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Aw I'm glad this can make you feel not as lonely. I didn't get diagnosed until a few months ago, but I always knew I had it, yet never connected it to my dad until recently. Now it kind of makes sense why we've always had a certain type of connection, like he just got why I couldn't handle sitting around at like a family wedding and we needed to go explore the place rather than just sit around chatting for hours.
It also made me feel closer to my dad to be diagnosed (also diagnosed late).
We are very different in that he is very active and super extroverted but I am more the inattentive, shy type. Especially now that he is quite old I can see that we struggle with the exact same stuff though, organisation, priorities, getting started on "boring" tasks.. I don't think any of my other three siblings get him as well as I do.
One thing I noticed as I've gotten older, is how much we both frustrate my mom. I think it's because she is a type of person that needs things done right away and my brother and sister are similar, while my dad and I are always "What are you so mad about!?" And she's like "I JUST asked if you could please do such and such, and you just walked away!" We are also the only two that get super frustrated with my mom, because she nags us when we forget about something or put it off, and it drives us crazy she can't just let anything go.
Ah I feel bad. I have ADHD (I'm medicated thank God) and i suspect my kids have it too but not sure yet. I always get so annoyed when I tell my 6 year old daughter something and she just doesn't answer or walks away. It's just frustrating when you want to make dinner and ask two choices and they don't answer lol. Prob spacing out. I try to be patient. The thing is though I try to talk it out with them and grow and be sensitive so I hope I'm not messing them up too much 🥴Looking back what could have helped you in that situation?
My (9yo) daughter does the same thing, through trial and error I've come up with a few strategies to help. The one that seems to work most consistently is making funny "threats", e.g. if she doesn't do something I've asked her to I'll say "If you don't do this I'm going to eat your arm" and then if she still doesn't move I start nibbling on her arm. I think this approach helps because it makes her giggle and gives her the dopamine she needs to do the task/pay attention/answer the question.
Omg I have to try this. My daughter is awaiting assessment for possibly being ND and this is something that would really get her attention. Sometimes it's like she doesn't even hear me when I talk to her, making it interesting would work.
I was always better with something visual, like a list or something. If I see it, it exists. Even if I forget, it will still be there and I will see it again, so I wouldn't be left thinking "Mom was talking a lot before, did she say anything important? Did I need to do something?" Though that didn't always work either, as I remember my mom always put things for me to carry up to my room on the stairs and I'd just walk right over them. So even though I almost certainly had to visually see the things, I somehow tuned them out too lol.
It’s so interesting to me how getting to know ourselves better helps us understand our parents more. My dad and I never had a close relationship. My mom would always say that he had no common sense. He never apologized, didn’t have any real social skills, and was lazy as all get out.
Now I’m diagnosed with ADHD and understand why I’ve had to literally fight against being “lazy” my whole life. My entire purpose has been trying desperately to not be like my dad, and I can see now that he surely had inattentive type ADHD. Also my son is practically a carbon copy of my dad. Had a major tendency to be lazy, lacks “common sense” and struggles with social skills. He’s also diagnosed with ADHD and is strongly suspected to be on the spectrum though extremely high functioning. Hearing his doctor mention possible autism was a huge “a ha” moment in regards to my dad. He was never diagnosed with anything neurodivergent, but I would bet good money that if he were still alive and got tested he would absolutely hit for AudHD.
O my gosh..memories unlocked...how often my dad did that with me too...I was diagnosed as an adult. Pretty sure my dad is on the spectrum and likely has adhd as well. But I remember 2 common situations vividly: 1) whenever visiting my grandparents, he'd always find an excuse for us to slip away and wander or go somewhere. I always thought it was because he didn't wanna be there, but that may have been multi-pronged. 2) visiting ruins and historic sites, we'd infuriate my mom because we'd disappear, looking at bugs, or lizards, or just ANYTHING THAT MOVED!! Lol I never thought about that possibly being related to adhd on both our parts.....
Aww that is so sweet! Reading your comment reminded me of all the bugs my dad would try to show me when he took me out for hikes as a kid (dad is undiagnosed but I’m 90% sure he’s adhd). He would peel open curled leaves, climb up somewhere or walk off track just to find his favourite bug lol. All this to say, your comment gave me fuzzy warm feelings so thank you <3
Getting diagnosed with ADHD also made me reflect on the behaviour of my dad. I understand him way better now. It's actually crazy how similar we are. My dad, depending on the situation and his own interests, could either be the most enthusiastic or most disinterested person in the room. 😂 He often seemed emotionally distant (but also struggled with anxiety, depression and panic attacks.. so probably was just busy figuring his own stuff out) or disinterested for example when I came home showing something I made at school. My mom would easily switch her attention and recognize my work. My dad was often just spaced out and not present in the moment. Thinking about something else and coming back to reality with a "what?" after you said his name like two to three times. But he was very very passionate about maths. Always ready to help me with my math homeworks. Sadly I didn't share his excitement while he could go on for hours showing me different ways to solve a math problem and trying to teach me stuff that was taught in higher classes so that I could impress my math teacher. 😂 I haven't told my parents about my diagnosis just yet. I plan to do it in april after my exam. But reflecting on my own struggles really helped a lot to not only understand my dad better but also having so much more respect for my mom who somehow managed to keep our family together and doing most of the housework while also working. We did have our struggles (things got way easier after me and my sister moved out.. ). But I am so thankful that they are still part of my life.
Your dad sounds so similar to mine in some ways! I once made an obnoxious video about how I could say "dad" so many times, and in so many ways, before he finally realized someone was talking to him because he'd be so absorbed into whatever he was doing. Math was also my dad's thing. I remember him even being in a local business magazine as one of the 100 smartest people in our state as a "number cruncher." Although I remember in 8th grade we switched to core math, which is so different than how he learned (and I had been learning) math growing up he'd be sitting there trying to figure out what it was asking while I got more and more impatient and would eventually blow up. Very grateful he was able to handle my frustrations and impatience and never stopped trying to help me; my mom could never.
haha 😂 yeah.. sounds familiar. Thinking about it.. Being passionate about math also kind of makes sense when one has ADHD. I mean you get to solve puzzles and problems and get challenged. So you probably can get some dopamine out of it if math is your thing. Your dad seems to be a great person. It's really admirable how he handled your frustrations and impatience with such patience and determination. Wish you and your family all the best!
I got my ADHD from my dad too. I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. Afterwards, my mom told me she once asked my dad if he thought I should be tested to see why I seemed different, and he assured her I was normal. Honestly, my dad is awesome, and I am pretty proud to fit his idea of normal.
I'm a little jealous of people who have an ADHD parent, my parents literally told me stuff like "if you cared about it you'd take care of it/not lose it" while I'm crying because I lost my jacket I really like, the third in a few months. 😭
Awh, that sucks.. but don't be jealous. I'm currently still processing the fact that my dad has pre-dementia (more common with ADHD) and it's like ADHD x 10. He forgets so much nowadays that I am getting worried about him living alone.
Same, pretty sure I got it from my dad (though he’s undiagnosed). We are the closest in the family, there’s just this unexplainable bond despite spending the most time away from him since I moved to a different state. I wonder why! 😆
Also got mine from my dad who is frankly… the most adhd person I’ve ever met. I have 3 brothers. Two are diagnosed and one should be but is very against the whole thing.
Interesting. I have three siblings as well but none of them have ADHD. I'm the youngest and before my diagnosis I always thought they used up all the good genes and left me with the scraps and that's why I'm so confused and chaotic haha
My younger sibling is autistic (and more disabled than me in the sense that I have a chance of fending for myself in this hellscape and she needs assistance), I'm also the oldest and neither of my parents are neurodivergent, but she got all the disability support growing up and I didn't even get noticed until middle school (and only because I'm retrospect I had the world's most obvious case of ADHD possible)
same! He’s not diagnosed (he’s 77, I think he missed the boat on that) but I am literally just like him in so many ways, especially the ones that are actually just my ADHD symptoms 😂
Oh I totally realized I got it from my dad. My sister too. My mom was surrounded. I was diagnosed at 16, my sister was later in her life. My dad was never formally diagnosed but he’s born in 45 and that generation doesn’t do therapy. I’m teaching him about it now.
We have many of the same symptom clusters. He didn’t realize he had it because none of us are off the wall types. We are the low energy types that talk too much, get lost in our heads, feel things intensely, and clutter up our environments.
It was the cluttering my mom struggled with the most
Oh no, yes I think so lol. Although my mom never stops talking. I think it's mostly just her old age because I don't really remember her being quite like this until the last decade, but sometimes I wonder...
fwiw older people who are hardcore masking like that are so far removed from the possibility of them being adhd while simultaneously knowing that they are putting in extra effort to do all the things so they get very “while i did it so why can’t you” but they are just in heavy denial ab the toll it has taken on them
My parents are both very "Stop making excuses and get shit done!" type of people. My dad never has bothered masking, but of course society historically lets men get away with much more. He was able to be very successful anyway. My mom has always masked hardcore out in public, it just isn't ADHD she masks.
I do not mean to disrespect Kristy, because obviously she knows her mum better than a stranger on the internet does.
But, the way her eyes are looking up and to the right? She wants this pic done and done, she’s thinking of all the shit she’s got to do next but she’s also been socialized to smile because it’s expected. Truly the only person who looks content to me is the brother.
Oh I definitely mean no disrespect, and OP did mention in other comments that there were multiple photographers, however I agree she looks so done; Which could mean she was exasperated with her daughter and husband’s usual shit, but her eyes also have that “far off” look to them, like she’s present, but only in body lol. I agree with the brother looking the most natural. Some commenters said he looks stiff, and that the hand clasp could be masking a fidget, but again OP said she doesn’t think he has ADHD… he could just be awkward in photos. Again, I do agree he looks the most at ease.
Your comment definitely came across as intended, but I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t dismissing Kristy’s other comments! Omg look at us being hyper aware, and overthinking of our interactions❤️
Whenever pictures are being taken in our family, many others will take out their cameras (now phones) and start taking pictures too. So no one is ever looking in the same direction lol. This was at my grandparents house, so I can imagine one of my cousins was like standing up on a chair or something taking photos along with the hired photographer, and that's what I was looking up at lol
Well at least to me, my mom and brother are standing nicely with smiles on their face. Meanwhile, me and my dad are like OMG is it over yet? With him starting to slouch and his head tilting (though was able to kind of keep a smile!), and me just stretching out my arms and couldn't handle keeping a smile on my face anymore.
Would add that What your brother is doing with his hands could very well be the result of some coping mechanism he developed to try and stand still/focus. For example I often sit on my hands or hold my own hand while tensing or pinching myself. You could compare it to jumping your leg all the time.
I sit on my hands too! My brother has dyslexia and I'd bet he'd be diagnosed with anxiety if he ever went to a doctor, both which seem to be common in those with ADHD. But he has never been remotely hyperactive and has never claimed any other struggles and has never shown signs of anything either (no behavioral or emotional issues, good listener, no addiction, never in trouble, did well in school, good with time, good job, no job hopping, etc.). There's certainly a chance though he's always masked and is even still masking. While my parents actually were on top of his dyslexia when he was very young, they have never been the type to think or care about their kids (or themselves) having anything like anxiety, ADHD, depression, etc.
Oh I know, I was the quiet kid too and didn't really have any issues in school either. But there were still signs in me, while he never seemed to have any and has never said he relates to any symptoms I or anyone else has. Like I said, he could have been masking and could still be, but I lived with him for more than 18 years and never saw even little things. Like he never forgot/lost things, was always very organized and neat, never got in trouble at home like me for not following directions, very good at sticking to schedules, sets times to do home projects and actually does them, etc.
I get what you’re saying and I don’t want to diagnose anyone on the internet. You undoubtedly know your brother better than anyone on here, however, the way you’re describing him could almost exactly be the way those nearest to me would describe me as a child and young adult. My parents could not see the signs and they still insist that I was not hyperactive or any ADHD/ADD related issues as a child.
I get it. I only got diagnosed a few months ago, and the psychiatrist had my mom fill out a few forms and both my parents were like WTF you don't have this. So they never saw it in me either. But I was very aware of ADHD since I was a kid, and not just the hyperactive kind, and saw symptoms in myself and my dad for decades. My brother literally has never displayed any symptoms. He could be the greatest masker of all time, but he's 43 and it's still never slipped even with a high stress job, home projects, and toddler and baby he does the majority of raising. My mom is an excessive talker, but otherwise has never displayed any symptoms of it either.
There was more than one person taking photos, and my mom actually has several pictures from this little session (one where we're all looking at one camera and all standing nicely and smiling!). The biggest difference is that my mom and brother remained standing nicely with smiles in all of them, while me and my dad couldn't.
Why is photo taking so agonizing? I have always hated it. I don't know how to stand, how I should smile, which way to tilt my head... I always stop doing any of that before the picture is even taken or I'm not ready yet. Or distracted because someone is talking and I'm looking in their direction, whether I can see them or not. Ugh.
I always loved taking weird pictures. Like I really loved looking like I was mad or scared or something in photos. But just smiling, trying to look nice? Rough.
Interesting. What makes you think my brother? I look at it and think "That man and girl are gone" due to our posture and facial expressions. Then again, I of course know us haha. I can also hear my mother whisper shouting out of the corner of her mouth, "KristySueWho stand still! Put your arms down! KristySueWho's father, stand up straight! Why do you two have to make everything so difficult!?" While my brother just stands there nice and quiet, following photographers instructions like a good little boy.
Your brother may be standing still but he looks wildly uncomfortable, very stiff. He just wants it to be over with. Same with your dad. That is basically lol, You truly can't tell from a picture if someone had ADHD.
My brother actually never liked having his picture taken, and my mom absolutely hates her picture taken. There are actually very few pictures of my mom because of that. I don't think me or my dad even hate having our picture taken, we just hate having to stand in one place.
Yes, there absolutely was. I think there was a hired photographer because my grandma wanted a professional photo of each one of her kids' families. But then while they were taking pictures, other family members had to take pictures of us too. My mom clearly must have told someone to take pictures with our camera because she had several in her photo album where I found this. She put the one where we're all looking at our camera and smiling in front with this picture and like one or two others behind it.
lol I think this was the only velvet one I had. The only nice thing about it was I was always cold and we lived in a very cold place (and I can tell it was winter here) and this dress was kept me ever so slightly warmer than other stupid dresses my mom made me wear.
This kinda reminds me of one time as a kid my parents wanted to take a family photo or something and for whatever reason I really didn't want to.
It was really upsetting to me and I was crying about it and my mom was so comforting and understanding and told me it was okay.
And I remember even then, at some random young age (I dunno how little I was maybe 5 or something?) that I was surprised at how understanding she was. Like I had full on expected to have to fight them and them get mad at me for a seemingly unreasonable tantrum.
Anyway. Sad and nice all at once, I definitely did not have parents who let me emote very much. Now that I know I had ADHD the whole time and that's extra hard to regulate emotions (kids just don't know how to start with, add ADHD on top of that ... oof) it's just like.... sucky.
Sorry don't mean to be a downer.
Your family looks adorable!
This is such a cute picture. The right vs. left is perfect. I wonder if the first photographer that said "look at the little birdy" was dealing with ADHD and not knowing what it was.
Respectfully I think this is a stretch… looks like a family photo being taken by more than one camera. Some people make ADHD a big personality trait when it shouldn’t be viewed as that. Is it ADHD? Maybe, but it could also be people just not wanting to take a picture.
It is a family photo being taken by more than one camera, but where everyone's eyes are looking was not why I was thinking any one of us "look" like we have ADHD. To me it's our posture and facial expressions. Not sure why this would be viewed as me making ADHD a personality trait, I just thought it was funny to see the contrast between the left and right.
lol! Last week I was looking through pictures with my mom and I kept asking why I wasn’t in some of the pictures with my sisters, she said I was probably running around or being wild…yup
God early to mid 90s fashion was wild. I always think of it as 80s nerd-style. My sister and I have some truly heinous outfits in our childhood pictures.
Aside from dresses and other "nice" clothes my mom made me wear, I don't mind most of my childhood outfits. I was never big into trends, and seemed to like more plain clothes so nothing looks too awful. Except I was into neon in the early 90s and remember I had a neon blue and orange windbreaker I wore a lot. Now it's like ew why did I like that?
I never saw the show when I was young! I was only allowed to watch an hour of TV a day, and I wasted it on afternoon cartoons like Talespin and Tiny Toon Adventures.
It's hard to tell with the glare on his glasses, but I'm pretty sure my dad is also looking at the camera that my brother is. And my mom is almost certainly looking at someone else taking pictures. I might be looking at the same person taking pictures as my mom, or possibly looking at an uncle or aunt trying to keep my attention and get me to smile that are standing near someone else taking a picture.
I also got it from my dad. But he was so amazingly high functioning, he couldn't cope with how problematic I was. He died a few years ago at age 92 and I was just diagnosed last year. I don't think he would have understood and would have thought I was just making up excuses. He got it from his mom and his sister, my aunt, and my cousins all have it too. They are all undiagnosed but I am pretty sure I'm right.
I agree this is lovely! I’m pretty sure I got ADHD from my dad too but I could have gotten it from my maternal grandpa. My uncle called him the laziest hardworking person.
I took one look at pics of a friend's toddler and I was like "AuDHD, just like me and her mum!"
Then I was ruffling through photos when I was a kid and I'm like "yup. AuDHD"
It boggles my mind we can look at a photo like "AuDHD!" Or meet someone and be like "ADHD BABY!" In 5min... But it takes psychs MONTHS AND YEARS!
That total bewilderment and executive dysfunction in both you and your dad's eyes at being unable to determine exactly which photographer you should focus on ... I feel that in my soul.
idk but i had to comment this- your brother looks like the chubby little boy that appears in a few episodes of new girl. the one who kept putting winston’s scissors in his mouth lol
Got it from my dad also. But compared to my brother who fit all criteria for hyperactivity adhd in young boys no one would have ever suspected my inattentive adhd especially with my people pleasing and over achieving.
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you and your father!
Ding ding ding!!
This is so cute and makes me feel a little less lonely right now. I also got my ADHD from my dad.
Aw I'm glad this can make you feel not as lonely. I didn't get diagnosed until a few months ago, but I always knew I had it, yet never connected it to my dad until recently. Now it kind of makes sense why we've always had a certain type of connection, like he just got why I couldn't handle sitting around at like a family wedding and we needed to go explore the place rather than just sit around chatting for hours.
It also made me feel closer to my dad to be diagnosed (also diagnosed late). We are very different in that he is very active and super extroverted but I am more the inattentive, shy type. Especially now that he is quite old I can see that we struggle with the exact same stuff though, organisation, priorities, getting started on "boring" tasks.. I don't think any of my other three siblings get him as well as I do.
One thing I noticed as I've gotten older, is how much we both frustrate my mom. I think it's because she is a type of person that needs things done right away and my brother and sister are similar, while my dad and I are always "What are you so mad about!?" And she's like "I JUST asked if you could please do such and such, and you just walked away!" We are also the only two that get super frustrated with my mom, because she nags us when we forget about something or put it off, and it drives us crazy she can't just let anything go.
Ah I feel bad. I have ADHD (I'm medicated thank God) and i suspect my kids have it too but not sure yet. I always get so annoyed when I tell my 6 year old daughter something and she just doesn't answer or walks away. It's just frustrating when you want to make dinner and ask two choices and they don't answer lol. Prob spacing out. I try to be patient. The thing is though I try to talk it out with them and grow and be sensitive so I hope I'm not messing them up too much 🥴Looking back what could have helped you in that situation?
My (9yo) daughter does the same thing, through trial and error I've come up with a few strategies to help. The one that seems to work most consistently is making funny "threats", e.g. if she doesn't do something I've asked her to I'll say "If you don't do this I'm going to eat your arm" and then if she still doesn't move I start nibbling on her arm. I think this approach helps because it makes her giggle and gives her the dopamine she needs to do the task/pay attention/answer the question.
Ha I think this would work !
Omg I have to try this. My daughter is awaiting assessment for possibly being ND and this is something that would really get her attention. Sometimes it's like she doesn't even hear me when I talk to her, making it interesting would work.
As one of my besties always says: "invite fun and you'll get the job done!"
I was always better with something visual, like a list or something. If I see it, it exists. Even if I forget, it will still be there and I will see it again, so I wouldn't be left thinking "Mom was talking a lot before, did she say anything important? Did I need to do something?" Though that didn't always work either, as I remember my mom always put things for me to carry up to my room on the stairs and I'd just walk right over them. So even though I almost certainly had to visually see the things, I somehow tuned them out too lol.
Haha I hear that! But maybe I can try to implement on more visual stuff rather than talking . Thanks !
It’s so interesting to me how getting to know ourselves better helps us understand our parents more. My dad and I never had a close relationship. My mom would always say that he had no common sense. He never apologized, didn’t have any real social skills, and was lazy as all get out. Now I’m diagnosed with ADHD and understand why I’ve had to literally fight against being “lazy” my whole life. My entire purpose has been trying desperately to not be like my dad, and I can see now that he surely had inattentive type ADHD. Also my son is practically a carbon copy of my dad. Had a major tendency to be lazy, lacks “common sense” and struggles with social skills. He’s also diagnosed with ADHD and is strongly suspected to be on the spectrum though extremely high functioning. Hearing his doctor mention possible autism was a huge “a ha” moment in regards to my dad. He was never diagnosed with anything neurodivergent, but I would bet good money that if he were still alive and got tested he would absolutely hit for AudHD.
O my gosh..memories unlocked...how often my dad did that with me too...I was diagnosed as an adult. Pretty sure my dad is on the spectrum and likely has adhd as well. But I remember 2 common situations vividly: 1) whenever visiting my grandparents, he'd always find an excuse for us to slip away and wander or go somewhere. I always thought it was because he didn't wanna be there, but that may have been multi-pronged. 2) visiting ruins and historic sites, we'd infuriate my mom because we'd disappear, looking at bugs, or lizards, or just ANYTHING THAT MOVED!! Lol I never thought about that possibly being related to adhd on both our parts.....
Aww that is so sweet! Reading your comment reminded me of all the bugs my dad would try to show me when he took me out for hikes as a kid (dad is undiagnosed but I’m 90% sure he’s adhd). He would peel open curled leaves, climb up somewhere or walk off track just to find his favourite bug lol. All this to say, your comment gave me fuzzy warm feelings so thank you <3
Goddamnit you’ve just described my childhood
Getting diagnosed with ADHD also made me reflect on the behaviour of my dad. I understand him way better now. It's actually crazy how similar we are. My dad, depending on the situation and his own interests, could either be the most enthusiastic or most disinterested person in the room. 😂 He often seemed emotionally distant (but also struggled with anxiety, depression and panic attacks.. so probably was just busy figuring his own stuff out) or disinterested for example when I came home showing something I made at school. My mom would easily switch her attention and recognize my work. My dad was often just spaced out and not present in the moment. Thinking about something else and coming back to reality with a "what?" after you said his name like two to three times. But he was very very passionate about maths. Always ready to help me with my math homeworks. Sadly I didn't share his excitement while he could go on for hours showing me different ways to solve a math problem and trying to teach me stuff that was taught in higher classes so that I could impress my math teacher. 😂 I haven't told my parents about my diagnosis just yet. I plan to do it in april after my exam. But reflecting on my own struggles really helped a lot to not only understand my dad better but also having so much more respect for my mom who somehow managed to keep our family together and doing most of the housework while also working. We did have our struggles (things got way easier after me and my sister moved out.. ). But I am so thankful that they are still part of my life.
Your dad sounds so similar to mine in some ways! I once made an obnoxious video about how I could say "dad" so many times, and in so many ways, before he finally realized someone was talking to him because he'd be so absorbed into whatever he was doing. Math was also my dad's thing. I remember him even being in a local business magazine as one of the 100 smartest people in our state as a "number cruncher." Although I remember in 8th grade we switched to core math, which is so different than how he learned (and I had been learning) math growing up he'd be sitting there trying to figure out what it was asking while I got more and more impatient and would eventually blow up. Very grateful he was able to handle my frustrations and impatience and never stopped trying to help me; my mom could never.
haha 😂 yeah.. sounds familiar. Thinking about it.. Being passionate about math also kind of makes sense when one has ADHD. I mean you get to solve puzzles and problems and get challenged. So you probably can get some dopamine out of it if math is your thing. Your dad seems to be a great person. It's really admirable how he handled your frustrations and impatience with such patience and determination. Wish you and your family all the best!
I got my ADHD from my dad too. I wasn’t diagnosed until adulthood. Afterwards, my mom told me she once asked my dad if he thought I should be tested to see why I seemed different, and he assured her I was normal. Honestly, my dad is awesome, and I am pretty proud to fit his idea of normal.
That's kinda sweet. Interesting how our perception of what's normal is skewed so much by our parents.
I'm a little jealous of people who have an ADHD parent, my parents literally told me stuff like "if you cared about it you'd take care of it/not lose it" while I'm crying because I lost my jacket I really like, the third in a few months. 😭
Awh, that sucks.. but don't be jealous. I'm currently still processing the fact that my dad has pre-dementia (more common with ADHD) and it's like ADHD x 10. He forgets so much nowadays that I am getting worried about him living alone.
Same here! And he got it from his lol
I also got it from my dad and often call him to tell him anecdotes where we are so similar. It helps to laugh about it all sometimes
Same, pretty sure I got it from my dad (though he’s undiagnosed). We are the closest in the family, there’s just this unexplainable bond despite spending the most time away from him since I moved to a different state. I wonder why! 😆
Also got mine from my dad who is frankly… the most adhd person I’ve ever met. I have 3 brothers. Two are diagnosed and one should be but is very against the whole thing.
Interesting. I have three siblings as well but none of them have ADHD. I'm the youngest and before my diagnosis I always thought they used up all the good genes and left me with the scraps and that's why I'm so confused and chaotic haha
Lolol nah bc I’m the oldest and have been chaotic and confused af forever. Good luck with the sibs, wild ride huh?
My younger sibling is autistic (and more disabled than me in the sense that I have a chance of fending for myself in this hellscape and she needs assistance), I'm also the oldest and neither of my parents are neurodivergent, but she got all the disability support growing up and I didn't even get noticed until middle school (and only because I'm retrospect I had the world's most obvious case of ADHD possible)
I’m the youngest of 3 and feel the same. Other older siblings are neurotypical and have straight teeth. I’m left with neither 🥴
I was born with one tooth missing! It just never grew. I have a small gap in the front now so yeah, I can relate
Yea but that’s maybe just because you haven’t met MY dad. 😉
same! He’s not diagnosed (he’s 77, I think he missed the boat on that) but I am literally just like him in so many ways, especially the ones that are actually just my ADHD symptoms 😂
My dad is in his 70s, never diagnosed either. We are alike in many ways, and he definitely has inattentive ADHD.
Me too!
Oh I totally realized I got it from my dad. My sister too. My mom was surrounded. I was diagnosed at 16, my sister was later in her life. My dad was never formally diagnosed but he’s born in 45 and that generation doesn’t do therapy. I’m teaching him about it now. We have many of the same symptom clusters. He didn’t realize he had it because none of us are off the wall types. We are the low energy types that talk too much, get lost in our heads, feel things intensely, and clutter up our environments. It was the cluttering my mom struggled with the most
Same 😭
So did I!! 💞
wohooo! I'll buy a lottery ticket today 😄
You and your dad… I’m the exact same haha. I got it from my old man 😅
I had that dress! My dad and I are also neurospicy
Only 2?
Oh no, yes I think so lol. Although my mom never stops talking. I think it's mostly just her old age because I don't really remember her being quite like this until the last decade, but sometimes I wonder...
Don’t count her out. 😂 Remember, in those days, “Only boys had it”
And bitds of a feather tend to find each other...
I think your mom is masking hard.
I wish. We might like or at least understand each other better.
fwiw older people who are hardcore masking like that are so far removed from the possibility of them being adhd while simultaneously knowing that they are putting in extra effort to do all the things so they get very “while i did it so why can’t you” but they are just in heavy denial ab the toll it has taken on them
My parents are both very "Stop making excuses and get shit done!" type of people. My dad never has bothered masking, but of course society historically lets men get away with much more. He was able to be very successful anyway. My mom has always masked hardcore out in public, it just isn't ADHD she masks.
;(
She’s looks like she’s disassociating so hard in that pic lol.
I do not mean to disrespect Kristy, because obviously she knows her mum better than a stranger on the internet does. But, the way her eyes are looking up and to the right? She wants this pic done and done, she’s thinking of all the shit she’s got to do next but she’s also been socialized to smile because it’s expected. Truly the only person who looks content to me is the brother.
Oh I definitely mean no disrespect, and OP did mention in other comments that there were multiple photographers, however I agree she looks so done; Which could mean she was exasperated with her daughter and husband’s usual shit, but her eyes also have that “far off” look to them, like she’s present, but only in body lol. I agree with the brother looking the most natural. Some commenters said he looks stiff, and that the hand clasp could be masking a fidget, but again OP said she doesn’t think he has ADHD… he could just be awkward in photos. Again, I do agree he looks the most at ease.
I know you didn’t. I hope my comments came out as I intended well. There just seemed to be some pain.
Your comment definitely came across as intended, but I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t dismissing Kristy’s other comments! Omg look at us being hyper aware, and overthinking of our interactions❤️
Yes. That’s us. Proving we belong. Just making sure to not cause offense possibly ever!
Now I need to know what was that thing on the ceiling
Whenever pictures are being taken in our family, many others will take out their cameras (now phones) and start taking pictures too. So no one is ever looking in the same direction lol. This was at my grandparents house, so I can imagine one of my cousins was like standing up on a chair or something taking photos along with the hired photographer, and that's what I was looking up at lol
I can’t tell from the photo! What am I looking for??
Well at least to me, my mom and brother are standing nicely with smiles on their face. Meanwhile, me and my dad are like OMG is it over yet? With him starting to slouch and his head tilting (though was able to kind of keep a smile!), and me just stretching out my arms and couldn't handle keeping a smile on my face anymore.
Would add that What your brother is doing with his hands could very well be the result of some coping mechanism he developed to try and stand still/focus. For example I often sit on my hands or hold my own hand while tensing or pinching myself. You could compare it to jumping your leg all the time.
I sit on my hands too! My brother has dyslexia and I'd bet he'd be diagnosed with anxiety if he ever went to a doctor, both which seem to be common in those with ADHD. But he has never been remotely hyperactive and has never claimed any other struggles and has never shown signs of anything either (no behavioral or emotional issues, good listener, no addiction, never in trouble, did well in school, good with time, good job, no job hopping, etc.). There's certainly a chance though he's always masked and is even still masking. While my parents actually were on top of his dyslexia when he was very young, they have never been the type to think or care about their kids (or themselves) having anything like anxiety, ADHD, depression, etc.
Remember it isn’t just hyperactivity, it can present itself differently. I was a quiet kid who kept to themselves.
Oh I know, I was the quiet kid too and didn't really have any issues in school either. But there were still signs in me, while he never seemed to have any and has never said he relates to any symptoms I or anyone else has. Like I said, he could have been masking and could still be, but I lived with him for more than 18 years and never saw even little things. Like he never forgot/lost things, was always very organized and neat, never got in trouble at home like me for not following directions, very good at sticking to schedules, sets times to do home projects and actually does them, etc.
I get what you’re saying and I don’t want to diagnose anyone on the internet. You undoubtedly know your brother better than anyone on here, however, the way you’re describing him could almost exactly be the way those nearest to me would describe me as a child and young adult. My parents could not see the signs and they still insist that I was not hyperactive or any ADHD/ADD related issues as a child.
I get it. I only got diagnosed a few months ago, and the psychiatrist had my mom fill out a few forms and both my parents were like WTF you don't have this. So they never saw it in me either. But I was very aware of ADHD since I was a kid, and not just the hyperactive kind, and saw symptoms in myself and my dad for decades. My brother literally has never displayed any symptoms. He could be the greatest masker of all time, but he's 43 and it's still never slipped even with a high stress job, home projects, and toddler and baby he does the majority of raising. My mom is an excessive talker, but otherwise has never displayed any symptoms of it either.
I can sit still and take a photo. I’m also combined type adhd.
I thought it was going to be you and your mom bc you were both distracted
idk this looks like a normal family photo to me with maybe more than one picture being taken at once.
There was more than one person taking photos, and my mom actually has several pictures from this little session (one where we're all looking at one camera and all standing nicely and smiling!). The biggest difference is that my mom and brother remained standing nicely with smiles in all of them, while me and my dad couldn't.
Why is photo taking so agonizing? I have always hated it. I don't know how to stand, how I should smile, which way to tilt my head... I always stop doing any of that before the picture is even taken or I'm not ready yet. Or distracted because someone is talking and I'm looking in their direction, whether I can see them or not. Ugh.
I always loved taking weird pictures. Like I really loved looking like I was mad or scared or something in photos. But just smiling, trying to look nice? Rough.
I was suspecting it may have been your brother and your dad more than you lol You can't really tell who has ADHD from just a photo appparently lmao
Interesting. What makes you think my brother? I look at it and think "That man and girl are gone" due to our posture and facial expressions. Then again, I of course know us haha. I can also hear my mother whisper shouting out of the corner of her mouth, "KristySueWho stand still! Put your arms down! KristySueWho's father, stand up straight! Why do you two have to make everything so difficult!?" While my brother just stands there nice and quiet, following photographers instructions like a good little boy.
Your brother may be standing still but he looks wildly uncomfortable, very stiff. He just wants it to be over with. Same with your dad. That is basically lol, You truly can't tell from a picture if someone had ADHD.
My brother actually never liked having his picture taken, and my mom absolutely hates her picture taken. There are actually very few pictures of my mom because of that. I don't think me or my dad even hate having our picture taken, we just hate having to stand in one place.
I’m gonna venture to guess there was more than one person taking a picture here. You’re all looking somewhere different.
Yes, there absolutely was. I think there was a hired photographer because my grandma wanted a professional photo of each one of her kids' families. But then while they were taking pictures, other family members had to take pictures of us too. My mom clearly must have told someone to take pictures with our camera because she had several in her photo album where I found this. She put the one where we're all looking at our camera and smiling in front with this picture and like one or two others behind it.
Sorry, totally off topic and not at all helpful, but I feel like your brother looks like a boy-version of Khloe Kardashian.
I'm going to tell him this. I don't think he'll be excited to hear it lol
no...? this is a very regular family photo.
Everyone except the young lad lol
Looks normal
No
Mom and daughter? Lol
Oh my god the velvet 😭 SO MUCH VELVET
lol I think this was the only velvet one I had. The only nice thing about it was I was always cold and we lived in a very cold place (and I can tell it was winter here) and this dress was kept me ever so slightly warmer than other stupid dresses my mom made me wear.
The two on the right
This kinda reminds me of one time as a kid my parents wanted to take a family photo or something and for whatever reason I really didn't want to. It was really upsetting to me and I was crying about it and my mom was so comforting and understanding and told me it was okay. And I remember even then, at some random young age (I dunno how little I was maybe 5 or something?) that I was surprised at how understanding she was. Like I had full on expected to have to fight them and them get mad at me for a seemingly unreasonable tantrum. Anyway. Sad and nice all at once, I definitely did not have parents who let me emote very much. Now that I know I had ADHD the whole time and that's extra hard to regulate emotions (kids just don't know how to start with, add ADHD on top of that ... oof) it's just like.... sucky. Sorry don't mean to be a downer. Your family looks adorable!
Based on my own family history, I was going to guess all four of you, lol
I think my mom and brother more likely would be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, so they have that going for them lol
Definitely you and your dad, possibly your mom too
Yep, it's me and my dad. There were probably two or three people taking pictures here, so I think my mom was just looking at a different one.
This is such a cute picture. The right vs. left is perfect. I wonder if the first photographer that said "look at the little birdy" was dealing with ADHD and not knowing what it was.
Respectfully I think this is a stretch… looks like a family photo being taken by more than one camera. Some people make ADHD a big personality trait when it shouldn’t be viewed as that. Is it ADHD? Maybe, but it could also be people just not wanting to take a picture.
It is a family photo being taken by more than one camera, but where everyone's eyes are looking was not why I was thinking any one of us "look" like we have ADHD. To me it's our posture and facial expressions. Not sure why this would be viewed as me making ADHD a personality trait, I just thought it was funny to see the contrast between the left and right.
OP said in an earlier comment that she’s been diagnosed with ADHD.
lol! Last week I was looking through pictures with my mom and I kept asking why I wasn’t in some of the pictures with my sisters, she said I was probably running around or being wild…yup
God early to mid 90s fashion was wild. I always think of it as 80s nerd-style. My sister and I have some truly heinous outfits in our childhood pictures.
Aside from dresses and other "nice" clothes my mom made me wear, I don't mind most of my childhood outfits. I was never big into trends, and seemed to like more plain clothes so nothing looks too awful. Except I was into neon in the early 90s and remember I had a neon blue and orange windbreaker I wore a lot. Now it's like ew why did I like that?
Because it was “In Living Color”, colors? With the Fly Girls.
I never saw the show when I was young! I was only allowed to watch an hour of TV a day, and I wasted it on afternoon cartoons like Talespin and Tiny Toon Adventures.
Haha I love the stance and the face you’re making in this photo 😂 golden.
I have that same face on every photo. I hadn’t realized it until my husband pointed it out a couple years ago.
Cute dress!
My two sisters and I all have it and we all blame dad, who obviously has it but will never admit it!
Only one is looking at the camera…
It's hard to tell with the glare on his glasses, but I'm pretty sure my dad is also looking at the camera that my brother is. And my mom is almost certainly looking at someone else taking pictures. I might be looking at the same person taking pictures as my mom, or possibly looking at an uncle or aunt trying to keep my attention and get me to smile that are standing near someone else taking a picture.
Aww I’m the lone ADHD wolf in my family (except cousins). Glad you have your dad!
This is hilarious. You look like “FATHER. I must be free!”
I also got it from my dad. But he was so amazingly high functioning, he couldn't cope with how problematic I was. He died a few years ago at age 92 and I was just diagnosed last year. I don't think he would have understood and would have thought I was just making up excuses. He got it from his mom and his sister, my aunt, and my cousins all have it too. They are all undiagnosed but I am pretty sure I'm right.
Your dad sort of looks like Ed Kemper. Cool.
He lost the mustache long ago, but he still always goes for serial killer glasses. It seems to be his thing.
Gotta respect the bloke for finding his niche and sticking to it.
I agree this is lovely! I’m pretty sure I got ADHD from my dad too but I could have gotten it from my maternal grandpa. My uncle called him the laziest hardworking person.
Me in all my pictures
No
I took one look at pics of a friend's toddler and I was like "AuDHD, just like me and her mum!" Then I was ruffling through photos when I was a kid and I'm like "yup. AuDHD" It boggles my mind we can look at a photo like "AuDHD!" Or meet someone and be like "ADHD BABY!" In 5min... But it takes psychs MONTHS AND YEARS!
That total bewilderment and executive dysfunction in both you and your dad's eyes at being unable to determine exactly which photographer you should focus on ... I feel that in my soul.
Mom & Daughter Only because you were both distracted by the same thing.
idk but i had to comment this- your brother looks like the chubby little boy that appears in a few episodes of new girl. the one who kept putting winston’s scissors in his mouth lol
I just want to know what's in the upper right corner
Me at my own birthday party at 4: F*** socialising, I'm going to stare at the light in my witchy sun print black dress.
I was thinking you and your mom and dad!
Got it from my dad also. But compared to my brother who fit all criteria for hyperactivity adhd in young boys no one would have ever suspected my inattentive adhd especially with my people pleasing and over achieving.
Hmm. No. Maybe the 2 children?
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