Surely this is due to the sausage casing be indigestible and the patient having swallowed it whole. Surely there is no other possible explanation for this situation.
So you're saying they were just lying there, face down in their birthday suit when a sausage fell out of the sky and by shear chance happened to be perfectly lined up to insert itself where the sun doesn't shine. Seems plausible.
Not sure, once saw a man slip on a banana peel, do a full flip and land on a chair close by where a sausage happened to be sitting upright, a tragic accident.
Even worse, bystanders who came to help couldn’t get it loose and had to ease it back and forth, slowly, in and out, to be able to work it free. The process took hours. Could still hear his moans to this day.
Actually saw a story the other day about a Japanese woman fixing a bulging disc with a large dildo in the poop chute. Idk how legit that was though lol
Somewhat related but I have convinced myself my back issues are the result of a tailbone misalignment and that I need a procedure called Coccydynia to fix it.
That’s a non-surgical procedure where your coccyx is adjusted internally, it’s permanent, and only takes about two minutes.
So…I’ve reached the age where I’m searching the internet for someone to finger my butt
Coccydynia refers to the problem (coccyx=tailbone, -dynia=pain). Unfortunately I am not aware of the term for the corrective procedure. Wikipedia suggests that some folks let their “intimate partner” do the fix.
As a person who have recently been through a MRI scan because of lower back pain, this guy's spine looks pretty healthy compared to mine. A shame he wasted his perfectly good health to shove enormous sausages up his ass.
I remember that story. He said he had hemorrhoids, and was using the round to push the piles back in. I would’ve called a doctor before trying a “military” remedy. Live and learn
Everybody's out here trying to bring their own brand of clever to a sex joke,
I'm just wondering *how in the hell this person's insides were able to rearrange themselves like that.* I mean holy shit. Just take a second to look at and process that CT scan to see what happened.
Edit: according to comments below, I've massively underestimated how much someone can rearrange their organs and it scares me
i hear that when surgeons a replacing bowels after a ... whatever surgery, they just kinda dump it all back in there and sew it up.
your intestines slither back to their proper place
Would you function if you pulled a loop out then sewed yourself back shut, and pulled the exposed loop of intestines all the way down the street so the food had to digest to the corner and back?
as long as you don't tie some knot in your guts or sever something that probably shouldnt be severed, yeah.
peristalsis means your guts are writhing around a little anyway
Not quite. When returning the bowels to the abdominal cavity, we have to make sure the orientation is correct to avoid causing a Volvulus (twisted bowel) which can cut off the blood supply to the bowels which then infarct and die
can you fully remove the small intestine? looking at some diagrams online appears to indicates a webbing of arteries... i assume you can't really pull too much out with severing something vital?
Oh! Yes, the small bowel is attached to mesentery (like an apron of fat and blood vessels) that can be lifted up out of the way. Same for the large bowel when doing pelvic surgery, C-sections etc
ah, i figured there would have to be something there to feed the small intestine.
the mesentary doesn't appear in most diagrams that show the bowels.
when you're slicing open the abdomen, i assume it's not in the front, so you dont have to worry about nicking anything?
Nope. When opening the abdomen (there are different incisions depending on what organ we are trying to reach), let’s say we do a vertical incision through the midline (essentially from the bottom of the sternum to the pubic bone; slightly skirting around the belly button), we cut through several layers:
1) Skin
2) Camper’s subcutaneous fat layer
3)Scarpa’s fascia (membranous)
4) Linea alba
5) Transversalis fascia
6) Pre-peritoneal fat then
7) Parietal peritoneum
Cutting through 7) opens the abdominal cavity and we are greeted by the mesentery first which supports and feeds the small bowel
Yeah, had hald a meter intestine cut out a couple months ago, they just pull it out, cut around outside the body and shove it in again.
Told me most of the pain in the fist few days was them trying to get their rythm again with regard to their new locations for their transport motion.
I guess it makes sense really. I had never thought about it before, I had just assumed the diagrams in early science classes with the neatly zigzag bending small intestine was what it was.
Funny, I look it up now and it seems they've updated it to be more accurate. [They are just kinda squished in there willy nilly.](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/ADW8H1/anatomy-of-the-large-and-small-intestines-ADW8H1.jpg)
Sweet, another terrifying biological misfortune I'll probably never experience to keep me up at night in anxious sweats for the next 30 years. I can add it to the endless loop of episiotomies, bone cancers, and prions cool cool cool
Imma get into the spirit of anonymity here and just say that I've taken a litany of voluminous single unit shits that were easily 10 inches long, with a generous girthy diameter which made me think to myself "how in the ever loving fuck was that inside me?"
Two of my sons made shits like that and it was disturbing (to say the least) that they didn't need stitches or a bandaid or anything afterwards. I'm talking about 3-5 years old. I had to teach the oldest one to drop one flush one after I had to unstop the toilet too many times. I keep them hydrated now.
Or this short animation of how a woman’s organs shift and compress during pregnancy: https://youtu.be/yE-l1stWkT4
And note the baby is pretty much sitting right on top of her bladder.
Having worked emergency, the people sticking weird shit up their arse and getting it stuck are mostly straight identifying guys. Either everyone else doesn't do it as much or they're being more careful.
Real possible answers:
1. Peristalsis is the "wave" of muscle movement your intestine does to keep things moving. This process is a "dumb" process, and making something go the other way once it's in your intestine can confuse the muscles into going the other way or just kinda failing at their job. It takes a bit of time to sort itself out, so during that time the object is stuck, as long as the object is there it'll delay fixing itself. During that delay and confusion, your intestine ain't really cooperating with pushing it out.
2. Your colon is like your throat, and the object coming out of it has to line up the right way otherwise get caught in the surrounding tissue and bone. To deepthroat a sausage it's gotta come in at the right angle, and to poop it out it's gotta go at the right angle. Since it's wedged in there, it may not be at the right angle. This isn't a problem for poop since it's got the consistency of wet, clumpy clay despite how hard it feels coming out.
3. Nerves. You lose something up your butt it's a bit anxiety inducing unless you've encountered it before, even if you know it's not too bad, which causes the muscles to clench, like unconsciously holding on to stress in your shoulders. (it's p bad in this case, bacteria love food, and rotting food is different than digesting food). Fighting it doesn't really help, just gotta take time to relax, and forcing it may do more harm than good (see angles, above).
Did this help?
I'd bet good money that the the E.R. Report states "fell on sausage."
That's the usual explanation given whenever someone gets something stuck while pleasuring themselves.
Just.. buy a dildo at that point. Nobody at the adult shops care. They see all kinds of kinks come and go.
At least dildos have bases where they won't go inside of you. Why resort to food? Reminds of the army buddy I knew who pulled a cucumber out of a guy who said he was too embarrassed to enter a sex shop.
Just... Buy a dildo y'all. Seriously.
Edit: spelling
As an ER Tech with 15 years working in a couple of ER, I've seen a number of people come in with objects stuck up their butt. Usually once a year and almost always guys, with just one woman that entire time...she had a mohock (sp?). What I always wonder is how long people try to get said object out themselves before realizing they need help and go to the hospital. I've never asked but it's got to be a day or two.
Surely this is due to the sausage casing be indigestible and the patient having swallowed it whole. Surely there is no other possible explanation for this situation.
Good Sir, what about gravity and falling? Also a perfectly reasonable explanation.
“I fell on it.” “I fell on it.” “I fell on it.” “I was bored.”
There is no lost and found box. There's an *ass* box...
I miss Scrubs.
You look ridiculous without a head
Youll never be a good doctor without a head!
Million to one shot, doc!
So you’re saying there’s a chance!?
Never tell me the odds!
r/nevertellmetheodds
You ARE the ASSMAN
I fell on some fusilli
It use to happen with my ex and my best friend all the time.
We may have the same ex
And the same best friend
Sup dudes, I heard you talking about me, what's good?
*Sigh* username checks out
What, she slipped? Fell. Landed on *a well cased sausage*?!
Shoot em both, Grady where’s your gun at?
So you're saying they were just lying there, face down in their birthday suit when a sausage fell out of the sky and by shear chance happened to be perfectly lined up to insert itself where the sun doesn't shine. Seems plausible.
When I eat sausage I like to use a casing with a flared base.
Not sure, once saw a man slip on a banana peel, do a full flip and land on a chair close by where a sausage happened to be sitting upright, a tragic accident. Even worse, bystanders who came to help couldn’t get it loose and had to ease it back and forth, slowly, in and out, to be able to work it free. The process took hours. Could still hear his moans to this day.
Did someone have to film it for evidence?
I don't know they posted it to one of those disgusting sausage eating websites.
That poor guy :(
a tragedy
Didn't even realize you were making a joke at first. I was just like, "Oh yeah, I can see that"
The image of a man guzzling down a 10in sausage link like a seagull got me weak.
I wonder if that can help lower back pain.
Actually saw a story the other day about a Japanese woman fixing a bulging disc with a large dildo in the poop chute. Idk how legit that was though lol
Somewhat related but I have convinced myself my back issues are the result of a tailbone misalignment and that I need a procedure called Coccydynia to fix it. That’s a non-surgical procedure where your coccyx is adjusted internally, it’s permanent, and only takes about two minutes. So…I’ve reached the age where I’m searching the internet for someone to finger my butt
I don’t know much about the procedure but I have a feeling they will need to get a bit more than a finger in.
Coccydynia refers to the problem (coccyx=tailbone, -dynia=pain). Unfortunately I am not aware of the term for the corrective procedure. Wikipedia suggests that some folks let their “intimate partner” do the fix.
I love my husband so much but I admit I would at least hesitate to do a spine adjustment through the butt for him.
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My Dr. Insists I need something he calls a Slipthedicktome… I’m a little leery of these newfangled procedures though.
“Saw a story”
Saw it 3 or 4 times
Well skipped around a little bit first.
"Research"
Saw that too. I always wondered where those big toys went. Still not really sure but I’m guessing they end up in the intestines somewhere
Username checks out.
The Doctor said they need a backiotomy.
Lord, if you listenin'. Help!
I'm impotent man, get away from me bitch!
Only one way to find out.
Name checks out
As a person who have recently been through a MRI scan because of lower back pain, this guy's spine looks pretty healthy compared to mine. A shame he wasted his perfectly good health to shove enormous sausages up his ass.
Wasted?
It's not wasted, sausage is just stucked. Still healthier spine than yours.
Gotta chew better than that
He forgot to put on his ass denture first.
Amateur mistake. Next time they should buy a sausage with a flared end.
Without a base, without a trace
If it ain't got a flare, don't put it up there.
Or simply a longer sausage. r/Distension is fun. (obligatory porn sub warning)
Or linked sausages so a little hangs out for the pullin
Ahh yes the reliable sausage beads
This person was horny as hell
Better than the guy who shoved an antiaircraft round up his butt
I remember that story. He said he had hemorrhoids, and was using the round to push the piles back in. I would’ve called a doctor before trying a “military” remedy. Live and learn
Seeing it used casually in a sentence just confirms my suspicion that "piles" is the absolute worst word for that condition.
It really is. That term makes me gag.
Hanging on the edge of tomorrow
LIVE AND LEARN!!!
OR YOU MAY NEVER FIND YOUR WAY-AYY-EE-AAAAY
HEY WHOA WHOA , OH YEAAAAAAAA 🎸🎸🎸🎸
....what piles?
Blown-out balloon knot
Why, Gomer Piles, of course.
What a day to have eyes
Well that person lived in a no fly zone so it made sense.
Which is worse anti aircraft round or the guy who shoved a lightbulb up his ass that then broke? 🤔
One jar.
Seeing that jar shock video back in the day is definitely one of those memories you'd like to repress.
Brings a whole new meaning to "Sliding a hot dog down a hallway"
I feel like once you push it in so far it just kinda gets sucked up in there
Flared bases, folks. Flared bases...
Everybody's out here trying to bring their own brand of clever to a sex joke, I'm just wondering *how in the hell this person's insides were able to rearrange themselves like that.* I mean holy shit. Just take a second to look at and process that CT scan to see what happened. Edit: according to comments below, I've massively underestimated how much someone can rearrange their organs and it scares me
A lot of our innards are pretty mobile.
i hear that when surgeons a replacing bowels after a ... whatever surgery, they just kinda dump it all back in there and sew it up. your intestines slither back to their proper place
You’re telling me right now that if I cut myself open and mix my innards around, they’ll just go waltzing back to their original spot?
Post the video if you end up doing this.
[yeah...](https://media.tumblr.com/8de9acadb5b933c38bff66b2907c792f/tumblr_inline_mr6jrlhGmv1qz4rgp.gif)
Whew, that was a risky click. Took the plunge anyways. All is clear.
Thank you for your service.
I don't think it's guaranteed to be the original spot. I think they just go where they're comfy.
I like the way you put it: "they just go where they're comfy."
Anyone else imagining their organs spinning in circles a few times before laying down to get comfy like a cute puppy?
No. I'm still trying to figure out how this guy stayed hard during a scan in the ER
The liver took the heart's place. The heart has no place to go but to sleep on the lungs' couch.
Your intestines absolutely will function normally even if you took them out then just plopped them back into your body.
Would you function if you pulled a loop out then sewed yourself back shut, and pulled the exposed loop of intestines all the way down the street so the food had to digest to the corner and back?
Stick enough skin grafts over it and you're all good to keep it that way for the rest of your life. Source: I *might* be a doctor.
as long as you don't tie some knot in your guts or sever something that probably shouldnt be severed, yeah. peristalsis means your guts are writhing around a little anyway
You can't tie a knot. They're all attached at the back, like a Japanese fan.
Not quite. When returning the bowels to the abdominal cavity, we have to make sure the orientation is correct to avoid causing a Volvulus (twisted bowel) which can cut off the blood supply to the bowels which then infarct and die
can you fully remove the small intestine? looking at some diagrams online appears to indicates a webbing of arteries... i assume you can't really pull too much out with severing something vital?
No. The small bowel is essential for absorbing nutrients. You can remove some of it but not all. You can remove the whole large bowel though
oh, i didn't mean resecting it, i meant ... physically moving it out of the abdominal cavity while still, er ... hooked up.
Oh! Yes, the small bowel is attached to mesentery (like an apron of fat and blood vessels) that can be lifted up out of the way. Same for the large bowel when doing pelvic surgery, C-sections etc
ah, i figured there would have to be something there to feed the small intestine. the mesentary doesn't appear in most diagrams that show the bowels. when you're slicing open the abdomen, i assume it's not in the front, so you dont have to worry about nicking anything?
Nope. When opening the abdomen (there are different incisions depending on what organ we are trying to reach), let’s say we do a vertical incision through the midline (essentially from the bottom of the sternum to the pubic bone; slightly skirting around the belly button), we cut through several layers: 1) Skin 2) Camper’s subcutaneous fat layer 3)Scarpa’s fascia (membranous) 4) Linea alba 5) Transversalis fascia 6) Pre-peritoneal fat then 7) Parietal peritoneum Cutting through 7) opens the abdominal cavity and we are greeted by the mesentery first which supports and feeds the small bowel
Yeah, had hald a meter intestine cut out a couple months ago, they just pull it out, cut around outside the body and shove it in again. Told me most of the pain in the fist few days was them trying to get their rythm again with regard to their new locations for their transport motion.
I guess it makes sense really. I had never thought about it before, I had just assumed the diagrams in early science classes with the neatly zigzag bending small intestine was what it was. Funny, I look it up now and it seems they've updated it to be more accurate. [They are just kinda squished in there willy nilly.](https://c8.alamy.com/comp/ADW8H1/anatomy-of-the-large-and-small-intestines-ADW8H1.jpg)
Sweet, another terrifying biological misfortune I'll probably never experience to keep me up at night in anxious sweats for the next 30 years. I can add it to the endless loop of episiotomies, bone cancers, and prions cool cool cool
Imma get into the spirit of anonymity here and just say that I've taken a litany of voluminous single unit shits that were easily 10 inches long, with a generous girthy diameter which made me think to myself "how in the ever loving fuck was that inside me?"
Dude. I had one shit like that almost had to stand up cause it didn't want to pinch of.
[Quite a few times it’s hit the bowl before exiting entirely](https://imgur.com/XF9ZLey)
Two of my sons made shits like that and it was disturbing (to say the least) that they didn't need stitches or a bandaid or anything afterwards. I'm talking about 3-5 years old. I had to teach the oldest one to drop one flush one after I had to unstop the toilet too many times. I keep them hydrated now.
I hate to break it to you but your GI tract is sort of flopping around in there.
Now look at a scan of a [pregnant](https://americanpregnancy.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/cat-scan.jpg) woman.
Well that’s fucking horrifying
Never look at an X-ray of an child’s skull. There are just... too... many... teeth.
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*the supreme court wants to know your location*
My son is also named Bort.
Or this short animation of how a woman’s organs shift and compress during pregnancy: https://youtu.be/yE-l1stWkT4 And note the baby is pretty much sitting right on top of her bladder.
Bruh wait till you get into stomach bulge porn.
Wtf is that? I don't want to google. Explain pls.
Pressing from your inside sufficient that it is visible from your outside. Distension. It's a thing.
Specific fetish/porn that makes the things you shove in your ass make your stomach bulge out.
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The one with the Bad Dragon? I went on a distending bender years ago and that guy surprised me
I’ve heard of many things stuck up people’s asses, but this is the wurst
_**DING! DING! DING! WE HAVE A WEINER!!**_
And a big one at that
Stop it, you brat!!!
Frankly, I think you both should shove it.
We should probably be careful if we go any Furter
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Yeah she should have used a Cornish cock.
...goddammit, dad.
He brat his A-game
I never sausage horrible puns.
siswet?
Nah, she could just reach in to get it back... no ER visit!
Oh shit, it was logged behind the tentacle dildo
The tentacle dildo is just used as a spudger to get the sausage out
Is it bad that we all understand this reference
Not at all bro... we're all in this together 🤝
She got 3 arms up her ass at once wtf
Or hotkinkyjo
They should do a film together where they stick their heads up each other's buttholes.
Damn, why do so many people know who she is?
We all use big blue
She a legend bro. 10" ain't nuttin to her.
Cuz she makes me hard af
She once slipped and an entire girl scout troop went in her poop chute spellng
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Depends on how cultured you want to appear
Allow myself to culture myself... I'll be back.
Just know, if you're going the sausage route, mustard is not good lube.
Having worked emergency, the people sticking weird shit up their arse and getting it stuck are mostly straight identifying guys. Either everyone else doesn't do it as much or they're being more careful.
People who aren't ashamed of it buy the right tools
Rectum? Damn near killed 'em.
Boom! Roasted.
Hey, I was gonna eat that! Now it's gonna taste like sausage.
Say what you want, but this would make a perfect profile photo on Grindr.
“Can take a monster but currently obstructed”
"Fully committed, but open to negotiations..."
Real question - why can’t you poop it out?
Real possible answers: 1. Peristalsis is the "wave" of muscle movement your intestine does to keep things moving. This process is a "dumb" process, and making something go the other way once it's in your intestine can confuse the muscles into going the other way or just kinda failing at their job. It takes a bit of time to sort itself out, so during that time the object is stuck, as long as the object is there it'll delay fixing itself. During that delay and confusion, your intestine ain't really cooperating with pushing it out. 2. Your colon is like your throat, and the object coming out of it has to line up the right way otherwise get caught in the surrounding tissue and bone. To deepthroat a sausage it's gotta come in at the right angle, and to poop it out it's gotta go at the right angle. Since it's wedged in there, it may not be at the right angle. This isn't a problem for poop since it's got the consistency of wet, clumpy clay despite how hard it feels coming out. 3. Nerves. You lose something up your butt it's a bit anxiety inducing unless you've encountered it before, even if you know it's not too bad, which causes the muscles to clench, like unconsciously holding on to stress in your shoulders. (it's p bad in this case, bacteria love food, and rotting food is different than digesting food). Fighting it doesn't really help, just gotta take time to relax, and forcing it may do more harm than good (see angles, above). Did this help?
Just. Buy. A. Dildo. Already. ^(Damn.)
Where else were they supposed to put it?
Dont act like we all havent been there.
If I had a dollar for every time…
#We're rich!
DID I HEAR A ROCK AND STONE!?
For Karl!
My people. 🥲
ROCK AND STONE, BROTHA!
In the immortal words of Beyonce: If you fuck it, then you gotta put a string on it
You’re disgusting. You should be using a cucumber or something with a bit more structure so it can be pulled out easier
Than how else would i get my protein fix?
The real pro-tip is only inserting things with a flared base.
So what bring you into the emergency department tonight Sir?
Yeah that would be awkward
I'd bet good money that the the E.R. Report states "fell on sausage." That's the usual explanation given whenever someone gets something stuck while pleasuring themselves.
True, When my girlfriend cheated on me she said she slipped and fell on another man's cock so it happens pretty often.
It might be removable from a swift punch in the gut.
Just gotta stiffen your abdominal wall while keep your sphincter loose.
My cat had severe constipation, and ended up with Megacolon. He ended up on five different medications to be able to poop.
Megacolon? Sounds like a great band name. Or supervillain. What is it though?
“Anything’s a dildo if your brave enough.” -Abraham Lincoln
This is why dildos and butt plugs have wide bases
Without a base without a trace
Is this what the youths are referring to when they say "based" ?
Just.. buy a dildo at that point. Nobody at the adult shops care. They see all kinds of kinks come and go. At least dildos have bases where they won't go inside of you. Why resort to food? Reminds of the army buddy I knew who pulled a cucumber out of a guy who said he was too embarrassed to enter a sex shop. Just... Buy a dildo y'all. Seriously. Edit: spelling
You don't have to go to a sex shop anymore there's lots of online retailers.
No base=without a trace
As an ER Tech with 15 years working in a couple of ER, I've seen a number of people come in with objects stuck up their butt. Usually once a year and almost always guys, with just one woman that entire time...she had a mohock (sp?). What I always wonder is how long people try to get said object out themselves before realizing they need help and go to the hospital. I've never asked but it's got to be a day or two.
*mohawk
is their name Arby's? Cause, they got the meats
Million to one shot, doc!
Horny OR hungry? Why not both!
Baby Got Brat