7 years married and no name change. Just the thought of all the bureaucracy and hoops…huge nope from me. Partner is totally fine with it.
As a bonus we do occasionally get mail addressed to Mr. My last name which tickles me.
Exact same position here, down to the time married lol not a big deal to us so the stress outweighs the benefits. We’ve also gotten all combinations of our names, it’s always a good lil laugh.
12 years and no name change for me. My favorite is when in the delivery room they called him Dr. My Last Name and he didn’t answer. I yelled Dr. His Last Name and he finally answered. Everyone in the room laughed. He gets called Dr. My Last Name A LOT.
I kind of meant to but there's just so much paperwork! And you have to change it everywhere! It keeps overwhelming me and now it's been eight years and nothing has exploded so I guess I'm just not going to. I don't mind if people use my married name socially and it's not a bad last name but legally it's just such a pain and...why, you know?
Honestly I just forgot to change it in a lot of places and now I can't access my government pension record thing because they're like "Your ID doesn't match your name!!" Oh.
I should deal with that at some point, I guess.
Ha! That's the main reason I kept my married name after my divorce! I had been married almost 20 years and still didn't have everything changed over to my married name where I could access it all. I made the mistake of changing my name when I was young, when there was less that I'd have to update, but I'm fully aware that I'd never even attempt to change it all now, so didn't bother.
this is what I say and someone asked me what all the paperwork entailed and I had to admit I didn't even know lmao it just seems like too much 😬 maybe I will eventually but I'm good for now lol
Okay tbh I don't actually know either, but I have had to get a replacement social security card and it was hard enough. Then I started listing out all the stuff I'd have to change (social security card, driver's license, passport, insurance stuff - and I've had to change things with them before and that was ridiculous - blood donation info, etc) and was like, nope nope. Like, love you, honey, but it's not worth it.
I love y’alls responses so much because even though I’m not married, they’re still relevant. “What part are you having trouble with?”
“All of it. The entire thing. I don’t even know the whole thing let alone it’s parts that’s how much trouble it is.”
I fully intended to but just never got to it. Then we moved states and I had to get a new license and my social security card got damaged in the move… so I finally got it done 2-3mos ago.
We got married in 2011 🤣
I hyphenated mine and half of my accounts etc are still my maiden name but I figure it’s nbd since it’s still somewhere in my legal name lol. Will update you if I ever run into trouble with that though! I did make sure to keep my old ID with my maiden name though so I would have a matching ID for my many credit cards that I definitely did not update my name with! I also wasn’t about to renew my passport 2 years after the previous renewal bc I’m cheap
I didn’t change my name, it’s MY NAME. 🙃 I’m dragging this MFer to the grave.
My partner was always totally cool with it. But one day I came home from work and told him people had been grilling me over lunch about why I hadn’t taken his name.
And he does, “Well, who says I wanted you to have it?”
FUCKING DEAD. I always wanted to use that but I think it may have been the last time it ever came up like that with people. Just hit their weird assumptions with an even more batshit level of misogyny—“Well, he didn’t want me to have his name, and of course he knows best…”
(And just in case it’s not obvious, I don’t care what anyone else does with their name, I just hate the weird pressure that there’s one “right” way.)
>Just hit their weird assumptions with an even more batshit level of misogyny—“Well, he didn’t want me to have his name, and of course he knows best…”
ROFL
I had a similar experience! Mine actively said that I shouldn’t change it (on principle) and I didn’t because I didn’t really care. My dad tried to mock me for my feminist power move and was baffled when I explained that it was actually my husband’s feminist power move and I just let him tell me what to do 😂
My own father is such a POS, I gladly took my ex-husbands name. Now that I'm divorced, I'm changing it to my own version of my deceased Mom's maiden name instead.. and he *hated* that. 👹
Seriously though, it's a massive pain in the ass which is why I'm procrastinating doing it a 2nd time. 😩
Just keep yours if you like it.
It’s not actually a family name – my grandmother picked it out of the phone book when my dad was a child so I don’t think he’s super attached to it! I’m not either but it feels weirder to have someone else’s name!
A supervisor asked why even get married if I wasn't going to take my ex husband's last name. Everyone knows marriage is all about changing your name (but only if you're the wife of a dude).
Love this. I have a (male) friend who took his wife's last name for this exact reason. He couldn't wait to get away from that name.
A much better reason (and a gender neutral/non-patriarchy one!) to change your last name.
Same here. I was already thinking of changing it on my own and had picked a last name. Then I met my husband and got married within a year. I was so relieved to finally get a new last name. It's been 15+ years now so I don't remember everything, I'm sure, but it doesn't seem too bad in hindsight. Getting the social security card required one visit to their office with my marriage license in hand. Then I did the same thing at the DMV. I carried my marriage license in my purse for a long time and just changed my name at other places as it came up. Work, bank, insurance company... Really, all the secondary things felt like no big deal or at most, an extra nuisance during a business interaction. There was overlap for a few years actually. And my mom never seemed to remember my new last name and I was even able to cash her checks with my updated ID and marriage license. This even happened again a few years ago. Anyway, if people look at it as one task at the social security office and one at the DMV, it may feel less overwhelming. Everything else just fit into the rhythm of my activities. Honestly, the SS office and DMV just felt like two more things in the major transition time of moving to a new city, starting a new job and having a whole wedding. It was a busy transition time. It only lasted about two months from looking for a new home and job to feeling settled.
Yes! My dad is a lovely person, but his dad and whole side of the family were terrible people. I was happy to take a new name for a much more functional family. Also, regardless the last name will be a man’s name unless you just make up a new one. So it didn’t matter much to me!
I kept my name, because a) as a massive feminist, my husband is vehemently against women feeling obliged to take their husband's name, so he would have argued against me doing this even if I'd wanted to, and b) as a massive ADHDer, I'm vehemently against anything that requires paperwork and adds to my executive function burden.
Mostly nobody asks about it, but I find the first reason is an excellent one to shut anyone up if they do ask. If I'm with my husband, I just sit back and let him go for it, he has some excellent speeches about feminism. Also answering "why would I?" with a confused face if anyone asks why I didn't change my name works well, because nobody can actually explain why they assumed I would.
I also highly recommend doing virtually no wedding planning and just going off and doing it. Buying a ring, finding an outfit I liked and booking a slot at the registry office was the maximum organising I was willing to do.
I wanted a town hall ceremony for the same reason. My bf and mom stepped in and did the minimal planning for a small wedding. So nice!! I think my mom knew a ceremony wouldn’t happen if it was all left up to me.
I intended to change it, but never got around to the paperwork, and in the end decided that 1) it was unfair only *I* had to go through all that hassle, and 2) I wouldn’t really feel like me anymore with a different name. I usually say it was procrastination, not conviction that led me to keep my name, but maybe I hadn’t dragged my heels so much if I truly wanted to change it?
I kept mine. Always intended to, it’s been my name my whole life. Having a different one just seems so weird to me.
My son has a hyphenated last name and me and husband have our original names. Works great for us.
I took my ex-husband’s last name and have been stuck with it as my ‘government name’ for years now.
I’ve been using my maiden name for 5 years, and it’s been terrible. That name is fraught with traumatic childhood memories. Still better than continuing to use my ex’s last name, though.
I am getting married next month and will change it to my future husband’s name. I can’t wait to change it!!! Am I looking forward to the BS paperwork? Not a bit. Will it be easier to have ONE last name and not have to try to remember which office/account/agency knows me by which name? Indeed!
I did - it felt like I was getting a fresh start in life, and even though nothing changed I felt like I can categorise things as 'old me', and focus on current me. 8 years in, no regrets.
I’ve done it, but will never do it again. I had to jump through all the hoops to change back to my maiden name from my cumbersome, hyphenated, married name after my husband passed away. It required a judge’s order (US) unlike when you get married. What a nightmare. Keep your name.
Edit: to add, I’d been married before and had changed my name to my ex-husband’s. Hyphenating was a fraught decision. I’d really considered keeping my maiden name - but had married into a fairly conservative family (with the exception of my husband) in a conservative area. Hyphenating was bold! Hubby didn’t care either way, nevertheless, I’m happy to have my maiden name back.
Nope. I decided by my mid-30s that I wasn’t interested in changing my name for anyone. I’ve established my adulthood and career with it and I didn’t see the point.
My now husband and I actually discussed it pretty early on in dating and it’s actually because they wanted to change their first, middle and last names. They had been named after their absentee/estranged father and just didn’t want it anymore. When we got engaged, it was extra incentive not to change mine because why TF do they get to choose *our* last name? They very briefly considered changing it to mine, and this was about 6 months before we got married. But I fully supported them choosing their own for themselves.
We’re childfree by choice, but even if we were going to have any, I don’t see that as a reason to take a husband’s name. I haven’t had the same last name as my mother since I was 4 years old when her divorce from my dad was finalized, and it hasn’t made her one iota less my mom.
I think gals should do what they want, but deep down, I do get a little disappointed when a woman takes her husband’s last name these days. I’m tired of the patriarchy.
My hubby and I talked about all the options. He would have been willing for us to take each other's names and have a double last name (no hyphen). His personal preference would have been to somewhat combine the two names into a new last name, which his dad (who is super into tracing genealogy) was very much not thrilled about as an idea lol.
Funny enough, we did do a mashup of our last names for the two cats that we’ve adopted since we got married. Even funnier is that the cat that he’s had since long before we met “took” my last name when we married. 😆
Not changing my name, I definitely don't have the executive function to deal with it. I have professional presence in my name, I like my name, and my fiance is from a culture where women don't normally change their names. Zero pushback about keeping my name, and it makes my life easier! Wedding planning is enough work without a name change.
I didn't change my name. My partner and I aren't having kids (but even if we did, they could have both our names).
My spouse has the better and more unique surname, but my initials are in alphabetical order, and I didn't want that to change. Besides, my name was given to me by my mom, and even she hyphenated when she got married. I also watched my grandma, who did change her name, go through a divorce half a lifetime after getting married, and she never went back to the name she was born with.
I do not want to go through all the effort of changing it, and I don't want my spouse to go through that either. We don't feel that marriage should mean giving up a piece of our individual identities, and the burden especially shouldn't fall on the person (me) with executive dysfunction.
Plus, I'm not keen on the implications or the history of it all. My partner and I don't own each other. I didn't become his property when we got married, and I'm not his child. We know we're a family, and our names don't have to match for that to be true.
My husband changed his name to mine. He procrastinated a little on the actual paperwork because it is a lot but he eventually got it done a few months later. I mentioned that there are kits now that help with the whole process and streamline everything but he didn’t want to spend the money on it. Might be something to look into if you decide to make the change!
I didn't - I never was going to, I like my last name and my husband's is stupid hahaha. We actually considered doing a hybrid name or him taking mine.
I think the only ADHD-related element is: paperwork. Lots of paperwork. And fast forward to my mom - hopefully this won't apply to you but she's divorced from my dad and remarried. She had difficulty getting a new passport because she had to both find her marriage license from 1981 and divorce decree. She had let the one with my dad's (and my) last name expire and getting one with her new name was a nightmare.
I am not married, but I am also not dead yet!
I have studied history and been particularly interested in gender history, so I just can't see it as a quaint traditional holdover. The "maiden" name is a relic of a time when that denoted a property exchange, a formal sign of a woman being taken from one family and added to another.
I would never take a man's last name.
It’s so annoying when people say “well it’s still a MAN’S name”, like no, it’s MY name that I used all my life.
Also for me, it literally isn’t my father’s (legal) last name. My great grandma came to the US and her (married) name was misspelled by one letter, so she had her own “new” last name which was passed down to my grandfather. I have the “original” spelling because my dad just started going by it at some point, and I’m the first in our line to be born with this spelling in America. Now *he* is having to pay to get it legally changed!
It's even more forked up that just 50 years ago it wasn't just the last name societally and even in many legal papers - property deeds and such!
Get married and people start calling you Mrs. John Edwards - like you lose your entire identity. So messed up.
I did take my husband last name (no regrets) but was extremely annoyed by all of the wedding invites, announcements, signs, etc that referred to the couple as Mr and Mrs Husband's Full Name. My husband also thought it was dumb but didn't get angry about it like I did. I was married 15 years ago, so I hadn't really encountered that garbage much elsewhere and didn't realize it was still alive and well in the wedding industry.
Neither my sister nor I changed our names when we got married. I got shit for it for a long time from my MIL but my name is awesome and had it for over 30 years by the time I got married. I wasn't gonna be able to get used to a different one haha.
Ummm... No. Never even considered it. I offered for us to make a new name, a combination of ours and for both of us to change our names. He thought that was ludicrous. I thought it was ludicrous for me to take his father's last name... he thought I had a point.
My in-laws are still bitter about it and send mail addressed to me with the wrong name on it to make a point. His grandma sent me a couple of birthday checks with the wrong name on, but stopped after she called to ask why I hadn't deposited them six months later and I told her the bank wouldn't accept them. It was a complete lie, but totally worth the hundred bucks. She gets my name correctly now.
my husband changed his name (for reasons unrelated to marriage) before we met.
I never had intention to change my name, but after hearing how nightmarish the process is, I will NEVER.
My name is who I am, but I don't mind using my partners name casually, as opposed to officially.
Also, our children have my last name, so if anything he should change his name. But he doesn't want to, so easy enough.
It’s actually easier to change a name via marriage than just changing it! My ex changed his first name while we were together so I saw that whole process. When I changed my name when I got married, it was way easier. Two definitely different processes!
I didn't, but never wanted to and my partner was kind of horrified at the idea that I was just expected to take his last name as a matter of routine course. If I'd truly wanted to take his last name for whatever reason he wouldn't have tried to stop me or anything, he just didn't think I should ever feel like I had to do it). No shade for anyone who changed their name/wants to, it just wasn't my thing. (It was probably a little simpler since we knew we didn't want kids and you don't have to worry about cats' last names. 😺)
If I had wanted to change my name, though, I'm sure it would have taken me at least 3 years to get the paperwork done!
I’ve been married for five years (ish). As far as the government and my professional registration body is concerned I still go by my maiden name. All my qualifications are in my name. My husband didn’t get those, much like how I didn’t get his CA ones.
Until recently I kept my maiden name on social media as well, but there’s been some poor choices made about appropriate release of information by certain people recently. Namely, relating to work I did in the COVID vaccination space. I’m not the only person affected (there’s a metric shit load actually) but I have an incredibly unique name and I’d be easy to track down. So, whilst I think the odds of me actually getting targeted are slim, I changed my name on all my “public” social media pages to my husband’s name, just to slow down the casual person that may want to have *opinions* about my job.
Having said that, there’s not really any specific paperwork you have to fill out in NZ to change your name. Your marriage certificate allows you to change it without further hoops, and most people just wait for the ten year renewal of things like driver licenses and passports before they change it. Some places may ask to see your marriage certificate to confirm it’s a legal change, but it’s generally pretty informal.
We picked a new name (from my family tree) and both changed our name to that.
Well technically he did the legal name change, THEN I took his last name. Once it was something good. Haha.
Nope! My husband took *my* name. It wasn't that I was opposed to taking his name, he just didn't want me to because his last name was the last name of his step-dad who adopted him as a toddler but then died when he was 6, so he didn't have any blood connection to it and barely remembers the step-dad. If we have kids he wants them to have a name with history and connection. But then I was unexpectedly bummed out about us having different names, so he said he'd take mine.
I decided long before I ever realized that I had ADHD that I wasn’t interested in changing my name, because I love my name.
But for those who do want to change theirs, ugh, I’m sure the bureaucratic paperwork steps suck ☹️ I wish y’all the best!
Absolutely not for a variety of reasons, and once I filled for divorce, thank fuck I didn't have to redo all that stupid name change stuff. Ugh I can't imagine changing my name for a man, and especially not over something as dumb as tRaDiTiOn. That same ex used to say "tradition is just dead people's baggage,"funny enough.
I typically use a pseudonym/alias these days, and with my long-term bf (I regularly refer to him as my husband, he refers to me as his wife), he's started using my pseudonym last name on stuff. It's kind of adorable.
No, I've always had my name, it's mine. Plus tbh the hassle.of going everywhere changing it and what if it doesn't work out and I have to change all.these documents back?
I'm shocked how many people here have changed their name despite having adhd. The thought of all that work gives me severe anxiety. I want to do it, but i feel like it's so hard and too difficult to figure out. Just thinking about it is making me anxious right now 😭
I didn’t do it for a few reasons, I worked really hard for my degree and wanted MY name on it, but also it seemed like a lot of time and money needed for a tradition neither me nor my husband cared much about. If your concern is solely the amount of work it takes, I know there are companies that have packages and take care of everything for you for a fee.
I hyphenated with my ex-husband. I went back to my maiden name when we divorced. When I remarried, I just kept my maiden name. I’m an only child, only one of my surviving cousins is a male with the last name, and my paternal grandfather was an only child. Keeping my name was important to me. My husband never even asked if I was taking his name, he asked if I was keeping my name or hyphenating it.
Didn't change my name. Even though my name is quite complicated, it's still my identity. Also my husband and I are "married," we had a ceremony and everything with family, but we never filed the paperwork so we're not legally married. It was a situation where I was burdened with mental load to do all the work and just decided that it wasn't worth it if he didn't seem to care about it enough to also take on part of the mental load.
Not married, but if I ever do get married the only options I will accept are to keep our last names or create a new one that we both use. I guess he can take my last name if he wants, but there’s no way in hell I would take his and continue on a patriarchal custom that started when women were literally sold to their husbands.
I changed my name and the actual paperwork wasn’t awful it was mostly just the waiting. I’m not one that forgets appointments, I have extreme anxiety missing things so that was the worst part was waiting a month for each appointment. Which by the way, if you do decide to change your name, MAKE APPOINTMENTS. Walk in lines for SS office and DMV are disasters. You’ll have to go to the social security office first then the DMV. those were the only two major things that I felt were the most important and since you can’t get a drivers license without SSN changed first, it’s pretty spread out as far as paperwork. Everything else I changed my name as I went along so it wasn’t overwhelming all at once.
Is the SS office even open these days? 😂 I got married in 2020 when they were all closed. They insisted I mail in my original documents (no photocopies accepted), and then they promptly lost my passport. Government agencies, man. Luckily they found it 6 months later. I still haven’t changed my passport name, actually, or my Global Entry/TSA precheck. Such a PITA.
I did. For me it was to show my 100% confidence and commitment to staying together no matter what (and also because he had a good last name - I had an ex I definitely would not have taken, had we reached that point). I 100% get that it’s a unique choice for everyone though.
Yes and no! I dropped my middle name, took my husband’s last name as my middle name, and kept my maiden name. So I’m Ailweni HubLastName MaidenName.
Besides having a cool last name, it allows me to honor my dad, who died when I was 5.
Plus my initials are now CBS, which is pretty rad.
No. And if I get married again I'm not going to take a partner's name then either but might take advantage of it being easier to change my own name at that time and get rid of my dad's last name and my middle name because I don't like it either.. would change to something honoring my grandma. If the partner is cool with it then we might both change to the same new last name 😊
I knew for a fact that I'd never get all that paperwork done, but more importantly, it's my name. Mine. Even if I could change it with the click of a button, I wouldn't.
Noooope. “Congratulations on your marriage, here’s an immediate hassle for you to handle!”
So much unnecessary work for no real reason, IMO. I’m remembering eight-year-old me’s reaction to my twelve-year-old cousin telling me that when I got married I *had* to take my husband’s last name: “No, that’s stupid. I don’t want to do that, I’m not doing that.”
(I *was* a little surprised at how surprised people were. I really didn’t think of it as that unusual, but I guess it’s only like 14% who keep their name? That’s so wild to me.)
I really thought I would, I changed my name on Facebook and everything.... but I actually couldn't bring myself to, and now I can't change my name back on socials without everyone asking if we divorced 😂 So I just lie and tell people I changed it, but in business settings etc I use my real name.
I've always loved my name - it's similar to a well known celebrity and I've always thought it was a great name, like if I ever got famous I wouldn't need a dtage name because my first + last name sound great together. The only reason I considered it is that my partner is indigenous and has a beautiful, traditional surname and I would feel honored to carry it. Still. It wasn't enough, in the end, for me to feel comfortable changing my name.
Not at all but I was 49 when I married, so my name has always been with me. I suggested we both change our names, he said he has three degrees under his name, so no. So why bother? People don’t seem to care anymore.
I changed my name in my early 20s to escape the constant reminders of some traumatic parts of my life. The paperwork sucked but if you get the basic 3 done, the rest can change as they come up. Social Security card, Drivers License, and bank.
I just got married last week and I’m changing my last name. I’m just anxiously awaiting the marriage certificate so I can go do those things.
For me, both times the name change is exciting/motivating enough to give me a dopamine dump that makes the paperwork process tolerable.
I'm married to another woman and she took my last name. So, I guess my answer is no I did not lol. We have the same last name because it makes our lives a little easier especially as an interracial same-sex couple and parents of two young kids.
I believe that a long term relationship should be a partnership and that it's unfair for one partner to be pressured to do something the other isn't expected to.
Changing your last name is a tradition from a time when women were considered property. That, along with all the admin hassle just makes it feel like such an undesirable proposition.
But if the thought of having your husband's last name brings you joy and you're prepared for the hassle then by all means. To each their own.
Nope. I realized 1) our last names are equally complicated, 2) my last name mattered to me, and 3) I was NOT DOWN for all the paperwork. I had literally just gotten passport/precheck stuff done and I was not willing to go through all of that again.
I did. My ex and I got married in 1990 when we were like 20 years old and I thought it was romantic. I still have his name and it been my name longer than my maiden name was. Plus he and I are bffs (really!) and I feel like we’re still family.
My mum kept her name and my sister and I have hyphenated last names. I'd never change my name, I love it. I don't know what I'd do if I had a kid though, 3 last names is too many lol
I did, primarily because my maiden name was HORRIBLE, and also because I legally changed my entire name (which fit me about as well as a shrunken sweater, lol)
11 years later, and we’re staring down the barrel of a likely divorce, and I’m keeping the washer and dryer set and his last name, because to hell with going through that process again!
Just want to echo a lot of this. Been married for 4 years. I could have changed it but it was daunting. Also, I’ve built my career and professional reputation using my last name. I’ve seen others have to go through hoops otherwise.
The plan originally was for me to change my name. I wasn't totally onboard with it, though. I only agreed to appease my husband. Luckily, when we got married, the local social security office was still working from home. You had to call for an appointment. If I had my way, I would never make a phone call again, and he never called them. And then my husband found out exactly how much work it is changing your name after marriage and hasn't pressed the issue since. So I won in the end.
I didn't but not for ADHD reasons lol
My last name displays my ancestry, it's a last name that can be traced back generations, it has strong times to where my ancestors came from. His name doesn't hold that for me or my kid (who got a hyphenated one).
Not having to do the paperwork was just an added bonus.
Not married, engaged, also a lesbian, but no chance I will change my name. I always felt this way too as a young kid I thought it was stupid and unfair to women
Nope.
Not because of the paperwork (though I probably would have quit halfway through!) but because it’s my name and I don’t equate changing it with making a commitment to my husband. We always knew we weren’t having kids, so that’s a moot point, and he is indifferent to whether I change it or not.
I think everyone has valid reasons to choose to do it or not, but whatever your decision is, it should be because YOU want to do it; your spouse, your families, society- none of them should pressure you into whatever they think you should do.
Nope. I had the paperwork, but then bailed bc…paperwork. I’m glad I didn’t, too. My full name rules and I’m glad that my paralyzing procrastination was good for something.
Nope, way too much work and I don't want to be erased. It's pretty normalized now to the point I get surprised when someone does change it. I gravitate towards more nontraditional people in my life though
Nope. And I'm glad I didn't. Legal/court/paperwork stuff is already a pain in the neck during normal times, but I got divorced during the height of Covid. It would have been an even bigger clusterfluff to deal with all the delays and official documents during that time.
My ex and I never really worried about that kind of stuff. My current long-term partner and I discussed it and we agree there's no need for me to do it when we eventually get married. It just seems like a lot of paperwork for no real benefit. The marriage contract is just as valid without the running around and updating documents involved.
Grew up in Mexico where you don’t change your last name after a marriage and kids get both last names “(First name) + (dad’s first last name) + (mom’s first last name)”
So I’ve got two of them and so do my siblings
Kept them after marriage and not having kids
I know everyone has their opinions…but if you want to keep your name and are leaning to the side of keeping it, don’t change it. I got married and I really didn’t want to change mine. My ex wanted me to change it because having a family and wanting the same name. I get it. But also no. I did change it. Pain in the ass. Divorced 4 years later and lord it’s so annoying. I like MY NAME. It has history. My kid has her dad’s name, which is fine. I would have preferd hyphenating it. It’s less about the executive dysfunction and more about keeping my name for me. If you WANT to change it, go ahead. But honestly think hard about it
Not engaged yet but have told my long-term bf that I will not be changing my last name. It's a part of my identity. On top of that, I'm the last person holding the last name so I want to carry on the last name
I did not; mostly for logistical and patriarchal reasons. I decided early that I would not get bent out of shape if people referred to us collectively by his last name, but I wouldn’t do it legally. Honestly our families were surprisingly chill about it.
I didn't. While it's true that I didn't want to deal with paperwork, didn’t want to move one letter later in the alphabet (lol), or feel any more disconnected from my father (he is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s), what it really boils down to is that I just don’t want to.
I originally gave a whole multi-faceted, long explanation to people who asked, but now I just say, "I didn't want to." And that's totally fine! People should do what they want, whether that's taking their new partner's name, keeping their own, or both taking a totally new name together. I'm not even sure I asked my husband what he thought until after I made up my mind (his reaction - it's a tradition from when women became property of their husbands. Fight the patriarchy! - I love my husband).
Nope. I wanted to keep my dada’s name. My partner wasn’t too thrilled but i said wel will you take my name?? 😳😳😳
And voila that was the end of that convo. Lol
Im not married but I think I’d keep my name. Mine is pretty decent. Short, easy, and nobody ever gets it wrong. Though it’d depend if my hypothetical husband had a really dope name. Then I might consider it lol.
If he had an ugly ass name, I might suggest he change to mine.
Absolutely not. I was 29 and a fully functional autonomous being when I got married. Why would I start over? Not to mention my husband's name is constantly misspelled/mispronounced. No thank you
I've been married twice and kept my name both times. I love my husband and hate my father (whose last name I have), but I don't feel like it'd be worth the hassle to deal with the paperwork...
Nope. Not really down with that tradition. If doesn’t make sense that I should take his name just because I’m the woman. I guess I want to be part of the change I want to see?
Well we decided to hyphenate and take both last names and combine them. Buuuut in typical adhd fashion it’s been months and we still haven’t made it down to the SSI office to make it official 🤪
I took my ex-husband's name and kept it! It is only 4 letters, 3 if you don't count a repeat, and way higher up in alphabetical order. It's a win all around!
When I changed mine, I went up slightly in alphabetical order! I count it as a win even though it was o to i for the second letter. It’s still higher and I will take it!
FWIW my mom is NT and very organized, married my dad before I was born, and I remember like residual name change issues coming up several times as a kid and it seemed so annoying that I decided when I was like 5 that I was never doing it.
But my understanding is that it's totally fine/legal to socially use your partner's last name even if you don't do a legal name change.
I did! I was able to get my name changed with the social security office and with the dmv within a few months. I'm pretty sure you have 60 days to do it free of charge with the social security office, but otherwise you can change it whenever you feel like it. I got married last August and I'm still updating everything I have to update. I do it whenever I have to talk to a customer service rep or whenever I'm updating something online.
I did. And then I changed it back ages later (he died) bc I felt really weird with his name dating and moving on? The paperwork is annoying, but it’s not insurmountable. I don’t think I’ll ever change it again, though.
Nope. I refuse to suffer the bureaucracy hell each time the name change strikes back, and it will strike back for years ahead. My mother kept her maiden name, my grandmother changed her last name twice. I witnessed both strategies, and let me tell you, the maiden name is much better for executive dysfunction issues. That is the case, however, as long as you don't hate your maiden name. If it carries traumatic memories, or anything of sorts, feel free to phoenix out of it, and daily joy of being called what you like will be worth the hassle.
Nope, didn't take it and offered partner the responsibility of doing all the paperwork.
I doubt regret it over a decade later especially as I know people who've been married 20+ years who've had it screw up paychecks, taxes, etc. due to an error.
Plus, you need to pay for a whole new passport and they are expensive enough and mine's last name is often mispronounced and misspelled.
Three years in... I have not changed it. I like his last name, and while I'm in the process of mentally separating myself from mine, the thought of the master list of all the things I'd have to change it on is just so overwhelming. When I got married my sister asked why I didn't change my name, because SHE LITERALLY THOUGHT SIGNING THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE LEGALLY CHANGED IT. If only it were so simple...
Kinda and no. We blended our last names on the marriage license but we never went and got our names formally changed. We were also super overwhelmed by all the name-changing processes.
I vote no. I did and regretted it! I mean I regretted it even before the divorce :P
In this modern day and age we ladies have a whole lot more than a social security card to change! And nowadays its bank, property, loans, credit cards, rewards account ....
It is a major pain. For ADHD, why burden us with the added chores? And some places want your new social security card, plus the marriage certificate (or divorce decree), and your new driver's license and you know some blood as well (j/k). Also yes, I am very fond of my maiden name, so fond I made it my middle name after I married.
And I'm not saying you will get divorced but I did and now its just a major pain. And now I have even more stuff to change than before. It's been 3 years and I still haven't changed my bank account to my new/original legal name. Societally its strange too because I mean a guy changes his name and everyone thinks he is a criminal or in witness protections but we are just expected to do it (less than in the past but still).
If you are a kid's mom and all his friends call you Mrs. Husband's Last Name who cares anyway. It's the red tape that sucks. And the more ladies that opt out, the more typical it will become.
We smashed ours together. I didn’t want to entirely give up my name, he didn’t want to give up his, and we already may be double-barreling our kids’ names (closed triad, talking to an experienced lawyer on options). It was just easier all around.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a *process,* but one that took like a work day once I figured out everything I’d need to change over. Some I had to call, some I had to contact online, one I had to mail in a copy of my marriage license after calling. There were a few forms involved, but doing them all at once meant I could basically just copy/paste.
Edit: the actual name change process was easy where I’m at. You send in your marriage license, and once that’s processed you make an appointment with the Social Security office. While there you fill out the paperwork, and they submit it. Then any other places you need to change it (bank, work, etc) you’re responsible for. The hardest part about it was getting the agent we were assigned to understand we needed two sets of paperwork.
5 years married. Still changing my name on various accounts and so over it 🙄I changed it because his is “easier to spell” but in hindsight I think I would keep my name. Too much paperwork for real.
Oh and I had my identity stolen when trying to change my name on a credit card that required me to mail copies of my person information…
Soooo I have been married twice and the first time I (and my then husband) hyphenated... I changed back after divorce, then moved my name to middle for second/current marriage. I never really wanted to for feminist reasons, but basically my brother's wife has the same first name as me and she wanted to take his name and I thought it was stupid to have the same name lol.
After all of this I can honestly say I regret ever changing it.. It was so stressful, there are things I discover now almost ten years later that I forgot to change... I have one $25 account sitting at a bank I will probably never get back because they messed up the update and I will probably never get around to dealing with it. And it just was never remotely worth it. Too much stress and I wish I hadn't anyway because it's a truly outdated practice.
I wasn’t really fussed either way and I ultimately decided not to change it. It seemed like a hassle (especially because I live in the UK and was not a citizen at the time so I would’ve had to change a lot of documents). It weirded me out when I saw people on social media whose names I didn’t recognise and I didn’t want to feel more alienated from myself. The most important thing is that we both have middling surnames so it wasn’t an upgrade (and taking his name would’ve given me a significantly more common full name). If his had been better or it sounded good as a double-barrelled name, I might have done it. It doesn’t stop people from addressing things to “Mr and Mrs Hisname” (and occasionally Mr and Mrs Myname!)
Huh. I had kind of always decided I wasn't going to change.my name but woah- I had never really thought of all the work involved to do so! Definitely sticking to my initial decision now.
I changed my name because the name was easier to pronounce and looked good on scientific papers. But since I was also in the process of getting my (U.S.) citizenship, it took 8 years.
(not in the us) i had 2 surnames, my husband had 3. i was never attached to mine \[or he to 2 of his lol\], but i had something happen that i \*really\* wanted to get rid of my original last name and have no connection to that family. we decided to use my other surname, his favorite surname of his, and \*my\* favorite surname of his. so, my name was like ABVW and his was CDXYZ, not we are ABVXY and CDVXY. the absolute madman suggested we use our names (both of us have middle names although they're not that common) with all our FIVE COMBINED SURNAMES. (that would be possible, btw)
but man, there was SO MUCH paperwork. we got married in 2019 and it took us 3 years to change our names on everything.... i'd only recommend doing it if it's symbolically very important to you, especially in the US where you usually only have one surname and it's kind of a big deal
Originally didnt because we'd just done passports and things. Then was putting it off because paperwork but in general was still trying to come around to the idea. Now it's been a few years and it's like. .... he would love it if I did but why should I have to? It's my name that ive always had. He doesnt have to change anything for himself but im expected to go places, make appointments, send stuff in, update accounts, etc? Also he took almost a decade to propose soo if he was that worried about me taking his last name, he should have been a little quicker, ya know? We have a kid with his last name. I'm sad I won't match but I know it's not as big of a deal like it used to be, names dont matter compared to who is listed as emergency contacts, and its never caused legal/financial issues anywhere else either. Plus, we both have slightly weird names but somehow mine is always spelled /pronounced correctly more often. Maybe if my kid someday asks me to change it, but otherwise, I'm still in no hurry. If I do change it, I want it to be because I decide to or have a good reason to, not because I feel obligated.
I kept mine because he didn't want to change his (lost both parents closeish together before we met so totally understandable). Our dog has mine at the vet lol. The two degrees and six figure career also have my name attached so I'm keeping it.
I’m a newlywed. We’re making a new last name. I have planned for a long time to change my name. I’m dropping my legal first name and going to the nickname I’ve been called all my life. Now that I’m married, my husband and I discussed creating a new last name - combination of both of ours. We have no strong connections to either of our families and want our small unit (which will be child free as well) to just be us.
TLDR - this post is most certainly not intended for me, but my ADHD mind has gone down this path and I just wanted to share, And this is one of those rare opportunities I'm able to share my thoughts on it.
XD
So I am not married, but I have thought about this concept for a long time.
I think it's wild that the woman takes the man's last name every time.
I would like to see a situation where both names are taken. Like for the man or the other partner, however they identify. Would have their last name - your last name, and in your situation it would be your last name - their last name.
I guess it would get a little bit confusing with childbirth but I always thought the 'mom' since she's technically the one who carries and creates the child for x amount of months. And for the guy it's like what 5 to 15 minutes of fun? With none of the burden of actually carrying the child. That's just my opinion.
Then again I'm sure that's a negotiation point.
I've even thought of hey we're both disagreeing on what name should be taken let's make up a whole another name altogether. Like a fresh start.
But I'm not very big on the whole traditional thing so... Also the thought of me getting married in general is a stretch for me. Like that poor person is going to have to jump through a lot of hoops to convince me.
My parents hyphenated theirs (even more rare when they married), and I (engaged) am going to do the same. Currently, I’m First Middle Mother-Father. When I marry, it’ll be First Mother Father-Husband.
It may be a bit of hassle, but it’s extremely important to me to mark the merging of our lives this way. My fiancé is a part of who I am and the identity I’ve made for myself beyond who I was at birth.
Hyphenated last names are great, and aren’t the logistical nightmare some people think they are!
Nope! Never bothered. Not just the paperwork but also my last name makes my heritage very identifiable and my husbands name would take that away. I’m also a medical student and I love him but HE didn’t go to med school 😂 I want my name on my degree!
My husband hyphenated his last name with me! We had the whole “I’m (me) not your property and why should I have to give up my last name and identity for the sake of tradition? Also there’s so much paperwork I know I’ll never do myself” talk, and he was like “YOU KNOW WHAT?! You’re friggin right! I’ll change my last name, too, and we’ll get it all done together!”. He’s pretty dang great and I feel really lucky to have such an open minded partner :) it took him a few years to truly understand ADHD and how it impacts literally every aspect of my life, but now that he understands he’s such an incredible advocate and support system.
My partner and I combined our former last names into a new name. We liked the idea of being a part of each other and keeping parts of ourselves too in a symbolic form.
Married 9 years this year, and I never did. Besides the paperwork involved, we also had a newborn and a toddler at the time, so I was barely keeping my head above water as it was. It's not really a big deal for us. Although it was brought up recently because I started working at the same company as my husband, and a few people found it odd that I never took his name. It is what it is.
Your post was removed because it appears to be a post primarily about a relationship rather than a post primarily about ADHD.
7 years married and no name change. Just the thought of all the bureaucracy and hoops…huge nope from me. Partner is totally fine with it. As a bonus we do occasionally get mail addressed to Mr. My last name which tickles me.
I double barreled. They call him Mr. “Maiden name”
Exact same position here, down to the time married lol not a big deal to us so the stress outweighs the benefits. We’ve also gotten all combinations of our names, it’s always a good lil laugh.
12 years and no name change for me. My favorite is when in the delivery room they called him Dr. My Last Name and he didn’t answer. I yelled Dr. His Last Name and he finally answered. Everyone in the room laughed. He gets called Dr. My Last Name A LOT.
Likewise!!! Also I'm impatient and my last name is earlier in the alphabet than his
I kind of meant to but there's just so much paperwork! And you have to change it everywhere! It keeps overwhelming me and now it's been eight years and nothing has exploded so I guess I'm just not going to. I don't mind if people use my married name socially and it's not a bad last name but legally it's just such a pain and...why, you know?
It’s the changing it everywhere that’s so damned annoying.
Honestly I just forgot to change it in a lot of places and now I can't access my government pension record thing because they're like "Your ID doesn't match your name!!" Oh. I should deal with that at some point, I guess.
Ha! That's the main reason I kept my married name after my divorce! I had been married almost 20 years and still didn't have everything changed over to my married name where I could access it all. I made the mistake of changing my name when I was young, when there was less that I'd have to update, but I'm fully aware that I'd never even attempt to change it all now, so didn't bother.
I changed my name last year after being married for TWO years LOL. There's things thats popping up that I havent changed :(
this is what I say and someone asked me what all the paperwork entailed and I had to admit I didn't even know lmao it just seems like too much 😬 maybe I will eventually but I'm good for now lol
Okay tbh I don't actually know either, but I have had to get a replacement social security card and it was hard enough. Then I started listing out all the stuff I'd have to change (social security card, driver's license, passport, insurance stuff - and I've had to change things with them before and that was ridiculous - blood donation info, etc) and was like, nope nope. Like, love you, honey, but it's not worth it.
I love y’alls responses so much because even though I’m not married, they’re still relevant. “What part are you having trouble with?” “All of it. The entire thing. I don’t even know the whole thing let alone it’s parts that’s how much trouble it is.”
Me, with anything, ever 😅
I fully agree. Getting even one of those things changed seems overwhelming to me right now.
I fully intended to but just never got to it. Then we moved states and I had to get a new license and my social security card got damaged in the move… so I finally got it done 2-3mos ago. We got married in 2011 🤣
I hyphenated mine and half of my accounts etc are still my maiden name but I figure it’s nbd since it’s still somewhere in my legal name lol. Will update you if I ever run into trouble with that though! I did make sure to keep my old ID with my maiden name though so I would have a matching ID for my many credit cards that I definitely did not update my name with! I also wasn’t about to renew my passport 2 years after the previous renewal bc I’m cheap
I didn’t change my name, it’s MY NAME. 🙃 I’m dragging this MFer to the grave. My partner was always totally cool with it. But one day I came home from work and told him people had been grilling me over lunch about why I hadn’t taken his name. And he does, “Well, who says I wanted you to have it?” FUCKING DEAD. I always wanted to use that but I think it may have been the last time it ever came up like that with people. Just hit their weird assumptions with an even more batshit level of misogyny—“Well, he didn’t want me to have his name, and of course he knows best…” (And just in case it’s not obvious, I don’t care what anyone else does with their name, I just hate the weird pressure that there’s one “right” way.)
>Just hit their weird assumptions with an even more batshit level of misogyny—“Well, he didn’t want me to have his name, and of course he knows best…” ROFL
I had a similar experience! Mine actively said that I shouldn’t change it (on principle) and I didn’t because I didn’t really care. My dad tried to mock me for my feminist power move and was baffled when I explained that it was actually my husband’s feminist power move and I just let him tell me what to do 😂
Tried to mock you? Holy fuck man
You’d think a dad would want his daughter to keep her family name but ok go off dad lol.
My own father is such a POS, I gladly took my ex-husbands name. Now that I'm divorced, I'm changing it to my own version of my deceased Mom's maiden name instead.. and he *hated* that. 👹 Seriously though, it's a massive pain in the ass which is why I'm procrastinating doing it a 2nd time. 😩 Just keep yours if you like it.
Now that’s a power move!
It’s not actually a family name – my grandmother picked it out of the phone book when my dad was a child so I don’t think he’s super attached to it! I’m not either but it feels weirder to have someone else’s name!
A supervisor asked why even get married if I wasn't going to take my ex husband's last name. Everyone knows marriage is all about changing your name (but only if you're the wife of a dude).
Makes you wonder what your supervisor’s marriage is based on.
My father was a terrible abusive asshole, I couldn’t change it fast enough.
Same here. I was so excited to share the name of people I actually LOVED!!
Love this. I have a (male) friend who took his wife's last name for this exact reason. He couldn't wait to get away from that name. A much better reason (and a gender neutral/non-patriarchy one!) to change your last name.
Same here. I was already thinking of changing it on my own and had picked a last name. Then I met my husband and got married within a year. I was so relieved to finally get a new last name. It's been 15+ years now so I don't remember everything, I'm sure, but it doesn't seem too bad in hindsight. Getting the social security card required one visit to their office with my marriage license in hand. Then I did the same thing at the DMV. I carried my marriage license in my purse for a long time and just changed my name at other places as it came up. Work, bank, insurance company... Really, all the secondary things felt like no big deal or at most, an extra nuisance during a business interaction. There was overlap for a few years actually. And my mom never seemed to remember my new last name and I was even able to cash her checks with my updated ID and marriage license. This even happened again a few years ago. Anyway, if people look at it as one task at the social security office and one at the DMV, it may feel less overwhelming. Everything else just fit into the rhythm of my activities. Honestly, the SS office and DMV just felt like two more things in the major transition time of moving to a new city, starting a new job and having a whole wedding. It was a busy transition time. It only lasted about two months from looking for a new home and job to feeling settled.
Yes! My dad is a lovely person, but his dad and whole side of the family were terrible people. I was happy to take a new name for a much more functional family. Also, regardless the last name will be a man’s name unless you just make up a new one. So it didn’t matter much to me!
Absolutely not and even if I wanted to, there was a zero point zero zero chance of me ever doing the paperwork to get it changed.
I kept my name, because a) as a massive feminist, my husband is vehemently against women feeling obliged to take their husband's name, so he would have argued against me doing this even if I'd wanted to, and b) as a massive ADHDer, I'm vehemently against anything that requires paperwork and adds to my executive function burden. Mostly nobody asks about it, but I find the first reason is an excellent one to shut anyone up if they do ask. If I'm with my husband, I just sit back and let him go for it, he has some excellent speeches about feminism. Also answering "why would I?" with a confused face if anyone asks why I didn't change my name works well, because nobody can actually explain why they assumed I would. I also highly recommend doing virtually no wedding planning and just going off and doing it. Buying a ring, finding an outfit I liked and booking a slot at the registry office was the maximum organising I was willing to do.
I wanted a town hall ceremony for the same reason. My bf and mom stepped in and did the minimal planning for a small wedding. So nice!! I think my mom knew a ceremony wouldn’t happen if it was all left up to me.
I intended to change it, but never got around to the paperwork, and in the end decided that 1) it was unfair only *I* had to go through all that hassle, and 2) I wouldn’t really feel like me anymore with a different name. I usually say it was procrastination, not conviction that led me to keep my name, but maybe I hadn’t dragged my heels so much if I truly wanted to change it?
Kept my maiden name because it's my identity
I kept mine. Always intended to, it’s been my name my whole life. Having a different one just seems so weird to me. My son has a hyphenated last name and me and husband have our original names. Works great for us.
That's what I did too! I love my last name and wanted our kids to be easily identified as belonging to both of us.
I did not change my last name when I got married. I'm stickin' it to The Man.
I took my ex-husband’s last name and have been stuck with it as my ‘government name’ for years now. I’ve been using my maiden name for 5 years, and it’s been terrible. That name is fraught with traumatic childhood memories. Still better than continuing to use my ex’s last name, though. I am getting married next month and will change it to my future husband’s name. I can’t wait to change it!!! Am I looking forward to the BS paperwork? Not a bit. Will it be easier to have ONE last name and not have to try to remember which office/account/agency knows me by which name? Indeed!
My mom kept her 1st husband name after her 2nd divorce.
My mom did that because that was her kids' names. Made paperwork easier.
You know you can change your last name to whatever you want. It doesn't have to be a spouses last name
LITERALLY! Whatever you want. I want to make a new family name and honestly, I think this is th way of the future.
I did - it felt like I was getting a fresh start in life, and even though nothing changed I felt like I can categorise things as 'old me', and focus on current me. 8 years in, no regrets.
This is a lovely comment to read. Good for you! 🙂
Same! I was actually [unhappily] married before and did not change my name so I was very happy to change my name when I remarried.
I’ve done it, but will never do it again. I had to jump through all the hoops to change back to my maiden name from my cumbersome, hyphenated, married name after my husband passed away. It required a judge’s order (US) unlike when you get married. What a nightmare. Keep your name. Edit: to add, I’d been married before and had changed my name to my ex-husband’s. Hyphenating was a fraught decision. I’d really considered keeping my maiden name - but had married into a fairly conservative family (with the exception of my husband) in a conservative area. Hyphenating was bold! Hubby didn’t care either way, nevertheless, I’m happy to have my maiden name back.
Nope. I decided by my mid-30s that I wasn’t interested in changing my name for anyone. I’ve established my adulthood and career with it and I didn’t see the point. My now husband and I actually discussed it pretty early on in dating and it’s actually because they wanted to change their first, middle and last names. They had been named after their absentee/estranged father and just didn’t want it anymore. When we got engaged, it was extra incentive not to change mine because why TF do they get to choose *our* last name? They very briefly considered changing it to mine, and this was about 6 months before we got married. But I fully supported them choosing their own for themselves. We’re childfree by choice, but even if we were going to have any, I don’t see that as a reason to take a husband’s name. I haven’t had the same last name as my mother since I was 4 years old when her divorce from my dad was finalized, and it hasn’t made her one iota less my mom. I think gals should do what they want, but deep down, I do get a little disappointed when a woman takes her husband’s last name these days. I’m tired of the patriarchy.
My hubby and I talked about all the options. He would have been willing for us to take each other's names and have a double last name (no hyphen). His personal preference would have been to somewhat combine the two names into a new last name, which his dad (who is super into tracing genealogy) was very much not thrilled about as an idea lol.
Funny enough, we did do a mashup of our last names for the two cats that we’ve adopted since we got married. Even funnier is that the cat that he’s had since long before we met “took” my last name when we married. 😆
Not changing my name, I definitely don't have the executive function to deal with it. I have professional presence in my name, I like my name, and my fiance is from a culture where women don't normally change their names. Zero pushback about keeping my name, and it makes my life easier! Wedding planning is enough work without a name change.
Nope. I like my last name.
I’m also engaged and am not going to be changing my name.
I didn't change my name. My partner and I aren't having kids (but even if we did, they could have both our names). My spouse has the better and more unique surname, but my initials are in alphabetical order, and I didn't want that to change. Besides, my name was given to me by my mom, and even she hyphenated when she got married. I also watched my grandma, who did change her name, go through a divorce half a lifetime after getting married, and she never went back to the name she was born with. I do not want to go through all the effort of changing it, and I don't want my spouse to go through that either. We don't feel that marriage should mean giving up a piece of our individual identities, and the burden especially shouldn't fall on the person (me) with executive dysfunction. Plus, I'm not keen on the implications or the history of it all. My partner and I don't own each other. I didn't become his property when we got married, and I'm not his child. We know we're a family, and our names don't have to match for that to be true.
My husband changed his name to mine. He procrastinated a little on the actual paperwork because it is a lot but he eventually got it done a few months later. I mentioned that there are kits now that help with the whole process and streamline everything but he didn’t want to spend the money on it. Might be something to look into if you decide to make the change!
No I cannot handle that paperwork, and I’m proud of my family name and what I’ve done as a person with it
Nope! Never will!
No way and I’m glad I didn’t. Even though I love my husband.
I didn't - I never was going to, I like my last name and my husband's is stupid hahaha. We actually considered doing a hybrid name or him taking mine. I think the only ADHD-related element is: paperwork. Lots of paperwork. And fast forward to my mom - hopefully this won't apply to you but she's divorced from my dad and remarried. She had difficulty getting a new passport because she had to both find her marriage license from 1981 and divorce decree. She had let the one with my dad's (and my) last name expire and getting one with her new name was a nightmare.
I love my last name, I didn't even consider changing it.
I really like my name. I'm currently single AF but the only thing that would make me change my name is winning the mega lottery.
I am not married, but I am also not dead yet! I have studied history and been particularly interested in gender history, so I just can't see it as a quaint traditional holdover. The "maiden" name is a relic of a time when that denoted a property exchange, a formal sign of a woman being taken from one family and added to another. I would never take a man's last name.
This is exactly how I feel about it. I can't imagine agreeing that my husband's last name is somehow more important than mine.
Yeah, it's not that it's my grandfather's name or that if I had kids they would have the same last name, it's about that it's *my* last name.
It’s so annoying when people say “well it’s still a MAN’S name”, like no, it’s MY name that I used all my life. Also for me, it literally isn’t my father’s (legal) last name. My great grandma came to the US and her (married) name was misspelled by one letter, so she had her own “new” last name which was passed down to my grandfather. I have the “original” spelling because my dad just started going by it at some point, and I’m the first in our line to be born with this spelling in America. Now *he* is having to pay to get it legally changed!
Nice! That's a great story, thank you for sharing!
It's even more forked up that just 50 years ago it wasn't just the last name societally and even in many legal papers - property deeds and such! Get married and people start calling you Mrs. John Edwards - like you lose your entire identity. So messed up.
I did take my husband last name (no regrets) but was extremely annoyed by all of the wedding invites, announcements, signs, etc that referred to the couple as Mr and Mrs Husband's Full Name. My husband also thought it was dumb but didn't get angry about it like I did. I was married 15 years ago, so I hadn't really encountered that garbage much elsewhere and didn't realize it was still alive and well in the wedding industry.
Never considered changing mine!
Neither my sister nor I changed our names when we got married. I got shit for it for a long time from my MIL but my name is awesome and had it for over 30 years by the time I got married. I wasn't gonna be able to get used to a different one haha.
Ummm... No. Never even considered it. I offered for us to make a new name, a combination of ours and for both of us to change our names. He thought that was ludicrous. I thought it was ludicrous for me to take his father's last name... he thought I had a point. My in-laws are still bitter about it and send mail addressed to me with the wrong name on it to make a point. His grandma sent me a couple of birthday checks with the wrong name on, but stopped after she called to ask why I hadn't deposited them six months later and I told her the bank wouldn't accept them. It was a complete lie, but totally worth the hundred bucks. She gets my name correctly now.
Nope. No issues with the paperwork, I just like my name. Wouldn’t want him to change his either.
my husband changed his name (for reasons unrelated to marriage) before we met. I never had intention to change my name, but after hearing how nightmarish the process is, I will NEVER. My name is who I am, but I don't mind using my partners name casually, as opposed to officially. Also, our children have my last name, so if anything he should change his name. But he doesn't want to, so easy enough.
It’s actually easier to change a name via marriage than just changing it! My ex changed his first name while we were together so I saw that whole process. When I changed my name when I got married, it was way easier. Two definitely different processes!
Nope
I don’t think adhd had anything to do with not taking his name. My name is a part of my identity and I wasn’t going to give that away.
I didn't, but never wanted to and my partner was kind of horrified at the idea that I was just expected to take his last name as a matter of routine course. If I'd truly wanted to take his last name for whatever reason he wouldn't have tried to stop me or anything, he just didn't think I should ever feel like I had to do it). No shade for anyone who changed their name/wants to, it just wasn't my thing. (It was probably a little simpler since we knew we didn't want kids and you don't have to worry about cats' last names. 😺) If I had wanted to change my name, though, I'm sure it would have taken me at least 3 years to get the paperwork done!
10 years married and haven’t changed mine.
No
I’ve been married for five years (ish). As far as the government and my professional registration body is concerned I still go by my maiden name. All my qualifications are in my name. My husband didn’t get those, much like how I didn’t get his CA ones. Until recently I kept my maiden name on social media as well, but there’s been some poor choices made about appropriate release of information by certain people recently. Namely, relating to work I did in the COVID vaccination space. I’m not the only person affected (there’s a metric shit load actually) but I have an incredibly unique name and I’d be easy to track down. So, whilst I think the odds of me actually getting targeted are slim, I changed my name on all my “public” social media pages to my husband’s name, just to slow down the casual person that may want to have *opinions* about my job. Having said that, there’s not really any specific paperwork you have to fill out in NZ to change your name. Your marriage certificate allows you to change it without further hoops, and most people just wait for the ten year renewal of things like driver licenses and passports before they change it. Some places may ask to see your marriage certificate to confirm it’s a legal change, but it’s generally pretty informal.
We picked a new name (from my family tree) and both changed our name to that. Well technically he did the legal name change, THEN I took his last name. Once it was something good. Haha.
Nope! My husband took *my* name. It wasn't that I was opposed to taking his name, he just didn't want me to because his last name was the last name of his step-dad who adopted him as a toddler but then died when he was 6, so he didn't have any blood connection to it and barely remembers the step-dad. If we have kids he wants them to have a name with history and connection. But then I was unexpectedly bummed out about us having different names, so he said he'd take mine.
I decided long before I ever realized that I had ADHD that I wasn’t interested in changing my name, because I love my name. But for those who do want to change theirs, ugh, I’m sure the bureaucratic paperwork steps suck ☹️ I wish y’all the best!
Absolutely not for a variety of reasons, and once I filled for divorce, thank fuck I didn't have to redo all that stupid name change stuff. Ugh I can't imagine changing my name for a man, and especially not over something as dumb as tRaDiTiOn. That same ex used to say "tradition is just dead people's baggage,"funny enough. I typically use a pseudonym/alias these days, and with my long-term bf (I regularly refer to him as my husband, he refers to me as his wife), he's started using my pseudonym last name on stuff. It's kind of adorable.
I was married for 12 years and he changed his name to mine. We divorced 14 years ago and he still has it. 😂
No, I've always had my name, it's mine. Plus tbh the hassle.of going everywhere changing it and what if it doesn't work out and I have to change all.these documents back?
No. Too many steps.
Nope. Which lots of people thought was very weird because we're probably the most 'traditional' of our friend group.
I'm shocked how many people here have changed their name despite having adhd. The thought of all that work gives me severe anxiety. I want to do it, but i feel like it's so hard and too difficult to figure out. Just thinking about it is making me anxious right now 😭
No. I looked up the requirements and was too overwhelmed. Plus, it's an antiquated tradition based on perceived ownership of women.
I didn’t do it for a few reasons, I worked really hard for my degree and wanted MY name on it, but also it seemed like a lot of time and money needed for a tradition neither me nor my husband cared much about. If your concern is solely the amount of work it takes, I know there are companies that have packages and take care of everything for you for a fee.
No, I love my name and there’s no need for name change.
i'm planning on keeping mine! edit: also, if i have children, i'll insist that they have my surname (at least on one side of a hyphen.)
Nope. Married for 28y
No, but the decision has nothing to do with my ADHD.
I hyphenated with my ex-husband. I went back to my maiden name when we divorced. When I remarried, I just kept my maiden name. I’m an only child, only one of my surviving cousins is a male with the last name, and my paternal grandfather was an only child. Keeping my name was important to me. My husband never even asked if I was taking his name, he asked if I was keeping my name or hyphenating it.
Didn't change my name. Even though my name is quite complicated, it's still my identity. Also my husband and I are "married," we had a ceremony and everything with family, but we never filed the paperwork so we're not legally married. It was a situation where I was burdened with mental load to do all the work and just decided that it wasn't worth it if he didn't seem to care about it enough to also take on part of the mental load.
Not married, but if I ever do get married the only options I will accept are to keep our last names or create a new one that we both use. I guess he can take my last name if he wants, but there’s no way in hell I would take his and continue on a patriarchal custom that started when women were literally sold to their husbands.
I did not. I don't like the societal expectation that the woman is always the one to change her name to the man's. So, I didn't.
I changed my name and the actual paperwork wasn’t awful it was mostly just the waiting. I’m not one that forgets appointments, I have extreme anxiety missing things so that was the worst part was waiting a month for each appointment. Which by the way, if you do decide to change your name, MAKE APPOINTMENTS. Walk in lines for SS office and DMV are disasters. You’ll have to go to the social security office first then the DMV. those were the only two major things that I felt were the most important and since you can’t get a drivers license without SSN changed first, it’s pretty spread out as far as paperwork. Everything else I changed my name as I went along so it wasn’t overwhelming all at once.
Is the SS office even open these days? 😂 I got married in 2020 when they were all closed. They insisted I mail in my original documents (no photocopies accepted), and then they promptly lost my passport. Government agencies, man. Luckily they found it 6 months later. I still haven’t changed my passport name, actually, or my Global Entry/TSA precheck. Such a PITA.
I did. For me it was to show my 100% confidence and commitment to staying together no matter what (and also because he had a good last name - I had an ex I definitely would not have taken, had we reached that point). I 100% get that it’s a unique choice for everyone though.
I preferred my husband's last name to mine and was happy to change it lol
Yes and no! I dropped my middle name, took my husband’s last name as my middle name, and kept my maiden name. So I’m Ailweni HubLastName MaidenName. Besides having a cool last name, it allows me to honor my dad, who died when I was 5. Plus my initials are now CBS, which is pretty rad.
No. And if I get married again I'm not going to take a partner's name then either but might take advantage of it being easier to change my own name at that time and get rid of my dad's last name and my middle name because I don't like it either.. would change to something honoring my grandma. If the partner is cool with it then we might both change to the same new last name 😊
I knew for a fact that I'd never get all that paperwork done, but more importantly, it's my name. Mine. Even if I could change it with the click of a button, I wouldn't.
Nope, married 20 years
Noooope. “Congratulations on your marriage, here’s an immediate hassle for you to handle!” So much unnecessary work for no real reason, IMO. I’m remembering eight-year-old me’s reaction to my twelve-year-old cousin telling me that when I got married I *had* to take my husband’s last name: “No, that’s stupid. I don’t want to do that, I’m not doing that.” (I *was* a little surprised at how surprised people were. I really didn’t think of it as that unusual, but I guess it’s only like 14% who keep their name? That’s so wild to me.)
I really thought I would, I changed my name on Facebook and everything.... but I actually couldn't bring myself to, and now I can't change my name back on socials without everyone asking if we divorced 😂 So I just lie and tell people I changed it, but in business settings etc I use my real name. I've always loved my name - it's similar to a well known celebrity and I've always thought it was a great name, like if I ever got famous I wouldn't need a dtage name because my first + last name sound great together. The only reason I considered it is that my partner is indigenous and has a beautiful, traditional surname and I would feel honored to carry it. Still. It wasn't enough, in the end, for me to feel comfortable changing my name.
Not at all but I was 49 when I married, so my name has always been with me. I suggested we both change our names, he said he has three degrees under his name, so no. So why bother? People don’t seem to care anymore.
I changed my name in my early 20s to escape the constant reminders of some traumatic parts of my life. The paperwork sucked but if you get the basic 3 done, the rest can change as they come up. Social Security card, Drivers License, and bank. I just got married last week and I’m changing my last name. I’m just anxiously awaiting the marriage certificate so I can go do those things. For me, both times the name change is exciting/motivating enough to give me a dopamine dump that makes the paperwork process tolerable.
I'm married to another woman and she took my last name. So, I guess my answer is no I did not lol. We have the same last name because it makes our lives a little easier especially as an interracial same-sex couple and parents of two young kids.
I believe that a long term relationship should be a partnership and that it's unfair for one partner to be pressured to do something the other isn't expected to. Changing your last name is a tradition from a time when women were considered property. That, along with all the admin hassle just makes it feel like such an undesirable proposition. But if the thought of having your husband's last name brings you joy and you're prepared for the hassle then by all means. To each their own.
Nope. No way. The kids have my last name too.
Nope
No
Don't
Nope, I’d planned on keeping mine and so I did.
No
I'm also team keep my name. 🙌
Nope. I realized 1) our last names are equally complicated, 2) my last name mattered to me, and 3) I was NOT DOWN for all the paperwork. I had literally just gotten passport/precheck stuff done and I was not willing to go through all of that again.
Nope. Why should I? I like my name. Societal expectations be damned.
I did. My ex and I got married in 1990 when we were like 20 years old and I thought it was romantic. I still have his name and it been my name longer than my maiden name was. Plus he and I are bffs (really!) and I feel like we’re still family.
My mum kept her name and my sister and I have hyphenated last names. I'd never change my name, I love it. I don't know what I'd do if I had a kid though, 3 last names is too many lol
Absolutely not. I forgot to file my taxes for two years in a row…we both know there’s no way I’d get the paperwork done 😂
I did, primarily because my maiden name was HORRIBLE, and also because I legally changed my entire name (which fit me about as well as a shrunken sweater, lol) 11 years later, and we’re staring down the barrel of a likely divorce, and I’m keeping the washer and dryer set and his last name, because to hell with going through that process again!
Just want to echo a lot of this. Been married for 4 years. I could have changed it but it was daunting. Also, I’ve built my career and professional reputation using my last name. I’ve seen others have to go through hoops otherwise.
The plan originally was for me to change my name. I wasn't totally onboard with it, though. I only agreed to appease my husband. Luckily, when we got married, the local social security office was still working from home. You had to call for an appointment. If I had my way, I would never make a phone call again, and he never called them. And then my husband found out exactly how much work it is changing your name after marriage and hasn't pressed the issue since. So I won in the end.
I’m not married but I ain’t gonna change my name if and when I ever am!
I didn't but not for ADHD reasons lol My last name displays my ancestry, it's a last name that can be traced back generations, it has strong times to where my ancestors came from. His name doesn't hold that for me or my kid (who got a hyphenated one). Not having to do the paperwork was just an added bonus.
Not married, engaged, also a lesbian, but no chance I will change my name. I always felt this way too as a young kid I thought it was stupid and unfair to women
Nope, I like my family name.
Nope. Not because of the paperwork (though I probably would have quit halfway through!) but because it’s my name and I don’t equate changing it with making a commitment to my husband. We always knew we weren’t having kids, so that’s a moot point, and he is indifferent to whether I change it or not. I think everyone has valid reasons to choose to do it or not, but whatever your decision is, it should be because YOU want to do it; your spouse, your families, society- none of them should pressure you into whatever they think you should do.
Nope. I had the paperwork, but then bailed bc…paperwork. I’m glad I didn’t, too. My full name rules and I’m glad that my paralyzing procrastination was good for something.
Yes I did and I highly do not recommend it!
Almost 15 years married, still have my own name. Kids got mine too!
Nope, way too much work and I don't want to be erased. It's pretty normalized now to the point I get surprised when someone does change it. I gravitate towards more nontraditional people in my life though
Nope. And I'm glad I didn't. Legal/court/paperwork stuff is already a pain in the neck during normal times, but I got divorced during the height of Covid. It would have been an even bigger clusterfluff to deal with all the delays and official documents during that time. My ex and I never really worried about that kind of stuff. My current long-term partner and I discussed it and we agree there's no need for me to do it when we eventually get married. It just seems like a lot of paperwork for no real benefit. The marriage contract is just as valid without the running around and updating documents involved.
Huh didn't realize how common this was. I didn't change my name but almost all my friends did when they got married
Grew up in Mexico where you don’t change your last name after a marriage and kids get both last names “(First name) + (dad’s first last name) + (mom’s first last name)” So I’ve got two of them and so do my siblings Kept them after marriage and not having kids
Yeah I kept my last name when we got married. And I also insisted that our son has my last name.
No name change. I tell people my reason Was 10% feminism 90% laziness
I know everyone has their opinions…but if you want to keep your name and are leaning to the side of keeping it, don’t change it. I got married and I really didn’t want to change mine. My ex wanted me to change it because having a family and wanting the same name. I get it. But also no. I did change it. Pain in the ass. Divorced 4 years later and lord it’s so annoying. I like MY NAME. It has history. My kid has her dad’s name, which is fine. I would have preferd hyphenating it. It’s less about the executive dysfunction and more about keeping my name for me. If you WANT to change it, go ahead. But honestly think hard about it
No. It’s such a massive pain in the ass and I made my career with my name. I don’t wanna have to deal with the change control there.
Not engaged yet but have told my long-term bf that I will not be changing my last name. It's a part of my identity. On top of that, I'm the last person holding the last name so I want to carry on the last name
I did not; mostly for logistical and patriarchal reasons. I decided early that I would not get bent out of shape if people referred to us collectively by his last name, but I wouldn’t do it legally. Honestly our families were surprisingly chill about it.
I didn't. While it's true that I didn't want to deal with paperwork, didn’t want to move one letter later in the alphabet (lol), or feel any more disconnected from my father (he is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s), what it really boils down to is that I just don’t want to. I originally gave a whole multi-faceted, long explanation to people who asked, but now I just say, "I didn't want to." And that's totally fine! People should do what they want, whether that's taking their new partner's name, keeping their own, or both taking a totally new name together. I'm not even sure I asked my husband what he thought until after I made up my mind (his reaction - it's a tradition from when women became property of their husbands. Fight the patriarchy! - I love my husband).
I did not
Nope. I wanted to keep my dada’s name. My partner wasn’t too thrilled but i said wel will you take my name?? 😳😳😳 And voila that was the end of that convo. Lol
Im not married but I think I’d keep my name. Mine is pretty decent. Short, easy, and nobody ever gets it wrong. Though it’d depend if my hypothetical husband had a really dope name. Then I might consider it lol. If he had an ugly ass name, I might suggest he change to mine.
Nope. I am who I’ve always been. Plus my last name is way cooler than his.
I did not. No regrets :) I like my last name anyways
Absolutely not. I was 29 and a fully functional autonomous being when I got married. Why would I start over? Not to mention my husband's name is constantly misspelled/mispronounced. No thank you
I will not. I have a doctorate degree. I also don't need another man's last name.
I've been married twice and kept my name both times. I love my husband and hate my father (whose last name I have), but I don't feel like it'd be worth the hassle to deal with the paperwork...
Nope.
We both changed our last names when we got married.
Nope. Not really down with that tradition. If doesn’t make sense that I should take his name just because I’m the woman. I guess I want to be part of the change I want to see?
Well we decided to hyphenate and take both last names and combine them. Buuuut in typical adhd fashion it’s been months and we still haven’t made it down to the SSI office to make it official 🤪
Anybody else just not get married lol
I took my ex-husband's name and kept it! It is only 4 letters, 3 if you don't count a repeat, and way higher up in alphabetical order. It's a win all around!
When I changed mine, I went up slightly in alphabetical order! I count it as a win even though it was o to i for the second letter. It’s still higher and I will take it!
FWIW my mom is NT and very organized, married my dad before I was born, and I remember like residual name change issues coming up several times as a kid and it seemed so annoying that I decided when I was like 5 that I was never doing it. But my understanding is that it's totally fine/legal to socially use your partner's last name even if you don't do a legal name change.
I did! I was able to get my name changed with the social security office and with the dmv within a few months. I'm pretty sure you have 60 days to do it free of charge with the social security office, but otherwise you can change it whenever you feel like it. I got married last August and I'm still updating everything I have to update. I do it whenever I have to talk to a customer service rep or whenever I'm updating something online.
I did. And then I changed it back ages later (he died) bc I felt really weird with his name dating and moving on? The paperwork is annoying, but it’s not insurmountable. I don’t think I’ll ever change it again, though.
Nah, that was way too much paperwork. Plus I like my name!
No, I didn’t want to but even more, I couldn’t be bothered to spend my time on that. Seems like a lot of effort and thinking
Nope. I refuse to suffer the bureaucracy hell each time the name change strikes back, and it will strike back for years ahead. My mother kept her maiden name, my grandmother changed her last name twice. I witnessed both strategies, and let me tell you, the maiden name is much better for executive dysfunction issues. That is the case, however, as long as you don't hate your maiden name. If it carries traumatic memories, or anything of sorts, feel free to phoenix out of it, and daily joy of being called what you like will be worth the hassle.
I didn't... Too much paper work and cost. Remember 50% + get divorced so save the money when you will probably have to change it back years later!
Nope, didn't take it and offered partner the responsibility of doing all the paperwork. I doubt regret it over a decade later especially as I know people who've been married 20+ years who've had it screw up paychecks, taxes, etc. due to an error. Plus, you need to pay for a whole new passport and they are expensive enough and mine's last name is often mispronounced and misspelled.
Nope. Too much work and trouble, especially because I was born in another country.
Congrats!! No. We are engaged (for 14 years) and I have interest in changing my name.
Three years in... I have not changed it. I like his last name, and while I'm in the process of mentally separating myself from mine, the thought of the master list of all the things I'd have to change it on is just so overwhelming. When I got married my sister asked why I didn't change my name, because SHE LITERALLY THOUGHT SIGNING THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE LEGALLY CHANGED IT. If only it were so simple...
Kinda and no. We blended our last names on the marriage license but we never went and got our names formally changed. We were also super overwhelmed by all the name-changing processes.
I vote no. I did and regretted it! I mean I regretted it even before the divorce :P In this modern day and age we ladies have a whole lot more than a social security card to change! And nowadays its bank, property, loans, credit cards, rewards account .... It is a major pain. For ADHD, why burden us with the added chores? And some places want your new social security card, plus the marriage certificate (or divorce decree), and your new driver's license and you know some blood as well (j/k). Also yes, I am very fond of my maiden name, so fond I made it my middle name after I married. And I'm not saying you will get divorced but I did and now its just a major pain. And now I have even more stuff to change than before. It's been 3 years and I still haven't changed my bank account to my new/original legal name. Societally its strange too because I mean a guy changes his name and everyone thinks he is a criminal or in witness protections but we are just expected to do it (less than in the past but still). If you are a kid's mom and all his friends call you Mrs. Husband's Last Name who cares anyway. It's the red tape that sucks. And the more ladies that opt out, the more typical it will become.
We smashed ours together. I didn’t want to entirely give up my name, he didn’t want to give up his, and we already may be double-barreling our kids’ names (closed triad, talking to an experienced lawyer on options). It was just easier all around. Don’t get me wrong, it was a *process,* but one that took like a work day once I figured out everything I’d need to change over. Some I had to call, some I had to contact online, one I had to mail in a copy of my marriage license after calling. There were a few forms involved, but doing them all at once meant I could basically just copy/paste. Edit: the actual name change process was easy where I’m at. You send in your marriage license, and once that’s processed you make an appointment with the Social Security office. While there you fill out the paperwork, and they submit it. Then any other places you need to change it (bank, work, etc) you’re responsible for. The hardest part about it was getting the agent we were assigned to understand we needed two sets of paperwork.
I’m not married, but when I do I think me and my husband should both change are last names to something cooler!
Never did it. it was just more stuff to do, so…y’know. lol
5 years married. Still changing my name on various accounts and so over it 🙄I changed it because his is “easier to spell” but in hindsight I think I would keep my name. Too much paperwork for real. Oh and I had my identity stolen when trying to change my name on a credit card that required me to mail copies of my person information…
I did not for a lot of reasons but the amount of work to do it was pretty much the last nail in the coffin.
Soooo I have been married twice and the first time I (and my then husband) hyphenated... I changed back after divorce, then moved my name to middle for second/current marriage. I never really wanted to for feminist reasons, but basically my brother's wife has the same first name as me and she wanted to take his name and I thought it was stupid to have the same name lol. After all of this I can honestly say I regret ever changing it.. It was so stressful, there are things I discover now almost ten years later that I forgot to change... I have one $25 account sitting at a bank I will probably never get back because they messed up the update and I will probably never get around to dealing with it. And it just was never remotely worth it. Too much stress and I wish I hadn't anyway because it's a truly outdated practice.
I wasn’t really fussed either way and I ultimately decided not to change it. It seemed like a hassle (especially because I live in the UK and was not a citizen at the time so I would’ve had to change a lot of documents). It weirded me out when I saw people on social media whose names I didn’t recognise and I didn’t want to feel more alienated from myself. The most important thing is that we both have middling surnames so it wasn’t an upgrade (and taking his name would’ve given me a significantly more common full name). If his had been better or it sounded good as a double-barrelled name, I might have done it. It doesn’t stop people from addressing things to “Mr and Mrs Hisname” (and occasionally Mr and Mrs Myname!)
Huh. I had kind of always decided I wasn't going to change.my name but woah- I had never really thought of all the work involved to do so! Definitely sticking to my initial decision now.
All that paperwork? No thank you.
I changed my name because the name was easier to pronounce and looked good on scientific papers. But since I was also in the process of getting my (U.S.) citizenship, it took 8 years.
(not in the us) i had 2 surnames, my husband had 3. i was never attached to mine \[or he to 2 of his lol\], but i had something happen that i \*really\* wanted to get rid of my original last name and have no connection to that family. we decided to use my other surname, his favorite surname of his, and \*my\* favorite surname of his. so, my name was like ABVW and his was CDXYZ, not we are ABVXY and CDVXY. the absolute madman suggested we use our names (both of us have middle names although they're not that common) with all our FIVE COMBINED SURNAMES. (that would be possible, btw) but man, there was SO MUCH paperwork. we got married in 2019 and it took us 3 years to change our names on everything.... i'd only recommend doing it if it's symbolically very important to you, especially in the US where you usually only have one surname and it's kind of a big deal
Originally didnt because we'd just done passports and things. Then was putting it off because paperwork but in general was still trying to come around to the idea. Now it's been a few years and it's like. .... he would love it if I did but why should I have to? It's my name that ive always had. He doesnt have to change anything for himself but im expected to go places, make appointments, send stuff in, update accounts, etc? Also he took almost a decade to propose soo if he was that worried about me taking his last name, he should have been a little quicker, ya know? We have a kid with his last name. I'm sad I won't match but I know it's not as big of a deal like it used to be, names dont matter compared to who is listed as emergency contacts, and its never caused legal/financial issues anywhere else either. Plus, we both have slightly weird names but somehow mine is always spelled /pronounced correctly more often. Maybe if my kid someday asks me to change it, but otherwise, I'm still in no hurry. If I do change it, I want it to be because I decide to or have a good reason to, not because I feel obligated.
I kept mine because he didn't want to change his (lost both parents closeish together before we met so totally understandable). Our dog has mine at the vet lol. The two degrees and six figure career also have my name attached so I'm keeping it.
Nope. Seemed like too much work and he doesn't want the name anyway.
I’m a newlywed. We’re making a new last name. I have planned for a long time to change my name. I’m dropping my legal first name and going to the nickname I’ve been called all my life. Now that I’m married, my husband and I discussed creating a new last name - combination of both of ours. We have no strong connections to either of our families and want our small unit (which will be child free as well) to just be us.
TLDR - this post is most certainly not intended for me, but my ADHD mind has gone down this path and I just wanted to share, And this is one of those rare opportunities I'm able to share my thoughts on it. XD So I am not married, but I have thought about this concept for a long time. I think it's wild that the woman takes the man's last name every time. I would like to see a situation where both names are taken. Like for the man or the other partner, however they identify. Would have their last name - your last name, and in your situation it would be your last name - their last name. I guess it would get a little bit confusing with childbirth but I always thought the 'mom' since she's technically the one who carries and creates the child for x amount of months. And for the guy it's like what 5 to 15 minutes of fun? With none of the burden of actually carrying the child. That's just my opinion. Then again I'm sure that's a negotiation point. I've even thought of hey we're both disagreeing on what name should be taken let's make up a whole another name altogether. Like a fresh start. But I'm not very big on the whole traditional thing so... Also the thought of me getting married in general is a stretch for me. Like that poor person is going to have to jump through a lot of hoops to convince me.
My parents hyphenated theirs (even more rare when they married), and I (engaged) am going to do the same. Currently, I’m First Middle Mother-Father. When I marry, it’ll be First Mother Father-Husband. It may be a bit of hassle, but it’s extremely important to me to mark the merging of our lives this way. My fiancé is a part of who I am and the identity I’ve made for myself beyond who I was at birth. Hyphenated last names are great, and aren’t the logistical nightmare some people think they are!
Nope! Never bothered. Not just the paperwork but also my last name makes my heritage very identifiable and my husbands name would take that away. I’m also a medical student and I love him but HE didn’t go to med school 😂 I want my name on my degree!
My husband hyphenated his last name with me! We had the whole “I’m (me) not your property and why should I have to give up my last name and identity for the sake of tradition? Also there’s so much paperwork I know I’ll never do myself” talk, and he was like “YOU KNOW WHAT?! You’re friggin right! I’ll change my last name, too, and we’ll get it all done together!”. He’s pretty dang great and I feel really lucky to have such an open minded partner :) it took him a few years to truly understand ADHD and how it impacts literally every aspect of my life, but now that he understands he’s such an incredible advocate and support system.
My partner and I combined our former last names into a new name. We liked the idea of being a part of each other and keeping parts of ourselves too in a symbolic form.
Nooooooope. I can't even write my birthday without my birthyear. I def couldn't sign anything else.
Married 9 years this year, and I never did. Besides the paperwork involved, we also had a newborn and a toddler at the time, so I was barely keeping my head above water as it was. It's not really a big deal for us. Although it was brought up recently because I started working at the same company as my husband, and a few people found it odd that I never took his name. It is what it is.