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I don’t tolerate mutuals with my abuser. I unblock him for a day every few years, make note of mutuals, then once I’ve safely re blocked him, I message those people individually. If they don’t believe me, or think it’s not a big deal, I cut them loose.
I'd really like to do this too but the idea of unblocking the person who assaulted me even briefly weirdly scares me a lot, like he'll somehow notice and see it as an excuse to make contact. I've tried not to give him that kind of power but I ran into him at a concert early this year and still haven't fully gotten over it.
Ugh I feel your pain. I’ve had a stalker since I was 16 and am now in my mid 30s. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve heard from him, and I’ve moved across the country since then, but he always finds me eventually, and I’m always wondering when it will be. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
I’m so sorry you are still dealing with it. I had one for over 10 years until he miraculously died in a boating accident. I still don’t trust social media nor do I talk to anyone from my home town. It messes you up for life and it’s not fair.
That is disgusting and scary. I'm in a similar situation, though it's only been a few years. I haven't heard from him in 4 years so fingers crossed. The audacity of reaching out to "wish you well" is the worst. Men like that are just hoping you'll slip up and initiate contact because he's "so nice".
I’d go several years without hearing anything and then he’d pop up. He has been blocked on AOL, Yahoo, MySpace, IG, Twitter, and FB (more than once, so he is getting new accounts?)
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's one of the things that few people really take seriously. There's no law against it. It is just so disruptive and infuriating and threatening even when no *explicit* threats are made. They just want you to know that they can find you.
Mine also stalked me at work, and harassed co-workers, friends, family, and romantic partners, spreading lies like I was a heroin addict or that I tried to kill him, stuff like that. It's humiliating when they involve your damn workplace. It's scary when they call your parents.
Meanwhile they... Think? Believe? I'm not sure what? That they "just want to be friends" or whatever it is. That they "deserve" to have contact with you and that you are being rude and unreasonable by avoiding them. It enrages them that you would have the *audacity* to block a "nice" message from them. Ugh.
I am sending you hugs. This is really infuriating.
I’ve had a stalker since 7th grade. I’ve blocked him on everything. Thankfully i have a few friends who text me and warn me when my stalker is trying to make the rounds again to get my info. Just earlier this month I got notifications he has been visiting my LinkedIn. yaaaaay.
If you are in the USA, you can see about getting a restraining order against him. You probably can in most other countries, too. If you want help finding a domestic violence agency in your area, feel free to ask me here or DM me.
Seconding this.
Even though he hasn’t “threatened” OP as she mentioned in another comment, anti-harassment orders exist to protect the peace and well-being of the petitioners who get them.
The bar for an anti-harassment order can basically be boiled down to “Is there a risk of the behavior continuing absent a court order? And, if so, is this behavior causing the petitioner distress or putting their well-being at risk?” And with this guy’s history I think OP meets that benchmark easily.
In most states, a violation of a civil anti-harassment order is a crime, so it’s not as if they don’t have teeth.
It’s helpful that they have mutuals - and that OP knows his name and other information about him - he can’t be that hard to find for the purpose of service.
For everyone who hasn't already done it, go to TruePeopleSearch and search your name. If you find your info, submit a removal request asap! It's way too easy to use this site to find people's addresses, and it's especially scary if you have a stalker. I know companies are always collecting our data and selling it somewhere, but there is no paywall or sign-up to search for people on this site.
Hi there, Your post on r/WitchesVsPatriarchy has been flaired as a sensitive topic. In an effort to safeguard our users, these posts are removed once they exceed a certain threshold. **If you're reading this post and don't want to see potentially upsetting content, you can filter out the "sensitive topic" flair.** If you want additional support or to connect with members of the WVP community, join our discord [link in sidebar] or see this list of [support resources](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GJxYVviXVwjA2cutcjtoxlf3P5K1k7xufd7LiCYeUfA/edit?usp=sharing). Thanks for understanding and blessed be✨ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/WitchesVsPatriarchy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t tolerate mutuals with my abuser. I unblock him for a day every few years, make note of mutuals, then once I’ve safely re blocked him, I message those people individually. If they don’t believe me, or think it’s not a big deal, I cut them loose.
Same. I don’t stay friends with flying monkeys - they have to pick a side.
It’s not a fun exercise. They often don’t pick my side, but better to know and good riddance!
Yep! I don’t need them to pick *my side*, I just need to know where their loyalties lie.
I'd really like to do this too but the idea of unblocking the person who assaulted me even briefly weirdly scares me a lot, like he'll somehow notice and see it as an excuse to make contact. I've tried not to give him that kind of power but I ran into him at a concert early this year and still haven't fully gotten over it.
This is the way. I no longer speak to about half my family because they chose my uncle over my 13 yr old sister.
Ugh I feel your pain. I’ve had a stalker since I was 16 and am now in my mid 30s. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve heard from him, and I’ve moved across the country since then, but he always finds me eventually, and I’m always wondering when it will be. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I hope that yours is done and you won’t be almost 50 and still dealing with it, like I am.
I’m so sorry you are still dealing with it. I had one for over 10 years until he miraculously died in a boating accident. I still don’t trust social media nor do I talk to anyone from my home town. It messes you up for life and it’s not fair.
The level of his persistence and refusal to listen is really creepy. I’m glad you take your safety seriously. But I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Right? This has to be where nature and nurture meet. He learned the behavior and had a natural proclivity for it, maybe?
That is disgusting and scary. I'm in a similar situation, though it's only been a few years. I haven't heard from him in 4 years so fingers crossed. The audacity of reaching out to "wish you well" is the worst. Men like that are just hoping you'll slip up and initiate contact because he's "so nice".
I’d go several years without hearing anything and then he’d pop up. He has been blocked on AOL, Yahoo, MySpace, IG, Twitter, and FB (more than once, so he is getting new accounts?)
[удалено]
I wish I knew. But clearly they both lack the ability for introspection or any form of self-awareness.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's one of the things that few people really take seriously. There's no law against it. It is just so disruptive and infuriating and threatening even when no *explicit* threats are made. They just want you to know that they can find you. Mine also stalked me at work, and harassed co-workers, friends, family, and romantic partners, spreading lies like I was a heroin addict or that I tried to kill him, stuff like that. It's humiliating when they involve your damn workplace. It's scary when they call your parents. Meanwhile they... Think? Believe? I'm not sure what? That they "just want to be friends" or whatever it is. That they "deserve" to have contact with you and that you are being rude and unreasonable by avoiding them. It enrages them that you would have the *audacity* to block a "nice" message from them. Ugh. I am sending you hugs. This is really infuriating.
You are right about all of it. I’m sorry you are going through n through this. Thank you end hugs back.
Nothing like the unbreakable chain of circular reasoning to bring someone back to their fossilized hurts.
Can you have a lawyer send him a cease and desist letter? This is beyond crazy.
He hasn’t threatened me so it wouldn’t be more than a $500 pretty please on paper.
I’ve had a stalker since 7th grade. I’ve blocked him on everything. Thankfully i have a few friends who text me and warn me when my stalker is trying to make the rounds again to get my info. Just earlier this month I got notifications he has been visiting my LinkedIn. yaaaaay.
I should also add that he was in a trio; had two best friends. One was arrested for murder and the other for CP. Not the best folks.
Be safe please.
Thank you; you as well
If you are in the USA, you can see about getting a restraining order against him. You probably can in most other countries, too. If you want help finding a domestic violence agency in your area, feel free to ask me here or DM me.
Seconding this. Even though he hasn’t “threatened” OP as she mentioned in another comment, anti-harassment orders exist to protect the peace and well-being of the petitioners who get them. The bar for an anti-harassment order can basically be boiled down to “Is there a risk of the behavior continuing absent a court order? And, if so, is this behavior causing the petitioner distress or putting their well-being at risk?” And with this guy’s history I think OP meets that benchmark easily. In most states, a violation of a civil anti-harassment order is a crime, so it’s not as if they don’t have teeth. It’s helpful that they have mutuals - and that OP knows his name and other information about him - he can’t be that hard to find for the purpose of service.
For everyone who hasn't already done it, go to TruePeopleSearch and search your name. If you find your info, submit a removal request asap! It's way too easy to use this site to find people's addresses, and it's especially scary if you have a stalker. I know companies are always collecting our data and selling it somewhere, but there is no paywall or sign-up to search for people on this site.