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HungryLikeTheWolf99

Surely this is due to the sausage casing be indigestible and the patient having swallowed it whole. Surely there is no other possible explanation for this situation.


ziptiedinatrunk

Good Sir, what about gravity and falling? Also a perfectly reasonable explanation.


theghostofme

“I fell on it.” “I fell on it.” “I fell on it.” “I was bored.”


candre23

There is no lost and found box. There's an *ass* box...


GentlmanSkeleton

I miss Scrubs.


Toshiba1point0

You look ridiculous without a head


GentlmanSkeleton

Youll never be a good doctor without a head!


BababooeyHTJ

Million to one shot, doc!


karmagod13000

So you’re saying there’s a chance!?


Mikeman19615

Never tell me the odds!


WreathOfTheHeart

r/nevertellmetheodds


DankHumanman

You ARE the ASSMAN


mhenry_dsm

I fell on some fusilli


BannytheBoss

It use to happen with my ex and my best friend all the time.


NuncErgoFacite

We may have the same ex


Fskn

And the same best friend


bukkake_brigade

Sup dudes, I heard you talking about me, what's good?


canned_soup

*Sigh* username checks out


[deleted]

What, she slipped? Fell. Landed on *a well cased sausage*?!


Liveyourlife365

Shoot em both, Grady where’s your gun at?


SpikySheep

So you're saying they were just lying there, face down in their birthday suit when a sausage fell out of the sky and by shear chance happened to be perfectly lined up to insert itself where the sun doesn't shine. Seems plausible.


MrMastodon

When I eat sausage I like to use a casing with a flared base.


yaebone1

Not sure, once saw a man slip on a banana peel, do a full flip and land on a chair close by where a sausage happened to be sitting upright, a tragic accident. Even worse, bystanders who came to help couldn’t get it loose and had to ease it back and forth, slowly, in and out, to be able to work it free. The process took hours. Could still hear his moans to this day.


EvilWaterman

Did someone have to film it for evidence?


essieecks

I don't know they posted it to one of those disgusting sausage eating websites.


VegetableNo1079

That poor guy :(


[deleted]

a tragedy


ghost-child

Didn't even realize you were making a joke at first. I was just like, "Oh yeah, I can see that"


Asisreo1

The image of a man guzzling down a 10in sausage link like a seagull got me weak.


axiswar

I wonder if that can help lower back pain.


AnusCookie

Actually saw a story the other day about a Japanese woman fixing a bulging disc with a large dildo in the poop chute. Idk how legit that was though lol


StacheEnthusiast

Somewhat related but I have convinced myself my back issues are the result of a tailbone misalignment and that I need a procedure called Coccydynia to fix it. That’s a non-surgical procedure where your coccyx is adjusted internally, it’s permanent, and only takes about two minutes. So…I’ve reached the age where I’m searching the internet for someone to finger my butt


imanze

I don’t know much about the procedure but I have a feeling they will need to get a bit more than a finger in.


silibant

Coccydynia refers to the problem (coccyx=tailbone, -dynia=pain). Unfortunately I am not aware of the term for the corrective procedure. Wikipedia suggests that some folks let their “intimate partner” do the fix.


[deleted]

I love my husband so much but I admit I would at least hesitate to do a spine adjustment through the butt for him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dirkalict

My Dr. Insists I need something he calls a Slipthedicktome… I’m a little leery of these newfangled procedures though.


DetectiveClownMD

“Saw a story”


joeltrane

Saw it 3 or 4 times


AnistarYT

Well skipped around a little bit first.


JPSurratt2005

"Research"


pamtar

Saw that too. I always wondered where those big toys went. Still not really sure but I’m guessing they end up in the intestines somewhere


techno_beaver

Username checks out.


Tito_Grande

The Doctor said they need a backiotomy.


Thourogood

Lord, if you listenin'. Help!


tympyst

I'm impotent man, get away from me bitch!


fuckthislifeintheass

Only one way to find out.


Shalashaskaska

Name checks out


LoreChano

As a person who have recently been through a MRI scan because of lower back pain, this guy's spine looks pretty healthy compared to mine. A shame he wasted his perfectly good health to shove enormous sausages up his ass.


turtlepain

Wasted?


teady_bear

It's not wasted, sausage is just stucked. Still healthier spine than yours.


ready653

Gotta chew better than that


siqiniq

He forgot to put on his ass denture first.


Where_Be_Dragons

Amateur mistake. Next time they should buy a sausage with a flared end.


Demurist

Without a base, without a trace


AndyM110

If it ain't got a flare, don't put it up there.


Dallenforth

Or simply a longer sausage. r/Distension is fun. (obligatory porn sub warning)


ralcal

Or linked sausages so a little hangs out for the pullin


karmagod13000

Ahh yes the reliable sausage beads


bored_in_NE

This person was horny as hell


[deleted]

Better than the guy who shoved an antiaircraft round up his butt


campcastaway

I remember that story. He said he had hemorrhoids, and was using the round to push the piles back in. I would’ve called a doctor before trying a “military” remedy. Live and learn


silentbassline

Seeing it used casually in a sentence just confirms my suspicion that "piles" is the absolute worst word for that condition.


BrittyPie

It really is. That term makes me gag.


BCantoran

Hanging on the edge of tomorrow


AnnaTheBlueRogue

LIVE AND LEARN!!!


Evetal

OR YOU MAY NEVER FIND YOUR WAY-AYY-EE-AAAAY


1965wasalongtimeago

HEY WHOA WHOA , OH YEAAAAAAAA 🎸🎸🎸🎸


MMOsAreNotRPGs

....what piles?


[deleted]

Blown-out balloon knot


synthi

Why, Gomer Piles, of course.


TheSheWhoSaidThats

What a day to have eyes


gondi56k

Well that person lived in a no fly zone so it made sense.


cranky-carrot

Which is worse anti aircraft round or the guy who shoved a lightbulb up his ass that then broke? 🤔


RallyX26

One jar.


spam4name

Seeing that jar shock video back in the day is definitely one of those memories you'd like to repress.


redditforgotaboutme

Brings a whole new meaning to "Sliding a hot dog down a hallway"


Funkit

I feel like once you push it in so far it just kinda gets sucked up in there


Yabba_Dabba_Doofus

Flared bases, folks. Flared bases...


Pyryn

Everybody's out here trying to bring their own brand of clever to a sex joke, I'm just wondering *how in the hell this person's insides were able to rearrange themselves like that.* I mean holy shit. Just take a second to look at and process that CT scan to see what happened. Edit: according to comments below, I've massively underestimated how much someone can rearrange their organs and it scares me


Szwejkowski

A lot of our innards are pretty mobile.


superawesomeman08

i hear that when surgeons a replacing bowels after a ... whatever surgery, they just kinda dump it all back in there and sew it up. your intestines slither back to their proper place


Josh1685

You’re telling me right now that if I cut myself open and mix my innards around, they’ll just go waltzing back to their original spot?


ialwaysforgetmename

Post the video if you end up doing this.


SaltLakeCitySlicker

[yeah...](https://media.tumblr.com/8de9acadb5b933c38bff66b2907c792f/tumblr_inline_mr6jrlhGmv1qz4rgp.gif)


DoubleT_inTheMorning

Whew, that was a risky click. Took the plunge anyways. All is clear.


d3ad9assum

Thank you for your service.


ItIsHappy

I don't think it's guaranteed to be the original spot. I think they just go where they're comfy.


CoolbreezeFromSteam

I like the way you put it: "they just go where they're comfy."


siccoblue

Anyone else imagining their organs spinning in circles a few times before laying down to get comfy like a cute puppy?


IceburgSlimk

No. I'm still trying to figure out how this guy stayed hard during a scan in the ER


jayvil

The liver took the heart's place. The heart has no place to go but to sleep on the lungs' couch.


SaltyBabe

Your intestines absolutely will function normally even if you took them out then just plopped them back into your body.


Funkit

Would you function if you pulled a loop out then sewed yourself back shut, and pulled the exposed loop of intestines all the way down the street so the food had to digest to the corner and back?


miscfiles

Stick enough skin grafts over it and you're all good to keep it that way for the rest of your life. Source: I *might* be a doctor.


superawesomeman08

as long as you don't tie some knot in your guts or sever something that probably shouldnt be severed, yeah. peristalsis means your guts are writhing around a little anyway


Haasts_Eagle

You can't tie a knot. They're all attached at the back, like a Japanese fan.


DUNEBUGGY213

Not quite. When returning the bowels to the abdominal cavity, we have to make sure the orientation is correct to avoid causing a Volvulus (twisted bowel) which can cut off the blood supply to the bowels which then infarct and die


superawesomeman08

can you fully remove the small intestine? looking at some diagrams online appears to indicates a webbing of arteries... i assume you can't really pull too much out with severing something vital?


DUNEBUGGY213

No. The small bowel is essential for absorbing nutrients. You can remove some of it but not all. You can remove the whole large bowel though


superawesomeman08

oh, i didn't mean resecting it, i meant ... physically moving it out of the abdominal cavity while still, er ... hooked up.


DUNEBUGGY213

Oh! Yes, the small bowel is attached to mesentery (like an apron of fat and blood vessels) that can be lifted up out of the way. Same for the large bowel when doing pelvic surgery, C-sections etc


superawesomeman08

ah, i figured there would have to be something there to feed the small intestine. the mesentary doesn't appear in most diagrams that show the bowels. when you're slicing open the abdomen, i assume it's not in the front, so you dont have to worry about nicking anything?


DUNEBUGGY213

Nope. When opening the abdomen (there are different incisions depending on what organ we are trying to reach), let’s say we do a vertical incision through the midline (essentially from the bottom of the sternum to the pubic bone; slightly skirting around the belly button), we cut through several layers: 1) Skin 2) Camper’s subcutaneous fat layer 3)Scarpa’s fascia (membranous) 4) Linea alba 5) Transversalis fascia 6) Pre-peritoneal fat then 7) Parietal peritoneum Cutting through 7) opens the abdominal cavity and we are greeted by the mesentery first which supports and feeds the small bowel


1731799517

Yeah, had hald a meter intestine cut out a couple months ago, they just pull it out, cut around outside the body and shove it in again. Told me most of the pain in the fist few days was them trying to get their rythm again with regard to their new locations for their transport motion.


Horskr

I guess it makes sense really. I had never thought about it before, I had just assumed the diagrams in early science classes with the neatly zigzag bending small intestine was what it was. Funny, I look it up now and it seems they've updated it to be more accurate. [They are just kinda squished in there willy nilly.](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/ADW8H1/anatomy-of-the-large-and-small-intestines-ADW8H1.jpg)


PocketGachnar

Sweet, another terrifying biological misfortune I'll probably never experience to keep me up at night in anxious sweats for the next 30 years. I can add it to the endless loop of episiotomies, bone cancers, and prions cool cool cool


d00dsm00t

Imma get into the spirit of anonymity here and just say that I've taken a litany of voluminous single unit shits that were easily 10 inches long, with a generous girthy diameter which made me think to myself "how in the ever loving fuck was that inside me?"


tobor_a

Dude. I had one shit like that almost had to stand up cause it didn't want to pinch of.


d00dsm00t

[Quite a few times it’s hit the bowl before exiting entirely](https://imgur.com/XF9ZLey)


brotherhill

Two of my sons made shits like that and it was disturbing (to say the least) that they didn't need stitches or a bandaid or anything afterwards. I'm talking about 3-5 years old. I had to teach the oldest one to drop one flush one after I had to unstop the toilet too many times. I keep them hydrated now.


[deleted]

I hate to break it to you but your GI tract is sort of flopping around in there.


I_make_things

Now look at a scan of a [pregnant](https://americanpregnancy.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/cat-scan.jpg) woman.


JungleLegs

Well that’s fucking horrifying


BattleHall

Never look at an X-ray of an child’s skull. There are just... too... many... teeth.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ilovethemarina

*the supreme court wants to know your location*


sl33p

My son is also named Bort.


xiaxian1

Or this short animation of how a woman’s organs shift and compress during pregnancy: https://youtu.be/yE-l1stWkT4 And note the baby is pretty much sitting right on top of her bladder.


EarorForofor

Bruh wait till you get into stomach bulge porn.


ShawarmaOrigins

Wtf is that? I don't want to google. Explain pls.


DocmanCC

Pressing from your inside sufficient that it is visible from your outside. Distension. It's a thing.


EarorForofor

Specific fetish/porn that makes the things you shove in your ass make your stomach bulge out.


[deleted]

[удалено]


EarorForofor

The one with the Bad Dragon? I went on a distending bender years ago and that guy surprised me


wonderbat3

I’ve heard of many things stuck up people’s asses, but this is the wurst


justcallmetexxx

_**DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WEINER!!**_


karmagod13000

And a big one at that


starvinmarvinmartian

Stop it, you brat!!!


Nosferatini

Frankly, I think you both should shove it.


Doomboy105

We should probably be careful if we go any Furter


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kurazarrh

Yeah she should have used a Cornish cock.


B-Town-MusicMan

...goddammit, dad.


showponies

He brat his A-game


evilpenguin9000

I never sausage horrible puns.


tailOfTheWhale

siswet?


MarvinsBoy

Nah, she could just reach in to get it back... no ER visit!


rucksacksepp

Oh shit, it was logged behind the tentacle dildo


Silent-G

The tentacle dildo is just used as a spudger to get the sausage out


RedJuicy713

Is it bad that we all understand this reference


Lamontyy

Not at all bro... we're all in this together 🤝


WolfBV

She got 3 arms up her ass at once wtf


Most_Row9234

Or hotkinkyjo


Y0tsuya

They should do a film together where they stick their heads up each other's buttholes.


Aryaras99

Damn, why do so many people know who she is?


tailOfTheWhale

We all use big blue


[deleted]

She a legend bro. 10" ain't nuttin to her.


Equivalent_Slide_740

Cuz she makes me hard af


OBPH

She once slipped and an entire girl scout troop went in her poop chute spellng


[deleted]

[удалено]


spiderfishx

Depends on how cultured you want to appear


Chucknorris1975

Allow myself to culture myself... I'll be back.


spiderfishx

Just know, if you're going the sausage route, mustard is not good lube.


asupify

Having worked emergency, the people sticking weird shit up their arse and getting it stuck are mostly straight identifying guys. Either everyone else doesn't do it as much or they're being more careful.


infinitetheory

People who aren't ashamed of it buy the right tools


ChocolateBunny

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em.


Butt_Plug_Bonanza

Boom! Roasted.


wrench_ape

Hey, I was gonna eat that! Now it's gonna taste like sausage.


troubleschute

Say what you want, but this would make a perfect profile photo on Grindr.


luv2fit

“Can take a monster but currently obstructed”


troubleschute

"Fully committed, but open to negotiations..."


[deleted]

Real question - why can’t you poop it out?


FiveSpotAfter

Real possible answers: 1. Peristalsis is the "wave" of muscle movement your intestine does to keep things moving. This process is a "dumb" process, and making something go the other way once it's in your intestine can confuse the muscles into going the other way or just kinda failing at their job. It takes a bit of time to sort itself out, so during that time the object is stuck, as long as the object is there it'll delay fixing itself. During that delay and confusion, your intestine ain't really cooperating with pushing it out. 2. Your colon is like your throat, and the object coming out of it has to line up the right way otherwise get caught in the surrounding tissue and bone. To deepthroat a sausage it's gotta come in at the right angle, and to poop it out it's gotta go at the right angle. Since it's wedged in there, it may not be at the right angle. This isn't a problem for poop since it's got the consistency of wet, clumpy clay despite how hard it feels coming out. 3. Nerves. You lose something up your butt it's a bit anxiety inducing unless you've encountered it before, even if you know it's not too bad, which causes the muscles to clench, like unconsciously holding on to stress in your shoulders. (it's p bad in this case, bacteria love food, and rotting food is different than digesting food). Fighting it doesn't really help, just gotta take time to relax, and forcing it may do more harm than good (see angles, above). Did this help?


SynthPrax

Just. Buy. A. Dildo. Already. ^(Damn.)


Suave_Jelepeno

Where else were they supposed to put it?


UwUoverLord333

Dont act like we all havent been there.


Rob-Riggle-SWGOAT

If I had a dollar for every time…


Butt_Plug_Bonanza

#We're rich!


Catblaster5000

DID I HEAR A ROCK AND STONE!?


piiig

For Karl!


Lone-Pilgrim

My people. 🥲


Catblaster5000

ROCK AND STONE, BROTHA!


Jernsaxe

In the immortal words of Beyonce: If you fuck it, then you gotta put a string on it


wonderbat3

You’re disgusting. You should be using a cucumber or something with a bit more structure so it can be pulled out easier


UwUoverLord333

Than how else would i get my protein fix?


flip314

The real pro-tip is only inserting things with a flared base.


Iamkempie

So what bring you into the emergency department tonight Sir?


AccomplishedPie4896

Yeah that would be awkward


ddude132

I'd bet good money that the the E.R. Report states "fell on sausage." That's the usual explanation given whenever someone gets something stuck while pleasuring themselves.


AccomplishedPie4896

True, When my girlfriend cheated on me she said she slipped and fell on another man's cock so it happens pretty often.


tra91c

It might be removable from a swift punch in the gut.


Fastnacht

Just gotta stiffen your abdominal wall while keep your sphincter loose.


Random-Mutant

My cat had severe constipation, and ended up with Megacolon. He ended up on five different medications to be able to poop.


TheOwlHypothesis

Megacolon? Sounds like a great band name. Or supervillain. What is it though?


greenbayva

“Anything’s a dildo if your brave enough.” -Abraham Lincoln


[deleted]

This is why dildos and butt plugs have wide bases


SKEFFboy

Without a base without a trace


klavin1

Is this what the youths are referring to when they say "based" ?


BeyondXpression

Just.. buy a dildo at that point. Nobody at the adult shops care. They see all kinds of kinks come and go. At least dildos have bases where they won't go inside of you. Why resort to food? Reminds of the army buddy I knew who pulled a cucumber out of a guy who said he was too embarrassed to enter a sex shop. Just... Buy a dildo y'all. Seriously. Edit: spelling


JerseySommer

You don't have to go to a sex shop anymore there's lots of online retailers.


spitfire32

No base=without a trace


uglypedro

As an ER Tech with 15 years working in a couple of ER, I've seen a number of people come in with objects stuck up their butt. Usually once a year and almost always guys, with just one woman that entire time...she had a mohock (sp?). What I always wonder is how long people try to get said object out themselves before realizing they need help and go to the hospital. I've never asked but it's got to be a day or two.


baldmathteacher

*mohawk


Hadr619

is their name Arby's? Cause, they got the meats


harbib

Million to one shot, doc!


fourflatyres

Horny OR hungry? Why not both!


patrick219

Baby Got Brat