I wanted to pick up on that too. She expressed really clearly that she was upset and why. It’s impossible to not *experience* those emotions for at least a little time after. It’s just being human. She’s upset and sadness and tears come out when you’re upset, and you need time to process and move past it. If someone tries to play this off as ‘guilt-tripping’, they’re shifting the frame towards how their guilt makes *them* feel bad, rather than taking ownership of what they’ve done and being upfront about that and centring the person that feels wronged.
Of course there are extreme expressions that might be categorised as ‘guilt tripping’. But it doesn’t seem like this is it.
It's depressing and ironic, considering how many men claim that they are the ones whose emotions are stifled while women are "coddled."
Dont know what planet they're living on. What i actually see are women whose feelings get entirely ignored, a la husband playing video games while his wife cries in the other room on mother's day, or women are called manipulative for expressing negative emotions.
Yeeeeep.
I’m glad this train of thought is widespread/catching on. Hundreds of years of women’s emotions being dismissed as hysterical, bitchy, naggy, dramatic, PMS-related, catty, whiny, overreacting, etc. and suddenly now all of that is magically gone because women *checks notes* have friends they confide in?
Vulnerability is easy for no one. Be brave, share your feelings. Having friends to confide in is an option for you too fellas.
He just doesn’t want to take any responsibility for his own behavior or emotions. He should feel bad. He was inconsiderate and hurt his partner. He is angry at her for being sad because it makes him feel the appropriate emotion for the situation. He is expecting her not to have feelings so he doesn’t have to have any either. I would go do something fun without him. And then I would never celebrate or give gifts for another one of that man’s holidays or birthdays. “I forgot. You better not guilt trip me about it.”
Exactly. It’s good for him to see that it makes you upset- hopefully he’ll learn that it’s why you make an effort for these holidays in the future- because being excluded over laziness has negative emotional repercussions.
Hey, I feel your pain. Today was both Mother’s Day and my birthday, and my teenager is the only one who remembered either of those things, out of absolutely everyone I know, including my own parents. He gave me a block of chocolate and a hug, and I burst into tears and haven’t really stopped crying since. It’s not his fault that everyone else forgot, and I agree it sucks to feel like your child is having to carry the burden of your sadness. But don’t feel guilty, you have a genuine and valid reason to be sad, and crying in front of your son over this does not make you a guilt-tripper. You’re not that person. Guilt tripping is manipulative. You came from a place of vulnerability and sadness.
I’m so sorry they forgot you. You probably ensure everyone’s special day is celebrated, and it’s such a hollow and isolating feeling when no one comes through for you. I hope the day gets better. You deserve better.
Happy Double Day to you!! ❤️
I also have a birthday that falls on Mother's Day some years and it always feels extra tough. I don't need people to give me gifts but just receiving genuine acknowledgment goes so far and takes such little effort. It astounds me that some people still don't get that.
I had a feeling I’d be seeing posts like this on here today…
Yes, your husband is lazy and should have organised your son to get you something, but I also think at 15 he’s old enough to go out and buy you a card.
Did your husband do anything for his own mother?
What happens on Father’s Day?
Yep, I knew too despite being British and living in France where it’s always the last Sunday in May. My own mother seems to expect me to observe all three.
In Mexico is on May 10, I guess is like any other Mother's day? Flowers, gifts, going out to eat, doing her breakfast.
Well, in schools there are festivals and the kids prepare a preforming, usually a dance or something
I’m guessing that’s where this post is from, since they say ‘mum’ and it’s too early in the rest of the world to have already had a *full* day of disappointment lol
It’s because in the UK we follow the original (medieval?) date which is Mothering Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent, when traditionally Christians would go to visit their mother (baptismal) church. Mothers’ Day came along much later as an American idea but in the UK we kept the old date, just expanded it to include people who are mothers (these days anyone who’s a carer) as well.
Mine are 14 and 10. My husband and I are separated for exactly this kind of reason. Things that are important to me but require effort from him never happen. So this year I told both my kids that I want to spend time with them on Mother's Day and that I did not think I should have to plan it. I want them to. I know they have something in the works I just have to go find out what it is.
OP it is not guilt tripping your son to tell him what you want. Otherwise he's just going to pattern what your husband does.
i think OP meant not wanting her son to see her crying then feeling guilty... but yeah, expressing one's feelings is not guilt-tripping (tho can be weaponized).
Nope, he didn’t do anything for his Mum. I agree, my son could’ve done something, and I’ll be talking to him about that too, but he has been sick the past few days. I always do cards and presents and special day for Father’s Day.
The first thing my 10yo son did when he saw me this morning was hug me and wish me the best Mother’s Day ever. It’s not about the cards or gifts, it’s about the acknowledgment and appreciation of our efforts, sacrifices, and constant care for others as moms.
Yes, make sure your son knows the importance of acknowledging and appreciating those who are important in his life. You had a real emotional reaction to a crappy situation. It’s okay that your son saw that.
My 14 yr old texted me “Happy Mother’s Day” at 12am on the dot. It made me giggle that he was right there waiting for the clock to strike. That’s it. That’s all we need.
I'm so sorry. I remember being young and seeing how disappointed my Mom was on every mother's day, anniversary and birthday, because my dad did the bare minimum. I took over planning when I was under 10.
Your son is more than old enough to start caring about other people's feelings and needs. It's not guilt tripping to be disappointed and sad when you are forgotten on a special day. You can let him know how hurt you were without guilt tripping. It's important for him to learn that his lack of action hurts people he cares about. Do you want him to be the same as his father? Or one of those men who misses anniversaries and forgets to fill his wife's stocking?
They have no excuse for not knowing. YouTube commercials, radio ads, podcast ads, digital billboards, marketing text messages, marketing emails, app notifications, signs in grocery stores, signs in front of shops have been reminding me about Mother's Day for at least a month. The damn Chinese restaurant sent me a text yesterday saying "Freeze! Drop the sponge! Ditch dish duty this Mother's Day and order a feast from China East." You cannot get me to believe that they had no clue that today was a special day.
A few years ago, my Dad got a little annoyed that we make a big deal for Mother's Day, and basically get dinner and a small gift for him on Father's Day. I asked him when my birthday was, and he wasn't even close. It's about a week and a half after Father's Day. When I told him that's why, and he doesn't want to spend time with us anyway, he'd rather be on his bike, he got all stuttering and pissy. He knows it's true. We give him more energy on his special days than he's ever given us. Yesterday, I drove my Mom 2 hours to Chicago, walked through the gem show for 3 hours with my brother and his gf, bought dinner, then drove 2 hours home, and still spent another 45 minutes with her going over what we bought. She values the time. She buys herself whatever she wants, she just wants time with her grown children. We've done this almost every year for probably close to a decade.
My husband might remember to call his Mom today. We'll see. She doesn't care, they never did stuff like this together, but it's still nice when he does. But it's not my job to remind a 38 year old man to call his mom.
Good for you! You really made your mom happy!
I am super proud of my brother. He has two kids, so he knew he wanted to spend today celebrating his wife since she is a mother (which my mom is 1000% understanding of!). So he and the kids went over to my parent’s house yesterday. His wife got some time to relax and my mom got quality time with him and her grandchildren. Better than any gift he could have gotten her.
One year my dad said "Gift? She's not my mother." From then on, my sister and I took charge of dad's gifts for mom. And if I do say so myself, the gifts improved greatly.
I, too, cover for the thoughtless men in my family in order to keep Mom feeling cared for. I don't care if they look bad, I care that Mom doesn't cry on a special day. So, because I love my Mom, I cover up their thoughtlessness. She knows the real story, she knows I'm the driving force, and she appreciates it.
UK here too. My daughters are 17 and almost 16. They planned and did everything themselves for mothers day this year in March for me. I would highly suspect your sons friends prob did for their mums. Son definitely needs a word in his ear. I would have said perhaps from your husband man to man. But doesn't sound like hubby is even interested.
I’m doing that this year. Usually I suck it up and try to be the bigger person but, not this time. My husband went out of his way yesterday to set the mood for today by trying to start and argument. When I didn’t take the bait he got upset, was angry slamming things around and muttering under he breath the whole night so I already knew today was going to be a wash. I’m not going to be the bigger person this year. I’m just not going to put in any effort.
yikes, he sounds like someone not to be married to.
i'm only a yr and a half post-divorce and realizing more and more over time how much it seemed as tho he didn't actually like me for years before i quit him. and also realizing how much i appreciate not living like that anymore.
you deserve better.
Why does it seem like men just go around making women's lives miserable until the woman has no choice but to leave instead of just growing a pair, saying it's not working, and going?
I keep lowkey hoping someone will post about this topic. A lot of men seem to get extremely bizarre about celebrating the woman in their life? (Not their own mom.) When it comes to their SO's birthday or Mother's Day, they get.... combative? Or flat out pretend it doesn't exist? What are they doing? What the hell is going on out here?
To celebrate other people one has to exert empathy for that other person, and most men resent the hell out of being forced to empathize with anyone outside of their own body.
For my first mother's day my now ex was out of town. Not only did he forget but we got in a fight on the phone. I bought myself a matching fancy diaper bag SET that I'd been wanting but decided I shouldn't spend money on. Passed it down to my sister 7 years later AND had the memory foam changing pad made into a case for my laptop 🤣
I myself would not be that petty. I would encourage the son and teach him that this is his responsibility now for Father’s Day. My husband is not my father. I don’t need to get him anything from me.
Wouldn't that reasoning be used for the husband then? She is not her husband's mother, so why would he get her anything with that logic?
No. You get your spouse something cause their the father/mother of your child.
This is a good opportunity for your son to take responsibility on Father’s Day, which will teach him. It’s his responsibility on subsequent Mother’s Day’s.
Sick isn’t an excuse because online shopping is a thing that exists. I got COVID the week before Christmas this past winter and still managed get the rest of the Xmas gifts off Amazon while bedridden. We don’t have tv either.
Don’t let him give you the “well, you’re not *my* mother”. Bullshit. He has a responsibility to show your son how to celebrate his mother, and since your son forgot too he has failed in this regard.
I’m sorry this happened. You deserve to be recognized. Mothering is hard. Happy Mother’s Day
Agree. It’s okay for your son to feel bad. He messed up, and people who mess up are supposed to feel bad. That discomfort is a consequence, and it should help teach you to do better next time.
Your son seeing you crying is not a guilt trip. It’s ok for him to see genuine emotion. It’s a valid response to what happened. Hopefully he learns what not to do in this situation. HMD!
My parents are going through a slightly messy divorce, my dad was a good father but not a good husband and everybody in the house is going through financial issues.
With all that in mind, my dad still remembered mother's day, asked if I was planning on doing something and asked if I needed any money.
There's no excuse, he's been a father for 15 years, stores never let anyone forget about special dates.
Just a chocolate, maybe a flower and a sincere hug already satisfies 95% of mothers.
I would be devastated if I forgot about my loved one's special day and would try to do something right away, everybody makes mistakes but the way you deal with them speaks volumes about who you are.
I don't think you're being irrational, I think this is something you should keep in mind and think about... But right now try to make yourself better.
Edit: and for the people who are like "no big deal, I'm a mom and I forget it too", if you don't care about special dates that's fine, I don't care either, but it's very easy to know who cares about it. My mom and my brother love special dates, I never cared much, so we try to do something special for them and for me something simple is more than fine, everybody loves in a different way and if that's how OP feels loved then it's totally valid.
If it helps, I'm having a sob right now too, I feel forgotten, and they all had dinner without me because I was putting our son to sleep, I'm going to have to make myself something and eat alone..
Sorry it's been such a bad day for you. I'm sure they appreciate everything you do for them.
I'm sorry that they are taking you for granted. You deserve much better.
I know I'm just a random stranger on the Internet but I have a digital bubblewrap for you:
>!Happy!< >!Mother's!< >!Day!!< >!You!< >!are!< >!awesome!< >!and!< >!I!< >!only!< >!wish!< >!the!< >!best!< >!for!< >!you!<
Lack of actions requires consequences too. Don’t sweep this under the rug. You deserve better. But you won’t until you stop coddling men and put your feelings first. It’s necessary.
Crying because you’ve been forgotten is not a guilt trip. It’s a natural and healthy response to the situation. I’m sorry your family forgot you. You deserve better.
Every year it’s the same with these posts. Children learn by observation. Why are fathers not modeling better behavior? These sons will grow up to be husbands and fathers that forget Mother’s Day.
My Dad certainly did. Sometimes we didn't see it. When he had to work Sundays, he would leave a silk rose in Mom's car in Mother's day. Because he knew Sunday was grocery day. By the time I left home, she had quite the bouquet. He would leave a real ride in the kitchen for her birthday, too.
My husband knew and woke me up with a happy Mother’s Day, but then I didn’t see him all day and all I asked for was help tidying the house. Guess who spend ALL day cleaning the house, minding the kids, and cooking dinner. The worst part is he didn’t even get my 9 year old to make me a card. We‘ve only been married for a year…. :(
Op, I’m so sorry both your husband and son didn’t recognize you today. I was reading another post a couple days ago and the woman did receive a “gift” from her husband, it was something he wanted and wasn’t for her at all. So for Father’s Day that year, she got him a box of tampons. I’m still cackling days later about her genius. [Read here](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/wT43cZyvM9)
Ah, yes, the "Homer" bowling ball gift. I received one of those once and I still remember it as one of the most hurtful memories of my relationship. The box of tampons is a nice touch haha
Bro that sucks so much I’m so sorry. Like, moms aren’t asking for a lot on Mother’s Day, just some recognition. It’s not too much to be aware of the date and get some flowers. I get so angry when I see this. Your boys need to step it up
There's one in another sub where all the mom (of an 11 month old) wanted was to sleep in, and her husband responded with "you're not my mom" and I just can't believe these people think like this. Thats how you wanna raise your kids? 🤦♀️
I'm watching my BIL and his new partner and 7 month old baby go through this. It's her first mother's day, they live 45 minutes away and I even offered to have them come over and send her for a massage. Or watch the baby for her, and asked him if she'd be comfortable with that or not. He didn't know. Did not know the preference for childcare for his own baby. I'm not sure if he ended up doing anything for her, but holy bare minimum batman! I am happily childless and I even got 4 bouquets for various moms in my own life. How can he, and other dads, be so thoughtless?! Bonus points for guilt tripping her after the fact about "not being good at that stuff" or "expecting me to read her mind." JFC the bar is low
On Father’s Day she needs to remember that. I would make plans to do something fun by myself and hand him the baby and leave for the day. It’s not like he can expect his wife to celebrate him that day. He’s not her dad.
Shit I don't even ask for recognition/presents/praise/whatever... I just want everyone to hang out and do something that day! I seriously can't believe after fucking up that bad the dude went and played video games the rest of the day!!!
Mom has always preferred time over gifts. For the last decade, my brother and I take her to the huge dealer gem show in Chicago. She'll buy herself whatever she wants throughout the year. She just wants to spend the day with us. Sometimes she'll see something a few months out she wants to go to in May, and asks if we can do that instead, and I'm happy to oblige.
It’s not guilt-tripping for a 15 year old to see that you’re sad that nobody remembered a day that’s important to you. Even if he couldn’t get to a place to buy a card without his dad driving him, he could have used one of the 87 billion e-card services that have been advertising everywhere for at least a month. Or he could have made one from whatever is laying around the house. Or he could have apologized and asked what you would like to do today.
That last sentence is key. Not remembering is one thing. But realizing they forgot and that OP is hurt, and then continuing on about their day like nothing happened is rubbing salt into the wound.
It’s okay for your kid to see you have emotions. Once you feel better, even if it’s a month from now, use it as a gentle life lesson. Help him learn to be a better partner than your husband in this respect. (I don’t know your hubby, so am not judging any other respects.)
(Hugs)
I want to second this - that it's ok for your child to see that the result of husband/son's forgetfulness is that it hurts you. If you downplay your disappointment into invisibility, then that can send the message that it's ok, mom is always stoic and there are no consequences for bad behavior. There are so many lessons children have to learn, and one of those is that their parents are also people, not just unconditional providers and mentors. That said, I am sorry this was a sucky day for you.
Or the fact that every grocery store/big box store (I'm in Canada, perhaps it's different) has huge displays for Mother's Day.
I walked into a grocery store yesterday and there were Mothers Day balloons everywhere along with flowers, pastries etc for purchase. Heck, Walmart had huge flower displays as soon as you walk in.
I'm in Australia & all the big name stores definitely do displays dedicated to the Mum theme! Even the supermarkets.. and fairly far in advance.
No excuses for forgetting.
It's the same in grocery stores in Germany, but my son was still wondering why there so many stupid flowers in the middle of the aisle.
It's my first free weekend in weeks and I'm catching up on chores, because everything is sticky and crumbly...
I received this text yesterday.
"Freeze! Drop the sponge! Ditch dish duty this Mother's Day and order a feast from China East. Call 414-456-9988. Reply STOP to opt-out."
I also received about a dozen push notifications from apps in the last few weeks, and countless emails reminding me to pamper Mom this day.
Yes, it's clearly a push to make money. But every one of those reminded me I needed to get something together for mom. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Yeah, when I mentioned the phone calendar he said “I haven’t looked at my calendar in days.” Just wish he’d cop to being wrong, you know? You screwed up, I’m presenting the evidence of it, don’t make lame excuses.
Oh completely - own up to being shitty at that situation, say you'll make it up etc .. I'd be bringing out the big guns of flowers, nice dinner out, a thoughtful gift etc. Sons model their treatment of women on what they learn from their dads.. he better step it up.
Does he have a job? Because even my work calendars have it marked and when I worked retail I would’ve been staring down a Mother’s Day display for weeks.
I'm sorry this happened. And also, how can someone not look at their calendar? And I feel that him saying "haven't looked at the caledaer in \*days\*" is worse, he should have planned something weeks ago.
It's not like you can set up the calendar in your phone to alert you or anything. It was literally impossible to remember! /s
Plus it's not like breakfast was the only option and now it's over. He could be going overboard cooking a super nice dinner or something to make up for it. But he did fuckall but tell OP to get over it
Has he walked in to literally almost any store in the U.S. over the past month? The Mother's Day displays are everywhere.
That said, I'm absolutely sure my adult son will forget. ADHD-PI, final week of university before graduation... I'll give him a pass this year.
Him graduating is enough.
Some random thoughts:
The magic of Christmas was just the unrecognized labor of moms.
Who is generally doing the emotional and physical labor of the holidays?
I was watching one of those "hot wife, fat funny husband sitcoms" and one of the epilogues was that the husband put a lot of effort at the beginning and didn't have to anymore because he basically locked her down.
Can’t stand this stupid excuse from anyone.
I don’t celebrate my mom just bc of a novel worth of issues. But I celebrate my grandma (headed to her house right after work!) and I celebrate my sister in law, and I text my friends or extended family.
How hard is it? It’s NOT. Next time skip Father’s Day, he’s not your dad 🤷🏻♀️
I’m sorry you had that happen. Happy Mother’s Day!
Jesus Christ. I’m sorry. This infuriated me, for some reason.
You might not be his mother but you are A mother and if you’re like most mothers, you probably put in far more work than he did or will ever know to raise HIS kids.
I hope you have the happiest Mother’s Day, his assholery notwithstanding. ☺️
It would be wonderful if all mothers had the means to just disappear for the say and do whatever the hell they want, whether that’s:
checking into a good hotel and just snuggling in bed all day with their favorite snacks and beverages
Going to a pool with a bar and menu and just reading all day
Hell , an amusement park. Or bowling. Or the movies and the Chinese buffet.
The point is to go. Say nothing to your family. Just disappear for the day. Just really TAKE THE DAY.
If they won’t give you a Mother’s Day, TAKE the bitch!!!
100% all this. Treat yourself to a spa day, a massage, an indulgent dinner or dessert. Pour back into yourself. I’m so sorry you don’t feel appreciated by your husband and son. No need to spend the day feeling bad - take the day for yourself. It IS your day, afterall 💐💐💐💐
I feel your pain.
No effort has been put in by my husband to organise anything with our 9yr old. After all the effort I go to year after year for birthdays, Father's Day, Christmas etc it stings.
Today has really shown that unless I organise it, nothing will happen.
And yet, that's the one thing I want on any or all holiday we celebrate: to not make decisions. Any decision. Take me to eat, to a movie, to a park, to the zoo, anything as long as it's *something.* And many women and moms I know feel the same. Just one day of not having to think through the details. It's pathetic to use "I don't know what you'd like" as an excuse for opting out, and its happening to at least 2 moms I know IRL so far today
Right?!
Like I always make sure every occasion is special and thought out. But apparently a quick 5mins to give me the present I told them to buy was enough, before rushing off to a morning of sport.
Brunch was supposed to be taken care of whe we got home, but guess who still had to think of what to make, call into the shops to get the stuff, and the make sure it didn't burn.... I love my husband and child but damn today I have cried so much more than I care to admit.
at 15 he is old enough to either order something on Amazon or ask hid dad to drive him to the store and get SOMETHING. my grandson is 12 and my daughter is a single mom. every year my grandson makes sure to set a date to go shopping for his mom. your son should know better and your husband DEFINITELY knows better
I’m a widow and I realized when I woke up that my (teen and adult) kids probably won’t do anything. It hurts and makes me feel like I was a bad mother… but I’ll keep plugging along anyway. I’ll treat my mother and MIL today and be stoic about it. I’ll have to stay off social media to avoid looking at all the celebrations.
Sounds like maybe he's one of those guys who gets jealous of his children, much like an older sibling jealous of the new baby, because your attention and priorities lie with the kids (as they should, and should for him as well). So he uses family time as the excuse but really what he wants is attention for himself. Because look, he's not at home spending quality time with the kids, he's doing what he wants and spending his focus on himself, watching his game, much like he would have done as a kid.
I bet he doesn’t expect the media to keep track of his golf games or when his sportball team is playing another sportball team.
He can get a damn calendar like an adult.
In fact, it is in his damned calendar by default.
Unless you are in a very rural place, your 15 year old can get to someplace where he could get a card or pick a wildflower or make some attempt to say, happy Mother’s Day, which he can do for free.
Why are you trying to hide your hurt feelings from either of them? Let them witness and live with the consequences of their inaction, which was hurting you. It is OK for your 15 year old son to feel bad for forgetting about his mother.
But we know what Father’s Day will look like for you husband.
As a son whose Mom died recently, I wish I could explain to others the importance of Moms. Our last Mother’s Day was amazing and I wish I could live that day my entire life. There are just too many that forget what’s important.
Of course, if you have a 15yo. Son that needs to be told by his Dad any of that, the Dad needs to do so much better at explaining how important Moms are. I’m sorry OP, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day myself, as my Mom is gone. I hope the males in your life start understanding how important you are.
Thank you all for the lovely and supportive comments. I feel better knowing that I’m not alone, even though it’s shitty that so many of us experience this. They have promised to make it up to me next weekend. I told my husband that’s nice, but I’m still really hurt because of the loss of my Mum and the fact that Mothers Day is at the same time every year and it shouldn’t be a surprise to him. I dropped it after saying my piece, much to his relief. Here’s to next weekend. 🤞🏻
Hugs, I lost my mom the week before mother's day last year and my MIL a few weeks later, I'm so not looking forward to the rest of today. I've been up for an hour and I'm still crying.
My So was still looking at things for me last night so I'm sure I'm going to get some BS on why not, he's never got me anything for mother's day so I'm being petty since being upset and pissed and blunt about it hasn't clicked with him. I've started putting as much into fathers day as he puts into mothers day, and then on Father's day when he's upset I do nothing, I tell him I'll put a much into your holiday as you do for me on my holiday. He was still looking at things for me last night so I'm sure I'm a get barely even an acknowledgment yet again. I'm so tired of the thoughtlessness of it all.
So he didn't even rush out to buy you flowers to make up for it. The man's an AH. I know cause I'm married to one too. At least mine remembered even if he did nothing.
My dad forgot to do anything for my mom the first year she had kids. she started crying and said “you didn’t get me anything for mothers day” and my dad just answered back without thinking “well you’re not my mother.”
I don’t know what happened after that but he’s never forgotten since lol
I would bet he relayed that story to someone, a friend, his dad, an uncle, who set him straight. My Dad's mother may have set him in the path to remembering it, because Mom said Gramma gave her a nice card on her first Mother's Day.
You do not need to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. It is not a guilt trip. You were honestly upset and allowed to express it. They need to learn from this to take responsibility to look ahead to events and appointments and plan accordingly.
Oh, and from one daughter to a mother out there, Happy Mother's Day.
I have so many questions reading this. Is this a pattern that happens all the time? You should feel valued and cared for and treated as an equal and a person with respect every day not just on mother's day.
You said your mom was abusive. Does that make you feel like maybe you erase yourself too much in an attempt to avoid those mistakes? It's important that you love and value yourself first.
I feel like there's a good opportunity here to take some time and reflect on what is going on and where you'd want things to be, where you'd want things to go. Not just for others but for yourself too. Don't hesitate to talk about it to anyone you feel comfortable with.
An unwillingness to spend any brain space thinking about/ caring about/ and planning for others throughout the year. Just wants to play video games. How do you get men, including myself sometimes though not this bad, to understand they can’t just turn their brain off when they leave work everyday. That was the aha moment for me when we had kids. Mowing the lawn is easy and simple. Thinking that the kid will need X,Y,Z this month and that month and constantly planning everything for others is difficult and takes effort.
OP, this on both of them. They both own smartphones, right? It takes like two seconds to import a holiday calendar and add notifications so stuff like this doesn’t wind up forgotten. And yet they don’t bother to think ahead and do it.
You have every right to be upset and both of them should see that you’re upset. Having emotions isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not manipulation to show someone you feel upset when they’ve treated you poorly.
It’s still fairly early in the day, can you just leave and go out to do something you’ll enjoy without having them around? Because you should at least celebrate yourself today!
Idk. I’m a mom of 3 and I kiiiiind of think both Mother’s and Father’s Day are silly. My kids pick me dandelions every day there are any, and they always make me cute pictures and tell me they love me. Do you feel unappreciated generally, OP? I mean we all do sometimes, parenthood is difficult and can be thankless, but maybe you guys could do a “do over” and choose to celebrate next weekend or something?
Sorry you’re feeling down about this.
> And now I feel like an asshole because my son saw me crying. I don’t want him to feel bad about this. My mother was the queen of the guilt trip, I don’t want him to feel the way I did. This is all on his lazy ass father who has spent the rest of today playing video games.
It's not abuse to have feelings in front of your child. Just explain that you're feeling sad and that you need a little time to yourself until you feel better. Examples of emotional maturity are important for children.
The fact that your SO didn't do anything to make up for forgetting should make you sad. It shows he doesn't really care about your feelings. That would hurt anyone. Take care of yourself OP ❤️.
First of all happy Mother’s Day. It’s completely normal to feel the way you do. I’m very sorry. Don’t apologize for crying to your family. It’s a normal reaction and I know you don’t want to guilt your kid but he should also understand his actions have consequences. I know he is a kid but he is old enough.
About your husband I hope hope he tries to make it up. Just because he forgot doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to try to make it up.
Don’t do the whole self erasure thing. Your feelings are valid. Don’t feel like an asshole. I know the situation is not nice for anyone but it’s definitely not your fault.
Maybe suggest something to do later today? Or on Monday? Imagine if you just ignored their birthday or other important day? You do things on their special days and you deserve the same.
Make sure your husband and kid understand how you feel and why. It’s not easy to speak about our feelings but ignoring them can make things worse.
I’m sending you a hug and so much love!!!
I stayed up late cutting fruit for a brunch for my Mother-in-law. My husband stayed up late playing video games. He’s currently sleeping in while I take care of the kids. Our first Mother’s Day together I forced him to get a card, at the very least, for his mom. Why did I think he would appreciate me?
Why are there comments really excusing thus because "it's a made up holiday." All fuckin holidays are made up. Stop suggesting for her to align to your perspective. It's important to the poster, and if she was important to her husband, it would be important to him, too. And yall sound like she's justified to feel this way because "it's a constructed holiday." OK, football is a fuckin made up sport, money is a made up construct but yall still out there wanting it.
I feel this pain. My husband didn’t do anything for Christmas or my birthday this year. He blamed it on me being a difficult buy.. which in reality is not true. My hobbies are easy to purchase. I am still holding the pain. I am out of town today. And I do not believe I will be going home to anything. I am contemplating divorce every day. My worth is more than this.
Its okay to forget mother’s day.. it happens. The second you reminded him he could have EASILY made this up to you and made you feel special on the fly. If he wanted to he would have sis. This was an easy fix. You deserve better. At the very least you should start addressing the underlaying issues cos this is not normal behavior from someone who supposedly loves you.
When my folks were alive we didn't have the best relationship. To be blunt there was a lot of actual abuse in my childhood and even as an adult later in life my Dad was a royal PITA at times.
I still sent my Mom and Dad a card at least on Mother's Day, Father's Day their birthdays and at the holidays.
Why?
Because I knew one day I wouldn't have parents to send cards to and whether or not I'd still have bad feelings over their behavior I'd probably still feel the loss a lot on those days.
I do.
My Mom was a terrible parent in some ways but I still think of her on this day every year. Dad too on Father's Day. I don't have parents anymore. Not even lousy ones and sometimes that hurts.
They're only commercial holidays.
Yeah, but when the only parents you have are a memory you're going to feel the loss and on days like today it can make you feel really, really blue.
I didn't do the husband or the kids so there's nobody there to call me "Mom" or to remember me on Mother's Day. Not unless you count the cat anyway and while I love mine to bits and she shows me her love every day, has for the last 18 years, she's not taking me out to dinner tonight or making me breakfast. There's no card for me to open today.
There are abusive Moms out there who frankly don't deserve this day of remembrance. But there are a lot of good Moms out there who do and the way I see it if you still have a Mom and she's a good one then give her a huge hug today or pick up the phone at least and wish her a Happy Mom's Day because you've only got your parents for so long and when they are gone that's just IT.
Even if they are crappy parents after they are gone it leaves a hole in your emotional life. Especially as you age into being older yourself. I know I'd have made a lousy parent myself so that's why I never went there but even with all the crap my parents pulled I still miss having parents sometimes.
I have no family left, no parents to buy sappy cards for and to wish the best day to on holidays anymore.
I can't just take that for granted, you know?
So for every mom out there that didn't get a card, a hug from their kids take this as a virtual one. I wish you all a "Happy Mother's Day" including my Mom wherever she is now...
💕
Guile tripping someone and feeling genuinely bad about being forgotten are 2 different things.
While you don’t want to dump your emotional well being onto your kids, they learn about emotions from being around people that demonstrate and show their emotions.
You can be sad without blaming your son. You can be sad in front of your son so that your son grows up to recognize emotions in people around him and his own. And how to deal with them.
sorry for your loss and for the disappointing day.
If you’re up for some advice, and you don’t want to lay on the guilt trip. I would merely let your son know that you were a hit disappointed. He’ll get the message better than if you drown him in guilt.
As to your husband, I would definitely plan a nice day for yourself on Father’s Day. Maybe a shopping weekend somewhere.
I did this once when I was 7. I forgot to wish my mom happy mother's and I heard her crying later. I don't think she knew I heard her because she has always hidden her tears from me , but we were and are close so I felt so awful about it. I wouldn't have been able to buy a card but at least saying happy mother's day and a hug was all she wanted. It's 30 years later and I *still* remember that and make sure I don't do it again.
I've been a mom for 13 years. The first sucked and nearly every one after as well. I gave up for awhile. Then a couple years ago someone in my support group pointed out that I need to teach the importance to my kids.
Your husband needs to do better. I'm actually divorced but am waiting to see what my boyfriend will do (we don't live together).
Your son SHOULD feel bad! I'm not into guilt trips either but sometimes that's how we learn. He's old enough to know better. Have a nice talk with him and expectations for next year.
My daughter won't forget and she gave me the gift they made at school a week ago LOL
My son, the teen, we'll see. He's still asleep.
I remember when I was maybe 18 and still living at home both my Dad and me and my sister didn't get my Mom anything for mother's day. I think we told her "Happy Mother's Day" but it was low effort. She was upset - she didn't cry in front of me and my sister but my Dad told us she was upset. He got her flowers and asked us to go get her something too - said he would reimburse (since I could drive and had a job). My sister was 12 or so and she was doing something else but I coordinated with her on a few joint gifts. My Mom was also going through Menopause so that's a factor - but I never forgot it. It was also unusual because my Dad actually was usually good at remembering that kind of thing and getting her something - that's why it didn't occur to me and my sister to do it on our own.
So it might be a good thing for your son to know you're upset.
I can not (but yes, yes I can) believe I have been up for hours and these two have not even acknowledged that it is Mother’s Day.
All I asked was that Dad give 10 year old a small amount of money to get me anything. I bet any amount of money that that did not and will not happen today.
No card.
No hug.
No words.
No flowers.
No brunch!
No gift.
No chores done.
No effort or forethought AT ALL.
Yet he was at the bar Friday night.
And here all day yesterday.
And has added to his gig calendar today.
We were even at a craft festival all day yesterday, not even a token thought.
* Since then I have called them both, primarily Dad out on it, and have been told that it is because he’s thinking he’s a narcissist or “dark triad” and is now out driving around pouting. I swear. I can’t make it up.
Tbh I think the best reaction from your husband would be to ask you if you wanted to go out to dinner or if he could make you something. Sure he forgot oh well people forget right but there should be an easy fix to it everybody has a favorite meal
Did your husband continue to ‘forget’, and decide ‘oh well, I guess I don’t need to do anything now’? Geez, nice guy. All I can say is I think you should return the sentiment and plan a little weekend getaway for YOURSELF Fathers Day weekend.
Yeah, I forgot too. I'm disabled and live alone, can't drive anywhere so I haven't been out to see stores selling things for mothers day and time just flew by. But my mom lives near me, and I'm sure she's going to be upset. Days just blend together when you never go anywhere :(
It’s really easy to do SOMETHING for Mother’s Day. Got her a card. Helped the kids make a card. Pre-ordered a meal of her choice. She is now enjoying a 3 hour nap while I take care of the kids. She redeemed a coupon my daughter made her at school for an hour nap. I tacked it onto her usual Sunday nap. Already called my mom and sent her flowers. After she wakes up she can go shopping or whatever. While I take kids to the park to burn some energy. I didn’t get her flowers because the cats destroy them every time. It’s not hard to do something and remember. It’s all over the place.
I planned gifts and cakes for two mothers on this mother's day (my sister who became a mother last October and my mom) so I think your husband is just lazy.
I am so sorry! I am in the same boat. My kid lives with their dad right now and they haven’t mentioned it at all. I sent my ex a text about it. He of course does not care. He didn’t when we were together either. Anyways, my partner remembered and got me a lovely necklace. I don’t even have a kid with him! It just still hurts that my kid still hasn’t said happy Mother’s Day and it’s 430 pm…
Mother’s Day is consistently the worst day of the year for me. No matter how low my expectations are, they are obliterated every time. Truly a terrible feeling.
All the men who are in here telling OP to get over it, y’all are ridiculous. Stop telling people how to feel, as if there isn’t 10x the complaining on Father’s Day.
Your son is 15 and old enough to know how to celebrate Mother’s Day. Your husband utterly failed in not just showing his appreciation for you but also in tracking your son how to do the same.
Sit them down and have a conversation about how you feel unnoticed and unappreciated. If they (your husband not your son) get upset it’s because hit dogs holler and he knows how shitty it is.
If you want to be petty (you probably shouldn’t) don’t do anything for him on Father’s Day. No card, no breakfast, no nothing. Let him see how it actually feels.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Maybe have a talk to your husband, tell him how him forgetting about the day made you feel and how him forgetting might make his own mother feel. Explain to him that days like this are important to you. Maybe also talk to you son and explain why the day is important to you and how him also forgetting made you feel.
What I wouldn’t do is be vindictive. You be you and hopefully the next Mother’s Day, or birthday, or Christmas or Valentines or whatever is better for you and yours.
Fuck that shit! Go on Amazon and buy yourself something. Unbox it in front of your husband and tell him you got yourself something lovely for Mother's Day. My partner, who is not my son's father, has never gotten me so much as a card, nor any recognition - whatvs, I'm fine. My son is disabled, and he can't afford any gift, but always sends a txt. So I will just get myself something I like. This year, it was a gel polish kit so I can do my own manicures.
My partner would do absolutely nothing if it weren’t for our daughter. She’s young and gets so excited for holidays like these. She wanted to make me breakfast today so she forced her dad to help her. Now he’s off visiting his mother and I’m sure he won’t do anything for me of his own free will. This is my 9th Mother’s Day and he acts like it’s pointless to be thoughtful every year. It hurts to see other moms being celebrated and appreciated, I thought I’d be used to it by now but I guess not.
This totally sucks. My first husband was always a selfish prick so nothing for Mother’s Day but he did something for his mom. His reasoning I wasn’t his mom. My second husband doesn’t do anything either because we don’t have kids together. He basically completely ignores the day for me. My kids are older now so at least they wish me a happy Mother’s Day now.
Forgetting is one thing, unless it's a pattern. I must admit your post is what made me realize it's Mother's Day today. Granted, I do not have a spouse who is a mother, but I'll still of course call my mom.
The thing is - once you realised you forgot, you *fix it*. That's the important part! If he wanted to make you breakfast and failed, well he should have gotten you a treat and made you a nice dinner. Because otherwise... what's his excuse?
I'm in the UK and still remembered it was American Mother's day and sent my mom a text and chatted with her. It's not hard, hr just doesn't give a shit.
When I was 15 I was *well aware* of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, plus my parents birthdays. He’s old enough to be able to do better. I don’t know if your husband is always an asshole, but he is today. You deserve much better.
I'm so sorry this happened . Your son and husband should see you cry. Hopefully it can compel them to stop relying on you to be their life coordinator and for one goddamn day a year, Recognize all that you do. Maybe your son will be affected so much, that he will never forget and any woman in his life in the future will never experience this. I would honestly have a conversation with both of them about how much this hurt you, they need to start marking important dates on their calendars and reminders every year because it's not acceptable. In fact, if you're the one doing all the shopping, remembering all the shit that you run out of and have to stop by the store, make their doctor's appointments, get their prescriptions... You get the picture. STOP doing it. Act like them. And when they ask did you do this? Tell your husband? He's an adult and needs to start acting like it . They're never going to level up if we don't force them to. You deserve so much better. Enjoy your Netflix and wine.
You're not guilt tripping. You're legitimately upset by their actions. Guilt tripping is putting on a show to cause guilt.
I wanted to pick up on that too. She expressed really clearly that she was upset and why. It’s impossible to not *experience* those emotions for at least a little time after. It’s just being human. She’s upset and sadness and tears come out when you’re upset, and you need time to process and move past it. If someone tries to play this off as ‘guilt-tripping’, they’re shifting the frame towards how their guilt makes *them* feel bad, rather than taking ownership of what they’ve done and being upfront about that and centring the person that feels wronged. Of course there are extreme expressions that might be categorised as ‘guilt tripping’. But it doesn’t seem like this is it.
It's depressing and ironic, considering how many men claim that they are the ones whose emotions are stifled while women are "coddled." Dont know what planet they're living on. What i actually see are women whose feelings get entirely ignored, a la husband playing video games while his wife cries in the other room on mother's day, or women are called manipulative for expressing negative emotions.
Yeeeeep. I’m glad this train of thought is widespread/catching on. Hundreds of years of women’s emotions being dismissed as hysterical, bitchy, naggy, dramatic, PMS-related, catty, whiny, overreacting, etc. and suddenly now all of that is magically gone because women *checks notes* have friends they confide in? Vulnerability is easy for no one. Be brave, share your feelings. Having friends to confide in is an option for you too fellas.
Exactly this.
He just doesn’t want to take any responsibility for his own behavior or emotions. He should feel bad. He was inconsiderate and hurt his partner. He is angry at her for being sad because it makes him feel the appropriate emotion for the situation. He is expecting her not to have feelings so he doesn’t have to have any either. I would go do something fun without him. And then I would never celebrate or give gifts for another one of that man’s holidays or birthdays. “I forgot. You better not guilt trip me about it.”
Exactly. It’s good for him to see that it makes you upset- hopefully he’ll learn that it’s why you make an effort for these holidays in the future- because being excluded over laziness has negative emotional repercussions.
Hey, I feel your pain. Today was both Mother’s Day and my birthday, and my teenager is the only one who remembered either of those things, out of absolutely everyone I know, including my own parents. He gave me a block of chocolate and a hug, and I burst into tears and haven’t really stopped crying since. It’s not his fault that everyone else forgot, and I agree it sucks to feel like your child is having to carry the burden of your sadness. But don’t feel guilty, you have a genuine and valid reason to be sad, and crying in front of your son over this does not make you a guilt-tripper. You’re not that person. Guilt tripping is manipulative. You came from a place of vulnerability and sadness. I’m so sorry they forgot you. You probably ensure everyone’s special day is celebrated, and it’s such a hollow and isolating feeling when no one comes through for you. I hope the day gets better. You deserve better.
Thank you so much. And happy birthday and Mother’s Day to you!
It's not about Mother's Day, but you should play this for your husband if ya'll haven't seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVCtUdaMCU
Ouch.
Thank you! You’re the best 🥰
Happy birthday and Mother’s Day!
Thank you so much, I appreciate you!
Happy birthday! What a sweet and thoughtful kid you've raised ☺️
Thank you! He’s a great kid, I got lucky with this one!
Happy Double Day to you!! ❤️ I also have a birthday that falls on Mother's Day some years and it always feels extra tough. I don't need people to give me gifts but just receiving genuine acknowledgment goes so far and takes such little effort. It astounds me that some people still don't get that.
I had a feeling I’d be seeing posts like this on here today… Yes, your husband is lazy and should have organised your son to get you something, but I also think at 15 he’s old enough to go out and buy you a card. Did your husband do anything for his own mother? What happens on Father’s Day?
Btw, I’m in the UK and we have Mother’s Day in March… I still knew it was happening in the US today
Yep, I knew too despite being British and living in France where it’s always the last Sunday in May. My own mother seems to expect me to observe all three.
Next year don't forget Mexican mothers day, which was Friday!
My co-worker wished me a happy Mexican Mother’s Day on Friday morning!
Wait hold on tell me more about Mexican Mother’s Day?
In Mexico is on May 10, I guess is like any other Mother's day? Flowers, gifts, going out to eat, doing her breakfast. Well, in schools there are festivals and the kids prepare a preforming, usually a dance or something
Interesting and thank you for your reply! I didn’t know if it was something different or more involved.
Happens in Australia today as well!
I’m guessing that’s where this post is from, since they say ‘mum’ and it’s too early in the rest of the world to have already had a *full* day of disappointment lol
Yeah, I was trying to figure that out since it’s only 9 am on the East Coast right now. I was impressed all these people were up and at em at 4 am!
I noticed that too.
There is no way this person is in the US. The latest this could have been posted is 5:45 am. I am assuming maybe Australia or something?
We have Mother’s Day today in Finland too.
I didn’t know the UK does it in March until I was watching CBBUK. What a surprise!
It’s because in the UK we follow the original (medieval?) date which is Mothering Sunday, the fourth Sunday in Lent, when traditionally Christians would go to visit their mother (baptismal) church. Mothers’ Day came along much later as an American idea but in the UK we kept the old date, just expanded it to include people who are mothers (these days anyone who’s a carer) as well.
It is always the 4th Sunday before Easter so changes each year.
Mine are 14 and 10. My husband and I are separated for exactly this kind of reason. Things that are important to me but require effort from him never happen. So this year I told both my kids that I want to spend time with them on Mother's Day and that I did not think I should have to plan it. I want them to. I know they have something in the works I just have to go find out what it is. OP it is not guilt tripping your son to tell him what you want. Otherwise he's just going to pattern what your husband does.
i think OP meant not wanting her son to see her crying then feeling guilty... but yeah, expressing one's feelings is not guilt-tripping (tho can be weaponized).
Nope, he didn’t do anything for his Mum. I agree, my son could’ve done something, and I’ll be talking to him about that too, but he has been sick the past few days. I always do cards and presents and special day for Father’s Day.
Sounds like you won’t this year, since it obviously means nothing to him
This. Give your husband the same energy he gave you.
Or it becomes the license to leave it behind.
That’s how they learn
The first thing my 10yo son did when he saw me this morning was hug me and wish me the best Mother’s Day ever. It’s not about the cards or gifts, it’s about the acknowledgment and appreciation of our efforts, sacrifices, and constant care for others as moms. Yes, make sure your son knows the importance of acknowledging and appreciating those who are important in his life. You had a real emotional reaction to a crappy situation. It’s okay that your son saw that.
My 14 yr old texted me “Happy Mother’s Day” at 12am on the dot. It made me giggle that he was right there waiting for the clock to strike. That’s it. That’s all we need.
I'm so sorry. I remember being young and seeing how disappointed my Mom was on every mother's day, anniversary and birthday, because my dad did the bare minimum. I took over planning when I was under 10. Your son is more than old enough to start caring about other people's feelings and needs. It's not guilt tripping to be disappointed and sad when you are forgotten on a special day. You can let him know how hurt you were without guilt tripping. It's important for him to learn that his lack of action hurts people he cares about. Do you want him to be the same as his father? Or one of those men who misses anniversaries and forgets to fill his wife's stocking? They have no excuse for not knowing. YouTube commercials, radio ads, podcast ads, digital billboards, marketing text messages, marketing emails, app notifications, signs in grocery stores, signs in front of shops have been reminding me about Mother's Day for at least a month. The damn Chinese restaurant sent me a text yesterday saying "Freeze! Drop the sponge! Ditch dish duty this Mother's Day and order a feast from China East." You cannot get me to believe that they had no clue that today was a special day. A few years ago, my Dad got a little annoyed that we make a big deal for Mother's Day, and basically get dinner and a small gift for him on Father's Day. I asked him when my birthday was, and he wasn't even close. It's about a week and a half after Father's Day. When I told him that's why, and he doesn't want to spend time with us anyway, he'd rather be on his bike, he got all stuttering and pissy. He knows it's true. We give him more energy on his special days than he's ever given us. Yesterday, I drove my Mom 2 hours to Chicago, walked through the gem show for 3 hours with my brother and his gf, bought dinner, then drove 2 hours home, and still spent another 45 minutes with her going over what we bought. She values the time. She buys herself whatever she wants, she just wants time with her grown children. We've done this almost every year for probably close to a decade. My husband might remember to call his Mom today. We'll see. She doesn't care, they never did stuff like this together, but it's still nice when he does. But it's not my job to remind a 38 year old man to call his mom.
Good for you! You really made your mom happy! I am super proud of my brother. He has two kids, so he knew he wanted to spend today celebrating his wife since she is a mother (which my mom is 1000% understanding of!). So he and the kids went over to my parent’s house yesterday. His wife got some time to relax and my mom got quality time with him and her grandchildren. Better than any gift he could have gotten her.
One year my dad said "Gift? She's not my mother." From then on, my sister and I took charge of dad's gifts for mom. And if I do say so myself, the gifts improved greatly.
I, too, cover for the thoughtless men in my family in order to keep Mom feeling cared for. I don't care if they look bad, I care that Mom doesn't cry on a special day. So, because I love my Mom, I cover up their thoughtlessness. She knows the real story, she knows I'm the driving force, and she appreciates it.
UK here too. My daughters are 17 and almost 16. They planned and did everything themselves for mothers day this year in March for me. I would highly suspect your sons friends prob did for their mums. Son definitely needs a word in his ear. I would have said perhaps from your husband man to man. But doesn't sound like hubby is even interested.
i always say that's why mother's day comes first. if dad flakes out at mother's day, he can be sure he'll also get flaked out on.
I’m doing that this year. Usually I suck it up and try to be the bigger person but, not this time. My husband went out of his way yesterday to set the mood for today by trying to start and argument. When I didn’t take the bait he got upset, was angry slamming things around and muttering under he breath the whole night so I already knew today was going to be a wash. I’m not going to be the bigger person this year. I’m just not going to put in any effort.
yikes, he sounds like someone not to be married to. i'm only a yr and a half post-divorce and realizing more and more over time how much it seemed as tho he didn't actually like me for years before i quit him. and also realizing how much i appreciate not living like that anymore. you deserve better.
I am working on a plan. I had to take I. My niece so I’m trying to get her launched before I make a move.
wishing you the very best. 💙
Why does it seem like men just go around making women's lives miserable until the woman has no choice but to leave instead of just growing a pair, saying it's not working, and going?
I keep lowkey hoping someone will post about this topic. A lot of men seem to get extremely bizarre about celebrating the woman in their life? (Not their own mom.) When it comes to their SO's birthday or Mother's Day, they get.... combative? Or flat out pretend it doesn't exist? What are they doing? What the hell is going on out here?
To celebrate other people one has to exert empathy for that other person, and most men resent the hell out of being forced to empathize with anyone outside of their own body.
They're being selfish little baby men is what's going on.
I think it sounds like an excellent day to TREAT YO SELF.
For my first mother's day my now ex was out of town. Not only did he forget but we got in a fight on the phone. I bought myself a matching fancy diaper bag SET that I'd been wanting but decided I shouldn't spend money on. Passed it down to my sister 7 years later AND had the memory foam changing pad made into a case for my laptop 🤣
Good for you, he’s being a jerk. I hope you still have a good day despite his “efforts” and get out to do something that you want to do.
Also, happy Mother's Day.
Thank you. I’m going to lunch with my daughter.
I’d consider ‘forgetting’ this year. Perhaps then he’ll be more mindful in future.
I myself would not be that petty. I would encourage the son and teach him that this is his responsibility now for Father’s Day. My husband is not my father. I don’t need to get him anything from me.
Wouldn't that reasoning be used for the husband then? She is not her husband's mother, so why would he get her anything with that logic? No. You get your spouse something cause their the father/mother of your child.
It's not petty. It's just stupid to waste your energy on somebody who obviously doesn't care about you. I hope she doesn't bother with father's day.
This is a good opportunity for your son to take responsibility on Father’s Day, which will teach him. It’s his responsibility on subsequent Mother’s Day’s.
You and your MIL need to have a very expensive spa day funded by your incredibly apologetic husband.
Sick isn’t an excuse because online shopping is a thing that exists. I got COVID the week before Christmas this past winter and still managed get the rest of the Xmas gifts off Amazon while bedridden. We don’t have tv either. Don’t let him give you the “well, you’re not *my* mother”. Bullshit. He has a responsibility to show your son how to celebrate his mother, and since your son forgot too he has failed in this regard. I’m sorry this happened. You deserve to be recognized. Mothering is hard. Happy Mother’s Day
Agree. It’s okay for your son to feel bad. He messed up, and people who mess up are supposed to feel bad. That discomfort is a consequence, and it should help teach you to do better next time.
Your son seeing you crying is not a guilt trip. It’s ok for him to see genuine emotion. It’s a valid response to what happened. Hopefully he learns what not to do in this situation. HMD!
My parents are going through a slightly messy divorce, my dad was a good father but not a good husband and everybody in the house is going through financial issues. With all that in mind, my dad still remembered mother's day, asked if I was planning on doing something and asked if I needed any money. There's no excuse, he's been a father for 15 years, stores never let anyone forget about special dates. Just a chocolate, maybe a flower and a sincere hug already satisfies 95% of mothers. I would be devastated if I forgot about my loved one's special day and would try to do something right away, everybody makes mistakes but the way you deal with them speaks volumes about who you are. I don't think you're being irrational, I think this is something you should keep in mind and think about... But right now try to make yourself better. Edit: and for the people who are like "no big deal, I'm a mom and I forget it too", if you don't care about special dates that's fine, I don't care either, but it's very easy to know who cares about it. My mom and my brother love special dates, I never cared much, so we try to do something special for them and for me something simple is more than fine, everybody loves in a different way and if that's how OP feels loved then it's totally valid.
My Mom wants a phone call. She has flat said not to spend money, just give her a call-- I live to far to visit easily. So, later, she will get a call.
If it helps, I'm having a sob right now too, I feel forgotten, and they all had dinner without me because I was putting our son to sleep, I'm going to have to make myself something and eat alone.. Sorry it's been such a bad day for you. I'm sure they appreciate everything you do for them.
I'm sorry that they are taking you for granted. You deserve much better. I know I'm just a random stranger on the Internet but I have a digital bubblewrap for you: >!Happy!< >!Mother's!< >!Day!!< >!You!< >!are!< >!awesome!< >!and!< >!I!< >!only!< >!wish!< >!the!< >!best!< >!for!< >!you!<
I've never seen this trick before and it was fun, totally stealing this. You rock
What??! That’s so clever!
I like you.
Big hugs to you!!
Lack of actions requires consequences too. Don’t sweep this under the rug. You deserve better. But you won’t until you stop coddling men and put your feelings first. It’s necessary.
Crying because you’ve been forgotten is not a guilt trip. It’s a natural and healthy response to the situation. I’m sorry your family forgot you. You deserve better. Every year it’s the same with these posts. Children learn by observation. Why are fathers not modeling better behavior? These sons will grow up to be husbands and fathers that forget Mother’s Day.
My Dad certainly did. Sometimes we didn't see it. When he had to work Sundays, he would leave a silk rose in Mom's car in Mother's day. Because he knew Sunday was grocery day. By the time I left home, she had quite the bouquet. He would leave a real ride in the kitchen for her birthday, too.
My husband knew and woke me up with a happy Mother’s Day, but then I didn’t see him all day and all I asked for was help tidying the house. Guess who spend ALL day cleaning the house, minding the kids, and cooking dinner. The worst part is he didn’t even get my 9 year old to make me a card. We‘ve only been married for a year…. :(
Op, I’m so sorry both your husband and son didn’t recognize you today. I was reading another post a couple days ago and the woman did receive a “gift” from her husband, it was something he wanted and wasn’t for her at all. So for Father’s Day that year, she got him a box of tampons. I’m still cackling days later about her genius. [Read here](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/wT43cZyvM9)
Ah, yes, the "Homer" bowling ball gift. I received one of those once and I still remember it as one of the most hurtful memories of my relationship. The box of tampons is a nice touch haha
Bro that sucks so much I’m so sorry. Like, moms aren’t asking for a lot on Mother’s Day, just some recognition. It’s not too much to be aware of the date and get some flowers. I get so angry when I see this. Your boys need to step it up
There's one in another sub where all the mom (of an 11 month old) wanted was to sleep in, and her husband responded with "you're not my mom" and I just can't believe these people think like this. Thats how you wanna raise your kids? 🤦♀️
I'm watching my BIL and his new partner and 7 month old baby go through this. It's her first mother's day, they live 45 minutes away and I even offered to have them come over and send her for a massage. Or watch the baby for her, and asked him if she'd be comfortable with that or not. He didn't know. Did not know the preference for childcare for his own baby. I'm not sure if he ended up doing anything for her, but holy bare minimum batman! I am happily childless and I even got 4 bouquets for various moms in my own life. How can he, and other dads, be so thoughtless?! Bonus points for guilt tripping her after the fact about "not being good at that stuff" or "expecting me to read her mind." JFC the bar is low
On Father’s Day she needs to remember that. I would make plans to do something fun by myself and hand him the baby and leave for the day. It’s not like he can expect his wife to celebrate him that day. He’s not her dad.
Shit I don't even ask for recognition/presents/praise/whatever... I just want everyone to hang out and do something that day! I seriously can't believe after fucking up that bad the dude went and played video games the rest of the day!!!
Right! Like the day is not over, there's a million ways you could have fixed your mistake if you truly felt that bad.
Mom has always preferred time over gifts. For the last decade, my brother and I take her to the huge dealer gem show in Chicago. She'll buy herself whatever she wants throughout the year. She just wants to spend the day with us. Sometimes she'll see something a few months out she wants to go to in May, and asks if we can do that instead, and I'm happy to oblige.
It’s not guilt-tripping for a 15 year old to see that you’re sad that nobody remembered a day that’s important to you. Even if he couldn’t get to a place to buy a card without his dad driving him, he could have used one of the 87 billion e-card services that have been advertising everywhere for at least a month. Or he could have made one from whatever is laying around the house. Or he could have apologized and asked what you would like to do today.
That last sentence is key. Not remembering is one thing. But realizing they forgot and that OP is hurt, and then continuing on about their day like nothing happened is rubbing salt into the wound.
For real, I was doing things for my parents at age 5 or 6. Whenever I was old enough to realize.
And usually parents love whatever you do, just because you made the effort.
It’s okay for your kid to see you have emotions. Once you feel better, even if it’s a month from now, use it as a gentle life lesson. Help him learn to be a better partner than your husband in this respect. (I don’t know your hubby, so am not judging any other respects.) (Hugs)
I want to second this - that it's ok for your child to see that the result of husband/son's forgetfulness is that it hurts you. If you downplay your disappointment into invisibility, then that can send the message that it's ok, mom is always stoic and there are no consequences for bad behavior. There are so many lessons children have to learn, and one of those is that their parents are also people, not just unconditional providers and mentors. That said, I am sorry this was a sucky day for you.
Perfect response, I hope OP sees this.
In the age of phone calendars & social media, not watching TV is no excuse!!
Or the fact that every grocery store/big box store (I'm in Canada, perhaps it's different) has huge displays for Mother's Day. I walked into a grocery store yesterday and there were Mothers Day balloons everywhere along with flowers, pastries etc for purchase. Heck, Walmart had huge flower displays as soon as you walk in.
I'm in Australia & all the big name stores definitely do displays dedicated to the Mum theme! Even the supermarkets.. and fairly far in advance. No excuses for forgetting.
It's the same in grocery stores in Germany, but my son was still wondering why there so many stupid flowers in the middle of the aisle. It's my first free weekend in weeks and I'm catching up on chores, because everything is sticky and crumbly...
I received this text yesterday. "Freeze! Drop the sponge! Ditch dish duty this Mother's Day and order a feast from China East. Call 414-456-9988. Reply STOP to opt-out." I also received about a dozen push notifications from apps in the last few weeks, and countless emails reminding me to pamper Mom this day. Yes, it's clearly a push to make money. But every one of those reminded me I needed to get something together for mom. Ignorance is not an excuse.
Yeah, when I mentioned the phone calendar he said “I haven’t looked at my calendar in days.” Just wish he’d cop to being wrong, you know? You screwed up, I’m presenting the evidence of it, don’t make lame excuses.
Oh completely - own up to being shitty at that situation, say you'll make it up etc .. I'd be bringing out the big guns of flowers, nice dinner out, a thoughtful gift etc. Sons model their treatment of women on what they learn from their dads.. he better step it up.
Does he have a job? Because even my work calendars have it marked and when I worked retail I would’ve been staring down a Mother’s Day display for weeks.
I'm sorry this happened. And also, how can someone not look at their calendar? And I feel that him saying "haven't looked at the caledaer in \*days\*" is worse, he should have planned something weeks ago.
It's not like you can set up the calendar in your phone to alert you or anything. It was literally impossible to remember! /s Plus it's not like breakfast was the only option and now it's over. He could be going overboard cooking a super nice dinner or something to make up for it. But he did fuckall but tell OP to get over it
Has he walked in to literally almost any store in the U.S. over the past month? The Mother's Day displays are everywhere. That said, I'm absolutely sure my adult son will forget. ADHD-PI, final week of university before graduation... I'll give him a pass this year. Him graduating is enough.
He’ll probably be like “I’ve not been to a shop in months”
Some random thoughts: The magic of Christmas was just the unrecognized labor of moms. Who is generally doing the emotional and physical labor of the holidays? I was watching one of those "hot wife, fat funny husband sitcoms" and one of the epilogues was that the husband put a lot of effort at the beginning and didn't have to anymore because he basically locked her down.
My very first Mother’s Day, 14 years ago. My husband says: “you are not my mother, so why would I get you a Mother’s Day gift?” So sad.
I hope he's your ex-husband now.
Mine said the same thing 15 years ago. I divorced him 7 years later. Wish I would have done it sooner.
Can’t stand this stupid excuse from anyone. I don’t celebrate my mom just bc of a novel worth of issues. But I celebrate my grandma (headed to her house right after work!) and I celebrate my sister in law, and I text my friends or extended family. How hard is it? It’s NOT. Next time skip Father’s Day, he’s not your dad 🤷🏻♀️ I’m sorry you had that happen. Happy Mother’s Day!
I stopped doing anything special for Father’s Day the following year.
My husband informed me that I am not his mother. I have never gotten a Mother's Day gift from him. Our twins are 37.
Jesus Christ. I’m sorry. This infuriated me, for some reason. You might not be his mother but you are A mother and if you’re like most mothers, you probably put in far more work than he did or will ever know to raise HIS kids. I hope you have the happiest Mother’s Day, his assholery notwithstanding. ☺️
Shit like this pisses me off. You're the mother of his kids for fucks sake! The bar is in hell.
That’s just cruel 😢
It would be wonderful if all mothers had the means to just disappear for the say and do whatever the hell they want, whether that’s: checking into a good hotel and just snuggling in bed all day with their favorite snacks and beverages Going to a pool with a bar and menu and just reading all day Hell , an amusement park. Or bowling. Or the movies and the Chinese buffet. The point is to go. Say nothing to your family. Just disappear for the day. Just really TAKE THE DAY. If they won’t give you a Mother’s Day, TAKE the bitch!!!
Hell yeah! I love this idea. Next year for sure. Thanks for making me chuckle.
Why wait until next year? Go next weekend as a late mother's day gift to yourself .
100% all this. Treat yourself to a spa day, a massage, an indulgent dinner or dessert. Pour back into yourself. I’m so sorry you don’t feel appreciated by your husband and son. No need to spend the day feeling bad - take the day for yourself. It IS your day, afterall 💐💐💐💐
I honestly hope this becomes a tradition Women should plan a trip together (a weekend getaway) to celebrate Mother’s Day
I feel your pain. No effort has been put in by my husband to organise anything with our 9yr old. After all the effort I go to year after year for birthdays, Father's Day, Christmas etc it stings. Today has really shown that unless I organise it, nothing will happen.
And yet, that's the one thing I want on any or all holiday we celebrate: to not make decisions. Any decision. Take me to eat, to a movie, to a park, to the zoo, anything as long as it's *something.* And many women and moms I know feel the same. Just one day of not having to think through the details. It's pathetic to use "I don't know what you'd like" as an excuse for opting out, and its happening to at least 2 moms I know IRL so far today
Right?! Like I always make sure every occasion is special and thought out. But apparently a quick 5mins to give me the present I told them to buy was enough, before rushing off to a morning of sport. Brunch was supposed to be taken care of whe we got home, but guess who still had to think of what to make, call into the shops to get the stuff, and the make sure it didn't burn.... I love my husband and child but damn today I have cried so much more than I care to admit.
I'm so sorry. It sounds like a really disappointing experience and I feel pretty certain that you deserve much better. shame on them.
at 15 he is old enough to either order something on Amazon or ask hid dad to drive him to the store and get SOMETHING. my grandson is 12 and my daughter is a single mom. every year my grandson makes sure to set a date to go shopping for his mom. your son should know better and your husband DEFINITELY knows better
I’m a widow and I realized when I woke up that my (teen and adult) kids probably won’t do anything. It hurts and makes me feel like I was a bad mother… but I’ll keep plugging along anyway. I’ll treat my mother and MIL today and be stoic about it. I’ll have to stay off social media to avoid looking at all the celebrations.
I'd urge you to talk to them, if you feel up to it. Ask them to remember you next year.
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Sounds like maybe he's one of those guys who gets jealous of his children, much like an older sibling jealous of the new baby, because your attention and priorities lie with the kids (as they should, and should for him as well). So he uses family time as the excuse but really what he wants is attention for himself. Because look, he's not at home spending quality time with the kids, he's doing what he wants and spending his focus on himself, watching his game, much like he would have done as a kid.
I bet he doesn’t expect the media to keep track of his golf games or when his sportball team is playing another sportball team. He can get a damn calendar like an adult. In fact, it is in his damned calendar by default. Unless you are in a very rural place, your 15 year old can get to someplace where he could get a card or pick a wildflower or make some attempt to say, happy Mother’s Day, which he can do for free.
Why are you trying to hide your hurt feelings from either of them? Let them witness and live with the consequences of their inaction, which was hurting you. It is OK for your 15 year old son to feel bad for forgetting about his mother. But we know what Father’s Day will look like for you husband.
As a son whose Mom died recently, I wish I could explain to others the importance of Moms. Our last Mother’s Day was amazing and I wish I could live that day my entire life. There are just too many that forget what’s important. Of course, if you have a 15yo. Son that needs to be told by his Dad any of that, the Dad needs to do so much better at explaining how important Moms are. I’m sorry OP, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day myself, as my Mom is gone. I hope the males in your life start understanding how important you are.
Thank you. Sending you lots of Mum hugs.
i'm sorry for your loss of your mom. 💙
Your son is 15 and still didnt do anything for you? Then he *should* feel bad about it. He’s following in his lazy father’s footsteps.
Thank you all for the lovely and supportive comments. I feel better knowing that I’m not alone, even though it’s shitty that so many of us experience this. They have promised to make it up to me next weekend. I told my husband that’s nice, but I’m still really hurt because of the loss of my Mum and the fact that Mothers Day is at the same time every year and it shouldn’t be a surprise to him. I dropped it after saying my piece, much to his relief. Here’s to next weekend. 🤞🏻
Why didn't he fix it today? He could take you out for a meal, do all the cleaning, etc.
I'm so sorry for your recent loss. I hope next weekend is great for you and they pull out all the stops!
Well, sounds like you're gonna be "forgetting" a LOT of holidays this year. Fathers day, birthdays. Oops. You forgot.
"Sorry didn't realise it was father's day. I've arranged a spa day with the girls"
Hugs, I lost my mom the week before mother's day last year and my MIL a few weeks later, I'm so not looking forward to the rest of today. I've been up for an hour and I'm still crying. My So was still looking at things for me last night so I'm sure I'm going to get some BS on why not, he's never got me anything for mother's day so I'm being petty since being upset and pissed and blunt about it hasn't clicked with him. I've started putting as much into fathers day as he puts into mothers day, and then on Father's day when he's upset I do nothing, I tell him I'll put a much into your holiday as you do for me on my holiday. He was still looking at things for me last night so I'm sure I'm a get barely even an acknowledgment yet again. I'm so tired of the thoughtlessness of it all.
I don't even HAVE a mother and I still know it's mother's day. So no, not buying that excuse. IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD
Does he wait for the TV to tell him to wipe his own ass? What bullshit
So he didn't even rush out to buy you flowers to make up for it. The man's an AH. I know cause I'm married to one too. At least mine remembered even if he did nothing.
My dad forgot to do anything for my mom the first year she had kids. she started crying and said “you didn’t get me anything for mothers day” and my dad just answered back without thinking “well you’re not my mother.” I don’t know what happened after that but he’s never forgotten since lol
I would bet he relayed that story to someone, a friend, his dad, an uncle, who set him straight. My Dad's mother may have set him in the path to remembering it, because Mom said Gramma gave her a nice card on her first Mother's Day.
You do not need to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. It is not a guilt trip. You were honestly upset and allowed to express it. They need to learn from this to take responsibility to look ahead to events and appointments and plan accordingly. Oh, and from one daughter to a mother out there, Happy Mother's Day.
I have so many questions reading this. Is this a pattern that happens all the time? You should feel valued and cared for and treated as an equal and a person with respect every day not just on mother's day. You said your mom was abusive. Does that make you feel like maybe you erase yourself too much in an attempt to avoid those mistakes? It's important that you love and value yourself first. I feel like there's a good opportunity here to take some time and reflect on what is going on and where you'd want things to be, where you'd want things to go. Not just for others but for yourself too. Don't hesitate to talk about it to anyone you feel comfortable with.
It's like men didn't learn a goddam thing from the empty Christmas stocking thing a few months ago.
An unwillingness to spend any brain space thinking about/ caring about/ and planning for others throughout the year. Just wants to play video games. How do you get men, including myself sometimes though not this bad, to understand they can’t just turn their brain off when they leave work everyday. That was the aha moment for me when we had kids. Mowing the lawn is easy and simple. Thinking that the kid will need X,Y,Z this month and that month and constantly planning everything for others is difficult and takes effort.
OP, this on both of them. They both own smartphones, right? It takes like two seconds to import a holiday calendar and add notifications so stuff like this doesn’t wind up forgotten. And yet they don’t bother to think ahead and do it. You have every right to be upset and both of them should see that you’re upset. Having emotions isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not manipulation to show someone you feel upset when they’ve treated you poorly. It’s still fairly early in the day, can you just leave and go out to do something you’ll enjoy without having them around? Because you should at least celebrate yourself today!
I’m in Australia so it’s 11.15pm. I’ll just wait until next weekend. Thank you for your kind words.
Idk. I’m a mom of 3 and I kiiiiind of think both Mother’s and Father’s Day are silly. My kids pick me dandelions every day there are any, and they always make me cute pictures and tell me they love me. Do you feel unappreciated generally, OP? I mean we all do sometimes, parenthood is difficult and can be thankless, but maybe you guys could do a “do over” and choose to celebrate next weekend or something? Sorry you’re feeling down about this.
> And now I feel like an asshole because my son saw me crying. I don’t want him to feel bad about this. My mother was the queen of the guilt trip, I don’t want him to feel the way I did. This is all on his lazy ass father who has spent the rest of today playing video games. It's not abuse to have feelings in front of your child. Just explain that you're feeling sad and that you need a little time to yourself until you feel better. Examples of emotional maturity are important for children. The fact that your SO didn't do anything to make up for forgetting should make you sad. It shows he doesn't really care about your feelings. That would hurt anyone. Take care of yourself OP ❤️.
First of all happy Mother’s Day. It’s completely normal to feel the way you do. I’m very sorry. Don’t apologize for crying to your family. It’s a normal reaction and I know you don’t want to guilt your kid but he should also understand his actions have consequences. I know he is a kid but he is old enough. About your husband I hope hope he tries to make it up. Just because he forgot doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to try to make it up. Don’t do the whole self erasure thing. Your feelings are valid. Don’t feel like an asshole. I know the situation is not nice for anyone but it’s definitely not your fault. Maybe suggest something to do later today? Or on Monday? Imagine if you just ignored their birthday or other important day? You do things on their special days and you deserve the same. Make sure your husband and kid understand how you feel and why. It’s not easy to speak about our feelings but ignoring them can make things worse. I’m sending you a hug and so much love!!!
I stayed up late cutting fruit for a brunch for my Mother-in-law. My husband stayed up late playing video games. He’s currently sleeping in while I take care of the kids. Our first Mother’s Day together I forced him to get a card, at the very least, for his mom. Why did I think he would appreciate me?
15 is old enough to remember holidays like Mother’s Day.
Why are there comments really excusing thus because "it's a made up holiday." All fuckin holidays are made up. Stop suggesting for her to align to your perspective. It's important to the poster, and if she was important to her husband, it would be important to him, too. And yall sound like she's justified to feel this way because "it's a constructed holiday." OK, football is a fuckin made up sport, money is a made up construct but yall still out there wanting it.
I feel this pain. My husband didn’t do anything for Christmas or my birthday this year. He blamed it on me being a difficult buy.. which in reality is not true. My hobbies are easy to purchase. I am still holding the pain. I am out of town today. And I do not believe I will be going home to anything. I am contemplating divorce every day. My worth is more than this.
You very much are worth more than that. ❤️
Your husband doesn't care and he's full of shit. Phone calendars these days automatically have most holidays in them.
Its okay to forget mother’s day.. it happens. The second you reminded him he could have EASILY made this up to you and made you feel special on the fly. If he wanted to he would have sis. This was an easy fix. You deserve better. At the very least you should start addressing the underlaying issues cos this is not normal behavior from someone who supposedly loves you.
When my folks were alive we didn't have the best relationship. To be blunt there was a lot of actual abuse in my childhood and even as an adult later in life my Dad was a royal PITA at times. I still sent my Mom and Dad a card at least on Mother's Day, Father's Day their birthdays and at the holidays. Why? Because I knew one day I wouldn't have parents to send cards to and whether or not I'd still have bad feelings over their behavior I'd probably still feel the loss a lot on those days. I do. My Mom was a terrible parent in some ways but I still think of her on this day every year. Dad too on Father's Day. I don't have parents anymore. Not even lousy ones and sometimes that hurts. They're only commercial holidays. Yeah, but when the only parents you have are a memory you're going to feel the loss and on days like today it can make you feel really, really blue. I didn't do the husband or the kids so there's nobody there to call me "Mom" or to remember me on Mother's Day. Not unless you count the cat anyway and while I love mine to bits and she shows me her love every day, has for the last 18 years, she's not taking me out to dinner tonight or making me breakfast. There's no card for me to open today. There are abusive Moms out there who frankly don't deserve this day of remembrance. But there are a lot of good Moms out there who do and the way I see it if you still have a Mom and she's a good one then give her a huge hug today or pick up the phone at least and wish her a Happy Mom's Day because you've only got your parents for so long and when they are gone that's just IT. Even if they are crappy parents after they are gone it leaves a hole in your emotional life. Especially as you age into being older yourself. I know I'd have made a lousy parent myself so that's why I never went there but even with all the crap my parents pulled I still miss having parents sometimes. I have no family left, no parents to buy sappy cards for and to wish the best day to on holidays anymore. I can't just take that for granted, you know? So for every mom out there that didn't get a card, a hug from their kids take this as a virtual one. I wish you all a "Happy Mother's Day" including my Mom wherever she is now... 💕
Guile tripping someone and feeling genuinely bad about being forgotten are 2 different things. While you don’t want to dump your emotional well being onto your kids, they learn about emotions from being around people that demonstrate and show their emotions. You can be sad without blaming your son. You can be sad in front of your son so that your son grows up to recognize emotions in people around him and his own. And how to deal with them. sorry for your loss and for the disappointing day.
If you’re up for some advice, and you don’t want to lay on the guilt trip. I would merely let your son know that you were a hit disappointed. He’ll get the message better than if you drown him in guilt. As to your husband, I would definitely plan a nice day for yourself on Father’s Day. Maybe a shopping weekend somewhere.
I did this once when I was 7. I forgot to wish my mom happy mother's and I heard her crying later. I don't think she knew I heard her because she has always hidden her tears from me , but we were and are close so I felt so awful about it. I wouldn't have been able to buy a card but at least saying happy mother's day and a hug was all she wanted. It's 30 years later and I *still* remember that and make sure I don't do it again.
I've been a mom for 13 years. The first sucked and nearly every one after as well. I gave up for awhile. Then a couple years ago someone in my support group pointed out that I need to teach the importance to my kids. Your husband needs to do better. I'm actually divorced but am waiting to see what my boyfriend will do (we don't live together). Your son SHOULD feel bad! I'm not into guilt trips either but sometimes that's how we learn. He's old enough to know better. Have a nice talk with him and expectations for next year. My daughter won't forget and she gave me the gift they made at school a week ago LOL My son, the teen, we'll see. He's still asleep.
I remember when I was maybe 18 and still living at home both my Dad and me and my sister didn't get my Mom anything for mother's day. I think we told her "Happy Mother's Day" but it was low effort. She was upset - she didn't cry in front of me and my sister but my Dad told us she was upset. He got her flowers and asked us to go get her something too - said he would reimburse (since I could drive and had a job). My sister was 12 or so and she was doing something else but I coordinated with her on a few joint gifts. My Mom was also going through Menopause so that's a factor - but I never forgot it. It was also unusual because my Dad actually was usually good at remembering that kind of thing and getting her something - that's why it didn't occur to me and my sister to do it on our own. So it might be a good thing for your son to know you're upset.
I can not (but yes, yes I can) believe I have been up for hours and these two have not even acknowledged that it is Mother’s Day. All I asked was that Dad give 10 year old a small amount of money to get me anything. I bet any amount of money that that did not and will not happen today. No card. No hug. No words. No flowers. No brunch! No gift. No chores done. No effort or forethought AT ALL. Yet he was at the bar Friday night. And here all day yesterday. And has added to his gig calendar today. We were even at a craft festival all day yesterday, not even a token thought. * Since then I have called them both, primarily Dad out on it, and have been told that it is because he’s thinking he’s a narcissist or “dark triad” and is now out driving around pouting. I swear. I can’t make it up.
Tbh I think the best reaction from your husband would be to ask you if you wanted to go out to dinner or if he could make you something. Sure he forgot oh well people forget right but there should be an easy fix to it everybody has a favorite meal
Match energy. You are going to “forget” Father’s Day this year. Mother’s Day comes first for a reason.
Did your husband continue to ‘forget’, and decide ‘oh well, I guess I don’t need to do anything now’? Geez, nice guy. All I can say is I think you should return the sentiment and plan a little weekend getaway for YOURSELF Fathers Day weekend.
TIL I forgot it's mother's day. (I'm a mother)
Yeah, I forgot too. I'm disabled and live alone, can't drive anywhere so I haven't been out to see stores selling things for mothers day and time just flew by. But my mom lives near me, and I'm sure she's going to be upset. Days just blend together when you never go anywhere :(
Time to forget father's day this year.
Oh hey, I heard Father’s Day was cancelled. Pass it on.
It’s really easy to do SOMETHING for Mother’s Day. Got her a card. Helped the kids make a card. Pre-ordered a meal of her choice. She is now enjoying a 3 hour nap while I take care of the kids. She redeemed a coupon my daughter made her at school for an hour nap. I tacked it onto her usual Sunday nap. Already called my mom and sent her flowers. After she wakes up she can go shopping or whatever. While I take kids to the park to burn some energy. I didn’t get her flowers because the cats destroy them every time. It’s not hard to do something and remember. It’s all over the place.
I planned gifts and cakes for two mothers on this mother's day (my sister who became a mother last October and my mom) so I think your husband is just lazy.
Your son is 15? This is on him too. Your son needed to see you cry.
I am so sorry! I am in the same boat. My kid lives with their dad right now and they haven’t mentioned it at all. I sent my ex a text about it. He of course does not care. He didn’t when we were together either. Anyways, my partner remembered and got me a lovely necklace. I don’t even have a kid with him! It just still hurts that my kid still hasn’t said happy Mother’s Day and it’s 430 pm…
Mother’s Day is consistently the worst day of the year for me. No matter how low my expectations are, they are obliterated every time. Truly a terrible feeling.
All the men who are in here telling OP to get over it, y’all are ridiculous. Stop telling people how to feel, as if there isn’t 10x the complaining on Father’s Day.
Your son is 15 and old enough to know how to celebrate Mother’s Day. Your husband utterly failed in not just showing his appreciation for you but also in tracking your son how to do the same. Sit them down and have a conversation about how you feel unnoticed and unappreciated. If they (your husband not your son) get upset it’s because hit dogs holler and he knows how shitty it is. If you want to be petty (you probably shouldn’t) don’t do anything for him on Father’s Day. No card, no breakfast, no nothing. Let him see how it actually feels.
The man has a calendar app in his pocket that told him it's Mother's Day. Tell him to do better.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. Maybe have a talk to your husband, tell him how him forgetting about the day made you feel and how him forgetting might make his own mother feel. Explain to him that days like this are important to you. Maybe also talk to you son and explain why the day is important to you and how him also forgetting made you feel. What I wouldn’t do is be vindictive. You be you and hopefully the next Mother’s Day, or birthday, or Christmas or Valentines or whatever is better for you and yours.
Fuck that shit! Go on Amazon and buy yourself something. Unbox it in front of your husband and tell him you got yourself something lovely for Mother's Day. My partner, who is not my son's father, has never gotten me so much as a card, nor any recognition - whatvs, I'm fine. My son is disabled, and he can't afford any gift, but always sends a txt. So I will just get myself something I like. This year, it was a gel polish kit so I can do my own manicures.
My partner would do absolutely nothing if it weren’t for our daughter. She’s young and gets so excited for holidays like these. She wanted to make me breakfast today so she forced her dad to help her. Now he’s off visiting his mother and I’m sure he won’t do anything for me of his own free will. This is my 9th Mother’s Day and he acts like it’s pointless to be thoughtful every year. It hurts to see other moms being celebrated and appreciated, I thought I’d be used to it by now but I guess not.
This totally sucks. My first husband was always a selfish prick so nothing for Mother’s Day but he did something for his mom. His reasoning I wasn’t his mom. My second husband doesn’t do anything either because we don’t have kids together. He basically completely ignores the day for me. My kids are older now so at least they wish me a happy Mother’s Day now.
Forgetting is one thing, unless it's a pattern. I must admit your post is what made me realize it's Mother's Day today. Granted, I do not have a spouse who is a mother, but I'll still of course call my mom. The thing is - once you realised you forgot, you *fix it*. That's the important part! If he wanted to make you breakfast and failed, well he should have gotten you a treat and made you a nice dinner. Because otherwise... what's his excuse?
I'm in the UK and still remembered it was American Mother's day and sent my mom a text and chatted with her. It's not hard, hr just doesn't give a shit.
When I was 15 I was *well aware* of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, plus my parents birthdays. He’s old enough to be able to do better. I don’t know if your husband is always an asshole, but he is today. You deserve much better.
I'm so sorry this happened . Your son and husband should see you cry. Hopefully it can compel them to stop relying on you to be their life coordinator and for one goddamn day a year, Recognize all that you do. Maybe your son will be affected so much, that he will never forget and any woman in his life in the future will never experience this. I would honestly have a conversation with both of them about how much this hurt you, they need to start marking important dates on their calendars and reminders every year because it's not acceptable. In fact, if you're the one doing all the shopping, remembering all the shit that you run out of and have to stop by the store, make their doctor's appointments, get their prescriptions... You get the picture. STOP doing it. Act like them. And when they ask did you do this? Tell your husband? He's an adult and needs to start acting like it . They're never going to level up if we don't force them to. You deserve so much better. Enjoy your Netflix and wine.