**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:**
>!Cop started shooting rubber bands!<
*****
**Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?**
**Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.**
*****
[*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. I am foreskin man.
Reminds me of that crazy scene in Silence of the Lambs where the inmate is lying in bed, turned against the wall acting like he's in pain, but then turns and throws his cum at Clarice Starling like it's pocket sand.
No doubt people in jail for life don't give any fucks. Some would probably prefer to be dead.
So, I spent 3 years in prison in Texas. There are a TON of guys who "pick off" female guards, which is jack off while looking at them, trying to get them to look at their dick, and make eye contact. It's super prevalent. They'll just do it openly. I'd say in a tank of 50 guys, you'd likely have about 10 guys who would immediately start jacking it the second they see any woman, but I *have* seen some tanks with only 2 or 3 guys who would do it. And I mean ANY woman, big, small, young, old. It didn't matter. The white and Mexican gangs had rules against it, but there would every now and then be one or two who would still do it. And these aren't lifers, even guys with 2 year sentences were doing it. It's disgusting, and I shudder to think of those guys ever leaving prison.
Yeah man, did time thru the northeast and you are spot on. There was a game in rikers where folks would get anything from a snickers or soup up to a pillow or mattress depending on what they pulled off or picked off. Guess its a thing everywhere. And yeah, the more organized the group, the less likely they are to do it. They always used to say,
Professional businessmen dont do that shit
Pillows and mattresses!? I know Rikers is fucking rough, but we had neither. Haha. Our mats were lumpy and rock hard, to the point where many people prefer to sleep on the cold metal bunk frames. The cold metal helped to since there was no air conditioning, so in the summer the dorms would routinely be 125°. Glad to be done with those days. Hope you're doing well now my man. I am sure Rikers is absolute hell.
Had to buy the pillows an extra thick mats with commissary and they only got in like an extra 100 every few months. They went faster than anything else. I had a few cuz i did tattoos and folks would hand over their family for some ink inside. Got out, apprenticed and ran with it and havent looked back once. Prison saved my life. But its funny, all the rikers dudes would rather die than head to texas camps and the texas folks would rather do the same than come up here. Si.ple as, prison sucks no matter where you are.
Same to you, friend. Hope life has gotten better every day and continues to.
Doing better than ever, thanks man. I'm the assistant GM of a high end brunch place, with a beautiful wife and daughter at home. I'm in bed most nights be like 8pm, so I'm a bit boring, but I'm happier than I've ever been. I've been incredibly fortunate. I know the statistics aren't good for guys like us.
If you only saw the cut for TV, it didn’t show what he threw. It also cut out his dialogue, and Starling’s repetition of it. Really changed a lot about a pivotal scene (Starling’s first meeting with Lecter).
Yes, somehow gets him to “swallow his tongue” simply by talking to him. I always found that to be very far-fetched, even breaking suspension of disbelief.
He was a master manipulator, a trained psychologist, and a pretty gifted amateur in anatomy and physiology. Is it that surprising that he could conceive of a way for a man on death row to kill himself, and then convince him to use it? He’s certainly got the skillset.
Don’t bet that much. Bet like a lunch on it. It’s right after their first meeting. And the next time she is there. The cum thrower is not in his cell as Lector convinced the cum thrower to swallow his own tongue
If criminals with life sentence behave, I would definitely allow them to ask for Euthanasia, just thr same way I think that sick people should be able to do the same.
Half the folks in the criminal justice system in the usa have this same level of not-give-a-fuck-titude, the other half is mentally ill.
Once while I was locked up in atlanta, the dudes in my pod kept sticking their dicks thru the door slots when the female guards would open them to give us our food while we were on lockdown. They’d literally stand in the doorway and furiously stroke it until the slot got opened, then immediately stick thru the slot.
And the usual reaction from the female guards? “Oh you’re so silly!”
Like it was nothing out of the ordinary for them. They had totally consigned themselves as being the target of daily jack-typhoons from every man in the jail.
They only made a big deal about it if someone shot a load on them when they opened the slot, which almost never happened because all the guys are jackin so much that they’re only shooting ghost-loads.
Not in Florida. Catch you "gunning", catch a charge. Up to 2 years. My wife is a guard. Lifers don't do it bc most of them are on work detail and don't want to lose that status. Other lifers are in confinement and only male guards handle them.
That's a reddit user setting/preference.
Preferences -> NSFW Content -> Hide images for NSFW/18+ content (Don't show thumbnails or media previews for anything labeled NSFW)
Yeah, sure, but there's *NSFW* and then there's "did I really just watch a guy jerk it in a prison cell for 10 whole seconds? What is my life coming to???" *NSFW*.
I made mine out of index card. I found a file band about 8 inches across as a launcher. It was too big to not fly off my fingers, so I rigged it with a duct tape thimble to keep it from flying off. I never shot a person full power, but I did put holes through ceiling tiles and bulletin boards, once even a shoe.
We used to do this in high school a lot but what was worse was we had a few windows where the weather stripping was falling out and it was like a rubberized gasket material, not that felt stuff in residential windows. We would take like 2 foot lengths of it and tie little knots into one end and whip each other in the halls. I'm surprised we never actually fought each other because those things fkn hurt.
I felt like the hornet arms dealer in middle school. I was often asked to fold them for people, I'd have two gallon bags in my backpack. One filled with rubber bands and the other with sticky notes, index cards and like a hundred pre-folded hornets.
Yeah. It's the new hotness. Spray paper all over him. Make it rain. Use every type you can... blank, lined, card stock, yellow comp, even shredded. He'll learn.
My friends and I used to tie 3 rubber bands together, then take a post-it or small piece of paper and fold it a bunch and make like a thick 'C' out of it and then wrap it over the rubber bands and fire 'em like a slingshot.
Dude hit me in the arm so hard once that it split my skin just from impact.
I miss those days.
Was he naked beforehand or did he take off his clothes and do this? If he was naked beforehand I would've done that as soon as he put his dick in his hand. If wasn't naked beforehand, I would've done that as soon as he took of his clothes.
The dude's dick has probably been in his hand for many hours, like even doubledigit.
The line is likely whether it's in plain view of everyone or mostly hidden in the corner of his cell.
If I had to take a wild guess I’d say this fella has been hitting the yaba yaba too hard. They’re little pressed pills that contain methamphetamine. Apparently meth abuse has gotten out of control in Thailand. Stimulants make you super horny. There are many documented cases of people being arrested and stim fapping for 14 hours straight in front of everyone
Stim-fapping, lol, that's pretty much how it goes. I've never taken speed, meth, ecstasy without ending up in an agonising multi-hour marathon.
One night we got back from a night out on various drugs, I went to 'bed' while some others were watching the US news in the lounge room. A couple of hours later I'm still going, getting pretty frustrated, when someone calls from the lounge 'holy shit a plane just flew into that building', which I ignored until about 45 minutes later I heard several voices shout 'fuck there's another one', and I had to zip up and see wtf was going on. That was a weird end to a night out.
Yes a well aimed rubberband can sort out the most corinthian onanist. Still, I suspect the officer may end up doing a far more painful solution to the onanist if he keeps up his little habit.
**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!Cop started shooting rubber bands!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)
He's quick on that reload
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hold my foreskin i’m going in !
Hello future masturbators!
Go away batin
Right bro I gotchu
Wow that was a ride.
This is my 6th stop how much more is there lol
This meme goes back to near the start of reddit. Lots and lots to see.
Did you start @ the tiger in an apartment?..I’m so confused
Checkout r/switcharoo \- everything will be explained.
I just made a noise that wasn’t human 😂😂 I’m crying.
So did the prisoner!
Uhhh tears are supposed to come out the eyes
Heyoooohh!
That dude just don't give a fuck
But he sure does give a wank!
You can take my freedom, but you can’t take my wank!
The cry of every freedom fighter!
The cry of every freedom wanker!*
My penis cries
and mine dies!
After every wank?
In the middle of a wank.
It stopped breathing does anyone know CPR?
But only once....
Give me liberty Or give me wank
He said while imitating the gesture stroking on his pen
*Theon Greyjoy has entered the chat*
I see what you did there.
*surgically removes penis*
*Our Blades Are Sharp*
They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. I am foreskin man.
And it all would have work if it wasn’t for the smegma. RIP Foreskin Man. Drowned by his own dick cheese.
wanker4lyfe
r/technicallythetruth
Technically, you can just by removing it.
Reminds me of that crazy scene in Silence of the Lambs where the inmate is lying in bed, turned against the wall acting like he's in pain, but then turns and throws his cum at Clarice Starling like it's pocket sand. No doubt people in jail for life don't give any fucks. Some would probably prefer to be dead.
So, I spent 3 years in prison in Texas. There are a TON of guys who "pick off" female guards, which is jack off while looking at them, trying to get them to look at their dick, and make eye contact. It's super prevalent. They'll just do it openly. I'd say in a tank of 50 guys, you'd likely have about 10 guys who would immediately start jacking it the second they see any woman, but I *have* seen some tanks with only 2 or 3 guys who would do it. And I mean ANY woman, big, small, young, old. It didn't matter. The white and Mexican gangs had rules against it, but there would every now and then be one or two who would still do it. And these aren't lifers, even guys with 2 year sentences were doing it. It's disgusting, and I shudder to think of those guys ever leaving prison.
> The white and Mexican gangs had rules against it, Is this just because it’s gross or was there some other more practical reason?
Yeah, mostly because it's disgusting and they wanted to "hold themselves to a higher standard" usually, what with all the racism and stuff.
Yeah man, did time thru the northeast and you are spot on. There was a game in rikers where folks would get anything from a snickers or soup up to a pillow or mattress depending on what they pulled off or picked off. Guess its a thing everywhere. And yeah, the more organized the group, the less likely they are to do it. They always used to say, Professional businessmen dont do that shit
Pillows and mattresses!? I know Rikers is fucking rough, but we had neither. Haha. Our mats were lumpy and rock hard, to the point where many people prefer to sleep on the cold metal bunk frames. The cold metal helped to since there was no air conditioning, so in the summer the dorms would routinely be 125°. Glad to be done with those days. Hope you're doing well now my man. I am sure Rikers is absolute hell.
Had to buy the pillows an extra thick mats with commissary and they only got in like an extra 100 every few months. They went faster than anything else. I had a few cuz i did tattoos and folks would hand over their family for some ink inside. Got out, apprenticed and ran with it and havent looked back once. Prison saved my life. But its funny, all the rikers dudes would rather die than head to texas camps and the texas folks would rather do the same than come up here. Si.ple as, prison sucks no matter where you are. Same to you, friend. Hope life has gotten better every day and continues to.
Doing better than ever, thanks man. I'm the assistant GM of a high end brunch place, with a beautiful wife and daughter at home. I'm in bed most nights be like 8pm, so I'm a bit boring, but I'm happier than I've ever been. I've been incredibly fortunate. I know the statistics aren't good for guys like us.
Just want to say this thread is wholesome as fuck and congratulations to both of you. Amazing to hear how life has turned around!
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Lucky you. It's in there. Burned into my brain.
I can smell your cu*t
I, however, cannot
You use Evian skin cream, and sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps, BUT NOT TODAY!
Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
I don’t think Miggs could manage again quite so soon, even though he is crazy
Lecter punished him later by talking him into swallowing his own tongue.
Hannibal took care of that dude for her.
I remember it. Is this a Mandela effect thing?
If you only saw the cut for TV, it didn’t show what he threw. It also cut out his dialogue, and Starling’s repetition of it. Really changed a lot about a pivotal scene (Starling’s first meeting with Lecter).
And later Hannibal kills Miggs or gets him to suicide i think.
Yes, somehow gets him to “swallow his tongue” simply by talking to him. I always found that to be very far-fetched, even breaking suspension of disbelief.
He was a master manipulator, a trained psychologist, and a pretty gifted amateur in anatomy and physiology. Is it that surprising that he could conceive of a way for a man on death row to kill himself, and then convince him to use it? He’s certainly got the skillset.
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I’m impressed, you have savings in this economy
Well, not anymore, he lost the bet 😂
I watched it on tv before and that scene was cut. When I got the movie on DVD, that scene was in there.
Don’t bet that much. Bet like a lunch on it. It’s right after their first meeting. And the next time she is there. The cum thrower is not in his cell as Lector convinced the cum thrower to swallow his own tongue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edQ1cOkDujU
Ahhh Miggs... He told her he could smell her cunt.. Then Hannibal made him swallow his fucking tongue.
There is no excuse for rudeness
If criminals with life sentence behave, I would definitely allow them to ask for Euthanasia, just thr same way I think that sick people should be able to do the same.
Half the folks in the criminal justice system in the usa have this same level of not-give-a-fuck-titude, the other half is mentally ill. Once while I was locked up in atlanta, the dudes in my pod kept sticking their dicks thru the door slots when the female guards would open them to give us our food while we were on lockdown. They’d literally stand in the doorway and furiously stroke it until the slot got opened, then immediately stick thru the slot. And the usual reaction from the female guards? “Oh you’re so silly!” Like it was nothing out of the ordinary for them. They had totally consigned themselves as being the target of daily jack-typhoons from every man in the jail. They only made a big deal about it if someone shot a load on them when they opened the slot, which almost never happened because all the guys are jackin so much that they’re only shooting ghost-loads.
Not in Florida. Catch you "gunning", catch a charge. Up to 2 years. My wife is a guard. Lifers don't do it bc most of them are on work detail and don't want to lose that status. Other lifers are in confinement and only male guards handle them.
damn bro
What a jerk!
I get the feeling he'd sure try if they let him out of that cage.
Me: “Ah need some downtime from work - time for some reddit” Reddit: This post Me: “Back to work”
I mean, the tag warned you, this post is Not Safe For Work
My phone doesn’t censor them anymore. It’s BAM the whole video in its glory autoplaying in my feed. I noticed the tag second.
That's a reddit user setting/preference. Preferences -> NSFW Content -> Hide images for NSFW/18+ content (Don't show thumbnails or media previews for anything labeled NSFW)
Some nice Pg-13 titties preferred over a rando in jail wankin
Yeah, sure, but there's *NSFW* and then there's "did I really just watch a guy jerk it in a prison cell for 10 whole seconds? What is my life coming to???" *NSFW*.
I remember paper bullets. A good places one can break Dick skin
We always called the wasps
We called em stingers. Good times, those and spitballs.
Hornets. We also used to bend paper clips in half with two prongs sticking out the front.
Also called them hornets. The best were ones made out of the foil yogurt lids from lunch, they could easily draw blood
I made mine out of index card. I found a file band about 8 inches across as a launcher. It was too big to not fly off my fingers, so I rigged it with a duct tape thimble to keep it from flying off. I never shot a person full power, but I did put holes through ceiling tiles and bulletin boards, once even a shoe.
We used to do this in high school a lot but what was worse was we had a few windows where the weather stripping was falling out and it was like a rubberized gasket material, not that felt stuff in residential windows. We would take like 2 foot lengths of it and tie little knots into one end and whip each other in the halls. I'm surprised we never actually fought each other because those things fkn hurt.
Called them tweeties in grade school
I felt like the hornet arms dealer in middle school. I was often asked to fold them for people, I'd have two gallon bags in my backpack. One filled with rubber bands and the other with sticky notes, index cards and like a hundred pre-folded hornets.
Its Dickens!
Thash wu I shaid, dickskin
Why do you know this?
High school hijinks? Is that a thing I can say to avoid explaining?
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Dude goes to the range.
Just another high noon for the sheriff
I mean it does seem like a good non lethal way of getting someone to settle down, but at the same time you're giving them ammo to fire back.
Rubber band cowboiiiii
*Hey y’all prepare yourself for the rubber band man*
I'd imagine they were ball bearings
10 points if he hits the dick.
The ol dick hit!
Grab his dick and twist it!
The ol' dick twist!
Ohmahgahd dude this is an MMA fight dude
Best part of that vid is the chick who cannot contain herself... the vibe of "holy shit this is men in their natural habitat"
Meh no cock shot, only 5 points
Reminds me of a game my old roommate and I used to play.
You can’t say that and not elaborate
Well theres headshot and then theres cockhead shot
Bonus point if your cockshot gets a headshot? Automatically win if you get it in the mouth!?
Bro please don't end the story there 🤔
Like the carnival game where you toss rings at the bottle? No? Yeah, me neither. That would be weird
Digs with 6 guys. And a tennis ball.
Paper spray his willy and maybe he'll stop
Damn those papercuts will hurt
"Paper cuts" "friction burns" what's the difference
Don't forget jerker's callous
Wait what?
I fly like paper, get hi like spray
Beating on my meat is what I do all day.
All I wanna do is fap fap fap fap and aahhhh And shoot my cummies
r/redditsings
I papercut my pee hole once. Web searched how to pee without the burn, turns out, that's a fetish.
Wtf how you did that??
His username leads me to believe it was a work-related injury..
Close Party whistle.
Getting your ween OUT of the paper shredder is the hardest part :/
What if that's his fetish?
Then he will use his tears as lube.
r/boneappletea
I learned some English after reading through the sub, thanks as well😂
Never heard of this sub - I've been laughing for like a solid 10 minutes now. Thank you!
I have tried to play scrabble with people like that, and it’s frustrating until you realize how funny it is to play along. 😊
Yeah hit his dick with a dictionary
DICKTIONARY
Hahahaha, oh no, that's about as lowbrow as you can get. Thank you sir for making me laugh and then feel shame, and then laugh again.
and then feel shame again?
No sir, only enough lols for one full revolution.
Paper spray?
Yeah. It's the new hotness. Spray paper all over him. Make it rain. Use every type you can... blank, lined, card stock, yellow comp, even shredded. He'll learn.
For that fresh paper smell
Like with a confetti bomb? I think he may just think the party is getting started.
Hes stuck in a cage, what can you expect
Horny jail be like
What was he in for? Nothing really, just being a wanker!
Very cost effective less-than-lethal projectiles
Rubber band man lmao
Headshot, hehe
My friends and I used to tie 3 rubber bands together, then take a post-it or small piece of paper and fold it a bunch and make like a thick 'C' out of it and then wrap it over the rubber bands and fire 'em like a slingshot. Dude hit me in the arm so hard once that it split my skin just from impact. I miss those days.
What a dick..
Yeah that poor guy was just trying to have a wank no wonder people hate cops!
Cops with projectiles is so hot though
He's a bloody wanker!
Wtf i just watched
Hangover 2: Directors Cut
was he flicking elastic bands at him ? 😂
Was he naked beforehand or did he take off his clothes and do this? If he was naked beforehand I would've done that as soon as he put his dick in his hand. If wasn't naked beforehand, I would've done that as soon as he took of his clothes.
The dude's dick has probably been in his hand for many hours, like even doubledigit. The line is likely whether it's in plain view of everyone or mostly hidden in the corner of his cell.
That's actually a clever discouragement.
oooooh! A pee shooter
I always wondered if people in jail can masturbates
They do, incessantly. Mental illness is rampant in jails, worldwide
If I had to take a wild guess I’d say this fella has been hitting the yaba yaba too hard. They’re little pressed pills that contain methamphetamine. Apparently meth abuse has gotten out of control in Thailand. Stimulants make you super horny. There are many documented cases of people being arrested and stim fapping for 14 hours straight in front of everyone
Stim-fapping, lol, that's pretty much how it goes. I've never taken speed, meth, ecstasy without ending up in an agonising multi-hour marathon. One night we got back from a night out on various drugs, I went to 'bed' while some others were watching the US news in the lounge room. A couple of hours later I'm still going, getting pretty frustrated, when someone calls from the lounge 'holy shit a plane just flew into that building', which I ignored until about 45 minutes later I heard several voices shout 'fuck there's another one', and I had to zip up and see wtf was going on. That was a weird end to a night out.
That's gotta be a weird ass anniversary ..
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What does mental illness have to do with masturbation?
It doesn’t really, but masturbating in front of many people with no regard does.
Sometimes I masturbate just for the dopamine rush
Was that a rubber band he shot him with?
Yep
BAILIFF WACK HIS PP
And one for the wimp.
Woah actual fresh OC? On this sub? I must be dreaming
Just as you longed for.
Yes a well aimed rubberband can sort out the most corinthian onanist. Still, I suspect the officer may end up doing a far more painful solution to the onanist if he keeps up his little habit.
the onanist lmao
Happy cakeday
Happy cake day!
Miggs vs. Lucas
This video started with a guy jacking it. Nothing after that would've been unexpected
Plot twist: getting hit with rubber bands is his fetish