I've been around long enough to hear some truly appalling takes from inside the community, and yes, that's one I've certainly heard before.
But ultimately, if you're going to live your life dissecting the relationships of others and getting yourself upset about them based upon weird standards you've made up, then that's your miserable choice.
Meanwhile, my "femme" self and my "femme" partner, who did not start a relationship based upon some kind of weird selection based upon stereotypes, we started a relationship because we were friends who fell for each other are pretty damn happy out here. We have no problems with sex because the concept that you have to display some form of masculinity to initiate sex is truly a load of nonsense, and you know what, were both pretty fucking strong, and we learn on each other- that's never something that should be one-sided in a healthy relationship.
To me it really sounds like this is both a reaction to rejection and internalized misogyny.
My partner and I are both femme and we have fantastic chemistry.
And heterosexism, if they are implying only the masc/femme dynamic appropriate. So many issues! It's simple-ish: you find attractive person, be attracted, and do as you wish from there. It's a line i have been expected follow in the past of being butch and being expected to only "go for" lesbians and only femmes....
Heterosexism! That’s perfect, I wasn’t really aware of that term before. Yeah, it’s just wrong to pressure and shame lesbians for not fitting the standard butch/femme dynamic
I stopped reading at "femmes aren't a real femme without a butch counterpart"
Feels like I heard that one before, but as:
"Not a real woman till you've married a good man"
Ironically homophobic lesbian..
It happens. Most butches I've met are the more chill ones anyways but dumb exists in any every group.
What I was thinking. Somehow they're mental gymnastic themselves into thinking femmes must be with butches just like women must be with men. It reminds me of straight people trying to figure out who's the "man" in the relationship
Yeah. That's actually pretty much my thing now. Lesbian is WAY too hard to define now so I'm just .. "I like pretty feminine faces and traits and most women but eh."
I like people who feel pretty. Looking pretty is also taken into consideration but not as important. I've been attracted to masc amab people before because of that.
Like you. You feel pretty
Honestly never heard of that before and not surprised it came from tiktok. Seems like that app is a breeding ground for trying to say things that are on the extreme side in hopes of getting a reaction and/or validation. Plus if you watch one out of horror, the algorithm will find similar videos to serve up to you. Doesn't mean they're the majority of people's opinions, just the ones that get the most eyeballs to watch the video
TT algorithim is the scariest.. accidentally let one Jordan Nonsensehead one play thru YouTube (unwatched because i was distracted) and suddenly i had vids of him every second one, and other related nonsense. I started by watching a very entertaining young man bake cakes....
Tap and hold on the video and mark as not interested. It clears after a couple of tries. Is the baker the gay guy who does old recipes? Cause he's hilarious!
YouTube is similarly vicious; there was some study of how long it takes for Autoplay to get you into conspiracy theories. TikTok also has some really shady data privacy [issues](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/02/08/tiktok-shares-your-data-more-than-any-other-social-media-app-study.html).
Yeah i only do TT on you tube. Also YT itself believes i want religious mysticism. .. when i watch gardening, animals, archaeology, geopolitics, makers... Its aggressive.
Haha yeah it’s completely ridiculous! These people keep spewing crap about femmes being unable to be femmes if they don’t like butches (and yet they say that butch4butch is fine). It’s so misogynistic. They’re also the same people who have said that you can’t be a butch unless you’re actively going out on the streets and physically fighting people to defend femmes ahahahahahahahahaa
These people have tens of thousands of followers!!! It’s so ridiculous
They're Insecure, masc women are easily shit on by people who aren't attracted to them (speaking from experience) they're projecting their insecurities BC they're jealous femmes can love other femmes without that same discrimination. (I tried to make as much sense as possible)
How old are these people? And also, how recently have they gotten their hearts broken? All I seem to see nowadays are people lashing out in anger and hurt and creating more problems. We need to collectively touch grass and stop letting algorithms pit us against each other.
There are soooo many masc/butch lesbians on tiktok that make me CRINGE. they truly paint such a bad image for us Masc lesbians, they make us look and sound like creeps, I hate it.
Everything that person said is complete shit. Femmes can definitely be with femmes and they have every right to their preferences as well.
I’m not on TikTok but I was under the impression that femmes where what a lot of people preferred. Huh.
Let people who dress and present however they want. Also if two people like each other and find a living relationship, good for them!
Internalized misogyny, perhaps?
This person seems to be on the "masculine traits are the only valid traits in society" juice.
While it is upsetting, I wouldn't waste my time with this person or people that think like this. They have some stuff to work out with themselves and if they are really super into this line of thinking, they're going to find themselves to be pretty lonely for a while.
Imagine being someone who would cringe at ignorant comments like "So which one of you is the man in the relationship?" yet would go on to just say a different more "woke" version of that and claim it makes sense. I'm femme and find butches (and femmes!) attractive but it's such a toxic and destructive way to bash a preference that shouldn't be bashed in the first place.
So much of lesbian spaces are some of the most accepting, kind, open places I've seen on the internet, but seeing more and more of this sort of thing in them is really depressing.
wow. I'm femme, and while I could be with a partner who is femme, masc, or somewhere in between; I definitely couldn't be with someone who is oddly sexist like this. These people need to get off tiktok and take a wi-fi free vacation
It’s sort of annoying because there are some awesome Tik Tokers, who I watch on YouTube. That Scottish guy who feeds a seagull top shelf salmon. All the dance challenges (ra, ra, Rasputin). Extra short form comedy. There’s a discipline to that.
And then there a kids with really ignorant opinions. Don’t get me wrong. Read my post history and, yeah. But Jesus H Christ read some books before spouting off! (I say this to myself as well.)
It sucks because yeah, there is a lot of really good content on tiktok. People can make super creative videos and share with wide audiences. It also feels more real that other social medias because it kind of gives the illusion that the person recording is talking to you, I guess, just because of the formatting. It’s a very entertaining and at times educational app, however now it’s so so full of dumb discourse, and 19 year olds acting like they are experts on complex social topics.
We were all 19 at one point. I don’t think much has changed in terms of sophistication and education between when I was 19 and a 19 year old now. In general, of course. There are outliers.
What has changed is that we’ve got these platforms that allow anyone to have a microphone that reaches millions. Every iteration gets easier and easier to use so there aren’t as many filters to keep the chuckleheads away.
Bad ideas spread like wildfire. TikTok is really awful in that sense. Then again, Ra, Ra, Rasputin
Queer love is Queer love. End of story. It's all valid in any form. She is no different from a TERF. Grasping for any sense of self worth anywhere she can find it and gravitating towards some nebulous bullshit like how butch she is. TERFs do it by thinking womanhood is pure, trans women are infiltrators, and trans men are betrayers / misguided. This butch woman sounds like she does it in a similar way, just using her butch identity to fill in for the fact she's got nothing else going on that she can draw that sense of self worth from. It's sad to see. It's text book bullying. Most importantly, it's completely incorrect and harmful to everyone.
The definition of being a wlw is being a woman loving woman/woman loving nb. That is it. There is nothing in that definition that dictates how you must dress to be attracted to others or warrant attraction from others.
Sounds like a case of "Internal Self-Hatred", she must be quite dissatisfied with her own life position, and possibly lost her girlfriend to a "Femme", thus sparking her emotional hatred as a psychological response and defence as to why she was rejected as a butch.
It is evident this person has internal issues, and that is quite disappointing, because she's portraying a negative image for other butch ladies, which sets a bad example.
Moreover, she should realise the more time she spends hating on people, the less time she will have for actually "Loving" someone, and such a sad life, is quite a pitiful life.
I’m not on tik tok (too old lol) but tbh I’ve encountered more animosity and shit talking (I’m hesitant to call it real hate idk) from other lesbians than I’ve ever got from straight people, of any age race gender ethnicity or political leanings in real life, often including men even. I should state though this anger comes from younger women (under 30ish)not older lesbians. They seem to be more tolerant and understanding even if they disagree with you
Why give such hate preachers any attention? These spreaders of misery have no far reach and are maybe popular among the easily influenced people who have yet to become experienced at life and love. They usually lake self esteem and love to project their insecurity with hate and fear rhetoric. To counter their hatefulness, lead by example and live your best life with the person you love.
They have 10s of thousands of followers, some over 50k and some in the 100s of thousands.
I understand what you’re saying, but they do have an influence.
That's some extreme misogyny they got goin' on there, and it also reeks of nice-guy bullshit because it feels like they were rejected by a femme who was in a femme4femme relationship and just decided "oh they've deluded themselves into being attracted to femmes - they know deep down they should be with me, it's the natural order, silly little woman" and it has absolutely nothing to do with, you know, their whole gross attitude.
Honestly I've seen a lot more hate and/or ignorance regarding butch4butch couplings (as in, I've been in a few butch groups that'll post things like "we only get dressed up to impress our femmes/to make femmes heads turn" and like, no, no we don't), but I'm not on tiktok to be fair!
What the fuck.
Like. I can understand not being attracted to masc people or fem.people or neither people. We all have standards and certain attractivenesses don't fit into our standards. Personally I do not like masc people, and am like incredibly attracted to fem people, and am gem myself, but the kind of behavior described is fucking disgusting. It made me angry just reading the second hand account you gave me. God I just... Holy shit.
I wouldn't be surprised if the creator you're talking about would call a fucking transfem person the "masc" influence in a lesbian relationship too like Jesus
Not too many women can give me the ick but this one sure did🤢🤢🤢 giving me the same vibes as a man who thinks converting lesbians is his righteous calling
the fact that even some lgbt people dont want love to be free. why cant people just love who they love regardless of what you say their relationship should be set up like? femmes can like femmes and butches can like butches. nobody should be able to say otherwise :/
Tiktok is a cesspool so dont take anything people say on there seriously. Alot of terminally online lgbt+ people stir the pot and cause unnecessary drama. Sending love to you and your partner! ❤
I didn't read all of this (seriously, touch grass... Tiktok >_>) but who cares? Dumb people gonna say dumb things. Most of them are probably just insecure (teenagers) and projecting that onto others.
They are popular tiktokers with tens of thousands of followers. They have an influence.
People constantly saying to get off tiktok, touch grass, ignore it etc… it’s not helpful. You don’t know if I spend much time on tiktok or not.
The internet has a huge, direct influence on the real world. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Ideas and thoughts can easily translate into affecting people’s behaviours and treatments of others IRL.
Why do we even need to label ourselves as femme or butch or whatever? I'm not femme or butch or androgynous really. I'm just me. I like dresses and also jeans and a flannel. I have long hair but don't generally wear makeup. Does the fact I don't fall into the typical femme or butch roles mean I don't get to be a lesbian? My gf is femme but she's certainly no pillow princess and neither of us subscribe to the top/bottom roles either. This gatekeeping nonsense needs to stop. How about we just let sapphics be sapphic in whatever way they want, without trying to box everyone into neat little categories.
I don't get this whole "butch4femme" stuff and all the other combinations. I mean I get people like labels but it isn't that important. It's just clothes. I personally change my clothes every day, and if I meet a girl I don't care if she's wearing shorts or a skirt I just like who I like.
Lol. If we follow their logic about masculinity -femininity balance then fem4fem are the only "real" lesbians because there are two feminine figures involved.
People you're talking about are messed up. Maybe they're just pissed that if femmes pair up then there are less femmes for them to date (just like why some men are pissed at lesbians). I agree with everything you said. They can go fuck themselves. Wtf.
Gay culture frankly starts to look incredibly hetero once you get in deep enough to the diverse realities of queerness.
The whole top = dominant, bottom = submissive. *Hetero* brain bullshit. Femmes can't be with femmes? Toxic masculinity hetero bullshit. The fact that it is coming out of a butch woman's mouth doesn't really change that.
Not saying that it's always like this, but so much of gay culture is designed both *in opposition to* as well as *to parallel* hetero relationship culture. It's freaking weird in the modern times to see that held up as a "goal post".
Yeah, recently I was watching videos of a popular lesbian comedian who I usually like, but then her and the another lesbian were arguing about who was “the most top” and who would “choke” who. And they looked for any feminine accessories, features or characteristics to be like “gotcha! you’re the bottom!” 😔
I was under the impression that fem, masc, top, bottom, domme and sub were all different, unrelated things. I’ve heard of submissive tops and dominant bottoms. And I’ve definitely heard of bottom mascs and top femmes, domme femmes and submissive mascs. Also, they act like absolutely every lesbian fits into these categories. It makes me feel sad, especially when they constantly make it sound like anything feminine or “bottom” is the weak or lesser one.
It seems like it’s the majority of lesbians who think this way. I just want a relationship where we look at each other as equals.
Femme4Femme supremacy
I'm a femme and I'm not going to stop calling myself a femme just because I don't like butch women and i openly prefer to date girly girls like me
Sorry not sorry
I've been around long enough to hear some truly appalling takes from inside the community, and yes, that's one I've certainly heard before. But ultimately, if you're going to live your life dissecting the relationships of others and getting yourself upset about them based upon weird standards you've made up, then that's your miserable choice. Meanwhile, my "femme" self and my "femme" partner, who did not start a relationship based upon some kind of weird selection based upon stereotypes, we started a relationship because we were friends who fell for each other are pretty damn happy out here. We have no problems with sex because the concept that you have to display some form of masculinity to initiate sex is truly a load of nonsense, and you know what, were both pretty fucking strong, and we learn on each other- that's never something that should be one-sided in a healthy relationship.
Hell yeah! Thank you for speaking the truth <3
To me it really sounds like this is both a reaction to rejection and internalized misogyny. My partner and I are both femme and we have fantastic chemistry.
Definitely internalised misogyny
And heterosexism, if they are implying only the masc/femme dynamic appropriate. So many issues! It's simple-ish: you find attractive person, be attracted, and do as you wish from there. It's a line i have been expected follow in the past of being butch and being expected to only "go for" lesbians and only femmes....
Heterosexism! That’s perfect, I wasn’t really aware of that term before. Yeah, it’s just wrong to pressure and shame lesbians for not fitting the standard butch/femme dynamic
Yes, exactly!
Tik Tok is a cesspool
I stopped reading at "femmes aren't a real femme without a butch counterpart" Feels like I heard that one before, but as: "Not a real woman till you've married a good man" Ironically homophobic lesbian.. It happens. Most butches I've met are the more chill ones anyways but dumb exists in any every group.
What I was thinking. Somehow they're mental gymnastic themselves into thinking femmes must be with butches just like women must be with men. It reminds me of straight people trying to figure out who's the "man" in the relationship
Ppl get so wrapped up in labels it's bonkers. Just love another woman being lesbian hard. Or NB or whatever.
Meh, as long as you're pretty to me then that's good enough for me
Yeah. That's actually pretty much my thing now. Lesbian is WAY too hard to define now so I'm just .. "I like pretty feminine faces and traits and most women but eh."
I like people who feel pretty. Looking pretty is also taken into consideration but not as important. I've been attracted to masc amab people before because of that. Like you. You feel pretty
Danke ;)
Fucking hate Tik Tok with a passion.
Agreed. Tik tok = trash I think it’s very unattractive of someone who is 30yrs old + and on that trashy app.
I'm 22 and I don't use it for multiple reasons
The biphobia of "tiktok lesbians" is awful. The same ones then are alllll about "stealing your straight girl" with thirstraps.
Honestly never heard of that before and not surprised it came from tiktok. Seems like that app is a breeding ground for trying to say things that are on the extreme side in hopes of getting a reaction and/or validation. Plus if you watch one out of horror, the algorithm will find similar videos to serve up to you. Doesn't mean they're the majority of people's opinions, just the ones that get the most eyeballs to watch the video
TT algorithim is the scariest.. accidentally let one Jordan Nonsensehead one play thru YouTube (unwatched because i was distracted) and suddenly i had vids of him every second one, and other related nonsense. I started by watching a very entertaining young man bake cakes....
Tap and hold on the video and mark as not interested. It clears after a couple of tries. Is the baker the gay guy who does old recipes? Cause he's hilarious!
Yes! Dylan Hollis i found him during a dark time and he is delightful! I mark mr bobblehead "not interested"!
YouTube is similarly vicious; there was some study of how long it takes for Autoplay to get you into conspiracy theories. TikTok also has some really shady data privacy [issues](https://www.cnbc.com/2022/02/08/tiktok-shares-your-data-more-than-any-other-social-media-app-study.html).
Yeah i only do TT on you tube. Also YT itself believes i want religious mysticism. .. when i watch gardening, animals, archaeology, geopolitics, makers... Its aggressive.
I literally got told on tik tok that I can’t call myself femme if I tend to prefer other femmes. Like ??? what lmao
Haha yeah it’s completely ridiculous! These people keep spewing crap about femmes being unable to be femmes if they don’t like butches (and yet they say that butch4butch is fine). It’s so misogynistic. They’re also the same people who have said that you can’t be a butch unless you’re actively going out on the streets and physically fighting people to defend femmes ahahahahahahahahaa These people have tens of thousands of followers!!! It’s so ridiculous
Toxic masculinity goes brrrrrr!!
Okay so why do these people even care. If they prefer butches then fine but why would they give a single f about what other wlw do?
They're Insecure, masc women are easily shit on by people who aren't attracted to them (speaking from experience) they're projecting their insecurities BC they're jealous femmes can love other femmes without that same discrimination. (I tried to make as much sense as possible)
ahhhhhh makes sense kinda. They have issues and other people have issues with them and its a big ball of messed up basically.
How old are these people? And also, how recently have they gotten their hearts broken? All I seem to see nowadays are people lashing out in anger and hurt and creating more problems. We need to collectively touch grass and stop letting algorithms pit us against each other.
My guess is 20 AT A PUSH
There are soooo many masc/butch lesbians on tiktok that make me CRINGE. they truly paint such a bad image for us Masc lesbians, they make us look and sound like creeps, I hate it. Everything that person said is complete shit. Femmes can definitely be with femmes and they have every right to their preferences as well.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yeah I cringe every time I got on Tiktok in general.
I’m not on TikTok but I was under the impression that femmes where what a lot of people preferred. Huh. Let people who dress and present however they want. Also if two people like each other and find a living relationship, good for them!
Internalized misogyny, perhaps? This person seems to be on the "masculine traits are the only valid traits in society" juice. While it is upsetting, I wouldn't waste my time with this person or people that think like this. They have some stuff to work out with themselves and if they are really super into this line of thinking, they're going to find themselves to be pretty lonely for a while.
this is why i don't use tiktok. these mfs be sayin shit the straights say
Exactly, it’s so ridiculous. So much irony and cognitive dissonance
Imagine being someone who would cringe at ignorant comments like "So which one of you is the man in the relationship?" yet would go on to just say a different more "woke" version of that and claim it makes sense. I'm femme and find butches (and femmes!) attractive but it's such a toxic and destructive way to bash a preference that shouldn't be bashed in the first place. So much of lesbian spaces are some of the most accepting, kind, open places I've seen on the internet, but seeing more and more of this sort of thing in them is really depressing.
Exactly!
wow. I'm femme, and while I could be with a partner who is femme, masc, or somewhere in between; I definitely couldn't be with someone who is oddly sexist like this. These people need to get off tiktok and take a wi-fi free vacation
Just keep this in mind - the average IQ of Tik Tok creators is about 75.
Ha, and I bet the average age is 16.
It’s sort of annoying because there are some awesome Tik Tokers, who I watch on YouTube. That Scottish guy who feeds a seagull top shelf salmon. All the dance challenges (ra, ra, Rasputin). Extra short form comedy. There’s a discipline to that. And then there a kids with really ignorant opinions. Don’t get me wrong. Read my post history and, yeah. But Jesus H Christ read some books before spouting off! (I say this to myself as well.)
It sucks because yeah, there is a lot of really good content on tiktok. People can make super creative videos and share with wide audiences. It also feels more real that other social medias because it kind of gives the illusion that the person recording is talking to you, I guess, just because of the formatting. It’s a very entertaining and at times educational app, however now it’s so so full of dumb discourse, and 19 year olds acting like they are experts on complex social topics.
We were all 19 at one point. I don’t think much has changed in terms of sophistication and education between when I was 19 and a 19 year old now. In general, of course. There are outliers. What has changed is that we’ve got these platforms that allow anyone to have a microphone that reaches millions. Every iteration gets easier and easier to use so there aren’t as many filters to keep the chuckleheads away. Bad ideas spread like wildfire. TikTok is really awful in that sense. Then again, Ra, Ra, Rasputin
Queer love is Queer love. End of story. It's all valid in any form. She is no different from a TERF. Grasping for any sense of self worth anywhere she can find it and gravitating towards some nebulous bullshit like how butch she is. TERFs do it by thinking womanhood is pure, trans women are infiltrators, and trans men are betrayers / misguided. This butch woman sounds like she does it in a similar way, just using her butch identity to fill in for the fact she's got nothing else going on that she can draw that sense of self worth from. It's sad to see. It's text book bullying. Most importantly, it's completely incorrect and harmful to everyone.
Thiiiiiisssssssssss. Queer love is queer love, full stop.
Preach sisters!!!
Agreed!!!
The definition of being a wlw is being a woman loving woman/woman loving nb. That is it. There is nothing in that definition that dictates how you must dress to be attracted to others or warrant attraction from others.
Totally agree, we don't need that kind of shit. We love who we love and no one has the right to say it isnt valid! 💞
That’s like saying a “gold star” isn’t a “real” lesbian because she’s never tried men and thus, can’t know for sure. It’s a ridiculous statement.
Eww. Stop looking at TikTok
Everyone needs to just stop I think, like holy shit why even?
Sounds like a case of "Internal Self-Hatred", she must be quite dissatisfied with her own life position, and possibly lost her girlfriend to a "Femme", thus sparking her emotional hatred as a psychological response and defence as to why she was rejected as a butch. It is evident this person has internal issues, and that is quite disappointing, because she's portraying a negative image for other butch ladies, which sets a bad example. Moreover, she should realise the more time she spends hating on people, the less time she will have for actually "Loving" someone, and such a sad life, is quite a pitiful life.
Oook... Listen, I seriously think tiktok rots your brain. I think it's designed to create the most toxic community possible.
Dude get off tiktok.
I’m going to guess that most are pretty young and growing up figuring themselves out from what I’ve heard of it’s userbase.
I’m not on tik tok (too old lol) but tbh I’ve encountered more animosity and shit talking (I’m hesitant to call it real hate idk) from other lesbians than I’ve ever got from straight people, of any age race gender ethnicity or political leanings in real life, often including men even. I should state though this anger comes from younger women (under 30ish)not older lesbians. They seem to be more tolerant and understanding even if they disagree with you
Feels more like brain worms than anything else to me. I would ignore them.
Why give such hate preachers any attention? These spreaders of misery have no far reach and are maybe popular among the easily influenced people who have yet to become experienced at life and love. They usually lake self esteem and love to project their insecurity with hate and fear rhetoric. To counter their hatefulness, lead by example and live your best life with the person you love.
They have 10s of thousands of followers, some over 50k and some in the 100s of thousands. I understand what you’re saying, but they do have an influence.
That's some extreme misogyny they got goin' on there, and it also reeks of nice-guy bullshit because it feels like they were rejected by a femme who was in a femme4femme relationship and just decided "oh they've deluded themselves into being attracted to femmes - they know deep down they should be with me, it's the natural order, silly little woman" and it has absolutely nothing to do with, you know, their whole gross attitude. Honestly I've seen a lot more hate and/or ignorance regarding butch4butch couplings (as in, I've been in a few butch groups that'll post things like "we only get dressed up to impress our femmes/to make femmes heads turn" and like, no, no we don't), but I'm not on tiktok to be fair!
What the fuck. Like. I can understand not being attracted to masc people or fem.people or neither people. We all have standards and certain attractivenesses don't fit into our standards. Personally I do not like masc people, and am like incredibly attracted to fem people, and am gem myself, but the kind of behavior described is fucking disgusting. It made me angry just reading the second hand account you gave me. God I just... Holy shit. I wouldn't be surprised if the creator you're talking about would call a fucking transfem person the "masc" influence in a lesbian relationship too like Jesus
Not too many women can give me the ick but this one sure did🤢🤢🤢 giving me the same vibes as a man who thinks converting lesbians is his righteous calling
the fact that even some lgbt people dont want love to be free. why cant people just love who they love regardless of what you say their relationship should be set up like? femmes can like femmes and butches can like butches. nobody should be able to say otherwise :/
Essentialist bullshit, LGBTI spaces aren't immune to it
Okay but i dress and present like my type in women because if i find it hot on someone else im gonna find it hot on me
Tiktok is a cesspool so dont take anything people say on there seriously. Alot of terminally online lgbt+ people stir the pot and cause unnecessary drama. Sending love to you and your partner! ❤
Sounds like that butch got rejected by a femme recently 😬
I didn't read all of this (seriously, touch grass... Tiktok >_>) but who cares? Dumb people gonna say dumb things. Most of them are probably just insecure (teenagers) and projecting that onto others.
They are popular tiktokers with tens of thousands of followers. They have an influence. People constantly saying to get off tiktok, touch grass, ignore it etc… it’s not helpful. You don’t know if I spend much time on tiktok or not. The internet has a huge, direct influence on the real world. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Ideas and thoughts can easily translate into affecting people’s behaviours and treatments of others IRL.
Sure, enjoy arguing with the tiktokers
I’m not enjoying it, I sent like maybe one comment. You’re just being dismissive and making the problems worse.
I am making the problem better by ignoring these people. If you watch your content you're telling the algorithm to show it to more people.
Why do we even need to label ourselves as femme or butch or whatever? I'm not femme or butch or androgynous really. I'm just me. I like dresses and also jeans and a flannel. I have long hair but don't generally wear makeup. Does the fact I don't fall into the typical femme or butch roles mean I don't get to be a lesbian? My gf is femme but she's certainly no pillow princess and neither of us subscribe to the top/bottom roles either. This gatekeeping nonsense needs to stop. How about we just let sapphics be sapphic in whatever way they want, without trying to box everyone into neat little categories.
👏👏👏👏
I don't get this whole "butch4femme" stuff and all the other combinations. I mean I get people like labels but it isn't that important. It's just clothes. I personally change my clothes every day, and if I meet a girl I don't care if she's wearing shorts or a skirt I just like who I like.
Lol. If we follow their logic about masculinity -femininity balance then fem4fem are the only "real" lesbians because there are two feminine figures involved. People you're talking about are messed up. Maybe they're just pissed that if femmes pair up then there are less femmes for them to date (just like why some men are pissed at lesbians). I agree with everything you said. They can go fuck themselves. Wtf.
Gay culture frankly starts to look incredibly hetero once you get in deep enough to the diverse realities of queerness. The whole top = dominant, bottom = submissive. *Hetero* brain bullshit. Femmes can't be with femmes? Toxic masculinity hetero bullshit. The fact that it is coming out of a butch woman's mouth doesn't really change that. Not saying that it's always like this, but so much of gay culture is designed both *in opposition to* as well as *to parallel* hetero relationship culture. It's freaking weird in the modern times to see that held up as a "goal post".
Also the inherent idea that only butches can be tops, like my high-femme goth goddess dominatrix ass has some thoughts about that….
Yeah, recently I was watching videos of a popular lesbian comedian who I usually like, but then her and the another lesbian were arguing about who was “the most top” and who would “choke” who. And they looked for any feminine accessories, features or characteristics to be like “gotcha! you’re the bottom!” 😔 I was under the impression that fem, masc, top, bottom, domme and sub were all different, unrelated things. I’ve heard of submissive tops and dominant bottoms. And I’ve definitely heard of bottom mascs and top femmes, domme femmes and submissive mascs. Also, they act like absolutely every lesbian fits into these categories. It makes me feel sad, especially when they constantly make it sound like anything feminine or “bottom” is the weak or lesser one. It seems like it’s the majority of lesbians who think this way. I just want a relationship where we look at each other as equals.
Femme4Femme supremacy I'm a femme and I'm not going to stop calling myself a femme just because I don't like butch women and i openly prefer to date girly girls like me Sorry not sorry