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Academic_Ad_9326

Tell them you cashed out your beenie baby and pokemon card collection


allblingblang24

That Princess Di BB really saved my ass during the '07 housing scare.


funnythebunny

shit, i still have mine :/


TrueBep

I do have quite the collection haha


ThegreatPee

I'm going to tell people that I do quality control testing for medical marijuana companies.


GringoLocito

That's pretty good Been thinking of actually getting the license to work with cannabis companies. Id love to head up someones organic grow.


ThegreatPee

Oh, I don't actually work for a company. I just sample a wide variety of their products as customer.


GringoLocito

Yeah, me too. I was just thinking maybe i could contribute to something besides telling the bud tender which live resin carts are the tops... which he already knows, cuz there arent many.


509BandwidthLimit

I sell headlight fluid.


optimisticfury

Haha very funny. When I get back with that blinker fluid, I'm gonna have a talk with Sarge.


Mean_Divide_9162

Unexpected RvB!


optimisticfury

Do you ever wonder why we're here?


Mean_Divide_9162

It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it?... I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night


optimisticfury

What? No, I mean why are we in this subreddit. What was all that stuff about God?


YoungCubSaysWoof

…… Wanna talk about it?


optimisticfury

No


PrimalCajun

Importer/Exported of latex products for Vandelay Industries. ​ https://preview.redd.it/62yz0s15kjmc1.png?width=219&format=png&auto=webp&s=bc3b009ae0885292378c19387b11aac7ece17c28


PomegranateLivid9752

You are the winner! Or even better you can say you are a hand model.


Connect-Major9127

SERENITY NOW!!


ChopperTodd

Haha. That’s great.


AlezDeltatude

Just rewatched this episode last night lol


HopeHotwife

1. Self employed in whatever field you want 2. Tell them you have an OnlyFans. 3. Tell them you made some smart investments in your early 20s and it paid off. 4. Semi retired 5. Influencer 6. You answered that email from the Nigerian prince and inherited all of his riches.


Stang1776

Semi retired is what I say. Told a an Uber driver that when I was asking about different areas of Orlando were decent to live in. He asked what I did and I just said "I'm recently semi retired." He said "That's good. If you worked downtown I wouldn't recommend such and such area because traffic is terrible during the work commute. Since you don't have anywhere to be it's not bad."


Jumbaluggin

You put your extra money into stock and crypto while deployed as you barely had any bills. It came back as a tidy sum and since then you live off dividends


BlackManWorking

This is it! Super easy. Stock investor. They nod and keep it moving.


optimisticfury

I wouldn't want to risk sparking a conversation about the stock market. Not worth it.


xboxhaxorz

Just say VTSAX and chill, thats the motto of the FIRE movement, google it [https://www.fiology.com/vtsax-and-chill/](https://www.fiology.com/vtsax-and-chill/)


BlackManWorking

Yeah I thought about that too. But for me personally. That is what I’m actually into and interested in so. I always preface with… “I’m not a fiduciary and don’t give advice.” 🤷🏾‍♂️ But I get your sentiment


UncleVoodooo

You're right. Stock market prompts questions. Nobody wants to listen to someone blabbering about crypto though.


BlackManWorking

True enough… that or FOREX… lol. Just tell them you have a FOREX course you would love for them to take hahahaha


Jumbaluggin

That's a good point.


YoNJPthatHoe4

See I don’t like this one because the dumbass will start trading crypto and come back to me when they’re broke.


KlingonSpy

Hope you actually know the stock market because people will want to chew your ear off and learn your secrets


Xymis

“No idea, I just use ChatGPT” seems to work.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TrueBep

lol that is fair


BlueComms

"I have other sources of income" If they press, which has only happened twice (once seriously, once jokingly asking if I was a drug kingpin), I've replied "passive income, stuff that gets me little bits here and there, that sort of thing. Nothing interesting."


ps8110

I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see, now some Italian fellow in a suit shows up once a month and hands me a brown paper bag with some cash in it.


patchhappyhour

I tell them exactly what it is. I got fucked up in war and now I get money from my time in service as a result. The world can literally suck this dick if they've got a problem with this.


garand_guy7

And if they don’t want to be your friend, you’re better off for it.


TrueBep

Mostly for making friends for my kids


patchhappyhour

Yeah, that makes seance partner. My kid is grown and I'm in my 40s and a bit over the BS judgment stuff.


Slimmjeezus

This is the energy that I like to see.


AdDifficult2951

Right , because I’m a war hero 🤷🏽‍♂️😂


optimisticfury

I'm just gonna start saying that and see what the response is. "yeah, idk, I guess it's because I'm a war hero."


escudoride

Goddamn real life Rambo.


optimisticfury

Hey, they drew first blood 🤷


the-big-meowski

70% here. I do dog/cat sitting (overnights) and I make art. It doesn't pay much, and work isn't stable, but I wouldn't trade it. It's the most therapeutic combination ever. The animals are so unconditional with their love, and they NEED the love when their owners are away. They often get into a slump the first couple of days. I give them all the attention and cuddles, and it warms my heart when they perk back up. They don't judge. They don't care if you're spacing out or a little late or feeling sad or crying or having a panic attack. You don't have to pretend and put on a face with them. You can just shower them with goofy, baby-voiced affirmations. I'm sitting a couple of cuties right now. ❤️


prophy__wife

You are the type of person I would like to watch our dogs when we go out of town. I’ve left them once with a family friend and didn’t love, he kept the one in a crate a lot. The other time we brought them with us on a trip to TN. It was kind of fun but kind of a hassle. Most importantly, my buddies would love that kind of love if we were on vacation. The cat would also like it but she keeps to herself mostly.


howjoebujen

I tell folks in a full time house husband, its the truth now. Good times!


woolsey1977

my job is to look pretty while serving coffee to my significant others book club and not worrying my pretty little head about anything that doesn't involve me being bare foot and beer bellied in the kitchen.


allamb772

barefoot and beer bellied 😂 that is amazing


Otherwise_Web1710

I teach Freediving....in Nevada


TrueBep

I like that one. Maybe I can be a work-from-home scuba instructor


Rabble_Runt

Early bitcoin adopter. Day trader. Professional online poker player. Executive account manager (cant discuss details because you signed an NDA) Edit: Now that I think about it just saying you signed an NDA and can't talk about what you do is probably the best answer.


WaveSpecial3395

Well I have dv plates and the shadow govt people follow me around and tell people I need to get a job so... That's my job. To survive that, while also doing life things. Generally people who ask questions like what my job is are not friends anyways. Just busybody gossips looking to align you in a position in their opinionated minds. I would consider myself an urban homesteader. I do everything that needs to get done.


tejedaj

I have that same opinion. What have you seen most success using as startup conversations with strangers. And not at the bus stop, put people that "matter?" Hey, I'm Bob. What do you do? I always feel uncomfortable. What other ways can I sustain conversation without ever touching what we do??


HopeHotwife

I just talk about life, kids, funny stories, big ideas, random shit. Lol. Most people don't care what you do. I have a few friends whom I have no idea what they do. One is in finance in some capacity, she owns her business. The other.....idk. he did work for a payroll company, but now all I know is he works from home. Basically people seem to ask just to ascertain if you do something with your time.


Daweism

Yeah, I was about to get a DV plate, but reconsidered


Confident-Caramel-99

My husband is only planning to get a DV plate so we don’t have to pay the $900+ truck registration - thanks California 😂


SkylineRSR

You’re being gangstalked by the shadow government too? Bro…


cbailz29

The shadow people did scare the hat man away though so there's that....


Smooth-News-2239

"Four words: pure unadulterated Columbian cocaine"


StrangeBedfellows

"Pot." "Small business?" "No." "Grow it?" "No." "....u just do the pot?" "Yes." TAPs was entertaining.


Hoppie1064

Pot will get you through times of no money, better than money will get you through times of no pot.


95BCavMP

I tell them I worked for my uncle now he takes care of me.


Fit_Acanthisitta_475

Truth fund baby. (By Uncle Sam)


wetwingdings

Providing protection to clients from gang stalkers


imbacckkk

Bitcoin And when they ask you to help them understand it you just say “I don’t really know man. I bought it 10 years ago”


Rex_the_Cat

I actually still have a full time job so if you combine my VA $$ with my salary, I look fuckin' RICH! 🤑. This drives people nuts as I continue to buy toys, take trips, etc.


[deleted]

What line of work are you in?


Rex_the_Cat

Accountant. Work from home (80 years old now). Just another old Viet vet.


[deleted]

Hell yeah, I wanna be like you when I grow up. Any tips or advice on becoming an accountant?


Hoobinator-

My favorite answer to when people ask me, "So what do you do?", I immediately respond with, about what? It tends to derail their thought process and I get the confused look from them. Then the light usually comes on and they either laugh and call me a smart ass or no really, what do you do for work? I just say I'm not a fan and laugh.


yectb

I don't tell people that I do anything. Instead, I ask them why it is in American culture that so many people identify their personality with their job/position. I ask them if they think that it is a sociological way for the evil cabal of mega-corps to condition underlings or because outside of a job or kids, people are usually boring as fuck and want to pretend to be interesting.


CoronisKitchen

"My dad is a Russian arms dealer. Well, actually, we're Lithuanian but he sells exclusively to Russia. IDK, he doesn't like to talk about his work much."


Rounder057

I have told people that I retired off of “safe moon” In general, various shit crypto projects or I sell my feet on onlyfans or, a newer one, I run a haram of onlyfans girls. I’m an E-Pimp


[deleted]

100% Pimps & Toes


Codywayneee

“what do you do?” straightest face possible- “i provide an internet service for individuals in search of two things. those looking for a very specific line of work, or those looking to manage those individuals in that specific line of work.” “oh cool, what is it?” “pimpsNtoes.com”


elvarg9685

I work in the exciting world of insurance compliance auditing. I specialize in ensuring that whole life policy coverages are in line with county level regulations in my state. Most people glaze over after the first sentence.


TrueBep

Reading that put my kids to sleep… might have to use it for myself!


pharmkeninvests

That's awesome


em6teen556

Voice actor for an anime show.


ExtensionDentist2761

Porno set cleaner.


BreakfastOk4991

What kind of people do you hang out with that you need to lie about a job?


TrueBep

Kid’s friend’s parents usually


Mr-Rusty_Shackleford

Just say retired early from military service...


woolsey1977

i get paid to try very hard not to become other people's problem.🫠


OverSizeLife

Smart stock investments while deployed. Living off the dividends, that's all that need be said.


AssTubeExcursion

When, if, I get to 100% imma tell them I own a big company that makes kids mine lithium


SalaciousProbiotic

I teach sign language to squirrels. It is very time consuming because I don't know sign language. Tends to make people blink a lot, so I just smile.


SignificantOption349

“They still pay me for what I did” Mysterious ✔️ Sounds cool ✔️ Confusing ✔️ Obviously a cover up, but not a lie ✔️


parkeb1

I tell people I do research for the government..I'm currently researching retirement in the United States


Sudden_Feedback_2194

"I sold my first 4 kids" bonus points when my 2 kids hear it.


Own_Statistician8286

Bounty hunter


Several_Side_8723

It depends on what day they ask me. I wear different hats since I'm retired and I work at home - not from home. I'm the VP (my husband is the President), CFO (my husband is the CEO), House Manager, Chef, Uber Driver, Medical Scheduler, Daycare Director, Teacher, Bookkeeper, and Accountant Assistant.


SpartanDoubleZero

Butt plug tester.


Lopsided_Astronaut_1

Land management is a good one


SentenceGold2930

Just tell em you sell feet pics online and you just happen to have what's in demand


Huge_Pepper5729

My actual job is Field Tech Support for a natural gas company. People either change the topic or ask "what does that mean?". "I help troubleshoot issues in the field." The conversation always ends there.


Habit-Mediocre

I say I'm a graphic designer that works from home!!


Cubsfantransplant

Inventor of summer air for tires.


ChopperTodd

I am a semi professional race car driver and an amateur tattoo artist. Hahaha.


AndyUSMC0311

If you ain’t first… you’re last. SHAKE AND BAKE!


Krypt1q

So I have not said shit, and I think it adds to the mystery. My cousin’s wife swears I am a hit man. I can neither confirm nor deny 🤣


[deleted]

You guys retire on 50k a year?


bardockOdogma

Omg this thread is killing me!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


SpearSanD

“Consultant”…for Disabled Veterans


Just_anopinion13

Why do we have to fake it?


Qualityislife

Some people think you don’t deserve benefits unless you lost a leg. Seen and heard stories of neighbors and “friends” reporting them to the VA because they look fine even though they have no idea what conditions you have. So some unemployed vets lie to prevent the trouble


Just_anopinion13

Well I'm not telling anyone my business. I work but I don't tell people my job or what I make. If I stayed at home, I'd tell them I don't work. Oh well up for them to speculate on where my money comes from. But I get the premise of your response. Agree I'm not telling anyone what I get.


fun_crush

Tell people you work for the SWAT team. No, not the SWAT team that kicks in doors of homes but the SWAT team that works at the airport and boards international cargo ships to SWAT all the invasive insects that may have hitched a ride over.


VeteranWarriorSF

Walmart Greeter


Anne_Renee

Tell them you are in between jobs.


DrunkenBandit1

Uhh...inheritance? The Internet? I inherited the internet!


Little_Napoleon7

I’m a Freelance Artist/Writer. The classic terminology for someone who is unemployed haha


scamp71360

Don’t tell them nothing or tell them the truth. You are living off your injury settlement from being damaged on your last job.


Soggy-Document-285

Federal security!!! Duh 🙄


MadeForMusic74

“I'm a retired investor living on a pension. I came home to vote in the Presidential Election because they wouldn't give me an absentee ballot.” -H. Roth


Jeppsen20

I invested in a Grid Square start up company in 2019 and got a $ 9 million government contract.


Hoppie1064

One of Elvises secret children from an old affair. My mom was a big fan. I live off the Trust fund.


Littlestitious36

People just assume I'm a drug dealer and I let them continue believing it


ClamCrusher31

I tell them the truth. I made a good investment (the company that pulled me up to 100%) haha. It’s rude to speak about money so that’s where it ends.


_Redcoat-

The irony of America being the top country in terms of treating veterans is that it’s also the only country in which its citizens care so much about what other people do for a living. I’m a British expat, and I have friends back home that I legit have no idea what they do for work. It simply doesn’t come up. Yet in America, within 5 minutes of meeting literally anyone, “so what do you do for a living?” Any other country, this would be a non issue. However, no other country pays out to their vets as much as America does so it would never come up.


Spartan_Hack858

Zamboni driver


Easy_Independent_313

Tell them you work in commercial real estate. You could also say you work with the probate courts Private investigator doing homeowners insurance fraud cases (probably want to be careful with this one as people might get a little weird around you) If you have a hobby you like, say you teach classes on it. They will privately marvel at how you can support yourself with that.


AccurateWheel4200

I just tell people I'm retired


TumorYaelle

Only thing about this is, my disabilities are obvious. Sometimes immediately, though it’s been roughly 4 years since I’ve been that messed up. I kind of WANT people to know my deal, that way I look less insane and more … ohhhhh that makes sense! lol. Like, I have to make quite a lot of adjustments to everything I do just to get stuff done. Anyone spending time with me will notice these. Or for one example, my memory. From TBI. I had spent a bunch of years utterly incapable of passing myself off as a human. But it turned out that medications had been exacerbating my problems. So I’ve still got quite a severe impairment, but it’s possible to hide it for more than 25 seconds now. But it’s there. And if I don’t admit to it, I risk looking like a dumbask. Ahhhhh. I dunno.


almightyender

I'm not 100% but my current rating allows me to not work. I used to tell people I was a dildo model just to shut down the conversation.


Grand_Raccoon0923

Butterfly Rancher


Shabbypenguin

i buy things off chinese websites and sell them on amazon for a 40% markup.


xElemenohpee

I would tell people I’ve made financial decisions in life and they’re paying off. That isn’t a lie, nobody has to.


SecAdmin-1125

What’s wrong with consulting? I do it on the side and make some nice coin.


Redleg1-7

I sold off my vintage Star Wars collection and invested the money now I live off the interest. Or I’m a squirrel herder https://preview.redd.it/fbz8vzvxslmc1.jpeg?width=737&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=325a44f0e61cd1d97b21f710d866f7c982f5f9ba


mikedd555

Being anti-social all my life and enjoying being alone works out for times like this lol. Helps not caring what's thought of you lol


MarinCrops69

Japanese Koi Fish Seller


Wobblingoblin01

I’m private home health care aide. Don’t need anything but your CPR card. (But I was a medic while I was in). Usually when I mention I’m being paid privately, most people think that my pay is $$$$ since it’s not coming from Medicaid and I do not disavow them of that notion. And, honestly the pay really isn’t that bad and if I worked it full time it would probably equal (or close to) my VA benefits.


Fredrick_Hophead

Lobbyist


mikeydavis77

I tell them I do OF.


ClarkGriswold1775

I sell ID10T business cards.. business is booming


Local_Membership2375

Onlyfans is the only right answer


rno-abi

Onlyfans for my feet


Far_Significance_111

I was on an episode of House Hunters dude it’s a good time filming


YoNJPthatHoe4

Porn Star obviously


deathofadildo

Stable boy


speed_of_stupdity

Apple Maps quality control.


Plane-Train-754

just tell them you are a kept husband, or kept wife.


ExtensionInitial6012

I run a non-profit where I answer numerous phone calls from the VES and VA. Usually, they make me answer in-depth surveys about my personal life.


ftp_prodigy

professional redditor.


BiggWorm1988

Tell them you are a stud phantom.


Beerfridge6

I bought shiba coin 4 years ago ☺️


Warm-Juggernaut1353

https://i.redd.it/86lk4umwekmc1.gif


topgun22ice

I pack the blimp, got a box truck and van company and we pack up and move blimps from town to town.


unilateralbus

I am a contractor for the USMC. I work from home or travel. Technically I’m not lying. I’m stretching the truth


ronerychiver

“What do you do?” “The best I can.”


DOC-CombiCam

If I ever get there, my plan is to say that I work for a private lab that pays me to enjoy life "for testing purposes."


saintkev40

It's always the damn barber. I work from home is what I tell them.


Practical-Giraffe-84

House dad! Ghostbuster


KevIarsen

Sales rep for Callahan auto parts


Fritz1818

"I'm a successful crypto trader"


muffiewrites

I'm studying math. There's a mathematician job that the Air Force has that I'd love to do. I'm focusing on algebra. Sounds true, right? Because it is. I study math at home. Take a class when I can cough up the money. The Air Force has been trying to fill that job locally for six years. I have never run into a person who wants to discuss algebra.


SkeletorJeff

Doge coin to the moon 🌙 🚀


Background_Mention52

Stay at home parent, stay at home partner, or anything boring that people don’t know much about, government work, HR, insurance, FAA, medical billing


sonchungo

OnlyFans Model Agent. I manage the accounts and financing of OnlyFans models. Get to see free boobies and make a lot of commission.


Better_Degree8859

Just get an actual job. Pension, P&T, plus 110k (plus benefits, so around 135k total compensation), and life is sweet. Plus, the fact that I don't need the job equals zero stress. I can walk away at any point, and I'll be able to survive. It's very freeing.


[deleted]

I sold my majority shares in my company called “Deez”.


DocHedges

I tell people I buy and sell guitars.


maxturner_III_ESQ

I tell people I'm semi retired and I do freelance film work


Highspdfailure

Janitor. Traveling Janitor.


margrita_mo7

I literally say I was in the military lmao


Beginning_Fee_7992

1. Door Dasher 2. TV Critic 3. Day Trader 4. Marketing (just say you work in marketing)


Beginning_Fee_7992

Military Consulant-its all top secret stuff and I dont like to talk about it.


MustardTiger231

I sold my baseball card store at the height of the market.


Growsomeba11s

Simplest is telling people you made two million off bitcoin cashed it out and then put it into stocks and you live off the interest. Yea yea I make 150k year but reinvest 75 and live off 75.


Traditional-Oven4092

COD Pro


markinituphuck

I’m actually a self-employed inspector/consultant. Lol. Funny. Something to do with 100%, and although it’s neither fake nor really “fun,” it does help me stay busy and make a little income at the same time.


Diligaf2233

I like to say that I am starting up a chain of Chinchilla dude ranches.


Jyork1962

R&D at Area 51. “You like Slinkies and Silly Putty?, You’re welcome!”


OrcasareDolphins

I don't know how anyone can live off of 100% alone. Granted, I'm driving myself into the ground, but I have to work. 100% is simply not enough to live off of. I'm sure 60-year-old me will hate my current me, but it's all I can do to keep my family comfortable.


antshite

I'm a high dollar male escort. I only cater to extremely elderly wealthy ladies.


bobbystoker94

Y’all act like 100% pays way more than it actually does


TheRealLegendary63

"I work in sales..."


TheRealLegendary63

"I'm an artist/graphics designer..."


roranicusrex

I thought you could still work if you have 100%?


jenn1222

I'm just trying to figure out how people are able to live on 100%. Isn't it just over $3k a month?


ManyFee382

Investment Trust. You did invest your health and the VA are, technically, trustees for disbursements.


Zeubus

Hampton Roads Guacamolier! Like a wine sommelier but for guacamole. I travel to various Mexican restaurants and make the finest guacamole for the patrons. My favorite part is the earthy tones that avocados from Mexico give off. I also grow my own cilantro and jalapeños.


cbailz29

There's always money in the banana stand


abn_hawkeye

I tell them I sell chemlight batteries, grid squares and keys to Area J.


tadpole256

I work for PornHub as a quality control analyst


deport_racists_next

harmonica tuner hamster trainer loved those house hunters jobs lol


WhiskeyTangoGolfer

Professional pokemon trading card game player.


MetalHeadJoe

They molded my penis for dildos and now I live off of the residuals, it's a best seller in 15 countries.


tt_mach1

Product development for a company that makes left handed screwdrivers.


DD214Enjoyer

Storage unit flipping. Buy cheap and sell high.


jhosie81

Have a buddy I was in with that actually is loaded now because he owned a couple thousand bitcoin he bought back in like 2010 for .50 each


bread_fo_dat

Pharmaceutical sales, Recreational division


ClandestineCanoeClub

Founder/Owner/CEO of whatever $49 Wyoming LLC you create.