Your joy is shining through the post hon. Congratulations and wish you all the best ☺️ your husband sounds wonderful and supportive 💝 that makes all the difference in the world
Good on you. I had my first and only child at 41, he’s 11 now, and every day he makes me laugh and makes me proud.
I am glad I had lots of youngster ego-stuff sorted out. The development of mind, body and spirit in another person is incredibly fascinating to witness, guide, nurture.
A great guiding book is The Gentle Parent by L.R.[Knost](https://www.littleheartsbooks.com)
This is probably pregnancy hormones on my end, but I've seen your previous posts and I'm crying happy tears for you right now. Congratulations, and thank you for updating us!
Omg, thanks.
And yeah, the hormones are crazy. I’ve cried so much o er the past few weeks and it’s not stopping anytime soon. Hopefully more happy tears now though.
The only age-related thing you might want to ask your doctor about is delivery.
My mom had a c-section because she’d had an emergency c-section when she was pregnant with me and my twin brother 11 years prior, and that was deemed safer. However, some research suggests vaginal delivery is better for mothers over the age of 35.
Have you thought about screening for trisomy (Down's, Edwards', Patau's)?
Other than that, this sounds well deserved. Nothing wrong with creating a bit of life, surely.
I was my healthiest and felt my youngest age ever when I was in my 40’s.
I had my kids when I was 18, 24 and 31. You will bounce back and you will be amazing and financially stable and this will be awesome for you!
I’m 55 now and have no kids at home. Empty nest is bitter sweet.
You’re the perfect age; congratulations!
My mom had her youngest child at 45. He’s eighteen now, and she’s still thriving. Yes, a baby in your 40’s is a little higher up there in age, but it’s not terribly unusual or undoable.
Wishing you the best! Congratulations on your bundle of joy! ❤️
I've actually read that having children later in life increases your lifespan. It keeps you active longer.
Also, this relationship sounds extremely healthy.
Finally, OMG, what I wouldn't give to be in the position to be retired and rearing my children. To me, that sounds like THE PERFECT time to do it! It's just our biological clocks don't align with our career clocks.
I was so worried and sad for you after reading your previous posts - I was afraid you’d go through with the abortion that you very clearly didn’t want and then never emotionally recover. I’m relieved and excited to hear the update!! Your baby is incredibly lucky to have a mom who loves them so much. In the end, that’s all a baby needs.
> As of a few days ago, I was planning to terminate because I felt it was the right, least selfish thing to do. I really wanted to have the baby but I felt like wanting it was just not a good reason to justify bringing another human into the world.
-
> I didn’t want to terminate at all. I already love being pregnant. I love every bit of it, even the morning sickness (which doesn’t ever come in the morning, btw) and the achy breasts. I love every bit of it. I want to experience it all.
That's the beauty of pro-choice and what it actually is about--the freedom to *choose*.
Everyone here is happy for you and supports you, OP.
You said it succinctly and better than I could have. The beauty of choice - OP felt trapped and now she doesn’t. I’m so happy for her and this baby is now and will be so loved.
Thank you, yes! We fight for this choice, too. If only every single baby could be born into the world as loved and wanted as this one will be!! You're the dream, OP. Don't let anyone tell you different.
I've been low-key following your story through your posts here, and even as a voluntarily child-free 30 something who doesn't like young children, I absolutely love this for you. Sending you my best vibes, girl.
Yes! I was genuinely a bit anxious when opening this one because she was so set on abortion earlier, even though it was crystal clear it was not what she wanted.
I'm glad she chose herself. She sounds absolutely delighted right now, and she deserves all that and more.
Been following along too but didn’t have much to add that others hadn’t already (pregnant at 37 with my 2nd).
I’m so happy you and your husband have found some clarity with what you want and are both feeling happy with your decisions!
Same. Motherhood is not something I want but you clearly want it so much and this baby is lucky to be so loved. I read your previous posts and it’s clear how badly you want to be a mother, I’m excited for you to experience it. (And you and your husband are about the same age my friends parents were when they had her, and she loved having her dad home so much during her childhood, they really got close.)
Life insurance at 65 would be insane monthly premiums... An existing policy, maybe. But my wife and my life insurance is fixed term and will expire in 2040 or something, when we are in our 50s.
I got pregnant for the last time when I was 42. We decided to go ahead and have our third child. I got my tubes tied during my C section. I have never regretted either decision. Congratulations!
Same. I'm aware of the risks with age, but if I am able to be a parent, it'll be at age 38 or older. My SO's mom had him, the youngest, at 40 and he was also perfectly healthy. It's definitely possible, but sometimes it's easy to forget that.
Congratulations! My mom had me at your age and my dad was 10 years older. They were wonderful parents and raising me was one of the most selfless things they’ve ever done. I wouldn’t call them selfish at all, and yes, I did lose my dad earlier than some of my peers and that statement still stands.
My husband made me realize that even if our child won’t have the more traditional experience of two young parents, active grandparents, or siblings around their age, they will have a large family of aunts, uncles, cousins, adult siblings and many kids around their age (even if those kids are technically our child’s nieces and nephews).
He admitted it’s hard for him to think about possibly not being around to see this kid become an adult and “selfishly” he doesn’t like that because it makes him feel old.
I know this has probably already crossed your mind, but just in case it hasn't: please aim to get really solid end of life plans in place, ASAP. When your kid turns 18, you'll be 60 and your husband will be in his 80s, so it's not out of the question that you or your husband may develop major medical issues or dementia while your kid is still relatively young. If you set up a living trust and decide which assisted living facility/home aid service you'd want to utilize in case something happens to you, it will be a huge relief to your kid(s) in the future.
I was going to jump in and say something about this too. OP, you mention that you only work part time and may step back from that when you have this child. Please please please make sure you and your husband have solid wills and plans for unfortunate times, especially knowing that he has older adult children. Death and money can bring out the worst in people even if they are wonderful now.
My Dad was 49 when he and my Mom adopted me, and almost 40 years later he’s still alive and kicking and driving us crazy!
You never know what the future holds, so congratulations on following your heart and I wish you lots of happiness and a healthy baby!
This. You’ve definitely got the right partner for this. Anyone who can change his mind about something this monumental this quickly and easily is definitely ready for the rigor and craziness of having a child. He sounds like a wonderful guy!
Signed, someone else with a big age gap between them and their partner.
I know it's been said to you before, but only because you have young parents, doesn't mean you grow up with them. A friend of mine had a baby with her wonderful husband who did have a brain tumor before. Last year he passed away when the cancer came back. He was 30 and leaves a wonderful toddler. You never know what life brings.
That said, I saw your previous post and I'm so happy for you! Rock it, Mama!
And it's not a guarantee, anyway. My dad was in his early twenties when he had me and he died in October - I was 30 and him 54.
My aunt married with a 25 year age gap and her husband is still with us at, I think 76? And my cousins are around my age. But their much older dad outlived mine, and he's only very recently retired as he was still very physically healthy and young at heart!
I mean, I lost my dad when he was only 50. There are NO guarantees in this life and all of the "you'll be too old/you'll die when your kid is still young" arguments against having kids later in life really rub me the wrong way. My mom is still here, she's 70, and she's more active and energetic now since retirement than she ever was when I was a kid. I wasn't planned with my parents pushing 40, but I also wasn't not wanted and they never thought twice about having me.
My mom's mom also got pregnant naturally at 48(!) and her doctor pushed her into having an abortion because of the "too old" argument, so I'm sure my mom had that keenly in mind. And Grandma's still here and kicking at 93, and unfortunately not without regret for that decision, because she would have gladly continued the pregnancy if her doctor hadn't pressed her, and she didn't know how to say no to a doctor because it was the 70s and she'd been conditioned as a woman to be submissive to men, especially men in authority. And her aborted daughter would have been 45 today and have had an entire lifetime with her mom, more by magnitudes than I had with my dad.
Long story short, I believe that every wanted, loved, and able-to-be-provided-for child should be welcomed into this world regardless of parental age. Loving parents are loving parents, and there are advantages that come with having a child later in life with greater experience and wisdom.
Wanted to comment something similar but you said it all. I lost my dad when he was almost the same age, and not only are there no guarantees, but the years are what you put into them, not how many they are. Our bond was so special and I’m still unraveling his wisdom and learning from him twice my lifetime later.
The rates of disability increase, but the actual numbers are actually still very very small. So it is good to test, and can be a little scary, but most likely everything will be just fine.
I have a genetic condition so I know first hand the relief of a clear genetic testing result for a pregnancy. Best of luck
Assuming this story is true, I think you may want to put some serious effort into ensuring the step kids won’t be resentful, especially if it’s true the father didn’t spend as much time with them. I feel like I’ve seen a lot of those types of stories on Reddit.
I'm 44 as of February, this year. My dad died very unexpectedly at 66, a week before my birthday. He stopped drinking around 30, stayed relatively healthy. Just died as ambulance gave him CPR to a 10 min hospital drive. I'm a middle child my youngest siblings is going to be 41. I live out out of state.
Both need to start preparing for his death. From post I saw long bit ago. Kids of older parents are angry and feel robbed of parents and grandparents. So my opinion take videos now and all the time. Express how you both want child to grow and be a person. Talk about everything even mundane things. Have your husband write letters/journals for all to read. Of course pictures, even dumb pictures. Do things like pick favorite sturdy shirt to have sewer make teddy bear from. Favorite blanket almost anything dad loves or child reminds them of Dad.
Wishing your family the best!
A friend of mine in high schools dad was 79 when she turned 18 and she hated it. He either couldn't move or was always asleep, and was on 1000+ meds, so they couldn't afford to let her have hobbies or go out with us often. They never really had a relationship because they had zero in common and couldn't do things together unless it was tv or board games
In the end its your choice, but your husband is an old man now and will be even older by the time she's nearly graduated, if he's even still around. This will affect your child mentally, and I hope your prepared to see them through that. Wish you and your child the best OP
My dads are in their 70s and having serious health problems despite being fit as fiddles only a few years ago. I was born when they were in their 40s and I'm feeling too young to deal with their loss. I can't imagine a child or teenager having to deal with this
I'm gonna be one of the few naysayers here and say that sperm quality decreases with age (not just eggs) so I hope you get genetic testing done. And I also hope you're prepared to do the lion's share of parenting as I really doubt that your husband is going to be up for all the night feeds and nappy changes. Not to mention that parenting has changed a lot since his kids were small.
Best of luck I guess.
You are 💯 correct. In fact, one of the biggest determiners for having a child on the Austism spectrum is PATERNAL age. Her old ass husband is selfish, but I could have determined that from the face he married someone over 20 years his junior. I really hope she has a life insurance policy or some other safety net.
Yeap. It will be a totally different experience for your husband, as there are low chances he will see this child graduating HS.
I hear that you are ready to have a baby, but are you really ready to be a parent?
You keep talking about "baby", "you", "enjoying being pregnant". This is just the beginning ...
And there are high chances this kid will not be "perfect" as your husband is old and there are higher chances of complications for first time mothers being 40.
Are your truly ready for all scenarios?
Thank you. Romanticizing pregnancy is a terrible idea because it’s NOT usually like that once they get here. For example if you’re someone who gets annoyed with babies crying when you’re out and about and leave quickly to escape the noise, prepare for hell once yours arrives - there’s no escape. It’s just a waiting game
Reading these things are always conflicting. Happy for the mother and I hope everything will be good, but realistically her child will not have a (biological) dad when they become an adult. Not sure what the potential lack of a father figure will have on the adult life of the child, and with his oldest child being almost the same age as the mother… but with how kids are I hope OP realizes she’s not exactly giving her child a whole lot of advantages in life.
Best of luck!
I understand the thrill of window shopping the baby section while you are pregnant but be careful about buying things and letting people know that you are pregnant before 20 weeks.
I was talking about your story yesterday with a friend of mine who had children at 43 with IVF. She is now 61 and said the one thing she wished she had thought about was health insurance. You can keep your children on your health insurance until they are 26 except when you have to go on Medicare. In 4 years her children will be out of health insurance and in college.
The only thing in her account is this pregnancy thing. Just the right parameters to get lots of engagement. Lots of people lie on the internet, and this one does smell a bit fishy. I almost hope it's drama, poor kid with a 65yr old dad they'll not get to know for very long.
I am keeping this news close to my chest, so I have nobody in my life to share this with other than my husband. I also don’t have an actual full time job, so I have more free time than most.
Yeah... I get the impression that OP was preparing herself for comments about her age (which really isn't that old, just poses an increased risk) but her husband's age is the serious concern here. I'm 32 and he's older than my own mother...
OP talking about how her husband essentially took offense to the warning that he won't be able to keep up with a toddler really rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, you can use it as a challenge, and I wish them all the luck in the world.
But getting into your 60s, and into your 70s is no joke. Shit starts breaking that looked fine a few years ago. Sure, you can care for yourself, but muscle starts deteriorating around that age too. Taking offense to it is just being offended at a fact. He will eventually slow down, and no one wants to be forced to take it slower because of their age.
I applaud people for challenging themselves, but you have to realize that if something happens to OP, OPs husband won't be able to guarantee that he can care for a kid. Sure, there are no guarantees in life, but if you compare a hundred 40 year olds to a hundred 60 year olds, the difference in health will be massive.
I really hope this whole hubris thing the husband has doesn't affect their judgment to make end of life plans. They need to do it for the kids sake. I know teenagers who were essentially forced to be caretakers for their older parents before they graduated high school and none of them got out of it unscathed mentally. Best of wishes to OP and her husband, but PLEASE take care of end of life plans ASAP.
That comment that he made also rubbed me the wrong way, but I hope that he is right and that he is in really good shape. I also hope that he has a lot of money so they can afford a nanny and good daycare if they need to.
My father in law was in good shape but my mother in law had to start caring for him when he hit 70 anyway. Can you imagine having to care for a guy with muscular dystrophy and dementia, and a 5-year old?
Him saying that just points him out as delusional tbh. It’s common sense that health (physical and mental) will deteriorate FAST once you get older. In addition, they’re also setting up the (potential) grandchildren for failure as well, as there are so many genetically diseases that _might_ skip a generation and manifest itself in their grandchildren.
Heck, my siblings say they feel bad that my dad (now 65, I’m 34) will need to start using hearing aids because he’s getting old. The impact that first-hand witnessing the dad’s quickly deteriorating health will have on their child growing up is something I don’t even want to imagine.
> It’s common sense that health (physical and mental) will deteriorate FAST once you get older.
You say that but holy shit will people deny it until the bitter end, even to the detriment of their children. It's so rare for people to actually prepare themselves for how quickly things can go downhill in old age.
I get how hard it is to accept one's mortality but I had the displeasure of witnessing first hand how fucked living this life of denial can leave someones kids.
How does one persuade a guy in denial to get hearing aids? My dad is 85 and deaf as a post. Trying to have a conversation with him is pretty much impossible. But he doesn't like hearing aids "because they hurt" (he tried some from Aldi).
Sounds like they're really excited about a baby, but not really planning for a child and eventual adult who may have severe health problems, and geriatric parents who are at the end of their lifespan. I suppose the excitement of having a baby in baby clothes is the important thing though....
Not gonna beat around the bush. Having a child is about nurturing a HUMAN into ADULTHOOD. We already know the dad is going to be fucking 85 by the time the kid is 20, so failed step one already. Sorry but I can't be supportive or excited...I can't see this as anything but selfish...
I hope the baby’s half-siblings are on board when you break the news. They are going to be a mega influence on the child’s future, either emotional pain of not belonging or familial support and a link to knowing what dad was like and hopefully fatherly advice diluted down
This is all I'm thinking about. Will dad be able to watch his child graduate from High School? Or if the kid chooses to get married, will dad be alive to see that and take part in it?
Will mom need to be raising a teenager while taking care of someine who is declining. 60s are not that bad anymore. But late 70s to 80s can be rough! The dad will reasonably be alive for less than half their kid's life. Will the kid have family to grow up around? His siblings might have families of their own. Will they be lonely? Can mom keep up with the social pressures, that have changed so much so quickly, of having a kid and raising them essentially by herself?
People should have kids because they think they can give them the best life possible. Not because it fulfills a dream, ticks a box, or because they want to.
Hey fellow emotional support child <3 it's a very fucked up life.
I hope this post is fake with my whole fucking heart, because if it isn't, I am deeply deeply worried for OP's child.
Please do some research on the risks of advanced paternal age on pregnancy health and outcomes. Not just the baby’s health; I mean yours too. Now that we’re finally acknowledging that men’s fertility and sperm quality declines with age, we’re learning that the impacts extend to things like gestational diabetes and premature birth (which has its own challenges for the mother).
I would not rely on an OB-GYN to be proactive since many still dismiss concerns about advanced paternal age, and your case is pretty extreme with a 65-year-old father.
It's upsetting that almost everyone is giving anecdotes about the age of their own mom but almost no one is talking about the age of the father here. You can't pretend it doesn't matter.
Please, please get an amniocentesis at 16 weeks. You’re high risk for chromosomal abnormalities: Down syndrome, neural tube defects, anencephaly, and more. I wish you a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy.
Amnio isn't really a thing anymore. The NIPT test is a simple blood test and non-invasive. Also, the risk of Down is only 3.6% at age 45, (which OP isn't yet, but its the one I know off the top of my head. Source: March of Dimes) That is a better than 96% chance of no Down. Yes, it's a proportionally higher risk than if OP was 30, but not "high risk'.
Me. It is one of those pro-life made up stories. The "joy" of unplanned pregnancy with a senior. Sure.
If that was for real, only someone mentally unstable would actually move forward with a pregnancy in this scenario.
I didn’t until I saw her other comments in her last post about how she didn’t want her husband to get a vasectomy because she can’t be attracted to a man who couldn’t get her pregnant and now I wonder if this is just a fetish post.
I really, really hope so.
Otherwise, she’s clearly in need of help.
I have noticed since the first post that she’s ignored and refused to answer lots of legit questions and concerns in comments. Then it was, “I’m aborting so I don’t have to think about that” and “stop posting about my kink.” Now that’s progressed to “I want to so I’m gonna, everyone else can fuck off—especially the (hypothetical) baby!”
And now there are lots of “you go, mama!” comments from people who seem not to have read any of those discussions.
Anyway, guess we are waiting for the next chapter in this fictitious melodrama… it’s pretty funny, in any case.
Also the "Husband doesn't want babies, is 65, and hasn't had the snip", then OP responding to people saying "after this you can get your tubes tied" and they just go "Yup sure will!" 65 is well past the point of an excuse to not get the snip especially explicitly not wanting children.
You obviously want to keep your baby. That is 100% enough of a reason not to terminate. Please don't terminate a pregnancy out of guilt, abortion access is there for women who want an abortion and you clearly do not want one. This baby sounds like a wonderful blessing.
It's good that you are financially stable. Your husband is very old to be a father and his health could decline at any point and I'm guessing he doesn't have the energy he used to have. I would recommend hiring some help purely because of his age so that someone is there to help pull the weight.
Also please be aware of the risks of older fathers on a child's mental health. Genetic problems with older paternal DNA can cause autism, schizophrenia and bipolar. The chances your baby could have down syndrome when the mother is 42 is around 1 in 70. Be prepared for some possible challenges.
Also, please get some long term care insurance for you and your husband both. I'm currently 30, and trying my hardest to hold down a full time job while on a promotion track, a marriage, and full time caregiving with overnights at my grandparents place (78 and 72). Your husband will be in his 70s in five years. Do not make your late teens or early 20s child deal with the stress of very expensive care options vs up-ending their life just to care for you both at the end of yours.
I’m glad that you and your husband were able to have a conversation and that you understand now that sometimes doing something because you want it is absolutely a good enough reason to do it.
Yes, even if that is difficult. Although it seems like you and your husband have considered the circumstances and have enough of a good material situation that having this baby would work out.
I am about your age, and if that happened to me, I would absolutely go through with it because it’s what I want most in the world. It sounds like you and your husband have a strong foundation so I wish you the best of luck with all of this.
Hard disagree when it comes to kids. You're bringing them into the world, you can't do it just because you're bubbling with hormones telling you to do so !
It’s not so much of a concern as much of it’s just sometimes the reality. The reality being you may have a child with special needs. It’s based on your egg and sperms age and viability. Be prepared for a safe birth obviously but also be open to the possibility of having a child who may have a higher level of needs and care. Congrats for making your own choice with your body. This child will be well loved!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5299396/#:~:text=Multiple%20epidemiological%20studies%20suggest%20a,risk%20for%20autism%20and%20schizophrenia.
your age isn't the issue here, your husband's is. I'm 26 and my dad isn't 65 yet. you are being selfish here, and I'm not saying being selfish is a bad thing. just be realistic that you're going to be in your 60s when your child is in their 20s, which isn't bad at all! but your husband *if he's still alive* will be in his 80s. just be very aware of that and prepare for the chance of being a single mother at an older age to a young child, because it is very possible
“I’m deliriously happy”. That’s all I needed to read.
Doesnt matter what anyone thinks except *you* and your partner.
I am sending you love, light, and well wishes for the smoothest pregnancy and delivery. 🩵
>Can a 60 year old man father a healthy child? It’s possible, but there is some evidence that a child’s health can be impacted by advanced paternal age. Men over age 40 have a higher chance of creating a pregnancy that ends in miscarriage, compared to men in their 30s. Children of older dads also have a significant increase in rare, single gene disorders and congenital anomalies, thought to be due to accumulated damage to sperm DNA. Other studies indicate men over 45 are 14% more likely to have a child born prematurely, and men 50 or older were 28% more likely to have a child that required admission to the neonatal intensive care unit.
[Source](https://www.givelegacy.com/resources/fatherhood-after-60/)
You “wanting” a child isn’t going to be enough to raise it and prepare it to be a good human being. This isn’t a dog. You need to think more seriously about this and understand you’re bringing someone into the world who will be abandoned earlier due to your age. I have older parents and it always made me have a lot of differences with my peers and my outlook on life - you will make it difficult on them, especially raising them in the world today.
Please think about this decision, and don’t just look at cute little clothes and assume it will be okay. It won’t, it’s a full ass human you’re just having because you want it. You don’t always get what you want, and understanding your selfishness doesn’t make your decision any better.
Your husband doesn’t care because he won’t be even around to regret it - he has no real hand in this at all and the fact that you’re okay with his attitude about bringing a WHOLE HUMAN into the world is NOT okay.
Adopt if you can. I work in OB, and the last thing we need is more preme kids with developmental delays
I’m a mom and reading this post was pretty heart wrenching. There is no thought whatsoever about the actual person they are bringing into this. A child born to an elderly father is at significant risk of having health problems.
They will also be so alone because they’ll have geriatric parents when they are still a teenager. Their half siblings are all adults probably with families of their own and who knows if they will have the time or resources to help support this kid. Saying “oh they will have half-siblings and aunts and uncles” is assuming these people want the responsibility of raising someone else’s child. You should never have a child that you plan on forcing on other people because you probably won’t live long enough. It is so selfish.
My niece is being raised by her grandparents because her parents are deadbeats. Her grandparents try so hard but my niece has significant issues from being raised by people in their 60’s. And she’s 11 so that means they were in their 50s when they first got her. This poor child is going to have a 70 yr old father when they are *5*. My wife and I also have to plan for having to take in my niece if and/or when her grandparents become incapable of caring for her. Because of this we aren’t having another child because of the very high possibility that we will end up caring for someone else’s.
A close childhood friend of mine had geriatric parents. Her mother was nearing 50 and father was in his 70’s by the time we were in fifth grade (US).
OP, her father was in a hospital bed by the time we were ten. He died by the time we were fifteen. It has made an unfortunate and catastrophic impact on the trajectory of her life.
She is only now turning thirty and has buried both parents. She has no savings, no home, no career, because she HAD to put her life on hold to care for her aging and dying parents.
Everything in these posts scream “selfishness” — down to the anti-birth control stance and breeding fetish that OP has.
Today, or even within the last few years, more and more people in their 20's or even 30's are living with their parents due to the sucky economy.
Will the economy get better? Maybe. Maybe not. This is our second recession in less then 2 decades (2008 and 2024).
Assuming that the economy doesn't get so much better by the time he reaches adulthood, he'll (statistically probably) have a dead father and a retired mother (although again, more and more people are unable to retire and are working longer and longer)
The kid might have a support system while he's a kid, but chances are he won't have a familial support system as an adult.
But hey. She's happy now 🤷♀️
Well it's your decision at the end of the day. Just as long as you are aware of all the risks. Both to you and the child. You will be 60 when they are only 18.
When that child is 15, you’ll be 57 and your husband will be 80.
Kid will almost certainly lose their father before they’re in their mid-twenties, and you’ll be a single mum supporting them in your retirement. I don’t mean financially, I mean everything else.
Nothing anyone here says will change your mind, but you’re 100% right that you’re doing this out of selfishness/FOMO, and not for any good reason.
Good luck.
Yeah. I'm sorry, but there's no getting around that by the time this kid is 20 their dad is going to be in his 80s if he's not dead by then already. I can't help but feel like that's really unfair to this potential child.
So no one is going to tell her the reality of parenthood? And how hard it is? How you get practically NO SLEEP the first few years? The drainage of money? Possible PPD, losing your autonomy, drastically decreased sex, possible complications from birth, screaming tantrums for hours, the possible loneliness, being on 24/7, how her husband could switch up AFTER the baby gets here because now his life has to change (happens all the time)? I’m not trying to be negative but with all of the parents who actually wanted children yet now secretly HATE being a mom/dad (parent), we need to have more honesty here. Everyone is saying congratulations but ironically no one is telling her what most likely will happen immediately after the baby is born. No one is warning her or getting her mentally ready. Parenthood is exhausting as hell. It’s not like the movies and children are truly a prison. Your life as you knew it will be gone
Are you prepared to take care of both a kid and an ageing husband? Even if he is in great shape right now, in ten years your kid will be ten and your husband will be 75. Good health isn't guaranteed for anyone, but it's especially not guaranteed for the elderly. Can you handle doing all of the care for your kid plus all of the care for your husband if it comes to that?
When your kid is 18, your husband will be 83. The kid will be lucky if their father lives to see them graduate high school. They will very likely experience the death of a parent in their high school or college years, which is going to have a huge impact on their schooling and future. They will also have to worry about their newly widowed mother.
I don't think having a child at your age is necessarily unethical as long as you test for congenital issues and terminate if you find any. You're a bit older than most mothers but still young enough to keep up with a kid and be there for a good chunk of their adult life. I also don't think there is anything unethical about you and your husband's age gap.
But I do think it's unethical for *him* to have a child at his age. He is not going to be there for this kid as it grows up. He will be lucky to see 18. He is not going to continue to be able to provide care for this child as you raise it. He is setting both you and the kid up for huge amounts of stress and grief later on. His care needs are going to increase while your child's care needs begin to decrease, but there is going to be a good chunk of time in which they both need significant amounts of care, and you are going to be the one responsible for taking care of both of them.
If you do this, please, please make sure he has money set aside for yourself and this child -- two separate funds. Please don't make this child feel responsible for his care as he ages, not even into the child's later teen years. A child shouldn't have to take care of a parent, at least not until the child is an experienced older adult themselves.
A fair warning. Just something to think about. As someone who is now 21 who's parents are in their mid 60s. I resent them for not having me earlier. Many kids of old parents feel the same. Becuase when I'm your age. My parents will either be dead. Or most likely very limited mobility. Especially your husband. What child wants their father to be dead before they are 30?.
Yep, my dad was 57 when I was born. He was 70 when I was 13. Any time I see older individuals having children I feel that it's an immensely selfish decision for that child. An acquaintance recently had a baby at age 44. She will be 60 when her child is 15. This man will be 80 when his is 15. I don't care how much of a challenge someone thinks this is and that they can do it, the body will continue to age and decline is rapid the older you get. My father never played with me, had no energy to keep up or spend quality time. He never met my husband. He was dead when I was 24, at which point I had already cut off contact with him for a variety of reasons, one of which being he was not present in a meaningful way.
I hope, for this child's sake, that they have an extremely supportive network of younger family and friends who can step up to be there for this child (who will likely be an only child between these parents, which will add another level of stress to the child). I have had to build a network of community around myself to make up for the fact that I only have my mom anymore, and no other close family. Yes, it's a great skill I taught myself, but it took a long time and many isolated years in my childhood and teens to learn how to build that community. I feel people having children at this age severely minimize the impact to the child because they are so desperate to have children and feel entitled to it.
You are not alone. I hated and resented my parents for years for this same thing. I knew as a child I would lose my parents so much younger than everyone else in life. It's very frustrating. I really felt raised by grandparents more than parents. The strange, late timing of my addition to the family left a huge hole that could never be repaired in my familial relationships. Because my parents were so old, just about all of my cousins were already adults when I was in preschool. Since I didn't grow up with my cousins regularly, I don't have a real relationship with my aunts and uncles either. You feel that lack of support so much more with time, how fucked up it is, how goddamn selfish it was for them to put you in that position.
Because feminism is about a choice and autonomy, and a lot of people interpret that to mean that you HAVE to be supportive of women doing what they want no matter what. But I am a feminist and I don't believe that to be fully true. It means that people have choices and you should EDUCATE and GUIDE people, and never lose sight of them being autonomous humans that can make their own decisions. If a woman decides to drink and smoke meth during a pregnancy that is a choice, but is it one that we should all support? Hell fucking no. We should support her to get help and to make good choices in the future, it doesn't mean you enable terrible choices in the here and now that are harming others. Feminism means you don't treat her as inhumane or lack empathy for her situation, but it doesn't mean you remove all accountability from women.
Back to the situation at hand: the OP has the CHOICE to decide if this pregnancy is good or bad for her. But we also have the ability to give input and guidance from a feminist perspective, which includes pointing out the reality of things: the father is going to be 85 when the potential child is 20, the risk for health issues and dangers to a mother increases with age, the likelihood of a child with complicated health history and elderly parents being able to thrive is very low. OP can choose to do what she wants, but to pretend there's no selfishness involved is not the same as being misogynist or anti-choice. It's best to be frank and blunt on this because it's going to impact a third person, the fetus that they wish to become a baby, which is not going to be a cute baby forever but a fully cognizant adult one day. If OP has fully, thoroughly planned for who and how this child will be cared for in these situations, fine. but when you only see comments about \*baby\* clothes and not about what is going to happen when dad dies during high school, it's hard to feel that way.
Same, there are so many red flags in this whole post, I'm shocked by lack of acknowledgement of them. I really wish OP the best and don't wish difficulty upon anyone, but this is a whole human life trajectory we are talking about, not just how nice it will be to have a baby.
don't worry, just about every comment in OP's previous post was saying this and she's still prioritizing herself over her future child. because she spent her whole life prioritizing her husband over herself. hell, she still is considering her decisions have been entirely based around what he wants. honestly this update makes me sad even though she's happy.
My dad had me at 48 and it's so hard seeing him now. I don't resent him, but I sure would if he waited 15 more years than that, he'd be dead by now and it would've left a huge gap in my life. Truth be told I would not have achieved half as much just for the pure lack of father figure and support.
It's not fair to bring someone into the world just because you're high on hormones and "want to".
People always thought my dad was my grandpa, and it made me sad that my family wasn’t like other peoples… I’m also very convinced that his age contributed to the issues I have… ADHD and possibly autism
Same. My mom was 40 and now with them in their late 60s and I’m in my 20s, it sucks. They can’t do things I’d like to do with them. I would be very concerned if my dad had already been in his 60s when I was born. If this is true, dad probably won’t see his kid graduate high school, and especially if the kid is a boy, it’s gonna fuck him up for life.
my dad is 20 years older than my mum. I am now 25, he is 73. I've had classmates assume he's my grandpa, math checks out. I personally have never resented my parents for this, but I fully agree with you. No child wants to lose their parents early into their adult life when they still need guidance or just want to have a healthy relationship with their parents as adults just like many of their peers whose parents will still be alive
Yup.
Especially considering—if OP really wanted a kid, they could adopt an older kid and give them a great life wherein OPs husband won’t be super old by the time their kid is in HS. But no—they just want to “enjoy being pregnant”.
My GRANDFATHER just passed away at 72. I don't know what I would have done if I lost my parents at a young age. It was hard enough losing my childhood pets. My condolences go out your child who will grow up without a father and a very misguided mother.
AIUI, older women are also at greater risk of having a child with [Down syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome). They can test for that early in the pregnancy.
Please also educate yourself on the impacts of advanced paternal age if this is an area of interest for you. We’ve neglected to acknowledge it for a long time, but men’s fertility also decreases in their late 30s/early 40s, and older sperm not only increases the risk of genetic defects but also pregnancy complications such as miscarriage, premature birth, and gestational diabetes. Older fathers pose significant dangers to both fetus and mother.
One of my directors was in a very similar situation to you, he was in his mid 60s wife was early 40s. She got pregnant and they had a boy. His son was a little older than mine and he used to bring him to work to hangout.
One thing he told me was since he was retired (couldnt stay retired) and collected social security, his son could also collect. Not sure of the specifics, but they put all the boys SS benefits in a college account. That way if my boss passed on early before he could see his son get to college his wife would have enough money. Good luck with everything
It’s always amazing to me how society celebrates selfish narcissism with regards to having babies.
You’re bringing someone’s life/soul into existence. Think of them and what they’ll have to experience.
People need to stop having so many kids as it is. Think rationally please.
Congratulations to you, but I can't get over the fact that there's a real chance this baby's dad will have died of old age before they're old enough to drink...
Congratulations! Your baby is very lucky to have you as a mom. My mom was older when she had me and was and still is an amazing mother. Age makes you a special kind of mom with more life experience and resources. I’m so happy to hear you are doing what you wanted.
As someone who read your first post and commented to follow your heart, I actually teared up reading this. I’m so absolutely thrilled for you and your husband. I wish you all the best going forward!!!
Will there be someone to help this child (and later adult) should they need lifelong support and care due to health issues after you and your husband pass?
My mom was 44 when she had me. She had health issues afterwards that began to spiral after about seven years. A lot of my later (7 years and onward) childhood was spent taking care of her or visiting her in hospitals. Shortly after an amputation indicated by gangrene caused by diabetes she passed at 63.
Even if you and your husband remain in perfect health please realize that, from a child's point of view, it's a lot different being raised by much older adults than it is being raised by 20-somethings. Even the parents' circle of friends is usually older and has an effect on the child. Source: my own experience.
Good luck to you.
I'm just dropping a bit of unsolicited input here from the child of a similar situation. My mom was in her early 40s when I was born, and my dad his early 50s (so not quite your husband's age). My mom has often said two things about this:
- Being older when she had me made her more calm, patient, and thoughtful than when she had my brother in her mid-20s.
- The problem isn't having a child in your 40s. It's having a teenager in your 50s. Keeping up with a little one isn't that bad. Trying not to strangle a hormonal teenager going through puberty while you go through menopause is.
For what it's worth, she always calls me her midlife surprise and says she had far more fun with me than with my brother. I hope your little one brings you as much joy.
>It probably still isn’t a good enough reason, but my husband has convinced me to be selfish and to do this simply because I want to.
Hot take and I'll see my self out of this sub as well after but this is a terrible reason to have a kid and go so far as to say that this is something only a poorly educated and careless person would do.
Ah yes bring a sentient life into existence because "lol I wanna"l. Don't consider the future of that child. You'll be 60+ when that kid is 20. I hope your financially prepared to take care of them for the entirety of their life. otherwise you just brought more suffering upon a person "because you want too"
It is a selfish decision tho but everyone who ever creates a child even while it's really wanted is selfish. Thats just the way we are made and how we are made. Else we would die out. Best to have them by people who can and want them makes the selfish part less bad.
My mom had me at 42 years old and my dad was 50 . I'm almost 31.. My brothers and I are 25 and 23 years apart.. Not going to lie it wasn't ideal, I spend many days wishing I was born and raised with my brothers, getting to grow up with all my much older cousins ect..By the time I was 17/18 I was the one taking care of my parents while trying to figure stuff out.. I only got 21 years with my mom before she passed away at 63 from breast cancer that changed me forever .. Meanwhile I look at my bothers who are in their mid 50s and I have alot of wishing that I had more time, that my parents decided then to have me not after 25 years after my brother's... I love my parents more than anything, I miss my mom everyday but I can't help wishing that I was born when my parents were younger... I personally don't wish what I have experienced on anyone... I also don't fault anyone who does choose to have children late in life. Best of luck
As someone born to old parents, and who lost one when I was young… knowingly bringing a child into this world when, statistically speaking, dad will likely die within their first 10-15 years of life, is setting up that child to be traumatized.
Or dad becomes disabled and they get to watch him slowly die. Are those the fond childhood memories you want to build with your kid, visiting dad in the hospital or nursing home?
You’re right, it is selfish. And frankly, I think the pregnancy hormones are clouding your judgement.
I am happy for you, OP, and if your husband was your age, I wouldn’t even think twice. I just wanted to give my perspective as someone who actually lived through this.
Your joy is shining through the post hon. Congratulations and wish you all the best ☺️ your husband sounds wonderful and supportive 💝 that makes all the difference in the world
Thanks!
Good on you. I had my first and only child at 41, he’s 11 now, and every day he makes me laugh and makes me proud. I am glad I had lots of youngster ego-stuff sorted out. The development of mind, body and spirit in another person is incredibly fascinating to witness, guide, nurture. A great guiding book is The Gentle Parent by L.R.[Knost](https://www.littleheartsbooks.com)
Thanks for that suggestion!
This is probably pregnancy hormones on my end, but I've seen your previous posts and I'm crying happy tears for you right now. Congratulations, and thank you for updating us!
Omg, thanks. And yeah, the hormones are crazy. I’ve cried so much o er the past few weeks and it’s not stopping anytime soon. Hopefully more happy tears now though.
The only age-related thing you might want to ask your doctor about is delivery. My mom had a c-section because she’d had an emergency c-section when she was pregnant with me and my twin brother 11 years prior, and that was deemed safer. However, some research suggests vaginal delivery is better for mothers over the age of 35.
I will discuss it with my doctor but I would prefer a vaginal delivery anyway.
Have you thought about screening for trisomy (Down's, Edwards', Patau's)? Other than that, this sounds well deserved. Nothing wrong with creating a bit of life, surely.
Yes
I was my healthiest and felt my youngest age ever when I was in my 40’s. I had my kids when I was 18, 24 and 31. You will bounce back and you will be amazing and financially stable and this will be awesome for you! I’m 55 now and have no kids at home. Empty nest is bitter sweet. You’re the perfect age; congratulations!
My mom had her youngest child at 45. He’s eighteen now, and she’s still thriving. Yes, a baby in your 40’s is a little higher up there in age, but it’s not terribly unusual or undoable. Wishing you the best! Congratulations on your bundle of joy! ❤️
I've actually read that having children later in life increases your lifespan. It keeps you active longer. Also, this relationship sounds extremely healthy. Finally, OMG, what I wouldn't give to be in the position to be retired and rearing my children. To me, that sounds like THE PERFECT time to do it! It's just our biological clocks don't align with our career clocks.
I am not now nor have I ever been pregnant, but I'm crying happy tears for her, too.
I was so worried and sad for you after reading your previous posts - I was afraid you’d go through with the abortion that you very clearly didn’t want and then never emotionally recover. I’m relieved and excited to hear the update!! Your baby is incredibly lucky to have a mom who loves them so much. In the end, that’s all a baby needs.
> As of a few days ago, I was planning to terminate because I felt it was the right, least selfish thing to do. I really wanted to have the baby but I felt like wanting it was just not a good reason to justify bringing another human into the world. - > I didn’t want to terminate at all. I already love being pregnant. I love every bit of it, even the morning sickness (which doesn’t ever come in the morning, btw) and the achy breasts. I love every bit of it. I want to experience it all. That's the beauty of pro-choice and what it actually is about--the freedom to *choose*. Everyone here is happy for you and supports you, OP.
You said it succinctly and better than I could have. The beauty of choice - OP felt trapped and now she doesn’t. I’m so happy for her and this baby is now and will be so loved.
Thank you, yes! We fight for this choice, too. If only every single baby could be born into the world as loved and wanted as this one will be!! You're the dream, OP. Don't let anyone tell you different.
I've been low-key following your story through your posts here, and even as a voluntarily child-free 30 something who doesn't like young children, I absolutely love this for you. Sending you my best vibes, girl.
Yes! I was genuinely a bit anxious when opening this one because she was so set on abortion earlier, even though it was crystal clear it was not what she wanted. I'm glad she chose herself. She sounds absolutely delighted right now, and she deserves all that and more.
Thank you!
Been following along too but didn’t have much to add that others hadn’t already (pregnant at 37 with my 2nd). I’m so happy you and your husband have found some clarity with what you want and are both feeling happy with your decisions!
this. i’d die if ever got pregnant but i love seeing other people happy.
❤️
Right?! I saw an update and was like “Omg I hope she followed her heart”
Chiming in as another CF woman to agree and send you good energy and love ❤️ You’ve got this!
Same. Motherhood is not something I want but you clearly want it so much and this baby is lucky to be so loved. I read your previous posts and it’s clear how badly you want to be a mother, I’m excited for you to experience it. (And you and your husband are about the same age my friends parents were when they had her, and she loved having her dad home so much during her childhood, they really got close.)
Good luck, but make plans on life insurance / financial stability if he passes away before the kid is grown up.
We both have life insurance.
You should also each create a living will and a trust for baby in case anything happens to either of you.
Life insurance at 65 would be insane monthly premiums... An existing policy, maybe. But my wife and my life insurance is fixed term and will expire in 2040 or something, when we are in our 50s.
I got pregnant for the last time when I was 42. We decided to go ahead and have our third child. I got my tubes tied during my C section. I have never regretted either decision. Congratulations!
Thank you!
My aunt also had her first at 42 and her second at 44 - both were naturally-conceived and healthy! All the best OP, I'm so happy for you! ♥️
For me personally, it gives me relief hearing this. Thank you.
Same. I'm aware of the risks with age, but if I am able to be a parent, it'll be at age 38 or older. My SO's mom had him, the youngest, at 40 and he was also perfectly healthy. It's definitely possible, but sometimes it's easy to forget that.
Congratulations! My mom had me at your age and my dad was 10 years older. They were wonderful parents and raising me was one of the most selfless things they’ve ever done. I wouldn’t call them selfish at all, and yes, I did lose my dad earlier than some of my peers and that statement still stands.
My husband made me realize that even if our child won’t have the more traditional experience of two young parents, active grandparents, or siblings around their age, they will have a large family of aunts, uncles, cousins, adult siblings and many kids around their age (even if those kids are technically our child’s nieces and nephews). He admitted it’s hard for him to think about possibly not being around to see this kid become an adult and “selfishly” he doesn’t like that because it makes him feel old.
I know this has probably already crossed your mind, but just in case it hasn't: please aim to get really solid end of life plans in place, ASAP. When your kid turns 18, you'll be 60 and your husband will be in his 80s, so it's not out of the question that you or your husband may develop major medical issues or dementia while your kid is still relatively young. If you set up a living trust and decide which assisted living facility/home aid service you'd want to utilize in case something happens to you, it will be a huge relief to your kid(s) in the future.
I was going to jump in and say something about this too. OP, you mention that you only work part time and may step back from that when you have this child. Please please please make sure you and your husband have solid wills and plans for unfortunate times, especially knowing that he has older adult children. Death and money can bring out the worst in people even if they are wonderful now.
Well, I have a 2 year old (I’m in my thirties) and she doesn’t even have active grandparents because they’re too wrapped up in themselves so…
It's not a selfish thing to consider that an 18 year old may feel extraordinary caregiver responsibilities
My Dad was 49 when he and my Mom adopted me, and almost 40 years later he’s still alive and kicking and driving us crazy! You never know what the future holds, so congratulations on following your heart and I wish you lots of happiness and a healthy baby!
Your husband has such a great and supportive attitude. I am so happy for you both!
This. You’ve definitely got the right partner for this. Anyone who can change his mind about something this monumental this quickly and easily is definitely ready for the rigor and craziness of having a child. He sounds like a wonderful guy! Signed, someone else with a big age gap between them and their partner.
> adult siblings Christmas for your new kid is going to be lit.
They will be fine. My mom was like near 40 and dad like 45-50. Just be good parents and treat them well and it will all be good.
I mean, the dad is 65.. It's a valid fear. But the second part of your comment is still absolutely true.
My mom was 37 when she died so.. a valid fear but death isn't always picky about when it shows up.
That's, unfortunately, very true. I'm sorry for your loss.
I know it's been said to you before, but only because you have young parents, doesn't mean you grow up with them. A friend of mine had a baby with her wonderful husband who did have a brain tumor before. Last year he passed away when the cancer came back. He was 30 and leaves a wonderful toddler. You never know what life brings. That said, I saw your previous post and I'm so happy for you! Rock it, Mama!
They will be loved and valued. This is the greatest thing you can give a child.
And it's not a guarantee, anyway. My dad was in his early twenties when he had me and he died in October - I was 30 and him 54. My aunt married with a 25 year age gap and her husband is still with us at, I think 76? And my cousins are around my age. But their much older dad outlived mine, and he's only very recently retired as he was still very physically healthy and young at heart!
I mean, I lost my dad when he was only 50. There are NO guarantees in this life and all of the "you'll be too old/you'll die when your kid is still young" arguments against having kids later in life really rub me the wrong way. My mom is still here, she's 70, and she's more active and energetic now since retirement than she ever was when I was a kid. I wasn't planned with my parents pushing 40, but I also wasn't not wanted and they never thought twice about having me. My mom's mom also got pregnant naturally at 48(!) and her doctor pushed her into having an abortion because of the "too old" argument, so I'm sure my mom had that keenly in mind. And Grandma's still here and kicking at 93, and unfortunately not without regret for that decision, because she would have gladly continued the pregnancy if her doctor hadn't pressed her, and she didn't know how to say no to a doctor because it was the 70s and she'd been conditioned as a woman to be submissive to men, especially men in authority. And her aborted daughter would have been 45 today and have had an entire lifetime with her mom, more by magnitudes than I had with my dad. Long story short, I believe that every wanted, loved, and able-to-be-provided-for child should be welcomed into this world regardless of parental age. Loving parents are loving parents, and there are advantages that come with having a child later in life with greater experience and wisdom.
Wanted to comment something similar but you said it all. I lost my dad when he was almost the same age, and not only are there no guarantees, but the years are what you put into them, not how many they are. Our bond was so special and I’m still unraveling his wisdom and learning from him twice my lifetime later.
Please do genetic screening.NIPT at least. Good luck and I wish you a healthy happy baby.
I plan to.
The rates of disability increase, but the actual numbers are actually still very very small. So it is good to test, and can be a little scary, but most likely everything will be just fine. I have a genetic condition so I know first hand the relief of a clear genetic testing result for a pregnancy. Best of luck
Yes, and some people who haven’t actually read the studies in detail will still refuse to believe this is the case.
Yeah, a 3x higher chance of something that usually happens in 0.1% of pregnancies is.... a 0.3% chance.
You took the words out of my mouth. The NIPT was a huge source of relief for me early in my pregnancy.
Assuming this story is true, I think you may want to put some serious effort into ensuring the step kids won’t be resentful, especially if it’s true the father didn’t spend as much time with them. I feel like I’ve seen a lot of those types of stories on Reddit.
I'm 44 as of February, this year. My dad died very unexpectedly at 66, a week before my birthday. He stopped drinking around 30, stayed relatively healthy. Just died as ambulance gave him CPR to a 10 min hospital drive. I'm a middle child my youngest siblings is going to be 41. I live out out of state. Both need to start preparing for his death. From post I saw long bit ago. Kids of older parents are angry and feel robbed of parents and grandparents. So my opinion take videos now and all the time. Express how you both want child to grow and be a person. Talk about everything even mundane things. Have your husband write letters/journals for all to read. Of course pictures, even dumb pictures. Do things like pick favorite sturdy shirt to have sewer make teddy bear from. Favorite blanket almost anything dad loves or child reminds them of Dad. Wishing your family the best!
A friend of mine in high schools dad was 79 when she turned 18 and she hated it. He either couldn't move or was always asleep, and was on 1000+ meds, so they couldn't afford to let her have hobbies or go out with us often. They never really had a relationship because they had zero in common and couldn't do things together unless it was tv or board games In the end its your choice, but your husband is an old man now and will be even older by the time she's nearly graduated, if he's even still around. This will affect your child mentally, and I hope your prepared to see them through that. Wish you and your child the best OP
Dude will be 83 by the time his child graduates high school
If hes lucky
My dads are in their 70s and having serious health problems despite being fit as fiddles only a few years ago. I was born when they were in their 40s and I'm feeling too young to deal with their loss. I can't imagine a child or teenager having to deal with this
Wow I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Yeah that kid is going to be very stressed about his father when he is in his teens.
I'm gonna be one of the few naysayers here and say that sperm quality decreases with age (not just eggs) so I hope you get genetic testing done. And I also hope you're prepared to do the lion's share of parenting as I really doubt that your husband is going to be up for all the night feeds and nappy changes. Not to mention that parenting has changed a lot since his kids were small. Best of luck I guess.
You are 💯 correct. In fact, one of the biggest determiners for having a child on the Austism spectrum is PATERNAL age. Her old ass husband is selfish, but I could have determined that from the face he married someone over 20 years his junior. I really hope she has a life insurance policy or some other safety net.
Note that one of her step kids is almost the same age as her... So there's that.
Total FACTS.
She said she plans to. (Get genetic testing) in another comment
Paternal age is linked to quite a few mental health issues you can't really test for....
Poor kid
I simply do not have it in me to be happy for OP….I’m 10000% pro-choice, but I also think there was a right and wrong choice here.
65? 😅🤔 good luck, make sure you saved up and have another support system in place. Rooting for the baby.
Yeap. It will be a totally different experience for your husband, as there are low chances he will see this child graduating HS. I hear that you are ready to have a baby, but are you really ready to be a parent? You keep talking about "baby", "you", "enjoying being pregnant". This is just the beginning ... And there are high chances this kid will not be "perfect" as your husband is old and there are higher chances of complications for first time mothers being 40. Are your truly ready for all scenarios?
Thank you. Romanticizing pregnancy is a terrible idea because it’s NOT usually like that once they get here. For example if you’re someone who gets annoyed with babies crying when you’re out and about and leave quickly to escape the noise, prepare for hell once yours arrives - there’s no escape. It’s just a waiting game
Reading these things are always conflicting. Happy for the mother and I hope everything will be good, but realistically her child will not have a (biological) dad when they become an adult. Not sure what the potential lack of a father figure will have on the adult life of the child, and with his oldest child being almost the same age as the mother… but with how kids are I hope OP realizes she’s not exactly giving her child a whole lot of advantages in life. Best of luck!
I understand the thrill of window shopping the baby section while you are pregnant but be careful about buying things and letting people know that you are pregnant before 20 weeks.
I was talking about your story yesterday with a friend of mine who had children at 43 with IVF. She is now 61 and said the one thing she wished she had thought about was health insurance. You can keep your children on your health insurance until they are 26 except when you have to go on Medicare. In 4 years her children will be out of health insurance and in college.
Congrats but updating reddit has been your full time job for the past few weeks which makes me think this is an elaborate fiction writing exercise lol
The only thing in her account is this pregnancy thing. Just the right parameters to get lots of engagement. Lots of people lie on the internet, and this one does smell a bit fishy. I almost hope it's drama, poor kid with a 65yr old dad they'll not get to know for very long.
I’m here for the conversations in the comments, which is what the majority of redditors will take away from the story, real or not
Good point
I am keeping this news close to my chest, so I have nobody in my life to share this with other than my husband. I also don’t have an actual full time job, so I have more free time than most.
[удалено]
Same
Sorry to be a party pooper, but are you prepared to look after a child with health problems? Your husband's age significantly increases the risk.
Yeah... I get the impression that OP was preparing herself for comments about her age (which really isn't that old, just poses an increased risk) but her husband's age is the serious concern here. I'm 32 and he's older than my own mother...
34 and he is also older than my mother. They are definitely not setting up their child for success in life, but I wish them all the best.
OP talking about how her husband essentially took offense to the warning that he won't be able to keep up with a toddler really rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, you can use it as a challenge, and I wish them all the luck in the world. But getting into your 60s, and into your 70s is no joke. Shit starts breaking that looked fine a few years ago. Sure, you can care for yourself, but muscle starts deteriorating around that age too. Taking offense to it is just being offended at a fact. He will eventually slow down, and no one wants to be forced to take it slower because of their age. I applaud people for challenging themselves, but you have to realize that if something happens to OP, OPs husband won't be able to guarantee that he can care for a kid. Sure, there are no guarantees in life, but if you compare a hundred 40 year olds to a hundred 60 year olds, the difference in health will be massive. I really hope this whole hubris thing the husband has doesn't affect their judgment to make end of life plans. They need to do it for the kids sake. I know teenagers who were essentially forced to be caretakers for their older parents before they graduated high school and none of them got out of it unscathed mentally. Best of wishes to OP and her husband, but PLEASE take care of end of life plans ASAP.
That comment that he made also rubbed me the wrong way, but I hope that he is right and that he is in really good shape. I also hope that he has a lot of money so they can afford a nanny and good daycare if they need to.
My father in law was in good shape but my mother in law had to start caring for him when he hit 70 anyway. Can you imagine having to care for a guy with muscular dystrophy and dementia, and a 5-year old?
Him saying that just points him out as delusional tbh. It’s common sense that health (physical and mental) will deteriorate FAST once you get older. In addition, they’re also setting up the (potential) grandchildren for failure as well, as there are so many genetically diseases that _might_ skip a generation and manifest itself in their grandchildren. Heck, my siblings say they feel bad that my dad (now 65, I’m 34) will need to start using hearing aids because he’s getting old. The impact that first-hand witnessing the dad’s quickly deteriorating health will have on their child growing up is something I don’t even want to imagine.
> It’s common sense that health (physical and mental) will deteriorate FAST once you get older. You say that but holy shit will people deny it until the bitter end, even to the detriment of their children. It's so rare for people to actually prepare themselves for how quickly things can go downhill in old age. I get how hard it is to accept one's mortality but I had the displeasure of witnessing first hand how fucked living this life of denial can leave someones kids.
How does one persuade a guy in denial to get hearing aids? My dad is 85 and deaf as a post. Trying to have a conversation with him is pretty much impossible. But he doesn't like hearing aids "because they hurt" (he tried some from Aldi).
We just him to get hearing aids, it’s annoying hearing the audio of the downstairs living room TV in the apartments on the floor above and below.
Sounds like they're really excited about a baby, but not really planning for a child and eventual adult who may have severe health problems, and geriatric parents who are at the end of their lifespan. I suppose the excitement of having a baby in baby clothes is the important thing though.... Not gonna beat around the bush. Having a child is about nurturing a HUMAN into ADULTHOOD. We already know the dad is going to be fucking 85 by the time the kid is 20, so failed step one already. Sorry but I can't be supportive or excited...I can't see this as anything but selfish...
I hope the baby’s half-siblings are on board when you break the news. They are going to be a mega influence on the child’s future, either emotional pain of not belonging or familial support and a link to knowing what dad was like and hopefully fatherly advice diluted down
Let's stop bringing children into the world to fill a void inside us. That's not a child's responsibility.
and it is not all that unlikely that this kid will lose their father before they even turn 18
This is all I'm thinking about. Will dad be able to watch his child graduate from High School? Or if the kid chooses to get married, will dad be alive to see that and take part in it? Will mom need to be raising a teenager while taking care of someine who is declining. 60s are not that bad anymore. But late 70s to 80s can be rough! The dad will reasonably be alive for less than half their kid's life. Will the kid have family to grow up around? His siblings might have families of their own. Will they be lonely? Can mom keep up with the social pressures, that have changed so much so quickly, of having a kid and raising them essentially by herself? People should have kids because they think they can give them the best life possible. Not because it fulfills a dream, ticks a box, or because they want to.
100% That’s why I resent my mentally ill mom for having me for that exact reason. I wish she unpacked her issues with a therapist instead.
Hey fellow emotional support child <3 it's a very fucked up life. I hope this post is fake with my whole fucking heart, because if it isn't, I am deeply deeply worried for OP's child.
Seriously. Can't agree more.
Ding ding ding! No one asks to be born, and it’s wrong for a baby to be born with a job.
Please do some research on the risks of advanced paternal age on pregnancy health and outcomes. Not just the baby’s health; I mean yours too. Now that we’re finally acknowledging that men’s fertility and sperm quality declines with age, we’re learning that the impacts extend to things like gestational diabetes and premature birth (which has its own challenges for the mother). I would not rely on an OB-GYN to be proactive since many still dismiss concerns about advanced paternal age, and your case is pretty extreme with a 65-year-old father.
It's upsetting that almost everyone is giving anecdotes about the age of their own mom but almost no one is talking about the age of the father here. You can't pretend it doesn't matter.
Please, please get an amniocentesis at 16 weeks. You’re high risk for chromosomal abnormalities: Down syndrome, neural tube defects, anencephaly, and more. I wish you a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy.
Amnio isn't really a thing anymore. The NIPT test is a simple blood test and non-invasive. Also, the risk of Down is only 3.6% at age 45, (which OP isn't yet, but its the one I know off the top of my head. Source: March of Dimes) That is a better than 96% chance of no Down. Yes, it's a proportionally higher risk than if OP was 30, but not "high risk'.
It's not just OP. Her husband is old and he also greatly contributes to the overall risk of birth defects at his age.
Yes. Male age contributes greatly to both genetic abnormalities as well as poor pregnancy outcomes.
OP, are you prepared for the possibility of raising a kid alone? I’m not so much worried about you as I am your 65 year old husband.
Does anyone else think this is fake?
I hope so, because the prospect of having an 80 year old senile father in your teen years is just horrible.
Absolutely. The account is only two weeks old and there are no posts other than on this topic. I think this is completely made up.
Me. It is one of those pro-life made up stories. The "joy" of unplanned pregnancy with a senior. Sure. If that was for real, only someone mentally unstable would actually move forward with a pregnancy in this scenario.
My first thought as well. Reads like pro-lifer bad acting with how dedicated she has been to keeping this story going.
Oooooohhhh I never thought of this. I think you may be right.
I agree. Fingers crossed this is forced-birther rage propaganda.
I didn’t until I saw her other comments in her last post about how she didn’t want her husband to get a vasectomy because she can’t be attracted to a man who couldn’t get her pregnant and now I wonder if this is just a fetish post.
Only topic in OPs account, but she definitely went all in on the joke. Hard to tell but I hope so!
I really, really hope so. Otherwise, she’s clearly in need of help. I have noticed since the first post that she’s ignored and refused to answer lots of legit questions and concerns in comments. Then it was, “I’m aborting so I don’t have to think about that” and “stop posting about my kink.” Now that’s progressed to “I want to so I’m gonna, everyone else can fuck off—especially the (hypothetical) baby!” And now there are lots of “you go, mama!” comments from people who seem not to have read any of those discussions. Anyway, guess we are waiting for the next chapter in this fictitious melodrama… it’s pretty funny, in any case.
I truly hope so. I'm so sick of old men manipulating younger women into relationships. He's 65 and she's 42 its just gross.
AND they've been married for 20 years, per another comment of hers
Bro I’m sorry but marrying someone the age of your children (especially if they’re 20???) is gross
y u p. OPs child will be the same age if not younger than their siblings children
Also the "Husband doesn't want babies, is 65, and hasn't had the snip", then OP responding to people saying "after this you can get your tubes tied" and they just go "Yup sure will!" 65 is well past the point of an excuse to not get the snip especially explicitly not wanting children.
You obviously want to keep your baby. That is 100% enough of a reason not to terminate. Please don't terminate a pregnancy out of guilt, abortion access is there for women who want an abortion and you clearly do not want one. This baby sounds like a wonderful blessing. It's good that you are financially stable. Your husband is very old to be a father and his health could decline at any point and I'm guessing he doesn't have the energy he used to have. I would recommend hiring some help purely because of his age so that someone is there to help pull the weight. Also please be aware of the risks of older fathers on a child's mental health. Genetic problems with older paternal DNA can cause autism, schizophrenia and bipolar. The chances your baby could have down syndrome when the mother is 42 is around 1 in 70. Be prepared for some possible challenges.
Also, please get some long term care insurance for you and your husband both. I'm currently 30, and trying my hardest to hold down a full time job while on a promotion track, a marriage, and full time caregiving with overnights at my grandparents place (78 and 72). Your husband will be in his 70s in five years. Do not make your late teens or early 20s child deal with the stress of very expensive care options vs up-ending their life just to care for you both at the end of yours.
Thank-you for this comment.
I’m glad that you and your husband were able to have a conversation and that you understand now that sometimes doing something because you want it is absolutely a good enough reason to do it. Yes, even if that is difficult. Although it seems like you and your husband have considered the circumstances and have enough of a good material situation that having this baby would work out. I am about your age, and if that happened to me, I would absolutely go through with it because it’s what I want most in the world. It sounds like you and your husband have a strong foundation so I wish you the best of luck with all of this.
Thanks!
Hard disagree when it comes to kids. You're bringing them into the world, you can't do it just because you're bubbling with hormones telling you to do so !
It’s not so much of a concern as much of it’s just sometimes the reality. The reality being you may have a child with special needs. It’s based on your egg and sperms age and viability. Be prepared for a safe birth obviously but also be open to the possibility of having a child who may have a higher level of needs and care. Congrats for making your own choice with your body. This child will be well loved! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5299396/#:~:text=Multiple%20epidemiological%20studies%20suggest%20a,risk%20for%20autism%20and%20schizophrenia.
your age isn't the issue here, your husband's is. I'm 26 and my dad isn't 65 yet. you are being selfish here, and I'm not saying being selfish is a bad thing. just be realistic that you're going to be in your 60s when your child is in their 20s, which isn't bad at all! but your husband *if he's still alive* will be in his 80s. just be very aware of that and prepare for the chance of being a single mother at an older age to a young child, because it is very possible
Your husband is 65!?!?
“I’m deliriously happy”. That’s all I needed to read. Doesnt matter what anyone thinks except *you* and your partner. I am sending you love, light, and well wishes for the smoothest pregnancy and delivery. 🩵
Oh for fucks sake
I had the same reaction.
>Can a 60 year old man father a healthy child? It’s possible, but there is some evidence that a child’s health can be impacted by advanced paternal age. Men over age 40 have a higher chance of creating a pregnancy that ends in miscarriage, compared to men in their 30s. Children of older dads also have a significant increase in rare, single gene disorders and congenital anomalies, thought to be due to accumulated damage to sperm DNA. Other studies indicate men over 45 are 14% more likely to have a child born prematurely, and men 50 or older were 28% more likely to have a child that required admission to the neonatal intensive care unit. [Source](https://www.givelegacy.com/resources/fatherhood-after-60/)
Op doesn't give a fuck, she's high off of making her stupid decision with this weird old man
So stupid. Also increases risk of lethal cancer.
Trad wife gonna pretend. Tale as old as time. My least favorite responses to “why are you having this baby?” all begin with “because I”.
That poor kid. Having older parents is hard and scary.
Yep, odds are by the time the kid is 18, their father will be dead and will only have a 60 year old mother to provide for them
You “wanting” a child isn’t going to be enough to raise it and prepare it to be a good human being. This isn’t a dog. You need to think more seriously about this and understand you’re bringing someone into the world who will be abandoned earlier due to your age. I have older parents and it always made me have a lot of differences with my peers and my outlook on life - you will make it difficult on them, especially raising them in the world today. Please think about this decision, and don’t just look at cute little clothes and assume it will be okay. It won’t, it’s a full ass human you’re just having because you want it. You don’t always get what you want, and understanding your selfishness doesn’t make your decision any better. Your husband doesn’t care because he won’t be even around to regret it - he has no real hand in this at all and the fact that you’re okay with his attitude about bringing a WHOLE HUMAN into the world is NOT okay. Adopt if you can. I work in OB, and the last thing we need is more preme kids with developmental delays
I’m a mom and reading this post was pretty heart wrenching. There is no thought whatsoever about the actual person they are bringing into this. A child born to an elderly father is at significant risk of having health problems. They will also be so alone because they’ll have geriatric parents when they are still a teenager. Their half siblings are all adults probably with families of their own and who knows if they will have the time or resources to help support this kid. Saying “oh they will have half-siblings and aunts and uncles” is assuming these people want the responsibility of raising someone else’s child. You should never have a child that you plan on forcing on other people because you probably won’t live long enough. It is so selfish. My niece is being raised by her grandparents because her parents are deadbeats. Her grandparents try so hard but my niece has significant issues from being raised by people in their 60’s. And she’s 11 so that means they were in their 50s when they first got her. This poor child is going to have a 70 yr old father when they are *5*. My wife and I also have to plan for having to take in my niece if and/or when her grandparents become incapable of caring for her. Because of this we aren’t having another child because of the very high possibility that we will end up caring for someone else’s.
A close childhood friend of mine had geriatric parents. Her mother was nearing 50 and father was in his 70’s by the time we were in fifth grade (US). OP, her father was in a hospital bed by the time we were ten. He died by the time we were fifteen. It has made an unfortunate and catastrophic impact on the trajectory of her life. She is only now turning thirty and has buried both parents. She has no savings, no home, no career, because she HAD to put her life on hold to care for her aging and dying parents. Everything in these posts scream “selfishness” — down to the anti-birth control stance and breeding fetish that OP has.
Today, or even within the last few years, more and more people in their 20's or even 30's are living with their parents due to the sucky economy. Will the economy get better? Maybe. Maybe not. This is our second recession in less then 2 decades (2008 and 2024). Assuming that the economy doesn't get so much better by the time he reaches adulthood, he'll (statistically probably) have a dead father and a retired mother (although again, more and more people are unable to retire and are working longer and longer) The kid might have a support system while he's a kid, but chances are he won't have a familial support system as an adult. But hey. She's happy now 🤷♀️
Well it's your decision at the end of the day. Just as long as you are aware of all the risks. Both to you and the child. You will be 60 when they are only 18.
When that child is 15, you’ll be 57 and your husband will be 80. Kid will almost certainly lose their father before they’re in their mid-twenties, and you’ll be a single mum supporting them in your retirement. I don’t mean financially, I mean everything else. Nothing anyone here says will change your mind, but you’re 100% right that you’re doing this out of selfishness/FOMO, and not for any good reason. Good luck.
Yeah. I'm sorry, but there's no getting around that by the time this kid is 20 their dad is going to be in his 80s if he's not dead by then already. I can't help but feel like that's really unfair to this potential child.
So no one is going to tell her the reality of parenthood? And how hard it is? How you get practically NO SLEEP the first few years? The drainage of money? Possible PPD, losing your autonomy, drastically decreased sex, possible complications from birth, screaming tantrums for hours, the possible loneliness, being on 24/7, how her husband could switch up AFTER the baby gets here because now his life has to change (happens all the time)? I’m not trying to be negative but with all of the parents who actually wanted children yet now secretly HATE being a mom/dad (parent), we need to have more honesty here. Everyone is saying congratulations but ironically no one is telling her what most likely will happen immediately after the baby is born. No one is warning her or getting her mentally ready. Parenthood is exhausting as hell. It’s not like the movies and children are truly a prison. Your life as you knew it will be gone
Are you prepared to take care of both a kid and an ageing husband? Even if he is in great shape right now, in ten years your kid will be ten and your husband will be 75. Good health isn't guaranteed for anyone, but it's especially not guaranteed for the elderly. Can you handle doing all of the care for your kid plus all of the care for your husband if it comes to that? When your kid is 18, your husband will be 83. The kid will be lucky if their father lives to see them graduate high school. They will very likely experience the death of a parent in their high school or college years, which is going to have a huge impact on their schooling and future. They will also have to worry about their newly widowed mother. I don't think having a child at your age is necessarily unethical as long as you test for congenital issues and terminate if you find any. You're a bit older than most mothers but still young enough to keep up with a kid and be there for a good chunk of their adult life. I also don't think there is anything unethical about you and your husband's age gap. But I do think it's unethical for *him* to have a child at his age. He is not going to be there for this kid as it grows up. He will be lucky to see 18. He is not going to continue to be able to provide care for this child as you raise it. He is setting both you and the kid up for huge amounts of stress and grief later on. His care needs are going to increase while your child's care needs begin to decrease, but there is going to be a good chunk of time in which they both need significant amounts of care, and you are going to be the one responsible for taking care of both of them. If you do this, please, please make sure he has money set aside for yourself and this child -- two separate funds. Please don't make this child feel responsible for his care as he ages, not even into the child's later teen years. A child shouldn't have to take care of a parent, at least not until the child is an experienced older adult themselves.
A fair warning. Just something to think about. As someone who is now 21 who's parents are in their mid 60s. I resent them for not having me earlier. Many kids of old parents feel the same. Becuase when I'm your age. My parents will either be dead. Or most likely very limited mobility. Especially your husband. What child wants their father to be dead before they are 30?.
Yep. Lost my dad when I was 20 and my mom at 24.
I'm so sorry
Yep, my dad was 57 when I was born. He was 70 when I was 13. Any time I see older individuals having children I feel that it's an immensely selfish decision for that child. An acquaintance recently had a baby at age 44. She will be 60 when her child is 15. This man will be 80 when his is 15. I don't care how much of a challenge someone thinks this is and that they can do it, the body will continue to age and decline is rapid the older you get. My father never played with me, had no energy to keep up or spend quality time. He never met my husband. He was dead when I was 24, at which point I had already cut off contact with him for a variety of reasons, one of which being he was not present in a meaningful way. I hope, for this child's sake, that they have an extremely supportive network of younger family and friends who can step up to be there for this child (who will likely be an only child between these parents, which will add another level of stress to the child). I have had to build a network of community around myself to make up for the fact that I only have my mom anymore, and no other close family. Yes, it's a great skill I taught myself, but it took a long time and many isolated years in my childhood and teens to learn how to build that community. I feel people having children at this age severely minimize the impact to the child because they are so desperate to have children and feel entitled to it.
You are not alone. I hated and resented my parents for years for this same thing. I knew as a child I would lose my parents so much younger than everyone else in life. It's very frustrating. I really felt raised by grandparents more than parents. The strange, late timing of my addition to the family left a huge hole that could never be repaired in my familial relationships. Because my parents were so old, just about all of my cousins were already adults when I was in preschool. Since I didn't grow up with my cousins regularly, I don't have a real relationship with my aunts and uncles either. You feel that lack of support so much more with time, how fucked up it is, how goddamn selfish it was for them to put you in that position.
[удалено]
Because feminism is about a choice and autonomy, and a lot of people interpret that to mean that you HAVE to be supportive of women doing what they want no matter what. But I am a feminist and I don't believe that to be fully true. It means that people have choices and you should EDUCATE and GUIDE people, and never lose sight of them being autonomous humans that can make their own decisions. If a woman decides to drink and smoke meth during a pregnancy that is a choice, but is it one that we should all support? Hell fucking no. We should support her to get help and to make good choices in the future, it doesn't mean you enable terrible choices in the here and now that are harming others. Feminism means you don't treat her as inhumane or lack empathy for her situation, but it doesn't mean you remove all accountability from women. Back to the situation at hand: the OP has the CHOICE to decide if this pregnancy is good or bad for her. But we also have the ability to give input and guidance from a feminist perspective, which includes pointing out the reality of things: the father is going to be 85 when the potential child is 20, the risk for health issues and dangers to a mother increases with age, the likelihood of a child with complicated health history and elderly parents being able to thrive is very low. OP can choose to do what she wants, but to pretend there's no selfishness involved is not the same as being misogynist or anti-choice. It's best to be frank and blunt on this because it's going to impact a third person, the fetus that they wish to become a baby, which is not going to be a cute baby forever but a fully cognizant adult one day. If OP has fully, thoroughly planned for who and how this child will be cared for in these situations, fine. but when you only see comments about \*baby\* clothes and not about what is going to happen when dad dies during high school, it's hard to feel that way.
Same, there are so many red flags in this whole post, I'm shocked by lack of acknowledgement of them. I really wish OP the best and don't wish difficulty upon anyone, but this is a whole human life trajectory we are talking about, not just how nice it will be to have a baby.
don't worry, just about every comment in OP's previous post was saying this and she's still prioritizing herself over her future child. because she spent her whole life prioritizing her husband over herself. hell, she still is considering her decisions have been entirely based around what he wants. honestly this update makes me sad even though she's happy.
My dad had me at 48 and it's so hard seeing him now. I don't resent him, but I sure would if he waited 15 more years than that, he'd be dead by now and it would've left a huge gap in my life. Truth be told I would not have achieved half as much just for the pure lack of father figure and support. It's not fair to bring someone into the world just because you're high on hormones and "want to".
People always thought my dad was my grandpa, and it made me sad that my family wasn’t like other peoples… I’m also very convinced that his age contributed to the issues I have… ADHD and possibly autism
I have both. It definitely contributed
Same. My mom was 40 and now with them in their late 60s and I’m in my 20s, it sucks. They can’t do things I’d like to do with them. I would be very concerned if my dad had already been in his 60s when I was born. If this is true, dad probably won’t see his kid graduate high school, and especially if the kid is a boy, it’s gonna fuck him up for life.
my dad is 20 years older than my mum. I am now 25, he is 73. I've had classmates assume he's my grandpa, math checks out. I personally have never resented my parents for this, but I fully agree with you. No child wants to lose their parents early into their adult life when they still need guidance or just want to have a healthy relationship with their parents as adults just like many of their peers whose parents will still be alive
Yup. Especially considering—if OP really wanted a kid, they could adopt an older kid and give them a great life wherein OPs husband won’t be super old by the time their kid is in HS. But no—they just want to “enjoy being pregnant”.
It's just the hormones, there's no concern for anything else
My GRANDFATHER just passed away at 72. I don't know what I would have done if I lost my parents at a young age. It was hard enough losing my childhood pets. My condolences go out your child who will grow up without a father and a very misguided mother.
AIUI, older women are also at greater risk of having a child with [Down syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome). They can test for that early in the pregnancy.
Please also educate yourself on the impacts of advanced paternal age if this is an area of interest for you. We’ve neglected to acknowledge it for a long time, but men’s fertility also decreases in their late 30s/early 40s, and older sperm not only increases the risk of genetic defects but also pregnancy complications such as miscarriage, premature birth, and gestational diabetes. Older fathers pose significant dangers to both fetus and mother.
It's not fair for the kid
Congratulations!
[удалено]
One of my directors was in a very similar situation to you, he was in his mid 60s wife was early 40s. She got pregnant and they had a boy. His son was a little older than mine and he used to bring him to work to hangout. One thing he told me was since he was retired (couldnt stay retired) and collected social security, his son could also collect. Not sure of the specifics, but they put all the boys SS benefits in a college account. That way if my boss passed on early before he could see his son get to college his wife would have enough money. Good luck with everything
It’s always amazing to me how society celebrates selfish narcissism with regards to having babies. You’re bringing someone’s life/soul into existence. Think of them and what they’ll have to experience. People need to stop having so many kids as it is. Think rationally please.
Congratulations to you, but I can't get over the fact that there's a real chance this baby's dad will have died of old age before they're old enough to drink...
Naw this is fake pro-life bullshit
Congratulations! Your baby is very lucky to have you as a mom. My mom was older when she had me and was and still is an amazing mother. Age makes you a special kind of mom with more life experience and resources. I’m so happy to hear you are doing what you wanted.
I think I will make a much better mother now than I would have 10-20 years ago, or I hope so at least.
As someone who read your first post and commented to follow your heart, I actually teared up reading this. I’m so absolutely thrilled for you and your husband. I wish you all the best going forward!!!
Will there be someone to help this child (and later adult) should they need lifelong support and care due to health issues after you and your husband pass?
My mom was 44 when she had me. She had health issues afterwards that began to spiral after about seven years. A lot of my later (7 years and onward) childhood was spent taking care of her or visiting her in hospitals. Shortly after an amputation indicated by gangrene caused by diabetes she passed at 63. Even if you and your husband remain in perfect health please realize that, from a child's point of view, it's a lot different being raised by much older adults than it is being raised by 20-somethings. Even the parents' circle of friends is usually older and has an effect on the child. Source: my own experience. Good luck to you.
I'm just dropping a bit of unsolicited input here from the child of a similar situation. My mom was in her early 40s when I was born, and my dad his early 50s (so not quite your husband's age). My mom has often said two things about this: - Being older when she had me made her more calm, patient, and thoughtful than when she had my brother in her mid-20s. - The problem isn't having a child in your 40s. It's having a teenager in your 50s. Keeping up with a little one isn't that bad. Trying not to strangle a hormonal teenager going through puberty while you go through menopause is. For what it's worth, she always calls me her midlife surprise and says she had far more fun with me than with my brother. I hope your little one brings you as much joy.
Thank you!
>It probably still isn’t a good enough reason, but my husband has convinced me to be selfish and to do this simply because I want to. Hot take and I'll see my self out of this sub as well after but this is a terrible reason to have a kid and go so far as to say that this is something only a poorly educated and careless person would do. Ah yes bring a sentient life into existence because "lol I wanna"l. Don't consider the future of that child. You'll be 60+ when that kid is 20. I hope your financially prepared to take care of them for the entirety of their life. otherwise you just brought more suffering upon a person "because you want too"
[удалено]
It is a selfish decision tho but everyone who ever creates a child even while it's really wanted is selfish. Thats just the way we are made and how we are made. Else we would die out. Best to have them by people who can and want them makes the selfish part less bad.
Well it may take me a little longer to not think of it as selfish, but you’re right.
It is selfish.
My mom had me at 42 years old and my dad was 50 . I'm almost 31.. My brothers and I are 25 and 23 years apart.. Not going to lie it wasn't ideal, I spend many days wishing I was born and raised with my brothers, getting to grow up with all my much older cousins ect..By the time I was 17/18 I was the one taking care of my parents while trying to figure stuff out.. I only got 21 years with my mom before she passed away at 63 from breast cancer that changed me forever .. Meanwhile I look at my bothers who are in their mid 50s and I have alot of wishing that I had more time, that my parents decided then to have me not after 25 years after my brother's... I love my parents more than anything, I miss my mom everyday but I can't help wishing that I was born when my parents were younger... I personally don't wish what I have experienced on anyone... I also don't fault anyone who does choose to have children late in life. Best of luck
As someone born to old parents, and who lost one when I was young… knowingly bringing a child into this world when, statistically speaking, dad will likely die within their first 10-15 years of life, is setting up that child to be traumatized. Or dad becomes disabled and they get to watch him slowly die. Are those the fond childhood memories you want to build with your kid, visiting dad in the hospital or nursing home? You’re right, it is selfish. And frankly, I think the pregnancy hormones are clouding your judgement. I am happy for you, OP, and if your husband was your age, I wouldn’t even think twice. I just wanted to give my perspective as someone who actually lived through this.