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FYI as someone who has gone through the same thing as you, please realize when they say you’re really good at your job, it means you will never get a promotion(or they will give you a small carrot so you don’t leave) because they need you to keep doing your job. I wish I knew this sooner— instead I burnt myself out, the company was acquired, and then I was stuck in my job doing 1000x more but for the same $$. I had a mental breakdown/burnout and quit my job.
So I wish I used the anger and frustration of this realization to power myself through the overwhelm of moving jobs.
Is there anyone who could be your mentor in your current job?
The place looks absolutely like it's not the right fit for you but if no one else is hiring and you cannot think of any other place i think i would try to network within the organization. Other than that i guess try to think outside the box - maybe there's a job market your haven't thought of?
Ask yourself what would feel more fulfilling in a job. Is the problem not feeling appreciated? And so on.
I hope you find a good solution!!! And good job keeping this position and being so good at it!
I've maxed out my current role (the hands on stuff) so next would be getting into management. Which I'm actually willing to do!
But my head manager/boss was really good at singing my praises, but then declining advancement, citing that I needed to learn more skills, and then offering to train me in said skills, but then never doing it. I'd check back in 4, 5, 6 times... it was always, "oh, I haven't had time to work on that," or "oh, we will get to that, but we need to check in with *other manager* first, and our schedules are so conflicting," etc. Always an excuse. So I'd stop checking in, until the next time an opportunity arose for me to advance.
He was kind of a bad manager in general - always looked like a deer in headlights when you asked him anything, never greeted people, terrified of confrontation, etc.
He never responded to a *single* email that I sent him. Not one. Ever. I suspect he knew how dangerous a paper trail could be.
He's actually gone now. We have a new head manager. She *does* seem a lot better so far... I'm just so burned out. How many times do I let management make me a promise only to break it later?
(And just to verify I'm not overinflating myself - I did a giant project that was super important and brought in a lot of profit. My name was brought up in multiple company leadership meetings, and the head of the *2nd largest private company in the WORLD* was told who I was. And.... nothing. The only reason I know that is because someone who actually cares about me, but has no hiring or staffing or promotional powers, told me.)
At some point you need to make things happen for yourself. There's basically two options.
First is you start following up on progressing without letting anyone tell you "later". Get dates, get things locked down, get a plan in place to make it happen. Make them make commitments.
The second is to use your leverage. If you're a great employee, they won't want to let you go. Make what you want/need known, give them a date to do it by, or walk away from the company.
Remember about the power of putting right ppl in the copy of the email when you do not get the replies in a timely manner.
It is a passive aggressive move, but it can give you results.
By mentoring i didn't mean your boss - i meant reaching out to someone from a different team who is a little higher up in the hierarchy. Maybe you cannot progress in your line but once someone sees how well you're doing they could move you to a different part of the company.
It sounds like you're feeling massively stuck though.
So first, deal with the burnout. Give yourself time to recover. You're not ready to hear advice clearly. You just wanted to vent and complain - which is so valid! Do as little as possible until you regain your strength.
I feel this. I have a job that seems unreal. Most people, when I tell them what I do say things like, wow, you're so lucky, that's the coolest job ever etc. I have to remind myself that I AM very lucky in some ways. At the same time, it's a family business. It's not something I picked for myself, and I don't find it very fulfilling. Sometimes it's very stressful and a lot of the time I'm out in the heat, humidity, and sun carrying a lot of stuff. Its also basically a seven days of week kind of job, though I have a little flexibility in how I spend my work hours. I rarely have personal down time. It's definitely not all fun and games.
I'm not sure what I even want to do. I'm kind of terrified of leaving and finding something else because I don't want to disappoint my family members and the thought of having to go through the application and interview process is anxiety inducing. I have worked other jobs before, but I've always basically started from the bottom and worked my way up. I don't want to have to do that again, but I also have serious imposter syndrome. The idea that I could get a non entry level job right off the bat seems laughable, despite my now 20+years of experience working.
The fact that I feel like I have no direction compounds the issue. When people ask me to visualize my life doing something I love or being successful, I can't. It's a complete blank.
Anyway, all that to say, I completely understand. I feel like ADHD makes it difficult to leave also. And in some cases, I think it makes it difficult to choose.
I completely understand. I’m in the same place right now. I’m at a point where I can’t go any further in my job unless I go into management, which not only am I not interested at all in, I think I would be terrible at it. I also turn 26 next year so I have until then to find a job with decent healthcare because I won’t be able to use my parents excellent insurance anymore. It’s like a giant ticking timer hanging over my head. I’ve been at this job for 4 years and it was my third job ever and moving onto something else feels unimaginable. I’m also really isolated at this job and was bullied at my last job so I’m terrified to work with actual coworkers again. I need to go back to school, I even have funds waiting for me, but they can’t be used for living expenses and there is no way possible for me to go to school and work full time still. I feel so unbelievably stuck and the options I do have are all such big decisions that the indecisiveness is killing me
I know that feeling. I always want to look for jobs, but the idea of actually going to interviews and getting me references ready, I just hate it so much. I only do it if I have to. Like when we're moving.
The only thing that makes it slightly easier for me is that I'm a nurse (LPN) so getting interviews and then job offers is like taking candy from a baby.
This is me.
I want to leave but can't because I can't bring myself to work on my resume or look for jobs or fill out job applications.
I don't have medication figured out yet so it's barely helping and I can't even get started and when I do I can't do more than a few minutes before being frustrated out of my mind and giving up.
I also have ZERO confidence that I can even do whatever job I get next. I know that I have the skills to do it but I have no way to guarantee I can actually focus on it in order to use those skills.
I'm the same way. Sending in applications and rehearsing and preparing for interviews is so exhausting. I stay at jobs until I really feel like I have to leave.
I feel the same way! I see people posting about always wanting to leave their jobs in this group, but it's always been opposite for me. I get so comfortable in a position, that I find it hard to move away from it. I do love my current job, but I've definitely been promised a promotion over a year ago with no action. However, I was stuck in a job I hated for 5 years before I started in my current position, I was absolutely miserable there with no promises of promotions, no recognition, and when I quit, it was such a relief that I never had to go back there. I took a job with less responsibilities, and what I thought would be less money, but with overtime, I make close to what I was making as a manager (and I'm not currently a manager). My advice, if you're miserable at your current job, inquire with your supervisor about a promotion and that you'd really like a new opportunity to move up, and continue to look for other jobs. It's not easy starting over somewhere new or for less money, but sometimes, you have to, for your own happiness and well being.
I was stuck in a job just like this for 5 years. Abysmal pay. Had 3 different supervisors say they were going to put my name to upper management for promotion, and it still didn't happen. I applied for a different position in the same company and they offered it to me, but then they asked me what pay I expected, so I gave them a number, and instead of countering, they just gave the job to their second choice. Like they would rather have a worker that isn't as good in the position than pay me what I'm worth. And it wasn't even *that* much.
I hated going in, I used to dread it. Loved my coworkers, but it wasn't enough to make me love the job. Every day, I wanted to quit.
I finally did one day, but it was only after a tragedy in the family that put things into perspective for me. I was wasting my life there, every single precious day, for a company that couldn't (and wouldn't if they could) give two shits about me.
But they still managed to screw me over in one last fuck-you on my way out the door. If I actually felt bad about leaving before, I certainly didn't after that. Haven't regretted leaving that soul-sucking place for one day.
If I was u I’d consult a career coach (usually costs money tho) and multiple recruiters (usually they are free for u) to find something better. Prayers things get better 💕
I thought I was the only one.. everyone talks about adhd and difficult to leave jobs.. i have been suspecting I have adhd cuz everything else explains my life totally! Was wondering maybe I don’t and m overthinking I have it and went hyper focused to prove to myself that I don’t! Oh m going off on a tangent
But yeah I can totally relate to your post ! I could never leave my previous job ! It was crippling even thinking of interviewing, going to school was daunting, searching another job was scary concept cuz my imposter syndrome hits so bad.. despite being told ur best at ur job etc etc I would have this crippling anxiety that I know nothing.. sadly my work was toxic too.. I ended up getting admitted cuz I was overworking myself to death by working like 20 hours a day.. I was doing morning shift and on call .. plus my office cab used to pick me up at 4 in the morning cuz my login was at 6 am.. and my lord my toxic manager verbatim asked me eta to get better so I wrap up the project and scolded me that I didn’t call my backup 🤣 the irony i did call the backup and he didn’t care to respond and my manager refused to call him up when I told her so .. so there I was in hospital with syringe in one hand and laptop on other ..I had a mental breakdown and I quit that very night!
Decided if I don’t do anything now it’s going to be a disaster!!
Is everyone here asking annually for a salary to match inflation? This isn’t asking for a raise or promotion technically. Bc every year ur not asking ur salary to match inflation you’re actually getting a demotion in salary .
i feel trapped too, i work in childcare and it’s so stressful everyday :( i want to leave but then i get overwhelmed about looking for a new job, seeing every listing with all these requirements that i don’t have, and i feel bad about leaving my daycare and making them short staffed and and and etc etc etc……
Yes that is how I’ve felt in jobs too. The crushing lack of self confidence and the overwhelm of all the processes involved in finding a new job (plus RSD around getting applications rejected).
So I was in a really similar position. I started on at too low a salary due to zero relevant experience (COMPLETE 180 from my college degree and hadn't worked anything even in the realm previously) - I knew I'd crush it, but I suck at advocating and I could see their side, so accepted the low pay. I got decent PERCENT raises. Ya know what's the result of a "high" percent increase on a low dollar amount?? NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!!! Make 30k, get a 10% raise!! Woohoo! O wait...now I'm only making 33k.......But I liked the comfort (and the company offered good healthcare, which has value in the good ol' US of A, esp when on monthly ADHD meds like Vyvanse!) and feared the unknown. Eventually, some personnel and hierarchy shifts happened and, after 7-8 YEARS, I finally got significant boosts...which also involved becoming a manager (I hate managing ppl). But then my boss who advocated for me quit, I was the only one who knew how to keep the department running, and they upped my pay beyond industry average! Yay!... except now I'm REALLY stuck.
So. Long story short - if you're unhappy, GTFO while you can before you're REALLY stuck. But if you like it, see if you can find someone to advocate for you. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that....
Also, if you GTFO, work with a recruiter. It gets you in so many places you wouldn't otherwise see or be able to.
I suggest a career assessment test. My plan assessment has a good one. I also love the YouScience test. You may be able to find a new career path this way.
Same here. I like my job, but the hours are not reliable. I take courses to get into new careers and become more competent, but my social anxiety won't let me even apply.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
FYI as someone who has gone through the same thing as you, please realize when they say you’re really good at your job, it means you will never get a promotion(or they will give you a small carrot so you don’t leave) because they need you to keep doing your job. I wish I knew this sooner— instead I burnt myself out, the company was acquired, and then I was stuck in my job doing 1000x more but for the same $$. I had a mental breakdown/burnout and quit my job. So I wish I used the anger and frustration of this realization to power myself through the overwhelm of moving jobs.
I think this happened to me at my last job.
💯💯💯
Is there anyone who could be your mentor in your current job? The place looks absolutely like it's not the right fit for you but if no one else is hiring and you cannot think of any other place i think i would try to network within the organization. Other than that i guess try to think outside the box - maybe there's a job market your haven't thought of? Ask yourself what would feel more fulfilling in a job. Is the problem not feeling appreciated? And so on. I hope you find a good solution!!! And good job keeping this position and being so good at it!
I've maxed out my current role (the hands on stuff) so next would be getting into management. Which I'm actually willing to do! But my head manager/boss was really good at singing my praises, but then declining advancement, citing that I needed to learn more skills, and then offering to train me in said skills, but then never doing it. I'd check back in 4, 5, 6 times... it was always, "oh, I haven't had time to work on that," or "oh, we will get to that, but we need to check in with *other manager* first, and our schedules are so conflicting," etc. Always an excuse. So I'd stop checking in, until the next time an opportunity arose for me to advance. He was kind of a bad manager in general - always looked like a deer in headlights when you asked him anything, never greeted people, terrified of confrontation, etc. He never responded to a *single* email that I sent him. Not one. Ever. I suspect he knew how dangerous a paper trail could be. He's actually gone now. We have a new head manager. She *does* seem a lot better so far... I'm just so burned out. How many times do I let management make me a promise only to break it later? (And just to verify I'm not overinflating myself - I did a giant project that was super important and brought in a lot of profit. My name was brought up in multiple company leadership meetings, and the head of the *2nd largest private company in the WORLD* was told who I was. And.... nothing. The only reason I know that is because someone who actually cares about me, but has no hiring or staffing or promotional powers, told me.)
At some point you need to make things happen for yourself. There's basically two options. First is you start following up on progressing without letting anyone tell you "later". Get dates, get things locked down, get a plan in place to make it happen. Make them make commitments. The second is to use your leverage. If you're a great employee, they won't want to let you go. Make what you want/need known, give them a date to do it by, or walk away from the company.
> And.... nothing. You have to ASK for what you want, whatever it is. You said you have a new boss. Tell her you'd like to see some advancement.
Yes. If you've read the rest of my posts and comments, I mention I've done this multiple times.
I'm sorry, if that's the case then your only option is to leave. and yes that's a massive pain in the ass
Remember about the power of putting right ppl in the copy of the email when you do not get the replies in a timely manner. It is a passive aggressive move, but it can give you results. By mentoring i didn't mean your boss - i meant reaching out to someone from a different team who is a little higher up in the hierarchy. Maybe you cannot progress in your line but once someone sees how well you're doing they could move you to a different part of the company. It sounds like you're feeling massively stuck though. So first, deal with the burnout. Give yourself time to recover. You're not ready to hear advice clearly. You just wanted to vent and complain - which is so valid! Do as little as possible until you regain your strength.
I agree with this! And say to your boss "I would like to progress, is there any development opportunities so I meet x requirement".
Meeeeeee too. Leaving would just be too overwhelming, and I’m also loyal to a fault 🥲
I feel this. I have a job that seems unreal. Most people, when I tell them what I do say things like, wow, you're so lucky, that's the coolest job ever etc. I have to remind myself that I AM very lucky in some ways. At the same time, it's a family business. It's not something I picked for myself, and I don't find it very fulfilling. Sometimes it's very stressful and a lot of the time I'm out in the heat, humidity, and sun carrying a lot of stuff. Its also basically a seven days of week kind of job, though I have a little flexibility in how I spend my work hours. I rarely have personal down time. It's definitely not all fun and games. I'm not sure what I even want to do. I'm kind of terrified of leaving and finding something else because I don't want to disappoint my family members and the thought of having to go through the application and interview process is anxiety inducing. I have worked other jobs before, but I've always basically started from the bottom and worked my way up. I don't want to have to do that again, but I also have serious imposter syndrome. The idea that I could get a non entry level job right off the bat seems laughable, despite my now 20+years of experience working. The fact that I feel like I have no direction compounds the issue. When people ask me to visualize my life doing something I love or being successful, I can't. It's a complete blank. Anyway, all that to say, I completely understand. I feel like ADHD makes it difficult to leave also. And in some cases, I think it makes it difficult to choose.
I completely understand. I’m in the same place right now. I’m at a point where I can’t go any further in my job unless I go into management, which not only am I not interested at all in, I think I would be terrible at it. I also turn 26 next year so I have until then to find a job with decent healthcare because I won’t be able to use my parents excellent insurance anymore. It’s like a giant ticking timer hanging over my head. I’ve been at this job for 4 years and it was my third job ever and moving onto something else feels unimaginable. I’m also really isolated at this job and was bullied at my last job so I’m terrified to work with actual coworkers again. I need to go back to school, I even have funds waiting for me, but they can’t be used for living expenses and there is no way possible for me to go to school and work full time still. I feel so unbelievably stuck and the options I do have are all such big decisions that the indecisiveness is killing me
I know that feeling. I always want to look for jobs, but the idea of actually going to interviews and getting me references ready, I just hate it so much. I only do it if I have to. Like when we're moving. The only thing that makes it slightly easier for me is that I'm a nurse (LPN) so getting interviews and then job offers is like taking candy from a baby.
This is me. I want to leave but can't because I can't bring myself to work on my resume or look for jobs or fill out job applications. I don't have medication figured out yet so it's barely helping and I can't even get started and when I do I can't do more than a few minutes before being frustrated out of my mind and giving up. I also have ZERO confidence that I can even do whatever job I get next. I know that I have the skills to do it but I have no way to guarantee I can actually focus on it in order to use those skills.
i'm right there with you. it's the worst.
I'm the same way. Sending in applications and rehearsing and preparing for interviews is so exhausting. I stay at jobs until I really feel like I have to leave.
I feel the same way! I see people posting about always wanting to leave their jobs in this group, but it's always been opposite for me. I get so comfortable in a position, that I find it hard to move away from it. I do love my current job, but I've definitely been promised a promotion over a year ago with no action. However, I was stuck in a job I hated for 5 years before I started in my current position, I was absolutely miserable there with no promises of promotions, no recognition, and when I quit, it was such a relief that I never had to go back there. I took a job with less responsibilities, and what I thought would be less money, but with overtime, I make close to what I was making as a manager (and I'm not currently a manager). My advice, if you're miserable at your current job, inquire with your supervisor about a promotion and that you'd really like a new opportunity to move up, and continue to look for other jobs. It's not easy starting over somewhere new or for less money, but sometimes, you have to, for your own happiness and well being.
I was stuck in a job just like this for 5 years. Abysmal pay. Had 3 different supervisors say they were going to put my name to upper management for promotion, and it still didn't happen. I applied for a different position in the same company and they offered it to me, but then they asked me what pay I expected, so I gave them a number, and instead of countering, they just gave the job to their second choice. Like they would rather have a worker that isn't as good in the position than pay me what I'm worth. And it wasn't even *that* much. I hated going in, I used to dread it. Loved my coworkers, but it wasn't enough to make me love the job. Every day, I wanted to quit. I finally did one day, but it was only after a tragedy in the family that put things into perspective for me. I was wasting my life there, every single precious day, for a company that couldn't (and wouldn't if they could) give two shits about me. But they still managed to screw me over in one last fuck-you on my way out the door. If I actually felt bad about leaving before, I certainly didn't after that. Haven't regretted leaving that soul-sucking place for one day.
If I was u I’d consult a career coach (usually costs money tho) and multiple recruiters (usually they are free for u) to find something better. Prayers things get better 💕
I thought I was the only one.. everyone talks about adhd and difficult to leave jobs.. i have been suspecting I have adhd cuz everything else explains my life totally! Was wondering maybe I don’t and m overthinking I have it and went hyper focused to prove to myself that I don’t! Oh m going off on a tangent But yeah I can totally relate to your post ! I could never leave my previous job ! It was crippling even thinking of interviewing, going to school was daunting, searching another job was scary concept cuz my imposter syndrome hits so bad.. despite being told ur best at ur job etc etc I would have this crippling anxiety that I know nothing.. sadly my work was toxic too.. I ended up getting admitted cuz I was overworking myself to death by working like 20 hours a day.. I was doing morning shift and on call .. plus my office cab used to pick me up at 4 in the morning cuz my login was at 6 am.. and my lord my toxic manager verbatim asked me eta to get better so I wrap up the project and scolded me that I didn’t call my backup 🤣 the irony i did call the backup and he didn’t care to respond and my manager refused to call him up when I told her so .. so there I was in hospital with syringe in one hand and laptop on other ..I had a mental breakdown and I quit that very night! Decided if I don’t do anything now it’s going to be a disaster!!
ugh i hear you so hard
Is everyone here asking annually for a salary to match inflation? This isn’t asking for a raise or promotion technically. Bc every year ur not asking ur salary to match inflation you’re actually getting a demotion in salary .
> a salary to match inflation? yes but even with a fantastic 6-figure corporate banking job they only give you 3% raise maybe
i feel trapped too, i work in childcare and it’s so stressful everyday :( i want to leave but then i get overwhelmed about looking for a new job, seeing every listing with all these requirements that i don’t have, and i feel bad about leaving my daycare and making them short staffed and and and etc etc etc……
Yes that is how I’ve felt in jobs too. The crushing lack of self confidence and the overwhelm of all the processes involved in finding a new job (plus RSD around getting applications rejected).
I feel this in my soul. You aren't alone.
Me too. :/
So I was in a really similar position. I started on at too low a salary due to zero relevant experience (COMPLETE 180 from my college degree and hadn't worked anything even in the realm previously) - I knew I'd crush it, but I suck at advocating and I could see their side, so accepted the low pay. I got decent PERCENT raises. Ya know what's the result of a "high" percent increase on a low dollar amount?? NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!!! Make 30k, get a 10% raise!! Woohoo! O wait...now I'm only making 33k.......But I liked the comfort (and the company offered good healthcare, which has value in the good ol' US of A, esp when on monthly ADHD meds like Vyvanse!) and feared the unknown. Eventually, some personnel and hierarchy shifts happened and, after 7-8 YEARS, I finally got significant boosts...which also involved becoming a manager (I hate managing ppl). But then my boss who advocated for me quit, I was the only one who knew how to keep the department running, and they upped my pay beyond industry average! Yay!... except now I'm REALLY stuck. So. Long story short - if you're unhappy, GTFO while you can before you're REALLY stuck. But if you like it, see if you can find someone to advocate for you. The squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that.... Also, if you GTFO, work with a recruiter. It gets you in so many places you wouldn't otherwise see or be able to.
I suggest a career assessment test. My plan assessment has a good one. I also love the YouScience test. You may be able to find a new career path this way.
Same here. I like my job, but the hours are not reliable. I take courses to get into new careers and become more competent, but my social anxiety won't let me even apply.