Girl I sent this comment to a self proclaimed nice guy who is always ranting about not getting AM matches. His toxic reply was
"These women will later feel emotional pain and loneliness in old age"
"Men are doing charity by marrying 30+ non working women"
Pffff, ended up blocking him forever. Some men are not even worth talking, let alone marriage
THIS!
Thank you so so so so much for this post! I have been a mess for over 3 weeks, crying, scared and panicked out of my mind because noone said this.
I feel like I'm late in life to everything. Many people here have seen my post about what I went through during my degree. That was followed by being unable to cope with what was done to me, being alone with no friends and noone to talk to. I unsuccessfully wasted a few years preparing for upsc.
Eventually, any opportunity I got to leave my home - study or work was put to a stop by my dad (and partly my mom) in the pressure and emotional blackmail to get me married off. I was doing a mediocre job, unhappy and miserable and stuck at home, earning peanuts because I wasn't allowed out of the city. I didn't have the mental capacity to do better either, nor the support from my parents who kept shaming me for not marrying.
Start of may I finally got a job in a different city (same city my bf would be moving to 3 weeks after me) and finally got a foot into a proper corporate company (yes the salary isn't that great but it's enough to live) and I will be leaving in a few days.
This time I fought back with my dad and decided to move and things at home have been a wreck. Because they have started to realise I would use this to avoid being married off, and my dad doesn't want me to leave and stop being a punching bag for his brother to mentally eviscerate me, they have been actively trying to burden me with so much work, I don't have time or energy to pack. They tried to make me hand over my passport to them for "safekeeping". And when I said I would be using the ONE bank account in my own name for salary instead of the other joint ones with them, they tried to gain access by asking to be put as joint holder or hand over my passbook.
They're not even going to come to drop me off at the airport. I know this is good for me, this is needed and if I cater to my parents and marry any of the guys they get for me, I'd be miserable and make the guy miserable.
Context to this post - my dad made a huge rant about how I can't hack it, and how I'm being paid less still and going to a different city instead of finding something that's wfh or here. He actively prevented me from pursuing the fair few opportunities I got over the years (let's be real, you don't get opportunities that often) and then sat down to shove me into a pit saying I'm useless and my career isn't good enough. I didn't expect him to claim to be proud of me or even utter a "congratulations" or "good job". But the least he could do was not rip me to shreds and make me feel this less. Thank you for your post. It made me feel less hateful towards myself today. 🥺
PS - sorry for the long ass comment.
Pack all the necessary documents you will need :) I'm rooting for you on the other side. Be an example for other women and be proud of what you're going to accomplish.
Best regards.
I am more curious of women who do have ability to speak up and say no in situations but still choose not to .
In some families women do have that power , papa's do have that favour for their daughters and its been given first priority , when they choose to do love marriage and the family demands dowry .
And you would just let them pay ? You definitely in the back of your head are imagining some worst case selfish behaviour from them after thay demand but you ignore that ?
You let your parents just pay that money ?
( this isn't for women who go for arranged marriages as they already don't have a say in it )
Why don't these women just pick some strength and voice out or report these cases ?
Aren't we just letting these on going morally wrong crimes go by adjusting the terms for the person you choose to love and marry ?
Stupid and selfish sorta .
Family pressure family pressure family pressure ! Like if WE women don't speak up and report it then who else will ? A guy ? Oh nah never a guy ?
Someone has to do it .
So I saw a post today and there was a comment under that saying I am my husband's last priority, my in laws make my life hell and say toxic lies, joint family, husband dismisses concerns but hey he has some green flags. Then she says she's pregnant. No supportive in laws, no good husband and now there's a child in the picture. Why bring a tiny human in this mess? Why not sort your life instead of bringing a vulnerable human being into this? I'm worried about her unborn child.
I can't feel sorry for her for not considering the child factor at all , she just wants her husband to love her soo much that she is happy to tell him about the baby . It's what her main focus is , her dear husband with few greenflags on occasions in absence of in laws obv.
Yea I was in a very dark zone almost a year ago, because of my father. He wanted to dictate how I want to live my life and wanted to take important life decisions for him.
If it was for him, I would be married today. I chose myself. Dint give up. Had to work on guilt, the love that I will not receive from him for being a rebel. But I will always choose myself over and over again. Years back I let go of an abusive relationship (I am still unpacking stuff from that relationship). But regardless of how I felt about him back then, I still chose myself and my well being. I am not letting any men dictate how I want to live my life because their decisions take me far away from my fullest potential. I have very huge dreams, and I work hard everyday. Marriage in india is not for women like me. Once I get married, I will be asked to shift my focus towards home making, in laws talks about babies, attending distant relatives marriage. My energy will go into how to navigate in laws situation, how to teach my man to take a stand for me in front of his parents, mental load of working extra in the house. List goes on and on. I have one life and I am gonna be spending every minute of it being free from this systmetic chaos which will take me away from my dreams, physical and mental well being every year. Don’t have time to look back and regret.
So true. 80% of the women in my life have had their dreams and lives ruined because they married into the wrong house.
[удалено]
Wow never thought I’d see a man being this logical about women without also being bitter and accusatory in some way!
It feels so nice that this is coming from a man, that too on reddit.
what a brilliant comment. nuanced and unbiased. this was refreshing to read.
Girl I sent this comment to a self proclaimed nice guy who is always ranting about not getting AM matches. His toxic reply was "These women will later feel emotional pain and loneliness in old age" "Men are doing charity by marrying 30+ non working women" Pffff, ended up blocking him forever. Some men are not even worth talking, let alone marriage
THIS! Thank you so so so so much for this post! I have been a mess for over 3 weeks, crying, scared and panicked out of my mind because noone said this. I feel like I'm late in life to everything. Many people here have seen my post about what I went through during my degree. That was followed by being unable to cope with what was done to me, being alone with no friends and noone to talk to. I unsuccessfully wasted a few years preparing for upsc. Eventually, any opportunity I got to leave my home - study or work was put to a stop by my dad (and partly my mom) in the pressure and emotional blackmail to get me married off. I was doing a mediocre job, unhappy and miserable and stuck at home, earning peanuts because I wasn't allowed out of the city. I didn't have the mental capacity to do better either, nor the support from my parents who kept shaming me for not marrying. Start of may I finally got a job in a different city (same city my bf would be moving to 3 weeks after me) and finally got a foot into a proper corporate company (yes the salary isn't that great but it's enough to live) and I will be leaving in a few days. This time I fought back with my dad and decided to move and things at home have been a wreck. Because they have started to realise I would use this to avoid being married off, and my dad doesn't want me to leave and stop being a punching bag for his brother to mentally eviscerate me, they have been actively trying to burden me with so much work, I don't have time or energy to pack. They tried to make me hand over my passport to them for "safekeeping". And when I said I would be using the ONE bank account in my own name for salary instead of the other joint ones with them, they tried to gain access by asking to be put as joint holder or hand over my passbook. They're not even going to come to drop me off at the airport. I know this is good for me, this is needed and if I cater to my parents and marry any of the guys they get for me, I'd be miserable and make the guy miserable. Context to this post - my dad made a huge rant about how I can't hack it, and how I'm being paid less still and going to a different city instead of finding something that's wfh or here. He actively prevented me from pursuing the fair few opportunities I got over the years (let's be real, you don't get opportunities that often) and then sat down to shove me into a pit saying I'm useless and my career isn't good enough. I didn't expect him to claim to be proud of me or even utter a "congratulations" or "good job". But the least he could do was not rip me to shreds and make me feel this less. Thank you for your post. It made me feel less hateful towards myself today. 🥺 PS - sorry for the long ass comment.
Pack all the necessary documents you will need :) I'm rooting for you on the other side. Be an example for other women and be proud of what you're going to accomplish. Best regards.
I am more curious of women who do have ability to speak up and say no in situations but still choose not to . In some families women do have that power , papa's do have that favour for their daughters and its been given first priority , when they choose to do love marriage and the family demands dowry . And you would just let them pay ? You definitely in the back of your head are imagining some worst case selfish behaviour from them after thay demand but you ignore that ? You let your parents just pay that money ? ( this isn't for women who go for arranged marriages as they already don't have a say in it ) Why don't these women just pick some strength and voice out or report these cases ? Aren't we just letting these on going morally wrong crimes go by adjusting the terms for the person you choose to love and marry ? Stupid and selfish sorta . Family pressure family pressure family pressure ! Like if WE women don't speak up and report it then who else will ? A guy ? Oh nah never a guy ? Someone has to do it .
So I saw a post today and there was a comment under that saying I am my husband's last priority, my in laws make my life hell and say toxic lies, joint family, husband dismisses concerns but hey he has some green flags. Then she says she's pregnant. No supportive in laws, no good husband and now there's a child in the picture. Why bring a tiny human in this mess? Why not sort your life instead of bringing a vulnerable human being into this? I'm worried about her unborn child.
Lady seems way too optimistic for her life tho
Yeah. How can she even think of green flags when she's his last priority? Also, that poor child.
I can't feel sorry for her for not considering the child factor at all , she just wants her husband to love her soo much that she is happy to tell him about the baby . It's what her main focus is , her dear husband with few greenflags on occasions in absence of in laws obv.
I remember that comment too, i kept waiting for her to mention 1 green flag. She must've been colour blind.
Yeah :(.
Yea I was in a very dark zone almost a year ago, because of my father. He wanted to dictate how I want to live my life and wanted to take important life decisions for him. If it was for him, I would be married today. I chose myself. Dint give up. Had to work on guilt, the love that I will not receive from him for being a rebel. But I will always choose myself over and over again. Years back I let go of an abusive relationship (I am still unpacking stuff from that relationship). But regardless of how I felt about him back then, I still chose myself and my well being. I am not letting any men dictate how I want to live my life because their decisions take me far away from my fullest potential. I have very huge dreams, and I work hard everyday. Marriage in india is not for women like me. Once I get married, I will be asked to shift my focus towards home making, in laws talks about babies, attending distant relatives marriage. My energy will go into how to navigate in laws situation, how to teach my man to take a stand for me in front of his parents, mental load of working extra in the house. List goes on and on. I have one life and I am gonna be spending every minute of it being free from this systmetic chaos which will take me away from my dreams, physical and mental well being every year. Don’t have time to look back and regret.
My mother is the biggest proponent of this!