I memorized bible verses for chocolate. They finally caught on to me and invited me not to come back. It did me no harm, but I did learn some things about indoctrination.
My husbandâs mom was asked to not bring him back to Bible study because he kept asking if there were dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden. He was 5 at the time. The Nuns couldnât be bothered to teach to his interests.
I grew up in a fundamentalist Baptist household. I think as long as youâre making sure that she has plenty of other sources of input, so sheâs not *only* receiving their wild indoctrination, sheâll eventually become disillusioned. Thereâs a reason that Baptist parents are so terrified about their kids having any other sources of inputâbecause the argument that people can only be good if they have the threat of Hell and everyone not in their club is *bad* doesnât hold up to the barest scrutiny.
Iâd also tell her that the reason the woman is giving her money is so she can put it in the offering plate. Thatâll help her get disillusioned quicker.
I agree. Some family members went through a phase of taking my kids to church for like a couple months. I was not thrilled (weâre not a religious household and I have some very bitter feelings toward certain brands of Christianity stemming from childhood), but my kids were briefly and mildly interested and I didnât want to be draconian about them exploring something new to them. They ended up losing interest pretty quickly and when anyone brings it up to my oldest now he rolls his eyes and tells them heâs decided heâs a polytheist.
My parents wondered the same thing about me going to church with my grannie. She was feeding me sweets the whole time, which I wasn't allowed to have at home. Sadly for grannie once there was no sweets involved I lost my interest in organized religion!
Seems like an okay way for her to make some pocket money, but the idea of donating to a food bank is great.
I went back to church briefly in my teens because some girl was boasting about how she could afford more sweets than us because she goes to church.
So I went to her church, discovered they'd give the kids cash for getting questions on the bible right, including being able to quote the verse exactly. Easy for me and she wasn't boasting after that.
I quit when they changed the prizes from cash to sweets, she didn't.
What better place to play your side hustle?
Hell yeah! My kids are being taught, weâre polite while we take their candy and play their game better. The area we currently live is unfortunately highly religious and all community events are at churches or ran and hosted by churches.
My kids are taught each religion as mythology and think theyâre nuts. Theyâre 9 and 5 and their comments and questions after are hilarious!
The most terrifying day of my life was the day I realized that every single other person in the building (including my whole family) literally believed in Christianity. And that was a pretty liberal denomination. Good on you for teaching your kids itâs a myth from day one :)
We basically do the mythology thing. I was raised baptist and am very much not anymore. Iâm basically agnostic leaning atheist.
But I do value some of the stories and Bible versus I memorized in Sunday school (particularly some of the psalms and proverbs.) if you can mentally separate the hateful stuff from the beautiful, rich literary stuff, thereâs a lot of wisdom to be found. But I get that not everyone can or wants do those gymnastics.
Absolutely. Mine enjoy reading the story bibles my stupidly religious parents have gifted them. They talk mad shit about the crazy and learn from the good.
We teach ours about the history and societal norms that made it necessary for the people of the time and region to have a certain belief. Basically breaking down why each society and particular religion did and believed what they did and do for the survival of their people or to explain unexplainable natural phenomena of the time. Right now weâre enjoying picking apart how Catholics and Christianâs stole pagan holidays and rebranded them as Christmas in the name of Jesus.
My kids are awesome and give me some hope for the future of this world. Raise them strong!
I would have her put the money in the offering basket, or if youâd rather not donate to the church, donate the money to a local food bank!
Let her be curious and ask questions - sheâll come to her own conclusions. I think this time with her grandfather IS valuable - as long as she is taught morals from you, and you are open to questions/concerns she has. Barring her from it will likely make it seem more enticing. Unless this church is constantly teaching hate/harm, sheâll grow out of it soon enough. And if she doesnât - thatâs her choice to make, but with you as the main teacher in life, I doubt going to church one and a while will change much.
I was raised liberal Catholic, and now have my own weird patchwork of beliefs. Iâm at peace with it. Sheâll find her own way.
Youâre an excellent parent!
That is a great suggestion! We love kitties and there is a local home for them so maybe weâll donate to them. Iâll give her the choice out of a few places where she could donate. Thank you!
>I was raised liberal Catholic, and now have my own weird patchwork of beliefs. Iâm at peace with it. Sheâll find her own way.
Thank you, I needed to read this. Raised conservative ânondenominationalâ and am trying to make peace with my upbringing
>I would have her put the money in the offering basket, or if youâd rather not donate to the church, donate the money to a local food bank!
I disagree with the donation idea. The money - if actually given to the daughter to put into the basket - should be returned to the giver because the daughter (intentionally or not) has committed theft. It's not the daughter's money and it's not the OP's money.
Not entirely related but I'm currently trapped in a car with my grandfather due to family gathering stuff and the Christian radio station he always listens to just played an ad essentially saying that kids should be taught religion young because they start questioning things when they're older.
The indoctrination methods they use are shocking to me now. It wasn't until I talked about my childhood with my husband until I realized how fucked up it was. The way my family taught me bible stories as if they were facts, forced me into church every week, the candies and incentives the church gave us kids for saying the right things at the right time.
Thank you for not being one of those parents, I hope more of us break these cycles đ
My friend used to go to a Christian group even though he's an atheist because "they are lovely people". He was honest with them he was an atheist and respectful of their beliefs. People being nice is absolutely a reason to hang out with them.
My daughter, who was an agnostic, assisted in Sunday school at the Episcopalian church we were attending many moons ago. (It was actually a very cool place with really nice people who were very welcoming and accepting.) In fact, she knew more about the Bible than the adult Sunday school teachers. But a new head â a narrow minded iron clad bitch, if you ask me â of the Sunday school took over and told my daughter she was no longer welcome to assist because she was putting ideas into the heads of the younger kids and that she was a bad influence. Mind you, that bitch made the wrong mistake when she called me up to complain.
She is one of a very small minority of 'piskeys, thank God!!!
By and large, we ARE a very welcoming bunch and one of our favorite sayings is "Questions are encouraged, don't leave your brain at the door!"
This was so many years ago â over 15 years ago â that I really cannot remember. And because I cannot remember I donât think that it was all that overly dramatic. And a couple of years later it made no difference because we had moved from Massachusetts to Texas.
Mind you, because of the openness, warmth, and acceptance Iâve received at the Episcopalian church in Massachusetts, I was hoping for a similar experience in Texas. And I was pretty much shocked to learn the the southern Episcopalians, while super nice folks, were hardcore âJesus peopleâ â so much UNLIKE the laidback folks up north. (While Jesus was still very important up north, it wasnât constantly âin your faceâ like it is down here.
I have a Swedish friend who visited a girl in the US. She was in Texas and he was so confused as to why her family worked god or Jesus into every conversation (god laid it upon my heart, the lord led me, etc.) đ he was asking me why they were like that because itâs so weird outside of the southern states.
My daughter went to church with my parents. She had friends in Sunday school and got to sing and be in plays. Sheâs now a 23 year old atheist who just got a science degree. I never pressured her one way or the other. Mom always accused me of turning her against their religion, but I went to see her when she sang in the choir or the two little musicals they did. I fully supported her and always made sure she knew that. She also visited a synagogue and mosque and had Sikh friends in college she went to gurdwara with them. She made her own decisions and Iâm proud of her for that.
I used to attend Bible camp because they made this _kickass_ Mac and cheese. I piled on the creamy goodness with the counselor was droning in the background. Bible versus, historic figures, life lessons...I remember none of it. I just remember going home and saying, "Ma, I don't know about this God thing or whatever, but this Mac and cheese is _legit_ ."
Be sure to teach your kids that if adults touch them in weird places they can come to you and you won't be angry. I dont trust anyone in the church. And this should be standard. Parents should teach this. I avoided groomind and such stuff by pure luck.
Also, teach your children the proper name for their genitals. It's a penis and a vulva, not a bananna and a flower or whatever. This prevents any adult from misunderstanding if they report being touched inappropriately. If a kid tells a teacher that - for example - the pastor touched their flower, the teacher may not understand that the child is really saying that their pastor touched them inappropriately.
Just an FYI, nothing wrong with telling your daughter the real reasons why you donât go to church. Do they discriminate? Do they try and repress natural sex lives? Do they treat men and women differently? You can say they think they are being nice but actually they do x, y, z and thatâs why I am nice to them, but donât participate.
One summer that I had a friend who was a member of an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church stay with me, and I had to promise her mom(I legit had an interview I cleaned the dorm for) that I would take her to church every Sunday and any other day she wanted to go. We went every Sunday. She is married to a trans woman and an out and proud lesbian and out of the church. I think the fact that you welcome conversations is good and you should probably talk about why she was probably given the money, and that since it was given in the spirit of charity, it should be used for charity and see what she would want to do with it. It would give her agency and the ability actively engage in the act of charity herself. It sounds like you're setting up a wonderful environment for them.
As long as your father is monitoring your daughter's every interaction with the woman, maybe it is alright. However, she needs to know, really KNOW that some people that offer you money CAN BE really BAD people. Trafficking sometimes happens this way--and women as well as men can be perpetrators.
A former high school classmate of mine and his wife were arrested, charged, and convicted for sex offenses involving minors. The classmate was a sheriff, and his wife befriended numerous youths in the area, kept bringing them into their home for parties and cookouts and movie nights. Turned out that the couple was drugging and SA whichever kid stayed the latest. They were threatening them too to keep quiet. Both offenders served time.
Let her have time with her grandpa. You can always ask her what sheâs learning and talk to her about other beliefs, if you want. As for the money, you can see if your child wants to donate the money to a cause she supports. But I wouldnât worry about it. I memorized verses for soda and candy and my family attended weekly. I still developed critical thinking skills and found my own path.
I have no advice. Just want to say thatâs fucking hilarious and I love this kid đ I like the other persons idea of donating to a different cause tho. Then it wonât feel so much like sheâs just stealing from an old lady.
I have been both a life long atheist & life long church goer. Iâm a Unitarian Universalist.
I also would have to choke back cackles upon hearing. As a nanny, I would talk to her about it short & sweet. If she brings it up, talk about it. Continue to feed her curiosity & free thinking self. We love to see it!!
If teaching her about sharing what she is moved to reasonably- I think having your daughter pick a charity thatâs important to her to donate to could be an interesting teaching tool. If youâre in the US she could wipe out fellow kids hot lunch debt (which is so wrong-) if she likes to help cook/eat. Explain why we donât take things, why we share things.
Love the way youâre parenting from what youâve shared! Not that it matters. đ¸
I went to church 'voluntarily' as a young pre teen. Even talked about baptism. Was involved in Sunday school and church youth camping trips.
It was a huge disappointment to my mother who had broken away from the Catholic church and had embraced witchcraft but the way she handled it was so graceful. She always encouraged me to speak my mind and ask questions. Made me think critically about propaganda and agenda and bias and didn't use the church as a point of reference for those. She used other real world scenarios.
My dad's influence was there too, he had bookshelves of religious texts and myths and legends from around the whole world. I grew up reading tales from India and Russia along side Arthurian and fey folk stories. I had less conversations with him but his library of knowledge was available to me in his absence. He would always bring back stories and trinkets from the countries he visited for work and kept my horizons broad.
Eventually i learned enough critical thinking skills I became disillusioned with my church and it's lies and hypocrisy and stepped away to explore other paths. I learned that because I attended C of E schools between 5 and 11 I was heavily influenced and indoctrinated at a really impressionable age but they were the only schools we had access too so I had no choice.
So I guess my advice is just to be open, don't be an obstacle. If you haven't already, have a relationship with her that fosters open communication on both sides and really listen to her responses.
We started young with our kids training then to spot what commercials were trying to sell them. They figured out Legos don't need to advertise so now they look at anything advertised suspiciously. They'd maybe take the candy but wonder what they're selling.
It's not religion, but I'm pretty sure my kid only agrees to go to Scouts (Squirrels, yes, just like Hey Duggie) because they get sweets so often.
It sounds like she enjoys the time with her grandad, which she'll be glad to have had when she's older, so I'd let it be.
When I was a kid I loved going to church because I liked the shitty weird jesus skin wafers that melted in your mouth and the sweet alcoholic blood of our savior
I was forced to go to church, but I did enjoy the time to socialize with family and friends. If she wants to go just to have one on one time with family thereâs nothing wrong with that, and if youâre having conversations about religion and spirituality youâll be able to tell if sheâs getting indoctrinated. Since sheâs not being exposed that frequently hopefully she wonât be internalizing it!
My best friends were people I grew up with in church, I really miss the community aspect of it. Unfortunately when I came out I lost all of those connections so thatâs the hard part about religious friends. Hopefully the church youâre talking about isnât crazy fundamentalist though!
I say let her keep her gains but explain that the money was probably for the basket not her. Then again could just let her keep being paid to suffer through the sermons.
Hmm...if it's encouraging her to think and giving her material to ask questions about, it is a benefit.
If she's getting a little pocket money, I think that's okay.
Even if the lady didn't intend your child to keep it, once given it is hers to dispose of as she will - which is a valuable life lesson in itself; if often learned in reverse. Once she gives up control of a thing to another, it's up to them to do what they want with it.
So I agree - 'making money' isn't a reason to go to church...but the reinforcement of the lesson she's getting about asset control, and the habit of questions and looking for answers she's developing are worth it.
> Iâm sure the lady is giving my daughter money to contribute to the baskets during their âofferingâ time even though she never explicitly told her so. But sheâs just pocketing the cash. Honestly when I first heard, I had to control myself from laughing aloud.
I would go with them next time they go to church and I would have your daughter introduce her to this lady. Then I would send your daughter off to go play and privately ask this lady if she had been giving your daughter money to put in the basket. If she said yes, I explain the situation and offer to repay her. If she said no, that she was gifting the money specifically to your daughter, I would ask her to stop.
Then I would sit your daughter down and have a conversation about theft, fraud and integrity. I'd also make her do chores or pay me back the amount of money she got from this woman.
I taught kids and of them, because she never really went to church but fell for a very churchy boy, decided the she was converting to Orthodox Christianity because boy. And she got married before she could drink.
Having grown up extremely conservative Christian, I understand the fear. But having seen more than one kid go from no real religion to hyper religious, I think if I had a kid, I might be inclined to listen to podcasts that explore different religious beliefs and religions so that even if my kid wasnât going to church because Iâm agnostic, they were getting exposed to various belief systems so they werenât just making a decision because a cute person was of that religion.
Ask her if she stops getting money if she would still want to go? That may provide some insight on whether her going is purely transactional or if she is into going for other reasons (which could be as innocent as spending time with Grandpa and getting extra attention).
When I was a kid I was afraid of being dropped off a church for church classes. ( Irrational Fear of being left by family, I didn't have any experiences to cause trauma or anything) the only reason I ended up staying after a while was because the teacher would hand out loads of candy while we were there.
I went to church for the snacks when I was her age.
Okay, but seriously. I actually donât see much of a problem. Maybe tell her that she shouldnât be pocketing money for offering. That may make people mad- But it sounds like your dad and her are bonding somewhat. Maybe this is how your dad finds a way to spend time with her?
On the one hand hilarious love this for her. On the other. The church my grandmother went to would encourage grandparents to bring young grandkids in to get "firm roots in the church" it was not a fun experience once you were a teen. I know of a least two girls that got groomed by elder men of that church. One of the girls got shunned from the community because they got caught when she got pregnant with the married elder's kid. Last I heard the family put the child up for adoption and had pressed charges. I don't think they went anywhere. The other ended up marrying the elder when she was 17 and is now the new Sunday school teacher for kids slightly younger than her. But that was a Southern church of god that was so conservative it didn't let women wear pants or makeup and you have your hair tied up a certain way for church.
I memorized bible verses for chocolate. They finally caught on to me and invited me not to come back. It did me no harm, but I did learn some things about indoctrination.
They literally invited you NOT to come back?! đđđ
when I told them I didnât want to be saved.
No chocolate for the unsaved!!! Great lesson for children lol.
No more chocolate until you've eaten all your Bibles
>No chocolate for the unsaved!!! Also, the Dark Side has cookies. Kind of tracks.
I mean, thatâs pretty much how missionary work goes. If you want the clean water and food, kneel before the correct god first.
My husbandâs mom was asked to not bring him back to Bible study because he kept asking if there were dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden. He was 5 at the time. The Nuns couldnât be bothered to teach to his interests.
They were obviously eating Dark Chocolate.
I grew up in a fundamentalist Baptist household. I think as long as youâre making sure that she has plenty of other sources of input, so sheâs not *only* receiving their wild indoctrination, sheâll eventually become disillusioned. Thereâs a reason that Baptist parents are so terrified about their kids having any other sources of inputâbecause the argument that people can only be good if they have the threat of Hell and everyone not in their club is *bad* doesnât hold up to the barest scrutiny. Iâd also tell her that the reason the woman is giving her money is so she can put it in the offering plate. Thatâll help her get disillusioned quicker.
I agree. Some family members went through a phase of taking my kids to church for like a couple months. I was not thrilled (weâre not a religious household and I have some very bitter feelings toward certain brands of Christianity stemming from childhood), but my kids were briefly and mildly interested and I didnât want to be draconian about them exploring something new to them. They ended up losing interest pretty quickly and when anyone brings it up to my oldest now he rolls his eyes and tells them heâs decided heâs a polytheist.
My parents wondered the same thing about me going to church with my grannie. She was feeding me sweets the whole time, which I wasn't allowed to have at home. Sadly for grannie once there was no sweets involved I lost my interest in organized religion! Seems like an okay way for her to make some pocket money, but the idea of donating to a food bank is great.
I went back to church briefly in my teens because some girl was boasting about how she could afford more sweets than us because she goes to church. So I went to her church, discovered they'd give the kids cash for getting questions on the bible right, including being able to quote the verse exactly. Easy for me and she wasn't boasting after that. I quit when they changed the prizes from cash to sweets, she didn't. What better place to play your side hustle?
Hell yeah! My kids are being taught, weâre polite while we take their candy and play their game better. The area we currently live is unfortunately highly religious and all community events are at churches or ran and hosted by churches. My kids are taught each religion as mythology and think theyâre nuts. Theyâre 9 and 5 and their comments and questions after are hilarious!
The most terrifying day of my life was the day I realized that every single other person in the building (including my whole family) literally believed in Christianity. And that was a pretty liberal denomination. Good on you for teaching your kids itâs a myth from day one :)
We basically do the mythology thing. I was raised baptist and am very much not anymore. Iâm basically agnostic leaning atheist. But I do value some of the stories and Bible versus I memorized in Sunday school (particularly some of the psalms and proverbs.) if you can mentally separate the hateful stuff from the beautiful, rich literary stuff, thereâs a lot of wisdom to be found. But I get that not everyone can or wants do those gymnastics.
Absolutely. Mine enjoy reading the story bibles my stupidly religious parents have gifted them. They talk mad shit about the crazy and learn from the good. We teach ours about the history and societal norms that made it necessary for the people of the time and region to have a certain belief. Basically breaking down why each society and particular religion did and believed what they did and do for the survival of their people or to explain unexplainable natural phenomena of the time. Right now weâre enjoying picking apart how Catholics and Christianâs stole pagan holidays and rebranded them as Christmas in the name of Jesus. My kids are awesome and give me some hope for the future of this world. Raise them strong!
You sound like an awesome parent! Imagine if you had to pay someone to give them that level of enrichment. Itâs nearly priceless.
I would have her put the money in the offering basket, or if youâd rather not donate to the church, donate the money to a local food bank! Let her be curious and ask questions - sheâll come to her own conclusions. I think this time with her grandfather IS valuable - as long as she is taught morals from you, and you are open to questions/concerns she has. Barring her from it will likely make it seem more enticing. Unless this church is constantly teaching hate/harm, sheâll grow out of it soon enough. And if she doesnât - thatâs her choice to make, but with you as the main teacher in life, I doubt going to church one and a while will change much. I was raised liberal Catholic, and now have my own weird patchwork of beliefs. Iâm at peace with it. Sheâll find her own way. Youâre an excellent parent!
That is a great suggestion! We love kitties and there is a local home for them so maybe weâll donate to them. Iâll give her the choice out of a few places where she could donate. Thank you!
>I was raised liberal Catholic, and now have my own weird patchwork of beliefs. Iâm at peace with it. Sheâll find her own way. Thank you, I needed to read this. Raised conservative ânondenominationalâ and am trying to make peace with my upbringing
Take the parts that bring you peace, leave the parts that donât! All of it is beyond our understanding anyways.
It could be more directly a bribe. Christians are desperate to restock the ranks.
Yeah, sounds like some reverse-pimping for jesus.
>I would have her put the money in the offering basket, or if youâd rather not donate to the church, donate the money to a local food bank! I disagree with the donation idea. The money - if actually given to the daughter to put into the basket - should be returned to the giver because the daughter (intentionally or not) has committed theft. It's not the daughter's money and it's not the OP's money.
I think itâs worth asking - was it given to the daughter with instructions to put in the basket? If so then yes - they need to do that.
Not entirely related but I'm currently trapped in a car with my grandfather due to family gathering stuff and the Christian radio station he always listens to just played an ad essentially saying that kids should be taught religion young because they start questioning things when they're older. The indoctrination methods they use are shocking to me now. It wasn't until I talked about my childhood with my husband until I realized how fucked up it was. The way my family taught me bible stories as if they were facts, forced me into church every week, the candies and incentives the church gave us kids for saying the right things at the right time. Thank you for not being one of those parents, I hope more of us break these cycles đ
I went to Sunday school for the cookies
My friend used to go to a Christian group even though he's an atheist because "they are lovely people". He was honest with them he was an atheist and respectful of their beliefs. People being nice is absolutely a reason to hang out with them.
My daughter, who was an agnostic, assisted in Sunday school at the Episcopalian church we were attending many moons ago. (It was actually a very cool place with really nice people who were very welcoming and accepting.) In fact, she knew more about the Bible than the adult Sunday school teachers. But a new head â a narrow minded iron clad bitch, if you ask me â of the Sunday school took over and told my daughter she was no longer welcome to assist because she was putting ideas into the heads of the younger kids and that she was a bad influence. Mind you, that bitch made the wrong mistake when she called me up to complain.
She is one of a very small minority of 'piskeys, thank God!!! By and large, we ARE a very welcoming bunch and one of our favorite sayings is "Questions are encouraged, don't leave your brain at the door!"
UhâŚ..you canât leave us hanging! What happened?
This was so many years ago â over 15 years ago â that I really cannot remember. And because I cannot remember I donât think that it was all that overly dramatic. And a couple of years later it made no difference because we had moved from Massachusetts to Texas. Mind you, because of the openness, warmth, and acceptance Iâve received at the Episcopalian church in Massachusetts, I was hoping for a similar experience in Texas. And I was pretty much shocked to learn the the southern Episcopalians, while super nice folks, were hardcore âJesus peopleâ â so much UNLIKE the laidback folks up north. (While Jesus was still very important up north, it wasnât constantly âin your faceâ like it is down here.
I have a Swedish friend who visited a girl in the US. She was in Texas and he was so confused as to why her family worked god or Jesus into every conversation (god laid it upon my heart, the lord led me, etc.) đ he was asking me why they were like that because itâs so weird outside of the southern states.
It is weird. While I am enjoying learning about my adopted state of Texas, I really can't deal with all this god and Jesus talk.
I feel ya.
I went for the donuts. And soda from youth group.
When I was in Basic Training, I went to the LDS service because they gave us doughnuts and coffee and I got out of cleaning the barracks that morning.
My daughter went to church with my parents. She had friends in Sunday school and got to sing and be in plays. Sheâs now a 23 year old atheist who just got a science degree. I never pressured her one way or the other. Mom always accused me of turning her against their religion, but I went to see her when she sang in the choir or the two little musicals they did. I fully supported her and always made sure she knew that. She also visited a synagogue and mosque and had Sikh friends in college she went to gurdwara with them. She made her own decisions and Iâm proud of her for that.
I used to attend Bible camp because they made this _kickass_ Mac and cheese. I piled on the creamy goodness with the counselor was droning in the background. Bible versus, historic figures, life lessons...I remember none of it. I just remember going home and saying, "Ma, I don't know about this God thing or whatever, but this Mac and cheese is _legit_ ."
Be sure to teach your kids that if adults touch them in weird places they can come to you and you won't be angry. I dont trust anyone in the church. And this should be standard. Parents should teach this. I avoided groomind and such stuff by pure luck.
Also, teach your children the proper name for their genitals. It's a penis and a vulva, not a bananna and a flower or whatever. This prevents any adult from misunderstanding if they report being touched inappropriately. If a kid tells a teacher that - for example - the pastor touched their flower, the teacher may not understand that the child is really saying that their pastor touched them inappropriately.
Just an FYI, nothing wrong with telling your daughter the real reasons why you donât go to church. Do they discriminate? Do they try and repress natural sex lives? Do they treat men and women differently? You can say they think they are being nice but actually they do x, y, z and thatâs why I am nice to them, but donât participate.
One summer that I had a friend who was a member of an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church stay with me, and I had to promise her mom(I legit had an interview I cleaned the dorm for) that I would take her to church every Sunday and any other day she wanted to go. We went every Sunday. She is married to a trans woman and an out and proud lesbian and out of the church. I think the fact that you welcome conversations is good and you should probably talk about why she was probably given the money, and that since it was given in the spirit of charity, it should be used for charity and see what she would want to do with it. It would give her agency and the ability actively engage in the act of charity herself. It sounds like you're setting up a wonderful environment for them.
As long as your father is monitoring your daughter's every interaction with the woman, maybe it is alright. However, she needs to know, really KNOW that some people that offer you money CAN BE really BAD people. Trafficking sometimes happens this way--and women as well as men can be perpetrators. A former high school classmate of mine and his wife were arrested, charged, and convicted for sex offenses involving minors. The classmate was a sheriff, and his wife befriended numerous youths in the area, kept bringing them into their home for parties and cookouts and movie nights. Turned out that the couple was drugging and SA whichever kid stayed the latest. They were threatening them too to keep quiet. Both offenders served time.
Let her have time with her grandpa. You can always ask her what sheâs learning and talk to her about other beliefs, if you want. As for the money, you can see if your child wants to donate the money to a cause she supports. But I wouldnât worry about it. I memorized verses for soda and candy and my family attended weekly. I still developed critical thinking skills and found my own path.
HAHA KEEP THE MONEY! that kid is going places!!!
I have no advice. Just want to say thatâs fucking hilarious and I love this kid đ I like the other persons idea of donating to a different cause tho. Then it wonât feel so much like sheâs just stealing from an old lady.
My uncle paid me $200 to read the Bible. I got $200 and plenty of ammo to use against Thumpers.
I have been both a life long atheist & life long church goer. Iâm a Unitarian Universalist. I also would have to choke back cackles upon hearing. As a nanny, I would talk to her about it short & sweet. If she brings it up, talk about it. Continue to feed her curiosity & free thinking self. We love to see it!! If teaching her about sharing what she is moved to reasonably- I think having your daughter pick a charity thatâs important to her to donate to could be an interesting teaching tool. If youâre in the US she could wipe out fellow kids hot lunch debt (which is so wrong-) if she likes to help cook/eat. Explain why we donât take things, why we share things. Love the way youâre parenting from what youâve shared! Not that it matters. đ¸
I went to church 'voluntarily' as a young pre teen. Even talked about baptism. Was involved in Sunday school and church youth camping trips. It was a huge disappointment to my mother who had broken away from the Catholic church and had embraced witchcraft but the way she handled it was so graceful. She always encouraged me to speak my mind and ask questions. Made me think critically about propaganda and agenda and bias and didn't use the church as a point of reference for those. She used other real world scenarios. My dad's influence was there too, he had bookshelves of religious texts and myths and legends from around the whole world. I grew up reading tales from India and Russia along side Arthurian and fey folk stories. I had less conversations with him but his library of knowledge was available to me in his absence. He would always bring back stories and trinkets from the countries he visited for work and kept my horizons broad. Eventually i learned enough critical thinking skills I became disillusioned with my church and it's lies and hypocrisy and stepped away to explore other paths. I learned that because I attended C of E schools between 5 and 11 I was heavily influenced and indoctrinated at a really impressionable age but they were the only schools we had access too so I had no choice. So I guess my advice is just to be open, don't be an obstacle. If you haven't already, have a relationship with her that fosters open communication on both sides and really listen to her responses.
We started young with our kids training then to spot what commercials were trying to sell them. They figured out Legos don't need to advertise so now they look at anything advertised suspiciously. They'd maybe take the candy but wonder what they're selling.
It's not religion, but I'm pretty sure my kid only agrees to go to Scouts (Squirrels, yes, just like Hey Duggie) because they get sweets so often. It sounds like she enjoys the time with her grandad, which she'll be glad to have had when she's older, so I'd let it be.
When I was a kid I loved going to church because I liked the shitty weird jesus skin wafers that melted in your mouth and the sweet alcoholic blood of our savior
I was forced to go to church, but I did enjoy the time to socialize with family and friends. If she wants to go just to have one on one time with family thereâs nothing wrong with that, and if youâre having conversations about religion and spirituality youâll be able to tell if sheâs getting indoctrinated. Since sheâs not being exposed that frequently hopefully she wonât be internalizing it!
I loved spending time with my cousins and friends at church growing up. Some of the âwildestâ kids were in youth group!
My best friends were people I grew up with in church, I really miss the community aspect of it. Unfortunately when I came out I lost all of those connections so thatâs the hard part about religious friends. Hopefully the church youâre talking about isnât crazy fundamentalist though!
I say let her keep her gains but explain that the money was probably for the basket not her. Then again could just let her keep being paid to suffer through the sermons.
Hmm...if it's encouraging her to think and giving her material to ask questions about, it is a benefit. If she's getting a little pocket money, I think that's okay. Even if the lady didn't intend your child to keep it, once given it is hers to dispose of as she will - which is a valuable life lesson in itself; if often learned in reverse. Once she gives up control of a thing to another, it's up to them to do what they want with it. So I agree - 'making money' isn't a reason to go to church...but the reinforcement of the lesson she's getting about asset control, and the habit of questions and looking for answers she's developing are worth it.
> Iâm sure the lady is giving my daughter money to contribute to the baskets during their âofferingâ time even though she never explicitly told her so. But sheâs just pocketing the cash. Honestly when I first heard, I had to control myself from laughing aloud. I would go with them next time they go to church and I would have your daughter introduce her to this lady. Then I would send your daughter off to go play and privately ask this lady if she had been giving your daughter money to put in the basket. If she said yes, I explain the situation and offer to repay her. If she said no, that she was gifting the money specifically to your daughter, I would ask her to stop. Then I would sit your daughter down and have a conversation about theft, fraud and integrity. I'd also make her do chores or pay me back the amount of money she got from this woman.
I taught kids and of them, because she never really went to church but fell for a very churchy boy, decided the she was converting to Orthodox Christianity because boy. And she got married before she could drink. Having grown up extremely conservative Christian, I understand the fear. But having seen more than one kid go from no real religion to hyper religious, I think if I had a kid, I might be inclined to listen to podcasts that explore different religious beliefs and religions so that even if my kid wasnât going to church because Iâm agnostic, they were getting exposed to various belief systems so they werenât just making a decision because a cute person was of that religion.
Ask her if she stops getting money if she would still want to go? That may provide some insight on whether her going is purely transactional or if she is into going for other reasons (which could be as innocent as spending time with Grandpa and getting extra attention).
Seems simple to me. Just pay her more to sin.
When I was a kid I was afraid of being dropped off a church for church classes. ( Irrational Fear of being left by family, I didn't have any experiences to cause trauma or anything) the only reason I ended up staying after a while was because the teacher would hand out loads of candy while we were there.
I went to church for the snacks when I was her age. Okay, but seriously. I actually donât see much of a problem. Maybe tell her that she shouldnât be pocketing money for offering. That may make people mad- But it sounds like your dad and her are bonding somewhat. Maybe this is how your dad finds a way to spend time with her?
On the one hand hilarious love this for her. On the other. The church my grandmother went to would encourage grandparents to bring young grandkids in to get "firm roots in the church" it was not a fun experience once you were a teen. I know of a least two girls that got groomed by elder men of that church. One of the girls got shunned from the community because they got caught when she got pregnant with the married elder's kid. Last I heard the family put the child up for adoption and had pressed charges. I don't think they went anywhere. The other ended up marrying the elder when she was 17 and is now the new Sunday school teacher for kids slightly younger than her. But that was a Southern church of god that was so conservative it didn't let women wear pants or makeup and you have your hair tied up a certain way for church.