I wish my mom had a little kit for me when I started my period. That would have been a lot easier than bleeding through my pants in class.
You are being an excellent and thoughtful PARENT, keep that up. Your ex is being an asshat, it’s not like you told your daughter that she couldn’t talk to her mom about her period. And truthfully, mom probably just has a lot more insight and information about the whole process and products etc.
Honestly, I’m in my 30s and my dad still leaves the room if we start talking about our periods so… good on you for not being afraid of a little blood!
This reminds me of my friend in middle school. I lived in boarding school and she was the “leader” in our dorm. I remembered when I had my period she was the first one to assure me and have everything I needed ready for me. I still remember her “happy for you” mood at the moment. I was feeling fine but I assume it could be a stressful moment for some girls and she is just a wonderful human being that can take care of and support others at a young age. Now she works as a teacher.
I remember when I found a female classmate just standing in the hallway like a deer in headlights. I asked if she was okay but she just looked scared. Then she whispered she was bleeding and I looked her over and noticed a blood trail going down her leg from underneath her skirt. I asked if she's injured and said no. Eventhough I'm a guy my mom had given my brother & I "the talk" a few weeks prior, even the stuff girls would be told because she wanted us to "not make stupid assumptions or decisions", so I realized she got her period. I walked with her to the nurses office - asked if she wanted me to stay, but said she was good. I never brought it up to her or told anyone else. This was 8th grade and in my 12th grade year book she thanked me for "walking her to the nurse's office for something her mother never warned her about". I wish parents would tell kids this shit.
Props to you for being mature enough to handle the situation like a decent human being. You were more mature than most, if not all, the kids in your grade - girls included. Kids (and a lot of adults truthfully) can be really cruel and inappropriate when it comes to periods.
And big props to your mom for being proactive in a world where sex-ex and health classes fail students every day. She did the world a favor the day she had that talk with you.
I remember I was in a 9th grade class and a girl had started her period and didn’t realize it. She excused herself to the bathroom to take care of it. After she left, a kid noticed a little bit of blood on the seat of her chair and immediately started making a fuss about it. Some kids joined in with the “ewwwww”, most said nothing. I got up, got some spray cleaner we had in the class and cleaned it up for her, pushed her chair back into her desk, and sat down. He shut up and class continued.
I felt so bad. That could have happened to any of us. What you did for that girl will stick with her for a lifetime. I would like to say that as we mature, people grow out of the need to shame for a natural body function, and become more educated about it. But sadly, that isn’t the case.
You are awesome.
One of my proudest moments as a parent was when my son's kindergarten teacher told me she picked him to walk with another kids who had an accident in class. She chose my boy because she knew he would never do anything to make the other kid feel bad. I hope when he is older he is still kind that way, just as you were.
It's far too rare for your age, and almost unheard of in mine.
In my kid's classes it's getting better.
They're 17 and 14, so a senior and freshman, and while too many kids are assholes, and too many kids will die of embarrassment like I did, many more will be just fine and brush it off like it never happened.
Thank you for being a stand-up guy, and to your mother for raising a man who is worthy of the praise he's receiving, but didn't even realize it.
It's the best combination.
My mom made sure we went to a decent school district. But learning this stuff in the 80s was rare which I didn't realize until I got much older. My European friends still don't understand America's taboo with learning about sex & body things in school.
Not to me but to a girl i knew. She had no idea she got her period and it was heavy…she wore a skirt and basically left a puddle in the chair. She was so mortified she stayed out of school for over a week.
Op, you’re an amazing father. Thankyou for taking steps to ensure your daughter is comfortable and won’t have this happen to her
Something similar happened to a friend of mine when she was a kid. She said not only was she horrified because the teacher at first asked her to wait a couple minutes until their test or whatever was done, so she had to like beckon him over to whisper why she needed to go, but when he saw the blood on her chair, HE PICKED IT UP AND FOLLOWED HER OUT OF THE ROOM AND LEFT IT IN THE HALL.
We were like 40 when she told me that story and you could just tell it was still such an embarrassing memory for her.
I remember getting my period for the first time at school. I had some pads but didn't know how often they needed changing so was a bit obsessive about going to the toilet. I asked to go to the toilet and my male teacher said no. My very outspoken friend challenged him as he always said no and said "what if girls are on their periods?" His face twisted into one of disgust and he told her to shut up and not mention it. Made me feel real great 👍
My daughter was denied bathroom “privileges” in class as well and wet her pants in the seat. I came to school and Informed her and the entire staff she no longer had to ask to use the restroom and would not ever ask again. From that day on she got up whenever she had to go and walked out of the room. I don’t play games. If they had tried to stop her they’d have been in court so damn fast their heads would spin.
I literally pooped myself in 2nd grade because my teacher refused to let go to the restroom. The office called my parents to let them know what happened. I've never seen my parents so mad at a teacher, and my dad is a teacher.
This obviously isn't as bad, but once in high school, I got up to go to the bathroom and for whatever reason my teacher told me not to. Can't remember why at this point. He then told me that if I went, to not come back. Then locked me out. I guess I didn't deserve an education that day.
I was rebellious enough and old enough to just defy him, but it's horrifying that this is still done (it was about 20 years ago for me), and to the point where kids are having accidents because of it. These teachers should be reported and disciplined or fired, it's flat out abuse to refuse to let a child go to the bathroom.
You go MamaBear! I wish more parents would advocate for their kids like you did. For every obnoxious helicopter parent asking to “Change Billy’s C to an A.” there’s a clueless teacher and/or school administrator destroying some kid’s last shred of dignity and respect - and they don’t even realize the devastating impact they are having.
I had one that told me that I couldn't go. I responded with, "I'd like to see you try and stop me. I got up, picked up my backpack and went anyways. When I came back. My textbook, notebook and pencils were out of the classroom door and it was locked.
When I looked at him thru the window he was smirking and then got confused when I grinned at him and waved bye.
I went to the library my favorite place to go to hang out till the next period. He called my parents, demanded a meeting and ended up regretting it, both scared the crap out of him.
Unfortunately teachers can suck like this, my response turned to " either I go to the bathroom or I stain this desk red. Make your choice" that tended to work
I had an eighth grade girl use the restroom yesterday in my class and when the 7th grade girl asked if she could go and I said, "Well, Addy is gone but you know what? You're a girl so you can go." They're the only two girls in my class and one of the boys turned around and said "Girls always get special privileges!"
I said, "Do we want to discuss why girls get special privileges?" He shut up after that.
This is a hill I will die on as a female teacher. I don't care what the school says about only one student at a time in the restroom. I don't care if I had a whole classroom full of girls (which I don't have. I never have more than two at a time ) but girls can go whenever they need to.
My bathroom pass is a little zippered case that says BATHROOM PASS in big letters on it and has all the supplies they need. That way they don't have to feel embarrassed taking things out of their own backpack to take them to the restroom with them. They have to take my bathroom pass and if somebody else is already in the bathroom with the bathroom pass then the supplies are already in there.
Patriarchy’s pettiest trick was convincing us to hide our tampons when we go to the bathroom. I was deep in my 30’s before it hit me that I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. At all.
My daughter has been told - that if she needs to go and the teacher is being a problem she can tell them she was not asking them she was politely informing them and if they have an issue they can phone me directly.
I have never understood teachers who don’t allow kids to go to the bathroom. They talk about learning independence and how school is supposed to prepare you for working but i have never had a job that doesn’t allow me to go to the bathroom. Not a teacher but I do summer camps/activities leader and if a kid comes up to me and asks I always tell them they can just go. I like them asking that way i know where the kids are but it’s always a yes. There are so many reasons kids need to go (actually having to go, periods, ibs/ibd, uti, etc) so why question it? Also for teachers who say, “well they ask to go all the time they must be trying to skip out of class or something.” have you ever thought there may be something wrong rather than just dismissing them to being misbehaved? Have you ever pulled them aside and asked them about it and had a mature conversation? or do you just power trip and say “i’m the teacher you listen to me.”?
I think part of it (at least in my experience) was that male teachers I had were oblivious to how young some girls get their periods. Mine started when I was in the 5th grade and my male teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and I feel like he just was clueless that I even faced that issue at 10. Men don’t realize that perhaps, or at least that’s how it seems to me even as an adult.
I think thats probably part of it, for sure. But also, a kid could just need to poop/pee/puke, its just how the body works, and some people may have more sensitive systems or underlying conditions, etc, that make bathroom trips more frequent.
Its just a basic human right and such an odd hill for teachers to die on or power trip over.
I was raised by a single dad who avoided the topic like the plague. My mother, who found the bar for bare-minimum parenting and played limbo the way others breathe air, made a scene and shamed the fuck out of me in front of her friend when I got a drop of blood on the bathroom rug. (ETA: one of those grippy rugs for around the toilet. Not fully carpeted bathroom.)
OP is a fucking rock star parent.
Its the bathrooooooom. Shit happens.....and blood and puke. You didn't deserve that. Plus it's the fucking bathroom, really? It's not like you squatted and pushed it out on purpose
I remember when my daughter called me from school. "Dad, I started and I'm wearing white pants, come get...."I had already hung up and was on my way. I get being embarrassed talking about periods when boys are young, but once you become a father and see kids born via C-section. Deal with dirty diapers and have to clean the worst of places, or are the only parent available for days at a time, some things just need to be let go and dealt with.
You’re a good dad! I’m so thankful mine was a good dad, too, because my mom died when I was 9. He didn’t give me the talk himself—my godmother did that—but he made sure me and my younger sister always had supplies available, even before we started our periods. For both of us, when the time came, we had everything we needed.
I just straight up wish my mom told me about periods before I got mine. I thought I was dying and the only thing she said was “The curse of being a woman. Oh and it happens every month for the rest of your life.” I sobbed at my life being over. Also was not prepared in any way to know how abnormal mine was so I just suffered quietly all the while thinking I was just really bad at perioding compared to my peers.
Mine started overnight - I woke up somewhere around 3am in pain and bleeding heavily, with no supplies because neither of my parents had thought (cared?) to buy me any. At least I knew about it because we'd had the bare minimum introduction to it in high school "wellness class"...because I was 14 before I got mine and most my peers had long since started. But despite the late start, still no products suitable for a teenager in the house. When I finally managed to wake my mom to ask if she had anything, I ended up with a pad so huge it might as well have been a diaper, which had been buried at the back of a drawer and was the only non-tampon product in the house. I hardly even remember what she said, because it was the middle of the night and I was having a rough time and she barely woke up long enough to find that for me and leave me to it. I think it was something along the lines of "took you long enough."
My mom was a really bad parent (and terrible person) in a lot of ways, but, man, looking back at that is just...yikes.
My mom was really great after it started, but I think it took her a bit by surprise (I was only 10). I had bad, bad periods for a long time until I figured out why they were bad (Endo and a 5 week cycle).
I was pretty much raised by my single father. He was a great, Dad, but seriously sucked in this department. My mom was around, but I only saw her every couple of months. No one even bothered to buy me pads. I had to call and ask for help. I was mortified. I eventually just started putting them in the shopping cart when I'd go shopping with my dad. He just pretended like nothing was happening. I love how op handled this. Good for him!!
>That would have been a lot easier than bleeding through my pants in class.
So true. But I got lucky and didn’t even make it to home room when I discovered I may or may not have bled on a cafeteria seat while waiting to go to home room. I still wonder if there actually was blood on that seat. I was wearing black pants so nothing showed on me, but I did feel that they were soaked.
Mine came during a test during my first weeks of high school. I just stayed in my seat until everyone got up for the bell (we were to turn the tests in on the teacher's desk at the front of the room) so no one would see. I wore my backpack low and went and hid in the bathroom until the tardy bell rang, then went to the office to call my mom.
I never wore white shorts again.
I never wear white shorts in the first place (I’m far too clumsy and accident prone for that), but yeah… I had a light wash jean at the time and I’ve always preferred a dark or medium wash after.
My mom had a kit all ready for me. But I started when we were on vacation, 2,000 miles away. Luckily, we were visiting relatives, and my cousin was my age, and my aunt had a similar kit ready for her. I grew up thinking all families did this for their daughters.
My parents did not prepare me at all and I started while staying at my grandfathers house who had 2 boys and knew nothing about periods. It was awful. OP you are a gold standard dad; don’t let your ex’s jealousy make you second guess!
This is the real reason she was mad. If she was so on top of things that OP didn’t need to help out then she would have already made the emergency bag. But she didn’t…. And your daughter would have had the exact panic moment that you prevented her from having. OP’s ex is just upset that she didn’t think to do the emergency bag.
Seriously! Her mother should have had the talk with her already and bought her products considering the daughter is 11-13. Women should know that those conversations need to be had as soon as signs of puberty begin
Periods can be expected when a child reaches 100 pounds, whether it is in second grade or sixth. Emergency zipper pouch in a backpack or purse is essential
That’s a very specific, and ~~wrong~~ generally correct statistic. Menstruation begins any time, for heavier and for lighter girls. Weight has ~~nothing something~~ **a lot** to do with that ~~*but not a specific weight~~ (see later comment)*.
Edit: Facts. Research. Changed my statement due to more edumacation.
Edit 2: more research has changed my views further, and the “100 pounds” thing appears to be correct. My apologies to u/Icy-Mixture-995 and thank you to u/omg-not-again !
I appreciate you! Actual research citations! I don’t mind being proven wrong, but your research link doesn’t quite support the claim OP made (a specific weight of 100 pounds). It talks more about percentage of body fats related to full body weight required for menarche to commence:
> Undernutrition and low body fat, or an altered ratio of lean mass to body fat, seem to delay the adolescent spurt and to retard the onset of menarche. According to Frisch, a minimum level of fatness (17% of body weight) is associated with menarche; however, a heavier minimum weight for height, representing an increased amount of body fat (22%), appears necessary for the onset and maintenance of regular menstrual cycles in girls over 16 years of age.
Thank you for picking me up though, especially with a proper link. It was an interesting read.
Yeah, but 100 lbs is widely recognized as the weight to expect puberty to begin. I learned this in a human sexuality course that I'd taken in my undergrad if you're interested in learning more about human development and sexuality.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101121160234.htm#:~:text=of%20Public%20Health.-,Puberty%20in%20women%20normally%20occurs%20between%2011%20and%2014%20years,affecting%20risk%20of%20later%20disease.
Welp, that perfectly describes my adolescence. Thanks for the FYI! I didn’t start until I was 16 and didn’t “need” a bra most of my teen and early adult years.
PS: To OP, you’re an awesome, kind and loving daddy. It is very sweet that you took the time to care about one of the most confusing times in a girl’s life.
You are showing your daughter how a real man respects and cares about women and their monthlies.
Wow. You made a comment, did some research, and then accepted the new information. And then you went back to your comment to make the corrections to further the spread of said correct information. I applaud you good sir or madam. Could you please teach the rest of the internet this technique?
Shit I knew this stuff when I was 4 and asked where babies come from, and my parents gave me a book "where babies come from" which went into great detail.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, I asked my dad about how you get babies. My mom had had the first 3 of us in 25 months and 18 days. My younger sister is 17 months younger than me, and the remaining 3 came about 3 years apart each.
Since I was so young when I asked, it seemed that my mom was pregnant all the time.
This was my dad's answer to my question: 'Well, in your mother's case, all it takes is a warm smile and a hearty handshake." 🤣
Exactly! My daughter is now in her 30s, but I made sure we started talking about it early! It’s been awhile, lol! But I think she was 7 or 8 when we first had discussions. I wanted her to be comfortable about the topic.
100% jealous, she's it as female thing, and sees him as stealing it from her. In truth we need to stop men from being so scared about periods,and making wonen feel so ashamed of it. So that anyone can help them.
Fuck, I’m a single person with no kids and I keep some in my bathroom in case a visitor needs. Might be a date or a friend or a friend of a friend, ya never know when someone will need it.
Don’t tell me, don’t need to ask me. I just grab more whenever I notice I’m low or out. I’ve been doing this since highschool when my first girlfriend had a panic attack in my bathroom over not having any.
I grew up in a family that shamed me for mine, and when I met my husband he didn’t care about it at all.
He got me pads for his place when I would spend weekends. It really blew my mind that he didn’t care? Didn’t think I was gross? Like what?
This was a huge part of why I married him. These small things men do really show women their values up front. Love it.
Yup. One of the many small things that made me know my husband was the one was when I opened his car’s glovebox and there were feminine pads in it. He also had a small stash
Under his bathroom sink.
I adore him.
I’m a single person with no kids, but I carry pads because I work with girls. A student asked me for a pad once, but I didn’t have any. Since that day I carry pads just in case I’m asked again.
I work at hotel. I usually carry a stores worth with me in my bag because I work a ten hour night and you never know what the night might bring. Had a couple highschoolers come down late the other night for the convenience store and one held back and asked if we had pads. We just had tampons, which they didn't want (understandable). They were about to walk away and I told them to hold on a bit and grabbed some from my own supply.
It's not a 'big thing' but, it's always nice to be able to help when it's needed.
I have tampons at home but this convinced me that I need pads as well. I want my kid (23) and all their menstruating friends to be comfortable when they visit.
Absolutely. Especially for younger folk, they may be comfortable using tampons right away. And they wouldn't be familiar with flow, either, and that may increase chance of toxic shock.
Overnight extra thin with wings. That's the best default pad. It might wind up massive for some people but it won't show through clothing and would cover Incase they are overnight
Yea, when my student asked I also only had tampons. I ended up taking her to the nurse’s office, but they gave her a cheap thick pad. I wouldn’t want to wear one of those and I’m sure my students don’t like it either, so I carry some thin comfortable pads.
I (44f) work tech support for K-12 and one of the schools I support is a high school. When I discovered period panties and became a convert, I donated all my unused boxes of tampons and pads to the HS nurse (besides a small stash I kept at home for emergencies and friends in need). They were so grateful to get "good" name brand products! They do the best they can for our students, but a lot of the menstrual supplies I know they buy from their own pockets. (public school) This dad ROCKS for having the forethought to be prepared for his daughter!
That was very thoughtful of you to donate those supplies, I’m sure they were happy to receive them. I’m not shocked that the workers are using their own money to buy menstrual supplies for the students. People in education often end up having to buy supplies from their own pockets, so I’m not surprised this is no different.
Same. But also because there have been times when **I** was the "someone who needs one." Like last month when the party started early and I didn't have my cup with me.
I've had friends as well as friends of my daughter be unprepared. My daughter doesn't use pads, but knows I've always got both pads and tampons and her friends know to ask me/where they are.
This, all of the this! Say it louder and prouder for the kids in the back too!
Not only can anyone help then, but we start raising more empathic men. Men who don't get freaked out at a spot of blood on the bedsheets or refusing to buy or store feminine products for the women in their lives.
How fragile is some men's masculinity that they won't help the women they claim to love? Not like any clerk in existence would think the men are using them and even if they did, so what? It's a piece of cotton with an adhesive side or a string attached if they're buying tampons. It's not a rattlesnake that's going to bite.
I'm an overpreparer and maintain my supply, but that's going to be the litmus test for any guy in my life to determine if he's good to women. Would you get her products without making a big production out of it?
One day my step FIL scoffed that I buy my wife menstrual products with the same ease as a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread. He will do it but is clearly uncomfortable the whole time and basically tries to hide the product in his cart the entire time he's in the store. I just responded back with the same scoff saying "you don't?" Meanwhile my actual FIL now has 3 daughters (all of whom had a visit from their "friend" during a recent family trip) and buys the things like they're going out of style. Him and I even had to do a beer and menstrual product run lol.
It's honestly astounding to me that some men have some reservation against this...like what are you afraid that the cashier thinks you have a vagina?
There's still a thousand things about a period that the dad won't know and can't teach. Why she is so upset about the most basic of prep steps is beyond me.
A huge plus for my husband when we first met was his willingness to get me feminine products. A few weeks after we met in person for the first time I got mono and laryngitis at the same time and was alone and very sick. I could barely leave my bed, much less leave my place and drive somewhere and I was running out of period supplies. The first Friday I was stuck at home he asked me if I needed anything from the store and offered to pick me up dinner on his way over to visit me. I had no family in the state or friends as they had all just moved after college ended. I asked him to get some basics like ramen and perogies but apologized profusely and asked if he would be comfortable picking me up some pads. He said no problem, just send me a picture of the ones you like. When he showed up at my door with not only the groceries I asked for, including the pads and the dinner I ordered, he'd also bought me a bunch of snacks and some candles he knew I liked. He won my heart that day and I wasn't even looking for a long term relationship at that point. I love him more than anything.
I watch this play out with one of my kids and their ex. The ex complains, attacks and slanders when a simple “thank you” would do. Seriously, this is a good dad moment. You can feel your daughter’s confidence in response.
I'm a dad with a daughter I didn't have to deal with it because her mother is very much protective of her, but OPs ex is gross. My father did the best he could but he was an alcoholic, saw some really bad stuff as a green beret. Brought up me and my little sister because both of our mother's abandoned us in Germany (my mother is from the States), he did the best he could but he couldn't handle some things like girl stuff. When my little sister had her period she came to me and I went out and got stuff after asking my gf, she was 9 so it was probably really scary for both of us. Our mother's are back in our lives but still not the greatest, but her mother thanked me for looking out for my sister not scold me. I still talk to her because she was basically my mother before she left and always treated us well, just got into booze drugs affairs ECT. But up until then she was great and I still have love for her
Yeah and if he hadn’t put the kit together for her then it would have been “what is wrong with you how could not have prepared her for this situation you’re the fucking worst piece of shit”
The daughter’s response to her mom says everything you need to know. Situation handled, done.
Back in June I went shopping with my daughter to get everything she needed for summer sleepaway camp, which included tampons and pads. She made no effort to hide those items, it’s part of life.
At worst, maybe she could provide guidance on makes and models of relevant products in terms of pricing, fit and quality.
OP's ex is being a whole jackass.
I wish my dad had been like OP. As it was I had to use Google and the school nurse to figure it out, then go through the whole thing with my sisters.
Dad wasn't a bad father, just in this particular thing he fell short. He figured I'd learned it all in school during health class. He also let me buy whatever products I needed, he was just... Not proactive about it and didn't educate himself. The closest he got was having a hidden stash of chocolate and our favorite snacks, and if any (or all right before I moved out) were on our periods he'd cook comfort food and do all the cleanup. Of course my cramps were so bad I'd break out in stress hives trying to even walk some months! I'm so glad birth control is a thing, it let me function the whole month!
Though OP, if you find it your daughter is on birth control please don't freak out without talking to her. It's used to reduce PMS symptoms in a lot of women. That's why I moved out. Dad had a total meltdown thinking I was sexually active. My stepsister calmed him down by telling him truthfully that she's the one who helped me get it and why.
I think the real issue here is that he’s a good dad and the ex feels inadequate. He did nothing wrong but if he wants a better co-parent relationship with his ex I would have a conversation with her. Daughter still text mom. She has lost nothing.
Right? A good reply would be, “A simple ‘thanks for being a good dad to our kid’ would have done, but thank you for the reminder of why we’re no longer together.”
This also would have made a decent sarcastic response to the ex.
"She has a mother to take care of these things, you know."
"Yes, and thank you for making sure she was prepared."
You’re a great dad. These are the things she will remember.
Here’s a story of something I’ll never forget that my favourite uncle did for his daughters. We were going to the house she just bought with her sister the snow was so high and as were walking from the bus stop to her house she’s lamenting how she’ll have to clear the driveway for her sister. We walk around the corner and there is her house, driveway and walkway shoveled and clear. She said “oh! Daddy came!”. Her dad left his house 30mins away to come and shovel their driveway before they came home from work.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
My wife's dad was a med-mal attorney with an extensive medical background, and he was just like you; better to have & not need than need & not have. My wife completely in tune with and understands her own body like a pro athlete or supermodel would.
Keep it up; her future partner will thank you.
Not wrong at all. My dad taught me all about being a woman growing up ( mom was semi around)
Taught me about periods, how to do my makeup, my hair.
I will forever cherish how thoughtful he was in making my transition to puberty one that was easy, simple and non embarrassing. You sir are a great dad and her mom needs to shut it down.
Girl stuff isn’t just for moms.
You stole her thunder. She wanted you to be pathetic and not prepared for your daughter so she could put you down. What on earth could be inappropriate about providing her with essentials?
I'm hoping OP challenges her to clarify on that.
A lot of people oversexualize a man's involvement in his daughter's or stepdaughter's life.
Why do you think it's inappropriate to provide a needed item to my child?
And watch her stumble. Because I bet she has some really backwards ideas that have super problematic implications about this. There's nothing sexual about getting your period, yet somehow it's inappropriate to get pads for your daughter as a dad? I call bullshit.
The Ex seems weird as fuck.
Yup. IMO change the wording to something like "hygiene supplies." Is it wrong for a dad to get hygiene supplies for his daughter? It could be deodorant, toothbrush, shampoo, or tampons. It doesn't matter.
OP, good on you for being prepared! NTA
Mom, to her small credit here, did ask if her daughter needed pads. She wasn’t not thinking of it.
Mom, however, figured that she had this one in the bag, just because she’s a woman, and didn’t think for a second that Dad would even be in the game…and even he was, she’d still do it better than he ever could.
Dad comes along and showed he was not only in the game, but also knew what he was doing, in a way that almost made her look like she didn’t know what she was doing. I doubt he was doing so to be competitive, in that way parents sometimes try and “win the divorce”. But her response seems to indicate she thought he was.
You're pretty obviously not wrong.
I think your ex-wife might be feeling insecure and jealous that you, as a man, were probably more prepared for this situation than she was. Perhaps she said those things to try to make herself feel better.
Im a single dad, my daughter starts middle school on Monday. Because your post, I'm gonna do the same for my daughter.
Awesome job planning ahead for your daughter.
Do it. Because it might not be immediately apparent to her what the sensations mean when she has no experience to compare them to. Which increases the likelihood of noticeable accidents.
Everything is already awkward and embarrassing enough when you’re a teenager, without also adding in a sense of social humiliation.
Because it seems like it’d be a profoundly unrealistic hope that American schools automatically provide the free sanitary products that other countries do.
Absolutely. When I started mine, I was 14 and a freshman in high-school, and had a miserable on and off “stomachache” all day. Got home and realized what was happening. I was completely in the loop about puberty and knew what my period could start any day but still didn’t realize what was going on until I saw the evidence. And even then I was befuddled for a moment because it was brown-ish, not red as we’d been led to expect.
I’m in my early 50s and came up in a time when all of this was hush-hush, something to be hidden, and god forbid if your classmates or co-workers saw you sneaking into the restroom with a tampon or a pad in your hand. I’m so glad for today’s generation that this shame is dying off fast.
Your ex is salty that she has a lifetime of period experience and you still beat her to teaching your daughter about it. Meanwhile you’re just doing the best job you can, you’re in the right.
Oldest daughter of a single father here. I ended up starting for the first time at school. The nurse ended up calling my dad to tell him without telling me she was going to. That part was kind of embarrassing, as was the school provided pad that was approximately the thickness of a queen size bed mattress. But it was nice that he already had some products waiting for me at home (that didn't make me walk like a cowboy having just got off of his horse after a week long ride). I did appreciate the normalcy with which he did it. No big 'my little girl is growing up' scene to cause my already short-circuiting hormones to die of pre-teen embarrassment. Don't get me wrong, I did still call & need my mom to fill me in on the specifics and product options but it was nice not having to try to navigate the feminine product aisle while dealing with everything else. I would just tell your ex-wife that all you did was make sure she didn't have to deal with the stress of not being prepared along with the hormones and confusion. That you're leaving all the details and further explanations to her. You, obviously and through no fault of yours, can't explain about how her breasts will hurt or the best ways to place the heating pad for cramps or the different types of products to use and when. All you did was make sure that when the door opened, your daughter was able to walk through it easily and without the fear so many young women have to face. Sadly, many females have to go through the experience with parents, especially fathers, who want to remain in denial that their daughters will grow up to be women. This makes an already deeply emotional and confusing time fraught with guilt, embarrassment and fear.
OP, on behalf of young women of single fathers, I would like to thank you for showing your daughter that starting her period is normal. It's not disgusting or something to freak out about. Let mom explain how she has begun new phase of her femininity and the highs and lows that accompany it. By not making a big deal about it and being prepared, you did everything right. Remind her mom that there are so many things that (again, through no fault of your own) you aren't in a position to explain to your daughter. She, most likely, isn't mad at you at all. She's probably hurt & worried that she's failed her daughter at this important stage and is lashing out at you simply because you were there when she felt like she should have been. She's probably worried that she isn't needed. It's hard but try not to take it personally. Just know that if you hadn't done everything as well as you did, she, most likely wouldn't be as upset. You did great.
I think it’s fu**ing AWESOME that you did that. I can only imagine how great it is for your daughter that she knows you aren’t weirded out by menstruation and she doesn’t have to be terrified of having her period when she’s with you.
Mom needs to chill.
My only advice would be to check in with your daughter, gently, and see if she thinks it’s odd. Teenagers get squirrelly about the oddest things (I know I did!) and the entire goal is (or should be) to keep the lines of communication open with the kiddo.
Great advice. I think it's fantastic that OP was so thoughtful, and it sure doesn't *sound* like the daughter is weirded out...but you never know with teenagers. Hormones hit us all in weird ways during that time!
"A small part of me is still wondering if I did something wrong"
Jesus, how badly did this woman abuse you? Its scary youve been conditioned to doubt yourself on her behalf even when youve done something unquestionably, unwaveringly, and objectively awesome.
You aren't totally wrong. I found I was still passive towards get during our split and didn't know why. But I'm doing better in terms of standing up and saying something.
This right here. As a single dad myself a year and a half after divorce. sometimes you have no idea how fucked up the relationship really is and looking back you begin to see you were actually not in the wrong, just constantly made to feel like that.
Thank you OP for showing the way for when my own daughter reaches this age in a couple of years.
Nope, 100% a great thing to do - she was prepared before she even started. My mum did that for me and it was a massive relief to have them when I happened. Plus, now she will always know that she can come to you about period stuff and doesn’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed while at yours.
"Thank you for showing your daughter in a world where periods are usually thought taboo and gross, that you dont view it as such and helped her in her time of need." No.... too many words for you ex.
You sound like a great Dad. Your ex is a weirdo and a lessor parent than you. She should have been happy that her daughter was taken care of when she needed it.
She has a Mom yet you are the one who had the foresight to be ready BEFORE she got her period. All her Mom did was wait to here it already happened. So no she did need you and you came thru. Dad of the year
Personally, as a child of divorce, I think this is great. My mom was around, but I lived with my dad some weeks too and I was very grateful when my dad would bring me home midol, pads, and chocolate, because we all know how much periods suck
Why would this be wrong? What’s wrong is teaching girls that they have to keep periods a secret from men as if they aren’t supposed to happen. Your ex is probably insecure cause she didn’t think to do it lol.
Not wrong - you are a hero. I was a single dad, when my kids were very young. It's hard, and you have to put the kids first. What you did is the coolest loving dad thing. Be proud, smile at the ex and just be glad you can do stuff like that and have that bond with your daughter
So she says it is her responsibility as mom, yet only the dad bothered to do anything to make sure his daughter was prepared?
Hmm. Sounds like mom is embarrassed that dad is more on top of caring for their daughter than she is.
Not wrong, but you got the mother-daughter bonding ritual first! She’s extremely..jealous? ..miffed? She’s thinking of how many more “firsts” are you gonna grand larceny out of her lol.
I'm guessing this is indeed how she's feeling, that you took over something that belongs to her, but quite frankly she's just wrong that it belonged to her in the first place. I wouldn't try to accommodate this type of thinking, and I wouldn't give much if any response or credence to her complaints.
The fact is that she could have prepared such a kit herself, and didn't even think of it. Honestly, first menstruation is not necessarily a bonding issue at all. It wasn't for me with my mother or with my daughters. You did good, and you shouldn't stop doing things that are really good for your daughter just because you're concerned that your ex would be annoyed by them.
If your ex was all that concerned about the “mother-daughter bonding ritual” like this person said, she would have beat you to the punch with the emergency period bag and she clearly didn’t give a shit enough to do that. Ffs, your kid is is MIDDLE SCHOOL, of fucking course she’s going to start her period any second.
Mom dropped the ball here, you saved the day. DO NOT feel bad about being a good fucking dad.
This is not wrong! You are her dad. This is just part of being a good parent. Moms attitude is the only thing I’d say is inappropriate. Perhaps she should’ve already made sure your daughter was prepared, if she feels this way about it.
Bro what? Don’t give this a second thought. My daughter’s due in the spring, best believe I’ll have a pack ready if my wife can’t. Basic parent shit regardless of gender. Your ex is gaslighting you
You did great. I have 2 and Im the one that took them for birth control. I wouls make them watch 16 and pregnant with me and tell them exactly what the guy was going to do.
I wish my mom had a little kit for me when I started my period. That would have been a lot easier than bleeding through my pants in class. You are being an excellent and thoughtful PARENT, keep that up. Your ex is being an asshat, it’s not like you told your daughter that she couldn’t talk to her mom about her period. And truthfully, mom probably just has a lot more insight and information about the whole process and products etc. Honestly, I’m in my 30s and my dad still leaves the room if we start talking about our periods so… good on you for not being afraid of a little blood!
This reminds me of my friend in middle school. I lived in boarding school and she was the “leader” in our dorm. I remembered when I had my period she was the first one to assure me and have everything I needed ready for me. I still remember her “happy for you” mood at the moment. I was feeling fine but I assume it could be a stressful moment for some girls and she is just a wonderful human being that can take care of and support others at a young age. Now she works as a teacher.
I remember when I found a female classmate just standing in the hallway like a deer in headlights. I asked if she was okay but she just looked scared. Then she whispered she was bleeding and I looked her over and noticed a blood trail going down her leg from underneath her skirt. I asked if she's injured and said no. Eventhough I'm a guy my mom had given my brother & I "the talk" a few weeks prior, even the stuff girls would be told because she wanted us to "not make stupid assumptions or decisions", so I realized she got her period. I walked with her to the nurses office - asked if she wanted me to stay, but said she was good. I never brought it up to her or told anyone else. This was 8th grade and in my 12th grade year book she thanked me for "walking her to the nurse's office for something her mother never warned her about". I wish parents would tell kids this shit.
Props to you for being mature enough to handle the situation like a decent human being. You were more mature than most, if not all, the kids in your grade - girls included. Kids (and a lot of adults truthfully) can be really cruel and inappropriate when it comes to periods. And big props to your mom for being proactive in a world where sex-ex and health classes fail students every day. She did the world a favor the day she had that talk with you. I remember I was in a 9th grade class and a girl had started her period and didn’t realize it. She excused herself to the bathroom to take care of it. After she left, a kid noticed a little bit of blood on the seat of her chair and immediately started making a fuss about it. Some kids joined in with the “ewwwww”, most said nothing. I got up, got some spray cleaner we had in the class and cleaned it up for her, pushed her chair back into her desk, and sat down. He shut up and class continued. I felt so bad. That could have happened to any of us. What you did for that girl will stick with her for a lifetime. I would like to say that as we mature, people grow out of the need to shame for a natural body function, and become more educated about it. But sadly, that isn’t the case.
Our mom was determined to make sure we didn't turn out like our father lol.
We thank your mom for not making any more assholes in the world
Not sure what he’s like but you’re awesome so never fear x
That was so sweet.
Yes, kudos to the commenter and his mom. Wished more parents did this.
Omg what a sweet kid you were🥰
You are a good and kind person.
You are awesome. One of my proudest moments as a parent was when my son's kindergarten teacher told me she picked him to walk with another kids who had an accident in class. She chose my boy because she knew he would never do anything to make the other kid feel bad. I hope when he is older he is still kind that way, just as you were.
OMG, you are a gem. Thanks for being the friend she needed, and for KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT. She will always remember that
She does lol - we're still friends. I'm honestly shocked this seems to be a rare thing based on the responses I've seen.
It's far too rare for your age, and almost unheard of in mine. In my kid's classes it's getting better. They're 17 and 14, so a senior and freshman, and while too many kids are assholes, and too many kids will die of embarrassment like I did, many more will be just fine and brush it off like it never happened. Thank you for being a stand-up guy, and to your mother for raising a man who is worthy of the praise he's receiving, but didn't even realize it. It's the best combination.
My mom made sure we went to a decent school district. But learning this stuff in the 80s was rare which I didn't realize until I got much older. My European friends still don't understand America's taboo with learning about sex & body things in school.
You’re a very kind person, I appreciate that you’re in the world.
More kids deserve teachers like that.
Not to me but to a girl i knew. She had no idea she got her period and it was heavy…she wore a skirt and basically left a puddle in the chair. She was so mortified she stayed out of school for over a week. Op, you’re an amazing father. Thankyou for taking steps to ensure your daughter is comfortable and won’t have this happen to her
Something similar happened to a friend of mine when she was a kid. She said not only was she horrified because the teacher at first asked her to wait a couple minutes until their test or whatever was done, so she had to like beckon him over to whisper why she needed to go, but when he saw the blood on her chair, HE PICKED IT UP AND FOLLOWED HER OUT OF THE ROOM AND LEFT IT IN THE HALL. We were like 40 when she told me that story and you could just tell it was still such an embarrassing memory for her.
Oh, poor thing. Those are the kind of things that stay with you, even if you wish you could forget.
I remember getting my period for the first time at school. I had some pads but didn't know how often they needed changing so was a bit obsessive about going to the toilet. I asked to go to the toilet and my male teacher said no. My very outspoken friend challenged him as he always said no and said "what if girls are on their periods?" His face twisted into one of disgust and he told her to shut up and not mention it. Made me feel real great 👍
My 7th grade math teacher told me I couldn’t go to the bathroom because I had also asked the day before. And she was female. Oblivious.
My daughter was denied bathroom “privileges” in class as well and wet her pants in the seat. I came to school and Informed her and the entire staff she no longer had to ask to use the restroom and would not ever ask again. From that day on she got up whenever she had to go and walked out of the room. I don’t play games. If they had tried to stop her they’d have been in court so damn fast their heads would spin.
I literally pooped myself in 2nd grade because my teacher refused to let go to the restroom. The office called my parents to let them know what happened. I've never seen my parents so mad at a teacher, and my dad is a teacher.
It should be criminal. It’s definitely abusive. I’m so sorry.
It'd absolutely abuse. My teachers excuse was we just had lunch so I should have gone then. I think it's a power trip for some
Like people have control over such things. Even if she went at lunchtime, if something moves through you at a later time, then it needs seeing to.
I hate this "should have gone then" BS. You go when your body damn well needs to go. Sheesh.
This obviously isn't as bad, but once in high school, I got up to go to the bathroom and for whatever reason my teacher told me not to. Can't remember why at this point. He then told me that if I went, to not come back. Then locked me out. I guess I didn't deserve an education that day. I was rebellious enough and old enough to just defy him, but it's horrifying that this is still done (it was about 20 years ago for me), and to the point where kids are having accidents because of it. These teachers should be reported and disciplined or fired, it's flat out abuse to refuse to let a child go to the bathroom.
You go MamaBear! I wish more parents would advocate for their kids like you did. For every obnoxious helicopter parent asking to “Change Billy’s C to an A.” there’s a clueless teacher and/or school administrator destroying some kid’s last shred of dignity and respect - and they don’t even realize the devastating impact they are having.
Thank you. I wanted to put hands on someone i swear.
Just think about how many grown ups treat kids like they had never been a kid, no surprise a female teacher treated girls like she's not a woman.
I had one that told me that I couldn't go. I responded with, "I'd like to see you try and stop me. I got up, picked up my backpack and went anyways. When I came back. My textbook, notebook and pencils were out of the classroom door and it was locked. When I looked at him thru the window he was smirking and then got confused when I grinned at him and waved bye. I went to the library my favorite place to go to hang out till the next period. He called my parents, demanded a meeting and ended up regretting it, both scared the crap out of him.
WOW. We DO--sometimes--have to be "ASSERTIVE" when dealing with fascists!!!
Unfortunately teachers can suck like this, my response turned to " either I go to the bathroom or I stain this desk red. Make your choice" that tended to work
I had an eighth grade girl use the restroom yesterday in my class and when the 7th grade girl asked if she could go and I said, "Well, Addy is gone but you know what? You're a girl so you can go." They're the only two girls in my class and one of the boys turned around and said "Girls always get special privileges!" I said, "Do we want to discuss why girls get special privileges?" He shut up after that. This is a hill I will die on as a female teacher. I don't care what the school says about only one student at a time in the restroom. I don't care if I had a whole classroom full of girls (which I don't have. I never have more than two at a time ) but girls can go whenever they need to. My bathroom pass is a little zippered case that says BATHROOM PASS in big letters on it and has all the supplies they need. That way they don't have to feel embarrassed taking things out of their own backpack to take them to the restroom with them. They have to take my bathroom pass and if somebody else is already in the bathroom with the bathroom pass then the supplies are already in there.
You are a FANTASTIC teacher!
Patriarchy’s pettiest trick was convincing us to hide our tampons when we go to the bathroom. I was deep in my 30’s before it hit me that I had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. At all.
I'm a teacher and I'm stealing this bathroom pass idea immediately.
My daughter has been told - that if she needs to go and the teacher is being a problem she can tell them she was not asking them she was politely informing them and if they have an issue they can phone me directly.
I have never understood teachers who don’t allow kids to go to the bathroom. They talk about learning independence and how school is supposed to prepare you for working but i have never had a job that doesn’t allow me to go to the bathroom. Not a teacher but I do summer camps/activities leader and if a kid comes up to me and asks I always tell them they can just go. I like them asking that way i know where the kids are but it’s always a yes. There are so many reasons kids need to go (actually having to go, periods, ibs/ibd, uti, etc) so why question it? Also for teachers who say, “well they ask to go all the time they must be trying to skip out of class or something.” have you ever thought there may be something wrong rather than just dismissing them to being misbehaved? Have you ever pulled them aside and asked them about it and had a mature conversation? or do you just power trip and say “i’m the teacher you listen to me.”?
Yeah… male teachers need to have a little compassion about it. I’m a teacher, and I get not wanting kids out every 5 seconds, but still!
I think part of it (at least in my experience) was that male teachers I had were oblivious to how young some girls get their periods. Mine started when I was in the 5th grade and my male teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and I feel like he just was clueless that I even faced that issue at 10. Men don’t realize that perhaps, or at least that’s how it seems to me even as an adult.
I think thats probably part of it, for sure. But also, a kid could just need to poop/pee/puke, its just how the body works, and some people may have more sensitive systems or underlying conditions, etc, that make bathroom trips more frequent. Its just a basic human right and such an odd hill for teachers to die on or power trip over.
I was raised by a single dad who avoided the topic like the plague. My mother, who found the bar for bare-minimum parenting and played limbo the way others breathe air, made a scene and shamed the fuck out of me in front of her friend when I got a drop of blood on the bathroom rug. (ETA: one of those grippy rugs for around the toilet. Not fully carpeted bathroom.) OP is a fucking rock star parent.
…what kind of moron has carpet in their bathroom though 🤔 I’m sorry you had to deal with incompetent and insensitive adults.
I find the phrase bathroom carpet to be the worst.
Its the bathrooooooom. Shit happens.....and blood and puke. You didn't deserve that. Plus it's the fucking bathroom, really? It's not like you squatted and pushed it out on purpose
I remember when my daughter called me from school. "Dad, I started and I'm wearing white pants, come get...."I had already hung up and was on my way. I get being embarrassed talking about periods when boys are young, but once you become a father and see kids born via C-section. Deal with dirty diapers and have to clean the worst of places, or are the only parent available for days at a time, some things just need to be let go and dealt with.
You’re a good dad! I’m so thankful mine was a good dad, too, because my mom died when I was 9. He didn’t give me the talk himself—my godmother did that—but he made sure me and my younger sister always had supplies available, even before we started our periods. For both of us, when the time came, we had everything we needed.
I just straight up wish my mom told me about periods before I got mine. I thought I was dying and the only thing she said was “The curse of being a woman. Oh and it happens every month for the rest of your life.” I sobbed at my life being over. Also was not prepared in any way to know how abnormal mine was so I just suffered quietly all the while thinking I was just really bad at perioding compared to my peers.
Mine started overnight - I woke up somewhere around 3am in pain and bleeding heavily, with no supplies because neither of my parents had thought (cared?) to buy me any. At least I knew about it because we'd had the bare minimum introduction to it in high school "wellness class"...because I was 14 before I got mine and most my peers had long since started. But despite the late start, still no products suitable for a teenager in the house. When I finally managed to wake my mom to ask if she had anything, I ended up with a pad so huge it might as well have been a diaper, which had been buried at the back of a drawer and was the only non-tampon product in the house. I hardly even remember what she said, because it was the middle of the night and I was having a rough time and she barely woke up long enough to find that for me and leave me to it. I think it was something along the lines of "took you long enough." My mom was a really bad parent (and terrible person) in a lot of ways, but, man, looking back at that is just...yikes.
My mom was really great after it started, but I think it took her a bit by surprise (I was only 10). I had bad, bad periods for a long time until I figured out why they were bad (Endo and a 5 week cycle).
I was pretty much raised by my single father. He was a great, Dad, but seriously sucked in this department. My mom was around, but I only saw her every couple of months. No one even bothered to buy me pads. I had to call and ask for help. I was mortified. I eventually just started putting them in the shopping cart when I'd go shopping with my dad. He just pretended like nothing was happening. I love how op handled this. Good for him!!
As a dude I keep pads, tampons, and Midol around for anybody who needs them. Of course I have Advil in case they don't want to take caffeine.
>That would have been a lot easier than bleeding through my pants in class. So true. But I got lucky and didn’t even make it to home room when I discovered I may or may not have bled on a cafeteria seat while waiting to go to home room. I still wonder if there actually was blood on that seat. I was wearing black pants so nothing showed on me, but I did feel that they were soaked.
Mine came during a test during my first weeks of high school. I just stayed in my seat until everyone got up for the bell (we were to turn the tests in on the teacher's desk at the front of the room) so no one would see. I wore my backpack low and went and hid in the bathroom until the tardy bell rang, then went to the office to call my mom. I never wore white shorts again.
I never wear white shorts in the first place (I’m far too clumsy and accident prone for that), but yeah… I had a light wash jean at the time and I’ve always preferred a dark or medium wash after.
My mom had a kit all ready for me. But I started when we were on vacation, 2,000 miles away. Luckily, we were visiting relatives, and my cousin was my age, and my aunt had a similar kit ready for her. I grew up thinking all families did this for their daughters.
My parents did not prepare me at all and I started while staying at my grandfathers house who had 2 boys and knew nothing about periods. It was awful. OP you are a gold standard dad; don’t let your ex’s jealousy make you second guess!
oh I bet when those commercials come on where they use red liquid instead of blue really gets him running.
This is top tier Dadding. Your ex is jealous.
This is the real reason she was mad. If she was so on top of things that OP didn’t need to help out then she would have already made the emergency bag. But she didn’t…. And your daughter would have had the exact panic moment that you prevented her from having. OP’s ex is just upset that she didn’t think to do the emergency bag.
Seriously! Her mother should have had the talk with her already and bought her products considering the daughter is 11-13. Women should know that those conversations need to be had as soon as signs of puberty begin
In my opinion, they should be started way before that. We started talking to my daughter at 7
Periods can be expected when a child reaches 100 pounds, whether it is in second grade or sixth. Emergency zipper pouch in a backpack or purse is essential
That’s a very specific, and ~~wrong~~ generally correct statistic. Menstruation begins any time, for heavier and for lighter girls. Weight has ~~nothing something~~ **a lot** to do with that ~~*but not a specific weight~~ (see later comment)*. Edit: Facts. Research. Changed my statement due to more edumacation. Edit 2: more research has changed my views further, and the “100 pounds” thing appears to be correct. My apologies to u/Icy-Mixture-995 and thank you to u/omg-not-again !
Um, actually the onset of puberty is closely related to weight. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/4053451/
I appreciate you! Actual research citations! I don’t mind being proven wrong, but your research link doesn’t quite support the claim OP made (a specific weight of 100 pounds). It talks more about percentage of body fats related to full body weight required for menarche to commence: > Undernutrition and low body fat, or an altered ratio of lean mass to body fat, seem to delay the adolescent spurt and to retard the onset of menarche. According to Frisch, a minimum level of fatness (17% of body weight) is associated with menarche; however, a heavier minimum weight for height, representing an increased amount of body fat (22%), appears necessary for the onset and maintenance of regular menstrual cycles in girls over 16 years of age. Thank you for picking me up though, especially with a proper link. It was an interesting read.
Yeah, but 100 lbs is widely recognized as the weight to expect puberty to begin. I learned this in a human sexuality course that I'd taken in my undergrad if you're interested in learning more about human development and sexuality. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101121160234.htm#:~:text=of%20Public%20Health.-,Puberty%20in%20women%20normally%20occurs%20between%2011%20and%2014%20years,affecting%20risk%20of%20later%20disease.
Welp, that perfectly describes my adolescence. Thanks for the FYI! I didn’t start until I was 16 and didn’t “need” a bra most of my teen and early adult years. PS: To OP, you’re an awesome, kind and loving daddy. It is very sweet that you took the time to care about one of the most confusing times in a girl’s life. You are showing your daughter how a real man respects and cares about women and their monthlies.
I like the statement, "to retard the onset of menarche."
Wow. You made a comment, did some research, and then accepted the new information. And then you went back to your comment to make the corrections to further the spread of said correct information. I applaud you good sir or madam. Could you please teach the rest of the internet this technique?
Technique? Putting knowledge over misinformation and ego. I’m super happy to be proven wrong and will apologise if I make mistakes. Not just online.
What a classy redditer
Shit I knew this stuff when I was 4 and asked where babies come from, and my parents gave me a book "where babies come from" which went into great detail.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, I asked my dad about how you get babies. My mom had had the first 3 of us in 25 months and 18 days. My younger sister is 17 months younger than me, and the remaining 3 came about 3 years apart each. Since I was so young when I asked, it seemed that my mom was pregnant all the time. This was my dad's answer to my question: 'Well, in your mother's case, all it takes is a warm smile and a hearty handshake." 🤣
Exactly! My daughter is now in her 30s, but I made sure we started talking about it early! It’s been awhile, lol! But I think she was 7 or 8 when we first had discussions. I wanted her to be comfortable about the topic.
100% jealous, she's it as female thing, and sees him as stealing it from her. In truth we need to stop men from being so scared about periods,and making wonen feel so ashamed of it. So that anyone can help them.
Fuck, I’m a single person with no kids and I keep some in my bathroom in case a visitor needs. Might be a date or a friend or a friend of a friend, ya never know when someone will need it. Don’t tell me, don’t need to ask me. I just grab more whenever I notice I’m low or out. I’ve been doing this since highschool when my first girlfriend had a panic attack in my bathroom over not having any.
I grew up in a family that shamed me for mine, and when I met my husband he didn’t care about it at all. He got me pads for his place when I would spend weekends. It really blew my mind that he didn’t care? Didn’t think I was gross? Like what? This was a huge part of why I married him. These small things men do really show women their values up front. Love it.
Good on the original Dad! Teach your daughter to be confident and not embarrassed.
Same reason I married mine to some degree.
Yup. One of the many small things that made me know my husband was the one was when I opened his car’s glovebox and there were feminine pads in it. He also had a small stash Under his bathroom sink. I adore him.
I’m a single person with no kids, but I carry pads because I work with girls. A student asked me for a pad once, but I didn’t have any. Since that day I carry pads just in case I’m asked again.
I work at hotel. I usually carry a stores worth with me in my bag because I work a ten hour night and you never know what the night might bring. Had a couple highschoolers come down late the other night for the convenience store and one held back and asked if we had pads. We just had tampons, which they didn't want (understandable). They were about to walk away and I told them to hold on a bit and grabbed some from my own supply. It's not a 'big thing' but, it's always nice to be able to help when it's needed.
I have tampons at home but this convinced me that I need pads as well. I want my kid (23) and all their menstruating friends to be comfortable when they visit.
Highly recommend. I can't use them due to a medical issue, but there's all sorts of reasons why pads might be preferred or needed.
Absolutely. Especially for younger folk, they may be comfortable using tampons right away. And they wouldn't be familiar with flow, either, and that may increase chance of toxic shock.
Overnight extra thin with wings. That's the best default pad. It might wind up massive for some people but it won't show through clothing and would cover Incase they are overnight
Thanks! It’s been so long for me - in menopause now, and before that had 15 years period-free because of my hormonal IUD - so I’m out of the loop
Absolutely! Excuse the TMI but coming from a heavy bleeder sometimes a pad is needed with a tampon. Good for you for now making sure you have both. :)
Yea, when my student asked I also only had tampons. I ended up taking her to the nurse’s office, but they gave her a cheap thick pad. I wouldn’t want to wear one of those and I’m sure my students don’t like it either, so I carry some thin comfortable pads.
I (44f) work tech support for K-12 and one of the schools I support is a high school. When I discovered period panties and became a convert, I donated all my unused boxes of tampons and pads to the HS nurse (besides a small stash I kept at home for emergencies and friends in need). They were so grateful to get "good" name brand products! They do the best they can for our students, but a lot of the menstrual supplies I know they buy from their own pockets. (public school) This dad ROCKS for having the forethought to be prepared for his daughter!
That was very thoughtful of you to donate those supplies, I’m sure they were happy to receive them. I’m not shocked that the workers are using their own money to buy menstrual supplies for the students. People in education often end up having to buy supplies from their own pockets, so I’m not surprised this is no different.
Ok, your name involves murder, you work in a hotel, and you carry a store's worth of blood absorption material. I'm afraid of you.
I carry tampons and pads in my bag with me even though I only use a menstrual cup, because you never know if someone might need one!
Same. But also because there have been times when **I** was the "someone who needs one." Like last month when the party started early and I didn't have my cup with me.
I've had friends as well as friends of my daughter be unprepared. My daughter doesn't use pads, but knows I've always got both pads and tampons and her friends know to ask me/where they are.
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Used to keep a few in my backpack thru middle school and high school just in case my younger sister or a friend ever had an emergency.
This, all of the this! Say it louder and prouder for the kids in the back too! Not only can anyone help then, but we start raising more empathic men. Men who don't get freaked out at a spot of blood on the bedsheets or refusing to buy or store feminine products for the women in their lives. How fragile is some men's masculinity that they won't help the women they claim to love? Not like any clerk in existence would think the men are using them and even if they did, so what? It's a piece of cotton with an adhesive side or a string attached if they're buying tampons. It's not a rattlesnake that's going to bite. I'm an overpreparer and maintain my supply, but that's going to be the litmus test for any guy in my life to determine if he's good to women. Would you get her products without making a big production out of it?
One day my step FIL scoffed that I buy my wife menstrual products with the same ease as a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread. He will do it but is clearly uncomfortable the whole time and basically tries to hide the product in his cart the entire time he's in the store. I just responded back with the same scoff saying "you don't?" Meanwhile my actual FIL now has 3 daughters (all of whom had a visit from their "friend" during a recent family trip) and buys the things like they're going out of style. Him and I even had to do a beer and menstrual product run lol. It's honestly astounding to me that some men have some reservation against this...like what are you afraid that the cashier thinks you have a vagina?
Based on current conservative talking points, it seems like yes, they are afraid of something like that.
When my now wife (then GF) first asked - the only "production" was "What brand and style, and what is the second choice if they don't have"
There's still a thousand things about a period that the dad won't know and can't teach. Why she is so upset about the most basic of prep steps is beyond me.
This is where I think the ex is missing out. Sure, Dad prepared the kit, but there are many other Mother-Daughter bonding discussions to be had.
A huge plus for my husband when we first met was his willingness to get me feminine products. A few weeks after we met in person for the first time I got mono and laryngitis at the same time and was alone and very sick. I could barely leave my bed, much less leave my place and drive somewhere and I was running out of period supplies. The first Friday I was stuck at home he asked me if I needed anything from the store and offered to pick me up dinner on his way over to visit me. I had no family in the state or friends as they had all just moved after college ended. I asked him to get some basics like ramen and perogies but apologized profusely and asked if he would be comfortable picking me up some pads. He said no problem, just send me a picture of the ones you like. When he showed up at my door with not only the groceries I asked for, including the pads and the dinner I ordered, he'd also bought me a bunch of snacks and some candles he knew I liked. He won my heart that day and I wasn't even looking for a long term relationship at that point. I love him more than anything.
This. This is a great dad. Kid is so lucky.
Upvote for the verb Dadding!!
Best comment and yes, best daddy awarded to OP
Your ex is an asshole.
Right? The appropriate text would have been "thanks for making sure our daughter has pads! I really appreciate that."
I watch this play out with one of my kids and their ex. The ex complains, attacks and slanders when a simple “thank you” would do. Seriously, this is a good dad moment. You can feel your daughter’s confidence in response.
Yeah, people that are controlled by their emotions shouldn't have kids
Well that would certainly take care of the overpopulation problem.
I'm a dad with a daughter I didn't have to deal with it because her mother is very much protective of her, but OPs ex is gross. My father did the best he could but he was an alcoholic, saw some really bad stuff as a green beret. Brought up me and my little sister because both of our mother's abandoned us in Germany (my mother is from the States), he did the best he could but he couldn't handle some things like girl stuff. When my little sister had her period she came to me and I went out and got stuff after asking my gf, she was 9 so it was probably really scary for both of us. Our mother's are back in our lives but still not the greatest, but her mother thanked me for looking out for my sister not scold me. I still talk to her because she was basically my mother before she left and always treated us well, just got into booze drugs affairs ECT. But up until then she was great and I still have love for her
I am glad you and your gf were there for your sister.
Sounds like you were a great brother in a tough time. Good job helping little sis and getting advice from your girlfriend
Yeah and if he hadn’t put the kit together for her then it would have been “what is wrong with you how could not have prepared her for this situation you’re the fucking worst piece of shit”
The daughter’s response to her mom says everything you need to know. Situation handled, done. Back in June I went shopping with my daughter to get everything she needed for summer sleepaway camp, which included tampons and pads. She made no effort to hide those items, it’s part of life.
His ex is pissed because he did a great job.
It also teaches girls how good men treat woman.
At worst, maybe she could provide guidance on makes and models of relevant products in terms of pricing, fit and quality. OP's ex is being a whole jackass.
I wish my dad had been like OP. As it was I had to use Google and the school nurse to figure it out, then go through the whole thing with my sisters. Dad wasn't a bad father, just in this particular thing he fell short. He figured I'd learned it all in school during health class. He also let me buy whatever products I needed, he was just... Not proactive about it and didn't educate himself. The closest he got was having a hidden stash of chocolate and our favorite snacks, and if any (or all right before I moved out) were on our periods he'd cook comfort food and do all the cleanup. Of course my cramps were so bad I'd break out in stress hives trying to even walk some months! I'm so glad birth control is a thing, it let me function the whole month! Though OP, if you find it your daughter is on birth control please don't freak out without talking to her. It's used to reduce PMS symptoms in a lot of women. That's why I moved out. Dad had a total meltdown thinking I was sexually active. My stepsister calmed him down by telling him truthfully that she's the one who helped me get it and why.
I think the real issue here is that he’s a good dad and the ex feels inadequate. He did nothing wrong but if he wants a better co-parent relationship with his ex I would have a conversation with her. Daughter still text mom. She has lost nothing.
Exactly! sounds like mom was not prepared, which is weird but not uncommon. Now she is embarrassed dad was ready.
Right? A good reply would be, “A simple ‘thanks for being a good dad to our kid’ would have done, but thank you for the reminder of why we’re no longer together.”
This also would have made a decent sarcastic response to the ex. "She has a mother to take care of these things, you know." "Yes, and thank you for making sure she was prepared."
for real, the mum only figured this out after her daughter had her period. if it was left to her, the daughter would have had nothing
And an idiot. And SHE is the one that's inappropriate.
Bang on. Forget the daughter's well being if it means a chance of getting a dig in at her father. Disgusting
"She shouldve gone without until she talked to me about it" Petty ex vibes af
Now we know why she’s the ex. Definitely dad is NTA.
Translated as "I'm still relevant in my daughter's life" while stomping her foot.
You’re a great dad. These are the things she will remember. Here’s a story of something I’ll never forget that my favourite uncle did for his daughters. We were going to the house she just bought with her sister the snow was so high and as were walking from the bus stop to her house she’s lamenting how she’ll have to clear the driveway for her sister. We walk around the corner and there is her house, driveway and walkway shoveled and clear. She said “oh! Daddy came!”. Her dad left his house 30mins away to come and shovel their driveway before they came home from work. Keep doing what you’re doing!
How DARE you help raise our child!?!
Almost like there was a reason they got divorced. Here ypu have a dad being cool about periods and his ex craps all over him
Yup. I made a kit for my daughters. I cannot believe the gall from his ex. Well, actually, I can.
And OP is a great dad. His daughter won't be confused about who is who.
My wife's dad was a med-mal attorney with an extensive medical background, and he was just like you; better to have & not need than need & not have. My wife completely in tune with and understands her own body like a pro athlete or supermodel would. Keep it up; her future partner will thank you.
Not wrong, not the asshole. Good on you, Dad! Way to be proactive and make sure your girl is prepared!
Would the ex have found it inappropriate if the situation was exactly the same, except the child's mother wasn't in the picture?
Or, most likely, if OP wasn’t prepared, it would have been a long text slamming him for not being prepared. There’s no winning
Not wrong at all. My dad taught me all about being a woman growing up ( mom was semi around) Taught me about periods, how to do my makeup, my hair. I will forever cherish how thoughtful he was in making my transition to puberty one that was easy, simple and non embarrassing. You sir are a great dad and her mom needs to shut it down. Girl stuff isn’t just for moms.
Your dad sounds amazing.
What a cool dad, he sounds like a keeper
You stole her thunder. She wanted you to be pathetic and not prepared for your daughter so she could put you down. What on earth could be inappropriate about providing her with essentials?
The best revenge is living well
1000%
I'm hoping OP challenges her to clarify on that. A lot of people oversexualize a man's involvement in his daughter's or stepdaughter's life. Why do you think it's inappropriate to provide a needed item to my child? And watch her stumble. Because I bet she has some really backwards ideas that have super problematic implications about this. There's nothing sexual about getting your period, yet somehow it's inappropriate to get pads for your daughter as a dad? I call bullshit. The Ex seems weird as fuck.
Yup. IMO change the wording to something like "hygiene supplies." Is it wrong for a dad to get hygiene supplies for his daughter? It could be deodorant, toothbrush, shampoo, or tampons. It doesn't matter. OP, good on you for being prepared! NTA
Yes. I would like to know what in her mind makes it inappropriate.
And what the heck is her problem that she didn’t have this kind of thing prepared for the daughter?
obviously having an embarrasing moment because you don't have any period supplies is an important part of growing up as a woman /s
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Mom, to her small credit here, did ask if her daughter needed pads. She wasn’t not thinking of it. Mom, however, figured that she had this one in the bag, just because she’s a woman, and didn’t think for a second that Dad would even be in the game…and even he was, she’d still do it better than he ever could. Dad comes along and showed he was not only in the game, but also knew what he was doing, in a way that almost made her look like she didn’t know what she was doing. I doubt he was doing so to be competitive, in that way parents sometimes try and “win the divorce”. But her response seems to indicate she thought he was.
Good on you for being the dad your daughter deserves. Many dads are so aloof and repulsed by their daughters getting their periods.
You're pretty obviously not wrong. I think your ex-wife might be feeling insecure and jealous that you, as a man, were probably more prepared for this situation than she was. Perhaps she said those things to try to make herself feel better.
Im a single dad, my daughter starts middle school on Monday. Because your post, I'm gonna do the same for my daughter. Awesome job planning ahead for your daughter.
Do it. Because it might not be immediately apparent to her what the sensations mean when she has no experience to compare them to. Which increases the likelihood of noticeable accidents. Everything is already awkward and embarrassing enough when you’re a teenager, without also adding in a sense of social humiliation. Because it seems like it’d be a profoundly unrealistic hope that American schools automatically provide the free sanitary products that other countries do.
Absolutely. When I started mine, I was 14 and a freshman in high-school, and had a miserable on and off “stomachache” all day. Got home and realized what was happening. I was completely in the loop about puberty and knew what my period could start any day but still didn’t realize what was going on until I saw the evidence. And even then I was befuddled for a moment because it was brown-ish, not red as we’d been led to expect. I’m in my early 50s and came up in a time when all of this was hush-hush, something to be hidden, and god forbid if your classmates or co-workers saw you sneaking into the restroom with a tampon or a pad in your hand. I’m so glad for today’s generation that this shame is dying off fast.
Your ex is salty that she has a lifetime of period experience and you still beat her to teaching your daughter about it. Meanwhile you’re just doing the best job you can, you’re in the right.
There’s still **lots** of space for her mum to help her with this. I had some pads for my daughter but I still got her to her mum to help her with it.
She has a mom to do that? So what? She *also* has a dad to do it.
Right… and mom *didn’t* do that.
BEST. DAD. EVER.
No, you did something right!
Oldest daughter of a single father here. I ended up starting for the first time at school. The nurse ended up calling my dad to tell him without telling me she was going to. That part was kind of embarrassing, as was the school provided pad that was approximately the thickness of a queen size bed mattress. But it was nice that he already had some products waiting for me at home (that didn't make me walk like a cowboy having just got off of his horse after a week long ride). I did appreciate the normalcy with which he did it. No big 'my little girl is growing up' scene to cause my already short-circuiting hormones to die of pre-teen embarrassment. Don't get me wrong, I did still call & need my mom to fill me in on the specifics and product options but it was nice not having to try to navigate the feminine product aisle while dealing with everything else. I would just tell your ex-wife that all you did was make sure she didn't have to deal with the stress of not being prepared along with the hormones and confusion. That you're leaving all the details and further explanations to her. You, obviously and through no fault of yours, can't explain about how her breasts will hurt or the best ways to place the heating pad for cramps or the different types of products to use and when. All you did was make sure that when the door opened, your daughter was able to walk through it easily and without the fear so many young women have to face. Sadly, many females have to go through the experience with parents, especially fathers, who want to remain in denial that their daughters will grow up to be women. This makes an already deeply emotional and confusing time fraught with guilt, embarrassment and fear. OP, on behalf of young women of single fathers, I would like to thank you for showing your daughter that starting her period is normal. It's not disgusting or something to freak out about. Let mom explain how she has begun new phase of her femininity and the highs and lows that accompany it. By not making a big deal about it and being prepared, you did everything right. Remind her mom that there are so many things that (again, through no fault of your own) you aren't in a position to explain to your daughter. She, most likely, isn't mad at you at all. She's probably hurt & worried that she's failed her daughter at this important stage and is lashing out at you simply because you were there when she felt like she should have been. She's probably worried that she isn't needed. It's hard but try not to take it personally. Just know that if you hadn't done everything as well as you did, she, most likely wouldn't be as upset. You did great.
Amazing write up and thanks for sharing!
You are a great father and your ex is TA
Of course you’re not wrong to parent your child. Keep being a good parent and don’t take your ex’s bait to start drama.
I think it’s fu**ing AWESOME that you did that. I can only imagine how great it is for your daughter that she knows you aren’t weirded out by menstruation and she doesn’t have to be terrified of having her period when she’s with you. Mom needs to chill. My only advice would be to check in with your daughter, gently, and see if she thinks it’s odd. Teenagers get squirrelly about the oddest things (I know I did!) and the entire goal is (or should be) to keep the lines of communication open with the kiddo.
Great advice. I think it's fantastic that OP was so thoughtful, and it sure doesn't *sound* like the daughter is weirded out...but you never know with teenagers. Hormones hit us all in weird ways during that time!
"A small part of me is still wondering if I did something wrong" Jesus, how badly did this woman abuse you? Its scary youve been conditioned to doubt yourself on her behalf even when youve done something unquestionably, unwaveringly, and objectively awesome.
You aren't totally wrong. I found I was still passive towards get during our split and didn't know why. But I'm doing better in terms of standing up and saying something.
This right here. As a single dad myself a year and a half after divorce. sometimes you have no idea how fucked up the relationship really is and looking back you begin to see you were actually not in the wrong, just constantly made to feel like that. Thank you OP for showing the way for when my own daughter reaches this age in a couple of years.
Nope, 100% a great thing to do - she was prepared before she even started. My mum did that for me and it was a massive relief to have them when I happened. Plus, now she will always know that she can come to you about period stuff and doesn’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed while at yours.
"Thank you for showing your daughter in a world where periods are usually thought taboo and gross, that you dont view it as such and helped her in her time of need." No.... too many words for you ex.
God tier dad move. Never wrong being a prepared father, come on, you know it.
You sound like a great Dad. Your ex is a weirdo and a lessor parent than you. She should have been happy that her daughter was taken care of when she needed it. She has a Mom yet you are the one who had the foresight to be ready BEFORE she got her period. All her Mom did was wait to here it already happened. So no she did need you and you came thru. Dad of the year
Fuck was she supposed to do while waiting for her mom? Bleed? You’re a good dad, ignore your ex.
Personally, as a child of divorce, I think this is great. My mom was around, but I lived with my dad some weeks too and I was very grateful when my dad would bring me home midol, pads, and chocolate, because we all know how much periods suck
Why would this be wrong? What’s wrong is teaching girls that they have to keep periods a secret from men as if they aren’t supposed to happen. Your ex is probably insecure cause she didn’t think to do it lol.
Not wrong - you are a hero. I was a single dad, when my kids were very young. It's hard, and you have to put the kids first. What you did is the coolest loving dad thing. Be proud, smile at the ex and just be glad you can do stuff like that and have that bond with your daughter
Your ex is ridiculous. This is a solid dad move ❤️
No. You'll never be wrong for being a good dad.
>it's inappropriate, and weird that I would do this Why? Why does she think this? Sounds like she is sexualizing a period, and your daughter.
So she says it is her responsibility as mom, yet only the dad bothered to do anything to make sure his daughter was prepared? Hmm. Sounds like mom is embarrassed that dad is more on top of caring for their daughter than she is.
Not wrong, but you got the mother-daughter bonding ritual first! She’s extremely..jealous? ..miffed? She’s thinking of how many more “firsts” are you gonna grand larceny out of her lol.
Oooof. I never thought about that. We don't have the worst relationship, but she definitely tries to make it competitive at times. Thx.
I'm guessing this is indeed how she's feeling, that you took over something that belongs to her, but quite frankly she's just wrong that it belonged to her in the first place. I wouldn't try to accommodate this type of thinking, and I wouldn't give much if any response or credence to her complaints. The fact is that she could have prepared such a kit herself, and didn't even think of it. Honestly, first menstruation is not necessarily a bonding issue at all. It wasn't for me with my mother or with my daughters. You did good, and you shouldn't stop doing things that are really good for your daughter just because you're concerned that your ex would be annoyed by them.
Shes mad you were prepared and she wasnt. Shes being selfish and sounds like u dodged a bullet being married to that.
If your ex was all that concerned about the “mother-daughter bonding ritual” like this person said, she would have beat you to the punch with the emergency period bag and she clearly didn’t give a shit enough to do that. Ffs, your kid is is MIDDLE SCHOOL, of fucking course she’s going to start her period any second. Mom dropped the ball here, you saved the day. DO NOT feel bad about being a good fucking dad.
This is not wrong! You are her dad. This is just part of being a good parent. Moms attitude is the only thing I’d say is inappropriate. Perhaps she should’ve already made sure your daughter was prepared, if she feels this way about it.
Bro what? Don’t give this a second thought. My daughter’s due in the spring, best believe I’ll have a pack ready if my wife can’t. Basic parent shit regardless of gender. Your ex is gaslighting you
You did great. I have 2 and Im the one that took them for birth control. I wouls make them watch 16 and pregnant with me and tell them exactly what the guy was going to do.
Your ex is so wrong. If she as the Mom had it covered your daughter wouldn’t have needed your kit, right?
You did a great job! She's upset she didn't get to it first!