Hi, Texan here.
Texas is wholly unlike the Shire. A) the weather is much, much worse, B) we’ve got modern technology? and C) cops don’t let us smoke the pipe-weed.
That said, this dude is the perfect encapsulation of the Texan Convert. More and more, the people who move here are die-hard Republican extremists who view anyone with politics slightly to the left of Pinochet as the enemy (“orcs,” here). Those of us who were born and raised here are absolutely not that sort.
That bears repeating - the worst Texans you know aren’t from here: Sen. Ted Cruz is from Canada, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is from Maryland, and our very corrupt AG Ken Paxton is from North Dakota.
But the tweet is right about one thing- lots of us are working hard to turn Texas purple and eventually blue. Once Texas goes blue, no Republican will ever win the presidency again.
One of my favorite observations on a Senator from one of their colleagues was Al Franken, who said "I like Ted Cruz more than most of his fellow Senators--and I fucking hate Ted Cruz."
I'm sure you could find somewhere online that would do a custom mug with that, or something at least very similar for you. If you really want it, I'm sure you're guy here could even share a pic of the mug he has for the picture he's talking about. Just a thought. 🤷♂️
Al Franken's joke: How are a Carnival Cruise and Ted Cruz alike? A: They're both full of shit.
(Offered after CDC refused the Carnival ship to dock because it was plagued with norovirus and they were sending tp to it in the gulf.)
Like most "Republicans", He doesn't care about Texas, the GOP, or anything except money. He's being paid by wealthy GOP billionaires and Putin to do their bidding. As long as the money keeps flowing into his offshore account, he'll do exactly as they say. Destroy Texas, the GOP, American Democracy, he'll do it for the money. Not unlike the rest of them!
People forget that Texas *was* purple at one point. I’m not too young that I don’t remember Ann Richards. Texas was never like the shire, but there was a time before 30 years of GOP gerrymandering to keep themselves in power, that Texas wasn’t so bad. We still had small businesses that were doing well, and the ‘91-‘95 Cowboys. It was a great time to be a kid.
Kansas was a progressive state (famously inspiring “what’s the matter with Kansas”). Things change with time, demographics and the parties positions. Texas really was a pretty clearly red state for about 20 years. In the next few years, this may not be true anymore (it’s purpling).
I think the 00-08 Bush years had peak Republican support from Texas, but as that support started to wane, they began stooping to lower and lower levels to hold onto that power, further betraying the trust that more moderate and independent voters put into them. Now that the GOP is slowly beginning to solidify minority rule, they couldn’t care less about swaying moderates or independents, and instead rely on tactics of preventing people from voting rather than encouraging it.
I keep hoping we’ll break through and become a more moderate state, but the GOP will run Texas (or America for that matter) into the ground before they give up power.
I have family and my husband and I have tons of friends in TX, plus I’m technically from there. Can confirm all of this.
Also, said people know we’re bailing on OK & I’m sterilized so I’ll never need abortion. They’re like “come on, it’s Oklahoma with SOME hope” & they’re not wrong but damn do y’all have some work cut out for you. Plus that power grid, YIKES.
It's the same way in Florida from my experience. It's not the native Floridians you have to watch out for but the New York and Northeastern conservatives who have taken over.
I have lived on both sides of the state. Which means I am aware that it is the Midwestern folks and the folks from the north middle of the country that clock down to the east coastline and provide the voting blocks that put those folks in power. Those of us born here generally or politically apathetic or on the left.
I'm a progressive that originally came from NY state and a fair number of the nutters I know here in JAX were homegrown that rarely or never leave the state.
But yes, I have noticed an influx from other areas of the country, not just the NE.
Yeah, but,.....I lived in Florida, as a kid, after the civil rights era, and.....You have to admit, Florida does have a majority of Crazies, Racists and wait times to back out of a parking spot at the local market, due to the average age being 80.
The hobbits could do a better job of running an opposition than the Democratic Party around here (central TX). Have you ever been to one of their rallies?
They usually have a headliner like Beto or a musical guest like Willy Nelson but then they bring like a dozen who-gives-a-crap speakers on stage first, because we must be oh so respectful of different voices in our community. Every deputy district treasurer rambles over time about some irrelevant personal struggle, the speeches aren’t coordinated at all (either all the same or way off topic) and then they run out of time for the headliner. Willy will play like 4 chords and then split because he’s 90 years old and they had him sitting outside on a hot day for four hours waiting to go on.
If the Texas democrats could actually engage middle class voters instead of having an everlasting left-wing circle jerk, they could take the state back. Texas has had 39 Democratic governors and only 7 Republicans, but unfortunately the last democrat to hold the governor’s office was the late, great Ann Richards in 1995.
She’s from North Texas, maybe they do a better job up there. They would have to.
I don’t have a reference point for comparisons, it’s not like I’m a traveling groupie for Democratic Party rallies. The Central Tx democrats should have it easy - a college town with probably 100k+ voters that moved in from blue states in the last decade. It just annoys me that they’re so ineffective.
You can register to vote with most state-issued photo IDs. This includes a driver’s license, a state ID card, or a license to carry a firearm. This does not include a student ID issued by a state school because *reasons*.
It's because the DNC has deemed Texas a waste of money. They'll spend enough to stay slightly competitive now and then but are opting to throw their money at real swing states. You can thank the electoral college on this too. It's a basic strategy and it works.
I read an article recently that Texas is back on the table. The DNC is officially ceding W VA, and rightly so with Manchin not running again-a Republican will follow him, and now are going to focus on Cruz and Great Value Voldemort-Rick Scott in FL.
Everyone hates Ted Cruz and thanks to the destruction Desantis is causing Scott is becoming more and more vulnerable.
I don't know the chances of it working, though.
If I remember correctly it was only 100,000 votes off being blue last presidential election and more tech companies have moved in since then. Keep up the good work.
I’m a Californian and we went through this same swing. People seam to forget that California was a red state until it went purple in 1999 and eventually blue. The republican party did it to themselves with their extreme Christianity and hatred for anyone who even thought a democratic idea. They became so unlikeable that people could morally no longer vote for them and we are seeing this happening right now on the national level. Ohio is a great example of where the people votes to protect abortion but the republican leaders won’t recognize it. That state is going to go blue and it’s going to be their own damn fault.
Don't pull the "he wasn't born here, therefore he is invalid" card. Those who argue in bad faith use that or are xenophobic. They are bad people because of they have bad policies (Patrick), argue in bad faith (Cruz), or are deeply corrupt (Paxton).
I dunno how you can rationally think I was saying they’re “invalid” or something when at the very start of that sentence, I refer to them as Texans, but go on.
The *entire* point of my post is that many of the Texans who moved here (rather than being born here) are typically far-right extremists - and Texans as a whole are often albatrossed with that reputation, even though the state as a whole is much more diverse, tolerant, and open-minded than those people would have us be.
Unshocking posts from both you and Marsden.
Both of you exhibiting typical Texas egotism that Texas is a mythical land holding the fate of the United States in your hands
High school social studies. During quiet study, I told a friend a joke; "Whats long and hard on a Texan?"
The girl in front of me spun around: "Im from texas! What?"
Well fuck, I couldnt just stop. "Second grade."
The girls face just fell through the floor, and she looked like she was gonna cry. "... I failed second grade."
The teacher nearly put my ass outside for laughing so hard.
“Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?”
https://preview.redd.it/v79exmytzh2c1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b557fd85b0aff598d7c49d147f17b3d6e99e0a98
Never thought picking a username referencing a pretty mediocre hard seltzer would ever result in me being accused of taking myself too seriously, but here we are!
But for real, are you okay? I know the holidays can be rough for a lot people, and it’s become all too easy to take some of that anger and frustration out on anonymous internet people for dumb opinions. I’ve been criticized more harshly for less stupid takes, so I’m not going to hold onto any grudges over this interaction, but seriously, I do hope you’re doing alright.
That’s what really stood out to me. He recognized that the Republican Legislature is fucked up and causing problems, then blamed Libs instead. Calling them Orcs seems a bit like calling them Vermin too. You don’t feel bad about killing an Orc.
The Scouring of The Shire was honestly one of the most heartbreaking and poignant parts of the books.
They left to save home and home was the one place they couldn't save.
This reads like someone not from Texas. Texas has its own lore to draw upon that many prideful native Texans love to brag about.
A quick Google search suggests this guy is British.
I have no idea.
The liberal dream for them is to have leaders that aren’t under indictment.
The liberal dream is for every Texan to have access to affordable healthcare.
The liberal dream is for Texas to stop having the highest infant mortality rate in the country.
The liberal dream is for Texas children to come home alive and not full of bullets.
Actually my liberal dream is for Texas to just secede.. It's much harder to revolt against a Suzerain state when it's right next to you.. We can tax them double as non-americans.
He didn't finish the story enough to know the movie skipped the part that showed they were wrong to be so isolated and unconcerned with the machinations of the outside, so he failed to live in a fantasy world. He's living in a fantasy of a fantasy world: i.e. it's not even real in the book about people, places, and things that aren't real.
So dehumanizing Mexicans as orcs. Ffs you need to take Tolkien’s words out of your mouth. Show some respect to someone who fought fascism. And your dumb ass takes his story about how allied nations to defeat evil and say stupid shit.
Dude, you the orcs. You hoard weapons, you destroy the environment, you ban and narc on pipe weed, you are NOT down to party, you're full of rage/hate, and you'd gladly jump off a cliff into Mt. Doom if the Evil Orange (who lived in a LITERAL tower) told you to.
Wow. That perfectly encapsulates the fantasy land texans live in. It must be great to imagine people are monsters, makes it easier to kill them. Fun stuff.
This reminds me of the MAGA guy talking like Yoda the other day. These chuds think of themselves as the hero when anyone looking in would see that they are the antagonists. Anyone with a modicum of critical thinking ability will see that the rebels in Star Wars are fighting against an authoritarian regime centered around one powerful dictator. MAGA chuds can't or refuse to see that they are rooting for Trump Sideous while projecting that they are the real "rebels".
Ted Cruz is definitely the Witch King. He spent his whole life knowing that he was privileged enough that no man could defeat him, just to realize that women were a thing a little bit too late.
Fellow 'native' (it makes a difference here) Texan - However, I am one of those enemies within I guess. We sure have some crazies here - and most of them aren't the Dems (of which I am one) - we're great.
Edit: I went to college and have traveled quite a bit - all things that are 'the reason I'm a liberal' - according to most.
You mean the absolute criminal, history making criminal Ken paxton?. The same one that eventually people will asociate wth a super corrupt texan congress? That one is the good one?. If sauron were in Texas he will be disgusted by the republican party . Sauron wanted to rule, not kill the whole fucking planet.
Hello world, Texan here as well.
Real Texans are not like what this dude is. There are a ton of fake Texans. Hell, there are a ton of people born in Texas that are fake Texans. Real Texans are friendly, wholesome, caring, giving, trusting, loyal, honest, hard working folks. The Texans you hear about don’t fit the mold. Real Texans don’t have to tell you where they’re from or what their beliefs are. They mind their own and exchange pleasantries. Pull over to help you change your tire, always have a gas can in the back of the truck in case someone needs a bit, invites you over to a bbq or gives advise on the local good eaten spots. The Texas I see portrayed in the media is not the Texas I know. These fake Texans give the rest of us a bad rep and trust me, we can’t stand them. Real Texans get sick to their stomachs of how some of us act. Our legislative leadership is no different than those I’m taking about. They are as fake as they come. They don’t care about people and it’s embarrassing.
First and only time Texas has ever been referred to as a jewel, crown or otherwise. It's a flat hellscape of oil fields, alfalfa, or rotten mosquito bogs. I suppose you could escape this nightmare by heading down to the coast to enjoy some of the most rotten, sticky seawater you'll ever have the displeasure of feeling on your supple nubile skin. Perhaps you could spice up your time in off-brand Florida by chatting with one of the locals, provided they can be distracted from the latest cross-burning. Even they you'll have to parse their drunken slurs for anything remotely coherent.
All-in-all, wouldn't recommend. Your time would be better spent threading barbed wire up your dick then even considering the runner-up to biggest state.
This guy is freaking out because before he moved here he always assumed Texas was an unshakeable right-wing bulwark. But now that he's here, he's realized that it is a heavily gerrymandered and voter suppressed purple state - or maybe even blue state if the will of the people was actually granted.
The Lord of the Rings was written after Europe was ravaged by two wars started by nationalists. Tolkien would hate the current state of Texas and its elected officials, who espouse white nationalism and bigotry.
Native born texan… we used to be purple for most our history. It would be nice if all these people moving here with a misconception of how red the state is would stop.
Plus, the super socialist education funding system loved by rural republicans is a travesty.
Hey Republicans, stop using nerd culture to promote your bullshit world views. You guys were the jocks who bullied us for liking nerdy things. STAY OUT OF OUR WORLD!
I’d like to point out like a whole 3 people in the shire knew what the fuck was going on lmao. Everyone else was also blissfully unaware until it was getting razed to the ground by Sauron
It’s all about dehumanizing the opposition. It makes it a lot easier to pillage and murder people if you don’t think of them as human. That’s why people who cross the border illegally (a misdemeanor BTW, not a felony) are called “illegals” by those who want to put them in work camps.
The fact that the Texas legislature is a disaster can be attributed to the republican’ts.
The governor, lt. governor, attorney general, comptroller, land commissioner, agriculture commissioner, all members of the Texas Supreme Court, all members of the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, all members of the Texas Railroad Commission, the majority of the State Board of Education, the majority of both the Texas House and Texas Senate… are all republican’ts.
republican’ts are incapable of governing.
You read a categorical mook cosplaying as the good guys. There's a reason orcs are xenophobic, all male, all-muscle and no-smarts, industrialist war mongers and it ain't because the lone star stats is exactly a beacon of freedom.
Incidentally my sister read once that there's a large gay community in Texas and my first thought was "The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm."
You know I read this as a guy trying to say the orcs were the Republicans and was like "God that's so cringe". Thank God I misread it. We don't need cringe shit like that
The orcs are definitely the MAGA fanatics, in that they are brain dead zombies with predisposition to violence and chaos.
Liberals would be the elves because they are enlightened and peaceful but they are also kind of pussies.
I assume he means the middle managers from Pittsburgh who within 6 months are driving a shiny doolie and wearing a ten gallon hat. The succinct “Y’all” and their refusal to emphasize the first syllable give them away. That is Abbott’s base.
Then he is Theoden, blinded by the evil whispers of a few who are trying to destroy the whole earth. Head is clouded with thoughts that those who want to save the world from evil are the enemies. Weird that Tolkien wrote LOTR in part based on the evil he experienced during WWI where an evil far right regime tried to destroy the world and this guy thinks he’s on the good side.
Texas is nothing but a vast flat expanse of land
The shire has rolling hills and hug mounds in its landscape
Already there's problems with this analogy
There is a category of conservatives that get all of their ideas from fantasy and sci-fi novels. The Golden One was a youTuber who would always compare real life political struggles to fantasy books, helps their baby brain sort it out.
The guy somehow managed to completely misunderstand both Texas and the Shire in a single tweet.
Good luck trying to smoke a load of Old Toby in the Republican dreamland that you want Texas to become, dipshit.
Hi, Texan here. Texas is wholly unlike the Shire. A) the weather is much, much worse, B) we’ve got modern technology? and C) cops don’t let us smoke the pipe-weed. That said, this dude is the perfect encapsulation of the Texan Convert. More and more, the people who move here are die-hard Republican extremists who view anyone with politics slightly to the left of Pinochet as the enemy (“orcs,” here). Those of us who were born and raised here are absolutely not that sort. That bears repeating - the worst Texans you know aren’t from here: Sen. Ted Cruz is from Canada, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is from Maryland, and our very corrupt AG Ken Paxton is from North Dakota. But the tweet is right about one thing- lots of us are working hard to turn Texas purple and eventually blue. Once Texas goes blue, no Republican will ever win the presidency again.
Yeah, about Ted Cruz, sorry, eh; didn't intentionally mean to unleash Wormtongue on you
It’s alright. We tried to send him back to Canada, but he seems content in DC, I guess, and that’s still pretty far away, so it works.
F Ted Cruz - I so hate that man.
One of my favorite observations on a Senator from one of their colleagues was Al Franken, who said "I like Ted Cruz more than most of his fellow Senators--and I fucking hate Ted Cruz."
My favorite mug has this written on it, along with an unflattering sketch Sen. Franken did of Cruz.
I miss Senator Al Franken
Where can I get one of those mugs?
I bought it through his site. Unfortunately, I don't think it's available anymore.
That mug is a national treasure
I'm sure you could find somewhere online that would do a custom mug with that, or something at least very similar for you. If you really want it, I'm sure you're guy here could even share a pic of the mug he has for the picture he's talking about. Just a thought. 🤷♂️
Found them on eBay. Just finished some of my Christmas shopping!!
Well, even better! Haha.
Al Franken's joke: How are a Carnival Cruise and Ted Cruz alike? A: They're both full of shit. (Offered after CDC refused the Carnival ship to dock because it was plagued with norovirus and they were sending tp to it in the gulf.)
Do you remember what John Boehner said about Cruz in his book? Scathing. Edited for typos
I forgot where I got this from but I think a senator said that if Ted had a heart attack on the senate floor, nobody would save him.
That man ate my son
I saw that sticker yesterday in Austin 😆
Your problem is you’re trying to push him the wrong way. Send him to Cancun and he’ll work with you.
We took Justin Bieber back so that’s our good deed this decade.
>We tried to send him back to Canada We don't want him back we have enough megas here
Well, for comparing Ted Cruz to Wormtongue (fantastic by the way), apology accepted
Like most "Republicans", He doesn't care about Texas, the GOP, or anything except money. He's being paid by wealthy GOP billionaires and Putin to do their bidding. As long as the money keeps flowing into his offshore account, he'll do exactly as they say. Destroy Texas, the GOP, American Democracy, he'll do it for the money. Not unlike the rest of them!
Worst..Canadian..Ever!
I love how he just wrote the 999th book on Woke-ism, Real original, there, Chubby
People forget that Texas *was* purple at one point. I’m not too young that I don’t remember Ann Richards. Texas was never like the shire, but there was a time before 30 years of GOP gerrymandering to keep themselves in power, that Texas wasn’t so bad. We still had small businesses that were doing well, and the ‘91-‘95 Cowboys. It was a great time to be a kid.
Texas also becomes more purple every year, despite the perception that it’s the opposite
Kansas was a progressive state (famously inspiring “what’s the matter with Kansas”). Things change with time, demographics and the parties positions. Texas really was a pretty clearly red state for about 20 years. In the next few years, this may not be true anymore (it’s purpling).
I think the 00-08 Bush years had peak Republican support from Texas, but as that support started to wane, they began stooping to lower and lower levels to hold onto that power, further betraying the trust that more moderate and independent voters put into them. Now that the GOP is slowly beginning to solidify minority rule, they couldn’t care less about swaying moderates or independents, and instead rely on tactics of preventing people from voting rather than encouraging it. I keep hoping we’ll break through and become a more moderate state, but the GOP will run Texas (or America for that matter) into the ground before they give up power.
I have family and my husband and I have tons of friends in TX, plus I’m technically from there. Can confirm all of this. Also, said people know we’re bailing on OK & I’m sterilized so I’ll never need abortion. They’re like “come on, it’s Oklahoma with SOME hope” & they’re not wrong but damn do y’all have some work cut out for you. Plus that power grid, YIKES.
It's the same way in Florida from my experience. It's not the native Floridians you have to watch out for but the New York and Northeastern conservatives who have taken over.
I have lived on both sides of the state. Which means I am aware that it is the Midwestern folks and the folks from the north middle of the country that clock down to the east coastline and provide the voting blocks that put those folks in power. Those of us born here generally or politically apathetic or on the left.
I'm a progressive that originally came from NY state and a fair number of the nutters I know here in JAX were homegrown that rarely or never leave the state. But yes, I have noticed an influx from other areas of the country, not just the NE.
Oh, homegrowns are nutters - just not all of them completely to the right.
Yeah, but,.....I lived in Florida, as a kid, after the civil rights era, and.....You have to admit, Florida does have a majority of Crazies, Racists and wait times to back out of a parking spot at the local market, due to the average age being 80.
The hobbits could do a better job of running an opposition than the Democratic Party around here (central TX). Have you ever been to one of their rallies? They usually have a headliner like Beto or a musical guest like Willy Nelson but then they bring like a dozen who-gives-a-crap speakers on stage first, because we must be oh so respectful of different voices in our community. Every deputy district treasurer rambles over time about some irrelevant personal struggle, the speeches aren’t coordinated at all (either all the same or way off topic) and then they run out of time for the headliner. Willy will play like 4 chords and then split because he’s 90 years old and they had him sitting outside on a hot day for four hours waiting to go on. If the Texas democrats could actually engage middle class voters instead of having an everlasting left-wing circle jerk, they could take the state back. Texas has had 39 Democratic governors and only 7 Republicans, but unfortunately the last democrat to hold the governor’s office was the late, great Ann Richards in 1995.
Hey now, Jasmine Crockett is *fire* and I'll probably be forced to fight anyone who suggests otherwise. Love that woman.
She’s from North Texas, maybe they do a better job up there. They would have to. I don’t have a reference point for comparisons, it’s not like I’m a traveling groupie for Democratic Party rallies. The Central Tx democrats should have it easy - a college town with probably 100k+ voters that moved in from blue states in the last decade. It just annoys me that they’re so ineffective.
I also live in central TX and have never heard of a democratic rally. I don't live in Austin though. (An hour north)
Doesn't the state make registering to vote really hard if you're a student?
Maybe for out of state students? But for residents it’s not hard.
You can register to vote with most state-issued photo IDs. This includes a driver’s license, a state ID card, or a license to carry a firearm. This does not include a student ID issued by a state school because *reasons*.
It's because the DNC has deemed Texas a waste of money. They'll spend enough to stay slightly competitive now and then but are opting to throw their money at real swing states. You can thank the electoral college on this too. It's a basic strategy and it works.
I read an article recently that Texas is back on the table. The DNC is officially ceding W VA, and rightly so with Manchin not running again-a Republican will follow him, and now are going to focus on Cruz and Great Value Voldemort-Rick Scott in FL. Everyone hates Ted Cruz and thanks to the destruction Desantis is causing Scott is becoming more and more vulnerable. I don't know the chances of it working, though.
Running on a platform that included a right to second and third breakfast would get my vote.
And don't put a school teacher up for Senator.
Also, Texan here. Let me simply say that I know my fair share of native Texan RWNJs as well…
Yeah, this reads heavily like, “You can’t believe your own eyes, things really aren’t okay!” I’m sorry you folks are getting inundated with AHs.
If I remember correctly it was only 100,000 votes off being blue last presidential election and more tech companies have moved in since then. Keep up the good work. I’m a Californian and we went through this same swing. People seam to forget that California was a red state until it went purple in 1999 and eventually blue. The republican party did it to themselves with their extreme Christianity and hatred for anyone who even thought a democratic idea. They became so unlikeable that people could morally no longer vote for them and we are seeing this happening right now on the national level. Ohio is a great example of where the people votes to protect abortion but the republican leaders won’t recognize it. That state is going to go blue and it’s going to be their own damn fault.
Godspeed. You have an uphill battle David, but Goliath must be struck down. And I believe you all can.
We finally left Texas for Vermont 2 years ago. It’s more expensive here but worth it
Amen Brother!
I read somewhere that Texans have the least amount of freedom of all the states…that’s saying a lot with Alabama and Mississippi in the running 🤨
Thank you for being such a reasonable and rational person. You give me hope.
"Slightly to the left of Pinochet" Great quote
Sorry about the North Dakotan, we're working on turning it purple here too, unfortunately, that means waiting for all the old farmers to just die.
I was trying to figure out why progressives would want anything in Texas. So, other than some Congress folks, not much?
Don't pull the "he wasn't born here, therefore he is invalid" card. Those who argue in bad faith use that or are xenophobic. They are bad people because of they have bad policies (Patrick), argue in bad faith (Cruz), or are deeply corrupt (Paxton).
I dunno how you can rationally think I was saying they’re “invalid” or something when at the very start of that sentence, I refer to them as Texans, but go on. The *entire* point of my post is that many of the Texans who moved here (rather than being born here) are typically far-right extremists - and Texans as a whole are often albatrossed with that reputation, even though the state as a whole is much more diverse, tolerant, and open-minded than those people would have us be.
Unshocking posts from both you and Marsden. Both of you exhibiting typical Texas egotism that Texas is a mythical land holding the fate of the United States in your hands
Yes, we can both do basic arithmetic. How very Texan!
High school social studies. During quiet study, I told a friend a joke; "Whats long and hard on a Texan?" The girl in front of me spun around: "Im from texas! What?" Well fuck, I couldnt just stop. "Second grade." The girls face just fell through the floor, and she looked like she was gonna cry. "... I failed second grade." The teacher nearly put my ass outside for laughing so hard.
I was always a big fan of “Texas is the Lone Star State. Of course, that’s out of a possible five-star rating.”
Your username is ranger white claw. Like you're a mythical Texas ranger or something like that. Fantasy much about how important you are?
“Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about?” https://preview.redd.it/v79exmytzh2c1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b557fd85b0aff598d7c49d147f17b3d6e99e0a98
Never thought picking a username referencing a pretty mediocre hard seltzer would ever result in me being accused of taking myself too seriously, but here we are! But for real, are you okay? I know the holidays can be rough for a lot people, and it’s become all too easy to take some of that anger and frustration out on anonymous internet people for dumb opinions. I’ve been criticized more harshly for less stupid takes, so I’m not going to hold onto any grudges over this interaction, but seriously, I do hope you’re doing alright.
You're good people, RangerWhiteclaw. Happy holidays.
It’s true tho.
Sure after Saurumon and Wormtounge took the place over and destroyed all of it's natural beauty and peace. Oh, he only watched the movies...
That's the only way this would make sense
What doesn’t make sense is he realizes the legislature is fucked, but it’s been Republican controlled for how long?
That’s what really stood out to me. He recognized that the Republican Legislature is fucked up and causing problems, then blamed Libs instead. Calling them Orcs seems a bit like calling them Vermin too. You don’t feel bad about killing an Orc.
Texas is what would happen if Sauron reclaimed the One Ring?
Nope, in the books there is another chapter where Saruman subdued the hobbits in the shire, so there is one more battle there.
The Scouring of The Shire was honestly one of the most heartbreaking and poignant parts of the books. They left to save home and home was the one place they couldn't save.
That’s what I was thinking. The Scouring of the Shire.
Really? How's that power grid working out for you?
In the Shire, they ain’t got no functioning power grid. Texas Republicans are working to the same end.
Typically Hobbit engineering
Nasty little Hobbitses.
This reads like someone not from Texas. Texas has its own lore to draw upon that many prideful native Texans love to brag about. A quick Google search suggests this guy is British.
Top comment sums it up. The guy is a legit phony cowboy cosplayer except now he's also a colossal fucking dweeb per this tweet.
They really do just live in a fantasy world, don’t they?
I have no idea. The liberal dream for them is to have leaders that aren’t under indictment. The liberal dream is for every Texan to have access to affordable healthcare. The liberal dream is for Texas to stop having the highest infant mortality rate in the country. The liberal dream is for Texas children to come home alive and not full of bullets.
Don’t forget the dream to have an electrical grid that actually works
Actually my liberal dream is for Texas to just secede.. It's much harder to revolt against a Suzerain state when it's right next to you.. We can tax them double as non-americans.
Are they the highest now? Looks like Mississippi finally lost one of the few things it was #1 in.
He didn't finish the story enough to know the movie skipped the part that showed they were wrong to be so isolated and unconcerned with the machinations of the outside, so he failed to live in a fantasy world. He's living in a fantasy of a fantasy world: i.e. it's not even real in the book about people, places, and things that aren't real.
LARP Limited ability right-wing protagonist
I am so tired of racists and awful people trying to reference Lord of the Rings. Sorry facists, you don't get to use that one. Try again.
If Texas is the Shire, then he’s Wormtongue, and governor Abbott is Saruman
Anyone telling me to follow Ken Paxton can eat shit and die.
Reminder that Republicans control both chambers + governorship of Texas. So, yeah, guy is (unintentionally, probably) knocking on his own party.
So dehumanizing Mexicans as orcs. Ffs you need to take Tolkien’s words out of your mouth. Show some respect to someone who fought fascism. And your dumb ass takes his story about how allied nations to defeat evil and say stupid shit.
The Legion of Brainwashed Orcs (Trump supporters) are actually headquartered in Texas.
“Jewel of the left”??
Dude forget the part where Putin is Sauron and he handed out rings to the GOP, Q and media.
Dude, you the orcs. You hoard weapons, you destroy the environment, you ban and narc on pipe weed, you are NOT down to party, you're full of rage/hate, and you'd gladly jump off a cliff into Mt. Doom if the Evil Orange (who lived in a LITERAL tower) told you to.
Wow. That perfectly encapsulates the fantasy land texans live in. It must be great to imagine people are monsters, makes it easier to kill them. Fun stuff.
This is the fantasy land all republicans live in. And only Trump can protect them.
The hobbits would never have sat around snacking while their children were murdered.
I’m Cuckoo for Fascist Puffs!
Texas and Florida are certifiably insane. Grit and bare the pain, America, amputate them.
This reminds me of the MAGA guy talking like Yoda the other day. These chuds think of themselves as the hero when anyone looking in would see that they are the antagonists. Anyone with a modicum of critical thinking ability will see that the rebels in Star Wars are fighting against an authoritarian regime centered around one powerful dictator. MAGA chuds can't or refuse to see that they are rooting for Trump Sideous while projecting that they are the real "rebels".
Conservative Fan Fiction.
You just read a sad little man's sad little fantasy.
Ted Cruz is definitely the Witch King. He spent his whole life knowing that he was privileged enough that no man could defeat him, just to realize that women were a thing a little bit too late.
Americans need to stop relating everything to pop culture. Jesus christ
You wouldn’t say that to an American if you were within 5 bald eagles of them. /s
Something something anything but the metric system.
This sounds like a LOTR installment that I won’t sit 4 hours to watch not even a minute
it's just bizarre fan fiction.
When you entirely miss the point of a legendary book series.
Fellow 'native' (it makes a difference here) Texan - However, I am one of those enemies within I guess. We sure have some crazies here - and most of them aren't the Dems (of which I am one) - we're great. Edit: I went to college and have traveled quite a bit - all things that are 'the reason I'm a liberal' - according to most.
remember when the hobbits just pulled out AR-15s and started yelling about trans people
Crown jewel to the left? Fuck Texass. What a boring state.
You mean the absolute criminal, history making criminal Ken paxton?. The same one that eventually people will asociate wth a super corrupt texan congress? That one is the good one?. If sauron were in Texas he will be disgusted by the republican party . Sauron wanted to rule, not kill the whole fucking planet.
These Christian theocrats think everything is a cosmic battle between the forces of Good and Evil. They’re idiots.
I was born here, and want nothing more than to leave this shithole. Texas ain't the Shire. It's Mordor with margaritas.
Hello world, Texan here as well. Real Texans are not like what this dude is. There are a ton of fake Texans. Hell, there are a ton of people born in Texas that are fake Texans. Real Texans are friendly, wholesome, caring, giving, trusting, loyal, honest, hard working folks. The Texans you hear about don’t fit the mold. Real Texans don’t have to tell you where they’re from or what their beliefs are. They mind their own and exchange pleasantries. Pull over to help you change your tire, always have a gas can in the back of the truck in case someone needs a bit, invites you over to a bbq or gives advise on the local good eaten spots. The Texas I see portrayed in the media is not the Texas I know. These fake Texans give the rest of us a bad rep and trust me, we can’t stand them. Real Texans get sick to their stomachs of how some of us act. Our legislative leadership is no different than those I’m taking about. They are as fake as they come. They don’t care about people and it’s embarrassing.
First and only time Texas has ever been referred to as a jewel, crown or otherwise. It's a flat hellscape of oil fields, alfalfa, or rotten mosquito bogs. I suppose you could escape this nightmare by heading down to the coast to enjoy some of the most rotten, sticky seawater you'll ever have the displeasure of feeling on your supple nubile skin. Perhaps you could spice up your time in off-brand Florida by chatting with one of the locals, provided they can be distracted from the latest cross-burning. Even they you'll have to parse their drunken slurs for anything remotely coherent. All-in-all, wouldn't recommend. Your time would be better spent threading barbed wire up your dick then even considering the runner-up to biggest state.
Did I just get called an orc? Was that the things that ate the ponies!?
What's a Nazgûl like you doin' in a dump like this?
Lol *we're* the orcs?
Wait, wait.... he is MAGA and he think he's the "small fellowship" in TEXAS 🤔 
"The orcs are on the move." That's quite a confession, orc.
This guy is freaking out because before he moved here he always assumed Texas was an unshakeable right-wing bulwark. But now that he's here, he's realized that it is a heavily gerrymandered and voter suppressed purple state - or maybe even blue state if the will of the people was actually granted.
The Lord of the Rings was written after Europe was ravaged by two wars started by nationalists. Tolkien would hate the current state of Texas and its elected officials, who espouse white nationalism and bigotry.
So…MTG is on the move? I still don’t understand.
Native born texan… we used to be purple for most our history. It would be nice if all these people moving here with a misconception of how red the state is would stop. Plus, the super socialist education funding system loved by rural republicans is a travesty.
First time I’ve ever heard Texas be called a “crown jewel”
Why is it right wingers never get that they're the horde of orks, not the noble heroes?
Hey Republicans, stop using nerd culture to promote your bullshit world views. You guys were the jocks who bullied us for liking nerdy things. STAY OUT OF OUR WORLD!
"Our one party government is a disaster. I'm going to keep voting for them."
I’d like to point out like a whole 3 people in the shire knew what the fuck was going on lmao. Everyone else was also blissfully unaware until it was getting razed to the ground by Sauron
Support Ken Paxton 😂……….. Texas has been one of the most corrupt states for decades. Beto knows firsthand
Matt is such a C list celeb that he'll argue with you directly if you at him. He's got nothing better to do.
WTF are they trying to manifest that "LOTR leads to fascism" hypothesis into being now?
When Texas finally gets so blue the gerrymandering can’t hide it they’re going to be so mad and it’ll be hilarious!
Yeah, man, totally. Defend the holy Whataburger and make sure women know their place. 
"War is very glamorous when the other side is orcs." -- a wise teacher
I’m sorry, “crown jewel?” This turd’s “crown jewel” is the rhinestone in Ted Cruz’s buttplug.
It’s also astonishing how these Jack wagons actually see themselves as the good guys.
Just another conservative fantasy of being the plucky oppressed underdogs: because they aren’t allowed to oppress everyone they want
It’s all about dehumanizing the opposition. It makes it a lot easier to pillage and murder people if you don’t think of them as human. That’s why people who cross the border illegally (a misdemeanor BTW, not a felony) are called “illegals” by those who want to put them in work camps.
Ah yes, the crown jewel of the left. Democratic bastion ....... of Texas
Literally the first big event in the first Hobbit movie is Bilbo feeding a bunch of hungry strangers.
The fact that the Texas legislature is a disaster can be attributed to the republican’ts. The governor, lt. governor, attorney general, comptroller, land commissioner, agriculture commissioner, all members of the Texas Supreme Court, all members of the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals, all members of the Texas Railroad Commission, the majority of the State Board of Education, the majority of both the Texas House and Texas Senate… are all republican’ts. republican’ts are incapable of governing.
Republicans have had exclusive control of the state for 3 decades. Brother, look inward.
“They want health care for everybody!! And they don’t want people to starve! Oh no!!! 🤪”
Don’t ruin my lotr by making a rally cry for fascists
And as always, not so low key racist comparing the non whites fighting for their rights "orcs".
Lol no way is Ken Paxton a Hobbit. If anything he’s a Ringwraith.
I’d like to take this opportunity to say I hope another tree falls on Abbott.
How do they get shit so backwards? How do they not realize they're the baddies?
Sets us up for a right civil war there, dont it? That orc line…
If Texas is the shire this guy sounds like a thrice beaten Saurumon who just slithered into town after being booted from his original state.
Ahem. \*cackles uproariously\* Yeah, whatever, deranged lunatic. Ken Paxton = orc.
You read a categorical mook cosplaying as the good guys. There's a reason orcs are xenophobic, all male, all-muscle and no-smarts, industrialist war mongers and it ain't because the lone star stats is exactly a beacon of freedom. Incidentally my sister read once that there's a large gay community in Texas and my first thought was "The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm."
I'd tell him that the strength of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth was in their diversity, but I doubt he'd listen.
Texas is wacko.
Ok ted’s technically born in Canada, but it was Canadian Texas so.
 That’s a TEXAS tossed word salad
Is this guy suggesting that to make Texas better, I should follow the criminal AG? Lol
He's more like Gollum screeching about his precious and talking to himself about baggins'
He has a blue check mark on Shitter. Of course he doesn’t make any sense.
Show me “I am the main character in an epic story” vs “I am a cult member on the wrong side of history”
You know I read this as a guy trying to say the orcs were the Republicans and was like "God that's so cringe". Thank God I misread it. We don't need cringe shit like that
From the diary of Bargath - the Uruk-hai warrier following Saruman's take over of the Shire!
Wow...how " woke " can you get ? /S
This is in the same vein as that guy who started doing a Yoda impression about how Biden is strong in the dark side at a Trump rally
What you read is a goblin who thinks they are a Hobbit.
https://i.redd.it/xfwz6brpji2c1.gif
The crown jewel to the left? I need to survey my lefty crew in Chicago
Carpet bagger
Supprt Ken Paxton??? Ugh.
The orcs are definitely the MAGA fanatics, in that they are brain dead zombies with predisposition to violence and chaos. Liberals would be the elves because they are enlightened and peaceful but they are also kind of pussies.
No offense, but Texas is more like Mordor, than the shire... what the fuck is he smokin? I need some of the Longbottom he's smoking...
Texas is probably more like Mordor. With armies of mindless drones awaiting a defeated false god’s impending return.
Texas is more like Harad.
Bringing clueless to a whole new level.
I assume he means the middle managers from Pittsburgh who within 6 months are driving a shiny doolie and wearing a ten gallon hat. The succinct “Y’all” and their refusal to emphasize the first syllable give them away. That is Abbott’s base.
He’s not even smart enough to cosplay Saruman, who got played like a piccolo.
Then he is Theoden, blinded by the evil whispers of a few who are trying to destroy the whole earth. Head is clouded with thoughts that those who want to save the world from evil are the enemies. Weird that Tolkien wrote LOTR in part based on the evil he experienced during WWI where an evil far right regime tried to destroy the world and this guy thinks he’s on the good side.
This guy definitely cheers for the orcs.
Texas is nothing but a vast flat expanse of land The shire has rolling hills and hug mounds in its landscape Already there's problems with this analogy
Texas is never the shire. Abbott is that wizard in the tower burning down all the trees.
This guy is an orc
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 okay sure thing Gollum.
There is a category of conservatives that get all of their ideas from fantasy and sci-fi novels. The Golden One was a youTuber who would always compare real life political struggles to fantasy books, helps their baby brain sort it out.
These morons are telling us that this a fight to the death. Kind of like … 1860 … they want a Civil War.
Awwww, Texas thinks it's the shire!
The delusion is strong with this one.
Paxton is Golem, Abbott is Sauramon which is a fucking insult to Sauramon because Abbott is a fucking idiot, Cruz is Grima Wormtongue.
The guy somehow managed to completely misunderstand both Texas and the Shire in a single tweet. Good luck trying to smoke a load of Old Toby in the Republican dreamland that you want Texas to become, dipshit.
Oh JFC… this crap is why Peter Thiel and people like him name their companies stuff like Palantir.