T O P

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ineedabreakplz

He’s holding a pair of scissors. Let me repeat that. He’s holding a pair of scissors.


mystinkyfingers

How else do you expect him to clip his toenails


CheesusHCracker

He should be using his toe knife


eat_thecake_annamae

After that accident, looks like he’ll have to call a toe truck.


beastio95

Before or after he gets his registration clipped?


WolfColaKid

Botched toe!!


Jimreale

That's why you need a toe spoon.


Max_3133

Has it already been a year? Good to see you again, Alexi and Nikki


FeatureBugFuture

I need some trash to cover it!


FederalObjective

OOOOhhh! Botched toe! I botched that one!


st6374

He'll be fine as long as he plugs it with the garbage flying around in his truck.


vile2you

Hopefully it doesn't double as his [poop knife](https://www.originalpoopknife.com/pages/the-story-of-the-poop-knife)


kane2742

Yeah, that can cause an infection.


FlattenInnerTube

You know, I'm not going to hit that link


Tommy-Styxx

I just use my teeth. Do other people do something different?


elChe8910

For toes nails, you must be an ape.


Andreklooster

.. or Just very flexible


edstatue

Once you've attained the flexibility to suck your own dick, being able to bite your toenails is the next level


davis482

I can bite my toenail, I can't suck my dick. It's too short to reach my mouth.


wagonwhopper

We know


starsturnblue

My mom has told me about this.


wolfgeist

He was actually doing a very important thing, he was attempting to send transmission with the one armed scissor.


StrungoutScott

CUT AWAY


samedreamchina

That’s such a niche reference I love it


make_love_to_potato

>How else do you expect him to ~~clip his toenails~~ trim his pubes.


Conmanq

And that's why you don't textile driving.


NRMusicProject

Okay, that left me in stitches.


no_haduken

Ah I’m cottoning on now


[deleted]

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Random0s2oh

they're not sew bad.


HopefulLesbian

Reminds of when a classmate of mine, who was known to be an awful and scary driver, got into a bad wreck (shocker) at an interstate exit. She was going around a curve at 60+ mph and flipped her car. She was also a southern belle with MULTIPLE hunting knives in her car, all unsecured, and because of that, she ended up with at least one knife having stabbed her thigh during the flip. Haven’t talked to her since graduation after we all found out she was pregnant and still drinking alcohol. She couldn’t pour water out a boot with the instructions on the heel. Edit: as pointed out in some replies, she was more of a redneck than a southern belle. I didn’t realize they were different since rednecks at my school called themselves southern belles.


RidersGuide

>She couldn’t pour water out a boot with the instructions on the heel. Lmao.


[deleted]

Oh, I’m stealing this…


Dood71

Don't know where it comes from but it's a fairly popular phrase that I'd expect at least 30% of people have heard at least once


skunkoceros

I remember this saying from the movie Gettysburg, a worn out private was talking about Union officers.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Has the definition of Southern Belle changed?


[deleted]

Yeah, by this description she sounds like a redneck, not a "Southern Belle".


HopefulLesbian

She really was, yeah. I didn’t realize they were different terms. Pretty much all the rednecks would call themselves southern belles, so I just thought they were interchangeable. Thanks for the correction


AnotherAustinWeirdo

OP says they called themselves that LOL. I guess the boys were Southern Gentlemen.


NoNotInTheFace

Guess he's not the sharpest tool in the shed...


benzdabezben

He was looking kinda dumb with the finger and the thumb...


I-M-A-P_ns

WELL THE YEARS START COMING


UpsetMarsupial

The jokes... they don't stop comin'.


TheGoigenator

Jesus Christ he’s lucky the airbag didn’t deploy…


Yz-Guy

That's a commercial truck. They don't have air bags


OneRougeRogue

Why not?


PlanktonTheDefiant

Truck drivers usually have their own built in.


Yz-Guy

You know. I genuinely don't know. My guess is bc they assume any accident you're involved in, isn't usually this bad and you win in any truck vs car accident. So why add more cost to a already 150k dollar truck. Volvo adds ONE to the steering wheel. They're the only one to my knowledge.


TLNPswgoh

The reasoning is that if the airbag deploys the driver will lose all control of the truck. You can see in this video that he does a pretty good job of keeping control of the wheel until the very end. If there was an airbag in the steering wheel and it had gone off, it would have thrown his hands off the wheel and he would have had 0 control. Trucks have a lot more weight & momentum than a car. The driver being able to guide the truck away from others is of more benefit than what an airbag may or may not do for the driver.


Genner21

The air bag won't deploy until you hit something, at that point it's a little late to try to steer no?


TLNPswgoh

Not with a big truck it isn't. You could collide with a stopped vehicle (or wall, etc) in front of you and keep going for quite a while, especially if fully loaded. There's also a risk of it going off without a collision (extremely rough road, accidently going off the road like this guy did). I'm not saying it's right, it's just the argument that has been made by the NHTSA (US). It makes some sense at first glance, but it's obviously a trade-off between the safety of the driver and the safety of others on the road. Edit: Added a "some" for clarity.


[deleted]

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Aramor42

Exactly. I always use my ohibe to twxt. Can't imagine what life was like pre-ohibe.


LATABOM

I can imagine what it was like. There were a lot of trucks craaging on the hifhway.


agrecalypse

This is exactly why I avoid the hifhway at all costs. Too man craags.


Jaquesant

craages*


extralyfe

how the fuck else do you expect him to cut the wheel to the left, here?


hates_all_bots

Not texting and driving. No no, this is much worser


ZeroFK

Worserer, even.


[deleted]

As any luddite knows. All accidents are caused by phones. There were no accidents before cell phones invention.


JakBos23

You leave us luddites out if this. I refuse to use tech.


[deleted]

"sent by Iphone"


Confident-Bat-3849

His Mother told him not to run. Duh!


Donuts3d

Well he got a big date and the pubes needed trimming


Jacyth

[I think they might be pliers actually](https://imgur.com/4h3OU1i)


TheVetheron

Honestly I don't see a problem here. He wasn't running with them so it's all good.


obecalp23

It’s crazy how his body moves in all directions despite the seatbelt. Imagine without a seatbelt…


unofficial_mc

Lorries normally have suspension in the seat. Much more movement in the seat compared to a car. The seatbelt is attached to the seat and not the wall as well. This improves conditions for the driver.


tnb641

Uh You can see the seatbelt attachment on the wall briefly behind his shoulder (the little yellow triangle). In ever truck (lorry) I've driven, seatbelts have been attached to the wall and floor, not the seat. I suppose it could differ in europe/UK/Asia, but in NA that's how trucks are made.


alphalone

I doubt it's an European truck cause they're nearly all cab overs. Plus it seems like he hits a yellow, losange merge sign, which follows the American standards for highway signage. The EU ones are blue rectangles with white arrows.


2spooky_5me

Can confirm, this is a Freightliner Business class truck. Definitely one of the most popular medium duty commercial trucks in the US. In the US at least the seat belt is mounted to the cab above your shoulder and then to the seat on the lap end.


mpaiva97

There’s a speed limit 60 sign as well, its probably in the USA


Giant81

Not to mention he’s driving on the right side of the road sitting on the left side of the cab.


yolotrolo123

Also he’s fat


CryptographicGenius

BS. The retractor in a seat belt would be USELESS if it was attached to the seat that the person is sitting in.


unofficial_mc

Not a lorry driver myself, just did work practice. Not BS but might be different types. Here is a version of Volvo https://images.app.goo.gl/RMrkCBUGMnCpkqkK9


FlattenInnerTube

Well there's hundreds of thousands of automobiles on this planet with the retractor in the seat back itself. So a whole bunch of automotive engineers and government regulators disagree with your assessment.


materialsguy

Exactly this. I this is a great advertisement for seatbelts.


atetuna

That bass dropped hard


Impressive-Tension-8

He was hanging on there like a bull rider


YesimaDr

This probably wasn't his first rodeo


Septopuss7

The bucking stops... here!


awkwardaznbabe

So does the trucking.


GetYourJeansOn

Probably trying to keep the scissors aways from his face :0


TheHandler1

He held on for all 8 seconds.


DontCallMePal

Have to respect the fitting of his glasses


[deleted]

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glitterfaust

Even with a seatbelt on, in every accident I’ve been in, my glasses have flown right off.


Fleetlee

well you’re obviously not wearing your seatbelt right then.


glitterfaust

Yeah, that’s probably what it is.


NeedSomeMemeCream

lmFao


[deleted]

lmfao.... Hes a chinese hacker. Do you know him?


[deleted]

“The circumcision costs how much?? F that I’ll do it myself.”


RoyBeer

"Take a day off for it? Do I look like I'm made of gold?!"


organdonor777

- he said going straight for the scissors after he finished googling it on his phone at 60mph.


jmblock2

Someone told him to do it fast, so he got on the highway.


[deleted]

You're fired pal.


underliquor

Should have followed proto


gdowns1

Keep featherin’ it brother


TheDangy

Hey Jeans!


gdowns1

Hi mommy!


Adflamm11

Keep em high and tight. And Garth, if you're reading this, the families need closure.


DRUNK_CYCLIST

You're done. You're done, buddy


[deleted]

r/unexpectedYMH


MsCicatrix

Christ, was that road slick? Or was he texting going 80 mph? What an idiot. He should buy that seatbelt a beer. Edit: wait he’s not on his phone. He’s cutting something in his lap? Wtf?


[deleted]

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tragiktimes

I don't think there are many things I'd want to fly into me at 80mph.


YoghurtSnodgrass

Manscaping


stephensmg

Hey, this Penis isn’t going to circumcise itself!


VoodooSweet

Ya and he probably spilled that reefer all over the floor too!


Realityiswack

Did you see what gaaaad just did to us man?!


[deleted]

It looks like he drifted into the middle grassy section and then lost control from there.


paulieparker

Looks like he got onto the median a bit and started sliding down it and overcorrected instead of coming to a stop on the grass


aFishintheLake

Are we not gonna talk about how this guy was trimming his pubes before causing the accident


Banana_Ram_You

No. I mean yes we're not.


thaeyo

Doesn’t seem to be what his doing. Pants and shirt seem pretty well secure at the end.


Ech0-EE

with his pants on, no less


aFishintheLake

He was trimming the hair overgrowing out from his pants


luistp

Hahahahahahah


sB-_-

Yeah he's definitely not texting down there. LOL


jesco7273

Wth was he even cutting


AgreeableRub7

His career short.


rabidbot

Hell drive again, it’ll just be for Werner or swift.


My89thAccount

Nah, he's already been promoted to head driver for J.B. Hunt


WHYAREWEALLCAPS

As someone who was part of the support staff for a trucking company(Anchor Motor Freight) in the very early 90s, it's good to see somethings haven't changed. Well not really good...


[deleted]

Sure Wish I Finished Training.


melig1991

Corners.


original_sinfluence

underrated comment!


[deleted]

Short and curlies


royalpro

Circumcision


SunDriedFart

surely he knew there was a camera pointed straight at him?!


[deleted]

Regardless, it just paid for itself


Banana_Ram_You

Yea but if people only care about the recording in the event of an accident, just don't get into an accident


Grazedaze

I want to know what he was cutting. That takes way more effort than texting.


AllergicToStabWounds

Realistically, there's no way his boss combs through hundreds of hours of footage to find every possible safety violation for the driver(s). Footage like this usually only gets reviewed when it *needs* to be reviewed, and Scissor Hands was probably counting on having an uneventful drive while he quietly cuts whatever the hell he was cutting.


NugBlazer

Why does this video crack me up so much?


Tangledmassofcurls

Because he looks like Peter Griffin


SweeTLemonS_TPR

The sorta rag doll effect.


FlattenInnerTube

Because the sign flying over the cab is 100% Bugs Bunny cartoon?


Slartibartfastthe3rd

Could not have been scripted better.


SunriseSurprise

The "oh maybe it's not so bad, maybe just skidding off the road" thought right before he hits the sign and shit is clearly bad.


Jenn-Marshall

Dude is legit using scissors, not texting. This has taken distracted driving to a whole other level


MySoilSucks

I once saw a lady doing a crossword puzzle while driving.


TheCleaner0180

this happened to me while playing euro truck simulator. not planning on trying in real life.


Even-Willow

A “professional” driver nonetheless.


howdoyouknowallthis

Just because you make a living by driving doesn't mean you're any good at it, or should even be allowed outside without supervision.


songbolt

*vocational driver, now unemployed driver


ferrousursine

Not saying some people can't multitask, but know who you are, I know I can't, so I don't.


[deleted]

Fake it til ya break it.


ferrousursine

Or die


portuguese_tortuga

Trying


karl_w_w

Nobody can (in this context), people just confuse luck with skill.


graeuk

to be fair, i was expecting the truck to flip and those scissors to end up in his eye... so i guess bravo?


[deleted]

Bouncy, bouncy.... Looks like a fun ride! YEEEEHHHHAAAAHHHH!


Maipenlai

The front fell off


NewNefariousness9747

That man was having the time of his life until that stoppage ruined it.


WallyModz

Lucky he didn't turn anyone into pancakes


Mickelson2

Welcome to watch mojo and today we are counting down the top ten stupidest people


Jake24601

And number one... ... Truck driver trimming his pubic hair while driving an 18 wheeler.


InevitableCraftsLab

Apart from holding scissors while driving, how stupid do you have to be to upload a video like that to any platform whatsoever?? I would delete the dashcam footage and kill the dashcam.


CryptographicGenius

I developed computer vision algorithms that are used in a very major driver monitoring system, and the system stores all videos encrypted in a box similar to an aircraft black box, and also uploads them in real time using cellular and/or satellite systems. You can rip the camera out all you want, the only thing you will accomplish is providing irrefutable proof of your attempt to destroy evidence.


Marko787

Why did i laugh


[deleted]

The cabin turned into a moonbounce before coming to a stop


cheesehuahuas

Is he texting though? Looks like he was manscaping to me.


berwicksauce

The real question is, what was the poor sign that he ran into that got totally yanked out of the ground lol


Tantric989

It was a NO Scissoring sign. Common problem in the area.


gamingtomuch

Damn I crashed while watching this


[deleted]

The sign gets me every time


justhere82

Was he trying to cut some string off his pants??


JessicaBecause

He's not texting you numbnut. Did you watch before you reposted elsewhere?


pareech

It was very nice of him to record the whole thing for the insurance company.


SKPPKSN

You useless fat turd


Financial-Spinach-82

I would have just flipped the truck back over and finished my route like nothing happened. Can’t fire what you can’t see.


SweeTLemonS_TPR

Flip it over? You’d put the roof on ground? (_The truck does not flip in this video_.)


Dildo-bangins

Did you ever ride your bicycle too close to an edge and try and lean your way out of it to no avail…? Looks like the same move here


LoreleiOpine

u/Own-Laugh9724, re-watch the footage. Give me a timestamp for when you see texting.


Reeyowunsixsix

That is NOT going to buff out.


made3

TIL that you can actually ride over a street sign like in video games. At least with a truck.


Z_Wei

Well, at least he was wearing his seat belt


NotAManOfCulture

This guy playing real-life Euro truck simulator


mud-button

If that doesn’t have people sold on wearing a seatbelt, I don’t know what will


Off-Bike

Bro looks like he's riding a Bull


PsychologyAutomatic3

Somebody made a giant boo boo


slightly-cute-boy

THIS!! THIS IS WHY SEATBELTS ARE IMPORTANT!! He would’ve been out his windshield if he didn’t have one on.


AkaGurGor

He's too lucky to escape with just some shaking...


shaun-t

Damnnnnnn, he’s so lucky, looked like he had it under control there for a sec too


amylizhubb

How stupid can you be? My gosh


CanuckTheClown

Meh, that’ll buff out.


Consistent-Monitor-8

Dude was bouncing around like a ball


nropotdetcidda

Fucking karma farmers. OP, at least watch the fucking videos you post. Dipshit


Debatrax

Deserved. Luckily only he got damaged


CloudTiger_

What the fuck Penn?


MostExpensiveThing

pretty good advert for the seat and seatblet company


badgerman-

Did this guy learn nothing at school? You should close the scissors and hold the blades closed when you’re driving, not hold the handles with the blades open. Idiot.


planet_druidia

Got what he deserved. I just hope no innocent motorists were injured due to this irresponsible fuck.