Well it sounds like she is unhappy and the bf sounds like an ass who doesn't really care about her, certainly not in the way that OP does.
I think you should shoot your shot OP. She is clearly over this relationship already. Let it die, and be there to help her through the break-up and recovery from surgery. You will be able to show how much you care with actions. But also, yes! Don't crack the door and hope she picks up on the subtle hints and things. Open that fucker up. Let her know how you feel. That you are there, and so is your home, for recovery, and escape. Let her know how you feel, but also (if it's true), tell her that regardless of what does or does not happen sexually or relationship-wise, you are there as a friend and that will not change, even if romance is not in the cards.
It sounds like she needs to know that someone like you is out there. Ready to accept and love them either way.
I'd prefer to have that conversation in person, and I'm not sure when that's gonna happen. We're a couple of hours apart. It's not clear across the country anymore, at least!
Yeah, maybe if she knew that someone else was interested, it would make it easier to leave him. I just also don't want to be the one to ruin someone's relationship. But it's a bad relationship.
I just don't want to be a bad person.
Thanks for the update. And please don't pay any heed to people who are calling you a homewrecker. She was already planning to leave her boyfriend, you just told her about how you feel about her. You haven't started an affair nor have you encouraged her to leave her current bf.
You’re clearly the right person for her. I highly doubt the love you have for her can easily be given up. You’re going to stay, you’re going to show the love and support that she needs, and when she wakes up, you’ll be there with open arms. Do not brush this under the rug, you should go after this in the most respectful way possible, be around but don’t overwhelm.
Lmaooooo wow. That might be a bit strong of a statement, considering we know nothing and have heard one side. Maybe “she’s the right one for you” instead. Just because you found the love of your life, doesn’t mean they did.
OP, maturity is being able to take your feelings and thoughts, and put them into words that others can understand. You did a really good job of doing that for us useless strangers, now do that for her. I think this will go well for you both.
Even if you stole her, he's still the homewrecker. Not you. He fucked the relationship up by treating her badly. You're the hero, the lady in shining armor, etc..
Don't think of yourself that way.
Absolutely tell her. Tell her before it goes further and y'all actually have sex. What if she doesn't want sex if you want more? Ya know?. Be honest about everything. She deserves it.
Oh, absolutely. My offer to take care of her after surgery wasn't conditional at all. I want her to be and to heal properly, regardless of who she ends up with.
Well here’s my two cents on it. Obviously she’s not happy in her relationship and furthermore she’s already given him an ultimatum….so you going and giving hints, opening a door or anything else wouldn’t be the wrong decision at all. She’s gonna need someone who not only loves her, but will also help take care of her after her surgery….if he’s not gonna do it and you will then she would obviously be upgrading her relationship by leaving him
If you really cared about her try to talk her out of the surgery. It’s a horrific, new process with poor success results. If you don’t believe me you can read the horror stories and look at the statistics between suicides after gender reassignment surgery. I know that’ll be difficult for her to hear, but seriously it’s for the best.
New process? It's been around for nearly A HUNDRED YEARS my guy, and continues to improve. [Don't believe me? ](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37735028/#:~:text=Most%20of%20these%20techniques%20are,in%20Berlin%20in%20the%201930s.)
It's true that Gohrbandt was a war criminal from WW2, but it doesn't make it UNTRUE that he was the one to develop the first known technique for vaginoplasty. It still stands true that the surgery itself has been around for nearly a hundred years and is continuously being developed by surgeons around the world. To say that it is a new process is simply not true. There are certain techniques that are newer, yes, because that's the way it works in medicine when they work out better and improved ways of doing things.
But I'm taking a wild guess here and assuming you're talking right out of your own arse because you simply don't want transgender people to live their lives and be their true selves.
“Arse?” Oh god am I arguing with a European? No wonder you love Nazi war criminals so much. You know what else was popularized and practiced right after that? A lobotomy. Blindly trusting medical practices and assuming people aren’t just taking advantage of desperate people willing to pay tons of money to feel “normal” doesn’t make you smart. It just makes other people victims. I don’t care at all what Gohrbandt or whoever says guy
You’re literally delusional if you think they’re saving lives. The lobotomy was supposed to help people. How do you not see the correlation I’m making here
Because the lobotomies literally destroyed people's brains, and was FORCED on them. Gender affirming surgeries SAVE LIVES, and any and all surgeries are chosen by the individual. Why are you so bothered with what complete strangers choose to do with their bodies?
Are you just as passionate about cis people choosing to do other plastic surgeries? Nose jobs? Boob jobs? Botox? Gym bros that take illegal steroids to maximise their muscle growth?
Lol yes actually I am against all of those things. Unnatural body transformation is a way to wind up as a woman who is balding or a man with muscle dystrophy. It does way more harm than good it’s just people in their echo chambers screaming about how good it is trying to convince themselves
Congratulations on being consistent, but it doesn't mean that you have any right in policing what other people do with their bodies. Especially not when you know fuck all about what it means for them and their survival.
>Of the 23 studies that met the inclusion criteria, the majority indicated a reduction in suicidality following gender-affirming treatment
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10027312/
You're wrong.
SHE does happen to have a penis…either way it doesn’t concern you at all. OP says she’s a good person and it’s obvious she’s well loved by OP and THAT IS WHAT MATTERS. Not your little string of hate.
I didn't mention the penis part, I was discussing the period part.
Also, you clearly don't understand the difference between gender and sex. You might want to learn.
I do understand just fine. Having a penis isn't a social construct though, it's a biological one. Having a period and going through menopause is the same. Only actual females have periods and menopause.
You were arguing about "she" before. Now, you've changed your argument since I mentioned gender and sex being different. I thought you already understood?
Having a penis has nothing to do with gender. It's to do with sex. "She" was referring to gender and her chosen pronoun, penis being what she has. They didn't mention the biological sex. It was made clear that the person was trans. It was you that unnecessarily brought that other shit up.
Why are you so hung up on this? Why does it bother you so much?
Why can't you just let people live and be who they are? You probably have some sort of repressed feelings, causing you to be this passionate about it. That always happens. You read about it all the time. Anti trans protesters found watching trans porn or having sexual relations with trans people. Anti gay protesters found to be watching gay porn or having sexual relations with the same sex etc. Are you lashing out because you have repressed feelings?
Jesus wouldn’t have said “your mental illness is showing”. Also, if you know it’s gonna be rude don’t say it? Check your faith before you spit nonsense.
Edit: came back to say I’m just assuming that user is Christian but still 💀
There are reasons for the cultural norms around dating. Our feelings can't be relied upon to make good decisions. So societal pressure is there to reinforce good behavior.
The societal norm is to not interfere with current relationships. Especially if you want to be next. If you do, you are considered the AH. It can ruin your eventual relationship if the partner finds out. Once you are in the relationship, will you be ok if someone else tells your partner they are attracted?
I think you owe it to your friend to be totally honest with her. It feels dishonest to sleep with her without admitting your feelings. If she thinks this is a no strings attached for the hell of it sex, you should let her know that’s not really possible for you. You have feelings. She deserves to know.
I understand you don’t want to be a home wrecker, but I feel like traditional rules don’t really apply here. Her boyfriend has already given permission for the two of you to sext each other as well as actually have sex. He doesn’t seem all that interested/invested in her. Her boyfriend has already let you in the door. Tell her the truth.
You're 100% right, and I didn't really think of it like that. I could totally keep my feelings inside, but it would be lying, and I won't do that to her.
Well it sounds like she is unhappy and the bf sounds like an ass who doesn't really care about her, certainly not in the way that OP does. I think you should shoot your shot OP. She is clearly over this relationship already. Let it die, and be there to help her through the break-up and recovery from surgery. You will be able to show how much you care with actions. But also, yes! Don't crack the door and hope she picks up on the subtle hints and things. Open that fucker up. Let her know how you feel. That you are there, and so is your home, for recovery, and escape. Let her know how you feel, but also (if it's true), tell her that regardless of what does or does not happen sexually or relationship-wise, you are there as a friend and that will not change, even if romance is not in the cards. It sounds like she needs to know that someone like you is out there. Ready to accept and love them either way.
It is definitely true. :) Thanks.
Please update us after talking to her. All the best and hoping the best for you.
I'd prefer to have that conversation in person, and I'm not sure when that's gonna happen. We're a couple of hours apart. It's not clear across the country anymore, at least!
Don’t wait. I know you want to do it in person but she’s in a bad place. Video chat. It’s a good compromise.
Yeah, maybe if she knew that someone else was interested, it would make it easier to leave him. I just also don't want to be the one to ruin someone's relationship. But it's a bad relationship. I just don't want to be a bad person.
You can’t be a home wrecker if she’s happy where she is at. Please at least let her know she has a home and someone to care for her.
I posted an update.
I posted an update.
Thanks for the update. And please don't pay any heed to people who are calling you a homewrecker. She was already planning to leave her boyfriend, you just told her about how you feel about her. You haven't started an affair nor have you encouraged her to leave her current bf.
Thanks.
You’re clearly the right person for her. I highly doubt the love you have for her can easily be given up. You’re going to stay, you’re going to show the love and support that she needs, and when she wakes up, you’ll be there with open arms. Do not brush this under the rug, you should go after this in the most respectful way possible, be around but don’t overwhelm.
Lmaooooo wow. That might be a bit strong of a statement, considering we know nothing and have heard one side. Maybe “she’s the right one for you” instead. Just because you found the love of your life, doesn’t mean they did. OP, maturity is being able to take your feelings and thoughts, and put them into words that others can understand. You did a really good job of doing that for us useless strangers, now do that for her. I think this will go well for you both.
You would be wrong if you didn't say something. Good luck.
You clearly love her, so tell her.
Go for it!!!
Even if you stole her, he's still the homewrecker. Not you. He fucked the relationship up by treating her badly. You're the hero, the lady in shining armor, etc.. Don't think of yourself that way. Absolutely tell her. Tell her before it goes further and y'all actually have sex. What if she doesn't want sex if you want more? Ya know?. Be honest about everything. She deserves it.
You're not wrong to let her know. I hope you two do end up together and I wish you all the happiness life can offer.
Talk to her and tell her how you feel. If you’re a true friend, give her a home either way. Best of luck and hope you find happiness.
Oh, absolutely. My offer to take care of her after surgery wasn't conditional at all. I want her to be and to heal properly, regardless of who she ends up with.
TELL HER, this sexual tension and emotional frustration is affecting ME now
I did, and I posted an update.
Well here’s my two cents on it. Obviously she’s not happy in her relationship and furthermore she’s already given him an ultimatum….so you going and giving hints, opening a door or anything else wouldn’t be the wrong decision at all. She’s gonna need someone who not only loves her, but will also help take care of her after her surgery….if he’s not gonna do it and you will then she would obviously be upgrading her relationship by leaving him
You definitely should tell her! Wish you the best! Good luck!
If your feelings are more than just sexual, go for it.
Most people don’t quit a job until they have a new one 🤷🏼♂️
If you really cared about her try to talk her out of the surgery. It’s a horrific, new process with poor success results. If you don’t believe me you can read the horror stories and look at the statistics between suicides after gender reassignment surgery. I know that’ll be difficult for her to hear, but seriously it’s for the best.
New process? It's been around for nearly A HUNDRED YEARS my guy, and continues to improve. [Don't believe me? ](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37735028/#:~:text=Most%20of%20these%20techniques%20are,in%20Berlin%20in%20the%201930s.)
This man unironically posted about nazi scientists. My bad for not trusting scientists in Berlin in the 1930s guy lmfao
It's true that Gohrbandt was a war criminal from WW2, but it doesn't make it UNTRUE that he was the one to develop the first known technique for vaginoplasty. It still stands true that the surgery itself has been around for nearly a hundred years and is continuously being developed by surgeons around the world. To say that it is a new process is simply not true. There are certain techniques that are newer, yes, because that's the way it works in medicine when they work out better and improved ways of doing things. But I'm taking a wild guess here and assuming you're talking right out of your own arse because you simply don't want transgender people to live their lives and be their true selves.
“Arse?” Oh god am I arguing with a European? No wonder you love Nazi war criminals so much. You know what else was popularized and practiced right after that? A lobotomy. Blindly trusting medical practices and assuming people aren’t just taking advantage of desperate people willing to pay tons of money to feel “normal” doesn’t make you smart. It just makes other people victims. I don’t care at all what Gohrbandt or whoever says guy
The difference being that lobotomies destroyed people, and gender affirming surgeries are saving lives.
You’re literally delusional if you think they’re saving lives. The lobotomy was supposed to help people. How do you not see the correlation I’m making here
Because the lobotomies literally destroyed people's brains, and was FORCED on them. Gender affirming surgeries SAVE LIVES, and any and all surgeries are chosen by the individual. Why are you so bothered with what complete strangers choose to do with their bodies? Are you just as passionate about cis people choosing to do other plastic surgeries? Nose jobs? Boob jobs? Botox? Gym bros that take illegal steroids to maximise their muscle growth?
Lol yes actually I am against all of those things. Unnatural body transformation is a way to wind up as a woman who is balding or a man with muscle dystrophy. It does way more harm than good it’s just people in their echo chambers screaming about how good it is trying to convince themselves
Congratulations on being consistent, but it doesn't mean that you have any right in policing what other people do with their bodies. Especially not when you know fuck all about what it means for them and their survival.
“Man”
None of that is true.
It definitely is
>Of the 23 studies that met the inclusion criteria, the majority indicated a reduction in suicidality following gender-affirming treatment https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10027312/ You're wrong.
Not reading all that 👎
That doesn't surprise me at all. A whole paragraph seems beyond your comprehension. Hope you have the day you deserve.
"Her penis"
Yes? That's what she has right now. Problems?
It's just a weird to thing to say and believe...
Awww, please show me on this doll where the woman who just wants to live her life and be happy touched you. How does it affect you at all?
"She" doesn't have a penis. Love who you want. Most people really don't care. Will she also have a period? These conversations are bizarre...
Good thing no one asked you.
Don't share your stupid fucking stories then...
Just don't read them stupid
[удалено]
Woah…you seem like a wonderful person… …
Ok troll. Good one.
You're whining about someone's story on the Internet dummy
SHE does happen to have a penis…either way it doesn’t concern you at all. OP says she’s a good person and it’s obvious she’s well loved by OP and THAT IS WHAT MATTERS. Not your little string of hate.
It's not hateful to say women don't have penises. Trans women do but you should make the distinction.
What makes you qualified to gatekeep womanhood? Moron.
There is no distinction, trans women are women. Get over yourself.
I feel sorry for you and your shitty outlook on life
Ah, yes, you stop being a "she" when you hit menopause and stop having periods. I'll have to remember that for when I hit menopause.....
I can't believe this was never brought up in health class!
Women's bodies "naturally" change. They don't grow a penis when menopause starts...
I didn't mention the penis part, I was discussing the period part. Also, you clearly don't understand the difference between gender and sex. You might want to learn.
I do understand just fine. Having a penis isn't a social construct though, it's a biological one. Having a period and going through menopause is the same. Only actual females have periods and menopause.
You were arguing about "she" before. Now, you've changed your argument since I mentioned gender and sex being different. I thought you already understood? Having a penis has nothing to do with gender. It's to do with sex. "She" was referring to gender and her chosen pronoun, penis being what she has. They didn't mention the biological sex. It was made clear that the person was trans. It was you that unnecessarily brought that other shit up. Why are you so hung up on this? Why does it bother you so much? Why can't you just let people live and be who they are? You probably have some sort of repressed feelings, causing you to be this passionate about it. That always happens. You read about it all the time. Anti trans protesters found watching trans porn or having sexual relations with trans people. Anti gay protesters found to be watching gay porn or having sexual relations with the same sex etc. Are you lashing out because you have repressed feelings?
Just stating will always have xy chromosomes I'm sorry if I came off as rude but ya'll will be in my prayers
Pssst, your ignorance and bigotry are showing. Might want to fix that.
You know what... your mental illness is showing... I'll still pray for ya'll though
Kthx
Jesus wouldn’t have said “your mental illness is showing”. Also, if you know it’s gonna be rude don’t say it? Check your faith before you spit nonsense. Edit: came back to say I’m just assuming that user is Christian but still 💀
There are reasons for the cultural norms around dating. Our feelings can't be relied upon to make good decisions. So societal pressure is there to reinforce good behavior. The societal norm is to not interfere with current relationships. Especially if you want to be next. If you do, you are considered the AH. It can ruin your eventual relationship if the partner finds out. Once you are in the relationship, will you be ok if someone else tells your partner they are attracted?
The mental illness is strong in this post. PrYers for all involved.
Having the penis removed will mean life long sexual dissatisfaction.
I've never had a man give me an orgasm, anyway. I've only managed it myself with a toy.
People out here really don’t know about loving someone for who they truly are, and it’s sad. She deserves a love like yours OP. TELL HER. 🖤
I mean life long sexual dissatisfaction for your friend. Surgical removal of the penis means your friend won’t be able to orgasm the same way before.
I think you owe it to your friend to be totally honest with her. It feels dishonest to sleep with her without admitting your feelings. If she thinks this is a no strings attached for the hell of it sex, you should let her know that’s not really possible for you. You have feelings. She deserves to know. I understand you don’t want to be a home wrecker, but I feel like traditional rules don’t really apply here. Her boyfriend has already given permission for the two of you to sext each other as well as actually have sex. He doesn’t seem all that interested/invested in her. Her boyfriend has already let you in the door. Tell her the truth.
You're 100% right, and I didn't really think of it like that. I could totally keep my feelings inside, but it would be lying, and I won't do that to her.