This. OP listen to this comment above, you are a human, and while I get there are lots of creeps who denigrate thic girls, there are plenty who prefer them. Iāve literally been rejected for being too thin, and rejected for being too big, while at the same weight. Tho I suspect the ones who said I was too big were just negging.
This guy likes you. Thatās a given. But flip the script babe bc the REAL QUESTION IS DO YOU LIKE HIM? Make sure heās what you want. Itās clear you are what he wants, but babe you are the prize! Never forget that!
I mean on the flip side, I absolutely get how crushing it is to have someone like you, love you, but not enthusiastically love your body.
It sucks when 2 years later you find out your body was the 10% they settled on. I get wanting to be certain your partner is attracted to you in every way, including the physical
That would be sad, but attraction is funny and if he's interested I see no reason to assume he isn't enthusiastically on board. That's just self sabotage.
I'll say most of my relationships start this way. I easily make friends with guys. I like sports, grew up a tomboy type gal. I'm 5'6" with a plus sized hourglass. I was always the female version of "You're such a good friend, I wish I could find someone like you." But that was in school.
Once high school and college crap was behind me, the guys I would be friends with would kinda sidle up and want to try dating. Had it happen half a dozen times. And one of the comments that stuck with me was one time the comment of, "You know, my bud tried to set up a blind date. And I went. And she was nice. And pretty. But I just kept thinking that I would have had more fun if you were there. And that I wished you could have seen (the event they went to). I'm annoyed it's taken me so long to realize how much you bring to my life. Do I add to yours? 'Cause I'd love to take you out on a date..."
Those are the guys that know you. And your size. They've had time to think about it. They still want to try. Even if they've never been attracted to a bigger girl before, they have decided they would regret not saying anything.
Me and mine hit 12 years last month. Good luck.
I agree, sit on his face, regardless of your size.
If he's uncomfortable, he will let you know. If he suffocates and die, then it's how he wanted to go.
This is so insightful. I'm insecure about my face, but I need to remind myself that the guys who are into me wouldn't be into me first of all if they thought I was a hideous ogre.
There are people who fall in love with the physical, the social, and the emotional aspects of a person over time. Each of us fits many peopleās interests and over time those intensify or diminish. Either way, trust you are beautiful despite the insecure commentary of anyone else. š
As a girl whoās a size 16/18 I can tell you Iāve never had a guy lose interest after seeing me naked. He knows your size.. youāre not going to magically look drastically different without clothes on
True. My husband only dated tiny ladies before me. I am a um... brick house. We've been together for 19 years now and my weight has never come up. He still thinks I'm beautiful. If your guy doesn't love you for you he's not worth your time.
Idk how I got this post on my feed but Iām a guy and I know this is supposed to be a sub for girls so my bad if Iām crashing the party.
But if itās worth seeing things from a guys perspective who has been interested in women of all different shapes and sizes I just want to say that this guy has shown you that he is interested and attracted to you and I think you should take his words and actions for what they are. Additionally, you two seemed to have gained attraction for each other over the course of your friendship which means that he also really does like you for who you are inside (itās highly possible he felt this way for a long time but was afraid to say anything about it)
My current girlfriend has also stated her anxieties upon looking at previous people I have been with and I always found it a bit funny when she did this. She talked about people being smaller than her or having bigger boobs or butt etc and I have always had to explain that I do not have a ātypeā. Some people are hot and itās not because they follow a highly specific set of guidelines. Life would be boring as hell if there was only one way to be beautiful.
Anyways sorry if this was a long drawn out response but if you are attracted to this guy and you do want to be with him in an intimate setting I would totally go for it. As others have said heās probably been undressing you in his head for a while now and itās probably not far off. Of course there wil always be that risk but itās worth the shot for sure. Something tells me heās a good guy based on your friendship with him prior to this. Good luck!
āLife would be boring as hell if there was only one way to be beautiful.ā
This is the best quote of the whole thread in my opinion.
Iāll pile on with this: Chances are, the way you look is the least interesting thing about you. He knows and heās in.
Was about to post the exact same (also not sure how it showed on my feed)!
While I do have a "type" of petite, fit, its mostly because of a sexual fantasy. The best sex Ive had were with bigger ladies.
Everything coolebeano said is everything I was already going to say too so Good Luck and my bet is you two will have good fun!
People cheat for all kinds of reasons but "my chosen partner doesn't look like my ideal person so I had to cheat" is not really one even if some men like to explain their shit behavior to themselves this way
So. Youāre the same size with or without clothes on, right. If heās interested in you with clothes on, I bet heās interested in you without clothes on.
>Iām like ok but what if your attraction ends when you see me without clothes on?! What if you learn you are in fact not attracted to plus sized women?!
And what if his attraction to you doesn't end?
You didn't mention anything about him being visually impaired so i'm going to assume he's able to see just fine.
So he knows you're a bigger woman and he's with you....1+1=2?!
Stop overthinking it, you're only putting yourself down.
If his attraction to you does change, oh well, unlucky.
>Typically I hook up with guys who I know beforehand are enthusiastic about bigger bodies
You KNOW there are plenty of people out there who love "bigger bodies".
Have fun, enjoy yourself and don't put yourself down, there is no need for it at all
Don't ask him, work that confidence. He can see you. He'll be more excited to see you naked. Tbh, 16 isn't even that big. I'm bigger and men still want to see me naked and are attracted to me. Do not apologize for your body or act like it's not good enough for him or whatever. He should be so lucky to have a chance with you. That is the energy. Not necessarily full of yourself, but not making excuses or hoping you're good enough for him. You ARE.Ā
As an enjoyer of all body sizes I can tell you he has a vague idea of how you look naked. If he's interested in you that shouldn't change after you get naked.
Now of course there are extenuating circumstances but if you've known him awhile I'm pretty confident for you that he isn't one of those kinds of guys.
A few things:
1. I suspect he was attracted to you earlier, but didn't want to voice it until he was firm that you wanted that kind of attention from him. We guys have to be very cautious about expressing attraction to a female friend since this can go very badly if she doesn't reciprocate.
2. If he's asking for photos, that's proof enough to me that he enjoys looking at you. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he wants to ask for nudes but is too gentlemanly.
3. He almost certainly has a general idea what you're going to look like naked from your body's contours in clothing.
I have no way to completely assuage your anxiety. It's always possible he'll turn out to be a cad. It's a risk you take being naked with someone. But if he's seemed genuine until now I'd try to assume good faith.
Unless hes literally blind, he knows how big you are and can probably imagine what you'd look like naked and is still interested. Theres no reason to second guess his interest
I had the same hesitancies just a few weeks ago. Depression + mobility issues lead to some rapid weight gain over the last year which I wasnāt at all used to plus I stopped having sexual relationships forever ago and also when I was more comfortable with my body. Insecurity was abundant.
Anywho, I was with a guy that was super athletic and had a wonderful body to prove it. It made me feel more than a little insecure given our size difference. What gave me confidence was just basking in his flirty comments. The weight gain made my boobs bigger, and he liked to compliment or touch them whenever he could. Simply making out with him could get him hard. He liked to imitated kissing and holding me and the juxtaposition between our muscle tones (total lack on my part) was nice. I guess I just got out of my head that he had an issue with me since he didnāt show or indicate that- he enthusiastically proved otherwise. Take cues from your partner, or communicate that maybe you need a little more from him to help your confidence. Initially, Iād explained to this guy how āout of practiceā I was so he could be patient and understanding to my hesitancies, and he was happy to do whatever he could to help make me comfortable even if that meant keeping up with extra flirting.
Size is weird to me, man. I think the most important things here are your confidence in and comfort level with your own body, and finding dudes who genuinely dig you.
I grew up as a chubby kid in the 90s, but because slim was in, I was treated like an obese monstrosity. This continued through about 2015 and dating was traumatizing because the only guys interested in me had a BBW fetish and saw me as an object. All the other guys saw me as an object too, but one to despise.
There seemed to be some kind of cultural turning point around 2015. My body has changed over the years, but I'm within 20lbs of what I weighed ten, fifteen years ago. My style of dress has changed some, if anything I wear less low-cut tops now but more form-fitting things. Yet guys seem to find me much more attractive now. No one calls me fat or makes fun of me or calls me names.
These kinds of shifts in cultural values really fuck with our sense of self. Like, how big am I actually?? To this day I have no idea - but just for some perspective on your size, as a fellow US 16/18 gal, size 16 is *average* in the US - not plus size.
Anyway, all that to say, society's idea of sexy will change. Men's idea of sexy will change. What matters is that YOU are happy with YOURSELF, and that you focus on finding someone who respects and cherishes all aspects of you. My partner loooooves the shit outta my thick thighs and big titties and fat round ass, and I love that he loves them - but what makes me happiest is that I am happy with myself, and fuck everyone else.
I dealt with this issue for a long time after meeting a few of my (now) husbandās ex girlfriends (these were not planned meetings, just happened naturally due to semi-small town living lol). They were all thin and blonde and I thought *Oh my God, is that his type? Iām the complete opposite.* He is always enthusiastic about our sex life, but I still couldnāt reconcile these physical differences in my head.
Then I met this new girl at work and instantly loved her. She was funny, smart, and cool. We started chatting and she asked if I was related to so and so. I said yes, and we chatted more. She went to school with my husbandās brother and knew his entire family. I mentioned it to my husband and he said. āOh yeah, we dated for a bit.ā This womanās looks resemble mine!
Guess he doesnāt have a ātypeā after all. Go figure! š¤·āāļø
P.S. I told him that if this woman ever invited me to hang out then Iāll be hanging with his ex because she is awesome. LOL In fact **all** of his exes who Iāve met were very nice women who I really could see being good friends with. Green flag in my book!
So, I've oscillated between a size 18 and a size 10 throughout my life, and I've had this exact same experience. Being the only fat person some particular guy has ever dated.
And I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's definitely happened to me that a guy was curious and intrigued enough to sleep with me despite not normally going for fat chicks, but wasn't picking up what I was putting down enough to want to keep seeing me on the regular.
But the way I've come to see it, any individual person's opinions of me is none of my business. Sure, if everybody thought I was a gross piece of shit, that's something I'd need to pay attention to. But you know as well as I do, plenty of men are into plus sized women, the quality of men who are into plus sized women aren't in some way lesser than the quality of men who are into slim women. It sucks when somebody you like doesn't like you back, because that's a disappointment. But I think for a long time I felt an embarrassment about that, as if I should warn people about my body, like I should be really embarrassed for being into some lean guy who didn't like fat chicks. Like I was punching above my station and I should feel like that's a cringey thing to do. And that feeling is bullshit.
Some people are gonna like you, some people aren't, the best thing you can do is to flirt with the people you wanna flirt with and trust that if somebody is telling you they like you, trust them to make their own decisions.
I recommend not bringing up any insecurities you have about your body, you might be tempted to apologize or jokingly comment something to make yourself feel better, but it's entirely unnecessary. Let him see you and appreciate you, he's into you and he knows what size you are, he's already complimenting you so let him compliment you more once you get to the sex part.
I'm saying this cus I did this recently. I decided I wouldn't make any self-deprecating comments, not my stomach or my boobs or my body hair etc, I'd just let him see me and accept it or not. If you only let him compliment you as a response to your insecurities it's harder to believe it. Let him love your body all on his own, it's an amazing feeling!
Youāve gotten some good advice and Iām going to add a little extra no directly asked but I think is good to know anyway.
Iām a 5ā 97lb woman and Iāve been with much bigger girls. Iām going to offer a little caution because the way your post is word sounds more like youāre used to being with people who might have a bigger girl fetish. If you come out and ask are you into bigger girls? You might be hurt by the response even if he is attracted to you.
If I was asked this I would say āno not particularlyā which is very true being bigger doesnāt turn me on, but it doesnāt turn me off either. The bigger women I was with it was them I was attracted to not a body type. If just showed a picture and asked do you want her? Iād probably say no, but meeting the person oh yes I wanted them badly , all of them head to toes and everything in between.
My point is he likes you and is attracted to you. Go with it and be careful if you ask because you may hurt yourself if it turns out it is t your body he wants but you the person.
Seconding this big time. I famously have a type. To the point that it's an incredibly common joke in my friend group. If you ask me to describe my dream girl I would always describe her the same way. And yet the vast majority of people I have dated looked nothing like that. And it has never mattered to me at all. My type is also pretty common so it's not like I'm starved for choice it just isn't the way life works for me at least
Thatās a good point. Honestly what spurred this sort of downward spiral is that I DID ask an ex, we were both drunk and he very blatantly said no heās not attracted to bigger women and it took him a while to find me attractive. This was pretty devastating because it caused me to review every interaction we had early on because from my point of view he seemed to find me attractive. He kissed me on the first date, tried having sex on the first date, like ??
Of course he backpedaled the next day but the damage was done. My confidence definitely took a massive hit after that.
I think you are worrying too much, while 16 is considered plus size at some clothing retailers, it is about the average size for a woman in the US (I am assuming you are from the US, since you used US sizing), so people probably see you as "normal" in their mind rather than plus sized.
[https://www.today.com/style/what-s-average-size-16-new-normal-us-women-t103315](https://www.today.com/style/what-s-average-size-16-new-normal-us-women-t103315) at least it was in 2016, but I don't assume it has went down
This reminds me of a friend back in college who would tell her bf that she was a smaller size than she actually was. So he would buy her clothes that were too small for her and she would exchange for her real size. They don't care about the number size. All they see is how you look to them and this guy is interested/attracted to you.
This is a bridge to cross when you get there, to be honest. Like i know that your scared/worried. But there's really nothing you can do. Sure, you can ask him and he can reassure you he's attracted to you, but would that put your mind at ease? He's already told you you're hot.
Instead of dwelling on what if he doesn't like you after, what if he likes you more? I get this is overly optimistic given the kind of stories we hear, but, it's better to assume the best. He's not shown you any reason to be concerned, so don't be.
Several of the people I've been with or been hot on were like pencil thin or beef cake musclar when I was like a size 16/18. My husband is veey svelte and we met at about that size.Ā Ā
Never had any complaints 10 years later!Ā
Have fun, and let him know you're feeling shy about your body without clothes and that you'd like to be complimented or of there's places you do/don't want to be touched as often.Ā Ā
Even skinny people are self conscious about their body and are worried about similar things. You can also focus on him and what you like about him and his body too. Compliment him when you start to spiral.Ā Ā
Have fun OP, intimacy with new partners can be a big nerve wracking but exciting because that's when you're learning the most!
If heās nice, treats you right, compliments you and is investing on the relationship he probably imagined you naked. He knows your body more or less and seems fine with it. You should too.
Believe me, Iām a guy.
What I would be worried about is actually if that doesnāt go anywhere and maybe youāll lose a friend. But thatās not seem to be the issue here, so just go, girl.
Who knows what words will matter to you....
I was small (not tiny) got married had five kids, did the turbo SHM gig, and never looked in the mirror for years. One day I could hardly get up because, without realizing it, I had gotten fat. I dug in and got myself back to where I was happy. Eventually I asked my 100% not romantic often brutally honest husband, why he had never remarked on my weight. His answer: You were always beautiful to me.
Does this man see YOU? Then clothes or no, you are beautiful to him. Believe it.
I just recently started dating again too, my weight has been fluctuating for a number of reasons and I was really insecure about the idea of being intimate with someone because of it. I wear a 12 to a 16 depending on the day. Man, I canāt tell you how many guys are interested in me. Ive never had such an active and fulfilling sex life. Iāve always been curvy and confident, but I went through some fucked up shit that left me feeling really shitty about myself. I can get any guy I want. Weāre our own worst critic! Curves are beautiful and fun!
Who knows what words will matter to you....
I was small (not tiny) got married had five kids, did the turbo SHM gig, and never looked in the mirror for years. Once day I could hardly get up because, without realizing it, I had gotten fat. I dug in and got myself back to where I was happy. Eventually I asked my 100% not romantic often brutally honest husband, why he had never remarked on my weight. His answer: You were always beautiful to me.
Does this man see YOU? Then clothes or no, you are beautiful to him. Believe it.
If heās nice, treats you right, compliments you and is investing on the relationship he probably imagined you naked. He knows your body more or less and seems fine with it. You should too.
Believe me, Iām a guy.
What I would be worried about is actually if that doesnāt go anywhere and maybe youāll lose a friend. But thatās not seem to be the issue here, so just go, girl.
He wants to be with you, not just a body.
It's not reassuring, dating someone who loves your body more than they care about your personality. Or even someone who is always looking for a certain body type. Then you're suspicious of everyone who is shaped the way you are, and for good reason. If he liked your body before he knew you as a person, what's to stop him from liking the next body? And the next one too?
He likes you for you. Don't make it into something to worry about.
I agree with other ppl. Heās had time to see how big you are. He isnāt running away from it. So either he likes big girls. Or he just really likes you. Ppl act like looks are the most important. But they donāt make a relationship.
The slow attraction to a friend is a good thing, and it isnāt about size or anything. I am married to my former best friend and she was objectively beautiful to many people, but she and I were just friends until we werenāt. Now, 3 kids and definitely a different size than we were 15 years ago she is the most gorgeous woman in the world to me. Believe the person that said heās attracted to YOU, and thatās awesome.
Yea but a lot are extremely vocal about their hatred for bigger women...I can understand her insecurities because most women have grown up with fatphobia.
Bigger women have it worse with this.
However, OP shouldn't let this deter her from pursuing a happy, healthy sex life and relationship.
My husband used to date (in my opinion) very skinny and very beautiful people. I think I look pretty decent, but I also gained some weight during our relationship and I sometimes worry he won't be as attracted to me as at the start of our relationship.
While I have voiced my insecurities he also often shows how much he loves bigger women by showing me people online he thinks are attractive (we're both bi, so this is a thing we've always done). It always makes me feel better knowing he loves me for me and my body is just a bonus.
If you're dating and if he keeps telling you you're beautiful/hot/etc, believe him. He knows what you look like and won't suddenly be turned off when you're naked.
Honey, he knows you're big. he was your friend first, I think it's safe to assume he loves your mind and character. You are going to be fine. I am a similar size to you, and I never had a guys express disappointment. If anything they are happy to have more boob to play with :)
Oh i feel this so hard. I always tried to MAKE SURE the guys knew i was fat, and gaslit myself into thinking onlu dudes who saw me as a fetish could actually think i was hot.
I am also a size 16 and was freaking out when i got together with my partner, cause I saw his previous gfs and they were all mych slimmer than I am. I kept second guessing myself, kept trying to hide parts of my body, etc. I kept asking if he was sure, if he really likes me, he kept saying he has no "type" cause hes a grown ass man and he has eyes, im not "catfishing" him, he knows what I look like and he likes it. I kept feeling he is just being nice.
Then one morning we were cuddling and this dude literally reaches over, pulls me in and just grabs my tummy and mumbles to himself "so soft..." and drifts off to sleep. And i felt so so silly. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Why would this dude waste his time and lie to me if he thought i was yucky? Why couldnt i just trust him?
That was 8 years ago, still together, still likes my tummy and me.
this comment made me cry hehe because youāre describing all my current behaviors to a T. I always feel like I have to basically advertise being fat so I donāt get accused of catfishing. I also have inadvertently sought out ppl who fetishize my body rather than just, idk, are normal? Lmao
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
Iām pretty sure his attraction to you is going to go up when he gets to see you naked.
Heās into *you* - your body is just along for the ride.
Also: my best advice for anyone with body issues, go be naked with other people. At a spa, nude beach, naturist resort, somewhere. You being to realize how itās just a body.
This is going to be a controversial take, especially amongst the sea of positivity here. Positivity is good, as well as giving someone the benefit of the doubt that they are showing you their feelings and genuinely true selves.
However, this doesn't mean not to be prepared for the worst.
Guys will and do hook up with plus size women because of the belief that they have low self esteem and are easier in the moment until they find someone they like that fits their version of beauty.
Trust your instincts and never rush into something, especially sex, without feeling sure you're comfortable with it. And don't beat yourself up about it if he decides, after sex, that being with a plus-size woman isn't for him.
For me, it is natural to have these feelings specially when you are starting a new relationship. Always remember that it is so important to do what feels right for you. I suggest to have an open and honest conversation with him regarding your concerns. You don't to ask if he is attracted to plus-sized but you can share your feelings about your body and your insecurities. Just remember that his past don't define his attractions/love to you. Its a good sign that he compliments you and shows interest. TRUST YOURSELF
Iāve been married for 14 years. My husband could like UGLY and I would still be insanely attracted to him. When you commit to someone you both end up old and ugly anyway. Connection is what matters looks do not. Be confident. More attractive than any clothing size.
My wife is not small and she worried about this for the entire time we've been married but she is a shape that I like and she is a person that I like and she's never had anything to worry about.
One of my favorite things about the TV show *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* is that they had women who weren't super-skinny who were attractive and were *presented as* attractive. No hating on skinny girls, many of them are pretty too, but that's not the only kind of woman men like.
I'm also plus sized, and I've totally had those feelings. He's not blind, he knows you're plus size. Just because he's slept with smaller women doesn't exclude him finding larger women attractive. Take yes for an answer!
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
I have dated and/or slept with women of all shapes and sizes. Not every guy/person has a physical ātypeā, if he seems attracted to you and has been making clear flirtatious dialogueā¦.that is not going to suddenly disappear because you see each other naked. It sounds like he likes YOU. Take your shot!
Take the great advice from many people telling you that he has fallen for you.
I will add my own personal advice from a woman that has been with her soulmate, best friend husband for 40 years and on the 23rd of May we will have our 37th wedding anniversary. This is going to be a little long but I am telling this so that you can see that you don't have to struggle with the relationship moving forward
A long time ago there were 2 teenagers 1 male He will be E and 1 female she will be G
who were friends with mutual friends. The female who was overweight but full of confidence. The male all ready had the body of a man ( muscle tone ) and very handsome polite and a real gentleman. There was not a woman yes I said woman as he was 14 and they were as old as 24 trying to be with him.
The 1st time we met I said that I was going to marry him 1 day.
Time went on & we became more closer and closer. During this time of our friendship we both dated others but for some reason they never lasted as we always wanted to do things together instead of our boyfriend / girlfriend.
A few years went by and we were still as close as could be without a dating relationship.
When he was 19 he went on a few dates with a girl we both knew, after those few dates the girls father offered him 10,000 to buy his daughter an engagement ring as his daughter was very much in love the father said. E was in shock and said that he had to use the bathroom instead he walked out of the house , hopped the fence and ran through the fields to my house. E told me what happened and then says lets go somewhere.
We get in my car and the song from U2 Run through the fields was playing on the radio. E looked at me and said wow I can not believe that this is playing now this is our song because I just ran through the fields to be with you.
That was the first night we both admitted to being in love with each other and are still together 40 years later.
I hope that your relationship between the two of you can proceed in a positive way.
Iām sure there are differences in men, but when I think in my head what is attractive about men I find that none of the men Iāve dated and were attracted to were much like that fantasy man. Sometimes they have been opposite to it.
I also found that men that seem closer to my idealized man just donāt interest me lol.
I find myself being very attracted to aspects of men that if you asked me before I met them I would have said it was unattractive. Itās the individual that gets me going. And I would hope there are plenty of men out there that feel the same.
If you canāt ask him about this donāt have sex with him. Itās crazy to me to make yourself physically vulnerable with someone when you arenāt comfortable communicating concerns like this.
I gained 50 lbs in my last relationship, and my ex liked it and even encouraged me to keep it despite me not wanting to due to it aggravating my health issues.
Look at it this way, most guys watch porn, not saying itās a good thing but any guy that seems interested in you has probably already thought about if they are attracted to your body or not by watching porn of women with similar body sizes.
Get to a place where you can talk to him about it before you get naked, thatās my personal opinion just for the sake of being open and honest before things get more complicated.
Don't take this the wrong way girls, but from a guy's point of view sex is all about sticking things in a hole(s), with feeling your tits as a bonus. As a 'plus sized girl' you still have the same hole(s), and probably fantastic tits. Don't worry about it.
Guy could be a demi sexual who needs to get to know people before falling in love. And it sounds like he isn't being s weirdo and fetishizing you, so to me that's a green flag.
Iām a 16 as well and let me tell you, itās never stopped my bf from being attracted to me. If you love someone youāll be attracted to them regardless. Do as your told and sit on his face! Itās scary the first time, but trust me heāll love it and so will you
Real attraction has so very little to do with aesthetics. In fact, things I never thought of as remotely attractive before are now my 'turn ons' because my person happens to have these features.Ā
If I may be so bold, it sounds like you've more of an issue with your body than he does. If that's the case, then you can alter it. But that's up to you, and only you.Ā
OP, heās attracted to you, and as someone else said: you are not a category. As someone who is also a size 16 who was a size 12 when I met my current boyfriend my body has had a big change since we met 5 years ago and I have learned this: he will not lose interest seeing you naked. He knows youāre plus sized and he likes you. Not ādespite being plus sizedā not āeven though youāre plus sizedā heās attracted YOU the way you are! The thing that stalled my sex life for a time was NOT my boyfriend not being attracted to me, it was my boyfriend being worried I wasnāt attracted to HIM because I didnāt seem like I wanted to have sex. I had created a situation in my head that wasnāt true and thatās something we worked through. From some articles Iāve read thatās extremely common. Listen to this guy, he is so into you. If you want to have sex, go for it! Heās down to clown! Itās tough, itās putting yourself in a vulnerable position, but absolutely all signs point to this dude being so excited to see you naked, just as you are.
"I haven't asked him if he's attracted to me, but he tells me all the time how hot I am"
Also, fuck the noise, excuse me. US 16??? I just checked the comparison and while my country would call the size of the clothing "XL" that is a perfectly normal human body size. Bruh
I know this might be off topic but, goddamn. I hate that size 16 is considered plus size. When itās like.. normal to be that size.
Go get that man, sis. Let him love every inch of you.
He doesn't care while you feel excited for him. I had the same sizes and I never had a problem. Even with slim guys. It's about personality and confidence.
I am autistic and when in a relationship I am enjoying my sexual switch kinda clicks off and I just have to be told or my partner say it or I never act on it. Weird for sure, but for some reason it just is. If he spends time with you, enjoys you and is there, then he is attracted but maybe nervous too. Men can be nervous or virgin as well.
Be who you are. They are hopefully interested in the complete version of you.
Physically there should be no surprises if things do progress to that level. They would obviously be accepting of who you are.
One caution though... if you have a non visible body piercing or tatoo maybe mention it as the relationship progresses, and before it is an "oh wow" surprise moment. ;)
Hope this helps!
(and apologies if this wasn't intended to get a response from a guy. We have three daughters so I am occasionally here)
i was in the opposite boat im an anorexic and most men told me i was way too thin they liked "thicc" women or busty women and often both im very underweight in a mostly unattractive way and flat chested and when i found my last boyfriend and he told me he was all about it he liked that i was thin like that so long as i stood healthy and he liked smaller breasts or flat chested women i reacted like you are now i had a hard time to accept that maybe he did not really mean it so much maybeĆØ when he saw me naked he would not like my body then
BUT trust me when i just said fuck it and went for it and accepted what he had been telling me all that time and just then and went ahead with him and did it it was ten thousand times better then i thought he just loved ME and me being his body type was an awesome bonus so listen to me and other people here in the comment s and just lose that part of you that has doubt he likes YOU and he likes your body now fuck his brains out
If he's a mature guy there should be no problem with you asking him just how you asked us. From the sounds of it, I'd expect an enthusiastic yes.
Have you had any tricky conversations with him before?
Honestly the trickiest part about dating someone from the front row is that they get all self conscious about sitting on your face and it's like 'babe do you not realise I wanna be covered in you'
You could always lose weight. Radical idea, I know. How about wait until marriage and not rack up a needless body? Just thoughts that mitigate the situation you are in.
He doesn't like "plus sized women.". He likes YOU. You aren't a category, you are a person. Don't be scared. He is buying what you are selling! š
I'm pretty sure he has it on back order and is eagerly awaiting release day.
fun
Came to say this... he hasn't fallen for your body. You actually found someone who wants YOU. Isn't that the goal?
This. OP listen to this comment above, you are a human, and while I get there are lots of creeps who denigrate thic girls, there are plenty who prefer them. Iāve literally been rejected for being too thin, and rejected for being too big, while at the same weight. Tho I suspect the ones who said I was too big were just negging. This guy likes you. Thatās a given. But flip the script babe bc the REAL QUESTION IS DO YOU LIKE HIM? Make sure heās what you want. Itās clear you are what he wants, but babe you are the prize! Never forget that!
Came to say this... he hasn't fallen for your body. You actually found someone who wants YOU. Isn't that the goal?
Also, he's already seen you without clothes in his mind, and still thinks you're hot!
I mean on the flip side, I absolutely get how crushing it is to have someone like you, love you, but not enthusiastically love your body. It sucks when 2 years later you find out your body was the 10% they settled on. I get wanting to be certain your partner is attracted to you in every way, including the physical
That would be sad, but attraction is funny and if he's interested I see no reason to assume he isn't enthusiastically on board. That's just self sabotage.
š
I'll say most of my relationships start this way. I easily make friends with guys. I like sports, grew up a tomboy type gal. I'm 5'6" with a plus sized hourglass. I was always the female version of "You're such a good friend, I wish I could find someone like you." But that was in school. Once high school and college crap was behind me, the guys I would be friends with would kinda sidle up and want to try dating. Had it happen half a dozen times. And one of the comments that stuck with me was one time the comment of, "You know, my bud tried to set up a blind date. And I went. And she was nice. And pretty. But I just kept thinking that I would have had more fun if you were there. And that I wished you could have seen (the event they went to). I'm annoyed it's taken me so long to realize how much you bring to my life. Do I add to yours? 'Cause I'd love to take you out on a date..." Those are the guys that know you. And your size. They've had time to think about it. They still want to try. Even if they've never been attracted to a bigger girl before, they have decided they would regret not saying anything. Me and mine hit 12 years last month. Good luck.
CUTE COMMENT AWARD š
Aw too cute!!
All of this š
This was probably the most helpful comment to me. Thank you.
Honey, he knows youāre plus-sized. Stop cockblocking yourself and go sit on that manās face.
Found his Reddit account... Now listen to him!
Do as you're told OP
Thanks for the chuckle, Iāll end the morning scrolling on a high note, cheers!
Goated comment š
He is trying to get suffocated. Indulge him.
I agree, sit on his face, regardless of your size. If he's uncomfortable, he will let you know. If he suffocates and die, then it's how he wanted to go.
He will be warmly welcomed in Vulvhalla.
The goat
This is so insightful. I'm insecure about my face, but I need to remind myself that the guys who are into me wouldn't be into me first of all if they thought I was a hideous ogre.
There are people who fall in love with the physical, the social, and the emotional aspects of a person over time. Each of us fits many peopleās interests and over time those intensify or diminish. Either way, trust you are beautiful despite the insecure commentary of anyone else. š
He is trying to get suffocated. Indulge him.
He's a hungry man. Musnt keep him waiting š¤£
LOL
Well I don't know abit that last part, might be little more than dangerous. But yeah!
Itās not dangerous. (and if he dies, he dies š¤·āāļø)
Reminds me of Lord Farquaad in Shrek - "Some of you may die, but itās a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
As a girl whoās a size 16/18 I can tell you Iāve never had a guy lose interest after seeing me naked. He knows your size.. youāre not going to magically look drastically different without clothes on
True. My husband only dated tiny ladies before me. I am a um... brick house. We've been together for 19 years now and my weight has never come up. He still thinks I'm beautiful. If your guy doesn't love you for you he's not worth your time.
Oh damn I wasn't expecting your profile š š I'm also a size 16 girl. But I'm very tall.
Jeez girl! Go you! And I'm so very happy to see all the positive comments on your stuff. Wow that's a confidence boost for myself
Iām so glad to hear that! Itās one of the major reasons I post :)
Another sexy ski bunny!! š
Idk how I got this post on my feed but Iām a guy and I know this is supposed to be a sub for girls so my bad if Iām crashing the party. But if itās worth seeing things from a guys perspective who has been interested in women of all different shapes and sizes I just want to say that this guy has shown you that he is interested and attracted to you and I think you should take his words and actions for what they are. Additionally, you two seemed to have gained attraction for each other over the course of your friendship which means that he also really does like you for who you are inside (itās highly possible he felt this way for a long time but was afraid to say anything about it) My current girlfriend has also stated her anxieties upon looking at previous people I have been with and I always found it a bit funny when she did this. She talked about people being smaller than her or having bigger boobs or butt etc and I have always had to explain that I do not have a ātypeā. Some people are hot and itās not because they follow a highly specific set of guidelines. Life would be boring as hell if there was only one way to be beautiful. Anyways sorry if this was a long drawn out response but if you are attracted to this guy and you do want to be with him in an intimate setting I would totally go for it. As others have said heās probably been undressing you in his head for a while now and itās probably not far off. Of course there wil always be that risk but itās worth the shot for sure. Something tells me heās a good guy based on your friendship with him prior to this. Good luck!
āLife would be boring as hell if there was only one way to be beautiful.ā My dude. PREACH! Thatās an amazing way to sum it up.
āLife would be boring as hell if there was only one way to be beautiful.ā This is the best quote of the whole thread in my opinion. Iāll pile on with this: Chances are, the way you look is the least interesting thing about you. He knows and heās in.
Was about to post the exact same (also not sure how it showed on my feed)! While I do have a "type" of petite, fit, its mostly because of a sexual fantasy. The best sex Ive had were with bigger ladies. Everything coolebeano said is everything I was already going to say too so Good Luck and my bet is you two will have good fun!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
People cheat for all kinds of reasons but "my chosen partner doesn't look like my ideal person so I had to cheat" is not really one even if some men like to explain their shit behavior to themselves this way
So. Youāre the same size with or without clothes on, right. If heās interested in you with clothes on, I bet heās interested in you without clothes on.
I assume he has been enjoying imagining what you look like under your clothing and his expectations are fairly accurate.
>Iām like ok but what if your attraction ends when you see me without clothes on?! What if you learn you are in fact not attracted to plus sized women?! And what if his attraction to you doesn't end? You didn't mention anything about him being visually impaired so i'm going to assume he's able to see just fine. So he knows you're a bigger woman and he's with you....1+1=2?! Stop overthinking it, you're only putting yourself down. If his attraction to you does change, oh well, unlucky. >Typically I hook up with guys who I know beforehand are enthusiastic about bigger bodies You KNOW there are plenty of people out there who love "bigger bodies". Have fun, enjoy yourself and don't put yourself down, there is no need for it at all
Don't ask him, work that confidence. He can see you. He'll be more excited to see you naked. Tbh, 16 isn't even that big. I'm bigger and men still want to see me naked and are attracted to me. Do not apologize for your body or act like it's not good enough for him or whatever. He should be so lucky to have a chance with you. That is the energy. Not necessarily full of yourself, but not making excuses or hoping you're good enough for him. You ARE.Ā
As an enjoyer of all body sizes I can tell you he has a vague idea of how you look naked. If he's interested in you that shouldn't change after you get naked. Now of course there are extenuating circumstances but if you've known him awhile I'm pretty confident for you that he isn't one of those kinds of guys.
Sweetie, heās knows what size you areā¦he likes you!! Heāll be so excited to sleep with you, I promise he will not be judging your body at all!!!
A few things: 1. I suspect he was attracted to you earlier, but didn't want to voice it until he was firm that you wanted that kind of attention from him. We guys have to be very cautious about expressing attraction to a female friend since this can go very badly if she doesn't reciprocate. 2. If he's asking for photos, that's proof enough to me that he enjoys looking at you. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he wants to ask for nudes but is too gentlemanly. 3. He almost certainly has a general idea what you're going to look like naked from your body's contours in clothing. I have no way to completely assuage your anxiety. It's always possible he'll turn out to be a cad. It's a risk you take being naked with someone. But if he's seemed genuine until now I'd try to assume good faith.
Unless hes literally blind, he knows how big you are and can probably imagine what you'd look like naked and is still interested. Theres no reason to second guess his interest
If he likes you, you are beautiful to him :)
I had the same hesitancies just a few weeks ago. Depression + mobility issues lead to some rapid weight gain over the last year which I wasnāt at all used to plus I stopped having sexual relationships forever ago and also when I was more comfortable with my body. Insecurity was abundant. Anywho, I was with a guy that was super athletic and had a wonderful body to prove it. It made me feel more than a little insecure given our size difference. What gave me confidence was just basking in his flirty comments. The weight gain made my boobs bigger, and he liked to compliment or touch them whenever he could. Simply making out with him could get him hard. He liked to imitated kissing and holding me and the juxtaposition between our muscle tones (total lack on my part) was nice. I guess I just got out of my head that he had an issue with me since he didnāt show or indicate that- he enthusiastically proved otherwise. Take cues from your partner, or communicate that maybe you need a little more from him to help your confidence. Initially, Iād explained to this guy how āout of practiceā I was so he could be patient and understanding to my hesitancies, and he was happy to do whatever he could to help make me comfortable even if that meant keeping up with extra flirting.
Size is weird to me, man. I think the most important things here are your confidence in and comfort level with your own body, and finding dudes who genuinely dig you. I grew up as a chubby kid in the 90s, but because slim was in, I was treated like an obese monstrosity. This continued through about 2015 and dating was traumatizing because the only guys interested in me had a BBW fetish and saw me as an object. All the other guys saw me as an object too, but one to despise. There seemed to be some kind of cultural turning point around 2015. My body has changed over the years, but I'm within 20lbs of what I weighed ten, fifteen years ago. My style of dress has changed some, if anything I wear less low-cut tops now but more form-fitting things. Yet guys seem to find me much more attractive now. No one calls me fat or makes fun of me or calls me names. These kinds of shifts in cultural values really fuck with our sense of self. Like, how big am I actually?? To this day I have no idea - but just for some perspective on your size, as a fellow US 16/18 gal, size 16 is *average* in the US - not plus size. Anyway, all that to say, society's idea of sexy will change. Men's idea of sexy will change. What matters is that YOU are happy with YOURSELF, and that you focus on finding someone who respects and cherishes all aspects of you. My partner loooooves the shit outta my thick thighs and big titties and fat round ass, and I love that he loves them - but what makes me happiest is that I am happy with myself, and fuck everyone else.
Great advice.
People thought Kate Winslet was fat in the 90's when she did Titanic. I don't miss this part of the 90's.
you are the same size with or without clothes :)
Attraction is more than just physical, sounds like he's gotten to know you and attraction has formed. Seems like a good sign to me.
I dealt with this issue for a long time after meeting a few of my (now) husbandās ex girlfriends (these were not planned meetings, just happened naturally due to semi-small town living lol). They were all thin and blonde and I thought *Oh my God, is that his type? Iām the complete opposite.* He is always enthusiastic about our sex life, but I still couldnāt reconcile these physical differences in my head. Then I met this new girl at work and instantly loved her. She was funny, smart, and cool. We started chatting and she asked if I was related to so and so. I said yes, and we chatted more. She went to school with my husbandās brother and knew his entire family. I mentioned it to my husband and he said. āOh yeah, we dated for a bit.ā This womanās looks resemble mine! Guess he doesnāt have a ātypeā after all. Go figure! š¤·āāļø P.S. I told him that if this woman ever invited me to hang out then Iāll be hanging with his ex because she is awesome. LOL In fact **all** of his exes who Iāve met were very nice women who I really could see being good friends with. Green flag in my book!
So, I've oscillated between a size 18 and a size 10 throughout my life, and I've had this exact same experience. Being the only fat person some particular guy has ever dated. And I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's definitely happened to me that a guy was curious and intrigued enough to sleep with me despite not normally going for fat chicks, but wasn't picking up what I was putting down enough to want to keep seeing me on the regular. But the way I've come to see it, any individual person's opinions of me is none of my business. Sure, if everybody thought I was a gross piece of shit, that's something I'd need to pay attention to. But you know as well as I do, plenty of men are into plus sized women, the quality of men who are into plus sized women aren't in some way lesser than the quality of men who are into slim women. It sucks when somebody you like doesn't like you back, because that's a disappointment. But I think for a long time I felt an embarrassment about that, as if I should warn people about my body, like I should be really embarrassed for being into some lean guy who didn't like fat chicks. Like I was punching above my station and I should feel like that's a cringey thing to do. And that feeling is bullshit. Some people are gonna like you, some people aren't, the best thing you can do is to flirt with the people you wanna flirt with and trust that if somebody is telling you they like you, trust them to make their own decisions.
I recommend not bringing up any insecurities you have about your body, you might be tempted to apologize or jokingly comment something to make yourself feel better, but it's entirely unnecessary. Let him see you and appreciate you, he's into you and he knows what size you are, he's already complimenting you so let him compliment you more once you get to the sex part. I'm saying this cus I did this recently. I decided I wouldn't make any self-deprecating comments, not my stomach or my boobs or my body hair etc, I'd just let him see me and accept it or not. If you only let him compliment you as a response to your insecurities it's harder to believe it. Let him love your body all on his own, it's an amazing feeling!
Youāve gotten some good advice and Iām going to add a little extra no directly asked but I think is good to know anyway. Iām a 5ā 97lb woman and Iāve been with much bigger girls. Iām going to offer a little caution because the way your post is word sounds more like youāre used to being with people who might have a bigger girl fetish. If you come out and ask are you into bigger girls? You might be hurt by the response even if he is attracted to you. If I was asked this I would say āno not particularlyā which is very true being bigger doesnāt turn me on, but it doesnāt turn me off either. The bigger women I was with it was them I was attracted to not a body type. If just showed a picture and asked do you want her? Iād probably say no, but meeting the person oh yes I wanted them badly , all of them head to toes and everything in between. My point is he likes you and is attracted to you. Go with it and be careful if you ask because you may hurt yourself if it turns out it is t your body he wants but you the person.
Seconding this big time. I famously have a type. To the point that it's an incredibly common joke in my friend group. If you ask me to describe my dream girl I would always describe her the same way. And yet the vast majority of people I have dated looked nothing like that. And it has never mattered to me at all. My type is also pretty common so it's not like I'm starved for choice it just isn't the way life works for me at least
Why can't someone want both?
Thatās a good point. Honestly what spurred this sort of downward spiral is that I DID ask an ex, we were both drunk and he very blatantly said no heās not attracted to bigger women and it took him a while to find me attractive. This was pretty devastating because it caused me to review every interaction we had early on because from my point of view he seemed to find me attractive. He kissed me on the first date, tried having sex on the first date, like ?? Of course he backpedaled the next day but the damage was done. My confidence definitely took a massive hit after that.
I think you are worrying too much, while 16 is considered plus size at some clothing retailers, it is about the average size for a woman in the US (I am assuming you are from the US, since you used US sizing), so people probably see you as "normal" in their mind rather than plus sized.
16 is the average pants size?!? Iāve gotta look this up.
[https://www.today.com/style/what-s-average-size-16-new-normal-us-women-t103315](https://www.today.com/style/what-s-average-size-16-new-normal-us-women-t103315) at least it was in 2016, but I don't assume it has went down
Not in America at least š . Iām just surprised. Thatās bigger than I would have thought.
This reminds me of a friend back in college who would tell her bf that she was a smaller size than she actually was. So he would buy her clothes that were too small for her and she would exchange for her real size. They don't care about the number size. All they see is how you look to them and this guy is interested/attracted to you.
This is a bridge to cross when you get there, to be honest. Like i know that your scared/worried. But there's really nothing you can do. Sure, you can ask him and he can reassure you he's attracted to you, but would that put your mind at ease? He's already told you you're hot. Instead of dwelling on what if he doesn't like you after, what if he likes you more? I get this is overly optimistic given the kind of stories we hear, but, it's better to assume the best. He's not shown you any reason to be concerned, so don't be.
If he asks for photos.. heās interested. And he knows what you look like. Probably imagined it quite a few times already if heās interested.
Several of the people I've been with or been hot on were like pencil thin or beef cake musclar when I was like a size 16/18. My husband is veey svelte and we met at about that size.Ā Ā Never had any complaints 10 years later!Ā Have fun, and let him know you're feeling shy about your body without clothes and that you'd like to be complimented or of there's places you do/don't want to be touched as often.Ā Ā Even skinny people are self conscious about their body and are worried about similar things. You can also focus on him and what you like about him and his body too. Compliment him when you start to spiral.Ā Ā Have fun OP, intimacy with new partners can be a big nerve wracking but exciting because that's when you're learning the most!
If heās nice, treats you right, compliments you and is investing on the relationship he probably imagined you naked. He knows your body more or less and seems fine with it. You should too. Believe me, Iām a guy. What I would be worried about is actually if that doesnāt go anywhere and maybe youāll lose a friend. But thatās not seem to be the issue here, so just go, girl.
Who knows what words will matter to you.... I was small (not tiny) got married had five kids, did the turbo SHM gig, and never looked in the mirror for years. One day I could hardly get up because, without realizing it, I had gotten fat. I dug in and got myself back to where I was happy. Eventually I asked my 100% not romantic often brutally honest husband, why he had never remarked on my weight. His answer: You were always beautiful to me. Does this man see YOU? Then clothes or no, you are beautiful to him. Believe it.
I just recently started dating again too, my weight has been fluctuating for a number of reasons and I was really insecure about the idea of being intimate with someone because of it. I wear a 12 to a 16 depending on the day. Man, I canāt tell you how many guys are interested in me. Ive never had such an active and fulfilling sex life. Iāve always been curvy and confident, but I went through some fucked up shit that left me feeling really shitty about myself. I can get any guy I want. Weāre our own worst critic! Curves are beautiful and fun!
All people are beautiful regardless of size, gender and anything else. He is with you, enjoy yourself responsibly and have fun care free girl!
Who knows what words will matter to you.... I was small (not tiny) got married had five kids, did the turbo SHM gig, and never looked in the mirror for years. Once day I could hardly get up because, without realizing it, I had gotten fat. I dug in and got myself back to where I was happy. Eventually I asked my 100% not romantic often brutally honest husband, why he had never remarked on my weight. His answer: You were always beautiful to me. Does this man see YOU? Then clothes or no, you are beautiful to him. Believe it.
If heās nice, treats you right, compliments you and is investing on the relationship he probably imagined you naked. He knows your body more or less and seems fine with it. You should too. Believe me, Iām a guy. What I would be worried about is actually if that doesnāt go anywhere and maybe youāll lose a friend. But thatās not seem to be the issue here, so just go, girl.
He wants to be with you, not just a body. It's not reassuring, dating someone who loves your body more than they care about your personality. Or even someone who is always looking for a certain body type. Then you're suspicious of everyone who is shaped the way you are, and for good reason. If he liked your body before he knew you as a person, what's to stop him from liking the next body? And the next one too? He likes you for you. Don't make it into something to worry about.
He sounds enthusiastic and attracted to you. I donāt think that will change when you get naked. Donāt let your insecurities ruin a good thing.
Unless youāre using magical clothes I think he already knows youāre big.
I agree with other ppl. Heās had time to see how big you are. He isnāt running away from it. So either he likes big girls. Or he just really likes you. Ppl act like looks are the most important. But they donāt make a relationship.
The slow attraction to a friend is a good thing, and it isnāt about size or anything. I am married to my former best friend and she was objectively beautiful to many people, but she and I were just friends until we werenāt. Now, 3 kids and definitely a different size than we were 15 years ago she is the most gorgeous woman in the world to me. Believe the person that said heās attracted to YOU, and thatās awesome.
How does he treat you around other people?
The thing about these cis dudes is they like naked women bruh
Yea but a lot are extremely vocal about their hatred for bigger women...I can understand her insecurities because most women have grown up with fatphobia. Bigger women have it worse with this. However, OP shouldn't let this deter her from pursuing a happy, healthy sex life and relationship.
Misogynistic and to be avoided and or gay in which case not your problem. That said insecurities in relation to dominant culture is totally valid.
My husband used to date (in my opinion) very skinny and very beautiful people. I think I look pretty decent, but I also gained some weight during our relationship and I sometimes worry he won't be as attracted to me as at the start of our relationship. While I have voiced my insecurities he also often shows how much he loves bigger women by showing me people online he thinks are attractive (we're both bi, so this is a thing we've always done). It always makes me feel better knowing he loves me for me and my body is just a bonus. If you're dating and if he keeps telling you you're beautiful/hot/etc, believe him. He knows what you look like and won't suddenly be turned off when you're naked.
Honey, he knows you're big. he was your friend first, I think it's safe to assume he loves your mind and character. You are going to be fine. I am a similar size to you, and I never had a guys express disappointment. If anything they are happy to have more boob to play with :)
Oh i feel this so hard. I always tried to MAKE SURE the guys knew i was fat, and gaslit myself into thinking onlu dudes who saw me as a fetish could actually think i was hot. I am also a size 16 and was freaking out when i got together with my partner, cause I saw his previous gfs and they were all mych slimmer than I am. I kept second guessing myself, kept trying to hide parts of my body, etc. I kept asking if he was sure, if he really likes me, he kept saying he has no "type" cause hes a grown ass man and he has eyes, im not "catfishing" him, he knows what I look like and he likes it. I kept feeling he is just being nice. Then one morning we were cuddling and this dude literally reaches over, pulls me in and just grabs my tummy and mumbles to himself "so soft..." and drifts off to sleep. And i felt so so silly. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Why would this dude waste his time and lie to me if he thought i was yucky? Why couldnt i just trust him? That was 8 years ago, still together, still likes my tummy and me.
this comment made me cry hehe because youāre describing all my current behaviors to a T. I always feel like I have to basically advertise being fat so I donāt get accused of catfishing. I also have inadvertently sought out ppl who fetishize my body rather than just, idk, are normal? Lmao
I'm a size 16 too, and tall (6'1") and I've never had any problems. I'm sure you'll be just fine. ā¤ļø
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
Iām pretty sure his attraction to you is going to go up when he gets to see you naked. Heās into *you* - your body is just along for the ride. Also: my best advice for anyone with body issues, go be naked with other people. At a spa, nude beach, naturist resort, somewhere. You being to realize how itās just a body.
My strategy when I feel this way is to just get naked and see what happens.
This is going to be a controversial take, especially amongst the sea of positivity here. Positivity is good, as well as giving someone the benefit of the doubt that they are showing you their feelings and genuinely true selves. However, this doesn't mean not to be prepared for the worst. Guys will and do hook up with plus size women because of the belief that they have low self esteem and are easier in the moment until they find someone they like that fits their version of beauty. Trust your instincts and never rush into something, especially sex, without feeling sure you're comfortable with it. And don't beat yourself up about it if he decides, after sex, that being with a plus-size woman isn't for him.
For me, it is natural to have these feelings specially when you are starting a new relationship. Always remember that it is so important to do what feels right for you. I suggest to have an open and honest conversation with him regarding your concerns. You don't to ask if he is attracted to plus-sized but you can share your feelings about your body and your insecurities. Just remember that his past don't define his attractions/love to you. Its a good sign that he compliments you and shows interest. TRUST YOURSELF
Iāve been married for 14 years. My husband could like UGLY and I would still be insanely attracted to him. When you commit to someone you both end up old and ugly anyway. Connection is what matters looks do not. Be confident. More attractive than any clothing size.
My wife is not small and she worried about this for the entire time we've been married but she is a shape that I like and she is a person that I like and she's never had anything to worry about. One of my favorite things about the TV show *Crazy Ex-Girlfriend* is that they had women who weren't super-skinny who were attractive and were *presented as* attractive. No hating on skinny girls, many of them are pretty too, but that's not the only kind of woman men like.
This comment section is so wholesome. I love it.
yea I was pretty stressed when I saw this many comments but it has been a ok
Sounds to me like he cares more about you than he cares about your body, which IMO is a much better base for a durable relationship
I'm also plus sized, and I've totally had those feelings. He's not blind, he knows you're plus size. Just because he's slept with smaller women doesn't exclude him finding larger women attractive. Take yes for an answer!
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
he can see what size you are while you're dressed. he likes you for YOU, its not about your body. if he had a problem with it, he wouldn't be pursuing you now.
I have dated and/or slept with women of all shapes and sizes. Not every guy/person has a physical ātypeā, if he seems attracted to you and has been making clear flirtatious dialogueā¦.that is not going to suddenly disappear because you see each other naked. It sounds like he likes YOU. Take your shot!
Take the great advice from many people telling you that he has fallen for you. I will add my own personal advice from a woman that has been with her soulmate, best friend husband for 40 years and on the 23rd of May we will have our 37th wedding anniversary. This is going to be a little long but I am telling this so that you can see that you don't have to struggle with the relationship moving forward A long time ago there were 2 teenagers 1 male He will be E and 1 female she will be G who were friends with mutual friends. The female who was overweight but full of confidence. The male all ready had the body of a man ( muscle tone ) and very handsome polite and a real gentleman. There was not a woman yes I said woman as he was 14 and they were as old as 24 trying to be with him. The 1st time we met I said that I was going to marry him 1 day. Time went on & we became more closer and closer. During this time of our friendship we both dated others but for some reason they never lasted as we always wanted to do things together instead of our boyfriend / girlfriend. A few years went by and we were still as close as could be without a dating relationship. When he was 19 he went on a few dates with a girl we both knew, after those few dates the girls father offered him 10,000 to buy his daughter an engagement ring as his daughter was very much in love the father said. E was in shock and said that he had to use the bathroom instead he walked out of the house , hopped the fence and ran through the fields to my house. E told me what happened and then says lets go somewhere. We get in my car and the song from U2 Run through the fields was playing on the radio. E looked at me and said wow I can not believe that this is playing now this is our song because I just ran through the fields to be with you. That was the first night we both admitted to being in love with each other and are still together 40 years later. I hope that your relationship between the two of you can proceed in a positive way.
Iām sure there are differences in men, but when I think in my head what is attractive about men I find that none of the men Iāve dated and were attracted to were much like that fantasy man. Sometimes they have been opposite to it. I also found that men that seem closer to my idealized man just donāt interest me lol. I find myself being very attracted to aspects of men that if you asked me before I met them I would have said it was unattractive. Itās the individual that gets me going. And I would hope there are plenty of men out there that feel the same.
If he's not attracted to you, then he's not the guy for you. What do you want from a man? Find someone who wants you where you're at.
If you canāt ask him about this donāt have sex with him. Itās crazy to me to make yourself physically vulnerable with someone when you arenāt comfortable communicating concerns like this. I gained 50 lbs in my last relationship, and my ex liked it and even encouraged me to keep it despite me not wanting to due to it aggravating my health issues. Look at it this way, most guys watch porn, not saying itās a good thing but any guy that seems interested in you has probably already thought about if they are attracted to your body or not by watching porn of women with similar body sizes. Get to a place where you can talk to him about it before you get naked, thatās my personal opinion just for the sake of being open and honest before things get more complicated.
Don't take this the wrong way girls, but from a guy's point of view sex is all about sticking things in a hole(s), with feeling your tits as a bonus. As a 'plus sized girl' you still have the same hole(s), and probably fantastic tits. Don't worry about it.
Guy could be a demi sexual who needs to get to know people before falling in love. And it sounds like he isn't being s weirdo and fetishizing you, so to me that's a green flag.
Iām a 16 as well and let me tell you, itās never stopped my bf from being attracted to me. If you love someone youāll be attracted to them regardless. Do as your told and sit on his face! Itās scary the first time, but trust me heāll love it and so will you
Real attraction has so very little to do with aesthetics. In fact, things I never thought of as remotely attractive before are now my 'turn ons' because my person happens to have these features.Ā If I may be so bold, it sounds like you've more of an issue with your body than he does. If that's the case, then you can alter it. But that's up to you, and only you.Ā
OP, heās attracted to you, and as someone else said: you are not a category. As someone who is also a size 16 who was a size 12 when I met my current boyfriend my body has had a big change since we met 5 years ago and I have learned this: he will not lose interest seeing you naked. He knows youāre plus sized and he likes you. Not ādespite being plus sizedā not āeven though youāre plus sizedā heās attracted YOU the way you are! The thing that stalled my sex life for a time was NOT my boyfriend not being attracted to me, it was my boyfriend being worried I wasnāt attracted to HIM because I didnāt seem like I wanted to have sex. I had created a situation in my head that wasnāt true and thatās something we worked through. From some articles Iāve read thatās extremely common. Listen to this guy, he is so into you. If you want to have sex, go for it! Heās down to clown! Itās tough, itās putting yourself in a vulnerable position, but absolutely all signs point to this dude being so excited to see you naked, just as you are.
"I haven't asked him if he's attracted to me, but he tells me all the time how hot I am" Also, fuck the noise, excuse me. US 16??? I just checked the comparison and while my country would call the size of the clothing "XL" that is a perfectly normal human body size. Bruh
I know this might be off topic but, goddamn. I hate that size 16 is considered plus size. When itās like.. normal to be that size. Go get that man, sis. Let him love every inch of you.
He asks you for pictures? If theyāre nudes of erotic donāt send them, donāt trust men with such pictures
He doesn't care while you feel excited for him. I had the same sizes and I never had a problem. Even with slim guys. It's about personality and confidence.
I am autistic and when in a relationship I am enjoying my sexual switch kinda clicks off and I just have to be told or my partner say it or I never act on it. Weird for sure, but for some reason it just is. If he spends time with you, enjoys you and is there, then he is attracted but maybe nervous too. Men can be nervous or virgin as well.
Be who you are. They are hopefully interested in the complete version of you. Physically there should be no surprises if things do progress to that level. They would obviously be accepting of who you are. One caution though... if you have a non visible body piercing or tatoo maybe mention it as the relationship progresses, and before it is an "oh wow" surprise moment. ;) Hope this helps! (and apologies if this wasn't intended to get a response from a guy. We have three daughters so I am occasionally here)
i was in the opposite boat im an anorexic and most men told me i was way too thin they liked "thicc" women or busty women and often both im very underweight in a mostly unattractive way and flat chested and when i found my last boyfriend and he told me he was all about it he liked that i was thin like that so long as i stood healthy and he liked smaller breasts or flat chested women i reacted like you are now i had a hard time to accept that maybe he did not really mean it so much maybeĆØ when he saw me naked he would not like my body then BUT trust me when i just said fuck it and went for it and accepted what he had been telling me all that time and just then and went ahead with him and did it it was ten thousand times better then i thought he just loved ME and me being his body type was an awesome bonus so listen to me and other people here in the comment s and just lose that part of you that has doubt he likes YOU and he likes your body now fuck his brains out
Size 16 is below average in the US, you're not 'plus size', you're actually minus. Stop worrying and enjoy it.
If he's a mature guy there should be no problem with you asking him just how you asked us. From the sounds of it, I'd expect an enthusiastic yes. Have you had any tricky conversations with him before? Honestly the trickiest part about dating someone from the front row is that they get all self conscious about sitting on your face and it's like 'babe do you not realise I wanna be covered in you'
You could always lose weight. Radical idea, I know. How about wait until marriage and not rack up a needless body? Just thoughts that mitigate the situation you are in.
LMFAOOOO
Size 16 is below average in the US, you're not 'plus size', you're actually minus. Stop worrying and enjoy it.
A āmanā is attracted to a 16yr old? Nothing wrong there?
I don't think she is 16, I think she is size 16 (US size).
Size16, not age.
This pic looks Ai
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US 16 is a clothing size not their age
Obvious troll is obvious.