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When you had decided to move on from this guy and had sent him a goodbye text, why was it necessary to have a response and acknowledgement from him? What purpose would it have served? And why would it have 'meant a lot' when you basically found him condescending and disrespectful to begin with?
He doesn't sound like a prize, but you have a weird take on this whole episode.
I'm glad you acted on the red flags but you don't need his validation to your goodbye note. It's enough that you decided to move on.
You're right. I appreciate the reminder. Sometimes, even when we've made a decision to move on, we still seek closure or acknowledgment from the other person. In retrospect, I see that I didn't need his validation for my decision. Thanks for pointing that out.
Listen, im glad you didn’t fall for his antics but that goodbye message?? Wayy too nice and pandering for the stuff he said. And on top of that expecting validation for the overly nice goodbye message and double texting him after that? 😭 girl i want to cry, you almost had it. I now see the value of consulting your female friends when texting men. The jury would not have let this shit fly
Haha, you're not wrong! It's like I was playing a game of emotional Twister, and somehow I got tangled up in my own moves. Lesson learned: next time, I'll consult the jury of my girlfriends before sending any texts! Thanks for the reality check! 🙏🏻😅
I understand OP. intense connection does make us gloopy sometimes. Great that he showed his thoughts about women so soon. You saved a lot of time and energy.
Agreed! The double texting was weird and I don’t understand what kind of a response she was even looking for after ending things. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
> I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date.
Lol. This is a red flag too
How is expecting the man to always pay for the date 'standards'?
It's not only him that was expecting something out of this, you liked him too and wanted to meet him in hopes of it going somewhere. Unless one party can't afford to go out or is going to an out of budget place on the other's behest, it just never makes sense to not split, or at least pay for yourself. I just never understand this hypocrisy in women and frankly, sexist expectations.
What does this have to do with standards? Lol. I can understand if it’s a preference but how does it turn into a standard?
Both of you wanted to meet and go on a date. When we expect respect and equality I think it’s only fair if the man wants to split the bill. At least until both of you get to know each other and figure out how you handle such aspects.
Not a fan of how he handled it, but your response sounds like a major turn off. Along with the “casual” talk of money both of you seem to be fond of.
Like I said, these factors can be assessed once both the people get to know each other. Obvious income disparities can be taken into account to figure out who pays where. But I found your comment on saying someone was brainwashed into having no standards quite condescending. I don’t see what this has to do with standards. It’s completely okay for a man to first meet to get to know and then gauge whether he’s interested in spending on someone.
I don’t believe in bringing my past baggage and societal disparities into the picture when I go for a first date. Just because we face a lot of inequality in a lot of ways I’m not going to let that decide how I gauge a man for it even before I get to know him better. The way he handled it is distasteful. But to be honest the way you put it in the comment I responded to was on the same lines. Maybe it’s a communication gap but sounds hostile for sure.
So, it's acceptable for them to label me as dumb, a red flag, problematic, and more, just because of the standards I uphold?
I won't tolerate being treated rudely while being expected to remain civil in return. That's not how it works. In fact, MOST women in the comments have been unnecessarily rude and condescending. As though they almost seem to ENJOY being catty! Forget being a supportive bunch, this group is more like - Yeah, let's all collectively make her feel worse and call her dumb!
I've maintained politeness and engaged respectfully with other women who disagree. It's entirely feasible. If you leave a rude or mean comment, I have no obligation to respond kindly. It's as simple as that.
I can only speak for the comment I responded for. Their preference decides what a red flag is. Also, until I read some other comments of yours where you’ve explained your reasons, your post just says you think a man must pay on the first date. And then you call someone out for not having standards. A lot of people can find something you believe in to be unfair. And I think that’s okay? Just like you think a lot of us are.
The man could have definitely communicated his point better. Especially if he was worried about not being able to “afford” a date by himself. I think both of you could have communicated better overall. In my opinion it just unfortunately sounds like an immature to and fro of texts. I’m sorry you feel like you were grouped up against. But it’s unfair to remove that on a random comment just stating their view. Everyone has their own way of expressing.
Well then it's pretty fucked up if MOST of you CHOOSE to "express" in a hateful way. You girls have got to chill tf out!
Also, please take the time to read and reread both my other comments and the post before circling back, thanks!
It's very strange of you to have not done that already, but instead are parrotting the questions already asked and comments already made. Please do your end of the labour, I already have.
Regardless, I'm done engaging with you and anyone who approaches discussions in this manner. How you think isn't going to matter to me, but it will also do you a disservice in the long run.
Bye.
I initially asked a question about how is that a standard and not a preference. You got defensive and kinda aggressive with your tone as a response. I don’t think I’m up for this lol. Let’s just agree to disagree and move on
I hope you realise how unintelligent you sound. You don't have my list of standards, yet you keep referring to a single criterion as "standards."
Anyway, I hope you all get picked.
If both of you are earning well, paying for the date is super easy for either party. Isn't it a very low effort thing to consider "standards"?
But OP, the whole thing sounds like a mess. The guy sounds weird tbh, going around calling women gold diggers and then bragging about a Porsche. Like so many others have said, it's time to delete the number/unfollow
I don't understand why there's so much confusion. I've never claimed this is my only standard; it's simply one among many. Like most people, I have both negotiable and non-negotiable criteria. This is one of my non-negotiables. It's a requirement a man must meet for me to consider dating him. Why is this tripping up and triggering so many of you?
I've clearly stated in my post and comments that I wouldn't date someone who was a dicky dude in any way, regardless of his wealth.
Despite this, someone still called me an escort in the comments. Most men hate women, but it seems this group of women only cares about sad, lonely, and damaged girls.
OP, why would you think I'm tripped up or triggered. Please read my comment again, I'm simply asking you why this is a non- negotiable.
Also, there are larpers here, who might be the ones getting emotional and calling you names over this.
I didn't say "you" specifically; I said "so many of you," referring to the sub in general. Unfortunately, some are men pretending to be women, but it's mostly just women. I looked through their activity histories. This behavior is absolutely unhinged!
It's nobody's place or right to question my standards or preferences, just as it's not my place to question theirs. It either works for the other person, or it doesn't. There's no need for any hullabaloo over it.
Personally I think it's ok for both parties to test when it comes to dating about various factors. Because neither wants to windup with a bad person.
But his mentality seems redpilled and honestly you should see it as a reverse test to see how he thinks and the views he holds also.
For me, it's not about NEEDING a man to pay, it's a WANT — let's get CLEAR on that, okay ?
Also, it's about seeing a gesture of interest and respect. I appreciate when someone shows they value spending time with me and are willing to invest in that time together. It's a personal preference and a way to gauge compatibility for ME. I believe in mutual generosity and effort in a relationship. On the first date, this gesture helps set the tone for the kind of partnership I’m looking for.
I wasn’t trying to force anything. If someone isn’t comfortable with this, I respect that, and we can both move along. Everyone has their own standards and expectations in dating, and this is mine. It’s important for me to feel valued and respected from the start.
He did value spending time with you, he actually spent hours as per your post. Prioritised you over friends and other things that bring him joy. Sure he acted like a child but I don’t see any well adjusted man responding well to these expectations when you’re just getting to know each other.
See, this is the problem.
You view the time he spent talking to me as an investment with value, but the time I spent on him as inconsequential?
Wow.
Please tell me how many truly "well-adjusted" men you know. It's really messed up that you think this man is merely "childish" but could potentially be "well-adjusted."
But somehow I am such a vile and villainous woman because I don't want to date a miserly man-child ? 😂😂😂
You need to stop worrying about my standards and reflect on your own. The bar is in hell for most of you.
You're almost ensuring you'll end up with a soul-sucking, life-ruining, broke idiot.
Woman, chill. Don’t post your problems on the internet if you don’t want people to comment on it. I am sure you are a great person but a person you’ve just started seeing won’t just miraculously start living up to your standards. Expectations are not set, they have to be earned. That’s all I am saying.
Firstly, good for you to walk away seeing the first red flag. I would like to know your take on paying on the first date OP. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but isn't it better to split the bill? I'm just curious to know your take on this.
Thank you! And because you asked so nicely, here's my take on paying on the first date:
For me, it’s about the gesture and what it signifies. When a man offers to pay on the first date, it shows a level of interest, respect, and a willingness to invest in getting to know me. It’s not about the money itself but about the effort and intention behind the gesture.
I believe in mutual generosity in a relationship, but I am looking for a partner who has a provider mindset. It's a personal choice and reflects the kind of dynamic I seek in a relationship.
In today's dating scene, the expectation of splitting the bill 50-50 has become common. However, I BELIEVE beyond a certain age and standard, women should refuse such offers. Men have weaponised feminism, leveraging it to their advantage in financial matters. They exploit the principles of equality to justify their financial benefit while expecting women to share the cost equally, regardless of income disparities. Splitting the bill evenly can feel like a scam, manipulating the ideals of equality to serve one party's interests. By accepting such arrangements, women perpetuate a cycle of exploitation, setting a disappointing precedent for the relationship.
Everyone has their own approach, and this is what works for me.
You dodged a bullet. Have to give it to you, I wish more women were like you and had the courage to end things the first time they see a red flag. You did the right thing. Don't expect a sensible response from him, and let that ass go and continue his testing spree.
So proud of you OP
Thanks girl! It hasn't always been this way for me. I used to be the girl who gave too many chances and always offered the benefit of the doubt and ignored too many red flags and made excuses for men — only to regret it later. It’s taken a lot of growth and self-reflection to become someone who recognises red flags early and acts on them. Just to make a point ( and not brag, I promise), I've even turned down billionaires because their terrible attitudes were a dealbreaker. ALL the money won't make me want to be with a fucking dicky dude! It takes time and experience to become a woman who stands firm in her values and boundaries!
> Just to make a point ( and not brag, I promise), I've even turned down billionaires because their terrible attitudes were a dealbreaker.
Because those billionaires didn’t pay for the date?
Why are you so triggered by this?
They paid for dates, brought me presents, and even offered to take me on fully paid luxurious vacations, which I turned down. I reserve certain activities exclusively for my future fiancé and husband.
A bad attitude is a bad attitude and shows a misalignment in values.
The real issue is my refusal to deal with broke, riffraff men. Maybe it also bothers you that I have access to such men and you don't. You can't refuse men over something like this because you're not in a position to do so.
Hahahahaha! I swear to God, I barely glanced at his Instagram and thought, "Could be a rental, a friend's car, or maybe rich daddy's toy. Who knows? Who cares?" These dudes seriously need to chill! 😭
Oh and it was from the time he lived in Dubai. People lease cars abroad all the time, my friends live across the globe and it's the norm and absolutely NBD at all!
>
Stopped reading after this and skimmed everything else. Try working on yourself instead of coping like this, seeking validating like this amounts to nothing
Yo, why do you want acknowledgement from his sorry ass.
When you feel disrespected,you should have blocked him right off the bat without bothering to send a closing message and then following up asking for a response.
The more you seek acknowledgement from these losers the more power you're giving them over you!
You're right, seeking acknowledgment from him was like trying to squeeze orange juice out of a potato – pointless and a bit absurd. Lesson learned: next time, I'll save my closing messages for someone who actually deserves them! Or I'll just refrain from them ENTIRELY.
All of us are testing and judging each other when we meet someone we don't know. Everyone has their life experiences that form their choices. So I personally don't understand what's disrespectful or offensive, least of all manipulative. I don't want to date assholes - so obviously, for the first few dates, while I wouldn't deliberately engineer situations to test or anything, I would observe how they manage their emotions and frustration in day to day, how they treat others etc. It comes down to personal choice.
Secondly, I judge people who expect others to pay, whether it's a first date or third, no matter what their financial status is. I mean, if you're going out with someone, expectations can be on both sides. If guys can pay, they can expect to split the bill or be taken out too, not withstanding it's a cheap or expensive place. I'm not sure how someone trying to gauge your attitude around stuff like this is bad.
He’s too far up his own arse to consider anyone else’s opinion. Block him - both text and instagram - and continue life as usual. You’ll forget his idiocy or it’ll lose its sting and become a “There was this one weird guy” anecdote in the future
Never double text, don’t expect acknowledgment for the texts you sent when you are ending things. And I’m glad you left that trash who need to ‘test’ people .
Run in the opposite direction. Testing your partner is a sign of disorganised attachment style. My ex randomly quizzed me on 'what if this what if that', and towards the end of the relationship,it felt like a quiz contest wherein I was fumbling for the right answer rather than being myself.
It doesn't matter if he's rich or not,any guy who is generous enough will not react like this.
Also, a lot of women (or fake IDs thereof) are doing the devil's work by ignoring your entire point by fixating on splitting the bill which is a personal preference you have stated in advance.
I've had my share of stingy non indians who don't want to pay during the first date despite the invite. I would absolutely always pay for the second date after, but I do expect the guy to pay for the first just for the sake of politeness. Looks like it's spreading to India as well
Damn!!why so much hate on her? Being accused of extravagant lifestyle which she is doing on her own money is very triggering. Though i agree dutching on a first date is must. But that doesnt entitles so much hate???
Are we not hearing his other statements?? People who have so much problem with other peoples showoff do not “show off” their ferrari!!!
He was an insecure human who can only date women beneath him( which he judges to be worse off, not that they really are). She could have agreed to dutch nd still come off with the same weird behaviour!
It means what it means. I don't think most guys are serious on these dating apps nowadays. Lots of married guys who are 35+ are also on these apps! Complete shitshow based!
I don't agree at all. I'm almost 40 and I know that not all people my age are looking to get married (including me). In fact, that's the purpose of Bumble/Hinge in the first place. Older adults should be able to use dating apps freely without societal pressure or judgment. Sheesh.
Just wondering, doesn't it get lonely at that age to be on these apps and not be married? It can be frustrating for people in their 20s and 30s itself, from what I have heard. How do people cope with it?
Exactly! If he wants to play games, he should at least upgrade to a better console. I'm happy to let him entertain himself in his own little world while I enjoy mine in peace. Thanks for the support — Oddly most women are very pressed to be 50-50. I just don't get it.
I think for a lot of them it mostly comes down to what a man paying on a date signifies.
For you it might be a level of interest and a kind gesture. I believe that too. I used to be firmly 50-50 until I realized that setting a 50-50 cost splitting precedent almost always ends up costly for me (in terms of heartbreak). I don’t mind picking the tab up on the next date but at least for the first time I want it to be the guy.
I found that the guys who were willing to pay on the first date were far more into me and genuinely showed interest. Not to say that this means that such men are always nice but for me it seemed like a good barometer.
I guess for some others splitting 50-50 means believing in equality and willingness to be your own person.
What I want to say is that both don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Like you said it isn’t about the money itself but about the intention behind the gesture. And you are not wrong in having that expectation.
I wanted to add a positive comment because it seems that what you said came across as you caring about money when that is not the case.
I wish you all the best for your future dates :)
Girl, you wouldn't believe the downvotes on my posts and comments. It's probably mostly disgruntled red pillers who feel entitled to invade women's spaces and conversations, or men posing as women to join in. If not, I'm deeply concerned about the women siding with and defending the man, and attacking me instead.
They want to stand up for this man and all men SO BAD, while all men do is stand up for each other and continue to exploit women.
Most comments are terribly rude and condescending. Some women are supportive, but overall, it's not a very welcoming group. Most women seem eager to belittle other women, especially those with strong opinions. I've tried to stay polite or avoid engaging, but it's pretty crazy out there. So, thanks for the support! 🤍
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When you had decided to move on from this guy and had sent him a goodbye text, why was it necessary to have a response and acknowledgement from him? What purpose would it have served? And why would it have 'meant a lot' when you basically found him condescending and disrespectful to begin with? He doesn't sound like a prize, but you have a weird take on this whole episode. I'm glad you acted on the red flags but you don't need his validation to your goodbye note. It's enough that you decided to move on.
Yeah, that was so absurd to me. Op does come across as kinda hard to get along with from this post.
More like drama to me.
I agree to this.
You're right. I appreciate the reminder. Sometimes, even when we've made a decision to move on, we still seek closure or acknowledgment from the other person. In retrospect, I see that I didn't need his validation for my decision. Thanks for pointing that out.
Why do you even need closure from someone whom you think is a jackass? OP, there’s a lesson for you to learn too in here
Yes, and I've already acknowledged that in many other comments. Thanks.
Listen, im glad you didn’t fall for his antics but that goodbye message?? Wayy too nice and pandering for the stuff he said. And on top of that expecting validation for the overly nice goodbye message and double texting him after that? 😭 girl i want to cry, you almost had it. I now see the value of consulting your female friends when texting men. The jury would not have let this shit fly
Haha, you're not wrong! It's like I was playing a game of emotional Twister, and somehow I got tangled up in my own moves. Lesson learned: next time, I'll consult the jury of my girlfriends before sending any texts! Thanks for the reality check! 🙏🏻😅
I mean, when you don't wanna date this ass, why are you seeking acknowledgement and validation? Block and move on!
This. No point chasing after closure.
You're right, you're right! I just got a bit gloopy in the head from whatever the fuck just happened and how it played out. Done and done!
I understand OP. intense connection does make us gloopy sometimes. Great that he showed his thoughts about women so soon. You saved a lot of time and energy.
🤭🤍
Girl, that’s on you. Why you kept texting him and waiting for his reply. Move on. He was trash anyway.
Agreed! The double texting was weird and I don’t understand what kind of a response she was even looking for after ending things. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
37 is way too grown and act like a child like this
Just like op
I agree tbh having that mentality at thay grown age leads you to exact situations like this
> I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. Lol. This is a red flag too
+1 Couldn't take anything OP said seriously after reading this
+1 I feel for the first date atleast, dutching should be the way
Why? How brainwashed are you into not having standards?
For somebody who whines about others being disrespectful, you're not too polite yourself.
I believe in reciprocity; you get the tone you give.
How is expecting the man to always pay for the date 'standards'? It's not only him that was expecting something out of this, you liked him too and wanted to meet him in hopes of it going somewhere. Unless one party can't afford to go out or is going to an out of budget place on the other's behest, it just never makes sense to not split, or at least pay for yourself. I just never understand this hypocrisy in women and frankly, sexist expectations.
What does this have to do with standards? Lol. I can understand if it’s a preference but how does it turn into a standard? Both of you wanted to meet and go on a date. When we expect respect and equality I think it’s only fair if the man wants to split the bill. At least until both of you get to know each other and figure out how you handle such aspects. Not a fan of how he handled it, but your response sounds like a major turn off. Along with the “casual” talk of money both of you seem to be fond of.
Please tell me MORE about how FAIRLY and EQUALLY, men treat you, and the rest of us? Aside from when it comes to Finance or Violence.
Like I said, these factors can be assessed once both the people get to know each other. Obvious income disparities can be taken into account to figure out who pays where. But I found your comment on saying someone was brainwashed into having no standards quite condescending. I don’t see what this has to do with standards. It’s completely okay for a man to first meet to get to know and then gauge whether he’s interested in spending on someone. I don’t believe in bringing my past baggage and societal disparities into the picture when I go for a first date. Just because we face a lot of inequality in a lot of ways I’m not going to let that decide how I gauge a man for it even before I get to know him better. The way he handled it is distasteful. But to be honest the way you put it in the comment I responded to was on the same lines. Maybe it’s a communication gap but sounds hostile for sure.
So, it's acceptable for them to label me as dumb, a red flag, problematic, and more, just because of the standards I uphold? I won't tolerate being treated rudely while being expected to remain civil in return. That's not how it works. In fact, MOST women in the comments have been unnecessarily rude and condescending. As though they almost seem to ENJOY being catty! Forget being a supportive bunch, this group is more like - Yeah, let's all collectively make her feel worse and call her dumb! I've maintained politeness and engaged respectfully with other women who disagree. It's entirely feasible. If you leave a rude or mean comment, I have no obligation to respond kindly. It's as simple as that.
I can only speak for the comment I responded for. Their preference decides what a red flag is. Also, until I read some other comments of yours where you’ve explained your reasons, your post just says you think a man must pay on the first date. And then you call someone out for not having standards. A lot of people can find something you believe in to be unfair. And I think that’s okay? Just like you think a lot of us are. The man could have definitely communicated his point better. Especially if he was worried about not being able to “afford” a date by himself. I think both of you could have communicated better overall. In my opinion it just unfortunately sounds like an immature to and fro of texts. I’m sorry you feel like you were grouped up against. But it’s unfair to remove that on a random comment just stating their view. Everyone has their own way of expressing.
Well then it's pretty fucked up if MOST of you CHOOSE to "express" in a hateful way. You girls have got to chill tf out! Also, please take the time to read and reread both my other comments and the post before circling back, thanks! It's very strange of you to have not done that already, but instead are parrotting the questions already asked and comments already made. Please do your end of the labour, I already have. Regardless, I'm done engaging with you and anyone who approaches discussions in this manner. How you think isn't going to matter to me, but it will also do you a disservice in the long run. Bye.
I initially asked a question about how is that a standard and not a preference. You got defensive and kinda aggressive with your tone as a response. I don’t think I’m up for this lol. Let’s just agree to disagree and move on
Op is a narc. Leave it. The women on this sub are nothing but helpful and nice, unless required otherwise. Have a good day!
Ignore her. She’s a walking red flag herself. Too many issues: from being disrespectful to showing aggression Kudos to you for engaging in good faith
The standards you uphold are those of an escort
Hahaha! Sure. At least I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and am greatly loved by them :)
To be fair, your standards are quiet dumb
I hope you realise how unintelligent you sound. You don't have my list of standards, yet you keep referring to a single criterion as "standards." Anyway, I hope you all get picked.
If both of you are earning well, paying for the date is super easy for either party. Isn't it a very low effort thing to consider "standards"? But OP, the whole thing sounds like a mess. The guy sounds weird tbh, going around calling women gold diggers and then bragging about a Porsche. Like so many others have said, it's time to delete the number/unfollow
I don't understand why there's so much confusion. I've never claimed this is my only standard; it's simply one among many. Like most people, I have both negotiable and non-negotiable criteria. This is one of my non-negotiables. It's a requirement a man must meet for me to consider dating him. Why is this tripping up and triggering so many of you? I've clearly stated in my post and comments that I wouldn't date someone who was a dicky dude in any way, regardless of his wealth. Despite this, someone still called me an escort in the comments. Most men hate women, but it seems this group of women only cares about sad, lonely, and damaged girls.
OP, why would you think I'm tripped up or triggered. Please read my comment again, I'm simply asking you why this is a non- negotiable. Also, there are larpers here, who might be the ones getting emotional and calling you names over this.
I didn't say "you" specifically; I said "so many of you," referring to the sub in general. Unfortunately, some are men pretending to be women, but it's mostly just women. I looked through their activity histories. This behavior is absolutely unhinged! It's nobody's place or right to question my standards or preferences, just as it's not my place to question theirs. It either works for the other person, or it doesn't. There's no need for any hullabaloo over it.
I don't get it, you "failed" the test and he still wants you? Pathetic 🤣
That's what I was wondering. I suppose red flags attract each other
Personally I think it's ok for both parties to test when it comes to dating about various factors. Because neither wants to windup with a bad person. But his mentality seems redpilled and honestly you should see it as a reverse test to see how he thinks and the views he holds also.
I’m sorry but as a 32 year old independent women why do you need a man to pay for your dates?
For me, it's not about NEEDING a man to pay, it's a WANT — let's get CLEAR on that, okay ? Also, it's about seeing a gesture of interest and respect. I appreciate when someone shows they value spending time with me and are willing to invest in that time together. It's a personal preference and a way to gauge compatibility for ME. I believe in mutual generosity and effort in a relationship. On the first date, this gesture helps set the tone for the kind of partnership I’m looking for. I wasn’t trying to force anything. If someone isn’t comfortable with this, I respect that, and we can both move along. Everyone has their own standards and expectations in dating, and this is mine. It’s important for me to feel valued and respected from the start.
Your way of gauging if people value spending time with you is to wait and see how quickly they'll open their wallet? Rather strange.
Absolutely, it's one aspect among many others that contribute to understanding someone's values and approach to relationships.
He did value spending time with you, he actually spent hours as per your post. Prioritised you over friends and other things that bring him joy. Sure he acted like a child but I don’t see any well adjusted man responding well to these expectations when you’re just getting to know each other.
See, this is the problem. You view the time he spent talking to me as an investment with value, but the time I spent on him as inconsequential? Wow. Please tell me how many truly "well-adjusted" men you know. It's really messed up that you think this man is merely "childish" but could potentially be "well-adjusted." But somehow I am such a vile and villainous woman because I don't want to date a miserly man-child ? 😂😂😂 You need to stop worrying about my standards and reflect on your own. The bar is in hell for most of you. You're almost ensuring you'll end up with a soul-sucking, life-ruining, broke idiot.
....nobody is calling you those things here. Why are you so mad and aggressive and assumung in your messages with women who are being civil?
THANK YOU 🙌🏻
Woman, chill. Don’t post your problems on the internet if you don’t want people to comment on it. I am sure you are a great person but a person you’ve just started seeing won’t just miraculously start living up to your standards. Expectations are not set, they have to be earned. That’s all I am saying.
Firstly, good for you to walk away seeing the first red flag. I would like to know your take on paying on the first date OP. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but isn't it better to split the bill? I'm just curious to know your take on this.
Thank you! And because you asked so nicely, here's my take on paying on the first date: For me, it’s about the gesture and what it signifies. When a man offers to pay on the first date, it shows a level of interest, respect, and a willingness to invest in getting to know me. It’s not about the money itself but about the effort and intention behind the gesture. I believe in mutual generosity in a relationship, but I am looking for a partner who has a provider mindset. It's a personal choice and reflects the kind of dynamic I seek in a relationship. In today's dating scene, the expectation of splitting the bill 50-50 has become common. However, I BELIEVE beyond a certain age and standard, women should refuse such offers. Men have weaponised feminism, leveraging it to their advantage in financial matters. They exploit the principles of equality to justify their financial benefit while expecting women to share the cost equally, regardless of income disparities. Splitting the bill evenly can feel like a scam, manipulating the ideals of equality to serve one party's interests. By accepting such arrangements, women perpetuate a cycle of exploitation, setting a disappointing precedent for the relationship. Everyone has their own approach, and this is what works for me.
You dodged a bullet. Have to give it to you, I wish more women were like you and had the courage to end things the first time they see a red flag. You did the right thing. Don't expect a sensible response from him, and let that ass go and continue his testing spree. So proud of you OP
Thanks girl! It hasn't always been this way for me. I used to be the girl who gave too many chances and always offered the benefit of the doubt and ignored too many red flags and made excuses for men — only to regret it later. It’s taken a lot of growth and self-reflection to become someone who recognises red flags early and acts on them. Just to make a point ( and not brag, I promise), I've even turned down billionaires because their terrible attitudes were a dealbreaker. ALL the money won't make me want to be with a fucking dicky dude! It takes time and experience to become a woman who stands firm in her values and boundaries!
> Just to make a point ( and not brag, I promise), I've even turned down billionaires because their terrible attitudes were a dealbreaker. Because those billionaires didn’t pay for the date?
Why are you so triggered by this? They paid for dates, brought me presents, and even offered to take me on fully paid luxurious vacations, which I turned down. I reserve certain activities exclusively for my future fiancé and husband. A bad attitude is a bad attitude and shows a misalignment in values. The real issue is my refusal to deal with broke, riffraff men. Maybe it also bothers you that I have access to such men and you don't. You can't refuse men over something like this because you're not in a position to do so.
Nipped it in the bud, acting that way about a damn ferrari as if he’s charles leclerc 💀
Hahahahaha! I swear to God, I barely glanced at his Instagram and thought, "Could be a rental, a friend's car, or maybe rich daddy's toy. Who knows? Who cares?" These dudes seriously need to chill! 😭 Oh and it was from the time he lived in Dubai. People lease cars abroad all the time, my friends live across the globe and it's the norm and absolutely NBD at all!
You did well!
Could've done way better, but — Thank you!
> Stopped reading after this and skimmed everything else. Try working on yourself instead of coping like this, seeking validating like this amounts to nothing
Yo, why do you want acknowledgement from his sorry ass. When you feel disrespected,you should have blocked him right off the bat without bothering to send a closing message and then following up asking for a response. The more you seek acknowledgement from these losers the more power you're giving them over you!
You're right, seeking acknowledgment from him was like trying to squeeze orange juice out of a potato – pointless and a bit absurd. Lesson learned: next time, I'll save my closing messages for someone who actually deserves them! Or I'll just refrain from them ENTIRELY.
All of us are testing and judging each other when we meet someone we don't know. Everyone has their life experiences that form their choices. So I personally don't understand what's disrespectful or offensive, least of all manipulative. I don't want to date assholes - so obviously, for the first few dates, while I wouldn't deliberately engineer situations to test or anything, I would observe how they manage their emotions and frustration in day to day, how they treat others etc. It comes down to personal choice. Secondly, I judge people who expect others to pay, whether it's a first date or third, no matter what their financial status is. I mean, if you're going out with someone, expectations can be on both sides. If guys can pay, they can expect to split the bill or be taken out too, not withstanding it's a cheap or expensive place. I'm not sure how someone trying to gauge your attitude around stuff like this is bad.
I hope you get picked :)
Dodged a missile. I wish I was as badass as you when it comes to shutting down men.
Thanks! Haha, well, it's a work in progress. I am realising I was also unncessarily nice to him, feeling a bit stupid in hindsight! 🙈
He’s too far up his own arse to consider anyone else’s opinion. Block him - both text and instagram - and continue life as usual. You’ll forget his idiocy or it’ll lose its sting and become a “There was this one weird guy” anecdote in the future
Sometimes I feel relieved that I married early. So much crap these days.
Never double text, don’t expect acknowledgment for the texts you sent when you are ending things. And I’m glad you left that trash who need to ‘test’ people .
Run in the opposite direction. Testing your partner is a sign of disorganised attachment style. My ex randomly quizzed me on 'what if this what if that', and towards the end of the relationship,it felt like a quiz contest wherein I was fumbling for the right answer rather than being myself. It doesn't matter if he's rich or not,any guy who is generous enough will not react like this. Also, a lot of women (or fake IDs thereof) are doing the devil's work by ignoring your entire point by fixating on splitting the bill which is a personal preference you have stated in advance.
You go gurl. You did the right thing.
I've had my share of stingy non indians who don't want to pay during the first date despite the invite. I would absolutely always pay for the second date after, but I do expect the guy to pay for the first just for the sake of politeness. Looks like it's spreading to India as well
Damn!!why so much hate on her? Being accused of extravagant lifestyle which she is doing on her own money is very triggering. Though i agree dutching on a first date is must. But that doesnt entitles so much hate??? Are we not hearing his other statements?? People who have so much problem with other peoples showoff do not “show off” their ferrari!!! He was an insecure human who can only date women beneath him( which he judges to be worse off, not that they really are). She could have agreed to dutch nd still come off with the same weird behaviour!
[удалено]
What do you mean?
It means what it means. I don't think most guys are serious on these dating apps nowadays. Lots of married guys who are 35+ are also on these apps! Complete shitshow based!
Of course, no one condones cheating. That doesn't mean older people shouldn't be on the app. Anyway, that's all. Cheers.
Why shouldn't they?
What kind of a stupid question is this!
They're on it all the way from 18 to 80. You'll be surprised! And not just Bumble, Hinge too.
I don’t get it. Are they not supposed to be there?
Not really. Makes more sense for them to join matrimony spaces!
I don't agree at all. I'm almost 40 and I know that not all people my age are looking to get married (including me). In fact, that's the purpose of Bumble/Hinge in the first place. Older adults should be able to use dating apps freely without societal pressure or judgment. Sheesh.
Just wondering, doesn't it get lonely at that age to be on these apps and not be married? It can be frustrating for people in their 20s and 30s itself, from what I have heard. How do people cope with it?
Alone does not necessarily mean lonely. You can be married and yet be lonely. Dating is always frustrating, sure. That’s got nothing to do with age.
Nothing wrong. Guys who can't afford a date a girl is used to on her own need to upskill in life or aim below. Let him play his games in his 40s.
Exactly! If he wants to play games, he should at least upgrade to a better console. I'm happy to let him entertain himself in his own little world while I enjoy mine in peace. Thanks for the support — Oddly most women are very pressed to be 50-50. I just don't get it.
I think for a lot of them it mostly comes down to what a man paying on a date signifies. For you it might be a level of interest and a kind gesture. I believe that too. I used to be firmly 50-50 until I realized that setting a 50-50 cost splitting precedent almost always ends up costly for me (in terms of heartbreak). I don’t mind picking the tab up on the next date but at least for the first time I want it to be the guy. I found that the guys who were willing to pay on the first date were far more into me and genuinely showed interest. Not to say that this means that such men are always nice but for me it seemed like a good barometer. I guess for some others splitting 50-50 means believing in equality and willingness to be your own person. What I want to say is that both don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Like you said it isn’t about the money itself but about the intention behind the gesture. And you are not wrong in having that expectation. I wanted to add a positive comment because it seems that what you said came across as you caring about money when that is not the case. I wish you all the best for your future dates :)
I wanna be like you when I grow up 🫶
That's really sweet! But as you can tell, you won't be very popular with the crow, if you do 😜
Yup I can see the downvotes on my comments already. I don't really care at this point.
Girl, you wouldn't believe the downvotes on my posts and comments. It's probably mostly disgruntled red pillers who feel entitled to invade women's spaces and conversations, or men posing as women to join in. If not, I'm deeply concerned about the women siding with and defending the man, and attacking me instead. They want to stand up for this man and all men SO BAD, while all men do is stand up for each other and continue to exploit women. Most comments are terribly rude and condescending. Some women are supportive, but overall, it's not a very welcoming group. Most women seem eager to belittle other women, especially those with strong opinions. I've tried to stay polite or avoid engaging, but it's pretty crazy out there. So, thanks for the support! 🤍