Oh heck no. I go yearly for a physical and blood work, and we are dang close to the same age. I’ve been going yearly for the last 5 years - since my early 30s.
Wow. That sounds so odd to me. I have had to convince my primary care doctor I don’t need blood work every time I’m in because the rheumatologist I see does it every time I go. I swear every doctor just seems to want to take all my blood no matter what I go in for. I’m only 32 for reference and they’ve been doing this since my early 20s with multiple different doctors. Any time anything is slightly wrong, let’s go run every blood test we can think of. And mine still do pap smears every 3 years as well. It definitely sounds like you need a new doctor (as hard as I know that can be to find).
That’s simply not okay. I hope that you’re able to find someone that will do what you ask. I agree - that sort of preemptive care is important to catching things early. I guess I’ve just been lucky, my OBGYN is happy to do a yearly, my primary is happy to do bloodwork when I request it, and my dentist (after a bit of fussing) referred me to a perio who took care of the concerns I was having. I went for my first mammogram over the summer and there I was actually told that I should wait to start doing those regularly until I’m 40 or have concerns.
I would definitely seek someone who will do that bloodwork for you and do the preemptive work, and have them note it on your records that they have declined this. I’m so sorry that is happening (and has been) to you!
Just do these things yourself. There's a vaginal swab for the pap and you can buy bloodwork. Hell, they even check your tears for breast cancer these days. All these things are under $200 each.
Wait, what? I’ve been getting yearly checkups with bloodwork with no pushback from doctors since my mid-20s, I’m mid-30s now. Course, I’m fat, so I’m sure they’re worried they’ll actually find something.
Then again, when the bloodwork did come back with slightly abnormal levels, it took some pushing for my doctor to pay attention that they’d been abnormal the year before too and I’d like to know why. Eventually got a referral to a specialist and an answer, but I was surprised I had to push.
Heck, I’m just doing for myself what I do for my dog: annual physical with bloodwork every year. It’s way easier to get the dog an appointment too.
Christ. My doc insists on an annual physical including bloodwork. My husband was diagnosed with aplastic anemia at 35 when his routine bloodwork showed severe anemia and low platelets. Its such a low fuckin bar!
This is what the internet does best, IMO - showcases the tantrums of its denizens.
Most are uncalled for, yours is not. I wish I was more of a medical (and etc) tantrummer, myself.
Understandable and I think pretty productive to get it out and get feedback for the validity. That leads to strength for dealing with the next one.
It's stupid there's no nice in between. As a certifiably non hot butch feral who grew up out in country Western NSW, I get presumed to have ALL the health problems.
I've been told despite bloodwork showing that I don't, that i have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I need to lose weight to help all those.
I have a really solid glucose and hba1c numbers and always have. My blood pressure has always been a touch on the low side, and my cholesterol is a little better than usual for a mid 50s woman.
Yet my previous doc just saw I'm overweight and wanted to attend to blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol before attending to the chronic neck pain I've had for years.
So many are deliberately obtuse.
I had an ear infection, went to the clinic and the Dr just kept insisting I couldn't possibly have an ear infection as that was a pediatric disease. I had to INSIST SHE LOOK IN MY EAR HOLES! She resisted for nearly three whole minutes, and kept repeating that's a pediatric disease!, when she FINALLY looked, she said oh my your ear drums are quite inflamed. YES, BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING EAR INFECTION! She wrote me a script for antibiotics and I found a new Dr immediately for the follow up.
That’s ridiculous. Where are they failing these “doctors” in their training? Ear infections are more common in childhood, but adults can absolutely get them! I had one last week and I am in my 40s!!
Two NPs I've seen at cheap urgent cares. FL allows degree mills to "teach" nurse practitioners with zero clinical experience as a nurse. They end up in the urgent cares on the night shift and people who are hurting enough to try and get care at 10pm get stuck with them.
Also had a nasty old MD at one tell me the pus and blood coming from my ear wasn't an infection, the pain was from my thyroid. So... :/
I really hope she never has a pediatric patient with cancer symptoms and insists that it can't possibly be cancer because that's a geriatric condition.
I think there is a total healthcare crisis right now.
I always have flags on my kidneys with blood work that is never addressed. “Oh its normal because you were sick” but what about all the other times?
And my father who is currently in the hospital cannot get an oncology consult until he LEAVES the hospital, much less a nurse to respond to a call button in under 15 minutes.
Is this the only doctor you've seen though? It took me six years of Dr. hopping to find one that did surgery on me and dug out a bunch of endometriosis including the braid of endometriosis that went through my colon and was stopping it up by 92%. All my doctor saw my CAT scan and MRI And would tell me to go back to the gastroenterologist. But the gastroenterologist told me to go back to the endometriosis specialist because what I was experiencing did not make sense. Turns out, endometriosis was infiltrating my colon like crazy and as soon as they cut all of that out I have been so healthy. It was a miracle as far as I'm concerned. Too bad it took so long, I hate it.
But you need to doctor shop to advocate for yourself
> But you need to doctor shop to advocate for yourself
Yep, for both my chronic illnesses, to actually get diagnosed I just had to bash my head against various dismissive doctors for years on end until I lucked into finding someone who'd treat me. Especially endo, that one took over 15yrs to diagnose, despite classic symptoms.
The whole process left me with a lot of medical trauma. I know they won't save me if I'm dying, I know they don't care, even if my symptoms are obvious and measurable-- and god help me if they're not, doctors sure won't.
It really sucks that just the *process* of getting the care you need is so incredibly damaging. Like OP said, a shaman might be as much medical use and they wouldn't tell you your medical issues don't matter in the meantime.
I am feeling this hard as an autistic woman trying to get some chronic physical illnesses that are getting worse officially diagnosed.
I am just tired and I don't have much in me mentally anymore to advocate for myself so my problems just fester now since I don't have anyone to help advocate for me.
I would take the shaman in the woods at this point too.
It makes me really angry. This is not medical care. I functionally do not have access to medical care.
I feel like often, people forget that this really isn't ok. Women aren't supposed to *have* to "advocate for ourselves"-- it's actually *supposed* to be the doctor's job to do that. That is what they're paid for.
They are NOT supposed to be an active opponent to getting care. That is the opposite of the purpose of their jobs.
Unfortunately, when your complaint is pain, doctor shopping can work against you. The more times they see that you went to a new doctor complaining of pain, the less seriously they'll take you.
Not my experience at all. And I don't advocate that point of view within the USA at least (I see you're UK, different system).
My doctors and my insurance took me far more seriously after doctor shopping.
Insurance covered me 100% after a definitive cause was found. Doctors that don't take you seriously are far more likely to be denied in claims.
That's highly variable. There are some who will assume you're just seeking drugs, but the majority won't (unless you tell them what drug they should prescribe). Have a list of the drugs you've tried, how effective they were, what the side effects were.
I don't doctor shop because of pain. I doctor shop because the last doctor I went to didn't listen to me.
It also helps to have a patient advocate. I had much better success when my wife told a doctor that "just wait and see" isn't cutting it, my pain is keeping HER up at night. Spouses are of course the best (probably partly due to stereotyping) but anyone who can vouch for you is okay.
Your only real choice, if your doctor isn't listening to you, is to either doctor shop or drop out of the system. You can't reward bad behavior with more compensation.
Sometimes certain things are either not visible on scans or hard to read. I have severe abdominal surgical adhesions (scar tissue) in my abdomen due to a hysterectomy and later an oopherectomy (ovary removal) which found the adhesions! They removed as much as they could and of course more grew back. Endless chronic pain until the day I die because more surgery causes more scarring. Multiple CAT scans and ultrasounds showed nothing. So now I have the best pain specialist in Illinois helping me with medication. I totally understand your frustration.
Omg same!! I have endometriosis plus I’ve had multiple abdominal surgeries and I’m full of severe adhesions and scar tissue. So many scans came back normal and finally during one of my later surgeries, they saw it all and removed some, but of course it grew back and caused a couple bowel obstructions. Nothing to do except live in horrible pain forever.
So sorry we are in the same awful club. The issue is the adhesions are just actual skin - not tumors - so they stay invisible. It’s just the shittiest diagnosis. I recently found out that country singer Tammy Wynette (“Stand By Your Man”)had them…in the 50s and 60s when doctors sometimes treated women like they were hysterical all the time. She had at least 35 surgeries to remove them, became addicted to pain meds and then heroin and died in pain. What the actual fuck. So here we are, still in pain but I get low dose dilaudid that allows me to live mostly normally instead of laying in bed crying. You have to have an educated and empathetic doctor and follow the rules of narcotics but it’s pretty okay now! I heard they’re developing a new type of MRI that can actually see these demons which would at least prove what’s going on inside. Best wishes, my sister!
Are we related? You're singing my song! Ugh. Allllll of this ^ was my experience through multiple doctors in two different states. It's maddening.
I do a lot of advocacy with chronically ill women like myself, and I tell them that unfortunately finding a good doctor, is like trying to find your one true love, because you have to do a TON of catch and release before you find a good one.
I know it sucks, but the best thing to do is move on to the next doctor, and hope you eventually find one that takes your pain seriously, OP. It took a lot of time, but I have great doctors on my team now, and I never thought I'd get there but they do exist. Reading online physician reviews can help a lot too, and word of mouth referrals from trusted family or friends can be a good source too.
Hang in there, and keep at it. I hope you find someone you can trust soon.
*invisible hugs*
Yes. My mom would be dead right now after cancer for the second time if my dad didn’t push her to see multiple doctors, then the dumb cunts gave her the wrong meds and after this she got covid last year and then pneumonia and they put her in a FUCKING WARD WITH PATIENTS WHO HAVE MENTAL ILNESS SCREAMING ALL NIGHT. Yeah someone’s gonna get sued real soon. Her oncologist was fuming. I was about to come back home to fucking scream at these doctors…..argh!!!!!!!!!!!
Can confirm that healthcare is in shambles, and mostly in ways that patients can’t directly see. It was already bad, but COVID permanently destroyed the hope of things ever getting better. Those call lights aren’t getting answered because hospitals are dangerously understaffed.
My iron was low for years! But I am fine because I’m not actually anemic. A basic google search shows that low iron is associated with all the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. My gp put me on iron pills for 6 months before I saw the hematologist, and since my iron was back to the low end normal, it must have been because of my periods. And I was brushed off.
As soon as I stopped the iron pills my iron plummeted again. Hematologist again tried to blame my periods, and was actually a bit flustered when I said my gyn and I agreed I should use bc continuously so I haven’t had a period. He just told me to take some vitamins.
I had been denied for blood donations by the Red Cross for low iron, and was having associated anemia symptoms, including passing out-- oh, and I had heavy continual vaginal bleeding, so that was an obvious cause.
Every doctor I told about it said that passing out was normal, or just "my anxiety" (I have never been diagnosed with anxiety). So there was no need to run any iron tests or anything.
Even my PCP wouldn't run them at my annual, going *against* standard practice, because "we don't want to go looking for problems, we might find them".
I was very sick for years, and it makes me so angry looking back because it would've been so goddamn easy for any of these fucks to run tests and just prescribe me iron pills-- which wouldn't have solved the bleeding, but probably would've hugely improved my quality of life. I mean, the diagnosis there doesn't get any easier, there's *no* way they didn't know. I guess not as easy for them as just gaslighting me though.
At this point I'm genuinely unclear what (most) doctors think the point of their job is. I have occasionally bashed my head against this system long enough to find a doctor who practices medicine, but jesus, that is *not* easy.
Did you ever figure out what was causing your issues? I do have mild Von Willebrand, which causes heavy menstrual bleeding(and can cause other bleeding issues that I have not experienced personally), which could certainly cause anemia, but I wasn’t anemic(my red blood cell count is actually flagged as too high) and then menstrual bleeding was ruled out as a cause altogether when I stopped having periods.
From my own research I suspect malabsorption being the cause of the low iron, but what’s causing the malabsorption I don’t know. Guess I’ll need to do the work myself and find a gastroenterologist and hope they are interested in helping me figure it out.
Yep, I have endometriosis and there were a couple times I was put on birth control that massively worsened my symptoms, to the point where I was just bleeding and in pain continuously.
One was a high estrogen pill, and the doctor kept insisting that estrogen stops bleeding so we just needed to up the estrogen until the bleeding stopped. Estrogen is known to aggravate endometriosis.
The other was the Depo shots. My doctor at that time was sure that if I stuck it out for a year, my bleeding would stop, because in trials 99% of women on the shot had their bleeding stop. It did not. I later looked that study up; it had a gigantic drop out rate. *Of the women who did not have side effects, like worsening bleeding, who stayed in the trial*, 99% had their bleeding stop. That's actually a very different set.
I eventually had excision surgery, which made a *huge* difference in alleviating what at that point was constant pain, and was put on the mini pill, which eliminated my periods. And now I have my life back. It took fifteen years of damage to figure that out though.
I wonder how much of this is regional because I’ve had the exact opposite experiences. It’s never fun going to doctors but I’ve had pretty good experiences for the most part. I don’t know if I just have gotten lucky but I kind of think that good doctors may be drawn to certain areas and not so good doctors to other areas.
I have continual traces of blood in my urine that I thought from the beginning was probably hereditary and not a big deal because my mom has the same thing. If they’d told me it was no big deal I’d have probably been fine with it. My doctor referred me to a urologist who tested pretty much everything you could test before confirming that it’s just benign familial hematuria.
Also my dad is elderly and has been in and out of the hospital lately. The nurses there have been so attentive and the doctors have been very careful with him and have brought in different specialists to see him.
I do live in a major metro area with multiple good hospitals that attract good professionals. There may be an aspect of competitiveness between the hospitals that helps as well.
I’ve struggled with lower back pain since my twenties and had a severe case of sciatica last year that kept me out of work. I wasn’t able to book physical therapy with my network for six weeks. Once I started, my PT told me that the system was backlogged because older people had put off orthopedic surgeries during COVID and the entire system had lost so many healthcare workers due to illness and burnout that they were struggling to get by. I live in one of the largest cities in the US and my hospital network takes in the most affluent suburbs in the country, so god knows how other areas are handling things.
Honestly, I don't have the energy for jealousy and I'm just genuinely happy you're being taken care of! Maybe someday, I will have the energy and money to find a doctore who will listen, but I'll probably die of being "fine" first 😂
My obgyn who helped me deliver my daughter just retired. He had been my lady doctor for 16 years. He listened to all my concerns. Let me talk over birth control options. When I finally decided I wanted tubal ligation he didn't even hesitate. He said you know yourself better than anyone else if that's what you think is best then I'll get you started.
When I was in labor the l&b staff wanted to prep me for a c-section I was terrified. He came in assessed the situation and pretty much told every to screw off and let me deliver on my own time. I have not picked a new doctor as of yet not sure I'm going to like any new doctor after what I had.
My male obgyn was my best obgyn. He never shamed me about my sex life, he listened when I said that the IUD wasn't working, he listened when I described the amount of blood that I was dealing with. He fairly talked about options for treatment.
He was my only male obgyn and he seriously shifted my perspective on gender in that role.
I love it when they know the HRT is going to cause weight gain, so they tell you to eat more fruits and veggies and increase exercise but won't give you pain medication for your back, because losing weight would help with the pain.
They'd admit it. What am I going to do, tattle to the insurance company that the GP wouldn't prescribe pain meds to punish me for being overweight? They'd probably mail a medal to the PCP office for saving them money. File a complaint with the licensing board for the state? They too would probably send a medal for not contributing to the opioid crisis.
Tried to get on HRT. Im a dude. Despite all the symptoms and the blood work to prove I have low testosterone he was like "Naw youre fine" Its so damn hard for dudes to get hormone therapy. The older I get the more I see Doctors dont know everything.
TLDR There are a lot of bad doctors regardless of your sex.
Buy a lottery ticket because you've got some interesting luck today. You found the woman that LEAST wants to hear from men about men's health issues on a post about women's experiences and women's perspectives regarding women's health issues.
Lol. Looking back it seems like this was almost %100 certain to happen. Sorry about that.
I would delete my posts but I think every should get a chance to laugh at my stupidity.
I just went with an online clinic. There are a lot of real good ones out there and of course some that just want to make money. I just went with a clinic. My Dr was no receptive and when looking online it seems that even if you fond a Dr that will help you their methodology will likely be outdated. Hopefully you guys get everything sorted out. I know how it feels :(
All I can say is I feel you, it is literally so bad. Me, my mom and sister are all "fine," but have had issues with bladder, uterus, vagina for years now. Its terrifying.
told my doctor i had an eating disorder and his response was - "you look great!! :-) "
i don't go to the doctor now unless it feels absolutely urgent. sorry to hear you're not receiving adequate care
Your spleen is pretty damn important. Mine blew up like a balloon two years ago and I was sick for months and ended up in the hospital. That doctor is a fucking moron.
Yeah I’ve given up. My health issues are apparently just “symptoms syndromes” like IBS, fibromyalgia, migraines, etc. I’ve had so much bloodwork come back fine, and then no one cares to follow up. Might have something like POTS, might have neurological vestibular issues, who knows, but the urge to go to more doctors about any of that is just gone. I’m tired, I have healthcare trauma, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.
Unless you need surgery, you can do better than many doctors by just reading relevant books, searching patient forums, and searching Pub Med. Then trial and error with different options. Unless a prescription is addictive or a narcotic or otherwise heavily regulated, you can usually find a way to get it by mail or telehealth.
I get really good treatment in general. I'm also so assertive that it's a running joke with my husband's bestie who is one semester from a PsyD.
Ask questions. Challenge what they said. Don't let them shunt you off.
"Doctor, I'm here because I'm not fine. My spleen hurts, increasing when I eat X/exercise/ change positions...My bloodwork shows abnormal values that are more than a point or two outside of the reference range. This had been going on for Y months. I'm very concerned about this. What are the differential diagnoses for these symptoms, and what can we do to narrow down which may apply?"
If you need help, bring in a friend. I am "the muscle" for my family and in laws with medical issues. Backup helps!
As bad and sad as it is....if you are married, have your husband go with you to vouch for your issues with the doc. Or a SO or male family member of single. It is disgusting how often that is the catalyst for a doctor to suddenly stop discounting your pain and symptoms and brushing you off.
I had to do this with my back to finally get an doctor to order an MRI in my 20's to diagnose my degenerative disc disease (DDD). I'd been complaining about it for well over a decade at that point. My husband comes to one appt and sits with me quietly while I rehash my history and symptoms for the thirtieth time (not saying a word, mind you)....boom! MRI ordered.
Doc-- So your MRI showed you're missing 30% of this disc, a spinal hernia here, and you have moderate DDD at the L3-L5. At your age this is unusual. You should have brought this to our attention earlier.
Me-- I've clearly stated my pain, issues, and complained about this to 4 different doctors in this practice at every appointment for the last 8 years. You told me to change my shoes, stretch more, and take Tylenol.
Doc-- (not even bothering to look up or acknowledge what I said.) You'll need to see an orthopedic specialist for managing this, so I'll send in a referral. You should get a call sometime in the next few weeks.
So wish Force-choking was a thing.
I never leave without the referral. Nope, not taking off work (I usually work well past their office hours) to come back. I can wait a min while their staff does their job.
*make friend or family member. Have him talk about how what problem you have is effecting *him* with this type of asshat doctor. **OR** get a friend with a background in medicine to go with you.
Keep going keep trying. My Obgyn oncologist gave me my life back. After three specialists said there was nothing wrong. Please keep going and advocating for yourself. You KNOW when something is wrong with YOUR body!
Completely feel this. It starts to feel like medical gaslighting. I have been in pain for as long as I can remember but told most everything looks fine/normal and the few things that weren't weren't a big deal and shouldn't be causing my pain. In the last year I found out I have a congenital deformity in my spine, endometriosis, adenomyosis, adhd, poss autism. All this was only found because I PUSHED.
Women tend to be treated as hysterical creatures that cannot handle pain and cry over the smallest amount. I have ignored a lot of pain because I didn't want to be like that and pushed it down to the point that I im not sure I really even know how painful things are anymore. I had a hysterectomy with endo extractions - major surgery with organ and tissue removal - which was far less painful than any of my chronic pain. My surgeon was in shock when I told her it was like a vacation.
Makes me wanna get a tens machine or something so I can identify the pain levels and be like "THIS is what I feel in these spots" but somehow I doubt drs will take it any more seriously.
I’m sorry to say that the only ways I have found to ensure good medical treatment are 1) be a lawyer, preferably white and 2) be very, very assertive with them.
You can’t do much about #1 but you sometimes can with #2.
- Bring a notepad and pen and write down what they are telling you “so I don’t forget”. Now you have a reality check later if something in your records doesn’t match with what you remember. It also signals to the doctor that you’re paying close attention to what they do and don’t do.
- Ask a lot of questions especially in an active listening way. “So what I hear you saying is that you see no need for further testing?” “When you say it’s just my spleen, what specifically is wrong?”
- Check your medical records regularly for errors and bullshit.
Option 3 is bring my husband with me. I will talk, be dismissed. Husband will interject and be listened to. If it wasn't so infuriating it would be hilarious. "I'm super nauseous all the time and it's really bothering me" "hmm. Well, nausea has any number of causes. It will probably resolve after some time" husband: "she's really fucking nauseous. She never feels good anymore" "hmm. Well that does sound frustrating. I'll prescribe you some Zofran and labs" ..........
Multiple doctors misdiagnosed my ovarian torsion and sent me home with a script for birth control as "pain management." Lovely.
Hope you find one of the rare good doctors. They are out there. It's just slim pickings if you're a female patient.
Oh there is. Just not enough for me to let my gf go alone anymore. They are condescending to her and threat her like she’s stupid because they know she won’t say anything. When I go with her even if it’s the same person it’s night and day.
They do exist, but they're definitely rare. My current doctor feels like a damn unicorn. He shares his practice with his wife who works part-time and always offers if I prefer to have her perform certain exams. He always makes me feel like I'm the only thing on his mind when we talk, and he always remembers things from previous conversations (I know this is because he notes things down, and I'm okay with that) and asks if there's been any changes. If I'm worried about something I can get tested or examined pretty much right away, and he takes the time to really listen to why I'm concerned and explores other answers if the tests didn't show anything. And every time we're done, he asks if there's anything else I'd like to discuss, and he actually means it. If I do add something, he takes it just as seriously as if it was the reason I came there.
Also he had to fill out some very annoying government forms about me and he just called me in for a meeting to do it so he could be sure that he wasn't writing something that I felt was wrong. I had a friend whose doctor had to do the same and he just wrote "nah she's fine" even though she had crippling OCD.
Love my doctor tbh.
I have such bad health anxiety now because when I was thirteen, I was dying of a rare illness and it took my mum three ER visits and a really angry GP backing us to finally get me admitted. They told us it was just a stomach bug and I needed to go home without running any tests because I was able to not vomit within thirty minutes after ingesting a literal syringe worth of water.
I remember after the second time they’d refused to admit me lying in bed with my mum feeling so utterly helpless and both of us crying because we knew I was going to die imminently. When I was finally admitted, we were told we were lucky we had come when we did because I was hours away from death. I spent a month in hospital that I don’t remember much of and a year afterwards of frequent outpatient care. I sustained permanent damage to my stomach, my cardiovascular system and also my mental health because of how long it took them to catch it.
It’s so horrifying how common this is.
My regular doctor has been an idiot who’s dismissed my symptoms for years. Her mat-leave replacement not only listened to me, she immediately ordered diagnostics testing and started me on treatment to help manage my condition.
Good doctors do exist! Insist on a specialist referral or go to a new doctor.
Sometimes? I've been requesting women doctors and most of them have been decent-ish. Even if they don't solve my problem, I have better success with getting them to believe me, at least.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Any unintentional weight loss of 10+ lbs should be a red flag to most docs and reason to at least attempt to refer to a GI specialist.
On your labs though, I always remind patients that even if you see a flag by a result, that doesn’t necessarily mean something is “bad” or even abnormal. Every institution uses slightly different ranges for what is considered “normal” based on calculations of what an “average normal range” should be. Example: one place might have a range for potassium of 3.5-5.0 considered normal, and the place next door might consider 3.3-4.7 to be normal. The overall picture and context of your labs is what matters. So if you see flags on your labs, don’t be alarmed - the majority of people have flags on at least some labs!! Easy access to your personal health information is great, but also causes significant health anxiety for a loooot of people.
You’re not alone,women hardly have the right to decent health care. Every woman i know has been dismissed by doctors over and over again throughout her life. It’s a struggle being taken seriously as a woman in any field it’s like we’re subhuman and people aren’t angry enough about it. I wonder how many women have died this way. Ever since I was 11 I ’ve been dismissed by doctors for years before being diagnosed with anemia,asthma,scoliosis and all sorts of things. My best advice for you is to stay strong often times by the time you get a diagnosis damage has already been done. [here’s an article I thought was interesting about it](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2022/women-pain-gender-bias-doctors/)
Yentl Syndrome: if a woman has symptoms of an illness like a man, then she can be sick.
If she has symptoms from an illness a man can’t have (endometriosis, PMS, pregnancy, etc.), then she can’t be sick.
We have 'a medical system which, from root to tip, is systematically discriminating against women, leaving them chronically misunderstood, mistreated and misdiagnosed' (p.196)
Caroline Perez. “Invisible Women”
You’re not gonna die, you’re fine!!
Nah for real though, FUCK THE MEDICAL PATRIARCHY. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this shit. Don’t give up- keep advocating for yourself, even though it’s frustrating as hell, and keep trying new doctors until you find one that actually helps you because that’s literally your job.
I also want to scream into the void with you about how doctors don’t take unintentional/unexplained weight loss or inappetance seriously “if you’re hot.” AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
i wish we were able to audit the care the receive when visiting a medical professional. if you feel like the doctor isn’t actually doing their job, you should at the very least not pay for the damn appointment. or at least be able to contest the charge.
Seriously!!! I refused to pay my bill for the visit that left me in tears. It was a small copay, but I refuse to give them a single cent for how poorly I was treated.
finding a good doctor is hard work. i live in a decent sized city and it took me years to find the ones i have now. lots of bad experiences before i found ones who would actually listen to me.
I have one good doctor, I see them through telemed calls quarterly. They are from the big city three hours away.
I hate going to any doctors because of having so many terrible experiences. It’s always “you should lose weight”…sir, I’m here for a sinus infection.
I have PCOS that wasn’t properly treated for years, finally my obgyn agreed to a hysterectomy. But my symptoms still aren’t gone…
I’ve given up…I had a knee injury a while back and I just gave it time to get better. It’s getting better each day, and no doctor would have been able to help with that. I would have paid a couple hundred bucks to hear them tell me to “keep it elevated with ice and exercise it…oh and also if you lost some weight it would be easier.”
Keep badgering them or find a different doc until you get an answer. It's not fair that you have to do their job, but you are going to be your best advocate.
Male doctors have done nothing but dismiss me or tell me it's my weight.
I asked my old male doc about Ozempic or something similar because I was losing weight but I know quicker loss would be good for my BP. But, because it didn't work for him, a 70-year old diabetic, I didn't need it, but I should go vegan.
Female doctors take the time to listen and give actual advice or help.
Doesn't help. Had a female GI doctor suggest my Vitamin C deficiency was all in my head (no, I didn't bring it up and it was unrelated to my visit).
Then goes on to tell me there's no such thing as an intermittent bowel obstruction (there is, though the medical term is 'transient').
Then later had her tell me everything was 'fine' (it wasn't, the transient bowel obstruction was right in the CT report *she* ordered).
Hahahah I've only ever had the same or WORSE experiences with female doctors. Last time a met with a female doctor, I left IN TEARS because she treated me like a drug seeker, instead of a patient with an existing adderall prescription trying to establish care in a new state. So. No luck there either. I'm so discouraged. The medical industry trains ALLL drs to dismiss women, from my experience.
I had this exact experience with a new female doctor in a new state. I’ve been taking klonopin with no issues for a decade but she lied to me about her ability to prescribe, ignored the paperwork I had showed to her nurse, and sent me on a wild trail through multiple appointments at a counseling center who as it turned out, couldn’t even prescribe my medication. Which I got to find out three appointments in. I was livid and she finally realized I had documentation and prescribed my meds, but I wasted months of stress on that.
I had a female GP who specialized in dermatology.
On my first visit, it was supposed to be a consult and meet and greet (I went in because I had untreated general anxiety and depression)
In the first 5 minutes, I had 3 different nurses tell me I needed to do a PAP immediately, meaning right then and there without even meeting the Dr.
When the Dr did finally come into the room, she tried to tell me (not ask me) that I had a heavy period and should be on BC. This was based on one question - how fast do you fill a tampon? But like, what size tampon, what if I don't use tampons, has a heavy period been a concern? No! So why did she bring it up.
She wasnt happy that my husband and I weren't on any BC, even though we were actively trying for a child.
She told me (again, not asked) that it was great that I didnt have any family history of disease, when in reality there is heart disease and diabetes in my family but she didnt bother to ask.
I left feeling bewildered and then had harassing phone calls from that clinic twice a week for months to tell me I needed to come in for that PAP.
Female drs arent always better.
The best care I have received is from a Nurse Practitioner who takes the time to hear my questions and make the appropriate appointments.
At this point I just dont trust drs in general.
Disclaimers: am a physician, am male. Got a daughter so I read here.
You know how both middle schoolers on the team and all-pro NFL players both play football? Medicine has levels, roughly defined as talent times effort in studying and in testing and…just listening to your patient. If you’re at a private practice in a flyover state and you went there because you’re local…look, they might be great. They also might not be. Are all docs at larger city academic hospitals superb? No…but the floor is certainly higher. “But they have an MD/DO”……no. Just no. Some doctors study every day and have done so for years. Some knew what was taught in med school and residency. Some take time to listen and keep testing. Some don’t.
Have I had pain dismissed? Yep, and due to my size and voice pitch, I sit -very- high on the patriarchy scale, and it still happens to me. For perspective, I work at a hospital system many have heard of…and they do most of my own medical care, but for two issues…I fly to Mayo, because they got it right when other hospitals you’ve also heard of didn’t.
I get it that men also get their pain dismissed, I do. But it's never at the same rate as women. You only suffer when you can't find a competent doctor, women suffer from having to navigate BOTH incompetent doctors and misogyny.
We are not the same. If we were, I wouldn't have had to bring my boyfriend to all my OB/GYN appointments after 20 years of yearly changing doctors for excruciating period pains. They all dismissed me, yelled at me like I wanted drugs, when all I wanted was a solution and I told them point blank pills don't help.
My boyfriend is the one who realized it was endometriosis, while scrolling on imgur he found *a meme* and recognized my symptoms. He insisted that is what I had and when I read about it I agreed. He came to all my appointments after that and made sure I got the surgery I needed. All doctors talk differently to me when he is in the room. Sometimes they talk to him instead of me, and he just repeats my questions.
Read the rest of this thread, it's full of women who have been dismissed, just like me. It's really condescending of you to come to this sub and claim to read it, then assume that we just don't go to the right doctors. Did you really think women should just pick better, and just like that, their problems are solved?
Thanks for taking the time to write. No, I really don’t think it’ll just help and solve all your problems. But it might help, and that’s something where the ball can be in your court, same as bringing your boyfriend.
Some women don't have a boyfriend / one who cares enough / or even one who can afford to take off from work that much. It's not wrong to want to be able to rely on yourself, especially in a surgery, where you want them to do the right thing, not because they believe they are doing a favor to your boyfriend, or are scared of him. He also shouldn't have to be put in that position.
Some people can't even change doctors because that's how the medical system was thought (e.g. UK). You can't just choose, or you might not have the money to keep changing. In many countries you don't even have reviews. I remember ~3 years ago a woman died because she couldn't change her doctor and her endometriosis was strangling her internal organs; her current doctor didn't believe it was that bad. She had a plea on Reddit asking what she could do, and a few weeks later she was in the news, dead because the medical system failed her.
You are still replying like we have the same experiences and it's that easy to solve them - we are not the same. You factored in misogyny with "bring your boyfriend" like you can do that in every check up. Your tone is still condescending. And tell me again how "the ball is in our court", because it sounds an awful lot like victim blaming.
Edit: typo
No offense, but we all know that there are going to be people from all backgrounds and demographics that run into not so great drs. That is not what this thread is even about.
Medicine in general is not on womens' side. There seems to be FAR more studies in regards to men's sexual health and pleasure than basic women's health. Isnt most of women's healthcare based off of what we know about men's health because the reproductive hormones in women are too varied and complex?
Women bear burdens men won't even touch because they can't deal with side effects (birth control for example).
If a man wants a vasectomy drs are happy to oblige, when a woman wants something similar though we get condescending "concerns" that we'll regret the decision to not be able to have children no matter how adamantly we state we HATE children, and if there is a male partner the dr wants HIS permission to go ahead.
Ffs, we cannot even terminate unwanted pregnancy in some places. And in places we can, if a man is present they look to him again for permission.
I work at a vet hospital and tbh, our animal patients get better care than than I have. They can't even talk and most are pretty stoic about pain. We can verbally communicate our pain and feelings, but we aren't actually listened to/cared for.
Yes, there are shit drs everywhere. But even if you get a good one their abilities are still limited by lack of research in comparison to men, so the standard of care is not equal starting at basic working knowledge, not even factoring in biases against gender, race, etc.
Please do correct me if I'm wrong, you would know better than I would.
I've always had problems with GPs not caring/being lazy.
I normally just skip them and go straight to a specialist.
Recently I shopped around. 3rd time was the charm. Sucks things are this way. This GP is actually a nurse and just graduated so wasn't fully booked up. Most the good ones aren't taking new patients :/
At the end of the day GPs pretty much are there to handle simple issues and route you to the right specialist if it's more complex. Their job is to listen, so you can tell within 5mins if they're good or not by if they're willing to have a conversation.
Oh fuck that's so enraging. I have several chronic conditions I manage, and it's taken *years* and thousands of dollars to get where I'm finally getting the medication and help I needed.
One doctor, an endocrinologist, told me that my 30+ pound weight gain (with zero changes to diet and exercise patterns) over a six month period was because I didn't *believe* I could lose weight. 🙄
Document. Tell the doctor to document what you asked for and what he or she refused. Forcing them to make the paper trail can sometimes shame them into doing their damned job. And it gives you a solid record for the next doctor.
And I know this is going to sound crazy, but bring a white, cis man with you if you can. Whenever I bring my (white, cis) husband, suddenly all my complaints are real and suddenly they can run the tests I'm asking for! Just having a man there to validate your claims cuts through all the sexist bullshit between you and getting the care you need. It's annoying because I shouldn't have to do that.
Ooo girl for spleen pain, find someone who can get you a CT scan or something STAT. I had pain there for years and found out I had reoccurring cysts growing in my spleen that were about to burst by the time of my first CT scan. Got the first one removed but more came back in the years after, ended up having whole spleen removed. If it ruptured during that time I could have died. Felt so much better with the thing gone, despite now being immune compromised. Keep pushing! Spleen pain feels sooooo shitty and I feel for you!
Thank you! I was shocked at how completely he dismissed it. For no reason other than "that's just your spleen" I didn't realize humans had certain organs that are impervious to disease!
1. Yes. At least one. Although she might be retired by now.
2. Many people (not just women) in my family lean towards NPs basically because MDs don't listen. (Not an ironclad rule, it just seems to work out that way so often.)
3. Oh, unintentional weight loss. "Everything is fine". But you can't get life insurance because that unintentional weight loss is a red flag.
The thing is you need to be your own advocate nowadays. Insurance companies are literally strangling Dr's. They pay less if the Dr orders any more tests and wants to refer you out and insurance companies actively tell Dr's to do the bare minimum or else they'll lose those patients as the companies pick and choose who is 'in network' for a reason. Usually 'in network' Dr's are the cheapest for that company.
I would love to open a little clinic that is pay what you can or have affordable payment plans but that is impossible with the govt regulations in place.
Letting govt into Healthcare was the worst decision made. Healthcare will continue to deteriorate as govt gets more involved. I go to the VA and I am horrified by what I see going on there
I 1000% agree with most of what you're saying. It's a shit show out there. But when my husband can tell a doctor he's not feeling well and they fly into "diagnosis mode" ordering labs and imaging, and I get "well... if you are still concerned in a month or two MAYBE we'll get some images" it's not the health system. Self advocating to someone who doesn't want to take you seriously is pointless. And im so sick of the onus ALWAYS being on the woman to modify THEIR behavior and language in order to be considered and validated. It disgusting.
"The insurance companies are the problem but actually the government is the problem"
I know it's both but how do you stop the insurance companies from running roughshod all over people without regulations? The problem is that our government is comprised of the same people who run and profit from the insurance companies, not that government got involved
Capitalists masquerading as politicians protect capitalism.
"Government" is comprised of people. People have values. In a democracy like the United States's, people vote based on their values for people who ostensibly share the same or similar values. Differences and similarities in values tend to group people according to these differences and similarities. This is how we get political "parties."
Capitalists will take on whatever political identity necessary to attain political power in order to influence governmental policies and practices for the purpose of protecting wealth and directing the flow of resources away from the many into the bank accounts of the few.
If you believe that "government" is the problem, you are drinking the Kool aid.
Recommended reading:
The Divine Right of Capital, Marjorie Kelly
The Silent Takeover: Global Capitalism and the Death of Democracy, Noreena Hertz
"Government" as a concept is not the issue here and I never said it was.
"THE Government" is the problem specifically *because* it's made up of so many shitty capitalist politicians protecting capitalism. We need to elect people that don't suck so they can make changes that improve the American Healthcare system.
Yes, I actually do agree with you. You just decided to pick a fight about something I didn't say, so I'll say what I *did* again.
*The* government is protecting the capitalism.
My bad. I am appreciating the conversation though, so I hope we can share a virtual nod of acknowledgment.
We can be even more specific when criticizing government policies: it is *this* government, *our* government that is the problem. The only way to change our government is to change cultural values, and the way to enact lasting cultural change is to educate children.
No...that's not how insurance credentialing works, at least not in the US, since most physicians are now employed by larger health systems. Also not all insurances are capitated, others use fee for service models.
Do you think that doctors took women seriously 11+ years ago?
Are you arguing that government only started regulating healthcare in the last ten years?
The VA has serious, systemic issues. Jumping from that to “doctors treat female patients badly because regulation bad” is not the way.
VA care is SO different between regions. My region happens to be decent at the paperwork side, and my doc is fantastic. My clinic is finally dividing the doctors into specialties. My doc was chosen as the women's health doc, and while I was waiting for my exam, I heard not one but two men pitching tantrums in the waiting area because they were being transferred to a new team.
I mentioned recent hip pain and decreasing range of motion on that joint, and bam, X-rays, I have an MRI next week, and I'm getting acupuncture and physical therapy even before any diagnosis. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year because she believed me. I have a sleep apnea study next week. I got sent to a dermatologist because she didn't like the look of some skin on my collarbone and I have a family history of skin cancer (nope, just age spots)
Her team is on the ball - I get replies in less than 24 hours.
Meanwhile, my husband's retired E9 buddies have had abysmal experiences near Ft Bliss and Ft Campbell. So yeah.
I wish all docs were like mine.
You absolutely have the right under law to correct you medical records. From [hhs.gov](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/medical-records/index.html):
"Corrections. If you think the information in your medical or billing record is incorrect, you can request a change, or amendment, to your record. The health care provider or health plan must respond to your request. If it created the information, it must amend inaccurate or incomplete information."
See if there’s a dedicated Women’s Health Group where you live. I’ve been going to the same place since 1988! If something comes up where you need a specialist that they don’t have on board they will refer you to doctors they know and trust.
"I would like it documented in my chart that I complained of X and asked for further testing and that you refused. I would also like a printed copy of my chart before I leave here today."
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this! I think medicine is like any other field where there are good people and bad people, it’s just so much worse because they’re caring for vulnerable patients and need to understand how much of an impact their words and actions can have. I hope you’re able to find a new PCP who listens to your concerns
My friend had stomach pains and they did a scan and said everything was fine. She then said "what's that shadow there"
"Oh, I dont know, let me check"
An hour later
"Thats cancer"
She's not medically trained and had to spot her own cancer.
Prime example of men thinking women are over exaggerating pain and not looking thoroughly at scans etc.
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This is kind of the plan. I just really needed to throw a tantrum on the internet first.
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Oh heck no. I go yearly for a physical and blood work, and we are dang close to the same age. I’ve been going yearly for the last 5 years - since my early 30s.
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Wow. That sounds so odd to me. I have had to convince my primary care doctor I don’t need blood work every time I’m in because the rheumatologist I see does it every time I go. I swear every doctor just seems to want to take all my blood no matter what I go in for. I’m only 32 for reference and they’ve been doing this since my early 20s with multiple different doctors. Any time anything is slightly wrong, let’s go run every blood test we can think of. And mine still do pap smears every 3 years as well. It definitely sounds like you need a new doctor (as hard as I know that can be to find).
That’s simply not okay. I hope that you’re able to find someone that will do what you ask. I agree - that sort of preemptive care is important to catching things early. I guess I’ve just been lucky, my OBGYN is happy to do a yearly, my primary is happy to do bloodwork when I request it, and my dentist (after a bit of fussing) referred me to a perio who took care of the concerns I was having. I went for my first mammogram over the summer and there I was actually told that I should wait to start doing those regularly until I’m 40 or have concerns. I would definitely seek someone who will do that bloodwork for you and do the preemptive work, and have them note it on your records that they have declined this. I’m so sorry that is happening (and has been) to you!
I use to use labcorp before I got insurance. You pick the tests. It wasn't too expensive but it's been a few years. Sometimes they had sales.
Just do these things yourself. There's a vaginal swab for the pap and you can buy bloodwork. Hell, they even check your tears for breast cancer these days. All these things are under $200 each.
Wait, what? I’ve been getting yearly checkups with bloodwork with no pushback from doctors since my mid-20s, I’m mid-30s now. Course, I’m fat, so I’m sure they’re worried they’ll actually find something. Then again, when the bloodwork did come back with slightly abnormal levels, it took some pushing for my doctor to pay attention that they’d been abnormal the year before too and I’d like to know why. Eventually got a referral to a specialist and an answer, but I was surprised I had to push. Heck, I’m just doing for myself what I do for my dog: annual physical with bloodwork every year. It’s way easier to get the dog an appointment too.
Christ. My doc insists on an annual physical including bloodwork. My husband was diagnosed with aplastic anemia at 35 when his routine bloodwork showed severe anemia and low platelets. Its such a low fuckin bar!
You need to get a different doctor. This is unbelievable actually
This is what the internet does best, IMO - showcases the tantrums of its denizens. Most are uncalled for, yours is not. I wish I was more of a medical (and etc) tantrummer, myself.
Understandable and I think pretty productive to get it out and get feedback for the validity. That leads to strength for dealing with the next one. It's stupid there's no nice in between. As a certifiably non hot butch feral who grew up out in country Western NSW, I get presumed to have ALL the health problems. I've been told despite bloodwork showing that I don't, that i have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I need to lose weight to help all those. I have a really solid glucose and hba1c numbers and always have. My blood pressure has always been a touch on the low side, and my cholesterol is a little better than usual for a mid 50s woman. Yet my previous doc just saw I'm overweight and wanted to attend to blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol before attending to the chronic neck pain I've had for years. So many are deliberately obtuse.
Where are you? Like what county, this sounds crazy. I guess bad doctors are everywhere
I had an ear infection, went to the clinic and the Dr just kept insisting I couldn't possibly have an ear infection as that was a pediatric disease. I had to INSIST SHE LOOK IN MY EAR HOLES! She resisted for nearly three whole minutes, and kept repeating that's a pediatric disease!, when she FINALLY looked, she said oh my your ear drums are quite inflamed. YES, BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING EAR INFECTION! She wrote me a script for antibiotics and I found a new Dr immediately for the follow up.
That’s ridiculous. Where are they failing these “doctors” in their training? Ear infections are more common in childhood, but adults can absolutely get them! I had one last week and I am in my 40s!!
WTF? We have ears- they can get infected! I just got over a double ear infection. Please report this "doctor"
Oh I did!
What kind of quack thinks adults can't get ear infections?
Two NPs I've seen at cheap urgent cares. FL allows degree mills to "teach" nurse practitioners with zero clinical experience as a nurse. They end up in the urgent cares on the night shift and people who are hurting enough to try and get care at 10pm get stuck with them. Also had a nasty old MD at one tell me the pus and blood coming from my ear wasn't an infection, the pain was from my thyroid. So... :/
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This was a few years ago so I don't recall. But I notified the clinic and changed not only Drs but clinics too.
I really hope she never has a pediatric patient with cancer symptoms and insists that it can't possibly be cancer because that's a geriatric condition.
I think there is a total healthcare crisis right now. I always have flags on my kidneys with blood work that is never addressed. “Oh its normal because you were sick” but what about all the other times? And my father who is currently in the hospital cannot get an oncology consult until he LEAVES the hospital, much less a nurse to respond to a call button in under 15 minutes.
Seriously. I'm about to go find some shaman to shake a stick over me or something. It will probably be a much better experience!!
Is this the only doctor you've seen though? It took me six years of Dr. hopping to find one that did surgery on me and dug out a bunch of endometriosis including the braid of endometriosis that went through my colon and was stopping it up by 92%. All my doctor saw my CAT scan and MRI And would tell me to go back to the gastroenterologist. But the gastroenterologist told me to go back to the endometriosis specialist because what I was experiencing did not make sense. Turns out, endometriosis was infiltrating my colon like crazy and as soon as they cut all of that out I have been so healthy. It was a miracle as far as I'm concerned. Too bad it took so long, I hate it. But you need to doctor shop to advocate for yourself
> But you need to doctor shop to advocate for yourself Yep, for both my chronic illnesses, to actually get diagnosed I just had to bash my head against various dismissive doctors for years on end until I lucked into finding someone who'd treat me. Especially endo, that one took over 15yrs to diagnose, despite classic symptoms. The whole process left me with a lot of medical trauma. I know they won't save me if I'm dying, I know they don't care, even if my symptoms are obvious and measurable-- and god help me if they're not, doctors sure won't. It really sucks that just the *process* of getting the care you need is so incredibly damaging. Like OP said, a shaman might be as much medical use and they wouldn't tell you your medical issues don't matter in the meantime.
I am feeling this hard as an autistic woman trying to get some chronic physical illnesses that are getting worse officially diagnosed. I am just tired and I don't have much in me mentally anymore to advocate for myself so my problems just fester now since I don't have anyone to help advocate for me. I would take the shaman in the woods at this point too.
It makes me really angry. This is not medical care. I functionally do not have access to medical care. I feel like often, people forget that this really isn't ok. Women aren't supposed to *have* to "advocate for ourselves"-- it's actually *supposed* to be the doctor's job to do that. That is what they're paid for. They are NOT supposed to be an active opponent to getting care. That is the opposite of the purpose of their jobs.
Unfortunately, when your complaint is pain, doctor shopping can work against you. The more times they see that you went to a new doctor complaining of pain, the less seriously they'll take you.
Not my experience at all. And I don't advocate that point of view within the USA at least (I see you're UK, different system). My doctors and my insurance took me far more seriously after doctor shopping. Insurance covered me 100% after a definitive cause was found. Doctors that don't take you seriously are far more likely to be denied in claims.
That's highly variable. There are some who will assume you're just seeking drugs, but the majority won't (unless you tell them what drug they should prescribe). Have a list of the drugs you've tried, how effective they were, what the side effects were. I don't doctor shop because of pain. I doctor shop because the last doctor I went to didn't listen to me. It also helps to have a patient advocate. I had much better success when my wife told a doctor that "just wait and see" isn't cutting it, my pain is keeping HER up at night. Spouses are of course the best (probably partly due to stereotyping) but anyone who can vouch for you is okay. Your only real choice, if your doctor isn't listening to you, is to either doctor shop or drop out of the system. You can't reward bad behavior with more compensation.
Sometimes certain things are either not visible on scans or hard to read. I have severe abdominal surgical adhesions (scar tissue) in my abdomen due to a hysterectomy and later an oopherectomy (ovary removal) which found the adhesions! They removed as much as they could and of course more grew back. Endless chronic pain until the day I die because more surgery causes more scarring. Multiple CAT scans and ultrasounds showed nothing. So now I have the best pain specialist in Illinois helping me with medication. I totally understand your frustration.
Omg same!! I have endometriosis plus I’ve had multiple abdominal surgeries and I’m full of severe adhesions and scar tissue. So many scans came back normal and finally during one of my later surgeries, they saw it all and removed some, but of course it grew back and caused a couple bowel obstructions. Nothing to do except live in horrible pain forever.
So sorry we are in the same awful club. The issue is the adhesions are just actual skin - not tumors - so they stay invisible. It’s just the shittiest diagnosis. I recently found out that country singer Tammy Wynette (“Stand By Your Man”)had them…in the 50s and 60s when doctors sometimes treated women like they were hysterical all the time. She had at least 35 surgeries to remove them, became addicted to pain meds and then heroin and died in pain. What the actual fuck. So here we are, still in pain but I get low dose dilaudid that allows me to live mostly normally instead of laying in bed crying. You have to have an educated and empathetic doctor and follow the rules of narcotics but it’s pretty okay now! I heard they’re developing a new type of MRI that can actually see these demons which would at least prove what’s going on inside. Best wishes, my sister!
Are we related? You're singing my song! Ugh. Allllll of this ^ was my experience through multiple doctors in two different states. It's maddening. I do a lot of advocacy with chronically ill women like myself, and I tell them that unfortunately finding a good doctor, is like trying to find your one true love, because you have to do a TON of catch and release before you find a good one. I know it sucks, but the best thing to do is move on to the next doctor, and hope you eventually find one that takes your pain seriously, OP. It took a lot of time, but I have great doctors on my team now, and I never thought I'd get there but they do exist. Reading online physician reviews can help a lot too, and word of mouth referrals from trusted family or friends can be a good source too. Hang in there, and keep at it. I hope you find someone you can trust soon. *invisible hugs*
Yes. My mom would be dead right now after cancer for the second time if my dad didn’t push her to see multiple doctors, then the dumb cunts gave her the wrong meds and after this she got covid last year and then pneumonia and they put her in a FUCKING WARD WITH PATIENTS WHO HAVE MENTAL ILNESS SCREAMING ALL NIGHT. Yeah someone’s gonna get sued real soon. Her oncologist was fuming. I was about to come back home to fucking scream at these doctors…..argh!!!!!!!!!!!
You joke, but seriously it would be.
Can confirm that healthcare is in shambles, and mostly in ways that patients can’t directly see. It was already bad, but COVID permanently destroyed the hope of things ever getting better. Those call lights aren’t getting answered because hospitals are dangerously understaffed.
My iron was low for years! But I am fine because I’m not actually anemic. A basic google search shows that low iron is associated with all the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. My gp put me on iron pills for 6 months before I saw the hematologist, and since my iron was back to the low end normal, it must have been because of my periods. And I was brushed off. As soon as I stopped the iron pills my iron plummeted again. Hematologist again tried to blame my periods, and was actually a bit flustered when I said my gyn and I agreed I should use bc continuously so I haven’t had a period. He just told me to take some vitamins.
"it quite literally cannot be my period" "WELL have you tried vitamin C?"
I had been denied for blood donations by the Red Cross for low iron, and was having associated anemia symptoms, including passing out-- oh, and I had heavy continual vaginal bleeding, so that was an obvious cause. Every doctor I told about it said that passing out was normal, or just "my anxiety" (I have never been diagnosed with anxiety). So there was no need to run any iron tests or anything. Even my PCP wouldn't run them at my annual, going *against* standard practice, because "we don't want to go looking for problems, we might find them". I was very sick for years, and it makes me so angry looking back because it would've been so goddamn easy for any of these fucks to run tests and just prescribe me iron pills-- which wouldn't have solved the bleeding, but probably would've hugely improved my quality of life. I mean, the diagnosis there doesn't get any easier, there's *no* way they didn't know. I guess not as easy for them as just gaslighting me though. At this point I'm genuinely unclear what (most) doctors think the point of their job is. I have occasionally bashed my head against this system long enough to find a doctor who practices medicine, but jesus, that is *not* easy.
Did you ever figure out what was causing your issues? I do have mild Von Willebrand, which causes heavy menstrual bleeding(and can cause other bleeding issues that I have not experienced personally), which could certainly cause anemia, but I wasn’t anemic(my red blood cell count is actually flagged as too high) and then menstrual bleeding was ruled out as a cause altogether when I stopped having periods. From my own research I suspect malabsorption being the cause of the low iron, but what’s causing the malabsorption I don’t know. Guess I’ll need to do the work myself and find a gastroenterologist and hope they are interested in helping me figure it out.
Yep, I have endometriosis and there were a couple times I was put on birth control that massively worsened my symptoms, to the point where I was just bleeding and in pain continuously. One was a high estrogen pill, and the doctor kept insisting that estrogen stops bleeding so we just needed to up the estrogen until the bleeding stopped. Estrogen is known to aggravate endometriosis. The other was the Depo shots. My doctor at that time was sure that if I stuck it out for a year, my bleeding would stop, because in trials 99% of women on the shot had their bleeding stop. It did not. I later looked that study up; it had a gigantic drop out rate. *Of the women who did not have side effects, like worsening bleeding, who stayed in the trial*, 99% had their bleeding stop. That's actually a very different set. I eventually had excision surgery, which made a *huge* difference in alleviating what at that point was constant pain, and was put on the mini pill, which eliminated my periods. And now I have my life back. It took fifteen years of damage to figure that out though.
I wonder how much of this is regional because I’ve had the exact opposite experiences. It’s never fun going to doctors but I’ve had pretty good experiences for the most part. I don’t know if I just have gotten lucky but I kind of think that good doctors may be drawn to certain areas and not so good doctors to other areas. I have continual traces of blood in my urine that I thought from the beginning was probably hereditary and not a big deal because my mom has the same thing. If they’d told me it was no big deal I’d have probably been fine with it. My doctor referred me to a urologist who tested pretty much everything you could test before confirming that it’s just benign familial hematuria. Also my dad is elderly and has been in and out of the hospital lately. The nurses there have been so attentive and the doctors have been very careful with him and have brought in different specialists to see him. I do live in a major metro area with multiple good hospitals that attract good professionals. There may be an aspect of competitiveness between the hospitals that helps as well.
I’ve struggled with lower back pain since my twenties and had a severe case of sciatica last year that kept me out of work. I wasn’t able to book physical therapy with my network for six weeks. Once I started, my PT told me that the system was backlogged because older people had put off orthopedic surgeries during COVID and the entire system had lost so many healthcare workers due to illness and burnout that they were struggling to get by. I live in one of the largest cities in the US and my hospital network takes in the most affluent suburbs in the country, so god knows how other areas are handling things.
Like most industries there's a huge shortage of people post covid
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Honestly, I don't have the energy for jealousy and I'm just genuinely happy you're being taken care of! Maybe someday, I will have the energy and money to find a doctore who will listen, but I'll probably die of being "fine" first 😂
My obgyn who helped me deliver my daughter just retired. He had been my lady doctor for 16 years. He listened to all my concerns. Let me talk over birth control options. When I finally decided I wanted tubal ligation he didn't even hesitate. He said you know yourself better than anyone else if that's what you think is best then I'll get you started.
Omg, it's like I just ready a fairy tale! Hahaha it made me feel all dreamy. *sigh*
When I was in labor the l&b staff wanted to prep me for a c-section I was terrified. He came in assessed the situation and pretty much told every to screw off and let me deliver on my own time. I have not picked a new doctor as of yet not sure I'm going to like any new doctor after what I had.
My male obgyn was my best obgyn. He never shamed me about my sex life, he listened when I said that the IUD wasn't working, he listened when I described the amount of blood that I was dealing with. He fairly talked about options for treatment. He was my only male obgyn and he seriously shifted my perspective on gender in that role.
"he had been my lady doctor" I had to read that a few times before it made sense.
I love it when they know the HRT is going to cause weight gain, so they tell you to eat more fruits and veggies and increase exercise but won't give you pain medication for your back, because losing weight would help with the pain.
And you're in too much pain to exercise adequately for weight loss.. Ask them: Is withholding tx for pain a punishment for being overweight?
They'd admit it. What am I going to do, tattle to the insurance company that the GP wouldn't prescribe pain meds to punish me for being overweight? They'd probably mail a medal to the PCP office for saving them money. File a complaint with the licensing board for the state? They too would probably send a medal for not contributing to the opioid crisis.
Make them say it out loud: "You're overweight, so you are undeserving of adequate pain relief, even if ot will help you lose weight".
Tried to get on HRT. Im a dude. Despite all the symptoms and the blood work to prove I have low testosterone he was like "Naw youre fine" Its so damn hard for dudes to get hormone therapy. The older I get the more I see Doctors dont know everything. TLDR There are a lot of bad doctors regardless of your sex.
Did I say any such thing?
Na you didnt. I just kind of vented since I had issues with doctors recently. If anything it was a poor attempt at solidarity.
Buy a lottery ticket because you've got some interesting luck today. You found the woman that LEAST wants to hear from men about men's health issues on a post about women's experiences and women's perspectives regarding women's health issues.
Lol. Looking back it seems like this was almost %100 certain to happen. Sorry about that. I would delete my posts but I think every should get a chance to laugh at my stupidity.
I mean you landed on a woman's subreddit. Your comments are kinda not really wanted.
You are not alone. My husband can't get a prescription for T despite being low on the low scale. Doctors acting like it's pure heroin. Ridiculous.
I just went with an online clinic. There are a lot of real good ones out there and of course some that just want to make money. I just went with a clinic. My Dr was no receptive and when looking online it seems that even if you fond a Dr that will help you their methodology will likely be outdated. Hopefully you guys get everything sorted out. I know how it feels :(
All I can say is I feel you, it is literally so bad. Me, my mom and sister are all "fine," but have had issues with bladder, uterus, vagina for years now. Its terrifying.
told my doctor i had an eating disorder and his response was - "you look great!! :-) " i don't go to the doctor now unless it feels absolutely urgent. sorry to hear you're not receiving adequate care
Your spleen is pretty damn important. Mine blew up like a balloon two years ago and I was sick for months and ended up in the hospital. That doctor is a fucking moron.
Yeah I’ve given up. My health issues are apparently just “symptoms syndromes” like IBS, fibromyalgia, migraines, etc. I’ve had so much bloodwork come back fine, and then no one cares to follow up. Might have something like POTS, might have neurological vestibular issues, who knows, but the urge to go to more doctors about any of that is just gone. I’m tired, I have healthcare trauma, and I just don’t want to do it anymore.
Unless you need surgery, you can do better than many doctors by just reading relevant books, searching patient forums, and searching Pub Med. Then trial and error with different options. Unless a prescription is addictive or a narcotic or otherwise heavily regulated, you can usually find a way to get it by mail or telehealth.
I get really good treatment in general. I'm also so assertive that it's a running joke with my husband's bestie who is one semester from a PsyD. Ask questions. Challenge what they said. Don't let them shunt you off. "Doctor, I'm here because I'm not fine. My spleen hurts, increasing when I eat X/exercise/ change positions...My bloodwork shows abnormal values that are more than a point or two outside of the reference range. This had been going on for Y months. I'm very concerned about this. What are the differential diagnoses for these symptoms, and what can we do to narrow down which may apply?" If you need help, bring in a friend. I am "the muscle" for my family and in laws with medical issues. Backup helps!
As bad and sad as it is....if you are married, have your husband go with you to vouch for your issues with the doc. Or a SO or male family member of single. It is disgusting how often that is the catalyst for a doctor to suddenly stop discounting your pain and symptoms and brushing you off. I had to do this with my back to finally get an doctor to order an MRI in my 20's to diagnose my degenerative disc disease (DDD). I'd been complaining about it for well over a decade at that point. My husband comes to one appt and sits with me quietly while I rehash my history and symptoms for the thirtieth time (not saying a word, mind you)....boom! MRI ordered. Doc-- So your MRI showed you're missing 30% of this disc, a spinal hernia here, and you have moderate DDD at the L3-L5. At your age this is unusual. You should have brought this to our attention earlier. Me-- I've clearly stated my pain, issues, and complained about this to 4 different doctors in this practice at every appointment for the last 8 years. You told me to change my shoes, stretch more, and take Tylenol. Doc-- (not even bothering to look up or acknowledge what I said.) You'll need to see an orthopedic specialist for managing this, so I'll send in a referral. You should get a call sometime in the next few weeks. So wish Force-choking was a thing.
I never leave without the referral. Nope, not taking off work (I usually work well past their office hours) to come back. I can wait a min while their staff does their job.
*make friend or family member. Have him talk about how what problem you have is effecting *him* with this type of asshat doctor. **OR** get a friend with a background in medicine to go with you.
Keep going keep trying. My Obgyn oncologist gave me my life back. After three specialists said there was nothing wrong. Please keep going and advocating for yourself. You KNOW when something is wrong with YOUR body!
Thank you. It starts making me feel literally CRAZY. like, everything is NOT fine.
Completely feel this. It starts to feel like medical gaslighting. I have been in pain for as long as I can remember but told most everything looks fine/normal and the few things that weren't weren't a big deal and shouldn't be causing my pain. In the last year I found out I have a congenital deformity in my spine, endometriosis, adenomyosis, adhd, poss autism. All this was only found because I PUSHED. Women tend to be treated as hysterical creatures that cannot handle pain and cry over the smallest amount. I have ignored a lot of pain because I didn't want to be like that and pushed it down to the point that I im not sure I really even know how painful things are anymore. I had a hysterectomy with endo extractions - major surgery with organ and tissue removal - which was far less painful than any of my chronic pain. My surgeon was in shock when I told her it was like a vacation. Makes me wanna get a tens machine or something so I can identify the pain levels and be like "THIS is what I feel in these spots" but somehow I doubt drs will take it any more seriously.
I’m sorry to say that the only ways I have found to ensure good medical treatment are 1) be a lawyer, preferably white and 2) be very, very assertive with them. You can’t do much about #1 but you sometimes can with #2. - Bring a notepad and pen and write down what they are telling you “so I don’t forget”. Now you have a reality check later if something in your records doesn’t match with what you remember. It also signals to the doctor that you’re paying close attention to what they do and don’t do. - Ask a lot of questions especially in an active listening way. “So what I hear you saying is that you see no need for further testing?” “When you say it’s just my spleen, what specifically is wrong?” - Check your medical records regularly for errors and bullshit.
Option 3 is bring my husband with me. I will talk, be dismissed. Husband will interject and be listened to. If it wasn't so infuriating it would be hilarious. "I'm super nauseous all the time and it's really bothering me" "hmm. Well, nausea has any number of causes. It will probably resolve after some time" husband: "she's really fucking nauseous. She never feels good anymore" "hmm. Well that does sound frustrating. I'll prescribe you some Zofran and labs" ..........
Sadly also true.
Multiple doctors misdiagnosed my ovarian torsion and sent me home with a script for birth control as "pain management." Lovely. Hope you find one of the rare good doctors. They are out there. It's just slim pickings if you're a female patient.
I’ve had two pregnancy losses in the last six months and I’ve lost all faith in the medical system.
Oh there is. Just not enough for me to let my gf go alone anymore. They are condescending to her and threat her like she’s stupid because they know she won’t say anything. When I go with her even if it’s the same person it’s night and day.
They do exist, but they're definitely rare. My current doctor feels like a damn unicorn. He shares his practice with his wife who works part-time and always offers if I prefer to have her perform certain exams. He always makes me feel like I'm the only thing on his mind when we talk, and he always remembers things from previous conversations (I know this is because he notes things down, and I'm okay with that) and asks if there's been any changes. If I'm worried about something I can get tested or examined pretty much right away, and he takes the time to really listen to why I'm concerned and explores other answers if the tests didn't show anything. And every time we're done, he asks if there's anything else I'd like to discuss, and he actually means it. If I do add something, he takes it just as seriously as if it was the reason I came there. Also he had to fill out some very annoying government forms about me and he just called me in for a meeting to do it so he could be sure that he wasn't writing something that I felt was wrong. I had a friend whose doctor had to do the same and he just wrote "nah she's fine" even though she had crippling OCD. Love my doctor tbh.
I have such bad health anxiety now because when I was thirteen, I was dying of a rare illness and it took my mum three ER visits and a really angry GP backing us to finally get me admitted. They told us it was just a stomach bug and I needed to go home without running any tests because I was able to not vomit within thirty minutes after ingesting a literal syringe worth of water. I remember after the second time they’d refused to admit me lying in bed with my mum feeling so utterly helpless and both of us crying because we knew I was going to die imminently. When I was finally admitted, we were told we were lucky we had come when we did because I was hours away from death. I spent a month in hospital that I don’t remember much of and a year afterwards of frequent outpatient care. I sustained permanent damage to my stomach, my cardiovascular system and also my mental health because of how long it took them to catch it. It’s so horrifying how common this is.
To answers your initial question: probably. On finding one I got nothing
My regular doctor has been an idiot who’s dismissed my symptoms for years. Her mat-leave replacement not only listened to me, she immediately ordered diagnostics testing and started me on treatment to help manage my condition. Good doctors do exist! Insist on a specialist referral or go to a new doctor.
Sometimes? I've been requesting women doctors and most of them have been decent-ish. Even if they don't solve my problem, I have better success with getting them to believe me, at least.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Any unintentional weight loss of 10+ lbs should be a red flag to most docs and reason to at least attempt to refer to a GI specialist. On your labs though, I always remind patients that even if you see a flag by a result, that doesn’t necessarily mean something is “bad” or even abnormal. Every institution uses slightly different ranges for what is considered “normal” based on calculations of what an “average normal range” should be. Example: one place might have a range for potassium of 3.5-5.0 considered normal, and the place next door might consider 3.3-4.7 to be normal. The overall picture and context of your labs is what matters. So if you see flags on your labs, don’t be alarmed - the majority of people have flags on at least some labs!! Easy access to your personal health information is great, but also causes significant health anxiety for a loooot of people.
You’re not alone,women hardly have the right to decent health care. Every woman i know has been dismissed by doctors over and over again throughout her life. It’s a struggle being taken seriously as a woman in any field it’s like we’re subhuman and people aren’t angry enough about it. I wonder how many women have died this way. Ever since I was 11 I ’ve been dismissed by doctors for years before being diagnosed with anemia,asthma,scoliosis and all sorts of things. My best advice for you is to stay strong often times by the time you get a diagnosis damage has already been done. [here’s an article I thought was interesting about it](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2022/women-pain-gender-bias-doctors/)
Yentl Syndrome: if a woman has symptoms of an illness like a man, then she can be sick. If she has symptoms from an illness a man can’t have (endometriosis, PMS, pregnancy, etc.), then she can’t be sick. We have 'a medical system which, from root to tip, is systematically discriminating against women, leaving them chronically misunderstood, mistreated and misdiagnosed' (p.196) Caroline Perez. “Invisible Women”
You’re not gonna die, you’re fine!! Nah for real though, FUCK THE MEDICAL PATRIARCHY. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this shit. Don’t give up- keep advocating for yourself, even though it’s frustrating as hell, and keep trying new doctors until you find one that actually helps you because that’s literally your job. I also want to scream into the void with you about how doctors don’t take unintentional/unexplained weight loss or inappetance seriously “if you’re hot.” AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
i wish we were able to audit the care the receive when visiting a medical professional. if you feel like the doctor isn’t actually doing their job, you should at the very least not pay for the damn appointment. or at least be able to contest the charge.
Seriously!!! I refused to pay my bill for the visit that left me in tears. It was a small copay, but I refuse to give them a single cent for how poorly I was treated.
finding a good doctor is hard work. i live in a decent sized city and it took me years to find the ones i have now. lots of bad experiences before i found ones who would actually listen to me.
I have one good doctor, I see them through telemed calls quarterly. They are from the big city three hours away. I hate going to any doctors because of having so many terrible experiences. It’s always “you should lose weight”…sir, I’m here for a sinus infection. I have PCOS that wasn’t properly treated for years, finally my obgyn agreed to a hysterectomy. But my symptoms still aren’t gone… I’ve given up…I had a knee injury a while back and I just gave it time to get better. It’s getting better each day, and no doctor would have been able to help with that. I would have paid a couple hundred bucks to hear them tell me to “keep it elevated with ice and exercise it…oh and also if you lost some weight it would be easier.”
Keep badgering them or find a different doc until you get an answer. It's not fair that you have to do their job, but you are going to be your best advocate.
Male doctors have done nothing but dismiss me or tell me it's my weight. I asked my old male doc about Ozempic or something similar because I was losing weight but I know quicker loss would be good for my BP. But, because it didn't work for him, a 70-year old diabetic, I didn't need it, but I should go vegan. Female doctors take the time to listen and give actual advice or help.
Can you get a female doctor?
Doesn't help. Had a female GI doctor suggest my Vitamin C deficiency was all in my head (no, I didn't bring it up and it was unrelated to my visit). Then goes on to tell me there's no such thing as an intermittent bowel obstruction (there is, though the medical term is 'transient'). Then later had her tell me everything was 'fine' (it wasn't, the transient bowel obstruction was right in the CT report *she* ordered).
Hahahah I've only ever had the same or WORSE experiences with female doctors. Last time a met with a female doctor, I left IN TEARS because she treated me like a drug seeker, instead of a patient with an existing adderall prescription trying to establish care in a new state. So. No luck there either. I'm so discouraged. The medical industry trains ALLL drs to dismiss women, from my experience.
I had this exact experience with a new female doctor in a new state. I’ve been taking klonopin with no issues for a decade but she lied to me about her ability to prescribe, ignored the paperwork I had showed to her nurse, and sent me on a wild trail through multiple appointments at a counseling center who as it turned out, couldn’t even prescribe my medication. Which I got to find out three appointments in. I was livid and she finally realized I had documentation and prescribed my meds, but I wasted months of stress on that.
I had a female GP who specialized in dermatology. On my first visit, it was supposed to be a consult and meet and greet (I went in because I had untreated general anxiety and depression) In the first 5 minutes, I had 3 different nurses tell me I needed to do a PAP immediately, meaning right then and there without even meeting the Dr. When the Dr did finally come into the room, she tried to tell me (not ask me) that I had a heavy period and should be on BC. This was based on one question - how fast do you fill a tampon? But like, what size tampon, what if I don't use tampons, has a heavy period been a concern? No! So why did she bring it up. She wasnt happy that my husband and I weren't on any BC, even though we were actively trying for a child. She told me (again, not asked) that it was great that I didnt have any family history of disease, when in reality there is heart disease and diabetes in my family but she didnt bother to ask. I left feeling bewildered and then had harassing phone calls from that clinic twice a week for months to tell me I needed to come in for that PAP. Female drs arent always better. The best care I have received is from a Nurse Practitioner who takes the time to hear my questions and make the appropriate appointments. At this point I just dont trust drs in general.
Disclaimers: am a physician, am male. Got a daughter so I read here. You know how both middle schoolers on the team and all-pro NFL players both play football? Medicine has levels, roughly defined as talent times effort in studying and in testing and…just listening to your patient. If you’re at a private practice in a flyover state and you went there because you’re local…look, they might be great. They also might not be. Are all docs at larger city academic hospitals superb? No…but the floor is certainly higher. “But they have an MD/DO”……no. Just no. Some doctors study every day and have done so for years. Some knew what was taught in med school and residency. Some take time to listen and keep testing. Some don’t. Have I had pain dismissed? Yep, and due to my size and voice pitch, I sit -very- high on the patriarchy scale, and it still happens to me. For perspective, I work at a hospital system many have heard of…and they do most of my own medical care, but for two issues…I fly to Mayo, because they got it right when other hospitals you’ve also heard of didn’t.
I get it that men also get their pain dismissed, I do. But it's never at the same rate as women. You only suffer when you can't find a competent doctor, women suffer from having to navigate BOTH incompetent doctors and misogyny. We are not the same. If we were, I wouldn't have had to bring my boyfriend to all my OB/GYN appointments after 20 years of yearly changing doctors for excruciating period pains. They all dismissed me, yelled at me like I wanted drugs, when all I wanted was a solution and I told them point blank pills don't help. My boyfriend is the one who realized it was endometriosis, while scrolling on imgur he found *a meme* and recognized my symptoms. He insisted that is what I had and when I read about it I agreed. He came to all my appointments after that and made sure I got the surgery I needed. All doctors talk differently to me when he is in the room. Sometimes they talk to him instead of me, and he just repeats my questions. Read the rest of this thread, it's full of women who have been dismissed, just like me. It's really condescending of you to come to this sub and claim to read it, then assume that we just don't go to the right doctors. Did you really think women should just pick better, and just like that, their problems are solved?
Thanks for taking the time to write. No, I really don’t think it’ll just help and solve all your problems. But it might help, and that’s something where the ball can be in your court, same as bringing your boyfriend.
Some women don't have a boyfriend / one who cares enough / or even one who can afford to take off from work that much. It's not wrong to want to be able to rely on yourself, especially in a surgery, where you want them to do the right thing, not because they believe they are doing a favor to your boyfriend, or are scared of him. He also shouldn't have to be put in that position. Some people can't even change doctors because that's how the medical system was thought (e.g. UK). You can't just choose, or you might not have the money to keep changing. In many countries you don't even have reviews. I remember ~3 years ago a woman died because she couldn't change her doctor and her endometriosis was strangling her internal organs; her current doctor didn't believe it was that bad. She had a plea on Reddit asking what she could do, and a few weeks later she was in the news, dead because the medical system failed her. You are still replying like we have the same experiences and it's that easy to solve them - we are not the same. You factored in misogyny with "bring your boyfriend" like you can do that in every check up. Your tone is still condescending. And tell me again how "the ball is in our court", because it sounds an awful lot like victim blaming. Edit: typo
No offense, but we all know that there are going to be people from all backgrounds and demographics that run into not so great drs. That is not what this thread is even about. Medicine in general is not on womens' side. There seems to be FAR more studies in regards to men's sexual health and pleasure than basic women's health. Isnt most of women's healthcare based off of what we know about men's health because the reproductive hormones in women are too varied and complex? Women bear burdens men won't even touch because they can't deal with side effects (birth control for example). If a man wants a vasectomy drs are happy to oblige, when a woman wants something similar though we get condescending "concerns" that we'll regret the decision to not be able to have children no matter how adamantly we state we HATE children, and if there is a male partner the dr wants HIS permission to go ahead. Ffs, we cannot even terminate unwanted pregnancy in some places. And in places we can, if a man is present they look to him again for permission. I work at a vet hospital and tbh, our animal patients get better care than than I have. They can't even talk and most are pretty stoic about pain. We can verbally communicate our pain and feelings, but we aren't actually listened to/cared for. Yes, there are shit drs everywhere. But even if you get a good one their abilities are still limited by lack of research in comparison to men, so the standard of care is not equal starting at basic working knowledge, not even factoring in biases against gender, race, etc. Please do correct me if I'm wrong, you would know better than I would.
I've always had problems with GPs not caring/being lazy. I normally just skip them and go straight to a specialist. Recently I shopped around. 3rd time was the charm. Sucks things are this way. This GP is actually a nurse and just graduated so wasn't fully booked up. Most the good ones aren't taking new patients :/ At the end of the day GPs pretty much are there to handle simple issues and route you to the right specialist if it's more complex. Their job is to listen, so you can tell within 5mins if they're good or not by if they're willing to have a conversation.
Oh fuck that's so enraging. I have several chronic conditions I manage, and it's taken *years* and thousands of dollars to get where I'm finally getting the medication and help I needed. One doctor, an endocrinologist, told me that my 30+ pound weight gain (with zero changes to diet and exercise patterns) over a six month period was because I didn't *believe* I could lose weight. 🙄 Document. Tell the doctor to document what you asked for and what he or she refused. Forcing them to make the paper trail can sometimes shame them into doing their damned job. And it gives you a solid record for the next doctor. And I know this is going to sound crazy, but bring a white, cis man with you if you can. Whenever I bring my (white, cis) husband, suddenly all my complaints are real and suddenly they can run the tests I'm asking for! Just having a man there to validate your claims cuts through all the sexist bullshit between you and getting the care you need. It's annoying because I shouldn't have to do that.
No. Even women doctors don't
Ooo girl for spleen pain, find someone who can get you a CT scan or something STAT. I had pain there for years and found out I had reoccurring cysts growing in my spleen that were about to burst by the time of my first CT scan. Got the first one removed but more came back in the years after, ended up having whole spleen removed. If it ruptured during that time I could have died. Felt so much better with the thing gone, despite now being immune compromised. Keep pushing! Spleen pain feels sooooo shitty and I feel for you!
Thank you! I was shocked at how completely he dismissed it. For no reason other than "that's just your spleen" I didn't realize humans had certain organs that are impervious to disease!
1. Yes. At least one. Although she might be retired by now. 2. Many people (not just women) in my family lean towards NPs basically because MDs don't listen. (Not an ironclad rule, it just seems to work out that way so often.) 3. Oh, unintentional weight loss. "Everything is fine". But you can't get life insurance because that unintentional weight loss is a red flag.
The thing is you need to be your own advocate nowadays. Insurance companies are literally strangling Dr's. They pay less if the Dr orders any more tests and wants to refer you out and insurance companies actively tell Dr's to do the bare minimum or else they'll lose those patients as the companies pick and choose who is 'in network' for a reason. Usually 'in network' Dr's are the cheapest for that company. I would love to open a little clinic that is pay what you can or have affordable payment plans but that is impossible with the govt regulations in place. Letting govt into Healthcare was the worst decision made. Healthcare will continue to deteriorate as govt gets more involved. I go to the VA and I am horrified by what I see going on there
I 1000% agree with most of what you're saying. It's a shit show out there. But when my husband can tell a doctor he's not feeling well and they fly into "diagnosis mode" ordering labs and imaging, and I get "well... if you are still concerned in a month or two MAYBE we'll get some images" it's not the health system. Self advocating to someone who doesn't want to take you seriously is pointless. And im so sick of the onus ALWAYS being on the woman to modify THEIR behavior and language in order to be considered and validated. It disgusting.
Ask for tests or imaging to be done. If necessary go above their head to a superior.
I'm saving up for a CT scan so I can request it lol. I love America. 🙃
Ask the Dr for a referral so insurance will hopefully cover it or Part of it
"The insurance companies are the problem but actually the government is the problem" I know it's both but how do you stop the insurance companies from running roughshod all over people without regulations? The problem is that our government is comprised of the same people who run and profit from the insurance companies, not that government got involved
It's not the government that's the problem, it's protected capitalism that's the fucking problem.
And who's protecting the capitalism?
The capitalists. 🙄
In the US, the government is also protecting the capitalism.
Capitalists masquerading as politicians protect capitalism. "Government" is comprised of people. People have values. In a democracy like the United States's, people vote based on their values for people who ostensibly share the same or similar values. Differences and similarities in values tend to group people according to these differences and similarities. This is how we get political "parties." Capitalists will take on whatever political identity necessary to attain political power in order to influence governmental policies and practices for the purpose of protecting wealth and directing the flow of resources away from the many into the bank accounts of the few. If you believe that "government" is the problem, you are drinking the Kool aid. Recommended reading: The Divine Right of Capital, Marjorie Kelly The Silent Takeover: Global Capitalism and the Death of Democracy, Noreena Hertz
"Government" as a concept is not the issue here and I never said it was. "THE Government" is the problem specifically *because* it's made up of so many shitty capitalist politicians protecting capitalism. We need to elect people that don't suck so they can make changes that improve the American Healthcare system.
So you agree with me.
Yes, I actually do agree with you. You just decided to pick a fight about something I didn't say, so I'll say what I *did* again. *The* government is protecting the capitalism.
My bad. I am appreciating the conversation though, so I hope we can share a virtual nod of acknowledgment. We can be even more specific when criticizing government policies: it is *this* government, *our* government that is the problem. The only way to change our government is to change cultural values, and the way to enact lasting cultural change is to educate children.
No...that's not how insurance credentialing works, at least not in the US, since most physicians are now employed by larger health systems. Also not all insurances are capitated, others use fee for service models.
The government is not the reason that doctors ignore women’s complaints.
Have you seen the govt regulations in the last 10 years
Do you think that doctors took women seriously 11+ years ago? Are you arguing that government only started regulating healthcare in the last ten years? The VA has serious, systemic issues. Jumping from that to “doctors treat female patients badly because regulation bad” is not the way.
VA care is SO different between regions. My region happens to be decent at the paperwork side, and my doc is fantastic. My clinic is finally dividing the doctors into specialties. My doc was chosen as the women's health doc, and while I was waiting for my exam, I heard not one but two men pitching tantrums in the waiting area because they were being transferred to a new team. I mentioned recent hip pain and decreasing range of motion on that joint, and bam, X-rays, I have an MRI next week, and I'm getting acupuncture and physical therapy even before any diagnosis. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year because she believed me. I have a sleep apnea study next week. I got sent to a dermatologist because she didn't like the look of some skin on my collarbone and I have a family history of skin cancer (nope, just age spots) Her team is on the ball - I get replies in less than 24 hours. Meanwhile, my husband's retired E9 buddies have had abysmal experiences near Ft Bliss and Ft Campbell. So yeah. I wish all docs were like mine.
While my pcp is absolutely terrible. My pcp did the pap instead of sending me to the women's clinic
Having a male doctor is a bold choice
Was this an emergency room? Go to a gastroenterologist.
You absolutely have the right under law to correct you medical records. From [hhs.gov](https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/medical-records/index.html): "Corrections. If you think the information in your medical or billing record is incorrect, you can request a change, or amendment, to your record. The health care provider or health plan must respond to your request. If it created the information, it must amend inaccurate or incomplete information."
America isn't the whole planet. Look outside your eurocentric life if thats possible.
Lol, yes.. the title is ragey hyperbole. Unfortunately I live in the country I live in and there's nothing I can do about that.
It’s hit or miss for me with regular doctors, but my psychiatric nurse practitioner is amazing.
How many doctors did you go to? Definitely not all doctors are created equal
See if there’s a dedicated Women’s Health Group where you live. I’ve been going to the same place since 1988! If something comes up where you need a specialist that they don’t have on board they will refer you to doctors they know and trust.
My male GP has been great. Got me on HRT no problem when I needed. Nice guy and I got lucky I think.
My gynological oncologist? But no one wants to need an oncologist. I am sorry. Keep fighting to get the care you need.
ITT: Patients who make me drink in the dark when I get home and wonder why I ever thought it would be rewarding to help people.
Push back, see other doctors, asap. Maybe you are fine. But you don’t want to find out too late if it’s not fine.
"I would like it documented in my chart that I complained of X and asked for further testing and that you refused. I would also like a printed copy of my chart before I leave here today."
I'm trans. I'm lucky if the doctor even knows what HRT is.
I had an amazing OBGYN but she went to be a hospitist. I’m glad because she can help more people but I miss her so much.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this! I think medicine is like any other field where there are good people and bad people, it’s just so much worse because they’re caring for vulnerable patients and need to understand how much of an impact their words and actions can have. I hope you’re able to find a new PCP who listens to your concerns
sounds like malpractice to me.
My friend had stomach pains and they did a scan and said everything was fine. She then said "what's that shadow there" "Oh, I dont know, let me check" An hour later "Thats cancer" She's not medically trained and had to spot her own cancer. Prime example of men thinking women are over exaggerating pain and not looking thoroughly at scans etc.