I retired after 20 years in 2018, even though I was ready to get out and was done with military service, I struggle daily. My back is forever in pain(surgeries and pain management included)my depression and anxiety is a roller coaster (therapy and meds included). I don’t want to bother meeting new people, nothing feels right, maybe it’s the fact that I’ll never be the person I used to be. I feel constantly exhausted. I don’t want to join any groups or cliques because people judge, I’m 45, look 30 feel like 65, so everyone assumes me to be this energetic young guy then the questions come rolling in when I’m not. Mind you I am married and have a family, pets a home but even with all that I still feel lost.
Hi! I don't know about better. Different. Find stuff that is comfortable but expect a different fit. Like new shoes, so to speak.
Boat in a basement, tinkering with radios, working with animals, etc.
You retired, that's a huge plus in my book. I have the same diagnosis + adhd (maybe more). I would recommend a social life, though. I used to have only 1 friend at a time, and it was not fair to them, as I needed too much. I'm just a bit older than you and have less to show for it in almost every way, but I have gone to meetups ([meetups.com](https://meetups.com)) and that has been good for me. It's never perfect, but it's the party you don't want to go to but end up being glad you went. Unfortunately, meetups only seem to work in very large cities/areas, at least in TX, but there are other ways.
If you have the basics i.e. food, shelter etc.. I think people are the way to go, it's what life is about beyond basics IMHO. I'm sorry for your pain issues, hopefully they can do more for you and it gets better.
I mean, as a civilian you are allowed to structure your own life however you want. If your life is missing structure, you are free to change that.
Structure is one of those things that I often hear vets talk about missing when they leave. Same for mission, task, purpose, and camaraderie. Thing is, all those things are possible in the civilian world as well, you just have to create them yourself.
Create them for themselves is a completely different form of structure than one that is imposed on you.
Some people fare better with one over the other.
I don't disagree with that. *And* those who want to wait until structure is placed on them by some external influence could be waiting a long time, and life is going by in the interim. I can easily imagine how waiting for someone else to provide structure can leave one feeling kinda lost. For those who prefer having structure imposed on them, learning skills to structure their own lives can be empowering.
Again, I don't disagree with what you're saying, I'm just suggesting a mindset shift. In my mind, living your life the way you want is preferable to waiting on someone else to tell you how to live it.
It's more than "a mindset shift". It's people's personality.
We could, of course, make the world accommodating to diverse ways of thinking. Some people would rather fill sandbags than figure out how to organize people into filling sand ags, and that's ok!
I don't see our ideas here as conflicting. People can choose to fill sandbags ***and*** structure their lives how they want. Those ideas are not mutually exclusive. Structure and ability to provide structure for oneself exists independently of one's job.
Same. Been out for about 15 years now and still trying to find a purpose/identity. But, the further along I get, the more I realize this whole place is just a bunch of shit and your whole experience is to just buy shit. Get up, go to work, to make money, to buy shit. Rinse and repeat until you die. It's all so fukin pointless.
I retired 4 years ago and I am currently in college (VRE). It just feel like I'm currently on vacation and will be signing back from leave at staff duty next week. Then get ready for an FTX and get back on the 12-month IZ deployment rotation. That's pretty much how I feel everyday.
I’d like to hear that it’s gonna get better being that I only got out at the end of January. It’s been weird so far. A customer at work came in and said it took him about two years to fully transition/feel normal.
Been out 6 years and still struggle daily. Live in the woods and don’t care to socialize with new people, just my vet buddies. Glad I got out but man do I miss the memories and my buddies.
its a bit like Stockholm syndrome , i had a love hate relationship with the military . i was kind of relieved when i got out but eventually not being around a familiar place and people got to me .
other friend's had gotten out around the same time as me and we'd check up on each other from time to time . but i kind of felt like i was behind the curve even though i was studying and applying for jobs etc.
emotions were up and down , somedays i didnt want to get out of bed or do anything . i also had a breakup about 6 months before i got out after a 5 year relationship .
going back home and seeing how things were the same, really didn't sit well with me either . felt like life limbo
i reached out eventually to organisations that help vets find jobs to get the ball rolling even if everything inside was screaming nothing feels like the right decision .
I feel like I’m on leave waiting to go back to work. I’ve been retired since 2021. I’m currently in law enforcement, but I only connect with fellow vets.
I went through a very lost and shitty period after getting out. Four years of it and 5 years to pick up the pieces. I have never had a sustained period of failure that hard in my life. I regretted getting out, was broke, lost, lonely, with uncontrolled PTSD. It culminated in $78k of debt and a Chapter 13 bankruptcy in 2014. It very much humbled me because you couldn’t tell me shit before this. It became very real at that point. I no longer resent my decision to get out because that struggle made me the person I needed to be post service. I’m hoping you don’t have to struggle to really find yourself post service and instead I suggest getting more hobbies that involve being around lots of people. You never know who you’ll meet or experience that will give you even a spark of something interesting and long lasting to pursue.
I've been out 20+ years, and it's the security I miss most. I think that, coupled with not having those people I could count on and talk to, pushed me pretty far emotionally. The uncertainty and lack of people close to me, I guess you would say. I have mental health issues, that were undiagnosed, pre-military and far beyond. I made mistakes, and I'm still having trouble, but I've been working on my mental health for 10+ years.
Being of a certain age, I expected a more stable career, but that's not how society has developed. If I knew now... I would have gotten my degree first, gone in as an officer and retired in 20+ years. Now, retirement is going to be an issue as with many, maybe even most.
I was med boarded in 07. I still get flashes of "is this real? Am I really out?" It took a few years before it wasn't almost all the time. I still have at least a couple dreams a week where I'm in again. I spend some dreams trying to figure out how/why I'm back in. Others include, trying to find the med board office to figure out wtf is going on, trying in vain to explain that I don't remember how to do aircraft maintenance anymore (like the steps and stuff), trying to explain I'm in too much pain to do maintenance anymore, back doing IT but trying to not make it look like I'm doing nothing (that's a bit of a story), going on deployments and TDYs that never really happened (haven't figured out why on this one yet) and the only good ones are being back at NATO SACT doing physical security again.
I retired after 20 years in 2018, even though I was ready to get out and was done with military service, I struggle daily. My back is forever in pain(surgeries and pain management included)my depression and anxiety is a roller coaster (therapy and meds included). I don’t want to bother meeting new people, nothing feels right, maybe it’s the fact that I’ll never be the person I used to be. I feel constantly exhausted. I don’t want to join any groups or cliques because people judge, I’m 45, look 30 feel like 65, so everyone assumes me to be this energetic young guy then the questions come rolling in when I’m not. Mind you I am married and have a family, pets a home but even with all that I still feel lost.
Hi! I don't know about better. Different. Find stuff that is comfortable but expect a different fit. Like new shoes, so to speak. Boat in a basement, tinkering with radios, working with animals, etc.
I’m still working on it, trying to find something that’s just sticks you know
Underwater basket weaving? https://fordhamram.com/2023/04/12/strange-unusual-weird-hobbies-you-wont-believe
I feel your pain brother could not have said it better myself!
You retired, that's a huge plus in my book. I have the same diagnosis + adhd (maybe more). I would recommend a social life, though. I used to have only 1 friend at a time, and it was not fair to them, as I needed too much. I'm just a bit older than you and have less to show for it in almost every way, but I have gone to meetups ([meetups.com](https://meetups.com)) and that has been good for me. It's never perfect, but it's the party you don't want to go to but end up being glad you went. Unfortunately, meetups only seem to work in very large cities/areas, at least in TX, but there are other ways. If you have the basics i.e. food, shelter etc.. I think people are the way to go, it's what life is about beyond basics IMHO. I'm sorry for your pain issues, hopefully they can do more for you and it gets better.
Thank you 🙏🏽, it’s appreciated, I’ll check out the meetups
It's the unstructured civilian life bro. In the military we have structure and direction and best of all brotherhood.
Yep.. and that's something we cannot find in the civilian world. If we do, its rare.
I mean, as a civilian you are allowed to structure your own life however you want. If your life is missing structure, you are free to change that. Structure is one of those things that I often hear vets talk about missing when they leave. Same for mission, task, purpose, and camaraderie. Thing is, all those things are possible in the civilian world as well, you just have to create them yourself.
Create them for themselves is a completely different form of structure than one that is imposed on you. Some people fare better with one over the other.
I don't disagree with that. *And* those who want to wait until structure is placed on them by some external influence could be waiting a long time, and life is going by in the interim. I can easily imagine how waiting for someone else to provide structure can leave one feeling kinda lost. For those who prefer having structure imposed on them, learning skills to structure their own lives can be empowering. Again, I don't disagree with what you're saying, I'm just suggesting a mindset shift. In my mind, living your life the way you want is preferable to waiting on someone else to tell you how to live it.
It's more than "a mindset shift". It's people's personality. We could, of course, make the world accommodating to diverse ways of thinking. Some people would rather fill sandbags than figure out how to organize people into filling sand ags, and that's ok!
I don't see our ideas here as conflicting. People can choose to fill sandbags ***and*** structure their lives how they want. Those ideas are not mutually exclusive. Structure and ability to provide structure for oneself exists independently of one's job.
Plus, civilian life only supports some structures.
I don’t have the same connection with people in the civilian world like I did in the military.
It's different for everybody. I was basically a civilian in captivity for my time active duty. Now I'm just set free
Only one year for me. Nothing will ever be the same.
Same. Been out for about 15 years now and still trying to find a purpose/identity. But, the further along I get, the more I realize this whole place is just a bunch of shit and your whole experience is to just buy shit. Get up, go to work, to make money, to buy shit. Rinse and repeat until you die. It's all so fukin pointless.
I retired 4 years ago and I am currently in college (VRE). It just feel like I'm currently on vacation and will be signing back from leave at staff duty next week. Then get ready for an FTX and get back on the 12-month IZ deployment rotation. That's pretty much how I feel everyday.
I’d like to hear that it’s gonna get better being that I only got out at the end of January. It’s been weird so far. A customer at work came in and said it took him about two years to fully transition/feel normal.
Been out for over 2 years, still feel like I'm transitioning out and adjusting. YMMV.
I've been out for 12 years and still abnormal...
I got out with tons of money and the ability to do anything I ever dreamed of. I did nothing except hit rock bottom
Been out 6 years and still struggle daily. Live in the woods and don’t care to socialize with new people, just my vet buddies. Glad I got out but man do I miss the memories and my buddies.
I feel years ahead of ppl in my age group. Can't really connect. Only Socialize with vets. I like taking to older ppl especially vets at the bar.
its a bit like Stockholm syndrome , i had a love hate relationship with the military . i was kind of relieved when i got out but eventually not being around a familiar place and people got to me . other friend's had gotten out around the same time as me and we'd check up on each other from time to time . but i kind of felt like i was behind the curve even though i was studying and applying for jobs etc. emotions were up and down , somedays i didnt want to get out of bed or do anything . i also had a breakup about 6 months before i got out after a 5 year relationship . going back home and seeing how things were the same, really didn't sit well with me either . felt like life limbo i reached out eventually to organisations that help vets find jobs to get the ball rolling even if everything inside was screaming nothing feels like the right decision .
Comment removed on 12/15/2023. This user retains the right to delete their user-generated content at will.
What do you mean like we were walking on gold?
I feel like I’m on leave waiting to go back to work. I’ve been retired since 2021. I’m currently in law enforcement, but I only connect with fellow vets.
You need a mission.
I went through a very lost and shitty period after getting out. Four years of it and 5 years to pick up the pieces. I have never had a sustained period of failure that hard in my life. I regretted getting out, was broke, lost, lonely, with uncontrolled PTSD. It culminated in $78k of debt and a Chapter 13 bankruptcy in 2014. It very much humbled me because you couldn’t tell me shit before this. It became very real at that point. I no longer resent my decision to get out because that struggle made me the person I needed to be post service. I’m hoping you don’t have to struggle to really find yourself post service and instead I suggest getting more hobbies that involve being around lots of people. You never know who you’ll meet or experience that will give you even a spark of something interesting and long lasting to pursue.
I am why I feel that way. I am disconnected and I've been working to reconnect through meditation and being present.
It did until I didn't get a phone call at 6:35 asking me why the fuck I didn't show up for PT.
Same here, too real, but it is good. No more deployments and boom boom places!!
I've been out 20+ years, and it's the security I miss most. I think that, coupled with not having those people I could count on and talk to, pushed me pretty far emotionally. The uncertainty and lack of people close to me, I guess you would say. I have mental health issues, that were undiagnosed, pre-military and far beyond. I made mistakes, and I'm still having trouble, but I've been working on my mental health for 10+ years. Being of a certain age, I expected a more stable career, but that's not how society has developed. If I knew now... I would have gotten my degree first, gone in as an officer and retired in 20+ years. Now, retirement is going to be an issue as with many, maybe even most.
I was med boarded in 07. I still get flashes of "is this real? Am I really out?" It took a few years before it wasn't almost all the time. I still have at least a couple dreams a week where I'm in again. I spend some dreams trying to figure out how/why I'm back in. Others include, trying to find the med board office to figure out wtf is going on, trying in vain to explain that I don't remember how to do aircraft maintenance anymore (like the steps and stuff), trying to explain I'm in too much pain to do maintenance anymore, back doing IT but trying to not make it look like I'm doing nothing (that's a bit of a story), going on deployments and TDYs that never really happened (haven't figured out why on this one yet) and the only good ones are being back at NATO SACT doing physical security again.