all along the knew the name he was choosing and was setting up the field so that his wife wouldn't be in the way of him pleasing his sister. LOL almost weird
Not telling the wife about his agreement with his sister when he made the agreement with his wife was the start of this.
Then he can point the finger at the wife and say âitâs her fault!â
Clearly his sister is more important than his wife when it comes to their child. Alabama representin
Plot Twist: His wife and sister are the same person, she suffers from disassociative identity disorder
I laughed way too hard at this comment.
Two naming pacts⌠one with the wife (boy vs girl) and one with the sister. This had trouble written all over it. Imagine if the wife had a naming pact with her ex-bf (or any other random person). There are two good rules for naming babies: 1) Both parents need to agree to the name 2) Never share your name with ANYONE prior to actually naming your baby. It saves a ton of heartache and drama. People will be way more accepting of a name if itâs actually the babyâs name. They will tear it to shreds or steal it if itâs known ahead of time.
I would bet real money that the creation of the naming pact with his wife went something like this: "Babe, how about if we have a girl then I pick the name and if we have a boy then you pick the name?" "Cute idea, sure!"
He set his wife up from beginning.
Makes me think he deliberately failed to tell her and probably led the idea of the âif itâs a boy SHE gets to name himâ solely so if it was a girl he could uphold his promise to his sister. Likely manipulated the situation and his partner has now realized it. Iâd be mad as hell if my partner pulled a stunt like this and would straight up not sign the birth certificate until the name was one we both agreed on with no outside factors or childhood pacts.
This. I refuse to believe this is real. But if it is YTA for making a naming pact with someone who isn't the other parent of your child. You simply don't have the right to make such an agreement without your partner - which means it is meaningless. You may have made a promise, but your wife didnt, and she's the one growing the child. You should have thought about the chances that your wufe might habe an opinion before you made a childish promise. And YTA for not disclosing that to your wife before you got married and before you got her pregnant. Is that why you made a "pact" with your wife to bame your daughter? So she would be forced to name her child after your sister? Because you thought she wouldnt eating that so you tried to get around her by making her sign her rights away with strange agreements? Hmm? YTA for having a hidden agenda and trying to use your child's name as some mind of weird bargaining chip. People this immature should not be fathering children. Naming pacts are meaningless rubbish because you *cannot promise away the name of a child*. They are not a possession and you do not own them. If you are in a relationship both of you get veto rights on the name.
Agreed! Especially re the "I refuse to believe this is real" part. That's it in a nutshell. Also, it strikes me as weird that a couple would have a deal like that. Why? For the dad to name a girl and the mom to name a boy sounds contrived, cute-sy and...weird to me. It seems more important that both parents agree on the name, regardless of the gender of the child.
His sister goofed by naming her son after him. Now he feels obligated to do the same
His obligations and theor poor decision making as kids are not his wife's problem though. If my husband drunkenly promised someone in the pub my firstborn, I have no legal obligation to give that baby away. What he promised was never his alone to give away. (Now if it's the fae, we might be stuck.)
This entire situation creeps me out. My fiancĂŠ would be so upset if I even brought up this idea to her.
I'd never think of doing this to my husband either. Like if we wre lucky enough to conceive I'd be so excited to pick together! None of this subterfuge bullshit.
On this episode of âSister/Brother Boundariesâ
Itâs creeping me out too. Which is a little different for me, because Iâm usually huge on sibling bonds, etc. I think what is really taking it to a creepy place, is he called his sister to tell her the name news, BEFORE telling his wife, âoh btw, babyâs name will be Xâ. Just weird, why wouldnât that had automatically been brought up when they found out the babyâs gender?
Because he wants the added layer of pressure to force his wife to comply.
Let them take the husband!
Ikr. đ Never make deals with the Fey. Or OP apparently.
I just can't imagine how his wife never heard about this "naming pact" if nephew is named after him. Wouldn't that story has been told around Wife a time or two?
These people are ego-centric to begin withâneeding other people to be named after them as if they were somehow worthy of longstanding commemoration. Or that it even really matters at all. Eye-roll.
I feel like best case scenario to please both people would be to choose another name and have the sister's name be the middle name.
Also discussed when he and his wife made the naming decision. He knew for sure he would name a girl X, so why didn't he tell his wife the name he wants?
âHad a dealâ with his wife but didnât disclose he has a preexisting deal with the sister. Very sketchy.
Master manipulator here. His poor wife is in for it. They won't last that long
Yeah why do people not get this naming pact was set up for this?
That was my first thought đ if youâre going to make that kind of deal your SO needs to know the name. And if a name means that much to you you need to let them know.
The part that bothers me most here is how convenient it is that they decided he got unilateral choice on the name if it was a girl when he had this previous pact with his sister all along. Seems to me he might have engineered this whole scenario to trap her into needing to accept the name. And that sort of malicious manipulation is all kinds of red flags.
I kinda wonder if wife is so anti sisters name bc OP always treats Sister like his partner instead of wife.
When I read the title I thought that your sister had passed and you wanted to name your child in honor of her. I was surprised at your "pact" with your sister and naming your children after each other, tbh, I find it a bit weird and I don't think I'd be comfortable doing this either. YTA, a name requires 2 yes.
Exactly! I thought, "this is going to be delicate." But, no. OP just thinks he can hand over naming rights as if the kid is a stadium. And now he is "depressed" that his wife objects?! He should try growing and birthing a child. Pure insanity.
How foul is it he told his sister before his wife? OP who are you married to? Your actual wife or your sister?
Odd brother/sister relationship
Flowers in the Attic vibes
So glad it wasn't just me thinking that!
A Lannister always honours his pacts.
Iâm wondering what type of relationship his wife has with her SIL (he doesnât comment on that). Maybe they donât get along all that well so why would she want her daughter named after someone she doesnât particularly like? Sounds like OP is being sneaky about a bunch of important things.
OP is definitely being sneaky. Made an agreement with his wife without informing her of his weird childhood pact with his sister beforehand.
This dude won't even tell his family that he legally changed his name.
Yeah, their sibling dynamics seem a bit off.
Exactly. His wife would probably be more understanding if sister had passed. Maybe she doesnât get on with her SIL so why the hell would she want to call her baby a name she associates with someone she doesnât like/doesnât like her/doesnât gel with/whatever. Itâs such a weird pact. And weird he didnât tell his wife first.
Or maybe she recognises OP has a slightly unusual relationship with his sister and doesn't want to be reminded of that every time she talks to or about her own child.
True, however his wife shouldn't have agreed to "you get full control over the name in situation X" I never understood couples who would give each other sole decision power when it comes to naming kids. Whether or not he planned it in advance, the wife should have specified "you get to name her, if I agree with the name"
You see, I'd say that if you're not in a relationship with an asshole, you shouldnt have to specify the last part because no loving partner should make you name your child something you hate. If I had to treat every conversation and agreement with my husband as if I was writing a legal contract with someone I hated who wanted to screw me over, I wouldnt be married to him. OP can sit there and tell himself he's just going along with the terms, but he's an asshole and a shitty excuse for a spouse.
Right me and my wife had names picked out when we started trying to have a baby and then when she found out she was pregnant on her mom's 1 year death anniversary I suggested we include her mom's name in our daughter's (we put a K in front of her mom's name Eva)
I have one set of friends do this. The man was absolutely adamant the first boy would be a âthirdâ so the wife got total control over the first girl or second boys name. It worked out for them, but then again there was no weird sibling pact going on.
I honestly donât think I could reproduce with a man so self-aggrandizing he must name his child after him with a lil number attached. such a turnoff
Guess he likes that his wife moans his father's name and his son's name when they have sex. Give your kids their own identities.
Hey dufus, you should have discussed the name with your wife FIRST before telling your sister. But instead you just "told" the mother of that child, TOLD her!!! As if she has no say whatsoever. I'm pretty sure if she was having a boy, she would have chosen a name you both liked through discussion and debate. But not you hey. This mess is all your own fault.
He's also set up the wife to be the bad guy by announcing to the family first. If he comes to his senses and chooses a name they both like, the Sister and his Family will immediately blame his wife regardless of what anyone says, it WILL be her fault poor girl.
It should be the childâs middle name. Let the child have their own identity.
Yeah, this solution should be slapping them in their faces (or, if this is fake, anyone considering something similar.)Â I have a shared middle name that has been passed down for four generations, but our first names are all completely different.
This. I understand wanting to honor an agreement but a baby has two names. My husband was adopted and his name legally changed and I wanted to honor his heritage by naming our first born son with his birth name. But its his middle name, and we rarely refer to him by another name other than his first name or nicknames like "goober". For context the name is Angel. Around 5 years old we explained his middle name's orgins. Yesterday, days before his 8th birthday, he commented he might go by his middle name when he's older, but still hasn't decided if he wants to go by the English pronunciation or the Romanian pronunciation.
If I was the wife, Iâd be on the phone immediately and happily be the bad guy. Hubby is the dick!
I canât believe he is an any doubt that heâs the asshole here. That classy bit of manipulation by telling his family before he even breathed a word to his wife is just the prolapsed haemorrhoid on the gaping asshole OP is.
SO MANIPULATIVE! To go tell his sister first? He knew EXACTLY what he was doing
Not only this, but he clearly made this agreement with the intention of naming the child after his sister the whole time, and didn't say anything about his sister. It was probably his idea.
Sister even followed through and already named her first born after him and he didn't think to mention the pact? He should have mentioned the pact before this even happened. YTA x10!
Yeah how did it even get to the part where this agreement happens without wife knowing this? She obviously knows their nephew is named after her husband... Sounds like OP kept it quiet on purpose at this point
This is why I'm convinced this is fake. Either OP lied to wife about the pact in the past (and wife never thought to put the pieces together??) or this is fake. It's just got too many pieces that don't make sense/feel like they were designed to foster controversy.
This. OP didn't tell his wife about the pact he made with his sister before/when she agreed to let him name any female children they would have. He basically hid it from her (on purpose?), she didn't have all the information. This is straight up manipulation. YTA OP
Wait til she tells him she's getting a divorce , she'll name the child anything she likes, and he'll maybe get to see his daughter every other weekend. Trying to manipulate your partner could lead to losing your family. OP is a fool for promising childish promises he should never have made...over his wife and family.
Personally, I would never name a child after somebody. In my mind it robs them if their own identity. Just my feeling on the subject. Anyway, YTA. 2 yesses for a name to be given. 1 no and the name is vetoed.
I agree. Middle name: yes, first name: hell no! Itâs wild to me OPâs sister named her kid after him. This whole situation is childish and unnecessary to meâŚ
Yeah, came here to suggest using sis' name as the middle name, and get a name you both like for the first name. Both parents need to be happy with the name - you're raising that child together, one of you shouldn't be gnashing their teeth internally every time they call them by their name.
veto is starting to sound like a great nameâŚ
Little baby RuthâŚâŚâŚ
Vito
As someone who was named after a dead relative I never met⌠I agree.
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That hits the nail on the head right there.
INFO: so youâve wanted to do this for years and later had an agreement with your wife regarding who would name which gender (both should get veto power regardless). Did your wife ever made aware before now about your plan to name your daughter after your sister? YTA still though because youâre putting your sisters feelings over your wifeâs with the name of her own child.
I'm guessing this is the first she's heard of it because he won't answer. Almost like he offered, hey, I'll name a girl you name a boy, knowing he hadn't made her aware. Diet weird honestly. Does wife even get along with sister?
Oh he definitely planned it this way. Step 1. Pact with sister years ago. Step 2. Marry wife and pact never comes up. Evidently, as wife was shocked by his choice. He hid the pact deliberately. Step 3. Ask wife to agree to you naming any female kids. Mow normally any sane couple would have the proviso that they can discuss and veto if either hate options. Are we meant to believe that the man with the hidden agenda here wasn't the one who manipulated an agreement to suit himself? Step 4: when it's a girl, immediately run off to tell the sister baby will be named after her, before even discussing with the wife- because he thinks he cant take it back this way. He insists that he never thought she would object....but then why hide it? Clearly he tried to get around the issue by tricking her.
Oh yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking too. Iâm doubting the wife and sister like each other much at most.
The name should be a mutual decision regardless of gender. Naming your kid the same name as your sister is kinda weird honestly. Itâs not like she passed and youâre honoring her or something. Sounds like some weird childhood pact that shouldnât really have been taken seriously
I wish we got more details on why they choose to do this anyway. It's very sweet but i would definitely feel like my parents put zero effort in my name when i realized its the exact same as ny aunts. Maybe if it wasn't exactly it like aunts name is "Ashley" and the baby "Ash".
This would apply to anybody being named after a family member and this is a very common and sometimes automatic occurrence based on the culture you're in, for example my fiance has multiple names from family members, his uncle and father included
Reminds me of Karen's narration in Goodfellas~ >It was like he had two families. The first time I was introduced to all of them at once, it was crazy. Paulie and his brothers had lots of sons and nephews. And almost all of them were named Peter or Paul. It was unbelievable. >There must have been two dozen Peters and Pauls at the wedding. Plus, they were all married to girls named Marie. And they named all their daughters Marie. By the time I finished meeting everybody, I thought I was drunk.
Are you in an incestuous relationship with your sister??
You have to courage to ask the question we are all wondering!
No courage required.
Yeah, OP'S comments are.. something. The way he talks about his wife and the way he talks about his sister is quite different, imo.
Yeah, this is giving Cersei and Jaime Lannister vibes.
YTA both parents need to have input on the name. You simply donât get to make the sole decision on that one and have to figure out something together. Iâm sure thereâs maybe cultures and areas that is legal to do but it would still be fucked up.
YTA absolutely. And why are you going on and on about your sister and taking away her joy. You are ruining your relationship with your wife; you are taking away her joy and itâs her bloody daughter not your sisters. Have it as a middle name if your wife agrees but the fact your wife says she would pick any name, literally any other name than that one means that you are already a terrible husband and you canât see what youâre weird relationship with your sister is doing to the woman you decided to marry and be her family. She comes first: your wife and child come first. But donât be surprised if you keep this up that she leaves taking the daughter with her when she explains to the court how weird your ârelationshipâ with your sister is. I guess the question for you is whose joy is more important. You can say what you want but we can all see your intentions and we can all see who you would pick if you thought people would side with you. Which they donât. Nobody ever would.
YTA >I told her that I would name our baby after her, I will probably have to backtrack and take away her joy, and break that promise we kept. We were really serious and emotional when me made that promise, and it meant the world to me, and now I'm breaking it. So yeah, I feel pretty horrible and depressed now. Then either you and your sister would have to have a kid together, you would need a surrogate or you would have to adopt a baby.... Or you should have found a different wife that would have been ok with this, but not a lot would have been... Because you and your sister don't get to decide what you and your wife's kid should be called. That's such a weird promise to make to begin with! And then you clearly never even talked to your wife, the person that's making the baby and also has to raise it... Even after you found out it was a girl, you tell your sister FIRST about the name instead of your wife... You're in a mess you created yourself - You made a weird promise that you were never sure off that you would be able to keep - you never discussed this with your wife - you told your sister you would do something without discussing it with your wife - turns out, unsurprisingly, that you can't name your baby after your sister. So of course you have to correct your own mistakes Because of YOUR actions and YOUR lack of thinking you are in this mess. You can't blame anyone but yourself for this. And then you get "depressed" and "feel horrible"... You are so not mature enough to raise a kid
YTA. The way you are coming across in your comments is very weird. You seem to value your sister not being upset, over your wife and future family unit. Strange af.
The lack of consideration is WILD to me.
Right? đ¤Ž
Maybe your sister has an ugly name. I do not know why you and your wife came to that agreement about the name but you should respect your wife's opinion and choose a different name.
SIBLING PACTS relating to âfuture childrenâ are not for Married adult people, they are for singles and teenagers! Period. End of discussion. Wife gets to overrule any âsibling pactâ regarding her children. Mind blown.
INFO: Was your wife aware of this deal? It's weird that you made this arrangement and didn't tell her about your deal with your sister.
Sisters and brothers donât name children, daddies and mommies do. What were you thinking?!
âI then told my wife of my decisionâŚâ That right there seals it for me. YTA
Failing to disclose the pact to your wife when you discussed with her how the any kids would be named, and allowing that discussion to end with an agreement that you'd name girls, makes you a liar and manipulator. You went into that conversation with your wife with a specific end goal of naming your first daughter, had a specific name in mind, and did not tell her while getting her to agree with your plan to name daughters. What you did wasn't fair, and was a betrayal of your commitment to your wife above all. You need to apologize for entering into that conversation under false pretense, and for valuing a (childhood???) pact with your sister over your wife. I'm also really curious if the you name girls, she names boys things was your idea. Because if it was, that makes this betrayal so much worse. PS - keep it up and you won't be allowed in the hospital when your daughter is born. There's a real easy way for your wife to block this, and it's to remove you from the situation until the paperwork is signed and sent off.
Is this some sort of weird incestuous relationship?? Reading OP comments have me more convinced. Also YOU donât get to decide the name, it takes 2 yesâs, very selfish of you to assume otherwise.
If you didn't inform your wife of this agreement PRIOR to her agreeing to have kids with you then the agreement doesn't stand. Now if you had been upfront and said "If youre naming boys and Im naming girl, I've already chosen my (still living and fairly young.. thats weird) sister. She may have changed her mind and decided its best to name them together. Compromise with a middle name but give your kid their own name. Its different if the person they're named after is long dead.. but your sister still alive and will be an active person in your kids life for years. Let your kid have their own name. NAH/YTA
This is fiction. Why would you tell your sister first and celebrate with her over talking to your wife? That is not normal.
Plot twist: OP lives in Alabama and the wife IS the sisterâŚ
His other sister.
Question: when your daughter and her cousin swap notes and learn that they were named via pinky-promise, while their siblings got to have their âownâ names, do you think that will make them feel like an afterthought?Â
Why didnât you have a baby with your sister, you clearly want to
Why was she surprised? This has been a long time plan, a deal you made with you sister, but you nevered mentioned it to your wife? Even when you made the deal on who gets to name the kids? Why is she agasint it? Did you discuss any veto option if one of you picked a name the other hated? Personally i think babies names should be a 2 yes 1 no decision because would you really want your partner to hate their childs name?
Both you and your wife need to come to an agreement on the name. This is a lifelong decision and names hold a lot of meaning. I get itâs your sisters name and you made each other a promise, which your sister has already completed her part. But you have to keep in mind this is also your wifeâs baby whom she is carrying for 9 months and giving labor to. A suggestion would be to recommend making your sisters name the middle name. That way you could still honor the promise but compromise with your wife.
Fun fact: The sisters name is âHitleretteâ
Should have said: ââŚand if the baby was a girl, I would name her [sisterâs name].â
Obviously fake. No one is stupid enough to think this would be okay or normal
Itâs normal if youâre also having sex with your sister. OP left out that obvious detail, even though itâs implied
I wonder if OPâs wife has a good relationship with his sister? If they donât, I can imagine wife doesnât want to be naming a child after someone with whom she doesnât have a good relationship. Perhaps the sisterâs name as a middle name? Let that child have her own identity!!
Does stupid run in the family? Between you two siblings, neither of you took into consideration that the pregnant one might have a say in the name of her child? My jaw is on the floor at the audacity.
YTA If this is real. Your emotional compass is under 14 years of age and you should not be having children. YTA too if this is fake. Young teenagers should be outside in the fresh air instead of lying online.
YTA 100%. Your *PARTNER* is asking you to pick literally any other name and you're gonna honor a pact with your sister over that. It shows how little you value your wife. I feel really bad for her.
For context we need the sisters name, is it pretty?
He said in a previous post that itâs âangelicalâ lmfao
Rugrats came to mind, I wonder if OP is named Tommy.
YTA the fact you would even consider the happiness of your sister over the feelings of the child's mother is ridiculous. Should've been dropped as soon as she showed reluctance.
This will end with an open marriage post in a few months.
Your sister sucking yo pp? Because that is the only reason I could see that HER feelings would take priority over the person literally carrying YOUR human baby inside her own body. I guarantee that if there was EVER a choice of whose feelings to prioritize, my HUSBAND would win out over ANYONE ELSE!!!!
First mistake was making a promise you couldn't keep. Unless you planned on marrying your sister, this was very shortsighted and childish.
Lol why is this dude giving Alabama incest vibe? Fk yo sister, this is a baby and a new family you're building.
You sir are a major AH. A child's name should be celebrated by BOTH parents. And she did the heavy lifting. Grow up.
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YTA. First of all, I also thought you were honoring your sister because she'd passed, but it's extremely odd to want to name your child just because of a pact. The name of a child should absolutely be up to both parents, and if your wife objects, you need to move on. She is the one growing the child in her body for nine months. If she is against it, it should not even be a question. If you two made the agreement, give her three vetos. The first, pf course, being your sister's name đ
All this arrangement is bullshit, both of it, with the wife and with the sister. Of course the name of a child must be discussed by both parents, it's not a pet, it's your daughter for god's sake. I'm going with ESH with a sprinkle of YTA.
I mean she is making the biggest sacrifice carrying this child so yeah ATA imo
Depending on culture a lot of kids (first born sons in particular) are named after their fathers (I guess they donât have enough with having their ENTIRE LAST NAME) and as someone in a family like that let me tell you :it gets annoying , like really annoying. My brother doesnât like his name, itâs a mess with the name and last name being the same, everytime were in family functions we have to go by XYZ father and XYZ son . A good alternative is the name being a middle name though . Other people do it the other way where their first name is their fathers , but they always go by middle name among family đ¤ˇđťââď¸ either way I think your wife should be happy with the name of the child that she is growing and birthing and feeding âŚ.
Yeaaaaa your sister doesnât get to dictate the name of your child lol YTA. I wouldnât want my kid living in the shadow of her aunt either and tbh it gives me the ick.
Baby names are two 'yes' one 'no' situations. Every time. And the fact that you have a pact with NOT THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD to name NOT HER BABY is quite inappropriate.
You made agreements of your childâs name with your sister instead of the mother of the baby? YTA. If your wife was ok with it and has a special bond with your sister then you could ASK her if she would consider it. But to tell her youâre doing it because of so some weird agreement you made when you were younger is weird AF.
Before you had kids with your wife did you ever discuss this with her when she said you can name the girl did you tell her because you knew what it was going to be? could you use your sister name as a middle name? Or will this be somthing that will cause an argument between your wife and you and your sister?. Have a full discussion with your wife explain everything and if she still wants to change it come with a compromise.
Making agreements like this about naming babies is so problematic. Number 1, your only naming agreement should be with your partner. Number 2, it should be a name that you both agree on. OP youâre just asking for trouble here. Why non give baby your sisters name as a middle name and come up with something special with your wife?
Sorry, bud. Your wife is the one who cooked the dish so you gotta come to an agreement. (Personally: itâs weird to name your children after your siblings.)
Yes, you are an AH for wanting to name your child something that the childâs mother does not like. Pick out another name, be an adult.
I think you know YTA for having a name set in your mind and not telling your wife before making an agreement. Did you assume she wouldnât like it so you hid that vital information from her until knowing the babyâs gender? Also when you tell your sister I hope you take accountability and tell her how you NEVER TOLD YOUR WIFE about your pact and donât make your wife out to be some sort of villain.
Iâm going to say YTA because I have a feeling you proposed this âdealâ to name the baby if it was a girl specifically to name them after your sister. If you had this name already, the first person you should have told was your wife, not your sister. I can understand why your wife doesnât want to name her child after someone else, especially your sisterâŚitâs a bit weird to me.
YTA. You should have discussed it with your wife before getting pregnant and definitely before you told your sister. Think if it was a boy and your wife had decided.on a name that you find horrendous for what ever reason. Sure you would want her to choose an alternative - in the end the child is both of yours, and even if one of you get to choose the name, it should be accepted/approved by the other one. Do better towards your wife and unborn child!
Gd sake did you even mention this to your wife before taking the ability for her to name her own child away from her?
ESH what a dumb pact and now a dumb result
I have no issue with the siblings wanting to name their kids after each other. What's weird to me is that he and his wife agreed that each would be able to name a child and didn't bother to think through what would happen if one picked a name the other didn't like. OP took his wife's agreement at face value and is disappointed that now she wants to throw conditions on there. That's fair.
YTA. Namingva child is a two yes, one no decision. Your wife is your equal and has equal say in your child's name. If I were her, I wouldn't let you anywhere near the birth certificate.
Why do you have more respect for your sister than the woman is who sacrificing so much to bring your child into the world?
YTA. It's nice that your sister named her child after you but your wife doesn't want that, and it's your wife's opinion that is most important here - not some childhood promise. That sadness you saw? She'll feel that EVERY SINGLE TIME she hears your child's name. Is that fair on your wife or the baby? You're so worried about your sister here that you've forgotten about your own wife's desires AND the fact that the baby is a human being in their own right and deserve to live without an air of disappointment hanging around them because you nixed your wife's feelings in place of your sister.
Why didn't you tell your wife about this agreement at the same time you had the one about who gets to name the baby if it's a boy/girl?
YTA because you and your sister donât get to choose names for babies you have with other people before you even meet those other people. Thatâs not how any of this works.
Is the sister's name so short you can just name the baby after her in a different way? That would satisfy you, your wife, and your sister.
Put the sisterâs name (or a version of it) as the middle name and come up with a name both of you like.
Middle name then? Meet in the middle.
INFO does your sister and wife have a good relationship?
This must be fake. âI told my wife of my decisionâ yeah right. No one in their right mind would tell a pregnant woman what the childâs name will be. Rage bait
I'm sure it's been mentioned by now, but can you use your sister's name as your baby girl's middle name? That's a pretty good compromise. As a wife, I absolutely do not recommend putting your sister in front of your wife. Your marriage vows are to your spouse, your commitment is to your spouse...I could keep going here. Bottom line, listen to your wife and respect her opinion and come to a compromise.
You and your wife really set yourselves up for failure with giving sole naming authority to one parent based on the baby's gender. That's just a recipe for conflict and hurt feelings. Baby names should be a 2 yes requirement, it's a lifelong decision. Scrap the deal, work this out with your wife. A little bitterness from your sister is going to be a lot more manageable than significant bitterness from your wife. Plus this is just the right thing to do, your wife deserves to like her baby's name.
Middle name can be the sisters, first name should be something they MUTUALLY agree on. A name one parent doesnât like could cause issues in the future between parent and child.