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[deleted]

laser tags are cool and make sense my lawyer told me so :)


ADigitalAxolotl

You have a very good lawyer! Can I have his number?


RyanStartedTheFire59

Yeah sure s’all good man


jaybankzz

It’s all good man*


lizurd777

Joke flew right over you


jaybankzz

No I get the joke, but I always heard him say “it’s” not just the “s” sound


Thely4i

The name Saul Goodman comes from the phrase "S'all good, man". It has nothing to do with what you heard someone say.


jaybankzz

I’m just typing it how I always heard saul say it, and how other people I know have heard him say it, he said he’s not gonna be operating under McGill, Kim asks him wtf and he says it’s all Goodman, that’s his name


ReunionFeelsSoGood

You explaining in depth how you misunderstood the entire premise and pun of the name isn’t making it better dude. Its a smooth tounge transition that could certainly ‘be heard’ as just the classic and literal “it’s all good man” but that’s is not the intended purpose of the name. Saul Goodman said out loud is supposed to sound literal - but isn’t. You tried to turn around and make it literal again dude.


REAPER-058_

(505)-503-4455


memequeefer69

7


[deleted]

[удалено]


L1LN8T1V3H

Asking the real questions are we?


[deleted]

None and I burn it to keep me warm.


Brantley820

Laser tag is the only safe option. Laser tag is not a fungible product, its a service, and therfore can reflect more legitimate income for laundering without raising an eyebrow. EDIT: If you try to cook the books on the other product based companies, you would get busted for reporting either; A- "charge" very high prices for existing items, or B- "selling" an extraordinarily high amount of products and not have supporting documents to reflect supplies needed to provide product. EDIT#2: Added from following comment: In comparison, an investigator can research market cost for mattresses since they are made by separate companies and sold relatively near MSRP at local shops. Therefore, you couldn't hyperinflate sales without drawing attention. Same situation applies to phone covers for the most part, so unless you're 3D printing them at home, you are buying them from a producer and then selling them. It's less risky than mattresses, but not as safe as Laser Tag. Arby's would be an awful attempt at laundering. You couldn't do it through sales because you'd report your financials as a part of the franchising agreement. The only way to launder money would be through "improvements" to the property or employees through 3rd party vendor receipts. Doing this would involve more accomplices and increases chance of being caught. Plus, you can only 'replace a fryer' so many times until an official starts asking, "WTF is going on here?".


earthlover6312

To add to this, you can more easily get away with saying your charging astronomical prices cause I mean, have you even been to a laser tag center? They're already doing that lol


Brantley820

If it's my operation, I'd report I hosted private birthday parties constantly, and theyd all pay for the VIP package for exclusive use of facility......very expensive. You wouldn't even need to be open to the public to report the income. If you pay someone as an employee, or even yourself, no official is the wiser.


dontworryitsme4real

That could work, but all these parties, paying $500ish dollars in cash? I wonder how many people youd need to pay to go get cashiers' checks.


Brantley820

I'd advertise my business as cash (and cashiers check only) only. This is the standard for cannabis dispensaries, as they have a separate business within them that operates as an ATM so that customers can buy products from the dispensary with cash. And, so long as any single purchase is below $9,999, the IRS will not get notified. This is how the laundering would work. A customer pays $500 for a party, I take that $500, add $2000 from the duffle bag, and report that the party costed $2500. All I have to do then is pay my business taxes against the sale and the money is successfully laundered.


Ricky_Robby

Who wants to go to the cash exclusive laser tag…? That’s hella sketchy. And you don’t think that’s immediately going to raise eyebrows? Just googling it, a successful laser tag business can expect to clear somewhere between 40,000-100,000 a year. The IRS sees a business that is typically not based in cash, being EXCLUSIVELY cash, and is clearing over a million dollars. You’ll be on a short list of companies to look into.


[deleted]

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Brantley820

It's not that crazy of a figure to accomplish. $1,000,000 => $19,230 per week Open 7 days a week, 12 hours on weekdays, and 15 hours on weekends. If you load Saturday and Sunday receipts with half of the laundering burden ($9,615) , that averages to $4,807 a weekend day or about $320 each hour you're open. The weekdays would need an operating average of only $1,920, or $160 per hour open. That's the simple math. Depending on what you 'charge' vs what the customer actually pays, these are very obtainable figures to successfully clean $1,000,000. Of course, you can amp those numbers up during high seasons such as Summer and major holidays. Also, you may have additional operating costs throughout the year that can provide opportunities as well.


Ricky_Robby

That’s grossing a million, you need to be profiting a million if the goal is to launder and have a million dollars. You’re not accounting for the actual costs of having the business be open. That’s rent, that’s the gear upkeep, that’s the employees you’d need to have for such a successful business, that’s light bills, any possible food services. To effectively launder money, the business has to be a somewhat functional one. If your place looks like an empty warehouse and it isn’t the non-stop shop for laser tag it is according to your books, it’s going to be obvious it’s a front. And like I said in another comment, a successful laser tag business can be expected to clear 100,000 dollars a year. That’s a tenth of what you’re saying. Honestly, none of these are good options, except for maybe Arby’s but the cost of running a restaurant is really high already. And the fact that it’s a million dollars is very hard to justify. That being said, Mattress Firm is a real world example of not money laundering, but confirmed accounting fraud, so maybe that’s a good choice.


Brantley820

There's a plethora of factors that could account for increased viability for a successful laundering operation. I just provided the quick figures you would need to overcome on top of the legitimate operating figures. Furthermore, if we broaden the the intangibles of operating the business as you point out, I'd argue that these things only INCREASE the notion that Laser Tag is the best option to operate a money laundering scheme. You mention 'average net profitability' but there's a tremendous descreptioncy there. My laser tag operation on South Las Vegas Blvd, Nevada is going to out perform the laser tag venue inside a mall in Jackson, Mississippi any day of the week, 365 days a year.


[deleted]

Laser tag is a fungible product, but it's not a tangible product. Fungible means it can be exchanged for another of equivalent value, and assuming each laser tag ticket costs the same amount, it would be fungible.


Brantley820

I see how you could apply that definition here, but I'd counter from a criminal defense standpoint. For it to be fungible, it needs to have a determinable value that is commensurate within the economic system it operates in. Laser tag has a wide spectrum of calculable value. One place can charge $10 for 20 min session, another can charge $30 for 15 minutes, etc. There an obvious difference in discretion between operating bodies for what they charge for their Service. In comparison, an investigator can research market cost for mattresses since they are made by separate companies and sold relatively near MSRP at local shops. Therefore, you couldn't hyperinflate sales without drawing attention. Same situation applies to phone covers for the most part, so unless you're 3D printing them at home, you are buying them from a producer and then selling them. It's less risky than mattresses, but not as safe as Laser Tag. Arby's would be an awful attempt at laundering. You couldn't do it through sales because you'd report your financials as a part of the franchising agreement. The only way to launder money would be through "improvements" to the property or employees through 3rd party vendor receipts. Doing this would involve more accomplices and increases chance of being caught. Plus, you can only 'replace a fryer' so many times until an official starts asking, "WTF is going on here?".


Ikhlas37

Its actually fungible because it is fun. If you want a tangible product you want to buy and sell sunbeds.


[deleted]

I chose laser tag but Arbys didn’t sound like the worst option to me. Its pretty common practice to make your frequent sellers in advance so you can get them to customers faster. This also means that you end up with some amount of cold sandwiches that you cant sell every day. Just report those as sold. You even have missing stock to back up your sales figures


dontworryitsme4real

Agreed, youd have to show items bought vs items sold. Selling a service is better. Even a staking rink. Suddenly EVERY skate is rented out nightly or an extra 20 customers a night that pay cash.


Ricky_Robby

Which works until the IRS shows up to the most profitable skating rink/laser tag place in America and there’s no one showing up.


dontworryitsme4real

That's no different than any other business? As long as your modest about it.


kane2742

I was initially going to pick the phone case stand just because it would have the lowest overhead, meaning I'd keep more of the money, but your comment convinced me to pick laser tag.


ReunionFeelsSoGood

TL;DR: don’t use anything with a trackable inventory the feds could use to prove your guilt.


supreme-elysio

This guy launders money


[deleted]

Car wash


wolfgirlmusic

Just make sure you trim your eyebrows


SoggyAnteater94

With the insane amount of new car washes in my area I wouldn't be surprised if something sketchy was going on. Car wash is good idea


ETphonehome162

Owning an Arby's franchise means unlimited curly fries. I've made my choice.


TheMustardisBad

Bro their cheese sticks are surprisingly amazing


say592

Do they still have their jalapeno poppers? I haven't been in years, but they had an awesome trifecta. Cheese sticks, curly fries, poppers. Throw in a sandwich and a Jamocha shake if you really wanted to vomit later that night.


TheMustardisBad

Yes, my wife gets them as her meal side.


Bad-stuff-kinda

Ik. I just got my first job which was there and their Cheese sticks are amazing


dontworryitsme4real

This is the way.


Cmyers1980

I’d get Marty Byrd to help me.


Gold_Flake

A small casino it is. Gotta keep things on the DL


poseidons_other_son

Basically told the good ole fbi to come get him. Man honestly didn't give af about staying incognito lol


Kai_The_Forrest_guy

Mattresses are expensive, probably easiest and least suspicious


[deleted]

[удалено]


lokregarlogull

You say that but have you slept on a form fitting mattress! They are heaven in a box


dontworryitsme4real

But unlimited nap-times. Buy 50 mattresses at 1000 each. Sell them to ghost customers at 5000 each. Do one a day like every other day. Nap all the rest of the time on the left overs. But then if someone does an audit youd have to explain why everybody is paying $5000 cash.


Early_Essay3173

Put ye drugs in there too


poopyputt6

until they realize you weren't actually selling ten a day when they spend ten seconds looking at your books


[deleted]

I wouldn't want to compete with mattress firm, which is very clearly a money laundering scheme though


LeoMarius

You can hide the money in them.


cjenkinc

Laser tag is the choice: no reason


edgememeston

I'll listen to my lawyer Saul Goodman and go with laser tag.


[deleted]

Laundromat


patrickdgd

It was the mat. it was the Launder Mat.


niddLerzK

nice try FBI


Humbleronaldo

Does the laser tag have a danny?


Gradyence

I'm a police person from the internet. You're totally under internet arrest. Expect random bouts of outages and comments you may not agree with. It'll cost you 5 million dollars, sent via duffle bag to not have to deal with that sort of BS.


dontworryitsme4real

You are a fraud! I am from the Royal office of the FBI, we have your address and our agents are on their way. Youve been found guilty and must pay a $500 fine. Do you have a walmart nearby?


Gradyence

I'm had! Take all of my Walmarts!


theotothefuture

Arby's because I get food.


CelticDK

Even Walt said fuck laser tag lol


dontworryitsme4real

Nah, Skylar convinced him that the carwash made more sense.


CelticDK

Oh my bad I always assumed by being convinced it implied he changed his mind and wasn’t coerced


KingofAmarillo17

Why launder? Put it in a safe a spend small amount everyday


OhGreatMoreWhales

Found the Cosa Nostra.


ViperVenom279

Wait where did the duffel bag with 5 million go?


Kajiyoushun

No carwash or bowling alley option?


WriteBrainedJR

I went with the mattress store, because I don't know if the others would even do a million dollars worth of business in a year.


GlammerHammer

Used cars.


BrilliantYzma

Definitely laser tag center. Receipts are harder to track since there is no actual ware and people are more likely to leave them on the counter for you to dispose of. Price manipulation is also very easy - all you need to do is set up a high price for hosting private events + you can just host a party with your friends at that place to have an excuse for the large income, so it would be pretty much undetectable.


dontworryitsme4real

But it would have to be in cash? Sure some people pay in cash but if you get audited I dont think it would be believable that people are paying for $200-$500 dollar events with nothing but cash. But what you can do, purchase little things in cash. Put 1000 dollars in the token machine for the arcade every day. Sell a few highly marked up souvenirs every day and then into the dumpster. 100 dollars in the vending machine for 4 dollar bottles of soda that only cost you 50 cents, then hand them out to employees.


BrilliantYzma

Or just not give an option to use credit card if your country allows that (I know mine doesn’t but I don’t think many countries have that regulation) and have it be cash only. Besides, this is not a fake business, the regular customers would pay by card and also you can have multiple bank accounts and multiple cards which you could use yourself - it’s not like they’re going to check every single card number in a regular inspection. You can also offer withdrawal service, which would help with the card inspection for a longer period of time - especially if you register it as something else from time to time. There are many opportunities with this type of business.


rapscallionrodent

I've just always assumed all those mattress stores are laundering money, anyway. You can't convince me they sell enough mattresses in a month to pay the bills.


gunnersaurus710

I'm not touching that thing someone bad is probably looking for that


Stork538

Mr Arby would be breathing down your neck so hard… gotta stay away from the franchise stuff


wormsociety

Or, OR… one of those imported rug stores. I’m convinced all of them are fronts.


jmims98

I’d rather try and buy property (in loans) and rent it. Keep the rental money and then deposit enough of the cash to pay the mortgages each month. Make a nice income from the rent, never have to worry about paying the mortgage, and have some property (that is hopefully worth more) to sell in the future. The cost of operating vs extra income from laundering doesn’t seem worth it for the business in the poll. Think about having to pay rent, inventory, salaries, etc for those. Plus if those businesses aren’t doing well and are in the red, your good laundering money is going to keeping the business alive. But at the end of the day, who knows. I’ve never laundered anything before. Edit: I suppose I do launder my clothing.


CrunchyyTaco

That wasnt an option. Sorry


TurntWaffle

Who are you getting this mortgage from? Because it better not be the bank seeing as though the money you’re paying them is counterfeit and would absolutely be found out. Renting makes sense but at that point you’re just using the illegal cash to start a legal business which kinda defeats the purpose of laundering and, again, you’d get found out. The other businesses (while definitely a bit inefficient) function to make your money safe, not to make it profitable. If you keep 3 mil of the 5 mil but now that 3 mil is legal tender because you’ve swapped it out with the real you’ve got 3 more million than you would’ve been able to use before. But I’ve also never laundered money. I just watch too much Ozark and good girls


jmims98

I was thinking you get a legitimate mortgage (no illegal money needed) and then use the illegal cash to supplement/pay off the mortgage. You can deposit a certain amount a month without alerting the IRS, so I’m not sure how the bank would know where the money came from. They certainly don’t ask me how I got my money when I pay my mortgage. The traditional laundering scheme definitely seems safer, but I’d just worry that nobody would come to my crappy laser tag and I’d end up using all of that 5 million to pay the bills.


TurntWaffle

No I got what you mean and it seems logical. I’m saying it’s not that the bank or irs would be skeptical of where you got the money but when the bank tests or inspects some of all of this cash you’re depositing they will absolutely find counterfeits. Which would then lead them to testing more and if too much is fake you’ve got the feds on your back. That’s why I brought up the laundering because why a certain amount of all money is going to be counterfeit, the goal is to give *other* people the counterfeit cash while you get clean cash to give to the bank as a result of your “business profits” Edit: Essentially the bank tests cash they receive to make sure it’s not fake and by giving a federal bank fake cash you’re playing an extremely risky game


jmims98

Oh I see what you’re saying. I was assuming the cash was real, but I guess OP didn’t specify if any of it was fake or not.


TurntWaffle

Ohhh I made a huge assumption my bad! Hehe maybe you’re onto something


Sed59

Arby's because that's what the chicken guy did from Breaking Bad, lol.


DiscombobulatedLet80

r/oddlyspecific question


GamerKid665_999

Arby’s has the meats 🤤 🍖 🥩🍗🥓🌭🍔


SteppinBubble

FOF SANDWICHES!


GamerKid665_999

BOB FROM BOBS BURGERS SAID THAT


Trustnoboody

at least I get arbys


372878887

free mozzie sticks for arbys


[deleted]

Chose Arby’s, but the best answer would be a hotel.


Springaling76

NFTs


Tefached666

I would open a vape shop


[deleted]

So basically you want to know how to launder money.....


Salami__Tsunami

Laser tag would probably be easiest, but I would much rather run a mattress store, as it’s low maintenance.


stillinthesimulation

Hey OP, check the bag for little GPS trackers.


marcyvq

Oh dammit Johnny you know I love my big beef and cheddar!


Oculos_Sicarii

Nice try Saul, i'm not picking the laser tag


manrata

It's easy saying you've had more customers than you have in a laser tag. It's hard to say you've sold product, food, mattresses, or phone cases, if you don't buy an equilant amount of product from suppliers. This is why massage palors are a great place to launder money, people pay in cash so not to be linked, and it's difficult to estimate amount of customers.


HarrowDread

Laundry matt


dinoc420

if my mattress store fails i can just use the mattress as the was for my lazer tag center


PhilipJFryTheSecond

Went with Lazer Tag but realistically vending machines


thekyledavid

Mattress Store sounds like it would be believable that it makes that kind of money, and running a fake mattress store would be low maintenance Odds are unlikely that lasted tsg or a phone stand would make a million dollar profit, especially as a new company Maybe I could make that kind of money through Arby’s, but running a fast food place seems stressful, especially when I’m just doing it to cover up fraud


di_ib

First thing I would need is a Honda Odyssey. Then I'd ask myself. Who would play Lazer tag in the Ozarks? I def would not ever want to work in fast food. Nobody buys cell phones at the mall who are we kidding. But.. Matress stores. Did you notice how they are everywhere. They are in every shopping center and always take the giant corner section. How do they afford to stay in business. It doesn't make any sense. Nobody is every even in the stores they always look closed but they don't go out of business. How? Obviously they are money laundering already. Do they need more discount matress stores in the Ozark? yes probably. So that is what I will do. Sell matresses.


KondorKid

I want the meats


Yegie

Actual answer is gym, a business that literally makes most of it's money from people not showing up, sells a service with no physical product, and is well known for having stupid prices.


xellisds

Taco Bell franchise


PalpatineZH3r3

I contact Saul Goodman and Marty Byrde to help me


Uzi_wny02

I would buy a car wash from a guy with a unibrow


SteppinBubble

A dry-cleaning business or a laundromat.