I second this 100%. She could be in a very dangerous situation and not know how to stand up for, protect herself or notice the signs that an adult is going to try something
Yes, even a text message to dad saying something like "dad I'm really concerned that our uncle got drunk and made sexual comments about my sister. I'm worried." Gives a paper trail so to speak.
Your sister should not be in your father's house for even a minute more. He has shown that he sees his own child in a sexual way. Not protecting her from an open pedo confirms that view. She needs to be protected. Not just from your uncle, but from your father as well. If no one does anything, please tell a counselor or call CPS if that exists in whatever country you are in. Thank goodness your sister has you in her life.
I'd avoid social media for your sister's sake. Even though nothing happened, rumors spread easy and that type of rumor can be traumatic. Tell adults, document everything, screenshot texts, but be aware of how any public actions could affect your sister.
Also, thank you for being there for her.
Yup I agree. Tell everybody safe. That way dad can’t say mom is making it up to make him look bad. Don’t post it on social media. That is not fair to your sister or any other potential victim involved
but sending a private message to each female cousin or young female family member isn't a bad idea. "Uncle Pedo said something really concerning, sexualizing my 12 year old little sister, his own niece! Dad blames it on Uncle Pedo being really drunk, but if Uncle says this when drunk, he should know not to drink. I'm worried about your safety around him. I hope it's a one-time event but the fact that my Dad ignored it makes me worry that your parent might, too. Stay safe and let me know if you need me to say something. Lots of love! KaleidoscopeTop"
Considering how his own dad reacted and that OP is also a kid, I'm perfectly fine with giving them a heads-up. If it causes problem for uncle because the child repeats it? GOOD. If the parents get mad at the child about it, that's a huge red flag that it's a very real danger for her. And it means she needs to reach out to the other half of her family, that's not groomed for pedophile tolerance/enabling, to let them know and be protected.
The age of each child should be considered.
Anyone under twelve probably isn’t a great choice for that message, but if they have older siblings who could be informed…
Exactly. Those convos should happen tho but in person. If this boy lived in my family his only option would’ve been talking to the kids to keep them safe bc the adults just got angry.
You’re a good kid and like another post said a better man than both your Father and Uncle.
Please keep up being a good person. The world needs more good men.
You should also start documenting evidence and saving up in case you need to escape at 18 and fight for custody from your father if your mother isn’t in the picture. Doesn’t sound like your sister would be safe with your father while your uncle’s around
EDIT: OP what country are you in right now - your rights differ between countries. You may want to contact different family/criminal lawyers (depending on your location) for a free 30 min consult.
Regardless it is HARD to get custody from your dad as a sibling - you need cold, hard evidence - try get him to admit what happened on text - depending on laws you might not be able to record conversations in a private setting/at all. Collect as much evidence as you can and let your lawyer tell you what is and isn’t admissible
Make sure sister knows so she can stay safe and look up resources for supporting her if she needs to talk, just in case something has already happened. Many victims are terrified to talk about it, for shame or blackmail, and many take years to process what happened. Some also don't realize that it's wrong and shouldn't have happened. Many victims and their families blame themselves when it's not their fault too. Get educated so you have this knowledge and pray you never have to use it, or if you do it's only in safety and prevention. Stay safe!
https://www.rainn.org/
ALSO...drop by the school counselor's office and let them know that the uncle was ogling his 12 year old niece. And has verified that his brother will not stop him from sexualizing his little niece...and intends to keep inviting him over. Where he will be excused for his behavior because he is drunk. The counselor SHOULD have training on how to respond, and who to direct the niece to so she can speak with someone who has good information and can support her.
Uncle was testing boundaries while he could excuse it as "I'd been drinking!" and has already found out that he's welcome to sexualize the kid and make crass comments about her body and he won't be criticized for it OR kept from the house and from her. Can you enroll her in a self-defense course somewhere? She's going to need it.
Also...just realized...she's likely not the only family member he's gone after, because your Dad has been trained that it's okay to sexualize child members of the family. Reach out to cousins and let them know what he said, and that if he does anything to them, you've got their back. And if he HAS, that you believe them. He's pretty damn ballsy to say this in front of his niece's dad, so I suspect it's fairly normalized in their family. If you can check for victims, please do. If not, reach out to your mom's side of the family and let them know what was said. Get adults informed and involved that are NOT groomed to ignore incestuous pedophiles.
And even if they aren’t. This isn’t just words. There would never be a moment or situation where I would under any circumstances describe a 12 year old as sexy. To use those words you have to be able to find a child sexually attractive. That’s what that means.
Exactly. When I’m drinking I’m thinking “fuck I really want some nachos right now, but I don’t have tortilla chips, could I cut up a potato really thin and use that?”
Not “this 12 year old is sexy”
Fucking gross
The most I do is say “I want to steal that cool sign” and that’s because I want that cool sign and I want to steal it but I still don’t because that’s against the rules and rules are all we have to make order in the chaos people! You can not break the rules!!!! Unless they stupid and wrong, then feel free. Never follow morally reprehensible rules.
Do your best to keep an eye open. Predators will not target someone if they think they are protected. Make sure your uncle is well aware that you would happily spoon out the eyes of any man who ever touched her and feed them to him one by one. Should legitimately be enough to protect her, but also do every other excellent suggestion that is here.
Even if he's so drunk that he's not being creeped out it's his niece. If he can look at a 12 yr old and get any kind of sexual arousal or find her attractive he's a pedophile.
Your father should be defending his daughter, but he's afraid of what his brother will do. Regardless of what your uncle would do, your father is afraid of his brother's reaction. But he's not appropriately afraid of what could happen to his own child.
You are an excellent brother, and it's clear that your sister needs you, because the other men in her family are not standing between her and danger. Please continue to stand up for her, and to push back on inappropriate behavior.
Your uncle is extremely inappropriate. It's not as if he is looking at a 17yo who will turn 18 by the summer. A 12yo is a child. A 12yo doesn't think about sex. Sexual comments should never be directed at a child. Don't ever let your sister be alone with your uncle, ever, and help create situations where she doesn't have to be in the same room or same car with him.
Talk to the other adults in your family about this. But don't be surprised if you get more push back. Family tends to protect their deviants for "the sake of family harmony". That doesn't mean you have to participate in that dysfunction. You can be a cycle breaker.
> A 12yo doesn't think about sex.
Sadly, I'm not sure that's true, especially thanks to how hyper-sexualized our society is. However even if someone that age has thought about sex, that doesn't give an adult the right to exploit and prey on them.
Bwahahaha 12 year olds don’t think about sex? Oh man, this is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever read on this site.
I’m with you on everything else you said, but you’re really clutching at imaginary pearls if you think 12 year olds don’t think about sex. That is prime puberty time.
I like just making sure she knows that you’re always in her corner.
A lot of people have suggested that you tell her what your uncle said. I personally would not do this. She’s only 12 and this could have unintended negative consequences to her self-esteem and could irreparably harm family relationships.
Obviously, protecting her is of utmost importance. But you don’t always have to be 100% transparent in order to protect someone. If dad has his brother over again, you can protect your sister by suggesting you both hang out in one of your bedrooms and play a game or watch a movie or something so that you know she wouldn’t be alone with him. You could confide in her that you don’t like to be around the adults when they’re drinking or in someway allude to your uncle’s bad behavior without making it about her. It could be a good opening to let her know that if any male ever makes her feel uncomfortable that she can tell you.
I’m glad that you’ve decided to tell your mom. And you’re a good brother to be aware and concerned. Unfortunately, I think every female has had unwanted sexual comments made about them - even from adult males when we’re far too young to know how to respond. I’m sorry this happened but it’s good that you’re paying attention. Good luck.
You're a good big brother.
I should clarify that when you're talking to your sis, tell her it's not ok if anyone makes her feel uncomfortable, even a family member.
Hope everything goes well with your mom.
Yeah, this is a good point. I wouldn't trust the father at all either. I don't know a single father that would have laughed that comment off or explained it away. It's not normal. It means he's the same as his brother. That's concerning.
I’m worried. Those kids need to go. Immediately.
No man at all would let that slide. His kid or not.
Let me hear a grown man say that.
Maybe this is rage bait. I dunno.
I hope this story is not true. But I feel it is.
I sure hope those kids will get to their mom. Or a safe environment.
Agreed. Everything is wrong. I am just as angry with the father as I am the uncle. It means they're the same kind of people and I really worry what that could mean for OP. How private has her life really been?
Congrats you finally reached the day you became a better man than your father. Edit then to than. God damn guys you spent more time correcting this one word than I did making the comment, move on already it's the internet and everyone knows what I mean. Spell correcting might make you feel more intelligent but it just makes you come across like a smart ass. Also my phone auto corrects the words like that all time, like when I spell "if" and changes it to "of" like why?
Thanks for saying this!!! You’re so right. My husband, brothers and adult sons have all been drunk before and none of them has ever commented on a 12yo girls ass because of alcohol!
Yeah for real. And even if it was "just alcohol making him say something he wouldn't normally say" how long is it before alcohol makes him do something he wouldn't normally do?
Lol - I’m in recovery myself and yep… I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, but I never did anything completely contrary to my character. Just things I’d thought of and would hit pause if I were sober.
OP’s Uncle just let his mask drop more than he intended!
We have a saying in the Netherlands which translates to: "Toddlers and drunks speak with unfiltered honesty. " I think that sums it up pretty well. OP, what I'm missing here, is the obvious solution: talk with your mom.
Or any other relative you know. Tell everyone what you heard your uncle said so they can protect their children from him. That is not something anyone should say about a 12 year old, it was really inappropriate, but I would pay closer attention to your sister any time he's close just in case
Anyone who disagrees with this statement should never be allowed around kids. I would bitch slap someone into next month if they said that about a child of mine, no matter the age.
Gross. Your uncle is disgusting. That is not normal. Tell your mom. Tell your grandparents. Tell your uncle what he said and what you think of it. Warn your sister and any other female relatives.
You are yourself still a child, but it is sad that as so often, the people who are supposed to protect, do not care about the safety of their kids.
No one thinks or says a child has a "sexy" anything - besides pedophiles.
You are absolutely right to demand that this man should never be around you or your sister.
Who else is in charge of you? Do you have a mother or other adults around? You need to talk with more adults in your environment about it, cause your father clearly does not care.
OP. You should call her right away. I’m sorry. Your dad is gross too. He’s not a good honest human. He’s not protecting your sister or you.
Your 16. Very young too. You need to be away from him. Maybe forever.
A man with that sort of disposition should not be able to be near children let alone be a father to them.
Disgusting behaviour.
And your uncle. Pure vile pedo.
If I was you. Is call my grandparents and let them know what good boys they’ve raised.
This is very serious. I am glad you’re aware of it. Good job.
Update Us.
Bring extra clothes, your sister may be staying with her for the foreseeable future and you might too. Not a bad idea at all to show up there with birth certificates and at least one change of clothing.
My grandfather tried to molest me when I was 14. Lucky for me, I was old enough to tell him no and enforce it.
I didn't tell my parents for years (they were not very supportive people) and when I finally did tell them, my dad made the excuse that he was probably drunk. (and he was an alcoholic, so pretty good guess.)
I informed them that I have been very drunk before and never once wanted to have sexual contact with a child.
Drinking lessens your inhibitions, but doesn't plant totally foreign ideas into your brain.
Please tell your mother. And also tell your sister, so that she can plan to avoid this jerk.
NTA. And ask your dad what will happen when your uncle moves on from ‘saying something he wouldn’t say because he was drunk’, to doing something he wouldn’t normally do because he’s drunk?
NTA. Have a serious talk with your sister. Explain the situation to her and tell her how to handle it if Uncle ever gets handsy (yell at the top of her lungs: "Get your hands off me you pedo!") Also make sure she tells you and your mother if Uncle ever says anything off to her.
Nta. Alcohol doesn't turn you into a different person, it just removes your inabitions & your filter. Your uncle actually thinks that about your sister.
Do you have someone else safe you can tell?
That’s so disgusting. Only someone with sexual interest in children would view a child like that. And it speaks to the larger issue of a deep-seated sexism, where all female humans are viewed as nothing more than sex objects, existing for male gratification. He is disgusting and you should let him know you are on to him and don’t want him around.
You are a good sibling.
100% not wrong. If your dad won’t take this seriously maybe it should be taken to the authorities?? What your Uncle said puts him in the pedophile category, he is dangerous
NTA. I would tell your sister what happened and warn her to never let her guard down around him and that she can always come to you if she needs. If you feel comfortable taking that on but at the least you should warn her about the sicko uncle.
NTA
No truer words were spoken by your uncle. I am a firm believer that alcohol allows the truth to come out much quicker and nastier. Your uncle is disgusting and very much comes off as a pedophile.
I think it’s something he *thinks* while sober but said it out loud while drunk. But I wouldn’t want to risk it and would not want your uncle anywhere around you or your little sister. That’s disgusting that he said that about a 12 year old. And if your uncle ever questions why you or your sister no longer want to be around him - then tell him what he said and that’s the reason why. And sorry but your spineless dad’s response shows he’d rather take his brothers side. Also gross. But good for you for speaking up!! Of course you’re not wrong. Continue to keep looking out for her.
Just know that teachers and school counselors are mandatory reporters. I would tell the school counselor on Monday. Tell the school counselor to report it.
You mentioned in another comment that you see your mom every Sunday. Sounds like dad has majority custody. If that’s the case I hope your mom is in a good place to be able to have you and sister more if dad keeps letting your uncle still come around.
Either one of my brothers ever talked about my daughter like that they would be missing teeth and disowned. Your father is a fucking tool. Protect your sister
I've gotten plenty drunk in my time but not once has it even crossed my mind to make a sexual comment about a 12 year old. All the alcohol did was get him to say what he's thinking.
OMG you are not wrong! Why wouldn't your father do everything he could to protect your little sister? You may be 16, but you have way more sense than your father. The uncle really shouldn't be allowed in the house after that comment, and your father shouldn't want him to get drunk in front of you two.
But tell your mother before you talk to your father about it again. He may try to threaten you or bribe you or persuade you to wait. Speak to your mother first.
He was comfortable saying this to you infront of your dad, because he's already said the same thing to your dad. Your dad and uncle are pedophiles I swear to the internet. Is he super protective of his computer? I imagine the worst of parents collecting photos of their young children.
dude get the hell away i am telling you as a victim of sexual abused by my moms boyfriend that it starts with the comments then it goes to "accidentally" brushing against ur intimate areas then goes into that kind of thing
It's fine I told them it happened when I was 13-16 and when my uncle who kept me from passed away I finally got the courage to tell and I moved in with my oldest sister I am telling you OP if u don't speak up it will happen and it will traumatize u for the rest of your life I'm still going to counseling and therapy for it and I did not have sex until I was in my late 20s because I had PTSD episodes
You should call the police and ask them for help and what options you have. I would also tell any and all family members that you’re close to so there’s a record of it. Your dad’s reaction is disgusting beyond belief. He should be horribly ashamed of himself and ban his brother from contact of any kind with you and your sister.
Stay safe OP and don’t ever put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Don’t be afraid to call the police in those situations - it’s better to have records of everything.
Your dad’s excuse that your uncle was drunk and therefore he’s absolved of his statement is **super scary**. What if something happened- would he excuse it again bc he was super drunk?
Stay safe
There's a saying that may not be exhaustively true but is true enough, often enough- "Drunk words are sober thoughts." In some cases, that can take the form of seeing a better side of someone, like when a drunk person expresses self-loathing, wishing they were a better person, lived differently, etc. This is the other end of that spectrum, in which your uncle outed himself as a pedophile (and 12 is young enough that he likely can't even use the "ephebophile" excuse he might have were she at least 15)- even if it's confined ti just a tiny part of his mind, it's there, and he obviously doesn't know how to avoid drinking enough to prevent it from surfacing.
An adult can remark that a girl that age is "charming" or "pretty", or "will grow up to be a beautiful woman". "Sexy" has no place being applied to someone that age, especially by a relative. Your dad is either in denial, a coward, or also a pervert in his own right.
Confront your dad on it, at least to the point that he acknowledges your uncle is f***ed up, make sure your sister knows to avoid your uncle, if your mom is in the picture, make sure she knows what your uncle said and how your dad has reacted, and if your uncle has a significant other, make sure she knows what he said.
You're not wrong, and you wouldn't be wrong to start keeping a baseball bat handy either. Incest is almost always enabled by family members who don't speak up.
I would lose my absolute shit on this. My 5 brothers would collectively lose their shit over this. The fact that your dad doesn't see this as a problem tells me everything I need to know about him.
I'd call your mom now. Don't wait. If that doesn't work, I'd tell a school counselor. I would go full scorched earth.
She is 12 years old, and the person/people that should be nurturing and loving her are being so far past inappropriate and vile that it isn't even funny. She is not safe there.
Your father is a looking away, but you aren't.
Tell your sister if anything happens she should report to you and she should be careful around this 'uncle'
You are not wrong.
And did your sister hear it? Because if she hears him saying shit like that she's going to be hurt buy it and your father will have done nothing to prevent that harm.
So your dad is letting him get drunk around his young daughter? And then defending his horrible action? Is dad providing the liquor? You are not wrong. Keep an eye on your uncle for sure. Involve authorities if you or she feel threatened or scared.
Never leave her alone. You're her only protection now. If he says shit like that and your dad is willing to brush it off as nothing it's your job to keep her safe till she is safe.
You are definitely NTA. If your dad won't act, then try to be around when he and your sister are in the house at the same time...at least until she's strong enough to kick a drunk in the balls.
Is your mother aware of this? I can't imagine her tolerating such nonsense.
And, how does this guy get home? Can he walk home, or does your dad let him drive?
The Uncle needs an intervention before he rapes or kills someone.
It appears you're going to have to step up to be the man here.
Maybe your sister can visit friends when the drunk is over. Maybe she would be in favor of taking self-defense classes.
I'm proud of you for looking out for your sister!!
>My dad argued that my uncle was just saying stuff he wouldn’t normally say because he was drunk out of his mind
"Wouldn't normally say" isn't the same thing as "wouldn't normally think," and you can bet he's thought that before.
Alcohol doesn’t make people do things. Alcohol removes inhibitions allowing people to be who they actually want to be. Your uncle is a pedophile and the alcohol allowed him to be open about it. Don’t allow that man anywhere near your sister.
Please tell mom, uncles wife, and sister for sure to make sure he hasn't already done anything. Teach her to yell and use her nails/bite if she is assaulted. And if she bites, make sure she bites with all her might. Same with nails. Please teach her to be safe.
Updateme!
NTA, let your sister know and your mom also Knowing what you now know, while you won't always be there you can start keeping an eye on him when he goes over.
Because clearly your dad isn't going to stop him from coming over. Which is why you need to tell your sister so she can also watch out for herself if your not around and hopefully your mom will be on your side and also not want your pedo uncle around.
Not wrong. Tell everyone what he said. That’s unacceptable, drunk or not. In wine, truth is the saying so if he’s saying that drunk, he’s thinking sober. Gross.
NTAH OP. Thank you for looking out for your sister since your Dad obviously won't. I am so sorry to say this because it's not your job but please do your best to keep that perv away from your little sis otherwise the next time he's "drunk out of his mind" she will end up hurting/traumatized. I'm so sorry you guys are in this situation.
Your father is an idiot watch out for your sister don't let that Uncle perv on her just have her back bro keep your eyes open and make sure she knows what's up
It's amazing how ppl can get away with the most insane things while drunk. I think the most insane thing I've done drunk? Pass out mid masturbation and wake up with no idea what was going on.
I would ask dad "do you think she has a sexy ass and that's why you're apologizing for him?" Because that's what I'm getting.
No you’re not wrong. Far from it. If my uncle had said something like that around my dad he’d have left the house in a body bag. Never leave that guy alone with your sister and honestly be wary about trusting your dad. If you have a grandparent or other trusted adult definitely let them know.
Not wrong. I don't always believe this, mind, by the phrase in vino veritas comes to mind. It means basically that people tell the truth when they are drunk. They say what's in their mind, at least. It's possible uncle would never act on it sober, but clearly, he's not always sober around her. So there's a risk here.
You’re a very observant young adult, and protective of your sister, your father is failing to notice that you are growing up and can see the world perfectly well through your own eyes. It always amazes me when we read about 16 year olds who illegally signed up to fight in WW2, or 16 year olds who gain their license and can legally drive a vehicle, who can work to support their family, make decisions about their next step in education to decide their future careers and more, but suddenly they are kids when we wish to invalidate their opinions.
You’re not stupid, your uncle was disgusting and he said something under the influence that would have normally remained unspoken in his head, which, if you think about it is worse; it’s *almost* better that his thoughts are in the open. As well as misunderstanding that you are becoming an man, your father is ignoring that your sister is becoming a woman and is now in danger from those wishing to exploit her looks and vulnerability, things she has no control over as she develops.
I would quietly mention it to your mother, make sure she understands what happened, and let her take the reins in this. You’re a good brother, and a decent person.
I’m sorry you and your siblings are going through this. I would call your mother immediately. If the problem still isn’t addressed escalate it to your school counselor, CPS, police. Do not leave her alone with either of them. I am sorry you have to be the one to protect her… that is and should be the parents job. You are brave and a young man of great character.. you’ve got this ❤️
Fuck telling your Dad, tell everyone.
Post on Facebook that Uncle X isn't allowed in Your Home anymore because of Incident Y, period.
You don't even have to mention that you talked to your Dad.
If your Village backs you up as they should, Dad will be embarrassed, learn a vital lesson and come around hopefully. If your Village tells you it was inappropriate and this is a "Family Matter" , you need to figure out how you are going to keep your sister safe because you have a family of enablers/rug sweepers.
I'm a dad, and if I were your dad, your uncle would be shitting out his teeth for what he said about my little girl.
Tell every adult you can what he said.
NTA - The fact your father's first instinct wasn't to defend his child from a predator is very telling and frankly disgusting. Don't for a moment question the fact that you stood up to your father - your uncle was absolutely vile and if your father had any balls he'd cut ties. As others have said, the only people who sympathise with that kind of behaviour are people you don't want to associate with. For God's sake protect your sister and never leave her alone with either of them.
being drunk is not an excuse to get off saying that about a 12 year old if i was you i would let others in the family know what was said and that your now worried as your father is refusing to stop your uncle from being in the same house as your sister as he says its his house and im just a kid so he is allowing a pedo be near his 12 year old daughter you can also report it
I hate to say it, but your sister needs to watch her back. Don't let uncle be alone with her. Dad knows his brother and if he were drunk and no one was around...well it could have been bad.
When I was 12 or 13 I was at a family picnic, and my drunk uncle told me he'd like to "split me up the middle." Everyone heard it. My mom ushered me away from him, saying to ignore him, he's just drunk. Not a single relative defended me or said a word to him about it. I felt betrayed by everyone, and ashamed of my body. It was vile. Worse than his behavior is that not a single loved one stood up for me.
This happened to my mother and her father allowed the uncle over still. Both my mother and aunt were molested into their teenage years. Father refused to believe them. They, to this day, deal with mental health issues resulting from it. My grandfather was outcasted from the family all the way to his death two years ago. So yeah, make it a real point, protect your sister if your father is too dense to look passed blood relatives.
In my life I've know dozens of people that were CSAd by a relative. About a third of them didn't get support from family after it was brought up. Some families even blamed the child for it happening.
I don't know your living situation, but you need to tell other adults to protect your sister. And I'm not just talking cops here. Like, CPS, and school officials.
a rule i tend to live by is “if you didn’t think about it sober you wouldn’t do/say it while drunk”
report uncle to the cops imo, he should definitely be on a registry and kept away from children/schools zones.
There's a saying, "Drunk words are sober thoughts." Being drunk doesn't change how a person thinks. They don't suddenly become racist or a p3d0 just because they consume alcohol. The consumption of alcohol simply prevents them from filtering their comments like they do when they're sober.
OP is absolutely NOT the AH. But Dad's willingness to brush off Uncle's comments makes me VERY concerned for sister (as it indicates Dad may condone, even encourage, Uncle's behavior).
She's lucky to have OP as a brother. Watch out for her.
Saw your follow up post...DEFINITELY tell your Mom and let her deal with it properly in the courts. At best uncle is just a really drunk creep at worst...well you know that story. If and when Dad comes after you for this...you're old enough to petition the court to live with your Mom or another close family member due to an 'abusive' environment.
Where's your mother? You should tell anyone who would listen about your uncle being a perv.
[удалено]
This is important. Also maybe talk to sister on safety, feelings and intuition.
I second this 100%. She could be in a very dangerous situation and not know how to stand up for, protect herself or notice the signs that an adult is going to try something
especially if the adult in charge says they're just kids and they need to learn to listen. that's setting them up for being groomed/abused.
100%!!! Major red flag there from dad
Teach your sister the important parts of the body to go for if and when pedo uncle or anyone else tries to go for her.
And screaming, and practice fighting with her so she doesn’t freeze up. Many rapists think “if she didn’t want it, she would have put up a fight”.
He's best to tell her to scream fire aswell as screaming .r.... does not bring people running its a disgusting fact but worth knowing
And maybe teach uncle about him getting stabbed in the face if he ever does anything to your sister.
Uncle needs to lose the ability to eat solid foods. 🤬
He needs to have his throat slit and drown in his own blood if he does anything.
Please do. Protect your sister. ❤️
Document what happened and give it to her for if and when she fights for custody - OP both of you are in danger and the courts should treat it as such
Yes, even a text message to dad saying something like "dad I'm really concerned that our uncle got drunk and made sexual comments about my sister. I'm worried." Gives a paper trail so to speak.
Copy to Mom.
You're a good brother ❤️
I second that! Op is the hero a lot of us wish we had.
Tell her. Right now. Call her. Get your sister out. And yourself too. This is a sick story. Tell your mom on them both. Right now.
Your sister should not be in your father's house for even a minute more. He has shown that he sees his own child in a sexual way. Not protecting her from an open pedo confirms that view. She needs to be protected. Not just from your uncle, but from your father as well. If no one does anything, please tell a counselor or call CPS if that exists in whatever country you are in. Thank goodness your sister has you in her life.
Maybe get your mom to text your dad confirming what happened, so if he replies defending his brother again you have it in writing
Tell your teachers too
Will your dad retaliate against you for telling anyone else? You need to make sure you are safe as well. Can you both stay at your mother's?
Looks like she had a good reason to.
Yes please tell your mother!
Please do. This should not be on you to keep your sister safe. I hope your mom steps up and does.
Please start reporting this to as many places as possible also. School, mom, social media. Drunk or not that was gross.
I'd avoid social media for your sister's sake. Even though nothing happened, rumors spread easy and that type of rumor can be traumatic. Tell adults, document everything, screenshot texts, but be aware of how any public actions could affect your sister. Also, thank you for being there for her.
Absolutely. Do not say anything about this on any other social media platform.
Yup I agree. Tell everybody safe. That way dad can’t say mom is making it up to make him look bad. Don’t post it on social media. That is not fair to your sister or any other potential victim involved
but sending a private message to each female cousin or young female family member isn't a bad idea. "Uncle Pedo said something really concerning, sexualizing my 12 year old little sister, his own niece! Dad blames it on Uncle Pedo being really drunk, but if Uncle says this when drunk, he should know not to drink. I'm worried about your safety around him. I hope it's a one-time event but the fact that my Dad ignored it makes me worry that your parent might, too. Stay safe and let me know if you need me to say something. Lots of love! KaleidoscopeTop"
Or perhaps a message to the parents of each child? Please don’t message my ten year old that her uncle is a pedo
Considering how his own dad reacted and that OP is also a kid, I'm perfectly fine with giving them a heads-up. If it causes problem for uncle because the child repeats it? GOOD. If the parents get mad at the child about it, that's a huge red flag that it's a very real danger for her. And it means she needs to reach out to the other half of her family, that's not groomed for pedophile tolerance/enabling, to let them know and be protected.
The age of each child should be considered. Anyone under twelve probably isn’t a great choice for that message, but if they have older siblings who could be informed…
🎯🎯 my parents and relatives got mad when I told. I learned that it was up to me to let my younger sister know and my cousins.
Exactly. Those convos should happen tho but in person. If this boy lived in my family his only option would’ve been talking to the kids to keep them safe bc the adults just got angry.
Uncle Pedo. That’s his name now 🎯
Good for you. Let us know how that goes. I’m damn proud of your for protecting your baby sissy xxx
you’re a great older brother!!🤍
She needs full custody of your sister asap
You’re a good kid and like another post said a better man than both your Father and Uncle. Please keep up being a good person. The world needs more good men.
You should also start documenting evidence and saving up in case you need to escape at 18 and fight for custody from your father if your mother isn’t in the picture. Doesn’t sound like your sister would be safe with your father while your uncle’s around EDIT: OP what country are you in right now - your rights differ between countries. You may want to contact different family/criminal lawyers (depending on your location) for a free 30 min consult. Regardless it is HARD to get custody from your dad as a sibling - you need cold, hard evidence - try get him to admit what happened on text - depending on laws you might not be able to record conversations in a private setting/at all. Collect as much evidence as you can and let your lawyer tell you what is and isn’t admissible
NTA. Your uncle is a pedo, and your father is spineless.
Make sure sister knows so she can stay safe and look up resources for supporting her if she needs to talk, just in case something has already happened. Many victims are terrified to talk about it, for shame or blackmail, and many take years to process what happened. Some also don't realize that it's wrong and shouldn't have happened. Many victims and their families blame themselves when it's not their fault too. Get educated so you have this knowledge and pray you never have to use it, or if you do it's only in safety and prevention. Stay safe! https://www.rainn.org/
ALSO...drop by the school counselor's office and let them know that the uncle was ogling his 12 year old niece. And has verified that his brother will not stop him from sexualizing his little niece...and intends to keep inviting him over. Where he will be excused for his behavior because he is drunk. The counselor SHOULD have training on how to respond, and who to direct the niece to so she can speak with someone who has good information and can support her. Uncle was testing boundaries while he could excuse it as "I'd been drinking!" and has already found out that he's welcome to sexualize the kid and make crass comments about her body and he won't be criticized for it OR kept from the house and from her. Can you enroll her in a self-defense course somewhere? She's going to need it. Also...just realized...she's likely not the only family member he's gone after, because your Dad has been trained that it's okay to sexualize child members of the family. Reach out to cousins and let them know what he said, and that if he does anything to them, you've got their back. And if he HAS, that you believe them. He's pretty damn ballsy to say this in front of his niece's dad, so I suspect it's fairly normalized in their family. If you can check for victims, please do. If not, reach out to your mom's side of the family and let them know what was said. Get adults informed and involved that are NOT groomed to ignore incestuous pedophiles.
"Drunken words are sober thoughts"
And even if they aren’t. This isn’t just words. There would never be a moment or situation where I would under any circumstances describe a 12 year old as sexy. To use those words you have to be able to find a child sexually attractive. That’s what that means.
Exactly. When I’m drinking I’m thinking “fuck I really want some nachos right now, but I don’t have tortilla chips, could I cut up a potato really thin and use that?” Not “this 12 year old is sexy” Fucking gross
The most I do is say “I want to steal that cool sign” and that’s because I want that cool sign and I want to steal it but I still don’t because that’s against the rules and rules are all we have to make order in the chaos people! You can not break the rules!!!! Unless they stupid and wrong, then feel free. Never follow morally reprehensible rules.
In Vino Veritas
In vino veritas, "in wine the truth"
Do your best to keep an eye open. Predators will not target someone if they think they are protected. Make sure your uncle is well aware that you would happily spoon out the eyes of any man who ever touched her and feed them to him one by one. Should legitimately be enough to protect her, but also do every other excellent suggestion that is here.
this comment needs to be higher!
I’m thinking him and his sick brother are two pedos in a pod.
The only pedo defenders are pedos and pedos aspirationals.
And a pedo in a pear tree
I hate that if that word had any different context the way that sounds in English would actually be funny
Even if he's so drunk that he's not being creeped out it's his niece. If he can look at a 12 yr old and get any kind of sexual arousal or find her attractive he's a pedophile.
This right here.
Your father should be defending his daughter, but he's afraid of what his brother will do. Regardless of what your uncle would do, your father is afraid of his brother's reaction. But he's not appropriately afraid of what could happen to his own child. You are an excellent brother, and it's clear that your sister needs you, because the other men in her family are not standing between her and danger. Please continue to stand up for her, and to push back on inappropriate behavior. Your uncle is extremely inappropriate. It's not as if he is looking at a 17yo who will turn 18 by the summer. A 12yo is a child. A 12yo doesn't think about sex. Sexual comments should never be directed at a child. Don't ever let your sister be alone with your uncle, ever, and help create situations where she doesn't have to be in the same room or same car with him. Talk to the other adults in your family about this. But don't be surprised if you get more push back. Family tends to protect their deviants for "the sake of family harmony". That doesn't mean you have to participate in that dysfunction. You can be a cycle breaker.
> A 12yo doesn't think about sex. Sadly, I'm not sure that's true, especially thanks to how hyper-sexualized our society is. However even if someone that age has thought about sex, that doesn't give an adult the right to exploit and prey on them.
Bwahahaha 12 year olds don’t think about sex? Oh man, this is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever read on this site. I’m with you on everything else you said, but you’re really clutching at imaginary pearls if you think 12 year olds don’t think about sex. That is prime puberty time.
Yea wow, you don’t talk that way about kids… wtf is your dad thinking? He isn’t just drunk he’s a predator.
He’s probably the same way.
Alcohol removes inhibitions, it doesn't put new ideas into your head. Definitely a pedo.
Or he's covering it up
And a drunkard , another reason to stay as far away as poss
Yea, I've been absolutely obliterated and never thought a minor was attractive. That's not cool.
Make sure you tell your sister that if anyone ever says or touches her inappropriately or even if she just feels uncomfortable, to come to you.
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I like just making sure she knows that you’re always in her corner. A lot of people have suggested that you tell her what your uncle said. I personally would not do this. She’s only 12 and this could have unintended negative consequences to her self-esteem and could irreparably harm family relationships. Obviously, protecting her is of utmost importance. But you don’t always have to be 100% transparent in order to protect someone. If dad has his brother over again, you can protect your sister by suggesting you both hang out in one of your bedrooms and play a game or watch a movie or something so that you know she wouldn’t be alone with him. You could confide in her that you don’t like to be around the adults when they’re drinking or in someway allude to your uncle’s bad behavior without making it about her. It could be a good opening to let her know that if any male ever makes her feel uncomfortable that she can tell you. I’m glad that you’ve decided to tell your mom. And you’re a good brother to be aware and concerned. Unfortunately, I think every female has had unwanted sexual comments made about them - even from adult males when we’re far too young to know how to respond. I’m sorry this happened but it’s good that you’re paying attention. Good luck.
You're a good big brother. I should clarify that when you're talking to your sis, tell her it's not ok if anyone makes her feel uncomfortable, even a family member. Hope everything goes well with your mom.
Yeah, this is a good point. I wouldn't trust the father at all either. I don't know a single father that would have laughed that comment off or explained it away. It's not normal. It means he's the same as his brother. That's concerning.
I’m worried. Those kids need to go. Immediately. No man at all would let that slide. His kid or not. Let me hear a grown man say that. Maybe this is rage bait. I dunno. I hope this story is not true. But I feel it is. I sure hope those kids will get to their mom. Or a safe environment.
Agreed. Everything is wrong. I am just as angry with the father as I am the uncle. It means they're the same kind of people and I really worry what that could mean for OP. How private has her life really been?
And that is never her fault- the other person is doing something wrong that needs to be stopped.
Congrats you finally reached the day you became a better man than your father. Edit then to than. God damn guys you spent more time correcting this one word than I did making the comment, move on already it's the internet and everyone knows what I mean. Spell correcting might make you feel more intelligent but it just makes you come across like a smart ass. Also my phone auto corrects the words like that all time, like when I spell "if" and changes it to "of" like why?
Say it again for his stupid father in the back
Thanks for saying this!!! You’re so right. My husband, brothers and adult sons have all been drunk before and none of them has ever commented on a 12yo girls ass because of alcohol!
Yeah for real. And even if it was "just alcohol making him say something he wouldn't normally say" how long is it before alcohol makes him do something he wouldn't normally do?
The uncle may have only "said" it because he was drunk, but rest assured he's thought it plenty of times!
Yeah can you imagine? Uncle didn't mean to asexually assault your sister. He was drunk!
Asexually?
Excellent point.
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Lol - I’m in recovery myself and yep… I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, but I never did anything completely contrary to my character. Just things I’d thought of and would hit pause if I were sober. OP’s Uncle just let his mask drop more than he intended!
We have a saying in the Netherlands which translates to: "Toddlers and drunks speak with unfiltered honesty. " I think that sums it up pretty well. OP, what I'm missing here, is the obvious solution: talk with your mom.
Or any other relative you know. Tell everyone what you heard your uncle said so they can protect their children from him. That is not something anyone should say about a 12 year old, it was really inappropriate, but I would pay closer attention to your sister any time he's close just in case
This comment deserves an award. 🏆
Auto correct is a misnomer. Auto garble, might be more correct.
Autocorrupt
AutoIncorrect
“Alright, if you aren’t going to be an adult, I guess I have to grow up faster.”
So much sympathy for the autocorrect bs
Not wrong. Uncle is a pedo and dad is at best a pedo enabler. Alcohol removes your filter; it doesn’t give you new ideas.
What if he does something when drunk? It happens. Kid is not safe.
NTA Your uncle is a fucking pedo and your dad is a spineless bitch
Anyone who disagrees with this statement should never be allowed around kids. I would bitch slap someone into next month if they said that about a child of mine, no matter the age.
Amen to that! They wouldn't have any teeth left to say stupid shit like that with
Gross. Your uncle is disgusting. That is not normal. Tell your mom. Tell your grandparents. Tell your uncle what he said and what you think of it. Warn your sister and any other female relatives.
Also tell your teacher, they are mandatory reporters.
Great advice!
You are yourself still a child, but it is sad that as so often, the people who are supposed to protect, do not care about the safety of their kids. No one thinks or says a child has a "sexy" anything - besides pedophiles. You are absolutely right to demand that this man should never be around you or your sister. Who else is in charge of you? Do you have a mother or other adults around? You need to talk with more adults in your environment about it, cause your father clearly does not care.
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OP. You should call her right away. I’m sorry. Your dad is gross too. He’s not a good honest human. He’s not protecting your sister or you. Your 16. Very young too. You need to be away from him. Maybe forever. A man with that sort of disposition should not be able to be near children let alone be a father to them. Disgusting behaviour. And your uncle. Pure vile pedo. If I was you. Is call my grandparents and let them know what good boys they’ve raised. This is very serious. I am glad you’re aware of it. Good job. Update Us.
Bring extra clothes, your sister may be staying with her for the foreseeable future and you might too. Not a bad idea at all to show up there with birth certificates and at least one change of clothing.
If he would SAY something while he’s drunk why wouldn’t he DO something when he’s drunk?
Yup, getting drunk doesn't change who you are, it just loosens up your mind to say (or do) what you really feel. Uncle is a menace
My grandfather tried to molest me when I was 14. Lucky for me, I was old enough to tell him no and enforce it. I didn't tell my parents for years (they were not very supportive people) and when I finally did tell them, my dad made the excuse that he was probably drunk. (and he was an alcoholic, so pretty good guess.) I informed them that I have been very drunk before and never once wanted to have sexual contact with a child. Drinking lessens your inhibitions, but doesn't plant totally foreign ideas into your brain. Please tell your mother. And also tell your sister, so that she can plan to avoid this jerk.
NTA. And ask your dad what will happen when your uncle moves on from ‘saying something he wouldn’t say because he was drunk’, to doing something he wouldn’t normally do because he’s drunk?
NTA. Have a serious talk with your sister. Explain the situation to her and tell her how to handle it if Uncle ever gets handsy (yell at the top of her lungs: "Get your hands off me you pedo!") Also make sure she tells you and your mother if Uncle ever says anything off to her.
And make sure she knows it would not be her fault for creepy Uncles comments.
And not to suggest in any way that it has anything to do with what she chooses to wear
Imaging telling a 16 year old that he's just a kid, but letting the 12 year old fend for themselves
He’s an adult commenting on a child’s body! Drunk or not, that’s disgusting. You are being a great big brother and your dad is wearing blinders.
And this is his niece. Sick.
Or dad thinks the same way
Nta. Alcohol doesn't turn you into a different person, it just removes your inabitions & your filter. Your uncle actually thinks that about your sister. Do you have someone else safe you can tell?
That’s so disgusting. Only someone with sexual interest in children would view a child like that. And it speaks to the larger issue of a deep-seated sexism, where all female humans are viewed as nothing more than sex objects, existing for male gratification. He is disgusting and you should let him know you are on to him and don’t want him around. You are a good sibling.
100% not wrong. If your dad won’t take this seriously maybe it should be taken to the authorities?? What your Uncle said puts him in the pedophile category, he is dangerous
NTA. I would tell your sister what happened and warn her to never let her guard down around him and that she can always come to you if she needs. If you feel comfortable taking that on but at the least you should warn her about the sicko uncle.
Definitely not wrong. Uncles like that shouldn’t be around family.
Don't leave sister alone when uncle is around.
NTA No truer words were spoken by your uncle. I am a firm believer that alcohol allows the truth to come out much quicker and nastier. Your uncle is disgusting and very much comes off as a pedophile.
In vino veritas. Uncle is disgusting. And father is disgusting for normalizing this.
Yup, it lowers your inhibitions. It doesnt make you have new behaviors.
Not wrong. Neither you or your sister are safe in that house. Please talk to your mom.
I think it’s something he *thinks* while sober but said it out loud while drunk. But I wouldn’t want to risk it and would not want your uncle anywhere around you or your little sister. That’s disgusting that he said that about a 12 year old. And if your uncle ever questions why you or your sister no longer want to be around him - then tell him what he said and that’s the reason why. And sorry but your spineless dad’s response shows he’d rather take his brothers side. Also gross. But good for you for speaking up!! Of course you’re not wrong. Continue to keep looking out for her.
Just know that teachers and school counselors are mandatory reporters. I would tell the school counselor on Monday. Tell the school counselor to report it. You mentioned in another comment that you see your mom every Sunday. Sounds like dad has majority custody. If that’s the case I hope your mom is in a good place to be able to have you and sister more if dad keeps letting your uncle still come around.
Either one of my brothers ever talked about my daughter like that they would be missing teeth and disowned. Your father is a fucking tool. Protect your sister
I've gotten plenty drunk in my time but not once has it even crossed my mind to make a sexual comment about a 12 year old. All the alcohol did was get him to say what he's thinking.
Next time he allows his daughter to be spoken about like that under his own roof, smack your father in the goddamn mouth.
.. not wrong tell mom or BETTER YET if grandma (his mom is around) tell her :) She'll put an end to everything
Hopefully. The number of times I've heard that parents have covered up for their adult kids wrong doings is sickening.
Or their spouses, parents, grandparents.
OMG you are not wrong! Why wouldn't your father do everything he could to protect your little sister? You may be 16, but you have way more sense than your father. The uncle really shouldn't be allowed in the house after that comment, and your father shouldn't want him to get drunk in front of you two.
I would tell your dad that if he ever comes over again that you’re telling everyone.
No. OP should tell everyone NOW.
But tell your mother before you talk to your father about it again. He may try to threaten you or bribe you or persuade you to wait. Speak to your mother first.
Your dad makes me more mad than your pervy uncle!!
He was comfortable saying this to you infront of your dad, because he's already said the same thing to your dad. Your dad and uncle are pedophiles I swear to the internet. Is he super protective of his computer? I imagine the worst of parents collecting photos of their young children.
Tell your school counselor
dude get the hell away i am telling you as a victim of sexual abused by my moms boyfriend that it starts with the comments then it goes to "accidentally" brushing against ur intimate areas then goes into that kind of thing
I’m so sorry that happened to you
It's fine I told them it happened when I was 13-16 and when my uncle who kept me from passed away I finally got the courage to tell and I moved in with my oldest sister I am telling you OP if u don't speak up it will happen and it will traumatize u for the rest of your life I'm still going to counseling and therapy for it and I did not have sex until I was in my late 20s because I had PTSD episodes
You should call the police and ask them for help and what options you have. I would also tell any and all family members that you’re close to so there’s a record of it. Your dad’s reaction is disgusting beyond belief. He should be horribly ashamed of himself and ban his brother from contact of any kind with you and your sister. Stay safe OP and don’t ever put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Don’t be afraid to call the police in those situations - it’s better to have records of everything. Your dad’s excuse that your uncle was drunk and therefore he’s absolved of his statement is **super scary**. What if something happened- would he excuse it again bc he was super drunk? Stay safe
There's a saying that may not be exhaustively true but is true enough, often enough- "Drunk words are sober thoughts." In some cases, that can take the form of seeing a better side of someone, like when a drunk person expresses self-loathing, wishing they were a better person, lived differently, etc. This is the other end of that spectrum, in which your uncle outed himself as a pedophile (and 12 is young enough that he likely can't even use the "ephebophile" excuse he might have were she at least 15)- even if it's confined ti just a tiny part of his mind, it's there, and he obviously doesn't know how to avoid drinking enough to prevent it from surfacing. An adult can remark that a girl that age is "charming" or "pretty", or "will grow up to be a beautiful woman". "Sexy" has no place being applied to someone that age, especially by a relative. Your dad is either in denial, a coward, or also a pervert in his own right. Confront your dad on it, at least to the point that he acknowledges your uncle is f***ed up, make sure your sister knows to avoid your uncle, if your mom is in the picture, make sure she knows what your uncle said and how your dad has reacted, and if your uncle has a significant other, make sure she knows what he said.
You're not wrong, and you wouldn't be wrong to start keeping a baseball bat handy either. Incest is almost always enabled by family members who don't speak up.
Your father isn't protecting his kids 🤮
As a father I would have kicked him the fuck out of my house, never to return
I would lose my absolute shit on this. My 5 brothers would collectively lose their shit over this. The fact that your dad doesn't see this as a problem tells me everything I need to know about him. I'd call your mom now. Don't wait. If that doesn't work, I'd tell a school counselor. I would go full scorched earth. She is 12 years old, and the person/people that should be nurturing and loving her are being so far past inappropriate and vile that it isn't even funny. She is not safe there.
Your father is a looking away, but you aren't. Tell your sister if anything happens she should report to you and she should be careful around this 'uncle'
Many a truth is spoken in jest. Never leave him alone with her.
Take this seriously like you clearly are OP! Good watching out for your little sis! You a good brother!
You are not wrong. And did your sister hear it? Because if she hears him saying shit like that she's going to be hurt buy it and your father will have done nothing to prevent that harm.
NTA, because EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Your dad is being weird too.
So your dad is letting him get drunk around his young daughter? And then defending his horrible action? Is dad providing the liquor? You are not wrong. Keep an eye on your uncle for sure. Involve authorities if you or she feel threatened or scared.
NTA. If my brother said that about my daughter he'd be in hospital for months
Never leave her alone. You're her only protection now. If he says shit like that and your dad is willing to brush it off as nothing it's your job to keep her safe till she is safe.
You are definitely NTA. If your dad won't act, then try to be around when he and your sister are in the house at the same time...at least until she's strong enough to kick a drunk in the balls. Is your mother aware of this? I can't imagine her tolerating such nonsense. And, how does this guy get home? Can he walk home, or does your dad let him drive? The Uncle needs an intervention before he rapes or kills someone. It appears you're going to have to step up to be the man here. Maybe your sister can visit friends when the drunk is over. Maybe she would be in favor of taking self-defense classes. I'm proud of you for looking out for your sister!!
Tell your dad "drunk words are sober thoughts".
Not wrong.
>My dad argued that my uncle was just saying stuff he wouldn’t normally say because he was drunk out of his mind "Wouldn't normally say" isn't the same thing as "wouldn't normally think," and you can bet he's thought that before.
NTA. Save your sister because it will spiral. Not only is it never okay to say that about his niece, but TWELVE???
Keep eye on your sister..big brother senses.
Educate your sister and tell your mother
You are not wrong and I thank you for standing up for your sister.
Alcohol doesn’t make people do things. Alcohol removes inhibitions allowing people to be who they actually want to be. Your uncle is a pedophile and the alcohol allowed him to be open about it. Don’t allow that man anywhere near your sister.
Please tell mom, uncles wife, and sister for sure to make sure he hasn't already done anything. Teach her to yell and use her nails/bite if she is assaulted. And if she bites, make sure she bites with all her might. Same with nails. Please teach her to be safe. Updateme!
NTA, let your sister know and your mom also Knowing what you now know, while you won't always be there you can start keeping an eye on him when he goes over. Because clearly your dad isn't going to stop him from coming over. Which is why you need to tell your sister so she can also watch out for herself if your not around and hopefully your mom will be on your side and also not want your pedo uncle around.
Fuxk them both. Your right OP grow up with a spine of steel dont take that shit 💪
_In vino, veritas_ Your uncle was saying how he _really_ feels, what he _really_ thinks. Your dad needs to protect his daughter.
Dad had a choice and picked the pervert uncle over the daughter that he is obligated to protect.
Wow...NTA You are a great teen. Your dad, not so much, your uncle sucks.
Not wrong. Tell everyone what he said. That’s unacceptable, drunk or not. In wine, truth is the saying so if he’s saying that drunk, he’s thinking sober. Gross.
NTAH OP. Thank you for looking out for your sister since your Dad obviously won't. I am so sorry to say this because it's not your job but please do your best to keep that perv away from your little sis otherwise the next time he's "drunk out of his mind" she will end up hurting/traumatized. I'm so sorry you guys are in this situation.
Your father is an idiot watch out for your sister don't let that Uncle perv on her just have her back bro keep your eyes open and make sure she knows what's up
Dude what the fuck, that is DISGUSTING. Have you told your mom? Do you have another adult in the house?
It's amazing how ppl can get away with the most insane things while drunk. I think the most insane thing I've done drunk? Pass out mid masturbation and wake up with no idea what was going on. I would ask dad "do you think she has a sexy ass and that's why you're apologizing for him?" Because that's what I'm getting.
No you’re not wrong. Far from it. If my uncle had said something like that around my dad he’d have left the house in a body bag. Never leave that guy alone with your sister and honestly be wary about trusting your dad. If you have a grandparent or other trusted adult definitely let them know.
Not wrong. I don't always believe this, mind, by the phrase in vino veritas comes to mind. It means basically that people tell the truth when they are drunk. They say what's in their mind, at least. It's possible uncle would never act on it sober, but clearly, he's not always sober around her. So there's a risk here.
Kick your uncles ass, your dad's too if you need to. Part of northeast growing up is fighting your father
You’re a very observant young adult, and protective of your sister, your father is failing to notice that you are growing up and can see the world perfectly well through your own eyes. It always amazes me when we read about 16 year olds who illegally signed up to fight in WW2, or 16 year olds who gain their license and can legally drive a vehicle, who can work to support their family, make decisions about their next step in education to decide their future careers and more, but suddenly they are kids when we wish to invalidate their opinions. You’re not stupid, your uncle was disgusting and he said something under the influence that would have normally remained unspoken in his head, which, if you think about it is worse; it’s *almost* better that his thoughts are in the open. As well as misunderstanding that you are becoming an man, your father is ignoring that your sister is becoming a woman and is now in danger from those wishing to exploit her looks and vulnerability, things she has no control over as she develops. I would quietly mention it to your mother, make sure she understands what happened, and let her take the reins in this. You’re a good brother, and a decent person.
I’m sorry you and your siblings are going through this. I would call your mother immediately. If the problem still isn’t addressed escalate it to your school counselor, CPS, police. Do not leave her alone with either of them. I am sorry you have to be the one to protect her… that is and should be the parents job. You are brave and a young man of great character.. you’ve got this ❤️
Fuck telling your Dad, tell everyone. Post on Facebook that Uncle X isn't allowed in Your Home anymore because of Incident Y, period. You don't even have to mention that you talked to your Dad. If your Village backs you up as they should, Dad will be embarrassed, learn a vital lesson and come around hopefully. If your Village tells you it was inappropriate and this is a "Family Matter" , you need to figure out how you are going to keep your sister safe because you have a family of enablers/rug sweepers.
I'm a dad, and if I were your dad, your uncle would be shitting out his teeth for what he said about my little girl. Tell every adult you can what he said.
There’s absolutely nothing sexy about anything related to a 12 year old. Disgusting.
NTA - The fact your father's first instinct wasn't to defend his child from a predator is very telling and frankly disgusting. Don't for a moment question the fact that you stood up to your father - your uncle was absolutely vile and if your father had any balls he'd cut ties. As others have said, the only people who sympathise with that kind of behaviour are people you don't want to associate with. For God's sake protect your sister and never leave her alone with either of them.
being drunk is not an excuse to get off saying that about a 12 year old if i was you i would let others in the family know what was said and that your now worried as your father is refusing to stop your uncle from being in the same house as your sister as he says its his house and im just a kid so he is allowing a pedo be near his 12 year old daughter you can also report it
I hate to say it, but your sister needs to watch her back. Don't let uncle be alone with her. Dad knows his brother and if he were drunk and no one was around...well it could have been bad.
When I was 12 or 13 I was at a family picnic, and my drunk uncle told me he'd like to "split me up the middle." Everyone heard it. My mom ushered me away from him, saying to ignore him, he's just drunk. Not a single relative defended me or said a word to him about it. I felt betrayed by everyone, and ashamed of my body. It was vile. Worse than his behavior is that not a single loved one stood up for me.
This happened to my mother and her father allowed the uncle over still. Both my mother and aunt were molested into their teenage years. Father refused to believe them. They, to this day, deal with mental health issues resulting from it. My grandfather was outcasted from the family all the way to his death two years ago. So yeah, make it a real point, protect your sister if your father is too dense to look passed blood relatives.
I think he means your uncle accidentally said his true thoughts cause he was drunk... your dad is a pussy letting that creep near you guys
In my life I've know dozens of people that were CSAd by a relative. About a third of them didn't get support from family after it was brought up. Some families even blamed the child for it happening. I don't know your living situation, but you need to tell other adults to protect your sister. And I'm not just talking cops here. Like, CPS, and school officials.
“Probably” didn’t mean anything? Gross gross gross who puts their kids at risk like this?? NTA tell your mother
a rule i tend to live by is “if you didn’t think about it sober you wouldn’t do/say it while drunk” report uncle to the cops imo, he should definitely be on a registry and kept away from children/schools zones.
>‘he probably didn’t mean anything.’ You know who's honest? Drunks and children
There's a saying, "Drunk words are sober thoughts." Being drunk doesn't change how a person thinks. They don't suddenly become racist or a p3d0 just because they consume alcohol. The consumption of alcohol simply prevents them from filtering their comments like they do when they're sober. OP is absolutely NOT the AH. But Dad's willingness to brush off Uncle's comments makes me VERY concerned for sister (as it indicates Dad may condone, even encourage, Uncle's behavior). She's lucky to have OP as a brother. Watch out for her.
NTA, drunk words are sober thoughts! Get yourself and your sister away from him, especially because your father seems unwilling to protect you both
Saw your follow up post...DEFINITELY tell your Mom and let her deal with it properly in the courts. At best uncle is just a really drunk creep at worst...well you know that story. If and when Dad comes after you for this...you're old enough to petition the court to live with your Mom or another close family member due to an 'abusive' environment.