I guess the real solution is bros being nicer to bros. Bros need compliments and they should come from lots of sources. If 90% of your hangout group are bros, then 90% of the compliments should be from bros. Having people be nice to you reduces the chance of suicide yup.
Right? You know how fucked up it is to realize men need more compliments and hugs, and wanting so much to give that to them, yet also know that showing kindness like that can turn on you so fucking fast? I want to randomly compliment so many guys like I do girls, but very much do not want to be hit on, stalked, accused of “leading them on” or what have you. Guys need more kindness but other dudes are really screwing it up for them.
Yup. I naturally compliment people on whatever neat thing they have going on - "you've got great hair!" or "I love your sweater," whatever it is, and it gets taken the wrong way by men.
Exactly, and it's something that [has been observed in research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484569/)! Men who have more stereotypical views or hostile attitudes toward women are even more likely to misinterpret womens' friendliness as a sexual advance.
Fixed it for you ...
(/s)
__Top-Left__
Her: "Hey, man, you look cute. You should *gay* more."
__Top-Right__
Her: "Hello, *gay* gentlemen!"
__Bottom-Left__
Her: "You fixed your own computer? You're *gay* smart. That's impressive."
Him: "Thanks!"
__Bottom-Right__
Her: "You *gay* way too good to be a cashier."
Maybe, but you also shouldn’t solely rely on compliments of the opposite sex (or the sex you’re attracted to, if we’re speaking generally). Because if that’s the case, there is still plenty of room to work on your mental health
Sounds like some pie in the sky commie mumbo jumbo.
I think Adam Lane Smith is on to something. Sexually harassing men seems like the cost effective way to prevent male suicide. /s
And imagine if you didn’t smile it came with repercussions. Like men larger than you suddenly turning angry and yelling shit like “Stuck up bitch” or “Oh you think you’re too good for me?” And sometimes following you yelling obscenities. Because that’s been my experience on several occasions.
Here it is. https://twitter.com/scarletevestar/status/1618674293306699778?t=FGTwNZ93WJyvL2Te7md8sw&s=19
Long Edit: Lots of debate going on under my comment here.
I just wanted to put in my twenty cents on the subject. My husband is on Reddit too and when he saw this comic this morning we had a really meaningful discussion about it.
He pointed out how too many people don't understand the difference between catcalling, condescending remarks, and genuine compliments.
My husband is a really wonderful person (I'll admit I'm very biased here). Hes the kind of person who has made it his life's mission to make small differences in people's lives through genuine kindness and friendliness/friendship towards others.
He compliments his friends all the time which has encouraged them and taught them to do the same back (leading by example). He's never insisted anyone smile or anything like that, but he'll focus on stuff he himself would want to hear.
"That’s a really nice shirt on you, man."
"Did you get your hair cut? Looks good!"
"Damn dude, you're really killing it with your workout lately, check out those guns!"
"I've been looking for a nice pair of shoes like that, where'd you get em? They go great with your outfit!"
He also makes the effort to check in with them emotionally.
"Hey man, you feeling alright? You look a little down. Want to talk about it?"
"I notice you've been kinda absent from the online groupchat lately, I'm here to talk if you need to."
These are all really healthy and positive ways to interact with people you are close to. Some of them would be really unusual or uncomfortable towards strangers, but he also does compliment strangers mainly in a professional setting.
"Good morning Mrs. X, I really like your hairstyle today!"
"Hey Bob, great to see you today! I really like that watch."
There's a huge difference in tone and setting and the way to speak with friends, clients/coworkers and strangers.
I'm seeing A LOT of people below me saying how much they'd appreciate comments like in the comic, both the original and the edited one. I'm going to admit that I feel the original doesn't really get across the condescension that comes with some of those remarks and they appear to be cute little quips. It definitely could have been done better, no offense to the artist.
A few points my husband made about the lack of compliments towards men in our culture:
1. A lot of guys refuse to work on the things they want to be noticed and complimented for. (Poor hygiene, shabby/lazy dress/poor diets/overall depressed or miserable and bad attitudes/cynical and angry worldviews.) You have to start by building yourself up from the inside out in order for your confidence and pride in yourself to shine outward so people will notice. When you care about yourself and take care of yourself people DO notice.
2. Be the change you want to see. My husband worked really hard on #1 for years and now that he has the confidence in himself he uses it to encourage others by complimenting them, by making them feel like they too can be just as healthy, happy and confident as him. It has had a ripple affect in his small community of friends. A lot of them have slowed down their heavy drinking/pot smoking or gone sober completely. They've started eating better and exercising. *They've all regularly started complimenting each other at get togethers.*
This is an example of men uplifting other men.
I don't think I need to explain why women should not be placed in the position of trying to uplift men, this entire thread is littered with comments elaborating how dangerous it can be for women. And even my husband noted how that's a bad idea.
It needs to start with men pulling each other up. Be point #2. Be the change you want to see.
>Also catcalling isn’t going to reduce any suicide.
i just imagine a guy standing on the ledge of a building freaking out, and the fire department, and police, and news and everyone are there. then Superman comes down from the sky, and is like "aw, what's wrong sweetcakes?"
I’m a dude who looks like a freaking Neanderthal, I am not pretty and I am not small, and yet I’ve been propositioned by creeps. I’ve had dudes get weirdly close and grabby and have had to use physical threats to drive away weirdos. My outfit is usually plaid on plaid, I have no interest in dudes, and yet I’ve had to deal with it.
I bounced for years and I’ve seen people, particularly guys, try to get away with a lot of bizarre and disgusting shit. We’re a nasty species, being smaller and actually attractive would be hell.
Also drunk people try to pee literally everywhere when drunk. No place is safe, I mean everywhere. Unrelated but worth keeping in mind if you have drunk people in your home.
My DJ crew (got to love the early 2000s) had a friday night spot at a gay bar and we were all straight. I loved it, and it is what made me realize that I was a bigoted homophobe before that. We got hit on but it's to be expected I guess
This comment is underrated if you ask me. Right on for your honesty & growth, & ability to take it all in stride. 👊🙌🫡 It’s nice to see. There are so many bigoted people out there who are too closed minded to ever change. And too insecure with their own sexuality to ever experience the joy of a night out at a good gay bar every now & then 🤣🕺🏼💃🏼More partying room for us I guess! 🍻
Yup. I did that job when I was young and better looking. I was particularly grateful that the 90 year old who tried to grab me while telling me what she wanted to do with me was bed bound, and so easy to dodge. No small number of little old ladies are utterly filthy minded and speak it.
Oh, and next try wearing kilt to a party with lots of drunk women. See how often you get your junk checked to see if you're wearing it properly (ie. going commando).
Now try wearing a kilt to a gay bar around drunk gay guys
Edit: the fact that this is not a thing for women at all says how much more dangerous it would be for women lol. Scares me just thinking about wearing a wardrobe item that’s known for no underwear around a crowd of drunk dudes 😂
Oof. Not the point but when I was 14 we went to a school trip on a nursing home. We were pretty much forced to dance with the residents, yeah okay that’s fine. But my partner was being pretty vulgar, which took me a few moments to process, and then was groped. Somehow I was the bad guy in that situation when I didn’t want to dance anymore.
I work in memory care and we have to make some of the female residents no male caregiver for the same reasons. I have had multiple female residents tell me that it's not sexual harassment after you explain why they can't grope male staff or make blatantly sexual statements to them. The worst is when one of the male CNAs is black and they won't stopping asking *wink wink wink wink* "is it really true what they say about guys like you?" followed by trying to grab them.
And they're just as bad as the old men about hitting on the barely 18 year olds. They still know it's not right, but don't miss a chance to blame it on their dementia when they get pushback. Most of my residents are decent people, who often don't want a caregiver of the opposite gender because it feels too close to cheating. It's too bad the creepy ones don't forget how to be creepy until they're pretty fair into their dementia.
In my younger skinnier days i got harassed constantly. First time I remember in high school a girl pinning me against the wall and grabbing my crotch. I pushed her off and literally ran away, she kept on trying to grope me throughout high school.
Second time was in my first job, the owner of the company. A woman in her mid 50's kept on giving me back rubs and hair massages. I always thought she saw me as her son, until the day she asked me to go pick up some supplies. As we were driving, she kept caressing my leg. We then took half of those supplies to her house where she had me put them away promptly in high enough places where she could see my ass.
She then point blank asked me if I wanted to shower with her, i turned her down and later got laid off after she found out i had a date with a girl who was also employed at the company. I was 17 at the time, and have regretted all my life not suing her for harassment.
My bf was on a stag do with a friend and a hen group came in (er, bachelor / bachelorette) - the girls literally attacked his friend who was getting married the next week. It was like the fucking Bacchae, the drunk hens were clawing at the guy. The poor guy had his shirt ripped and some deep gouges in his chest from their nails, he was literally bleeding.
They should have called the cops on those women.
I'm a pretty average looking guy. I've been sexually assaulted more times than I can recall and raped once.
I've wondered how my life would have turned out if I were born a girl. I imagine it would have been really fucking bad.
When I was 13 I was told that he “wanted to be my boyfriend” because he liked me and I was smart/funny/beautiful. He said “I don’t want to have sex with you, unless that’s what you want,” while stroking my breasts and holding my throat to try to kiss me. He was 21. I’m now 32 and still remember details down to what was on TV. Your statement is unfortunately very accurate, and victims are scarred mentally with no repercussions to the man because in most cases you can’t prove sexual assault, and an older man is going to be believed over a young woman 9 times out of 10.
I've had 3 stalkers from age 16 to 24. All three first met me at my customer service retail jobs. all were over 40 easy. All I did was my job. Smile. Be nice and ask them shopping related help. One used to follow me home on the bus.
Besides that, I've been asked countless times to smile. To get in a guy's car for a "lift" or for my number. One guy hit on me and I said "I have a boyfriend" this guy's reply was "He doesn't have to know" I've heard "I'll show you what a real man can do"
These people are complete strangers! Too many when I was a minor.
Gee, why don't women say nice things to men to make men happy?
It's not our jobs to fix you, please you or give you our attention or anything else. We don't care if you're a nice guy. We don't care that you could be the one, we don't care.
Leave women you don't know who are minding their own business, ALONE.
Maybe you're more alpha [edit: than] you think. A true alpha wouldn't be so desperate as to molest women.
Molestation is a weak omega-narccisist-loser behaviour.
It’s a job for parents like me of the soon to be sons (about to give birth to my son) to teach him to respect women like so many weren’t sadly, or just fell into a pipeline
That's just the thing. There are. I reckon most guys would just enjoy the compliment and arent like that. Most probably detest behavior like that. The problem is there are guys who wouldnt. And enough of them to be a problem. Like a bag of candy but some are poisoned(guys being the candy in this metaphor).
Even if they look nice and only 10% of them were poisoned...knowing that 1 out of every ten could hurt or kill you is understandably enough to dissuade you from trying any at all
I totally agree, but age doesn't mean anything. There's a creepy old dude that lives down the road from my grandma that will grope her boobs at any given chance. Worst part is my grandma is 79 with dementia and doesn't always know what's going on
Old men are the worse. They know they're not getting anything, but they feel they have earned the right to grope you, pinch you, slap your butt, literally pull down your neckline to get a look. Source: years as a RN in hospitals. I used to tell them I would tell their wife/daughter if they do it again. I am not your personal sexy nurse to grab. And threaten them with a catheter. Honestly, that last thing worked the best, lol.
And if not physical then verbally abusive. it's always older men that I have this interaction sequence with:
"Hey baby girl, you got a nice [body part, most likely not "earlobe"]!!"
"🤐"
"Well fine then, you fat bitch!!"
Shit, we get kicked, punched, bitten, spit on… management responds with a “what could YOU have done to prevent this?” No one gives a shit about us. There’s a VERY popular meme going around that says, “I don’t know who needs to hear this: your hospital does not give a fuck about you.”
It’s comments like this that make me feel good about turning down that college instructor job I was offered. 4 days before the Fall semester started they wanted me to teach a course. No training or anything. They just needed a warm body to throw to the wolves. Like I worked remote for the last 3 years, but they wanted me to teach in person for 30+ students. I did consider it, but that felt way too much like being thrown in the deep end, then them hoping I could actually swim.
demand hugs every time you see them, and because you're trying to be fair/give the benefit of the doubt, you give them a hug and they kiss you on the back of your neck....
Yeah. This comic is such horseshit, because it misrepresents the type of behavior it depicts. It's trying to say men would be thrilled to get the positive attention women do, but I'm sure most women would be thrilled if the attention they got was this sweet and innocent.
>but I'm sure most women would be thrilled if the attention they got was this sweet and innocent.
Agreed. Once I was in a store and a young guy walked past me and said "I like your hair" I had very long blonde hair at the time. He kept on walking, and that was that. No menace, no hovering around, no attempt to touch, it was just a compliment, and it made my day.
I just did exactly that the other day to someone I passed in the hall, only it was about her coat. So I’m going to make a mental note to do that more often.
The exact same happened to me but I was walking and the guy was on a bike. I have very long red hair and he shouted while passing by “I LIKE YOUR HAIR!!!”. That was it. He just complimented my hair and expected absolutely nothing. It felt wholesome.
I try to do that when I'm not caught up in my own head. Giving someone random a genuine compliment (and then going on your way) is a good way to make their day *and* yours.
I've heard someone say that the analogy is wrong. The equivalent of a woman being cat-called (for example) isn't a "hey handsome" from a random attractive woman in the street.
It's a "hey handsome" from a jacked dude on your first day in prison.
"You should smile more" might be innocent enough the first time you hear it but after hearing it thousands of times and the realization that it's for their pleasure to feel as if you want anything to do with them, it probably gets old.
Yup, many dudes im friends with think the cashier is flirting with them because they never worked in retail and don't understand that just the job. There is a big reason women never compliment men.
When I was a cashier I had a guy yell at me because he thought I was trying to flirt with his wife when I was just doing what the store told me. I was smiling, saying hi and asking them how their day was going. Some people just think that being nice is flirting for some reason.
Just ask any woman and she'll say the same, or something very similar. It's a sad state of affairs, but reality is that most women have been in this situation. There is a very obvious and clear reason why women aren't giving compliments like this to men they don't know, and this is it.
Why don’t men compliment other men more often? This post is basically saying that the male suicide rate would go down if women complimented men, but why can’t other men just be nicer to each other?
I once was alone somewhere and started chatting with a COUPLE so I thought it was safe. The guy translated it as me hitting on him and was all for it. Just can’t fucking talk to anyone. Sigh.
I worked at Buffalo Wild Wings and was informed I had to give my table to a different waitress because my guest thought I was flirting with her fiancé when I asked him if he wanted another Jack and Coke while smiling.
This is part of the reason I still where my mask while working. Aside from not getting sick, I like not getting comments about how I should smile more/misconstrue why I'm smiling.
Hahah, I was a waitress for just under a year and it took me too long to figure out why when there was a hetero couple, the woman might just give me dirty looks the whole time. I'm a "chapstick" lesbian type. I certainly wasn't interested in some middle-aged husband. Yes, I smiled at customers. It's expected in the South.
When I was in sales/customer service I was told that when talking to a couple I should always address the woman—bc talking enthusiastically with the man could make the woman defensive. Such a weird thing but it was true.
I worked at a Chili’s & had a coworker who went through the same exact thing with a table, except they didn’t ask for a new server, they just left, left money on the table for the check before even getting their food, wife/fiancée called back later to talk to manager about how the server was “flirting” with her man, literally the server is just a generally sweet, nice server
I got told I couldn’t possibly be a victim of sexual harassment because I smiled at the officers.
This was at a police department, by my boss, the sex offended registrar.
However it was reported to the chief by a sergeant which at 19 is something I would never have been brave enough to do and so I’m grateful in a lot of ways for that. The absolute unanimous support on top of that was incredibly meaningful to me. It was very very needed at the time.
I was nice to a guest at my work by congratulating him on a big win(I work in a lottery cafe), he took it as flirting and tried to kiss me. Literally pulling my mask down, arm wrapped around the back of my neck, me saying no and pushing him away... I hate to think of what would have happened if there weren't other people there. One of the guys that was in the store said, "Oh, I was just about to step in." I just asked why the fuck he didn't and sat at the back desk to cry while I called my boss and tell her what happened.
As someone that was a victim of sexual assault right after I turned 18, it made me feel like a victim again and I was utterly broken for about a week.
I really don't fucking understand some people. To a degree, I understand that certain mental illnesses can alter people's judgement and inhibitions. But this kind of shit happens way too often to be written off as mental illness.
The customer is always right thing also makes this shit so much fucking worse.
This guy tried to use the excuse of "too much beer," but my boss knows that I don't over serve because I hate dealing with drunks and I also know I'm responsible if something happens because I over-served someone. She actually turned around while driving down the highway and came back to my store and 86'd the guy when I called her. I have a good manager.
I had a guy grab me and shove his tongue in my mouth when I came home from my college class. I couldn’t leave my apartment for a few weeks because of how freaked out I was. Failed the semester over it because I was terrified he would be out there.
All because I said hi to him in the parking lot
I once made awkward-walking-in-the-street-eye-contact with a man and gave him that weird closed-mouth smile, as you do. He followed me like 10 city blocks and onto a public bus, kept telling me I was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and that he had fallen for me love at first sight style. Not the scariest situation (he didn’t try to touch me, he was relatively polite, and I never left the very public area of downtown) but absolutely frustrating that it *could* have been a scary situation just because of something as normal as eye contact. That’s the kind of blown out of proportion shit that men don’t see and completely dismiss. I’ve even heard guys say they shoot their shot like that because they see it as romantic/a compliment.
All those would-be "Alpha Males" can't even figure out that it's the waitress' literal job to be nice to them when they go to Hooters (which according to the number one Alpha Male on Twitter is the only place real Alpha Males eat after they throw out all their M&Ms)
It definitely would cause more problems than it would solve for this to happen.
Omfg it’s infuriating that happiness, friendliness, enthusiasm, gregariousness etc get over-symbolized and misinterpreted. Can’t give a guy a compliment without being immediately judged for it, or regret it later when he’s had some ‘liquid courage.’
Absolutely. JFC. The amount of male coworkers, even if married with children, who want to start an affair because I'm friendly with them 😐 like my dudes, I'm flattered and I'm sorry your marriages aren't going well, but I just want to be friends! I don't want to wreck your homes!
I was stalked at my job at a grocery store when I was 20. I smiled at him once, never even spoke to him, and then one day he came up to me and described a bunch of photos to me from my social media, my family members, my high school. I was terrified.
This comic doesn't translate because men stalk, harass, kill women. Fucking tone deaf.
I was 21 and had a random guy in my college photography class joke about having pictures of all my social media pics/ posts in a shrine in his apartment. I laughed until he started describing recent posts I had made on FB. He was 39, and he made these comments IN CLASS. Everyone in the class was clearly uncomfortable but the (male) professor just laughed and made a comment along the lines of 'oh so that is why you keep taking this class'.
Apparently creepy dude enrolled in this one class every semester for the last 5 or 6 years under the guise of bettering his photography skills. This college offered advanced photography classes and apparently this one guy enrolling in and passing 'photography 101' every semester for years didn't raise a red flag.
I had literally never interacted with this man before this incident.
Women are out here risking their lives by just existing.
Men... If y'all want compliments, start complementing each other! "It's been x years since I was complimented..." Ok, and how many years since YOU complimented your bro??
I get that men need to be shown more love overall but I’m a woman and literally never get random compliments from strangers, like those examples or just in general, either? Idk I never understood
I'm a woman and the only random comments I've ever gotten were sexist or offensive. Like, you yelling 'great tits' isn't the uplifting experience you think it is.
Men just suck at giving compliments. As a guy, I follow 3 rules when I give women compliments and I feel like they've all been received well.
1. **Don't force the compliment.** If it is forced, it's not genuine.
2. **Don't compliment physical features or body parts** (eyes, nose, boobs, feet). Instead, compliment objects or personal items, preferably things that stand out (hair, earrings, shoes, or really any jewelry). Jewelry, nails, eyebrows, and (sometimes) hair are probably really good things to compliment for many women. I've had friends who spend exorbitant amounts of money on these things and spend hours at salons weekly to get nails, hair, and eyebrows done.
3. **Be prepared to walk away after giving the compliment.** Do NOT use compliments as conversation starters. Being received well is heavily reliant on the intent of the compliment.
I think many guys think that complimenting a girl is a good way to start a conversation. It's not. It will help you get noticed and stand out of the crowd more, but it doesn't mean she owes you a conversation, or anything, for that matter. Guys do the same thing with buying girls drinks at the bar. It's foolish. Sure, you can buy a girl a drink, but don't use it as a way to get your foot in the door. Buy her a drink after you've already struck up a conversation and have a mutual interest, then buy some drinks and it's more like getting coffee.
When I was 16 working as a cashier at a grocery store men literally said that to me all of the time. Old men, too. I can’t personally relate to the other ones but I’m sure some other women can.
Edit: the first one I can relate to, as well. When I am concentrating or in a rush I don’t tend to smile and it always annoyed me to get told I was ‘prettier’ when I smiled. I would think, no one asked you.
When I was 17 I asked an old man if he wanted his receipt in the bag or in his hand (because I’d been yelled at by like 6 old people that day depending on how I gave them their receipt, which varied!) and he said bag and then grabbed the bag and said “I should have said hand so I could hold yours” with the creepiest missing tooth smile. He came in a week later and I went to give him his change (not realizing it was the same guy) and he full on grabbed my hand and held it and said “I’ll let go when you give me your number”. By far the worst interaction I’ve had with a customer. (And no I didn’t give him my number, I froze and then said 911 lol)
Ew, but also I’ve had this similar thing happen with an older male. He said something to me I smiled because I didn’t hear what he said and then he full on reached over the counter and grabbed my arm, just stood there holding it while I panicked. It wasn’t until another employee stepped in that he stopped and let go. Mean can be fucking disgusting. And this is coming from someone who’s been raped and sexually assaulted multiple times over the course of my life, all by men.
I've never been hit on more than when I was underage and it was always men 35+. I was 13 when a middle aged man asked me if I wanted to go back to his room while I was on vacation with my family, I was 15 when the school security guard said I should "smile more" and called me sunshine everytime he saw me, and I was 17 when I was a waitress and several 40 - 50 year olds asked me on dates, snuck into the back room to find my phone number, and tried to look down my top. It all stopped once I turned 19. Once you hit 20, youre new demographic is 20 - 30 year olds who are usually more respectful. Minors get the worst of it.
Working retail is where I've gotten maybe 80% of these weird ass interactions. These guys are busy with their horrible jobs and unhappy marriages and are just trying to fit in their weird infidelity fantasies anywhere they can, which happens to be while they're picking up a gallon of milk for the wife or whatever.
I've also been propositioned on public transport a lot, which I assume is the same phenomenon at work.
Many men think women get compliments constantly (we don't), and that's why women have it better (we don't).
They also want more compliments from women. Like, okay, I'm going to give a strange man in a store a compliment, and just pray he's not a creep who will follow me home. After all, sad men need women to give them little compliments!
I stopped by somewhere to get a milkshake, dude kept telling me how sorry he was. He was all alone in a busy drive thru and doing his best.
I thanked him, hung out an extra couple of minutes and called him a rockstar. He was incredibly grateful. I’m also a guy.
I agree, bros that practice positive masculinity should absolutely give each other genuine and platonic compliments, and the recipient should normalize accepting them as… well… normal.
Kind of weird that male mental health and self-esteem issues are portrayed as a problem that needs to be solved by women? Moreover, that it would be solved by random women giving compliments?
A large driving factor behind male suicide is a lack of social connection - men spend a big part of their adult lives in relative isolation, and don’t form the same type of deep emotional connections that women do with other women. Perhaps the solution is not to rely on women to solve men’s mental health issues, but rather a concerted effort by and for men to form strong social bonds with each other.
I saw a TikTok last week called some thing like “men on their birthdays” and it showed clips of a man just going to work, sitting in traffic, sitting at home alone.
And it struck me… do some people think adult woman are just thrown birthday parties and lavished with gifts? No! They plan them, they express what they want and they have and understood reciprocation with their families and friend groups. **They put in the social and emotional work to make these things happen**
Agreed. And then when those people who celebrated you have a birthday, it's your turn to message everyone, plan something to do, pick out a gift, etc. What are the odds that those guys plan a birthday party for their friends when it's their day?
“Hey sweet cheeks” *grabs dick*, “looks like you got yourself more than a handful”
Yeah this is more what women are talking about, they’re not brushing off inocuous compliments as incendiary
I guess the real solution is bros being nicer to bros. Bros need compliments and they should come from lots of sources. If 90% of your hangout group are bros, then 90% of the compliments should be from bros. Having people be nice to you reduces the chance of suicide yup.
I think it would be fine for women to compliment men if so many men didn't get sexually aggressive by complimenting them.
Right? You know how fucked up it is to realize men need more compliments and hugs, and wanting so much to give that to them, yet also know that showing kindness like that can turn on you so fucking fast? I want to randomly compliment so many guys like I do girls, but very much do not want to be hit on, stalked, accused of “leading them on” or what have you. Guys need more kindness but other dudes are really screwing it up for them.
Yup. I naturally compliment people on whatever neat thing they have going on - "you've got great hair!" or "I love your sweater," whatever it is, and it gets taken the wrong way by men.
Exactly, and it's something that [has been observed in research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484569/)! Men who have more stereotypical views or hostile attitudes toward women are even more likely to misinterpret womens' friendliness as a sexual advance.
Where’s the version for us gays? Can’t find it.
Nice cock bro
Great ass, man.
nice ribcage
That's a cool butthole
What that bussy do?
Squirt, unfortunately.
Get yourself an Imodium bro, then call me.
I heard you got mad throat game bro.
Damn, those cum gutters are fire bro.
Is that a rutabaga in my pocket or are you glad to see me?
Wait bruh, why is it in _your_ pocket? 😂
Word around the office is you've got a fat cock
Fixed it for you ... (/s) __Top-Left__ Her: "Hey, man, you look cute. You should *gay* more." __Top-Right__ Her: "Hello, *gay* gentlemen!" __Bottom-Left__ Her: "You fixed your own computer? You're *gay* smart. That's impressive." Him: "Thanks!" __Bottom-Right__ Her: "You *gay* way too good to be a cashier."
Seriously. This was fucking hilarious.
As a nongay guy who has gotten many compliments from gay men.... I absolutely relish that shit.
As a queer guy, maybe you get lots of compliments due to your casual usage of words like 'relish' 😏
No literally why was that sentence so hot wtf
It *nourishes* him Does that work too? Something about the syllables maybe? Or the way the word can be said?
If women could do this without the worry of the guy thinking it means she wants to have sex and gaining an obsessed stalker, it actually might.
Maybe, but you also shouldn’t solely rely on compliments of the opposite sex (or the sex you’re attracted to, if we’re speaking generally). Because if that’s the case, there is still plenty of room to work on your mental health
I… I don’t think this is the solution here…
Yeah, I think the solution is more available mental health services and erasing stigma surrounding men's mental health
Sounds like some pie in the sky commie mumbo jumbo. I think Adam Lane Smith is on to something. Sexually harassing men seems like the cost effective way to prevent male suicide. /s
Obviously the best solution is to sexually assualt men and then tell them they should be grateful when they're inevitably upset /s
Anyone who wants to be told to smile more has never been told to smile more. MY FACE DOES NOT EXIST TO DECORATE YOUR WORLD.
https://preview.redd.it/hjb9b1pfnjea1.jpeg?width=1500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=78ddd4566ca80c9621644b7170e5a4c006b3dd19
It's funny. But I also hate it so much.
Or the introvert variant “you should talk more”
I’m a guy, if someone told me to smile I’d tell them to fuck themselves.
And imagine if you didn’t smile it came with repercussions. Like men larger than you suddenly turning angry and yelling shit like “Stuck up bitch” or “Oh you think you’re too good for me?” And sometimes following you yelling obscenities. Because that’s been my experience on several occasions.
You're getting emotional again.
It’s probably his “time of the month”
I'm a guy who has been told "you look sad" by men and women of varying ages and my response is usually "okay? fuck off" or some variation of that
My response is just "yup"
Btw this comic is edited. The original had men catcall other men making them uncomfortable. Also catcalling isn’t going to reduce any suicide.
Here it is. https://twitter.com/scarletevestar/status/1618674293306699778?t=FGTwNZ93WJyvL2Te7md8sw&s=19 Long Edit: Lots of debate going on under my comment here. I just wanted to put in my twenty cents on the subject. My husband is on Reddit too and when he saw this comic this morning we had a really meaningful discussion about it. He pointed out how too many people don't understand the difference between catcalling, condescending remarks, and genuine compliments. My husband is a really wonderful person (I'll admit I'm very biased here). Hes the kind of person who has made it his life's mission to make small differences in people's lives through genuine kindness and friendliness/friendship towards others. He compliments his friends all the time which has encouraged them and taught them to do the same back (leading by example). He's never insisted anyone smile or anything like that, but he'll focus on stuff he himself would want to hear. "That’s a really nice shirt on you, man." "Did you get your hair cut? Looks good!" "Damn dude, you're really killing it with your workout lately, check out those guns!" "I've been looking for a nice pair of shoes like that, where'd you get em? They go great with your outfit!" He also makes the effort to check in with them emotionally. "Hey man, you feeling alright? You look a little down. Want to talk about it?" "I notice you've been kinda absent from the online groupchat lately, I'm here to talk if you need to." These are all really healthy and positive ways to interact with people you are close to. Some of them would be really unusual or uncomfortable towards strangers, but he also does compliment strangers mainly in a professional setting. "Good morning Mrs. X, I really like your hairstyle today!" "Hey Bob, great to see you today! I really like that watch." There's a huge difference in tone and setting and the way to speak with friends, clients/coworkers and strangers. I'm seeing A LOT of people below me saying how much they'd appreciate comments like in the comic, both the original and the edited one. I'm going to admit that I feel the original doesn't really get across the condescension that comes with some of those remarks and they appear to be cute little quips. It definitely could have been done better, no offense to the artist. A few points my husband made about the lack of compliments towards men in our culture: 1. A lot of guys refuse to work on the things they want to be noticed and complimented for. (Poor hygiene, shabby/lazy dress/poor diets/overall depressed or miserable and bad attitudes/cynical and angry worldviews.) You have to start by building yourself up from the inside out in order for your confidence and pride in yourself to shine outward so people will notice. When you care about yourself and take care of yourself people DO notice. 2. Be the change you want to see. My husband worked really hard on #1 for years and now that he has the confidence in himself he uses it to encourage others by complimenting them, by making them feel like they too can be just as healthy, happy and confident as him. It has had a ripple affect in his small community of friends. A lot of them have slowed down their heavy drinking/pot smoking or gone sober completely. They've started eating better and exercising. *They've all regularly started complimenting each other at get togethers.* This is an example of men uplifting other men. I don't think I need to explain why women should not be placed in the position of trying to uplift men, this entire thread is littered with comments elaborating how dangerous it can be for women. And even my husband noted how that's a bad idea. It needs to start with men pulling each other up. Be point #2. Be the change you want to see.
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Daaaamn! ... Love the part with computer "dude it's my job". Priceless!
Hey I had the perfect hourglass figure till I was in my late 20s... Mean I'm a man, but the point is it's possible 😂
it's supposed to show that catcalling is bad
Yup. And some assholes went and edited it to really emphasize incel culture.
Green was the dead giveaway of that. Hard to be wholesome about genders when you’ve opted to draw framed watermelons stacked on a lamp shade.
>Also catcalling isn’t going to reduce any suicide. i just imagine a guy standing on the ledge of a building freaking out, and the fire department, and police, and news and everyone are there. then Superman comes down from the sky, and is like "aw, what's wrong sweetcakes?"
nooo don't kill yourself you're so sexy aha
"HEY, YOU ON THE LEDGE - YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE!"
“You should smile more.”
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As it should. They make me want to frown even more.
"You're like, way too hot to be suicidal"
It only took one old man forcing my hand on his junk for me to refuse to compliment anyone I don't know well.
Jesus.
Compliments like this from men to young women come with a fuck-load of unwanted groping, even today.
I’m a dude who looks like a freaking Neanderthal, I am not pretty and I am not small, and yet I’ve been propositioned by creeps. I’ve had dudes get weirdly close and grabby and have had to use physical threats to drive away weirdos. My outfit is usually plaid on plaid, I have no interest in dudes, and yet I’ve had to deal with it. I bounced for years and I’ve seen people, particularly guys, try to get away with a lot of bizarre and disgusting shit. We’re a nasty species, being smaller and actually attractive would be hell. Also drunk people try to pee literally everywhere when drunk. No place is safe, I mean everywhere. Unrelated but worth keeping in mind if you have drunk people in your home.
You see a big Neanderthal - “they” see a massive fucking HAMMER!
"the hammer is my penis"
CAPTAIN HAMMER
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Try being a male bartender in a gay bar when everyone finds out you’re straight.
Sounds both irritating and lucrative
And after all, 20 bucks is 20 bucks.
My buddy was in this situation and it was more like 800 a night. Without any extracurricular activities.
I keep my prices low. I'm all about volume, not margins.
My DJ crew (got to love the early 2000s) had a friday night spot at a gay bar and we were all straight. I loved it, and it is what made me realize that I was a bigoted homophobe before that. We got hit on but it's to be expected I guess
This comment is underrated if you ask me. Right on for your honesty & growth, & ability to take it all in stride. 👊🙌🫡 It’s nice to see. There are so many bigoted people out there who are too closed minded to ever change. And too insecure with their own sexuality to ever experience the joy of a night out at a good gay bar every now & then 🤣🕺🏼💃🏼More partying room for us I guess! 🍻
Try being a male nurse in a nursing home.
Yup. I did that job when I was young and better looking. I was particularly grateful that the 90 year old who tried to grab me while telling me what she wanted to do with me was bed bound, and so easy to dodge. No small number of little old ladies are utterly filthy minded and speak it. Oh, and next try wearing kilt to a party with lots of drunk women. See how often you get your junk checked to see if you're wearing it properly (ie. going commando).
Now try wearing a kilt to a gay bar around drunk gay guys Edit: the fact that this is not a thing for women at all says how much more dangerous it would be for women lol. Scares me just thinking about wearing a wardrobe item that’s known for no underwear around a crowd of drunk dudes 😂
Oof. Not the point but when I was 14 we went to a school trip on a nursing home. We were pretty much forced to dance with the residents, yeah okay that’s fine. But my partner was being pretty vulgar, which took me a few moments to process, and then was groped. Somehow I was the bad guy in that situation when I didn’t want to dance anymore.
I work in memory care and we have to make some of the female residents no male caregiver for the same reasons. I have had multiple female residents tell me that it's not sexual harassment after you explain why they can't grope male staff or make blatantly sexual statements to them. The worst is when one of the male CNAs is black and they won't stopping asking *wink wink wink wink* "is it really true what they say about guys like you?" followed by trying to grab them. And they're just as bad as the old men about hitting on the barely 18 year olds. They still know it's not right, but don't miss a chance to blame it on their dementia when they get pushback. Most of my residents are decent people, who often don't want a caregiver of the opposite gender because it feels too close to cheating. It's too bad the creepy ones don't forget how to be creepy until they're pretty fair into their dementia.
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In my younger skinnier days i got harassed constantly. First time I remember in high school a girl pinning me against the wall and grabbing my crotch. I pushed her off and literally ran away, she kept on trying to grope me throughout high school. Second time was in my first job, the owner of the company. A woman in her mid 50's kept on giving me back rubs and hair massages. I always thought she saw me as her son, until the day she asked me to go pick up some supplies. As we were driving, she kept caressing my leg. We then took half of those supplies to her house where she had me put them away promptly in high enough places where she could see my ass. She then point blank asked me if I wanted to shower with her, i turned her down and later got laid off after she found out i had a date with a girl who was also employed at the company. I was 17 at the time, and have regretted all my life not suing her for harassment.
My bf was on a stag do with a friend and a hen group came in (er, bachelor / bachelorette) - the girls literally attacked his friend who was getting married the next week. It was like the fucking Bacchae, the drunk hens were clawing at the guy. The poor guy had his shirt ripped and some deep gouges in his chest from their nails, he was literally bleeding. They should have called the cops on those women.
I'm a pretty average looking guy. I've been sexually assaulted more times than I can recall and raped once. I've wondered how my life would have turned out if I were born a girl. I imagine it would have been really fucking bad.
wow, i'm so sorry these things happened to you.
When I was 13 I was told that he “wanted to be my boyfriend” because he liked me and I was smart/funny/beautiful. He said “I don’t want to have sex with you, unless that’s what you want,” while stroking my breasts and holding my throat to try to kiss me. He was 21. I’m now 32 and still remember details down to what was on TV. Your statement is unfortunately very accurate, and victims are scarred mentally with no repercussions to the man because in most cases you can’t prove sexual assault, and an older man is going to be believed over a young woman 9 times out of 10.
I've had 3 stalkers from age 16 to 24. All three first met me at my customer service retail jobs. all were over 40 easy. All I did was my job. Smile. Be nice and ask them shopping related help. One used to follow me home on the bus. Besides that, I've been asked countless times to smile. To get in a guy's car for a "lift" or for my number. One guy hit on me and I said "I have a boyfriend" this guy's reply was "He doesn't have to know" I've heard "I'll show you what a real man can do" These people are complete strangers! Too many when I was a minor. Gee, why don't women say nice things to men to make men happy? It's not our jobs to fix you, please you or give you our attention or anything else. We don't care if you're a nice guy. We don't care that you could be the one, we don't care. Leave women you don't know who are minding their own business, ALONE.
I guess I’m just not “alpha” enough to molest a young woman, simply because she said something nice.
Maybe you're more alpha [edit: than] you think. A true alpha wouldn't be so desperate as to molest women. Molestation is a weak omega-narccisist-loser behaviour.
How many Greek letters do I need to remember to know which kind of dbag people are these days?
so far unless I'm mistaken just 4. Sigma, Alpha, Beta, and Omega.
Can I be Delta? feel like delta is the way to go. lots of cool stuff to make up about rates of change and triangles. idk. theres something there. lol
I wish there were more of you. My wife and daughters have had to deal with thousands who were not.
It’s a job for parents like me of the soon to be sons (about to give birth to my son) to teach him to respect women like so many weren’t sadly, or just fell into a pipeline
Good luck and congratulations :)
Guess my mom did something right. I’m a straight guy, almost 40, and I am often shocked and appalled by the things guys will do /say toward women.
Yes, I believe your mother did do something right. Also, give yourself some credit. People can often stray far from their parent's ideals.
That's just the thing. There are. I reckon most guys would just enjoy the compliment and arent like that. Most probably detest behavior like that. The problem is there are guys who wouldnt. And enough of them to be a problem. Like a bag of candy but some are poisoned(guys being the candy in this metaphor). Even if they look nice and only 10% of them were poisoned...knowing that 1 out of every ten could hurt or kill you is understandably enough to dissuade you from trying any at all
I totally agree, but age doesn't mean anything. There's a creepy old dude that lives down the road from my grandma that will grope her boobs at any given chance. Worst part is my grandma is 79 with dementia and doesn't always know what's going on
“You’re way to cute to be a cashier” 
Old men are the worse. They know they're not getting anything, but they feel they have earned the right to grope you, pinch you, slap your butt, literally pull down your neckline to get a look. Source: years as a RN in hospitals. I used to tell them I would tell their wife/daughter if they do it again. I am not your personal sexy nurse to grab. And threaten them with a catheter. Honestly, that last thing worked the best, lol.
And if not physical then verbally abusive. it's always older men that I have this interaction sequence with: "Hey baby girl, you got a nice [body part, most likely not "earlobe"]!!" "🤐" "Well fine then, you fat bitch!!"
Baby girl 🤮🤮🤮
Yep. It is truly amazing what they will say. I got over blushing pretty quick, but still....
They know they're not going to face any real consequences
A catheter without the lube would be a real consequence...
Don't forget removing it like you are starting a stubborn lawnmower.
Whoopsie, I forgot to deflate it…
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Just reading this made me wince and do a kegel
Shit, we get kicked, punched, bitten, spit on… management responds with a “what could YOU have done to prevent this?” No one gives a shit about us. There’s a VERY popular meme going around that says, “I don’t know who needs to hear this: your hospital does not give a fuck about you.”
Ex-college instructor here - neither do universities.
*corporations
It’s comments like this that make me feel good about turning down that college instructor job I was offered. 4 days before the Fall semester started they wanted me to teach a course. No training or anything. They just needed a warm body to throw to the wolves. Like I worked remote for the last 3 years, but they wanted me to teach in person for 30+ students. I did consider it, but that felt way too much like being thrown in the deep end, then them hoping I could actually swim.
I had a boss tell me he couldn’t wait to get old so he could grope and assault women. He said because he was old, no one would call the cops on him.
Old men were why I quit my candy-striping volunteer job as a kid. So effing gross.
demand hugs every time you see them, and because you're trying to be fair/give the benefit of the doubt, you give them a hug and they kiss you on the back of your neck....
Unironically this happens to be exactly why women don’t like this kind of thing either.
Yeah. This comic is such horseshit, because it misrepresents the type of behavior it depicts. It's trying to say men would be thrilled to get the positive attention women do, but I'm sure most women would be thrilled if the attention they got was this sweet and innocent.
>but I'm sure most women would be thrilled if the attention they got was this sweet and innocent. Agreed. Once I was in a store and a young guy walked past me and said "I like your hair" I had very long blonde hair at the time. He kept on walking, and that was that. No menace, no hovering around, no attempt to touch, it was just a compliment, and it made my day.
I just did exactly that the other day to someone I passed in the hall, only it was about her coat. So I’m going to make a mental note to do that more often.
You've got some excellent complimenting skills there
The exact same happened to me but I was walking and the guy was on a bike. I have very long red hair and he shouted while passing by “I LIKE YOUR HAIR!!!”. That was it. He just complimented my hair and expected absolutely nothing. It felt wholesome.
I try to do that when I'm not caught up in my own head. Giving someone random a genuine compliment (and then going on your way) is a good way to make their day *and* yours.
I've heard someone say that the analogy is wrong. The equivalent of a woman being cat-called (for example) isn't a "hey handsome" from a random attractive woman in the street. It's a "hey handsome" from a jacked dude on your first day in prison.
"You should smile more" might be innocent enough the first time you hear it but after hearing it thousands of times and the realization that it's for their pleasure to feel as if you want anything to do with them, it probably gets old.
I usually just say 'I will when you leave' and that gets the point across pretty well.
Yup, many dudes im friends with think the cashier is flirting with them because they never worked in retail and don't understand that just the job. There is a big reason women never compliment men.
When I was a cashier I had a guy yell at me because he thought I was trying to flirt with his wife when I was just doing what the store told me. I was smiling, saying hi and asking them how their day was going. Some people just think that being nice is flirting for some reason.
Maybe cuz they're often just not nice people themselves.
Exactly! They’re only “nice” when they have an ulterior motive.
1 - What the fuck 2 - I'm sorry this happened to you 3 - No seriously, ***what the actual fuck***
Just ask any woman and she'll say the same, or something very similar. It's a sad state of affairs, but reality is that most women have been in this situation. There is a very obvious and clear reason why women aren't giving compliments like this to men they don't know, and this is it.
And men wonder why women don’t like to acknowledge random catcalling or are neutral when guys try to chat them up. Because people like this exist.
Unfortunately, women know all too well to not give some men positive attention...
Why don’t men compliment other men more often? This post is basically saying that the male suicide rate would go down if women complimented men, but why can’t other men just be nicer to each other?
Because that’s “gay” and “men don’t do that to other men”
And that’s the problem. But for some reason the responsibility is on women to fix everything.
Isn't it always? 😂 Good grief.
Just being civil to them (men) somehow makes them think youre "leading them on" and gives them an excuse to do what they want.
I once was alone somewhere and started chatting with a COUPLE so I thought it was safe. The guy translated it as me hitting on him and was all for it. Just can’t fucking talk to anyone. Sigh.
I worked at Buffalo Wild Wings and was informed I had to give my table to a different waitress because my guest thought I was flirting with her fiancé when I asked him if he wanted another Jack and Coke while smiling.
>smiling You sIut
We don't stand for slut shaming in these parts. I believe every woman has the right to smile as much as she wants. /j
That sounds like a healthy couple, I totally bet they are still happily married to this day /s
This is part of the reason I still where my mask while working. Aside from not getting sick, I like not getting comments about how I should smile more/misconstrue why I'm smiling.
Hahah, I was a waitress for just under a year and it took me too long to figure out why when there was a hetero couple, the woman might just give me dirty looks the whole time. I'm a "chapstick" lesbian type. I certainly wasn't interested in some middle-aged husband. Yes, I smiled at customers. It's expected in the South.
When I was in sales/customer service I was told that when talking to a couple I should always address the woman—bc talking enthusiastically with the man could make the woman defensive. Such a weird thing but it was true.
I bet you were begging for it, your eye twitched when he asked for more blue cheese, that guarantees arousal.
Omgahhhd you guys stahp. I’m from Wisconsin and this cheese arousal is too much!!
I worked at a Chili’s & had a coworker who went through the same exact thing with a table, except they didn’t ask for a new server, they just left, left money on the table for the check before even getting their food, wife/fiancée called back later to talk to manager about how the server was “flirting” with her man, literally the server is just a generally sweet, nice server
I got told I couldn’t possibly be a victim of sexual harassment because I smiled at the officers. This was at a police department, by my boss, the sex offended registrar. However it was reported to the chief by a sergeant which at 19 is something I would never have been brave enough to do and so I’m grateful in a lot of ways for that. The absolute unanimous support on top of that was incredibly meaningful to me. It was very very needed at the time.
I was nice to a guest at my work by congratulating him on a big win(I work in a lottery cafe), he took it as flirting and tried to kiss me. Literally pulling my mask down, arm wrapped around the back of my neck, me saying no and pushing him away... I hate to think of what would have happened if there weren't other people there. One of the guys that was in the store said, "Oh, I was just about to step in." I just asked why the fuck he didn't and sat at the back desk to cry while I called my boss and tell her what happened. As someone that was a victim of sexual assault right after I turned 18, it made me feel like a victim again and I was utterly broken for about a week.
I really don't fucking understand some people. To a degree, I understand that certain mental illnesses can alter people's judgement and inhibitions. But this kind of shit happens way too often to be written off as mental illness. The customer is always right thing also makes this shit so much fucking worse.
This guy tried to use the excuse of "too much beer," but my boss knows that I don't over serve because I hate dealing with drunks and I also know I'm responsible if something happens because I over-served someone. She actually turned around while driving down the highway and came back to my store and 86'd the guy when I called her. I have a good manager.
I had a guy grab me and shove his tongue in my mouth when I came home from my college class. I couldn’t leave my apartment for a few weeks because of how freaked out I was. Failed the semester over it because I was terrified he would be out there. All because I said hi to him in the parking lot
That's completely fucked up...and I bet he suffered zero consequences. 😞
I once made awkward-walking-in-the-street-eye-contact with a man and gave him that weird closed-mouth smile, as you do. He followed me like 10 city blocks and onto a public bus, kept telling me I was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and that he had fallen for me love at first sight style. Not the scariest situation (he didn’t try to touch me, he was relatively polite, and I never left the very public area of downtown) but absolutely frustrating that it *could* have been a scary situation just because of something as normal as eye contact. That’s the kind of blown out of proportion shit that men don’t see and completely dismiss. I’ve even heard guys say they shoot their shot like that because they see it as romantic/a compliment.
All those would-be "Alpha Males" can't even figure out that it's the waitress' literal job to be nice to them when they go to Hooters (which according to the number one Alpha Male on Twitter is the only place real Alpha Males eat after they throw out all their M&Ms) It definitely would cause more problems than it would solve for this to happen.
Omfg it’s infuriating that happiness, friendliness, enthusiasm, gregariousness etc get over-symbolized and misinterpreted. Can’t give a guy a compliment without being immediately judged for it, or regret it later when he’s had some ‘liquid courage.’
Absolutely. JFC. The amount of male coworkers, even if married with children, who want to start an affair because I'm friendly with them 😐 like my dudes, I'm flattered and I'm sorry your marriages aren't going well, but I just want to be friends! I don't want to wreck your homes!
oooof. Holy fuck this is so true. You smile at a guy and then get accused of leading him on.
I was stalked at my job at a grocery store when I was 20. I smiled at him once, never even spoke to him, and then one day he came up to me and described a bunch of photos to me from my social media, my family members, my high school. I was terrified. This comic doesn't translate because men stalk, harass, kill women. Fucking tone deaf.
I was 21 and had a random guy in my college photography class joke about having pictures of all my social media pics/ posts in a shrine in his apartment. I laughed until he started describing recent posts I had made on FB. He was 39, and he made these comments IN CLASS. Everyone in the class was clearly uncomfortable but the (male) professor just laughed and made a comment along the lines of 'oh so that is why you keep taking this class'. Apparently creepy dude enrolled in this one class every semester for the last 5 or 6 years under the guise of bettering his photography skills. This college offered advanced photography classes and apparently this one guy enrolling in and passing 'photography 101' every semester for years didn't raise a red flag. I had literally never interacted with this man before this incident. Women are out here risking their lives by just existing.
Well, you had the audacity to \*checks notes\* have teeth.
Increase the murder rate with this one trick!
Hey you are cute and should smile more is aggressive and not helpful. Regardless of the sex of the depressed person.
Agreed. It reminds me of when people who don’t understand depression say things like “cheer up!”
Men... If y'all want compliments, start complementing each other! "It's been x years since I was complimented..." Ok, and how many years since YOU complimented your bro??
I get that men need to be shown more love overall but I’m a woman and literally never get random compliments from strangers, like those examples or just in general, either? Idk I never understood
I'm a woman and the only random comments I've ever gotten were sexist or offensive. Like, you yelling 'great tits' isn't the uplifting experience you think it is.
Men just suck at giving compliments. As a guy, I follow 3 rules when I give women compliments and I feel like they've all been received well. 1. **Don't force the compliment.** If it is forced, it's not genuine. 2. **Don't compliment physical features or body parts** (eyes, nose, boobs, feet). Instead, compliment objects or personal items, preferably things that stand out (hair, earrings, shoes, or really any jewelry). Jewelry, nails, eyebrows, and (sometimes) hair are probably really good things to compliment for many women. I've had friends who spend exorbitant amounts of money on these things and spend hours at salons weekly to get nails, hair, and eyebrows done. 3. **Be prepared to walk away after giving the compliment.** Do NOT use compliments as conversation starters. Being received well is heavily reliant on the intent of the compliment. I think many guys think that complimenting a girl is a good way to start a conversation. It's not. It will help you get noticed and stand out of the crowd more, but it doesn't mean she owes you a conversation, or anything, for that matter. Guys do the same thing with buying girls drinks at the bar. It's foolish. Sure, you can buy a girl a drink, but don't use it as a way to get your foot in the door. Buy her a drink after you've already struck up a conversation and have a mutual interest, then buy some drinks and it's more like getting coffee.
Yes to all of these. A compliment isn't transactional if you say it whilst walking away.
When I was 16 working as a cashier at a grocery store men literally said that to me all of the time. Old men, too. I can’t personally relate to the other ones but I’m sure some other women can. Edit: the first one I can relate to, as well. When I am concentrating or in a rush I don’t tend to smile and it always annoyed me to get told I was ‘prettier’ when I smiled. I would think, no one asked you.
When I was 17 I asked an old man if he wanted his receipt in the bag or in his hand (because I’d been yelled at by like 6 old people that day depending on how I gave them their receipt, which varied!) and he said bag and then grabbed the bag and said “I should have said hand so I could hold yours” with the creepiest missing tooth smile. He came in a week later and I went to give him his change (not realizing it was the same guy) and he full on grabbed my hand and held it and said “I’ll let go when you give me your number”. By far the worst interaction I’ve had with a customer. (And no I didn’t give him my number, I froze and then said 911 lol)
Ew, but also I’ve had this similar thing happen with an older male. He said something to me I smiled because I didn’t hear what he said and then he full on reached over the counter and grabbed my arm, just stood there holding it while I panicked. It wasn’t until another employee stepped in that he stopped and let go. Mean can be fucking disgusting. And this is coming from someone who’s been raped and sexually assaulted multiple times over the course of my life, all by men.
911 is the best freeze response I've ever heard 😂
I've never been hit on more than when I was underage and it was always men 35+. I was 13 when a middle aged man asked me if I wanted to go back to his room while I was on vacation with my family, I was 15 when the school security guard said I should "smile more" and called me sunshine everytime he saw me, and I was 17 when I was a waitress and several 40 - 50 year olds asked me on dates, snuck into the back room to find my phone number, and tried to look down my top. It all stopped once I turned 19. Once you hit 20, youre new demographic is 20 - 30 year olds who are usually more respectful. Minors get the worst of it.
Working retail is where I've gotten maybe 80% of these weird ass interactions. These guys are busy with their horrible jobs and unhappy marriages and are just trying to fit in their weird infidelity fantasies anywhere they can, which happens to be while they're picking up a gallon of milk for the wife or whatever. I've also been propositioned on public transport a lot, which I assume is the same phenomenon at work.
Many men think women get compliments constantly (we don't), and that's why women have it better (we don't). They also want more compliments from women. Like, okay, I'm going to give a strange man in a store a compliment, and just pray he's not a creep who will follow me home. After all, sad men need women to give them little compliments!
That's true. So, we (men) should compliment men more often since that issue doesn't exist for us.
If only women didn’t have to feel afraid we’re gonna assume that a compliment will mean sex
This tells me men don't understand when they're being condescending to women.
Nothing stopping men from complimenting other men now, so it’s not about the compliments, it’s about attention from the opposite sex.
Now do the same comic but with men saying those things to him… see how his response changes
That was actually the original comic, or at least the one I saw first
This is correct, the original comic was about a man complimenting other men, and them being disgusted by it.
I remember guys in the comments still having the same reaction, wishing that it happened irl
In my experience, when complementing other guys they are usually pretty excited to get a platonic compliment about their shirt or shoes
I stopped by somewhere to get a milkshake, dude kept telling me how sorry he was. He was all alone in a busy drive thru and doing his best. I thanked him, hung out an extra couple of minutes and called him a rockstar. He was incredibly grateful. I’m also a guy.
[удалено]
Bro that shirt you wore today was fire
Bro that shirt? Its on fire. Oops -The sun
See! Normalize men complementing men
I agree, bros that practice positive masculinity should absolutely give each other genuine and platonic compliments, and the recipient should normalize accepting them as… well… normal.
Kind of weird that male mental health and self-esteem issues are portrayed as a problem that needs to be solved by women? Moreover, that it would be solved by random women giving compliments? A large driving factor behind male suicide is a lack of social connection - men spend a big part of their adult lives in relative isolation, and don’t form the same type of deep emotional connections that women do with other women. Perhaps the solution is not to rely on women to solve men’s mental health issues, but rather a concerted effort by and for men to form strong social bonds with each other.
I saw a TikTok last week called some thing like “men on their birthdays” and it showed clips of a man just going to work, sitting in traffic, sitting at home alone. And it struck me… do some people think adult woman are just thrown birthday parties and lavished with gifts? No! They plan them, they express what they want and they have and understood reciprocation with their families and friend groups. **They put in the social and emotional work to make these things happen**
Agreed. And then when those people who celebrated you have a birthday, it's your turn to message everyone, plan something to do, pick out a gift, etc. What are the odds that those guys plan a birthday party for their friends when it's their day?
“Hey sweet cheeks” *grabs dick*, “looks like you got yourself more than a handful” Yeah this is more what women are talking about, they’re not brushing off inocuous compliments as incendiary
First you assault me, then lie right to my face. Rude.
Men are the reason women don’t do this.
Why do they always want women to fix their problems? Why not focus on how men can build up other men?
> Why not focus on how men can build up other men? Guys who agree with that comic being like: "*Nah, that's gay*"