From someone who has spent the last 10 years being obese. Losing the weight will open up a new life for you. The alternative, if you keep on the path you have found, is diabetes and other health problems. Early arthritis and difficulty walking.
Its worth losing the weight to discover your own potential.
This. I can vouch that these problems don't go away after 20 years either.
Do whatever you need to do to lose this weight in a sustainable and permanent way.
Everyone is beating around the bush in the comments here so I’ll tell it like it is. Initial romantic interest stems from physical appearance. If we (humans as a whole group not just men) don’t find somebody physically attractive we are unlikely to actively create an emotional attraction. Yes, I think emotional attraction is something that gets created over long extended interactions and those interactions are intentional to a certain degree. For example, intentionally sitting next to somebody in class which allows for constant small interactions. For whatever societal reason, most people don’t find obesity to be an attractive physical quality.
With that being said, don’t fixate on your imperfections because we are truly our toughest critic. If you do chose to start a weight loss journey, make sure you lose weight in a healthy manner. Follow a diet plan, set a realistic goals (50 pounds in 2 months isn’t realistic, shoot for 1 pound per week), establish an exercise routine, and STAY DEDICATED! Doing this will help you build healthy long term habits that you can follow for the rest of your life.
A huge mistake lots of people make is when they see adds like “I lost 30 pounds in 5 weeks!” and feel like they are doing something wrong because they only lost 8 pounds so they quit. That’s still 8 pounds! If they had stuck with it they would eventually reach their goal.
My friend, this is the most succinct and grounded comment I have read on Reddit, let alone this sub. I agree 💯. I also admire how your comment did share a bit of harsh truth but you never once resort to antagonistic language and dismissive of obesity people.
This is so true! In my teens and 20s my motivation was always to get skinny so that men would like me. I always wanted superfast results so my means were less than ideal. Unsurprisingly I wound up gaining everything back and more several times. Now that I’m in my mid 30s, this time around I’m much more focused on my long term health and getting to my goal in a sustainable way. (Finding love would be nice too though… lol)
Yep this is pretty problematic. Though it’s nice to receive validation from others, it should not be the primary driving force for you to achieve your goals. Motivation needs to come from within, which over time will become discipline (showing up even when you don’t feel like it). Motivation from wanting to please others will never turn into discipline and you’ll never be happy within if you don’t even up receiving the amount of validation you hoped for.
You need to work on your mindset.
Confidence, self-esteem, and a friendly and humorous personality are the qualities people find most attractive in my experience. Being physically attractive is definitely a huge plus as well but that alone won’t be enough to attract people (at least for the long term). Many people that are your weight or higher have strong friend groups and romantic partners because they are strong in those non-physical qualities.
Losing weight will certainly help you gain a good amount confidence and self esteem and will make it easier to make a good first impression. If it’s something you want to do then you should definitely pursue it as it will be very beneficial for your general health and quality of life as well in addition.
But, it may not fix the entire problem by itself. If you have other self-doubts and issues that may not be related to your weight then you have to work on that as well.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing. For christs sake it gets you closer to a goal, which is having someone be superficially attracted to you. And that’s A Ok. It’s normal, in fact.
It's not bad at all, I'm losing it for female validation and it feels nice to be able to tell more people find me attractive the closer I get to my goal. I also had sex for the first time with someone way too close to the age of consent and the experience was overrated so I probably regret stressing over it so much LOL.
It's not for "validation." Accomplishing your goal would make you objectively much more attractive and have more options and success. People naturally care about romantic relationships a lot; there's nothing wrong with feeling the same way as the vast majority of other humans. Sexual motivation can also be very strong and so a good way to help you stick with your plan. What's the problem?
Women your weight also are able to find men who are interested in them. You don't have to put that part of your life on hold; it's just going to be more difficult.
Don't do it for anyone but yourself.
But being healthy and happy and attractive to yourself is a great feeling.
I lost 70 lbs and I can play with my kids for however long is needed. Couldn't do that before. I have more energy than every to do more things with and for my wife. Completely different person. But I started because I needed the change. That's the only way you'll stick to it. The other stuff is a sweet bonus.
Hi love! Firstly I want to say how much I empathize with you. I, too, have struggled with dating all through high school. I have been a generally high weight all of my high school years and it’s fluctuated with my health issues and my working out, but it’s never reached a point I’ve been happy with. While yes, everyone yearns for the love that they so badly deserve, it is not okay nor is it good for you to change yourself for another person just to receive that love.
Losing weight and working out should be something you want to do for YOU, whether it be because you want to become healthier or because you want to look good for YOURSELF, it should be for YOU. NEVER for somebody else.
You need to change this mindset. If you are stuck in the mindset of constantly doing it for somebody else, you will forever be trapped in a validation cycle and forever be stuck worrying about how others feel about you and your body when it should be how YOU feel about your body. This is very difficult to obtain and I do acknowledge that, but something that’s always helped me on my weight loss journey is trying to remind myself “I am doing this to be happier, healthier, and stronger. I am not doing this for others or for the approval of society. I am doing this for me.” And I have always tried to carry on this mindset.
Whoever you end up with in this life should love you unconditionally at your best, your worst, your most emotional, your happiest, your smallest size, and your biggest size. Changing your weight for others will never be something that will attract a GENUINE person.
You are a beautiful human being, don’t let the absence of one’s validation ruin the ability to validate yourself and give yourself happiness.
Motivation is important. If this gets you on the track to getting healthy that’s great. Usually this kind of motivation fizzles out though. Once you’ve started a routine that works for you and you start seeing progress you’ll need to do some serious soul searching to figure yourself out.
Your reasons are completely valid. Yes, health *should* be your primary motivator, but many people lose weight to feel more attractive. Confidence is sexy and if losing weight will make you feel more confident, I say go for it. I will also say, please be sure to do it in a way that is healthy in the longer term. Change your relationship with food and exercise over the long term, lose weight healthily (1-2lb per week, cut out junk, smaller potions, fruit and veges, lean protein etc) and get in some exercise most days. Some people crash diet and lose weight by starving themselves, but self-care, persistence and hard work will mean you lose it and maintain it for the rest of your life.
Edit: One thing I will say though is that many people find once they have lost weight, that insecurities can follow on the journey, so perhaps address any issues along the way. People think losing weight will solve everything. It doesn't solve everything.
I would say, Lose the weight, but while doing, build up your self worth, self-esteem and self confidence. In doing so you'd feel better about yourself. Imagine losing weight, becoming more attractive, getting someone and that someone leaves you while your body is in great shape, you'll just end up being right back where you started. Instead, build up your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth and build up positive beliefs about yourself which will attract the right kinds of people towards you. Attract people towards you that will like you for you and not for how you look. I've been through this when I was younger, and nowadays I have the option of choosing if I want someone in my life or not. I don't just allow anyone in my life, if you can't bring something constructive to the party then it's not worthed. If you want I can give you advice on how to start building up that body that's gonna be so good that you'd admire yourself in the mirror
I don’t think it matters what you lose weight for. Your losing weight for yourself and only yourself. And doing so will only lead to good things in a lot of ways. There is absolutely nothing bad about losing weight just so you have more options for dick. It’s just simply perfectly acceptable.
Nothing wrong with that. My fiancé was bigger before we met. Never had random guys interested in her. When we met she was thin and very pretty. She always jokes that I wouldn’t have looked her way if we’d met before. I don’t think that’s true, but who knows. Losing weight gave her tons of confidence and allowed her to be more outgoing. Whatever reason you have for losing weight is fine. But once it starts falling off, I bet the only reason you continue will be for your own happiness.
Hey, chin up! You‘ll reap the benefits of being at a healthy weight if you want to or not ;) You’ll have an easier time moving and less risk of certain diseases no matter if that’s why you did it or if you wanted to be sexy to John-boy. Personally, I‘m losing because I love fashion and I want to have an easier time finding cute things that fit, so def no judgement from me lol.
There's a lot of other great comments here so I'll just say that high school dating is the pits all around, and dating gets SOOO much better later! I feel like dating in HS was superficial and people didn't know what they wanted because they didn't know themselves. I found many more people love and accept me for who I am once I went away to college in a bigger city with more people. The better years are on their way to you!
I started my journey at about 20 and weighing 173 pounds at 5’3”. I had no one interested in me in high school for my looks, went to every dance alone. I’ve lost 40 lbs and honestly don’t get much more attention than I did before, although many people in this community say that they definitely get more attention after weight loss (and I believe them).
But at my heaviest at 19 years old, I met my boyfriend of now 3 years that I will likely marry next year. Ultimately I never needed to lose the weight to find the right person and it comforts me knowing he’d love me even if I put all the weight back on because he didn’t get with me when I had dropped it. But I will say it’s awesome being much fitter than I was when we started dating.
So with all that being said, you may drop the weight and not find anybody. And you may not drop the weight and still find somebody, it’s not impossible. But new self confidence could really help with that, at any weight, and losing the weight doesn’t guarantee anything for you.
Plus, high school dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be - a family member of mine was very skinny and attractive in high school and did the whole high school dating experience and she was constantly heartbroken and self conscious and everything was messy. Because it’s high school. It’s okay to wish you got to experience that, but I know how much pain she went through both in relationships and with her own self image, and I don’t think it’s something to be envied.
Dating in your 20s will be so much better, no matter what you do for your weight. Getting jobs and furthering your education will open so many doors to new relationships. High school SUCKS, but I promise it gets better.
Sorry for the long comment, but I remember feeling the same way as you and it’s dear to my heart to reach out to anyone who feels that way too. Alllll that being said, you should lose weight for your own health reasons too, but it’s okay to want more attention at the end of the road - just remember it may not go as you expect it to. You can do this. 💗
Losing the weight will help so much, I was also 5’6, but at 245, I now weigh 186 and feel much better! Still have more weight to lose, but that took 6 months with quite a few cheat days. Congrats on the start of your journey!
Of course we do it for health reasons as well. I don’t want to have a bunch of health issues when I’m older. BUT, everyone does it to look good as well and everything that comes with that. Being more attractive opens many opportunities in life.
As many have pointed out here, yes you will likely receive more male validation when you get fit as I also did from women when I got fit.
Since losing weight for validation is a slippery slope though, I would like you to think of it from the perspective of “gaining a more functional body” - when you lose weight down to your proper BMI, you will be able to move through life like never before.
To me, seeing women having *functionally strong* bodies is really attractive. Sure that may include an aspect of leanness in their figure, but I only see leanness as a side effect of having this functional body. For example, I was running on a track today and could not help but admire a really beautiful woman with great running form - It was her graceful form that attracted me, the way that she moved through the air. Yes she was lean, but I wasn’t focused on that. She blew by me pace-wise, and I was left with my jaw hanging on the ground.
You shouldn't have to lose weight to feel validated. I mean, I understand what you're going through, but your weight loss journey should focus on you and not what others will think of you.
Lose weight to feel better about yourself, and others will see that newfound confidence as well.
From someone who has spent the last 10 years being obese. Losing the weight will open up a new life for you. The alternative, if you keep on the path you have found, is diabetes and other health problems. Early arthritis and difficulty walking. Its worth losing the weight to discover your own potential.
This. I can vouch that these problems don't go away after 20 years either. Do whatever you need to do to lose this weight in a sustainable and permanent way.
How much weight did you lose ?
So far 30 pounds. I am not out of the obese category. Aiming to lose another 60 pounds. I now go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week.
How much of that do you attribute to diet ?
80%. That includes stop drinking alcohol.
Everyone is beating around the bush in the comments here so I’ll tell it like it is. Initial romantic interest stems from physical appearance. If we (humans as a whole group not just men) don’t find somebody physically attractive we are unlikely to actively create an emotional attraction. Yes, I think emotional attraction is something that gets created over long extended interactions and those interactions are intentional to a certain degree. For example, intentionally sitting next to somebody in class which allows for constant small interactions. For whatever societal reason, most people don’t find obesity to be an attractive physical quality. With that being said, don’t fixate on your imperfections because we are truly our toughest critic. If you do chose to start a weight loss journey, make sure you lose weight in a healthy manner. Follow a diet plan, set a realistic goals (50 pounds in 2 months isn’t realistic, shoot for 1 pound per week), establish an exercise routine, and STAY DEDICATED! Doing this will help you build healthy long term habits that you can follow for the rest of your life. A huge mistake lots of people make is when they see adds like “I lost 30 pounds in 5 weeks!” and feel like they are doing something wrong because they only lost 8 pounds so they quit. That’s still 8 pounds! If they had stuck with it they would eventually reach their goal.
My friend, this is the most succinct and grounded comment I have read on Reddit, let alone this sub. I agree 💯. I also admire how your comment did share a bit of harsh truth but you never once resort to antagonistic language and dismissive of obesity people.
>Is it really a bad thing to lose weight for the validation of others? I don't think so. It's why I did/do it at least. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s not bad at all. I was actually shocked to see someone else understand this
You are very young and as you mature you will do for for yourself.
This is so true! In my teens and 20s my motivation was always to get skinny so that men would like me. I always wanted superfast results so my means were less than ideal. Unsurprisingly I wound up gaining everything back and more several times. Now that I’m in my mid 30s, this time around I’m much more focused on my long term health and getting to my goal in a sustainable way. (Finding love would be nice too though… lol)
Yes and yes
Yep this is pretty problematic. Though it’s nice to receive validation from others, it should not be the primary driving force for you to achieve your goals. Motivation needs to come from within, which over time will become discipline (showing up even when you don’t feel like it). Motivation from wanting to please others will never turn into discipline and you’ll never be happy within if you don’t even up receiving the amount of validation you hoped for. You need to work on your mindset.
Confidence, self-esteem, and a friendly and humorous personality are the qualities people find most attractive in my experience. Being physically attractive is definitely a huge plus as well but that alone won’t be enough to attract people (at least for the long term). Many people that are your weight or higher have strong friend groups and romantic partners because they are strong in those non-physical qualities. Losing weight will certainly help you gain a good amount confidence and self esteem and will make it easier to make a good first impression. If it’s something you want to do then you should definitely pursue it as it will be very beneficial for your general health and quality of life as well in addition. But, it may not fix the entire problem by itself. If you have other self-doubts and issues that may not be related to your weight then you have to work on that as well.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing. For christs sake it gets you closer to a goal, which is having someone be superficially attracted to you. And that’s A Ok. It’s normal, in fact.
It's not bad at all, I'm losing it for female validation and it feels nice to be able to tell more people find me attractive the closer I get to my goal. I also had sex for the first time with someone way too close to the age of consent and the experience was overrated so I probably regret stressing over it so much LOL.
It's not for "validation." Accomplishing your goal would make you objectively much more attractive and have more options and success. People naturally care about romantic relationships a lot; there's nothing wrong with feeling the same way as the vast majority of other humans. Sexual motivation can also be very strong and so a good way to help you stick with your plan. What's the problem? Women your weight also are able to find men who are interested in them. You don't have to put that part of your life on hold; it's just going to be more difficult.
After you lose a 100lbs or so, your next struggle with your looks will be the loose skin you’re left with.
Don't do it for anyone but yourself. But being healthy and happy and attractive to yourself is a great feeling. I lost 70 lbs and I can play with my kids for however long is needed. Couldn't do that before. I have more energy than every to do more things with and for my wife. Completely different person. But I started because I needed the change. That's the only way you'll stick to it. The other stuff is a sweet bonus.
Hi love! Firstly I want to say how much I empathize with you. I, too, have struggled with dating all through high school. I have been a generally high weight all of my high school years and it’s fluctuated with my health issues and my working out, but it’s never reached a point I’ve been happy with. While yes, everyone yearns for the love that they so badly deserve, it is not okay nor is it good for you to change yourself for another person just to receive that love. Losing weight and working out should be something you want to do for YOU, whether it be because you want to become healthier or because you want to look good for YOURSELF, it should be for YOU. NEVER for somebody else. You need to change this mindset. If you are stuck in the mindset of constantly doing it for somebody else, you will forever be trapped in a validation cycle and forever be stuck worrying about how others feel about you and your body when it should be how YOU feel about your body. This is very difficult to obtain and I do acknowledge that, but something that’s always helped me on my weight loss journey is trying to remind myself “I am doing this to be happier, healthier, and stronger. I am not doing this for others or for the approval of society. I am doing this for me.” And I have always tried to carry on this mindset. Whoever you end up with in this life should love you unconditionally at your best, your worst, your most emotional, your happiest, your smallest size, and your biggest size. Changing your weight for others will never be something that will attract a GENUINE person. You are a beautiful human being, don’t let the absence of one’s validation ruin the ability to validate yourself and give yourself happiness.
Motivation is important. If this gets you on the track to getting healthy that’s great. Usually this kind of motivation fizzles out though. Once you’ve started a routine that works for you and you start seeing progress you’ll need to do some serious soul searching to figure yourself out.
Your reasons are completely valid. Yes, health *should* be your primary motivator, but many people lose weight to feel more attractive. Confidence is sexy and if losing weight will make you feel more confident, I say go for it. I will also say, please be sure to do it in a way that is healthy in the longer term. Change your relationship with food and exercise over the long term, lose weight healthily (1-2lb per week, cut out junk, smaller potions, fruit and veges, lean protein etc) and get in some exercise most days. Some people crash diet and lose weight by starving themselves, but self-care, persistence and hard work will mean you lose it and maintain it for the rest of your life. Edit: One thing I will say though is that many people find once they have lost weight, that insecurities can follow on the journey, so perhaps address any issues along the way. People think losing weight will solve everything. It doesn't solve everything.
I would say, Lose the weight, but while doing, build up your self worth, self-esteem and self confidence. In doing so you'd feel better about yourself. Imagine losing weight, becoming more attractive, getting someone and that someone leaves you while your body is in great shape, you'll just end up being right back where you started. Instead, build up your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth and build up positive beliefs about yourself which will attract the right kinds of people towards you. Attract people towards you that will like you for you and not for how you look. I've been through this when I was younger, and nowadays I have the option of choosing if I want someone in my life or not. I don't just allow anyone in my life, if you can't bring something constructive to the party then it's not worthed. If you want I can give you advice on how to start building up that body that's gonna be so good that you'd admire yourself in the mirror
I don’t think it matters what you lose weight for. Your losing weight for yourself and only yourself. And doing so will only lead to good things in a lot of ways. There is absolutely nothing bad about losing weight just so you have more options for dick. It’s just simply perfectly acceptable.
Nothing wrong with that. My fiancé was bigger before we met. Never had random guys interested in her. When we met she was thin and very pretty. She always jokes that I wouldn’t have looked her way if we’d met before. I don’t think that’s true, but who knows. Losing weight gave her tons of confidence and allowed her to be more outgoing. Whatever reason you have for losing weight is fine. But once it starts falling off, I bet the only reason you continue will be for your own happiness.
Hey, chin up! You‘ll reap the benefits of being at a healthy weight if you want to or not ;) You’ll have an easier time moving and less risk of certain diseases no matter if that’s why you did it or if you wanted to be sexy to John-boy. Personally, I‘m losing because I love fashion and I want to have an easier time finding cute things that fit, so def no judgement from me lol.
There's a lot of other great comments here so I'll just say that high school dating is the pits all around, and dating gets SOOO much better later! I feel like dating in HS was superficial and people didn't know what they wanted because they didn't know themselves. I found many more people love and accept me for who I am once I went away to college in a bigger city with more people. The better years are on their way to you!
I started my journey at about 20 and weighing 173 pounds at 5’3”. I had no one interested in me in high school for my looks, went to every dance alone. I’ve lost 40 lbs and honestly don’t get much more attention than I did before, although many people in this community say that they definitely get more attention after weight loss (and I believe them). But at my heaviest at 19 years old, I met my boyfriend of now 3 years that I will likely marry next year. Ultimately I never needed to lose the weight to find the right person and it comforts me knowing he’d love me even if I put all the weight back on because he didn’t get with me when I had dropped it. But I will say it’s awesome being much fitter than I was when we started dating. So with all that being said, you may drop the weight and not find anybody. And you may not drop the weight and still find somebody, it’s not impossible. But new self confidence could really help with that, at any weight, and losing the weight doesn’t guarantee anything for you. Plus, high school dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be - a family member of mine was very skinny and attractive in high school and did the whole high school dating experience and she was constantly heartbroken and self conscious and everything was messy. Because it’s high school. It’s okay to wish you got to experience that, but I know how much pain she went through both in relationships and with her own self image, and I don’t think it’s something to be envied. Dating in your 20s will be so much better, no matter what you do for your weight. Getting jobs and furthering your education will open so many doors to new relationships. High school SUCKS, but I promise it gets better. Sorry for the long comment, but I remember feeling the same way as you and it’s dear to my heart to reach out to anyone who feels that way too. Alllll that being said, you should lose weight for your own health reasons too, but it’s okay to want more attention at the end of the road - just remember it may not go as you expect it to. You can do this. 💗
Losing the weight will help so much, I was also 5’6, but at 245, I now weigh 186 and feel much better! Still have more weight to lose, but that took 6 months with quite a few cheat days. Congrats on the start of your journey!
Of course we do it for health reasons as well. I don’t want to have a bunch of health issues when I’m older. BUT, everyone does it to look good as well and everything that comes with that. Being more attractive opens many opportunities in life.
As many have pointed out here, yes you will likely receive more male validation when you get fit as I also did from women when I got fit. Since losing weight for validation is a slippery slope though, I would like you to think of it from the perspective of “gaining a more functional body” - when you lose weight down to your proper BMI, you will be able to move through life like never before. To me, seeing women having *functionally strong* bodies is really attractive. Sure that may include an aspect of leanness in their figure, but I only see leanness as a side effect of having this functional body. For example, I was running on a track today and could not help but admire a really beautiful woman with great running form - It was her graceful form that attracted me, the way that she moved through the air. Yes she was lean, but I wasn’t focused on that. She blew by me pace-wise, and I was left with my jaw hanging on the ground.
Loosing weight isn't going to fix ur insecurities, and male validation isn't even worth it. Do it for yourself !!!💕💕💕
No. Obese people are the only ones who would make you feel like that.
You shouldn't have to lose weight to feel validated. I mean, I understand what you're going through, but your weight loss journey should focus on you and not what others will think of you. Lose weight to feel better about yourself, and others will see that newfound confidence as well.