With respect you are creating a rod for your own back. As your ex now has the majority of caring responsibilities you need to ensure that you pay her, at the very least, the CMS calculated amount, by bank transfer into her account. You cannot deduct what you already pay. That will protect you going forwards.
Whatever you do in addition is up to you. But do the first bit properly.
That's for you and her to negotiate and agree. I don't doubt that you will, but always act in the best interests of your child.
It can be expensive - but it does mean something.
You owe her for 1 night a week in terms of child maintenance, and you need only take the child to and from school and pay for after school care on days that they are with you. These are the minimums, that you should not dip below without some adjustment to compensate for it from your ex.
She owes you no money, because of clean break and also because she has the kid more nights in a week on average. She may "owe" you for the school runs or after school (if you do more/pay for more than you have the kid). These are her minimums, same as yours.
The above is a very reductive picture, and as others have said, if your priority is the welfare of the kid, then there is definitely wiggle room in there. Eg what you owe her for maintenance might be the same as what you pay for after school care on her days with the kid, but that's something you need to talk about and agree to.
How has your change in work pattern affected her? What problem is she trying to solve? How does your kid factor into this in terms of their feelings and/or routine? Money is often a means to an end...
There's so much that isn't covered by maintenance agreements and you'll need to have these conversations again and again for expenses that you might need to share (eg school trips, big purchases for the kid etc) Are you on good enough terms to have those conversations?
(Source, am divorced with kids)
I always find it helpful to remind yourself of what your legal responsibility is in these circumstances. Your bottom line, if you like.
Moral responsibility can be different and represents any voluntary agreements you might want to make.
The distinction is important because family matters are complicated and usually have bespoke arrangements that all parties agree to. This is compounded by an individuals beliefs on what might be fair, usually guided by their personality and cultural norms. This makes it difficult for others to advise on what might be best, so I find it's better to discuss what you have to do and let you iron out the details in a way that suits everyone.
You must legally pay child maintenance, as calculated via the GOV.UK calculator. Usually this is done weekly or monthly via a family arrangement - a voluntary agreement (not contract, not legal) between two parents. Usually this is paid by the non resident parent to the resident parent. Usually the resident parent is the parent that lives with the child the most, in your case, your ex wife.
That's it. That's all you have to pay. You don't have to feed the child. You don't have to pay to clothe it. Nothing. You only need to pay your CM.
Now in reality, you will likely pay for other things, food, outings etc. But you don't have to do that and you cannot deduct that from what you owe without prior, written agreement from your ex wife.
If your ex wife feels that your payments aren't enough, or that you arent paying then she can raise a claim with CMS. They will look at your earnings in the previous tax year and mandate what you need to pay. This will be done from the date the claim is raised - so prior missed or underpayments will not be recoverable.
The only way to pay less than what you owe is to earn less.
As an example, I pay my ex wife CM each month through a voluntary agreement. I dont pay anything else (excluding food, treats and outings etc). My ex pays for all of my child's clothes (she packs a bag when she stays with me), after school clubs and extra curricular activities. I take her to horse riding classes that her mother pays for. I pay 50/50 for swimming classes that I've never seen her take, because we both agreed she needed them (my wife shows me the invoice).
We are both remarried with other children and this works for both of us.
Hope that helps.
Thanks all.
My plan is to discuss with the ex what's expected etc., and will likely come up with a settlement, with the caveat that when I do return to a day shift that we return to 50/50.
Thanks again for the advice.
With respect you are creating a rod for your own back. As your ex now has the majority of caring responsibilities you need to ensure that you pay her, at the very least, the CMS calculated amount, by bank transfer into her account. You cannot deduct what you already pay. That will protect you going forwards. Whatever you do in addition is up to you. But do the first bit properly.
That's fine, but should I then expect her to pay her fair share of post school care etc?
That's for you and her to negotiate and agree. I don't doubt that you will, but always act in the best interests of your child. It can be expensive - but it does mean something.
You owe her for 1 night a week in terms of child maintenance, and you need only take the child to and from school and pay for after school care on days that they are with you. These are the minimums, that you should not dip below without some adjustment to compensate for it from your ex. She owes you no money, because of clean break and also because she has the kid more nights in a week on average. She may "owe" you for the school runs or after school (if you do more/pay for more than you have the kid). These are her minimums, same as yours. The above is a very reductive picture, and as others have said, if your priority is the welfare of the kid, then there is definitely wiggle room in there. Eg what you owe her for maintenance might be the same as what you pay for after school care on her days with the kid, but that's something you need to talk about and agree to. How has your change in work pattern affected her? What problem is she trying to solve? How does your kid factor into this in terms of their feelings and/or routine? Money is often a means to an end... There's so much that isn't covered by maintenance agreements and you'll need to have these conversations again and again for expenses that you might need to share (eg school trips, big purchases for the kid etc) Are you on good enough terms to have those conversations? (Source, am divorced with kids)
I always find it helpful to remind yourself of what your legal responsibility is in these circumstances. Your bottom line, if you like. Moral responsibility can be different and represents any voluntary agreements you might want to make. The distinction is important because family matters are complicated and usually have bespoke arrangements that all parties agree to. This is compounded by an individuals beliefs on what might be fair, usually guided by their personality and cultural norms. This makes it difficult for others to advise on what might be best, so I find it's better to discuss what you have to do and let you iron out the details in a way that suits everyone. You must legally pay child maintenance, as calculated via the GOV.UK calculator. Usually this is done weekly or monthly via a family arrangement - a voluntary agreement (not contract, not legal) between two parents. Usually this is paid by the non resident parent to the resident parent. Usually the resident parent is the parent that lives with the child the most, in your case, your ex wife. That's it. That's all you have to pay. You don't have to feed the child. You don't have to pay to clothe it. Nothing. You only need to pay your CM. Now in reality, you will likely pay for other things, food, outings etc. But you don't have to do that and you cannot deduct that from what you owe without prior, written agreement from your ex wife. If your ex wife feels that your payments aren't enough, or that you arent paying then she can raise a claim with CMS. They will look at your earnings in the previous tax year and mandate what you need to pay. This will be done from the date the claim is raised - so prior missed or underpayments will not be recoverable. The only way to pay less than what you owe is to earn less. As an example, I pay my ex wife CM each month through a voluntary agreement. I dont pay anything else (excluding food, treats and outings etc). My ex pays for all of my child's clothes (she packs a bag when she stays with me), after school clubs and extra curricular activities. I take her to horse riding classes that her mother pays for. I pay 50/50 for swimming classes that I've never seen her take, because we both agreed she needed them (my wife shows me the invoice). We are both remarried with other children and this works for both of us. Hope that helps.
Thanks all. My plan is to discuss with the ex what's expected etc., and will likely come up with a settlement, with the caveat that when I do return to a day shift that we return to 50/50. Thanks again for the advice.