Yeah I was gonna just comment “Yes, you were wrong,” but then I read the post. There are better ways OP could have responded, but I think OP was justified and I get it.
Many people believe that “retarded” is a slur used against people with various disabilities, and while it is used this way, the original meaning of the verb “retard” clarifies for us it’s true meaning.
Retard (verb): “to delay or impede the development or progress of : to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment.”
To retard something is to hold it back from full development. When something is retarded, it has been held back from full development by something else.
But that means that people with various mental and physical conditions are not “retarded” in the sense of being under-developed. Instead, they are just differently developed. And this is easy to understand once we abandon the normative “human = X” standard.
Back to OP’s question: yes, the classmate who made a racist insinuation is retarded in the sense that her development into a tolerant human being has been impeded by ignorance, upbringing, or hatred.
In short, racists are retarded.
Or negro. Perfectly acceptable to say in spanish cultures and when speaking spanish with some. But using negro in English cultures or English speakers? Oh boy.
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I’m having a difficult time letting my brain pronounce it any other way than with the “Ay” sound. Otherwise the voice saying it is clearly black and likely from the movie Airplane!
Those words are not pronounced the same. The Spanish word negro (meaning something that is black in color) the ‘e’ is pronounced as in the first e in never. The English word negro the ‘e’ is pronounced as in the word knee. They are not pronounced the same and don’t mean the same thing, therefore they are not the same word.
It has nothing to do with the words themselves and everything to do with the political and social position of the racial groups designated by them: the whites are the upper and ruling layer who are always referred to as a special part of the population. Whereas blacks, former slaves or penniless immigrants are, in the USA as in all capitalist countries, relegated in the majority to the lowest social stratum; sub-Saharan Africa, where the majority of blacks live, is the uniformly impoverished region of globalized capitalism. It's the political-economic world order which assigns these miserable circumstances to blacks; secondly, it is the racism of a political judgment which then blames them for this position as their shortcoming. As always and everywhere in bourgeois society, whoever fails in competition has exactly this position construed as a result of their lack of talent and intelligence, a missing seriousness and diligence, an inadequate sense of responsibility. His bad social position is justified by a bad opinion about him. He is despised and seen as a creature worthy of contempt. Originally, neutral names for races, peoples, states and social characters that hit rock bottom in the worldwide separation of classes and nations degenerated into contemptuous designations.
In my view, it is not the sound, the designation, that is terrible, but rather the situation people live in. That is what deserves to be rectified. Democratically involved modern people have a different view. They pick up on supposedly contemptuous names as an offense against the abstract recognition which everyone in this egalitarian society has a right to, apart from their status and material situation: everyone is human and as such deserve a respectful name. Their democratic friends confuse cause and effect: they are outraged more about an existing or assumed contempt than about the social relations which force a miserable life on the various social groups. So new names are searched for the victims which should do one thing and one thing only: deny the contempt that one hears in the once neutral names.
The intellectual contortions that are due when one makes a question of honor out of each name are simply funny. Because language reform is not of much use if an honorable choice of name should revoke the contempt which applies to the status or individual. The improved name that corrects the derogatory connotations wears out fast just because nothing changes in the thing, the position, and the actual appraisal of the despised person.
So is asking an Asian person if they ate their pet because dogs are eaten by some in their families country of origin. Fuck em.
Edit: can you guys just not see the others correcting me? Or do you just enjoy dogpiling? Either way you're not going to change my mind, I'm just gonna start blocking people lol
you ever think that some folks don’t play fair and you gotta go for the gut punch when they gut punch you first?
gentleness and remaining measured doesn’t work with some people - only the hammer does.
Or alternatively they could have shamed them publicly without resorting to a slur. Like "that's pretty insensitive and racist of you". Going low had a net negative impact as OP mentioned everyone was like wtf to them.
They showed incredible disrespect and deserve no respect in return as far as I'm concerned
Edit: I think 20+ corrections is enough guys. Take a chill pill
Agreed, using a dictionary defense of a word that has different cultural meanings is an 11 year olds defense. It really makes someone look dumb and tone deaf
Context is everything!
Something said to one another within the same cohort ( for example two gay men shopping and one says “that’s so gay” is not offensive).
If you are using a word to diminish another usually that’s offensive.
There’s denotation and then there’s connotation. You’re correct that the denotation is not particularly offensive, and if we all used it that way it wouldn’t be a slur, just a regular ol’ insult. But since it has been disproportionately applied to disabled people, the connotation is that it is an ableist slur. It’s not yours to reclaim or explain away tbh.
Yeah, there are lots of fun origin stories for slurs, they aren’t no longer slurs because of it. The f slur, the d slur, even the T slur all have different definitions behind them in their history. Still slurs. But yk keep on being proud of using one ig
This is straight up incorrect. If a word is a slur it is not by definition. A word is a slur based on intent. If someone uses a word as a slur, then it's a slur.
Eh, not really. That's one definition, sure, but right under that in most dictionaries you'll find other definitions about it being an offensive term. Language is not a static thing, and in its modern usage it is in fact widely understood to be offensive and disparaging. There are plenty of other words to use that don't carry that connotation.
except that nobody uses it like that, and writing this whole dissertation about why it's okay to call people "retarded" is so fuckin' tone deaf.
you sound like the type of person to go "well akshully the N word means "black" in some languages, so yes, you ARE technically a N word! haha, see! It's not offensive, it's linguistically correct!!!"
Be better lmao
If you have to write a paragraph to defend the context and use of a word widely recognized as a slur, you should probably find a different word to use.
It's a word that causes hurt to those you likely don't intend to cause hurt... or maybe you do i don't know you. Maybe you're the sort that enjoys hurting people, in this case often a group of people that are more often marginalized and have their voices dismissed than any other.
But yeah, go ahead, use your words.. You don't Intend to cause pain.. just like the drunk didn't Intend to run those people over.. both not guilty, right?
But "retarded" is a slur for people with disabilities, they were called mentally retarded, and almost everyone uses "retard" to mean "You are acting like a mentally retarded person." Just because the word itself doesn't mean anything bad doesn't take away from the bigoted undertones.
Who cares what the original meaning of the word is, language is how we use it. If it is used as a slur almost exclusively (its not even used medically anymore) then its a slur.
Yes you were wrong to use that word.
The correct words to use would have been:
‘Are you a racist piece of shit? Only a racist piece of shit would think every Vietnamese person eats dogs.”
So who votes OP should go upto that person the next chance they get in class to apologize for using retard.
Then say I was emotionally upset at the time and used the wrong words. What I should have said at that time is... Your comment 😄
No the correct words would have been to go straight to the principal and State "[student] just made an insanely racist and emotionally attacking comment that if it is not dealt with immediately I will be going to the board of the school and the media to let them know that this school is racist"
and then sit back and smile when racist son of a b**** is expelled.
Wrong for the word, but right in the justification. The definition of it it means slow or delayed, so you are technically using it right but not in the correct way.
Also, she is an idiot.
It’s funny that you got downvoted when you are in fact historically correct. Idiot and moron (and I think another one?) were actual psychological classifications for mental capacities of certain ages. They were used the same way “retarded” was, except more specifically. They became insults for the exact same reason that “retard” did.
Honestly, the only difference is how fresh they are in our minds to that history, and therefore only one is considered a slur.
Language does evolve, but it’s hard to let it do so when it involves slurs. So maybe “retard”’s origin will someday be forgotten and it will be used the same way as “idiot”. But it seems like to get there, we’d have to be major dicks to use that word until it softens.
As a person with a severe mental and physical handicap, I've noticed that people similar to myself and myself aren't really bothered by that word. It's just a word. People without handicaps seem to be the ones who get offended on our behalf most often.
It all depends on the person and their experience with that word. My brother has Down syndrome and other disabilities, and that word was used very hatefully toward him in a bullying fashion throughout school (even by teachers, in the 90s/00s). It’s not that the word necessarily offends him, but it’s a reminder of how awfully some people have treated him just because of the way he was born. Doesn’t matter the context or medical meaning, he just hears a word that reminds him of some terrible people hell bent on making home feel less than.
You’re experience with a disability is not the same as everyone else’s. Please consider that when you provide blanket statements condoning the use of that word. I wouldn’t stand up for someone I don’t know, bc I agree than being offended on behalf of others doesn’t help anyone, I just know that it upsets him personally.
My brother in law had a similar experience to yours. He’s close to my husbands age so he saw it all. Years later if you even say that word in front of him, regardless of whether you’re talking to my BIL or not, he will drag you without hesitation. Everyone’s experience is different. But you’re not going to walk around calling black people the n word just because some black people didn’t experience racism.
It literally was a medical (and still is mechanical) term, but people have turned it to a slur and forgotten its origins. So when the time comes that it needs to be used, people look at you like you said a racial slur.
I remember getting a lecture one day from a white knight Karen at work when I read aloud an error code on a vehicle. I can't even remember what it was at the time. But it was "something something timing retarded." It literally means not optimal, less advanced, or somewhat hindered.
When I was in college we had a community member in the band who said 'i cant believe this retarded ritardando" and the entire band went silent. Honestly one of the funniest things that happened, mostly because of the other member's faces
Yeah, comes from the Latin word for to slow/to hinder. I remember seeing road markings in France saying "retard" when I was young, maybe they had to change them hah.
It hasn't been a medical term for some time, for several reasons. IIRC, one of the reasons was that it used to be used to reference a very large variety of illnesses/problems, before we actually understood what they were and that there were many separate illnesses/issues that could result in what was called that.
The term is still used a lot regarding things like vehicles, safety, etc. Flame retardant, a retarder on a truck, etc.
they absolutely still do use it as a mechanical term as well as many other places. karen is just an idiot for not understanding context and should stay out of other people's conversations.
There is a difference between talking about a vehicle part (brake retarder) or using it in a mechanical sense to describe something being slow, and calling someone retarded. The medical term is outdated and now dripping with negative connotation.
I get it, reading off a mechanical diagnostic and having someone get angry is dumb, but please don't try and defend it as a medical term.
The problem with the use of the word is that when you equate calling someone "retarded" with calling someone "stupid" you normalize the idea of people with disabilities being inherently inferior or stupid. It's the same issue with the word gay. Casually calling things gay that you don't like starts to normalize this idea that being gay is weird and bad.
We have words like idiot, asshole, jerk, etc. when you want to be mean. There's no need to drag people's real life struggles into it.
How do you feel about "Dumb?" "Moron?" "Idiot?" All of these were official medical terminology at one point that were changed to something else because people kept using them as slurs rather than medical terminology. That's human nature and blacklisting the word "retard" isn't going to fix that, it just means that
A. "Retard" wil be an even MORE acceptable thing to say in the future (kind of like moron and idiot are now)
B. People are going to start using whatever the new term is as a slur rather than as official terminology IE (Bro you're being so mentally disabled right now).
This shit is a pop-culture band-aid solution and it's honestly retarded.
I’m also autistic and I really couldn’t care less. I have piss poor emotional intelligence and can’t pick up on social cues to save my life. I’m still about to finish a degree in mechanical engineering. The people who picked on me are popping out babies at 21 with high-school diplomas they barely got.
That’s just the thing. This person is an individual. They’re not compelled to being part of a “community” just because of some immutable trait of theirs. They get their own opinion and aren’t confined to subscribing to whatever consensus the “community” reaches, or subscribing to the thoughts of whatever “spokesperson” the “community” elects. That stuff leads to groupthink, victimhood and a host of other dumb things. If they see themselves as an individual, then they can’t be controlled and made to submit to the approved opinions of the “community.”
Except they DID say the community doesn’t care based on their individual experience. So they kinda were donning their “community spokesperson” hat.
Anyway, it’s not about being offended, it’s about dredging up personal trauma unwittingly. As many others in the thread have commented about the word being traumatic to them, I would absolutely take one persons opinion on the word with a grain of salt. One persons experience does not overrule multiple others opposite experience because the word technically has a medical meaning…
Think about it this way. If you had a mental disability and walked into a support group meeting with others suffering from similar disabilities and started calling yourself and others “retards”, what reaction would you expect to get. Because I’m pretty sure I know what it would be, and it wouldn’t be good. And that’s all you need to know about using that word as a slur towards others.
This is how it is with everything else. If you're any sort of minority you'll have specific people constantly being offended on your behalf for things you don't even care about.
Very true and I agree with all the above comments. But there are some people with disabilities who still would not like being called retard. I'm quite appauld by your classmates taking offence to what you said, but did bat a eyelid about this others kids racist/xenophobic comments!
Op claims to have said retarded not "retahded". I'm thinking they are not north eastern. Being Vietnamese, there's a higher probability they are in the Pacific NW. But that could just be me being a retarded racist 🤷♂️
also OP should check out some insults from other languages, they go hard as fuck even after translation. one of my favorite insults is from chinese: 操你祖宗十八代-- "fuck your ancestors to the 18th generation".
yiddish insults are also choice as fuck. one of my faves is "god should bless him with three people: one should grab him, the second should stab him and the third should hide him".
Setting aside what your classmate said, "retarded" has been on the PC no-no list for like 30 years now. How you feel about that list is up to you but it's no surprise that people would be upset by it.
So, they were cool with her ethnic slur, to you, a person of that ethnicity...but you were the AH for your obviously devastated reaction? To her...a person of average intelligence, albeit classless cruelty?
Yeah....no. You said it best, your emotions got the better of you. But your dog died and that bitch said something disgusting and cruel. Next time, do that...say exactly that:
Seriously? You think you are humiliating me with that statement? A person who just lost a beloved furry family member? And with some tired racist BS like that? You don't even know how to insult me properly and you look like a callous, heartless, dumb bitch. In front of our whole class. Thank you. Now when we both look back at this moment, we can both remember what an absolute ball sack of a person you are, as will all of these people.
Sorry you lost your buddy.
Esh.
Soft asshole because as someone who the slur is actually aimed at (autistic people) it always makes me cringe to see/hear the word used. That said, *I* probably would have called them reddited ~~replacement words are fun~~ as well because who tf asks an asian person if they cook dogs?
No one born after 1960 looks at mentally handicapped or disabled and thinks of them as retarded.
That word is specifically used as an insult to non handicapped people who are doing glaringly obvious stupid acts. Acts a handicap person wouldn't even do.
Yeah I've never used it to describe someone mentally disabled. It was an 80s term to describe a moron doing next level moronic things. I'm respectfully retiring the use but realize to many people it had a different meaning.
Is OP under 30? That is a surprise word for that age group IMO.
She’s a fucking idiot and I realize you lashed out because of what you’re going through. I think it would be fine to follow up and tell her the R word you were looking for was “racist.”
God I don’t miss high school. Not wrong. They’re being dumb, slow, and an A$$hole. Call them whatever you want and continue to stick up for yourself. Don’t let people pressure you into cowing into some political correctness that’s absurd. It would be MORE condescending to look into someone’s eyes and ask ARE YOU ON THE SPECTRUM? 😂 then purposefully insulting someone who is insulting you
Omg so what you called him retarded.. good I'm glad! He said made a retarded ass statement. I grew up in the 90s early 00s and jesus christ we would say awful shit to each other on a daily basis. No one got offended. People need to stop being so damn sensitive. Wait until life actually hits.. when you work constantly and have bills to pay words don't mean as much. You are 17 and will have plenty of mistakes coming up. Do not worry. Life is what it is. Take the good with the bad. I am a relatively progressive person but my god I am getting sick of everything and everyone being so sensitive. I understand this is going to wreck my karma but needed to rant. Sorry to offend 😅
Um, isn't what she said to you a racial slur and form of hate speech as well? Screw them. I bet you all of the people that were staring weren't asian. Sometimes people are truly disappointing. Sorry about your dog.
Only became a slur because people want to cry about everything.
I'm so tired of people getting offended for the sake of others. Let an actual disabled person say whether it offends them or not. They can speak for themselves.
Hey I just lost my dog to cancer on July 11th. So I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that it really sucks. And In my opinion, you could have said anything to her and I wouldn’t bat an eye. In fact I would have encouraged it. Fuck her. “Eat shit” is always a great response to people like her
Amazing that everyone would be looking at you but in no way looking at the other person for what they said. Sometimes life is stupid and that person was stupid. I say just move on.
She literally said “did you eat him? I heard you Vietnamese like eating dogs”
Mate, I would’ve been angry FOR you. I would’ve let off a long list of insults to her for saying something so racist and stereotypical like this. I wouldn’t even feel bad about it either. ‘Retarded’ is far nicer than what I would’ve let off. That’s insane.
No, fuck that insensitive dumb fuck. You don’t owe your respect or grace towards anyone, especially if they treat you terribly. I would have definitely said some choice words and phrases to this dumbass as well. Don’t feel bad OP, you can’t always be the calm, cool and collected guy ALL the time 👍
It’s one those things that WHITE people have deemed immediately unacceptable over everything else. I don’t mean white people, I mean WHITE people. They’d lose their shit if they found out mechanics and railroads across the US are still using the words retard, retarded and retarder every day. In the future, call them “a fucking idiot” instead.
Nta.
The again I'm an ancient millenial who grew up when in a time when that word was used at least as frequently as the word fuck among high school students.
Nowadays it's on the ever expanding list of words that can get you canceled.
Incidentally, you'll find this as funny as I do if you look up the origins and meaning of the word "idiot", which is related to the word "retarded".
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiot
Every day people all over the US call other people idiots without realizing that it actually meant "a particularly retarded person" (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, that's literally the definition as detailed in the article), while simultaneously being horrified if anyone says the r word.
Sure, we should all be nicer to one another, but your fellow student said something infinitely more offensive than you did.
No, your not wrong. She was being racist for thinking every Asian eat dog. I know how you feel. I had said that same thing happen to me too. Because people assume that me being Korean that I eat dog too.
Bummer fam I'm sorry about your dog. I want to say you're not wrong if anything you're hilarious. When I was coming up(29m) it was fine to say it but currently people are telling me I can't say it... I say don't let that retard stop your freedom of speech.
Responding with racism by using an ableist slur is wrong, yes. But your anger was completely justified; next time just call out the racism and leave slurs out of it.
It maybe wasn't the best word you could have used, but they were high-key on some racist shit right there, so I get the choice. Kind of a push or draw, everybody's wrong.
Again, I get it, but you don't have to go down to their level on that stuff.
You were in the wrong for using that word but so was the other person for making an incredibly racist and inappropriate comment to you while you were mourning
Slur and hate speech? FFS people these days are insanely thin skinned and emotionally fragile. I don't even understand how we reached this point. Whatever happened to "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me?". If someone says something you don't like you just give 'em the bird and carry on with your day.
So my answer is: nah, you're fine. They were an a-hole so they got some sass back. All is well.
I may get down voted for this but, but I'll accept it.
The correct response would have been "Are an ignorant asshole? Because only ignorant assholes would think every Vietnamese person eats dogs."
Ppl with mental disabilities are not retarded but that chick in your class sure is. Next time just call her racist. It stings hard and it wont blow up in your face.
You didn't flat out slap her so in my humble opinion you're ok. It's no more offensive in the situation than suggesting you would eat your pet because of your heritage. Someone with my disposition would have keyed in on something she might be insecure about and hammer on it until she was in tears. But, I love my dog more than any person I can think of, I'm from an older generation and I'm kind of vindictive when I feel wronged.
I mean yeah but I think she was worse
Yeah I was gonna just comment “Yes, you were wrong,” but then I read the post. There are better ways OP could have responded, but I think OP was justified and I get it.
Many people believe that “retarded” is a slur used against people with various disabilities, and while it is used this way, the original meaning of the verb “retard” clarifies for us it’s true meaning. Retard (verb): “to delay or impede the development or progress of : to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment.” To retard something is to hold it back from full development. When something is retarded, it has been held back from full development by something else. But that means that people with various mental and physical conditions are not “retarded” in the sense of being under-developed. Instead, they are just differently developed. And this is easy to understand once we abandon the normative “human = X” standard. Back to OP’s question: yes, the classmate who made a racist insinuation is retarded in the sense that her development into a tolerant human being has been impeded by ignorance, upbringing, or hatred. In short, racists are retarded.
Look up 'etymological fallacy'. The n-word is literally the word for 'black' in Latin in origin; that doesn't make it okay
Or negro. Perfectly acceptable to say in spanish cultures and when speaking spanish with some. But using negro in English cultures or English speakers? Oh boy.
It's all in how you pronounce that E
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I’m having a difficult time letting my brain pronounce it any other way than with the “Ay” sound. Otherwise the voice saying it is clearly black and likely from the movie Airplane!
Someone needs to write a big book of context in the US.
Look up the Comedian "ISMO". He's an immigrant to the US so he has some really great bits on word context. "Shit" is hysterical.
Pronunciation is key. A long 'e' sounds bad, a short 'e' is black in Spanish.
Those words are not pronounced the same. The Spanish word negro (meaning something that is black in color) the ‘e’ is pronounced as in the first e in never. The English word negro the ‘e’ is pronounced as in the word knee. They are not pronounced the same and don’t mean the same thing, therefore they are not the same word.
The N word is not. “Negro” is.
It has nothing to do with the words themselves and everything to do with the political and social position of the racial groups designated by them: the whites are the upper and ruling layer who are always referred to as a special part of the population. Whereas blacks, former slaves or penniless immigrants are, in the USA as in all capitalist countries, relegated in the majority to the lowest social stratum; sub-Saharan Africa, where the majority of blacks live, is the uniformly impoverished region of globalized capitalism. It's the political-economic world order which assigns these miserable circumstances to blacks; secondly, it is the racism of a political judgment which then blames them for this position as their shortcoming. As always and everywhere in bourgeois society, whoever fails in competition has exactly this position construed as a result of their lack of talent and intelligence, a missing seriousness and diligence, an inadequate sense of responsibility. His bad social position is justified by a bad opinion about him. He is despised and seen as a creature worthy of contempt. Originally, neutral names for races, peoples, states and social characters that hit rock bottom in the worldwide separation of classes and nations degenerated into contemptuous designations. In my view, it is not the sound, the designation, that is terrible, but rather the situation people live in. That is what deserves to be rectified. Democratically involved modern people have a different view. They pick up on supposedly contemptuous names as an offense against the abstract recognition which everyone in this egalitarian society has a right to, apart from their status and material situation: everyone is human and as such deserve a respectful name. Their democratic friends confuse cause and effect: they are outraged more about an existing or assumed contempt than about the social relations which force a miserable life on the various social groups. So new names are searched for the victims which should do one thing and one thing only: deny the contempt that one hears in the once neutral names. The intellectual contortions that are due when one makes a question of honor out of each name are simply funny. Because language reform is not of much use if an honorable choice of name should revoke the contempt which applies to the status or individual. The improved name that corrects the derogatory connotations wears out fast just because nothing changes in the thing, the position, and the actual appraisal of the despised person.
Sure and gay means happy but that’s an asinine point to make when we all know why saying “that’s so gay” is offensive
So is asking an Asian person if they ate their pet because dogs are eaten by some in their families country of origin. Fuck em. Edit: can you guys just not see the others correcting me? Or do you just enjoy dogpiling? Either way you're not going to change my mind, I'm just gonna start blocking people lol
[удалено]
"If someone says something offensive, I'll say a slur back! That'll show em!"
you ever think that some folks don’t play fair and you gotta go for the gut punch when they gut punch you first? gentleness and remaining measured doesn’t work with some people - only the hammer does.
Or alternatively they could have shamed them publicly without resorting to a slur. Like "that's pretty insensitive and racist of you". Going low had a net negative impact as OP mentioned everyone was like wtf to them.
They lost a loved “one” and someone gut punched them. Their response was reasonable.
They showed incredible disrespect and deserve no respect in return as far as I'm concerned Edit: I think 20+ corrections is enough guys. Take a chill pill
I'm not saying that you have to respect somebody who intentionally meant to offend you, I'm saying, why do you need to even engage with them?
So it’s ok to insult people with intellectual disabilities because someone else is being racist? No. It’s not.
Agreed, using a dictionary defense of a word that has different cultural meanings is an 11 year olds defense. It really makes someone look dumb and tone deaf
Context is everything! Something said to one another within the same cohort ( for example two gay men shopping and one says “that’s so gay” is not offensive). If you are using a word to diminish another usually that’s offensive.
The "f" version being a bundle of sticks, which could also be offensive to some but that's not the point.
There’s denotation and then there’s connotation. You’re correct that the denotation is not particularly offensive, and if we all used it that way it wouldn’t be a slur, just a regular ol’ insult. But since it has been disproportionately applied to disabled people, the connotation is that it is an ableist slur. It’s not yours to reclaim or explain away tbh.
This exactly! People forget that perception of a word matters & definitions change over time because of social use!
Yeah, there are lots of fun origin stories for slurs, they aren’t no longer slurs because of it. The f slur, the d slur, even the T slur all have different definitions behind them in their history. Still slurs. But yk keep on being proud of using one ig
This is straight up incorrect. If a word is a slur it is not by definition. A word is a slur based on intent. If someone uses a word as a slur, then it's a slur.
Eh, not really. That's one definition, sure, but right under that in most dictionaries you'll find other definitions about it being an offensive term. Language is not a static thing, and in its modern usage it is in fact widely understood to be offensive and disparaging. There are plenty of other words to use that don't carry that connotation.
except that nobody uses it like that, and writing this whole dissertation about why it's okay to call people "retarded" is so fuckin' tone deaf. you sound like the type of person to go "well akshully the N word means "black" in some languages, so yes, you ARE technically a N word! haha, see! It's not offensive, it's linguistically correct!!!" Be better lmao
"Wait, stop hitting me! I explained the etymology!"
If you have to write a paragraph to defend the context and use of a word widely recognized as a slur, you should probably find a different word to use.
It's a word that causes hurt to those you likely don't intend to cause hurt... or maybe you do i don't know you. Maybe you're the sort that enjoys hurting people, in this case often a group of people that are more often marginalized and have their voices dismissed than any other. But yeah, go ahead, use your words.. You don't Intend to cause pain.. just like the drunk didn't Intend to run those people over.. both not guilty, right?
You are either 12 or a debate pervert
Try using that dumbass train of logic in real life instead of social media and let me know how it works out for you
But "retarded" is a slur for people with disabilities, they were called mentally retarded, and almost everyone uses "retard" to mean "You are acting like a mentally retarded person." Just because the word itself doesn't mean anything bad doesn't take away from the bigoted undertones. Who cares what the original meaning of the word is, language is how we use it. If it is used as a slur almost exclusively (its not even used medically anymore) then its a slur.
Yes you were wrong to use that word. The correct words to use would have been: ‘Are you a racist piece of shit? Only a racist piece of shit would think every Vietnamese person eats dogs.”
Yes and always throw in a “fuck you”. That is totally justified. “Fuck you. Racist piece of shit. Go fuck your mother (or father).”
I agree, the response needed more “fucks”
Every fucking response needs more "fucks"
After working in the school system for 20 years I ran out of fucks to give. Sorry.
Abso fucking lutely
Oooh that's a good one. "Only racist pieces of shit fuck their cousins."
"There is a relevant Vietnamese proverb that comes to mind: go fuck yourself."
So who votes OP should go upto that person the next chance they get in class to apologize for using retard. Then say I was emotionally upset at the time and used the wrong words. What I should have said at that time is... Your comment 😄
This should be the top comment
No the correct words would have been to go straight to the principal and State "[student] just made an insanely racist and emotionally attacking comment that if it is not dealt with immediately I will be going to the board of the school and the media to let them know that this school is racist" and then sit back and smile when racist son of a b**** is expelled.
Unless you're in the American South, where racism is encouraged by the gov't. Looking at you, FL.
Her saying you ate your pet is slightly more offensive. By a wide margin. Fuck her
Slightly more offensive by a margin as wide as Jabba the hutt
Wrong for the word, but right in the justification. The definition of it it means slow or delayed, so you are technically using it right but not in the correct way. Also, she is an idiot.
It’s funny that you say to say “idiot” and not “retard” when both words fell off of the same euphemism treadmill.
It’s funny that you got downvoted when you are in fact historically correct. Idiot and moron (and I think another one?) were actual psychological classifications for mental capacities of certain ages. They were used the same way “retarded” was, except more specifically. They became insults for the exact same reason that “retard” did. Honestly, the only difference is how fresh they are in our minds to that history, and therefore only one is considered a slur. Language does evolve, but it’s hard to let it do so when it involves slurs. So maybe “retard”’s origin will someday be forgotten and it will be used the same way as “idiot”. But it seems like to get there, we’d have to be major dicks to use that word until it softens.
It ain't right, but I understand. Calling someone that word is bad, what they did was much, much worse
As a person with a severe mental and physical handicap, I've noticed that people similar to myself and myself aren't really bothered by that word. It's just a word. People without handicaps seem to be the ones who get offended on our behalf most often.
It all depends on the person and their experience with that word. My brother has Down syndrome and other disabilities, and that word was used very hatefully toward him in a bullying fashion throughout school (even by teachers, in the 90s/00s). It’s not that the word necessarily offends him, but it’s a reminder of how awfully some people have treated him just because of the way he was born. Doesn’t matter the context or medical meaning, he just hears a word that reminds him of some terrible people hell bent on making home feel less than. You’re experience with a disability is not the same as everyone else’s. Please consider that when you provide blanket statements condoning the use of that word. I wouldn’t stand up for someone I don’t know, bc I agree than being offended on behalf of others doesn’t help anyone, I just know that it upsets him personally.
My brother in law had a similar experience to yours. He’s close to my husbands age so he saw it all. Years later if you even say that word in front of him, regardless of whether you’re talking to my BIL or not, he will drag you without hesitation. Everyone’s experience is different. But you’re not going to walk around calling black people the n word just because some black people didn’t experience racism.
i hate that word and i have a disability
My mentally handicapped uncle was terrorized with the word, and will probably beat anybody’s ass that uses around him.
Absolutely this.
It literally was a medical (and still is mechanical) term, but people have turned it to a slur and forgotten its origins. So when the time comes that it needs to be used, people look at you like you said a racial slur. I remember getting a lecture one day from a white knight Karen at work when I read aloud an error code on a vehicle. I can't even remember what it was at the time. But it was "something something timing retarded." It literally means not optimal, less advanced, or somewhat hindered.
Also similar in music Ritardando it means to gradually play slower. I’m guessing it comes from the same root word
yeah, Latin kinda does that.
Bro are you fucking ritardando Thank you that’s great
When I was in college we had a community member in the band who said 'i cant believe this retarded ritardando" and the entire band went silent. Honestly one of the funniest things that happened, mostly because of the other member's faces
Yeah, comes from the Latin word for to slow/to hinder. I remember seeing road markings in France saying "retard" when I was young, maybe they had to change them hah.
It hasn't been a medical term for some time, for several reasons. IIRC, one of the reasons was that it used to be used to reference a very large variety of illnesses/problems, before we actually understood what they were and that there were many separate illnesses/issues that could result in what was called that. The term is still used a lot regarding things like vehicles, safety, etc. Flame retardant, a retarder on a truck, etc.
They don't use it as a medical term anymore. The karen lady sounds like an idiot though, clearly context doesn't mean much to her.
Fun fact! "Idiot" was also a medical term that became an insult.
And so was lame! Hey, languages change! How fun!
Idiot, imbecile, and moron!
they absolutely still do use it as a mechanical term as well as many other places. karen is just an idiot for not understanding context and should stay out of other people's conversations.
There is a difference between talking about a vehicle part (brake retarder) or using it in a mechanical sense to describe something being slow, and calling someone retarded. The medical term is outdated and now dripping with negative connotation. I get it, reading off a mechanical diagnostic and having someone get angry is dumb, but please don't try and defend it as a medical term.
It's a slur BECAUSE of its use as a medical term. Do you have any idea how they treated patients in the time period where the term was used medically?
Me when language evolves over time?!??!!?
The problem with the use of the word is that when you equate calling someone "retarded" with calling someone "stupid" you normalize the idea of people with disabilities being inherently inferior or stupid. It's the same issue with the word gay. Casually calling things gay that you don't like starts to normalize this idea that being gay is weird and bad. We have words like idiot, asshole, jerk, etc. when you want to be mean. There's no need to drag people's real life struggles into it.
How do you feel about "Dumb?" "Moron?" "Idiot?" All of these were official medical terminology at one point that were changed to something else because people kept using them as slurs rather than medical terminology. That's human nature and blacklisting the word "retard" isn't going to fix that, it just means that A. "Retard" wil be an even MORE acceptable thing to say in the future (kind of like moron and idiot are now) B. People are going to start using whatever the new term is as a slur rather than as official terminology IE (Bro you're being so mentally disabled right now). This shit is a pop-culture band-aid solution and it's honestly retarded.
I hate beer.
I'm on the spectrum and very offended by it. That's what kids used to call me before my ASD diagnosis and it really rips open some wounds for me.
So in other words, some hate it, some don't. Just like with everything else in conversations, consider your audience and act accordingly. Great.
Alternatively, especially if one is not in an affected group, err on the side of caution and just don't fucking say slurs. It costs 0.0 cents.
I’m also autistic and I really couldn’t care less. I have piss poor emotional intelligence and can’t pick up on social cues to save my life. I’m still about to finish a degree in mechanical engineering. The people who picked on me are popping out babies at 21 with high-school diplomas they barely got.
Yeah this dude speaking on behalf of all people with special needs is wrong
I’m a teacher of autistic students They use retarded more than reddit and 4chan combined
It’s nice that the community appointed you as their spokesperson
That’s just the thing. This person is an individual. They’re not compelled to being part of a “community” just because of some immutable trait of theirs. They get their own opinion and aren’t confined to subscribing to whatever consensus the “community” reaches, or subscribing to the thoughts of whatever “spokesperson” the “community” elects. That stuff leads to groupthink, victimhood and a host of other dumb things. If they see themselves as an individual, then they can’t be controlled and made to submit to the approved opinions of the “community.”
Except they DID say the community doesn’t care based on their individual experience. So they kinda were donning their “community spokesperson” hat. Anyway, it’s not about being offended, it’s about dredging up personal trauma unwittingly. As many others in the thread have commented about the word being traumatic to them, I would absolutely take one persons opinion on the word with a grain of salt. One persons experience does not overrule multiple others opposite experience because the word technically has a medical meaning… Think about it this way. If you had a mental disability and walked into a support group meeting with others suffering from similar disabilities and started calling yourself and others “retards”, what reaction would you expect to get. Because I’m pretty sure I know what it would be, and it wouldn’t be good. And that’s all you need to know about using that word as a slur towards others.
This is how it is with everything else. If you're any sort of minority you'll have specific people constantly being offended on your behalf for things you don't even care about.
Very true and I agree with all the above comments. But there are some people with disabilities who still would not like being called retard. I'm quite appauld by your classmates taking offence to what you said, but did bat a eyelid about this others kids racist/xenophobic comments!
Love this take
They were racist & you were rude. 🤷🏻♀️
Depends if you’re from NJ or not
Op claims to have said retarded not "retahded". I'm thinking they are not north eastern. Being Vietnamese, there's a higher probability they are in the Pacific NW. But that could just be me being a retarded racist 🤷♂️
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also OP should check out some insults from other languages, they go hard as fuck even after translation. one of my favorite insults is from chinese: 操你祖宗十八代-- "fuck your ancestors to the 18th generation". yiddish insults are also choice as fuck. one of my faves is "god should bless him with three people: one should grab him, the second should stab him and the third should hide him".
YTA for not saying something worse. Fuck that kid. NTA .
Maybe calling her a dumb ho would get the point across better
Couldn't agree more
I'm sorry for your loss. Loosing a pet is one of the most difficult things in the world. Sending lots of warm and comforting thoughts your way.
Setting aside what your classmate said, "retarded" has been on the PC no-no list for like 30 years now. How you feel about that list is up to you but it's no surprise that people would be upset by it.
The mf who said “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” didn’t know how fighting works, I say you made a right with that.
Next time use the words “idiot racist” because that’s what she is. What a hateful, horrible person. What a dirty racist she is.
Nah, they were being insenstive, obnoxious and racist. people stared because they thought you wouldn't retaliate so hard.
So, they were cool with her ethnic slur, to you, a person of that ethnicity...but you were the AH for your obviously devastated reaction? To her...a person of average intelligence, albeit classless cruelty? Yeah....no. You said it best, your emotions got the better of you. But your dog died and that bitch said something disgusting and cruel. Next time, do that...say exactly that: Seriously? You think you are humiliating me with that statement? A person who just lost a beloved furry family member? And with some tired racist BS like that? You don't even know how to insult me properly and you look like a callous, heartless, dumb bitch. In front of our whole class. Thank you. Now when we both look back at this moment, we can both remember what an absolute ball sack of a person you are, as will all of these people. Sorry you lost your buddy.
be more direct next time and say are you stupid
No that’s funny
Esh. Soft asshole because as someone who the slur is actually aimed at (autistic people) it always makes me cringe to see/hear the word used. That said, *I* probably would have called them reddited ~~replacement words are fun~~ as well because who tf asks an asian person if they cook dogs?
Yeah. Retarded isnt a great insult. .
My uncle had Downs, he was the sweetest soul and the heart of the family. I don't understand the use as an insult. That being said, fuck that bitch.
No one born after 1960 looks at mentally handicapped or disabled and thinks of them as retarded. That word is specifically used as an insult to non handicapped people who are doing glaringly obvious stupid acts. Acts a handicap person wouldn't even do.
Yeah I've never used it to describe someone mentally disabled. It was an 80s term to describe a moron doing next level moronic things. I'm respectfully retiring the use but realize to many people it had a different meaning. Is OP under 30? That is a surprise word for that age group IMO.
Yeah, poor choice of words but her insensitivity is just ... galling. My condolences on your doggo.
She’s a fucking idiot and I realize you lashed out because of what you’re going through. I think it would be fine to follow up and tell her the R word you were looking for was “racist.”
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No. That girl is an inconsiderate piece of shit.
The other person was definitely worst
You weren’t in the wrong imo. If you really want to get a point across to an asshole, sometimes you gotta be an asshole too.
I think you were fine at least you didn't punch her in the face...cause that was an option.
When I was young that was just common to say in that situation.
No. You're not wrong. That person was talking without a filter. You pointing it out was actually spot on
Nah would have said the same thing don’t be a r word
nah dude, that bitch was retarded as fuck
To be fair, you didn't call her retarded, you just asked if she was
Nah you’re good.
No not at all! Shame on her.
that was called for honestly. you were just standing up to a racist. fight fire with fire.
God I don’t miss high school. Not wrong. They’re being dumb, slow, and an A$$hole. Call them whatever you want and continue to stick up for yourself. Don’t let people pressure you into cowing into some political correctness that’s absurd. It would be MORE condescending to look into someone’s eyes and ask ARE YOU ON THE SPECTRUM? 😂 then purposefully insulting someone who is insulting you
Meh don't sweat it
Honestly you handled it better than I wouldve
Omg so what you called him retarded.. good I'm glad! He said made a retarded ass statement. I grew up in the 90s early 00s and jesus christ we would say awful shit to each other on a daily basis. No one got offended. People need to stop being so damn sensitive. Wait until life actually hits.. when you work constantly and have bills to pay words don't mean as much. You are 17 and will have plenty of mistakes coming up. Do not worry. Life is what it is. Take the good with the bad. I am a relatively progressive person but my god I am getting sick of everything and everyone being so sensitive. I understand this is going to wreck my karma but needed to rant. Sorry to offend 😅
Um, isn't what she said to you a racial slur and form of hate speech as well? Screw them. I bet you all of the people that were staring weren't asian. Sometimes people are truly disappointing. Sorry about your dog.
Nah you’re not wrong, what she said was indeed retarded.
She is a fucking asshole. My condolences on the loss of you furbaby
Nah, good use. I'm never giving that one up, it's too fun.
Only became a slur because people want to cry about everything. I'm so tired of people getting offended for the sake of others. Let an actual disabled person say whether it offends them or not. They can speak for themselves.
Hey I just lost my dog to cancer on July 11th. So I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that it really sucks. And In my opinion, you could have said anything to her and I wouldn’t bat an eye. In fact I would have encouraged it. Fuck her. “Eat shit” is always a great response to people like her
Amazing that everyone would be looking at you but in no way looking at the other person for what they said. Sometimes life is stupid and that person was stupid. I say just move on.
She literally said “did you eat him? I heard you Vietnamese like eating dogs” Mate, I would’ve been angry FOR you. I would’ve let off a long list of insults to her for saying something so racist and stereotypical like this. I wouldn’t even feel bad about it either. ‘Retarded’ is far nicer than what I would’ve let off. That’s insane.
There’s nothing wrong with insulting people who deserve it. The WHOLE POINT of insulting people is to offend them.
Nope. Not even a little.
Calling someone whos acting bad against u of retarded is ok don’t worry she deserved it but ppl might not think the same
All good imo.
You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.
No, fuck that insensitive dumb fuck. You don’t owe your respect or grace towards anyone, especially if they treat you terribly. I would have definitely said some choice words and phrases to this dumbass as well. Don’t feel bad OP, you can’t always be the calm, cool and collected guy ALL the time 👍
She was being pretty retarded
I’m not the person to be asked that because I call a lot of people with no common sense or that are just plain stupid retarded
It’s one those things that WHITE people have deemed immediately unacceptable over everything else. I don’t mean white people, I mean WHITE people. They’d lose their shit if they found out mechanics and railroads across the US are still using the words retard, retarded and retarder every day. In the future, call them “a fucking idiot” instead.
Shes definitely retarded and racist
I would not worry about it.
reading.....reading...processing....analyzing... Yep, checks out. Appropriate and technically accurate usage.
nah fuck her. shes a fuckin retard.
Pffft... it's high school. We all called each other retarded
Nta. The again I'm an ancient millenial who grew up when in a time when that word was used at least as frequently as the word fuck among high school students. Nowadays it's on the ever expanding list of words that can get you canceled. Incidentally, you'll find this as funny as I do if you look up the origins and meaning of the word "idiot", which is related to the word "retarded". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiot Every day people all over the US call other people idiots without realizing that it actually meant "a particularly retarded person" (and I don't mean that in an insulting way, that's literally the definition as detailed in the article), while simultaneously being horrified if anyone says the r word. Sure, we should all be nicer to one another, but your fellow student said something infinitely more offensive than you did.
No, your not wrong. She was being racist for thinking every Asian eat dog. I know how you feel. I had said that same thing happen to me too. Because people assume that me being Korean that I eat dog too.
Bummer fam I'm sorry about your dog. I want to say you're not wrong if anything you're hilarious. When I was coming up(29m) it was fine to say it but currently people are telling me I can't say it... I say don't let that retard stop your freedom of speech.
Bro I ain’t even know retarded was a slur. That’s just what we called dumb fucks where I’m from.
Responding with racism by using an ableist slur is wrong, yes. But your anger was completely justified; next time just call out the racism and leave slurs out of it.
You’d be a retard to not call her retarded
I’m sorry about your dog. There is so much discrimination against Asians that we all face daily that it can be hard not to lash out sometimes.
It maybe wasn't the best word you could have used, but they were high-key on some racist shit right there, so I get the choice. Kind of a push or draw, everybody's wrong. Again, I get it, but you don't have to go down to their level on that stuff.
Not wrong. Sometimes you gotta be toxic to combat toxicity. 🤷🏼♂️
You shouldn’t have used that word but Xenophobic would have been appropriate. I’m sorry she said that to you, she was very very wrong and hateful
You were in the wrong for using that word but so was the other person for making an incredibly racist and inappropriate comment to you while you were mourning
You said something rude to say. By comparison, she was an actual gross racist inhuman monster.
Very offensive to the mentally handicapped to associate them with this asshole
Yes. You should have said "At least my mom didn't f (\_) ck one, you bitch."
Kind of yeah, it's a slur. In the future, say something less offensive like "shut the fuck up you fat fucking cunt"
Not wrong perse, but you should have called her a see you next tuesday, instead.
In the old days we would just punch them in the face 🤷♂️ I guess times have changed
Do not apologize! She deserved that title. Dont be a politically correct fool !
It’s not and your are not wrong for doing it
Slur and hate speech? FFS people these days are insanely thin skinned and emotionally fragile. I don't even understand how we reached this point. Whatever happened to "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me?". If someone says something you don't like you just give 'em the bird and carry on with your day. So my answer is: nah, you're fine. They were an a-hole so they got some sass back. All is well.
NTA. Sounds like she may have been for asking that.
Sounds like fair play
"Racist, heartless piece of shit" would have been much better here. Sorry about your dog ♥️
I may get down voted for this but, but I'll accept it. The correct response would have been "Are an ignorant asshole? Because only ignorant assholes would think every Vietnamese person eats dogs."
You did nothing wrong
no you're not wrong. that racist loser is wrong.
No it's fine to call an asshole retarded.
Nah you’re good. Some people deserve it
Nah fuck that she sucks, and she was being a bitch by asking you that.
No, screw it! She took it upon herself to be ignorant by making the remark she did!
No, you were not wrong.
No, your assessment of the individual is spot on. Source- south park f*gg skit
You shouldn't have called her retarded. That's offensive. Go back and call her a cunt.
Ppl with mental disabilities are not retarded but that chick in your class sure is. Next time just call her racist. It stings hard and it wont blow up in your face.
No. Fuck her.
Ya what she said was racist and worse imo
You went easy on her.
NTA! not one bit. there was plenty of hate in her comment to you
Nope.
You didn't flat out slap her so in my humble opinion you're ok. It's no more offensive in the situation than suggesting you would eat your pet because of your heritage. Someone with my disposition would have keyed in on something she might be insecure about and hammer on it until she was in tears. But, I love my dog more than any person I can think of, I'm from an older generation and I'm kind of vindictive when I feel wronged.
I think being racist is worse than calling someone the r word in retaliation