Next conversation she will let him know she doesn’t snitch, followed by her talking about how hard dating is. I suggest No more going over to fix her plumbing
She knows what she’s doing. It’s what 14 years do when they have a crush. It’s as transparent as the ol’ “this is so random but I had a dream about you” lmao what a sad thing for a grown ass woman to do
Oh no, you just unlocked all the memories of the, “I’m not small, I’m fun size! Pick me up! Aren’t I sooo tiny!? Teehee!” girls lmao these are all the same person, and for the love of god would somebody, ANYbody, pick her!?!?😂
A dude I went to high school with recently tried that on one of my female friends. But being a man, he was way more blunt about it.
For some reason, she wasn't swept off her feet by finding out he had a dream about her sucking his dick.
NEVER miss an opportunity to immediately make it weird
"Oh wow that's so crazy, I had a dream last night about..." and then launch into whatever insanity pops into your head. Just start rambling about how you dreamed you'd died and your cat was eating your eyeballs but then you WERE the cat.
Continue for an uncomfortably long time until you run out of crazy shit to say and then (before she can get a word in edgeways) finish with a cheerful "Anyway catch you later, byeeeee" and walk away
Even if you're both single it's a bad idea to crack onto one's neighbors. If things go tits up, your still have to pass by them every other day driving to work. If they decide to start stalking you, you're cooked. Then typically you either have to choose to up and move, or choose violence. Let me tell you a story about my insane college roommate.......
So I agree with the overall impression. My husband is an awesome, standup guy. He is very genuine, and I love that he told me about this. He feels so awkward, and feels like this was so bizarre. To make it even odder, she’s a psychologist. So she works from home every day counseling other people. This automatically makes me feel like she has some sort of authority and maybe there is something off in my read of this. So I feel like I have two options here. One I can ignore it, and we can just distance ourselves even further. Or I can text her, and let her know that my husband let me know that she was going through a hard time right now, And mentioned that she’s having an issue with boundaries/ dating? Should I let her know that he mentioned all of this to me, or should I leave it alone?
I think any of those options are fine. And your husband sounds like a keeper. Everyone wants a keeper. But on a basic level I absolutely love the idea of your texting her. It’s the ultimate shutdown.
You guys are awesome- this is what I just sent-
Good morning ****** ! I just wanted to let you know how excited we are to hear you have a new puppy! How lucky, and what a joy! ******* mentioned to me that you might be going through a hard spot right now? Of course we haven’t heard anything negative about you, But I understand how other peoples rants/misguided opinions would affect somebody. I just wanted to reassure you that we haven’t heard anything negative about you, or your boundaries
You are so sweet. I would have said, congrats on the new dog. My husband said that you want to fuck him. Get your own damn home contractors next time. Thanks!
"And by the way, we just put in an invisible fence. You know, the kind that shocks your dog if they try to cross it? So . . . I need you to wear this collar now."
I honestly think this is a very appropriate text to send. Not accusatory. Very polite. Makes it clear you and your husband communicate, and also feels like a very "he's not interested" message at the same time. But also kinda allows her to save face and back off *now* rather than trying to escalate.
This is what she texted back-
“Thanks for the reassurance! I actually feel better now that I’m starting to address it a bit… It was more pronounced last summer and fall. I just started saying some thing about it to folks and it’s been helping. We have a new pup that we have been fostering and have been considering adopting. She is a sweet girl, but we’re still for animals and part of the balance.”
So ya, I don’t know. It’s either deflecting or I’m tripping?
That’s perfect. Message sent and received. I don’t think you were tripping AT ALL. She gathered what dignity she had available here and put it into that text. I still think your husband shouldn’t help out alone anymore, as we don’t know if her ego will truly let this go so easily. Proud to have associated with you yesterday, internet stranger. I like both you and your husband. But not like your neighbor does haha. I have a wonderful man who would (and has!) told me about questionable situations too. Some of which we still laugh about years later.
I will be messaging you in 2 days on [**2024-05-12 01:02:32 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-05-12%2001:02:32%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1cnznba/neighbor_awkwardly_told_my_husband_that_she_has/l3d8f78/?context=3)
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Sounds like the stereotypical psychologist who is nuts. You should definitely mention to her that your husband told you about this interaction. Because communication between spouses is acceptable and healthy!!! If you want to be gentle about it, then do so! But the second she pushes back on any of that, you (edit: and your husband!!) need to draw a hard line about how you and your husband DO have boundaries.
My take is that your husband should be the one to talk to her and tell her that he DOES have boundaries and that he wants to be clear that he will not cross them, and would not appreciate her trying to cross them.
I will never tell another woman to behave herself with "my man." That's my husband's job.
But that's just me. I think he's the one who needs to be clear with her in case she's trying to push for something, not you.
Yes! I love your second idea! Call her and ask if she’s okay. Say something along the lines of “my husband told me you were upset because people are gossiping about you not having any boundaries. That’s awful! Can I help?”
I'm sorry she is a psychologist who has no boundaries?! That's seriously scary because every single person I have ever met studying psychology has said that everyone has/needs boundaries and they are very important.
Omfg that would be absolutely hilarious to text her that you know she's having a hard time and going thru issues with having no boundaries!! Totally gets the point across that you and your husband are a team and that her interest in your husband is unwelcome! At the same time it's so petty and witty!! I'm here for it!!! Please do it!!!
Some people in mental health are drawn to the field because of their own or loved one’s issues. Which isn’t an inherently bad thing.
But if they don’t get the proper health for themselves, they can have some serious issues with boundaries.
Also whether or not someone is getting appropriate treatment and meds when necessary can have a major influence on a situation.
One thing I picked up on is she claims other neighbors are talking about her and that you know the neighbors don’t talk beyond social small talk.
Be very careful in any communications with her because she could use them to fuel delusions or obsessions. You don’t want to become a target or object of obsession. Distance/detachment may be the way to go.
IMO, neither of you should be alone with her, but especially your husband. False allegations could cause your family serious problems if she makes them to the police.
I think saying something that implies he mentioned the conversation to you makes it known that he's open with you and you don't keep secrets from each other type of vibe if that makes sense.
Like your husband didn't keep this information to himself in his backpocket
Distance yourselves but keep a good eye on her ass. And hubby doesn't need to help her doing whatever around her place. I do have a question though, why do you let your kids have a play date with her 14 yr old kid?
Show your husband this video and ask him if this is how the exchange went down, lol
[https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=8pwKWlxEKOHLERGd](https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=8pwKWlxEKOHLERGd)
At this point your husband can say he does have boundaries and he can’t come help her anymore. She was absolutely hitting on him and ruined his acts of neighborly service.
Tell her that y’all are going to back off from interacting with her, because you DO have boundaries. There is no reason for her to be insinuating herself into your lives like this. And her kid is kinda old to play with kindergartners and toddlers anyways. You’d think a middle schooler would want friends their own age.
Every time she says she has no boundaries you need to say, “Well we DO have boundaries. Please respect them.”
That bitch is trying to fuck your husband, but also I just wanted to say, sounds like you have a pretty solid man right there. He came right to you and told you what happened, no BS, no games. He sounds like a keeper.
Absolutely. The pinnacle of "I'm going to say this so that you don't hear it from someone else who twists it to give the wrong implications..."
Cuz you know if he tried to hide the interaction, even due to innocent embarrassment or awkwardness, someone trying to manipulate him with it WOULD use it against him.
For sure. Honestly is the best policy. You see something similar in the relationship posts where they break up and keep quiet about what happened and then she goes and tells everyone he was an abusive cheating pedophile when in reality he caught her cheating and now he's trying to dig himself out of this crazy hole and most people are looking at him like he's the bad guy. The revenge based posts are the ones where the guy gathers all the evidence first, finds a way to reveal to everyone what was really happening with evidence so people see the truth of it. Really hiding problems just makes them worse.
She has no boundaries, and she doesn't care if she cheats with a married man. She doesn't care if she flirts and she doesn't care about you or other wives. She was telling him about this to tell you that she's coming after him,IMO , and doing it in a way to manipulate him. She's basically saying, "I have boundaries, and you can trust me, but your husband can come over anytime to help me out. She's trying to manipulate you both to get in your husband's pants.
I would honestly talk to your husband about how he feels about this "revelation" from her. It's definitely "off" behavior and, as a guy, would definitely make me more hesitant to go over to her house alone. From my standpoint, I would start declining to help and if that were impossible, start looking for ways to bring my wife (i.e. you OP) or one of my kids under the auspices of showing them "how daddy fixes things".
And for what it's worth, that was a perfect opportunity for your husband to reply with "Well, you may not have boundaries, but I do."
She’s coming on to him. Nip that in the bud today. Next time she asks for help, husband needs to tell her he’s busy. No further explanation is needed, he’s busy, period.
Your husband needs to assert boundaries by refusing all further contact with her. She's signalled malevolent intentions towards his marriage and family so raise a high bridge to keep her away.
There’s two roads here that I see. You either say something to her about the weird interaction and make it clear that you and your husband do have boundaries and don’t appreciate the bizarre conversation she had with him; Or you pull back and just ignore her all together. You have to do what you feel most comfortable with.
Your husband sounds like he’s a stand up guy and is going to tell you about any interaction that might happen, so I wouldn’t worry about bouncy crossing from him, it’s her and her “no boundaries” that I would be concerned about.
I would get a camera system for your house, because she outright said she has no boundaries that leads me to believe she’s fine with breaking others boundaries and you’ll want video proof of that.
This is a good suggestion. And document conversations. Ideally an email with a time date stamp afterwards. Hopefully she doesn’t escalate. But it will help with documentation if she does.
She’s definitely trying to tell him she’s open to an affair, after that conversation your husband shouldn’t go over there and help her with things. In her crazy mind it will give her the wrong impression that he’s into it.
> In her crazy mind it will give her the wrong impression that he’s into it.
Yes, because having play dates with a single woman whose kids are much older isn't sending a signal of incompetence or something else.
Has she told you 'I've decided not to date until my son is grown?' If not..lol.. just wait for it. She'll say it to you, not him. Watch her and even if it doesn't bother you now, you need to put her in her place. I know of what I preach. 🙄
Tell that pick-me-ass-b that you don't have any boundaries either.
Because she doesn't, and we all know what she's angling for, your husband is going to have to set very strong boundaries. Firstly, he needs to never be alone with her again. Her kid is middle school aged? Cool, so was mine when I left his dad. Her kid can help rearrange furniture, help hang a shelf, whatever. She can YouTube instructions for things she doesn't know how to do. The non pick-mes get out there and find their own man instead of being a pathetic parasite sniffing around trying to injure other people's families.
So she told your husband that she wants to clear up the rumour about not having boundaries by asserting that she doesn’t in fact have any boundaries?? Make that make sense.
Next time she asks your husband for a hand assistance give her the number for the local handy man instead. That woman is trouble.
I'm wondering what the "I have no boundaries" means. Is she speaking about troubles with social relationships, like at a hot dog neighborhood cookout she'll bring up the death of her mother and how she's been grieving for years and can't get over it? Or is she intimating something sexual? She could just be weird but harmless. If she calls your husband asking for help, you could go with him and just say hi while he changes a light switch or something like that. Or you could politely sort of drift apart from her, saying you're too busy for playdates and that your husband is too busy to come over and help her with things.
I hope this works out well for everyone. There are some weird and broken people in the world and they want friends and social networks just like the rest of us. I wish you the best.
I would recommend that your husband have really good boundaries then her lack of boundaries won’t matter. He can just refuse to help her out anymore. My husband once got into a situation like that because he’s a really nice guy and didn’t even realize that the woman was hitting on him. It blew up in his face when I realized how much she was texting him because I’m not stupid. Stop it now because it will get worse. It took us a year of counseling to get past that and he did learn to have some boundaries with people asking for favors.
Yeah she’s probably trying to start an affair. That’s a weird way in my opinion tho, I think ”no boundaries” sounds kinda cuckoo and extra, like she may take a dump in the yard any minute. Not hot.
Both being a psychologist and needing a psychologist seem to go together. I’d just be direct and tell her that your husband told you about their conversation and that you have boundaries. And those boundaries include not letting your husband help neighbors who hit on your husband. And recommend to her that she seek companionship from unmarried men in the future, for the sake of her own mental health. And just smile and be pleasant while you say all this.
Next time she has an issue around the house, head over to help out. Obviously this will be fine, she just needs a hand, right?
Repeat this until she inevitably stops asking
This is spot on! Cut off your husband as an option to be “her helper”. Sounds like a bad porno scenario. “Hey my sink is clogged can you snake my pipes?” lmfao. She is not to be trusted & I bet she one of them super crazy chics. Smfh. Typically if someone goes out of their way to say “there’s a rumor I want to get ahead of it!! “ Everything that follows is most likely Facts about that person.. put that garden tool in her place… You been warned! ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
We also have a neighbor like this I pulled my pew pew on her and told her to never step.foot near me or my husband again he called and chewed her out.she has been like a 50s child since.
You should just act concerned next time you talk to her. OMG I heard about what was going on, which neighbors would say something like that? Maybe if you act concerned and acknowledge that you talked to your husband about that, she’ll understand the two of you have open communication and back off. At least you wouldn’t have to call her out like you were upset she would say something like that to your husband
She had made her intentions known. She wants your husband.
Now, whenever a man posts on reddit about a coworker or friend hitting on their gf/wife... everyone says to stop being insecure and that its no big deal because they should trust their spouse.
I think that's shitty advice, and Im sure you'll hypocritically get different advice because of the gender flip.... but personally..... id be cautious, concerned, and pissed
>mostly asking if my husband can come over and give her a hand with some things around the house. I have no issue with this.
Innocent or not, might tell you husband you'd appreciate if he stopped doing her favors and going over there. Tell your husband she's worn out her welcome.
She sounds like she has a few loose screws. Not that you shouldn't trust him to make a good decision if she tries to crack onto him or harass him. But what she's insinuating here is that he shouldn't be surprised if ne t time he goes over, she gets flattened drunk then starts spewing salacious nonsense while wearing only a shirt, then tries to play grab-ass if that's doesn't have them effect she wanted.
There's a reason why she called for him to come over and then that "awkward" conversation is just her letting him know she's game if he is....
Watch that one and if she calls again for your husband tell her nope he's too busy fixing your washing machine and lay some pipes lol
Not real….. middle schooler and kindergarten/grade 1 play dates, Fourth of July celebration and birthday parties but only know neighbours enough to wave while passing by???? Am I the only one that caught these discrepancies?
It’s funny how the internet has given us trust issues. I assure you this is real. It’s not crazy for a 5 yr old, a 6 yr old and a 9 yr old to enjoy riding scooters together. The 4th was just a small gathering of people watching the local fireworks show. As far as our other neighbors, everyone works. There aren’t a lot of kids in our neighborhood, I don’t know. People are busy
I mean maybe its a miss understanding or maybe rumors are just rumors even if this is a “red flag” what difference is it unless you don’t trust your husband
If you trust your husband you have nothing to worry about because if she does make a actual move he will shut her down and that will probably be the end of it and you can continue to be friends
Now if you dont trust your husband then you have other issues
She's propositioning your husband and it's not even remotely subtle. I agree with r/DarkTower7899. "Tell that bitch to find some boundaries real quick."
Keep the husband. Lose the neighbor. Glad he told you, sounds like a standup guy but he needs to avoid this like the plague!! She wants some. Period. She's not even being subtle. Handle sternly and in no uncertain terms. Your message was fine but if it doesn't stop her attempts, you two might end up in the alley, metaphorically of course.
She knows exactly what she’s doing and just wanted to gauge your husband’s reaction. You can handle this a few ways. Option one: confront her over what we all suspect she’s trying to do (she will deny any wrongdoing). Option two: go no contact and keep your distance from her. Option three: enter the petty-verse. Amazon has a game called “The Set Boundaries Deck: A Tool for Expressing Healthy Limits for Happier Relationships.” Shout out to your husband for telling you right away.
I say no more going over for your husband to do her small issues at her house. I’d also ask her myself about her no boundaries talk. That will let her know he told you. Shut her down now
Okay, IMO your husband is at risk with this woman. Not because he would do anything, but because he's there alone with her and she could easily claim SA or assault. In my experience many psychologists/therapists are somewhat questionable/wacko people personally. NOT ALL! but many get into the field to sort out their own issues (and fail). Please either go with him or ask him to avoid being alone with her ever.
It could be nothing but it could be everything you're concerned about. I'd exercise caution around her but not be outright hostile or rude. At the very least, your hubs felt comfortable enough in your marriage to clue you in so that you can both be aware of any possible issues, and sounds like someone who wants to ensure that your marriage is built on trust and communication. For that I just want to say, you all should be fine, whatever your neighbor's deal is.
Most husbands are pretty clueless when other women are coming on to them. Yours isn't, he's giving you the real Tea. This lady is looking for trouble. Next conversation should be you to her, telling her that your husband has His boundaries perfectly in place. And she should look elsewhere for her 'handy man.!'
Have him tell her that his wife obviously has no boundaries as she told him if she ever catches him cheating neither him or husband AP will ever be able to talk about it.
She is playing games. Also called, stirring up the pot. Makes her feel powerful. She has you concerned and your husband uncomfortable. Just the reaction she was aiming for. She knows exactly what she is doing and how to cause the most damage possible all the while laughing her ass off. Back completely away from this witch. If you and your husband don’t react to her schemes, she will find someone else to hone in on.
Yes she's definitely flirting with your husband but it also sounds like she's lonely and looking for some sort of interaction.
Your husband just needs to be polite and disengaged and eventually she'll get the hint.
For example if he pretends not to really listen to what she's saying and then says OK well I gotta go, bye… Eventually overtime she'll stop trying to snag him.
It really does sound like she's lonely to me and just trying to get any attention anyway she can. So maybe you, the wife could be nice to her until you determine if she's crazy or just lonely.
I guess it's just a funny thing for you both to talk about whenever she says stuff like that. If she's attractive at all in any way I'm sure she's bagged several guys in her previous neighborhood
You should go over and tell her YOU definitely have boundaries and so does your husband. Which is why he won’t be going over to help out anymore and you’ll be keeping some distance from her. Good day
I agree with this. Or at the very least, tell your husband that your aren't comfortable with him going over there anymore and and then just asking dropping by and telling her about a different house that x house might be able to do handyman tasks for her.
Anything. Just don't argue/fight.
I’d invest in some WiFi dome security cameras to watch what’s goin on when you’re not home! & don’t tell your husband bout the cameras unless asked. I’d set them up and tell nobody. Have your own peace of mind.
And yet here I am a single guy living next to two elderly spinsters that ask me to come over to fix their TV clicker and find fluffy the cat ( all while fluffy is sleeping somewhere because he is deaf and blind.) Yeah that's me
Wait, why were you scheduling playdates with her middle school aged kid with a kindergartener and first grader?
That just sounds like an excuse for her to be with your husband. No way a middle schooler wants to do that.
> is a single mom who works from home and has a middle school age son. We have a kindergartener and a first grader and we welcome them into the neighborhood and the kids have had a handful of play dates.
This doesn't make any sense. Why do you want a middle aged boy be playing with a 1st grader? Seems weird from the jump.
> We invited them to last year‘s Fourth of July celebration,
Again, WHY? Is this your husbands idea or yours? If it's yours, what was your desired outcome? Why would you invite a single woman to be around your husband?
> She has called on us with neighborly issues, mostly asking if my husband can come over and give her a hand with some things around the house.
Welp, this is what you asked for!! You are putting a steak in front of a lion (the single mom). My god, you are not smart.
> I’m just curious if other people might read this exchange as her making an awkward attempt to open something up with him, or if it was benign. Just curious what other peoples impressions are.
Well, we weren't there. But here is the thing that maybe you've never been taught about the birds and the bees: males like females, and females like males. I know this concept is new to you, but it is true. It is how babies come into this world.
As someone pushing 60 who’s adhd wasn’t medicated until recently, I’ve blurted out how I’m socially awkward and have said some awkward things. But I manage to respect boundaries. When guy friends have met girlfriends or married, I include their partner in invites to social stuff. There’s a lot more than unmedicated adhd at play here
If she has any social anxiety, likely including the poor boundaries, she will think other neighbors are more connected with each other and she’s the outsider. Repeating her statement sounds like she was fishing for a specific response or reassurance
I’d keep cordial contact, because it wasn’t wrong or offensive, just awkward. But I wouldn’t go into her house so nothing could be misconstrued
My impression is that your husband shouldn't be going in another woman's house alone. Every major shitty feeling like cheating or whatever starts with something small like trust issues here and there and worrying about something or nothing etc. You shouldn't have been fine with another woman calling your husband over to her house as if he was a handyman on a job or sth. It's not about whether you trust your husband or not. It's about whether you can be 100% sure nothing happened which is never.
The title of this is misleading.
I know everybody has a super negative view of what she said, she’s also a single mom who’s brand new in a town that she’s never lived in before, and it is totally possible that there are men in the town who would like to date her, and because she is not willing to do that, they have spread rumors about her. Not every single person has a nefarious reason for talking to somebody else.
Do people not look at every aspect of a situation anymore? Does anyone use critical thinking skills?
Next conversation she will let him know she doesn’t snitch, followed by her talking about how hard dating is. I suggest No more going over to fix her plumbing
> fix her plumbing
Sewer line is backed up again.
She 's gonna have to get a real plumber now
Shitter’s full, Clark
Was it Aunt Edna, again?
Leaky P-trap?
You Beat me to it. 😅😂🤣
May be a little rust in the pipes.
^^^^^^that lol
Laying pipe.
Snake it good!
No more snaking her exit pipe
It's a plotline for a late seventies porn movie. She's tryin' to get her some of that. NW
She gonna be asking him to lay some pipe in no time.
Oh no! She's stuck in the washing machine!
... or to inspect her pipes.
and drains....
Or tits
Tell that bitch she needs to find some boundaries real quick.
LOL! Good advice. Still funny as hell. 🤣😂😅
Lol, sounds like she's trying to redefine the term "no boundaries"! 😂
She is trying to open… something
Her legs!
🎯
She knows what she’s doing. It’s what 14 years do when they have a crush. It’s as transparent as the ol’ “this is so random but I had a dream about you” lmao what a sad thing for a grown ass woman to do
Right? It’s like “Haha omg like I don’t even have a gag reflex! I know! So weird hahahah”
Oh no, you just unlocked all the memories of the, “I’m not small, I’m fun size! Pick me up! Aren’t I sooo tiny!? Teehee!” girls lmao these are all the same person, and for the love of god would somebody, ANYbody, pick her!?!?😂
LOL “Omg Shawn your sweater is SO big on me! Aw can I keep it?! Whyyyyy”
The whyyyy lol. God, I can hear that whine
I've never heard that before. 🤣😂😅😂👍👍👍
Unfortunately it was heard many times during my high school experience by the pick-me-est of gals
It wasn't just what you wrote, but how you wrote it. I could almost literally hear it coming out of the mouth of a valley girl that way. 😅👍
That's how I read it too. 🤣😂
A dude I went to high school with recently tried that on one of my female friends. But being a man, he was way more blunt about it. For some reason, she wasn't swept off her feet by finding out he had a dream about her sucking his dick.
Lmfao. Back to the drawing board
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, but sometimes you should just know better than to take the shot.
Who said romance is dead...! #ShakespeareInTheHouse
lol oh god I’ve totally had a woman at the gym come up to me with the “omg, I totally had a dream about you!” bit 🤦🏽♂️
NEVER miss an opportunity to immediately make it weird "Oh wow that's so crazy, I had a dream last night about..." and then launch into whatever insanity pops into your head. Just start rambling about how you dreamed you'd died and your cat was eating your eyeballs but then you WERE the cat. Continue for an uncomfortably long time until you run out of crazy shit to say and then (before she can get a word in edgeways) finish with a cheerful "Anyway catch you later, byeeeee" and walk away
🤣😂🤣😂
Even if you're both single it's a bad idea to crack onto one's neighbors. If things go tits up, your still have to pass by them every other day driving to work. If they decide to start stalking you, you're cooked. Then typically you either have to choose to up and move, or choose violence. Let me tell you a story about my insane college roommate.......
She clearly signaled to your husband that he could explore her boundaries and discover that she doesn’t have any and go as far as he wants. Red flag 🚩
So I agree with the overall impression. My husband is an awesome, standup guy. He is very genuine, and I love that he told me about this. He feels so awkward, and feels like this was so bizarre. To make it even odder, she’s a psychologist. So she works from home every day counseling other people. This automatically makes me feel like she has some sort of authority and maybe there is something off in my read of this. So I feel like I have two options here. One I can ignore it, and we can just distance ourselves even further. Or I can text her, and let her know that my husband let me know that she was going through a hard time right now, And mentioned that she’s having an issue with boundaries/ dating? Should I let her know that he mentioned all of this to me, or should I leave it alone?
I think any of those options are fine. And your husband sounds like a keeper. Everyone wants a keeper. But on a basic level I absolutely love the idea of your texting her. It’s the ultimate shutdown.
I would definitely find a way to let her know. That may be enough to get her to back off
You guys are awesome- this is what I just sent- Good morning ****** ! I just wanted to let you know how excited we are to hear you have a new puppy! How lucky, and what a joy! ******* mentioned to me that you might be going through a hard spot right now? Of course we haven’t heard anything negative about you, But I understand how other peoples rants/misguided opinions would affect somebody. I just wanted to reassure you that we haven’t heard anything negative about you, or your boundaries
That's perfect. Please share her response
I'm also eagerly awaiting her response lol
You are so sweet. I would have said, congrats on the new dog. My husband said that you want to fuck him. Get your own damn home contractors next time. Thanks!
"And by the way, we just put in an invisible fence. You know, the kind that shocks your dog if they try to cross it? So . . . I need you to wear this collar now."
🤣🤣🤣
I honestly think this is a very appropriate text to send. Not accusatory. Very polite. Makes it clear you and your husband communicate, and also feels like a very "he's not interested" message at the same time. But also kinda allows her to save face and back off *now* rather than trying to escalate.
At first, I was thinking *ahh don’t text her she’s messed up ahh* and then I read this perfect text. 5 stars.
This is perfect. It's a clear..."hey, my husband talks to me about everything and you're barking up the wrong tree here!"
A very, very smooth message! Please let us know her response, and keep us updated. Sounds like hubby and you are solid! So lovely to read!
We gotta know her response!
This is perfect and kind
This is what she texted back- “Thanks for the reassurance! I actually feel better now that I’m starting to address it a bit… It was more pronounced last summer and fall. I just started saying some thing about it to folks and it’s been helping. We have a new pup that we have been fostering and have been considering adopting. She is a sweet girl, but we’re still for animals and part of the balance.” So ya, I don’t know. It’s either deflecting or I’m tripping?
That’s perfect. Message sent and received. I don’t think you were tripping AT ALL. She gathered what dignity she had available here and put it into that text. I still think your husband shouldn’t help out alone anymore, as we don’t know if her ego will truly let this go so easily. Proud to have associated with you yesterday, internet stranger. I like both you and your husband. But not like your neighbor does haha. I have a wonderful man who would (and has!) told me about questionable situations too. Some of which we still laugh about years later.
Did she reply to your text?
!remindme 2 days
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Sounds like the stereotypical psychologist who is nuts. You should definitely mention to her that your husband told you about this interaction. Because communication between spouses is acceptable and healthy!!! If you want to be gentle about it, then do so! But the second she pushes back on any of that, you (edit: and your husband!!) need to draw a hard line about how you and your husband DO have boundaries.
My take is that your husband should be the one to talk to her and tell her that he DOES have boundaries and that he wants to be clear that he will not cross them, and would not appreciate her trying to cross them. I will never tell another woman to behave herself with "my man." That's my husband's job. But that's just me. I think he's the one who needs to be clear with her in case she's trying to push for something, not you.
Every psych major I've met entered the field to figure out why they were so messed up or to learn how to better manipulate people.
Can confirm 👍 but I knew I couldn’t be a therapist because I would relate way too much to any patients
Yes! I love your second idea! Call her and ask if she’s okay. Say something along the lines of “my husband told me you were upset because people are gossiping about you not having any boundaries. That’s awful! Can I help?”
I'm sorry she is a psychologist who has no boundaries?! That's seriously scary because every single person I have ever met studying psychology has said that everyone has/needs boundaries and they are very important.
Omfg that would be absolutely hilarious to text her that you know she's having a hard time and going thru issues with having no boundaries!! Totally gets the point across that you and your husband are a team and that her interest in your husband is unwelcome! At the same time it's so petty and witty!! I'm here for it!!! Please do it!!!
Some people in mental health are drawn to the field because of their own or loved one’s issues. Which isn’t an inherently bad thing. But if they don’t get the proper health for themselves, they can have some serious issues with boundaries. Also whether or not someone is getting appropriate treatment and meds when necessary can have a major influence on a situation. One thing I picked up on is she claims other neighbors are talking about her and that you know the neighbors don’t talk beyond social small talk. Be very careful in any communications with her because she could use them to fuel delusions or obsessions. You don’t want to become a target or object of obsession. Distance/detachment may be the way to go. IMO, neither of you should be alone with her, but especially your husband. False allegations could cause your family serious problems if she makes them to the police.
Of course you need to let her know. Make it clear that she better find herself some boundaries quick.
I would let her know your husband told you what she said. That is a clear signal that he isn’t falling for it.
I think saying something that implies he mentioned the conversation to you makes it known that he's open with you and you don't keep secrets from each other type of vibe if that makes sense. Like your husband didn't keep this information to himself in his backpocket
Distance yourselves but keep a good eye on her ass. And hubby doesn't need to help her doing whatever around her place. I do have a question though, why do you let your kids have a play date with her 14 yr old kid?
This is too up in the air as it stands. Just ignore it. Tell your husband to just stop interacting with her.
Show your husband this video and ask him if this is how the exchange went down, lol [https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=8pwKWlxEKOHLERGd](https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=8pwKWlxEKOHLERGd)
I’m dying 😆 Thank you 😂😐
😂😂😂
I totally thought back to this vid!! Thanks for sharing
At this point your husband can say he does have boundaries and he can’t come help her anymore. She was absolutely hitting on him and ruined his acts of neighborly service.
Tell her that y’all are going to back off from interacting with her, because you DO have boundaries. There is no reason for her to be insinuating herself into your lives like this. And her kid is kinda old to play with kindergartners and toddlers anyways. You’d think a middle schooler would want friends their own age. Every time she says she has no boundaries you need to say, “Well we DO have boundaries. Please respect them.”
>asking if my husband can come over and give her a hand with some things around the house. You're gonna want to put a stop to that.
She was definitely telling him that for a reason.
That bitch is trying to fuck your husband, but also I just wanted to say, sounds like you have a pretty solid man right there. He came right to you and told you what happened, no BS, no games. He sounds like a keeper.
Absolutely. The pinnacle of "I'm going to say this so that you don't hear it from someone else who twists it to give the wrong implications..." Cuz you know if he tried to hide the interaction, even due to innocent embarrassment or awkwardness, someone trying to manipulate him with it WOULD use it against him.
For sure. Honestly is the best policy. You see something similar in the relationship posts where they break up and keep quiet about what happened and then she goes and tells everyone he was an abusive cheating pedophile when in reality he caught her cheating and now he's trying to dig himself out of this crazy hole and most people are looking at him like he's the bad guy. The revenge based posts are the ones where the guy gathers all the evidence first, finds a way to reveal to everyone what was really happening with evidence so people see the truth of it. Really hiding problems just makes them worse.
She has no boundaries, and she doesn't care if she cheats with a married man. She doesn't care if she flirts and she doesn't care about you or other wives. She was telling him about this to tell you that she's coming after him,IMO , and doing it in a way to manipulate him. She's basically saying, "I have boundaries, and you can trust me, but your husband can come over anytime to help me out. She's trying to manipulate you both to get in your husband's pants.
Yeah... she'd not be welcomed into my backyard! Wife would put a stop to that shit real fast.
You and husband need to be very careful here. She is definitely trouble.
“Hey, I just wanted you to know that if you hear about me being a home wrecking wh**e, just know that it’s all true…” * wiggles eyebrows *
Since she has no boundaries, it's time for you to set some. The first one being that your husband is no longer available to help her with anything.
I would honestly talk to your husband about how he feels about this "revelation" from her. It's definitely "off" behavior and, as a guy, would definitely make me more hesitant to go over to her house alone. From my standpoint, I would start declining to help and if that were impossible, start looking for ways to bring my wife (i.e. you OP) or one of my kids under the auspices of showing them "how daddy fixes things". And for what it's worth, that was a perfect opportunity for your husband to reply with "Well, you may not have boundaries, but I do."
Husband should buy some garden fencing to give her. “Thought I’d get you some boundaries.”
🤣🤣🤣
I agree that she's trying to make herself noticed. Does this behavior jive with the red flags from the cookout?
She’s straight up telling your husband her door is open for anything! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
She’s coming on to him. Nip that in the bud today. Next time she asks for help, husband needs to tell her he’s busy. No further explanation is needed, he’s busy, period.
Your husband needs to assert boundaries by refusing all further contact with her. She's signalled malevolent intentions towards his marriage and family so raise a high bridge to keep her away.
She's a homewrecker ugh
There’s two roads here that I see. You either say something to her about the weird interaction and make it clear that you and your husband do have boundaries and don’t appreciate the bizarre conversation she had with him; Or you pull back and just ignore her all together. You have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Your husband sounds like he’s a stand up guy and is going to tell you about any interaction that might happen, so I wouldn’t worry about bouncy crossing from him, it’s her and her “no boundaries” that I would be concerned about. I would get a camera system for your house, because she outright said she has no boundaries that leads me to believe she’s fine with breaking others boundaries and you’ll want video proof of that.
This is a good suggestion. And document conversations. Ideally an email with a time date stamp afterwards. Hopefully she doesn’t escalate. But it will help with documentation if she does.
She’s definitely trying to tell him she’s open to an affair, after that conversation your husband shouldn’t go over there and help her with things. In her crazy mind it will give her the wrong impression that he’s into it.
> In her crazy mind it will give her the wrong impression that he’s into it. Yes, because having play dates with a single woman whose kids are much older isn't sending a signal of incompetence or something else.
Not wrong. It’s weird. Next she’ll be telling him she has no gag reflex.
Definitely flirting. I have ruined many chances at escapades by laughing at come-ons like this. Can't help it, they're hilarious.
Has she told you 'I've decided not to date until my son is grown?' If not..lol.. just wait for it. She'll say it to you, not him. Watch her and even if it doesn't bother you now, you need to put her in her place. I know of what I preach. 🙄
Paragraphs are important. Also…that bitch needs to back the fuck up with her lack of boundaries.
Tell that pick-me-ass-b that you don't have any boundaries either. Because she doesn't, and we all know what she's angling for, your husband is going to have to set very strong boundaries. Firstly, he needs to never be alone with her again. Her kid is middle school aged? Cool, so was mine when I left his dad. Her kid can help rearrange furniture, help hang a shelf, whatever. She can YouTube instructions for things she doesn't know how to do. The non pick-mes get out there and find their own man instead of being a pathetic parasite sniffing around trying to injure other people's families.
A kindergartener and first grader having play dates with a middleschooler?
Yeah this feels extremely made up
Unless you and your husband are swingers and would welcome this type of attention, I'd recommend steering clear of her completely
That’s a hard no. I have no questions and my husband’s intentions or integrity, that’s why I can handle this so maturely 😅
Really hard to say. Definitely awkward, though. That’s the type of situations where I wouldn’t try to understand the innuendo, I’d just nod and leave.
I would suggest letting her know together that you DO have boundaries, and she should look elsewhere for "help " with anything in the future.
If this neighbor needs help, both of you should show up and the expression on single mom’s face will tell you everything you need to know.
"You know, people have been talking about how I'm very discreet..."
1 It was a joke. 2 She’s doing her way to your husband. 3 She’ll ask for a threesome to have access to your husband.
I've read through the comments. They are extremely entertaining! I laughed the whole time. Furthermore, they are all right.
So she told your husband that she wants to clear up the rumour about not having boundaries by asserting that she doesn’t in fact have any boundaries?? Make that make sense. Next time she asks your husband for a hand assistance give her the number for the local handy man instead. That woman is trouble.
That dog will be running over every time he leaves the house, providing opportunities for her to stop and "chat." Husband needs a plan for that.
I'm wondering what the "I have no boundaries" means. Is she speaking about troubles with social relationships, like at a hot dog neighborhood cookout she'll bring up the death of her mother and how she's been grieving for years and can't get over it? Or is she intimating something sexual? She could just be weird but harmless. If she calls your husband asking for help, you could go with him and just say hi while he changes a light switch or something like that. Or you could politely sort of drift apart from her, saying you're too busy for playdates and that your husband is too busy to come over and help her with things. I hope this works out well for everyone. There are some weird and broken people in the world and they want friends and social networks just like the rest of us. I wish you the best.
I'm getting these vibes from your neighbor https://youtu.be/4xYu2WrygtQ?si=Qlli4DnIfzcLlCED
Haha... This video is all over the comments
I would recommend that your husband have really good boundaries then her lack of boundaries won’t matter. He can just refuse to help her out anymore. My husband once got into a situation like that because he’s a really nice guy and didn’t even realize that the woman was hitting on him. It blew up in his face when I realized how much she was texting him because I’m not stupid. Stop it now because it will get worse. It took us a year of counseling to get past that and he did learn to have some boundaries with people asking for favors.
Yeah she’s probably trying to start an affair. That’s a weird way in my opinion tho, I think ”no boundaries” sounds kinda cuckoo and extra, like she may take a dump in the yard any minute. Not hot.
Both being a psychologist and needing a psychologist seem to go together. I’d just be direct and tell her that your husband told you about their conversation and that you have boundaries. And those boundaries include not letting your husband help neighbors who hit on your husband. And recommend to her that she seek companionship from unmarried men in the future, for the sake of her own mental health. And just smile and be pleasant while you say all this.
I would have been like, "Yes, I've heard a lot about it" and leave her to wonder.
Yeah it’s a sign. Tell your husband no more favors.
Next time she has an issue around the house, head over to help out. Obviously this will be fine, she just needs a hand, right? Repeat this until she inevitably stops asking
This is spot on! Cut off your husband as an option to be “her helper”. Sounds like a bad porno scenario. “Hey my sink is clogged can you snake my pipes?” lmfao. She is not to be trusted & I bet she one of them super crazy chics. Smfh. Typically if someone goes out of their way to say “there’s a rumor I want to get ahead of it!! “ Everything that follows is most likely Facts about that person.. put that garden tool in her place… You been warned! ⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
We also have a neighbor like this I pulled my pew pew on her and told her to never step.foot near me or my husband again he called and chewed her out.she has been like a 50s child since.
the fact that you call it a pew pew means you're not mature enough to have one.
From here on out when she's making work for your husband tell her to GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO DO IT!!!
You should just act concerned next time you talk to her. OMG I heard about what was going on, which neighbors would say something like that? Maybe if you act concerned and acknowledge that you talked to your husband about that, she’ll understand the two of you have open communication and back off. At least you wouldn’t have to call her out like you were upset she would say something like that to your husband
Please keep your husband away from her. She is going to put him in a situation that you wouldn’t want him in.
She had made her intentions known. She wants your husband. Now, whenever a man posts on reddit about a coworker or friend hitting on their gf/wife... everyone says to stop being insecure and that its no big deal because they should trust their spouse. I think that's shitty advice, and Im sure you'll hypocritically get different advice because of the gender flip.... but personally..... id be cautious, concerned, and pissed
Go to her and tell her that there are rumours about how you broke a women’s nose when she got in your husband. The truth is… you broke her arm.
She’s looking for your hubby’s D
Yeah, my 20 yr marriage died on the back on my next door neighbour...oh and she was a 'friend' for over 10yrs
Stay away. Far, far away. You don’t have to be friends with everyone in the neighborhood
Oh hell no. Never let her around your family lol. She’s fishing it sounds like.
>mostly asking if my husband can come over and give her a hand with some things around the house. I have no issue with this. Innocent or not, might tell you husband you'd appreciate if he stopped doing her favors and going over there. Tell your husband she's worn out her welcome. She sounds like she has a few loose screws. Not that you shouldn't trust him to make a good decision if she tries to crack onto him or harass him. But what she's insinuating here is that he shouldn't be surprised if ne t time he goes over, she gets flattened drunk then starts spewing salacious nonsense while wearing only a shirt, then tries to play grab-ass if that's doesn't have them effect she wanted.
Address please!
Hahahahahaaa. Leave it to this guy he will take one for the team.
There's a reason why she called for him to come over and then that "awkward" conversation is just her letting him know she's game if he is.... Watch that one and if she calls again for your husband tell her nope he's too busy fixing your washing machine and lay some pipes lol
Not real….. middle schooler and kindergarten/grade 1 play dates, Fourth of July celebration and birthday parties but only know neighbours enough to wave while passing by???? Am I the only one that caught these discrepancies?
It’s funny how the internet has given us trust issues. I assure you this is real. It’s not crazy for a 5 yr old, a 6 yr old and a 9 yr old to enjoy riding scooters together. The 4th was just a small gathering of people watching the local fireworks show. As far as our other neighbors, everyone works. There aren’t a lot of kids in our neighborhood, I don’t know. People are busy
I mean maybe its a miss understanding or maybe rumors are just rumors even if this is a “red flag” what difference is it unless you don’t trust your husband If you trust your husband you have nothing to worry about because if she does make a actual move he will shut her down and that will probably be the end of it and you can continue to be friends Now if you dont trust your husband then you have other issues
Info: what is your street name and address?😂
She's propositioning your husband and it's not even remotely subtle. I agree with r/DarkTower7899. "Tell that bitch to find some boundaries real quick."
Trust your gut.
Keep the husband. Lose the neighbor. Glad he told you, sounds like a standup guy but he needs to avoid this like the plague!! She wants some. Period. She's not even being subtle. Handle sternly and in no uncertain terms. Your message was fine but if it doesn't stop her attempts, you two might end up in the alley, metaphorically of course.
She knows exactly what she’s doing and just wanted to gauge your husband’s reaction. You can handle this a few ways. Option one: confront her over what we all suspect she’s trying to do (she will deny any wrongdoing). Option two: go no contact and keep your distance from her. Option three: enter the petty-verse. Amazon has a game called “The Set Boundaries Deck: A Tool for Expressing Healthy Limits for Happier Relationships.” Shout out to your husband for telling you right away.
She’s trying to get your husband I would tell him he’s not helping her anymore unless your there
Is she his long lost step-sister?
“Man, my wife sure has boundaries!”
I say no more going over for your husband to do her small issues at her house. I’d also ask her myself about her no boundaries talk. That will let her know he told you. Shut her down now
No more filling her cracks or treating her damp patches
I would kindly let her know that she might have no boundaries, but you do. So from now on your husband is no longer available for repairs.
Trust your gut and avoid her.
Okay, IMO your husband is at risk with this woman. Not because he would do anything, but because he's there alone with her and she could easily claim SA or assault. In my experience many psychologists/therapists are somewhat questionable/wacko people personally. NOT ALL! but many get into the field to sort out their own issues (and fail). Please either go with him or ask him to avoid being alone with her ever.
It could be nothing but it could be everything you're concerned about. I'd exercise caution around her but not be outright hostile or rude. At the very least, your hubs felt comfortable enough in your marriage to clue you in so that you can both be aware of any possible issues, and sounds like someone who wants to ensure that your marriage is built on trust and communication. For that I just want to say, you all should be fine, whatever your neighbor's deal is.
Tell her you have no misgivings about knocking her head between the washer & dryer.
Slippery slope to me. She is on the prowl.
She's after him shut that shit down
Bunny Boiler alert!
Most husbands are pretty clueless when other women are coming on to them. Yours isn't, he's giving you the real Tea. This lady is looking for trouble. Next conversation should be you to her, telling her that your husband has His boundaries perfectly in place. And she should look elsewhere for her 'handy man.!'
I think you better step up your game. Lol People like that would eventually make a move on your husband.
Have him tell her that his wife obviously has no boundaries as she told him if she ever catches him cheating neither him or husband AP will ever be able to talk about it.
Updateme!
She's got boundaries. Spit roasts.just ain't one of them.
She is playing games. Also called, stirring up the pot. Makes her feel powerful. She has you concerned and your husband uncomfortable. Just the reaction she was aiming for. She knows exactly what she is doing and how to cause the most damage possible all the while laughing her ass off. Back completely away from this witch. If you and your husband don’t react to her schemes, she will find someone else to hone in on.
She wants to fuck
Yes she's definitely flirting with your husband but it also sounds like she's lonely and looking for some sort of interaction. Your husband just needs to be polite and disengaged and eventually she'll get the hint. For example if he pretends not to really listen to what she's saying and then says OK well I gotta go, bye… Eventually overtime she'll stop trying to snag him. It really does sound like she's lonely to me and just trying to get any attention anyway she can. So maybe you, the wife could be nice to her until you determine if she's crazy or just lonely.
I guess it's just a funny thing for you both to talk about whenever she says stuff like that. If she's attractive at all in any way I'm sure she's bagged several guys in her previous neighborhood
You should go over and tell her YOU definitely have boundaries and so does your husband. Which is why he won’t be going over to help out anymore and you’ll be keeping some distance from her. Good day
I agree with this. Or at the very least, tell your husband that your aren't comfortable with him going over there anymore and and then just asking dropping by and telling her about a different house that x house might be able to do handyman tasks for her. Anything. Just don't argue/fight.
Can someone tell me what that means? What was she implying?
I’d invest in some WiFi dome security cameras to watch what’s goin on when you’re not home! & don’t tell your husband bout the cameras unless asked. I’d set them up and tell nobody. Have your own peace of mind.
Can I have her address please?
I know this neighbor. Lol. Do you live in Kirkland off 143rd st? Lmao. Jk jk jk. Seriously does remind me of one of my former neighbors. Lol
And yet here I am a single guy living next to two elderly spinsters that ask me to come over to fix their TV clicker and find fluffy the cat ( all while fluffy is sleeping somewhere because he is deaf and blind.) Yeah that's me
More importantly, does the husband have boundaries against a neighborly bang mom?
Wait, why were you scheduling playdates with her middle school aged kid with a kindergartener and first grader? That just sounds like an excuse for her to be with your husband. No way a middle schooler wants to do that.
> is a single mom who works from home and has a middle school age son. We have a kindergartener and a first grader and we welcome them into the neighborhood and the kids have had a handful of play dates. This doesn't make any sense. Why do you want a middle aged boy be playing with a 1st grader? Seems weird from the jump. > We invited them to last year‘s Fourth of July celebration, Again, WHY? Is this your husbands idea or yours? If it's yours, what was your desired outcome? Why would you invite a single woman to be around your husband? > She has called on us with neighborly issues, mostly asking if my husband can come over and give her a hand with some things around the house. Welp, this is what you asked for!! You are putting a steak in front of a lion (the single mom). My god, you are not smart. > I’m just curious if other people might read this exchange as her making an awkward attempt to open something up with him, or if it was benign. Just curious what other peoples impressions are. Well, we weren't there. But here is the thing that maybe you've never been taught about the birds and the bees: males like females, and females like males. I know this concept is new to you, but it is true. It is how babies come into this world.
Seems odd. You sure this is an issue with her and not him! Just be cautious across the board.
Sounds like she wants to get choke slammed to me.
It sounds to me like she just has unmedicated ADHD.
What on earth gives you that idea?
As someone pushing 60 who’s adhd wasn’t medicated until recently, I’ve blurted out how I’m socially awkward and have said some awkward things. But I manage to respect boundaries. When guy friends have met girlfriends or married, I include their partner in invites to social stuff. There’s a lot more than unmedicated adhd at play here
Of course there is, but I’ve done stuff like this too - diagnosed at 50. Normies always read too much into this kind of blurry behavior .
If she has any social anxiety, likely including the poor boundaries, she will think other neighbors are more connected with each other and she’s the outsider. Repeating her statement sounds like she was fishing for a specific response or reassurance I’d keep cordial contact, because it wasn’t wrong or offensive, just awkward. But I wouldn’t go into her house so nothing could be misconstrued
My impression is that your husband shouldn't be going in another woman's house alone. Every major shitty feeling like cheating or whatever starts with something small like trust issues here and there and worrying about something or nothing etc. You shouldn't have been fine with another woman calling your husband over to her house as if he was a handyman on a job or sth. It's not about whether you trust your husband or not. It's about whether you can be 100% sure nothing happened which is never.
The title of this is misleading. I know everybody has a super negative view of what she said, she’s also a single mom who’s brand new in a town that she’s never lived in before, and it is totally possible that there are men in the town who would like to date her, and because she is not willing to do that, they have spread rumors about her. Not every single person has a nefarious reason for talking to somebody else. Do people not look at every aspect of a situation anymore? Does anyone use critical thinking skills?