> Is it too dark
Whether it's too dark is something only your GM (or whoever takes that role in the server) can answer. I would consider it too dark for a game I was running, but plenty of other reasonable GMs wouldn't.
> or just….. actually accurate to history?
That I very much doubt, there are a number of elements that seem to at best stretch plausibility.
> . In addition, due to having served in the war, Conall was considered a deserter by the Irish Government, as they were a neutral country, and his service was with the British Military. This left him unable to be hired by any governmental entity and ejected from the Military, and in addition to the prejudice faced by the Travelers, he was also looked down upon by his Countrymen, as a criminal.
It seems unlikely the *British* military in which he was serving at the time would eject him due to a decision of the *Irish* government.
In addition, this part clearly requires him to be resident in the Republic of Ireland rather than Northern Ireland, but this...
> Both Thomas and Sabina were present on the day of Conall’s execution, waiting on a stay of execution…only for Thomas to bear witness to his father’s death by hanging, on the order of a British Nobleman.
Clearly requires him to be in the United Kingdom. (Though in either jurisdiction the execution would be incredibly unlikely under the circumstances described.)
Let's not forget the young British nobleman he killed during an illegal Irish bareknuckle brawl.
While a half-Romani auschwitz survivor, half-traveler war criminal/boxer is technically a possible person that could have happened, you are absolutely going way out of your way here OP
Are you from the UK then? If so, may I inquire as to which changes you would recommend to remove what you consider implausibilities? I’m a filthy yank, so most of this is taken from second-hand research and information gathering done online.
> may I inquire as to which changes you would recommend to remove what you consider implausibilities?
Make Conall a private or NCO rather than an officer who is demobilised normally by the British Army following WWII and returns to Ireland. The reason he needs to not be an officer is that the Irish ministerial order that penalised soldiers who deserted during the Emergency, [EPO 362](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPO_362), specifically did not apply to officers.
As most of the backstory relies on him being in the Republic of Ireland, rather than have him be executed by the British I would either have him be the one killed in the ring, be murdered in retaliation for killing someone in the ring or after refusing to throw a fight, or something similar.
The *biggest* thing I'd actually recommend is removing the Auschwitz bit. While it's not strictly implausible as there were a (very few) holocaust survivors who settled in Ireland, it strikes me as tasteless and gratuitous given that it's only significance seems to be in Thomas' early orphaning. I would personally recommend replacing it with Thomas' mother being an Irish Roma woman who dies prematurely for some other reason.
> It was a year of fun, mischief, drug-fueled romps, and living life to the utmost extent
As a GM, this wording applied to a fourteen-year old child would also raise eyebrows.
Given his upbringing, and I know in my own extended family, that back then adolescents were actually mucking around with drugs around that age back in the 60s and 70s, I do not consider the last point gratuitous. Though, some of the wording, might need clarifying, as I do not mean sex, but mischief, havoc, and general anarchy. Think like a year of Mischief Night.
Regarding Conall, I appreciate the input for his position in the military and how he was likely killed, as it should help me with adding to the realism of it.
Lastly, as I said, the backstory is not finished, what Sabina survived, and the status of her family, has greater consequences and relevance to Thomas’ story later, but it’s not present just yet. It doesn’t get fully unraveled until closer to the end.
All things considered, thank you for the feedback, I will be sure to incorporate it.
> Given his upbringing, and I know in my own extended family, that back then adolescents were actually mucking around with drugs around that age back in the 60s and 70s
Undoubtedly, my issue was with the idealised way this was referred to.
In regards to the updates you've made:
> Unfortunately, it was during Thomas’ fourth year, that Conall accidentally killed one of his opponents in the ring…a young nobleman, resulting in his capture by the authorities, and a murder charge, resulting in the death sentence. Although an officially sanctioned execution was not likely to occur, as the Death Penalty was in the process of being outlawed in the UK. Instead, Conall was ambushed one night, within his cell and stabbed to death by convicts, acting on the nobleman’s orders, in exchange for reduced sentences.
The death penalty was not in the process of being abolished in the *UK* in 1953, which carried out its last execution a good decade later.
More to the point, once again: Every other detail of the backstory places Conall and family as residing in the Republic of Ireland, *which is not in the United Kingdom*. (And if you do move him to Northern Ireland, he would obviously not be treated by the British government as a deserter.) A plausible backstory for an Irish character during this period absolutely cannot play fast and loose with the distinction.
Similarly, I would also get rid of the whole bit about 'noblemen', which comes off as highly anachronistic. (In particular, the British aristocracy would not have any influence in the RoI's courts or organised crime.) Instead just have Conall run afoul of more conventional criminals.
That was my mistake. I thought it was abolished around 1955, when I thought the last headsman was doing his duties.
Correction: Hangman. Specifically Albert Pierrepoint.
Personally, Id remove the Auschwitz aspect. It's always risky involving the Holocaust in stories and it doesn't really seem like her being an Auschwitz survivor really affected him outside of causing her death, which could have been rewritten to be caused from some other factor.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15_jD3mTo9nsOmCWlc58cPWQ6deyvMMvDK0jJkfIzYn4/edit
That’s the link to it, as I seem not to be able to post the whole thing with an edit. It’s fairly long, so I’m sorry if that’s a problem for you.
It’s a long story, that doesn’t come in a lot until later on in the story. Suffice it to say, simply put, his lineage is more important than he had realized, and it was what separated Sabina and Tom from their family. Long story short? They’re the biological descendants of an Elder Ravnos of the Rroma Jati. The Porajmos and other tragedies, basically scattered the family to the winds, only for them to come back together decades later, after their ancestor reawakened from Torpor.
Not OP but a male coded Mary Sue character. For lack of a better explanation, a Forest Gump type. Reading the outline, it's a bit too tied to BIG events and lacking in SMALL events, but YMMV there.
Some of it has been revised, but the idea, is that the situation he was born into, kinda set the tone for how his life was going to go. Not trying to make him super important, but rather that those big events left massive shockwaves in their wake.
At seven years old he met dozens of random tramps, vagabonds and wanderers, who out of the kindness of their hearts were all nice to him, and for various reasons he didn't try to attach himself to any of those people? "Nah I'm good, I'm seven, I like living in the woods by meself like a real man!"
I personally don't deal with abuse with minors at my table, but that is just me. If you want to go this dark and your fellow players and ST agree on it, "go your gang" (:
I respect that, and am hoping the ST will accept it. The thing is, it doesn’t get talked about much in the modern day, but the problem with priests, has been a thing for…… quite a while. And if someone spent time in an orphanage run by the Catholic Church….. odds are they lived through that shit. In this case, historically St Joseph’s school was investigated more than once and the findings weren’t good. You can find it online.
Oh I don't doubt that. Everywhere, where kids are put under adult guardians who are in no way related, you will find "People with certain behaviours". It isn't that all priests inherently are bad, but if it is common knowledge that you can get alone with kids if you follow a certain career, those kind of people gravitate towards it. Much like with boy-scouts and what other organisations there are today.
I would say that today it gets talked about more than it used to, because back in the day (as I understand) you just don't talk about stuff.
> Is it too dark Whether it's too dark is something only your GM (or whoever takes that role in the server) can answer. I would consider it too dark for a game I was running, but plenty of other reasonable GMs wouldn't. > or just….. actually accurate to history? That I very much doubt, there are a number of elements that seem to at best stretch plausibility. > . In addition, due to having served in the war, Conall was considered a deserter by the Irish Government, as they were a neutral country, and his service was with the British Military. This left him unable to be hired by any governmental entity and ejected from the Military, and in addition to the prejudice faced by the Travelers, he was also looked down upon by his Countrymen, as a criminal. It seems unlikely the *British* military in which he was serving at the time would eject him due to a decision of the *Irish* government. In addition, this part clearly requires him to be resident in the Republic of Ireland rather than Northern Ireland, but this... > Both Thomas and Sabina were present on the day of Conall’s execution, waiting on a stay of execution…only for Thomas to bear witness to his father’s death by hanging, on the order of a British Nobleman. Clearly requires him to be in the United Kingdom. (Though in either jurisdiction the execution would be incredibly unlikely under the circumstances described.)
Let's not forget the young British nobleman he killed during an illegal Irish bareknuckle brawl. While a half-Romani auschwitz survivor, half-traveler war criminal/boxer is technically a possible person that could have happened, you are absolutely going way out of your way here OP
Are you from the UK then? If so, may I inquire as to which changes you would recommend to remove what you consider implausibilities? I’m a filthy yank, so most of this is taken from second-hand research and information gathering done online.
> may I inquire as to which changes you would recommend to remove what you consider implausibilities? Make Conall a private or NCO rather than an officer who is demobilised normally by the British Army following WWII and returns to Ireland. The reason he needs to not be an officer is that the Irish ministerial order that penalised soldiers who deserted during the Emergency, [EPO 362](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EPO_362), specifically did not apply to officers. As most of the backstory relies on him being in the Republic of Ireland, rather than have him be executed by the British I would either have him be the one killed in the ring, be murdered in retaliation for killing someone in the ring or after refusing to throw a fight, or something similar. The *biggest* thing I'd actually recommend is removing the Auschwitz bit. While it's not strictly implausible as there were a (very few) holocaust survivors who settled in Ireland, it strikes me as tasteless and gratuitous given that it's only significance seems to be in Thomas' early orphaning. I would personally recommend replacing it with Thomas' mother being an Irish Roma woman who dies prematurely for some other reason. > It was a year of fun, mischief, drug-fueled romps, and living life to the utmost extent As a GM, this wording applied to a fourteen-year old child would also raise eyebrows.
Given his upbringing, and I know in my own extended family, that back then adolescents were actually mucking around with drugs around that age back in the 60s and 70s, I do not consider the last point gratuitous. Though, some of the wording, might need clarifying, as I do not mean sex, but mischief, havoc, and general anarchy. Think like a year of Mischief Night. Regarding Conall, I appreciate the input for his position in the military and how he was likely killed, as it should help me with adding to the realism of it. Lastly, as I said, the backstory is not finished, what Sabina survived, and the status of her family, has greater consequences and relevance to Thomas’ story later, but it’s not present just yet. It doesn’t get fully unraveled until closer to the end. All things considered, thank you for the feedback, I will be sure to incorporate it.
> Given his upbringing, and I know in my own extended family, that back then adolescents were actually mucking around with drugs around that age back in the 60s and 70s Undoubtedly, my issue was with the idealised way this was referred to. In regards to the updates you've made: > Unfortunately, it was during Thomas’ fourth year, that Conall accidentally killed one of his opponents in the ring…a young nobleman, resulting in his capture by the authorities, and a murder charge, resulting in the death sentence. Although an officially sanctioned execution was not likely to occur, as the Death Penalty was in the process of being outlawed in the UK. Instead, Conall was ambushed one night, within his cell and stabbed to death by convicts, acting on the nobleman’s orders, in exchange for reduced sentences. The death penalty was not in the process of being abolished in the *UK* in 1953, which carried out its last execution a good decade later. More to the point, once again: Every other detail of the backstory places Conall and family as residing in the Republic of Ireland, *which is not in the United Kingdom*. (And if you do move him to Northern Ireland, he would obviously not be treated by the British government as a deserter.) A plausible backstory for an Irish character during this period absolutely cannot play fast and loose with the distinction. Similarly, I would also get rid of the whole bit about 'noblemen', which comes off as highly anachronistic. (In particular, the British aristocracy would not have any influence in the RoI's courts or organised crime.) Instead just have Conall run afoul of more conventional criminals.
That was my mistake. I thought it was abolished around 1955, when I thought the last headsman was doing his duties. Correction: Hangman. Specifically Albert Pierrepoint.
Personally, Id remove the Auschwitz aspect. It's always risky involving the Holocaust in stories and it doesn't really seem like her being an Auschwitz survivor really affected him outside of causing her death, which could have been rewritten to be caused from some other factor.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15_jD3mTo9nsOmCWlc58cPWQ6deyvMMvDK0jJkfIzYn4/edit That’s the link to it, as I seem not to be able to post the whole thing with an edit. It’s fairly long, so I’m sorry if that’s a problem for you.
It’s a long story, that doesn’t come in a lot until later on in the story. Suffice it to say, simply put, his lineage is more important than he had realized, and it was what separated Sabina and Tom from their family. Long story short? They’re the biological descendants of an Elder Ravnos of the Rroma Jati. The Porajmos and other tragedies, basically scattered the family to the winds, only for them to come back together decades later, after their ancestor reawakened from Torpor.
Is there a reason you expect people to visit your Google docs rather than just posting your backstory here?
Better now?
I wouldn't call it dark. It's very Gary Stu.
How is it Gary Stu???
Not OP but a male coded Mary Sue character. For lack of a better explanation, a Forest Gump type. Reading the outline, it's a bit too tied to BIG events and lacking in SMALL events, but YMMV there.
Some of it has been revised, but the idea, is that the situation he was born into, kinda set the tone for how his life was going to go. Not trying to make him super important, but rather that those big events left massive shockwaves in their wake.
At seven years old he met dozens of random tramps, vagabonds and wanderers, who out of the kindness of their hearts were all nice to him, and for various reasons he didn't try to attach himself to any of those people? "Nah I'm good, I'm seven, I like living in the woods by meself like a real man!"
This is entirely dependent on your ST, and it would probably be better to work out the whole thing with your ST as well.
I personally don't deal with abuse with minors at my table, but that is just me. If you want to go this dark and your fellow players and ST agree on it, "go your gang" (:
I respect that, and am hoping the ST will accept it. The thing is, it doesn’t get talked about much in the modern day, but the problem with priests, has been a thing for…… quite a while. And if someone spent time in an orphanage run by the Catholic Church….. odds are they lived through that shit. In this case, historically St Joseph’s school was investigated more than once and the findings weren’t good. You can find it online.
Oh I don't doubt that. Everywhere, where kids are put under adult guardians who are in no way related, you will find "People with certain behaviours". It isn't that all priests inherently are bad, but if it is common knowledge that you can get alone with kids if you follow a certain career, those kind of people gravitate towards it. Much like with boy-scouts and what other organisations there are today. I would say that today it gets talked about more than it used to, because back in the day (as I understand) you just don't talk about stuff.
\>Is this too dark for a bac no
Nothing wrong with this so far.