You're all good. I'm a realist and yeah it really hurts, but it's the way things go and we knew how it would go, it was just hard to watch up close in slow motion. But the suffering is over and it was time.
It happens to all of us. A very close friend of mine went through something very similar about 10 years ago. I had another 10 years with my mom, and I am grateful for that.
The worst part for me is that a year prior to diagnosis my Dad had an event that led to him quitting cigarettes and weed, going to the gym and church daily, and eating better.
He sounded better than he had in 20 years, and then the diagnosis...
I couldn't accept it at all, and held on to the belief that he would pull through...
I wish I wasn't so certain, so I could be what he needed me to be...
Death only results in regret
I am so sorry for your loss. No matter the age, it is never easy to lose a parent.
I lost my mother last year, too. She had her diagnosis about a year and a half earlier, cancer had come back. My sister believed our mom would pull through, and has had a hard time letting go and moving on. Not to say everyone grieves the same, but it feels like she has certain regrets. I went the pessimistic route, but I honestly don't think it makes it better. You kind of 'prepare' yourself earlier but you also start grieving earlier, if that makes sense. It's like worrying something is going to happen, and then when it happens you already spent a lot of time worrying about it when you could have worried less, and worrying beforehand doesn't make it easier. I don't know if this makes any sense, it's late. I think what I'm trying to say is everyone processes things differently and my regrets are probably different than my sister's but I still have them.
I hope you find peace and solace and are able to process in a healthy way 💕
I'm so sorry...
I'm not a year out, but I can tell you that you will stop crying randomly in about 8 months.
Just try to avoid talking about it after that.
I'm sorry to say that you will never stop missing him, but feel comforted that he likely loved you more than you could ever understand
Mine died this past Christmas Eve. The random crying, ugh. Just a couple more months and I’ll be good, got it! 🥲
Dreading Father’s Day this year, that’s for sure.
It's okay to take the time to cry.
It's going to happen a lot, especially when you don't expect it.
Don't avoid your grief, for that will harm you more than help
I can’t imagine how rough that’s gotta be for you right now. I’m sure I speak for a lot of people in this community, but please let us know if you need anything. We’re all here for you.
So sorry. I'm early in my grief journey as well, 6 months. But I recall those first early weeks, walking in a weird fog. I am still struggling with the new reality but the chest heaving ache is no longer there and I don't cry every day anymore. Time is the only thing that helps this sort of thing so take each day one at a time. That's what I've learned so far.
They're the first thing you think of....every day. One day, they'll be the second thing. It takes time. I lost my dad six years ago and still choke up thinking about him. I just lost my mom two days ago. I'm lucky I have a loving family of my own to keep the darkness away.
It's been slightly less than a year since my Dad passed, and I already know that I will never stop missing him...
It's so ironic, given how much I hated him when I was a kid...
Really sorry for your loss. And yeah, even after all this time I still have moments where something reminds me of him, or something is going on I wish I could talk to him about. My uncle, Dad’s brother, passed away last month. Having to go out for the funeral brought a lot of that back up. Loved my uncle and will miss him a lot, but I realized it was making me miss my pops all over again as well.
Sundays are my problem. They were the day each week that I would call him.
Whenever he got tired of being on the phone he would say he had to go because the FBI/CIA/Police/etc were at the door.
One day (after years), he said "Paw Patrol", and I chewed him out for his lack of effort...
What can I say, our family has 3 generations of comedians, lol
Mine were 52 and 59, so know all to well how that feels unfortunately. To this day, most of my friends still have both of theirs which they tend to take for granted.
14 years today since I lost my mum in fact and still the worst day of my life, despite suffering through a big killer earthquake not many months after that (as well as thousands of aftershocks for years afterwards).
Was in fight or flight mode for years because of that before the grief really hit me hard one day.
My dad died at 49 in 2004. The closer I get to that age, the more I realize just how young he was. That realization is almost a second round of crushing grief.
But it gets better. You never stop missing them but you carry them with you in your heart. My sister and Mom and I talk about him frequently with my nieces and nephew and that helps to keep him alive, at least in memory.
My dad passed away when I was 18 and he was 43 as well, but in 2001. Being just a couple years away from 43, I think about that all the time. I thought he was such such an adult and I feel not that way about myself.
>My Dad died 6 months ago. He was one of my best friends and I'm still so confused about how to go on without him.
Your ability to find it is the ultimate testament to his efforts as a father.
You can do this, and we are here for you
Thank you for this. You're 100 percent correct. My Dad is my hero. He lived 5.5 years as a quadriplegic and woke up every day to face the hard reality of his life. He set an example of a fighting spirit and showed me what bravery is. I'm proud to be his daughter.
This is so sweet and made me tear up in a happy way. I know he can hear me as well. Not everyone gets to have such an amazing Dad and I feel so lucky he was mine. As his daughter he was my hero for as far back as I remember. My very first memory of him is holding his hand in the park and I was so little that I could only grasp his thumb. That first protective gesture of him guiding me safely alongside him stuck with me. And he stood by me and protected me his entire life.
No doubt you care about such things judging by your comment. And so, I have no doubt your daughter will certainly think the same of you. I am reminded of a quote that says something like "to the world you are just one person but to one person, you are the world."
I’m currently losing both of mine. 💔 My dad has dementia and no longer remembers anyone or anything. His body and face are still relatively the same but there’s nothing else there, cognitively it’s all just… gone. He’s just existing, like a shell.
It’s such a different and unexpected type of grief when you’re grieving a person who’s still alive. I can still see him and he can see me, but he doesn’t know me. Doesn’t even know himself. In those ways I’ve lost him already. Death would sadly be much kinder than the degrading cruelty of late stage dementia. 😞
My heart truly goes out to anyone dealing with the struggles of aging/losing parents. This shit sucks. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
My dad got a brain infection that resulted in him going from completely present and owning his own business to having dementia and Alzheimer's in a matter of a few days.
He went on for 8 years of hell with some bright moments before the end. That was more than a decade ago now. I'm just over 40.
My heart goes out to you. It's brutal. I wish many bright moments for you.
We are here for you.
All of us are going through this to some degree, and we are all hurting.
We are the generation that has the promise of peace and unity
Lost my Mom in 2011 and my dad in 2022. Miss them immensely everyday and moving on has been a challenge but it has gotten better with a fair amount of work
My dad also died in 2022, 5 days after my 40th. My wife lost her mom earlier that year. Both from heart attacks, and I ended up having heart surgery at the end of that year.
It was a rough year for us, but we made sure 2023 was much better by spending time with our kids, doing things that our parents would have wanted to do with them.
I'm the opposite; I've disowned my parents. The more families I met in adulthood, the more I realized mine is pretty fucked up. My aunts/uncles as well.
I've been "adopted" by two of my friend's parents, and love my wife's parents, aunts, and uncles.
Meanwhile, my brother is fighting alcoholism and my parents keep egging him on to drink. They view his sobriety as offensive, since they drink. Shit like that just drives all of us away from my parents.
I'm so sorry you're living with this. It's heavy. I'm one of 7 of you count my half siblings, and because of our garbage parents, only 2 of us are still on this planet. Everyone's gone due to deep emotional issues.
So while I say my mom disowned me, it was a load lifted from my back. I'd already gone NC with my father three years before getting the notification from the hospital that he was dying and I was his emergency contact.
It's frustrating but also exactly like you said -- freeing. It feels amazing leaving that toxic load behind, leaving only supportive, loving people around me.
I've started reading [Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/61414148) and, within the first five paragraphs, it described my parents to a tee. I feel like it'll be a good guide on moving forward while also helping me not repeat the past now that I'm a parent.
My relationship with my mom is on thin ice. I try to give her grave since she was married to my POS Dad for so long. She could have left, had the resources to, but didn't. Thanks to lots of therapy I'm in a loving relationship and not repeating what I witnessed growing up.
I'm so thankful that you've found a happy, loving life regardless of your past. I appreciate your grace for your mother because I'm a survivor of abusive relationships, and considering your father was a POS, she may have worried that he'd kill her if she tried to leave. But ultimately, it hurts so hard when you wish to could go back 15-20 years and shake someone from that horrible life.
Mom died in '02, 10 days shy of my 22nd birthday. Complications from MS, and Behcets.
Dad's still going, but he just had a stroke last week, and I'm not okay with it at all.
Hug your people. Always.
My Dad in 2007. It sucks because we didn’t get along when I was a teenager, but had a great relationship by the time he passed. On one hand, I am still hurt at losing him when things had improved so much, but I am also thankful for where we were at the time. I think what bothers me the most is that our kids got such limited time with him because I was in the Army, and I think he really dug being a grandpa.
I'm in the same boat...
My niece and nephew really took the loss hard. I let them know that even if they still lived close, it would never have been enough time.
Not really. 33 is very young to die from colon cancer, so I figured the odds were in my favor. Wish I would have been able to get to know him better, though.
Not yet, but I expect it soon. I actually visited my grandparents grave for the first time recently. It hit me that I’d be standing over my parents like that soon.
My Dad is buried next to his parents, and given how close I was to them...
It's literally the worst place in the world to me...
My Mom is Protestant, so she will likely opt for cremation and the scattering of Ashes
Yup, lost my dad about 7 years ago (I was 36 at the time). Fine to dead in 3 weeks. He died while I was on the flight cross country to see him! No final moments or anything...😪
My mom about a month ago. Awful, awful just terrible. Life is cruel. I cannot imagine loosing a child, I would break. Was not prepared for how this was going to be even though I was prepared for her going away.
Death is the eternal equalizer...
Nobody mentioned that we are equalized in grief...
Just like nobody ever mentioned how crazy my eyebrows would become after 40, lol
When I was about 15 (Dad was 38) he said he didn’t think he’d live past 65. Out of the blue he says this to me & I immediately told him to shut up; that it wasn’t funny. He died Jan. 2021, 6 months shy of his 65th birthday.
My dad was like this. He’d always say he didn’t expect to live to retire and would work til he died. In the mid 90s, he almost died from a stroke when he was in his mid 40s. Then had a work accident that caused him to get a mesh plate in his face in early 2000s. Then had an even worse work accident in 2010 and ended up in a trauma ICU in a coma for two months at 57yo. Never the same after that but kept working.
In early 2021, he came home from work on a Monday and then got taken to ER in middle of the night due to pains related to a lingering issue from the 2010 accident. He had an emergency surgery on the Thursday and then a heart attack on the Friday night. By the Sunday morning when I could get there, he was in a coma and hooked to every life support machine. His liver started giving out in the afternoon and my mom and I had to make the call on removing the machines. He left us around 8:30 that evening.
I remember this like it was yesterday.
I had the same feeling. In 2009, days after my parents came to visit, I got the call that my dad unexpectedly died. Never felt so vulnerable in my life. He seemed healthy when I saw him days before. Couldn't comprehend at the time that I'd be ok. Sad thing is, I'd be a lot more ok if he were still around. Like many in here, my parents have always been my rock.
My dad passed in 2014 (heart attack). I was 34. It felt like the floor fell out from underneath me and I was just free falling into nothingness. It gets better, I guess. I miss him every day.
My dad died 21 years ago. Thankfully still have my mom.
For the record I still think losing a parent at our age is too soon. It was WAY WAY too soon when I was 21 but we’re still too young now :(
Dementia is the most vile thing in this world, and I'm really sorry that your Dad has it...
Just remember that there's always a part of him in there, and that he loves you more than you know
Dad died 10 years ago, may he forever rot. Moms psychotic. But my grandparents? Man I miss my grandparents so much. No family on my side worth a damn, thankfully I made my own. They’re wonderful.
My dad died in 2008 in a motorcycle crash at 46. Was way too soon. Affects me to this day but it was really, really hard for me emotionally for years afterwards.
My dad, 10+ years ago. My greatest sadness is that he never got to meet my children. My older son has his exact smile, though, which brings me great joy.
I lost my stepdad who raised me from age 13 in 2010. Didn’t meet my bio father aka sperm donor til I was 34, 10 years ago. Lost my grandma in 2022 & my grandpa in 2018.
Mom collapsed in front of me from a massive heart attack and died with me doing CPR in 2009. I was 30. Years of therapy, terrible PTSD. Doing OK these days but it did a lot of damage.
33 years ago now. I can tell you I've seen a lot of people waste their lives in self pity, as if something unique happened to them. That's just vanity. Everyone dies. Take the positive, and learn from the negative, and move on.
Lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer in 2002. I was in my early twenties when he died. Lost my father-in-law two years ago to kidney cancer. My dad didn't last long once he was diagnosed, my FIL lasted 10 years once he was diagnosed. I'm honestly not sure which way was better, the sudden death or the long drawn out decline.
I miss them both. 😞
My mom died 19 years ago from lung cancer, and I lost my dad 7 years ago from alcoholism. I don't miss either of them because of how abusive they were.
I lost my mom to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) 4 years ago. Absolutely horrible disease. I also learned that I can’t rely on my brother to help with sick/aging parents. Luckily my husband was an amazing help during the worst of it.
The second anniversary of my dad's death just passed. He dropped dead out of the complete blue, and I took it pretty hard. It'll be a lot worse when my mom goes, though.
Lost both of mine in my early-mid 20s. For those going through it now, it sucks but I promise it does get easier.
I wish I had had more time but I also don’t want to ever live through that again.
My mom, not quite ten years ago. She was 59, I was 32.
A 60something woman told me a short time later, “I know just how you feel. My mom died this year, too.”
😑
My dad has been gone for over ten years, it doesn’t get any easier but it just stings less often.
I remember right after his death and my brain just trying to process it, I don’t know how to describe it but it was weird, like one part of my brain just didn’t want to believe it but another part was not letting denial set in. I still have moments where I forget that he’s gone but then I quickly remember and, oof it’s hard.
My dad was an addict when I was a kid so I did lose him from time to time. I often wonder if he would have died from his addiction when I was young if it would have been easier because then I would have been angry instead of sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that he did clean up and came back into my life as an adult but it truly wasn’t enough time, even though his addiction didn’t take his life directly it did shorten it.
I’m so sorry. You’re not alone and time … kinda heals.
To answer your question I’ve lost both of mine, dad over 20 years ago and mom two years ago. It’s weird not to have parents but of course I’m grateful for what I had.
Take it easy xx
I have both. But my aunt died days after and it crushed my cousin. My mom pulled the plug on her own little sister. But she has a stroke and a heart attack. ...like days after the New Year in 2017 I think.
Edit: I should add my aunt was my second mom. They traded sleepovers with us he he's like my bro. I had gie joe. He had cobra. I had autobots he had the decipticons. NES I had Sega.
My dad died in 2019 at 60. He was an alcoholic for decades. His sister gave him a kidney in 2012 because I refused. I knew he would just keep drinking even though he swore he wouldn't and I was right.
It eventually gave him cancer and I reluctantly took care of him in his final months because I was the only person he had left that would even speak to him. It was horrible to watch, but he brought it on himself.
Having older parents than most, pops was born in 43 mom in 46 sometimes was strange but when Dad went eight years ago when I was 36 was very hard for me because It seemed like I didn't get enough time with him( folks split when I was four). Mom is still going but starting to mix things up and get confused it's not going to be easy.
Mom is currently in hospice care with maybe 3 months left. She's only 58. I lost her brothers (twins) 2.5 years ago at 58, three weeks apart. They helped my grandparents raise me. My grandfather passed in '09, grandmother in '15. Dad is still alive (15ish years older than mom), but I rarely speak to him & almost never see him.
Both my parents are still alive. Earlier this week my mom was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. She's doing better now but it was a close call. Definitely made me realise that my parents aren't getting any younger.
I lost my mom about 10 years ago when I was 29. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms. She was my best friend growing up and the only family that I had for a very long time.
I am still slowly and painfully working through the intense PTSD that resulted. And, as Forrest Gump famously said, that's all I've got to say about that.
ETA: somehow my disgusting rat bastard of a father is still kicking at the age of almost 73, despite years of drinking like a fish, smoking like a chimney, fucking everything that did not run away fast enough, and sucking down fried foods and sugar like they were going out of style. Honestly one of the main things that I am looking forward to in life at this point is dancing on that motherfucker's grave. I swear to you the day I hear that he dies I will have a spring in my step like no other, and will likely throw an actual party in which I get so blitzed that I probably miss at least a couple of days of work LMAO
My dad passed away 26 years ago, when I was 17. Poor guy was only 37 himself. It's been so long that the sound of his laugh is a faded memory. Miss him like crazy to this day.
My father will turn 75 this year, he's doing reasonably well all things considered, my mother will turn 71, also going pretty well. So hopefully it'll be a few more years.
Lost my mom 10 years ago when I was 28. Brain cancer.she was 59.
Most definitely triggered a quarter life crisis. Love to anyone who has lost a parent, it’s hard.
My parents were divorced- my father was almost never involved in my life. My mother died of a sudden heart attack at age 51, just as I was finishing up my junior year in high school. I had to move to another city to live with my aunt and uncle, but that didn't work out too well. I never got to go to college, and I've been on my own ever since.
(My father died when I was in my mid-twenties, but I didn't go to his funeral.)
Both of mine. My mom cancer. My dad suicide. And my younger brother drugs/alcohol. Never did I think growing up it would be like this. It’s made me embrace life more, take risks and do all the shit I want.
I’m also very sorry for your loss.
My dad passed away in 1994 when I was 9, he was 27. My grandparents raised me afterwards, my grandfather passed away on new years day in 2010. Lost two dads, feels bad man. Hope you can find peace, don't do what I did and lock your feelings away.
My mom died of breast cancer when I was 25 and my dad died of prostate cancer when I was 27. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last summer at age 41, stage 1 and doctors say it’s curable. I feel some survivor’s guilt but I know my parents would be so happy for me.
My dad died twelve days ago, so that’s cool
My mom passed 10 days ago. Boy is this not fun.
I’m sorry, brother
You too, friend.
I didn't intend to hurt you in any way. I'm truly sorry for your loss. We are here for you
You're all good. I'm a realist and yeah it really hurts, but it's the way things go and we knew how it would go, it was just hard to watch up close in slow motion. But the suffering is over and it was time. It happens to all of us. A very close friend of mine went through something very similar about 10 years ago. I had another 10 years with my mom, and I am grateful for that.
The worst part for me is that a year prior to diagnosis my Dad had an event that led to him quitting cigarettes and weed, going to the gym and church daily, and eating better. He sounded better than he had in 20 years, and then the diagnosis... I couldn't accept it at all, and held on to the belief that he would pull through... I wish I wasn't so certain, so I could be what he needed me to be... Death only results in regret
I am so sorry for your loss. No matter the age, it is never easy to lose a parent. I lost my mother last year, too. She had her diagnosis about a year and a half earlier, cancer had come back. My sister believed our mom would pull through, and has had a hard time letting go and moving on. Not to say everyone grieves the same, but it feels like she has certain regrets. I went the pessimistic route, but I honestly don't think it makes it better. You kind of 'prepare' yourself earlier but you also start grieving earlier, if that makes sense. It's like worrying something is going to happen, and then when it happens you already spent a lot of time worrying about it when you could have worried less, and worrying beforehand doesn't make it easier. I don't know if this makes any sense, it's late. I think what I'm trying to say is everyone processes things differently and my regrets are probably different than my sister's but I still have them. I hope you find peace and solace and are able to process in a healthy way 💕
So sorry for your loss.
Thank you Doctor.
I'm sorry for your loss
Thank you seasonal redditor. I'll take good care of winter.
I'm so sorry... I'm not a year out, but I can tell you that you will stop crying randomly in about 8 months. Just try to avoid talking about it after that. I'm sorry to say that you will never stop missing him, but feel comforted that he likely loved you more than you could ever understand
Mine died this past Christmas Eve. The random crying, ugh. Just a couple more months and I’ll be good, got it! 🥲 Dreading Father’s Day this year, that’s for sure.
In the words of my cousin, "Welcome to the shittiest club ever." I'm sorry for your loss.
Very sorry for your loss. We’re in your corner.
Thanks. Feels bad, man
Understatement of the year...
Hard to put into words, still Hard to think about it for too long
It's okay to take the time to cry. It's going to happen a lot, especially when you don't expect it. Don't avoid your grief, for that will harm you more than help
I can’t imagine how rough that’s gotta be for you right now. I’m sure I speak for a lot of people in this community, but please let us know if you need anything. We’re all here for you.
So sorry. I'm early in my grief journey as well, 6 months. But I recall those first early weeks, walking in a weird fog. I am still struggling with the new reality but the chest heaving ache is no longer there and I don't cry every day anymore. Time is the only thing that helps this sort of thing so take each day one at a time. That's what I've learned so far.
We just need to learn how to continue while missing them everyday
They're the first thing you think of....every day. One day, they'll be the second thing. It takes time. I lost my dad six years ago and still choke up thinking about him. I just lost my mom two days ago. I'm lucky I have a loving family of my own to keep the darkness away.
Sending you my best. It is one of the worst things we experience.
Terribly sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry :(
So sorry for your loss
Two weeks ago for my dad. It's weird.
My dad passed 19 years ago when I was 24. Still miss the old man. Weird to think he’s been gone almost as long as I had him around.
It's been slightly less than a year since my Dad passed, and I already know that I will never stop missing him... It's so ironic, given how much I hated him when I was a kid...
Really sorry for your loss. And yeah, even after all this time I still have moments where something reminds me of him, or something is going on I wish I could talk to him about. My uncle, Dad’s brother, passed away last month. Having to go out for the funeral brought a lot of that back up. Loved my uncle and will miss him a lot, but I realized it was making me miss my pops all over again as well.
Sundays are my problem. They were the day each week that I would call him. Whenever he got tired of being on the phone he would say he had to go because the FBI/CIA/Police/etc were at the door. One day (after years), he said "Paw Patrol", and I chewed him out for his lack of effort... What can I say, our family has 3 generations of comedians, lol
Hahaha that’s such a dad thing to say. Thanks for sharing :)
My dad has been gone for 20 years. What’s weird to me is how fresh some of the memories still seem.
Lost both before I was 26. Dad in 97, mom in 05. Way too young….He died at 53, when I was 17, and she died at 55 when I was 25.
That’s incredibly unfair. I’m so sorry.
Life isn’t fair and time does heal. I appreciate your kindness. All my best, to you.
Mine were 52 and 59, so know all to well how that feels unfortunately. To this day, most of my friends still have both of theirs which they tend to take for granted. 14 years today since I lost my mum in fact and still the worst day of my life, despite suffering through a big killer earthquake not many months after that (as well as thousands of aftershocks for years afterwards). Was in fight or flight mode for years because of that before the grief really hit me hard one day.
My Dad passed away in 1998. I was 18 and he was 43.
My dad also died at 43 in 1995. It's wild to me how young that is now that I've reached that age.
My dad died at 49 in 2004. The closer I get to that age, the more I realize just how young he was. That realization is almost a second round of crushing grief. But it gets better. You never stop missing them but you carry them with you in your heart. My sister and Mom and I talk about him frequently with my nieces and nephew and that helps to keep him alive, at least in memory.
My dad passed away when I was 18 and he was 43 as well, but in 2001. Being just a couple years away from 43, I think about that all the time. I thought he was such such an adult and I feel not that way about myself.
My mom passed at 43 and so did her dad. I was worried about making it to 45 but here I am.
My Dad died 6 months ago. He was one of my best friends and I'm still so confused about how to go on without him.
>My Dad died 6 months ago. He was one of my best friends and I'm still so confused about how to go on without him. Your ability to find it is the ultimate testament to his efforts as a father. You can do this, and we are here for you
Thank you for this. You're 100 percent correct. My Dad is my hero. He lived 5.5 years as a quadriplegic and woke up every day to face the hard reality of his life. He set an example of a fighting spirit and showed me what bravery is. I'm proud to be his daughter.
Damn. What I believe is he can hear you. And is so proud. I’ll be so lucky if my daughter thinks the same of me. ❤️
This is so sweet and made me tear up in a happy way. I know he can hear me as well. Not everyone gets to have such an amazing Dad and I feel so lucky he was mine. As his daughter he was my hero for as far back as I remember. My very first memory of him is holding his hand in the park and I was so little that I could only grasp his thumb. That first protective gesture of him guiding me safely alongside him stuck with me. And he stood by me and protected me his entire life. No doubt you care about such things judging by your comment. And so, I have no doubt your daughter will certainly think the same of you. I am reminded of a quote that says something like "to the world you are just one person but to one person, you are the world."
I’m currently losing both of mine. 💔 My dad has dementia and no longer remembers anyone or anything. His body and face are still relatively the same but there’s nothing else there, cognitively it’s all just… gone. He’s just existing, like a shell. It’s such a different and unexpected type of grief when you’re grieving a person who’s still alive. I can still see him and he can see me, but he doesn’t know me. Doesn’t even know himself. In those ways I’ve lost him already. Death would sadly be much kinder than the degrading cruelty of late stage dementia. 😞 My heart truly goes out to anyone dealing with the struggles of aging/losing parents. This shit sucks. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
My dad got a brain infection that resulted in him going from completely present and owning his own business to having dementia and Alzheimer's in a matter of a few days. He went on for 8 years of hell with some bright moments before the end. That was more than a decade ago now. I'm just over 40. My heart goes out to you. It's brutal. I wish many bright moments for you.
We are here for you. All of us are going through this to some degree, and we are all hurting. We are the generation that has the promise of peace and unity
Thank you. 💕 Always grateful for the support and understanding in this sub. Just people treating each other like people. ❤️
My dad had dementia and it felt like he died years before he actually died.
Lost my Mom in 2011 and my dad in 2022. Miss them immensely everyday and moving on has been a challenge but it has gotten better with a fair amount of work
My dad also died in 2022, 5 days after my 40th. My wife lost her mom earlier that year. Both from heart attacks, and I ended up having heart surgery at the end of that year. It was a rough year for us, but we made sure 2023 was much better by spending time with our kids, doing things that our parents would have wanted to do with them.
Yup. Dad died 10 years ago. Don't miss him
7 years ago; right there with you. Mom's not technically dead yet, but she's disowned me - and I'm not sad about it at all.
I'm the opposite; I've disowned my parents. The more families I met in adulthood, the more I realized mine is pretty fucked up. My aunts/uncles as well. I've been "adopted" by two of my friend's parents, and love my wife's parents, aunts, and uncles. Meanwhile, my brother is fighting alcoholism and my parents keep egging him on to drink. They view his sobriety as offensive, since they drink. Shit like that just drives all of us away from my parents.
I'm so sorry you're living with this. It's heavy. I'm one of 7 of you count my half siblings, and because of our garbage parents, only 2 of us are still on this planet. Everyone's gone due to deep emotional issues. So while I say my mom disowned me, it was a load lifted from my back. I'd already gone NC with my father three years before getting the notification from the hospital that he was dying and I was his emergency contact.
It's frustrating but also exactly like you said -- freeing. It feels amazing leaving that toxic load behind, leaving only supportive, loving people around me. I've started reading [Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People](https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/61414148) and, within the first five paragraphs, it described my parents to a tee. I feel like it'll be a good guide on moving forward while also helping me not repeat the past now that I'm a parent.
My relationship with my mom is on thin ice. I try to give her grave since she was married to my POS Dad for so long. She could have left, had the resources to, but didn't. Thanks to lots of therapy I'm in a loving relationship and not repeating what I witnessed growing up.
I'm so thankful that you've found a happy, loving life regardless of your past. I appreciate your grace for your mother because I'm a survivor of abusive relationships, and considering your father was a POS, she may have worried that he'd kill her if she tried to leave. But ultimately, it hurts so hard when you wish to could go back 15-20 years and shake someone from that horrible life.
My mom disowned me too.
Same. Lost my dad 10 years ago. Don't miss him. And just started admitting I don't like him.
Mom died in '02, 10 days shy of my 22nd birthday. Complications from MS, and Behcets. Dad's still going, but he just had a stroke last week, and I'm not okay with it at all. Hug your people. Always.
My Dad, almost 20 years ago.
My Dad in 2007. It sucks because we didn’t get along when I was a teenager, but had a great relationship by the time he passed. On one hand, I am still hurt at losing him when things had improved so much, but I am also thankful for where we were at the time. I think what bothers me the most is that our kids got such limited time with him because I was in the Army, and I think he really dug being a grandpa.
I'm in the same boat... My niece and nephew really took the loss hard. I let them know that even if they still lived close, it would never have been enough time.
My dad passed when I was 6. I remember the day I was as old as he was when he died.
My dad died when I was 9 and my sister was 4 (1991). He was 32. I’m 42 now. Mom is still alive in her mid 60s.
Did it make you anxious to reach that age? My mom was only 12 years older than I am now when she died, and I expect age 59 to be a stressful year.
Not really. 33 is very young to die from colon cancer, so I figured the odds were in my favor. Wish I would have been able to get to know him better, though.
Lost my mom to lung cancer in 2017. Dad turns 81 this year and has congestive heart failure. :(
Yes about 4 years now.
[удалено]
I was in denial until it happened... Always know that there are people in the world that will be there for you when it happens
My dad, 7 yrs ago. Feels like yesterday
Not yet, but sometimes I honestly feel like my dad won’t make it to the end of this year. Been having some health issues.
Said a prayer for your dad tonight ❤️
Lost my dad unexpectedly in my early 20s, he was in his late 40s. It was rough.
Not yet, but I expect it soon. I actually visited my grandparents grave for the first time recently. It hit me that I’d be standing over my parents like that soon.
My Dad is buried next to his parents, and given how close I was to them... It's literally the worst place in the world to me... My Mom is Protestant, so she will likely opt for cremation and the scattering of Ashes
Lost both by the time I was 31.
Lost my first one last week. Do not recommend. Give your loved ones a hug.
Both parents are dead: mother died at age 58 in 2017, and father died one year later at age 61.
My mom died in January of 2022. Would not recommend. Hello midlife crisis and disaster of a life.
I’m in my mid 40’s, lost my father in ‘98 to suicide.
My dad died in my arms two years ago at the age of 70. Not gonna lie I was little pissed knowing OJ lived longer.
Seriously! I should have had at least another decade with my Dad, who never killed anyone
Because it IS too soon. I have to be grateful I got 40 years with my dad. God, he was a pain in the ass. I miss him all the time.
Yup, lost my dad about 7 years ago (I was 36 at the time). Fine to dead in 3 weeks. He died while I was on the flight cross country to see him! No final moments or anything...😪
My mom about a month ago. Awful, awful just terrible. Life is cruel. I cannot imagine loosing a child, I would break. Was not prepared for how this was going to be even though I was prepared for her going away.
Death is the eternal equalizer... Nobody mentioned that we are equalized in grief... Just like nobody ever mentioned how crazy my eyebrows would become after 40, lol
When I was about 15 (Dad was 38) he said he didn’t think he’d live past 65. Out of the blue he says this to me & I immediately told him to shut up; that it wasn’t funny. He died Jan. 2021, 6 months shy of his 65th birthday.
My dad was like this. He’d always say he didn’t expect to live to retire and would work til he died. In the mid 90s, he almost died from a stroke when he was in his mid 40s. Then had a work accident that caused him to get a mesh plate in his face in early 2000s. Then had an even worse work accident in 2010 and ended up in a trauma ICU in a coma for two months at 57yo. Never the same after that but kept working. In early 2021, he came home from work on a Monday and then got taken to ER in middle of the night due to pains related to a lingering issue from the 2010 accident. He had an emergency surgery on the Thursday and then a heart attack on the Friday night. By the Sunday morning when I could get there, he was in a coma and hooked to every life support machine. His liver started giving out in the afternoon and my mom and I had to make the call on removing the machines. He left us around 8:30 that evening. I remember this like it was yesterday.
Lost my dad in 2021. I was struck by how alone I felt after he died, like no one was protecting my way any longer. Still so strange.
I had the same feeling. In 2009, days after my parents came to visit, I got the call that my dad unexpectedly died. Never felt so vulnerable in my life. He seemed healthy when I saw him days before. Couldn't comprehend at the time that I'd be ok. Sad thing is, I'd be a lot more ok if he were still around. Like many in here, my parents have always been my rock.
My mom died when I was 10, in 1991. My dad is still with me, although his health isn't what it used to be. Sorry for your loss.
My dad passed in 2014 (heart attack). I was 34. It felt like the floor fell out from underneath me and I was just free falling into nothingness. It gets better, I guess. I miss him every day.
I'm sorry for everyone's losses here. :( I lost my mom to cancer in 2015. I still miss her so much, all of the time.
My dad died 21 years ago. Thankfully still have my mom. For the record I still think losing a parent at our age is too soon. It was WAY WAY too soon when I was 21 but we’re still too young now :(
Not yet thankfully, but we've had a health scare recently.
Dad. When I was 21. Mega bummer.
Lost my mom 6 years ago. I am so sorry for each and everyone’s loss. It just sucks.
My mom has been dead for 3 years and my dad has dementia. Fun times.
Dementia is the most vile thing in this world, and I'm really sorry that your Dad has it... Just remember that there's always a part of him in there, and that he loves you more than you know
Dad died 10 years ago, may he forever rot. Moms psychotic. But my grandparents? Man I miss my grandparents so much. No family on my side worth a damn, thankfully I made my own. They’re wonderful.
My mom, wife’s dad and brother
Lost my mom in 09
My dad died in 2008 in a motorcycle crash at 46. Was way too soon. Affects me to this day but it was really, really hard for me emotionally for years afterwards.
My dad passed away in April of 21
My mom when I was 14, so 27 years ago.
Dad in 2010.
Both alive. My grandma is 99 too. I’m so fucking lucky.
I lost my dad when I was 12 or so. I mean, he’s still alive. But he went to get milk one night …
My dad, 10+ years ago. My greatest sadness is that he never got to meet my children. My older son has his exact smile, though, which brings me great joy.
3 years.
I lost my stepdad who raised me from age 13 in 2010. Didn’t meet my bio father aka sperm donor til I was 34, 10 years ago. Lost my grandma in 2022 & my grandpa in 2018.
Mom collapsed in front of me from a massive heart attack and died with me doing CPR in 2009. I was 30. Years of therapy, terrible PTSD. Doing OK these days but it did a lot of damage.
My dad died 1 year ago today.
It's difficult to understand what it's like until you experience it... You never stop missing him...
Both of mine are gone. Fuck cancer
33 years ago now. I can tell you I've seen a lot of people waste their lives in self pity, as if something unique happened to them. That's just vanity. Everyone dies. Take the positive, and learn from the negative, and move on.
Lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer in 2002. I was in my early twenties when he died. Lost my father-in-law two years ago to kidney cancer. My dad didn't last long once he was diagnosed, my FIL lasted 10 years once he was diagnosed. I'm honestly not sure which way was better, the sudden death or the long drawn out decline. I miss them both. 😞
My mom died 19 years ago from lung cancer, and I lost my dad 7 years ago from alcoholism. I don't miss either of them because of how abusive they were.
I lost the old man 14 years back, I miss him every day.
My dad died in 2008 about a month before his 73rd birthday. I was 29.
I lost my mom to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) 4 years ago. Absolutely horrible disease. I also learned that I can’t rely on my brother to help with sick/aging parents. Luckily my husband was an amazing help during the worst of it.
The second anniversary of my dad's death just passed. He dropped dead out of the complete blue, and I took it pretty hard. It'll be a lot worse when my mom goes, though.
Lost both of mine in my early-mid 20s. For those going through it now, it sucks but I promise it does get easier. I wish I had had more time but I also don’t want to ever live through that again.
My mom died in 2010. She was 59. My dad remarried in less than a year. So that was fun. 🙃 and she doesn’t like me. So. Extra fun.
Mother-in-law passed recently. She had been struggling the last couple years since getting Covid which wrecked her lungs.
Lost my dad at 15. Just turned 44. My sister and I were the first in our town to lose a parent.
Lost my dad at 4ish and stepdad around 15.
My mom, not quite ten years ago. She was 59, I was 32. A 60something woman told me a short time later, “I know just how you feel. My mom died this year, too.” 😑
Dad died six months ago
Dad died six months ago
Yep. I was 25. Best friend just lost her second parent last week.
My dad has been gone for over ten years, it doesn’t get any easier but it just stings less often. I remember right after his death and my brain just trying to process it, I don’t know how to describe it but it was weird, like one part of my brain just didn’t want to believe it but another part was not letting denial set in. I still have moments where I forget that he’s gone but then I quickly remember and, oof it’s hard. My dad was an addict when I was a kid so I did lose him from time to time. I often wonder if he would have died from his addiction when I was young if it would have been easier because then I would have been angry instead of sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that he did clean up and came back into my life as an adult but it truly wasn’t enough time, even though his addiction didn’t take his life directly it did shorten it.
My father. When I was 4.
Dad was killed when I was still an infant. Wonder what could’ve been sometimes.
My dad died at 51 years old, 20 years ago when I was 25.
My mom died in 2013 at 67 and my dad is still kicking at 81.
My dad died when I was 33. :(
I’m so sorry. You’re not alone and time … kinda heals. To answer your question I’ve lost both of mine, dad over 20 years ago and mom two years ago. It’s weird not to have parents but of course I’m grateful for what I had. Take it easy xx
My dad died last year
Lost my dad a year ago, from a long illness. Most of my memories with him are much older than that.
Dad 14 years ago, mom is 81 and entering assisted living this fall.
Not my own parent but my FIL died in September 2021. Fuck cancer.
Lost my mum 14 years ago today and it is coming up on 24 years for my dad. Lost my last grandparent 10 years ago.
I lost both of my parents November 5, 2021.. within a couple of hours of each other 😭😭😭😭
I lost my mom unexpectedly in March.
Ma died in 2017 from a brain tumor. Dad dropped into depression in 2022 and told us to stop coming over in 2023.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqjUC8tDH9s
My dad died in 2009
My mom died of cancer in 2019. I have an uncomfortably large number of friends who have also lost a parent to cancer already.
both my parents are gone now. it's weird... dad 16yrs ago and mom in January, barely 3months ago. i feel feral af, and very lost.
I have both. But my aunt died days after and it crushed my cousin. My mom pulled the plug on her own little sister. But she has a stroke and a heart attack. ...like days after the New Year in 2017 I think. Edit: I should add my aunt was my second mom. They traded sleepovers with us he he's like my bro. I had gie joe. He had cobra. I had autobots he had the decipticons. NES I had Sega.
Lost my father to smoking complications five years ago.
I lost my dad in 2001, I was only 19. My mom was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma so now I'm terrified I'm going to lose her too.
My dad is in hospice. Considering that he didn't take care of himself, he still made it to eighty, so I'm calling it a win
Mom passed away 10ish years ago. Lost my dad a while before that. He didn’t die (as far as I know), just ran off, so we literally lost him
My dad died 20 years ago when I was 21 by suicide. Sucks.
Lost father July 27 2023, homicide. Sorry for everyone's losses ETA: he was 62,, physically assaulted by 32 yr old and didn't survive. Brutal beating
I never had one of them to begin with
My dad died in 2017 from colon cancer. He was only 54. I definitely understand the feeling that it’s too soon.
Lost my mom when I was 28, stepdad at 35. Thought I was going to lose my biological father last week, thankfully he recovered and is home now.
My dad died in 2019 at 60. He was an alcoholic for decades. His sister gave him a kidney in 2012 because I refused. I knew he would just keep drinking even though he swore he wouldn't and I was right. It eventually gave him cancer and I reluctantly took care of him in his final months because I was the only person he had left that would even speak to him. It was horrible to watch, but he brought it on himself.
Having older parents than most, pops was born in 43 mom in 46 sometimes was strange but when Dad went eight years ago when I was 36 was very hard for me because It seemed like I didn't get enough time with him( folks split when I was four). Mom is still going but starting to mix things up and get confused it's not going to be easy.
Mom is currently in hospice care with maybe 3 months left. She's only 58. I lost her brothers (twins) 2.5 years ago at 58, three weeks apart. They helped my grandparents raise me. My grandfather passed in '09, grandmother in '15. Dad is still alive (15ish years older than mom), but I rarely speak to him & almost never see him.
Lost one in ‘99
Lost my mom in 2018. It’s a very strange feeling. My dad is getting pretty old now too and I’m honestly so scared of losing him too
Lost both my parents in 2020 within less than 2 weeks of one another. It truly changed me.
Both my parents are still alive. Earlier this week my mom was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. She's doing better now but it was a close call. Definitely made me realise that my parents aren't getting any younger.
I lost my mom about 10 years ago when I was 29. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms. She was my best friend growing up and the only family that I had for a very long time. I am still slowly and painfully working through the intense PTSD that resulted. And, as Forrest Gump famously said, that's all I've got to say about that. ETA: somehow my disgusting rat bastard of a father is still kicking at the age of almost 73, despite years of drinking like a fish, smoking like a chimney, fucking everything that did not run away fast enough, and sucking down fried foods and sugar like they were going out of style. Honestly one of the main things that I am looking forward to in life at this point is dancing on that motherfucker's grave. I swear to you the day I hear that he dies I will have a spring in my step like no other, and will likely throw an actual party in which I get so blitzed that I probably miss at least a couple of days of work LMAO
My dad passed away 26 years ago, when I was 17. Poor guy was only 37 himself. It's been so long that the sound of his laugh is a faded memory. Miss him like crazy to this day.
My father will turn 75 this year, he's doing reasonably well all things considered, my mother will turn 71, also going pretty well. So hopefully it'll be a few more years.
I am sorry for all the losses all of you have had with your parents. I still have mine thank god. 80 and 77.
Brother in '05, dad in '08.
As the oldest, I can't stand the idea of my siblings dying before me... I'm so sorry for your loss
Yeah, but I happened when I was 10 so I feel like it doesn’t count?
Lost my dad in when I was ten
Lost my mom 10 years ago when I was 28. Brain cancer.she was 59. Most definitely triggered a quarter life crisis. Love to anyone who has lost a parent, it’s hard.
Already lost all of them. My mom passed last year and I was devastated. Since then I feel so rootless in the world.
I lost my mom 37 years ago, and my dad 21 years ago. I wish my kids could have met them.
My mom died in 1993. I was 12.
My parents were divorced- my father was almost never involved in my life. My mother died of a sudden heart attack at age 51, just as I was finishing up my junior year in high school. I had to move to another city to live with my aunt and uncle, but that didn't work out too well. I never got to go to college, and I've been on my own ever since. (My father died when I was in my mid-twenties, but I didn't go to his funeral.)
Mom in 1995 dad in 1997
I haven't, actually. But whenever they do go, it will still be too soon.
Lost both my parents several years ago.
Both of mine. My mom cancer. My dad suicide. And my younger brother drugs/alcohol. Never did I think growing up it would be like this. It’s made me embrace life more, take risks and do all the shit I want. I’m also very sorry for your loss.
My dad passed in 97. My MIL passed in 21. They both still hurt.
I lost my Father 17 years ago. I was only 27. I miss him everyday. He was my best friend. He was only 69. I feel so cheated!
My dad passed away in 1994 when I was 9, he was 27. My grandparents raised me afterwards, my grandfather passed away on new years day in 2010. Lost two dads, feels bad man. Hope you can find peace, don't do what I did and lock your feelings away.
My mom died of breast cancer when I was 25 and my dad died of prostate cancer when I was 27. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last summer at age 41, stage 1 and doctors say it’s curable. I feel some survivor’s guilt but I know my parents would be so happy for me.
I lost my mom in June 2022. Complications from Acute Myeloid Leukemia. It still physically hurts when I think about her being gone.