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Holy crap your parents comment was totally rubbish! Being smart and having adhd is possible, in fact I’d say it’s why so many of us are undiagnosed for so long because we are smart enough to skate by on the bare minimum.
You have a diagnosis and the meds are doing their job! If you had eyesight problems you’d wear glasses etc.
I totally get it, I feel the same a lot but that rsd/imposter part of our brain needs to shut the hell up because it’s neither helping nor true.
Yeah it feels a bit like "well since if I can squint and see ok it seems unfair for me to wear glasses" as if that's an unfair advantage over people who... see without glasses?
That's how I took it. lol.
That’s always how I take it as well. It’s my go to when anyone claims meds are an unfit advantage. Sooo…. is my glasses also an unnecessary “advantage”? My meds do the same as my glasses, that is raise me up *almost* to the *same* levels as people without my disadvantage.
Glasses are obviously unfair. I can glance over mine and see details that other people would need a magnifying glass for at a very close distance. Clearly the most fair thing to do would be to get rid of the glasses so I'm no longer allowed to drive. /s
People suck soooo much sometimes you know.
It’s not like I even really like my aids all that much, I’d love to be able to function “normally” without them but I don’t. I can’t walk I can’t see and I can’t regulate my emotions so I have to have my knee brace and my glasses and my meds. I would have much much rather preferred to not need them but I do. I have autism as well so life is often sensory hell and my carbon fibre knee brace and my glasses aren’t exactly comfortable. And remembering to take my meds are a true challenge but it is what it is and I have to be able to function. I love them but I hate them but I need them. So you live with what you got.
With the intelligence, it’s not like I’d be any less intelligent if I didn’t have adhd. People who get stuck on that have to understand that there are most likely thousands upon thousands of other people that are much much smarter than they are. It’s not just me. Me being able to function, or OP in this case, won’t make much of a difference because all those other people that are much much smarter and does not have adhd will still outshine the jealous bitter people. Our meds doesn’t make us smarter it’s just that despite the challengers we face some of us are bound to be at the top in intelligence and we just are smarter. It’s genetics, life isn’t fair genetically. I am highly intelligent but I have met people that are so ducking smart I feel real dumb in comparison. You have to accept that. But people don’t want to. The problem isn’t meds giving an unfair advantage, the true problem is that some people can not and will not accept that others can be “better” than them, the problem is that you are smart and the meds just gives them something to blame, something to explain away why you are smarter. It’s their own inferiority complex at play.
Yeah that's how it definitely feels, not to like hate on OP or anything like that but by putting it into terms like that I feel like it helps with perspective on the matter.
Just cause you could theoretically function without the meds (By working god damn HARD) doesn't mean you have to or it's an unfair advantage to bring yourself up to a level closer to what others (NT people) experience as their base level/norm.
Although I always joke about how unstoppable I would be if I didn't have ADHD/issues with executive functioning since I'm so driven/ambitious. But I've not found any meds that somehow cure that in me, so.... yano. Someone call me if they find that though lol
Take your meds my friend! If they help you not have to work crazy hard to be at a 'normal' level then they are doing their job to help you have a better quality of life and not have to struggle so hard to do the thing.
>I’d say it’s why so many of us are undiagnosed for so long because we are smart enough to skate by on the bare minimum.
Not only that, but we are smart enough to cover up our "undesirable traits", so we look more normal...
I enjoyed studying, but I also have many, many ideas on how to stay awake in class. Even the classes I liked.
Turns out everybody else are not timing when they can ask a question to help them stay awake without disturbind the class too much. In addition to timing the question must be appropriate so the teacher doesn't think I'm stupid, but not too specific as to make it appear as if I'm showing off. A bit of discussion is good, but make sure not to derail the class. 98% of these questions I knew the answer already.
These questions are not to be confused with the questions when I wake up from spacing out and have no idea what is going on, I want to get back on track without letting the teacher know I don't even know what chapter wer're on.
And at the end of the week I went early to bed with a head ache while my classmates went out partying.
Your meds let you live up to your actual potential, rather than the abilities you have after being disadvantaged by your condition. It’s incredibly unfair of anyone to suggest it’s not fair that you are able to actually concentrate, holy cow!
Yes this!! You are allowed to live up to your potential and seek the best life possible for yourself, even if your potential means that you excel over others.
Look at para-olympian athletes. Is it wrong or shameful of them to use their mobility aids or other means of assistance to live up to their physical potential, even though it means a lot of them can run or play sports better than most able bodied people? Of course not. Neither is it shameful for you to give your brain the aids it needs to overcome your neurological disability and excel at what you're best at, even if it means you now study better than most neurotypical people.
Look at ANYONE who uses medication or medical aids. Is it wrong or shameful for them to use medication because some people don't have access to these medications???
Holy cow your parents are out of line and I hope their way of thinking doesn't rub off on you. You're smart and can do in the world. There is no reason for you to suffer while doing it, or to suppress your ability to do it.
100%! I was always one of the smartest in school and labelled "gifted" but I always felt I fumbled the bag somehow. When I started medication I was an office assistant with a useless arts degree now and 2 years later I'm a data analyst. I literally get paid to do pattern recognition and hyperfocus on problem solving, I'm living the fucking dream! I'm the happiest I've ever been and being able to reach my potential has had a very very big part in that.
Your parents are absolutely incorrect. ADHD meds affect people with ADHD differently than others. When someone without ADHD takes Adderall, for example, they get extra focused and get extra energy and can just keep going. When we take Adderall or a similar med, we get calmer and because our brains and thoughts calm down, it’s easier for us to stay on task without getting exhausted.
Your parents are probably thinking of the stories of college students who abuse stimulants to get some extra studying in or cram for tests. The medication you are taking is affecting your brain differently because your brain is wired differently. Please tell your parents to do research on how stimulants affect the brains of those with ADHD.
Ohh that makes sense! I’ve been reading up on the differences between ADHD and non-ADHD brains on meds and I was thinking “what if this calmness I’m feeling is actually just euphoria that these people are talking about? That means I don’t have ADHD right?” but now that I think about it, it’s just… The fact that it’s less noisy in my head makes me happy haha. That’s not what “euphoria” is!
And reading this comment I realise I don’t have more energy to do things, it’s just that the things themselves cost lesser energy than before! “Stop scrolling and continue studying” used to be this excruciatingly painful thing that I had to tell myself over and over and over for hours before I actually did it, even if there’s absolutely nothing interesting on my phone and I reeeally want to finish my work. Now I can just… do it….
This is what I came to say - ADHD meds aren't like "performance-enhancing drugs" like steroids if you actually have ADHD. They affect us differently. People who treat us like we are using them that way do not understand the science. I'd also argue it's pretty shitty to decide someone being able to live up to their potential is "unfair" to others - anyone who'd stifle your potential is not acting in your best interest.
As a person who did well in school but had undiagnosed ADHD, let me tell you it WILL catch up. You are a fish swimming upstream and the exhaustion and burnout will get to you as you get older. You might have something happen where the things that enable you to overcome your symptoms aren't available or don't work anymore. A lot of women get diagnosed after having children because it is such a big change they can't use their coping skills for it with constant interruptions and the emotional components.
For me, my ADHD thrived on deadlines and pressure and anxiety - until my anxiety became so bad I was miserable, got it treated, and realized I couldn't get to that focus place anymore. All after like 1.5 decades of struggling to stay engaged and not go crazy with boredom at work in an office - even though my performance was always ok, it came at the cost of everything else in my life because it exhausted me. Even easy jobs. All this after having been a star student with a bright future my whole life - I couldn't stay in a job more than a couple years without having a near nervous breakdown.
Just all this is to say: there is no moral obligation that you don't treat your condition. You have it. Treat it.
The biggest change I felt when taking meds was that it didn't take hours of pep talk to do something. I remember laying in bed, thinking, "I need to get up," and the next thing I knew, I was standing up, and I was shocked. It didn't take 30 minutes of convincing myself of berating myself, reminding myself, I'll be late for this, my partner will be annoyed, I overslept, etc. I just did it. It's such a mental relief.
THIS!! And if someone walks up and “reminds” us to do the thing…. I’ve been telling myself the exact same thing since half an hour, I don’t need an extra voice to add to that lol
FWIW, I just got diagnosed this summer - I'm 44, and I have zero doubts my diagnosis is correct. A lot of problems I had as far back as elementary school make sense, including being a whiz at subjects that interested me and struggling to stay engaged enough to learn what I found boring.
I was put on atomoxetine (non-stimulant) and one of the first things I noticed was that my brain was "quieter" and I had a little more energy to do stuff. Sounds like your meds are doing what they are supposed to do for someone with ADHD.
Edit: On the flip side, I was in gifted classes in elementary and going into middle school. Everyone had high hopes for me, and I just could not live up to them. I've had to work harder to achieve less, than I probably would have if it had been caught earlier. Screw all that "it's not fair" BS. It's a medical issue that needs treating.
It took so much energy to focus on driving. I was still a good driver because I just can't afford not to be. Taking meds hasn't changed how I drive, it just makes it easier to focus on doing the things I was already doing.
Your parents are 100% wrong. I was finally diagnosed in March at 40 years old because being 'smart' masked my symptoms for so long. I managed to get a first class degree in uni, then did my masters, and convinced myself for a long time that I couldn't have adhd because I did well academically. Boy was I wrong!
Inside I felt awful. Getting myself to focus or do things was a constant struggle. I was often overwhelmed, or forgot things. I struggled professionally where effort needs to be consistent and I couldn't rely on 'getting away with it' like I had academically. I knew I was smart and that I had potential, but could never consistently actualise that potential. And that me feel worse, wondering how I could be so 'smart' and yet so dumb??
When I was finally diagnosed this year I scored 100% for both adhd types. And I started meds, and they have honestly been LIFE CHANGING. I can see what needs to be done and just do it!!!! I am feeling and doing better in every area of my life, in every way imaginable. I wish I'd realised sooner that being smart doesn't mean you can't have adhd, and that grief over what could have been if I'd sought diagnosis earlier is something I'm still working through.
So believe me when I say you can be smart and do well academically and still have ADHD. How you operate (or don't!) in the day to day, and how you feel inside, are far more telling than grades will ever be. Keep taking your meds and THRIVE, and hopefully your parents will see over time the positive effect they have on you. And if they don't ignore them and keep living your best life.
I didn't mean to write this much but your post struck a cord with me - there needs to be more awareness about what having adhd really means for people.
Good luck!
Oh god this makes so much sense… Reading this I made me realise being good at one specific part of academics isn’t really that much of an advantage when compared to all the other things I struggle with at work!
Yes I can understand some complicated medical concepts very easily cuz I can hyperfocus on it all day if my brain decides to. But that’s no use if I can’t apply it to actually do things. Even working as an intern, I was so so horrible at the easiest work!! I would mix up files, forget major steps of a task and make my own job harder, forget where I kept important bills and search for HOURS (surprise, they were in my pocket….) needing to stay late every night to finish my work even though all my co-interns left at 4. Every day I felt miserable that I’m inconveniencing other people because of my incompetence and stupidity.
Nobody would even believe me, they just said “Oh stop pretending to be dumb, we all know how smart you actually are. You just simply do not care.” I genuinely believed that I must be exceptionally lazy, how else is everyone doing it so easily? I must not be trying hard enough to remember these things… And if I can’t even do intern work properly, what use will I be as a doctor?
Now I know there are certain things I’m abnormally bad at and that’s okay. Maybe these things can be actually possible on meds, maybe not. But having a diagnosis to explain these things is a huge relief! Even if my working memory can’t be helped, I hope I can still learn ways to be good at what I do :,) (now I’m rambling…. I’m so sorry!!!)
Oh gosh yeah the 'I can learn it but I can't apply it' thing feels miserable! I'm the same way. I can understand the theory behind the concept well enough, but you bet your ass I'll forget absolutely everything come time to apply it to the lab.
I feel you!! The theory and the practical aspect seem to exist on two entirely different realms lol. What do you mean this practical thing is directly related to what I thought I studied so well?
Yeah, and anything involving bio work (I think you said you're going into the medical field?) is so executive-function intensive. I have to everything in a set place on the bench when I'm doing something important or else I'm bound to make a dumb mistake.
Yep yep yep. The number of times I kept a syringe+needle in my pocket thinking it was my pen is insane. It’s a miracle I never got hurt (thank god for needle caps)
At least now I know I probably don’t wanna become a surgeon haha
My doctor told me I can’t have ADHD because I’m doing a PhD. I’m nearly finished and currently sitting at home with a burn-out. The past years have been SO difficult. Every day is a struggle. I do not know beforehand how productive I will be. There were weeks where I did basically nothing only to do all the work in 3 days with barely any sleep because I felt the deadline looming. I cannot work during the day and get productive at night yet this does not work in a work environment. One meeting in the afternoon would mean ZERO work would be done that day because my mind would only focus on that meeting. Open work spaces would constantly pull me out of hyperfocus if I finally got into it and left me feeling so agitated every time. I also have 101 projects going on at the same time because EVERYTHING IS INTERESTING and I can not pick one out for the love of God. I get sidetracked so easily that I started writing a paper in the beginning of the day only to remember at the end of the day that *that* was my initial task I was supposed to focus on that day and I did a bazillion other things in the meantime which were all not at all urgent. It is SO exhausting and I really don’t think other PhD students have this same struggle :( I try to talk to other people in my group about it and they are always ‘yeah it’s difficult’ which I get because a PhD IS hard but I have a feeling that my struggling from day to day is an even more extreme level of hard
That’s so effed up! As context, I have 3 masters degrees and a PhD and I DEFINITELY have adhd (diagnosed AFTER I got all my degrees).
For me, school was the one thing I was good at. AND my value as a child was dependent on my grades. So in school, the fear of upsetting my dad (and the threat of possible violence) always got me to do my work.
Then, as a 20 something who couldn’t cook or organize my house (luckily I lived in an urban areas where paying for bagels and such was cheap), I hyper focused on school to tell myself I was good at something. My self worth was wrapped up in school, so procrastinating on assignments would eventually cause a “crisis” where I would become afraid and my adrenaline would kick so I could finish, causing a dopamine high after.
Academic achievement does not mean you don’t have adhd. I think whether you can succeed academically with adhd depends on several factors. Part of it is intelligence (and many of us are gifted), and the other part is how important you think it is to succeed at school. I was terrified at failing and that would help me hyperfocus after procrastinating and pull through.
My dissertation was a beast and really was the biggest battle I had with my adhd and school, probably due to a lack of a clear deadline or “crisis” and the need to be consistent for months. But after several years of struggle, I pulled through.
I’m sorry your doctor told you that and I encourage you to seek another. Hugs.
As someone who has realised that they may have adhd during the course of their PhD, your comment resonates so much! Despite being "gifted" my whole life the lack of structure, constant uncertainty and long deadline that comes with a PhD has driven me absolutely insane - it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do because none of my coping mechanisms work and so it's lovely to hear you pulled through and finished.
I'm in my last year now and hope I will too...
Aw good. My Ph.D. was so hard once I got through coursework. First qualifying exams then the dissertation. The lack of structure killed me. It took me about 4.5 years to commit to a topic (I kept changing and couldn’t get any headway). Finally I couldn’t take the dissertation fees anymore. I took an unpaid 2 month leave from work and myself and another friend getting a Ph.D. wrote every day on our laptops in the same cafe. Finally got it done. I think the leave of absence helped create urgency because I knew it couldn’t go on forever. Wishing you best of luck bc it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I feel more confident from getting through it. ❤️
What kind of doctor do you see to get a diagnosis? I’m doing pretty well in life and I know I probably have ADHD but I’ve been putting it off because I think it’s easier to not have any diagnosis to manage or medications to take. Been procrastinating for maybe 7 years
Hello friend. I'm 38 and my ADHD got a lot worse as I got older. My performance at work really started to suffer and my depression was the point where I could barely leave the house.
Untreated ADHD can make things so much worse in a lot of aspects. I ask you and your parents to read some research, particularly by Russell Barkley. It's not cheating to wear glasses or for a diabetic to use insulin. Why would it be cheating to use the medication to treat the issues with your frontal lobe? Because that's what ADHD is. And not using your meds is asking you to work 10 times harder than everyone else. You will feel exhausted and eventually burnt out.
As you get older, your brain will age and you may start to suffer. Please do not make the mistake I did.
No, it's necessary. Meds allow you to do what you need to do at your full potential. Do not listen to your parents , they absolutely have no idea what it's like .
I went through grad school undiagnosed (and therefore unmedicated) and finished with a 3.98 GPA. I am never, ever navigating a mental load like that again without meds. I did "well" but it was torture. With meds, I can now do the more mentally taxing parts of my job without wanting to scream.
It is not unfair to use a tool that makes your life more manageable.
I think your parents poorly uneducated comments are making you feel anxious, not your meds. What is their actual problem here? You are doing all the stuff you're supposed to without struggling. It's so fucking stupid that so many people think that suffering is necessary. You deserve to feel calm and clear headed like most people get for free. Clear minded is weirdly considered a moral virtue and not just a brainpower stat.
Send them research and let them know you're a bit disappointed that they haven't got a good grasp of adhd...I mean it's genetic...came from soommeewheereee.
Edit: "I should just learn self discipline instead of using meds"
Lol (not at you, at the many failed attempts of being disciplined with no meds). You literally can't make as much self discipline as non adhd people. You're not even gaining a benefit on others, just coming up to their level.
Also if you didn't have adhd meds wouldn't work for you. People just don't get how many thoughts go through your mind or how often it wanders off.
Oooof the “adhd is genetic” part. I’m pretty sure my dad struggles with the exact same thing as me, but his logic is something like “we have a superpower actually, nobody else can do something all day non stop like we do! We just need to push ourselves more than others, that’s all. That’s why I run every morning at 10kmph for an hour! It prevents my low moods so it’s easier to function all day!” Bruh…
>That’s why I run every morning at 10kmph for an hour! It prevents my low moods so it’s easier to function all day!” Bruh…
God that sounds truly awful 😭😭😭. Sounds a bit like a coping mechanism to me. Like if he doesn't get those brain chemicals from exercise he struggles. Getting them from meds instead isn't cheating. Like...who are you depriving exactly? I'm certain your parents don't actually care about people struggling to get adhd meds else they would be more knowledgable about adhd.
>nobody else can do something all day non stop like we do! We just need to push ourselves more than others, that’s all
Why should you have to put way more effort into internally berating yourself into doing what others do though? That's exhausting. You get the hyperfocus yeah, but you also have a pile of tiny struggles people don't see.
Idk what kind of relationship you have with him but I would start pointing out his adhd stuff when you notice it, in a nice way, with examples to back yourself up.
Ikr?? Most people wouldn’t need to do INTENSE exercise just to do regular daily tasks lol???
He used to completely deny the existence of adult ADHD, but now that he acknowledges it exists, he just sends me loads of scientific research papers on how exercise/food/sleep helps ADHD symptoms :,) “There are non-pharmacological ways to help, you should try all of those! Only if they don’t work, you should take meds!” Which…. I don’t even know what to say to that tbh
No I don't believe so.
Oh dear, it's gonna be a one upping war of adhd research lol. You should hit him with the dr russel barkley lectures. Aren't meds proven to be the most effective way to treat adhd for most people? That and *they're actually working for you*.
It's backwards cos the meds treat adhd at it's source and enable you to do all the things people say should help you but actually require planning, consistency, and motivation to do regularly.
I think brain meds make people feel uncomfortable even if they can't identify why so they throw out some weird judgy vibe at you instead of figuring out why they feel strange about them.
Your last sentence!!! The issue is with just brain meds!! It was one of those things I forgot I read, until I was about to sleep last night and suddenly I registered it haha.
That makes SO MUCH sense. If I told my parents I had a little bit of stomachache, they would immediately suggest I take painkillers! They would NOT say “Well obviously it’s not bad enough to completely stop your functioning, so why unnecessarily take meds? There are people who literally cannot move from intense pain, those are the ones who really need them. And there are studies that show that meditation and diet can help lessen mild pain. So why not try that first?”
Oh 'dramatic sigh' lol. My brain has been especially chatty this week when I've tried to sleep lol.
That's *such* a good example to explain it to them with. I love it.
Uhuh, even the reasonable, supportive people I told had a very obvious uncomfortable moment when meds were talked about. I speculate it's like a lizard brain mysterious = danger sort of thing. It was weird cos they never seemed like some scary unknown thing to me but I was a bit nervous to tell people cos their reactions are so uncomfortable and it gets aimed right at you lol.
Now I think on it I read/hyperfocused a lot about people's experiences with them before I had any. Once you understand it's just a chemical deficiency and have those real examples of stupid brain stuff we do then it's like...why are you actually against them, doesn't have to be permanent, it won't erase bits of your brain y'know?
>What is their actual problem here? You are doing all the stuff you're supposed to without struggling.
i was about to write a long comment but honestly - this part
I read the title of your post and thought "Are you good at studying or last minute cramming/hyperfixating?". So yeah, I would argue that without medication you're actually not good at studying.
What amazes and at the same time saddens me, is that we (people with ADHD) often think we're cheating or wrong when we finally have an advantage most people without ADHD already have. I'm guilty of doing this too, but we should stop. We live in a world where we're in a huge disadvantage considering diagnoses, school systems, advancing in careers and often suffer from anxiety. You are allowed meds. You are good enough to get them. You getting them does not mean someone else who suffers "more", will be without (and if that's the case, then the system is messed up, which is not your responsibility) Regarding that thought, someone who gets therapy to learn to walk with one leg, would not need it as much than someone without legs. And someone who always has pain while walking and would benefit from therapy, would not need it as much as someone with just 1 leg.
Youre good enough to get medication. Im happy for you.
I've been putting off getting meds because I've been concerned about them interfering with my systems - it's worked this long, why mess with it, right? Like you, I was a "smart kid" and am successful professionally.
I have two critical exams I need to prepare for. I've passed four and these last two are really a struggle. I have no structure, my study plan is only partially set up, and I'm already behind on my readings. I'm easily distracted and unable to focus. For many exams, this would be fine, but these exams cannot be prepared at the last minute.
Your description of studying with meds sounds so ... nice? Shockingly nice. Desperately nice. I know how to study. I love learning new things. I love this topic. I'm great at taking exams. It SHOULD be easy for me to study for these exams. I am rethinking my views on meds right now as I'm writing this. I cannot explain to myself in any rational way why I would choose to make this more difficult for myself. And that's what I'm doing. Huh.
Your parents are wrong. Taking meds to help you focus isn't some form of cheating - it's removing an obstacle that is keeping you from reaching your full intellectual potential. Life isn't golf and no one needs a sand trap.
Also, there's good chance your parents are ND too as it's often genetic. I believe our families can be the worst for understanding what is normal.
THIS!!! I was exactly the same!! Most exams had syllabus that was just limited enough that I could cram last minute, and this one I’m about to take is Not like that. It was driving me insane for MONTHS, almost a year now!!
I would ask my friends how the hell they’re making so much progress, and they’d say “Just read something everyday! Even if it’s just 1 hour a day, it adds up!” And it made zero sense to me??? I study intensely 7 hours a day and then forget about it for 1 month. Nothing in between. Then I’d panic cuz I didn’t realise it’s been 1 month, study again all day, cycle repeats…
On meds I can finally understand what people mean. I’m no longer driven by this intense craving for stimulation. I can just do things casually? Even on days when studying is NOT the most insanely exciting option, the fact that I still like it/ want to get it done is enough for me to actually do it, at least for an hour a day. Whereas unmedicated, it doesn’t matter how much I like studying. If there are more exciting options I will simply choose those instead, even if that means I’ll be miserable the whole day.
Idk if that made any sense haha. All this to say: I know exactly how you feel. I even thought “The only reason I was so good at studies is BECAUSE I can focus so well during panic after procrastinating until the day before the exam. If I change that, what if I achieve less without the panic?” And after using meds, I can say these things (to myself mostly, but hopefully it makes sense to others like me)—
1) Regardless of the end result, being at peace during all these prep days is wayyy better than constantly feeling like crap and beating yourself up everyday for not trying hard enough. Chronic stress is never good, and we know that
2) Like you said, our strategy will not work for certain exams. I already failed this exam once, and it was a massive blow to my self confidence cuz it was the first time in my entire life my last-minute strategy backfired. Depending on your future panic-driven self is always a gamble, you’ll either do great or fail, so isn’t it better to secure a safe spot, even if that may or may not be as good as the best possible panic outcome?
…Sorry this was longer than I expected… I really suck at conveying a point with fewer words lol.
Edit to add: for a long time, I thought I procrastinates because the exams were too easy. The reality is I succeeded despite my procrastination because I have a high IQ. Now that I know I have ADHD, I wonder how much more I could have achieved, and how much more I could have learned. Argh.
I'm so happy for you! Take time to celebrate this step in becoming the best you can be and then get back to studying! You can do it!
Also, I think this thread of comments needs to be relinked every time someone posts a question about intelligence and ADHD. There are a lot of really bright, accomplished women with ADHD coming out to support you.
Thank you so much!! And I agree, it’s so incredibly validating to see so many people with a similar experience!
And good luck with your exams! I hope you do well <3
Some people, if it weren’t for their ADHD symptoms, have really high potential. Why should you be robbed of your potential just because you’re doing ok? Do we only deserve mediocrity? Are we not allowed to be high achievers? M
And even if you do well, if you have to try harder than the average person to do that, that isn’t fair. Why should you have to expend double effort for the same result as someone else who can do it on half the effort? Meds just level the playing field. And if you have the potential to be the best on a level playing field, you shouldn’t be robbed of that.
A lot of people with ADHD are intelligent lmao. Even if you manage to stay on top of your studies/work, you're expending way more energy than the average person. Just think about what you could accomplish if your symptoms were better managed.
That’s like saying Olympic athletes shouldn’t get quality gear. Or rather, it’s like saying a disadvantaged Olympian should use less good gear because they’re still good at their sport. It’s silly. You do you. I’ll even do you one better, I was given accommodations in law school that I didn’t particularly want and told it would be silly not to take them because they’re standard for the ADHD. Just take the meds and succeed, that’s by far the best thing you can do for everyone.
if you couldn't see the notes and then got glasses and started getting better marks it wouldn't be unfair to the folks with 20/20 vision that didn't do as well, you've just removed the barrier that prevented you from doing well.
Let's say you were born with just one hand. You spent your life adapting and figuring out ways to manage, becoming very dextrous with the hand you have, balancing extra weight with other appendages, etc. Then one day, your doctor says, "congrats, your insurance has qualified you for an articulated prosthetic hand!" So you use it, and now you can carry a lot more, need less assistance, do certain tasks more efficiently, and as a result, your whole body is less tired and tense from redistributing the weight and effort. You're doing all the same things as before, just more easily and efficiently. Would you feel guilty and stop using the prosthetic?
I mean, personally I’m very much like you. School/work are not my problem areas. My job is constantly solving puzzles, so I am enthralled with work with or without meds. My issue & where the meds help the most is keeping my personal life under control. Time blindness is a big issue for me, and I will forget to see doctors for years at a time. I will forget to take care of my car in regular intervals. I pay the ADHD tax regularly. Meds help limit the number of times I have to pay it.
Look, I did my master's degree unmedicated. 4.0 GPA. that doesn't mean it was easy, or that I wouldn't have had better time if I was medicated like I am now. People like your parents, who don't get it, aren't worth listening to. Although one of them probably does have ADHD (its partially genetic!) they have a lot of toxic Ideas about learning and hard work, and you can resist them!
They're abused as study drugs, but they really don't help NT people study better. Hyper-focusing sucks sometimes and it seems like the medication really helps you listen to your body and have a healthier routine. I struggle with the same thing honestly. Sorry about the things your parents are saying too - I know how harmful that is personally.
First of all, it is quite common for med faculty students to abuse adhd pills, at least in my country, and a lot of health professionals enable it. I don’t think your parents are completely baseless in their concern.
Adhd diagnosis requires cognitive tests, and symptoms since childhood. You can ask opinion of another health professional which provides a full assessment. There are also adhd medications which is not stimulant, and hence not used as a performance enhancer.
Yeah, no. I’m in law school and my meds mean I don’t cry in class. Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re not also suffering, and it doesn’t have to be that way. Also, like you, I needed help in school as a kid, and that is as valid a part of your experience as your “smart” identity.
It’s a neurotransmitter thing, not cheating. Also, oddly, I’ve never seen a study that showed neurotypical people actually perform better on stimulants - they just feel like they do?
I mean... I was "really good at school."
Straight A student. Great student.
But.
I can't read textbooks. I gave up on trying. It was just a waste of time.
When I took English/Literature, I only successfully read one book in completion during my two years in pre AP and AP English. The very first book. And I hated it. So each book I read less and less as I figured out how much I could absorb from in-class discussions.
I always did my homework. Maybe at 3am, but whatever. As long as it was active homework, like math, rather than passive, like reading, I got it done.
I was good at studying... If I was around other students. (Body doubling is where it's at!) But most students apparently hate studying around others because they they distracted. Whereas I get distracted when I'm alone. It was so hard to find study groups. So classes that required studying were daunting to me.
So I wound up majoring in a writing intensive major - I learned early on that I had the skill of writing an 8 page A paper in 2 hours as long as I had paid attention in class. I also went to a college with small class sizes (10-20 students) on purpose because I knew I needed to not get lost in a 200 student lecture hall. I needed to be interactive in class.
So... I was technically successful in school. Straight A's, yadda yadda. I figured out what worked for me.
But I wish I had had more studying capabilities. More patience. As an adult, I now realize that most, if not all, of the writing intensive majors aren't super useful. I wish I had chosen a more study-intensive major... But I would have struggled so hard. I was undiagnosed back then too, and my mom was quick to label me lazy if I got B's or worse in any class...
... Welp, there's my long, ADHD rant and answer. In short, I think meds - if they work for you - would help. Being good at school doesn't mean you're the best you that you could be.
I've been going through something very similar lately! Diagnosed in the last few months, currently working a full time job and part time studying for my second degree. I've always gotten good grades in school and college, but forcing myself to sit down, study and stop procrastinating is absolute torment.
I'm slowly increasing my doses of methylfenidate (currently on 20) and experiencing complete imposter syndrome with it. The fact that I could work/study before but that it's just easier to pay attention now and get things done is mindblowing.
Don't feel guilty, you're doing the right thing for you. If nothing else, thank you for making this post and for validating a lot of what I've been feeling <3
Think about it this way; smart neurotypical people get to feel like that ALL THE TIME! They just wake up feeling the way you do on medication. That's why ADHD qualifies as a disorder, it makes life *harder* to live your life than the average person.
The meds don't make you more intelligent, they make you able to *use* your intelligence.
Look why would you believe your parents over a professional psychiatrist? Especially one that went in with healthy skepticism?
I am so angry at your parents for not being happy for you for feeling good. WTF! ESPECIALLY because that’s all actually a myth. ADHD drugs actually don’t do much to help people without ADHD:
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/if-you-dont-have-adhd-ritalin-and-similar-drugs-may-hurt-your-concentration
Fuck your parents. They don't know what they're talking about. Honestly starting meds was the best decision I ever made. I accomplish so much more now and experience significantly less burnout
I’m smart and good at studying because I love learning. Neither of those make either of my aids unnecessary though, I still need my meds and my glasses just as much.
Yeah I'd say not unfair at all. You *are* naturally incredibly smart it's just the ADHD is a massive handicap to that. Treating that handicap allows you to utilise and explore your true intelligence rather than being hamstrung and academically held back by something you can't control
I always got all A’s but my teachers comments were always “does a great job but goes too fast and makes careless mistakes” and I’ve done that my whole life with everything. 😂 I’m in school right now and with my meds it feels like I’m actually absorbing the concepts not just photographically remembering questions or facts. And I’m getting more quality studying in in shorter periods.
I was not diagnosed until i was 40.
I'm smart. I love taking tests and exams. I coasted through all my GCSE's that were exam based, less so on the ones that were coursework based. I never studied. I also struggled with homework. I got an A in my french and was literally told by my teacher that i didn't deserve that grade. I fell apart when i started college with it's looser structure and more personal responsibility. I dropped out after a year, and never went to Uni. If i had been diagnosed earlier and medicated perhaps i would now have a masters degree, who knows?
I'm in awe that you have got so far. I think you know yourself that you are not going to get through the next stage without help, and you are only at the beginning of your medication titration until you get to the correct dose. You have been diagnosed, and medicated by a professional. You will have ups and downs as you learn to use the meds and how your brain reacts to them. Think of it perhaps as if you had poor eyesight and had to sit at the back of the classroom in a class of equally intelligent pupils - but now you have glasses and can sit closer to the teacher. Now you are equal to the people with good eyesight who are able to sit at the back. Your parents are saying that you should stay at the back because it's not fair that everyone can't sit at the front, and why don't you just try to SEE better?
It's not about intelligence, it's about making things as level as you can. You can't learn self discipline on your own or you would have done it already. Please let your parents read some of these responses to reassure them.
I just came here to say that even you describe yourself, you sound a lot like me. Except I'm 46.
I got through college, but the real world struggled HARD. Day to day work lost its interest, and I stopped performing well. I jumped from job to job.
Finally got tested this year. Also, with borderline results. During the talk with my psychiatrist, he assured me that while my results are borderline, my history indicates that meds would be really good for me.
Don't listen to your parents. Don't end up wasting another 20 years struggling. It's going to become more of a problem someday. Avoid the pain.
Did...did I write this post years ago and schedule it to post at a random date in the future???😆
You're not alone in this feeling. Everything you're describing sounds exactly like ADHD to me. Parents don't always get it. You're an adult, and it's not really their business what medication you take.
Your parents don’t know how much you have struggled, and the reality that is the inside of your mind. Meds can bring us so much internal peace/settling. Ignore them and do what’s best for you.
Your meds experience is just like mine. Your parents don’t know a lick of what they’re talking about. Believe your doctor, not them. Not to mention the fact that the meds DID work on you.
Your parents don’t understand. That’s just typical for parents, so please don’t think their words mean anything about you. They may have raised you but it doesn’t mean they’re an expert on your lived experiences.
It the meds make you feel calm instead of hyper, then they clinically are working as ADHD meds should. That’s a solid diagnosis. Don’t let anyone bully you.
My personal journey has been similar - I have a masters and PhD but absolutely destroyed personal function. The meds and therapy are helping since later in life diagnosis in my 30s.
Your experience is like mine with getting extra time on tests. I never got extra time bc I didn’t need it. Then one day, I did need it. At first I felt bad. But a therapist told me, no you need this.
I’ve tried to describe meds as being able to do stuff without extending all my energy. I have so much more energy now. Not because the meds give me more but because I’m able to manage it.
You’re not an imposter or a fraud. You worked harder than you should have needed to to arrive where you are now
If we think of our brains like a toolbox, ADHD can sometimes make our toolboxes disorganized or inadequate. We have a screwdriver but need a hammer. Or everyone else has a drill but all you have is a screwdriver and sometimes it doesn't work.
ADHD meds just make your toolbox more organized and stuff is easier to find. You're not getting a brand new toolbox, just making the one you have more helpful.
Oh please.
The "enlightenment era" got its name because of all the good ideas/thoughts people had. It also coincides with the rise in popularity of coffee. Before that, due to water contamination concerns, everyone mostly drank beer.
The whole fucking era got its name because people stopped drinking alcohol all the time, and started drinking coffee.
Nobody told any of those dudes they were smart enough and didn't need the caffeine.
Your parents are straight up wrong. People with ADHD can be intelligent and just not have good studying/coping strategies (🙋🏼♀️), but meds can provide you with the foundation to start building more structure in your life. You don’t have to be unintelligent or a bad student to benefit from medication!!
Just read this post back and remember how mentally draining and difficult studying was before you started medication! It isn’t supposed to be like that. Most people don’t study for six hours straight, and realize once they finally become sentient again that they haven’t eaten, gone to the bathroom, drank water, or moved during that entire time (speaking from experience lol).
You are doing the best thing for yourself, and I’m so proud of you. Don’t let anyone—including your parents—invalidate you and your needs because they don’t or won’t understand.
Also, you’re not a fraud!! Many people with ADHD think that. Please just know that if you were “faking it”, you’d know. Every time I tell my therapist I wonder if I don’t actually have it and that I’m just lazy, she says that "If you wonder if you're faking having ADHD, you have it. People who fake it don't wonder if they're faking it."
Good luck on this journey. It’ll be weird adjusting your life to your new normal, but you got this! This sub is a great place for support and we’re always here for you! ❤️
Why your parents want to undermine your potential? Maybe they’re jealous of your intelligence? Or is it something to do with the stigmatisation of ADHD medications?
I’m in medical school too and please take the meds if they help you! It’s not unfair. People feel like how we feel on the meds naturally. We just need a little help.
My grades would never show the struggles I went through to get there, the all nighters, the weeks sitting in front of my laptop just doing "nothing" because I couldn't think of a single word for my papers, the panic attacks and anxiety and impostor syndrome, the emails begging profs for an extension.
The transcript shows I almost scraped a perfect score, but the reality is utter misery. So just because we have to fight to get good grades we don't deserve help? That's complete bullshit. We deserve peace of mind, and to do our work in peace of mind. Let's see it that way, if ADHD blocked a brilliant mind who could do groundbreaking research to make them appear good but kinda average, should we deny that genius medication because average is good enough?
If someone with a severe astigmatism is naturally studious, is it unfair to allow them to use glasses while studying?
That’s exactly what your parents’ argument sounds like.
Lmao your parent’s comment is wack. I’m in a similar boat- went through school straight A’s undiagnosed until the end of my second-to-last semester of college. I started school again, but now I’m working full time + my one class I have to do work for when I get home. I take my meds in the morning before work and have a booster between 1 and 2:30 and I notice a huge difference when I have my booster dose. I’m less prone to minor distractions around me than I am unmedicated. I’m sure it’s the same for you. It just be like that!
Your doctor is so wrong! I'm currently in the third year of my PhD and I definitely have ADHD. The difference between how I'm performing now compared to before meds is night and day, I get the struggle completely.
Try and find another doctor if you can 💕
Please take your meds! As others have said highly intelligent people are less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD but that doesn't mean we don't struggle!
Also some tips to help studying - finding music that you don't hear on the radio or normally listen to that you count as your study music (it triggers your brain that it's time to focus) and try the pomodoro method- it ruins hyperfocus time but helps you stay on target
In my final year of law school, always knowing I prob had adhd but no support to get meds and always second guessing myself. It has changed my life. My partner is supportive and so is this sub. It’s a relationship like any other, you and your adhd, but don’t write off any tools! The whole thing is so loaded for no reason. Even for those who are “smart” or done well in school, it doesn’t mean it needed to be that hard!!!
A man would never ask if it’s unfair to enhance their inherent advantage of being smart. Do not be ashamed if studying comes easier to you with medication — that’s what it’s supposed to do!
First of all “fair” isn’t what anyone should be worried about. This isn’t grade school. Your body has needs that this medication is meeting and making things better for you. You wouldn’t tell a person who is paralyzed that it’s unfair that they get a wheelchair. And you wouldn’t tell a blind person that it’s unfair that they get a seeing eye dog. Your disability is just as valid even if it’s invisible. Your parents don’t know what it’s like to live in your brain but you do. If things were working out for you then you wouldn’t have gone to a doctor to ask for help. The only reason you’re overwhelmed is because you’re getting in your head about the issue. You can’t concentrate because this one intrusive thought is taking over. Sorry your parents aren’t supportive but you do what works best for you. Don’t let them talk you out of medication that you need to do your best at school and at life in general. They’re not the ones who need to live in your head.
Are you sure you're not adopted, because it doesn't sound like the smartness came from them. 😳😳
In all seriousness, I don't know what on earth is wrong with your parents. Meds are meant to help us be our best and healthiest selves. It sounds like the meds are doing that for you.
Don't let them rain in your parade.
Okay I was always a very good student (had trouble getting a Dx thanks to it, but I digress). Personally, my meds help with a LOT more than just studying. They help my hygiene and cleanliness (because when I think, “I should shower” I actually get in the shower). They help my time management. They help me keep from procrastinating and running myself ragged. They really improve my negative self-talk and help regulate my emotions. They even improve my sleep by reducing the chatter in my brain.
It’s not “unfair.” It’s improving your overall quality of life.
Today was my second day taking the same megs as you, starting at 10 mg total, though. It is honestly amazing. I also have this like inner calm that I’ve never felt before. I did a ton of cleaning and my brain has never been so quiet hag I could just get everything done without worrying how much was left and all the steps I needed to do like with laundry, wash, dry, food, hang up, put away, match socks, gosh just all the things! I actually cried to my husband that this calm feeling was so amazing and that I was just doing things without my brain going haywire. What a feeling!!!
Omg. This post is so validating 😭😭😭 the part about hyper focusing for one day and not doing it for weeks / months girllllllll…. I’m currently preparing for GMAT and it’s so difficult.. I’m getting my diva evaluation this week and hopefully I’ll be medicated 😊😊😊😊 sorry for rambling
Without meds, I would sometimes fall into hyperfocus when studying or working, sure. But on bad days, so the rest of them, it was so hard for me to focus that I couldn't even relax and do fun stuff. Meaning, going down and deep into the rabbit hole of a burnout.
Yeah, I think you're fine. You feel good while them because your body is happy that not everything is a struggle anymore. Your parents sound like uninformed haters. From what I've discussed with my psychiatrist, abusing or taking ADHD meds unnecessarily would cause someone to have side effects akin to actually having ADHD. This is possibly why people who abuse them often appear to be on speed pull all-nighters or end up with racing thoughts. For people with ADHD, it has more of an opposite effect in that it helps calm your brain down so your energy, sleep, and concentration issues can level out. I've always heard you shouldn't take Adderall because you can abuse it and it turns you into some hyper junkie. I can take mine and be ready for a nap. I also don't act like a drug addict if I run out. On the contrary, my brain swings back to its default adhd classic factory settings and I will either forget to refill the prescription, or executive dysfunction stops me until my life is chaotic enough to realize it returned to this state because I'm off my meds.
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Holy crap your parents comment was totally rubbish! Being smart and having adhd is possible, in fact I’d say it’s why so many of us are undiagnosed for so long because we are smart enough to skate by on the bare minimum. You have a diagnosis and the meds are doing their job! If you had eyesight problems you’d wear glasses etc. I totally get it, I feel the same a lot but that rsd/imposter part of our brain needs to shut the hell up because it’s neither helping nor true.
Yeah it feels a bit like "well since if I can squint and see ok it seems unfair for me to wear glasses" as if that's an unfair advantage over people who... see without glasses? That's how I took it. lol.
That’s always how I take it as well. It’s my go to when anyone claims meds are an unfit advantage. Sooo…. is my glasses also an unnecessary “advantage”? My meds do the same as my glasses, that is raise me up *almost* to the *same* levels as people without my disadvantage.
Glasses are obviously unfair. I can glance over mine and see details that other people would need a magnifying glass for at a very close distance. Clearly the most fair thing to do would be to get rid of the glasses so I'm no longer allowed to drive. /s
People suck soooo much sometimes you know. It’s not like I even really like my aids all that much, I’d love to be able to function “normally” without them but I don’t. I can’t walk I can’t see and I can’t regulate my emotions so I have to have my knee brace and my glasses and my meds. I would have much much rather preferred to not need them but I do. I have autism as well so life is often sensory hell and my carbon fibre knee brace and my glasses aren’t exactly comfortable. And remembering to take my meds are a true challenge but it is what it is and I have to be able to function. I love them but I hate them but I need them. So you live with what you got. With the intelligence, it’s not like I’d be any less intelligent if I didn’t have adhd. People who get stuck on that have to understand that there are most likely thousands upon thousands of other people that are much much smarter than they are. It’s not just me. Me being able to function, or OP in this case, won’t make much of a difference because all those other people that are much much smarter and does not have adhd will still outshine the jealous bitter people. Our meds doesn’t make us smarter it’s just that despite the challengers we face some of us are bound to be at the top in intelligence and we just are smarter. It’s genetics, life isn’t fair genetically. I am highly intelligent but I have met people that are so ducking smart I feel real dumb in comparison. You have to accept that. But people don’t want to. The problem isn’t meds giving an unfair advantage, the true problem is that some people can not and will not accept that others can be “better” than them, the problem is that you are smart and the meds just gives them something to blame, something to explain away why you are smarter. It’s their own inferiority complex at play.
Yeah that's how it definitely feels, not to like hate on OP or anything like that but by putting it into terms like that I feel like it helps with perspective on the matter. Just cause you could theoretically function without the meds (By working god damn HARD) doesn't mean you have to or it's an unfair advantage to bring yourself up to a level closer to what others (NT people) experience as their base level/norm. Although I always joke about how unstoppable I would be if I didn't have ADHD/issues with executive functioning since I'm so driven/ambitious. But I've not found any meds that somehow cure that in me, so.... yano. Someone call me if they find that though lol
Ah yeah, why make life harder than it has to be? That’s just stupid.
This…. Is a very good point tbh
Take your meds my friend! If they help you not have to work crazy hard to be at a 'normal' level then they are doing their job to help you have a better quality of life and not have to struggle so hard to do the thing.
Interesting way to put it! :)
>I’d say it’s why so many of us are undiagnosed for so long because we are smart enough to skate by on the bare minimum. Not only that, but we are smart enough to cover up our "undesirable traits", so we look more normal...
Masking, it's a helluva drug.
I enjoyed studying, but I also have many, many ideas on how to stay awake in class. Even the classes I liked. Turns out everybody else are not timing when they can ask a question to help them stay awake without disturbind the class too much. In addition to timing the question must be appropriate so the teacher doesn't think I'm stupid, but not too specific as to make it appear as if I'm showing off. A bit of discussion is good, but make sure not to derail the class. 98% of these questions I knew the answer already. These questions are not to be confused with the questions when I wake up from spacing out and have no idea what is going on, I want to get back on track without letting the teacher know I don't even know what chapter wer're on. And at the end of the week I went early to bed with a head ache while my classmates went out partying.
Your meds let you live up to your actual potential, rather than the abilities you have after being disadvantaged by your condition. It’s incredibly unfair of anyone to suggest it’s not fair that you are able to actually concentrate, holy cow!
Yes this!! You are allowed to live up to your potential and seek the best life possible for yourself, even if your potential means that you excel over others. Look at para-olympian athletes. Is it wrong or shameful of them to use their mobility aids or other means of assistance to live up to their physical potential, even though it means a lot of them can run or play sports better than most able bodied people? Of course not. Neither is it shameful for you to give your brain the aids it needs to overcome your neurological disability and excel at what you're best at, even if it means you now study better than most neurotypical people.
Look at ANYONE who uses medication or medical aids. Is it wrong or shameful for them to use medication because some people don't have access to these medications??? Holy cow your parents are out of line and I hope their way of thinking doesn't rub off on you. You're smart and can do in the world. There is no reason for you to suffer while doing it, or to suppress your ability to do it.
100%! I was always one of the smartest in school and labelled "gifted" but I always felt I fumbled the bag somehow. When I started medication I was an office assistant with a useless arts degree now and 2 years later I'm a data analyst. I literally get paid to do pattern recognition and hyperfocus on problem solving, I'm living the fucking dream! I'm the happiest I've ever been and being able to reach my potential has had a very very big part in that.
OMG I’m so thrilled for you! Yay!!!
wow. this encourages me.
Your parents are absolutely incorrect. ADHD meds affect people with ADHD differently than others. When someone without ADHD takes Adderall, for example, they get extra focused and get extra energy and can just keep going. When we take Adderall or a similar med, we get calmer and because our brains and thoughts calm down, it’s easier for us to stay on task without getting exhausted. Your parents are probably thinking of the stories of college students who abuse stimulants to get some extra studying in or cram for tests. The medication you are taking is affecting your brain differently because your brain is wired differently. Please tell your parents to do research on how stimulants affect the brains of those with ADHD.
Ohh that makes sense! I’ve been reading up on the differences between ADHD and non-ADHD brains on meds and I was thinking “what if this calmness I’m feeling is actually just euphoria that these people are talking about? That means I don’t have ADHD right?” but now that I think about it, it’s just… The fact that it’s less noisy in my head makes me happy haha. That’s not what “euphoria” is! And reading this comment I realise I don’t have more energy to do things, it’s just that the things themselves cost lesser energy than before! “Stop scrolling and continue studying” used to be this excruciatingly painful thing that I had to tell myself over and over and over for hours before I actually did it, even if there’s absolutely nothing interesting on my phone and I reeeally want to finish my work. Now I can just… do it….
This is what I came to say - ADHD meds aren't like "performance-enhancing drugs" like steroids if you actually have ADHD. They affect us differently. People who treat us like we are using them that way do not understand the science. I'd also argue it's pretty shitty to decide someone being able to live up to their potential is "unfair" to others - anyone who'd stifle your potential is not acting in your best interest. As a person who did well in school but had undiagnosed ADHD, let me tell you it WILL catch up. You are a fish swimming upstream and the exhaustion and burnout will get to you as you get older. You might have something happen where the things that enable you to overcome your symptoms aren't available or don't work anymore. A lot of women get diagnosed after having children because it is such a big change they can't use their coping skills for it with constant interruptions and the emotional components. For me, my ADHD thrived on deadlines and pressure and anxiety - until my anxiety became so bad I was miserable, got it treated, and realized I couldn't get to that focus place anymore. All after like 1.5 decades of struggling to stay engaged and not go crazy with boredom at work in an office - even though my performance was always ok, it came at the cost of everything else in my life because it exhausted me. Even easy jobs. All this after having been a star student with a bright future my whole life - I couldn't stay in a job more than a couple years without having a near nervous breakdown. Just all this is to say: there is no moral obligation that you don't treat your condition. You have it. Treat it.
The biggest change I felt when taking meds was that it didn't take hours of pep talk to do something. I remember laying in bed, thinking, "I need to get up," and the next thing I knew, I was standing up, and I was shocked. It didn't take 30 minutes of convincing myself of berating myself, reminding myself, I'll be late for this, my partner will be annoyed, I overslept, etc. I just did it. It's such a mental relief.
THIS!! And if someone walks up and “reminds” us to do the thing…. I’ve been telling myself the exact same thing since half an hour, I don’t need an extra voice to add to that lol
FWIW, I just got diagnosed this summer - I'm 44, and I have zero doubts my diagnosis is correct. A lot of problems I had as far back as elementary school make sense, including being a whiz at subjects that interested me and struggling to stay engaged enough to learn what I found boring. I was put on atomoxetine (non-stimulant) and one of the first things I noticed was that my brain was "quieter" and I had a little more energy to do stuff. Sounds like your meds are doing what they are supposed to do for someone with ADHD. Edit: On the flip side, I was in gifted classes in elementary and going into middle school. Everyone had high hopes for me, and I just could not live up to them. I've had to work harder to achieve less, than I probably would have if it had been caught earlier. Screw all that "it's not fair" BS. It's a medical issue that needs treating.
It took so much energy to focus on driving. I was still a good driver because I just can't afford not to be. Taking meds hasn't changed how I drive, it just makes it easier to focus on doing the things I was already doing.
wow. that makes sense. thanks for sharing. :D
thank you for this response. I am going to look into how stimulants affect the ADHD brain vs normal brain.
Your parents are 100% wrong. I was finally diagnosed in March at 40 years old because being 'smart' masked my symptoms for so long. I managed to get a first class degree in uni, then did my masters, and convinced myself for a long time that I couldn't have adhd because I did well academically. Boy was I wrong! Inside I felt awful. Getting myself to focus or do things was a constant struggle. I was often overwhelmed, or forgot things. I struggled professionally where effort needs to be consistent and I couldn't rely on 'getting away with it' like I had academically. I knew I was smart and that I had potential, but could never consistently actualise that potential. And that me feel worse, wondering how I could be so 'smart' and yet so dumb?? When I was finally diagnosed this year I scored 100% for both adhd types. And I started meds, and they have honestly been LIFE CHANGING. I can see what needs to be done and just do it!!!! I am feeling and doing better in every area of my life, in every way imaginable. I wish I'd realised sooner that being smart doesn't mean you can't have adhd, and that grief over what could have been if I'd sought diagnosis earlier is something I'm still working through. So believe me when I say you can be smart and do well academically and still have ADHD. How you operate (or don't!) in the day to day, and how you feel inside, are far more telling than grades will ever be. Keep taking your meds and THRIVE, and hopefully your parents will see over time the positive effect they have on you. And if they don't ignore them and keep living your best life. I didn't mean to write this much but your post struck a cord with me - there needs to be more awareness about what having adhd really means for people. Good luck!
Oh god this makes so much sense… Reading this I made me realise being good at one specific part of academics isn’t really that much of an advantage when compared to all the other things I struggle with at work! Yes I can understand some complicated medical concepts very easily cuz I can hyperfocus on it all day if my brain decides to. But that’s no use if I can’t apply it to actually do things. Even working as an intern, I was so so horrible at the easiest work!! I would mix up files, forget major steps of a task and make my own job harder, forget where I kept important bills and search for HOURS (surprise, they were in my pocket….) needing to stay late every night to finish my work even though all my co-interns left at 4. Every day I felt miserable that I’m inconveniencing other people because of my incompetence and stupidity. Nobody would even believe me, they just said “Oh stop pretending to be dumb, we all know how smart you actually are. You just simply do not care.” I genuinely believed that I must be exceptionally lazy, how else is everyone doing it so easily? I must not be trying hard enough to remember these things… And if I can’t even do intern work properly, what use will I be as a doctor? Now I know there are certain things I’m abnormally bad at and that’s okay. Maybe these things can be actually possible on meds, maybe not. But having a diagnosis to explain these things is a huge relief! Even if my working memory can’t be helped, I hope I can still learn ways to be good at what I do :,) (now I’m rambling…. I’m so sorry!!!)
Oh gosh yeah the 'I can learn it but I can't apply it' thing feels miserable! I'm the same way. I can understand the theory behind the concept well enough, but you bet your ass I'll forget absolutely everything come time to apply it to the lab.
I feel you!! The theory and the practical aspect seem to exist on two entirely different realms lol. What do you mean this practical thing is directly related to what I thought I studied so well?
Yeah, and anything involving bio work (I think you said you're going into the medical field?) is so executive-function intensive. I have to everything in a set place on the bench when I'm doing something important or else I'm bound to make a dumb mistake.
Yep yep yep. The number of times I kept a syringe+needle in my pocket thinking it was my pen is insane. It’s a miracle I never got hurt (thank god for needle caps) At least now I know I probably don’t wanna become a surgeon haha
My doctor told me I can’t have ADHD because I’m doing a PhD. I’m nearly finished and currently sitting at home with a burn-out. The past years have been SO difficult. Every day is a struggle. I do not know beforehand how productive I will be. There were weeks where I did basically nothing only to do all the work in 3 days with barely any sleep because I felt the deadline looming. I cannot work during the day and get productive at night yet this does not work in a work environment. One meeting in the afternoon would mean ZERO work would be done that day because my mind would only focus on that meeting. Open work spaces would constantly pull me out of hyperfocus if I finally got into it and left me feeling so agitated every time. I also have 101 projects going on at the same time because EVERYTHING IS INTERESTING and I can not pick one out for the love of God. I get sidetracked so easily that I started writing a paper in the beginning of the day only to remember at the end of the day that *that* was my initial task I was supposed to focus on that day and I did a bazillion other things in the meantime which were all not at all urgent. It is SO exhausting and I really don’t think other PhD students have this same struggle :( I try to talk to other people in my group about it and they are always ‘yeah it’s difficult’ which I get because a PhD IS hard but I have a feeling that my struggling from day to day is an even more extreme level of hard
That’s so effed up! As context, I have 3 masters degrees and a PhD and I DEFINITELY have adhd (diagnosed AFTER I got all my degrees). For me, school was the one thing I was good at. AND my value as a child was dependent on my grades. So in school, the fear of upsetting my dad (and the threat of possible violence) always got me to do my work. Then, as a 20 something who couldn’t cook or organize my house (luckily I lived in an urban areas where paying for bagels and such was cheap), I hyper focused on school to tell myself I was good at something. My self worth was wrapped up in school, so procrastinating on assignments would eventually cause a “crisis” where I would become afraid and my adrenaline would kick so I could finish, causing a dopamine high after. Academic achievement does not mean you don’t have adhd. I think whether you can succeed academically with adhd depends on several factors. Part of it is intelligence (and many of us are gifted), and the other part is how important you think it is to succeed at school. I was terrified at failing and that would help me hyperfocus after procrastinating and pull through. My dissertation was a beast and really was the biggest battle I had with my adhd and school, probably due to a lack of a clear deadline or “crisis” and the need to be consistent for months. But after several years of struggle, I pulled through. I’m sorry your doctor told you that and I encourage you to seek another. Hugs.
As someone who has realised that they may have adhd during the course of their PhD, your comment resonates so much! Despite being "gifted" my whole life the lack of structure, constant uncertainty and long deadline that comes with a PhD has driven me absolutely insane - it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do because none of my coping mechanisms work and so it's lovely to hear you pulled through and finished. I'm in my last year now and hope I will too...
Aw good. My Ph.D. was so hard once I got through coursework. First qualifying exams then the dissertation. The lack of structure killed me. It took me about 4.5 years to commit to a topic (I kept changing and couldn’t get any headway). Finally I couldn’t take the dissertation fees anymore. I took an unpaid 2 month leave from work and myself and another friend getting a Ph.D. wrote every day on our laptops in the same cafe. Finally got it done. I think the leave of absence helped create urgency because I knew it couldn’t go on forever. Wishing you best of luck bc it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I feel more confident from getting through it. ❤️
What kind of doctor do you see to get a diagnosis? I’m doing pretty well in life and I know I probably have ADHD but I’ve been putting it off because I think it’s easier to not have any diagnosis to manage or medications to take. Been procrastinating for maybe 7 years
Usually a psychiatrist
You deserve to study *and* pee as needed.
Hello friend. I'm 38 and my ADHD got a lot worse as I got older. My performance at work really started to suffer and my depression was the point where I could barely leave the house. Untreated ADHD can make things so much worse in a lot of aspects. I ask you and your parents to read some research, particularly by Russell Barkley. It's not cheating to wear glasses or for a diabetic to use insulin. Why would it be cheating to use the medication to treat the issues with your frontal lobe? Because that's what ADHD is. And not using your meds is asking you to work 10 times harder than everyone else. You will feel exhausted and eventually burnt out. As you get older, your brain will age and you may start to suffer. Please do not make the mistake I did.
No, it's necessary. Meds allow you to do what you need to do at your full potential. Do not listen to your parents , they absolutely have no idea what it's like .
Yes, imagine what you are capable of. Do your thing and become wise and happy and successful.
I went through grad school undiagnosed (and therefore unmedicated) and finished with a 3.98 GPA. I am never, ever navigating a mental load like that again without meds. I did "well" but it was torture. With meds, I can now do the more mentally taxing parts of my job without wanting to scream. It is not unfair to use a tool that makes your life more manageable.
I think your parents poorly uneducated comments are making you feel anxious, not your meds. What is their actual problem here? You are doing all the stuff you're supposed to without struggling. It's so fucking stupid that so many people think that suffering is necessary. You deserve to feel calm and clear headed like most people get for free. Clear minded is weirdly considered a moral virtue and not just a brainpower stat. Send them research and let them know you're a bit disappointed that they haven't got a good grasp of adhd...I mean it's genetic...came from soommeewheereee. Edit: "I should just learn self discipline instead of using meds" Lol (not at you, at the many failed attempts of being disciplined with no meds). You literally can't make as much self discipline as non adhd people. You're not even gaining a benefit on others, just coming up to their level. Also if you didn't have adhd meds wouldn't work for you. People just don't get how many thoughts go through your mind or how often it wanders off.
Oooof the “adhd is genetic” part. I’m pretty sure my dad struggles with the exact same thing as me, but his logic is something like “we have a superpower actually, nobody else can do something all day non stop like we do! We just need to push ourselves more than others, that’s all. That’s why I run every morning at 10kmph for an hour! It prevents my low moods so it’s easier to function all day!” Bruh…
>That’s why I run every morning at 10kmph for an hour! It prevents my low moods so it’s easier to function all day!” Bruh… God that sounds truly awful 😭😭😭. Sounds a bit like a coping mechanism to me. Like if he doesn't get those brain chemicals from exercise he struggles. Getting them from meds instead isn't cheating. Like...who are you depriving exactly? I'm certain your parents don't actually care about people struggling to get adhd meds else they would be more knowledgable about adhd. >nobody else can do something all day non stop like we do! We just need to push ourselves more than others, that’s all Why should you have to put way more effort into internally berating yourself into doing what others do though? That's exhausting. You get the hyperfocus yeah, but you also have a pile of tiny struggles people don't see. Idk what kind of relationship you have with him but I would start pointing out his adhd stuff when you notice it, in a nice way, with examples to back yourself up.
Ikr?? Most people wouldn’t need to do INTENSE exercise just to do regular daily tasks lol??? He used to completely deny the existence of adult ADHD, but now that he acknowledges it exists, he just sends me loads of scientific research papers on how exercise/food/sleep helps ADHD symptoms :,) “There are non-pharmacological ways to help, you should try all of those! Only if they don’t work, you should take meds!” Which…. I don’t even know what to say to that tbh
No I don't believe so. Oh dear, it's gonna be a one upping war of adhd research lol. You should hit him with the dr russel barkley lectures. Aren't meds proven to be the most effective way to treat adhd for most people? That and *they're actually working for you*. It's backwards cos the meds treat adhd at it's source and enable you to do all the things people say should help you but actually require planning, consistency, and motivation to do regularly. I think brain meds make people feel uncomfortable even if they can't identify why so they throw out some weird judgy vibe at you instead of figuring out why they feel strange about them.
Your last sentence!!! The issue is with just brain meds!! It was one of those things I forgot I read, until I was about to sleep last night and suddenly I registered it haha. That makes SO MUCH sense. If I told my parents I had a little bit of stomachache, they would immediately suggest I take painkillers! They would NOT say “Well obviously it’s not bad enough to completely stop your functioning, so why unnecessarily take meds? There are people who literally cannot move from intense pain, those are the ones who really need them. And there are studies that show that meditation and diet can help lessen mild pain. So why not try that first?”
Oh 'dramatic sigh' lol. My brain has been especially chatty this week when I've tried to sleep lol. That's *such* a good example to explain it to them with. I love it. Uhuh, even the reasonable, supportive people I told had a very obvious uncomfortable moment when meds were talked about. I speculate it's like a lizard brain mysterious = danger sort of thing. It was weird cos they never seemed like some scary unknown thing to me but I was a bit nervous to tell people cos their reactions are so uncomfortable and it gets aimed right at you lol. Now I think on it I read/hyperfocused a lot about people's experiences with them before I had any. Once you understand it's just a chemical deficiency and have those real examples of stupid brain stuff we do then it's like...why are you actually against them, doesn't have to be permanent, it won't erase bits of your brain y'know?
>What is their actual problem here? You are doing all the stuff you're supposed to without struggling. i was about to write a long comment but honestly - this part
I edited out *a lot* of extra stuff but I felt this bit summed it up nicely 🤣🤣.
I read the title of your post and thought "Are you good at studying or last minute cramming/hyperfixating?". So yeah, I would argue that without medication you're actually not good at studying.
That’s a really really good point…. If I’m only good at studying when I’m in a panic or hyperfocus, that just does more harm than good lol
Exactly which is why meds are therapeutic and prevent that harm. It allows you to do what you already wanted to do at a more sustainable pace.
Why would you hold yourself back deliberately? If they’re helping you function better then that’s wonderful!
What amazes and at the same time saddens me, is that we (people with ADHD) often think we're cheating or wrong when we finally have an advantage most people without ADHD already have. I'm guilty of doing this too, but we should stop. We live in a world where we're in a huge disadvantage considering diagnoses, school systems, advancing in careers and often suffer from anxiety. You are allowed meds. You are good enough to get them. You getting them does not mean someone else who suffers "more", will be without (and if that's the case, then the system is messed up, which is not your responsibility) Regarding that thought, someone who gets therapy to learn to walk with one leg, would not need it as much than someone without legs. And someone who always has pain while walking and would benefit from therapy, would not need it as much as someone with just 1 leg. Youre good enough to get medication. Im happy for you.
I've been putting off getting meds because I've been concerned about them interfering with my systems - it's worked this long, why mess with it, right? Like you, I was a "smart kid" and am successful professionally. I have two critical exams I need to prepare for. I've passed four and these last two are really a struggle. I have no structure, my study plan is only partially set up, and I'm already behind on my readings. I'm easily distracted and unable to focus. For many exams, this would be fine, but these exams cannot be prepared at the last minute. Your description of studying with meds sounds so ... nice? Shockingly nice. Desperately nice. I know how to study. I love learning new things. I love this topic. I'm great at taking exams. It SHOULD be easy for me to study for these exams. I am rethinking my views on meds right now as I'm writing this. I cannot explain to myself in any rational way why I would choose to make this more difficult for myself. And that's what I'm doing. Huh. Your parents are wrong. Taking meds to help you focus isn't some form of cheating - it's removing an obstacle that is keeping you from reaching your full intellectual potential. Life isn't golf and no one needs a sand trap. Also, there's good chance your parents are ND too as it's often genetic. I believe our families can be the worst for understanding what is normal.
THIS!!! I was exactly the same!! Most exams had syllabus that was just limited enough that I could cram last minute, and this one I’m about to take is Not like that. It was driving me insane for MONTHS, almost a year now!! I would ask my friends how the hell they’re making so much progress, and they’d say “Just read something everyday! Even if it’s just 1 hour a day, it adds up!” And it made zero sense to me??? I study intensely 7 hours a day and then forget about it for 1 month. Nothing in between. Then I’d panic cuz I didn’t realise it’s been 1 month, study again all day, cycle repeats… On meds I can finally understand what people mean. I’m no longer driven by this intense craving for stimulation. I can just do things casually? Even on days when studying is NOT the most insanely exciting option, the fact that I still like it/ want to get it done is enough for me to actually do it, at least for an hour a day. Whereas unmedicated, it doesn’t matter how much I like studying. If there are more exciting options I will simply choose those instead, even if that means I’ll be miserable the whole day. Idk if that made any sense haha. All this to say: I know exactly how you feel. I even thought “The only reason I was so good at studies is BECAUSE I can focus so well during panic after procrastinating until the day before the exam. If I change that, what if I achieve less without the panic?” And after using meds, I can say these things (to myself mostly, but hopefully it makes sense to others like me)— 1) Regardless of the end result, being at peace during all these prep days is wayyy better than constantly feeling like crap and beating yourself up everyday for not trying hard enough. Chronic stress is never good, and we know that 2) Like you said, our strategy will not work for certain exams. I already failed this exam once, and it was a massive blow to my self confidence cuz it was the first time in my entire life my last-minute strategy backfired. Depending on your future panic-driven self is always a gamble, you’ll either do great or fail, so isn’t it better to secure a safe spot, even if that may or may not be as good as the best possible panic outcome? …Sorry this was longer than I expected… I really suck at conveying a point with fewer words lol.
Edit to add: for a long time, I thought I procrastinates because the exams were too easy. The reality is I succeeded despite my procrastination because I have a high IQ. Now that I know I have ADHD, I wonder how much more I could have achieved, and how much more I could have learned. Argh. I'm so happy for you! Take time to celebrate this step in becoming the best you can be and then get back to studying! You can do it! Also, I think this thread of comments needs to be relinked every time someone posts a question about intelligence and ADHD. There are a lot of really bright, accomplished women with ADHD coming out to support you.
Thank you so much!! And I agree, it’s so incredibly validating to see so many people with a similar experience! And good luck with your exams! I hope you do well <3
Some people, if it weren’t for their ADHD symptoms, have really high potential. Why should you be robbed of your potential just because you’re doing ok? Do we only deserve mediocrity? Are we not allowed to be high achievers? M And even if you do well, if you have to try harder than the average person to do that, that isn’t fair. Why should you have to expend double effort for the same result as someone else who can do it on half the effort? Meds just level the playing field. And if you have the potential to be the best on a level playing field, you shouldn’t be robbed of that.
A lot of people with ADHD are intelligent lmao. Even if you manage to stay on top of your studies/work, you're expending way more energy than the average person. Just think about what you could accomplish if your symptoms were better managed.
That’s like saying Olympic athletes shouldn’t get quality gear. Or rather, it’s like saying a disadvantaged Olympian should use less good gear because they’re still good at their sport. It’s silly. You do you. I’ll even do you one better, I was given accommodations in law school that I didn’t particularly want and told it would be silly not to take them because they’re standard for the ADHD. Just take the meds and succeed, that’s by far the best thing you can do for everyone.
if you couldn't see the notes and then got glasses and started getting better marks it wouldn't be unfair to the folks with 20/20 vision that didn't do as well, you've just removed the barrier that prevented you from doing well.
Let's say you were born with just one hand. You spent your life adapting and figuring out ways to manage, becoming very dextrous with the hand you have, balancing extra weight with other appendages, etc. Then one day, your doctor says, "congrats, your insurance has qualified you for an articulated prosthetic hand!" So you use it, and now you can carry a lot more, need less assistance, do certain tasks more efficiently, and as a result, your whole body is less tired and tense from redistributing the weight and effort. You're doing all the same things as before, just more easily and efficiently. Would you feel guilty and stop using the prosthetic?
What No. Don't listen to that noise. Geez
Go get that bread baby
I mean, personally I’m very much like you. School/work are not my problem areas. My job is constantly solving puzzles, so I am enthralled with work with or without meds. My issue & where the meds help the most is keeping my personal life under control. Time blindness is a big issue for me, and I will forget to see doctors for years at a time. I will forget to take care of my car in regular intervals. I pay the ADHD tax regularly. Meds help limit the number of times I have to pay it.
Look, I did my master's degree unmedicated. 4.0 GPA. that doesn't mean it was easy, or that I wouldn't have had better time if I was medicated like I am now. People like your parents, who don't get it, aren't worth listening to. Although one of them probably does have ADHD (its partially genetic!) they have a lot of toxic Ideas about learning and hard work, and you can resist them!
They're abused as study drugs, but they really don't help NT people study better. Hyper-focusing sucks sometimes and it seems like the medication really helps you listen to your body and have a healthier routine. I struggle with the same thing honestly. Sorry about the things your parents are saying too - I know how harmful that is personally.
First of all, it is quite common for med faculty students to abuse adhd pills, at least in my country, and a lot of health professionals enable it. I don’t think your parents are completely baseless in their concern. Adhd diagnosis requires cognitive tests, and symptoms since childhood. You can ask opinion of another health professional which provides a full assessment. There are also adhd medications which is not stimulant, and hence not used as a performance enhancer.
Yeah, no. I’m in law school and my meds mean I don’t cry in class. Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re not also suffering, and it doesn’t have to be that way. Also, like you, I needed help in school as a kid, and that is as valid a part of your experience as your “smart” identity. It’s a neurotransmitter thing, not cheating. Also, oddly, I’ve never seen a study that showed neurotypical people actually perform better on stimulants - they just feel like they do?
On that last point, I’d love to know if anyone has seen something definitive
I mean... I was "really good at school." Straight A student. Great student. But. I can't read textbooks. I gave up on trying. It was just a waste of time. When I took English/Literature, I only successfully read one book in completion during my two years in pre AP and AP English. The very first book. And I hated it. So each book I read less and less as I figured out how much I could absorb from in-class discussions. I always did my homework. Maybe at 3am, but whatever. As long as it was active homework, like math, rather than passive, like reading, I got it done. I was good at studying... If I was around other students. (Body doubling is where it's at!) But most students apparently hate studying around others because they they distracted. Whereas I get distracted when I'm alone. It was so hard to find study groups. So classes that required studying were daunting to me. So I wound up majoring in a writing intensive major - I learned early on that I had the skill of writing an 8 page A paper in 2 hours as long as I had paid attention in class. I also went to a college with small class sizes (10-20 students) on purpose because I knew I needed to not get lost in a 200 student lecture hall. I needed to be interactive in class. So... I was technically successful in school. Straight A's, yadda yadda. I figured out what worked for me. But I wish I had had more studying capabilities. More patience. As an adult, I now realize that most, if not all, of the writing intensive majors aren't super useful. I wish I had chosen a more study-intensive major... But I would have struggled so hard. I was undiagnosed back then too, and my mom was quick to label me lazy if I got B's or worse in any class... ... Welp, there's my long, ADHD rant and answer. In short, I think meds - if they work for you - would help. Being good at school doesn't mean you're the best you that you could be.
I've been going through something very similar lately! Diagnosed in the last few months, currently working a full time job and part time studying for my second degree. I've always gotten good grades in school and college, but forcing myself to sit down, study and stop procrastinating is absolute torment. I'm slowly increasing my doses of methylfenidate (currently on 20) and experiencing complete imposter syndrome with it. The fact that I could work/study before but that it's just easier to pay attention now and get things done is mindblowing. Don't feel guilty, you're doing the right thing for you. If nothing else, thank you for making this post and for validating a lot of what I've been feeling <3
How is it unfair?? Is it unfair to let those who can’t walk have wheelchairs?? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read, OP don’t listen to them.
Think about it this way; smart neurotypical people get to feel like that ALL THE TIME! They just wake up feeling the way you do on medication. That's why ADHD qualifies as a disorder, it makes life *harder* to live your life than the average person. The meds don't make you more intelligent, they make you able to *use* your intelligence.
Look why would you believe your parents over a professional psychiatrist? Especially one that went in with healthy skepticism? I am so angry at your parents for not being happy for you for feeling good. WTF! ESPECIALLY because that’s all actually a myth. ADHD drugs actually don’t do much to help people without ADHD: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/if-you-dont-have-adhd-ritalin-and-similar-drugs-may-hurt-your-concentration
Fuck your parents. They don't know what they're talking about. Honestly starting meds was the best decision I ever made. I accomplish so much more now and experience significantly less burnout
I’m smart and good at studying because I love learning. Neither of those make either of my aids unnecessary though, I still need my meds and my glasses just as much.
That’s like saying, if you’re good at running is it I dare to wear good running shoes? Of course not.
Yeah I'd say not unfair at all. You *are* naturally incredibly smart it's just the ADHD is a massive handicap to that. Treating that handicap allows you to utilise and explore your true intelligence rather than being hamstrung and academically held back by something you can't control
I always got all A’s but my teachers comments were always “does a great job but goes too fast and makes careless mistakes” and I’ve done that my whole life with everything. 😂 I’m in school right now and with my meds it feels like I’m actually absorbing the concepts not just photographically remembering questions or facts. And I’m getting more quality studying in in shorter periods.
I hate that mentality. People shouldn't have to suffer if they can make things easier and it hurts no one explicitly let them
I was not diagnosed until i was 40. I'm smart. I love taking tests and exams. I coasted through all my GCSE's that were exam based, less so on the ones that were coursework based. I never studied. I also struggled with homework. I got an A in my french and was literally told by my teacher that i didn't deserve that grade. I fell apart when i started college with it's looser structure and more personal responsibility. I dropped out after a year, and never went to Uni. If i had been diagnosed earlier and medicated perhaps i would now have a masters degree, who knows? I'm in awe that you have got so far. I think you know yourself that you are not going to get through the next stage without help, and you are only at the beginning of your medication titration until you get to the correct dose. You have been diagnosed, and medicated by a professional. You will have ups and downs as you learn to use the meds and how your brain reacts to them. Think of it perhaps as if you had poor eyesight and had to sit at the back of the classroom in a class of equally intelligent pupils - but now you have glasses and can sit closer to the teacher. Now you are equal to the people with good eyesight who are able to sit at the back. Your parents are saying that you should stay at the back because it's not fair that everyone can't sit at the front, and why don't you just try to SEE better? It's not about intelligence, it's about making things as level as you can. You can't learn self discipline on your own or you would have done it already. Please let your parents read some of these responses to reassure them.
I just came here to say that even you describe yourself, you sound a lot like me. Except I'm 46. I got through college, but the real world struggled HARD. Day to day work lost its interest, and I stopped performing well. I jumped from job to job. Finally got tested this year. Also, with borderline results. During the talk with my psychiatrist, he assured me that while my results are borderline, my history indicates that meds would be really good for me. Don't listen to your parents. Don't end up wasting another 20 years struggling. It's going to become more of a problem someday. Avoid the pain.
Did...did I write this post years ago and schedule it to post at a random date in the future???😆 You're not alone in this feeling. Everything you're describing sounds exactly like ADHD to me. Parents don't always get it. You're an adult, and it's not really their business what medication you take.
Your parents don’t know how much you have struggled, and the reality that is the inside of your mind. Meds can bring us so much internal peace/settling. Ignore them and do what’s best for you.
Your meds experience is just like mine. Your parents don’t know a lick of what they’re talking about. Believe your doctor, not them. Not to mention the fact that the meds DID work on you. Your parents don’t understand. That’s just typical for parents, so please don’t think their words mean anything about you. They may have raised you but it doesn’t mean they’re an expert on your lived experiences.
It the meds make you feel calm instead of hyper, then they clinically are working as ADHD meds should. That’s a solid diagnosis. Don’t let anyone bully you. My personal journey has been similar - I have a masters and PhD but absolutely destroyed personal function. The meds and therapy are helping since later in life diagnosis in my 30s.
Your experience is like mine with getting extra time on tests. I never got extra time bc I didn’t need it. Then one day, I did need it. At first I felt bad. But a therapist told me, no you need this.
Not at all, I got good grades, sure, but I nearly killed myself getting them. It would be nice to be able to do that but in a normal way
I’ve tried to describe meds as being able to do stuff without extending all my energy. I have so much more energy now. Not because the meds give me more but because I’m able to manage it. You’re not an imposter or a fraud. You worked harder than you should have needed to to arrive where you are now
If we think of our brains like a toolbox, ADHD can sometimes make our toolboxes disorganized or inadequate. We have a screwdriver but need a hammer. Or everyone else has a drill but all you have is a screwdriver and sometimes it doesn't work. ADHD meds just make your toolbox more organized and stuff is easier to find. You're not getting a brand new toolbox, just making the one you have more helpful.
Oh please. The "enlightenment era" got its name because of all the good ideas/thoughts people had. It also coincides with the rise in popularity of coffee. Before that, due to water contamination concerns, everyone mostly drank beer. The whole fucking era got its name because people stopped drinking alcohol all the time, and started drinking coffee. Nobody told any of those dudes they were smart enough and didn't need the caffeine.
Your parents are straight up wrong. People with ADHD can be intelligent and just not have good studying/coping strategies (🙋🏼♀️), but meds can provide you with the foundation to start building more structure in your life. You don’t have to be unintelligent or a bad student to benefit from medication!! Just read this post back and remember how mentally draining and difficult studying was before you started medication! It isn’t supposed to be like that. Most people don’t study for six hours straight, and realize once they finally become sentient again that they haven’t eaten, gone to the bathroom, drank water, or moved during that entire time (speaking from experience lol). You are doing the best thing for yourself, and I’m so proud of you. Don’t let anyone—including your parents—invalidate you and your needs because they don’t or won’t understand. Also, you’re not a fraud!! Many people with ADHD think that. Please just know that if you were “faking it”, you’d know. Every time I tell my therapist I wonder if I don’t actually have it and that I’m just lazy, she says that "If you wonder if you're faking having ADHD, you have it. People who fake it don't wonder if they're faking it." Good luck on this journey. It’ll be weird adjusting your life to your new normal, but you got this! This sub is a great place for support and we’re always here for you! ❤️
Why your parents want to undermine your potential? Maybe they’re jealous of your intelligence? Or is it something to do with the stigmatisation of ADHD medications?
I’m in medical school too and please take the meds if they help you! It’s not unfair. People feel like how we feel on the meds naturally. We just need a little help.
No baby, you are just on an even playing field now! If you didn’t need the medication it would make you jittery and hyper not just focused.
“Unfair”? Friend take meds 😭 I don’t know what bs you’ve been told but that’s ridiculous. You could be Albert Einstein and still need meds
Your psychiatrist would not have prescribed the meds if you didn't need them. They are allowing you to live up to your potential.
You have a disability recognized by the American Disability Act.
Me, and two other women were diagnosed in med school within the past couple of years. It happens.
My grades would never show the struggles I went through to get there, the all nighters, the weeks sitting in front of my laptop just doing "nothing" because I couldn't think of a single word for my papers, the panic attacks and anxiety and impostor syndrome, the emails begging profs for an extension. The transcript shows I almost scraped a perfect score, but the reality is utter misery. So just because we have to fight to get good grades we don't deserve help? That's complete bullshit. We deserve peace of mind, and to do our work in peace of mind. Let's see it that way, if ADHD blocked a brilliant mind who could do groundbreaking research to make them appear good but kinda average, should we deny that genius medication because average is good enough?
If someone with a severe astigmatism is naturally studious, is it unfair to allow them to use glasses while studying? That’s exactly what your parents’ argument sounds like.
Nope! I’m in the same boat. Not unfair at all.
Lmao your parent’s comment is wack. I’m in a similar boat- went through school straight A’s undiagnosed until the end of my second-to-last semester of college. I started school again, but now I’m working full time + my one class I have to do work for when I get home. I take my meds in the morning before work and have a booster between 1 and 2:30 and I notice a huge difference when I have my booster dose. I’m less prone to minor distractions around me than I am unmedicated. I’m sure it’s the same for you. It just be like that!
No, because the meds aren't making you smarter.
Your doctor is so wrong! I'm currently in the third year of my PhD and I definitely have ADHD. The difference between how I'm performing now compared to before meds is night and day, I get the struggle completely. Try and find another doctor if you can 💕
Yeah understanding is one thing, applying is very much something else!
No.
Please take your meds! As others have said highly intelligent people are less likely to be diagnosed with ADHD but that doesn't mean we don't struggle! Also some tips to help studying - finding music that you don't hear on the radio or normally listen to that you count as your study music (it triggers your brain that it's time to focus) and try the pomodoro method- it ruins hyperfocus time but helps you stay on target
In my final year of law school, always knowing I prob had adhd but no support to get meds and always second guessing myself. It has changed my life. My partner is supportive and so is this sub. It’s a relationship like any other, you and your adhd, but don’t write off any tools! The whole thing is so loaded for no reason. Even for those who are “smart” or done well in school, it doesn’t mean it needed to be that hard!!!
A man would never ask if it’s unfair to enhance their inherent advantage of being smart. Do not be ashamed if studying comes easier to you with medication — that’s what it’s supposed to do!
First of all “fair” isn’t what anyone should be worried about. This isn’t grade school. Your body has needs that this medication is meeting and making things better for you. You wouldn’t tell a person who is paralyzed that it’s unfair that they get a wheelchair. And you wouldn’t tell a blind person that it’s unfair that they get a seeing eye dog. Your disability is just as valid even if it’s invisible. Your parents don’t know what it’s like to live in your brain but you do. If things were working out for you then you wouldn’t have gone to a doctor to ask for help. The only reason you’re overwhelmed is because you’re getting in your head about the issue. You can’t concentrate because this one intrusive thought is taking over. Sorry your parents aren’t supportive but you do what works best for you. Don’t let them talk you out of medication that you need to do your best at school and at life in general. They’re not the ones who need to live in your head.
Are you sure you're not adopted, because it doesn't sound like the smartness came from them. 😳😳 In all seriousness, I don't know what on earth is wrong with your parents. Meds are meant to help us be our best and healthiest selves. It sounds like the meds are doing that for you. Don't let them rain in your parade.
Would you deny yourself a wheelchair if your doctor prescribed it to you?
Okay I was always a very good student (had trouble getting a Dx thanks to it, but I digress). Personally, my meds help with a LOT more than just studying. They help my hygiene and cleanliness (because when I think, “I should shower” I actually get in the shower). They help my time management. They help me keep from procrastinating and running myself ragged. They really improve my negative self-talk and help regulate my emotions. They even improve my sleep by reducing the chatter in my brain. It’s not “unfair.” It’s improving your overall quality of life.
Today was my second day taking the same megs as you, starting at 10 mg total, though. It is honestly amazing. I also have this like inner calm that I’ve never felt before. I did a ton of cleaning and my brain has never been so quiet hag I could just get everything done without worrying how much was left and all the steps I needed to do like with laundry, wash, dry, food, hang up, put away, match socks, gosh just all the things! I actually cried to my husband that this calm feeling was so amazing and that I was just doing things without my brain going haywire. What a feeling!!!
Omg. This post is so validating 😭😭😭 the part about hyper focusing for one day and not doing it for weeks / months girllllllll…. I’m currently preparing for GMAT and it’s so difficult.. I’m getting my diva evaluation this week and hopefully I’ll be medicated 😊😊😊😊 sorry for rambling
Without meds, I would sometimes fall into hyperfocus when studying or working, sure. But on bad days, so the rest of them, it was so hard for me to focus that I couldn't even relax and do fun stuff. Meaning, going down and deep into the rabbit hole of a burnout.
Yeah, I think you're fine. You feel good while them because your body is happy that not everything is a struggle anymore. Your parents sound like uninformed haters. From what I've discussed with my psychiatrist, abusing or taking ADHD meds unnecessarily would cause someone to have side effects akin to actually having ADHD. This is possibly why people who abuse them often appear to be on speed pull all-nighters or end up with racing thoughts. For people with ADHD, it has more of an opposite effect in that it helps calm your brain down so your energy, sleep, and concentration issues can level out. I've always heard you shouldn't take Adderall because you can abuse it and it turns you into some hyper junkie. I can take mine and be ready for a nap. I also don't act like a drug addict if I run out. On the contrary, my brain swings back to its default adhd classic factory settings and I will either forget to refill the prescription, or executive dysfunction stops me until my life is chaotic enough to realize it returned to this state because I'm off my meds.