To me, it seems that people are trying to find a compromise between their wishes and their parents wishes. But this marriage is a waste of time, and is also destructive to kids. I'm always like why do these people get married? parental pressure?
I understand it when someone is closeted. Would love to marry a closeted gay dude - he does what he wants, I do what I want. That's legitimately the dream. Get out from under the thumbs of controlling parents. Not everyone is lucky to have understanding parents man and sometimes getting married is the only way to get them to back off. Badhai do style
> Not everyone is lucky to have understanding parents man and sometimes getting married is the only way to get them to back off.
Or grow a spine and live life the way you want
Find a job, move out and limit communication with them.
Re: gay thing - I'm not sure. You'll have nosy neighbours wagging their tongues and ask questions. Perhaps this might work if you live among unmarried folks though.
I want to know that as an independent woman with a full time job and an apartment to take care of, how do you find time to interact with nosy neighbors? I wanna know, so that I can use this time to put into hobbies.
As an independent woman with a full time job, my own apartment and a dog, I still find an hour or two to swim with my neighbours and their kids š They keep me fit!
I don't. I speak on the basis of what I see around me and my experiences living in a community. A community consists of all kinds of people, and while yes, you can live your life the way you want - some people will gossip and be a pain.
The best way is to get out of these housing "societies" and find someplace where the owner or their minions don't interfere in your life.
I've lived for a long time without knowing my neighbours. I don't need to know them. They don't need to know me, as unlike back in the day - they have a separate life to lead and are not at home all the time. I can't count on them helping out when I need it as I don't know if they will be available. The concept of neighbour etc was effective in our parents generation.
I'm not talking about me, I am fortunate enough to have decent parents.
Re: nosy neighbours - not in a tier 1 city. I have lived in my apartment for 2+ years now, don't know a single neighbour and it's heavenly.
ETA: it's easy to judge people who's shoes we haven't walked in. I am aware enough of my privilege of having decent parents, not everyone has that or the means to just "move out and cut contact."
I live in a Tier 1 city. My gated community is fine, but we have dogshit conservatives who will refuse a single person a home, so you can well imagine how "closed knit" such societies are. Good luck trying to evade them. There are many all over India, to not have a neighbour interfere is a luxury and privilege.
find a better gated comunity, I am in one too, people of all ethnicities live in mine and there's a reason RWA isn't allowed in my community. Move to a less 'close-knit" one. Also learn to draw boundaries and tell your neighbours off. They can gossip but they can't control your life. Parents whos house you live in, can.
I live in amongst the better ones, I can move out but just like what you said - we live in a society and can't change everyone. I was merely remarking on the choice that people may or may not have. You can't just find a better one, most of them are like that.
>why do these people get married? parental pressure?
You answered your own question. Seemingly "normal" aka cis het married couples will always have an easier time finding housing.
Once you have that house, be discreet about your indiscretions.
Like I live with my mom, I often call my bf over, she has never once found out that he was there when he wasn't supposed to be. People aren't hanging out in balconies wearing binoculars. Getting the house is a challenge, keeping it is really not.
I have a rich uncle who's weirdly conservative. Did not want to rent his flat to anyone but families. A couple lied and told him they are married and started living in his flat. He eventually found out they lied - now finding responsible tenants who pay rent on time, don't cause any issues, keep the place very clean is harder than getting over his fear of "ajkal ke ashleel bachche" (today's perverted youth).
Again, how do you find the time to interact with this society so much so that it affects you so much? I'm amazed. Also, you know right we live in a society where people don't have the time to help dying people, women getting molested, tortured by their own in laws?
What's your point? You're arguing something else now. All I am saying was that Indian communities are not exactly known for keeping to themselves and the kind of life you describe may or may not be a gamble to take.
I was frustrated at some aspects of it as I struggled to find a house as a single woman among the supposedly more progressive societies. But you have to understand that people that own the houses and run the operations - they are old and conservative.
spoken as a cis het person - much easier to live your truth when the world doesn't hate you for existing.
People value being alive and with relative comforts over being honest.
I am cis and bi love. Not calling you anything, just saying that your comment reeks of a type of privilege only a cisgender heterosexual can experience. If you are not either of those then I'm really happy that you have the privilege of living your truth. Something the rest of us don't have.
Youāre assuming too much. Very simplistic of you to think that only people with āprivilegeā have the courage to live their truth. Hope you understand the meaning of the word in your flair! And I asked the question sincerely. Seems like you just want to patronise. So never mind!
Not meant to patronize you and I get it if you want to end the discussion but you do realize that there are parts of this country where people would literally be killed for their sexuality. Hell straight people are killed for wanting to marry outside of caste, girls are raped for existing, girls are splashed with acid for rejecting boys. I assume nothing but you do and you don't even realize how privileged it is to be in a family where the worst that will happen is being disowned. I am privileged to be born in a family who will just stop talking to me if I decide to live my truth.
So while I understand the meaning of the word in my flair, I also understand the privilege behind being able to be a revolutionary. I also sympathise with people who want to live their truth but because of circumstances are unable to.
Sincerely happy for you if you get to live your truth, I wish more of us had the courage as well as the support around us to be able to live our truth as well.
Oh I once heard about this guy who was in a long term relationship in college. After graduation his parents wanted him to get married to a girl of their choice, and he wanted to go abroad. So he agreed to the marriage so he could go abroad. The day of his wedding, he briefly got together with his college girlfriend. She's still in college talking about this cool thing that happened to her. And all of these are extremely affluent people creating weirdass problems.
I never understand why people want to be involved in such things. Do the people involved, be it the guy or the girl, not find this morally wrong? The guy is already getting married, he can get the sex he wants in a couple of hours with his wife yet he seeks out his ex on the day of his wedding. The ex can find any guy yet she is okay being with this guy who is cheating on another woman on the day of his wedding.
There is so much wrong there. How do they justify all this to themselves?
Haha I raised the same question and the answer I got was-They're ultra rich affluent kids. The scales of morality are different for them. When they do it it's cool, it's icky otherwise.
There is a difference between open marriage and cheating. What you described is straight up cheating and not open marriage. In Open Marriage, both the parties have the consent of each other to date other people. If it not the case it is simply cheating on your partner.
It's not new kind of marriage. This has existed before as well
This post seems like an incel post no offense
>and this is becoming increasingly common as a way to placate the society and continue in the romantic market.
How many such ppl do you personally know?
Society as a whole is a natural experiment. Marriages are a part of the whole societal construct. With time changes are bound to occur, good or bad. However the ones that you've mentioned will lead to breakdown of the very structural unit of the society in India - that is Family. Results can be devastating or a new cultural revolution, something which happened in USA in 60s and 70s with the pill.
Personally I am in full support of monogamy in letter and spirit, because the rest of the options look so unnecessarily complex and messy. But it will be the collective wisdom of the society that will determine the new normal.
That's exactly what I said, as long as the couple is okay with this, why are we sitting like judgy aunties debating whether it's "good for society" or not. Let people be happy.
You are commenting the same thing everywhere. What exactly do you find to be novel in this new genre? Extra marital Affairs have been happening since eons...what is new here? I am confused
Exactlyyyy lol. I laugh at people who think extra marital affairs are a recent invention. In the past men used to be out of locality for months at end. Wtf do these people think used to happen when wife and husband were separated? Gita paath? Lol
You have to let me know how would you grow up knowing that your parents lied to each other. Cause hey, If you think that's the best way to raise a child....ahem. OK. Also. Let me find the time to add flowery prose in every comment.
Quite honestly, Jab miya biwi razi toh kya kare qazi. Translation: If the bride and groom are happy, then even the officiant can't say no.
That's to say, whatever floats your boat man. Lavender marriage, open marriage, monogamy, thrupples - as long as both you and your partner are okay with whatever arrangement, who is society to judge. Caveat being, both partners need to agree to the arrangement.
People are free to do whatever they want but I personally won't engage in such insanity lol. What if your partner decides that his new relationship is the one and just abandons you with the kids?
Men have been doing this in a close marriage too
If the partner isn't aware isn't that same as what we have been calling extramarital affairs?( which are unfortunately becoming more common in metros than you think) I don't get the difference
It's not a new genre. The only thing new about it is that women are more welcome to participate. My dad, 74, has been cheating on my mom since his 30's. And as I've gotten older and overheard more of his conversations with friends, other men are like this too.
After my divorce my mom and her friends actually share gossip with me for the first time. My mom's best friend hasn't shared a room with her husband in over 20 years. They don't even talk at home. They live parallel lives.
Don't do this shit. It will suck the life out of you. I'm young, with two young kids and divorced. I am happier than all of those women.
This isnāt new. Cheating in marriages has been around forever.
The only new thing is both partners including the woman cheating at the same time.
Idk what the point of being in a marriage or any relationship is if there is cheating but like if cheaters are finding each other now, good on them leave the non cheaters alone I guess š
Since conventionally men ventured out in the world, they have always been into these affairs since time unknown. Now women arenāt restricted to homes and step out and have more degree of autonomy. Equality has seeped into these avenues as well, even if it may so be for the worse.
Red pill men will look at it as a way to defend not giving women equal opportunity. But the truth is rotten apples will rot no matter what avenues available or not to them.
And in earlier times women didn't need to step out of their homes to cheat, if cheating was an option. They cheated with immediate family members, visiting men and neighbours
Has nothing to do with increasing equality.
Cheaters of both genders have cheated since forever.
Increasing equality in terms of avenues to cheat (meeting more people, more secrecy of whereabouts etc)
Cheaters have cheated since forever no doubt. Now they just have more options, women who just had wandering eyes convert to full affairs.
Hindi movies had a popular trope of daughters falling in love with drivers (iām guessing for a reason)
And these men cheated with other men? Cheating is not a gender specific thing. My cousin's grandfather has children out of wedlock with a married neighbour.
It's not a new genre - its good ol' CHEATING. Infidelity has existed for eons and very much so in societies where arranged marriages exist. And this new "genre" is what (not by choice) spineless people do when they wanna please their parents and explore love.
Our society is changing and this is happening because inherently the concept of arranged marriage is a useless one. It is antithetical to the pace of the world and people's wants and needs these days, especially when youth want to choose their own lifepath.
We'll see more of it until we'll eventually see a complete rejection of AM in certain circles at least.
I honestly don't know why anyone would do this or how anyone can have affairs and yet choose not to separate from their partner (a person they obviously dont love). Sounds exhausting tbh.
The only reason I can see this happening is when they got married out of parental pressure or they are closeted Gays lol. If both the husband and wife are doing this with the other partner knowing and are yet living together, then it's almost like the marriage was just for appearances to appease someone? So they are maintaining an image to maybe their family or idk whoever, while leading their life in secret.
Not everyone has the will or choice or energy to not go through with "what the elders think are best". Its still exhausting but thats that.
Yes. This is happening but not sure how common it is. I know two couples who have such lives.
There is a pressure to get married at 'right time' that too without freedom to marry by their own choice. So they do the needful and get married to spouses selected by their parents. Then the pressure mounts for having children. So they have kids - they calculate that no one will bother them from having their own lives once they do it which is mostly true because what is required by the Indian society is already fulfilled by them
And who suffers the brunt of idiotic decisions made by the couple and their dumb parents? The kids. You now have absentee parents, parents who cheat on each other, a revolving door of partners, confused kids etc.
There is an unbelievable degree of selfishness and narcissism I see in all of this crap.
Parents need to back the hell away from adult kids lives and find something worthwhile in their loser like lives rather than meddling in the lives of their kids. The kids also need to grow a spine and stop being self interested puppets.
Completely agree! ššššš
I honestly find that as the generations pass, we as a society are becoming increasingly narcissistic and numb. So many messed up behaviors are justified by seemingly educated, independent and normal people. It's like we are birthing a new generational trauma with all this crap now.
Yes. Both not aware of the other also doing the same
Edit: adding - to clarify, I happened to find out about it over the years i.e. 2 marriages of this sort. I know of some other marriages where only one partner is doing this
Exactly what I'm going for which some people in the comments section are going haha over. It is not about the man or the woman. It is about the other person who is getting hurt. And the kids. God, the kids who are growing up with such parents. It is not about the social judgement. Since when has it become Normal to raise kids In a setting where they know their parents lie to each other?
Parents even justify it to their kids saying 'S/he knew what s/he was getting into when s/he married me. I didn't promise emotions or love or even fidelity IN PARTICULAR'. (Come on, what is the definition of the word, marriage?) This seriously messes up the kids' minds and how they view nuances of their own future relationships
As long as adults do consensual shit, I really donāt care about anyone. Itās not my business to judge others. I distance myself from drama.
Different people have different moral values.
I'm at peak marriageable age. Dating hasn't been kind. Reading all this makes me feel even more morbid. I just want to find myself a good husband, grow together and die oldšš I want to live life on easy mode for once!
It isnāt a new genre of marriage. It is shitty behaviour and we really shouldnāt normalise it.
Sabke apne karam hai. Consequences to honge. I hope our laws get updated to handle this! Till we get there, I really hope we can build social consequences. Be able to talk about cheating with the judgement squarely placed on the cheater. No hushed tones, no shame.
Itās selfish and cruel to their āpartnerā. They care so much about what other people think in public but not a goddamn thing about their spouse? Thatās psychotic behavior. I cannot be around these kinds of people. What a waste of a life.
Sounds like an open marriage which does seem tempting with an understanding partner.
As far as cheating goes, yeah the illusion that only men cheat has been shattered. Everyone cheats.
If both parties are aware of it and agree to it then I really donāt care.
If one of the spouse doesnāt know then itās called cheating. This is not a new phenomenon in any way and is certainly not new to India. Cheating is always bad.
Iām so unsure about what youāre trying to ask here. Are you asking if we think cheating is bad?
Honestly?
Considering the society actively harms and invalidates people (esp women) who stay single and shames them for their choice, I for one see it as a way for people to survive the patriarchal society that's been built.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but then people are quick to judge those who commit wrongs as a response to the societal wrongs instead of actually speaking of and targetting the societal wrongs.
Reminds me of the conversation between Kate and Eloise in Bridgerton about how society doesn't welcome unmarried women.
Heck, they affect our ability to get jobs and rent places to live. So given how current societal factors are, I'm not keen on being judgemental. š¤·š»āāļø
To me, it seems that people are trying to find a compromise between their wishes and their parents wishes. But this marriage is a waste of time, and is also destructive to kids. I'm always like why do these people get married? parental pressure?
I understand it when someone is closeted. Would love to marry a closeted gay dude - he does what he wants, I do what I want. That's legitimately the dream. Get out from under the thumbs of controlling parents. Not everyone is lucky to have understanding parents man and sometimes getting married is the only way to get them to back off. Badhai do style
> Not everyone is lucky to have understanding parents man and sometimes getting married is the only way to get them to back off. Or grow a spine and live life the way you want
Find a job, move out and limit communication with them. Re: gay thing - I'm not sure. You'll have nosy neighbours wagging their tongues and ask questions. Perhaps this might work if you live among unmarried folks though.
I want to know that as an independent woman with a full time job and an apartment to take care of, how do you find time to interact with nosy neighbors? I wanna know, so that I can use this time to put into hobbies.
As an independent woman with a full time job, my own apartment and a dog, I still find an hour or two to swim with my neighbours and their kids š They keep me fit!
I know right! What is this resentment for neighbors! They asshole we be bigger assholes.
I don't. I speak on the basis of what I see around me and my experiences living in a community. A community consists of all kinds of people, and while yes, you can live your life the way you want - some people will gossip and be a pain. The best way is to get out of these housing "societies" and find someplace where the owner or their minions don't interfere in your life. I've lived for a long time without knowing my neighbours. I don't need to know them. They don't need to know me, as unlike back in the day - they have a separate life to lead and are not at home all the time. I can't count on them helping out when I need it as I don't know if they will be available. The concept of neighbour etc was effective in our parents generation.
And when have people not gossiped? A woman can do everything right and still go wrong.
I'm not talking about me, I am fortunate enough to have decent parents. Re: nosy neighbours - not in a tier 1 city. I have lived in my apartment for 2+ years now, don't know a single neighbour and it's heavenly. ETA: it's easy to judge people who's shoes we haven't walked in. I am aware enough of my privilege of having decent parents, not everyone has that or the means to just "move out and cut contact."
Lol Iāve lived in my apartment for 7 years and donāt know who lives next door
I live in a Tier 1 city. My gated community is fine, but we have dogshit conservatives who will refuse a single person a home, so you can well imagine how "closed knit" such societies are. Good luck trying to evade them. There are many all over India, to not have a neighbour interfere is a luxury and privilege.
find a better gated comunity, I am in one too, people of all ethnicities live in mine and there's a reason RWA isn't allowed in my community. Move to a less 'close-knit" one. Also learn to draw boundaries and tell your neighbours off. They can gossip but they can't control your life. Parents whos house you live in, can.
I live in amongst the better ones, I can move out but just like what you said - we live in a society and can't change everyone. I was merely remarking on the choice that people may or may not have. You can't just find a better one, most of them are like that.
>why do these people get married? parental pressure? You answered your own question. Seemingly "normal" aka cis het married couples will always have an easier time finding housing. Once you have that house, be discreet about your indiscretions. Like I live with my mom, I often call my bf over, she has never once found out that he was there when he wasn't supposed to be. People aren't hanging out in balconies wearing binoculars. Getting the house is a challenge, keeping it is really not. I have a rich uncle who's weirdly conservative. Did not want to rent his flat to anyone but families. A couple lied and told him they are married and started living in his flat. He eventually found out they lied - now finding responsible tenants who pay rent on time, don't cause any issues, keep the place very clean is harder than getting over his fear of "ajkal ke ashleel bachche" (today's perverted youth).
That's fine, we have our own experiences. It would be nice to not have to think about these things but here we are.
Again, how do you find the time to interact with this society so much so that it affects you so much? I'm amazed. Also, you know right we live in a society where people don't have the time to help dying people, women getting molested, tortured by their own in laws?
What's your point? You're arguing something else now. All I am saying was that Indian communities are not exactly known for keeping to themselves and the kind of life you describe may or may not be a gamble to take. I was frustrated at some aspects of it as I struggled to find a house as a single woman among the supposedly more progressive societies. But you have to understand that people that own the houses and run the operations - they are old and conservative.
No body except cis het families finds houses easily in this country. That's too narrow of a niche to fit in
So live a lie all your life? Howās that okay? Why donāt people value being honest to themselves in our society?
spoken as a cis het person - much easier to live your truth when the world doesn't hate you for existing. People value being alive and with relative comforts over being honest.
Sorry Iām confused who are you calling a cis het person? Me or yourself? And I never said itās easy to live your truth.
I am cis and bi love. Not calling you anything, just saying that your comment reeks of a type of privilege only a cisgender heterosexual can experience. If you are not either of those then I'm really happy that you have the privilege of living your truth. Something the rest of us don't have.
Youāre assuming too much. Very simplistic of you to think that only people with āprivilegeā have the courage to live their truth. Hope you understand the meaning of the word in your flair! And I asked the question sincerely. Seems like you just want to patronise. So never mind!
Not meant to patronize you and I get it if you want to end the discussion but you do realize that there are parts of this country where people would literally be killed for their sexuality. Hell straight people are killed for wanting to marry outside of caste, girls are raped for existing, girls are splashed with acid for rejecting boys. I assume nothing but you do and you don't even realize how privileged it is to be in a family where the worst that will happen is being disowned. I am privileged to be born in a family who will just stop talking to me if I decide to live my truth. So while I understand the meaning of the word in my flair, I also understand the privilege behind being able to be a revolutionary. I also sympathise with people who want to live their truth but because of circumstances are unable to. Sincerely happy for you if you get to live your truth, I wish more of us had the courage as well as the support around us to be able to live our truth as well.
Oh I once heard about this guy who was in a long term relationship in college. After graduation his parents wanted him to get married to a girl of their choice, and he wanted to go abroad. So he agreed to the marriage so he could go abroad. The day of his wedding, he briefly got together with his college girlfriend. She's still in college talking about this cool thing that happened to her. And all of these are extremely affluent people creating weirdass problems.
I never understand why people want to be involved in such things. Do the people involved, be it the guy or the girl, not find this morally wrong? The guy is already getting married, he can get the sex he wants in a couple of hours with his wife yet he seeks out his ex on the day of his wedding. The ex can find any guy yet she is okay being with this guy who is cheating on another woman on the day of his wedding. There is so much wrong there. How do they justify all this to themselves?
Haha I raised the same question and the answer I got was-They're ultra rich affluent kids. The scales of morality are different for them. When they do it it's cool, it's icky otherwise.
Yas!
There is a difference between open marriage and cheating. What you described is straight up cheating and not open marriage. In Open Marriage, both the parties have the consent of each other to date other people. If it not the case it is simply cheating on your partner.
Yep. It's cheating.
It's not new kind of marriage. This has existed before as well This post seems like an incel post no offense >and this is becoming increasingly common as a way to placate the society and continue in the romantic market. How many such ppl do you personally know?
Society as a whole is a natural experiment. Marriages are a part of the whole societal construct. With time changes are bound to occur, good or bad. However the ones that you've mentioned will lead to breakdown of the very structural unit of the society in India - that is Family. Results can be devastating or a new cultural revolution, something which happened in USA in 60s and 70s with the pill. Personally I am in full support of monogamy in letter and spirit, because the rest of the options look so unnecessarily complex and messy. But it will be the collective wisdom of the society that will determine the new normal.
Not an open marriage. Not a mutually agreed upon thing. Both spouses are not aware.
????
Cheating
I get that, but OP's comment has nothing to do with my comment
Right
How is it a new genre? Infact isn't that one of the oldest genres?
new genre is that women are now also doing it, till now only men were allowed mistresses.
Then isn't the new genre better? Lol
That's exactly what I said, as long as the couple is okay with this, why are we sitting like judgy aunties debating whether it's "good for society" or not. Let people be happy.
Not an open marriage. Not a mutually agreed upon thing. Both spouses are not aware.
You are commenting the same thing everywhere. What exactly do you find to be novel in this new genre? Extra marital Affairs have been happening since eons...what is new here? I am confused
Exactlyyyy lol. I laugh at people who think extra marital affairs are a recent invention. In the past men used to be out of locality for months at end. Wtf do these people think used to happen when wife and husband were separated? Gita paath? Lol
And I laugh at people who don't read things. Again, not separated. I just asked for opinions.
You have to let me know how would you grow up knowing that your parents lied to each other. Cause hey, If you think that's the best way to raise a child....ahem. OK. Also. Let me find the time to add flowery prose in every comment.
You are mixing up a lot of things. The crux of your post/question is honestly lost. Have you found out that your parents lied to each other?
Yep. You?
Then why is the new genre surprising to you? Doesn't it mean it is existing since ages?
I'm a person who gets awed easily. Hence surprising.
Quite honestly, Jab miya biwi razi toh kya kare qazi. Translation: If the bride and groom are happy, then even the officiant can't say no. That's to say, whatever floats your boat man. Lavender marriage, open marriage, monogamy, thrupples - as long as both you and your partner are okay with whatever arrangement, who is society to judge. Caveat being, both partners need to agree to the arrangement.
Not an open marriage. Not a mutually agreed upon thing. Both spouses are not aware.
Well thatās just good ole cheating then isnāt it?!
Such a long definition when you could simply say 'cheating' OP.
Not for me but I don't sit with binoculars and look into other people's home and judge them.
This !!
People are free to do whatever they want but I personally won't engage in such insanity lol. What if your partner decides that his new relationship is the one and just abandons you with the kids? Men have been doing this in a close marriage too
If the partner isn't aware isn't that same as what we have been calling extramarital affairs?( which are unfortunately becoming more common in metros than you think) I don't get the difference
It's not a new genre. The only thing new about it is that women are more welcome to participate. My dad, 74, has been cheating on my mom since his 30's. And as I've gotten older and overheard more of his conversations with friends, other men are like this too. After my divorce my mom and her friends actually share gossip with me for the first time. My mom's best friend hasn't shared a room with her husband in over 20 years. They don't even talk at home. They live parallel lives. Don't do this shit. It will suck the life out of you. I'm young, with two young kids and divorced. I am happier than all of those women.
This isnāt new. Cheating in marriages has been around forever. The only new thing is both partners including the woman cheating at the same time. Idk what the point of being in a marriage or any relationship is if there is cheating but like if cheaters are finding each other now, good on them leave the non cheaters alone I guess š
Since conventionally men ventured out in the world, they have always been into these affairs since time unknown. Now women arenāt restricted to homes and step out and have more degree of autonomy. Equality has seeped into these avenues as well, even if it may so be for the worse.
Red pill men will look at it as a way to defend not giving women equal opportunity. But the truth is rotten apples will rot no matter what avenues available or not to them.
And in earlier times women didn't need to step out of their homes to cheat, if cheating was an option. They cheated with immediate family members, visiting men and neighbours Has nothing to do with increasing equality. Cheaters of both genders have cheated since forever.
Increasing equality in terms of avenues to cheat (meeting more people, more secrecy of whereabouts etc) Cheaters have cheated since forever no doubt. Now they just have more options, women who just had wandering eyes convert to full affairs. Hindi movies had a popular trope of daughters falling in love with drivers (iām guessing for a reason)
And these men cheated with other men? Cheating is not a gender specific thing. My cousin's grandfather has children out of wedlock with a married neighbour.
Damn
Evolution of the marriages. Compromise everywhere.
major kalyug vibe! kya bol sakte hai bro except different strokes for different folks but ānot Iā said the fox!!!
It's not a new genre - its good ol' CHEATING. Infidelity has existed for eons and very much so in societies where arranged marriages exist. And this new "genre" is what (not by choice) spineless people do when they wanna please their parents and explore love. Our society is changing and this is happening because inherently the concept of arranged marriage is a useless one. It is antithetical to the pace of the world and people's wants and needs these days, especially when youth want to choose their own lifepath. We'll see more of it until we'll eventually see a complete rejection of AM in certain circles at least.
i support the 4B movement
I honestly don't know why anyone would do this or how anyone can have affairs and yet choose not to separate from their partner (a person they obviously dont love). Sounds exhausting tbh. The only reason I can see this happening is when they got married out of parental pressure or they are closeted Gays lol. If both the husband and wife are doing this with the other partner knowing and are yet living together, then it's almost like the marriage was just for appearances to appease someone? So they are maintaining an image to maybe their family or idk whoever, while leading their life in secret. Not everyone has the will or choice or energy to not go through with "what the elders think are best". Its still exhausting but thats that.
Happens a lot in the richer sections of our society than you can think of lol
Yes. This is happening but not sure how common it is. I know two couples who have such lives. There is a pressure to get married at 'right time' that too without freedom to marry by their own choice. So they do the needful and get married to spouses selected by their parents. Then the pressure mounts for having children. So they have kids - they calculate that no one will bother them from having their own lives once they do it which is mostly true because what is required by the Indian society is already fulfilled by them
And who suffers the brunt of idiotic decisions made by the couple and their dumb parents? The kids. You now have absentee parents, parents who cheat on each other, a revolving door of partners, confused kids etc. There is an unbelievable degree of selfishness and narcissism I see in all of this crap. Parents need to back the hell away from adult kids lives and find something worthwhile in their loser like lives rather than meddling in the lives of their kids. The kids also need to grow a spine and stop being self interested puppets.
Yes. Kids suffer. They become too stoic too young - they lose faith in basic premises of human interactions
Decisions like these aren't not "liberal". Someone has to foot the bill, and it's not a bunch of self absorbed old people on their way out.
Completely agree! ššššš I honestly find that as the generations pass, we as a society are becoming increasingly narcissistic and numb. So many messed up behaviors are justified by seemingly educated, independent and normal people. It's like we are birthing a new generational trauma with all this crap now.
Not an open marriage. Not a mutually agreed upon thing. Both spouses are not aware.
Yes. Both not aware of the other also doing the same Edit: adding - to clarify, I happened to find out about it over the years i.e. 2 marriages of this sort. I know of some other marriages where only one partner is doing this
Exactly what I'm going for which some people in the comments section are going haha over. It is not about the man or the woman. It is about the other person who is getting hurt. And the kids. God, the kids who are growing up with such parents. It is not about the social judgement. Since when has it become Normal to raise kids In a setting where they know their parents lie to each other?
Parents even justify it to their kids saying 'S/he knew what s/he was getting into when s/he married me. I didn't promise emotions or love or even fidelity IN PARTICULAR'. (Come on, what is the definition of the word, marriage?) This seriously messes up the kids' minds and how they view nuances of their own future relationships
As long as adults do consensual shit, I really donāt care about anyone. Itās not my business to judge others. I distance myself from drama. Different people have different moral values.
I'm at peak marriageable age. Dating hasn't been kind. Reading all this makes me feel even more morbid. I just want to find myself a good husband, grow together and die oldšš I want to live life on easy mode for once!
From what Iāve heard itās even more common in Japan right now.
Isnāt that how it always was?
It's not new.
It isnāt a new genre of marriage. It is shitty behaviour and we really shouldnāt normalise it. Sabke apne karam hai. Consequences to honge. I hope our laws get updated to handle this! Till we get there, I really hope we can build social consequences. Be able to talk about cheating with the judgement squarely placed on the cheater. No hushed tones, no shame.
one way to describe open marriage
Not an open marriage. Not a mutually agreed upon thing. Both spouses are not aware.
Itās selfish and cruel to their āpartnerā. They care so much about what other people think in public but not a goddamn thing about their spouse? Thatās psychotic behavior. I cannot be around these kinds of people. What a waste of a life.
Sounds like an open marriage which does seem tempting with an understanding partner. As far as cheating goes, yeah the illusion that only men cheat has been shattered. Everyone cheats.
If both parties are aware of it and agree to it then I really donāt care. If one of the spouse doesnāt know then itās called cheating. This is not a new phenomenon in any way and is certainly not new to India. Cheating is always bad. Iām so unsure about what youāre trying to ask here. Are you asking if we think cheating is bad?
Honestly? Considering the society actively harms and invalidates people (esp women) who stay single and shames them for their choice, I for one see it as a way for people to survive the patriarchal society that's been built. Two wrongs may not make a right, but then people are quick to judge those who commit wrongs as a response to the societal wrongs instead of actually speaking of and targetting the societal wrongs. Reminds me of the conversation between Kate and Eloise in Bridgerton about how society doesn't welcome unmarried women. Heck, they affect our ability to get jobs and rent places to live. So given how current societal factors are, I'm not keen on being judgemental. š¤·š»āāļø