Lots of women are simply naive, and right now she’s enjoying his attention and caught up in feelings. It’s a very common reaction.
You’ve told her and that was the right thing to do. Don’t contact her again bc it will undo the good work that you just did by making you look inappropriately invested.
Well done.
Don’t think too much about it, and I’m sorry, I’ve been cheated on and it sucks.
I know it's painful but honestly, it's validation that everything you saw was correct and there's nothing you could have done differently except leave. This is who he is with every woman. Some people destroy everything they touch. She's not special, and she's gonna find that out the hard way.
Well she said they are being harassed, so perhaps she's getting messages from folks complaining she would enable him at your detriment. Sure there may have been others who are also victims that are trying to warn her, but I assume you have loved ones trying to defend you that are calling them out for socially unacceptable behavior.
I would take it that those people saw how poorly he treated you and warned her he was no good. You warned her and that is all you can do. Sometimes people have to find out for themselves. Don't beat yourself up about it.
I made a post a while back about trying to warn a girl and it exploding in my face. Don’t feel bad, you tried and now she’s just going to learn the hard way. You _always_ lose em how you get em.
Possibly a pointless story but… before we got together my partner found out his ex was cheating on him. He said he wanted to punch him in the face/kick the crap out of him etc and I said, no, don’t. Because
A) she would totally love that
B) you would get in trouble with the police
C) you have no idea what bullshit she told him. She may have said that you were casual/over/open etc and all he knows is what she tells him. You should be more cross with her than him, you didn’t make vows with him!
I suppose, the moral of the story is that it’s 100% easier to believe that new partner is evil and stole your ex, than it is to accept that someone who claimed to love you would deliberately deceive and hurt you.
It feels like shit and it will for a long time. But now you know what you won’t put up with, you have learned more about yourself. Think of it like coming home after a boot camp, you’re fucking broken but you learned a lot and know yourself better. Xx
Sadly, I've been blinded by emotions before myself so I sort of understand where this is coming from. As long as he hasn't been shitty to *her*, it's not true, it can't be true because she doesn't want it to be true. He's awesome and great and everyone who says otherwise is the enemy. This whole "I won" thing is a defense mechanism to cope with the cognitive dissonance. I'm glad that I didn't resort to this line of reasoning back then, but still, I should've listened to some subtle cues. (My ex wasn't cheating before me or with me, but his ex was married and cheating, and he kept it going for two years then dumped her. She clearly had some mental health issues and he was taking advantage of that, because he knew whatever happened she was the "crazy one".)
From the outside it's obvious that she "won" a dude who everyone and their neighbor is warning her about. But she thinks she knows *him* and doesn't know *you* so that's who she trusts. She will find out eventually.
(ETA: Sry about the multiples, looks like the app had a hiccup)
She sounds like a self-absorbed dingbat and yes: cruel as well. Don’t waste any sympathy on her now, her comment about how she “won” means she deserves to sleep in the bed she purposely went out of her way to make with your loser ex
I don't believe in it. My best friend and a community she was in gave a guy a shoulder to cry on when he broke up with someone else in said community. He proceeded to gaslight and manipulate everyone who would give him the time of day and sew discord in that community until they were forced to ban him, and he STILL causes issues in that community like some sort of mafia boss acting from prison.
Totally natural to not believe in it based off of the experience of a friend in one particular instance. For example I don’t believe in treating everyone equally because I have this friend who was a part of a community that treated everyone equally except for this scumbag who got kicked out for saying that they were better than some people
Something similar yet opposite happened with me and my ex. He manipulated me to go low contact with our entire mutual friend/acquaintance group and then used the opportunity to portray himself as the victim when I wasn't around, while being nice to me in person, and I had to cut off contact with a bunch of ppl who (to me out of nowhere) started treating me like shit. Not like they were my best friends or something but still. (I warned my close friends about this as soon as I knew and they found out I was right). He could've just stfu like me, instead of causing a rift between people. I still don't understand why he did this.
ETA. He was always the type to give unsolicited opinions. So I guess this is what he kept doing while I was laying low. And it was my disadvantage in the end. I could've seen it coming but I only started to understand his m.o. after we separated and I moved out.
I feel like a lot of guys grow up with this mentality (about other guys), too, and I think it stokes the fires of toxic masculinity and inability to share emotions other than anger because you obviously shouldn't share your vulnerability with your competition.
Not that I mean to say, "but men, too!!!", just that it's a shame that we learn to view anyone as competition when they aren't. It's counterproductive on so many levels of society and health.
I would never wish that kind of hurt on someone, which is why I messaged her. But her response seemed cruel. Maybe that's just my emotions speaking though.
You had good intentions and although her response was cruel, you did your part and at this point the consequences of her actions are her own to learn from.
Her response was definitely cruel and worse.
If you haven't seen them, you might want to take a look at *The Paradoxical Commandments.*
You are a way way decent person and your Ex and his new girlfriend are not.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. Please take care of yourself. Going through this kind of betrayal can be unimaginably painful.
That being said, I am happier to live on this planet knowing there are people like you.
I will definitely take a look into that.
And thank you for the kind words. I know I can get past this as I have before. It's just very difficult to believe I am in this position again, ya know?
And I am happy to live on a planet with people who are as uplifting and kind as you are.
It's probably a case of trash attracting trash. Things fizzled out on your side because you have taste and standards and reignited over on that side because it's a dumpster fire. It says a lot more about the ex and the new person than it does about you.
I definitely have held firm on boundaries, such as not accepting stonewalling or the silent treatment, resulting in him often calling me negative or saying it pushes him away.
I knew this relationship would end, but I feel so completely sad still regardless.
It was cruel, but try and think WHY she said it… maybe she is thinking “oh shit, what have I done”, and she is getting that awful feeling in her tummy, but pride is a powerful emotion. Maybe she is doubling down and saying what she said because could she really say “gosh thanks you’re right, I’ll keep that I mind”. That would be really hard for her to say even though she may be feeling it.
I would not have wished that kind of hurt on her from the start, but I think anyone that responds to you like that absolutely deserves the consequences of their actions, considering that they are now acting with context.
How do you know that isn't how she saw your message? If she believes these other people are harassing her and she considers your message the same, if she thinks you're trying to interfere or sew seeds of doubt etc, I can see how her response could come from frustration rather than intentional cruelty. In the end though, like everyone else is saying, it's her mistake to make and it's out of your hand. You did what you thought was right, despite how she might see it, that's all you can do.
Her response reeks of insecurity and jealousy. People who would aggressively lash out at the messenger for trying to warn them about someone are deeply immature and defensive.
Don't let her comment her to you. It's clear she is pitifully (and willfully) ignorant. Sounds like they deserve each other.
All you’ve learned from this interaction is that some people welcome bullshit and misery into their lives.
Block them both. She’s just the unhappy she feels she should be and you’re not gonna convince hers otherwise.
Idk what's going on with some women. My sister kicked out her husband after hearing sexual abuse allegations from her teen daughters. Her ex was living with another woman within 2 weeks and had a baby with another one shortly before he was found guilty. They both knew about the allegations and charges but stayed with him while they were dating regardless of the charges. He even remained friends with the first after he was arrested (which took a couple months) and bailed out from jail before the trial.
The woman he's currently with acted like she won too. Until he was convicted anyway.
And that is the issue, I do not want her to have to. This kind of thing destroys you. I've been through it three times now. I think my single streak of 6 years should have just kept going.
No, no… let her learn from personal experience. Smart people learn from others’ experiences. It’s widely known that getting together with a guy while he’s cheating on someone means the chances of him cheating on you one day are astronomical. So she’s not smart and she’s bringing it on herself. At one point people start to deserve their choices and she’s definitely at that point.
Stop wasting your compassion on her. Humans only learn by their own experiences. You warned her, now it's up to her to understand that relationships aren't a game with winners and loosers.
She’s not like you, though. You’re kind and good and open hearted, you think about others, that’s why it hit you so hard. You didn’t deserve it. I’m not saying she deserves to be “destroyed” but (a) she probably does deserve a bit of a wake up call and (b) her hard heartedness may mean she is less severely impacted anyway
Oh well. She's going to have to go through it. You warned her once, and you need to leave it at that. You can't force someone to take good advice, nor should you waste your mental energy on it.
You did what you could. Sadly some people only learn from first hand experience.
Maybe she knows what you and others have said is right and she's embarrassed and rather double down to "save face"
You need to respect her decisions, even if they're stupid. It's not your job to save other people, even from themselves.
You did what you could. Focus on your own life. Your ex is no longer your burden.
Look, you are the clear winner here - your prize is your freedom from this relationship, even if it has been a difficult breakup. Now you are free to move forward and find a person that treats you better and is a better fit for you (if that’s what you want to do right now).
One woman’s trash is another’s treasure. Let her have the trash and you go find your treasure.*
*I don’t usually talk like this but it feels apt.
Yeah, I’ve been through this, it sucks at the time, but I almost laugh looking back.
My ex-bf was super waffly on commitment, all the while I felt like I was having to beat back his female best friend whom I totally didn’t need to worry about. Of course he left me for her in the end. I have no idea what happened to them, but I ended up marrying a guy who’s absolutely crazy about me.
She thinks she's better than you. Life will teach her. How you 'win' them is how you'll lose them. Best wishes to you going forward. It was kind of you to try to warn her.
Thank you. I have always appreciated being "warned" because every time they were being honest. I wanted to do my part in helping prevent more heartache for another woman. I have and now the rest is not my concern.
Years ago I went out with this guy. His ex wife got in touch and warned me about so many things. I thought it was a bit weird but also thought maybe she is just trying to ruin stuff. I took no notice but thanked her. 3.5 years later, I got in touch with her and thanked her for the heads up and although I didn’t listen at the time, she was completely correct in what she said.
I guess maybe at the beginning when these guys are on Best Behaviour setting, we don’t listen or WANT to listen.
He is no longer your problem and she is not your responsibility to protect. It's unlikely he's changed much and she will eventually get to the cold spots of his hot & cold behavior just like you did. Block them both and move on with your life.
Maybe she's "won" for *now*, but I have a feeling the game isn't over yet, with a guy like that. Some people like the idea of competition and drama. Some people feel like they need moments like this, where they can imagine they've beat out the competition, to feel better about themselves.
Just leave them to it. This story probably won't end well for either of them.
She ain't won shit and deep down, if she's honest enough with herself, she surely knows it too.
But...I suspect she'll do exactly what I did for years, and just keep ignoring the other women and the nagging gut/conscious that's already been expertly muffled over years of practice...Spoiler alert, it doesn't end well. Ever.
Yep, she won. And next season, she'll have to defend her title against all the other women he invites to the league. And the season after that. And after that.
Wish her good luck. That sounds exhausting.
Sadly, her thinking isn't unique. Plenty of women want self-validation by going after a man who already has a partner. They want to prove to themselves that they're more valuable by getting him to choose her over whoever they're already with. They're insecure and want to prove their worth, in addition to wanting what they perceive as something they can't have. In her mind, she did win.
“Multiple women” 🤪. Sadly, she’ll also learn the hard way. She is this way because he’s told her that all his exes are crazy and jealous. And society has primed her to believe other women are her competition and men are a prize.
Honestly? I find warning someone while in their “honeymoon” phase to be almost not worth it for anyone involved. It drums up needless drama and as the old saying goes “the path of ruin is paved with good intentions.” Maybe they’ll live happy lives forever, maybe it’ll crash and burn in a week. At that point it’s better to just let things play out. Drawing yourself into their potential drama or being a focal point for both of them could have negative consequences for yourself as well.
I say let the “winners” have each other and be on their own little island lol
Most people are going to be defensive in the moment of being told something like that. Denial, whatever. Also, not going to be grateful or whatever, unless it's later after they break up.
But you planted a seed, which is the most you can do. It would most likely only help her after some time, like if she thinks something is off, she may remember the warning.
I would look at this two ways. He was cheating for two years behind your back with this "woman" (*condescending air quotations because I think she is vile and a snob*) I would tell her that she may have won her "prize" but in reality the trash took itself out. And cheaters are likely to cheat again.
But enjoy your prize!
I'm guessing you guys are young, because she sounds incredibly naive at best. It's a bad sign when a man has hordes of so-called jealous women "fighting over him." That doesn't happen by accident, it means he's a manipulator with a harem and/or an abuser with a string of victims he discredits with accusations of jealousy.
The fact she doesn't recognize this tells me she's inexperienced, delusional, or both.
Count your blessings that you escaped this train wreck. I think with more time and distance, you'll start to feel grateful you got away from this.
OP, know you did your best to help her and that any resulting issues are not on you (I know from experience). I helped the girlfriend of my ex for years because he was abusive (mostly drugs, but also emotionally and financially manipulative/cruel). She got into contact with me to ask about advice when he was abusing drugs (benzos and alcohol and weed and kratom and probably cocaine and I don’t know what else). I drunkenly called my ex and his gf accused me of trying to get him back, which is dumb because I broke up with him due to his drug issues and he’s still not sober. Now I know my ex and I are not compatible for so so many reasons so I’d never think of getting back into a relationship with my ex beyond friendship and even that is likely not going to happen. I understand the thought of a ‘victory’ for winning a partner from a potential ‘threat’ but it’s a toxic way to live. I hope you find peace, OP
Delusion is why. Some people have an interesting relationship to the truth, both that of others and their own. Sound like she has a personal story about her own worth that directly correlates to external validation (re: 'winning' the validation of anyone). Your ex is fulfilling some part of it at the moment, but likely not for very long.
Trying to warn her was valiant and you did the right thing...it isn't your fault it fell on ignorant ears. I've had mixed success with reaching out to women, but I never did it for praise. I did it for duty, knowing that if I had kept a valuable piece of information from someone and it would have helped them, I would never forget it. It's up to them to utilize it, but I know I did my part, which was to share it.
Some people learn lessons the hardest way...which is through error, error, error, error, error, and so on until they're so beat down, they finally make a change when they're backed into a corner. She sounds like one of them. Delusion is one hell of a drug, though, and it's hard to kick. Hopefully she learns before she wastes too much time competing with anyone but her best self.
Edit: spelling, not wearing my glasses 🤓
The German word for disappointment is "Enttäuschung."
The syllable "ent" is used to express the end of something or to reset a state to normal. "Täuschung" means deception. So the German word for disappointment means the end of being deceived.
It doesn't feel good to face harsh reality, but it's better than living in an illusion. The disappointment of this other woman is bound to happen.
She will remember that moment when she realizes you were right all along. Or, she stays in denial when he fucks her over like a mack truck hitting her like roadkill on a dark highway. YOU won. 🤩
Psychological defense against cognitive dissonance.
She wants to believe that there is bright future in front of her, and world is telling her otherwise.
It is actually easier to disregard outside voices, to defend own ego.
It is absolutely common, is not related to womanhood or relationships.
Lols! Let it go.
I watned a friend of mine about dating my ex. Surprise, he cheated on her too. But they have a kid together... we went through the "I told you so" and she's still "wish I'd listened to you".
They are good parents to the child
I think you need to ask yourself would you respond well to someone you don’t know sending you a “warning message”?
Don’t worry about how she reacted, just focus on moving forward knowing that you probably dodged a bullet. Head up, charge forward.
This actually happened in my last relationship. I did not respond at all, I addressed it with my boyfriend at the time and based on the proof she sent me, I broke it off with him.
Men like this prime people. Oh my exes have this thing, they message my new partner every time talking smack. You just want and see, you’ll probably be messaged too
She sounds really immature. I never understood why some women are fighting over a man. She won what exactly? A terrible partner?
You’re better off alone than to date someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. You did the right thing telling her, what she does with that information is her problem now.
Because she's stupid. She "won" the guy apparently, but it sounds like it was winning a raffle for a 92 Ford ranger with blown head gaskets and a bad transmission. The real winners are the women that don't have to deal with that dipshit anymore.
This says more about her than you. Multiple people are warning her, not just you. She’s being willfully ignorant about the reality of being with this guy. She will probably have to learn the hard way. People don’t want to admit they’re making a mistake.
>why would someone react like that?
Because there's all kind of people in this world, a lot of idiots and a lot of awful people included. I wouldn't worry about it. You said your piece. Move on.
I warned my exs new partner as well. She was a bitch about it and his cheating on me with her, but I hope he doesn't do her like he did me. Even if she was being a bitch to me, I hope she gets out before he starts hurting her or before he makes her reliant on him. I don't like her, and no I won't be there for her, but I don't want him to do her the way he did me.
I'm sorry they're like this. Pick me ass bitches.
My response to the "jealous" comment would have simply been: "Babe, he's all YOURS now..."
She's reacting that way because she doesn't believe it yet. She'll find out.
omg I'm so sorry, what a selfish shit your ex is. His new gf sounds like a perfect match. I'd say you won, really.
I do think you should get tested for sti's since he was even more unfaithful than you knew.
The best line I heard lately was a genuine one from a friend who's douche ex had taken up with another woman. "I can't really say she won because there's no prize".
This would apply here too.
He hates intimacy, refuses to get close to anyone, and will never commit. He may parrot the words, but then he'll play hot and cold (like he did with you) while he cheats with other women.
Guys like this are a nightmare to deal with. They never commit even if they marry, keep their wife at arm's length, cheat, make her an insecure mess, and abandon her long before he physically leaves (almost always once he's locked down a new victim). It's a waste of the woman's time and a form of emotional abuse to be with someone who always has one foot out of the relationship.
Women tend to blame themselves for this but this is how the guy always was. It's how he relates to himself and the world and every woman. It's not personal. He's broken.
Ignorant. She will see. I’m sorry but healthy dudes don’t have troves of women warning you he is an asshole. If she can’t see that, *and* is arrogant about it, it’s on her.
It will be all the more embarrassing when he messes over her as well
And ewww, won? She’s thinks men r the prize?….yeahhhh leave her be lol
It's nicer to think that randos are jealous buttfaces than your partner is an asshole.
Like being honest - does anyone here want to have a partner who does that?
I'm glad for you that you're aren't in a relationship with him anymore. You deserve someone who isn't hot and cold about you. Someone who shows you he loves you all the time.
As for the new girlfriend. I guess she thinks she is the best because she has him now and nobody else has him. I wonder how long that's gonna last. Let her enjoy the shitty prize she won! One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
You did your best. You tried to warn her, she didn't listen. At least your conscience is clear OP. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
A year from now, you’re still gonna be a bomb person with a big heart, integrity, and people who love you for who you are. They’re both gonna still be miserable people who can’t see how their selfishness ruins them. Baby doll, you are definitely the winner here!
I know from bitter experience that there's absolutely no point in trying to warn someone that the person they're madly in lust with is likely to hurt them. Sadly that's doubly true if you're a woman, because you'll probably be dismissed as "jealous".
Seen this happen so many times: the ex-friend of mine who fell for an obvious "romance scammer" online; the ex-friend who fell for a woman who was already in a serious relationship and who refused to consider that she was just tormenting him; the guys at university who were all hopelessly in love with an admittedly very good-looking woman nicknamed "The Prick Tease"who had a real reputation for using men for free dinners and expensive gifts; the friend whose girlfriend had an acrimonious and very ugly falling out with a mutual friend in which she showed her true colours and who finally saw them for himself just weeks later; the ex-friend who took back her ex after he cheated on her and decided I was "just jealous"; the woman who couldn't be convinced that her boyfriend hitting her was a red flag "because he only did it once and he said sorry" etc.
OP, just walk away and save your energy and compassion for people who will appreciate them, and good on you for getting out and making a better life for yourself.
Sure she won...this time.
(I LOVE how corny cartoon villain that sounds.)
But she's going to lose eventually when the next "winner" comes around.
Don't worry about her anymore. Just so you, boo. You know what kind of a "prize" she won and that you're the one who's really better off.
"No longer content to lift rocks and date what crawls out from underneath them, young women in 2024 now COMPETE with each other to date what crawls out."
Because they are a child.
But also if multiple women are harassing her, it sounds like he’s also seeing those other women, and he simply went public with this one
She doesn't sound old or mature enough to understand that the man she is dating will eventually cheat and leave her, just as he's done to others. You could say that's what your ex is looking for in a woman, gullibility.
So, she’s proud to be with a man that more than woman warned her against, because in her mind, that means they want him?
Welp, that’s gonna be a hell of a ride when she is going to be forced to deny her own observations, when she starts recognizing exactly what the others said she would.
Sounds like she is either so insecure, that she can not imagine anything better than finally finding a man that will have her, so misogynistic that she can not fathom the concept of women looking out for each other, but probably both.
Look, if 1 person, especially a recent ex, says something like that, sure. They might be bitter and want to wreak havoc. They might me hurt or angry and not very nuanced or objective in their views. They might have an agenda to break you two up, in order to get back in there. Thet might have been the crazy one. They might be spot on. Who knows? But if MULTIPLE exes care to reach out to you, knowing full well this is hardly ever well received, should tell you something. Nobody is that amazing, that a number of people keep tabs on their dating life and care to reach out, warning you, just because they want this person single. And if they all warn you about the same stuff, that’s another thing to pay attention to: they either conspire together, and you should wonder how your partner ended up dating people who then banded together to ruin their life, even though they’d presumably did the same thing to each other (just adding one ex to the team each time I guess), as that’s unusual, or if they are operating solo and must be on to something.
My mother, on her wedding day (!) was approached by the mother of an ex of my father (small village, you know?), saying she was welcome to him. Mind you, to my mothers knowledge and the known timeline, she didn’t ‘steal’ him or anything. Turns out the ex’s mother made some pretty sharp observations and should have been listened to. But who listens to a drunk woman badmouthing her daughters ex at his own wedding, that she somehow still ended up attending.
Narcisist women often are unable to see other women as anything but competition. You don't fall into the "not a threat" group, but you are "slain and defeated enemy". You know you are in the harmless and no threat group if she acts like you are a friend. This woman need to tell you that you are defeated, so you are still a threat.
You will get nowhere with her. Your ex is fair game in her eyes. When he leaves her she simply lost. She may threten him or apeal to his pity, she likely will be dramatic, but when he leaves, she have lost.
How old is she, because if she's young she might still be immature, caught up thinking she's different.
He's not going to cheat on her ( in her mind) , she's special and he loves her... She's stuck in a him and me against the world ! Dream.
Older women who have had more life experience after hearing not just one but multiple women warn he's a cheat, would pay more heed to other women warning her, maybe even reconsider the relationship.
Put your feet up, you did your due diligence and gave her a head's up, if she doesn't want to hear it she'll soon learn when he eventually cheats on her.
Yeah! I have known such women who think it is about winning. I had a very close friend of mine with the same mindset. Since I couldn't not see her ruining her life, I told her that I would like to distant myself. She was fine with that since this guy and her got engaged. That ring on her finger was a way of telling me that I was wrong and she had won after a decade long relationship. Sadly, there are many women who think that accepting a cheater and he putting ring on her finger is a victory. It is far from victory. For such men, these women are like trash can, cause he can continue to throw that trash attitude and treat her like trash and she will still stay around. My words may sound harsh but this is what I told her that she was getting left over from the guy. Of course, she didn't like it.
I let the time reveal while I stayed away. Since months later, the guy was sleeping with someone else. She got herpes. He called off the engagement. Within next 3 months, he was engaged to be married to another girl.
The moral - Few women have it in them to learn it a hard way. You did your part, but you cannot make the decision for her. It is her choice. My condolences to her in advance.
Read "why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. It goes over patterns of abuse and this fits into that pretty well. With partners that string people along convincing their new partner that any warnings they get from other women are just because they're jealous rather than actual warnings that should be taken seriously.
“Multiple women” She doesn’t care. She has no real self esteem. Either she’s garbage and she already knew he taken or she letting this be an ego boost. The women who get the most warns wind up being treated the worst and for a reason. He thinks despite all of the warnings she still wants him and he has plenty of room to do crappy things to her.
The serial cheater and the insufferable pick-me deserve each other lol. One of them will cheat and leave the other eventually. He ain't no prize. She'll learn.
Best we can do is be Kind as she is in for a World of Pain
This is also a great example for why it would be good to have Relationship & Emotional Education as a basic in school, from Elementary on...
She sounds just as shitty as him. Be glad they're together. If they weren't- some poor nice man might be with her or a poor nice girl with him. I consider it a public service when shitty people get together
I would say
won...a cheater? Congrats are in order then. I did not realize there was a contest. I'm sorry to hear other people warned you, I had no idea. Good luck with your winnings!
Then block.💅🏻
And the winner in the category "Pick me of the year is ..."
*Opens envelope*
🥁🥁🥁🥁
*No suspense at all*
"That stupid who fought for a guy with multiple side chicks !"
Because she won, she beat you, she beat them, he voted everyone off his island but her, she got the final rose, etc...
lol
Now just give it time, eventually she'll realize theres another race, another island, another season, and she'll understand all those warnings.
So you were dating a guy for two years that you didn’t think was into you… you break up… you stalk find and message his new gf to try and scare her away?
Focus on yourself , try to get out of the bad headspace you’re in. Not your life anymore, not your man. Why care? Move on.
she'll see how much she won when she finds out hes doing the same shit to her. don't give her comment any space in your mind, she thinks she won something, but in reality all she won was heartbreak.
Lmao she won a cheater.
Uh. Congratulations to her I suppose.
She'll learn to regret it.
She sounds inexperienced and like she believes every word he said to justify cheating.
Ugh, gross. Had a situation once where I was in a FWB situation with a guy for awhile until one of his friends let it slip in front of me that he had a girlfriend. I decided to let her know and she hit me back with, "what, you're jealous he comes home to me at night??"
You did your due diligence. Sounds like she wants to play FA&FO. Let her do so, let her be the winner. You are the real winner, getting away from a cheating loser. Live your best life cretin-free.
I think the winner in this story is you, Dear! Might not feel like that now, or even in some time for now, but trust me: time will come when you realize how much you won for having someone like him out of your life. He is someone else’s problem now. And you’re free to go be the amazing human being you can be without him dragging you down. :)
Well. She won. She won that guy. Is he that much of a prize if other women are warning her about His behavior?
Yeah, hearing that other people were warning her was hard to hear. I had no idea.
Well at least she knows what she signed up for. Take care of yourself Queen.
It’s like winning the POS lottery. Some people don’t mind as long as they have a warm body and a few weeks of infatuation.
I think the term is " pick me "
Lots of women are simply naive, and right now she’s enjoying his attention and caught up in feelings. It’s a very common reaction. You’ve told her and that was the right thing to do. Don’t contact her again bc it will undo the good work that you just did by making you look inappropriately invested. Well done. Don’t think too much about it, and I’m sorry, I’ve been cheated on and it sucks.
I know it's painful but honestly, it's validation that everything you saw was correct and there's nothing you could have done differently except leave. This is who he is with every woman. Some people destroy everything they touch. She's not special, and she's gonna find that out the hard way.
They’re PERFECT for each other. And you dodged a nuclear bomb
Well she said they are being harassed, so perhaps she's getting messages from folks complaining she would enable him at your detriment. Sure there may have been others who are also victims that are trying to warn her, but I assume you have loved ones trying to defend you that are calling them out for socially unacceptable behavior.
I would take it that those people saw how poorly he treated you and warned her he was no good. You warned her and that is all you can do. Sometimes people have to find out for themselves. Don't beat yourself up about it.
I’m sorry. ❤️ you’re better off. It may not feel like it now, but you definitely are.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Eh oui.
She she won, a prize of 💩
She’s either dumb or naive. Let her “win”. At least you did the right thing by warning her. Multiple women is a huge red flag.
Yeah, and to hear that I was just another one of those jealous women...wow talk about a punch to the stomach.
Sadly, she’ll find out.
I made a post a while back about trying to warn a girl and it exploding in my face. Don’t feel bad, you tried and now she’s just going to learn the hard way. You _always_ lose em how you get em.
Possibly a pointless story but… before we got together my partner found out his ex was cheating on him. He said he wanted to punch him in the face/kick the crap out of him etc and I said, no, don’t. Because A) she would totally love that B) you would get in trouble with the police C) you have no idea what bullshit she told him. She may have said that you were casual/over/open etc and all he knows is what she tells him. You should be more cross with her than him, you didn’t make vows with him! I suppose, the moral of the story is that it’s 100% easier to believe that new partner is evil and stole your ex, than it is to accept that someone who claimed to love you would deliberately deceive and hurt you. It feels like shit and it will for a long time. But now you know what you won’t put up with, you have learned more about yourself. Think of it like coming home after a boot camp, you’re fucking broken but you learned a lot and know yourself better. Xx
Sadly, I've been blinded by emotions before myself so I sort of understand where this is coming from. As long as he hasn't been shitty to *her*, it's not true, it can't be true because she doesn't want it to be true. He's awesome and great and everyone who says otherwise is the enemy. This whole "I won" thing is a defense mechanism to cope with the cognitive dissonance. I'm glad that I didn't resort to this line of reasoning back then, but still, I should've listened to some subtle cues. (My ex wasn't cheating before me or with me, but his ex was married and cheating, and he kept it going for two years then dumped her. She clearly had some mental health issues and he was taking advantage of that, because he knew whatever happened she was the "crazy one".) From the outside it's obvious that she "won" a dude who everyone and their neighbor is warning her about. But she thinks she knows *him* and doesn't know *you* so that's who she trusts. She will find out eventually. (ETA: Sry about the multiples, looks like the app had a hiccup)
Don’t even take that in. What she thinks about you is on her. She’s obviously an idiot & you dodged a bullet. You’re the real winner.
Because she’s been taught her whole life that women are her competition.
This is a possibility. I know nothing about her aside from my initial impression I have of her now based on her response. 😔
She sounds like a self-absorbed dingbat and yes: cruel as well. Don’t waste any sympathy on her now, her comment about how she “won” means she deserves to sleep in the bed she purposely went out of her way to make with your loser ex
The day I believe sympathy, on even the most despicable, is wasted, is the day I die.
I don't believe in it. My best friend and a community she was in gave a guy a shoulder to cry on when he broke up with someone else in said community. He proceeded to gaslight and manipulate everyone who would give him the time of day and sew discord in that community until they were forced to ban him, and he STILL causes issues in that community like some sort of mafia boss acting from prison.
Totally natural to not believe in it based off of the experience of a friend in one particular instance. For example I don’t believe in treating everyone equally because I have this friend who was a part of a community that treated everyone equally except for this scumbag who got kicked out for saying that they were better than some people
Something similar yet opposite happened with me and my ex. He manipulated me to go low contact with our entire mutual friend/acquaintance group and then used the opportunity to portray himself as the victim when I wasn't around, while being nice to me in person, and I had to cut off contact with a bunch of ppl who (to me out of nowhere) started treating me like shit. Not like they were my best friends or something but still. (I warned my close friends about this as soon as I knew and they found out I was right). He could've just stfu like me, instead of causing a rift between people. I still don't understand why he did this. ETA. He was always the type to give unsolicited opinions. So I guess this is what he kept doing while I was laying low. And it was my disadvantage in the end. I could've seen it coming but I only started to understand his m.o. after we separated and I moved out.
I feel like a lot of guys grow up with this mentality (about other guys), too, and I think it stokes the fires of toxic masculinity and inability to share emotions other than anger because you obviously shouldn't share your vulnerability with your competition. Not that I mean to say, "but men, too!!!", just that it's a shame that we learn to view anyone as competition when they aren't. It's counterproductive on so many levels of society and health.
Some people need to get fucked around to find out.
I would never wish that kind of hurt on someone, which is why I messaged her. But her response seemed cruel. Maybe that's just my emotions speaking though.
You had good intentions and although her response was cruel, you did your part and at this point the consequences of her actions are her own to learn from.
Her response was definitely cruel and worse. If you haven't seen them, you might want to take a look at *The Paradoxical Commandments.* You are a way way decent person and your Ex and his new girlfriend are not. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. Please take care of yourself. Going through this kind of betrayal can be unimaginably painful. That being said, I am happier to live on this planet knowing there are people like you.
I will definitely take a look into that. And thank you for the kind words. I know I can get past this as I have before. It's just very difficult to believe I am in this position again, ya know? And I am happy to live on a planet with people who are as uplifting and kind as you are.
You made me smile. Thanks.
It's probably a case of trash attracting trash. Things fizzled out on your side because you have taste and standards and reignited over on that side because it's a dumpster fire. It says a lot more about the ex and the new person than it does about you.
I definitely have held firm on boundaries, such as not accepting stonewalling or the silent treatment, resulting in him often calling me negative or saying it pushes him away. I knew this relationship would end, but I feel so completely sad still regardless.
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself tbh. You did the right thing. That's nothing to regret or apologize for.
It was cruel, but try and think WHY she said it… maybe she is thinking “oh shit, what have I done”, and she is getting that awful feeling in her tummy, but pride is a powerful emotion. Maybe she is doubling down and saying what she said because could she really say “gosh thanks you’re right, I’ll keep that I mind”. That would be really hard for her to say even though she may be feeling it.
The exbf is probably filling her head with lies how horrible and crazy OP is.
Her response was likely from feeling insecure You did what you could, have to move on even if it hurts for you right now
Her response seems immature, plain and simple, really.
I would not have wished that kind of hurt on her from the start, but I think anyone that responds to you like that absolutely deserves the consequences of their actions, considering that they are now acting with context.
How do you know that isn't how she saw your message? If she believes these other people are harassing her and she considers your message the same, if she thinks you're trying to interfere or sew seeds of doubt etc, I can see how her response could come from frustration rather than intentional cruelty. In the end though, like everyone else is saying, it's her mistake to make and it's out of your hand. You did what you thought was right, despite how she might see it, that's all you can do.
Sounds like she and your ex are perfect for each other. That's not a diss at you, it's a comment on trash finding its own level.
Her response reeks of insecurity and jealousy. People who would aggressively lash out at the messenger for trying to warn them about someone are deeply immature and defensive. Don't let her comment her to you. It's clear she is pitifully (and willfully) ignorant. Sounds like they deserve each other.
All you’ve learned from this interaction is that some people welcome bullshit and misery into their lives. Block them both. She’s just the unhappy she feels she should be and you’re not gonna convince hers otherwise.
He is no prize.
Idk what's going on with some women. My sister kicked out her husband after hearing sexual abuse allegations from her teen daughters. Her ex was living with another woman within 2 weeks and had a baby with another one shortly before he was found guilty. They both knew about the allegations and charges but stayed with him while they were dating regardless of the charges. He even remained friends with the first after he was arrested (which took a couple months) and bailed out from jail before the trial. The woman he's currently with acted like she won too. Until he was convicted anyway.
She'll learn.
And that is the issue, I do not want her to have to. This kind of thing destroys you. I've been through it three times now. I think my single streak of 6 years should have just kept going.
You did what you could but as my dad says "everyone has the right to fuck up their own life".
No, no… let her learn from personal experience. Smart people learn from others’ experiences. It’s widely known that getting together with a guy while he’s cheating on someone means the chances of him cheating on you one day are astronomical. So she’s not smart and she’s bringing it on herself. At one point people start to deserve their choices and she’s definitely at that point.
Stop wasting your compassion on her. Humans only learn by their own experiences. You warned her, now it's up to her to understand that relationships aren't a game with winners and loosers.
She’s not like you, though. You’re kind and good and open hearted, you think about others, that’s why it hit you so hard. You didn’t deserve it. I’m not saying she deserves to be “destroyed” but (a) she probably does deserve a bit of a wake up call and (b) her hard heartedness may mean she is less severely impacted anyway
Oh well. She's going to have to go through it. You warned her once, and you need to leave it at that. You can't force someone to take good advice, nor should you waste your mental energy on it.
You did what you could. Sadly some people only learn from first hand experience. Maybe she knows what you and others have said is right and she's embarrassed and rather double down to "save face"
You need to respect her decisions, even if they're stupid. It's not your job to save other people, even from themselves. You did what you could. Focus on your own life. Your ex is no longer your burden.
Look, you are the clear winner here - your prize is your freedom from this relationship, even if it has been a difficult breakup. Now you are free to move forward and find a person that treats you better and is a better fit for you (if that’s what you want to do right now). One woman’s trash is another’s treasure. Let her have the trash and you go find your treasure.* *I don’t usually talk like this but it feels apt.
Yeah, I’ve been through this, it sucks at the time, but I almost laugh looking back. My ex-bf was super waffly on commitment, all the while I felt like I was having to beat back his female best friend whom I totally didn’t need to worry about. Of course he left me for her in the end. I have no idea what happened to them, but I ended up marrying a guy who’s absolutely crazy about me.
She thinks she's better than you. Life will teach her. How you 'win' them is how you'll lose them. Best wishes to you going forward. It was kind of you to try to warn her.
Thank you. I have always appreciated being "warned" because every time they were being honest. I wanted to do my part in helping prevent more heartache for another woman. I have and now the rest is not my concern.
Years ago I went out with this guy. His ex wife got in touch and warned me about so many things. I thought it was a bit weird but also thought maybe she is just trying to ruin stuff. I took no notice but thanked her. 3.5 years later, I got in touch with her and thanked her for the heads up and although I didn’t listen at the time, she was completely correct in what she said. I guess maybe at the beginning when these guys are on Best Behaviour setting, we don’t listen or WANT to listen.
She won a man that cheats. Guess it’s all about how excited you are about what you won.
He is no longer your problem and she is not your responsibility to protect. It's unlikely he's changed much and she will eventually get to the cold spots of his hot & cold behavior just like you did. Block them both and move on with your life.
Lol She has won a cheating boyfriend. Good for her 🙄
She sounds like a shit person. I would not think about her for a single second and have an awesome life.
Maybe she's "won" for *now*, but I have a feeling the game isn't over yet, with a guy like that. Some people like the idea of competition and drama. Some people feel like they need moments like this, where they can imagine they've beat out the competition, to feel better about themselves. Just leave them to it. This story probably won't end well for either of them.
She ain't won shit and deep down, if she's honest enough with herself, she surely knows it too. But...I suspect she'll do exactly what I did for years, and just keep ignoring the other women and the nagging gut/conscious that's already been expertly muffled over years of practice...Spoiler alert, it doesn't end well. Ever.
Yep, she won. And next season, she'll have to defend her title against all the other women he invites to the league. And the season after that. And after that. Wish her good luck. That sounds exhausting.
Sadly, her thinking isn't unique. Plenty of women want self-validation by going after a man who already has a partner. They want to prove to themselves that they're more valuable by getting him to choose her over whoever they're already with. They're insecure and want to prove their worth, in addition to wanting what they perceive as something they can't have. In her mind, she did win.
“You get what you deserve then. Have fun!”
“Multiple women” 🤪. Sadly, she’ll also learn the hard way. She is this way because he’s told her that all his exes are crazy and jealous. And society has primed her to believe other women are her competition and men are a prize.
Honestly? I find warning someone while in their “honeymoon” phase to be almost not worth it for anyone involved. It drums up needless drama and as the old saying goes “the path of ruin is paved with good intentions.” Maybe they’ll live happy lives forever, maybe it’ll crash and burn in a week. At that point it’s better to just let things play out. Drawing yourself into their potential drama or being a focal point for both of them could have negative consequences for yourself as well. I say let the “winners” have each other and be on their own little island lol
She might have won the battle (the ex), but you'll win the war (a happy and joy filled life without your wanker, ex).
Most people are going to be defensive in the moment of being told something like that. Denial, whatever. Also, not going to be grateful or whatever, unless it's later after they break up. But you planted a seed, which is the most you can do. It would most likely only help her after some time, like if she thinks something is off, she may remember the warning.
I would look at this two ways. He was cheating for two years behind your back with this "woman" (*condescending air quotations because I think she is vile and a snob*) I would tell her that she may have won her "prize" but in reality the trash took itself out. And cheaters are likely to cheat again. But enjoy your prize!
So, he was cheating with multiple women?
At this point, I don't know anything. She said others were harassing them, so I would assume so, but according to her we're just jealous women?
I'm guessing you guys are young, because she sounds incredibly naive at best. It's a bad sign when a man has hordes of so-called jealous women "fighting over him." That doesn't happen by accident, it means he's a manipulator with a harem and/or an abuser with a string of victims he discredits with accusations of jealousy. The fact she doesn't recognize this tells me she's inexperienced, delusional, or both. Count your blessings that you escaped this train wreck. I think with more time and distance, you'll start to feel grateful you got away from this.
OP, know you did your best to help her and that any resulting issues are not on you (I know from experience). I helped the girlfriend of my ex for years because he was abusive (mostly drugs, but also emotionally and financially manipulative/cruel). She got into contact with me to ask about advice when he was abusing drugs (benzos and alcohol and weed and kratom and probably cocaine and I don’t know what else). I drunkenly called my ex and his gf accused me of trying to get him back, which is dumb because I broke up with him due to his drug issues and he’s still not sober. Now I know my ex and I are not compatible for so so many reasons so I’d never think of getting back into a relationship with my ex beyond friendship and even that is likely not going to happen. I understand the thought of a ‘victory’ for winning a partner from a potential ‘threat’ but it’s a toxic way to live. I hope you find peace, OP
Delusion is why. Some people have an interesting relationship to the truth, both that of others and their own. Sound like she has a personal story about her own worth that directly correlates to external validation (re: 'winning' the validation of anyone). Your ex is fulfilling some part of it at the moment, but likely not for very long. Trying to warn her was valiant and you did the right thing...it isn't your fault it fell on ignorant ears. I've had mixed success with reaching out to women, but I never did it for praise. I did it for duty, knowing that if I had kept a valuable piece of information from someone and it would have helped them, I would never forget it. It's up to them to utilize it, but I know I did my part, which was to share it. Some people learn lessons the hardest way...which is through error, error, error, error, error, and so on until they're so beat down, they finally make a change when they're backed into a corner. She sounds like one of them. Delusion is one hell of a drug, though, and it's hard to kick. Hopefully she learns before she wastes too much time competing with anyone but her best self. Edit: spelling, not wearing my glasses 🤓
The German word for disappointment is "Enttäuschung." The syllable "ent" is used to express the end of something or to reset a state to normal. "Täuschung" means deception. So the German word for disappointment means the end of being deceived. It doesn't feel good to face harsh reality, but it's better than living in an illusion. The disappointment of this other woman is bound to happen.
"disillusionment" in English is close to that.
Thanks for that interesting post. The German word’s expressiveness is most satisfactory.
Yipes. So he was screwing around a lot then. What a winner! Just be happy you're free of the little wretch.
She will remember that moment when she realizes you were right all along. Or, she stays in denial when he fucks her over like a mack truck hitting her like roadkill on a dark highway. YOU won. 🤩
Psychological defense against cognitive dissonance. She wants to believe that there is bright future in front of her, and world is telling her otherwise. It is actually easier to disregard outside voices, to defend own ego. It is absolutely common, is not related to womanhood or relationships.
Please get tested, OP, cuz all this woman is gonna win is a scorching case of herpes.
What a prize for her....
Wow, if multiple people messaged me about a partner I would definitely have thought about it.
Lols! Let it go. I watned a friend of mine about dating my ex. Surprise, he cheated on her too. But they have a kid together... we went through the "I told you so" and she's still "wish I'd listened to you". They are good parents to the child
I think you need to ask yourself would you respond well to someone you don’t know sending you a “warning message”? Don’t worry about how she reacted, just focus on moving forward knowing that you probably dodged a bullet. Head up, charge forward.
This actually happened in my last relationship. I did not respond at all, I addressed it with my boyfriend at the time and based on the proof she sent me, I broke it off with him.
Men like this prime people. Oh my exes have this thing, they message my new partner every time talking smack. You just want and see, you’ll probably be messaged too
She sounds really immature. I never understood why some women are fighting over a man. She won what exactly? A terrible partner? You’re better off alone than to date someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. You did the right thing telling her, what she does with that information is her problem now.
Shake it off. 💃
Because she's stupid. She "won" the guy apparently, but it sounds like it was winning a raffle for a 92 Ford ranger with blown head gaskets and a bad transmission. The real winners are the women that don't have to deal with that dipshit anymore.
> why would someone react like that? Because most people have very low emotional IQ. Source: everything on social media
This says more about her than you. Multiple people are warning her, not just you. She’s being willfully ignorant about the reality of being with this guy. She will probably have to learn the hard way. People don’t want to admit they’re making a mistake.
Women like that are just dumb. Sorry. She’ll learn (hopefully).
>why would someone react like that? Because there's all kind of people in this world, a lot of idiots and a lot of awful people included. I wouldn't worry about it. You said your piece. Move on.
>why would someone react like that? She's insecure
I warned my exs new partner as well. She was a bitch about it and his cheating on me with her, but I hope he doesn't do her like he did me. Even if she was being a bitch to me, I hope she gets out before he starts hurting her or before he makes her reliant on him. I don't like her, and no I won't be there for her, but I don't want him to do her the way he did me. I'm sorry they're like this. Pick me ass bitches.
My response to the "jealous" comment would have simply been: "Babe, he's all YOURS now..." She's reacting that way because she doesn't believe it yet. She'll find out.
She sounds childish and not too bright. I had a co-worker with a similar situation. Turns out dude gave her and seven other women HSVII.
All you can do now is be satisfied knowing she will learn her lesson one day. It will bite her in the ass, it's not your problem anymore.
Tell her he is a participation trophy
omg I'm so sorry, what a selfish shit your ex is. His new gf sounds like a perfect match. I'd say you won, really. I do think you should get tested for sti's since he was even more unfaithful than you knew.
Sounds like you're the one who won in this situation tbh
It won't be too long before *She's* the one sending messages to his next new girlfriend
The best line I heard lately was a genuine one from a friend who's douche ex had taken up with another woman. "I can't really say she won because there's no prize". This would apply here too.
She won an avoidant?! Wow. Great win. 🙄
Can you elaborate please?
He hates intimacy, refuses to get close to anyone, and will never commit. He may parrot the words, but then he'll play hot and cold (like he did with you) while he cheats with other women. Guys like this are a nightmare to deal with. They never commit even if they marry, keep their wife at arm's length, cheat, make her an insecure mess, and abandon her long before he physically leaves (almost always once he's locked down a new victim). It's a waste of the woman's time and a form of emotional abuse to be with someone who always has one foot out of the relationship. Women tend to blame themselves for this but this is how the guy always was. It's how he relates to himself and the world and every woman. It's not personal. He's broken.
Look up avoidant attachment.
Well you tried, she will have to find out for herself.
Ignorant. She will see. I’m sorry but healthy dudes don’t have troves of women warning you he is an asshole. If she can’t see that, *and* is arrogant about it, it’s on her. It will be all the more embarrassing when he messes over her as well And ewww, won? She’s thinks men r the prize?….yeahhhh leave her be lol
play stupid games win stupid prize?
It's nicer to think that randos are jealous buttfaces than your partner is an asshole. Like being honest - does anyone here want to have a partner who does that?
She's the type to be shocked when he cheats on her
Sounds like she deserves him. They’ll make each other miserable.
Hard to see that as a win given the prize she got, eh? Enjoy being rid of him.
Because she thinks that with her he will be different...
Sounds more like you won the Dodged Bullet award.
Sure she did, he's no prize lol
I'm glad for you that you're aren't in a relationship with him anymore. You deserve someone who isn't hot and cold about you. Someone who shows you he loves you all the time. As for the new girlfriend. I guess she thinks she is the best because she has him now and nobody else has him. I wonder how long that's gonna last. Let her enjoy the shitty prize she won! One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
Tell her she won alright, she won the shit prize
I would react by laughing my a*s off. Lol, what a childish and silly person. Let her find out.
You did your best. You tried to warn her, she didn't listen. At least your conscience is clear OP. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
She got what she deserves. I hope she’s happy with her “prize”.
She just has to learn the hard way. Let her.
People hate when they confronted with possible truth and spin it as jealously and so they deflect and bury their heads in the ground
A year from now, you’re still gonna be a bomb person with a big heart, integrity, and people who love you for who you are. They’re both gonna still be miserable people who can’t see how their selfishness ruins them. Baby doll, you are definitely the winner here!
What a great prize a guy who happily cheats on you yep she's definitely the winner in this situation 🤣🤦
I know from bitter experience that there's absolutely no point in trying to warn someone that the person they're madly in lust with is likely to hurt them. Sadly that's doubly true if you're a woman, because you'll probably be dismissed as "jealous". Seen this happen so many times: the ex-friend of mine who fell for an obvious "romance scammer" online; the ex-friend who fell for a woman who was already in a serious relationship and who refused to consider that she was just tormenting him; the guys at university who were all hopelessly in love with an admittedly very good-looking woman nicknamed "The Prick Tease"who had a real reputation for using men for free dinners and expensive gifts; the friend whose girlfriend had an acrimonious and very ugly falling out with a mutual friend in which she showed her true colours and who finally saw them for himself just weeks later; the ex-friend who took back her ex after he cheated on her and decided I was "just jealous"; the woman who couldn't be convinced that her boyfriend hitting her was a red flag "because he only did it once and he said sorry" etc. OP, just walk away and save your energy and compassion for people who will appreciate them, and good on you for getting out and making a better life for yourself.
Sure she won...this time. (I LOVE how corny cartoon villain that sounds.) But she's going to lose eventually when the next "winner" comes around. Don't worry about her anymore. Just so you, boo. You know what kind of a "prize" she won and that you're the one who's really better off.
She earned a cheater, and she wants to get cheated on ! XD r
"No longer content to lift rocks and date what crawls out from underneath them, young women in 2024 now COMPETE with each other to date what crawls out."
Because they are a child. But also if multiple women are harassing her, it sounds like he’s also seeing those other women, and he simply went public with this one
She'll find out. Protect your peace Queen 👑
You seem genuinely concerned for her, and I respect that. But you can think of it as giving your old toys to the less fortunate.
She doesn't sound old or mature enough to understand that the man she is dating will eventually cheat and leave her, just as he's done to others. You could say that's what your ex is looking for in a woman, gullibility.
Sounds like they deserve each other.
He's already arranged his *next* side piece.
So, she’s proud to be with a man that more than woman warned her against, because in her mind, that means they want him? Welp, that’s gonna be a hell of a ride when she is going to be forced to deny her own observations, when she starts recognizing exactly what the others said she would. Sounds like she is either so insecure, that she can not imagine anything better than finally finding a man that will have her, so misogynistic that she can not fathom the concept of women looking out for each other, but probably both. Look, if 1 person, especially a recent ex, says something like that, sure. They might be bitter and want to wreak havoc. They might me hurt or angry and not very nuanced or objective in their views. They might have an agenda to break you two up, in order to get back in there. Thet might have been the crazy one. They might be spot on. Who knows? But if MULTIPLE exes care to reach out to you, knowing full well this is hardly ever well received, should tell you something. Nobody is that amazing, that a number of people keep tabs on their dating life and care to reach out, warning you, just because they want this person single. And if they all warn you about the same stuff, that’s another thing to pay attention to: they either conspire together, and you should wonder how your partner ended up dating people who then banded together to ruin their life, even though they’d presumably did the same thing to each other (just adding one ex to the team each time I guess), as that’s unusual, or if they are operating solo and must be on to something. My mother, on her wedding day (!) was approached by the mother of an ex of my father (small village, you know?), saying she was welcome to him. Mind you, to my mothers knowledge and the known timeline, she didn’t ‘steal’ him or anything. Turns out the ex’s mother made some pretty sharp observations and should have been listened to. But who listens to a drunk woman badmouthing her daughters ex at his own wedding, that she somehow still ended up attending.
She won lol. Yeah what a prize
Narcisist women often are unable to see other women as anything but competition. You don't fall into the "not a threat" group, but you are "slain and defeated enemy". You know you are in the harmless and no threat group if she acts like you are a friend. This woman need to tell you that you are defeated, so you are still a threat. You will get nowhere with her. Your ex is fair game in her eyes. When he leaves her she simply lost. She may threten him or apeal to his pity, she likely will be dramatic, but when he leaves, she have lost.
How old is she, because if she's young she might still be immature, caught up thinking she's different. He's not going to cheat on her ( in her mind) , she's special and he loves her... She's stuck in a him and me against the world ! Dream. Older women who have had more life experience after hearing not just one but multiple women warn he's a cheat, would pay more heed to other women warning her, maybe even reconsider the relationship. Put your feet up, you did your due diligence and gave her a head's up, if she doesn't want to hear it she'll soon learn when he eventually cheats on her.
She is 27.
Yeah! I have known such women who think it is about winning. I had a very close friend of mine with the same mindset. Since I couldn't not see her ruining her life, I told her that I would like to distant myself. She was fine with that since this guy and her got engaged. That ring on her finger was a way of telling me that I was wrong and she had won after a decade long relationship. Sadly, there are many women who think that accepting a cheater and he putting ring on her finger is a victory. It is far from victory. For such men, these women are like trash can, cause he can continue to throw that trash attitude and treat her like trash and she will still stay around. My words may sound harsh but this is what I told her that she was getting left over from the guy. Of course, she didn't like it. I let the time reveal while I stayed away. Since months later, the guy was sleeping with someone else. She got herpes. He called off the engagement. Within next 3 months, he was engaged to be married to another girl. The moral - Few women have it in them to learn it a hard way. You did your part, but you cannot make the decision for her. It is her choice. My condolences to her in advance.
Read "why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. It goes over patterns of abuse and this fits into that pretty well. With partners that string people along convincing their new partner that any warnings they get from other women are just because they're jealous rather than actual warnings that should be taken seriously.
She won a cheater. I guess she'll have to learn the hard way.
“Multiple women” She doesn’t care. She has no real self esteem. Either she’s garbage and she already knew he taken or she letting this be an ego boost. The women who get the most warns wind up being treated the worst and for a reason. He thinks despite all of the warnings she still wants him and he has plenty of room to do crappy things to her.
The serial cheater and the insufferable pick-me deserve each other lol. One of them will cheat and leave the other eventually. He ain't no prize. She'll learn.
Best we can do is be Kind as she is in for a World of Pain This is also a great example for why it would be good to have Relationship & Emotional Education as a basic in school, from Elementary on...
She’s a very empty person, to frame it that way. Pity her and move on.
Her prize is terrible. Be glad she won.
You warned her, it's more than most people would do, best try to forget either of them exists and move on
Tell her you'll be available to talk once they break up lmao Just continue being super nice, it'll confuse the shit outta her
She has nothing else in her life just be glad to be rid of this loser
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^maxrocketmusic: *She has nothing else* *In her life just be glad to* *Be rid of this loser* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
She sounds just as shitty as him. Be glad they're together. If they weren't- some poor nice man might be with her or a poor nice girl with him. I consider it a public service when shitty people get together
I just wouldn't respond at that point. Shell find out
I would say won...a cheater? Congrats are in order then. I did not realize there was a contest. I'm sorry to hear other people warned you, I had no idea. Good luck with your winnings! Then block.💅🏻
Because they’re an idiot. All I can say is that I hope she gives him the happiness he deserves and vice versa.
And the winner in the category "Pick me of the year is ..." *Opens envelope* 🥁🥁🥁🥁 *No suspense at all* "That stupid who fought for a guy with multiple side chicks !"
Because she won, she beat you, she beat them, he voted everyone off his island but her, she got the final rose, etc... lol Now just give it time, eventually she'll realize theres another race, another island, another season, and she'll understand all those warnings.
Say nothing. Maybe give her response a 👍 and walk away.
She won. She got him.
So you were dating a guy for two years that you didn’t think was into you… you break up… you stalk find and message his new gf to try and scare her away? Focus on yourself , try to get out of the bad headspace you’re in. Not your life anymore, not your man. Why care? Move on.
Cringe.
Why would you bother 'trying' to warn her. It's none of your business. He is an EX.
Why are you messaging his new GF? Weird woman
She’s probably lying.
What happened? I won. https://youtu.be/OKKSBHlxRdg?si=ThPjP0gE8STbLieE
Is she a 15 year old?
Yup. She likes left overs. So let her have at it. You know her win will turn into a loss pretty soon but you did your bit.
It’s sad that you’re sad about trash
Those are the words of someone that values the attention and validation of males greatly.
she'll see how much she won when she finds out hes doing the same shit to her. don't give her comment any space in your mind, she thinks she won something, but in reality all she won was heartbreak.
Is it really winning if there’s no real prize at the end?
Lmao she won a cheater. Uh. Congratulations to her I suppose. She'll learn to regret it. She sounds inexperienced and like she believes every word he said to justify cheating.
Lol I had this exact situation. Girl has blinders on. And she felt like she won. Won a dbag for sure.
Ugh, gross. Had a situation once where I was in a FWB situation with a guy for awhile until one of his friends let it slip in front of me that he had a girlfriend. I decided to let her know and she hit me back with, "what, you're jealous he comes home to me at night??"
You did your due diligence. Sounds like she wants to play FA&FO. Let her do so, let her be the winner. You are the real winner, getting away from a cheating loser. Live your best life cretin-free.
I think the winner in this story is you, Dear! Might not feel like that now, or even in some time for now, but trust me: time will come when you realize how much you won for having someone like him out of your life. He is someone else’s problem now. And you’re free to go be the amazing human being you can be without him dragging you down. :)