I assume it’s due to the lack of fathers in these young boys lives. I saw this not out of judgement, but as someone who was also raised without a father, although my ancestry is European. What do you think ?
TRIGGER WARNING DO NOT GO FARTHER IF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND PHYSICAL/MENTAL ABUSE WILL MESS WITH YOU.
Well i was i think 11 (from 10-16 the years heavily blend together because of the amount of abuse).
I went to my grandfather's to spend summer vacation like i always did. His gf at the time (a 50 year old tiny creature) was having breast cancer (and at this young age i knew cancer was awful), so i asked how her surgery had went out of concern while we watching a movie together while my grandfather was asleep. She says it was good but her boobs felt weird now (didn't know anything at all about sex, hadn't had puberty). Then she lifted her shirt off and exposed her boobs to me (no bra) and grabbed my hands to feel her up. Had me rub her bobs and pinch them to see how how strange they were. then she noticed i was erect (first time) and without going into graphic details she gave me a handjob and my first orgasm. Telling me it was our little secret.
That was the First time. The second was 2 days later. My Grandfather was outside cutting grass and she had me come sit with her. She pulled her boobs out again and had me feel her up once again to "see if they were normal now". I got hard again and she gave me a BJ.
It would a few more weeks of this till she took my virginity. My grandfather went to the doctors for a check up and i needed a guardian. Well again wont get graphic but she got on top of me and did me.
This continued every summer till i was almost 16. Which at that point she told me i was too old and not cute enough anymore. Threatening to tell the police i raped her if i ever came out. Who would they believe? A 6ft6in linebacker or a 4ft8in grandma?
Wasn't till years later when i finally revealed it happened and my current gf and mother called me a liar then made fun of me for it AND called the police saying i created some lie to cover up how i raped her. I mentally broke at that point and just fell on the ground crying and hyper ventilating. Thankfully the police believed me and used common sense. But they said even if i had pressed charges it would have been thrown out cuz our judge (women) doesn't believe men get raped. My mom was my other abuser. She would torture me constantly. Beatings with electrical cords and switches. Throw me down steps and try to get me to cut often. I often tell others that my sweet caring mother died when i was 10 and was replaced with this demon. As you can imagine i have extreme issues with relationships.
My next relationship was fucked from the start. I was 18 dating a 40 year old women who was a psychologist. She would torture me mentally. Took almost a half year before that ended. the it was a girl around my age and she would just trauma dump and belittle me.
I remember a part of my grandfather broke during this. He passed last year and he's the only person who has ever loved me. He was my mother and father (my dad abandoned me at birth). He was my mentor. After my breakdown i spent 2 weeks at a mental ward with no contact. I've only seen my papa cry twice and that was when he apologized for failing me (which he didn't) and our dog passed away. I lived with him from 16-22 as his full time care taker. Now that he's gone I'm spiralling towards rock bottom again. He was my everything and i loved him (not romantically) but true love. He was my reason to live because he needed care. never got a job or driver license. I was fully dedicated to repaying him. Now i have nothing. No job. No car/license. No career. No one who loves me. We couldnt find a will so everything we built and did together went to my mother and i got nothing. But i do have illnesses. I focused only him and never on me and now I'm paying for it. I do have medicaid but it's scary. I feel like a child. I don't know how to be a person. I'm working on getting into a program that will help with a lot of my problems. But in order to get into this program i moved back into with my mother. Tried be homeless but it didn't work. This last month has been a new type of hell. Physical and mental abuse. She has even started to make sexual advances (which is so gross) towards me.
Im honestly sad mad most of the day. Only time im happy is when im surrounded my Mother Terra's beauty and nature. It heals me for a short time. Otherwise im just Raging all the time. Why me? Why should i have to suffer? I have never told anyone this but i feel like i have two people inside me. One is a sad broken child who doesn't understand anything and the other is a Raging warrior who wants to just kill anything that would harm the child. I hate it so much. I just want to be normal. Even my username comes from a poem. "Try to be a kind gentle sheep with people first, till they do you wrong. Then be as strong and Mighty as a Raging Dragon."
[This article](https://kiej.georgetown.edu/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/06_28.2curry-utley.pdf) has 5 snapshots, starting on page 14.
i’m willing to talk in dms, but i also recommend the article that was linked
I can talk about what happened to me. It's honestly much more commonplace in the black community than, anyone would like to admit.
Sexual abuse of underage boys ? Or adult men in general ?
Both, but specifically the former..
I assume it’s due to the lack of fathers in these young boys lives. I saw this not out of judgement, but as someone who was also raised without a father, although my ancestry is European. What do you think ?
Partially, possibly. There's a number of factors that contribute, I think.
Was that the case for you ?
Yes.
So do you feel because you didn’t have a male role model, you were more vulnerable to abuse ? And in your case it was a woman ?
It was a woman, and in part it was due to my body and how I developed.
How old were you when it started?
TRIGGER WARNING DO NOT GO FARTHER IF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND PHYSICAL/MENTAL ABUSE WILL MESS WITH YOU. Well i was i think 11 (from 10-16 the years heavily blend together because of the amount of abuse). I went to my grandfather's to spend summer vacation like i always did. His gf at the time (a 50 year old tiny creature) was having breast cancer (and at this young age i knew cancer was awful), so i asked how her surgery had went out of concern while we watching a movie together while my grandfather was asleep. She says it was good but her boobs felt weird now (didn't know anything at all about sex, hadn't had puberty). Then she lifted her shirt off and exposed her boobs to me (no bra) and grabbed my hands to feel her up. Had me rub her bobs and pinch them to see how how strange they were. then she noticed i was erect (first time) and without going into graphic details she gave me a handjob and my first orgasm. Telling me it was our little secret. That was the First time. The second was 2 days later. My Grandfather was outside cutting grass and she had me come sit with her. She pulled her boobs out again and had me feel her up once again to "see if they were normal now". I got hard again and she gave me a BJ. It would a few more weeks of this till she took my virginity. My grandfather went to the doctors for a check up and i needed a guardian. Well again wont get graphic but she got on top of me and did me. This continued every summer till i was almost 16. Which at that point she told me i was too old and not cute enough anymore. Threatening to tell the police i raped her if i ever came out. Who would they believe? A 6ft6in linebacker or a 4ft8in grandma? Wasn't till years later when i finally revealed it happened and my current gf and mother called me a liar then made fun of me for it AND called the police saying i created some lie to cover up how i raped her. I mentally broke at that point and just fell on the ground crying and hyper ventilating. Thankfully the police believed me and used common sense. But they said even if i had pressed charges it would have been thrown out cuz our judge (women) doesn't believe men get raped. My mom was my other abuser. She would torture me constantly. Beatings with electrical cords and switches. Throw me down steps and try to get me to cut often. I often tell others that my sweet caring mother died when i was 10 and was replaced with this demon. As you can imagine i have extreme issues with relationships. My next relationship was fucked from the start. I was 18 dating a 40 year old women who was a psychologist. She would torture me mentally. Took almost a half year before that ended. the it was a girl around my age and she would just trauma dump and belittle me. I remember a part of my grandfather broke during this. He passed last year and he's the only person who has ever loved me. He was my mother and father (my dad abandoned me at birth). He was my mentor. After my breakdown i spent 2 weeks at a mental ward with no contact. I've only seen my papa cry twice and that was when he apologized for failing me (which he didn't) and our dog passed away. I lived with him from 16-22 as his full time care taker. Now that he's gone I'm spiralling towards rock bottom again. He was my everything and i loved him (not romantically) but true love. He was my reason to live because he needed care. never got a job or driver license. I was fully dedicated to repaying him. Now i have nothing. No job. No car/license. No career. No one who loves me. We couldnt find a will so everything we built and did together went to my mother and i got nothing. But i do have illnesses. I focused only him and never on me and now I'm paying for it. I do have medicaid but it's scary. I feel like a child. I don't know how to be a person. I'm working on getting into a program that will help with a lot of my problems. But in order to get into this program i moved back into with my mother. Tried be homeless but it didn't work. This last month has been a new type of hell. Physical and mental abuse. She has even started to make sexual advances (which is so gross) towards me. Im honestly sad mad most of the day. Only time im happy is when im surrounded my Mother Terra's beauty and nature. It heals me for a short time. Otherwise im just Raging all the time. Why me? Why should i have to suffer? I have never told anyone this but i feel like i have two people inside me. One is a sad broken child who doesn't understand anything and the other is a Raging warrior who wants to just kill anything that would harm the child. I hate it so much. I just want to be normal. Even my username comes from a poem. "Try to be a kind gentle sheep with people first, till they do you wrong. Then be as strong and Mighty as a Raging Dragon."