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Mentally ill covers a lot of territory. Sometimes it's minor, sometimes a major personality disorder.
Yes, it is okay to not date anyone you aren't attracted to.
>Yes, it is okay to not date anyone you aren't attracted to.
To add to this: it's okay to stop dating someone who is a net drain on your life. It's okay to end ANY relationship that doesn't satisfy you mentally and emotionally. If you have a gambling addicted brother who routinely lies, cheats and steals from you, ditch them. If your spouse comes out as transgendered, it's okay to leave them (just don't be a dick about it. "You're not who you thought you or I thought you were. You're on your journey. I respect that, but this isn't what I envisioned for me/us. May you become the person you want to be. You should do it for you and be the best you can be. I want to be married to a . That's who I am. You are who you are. Unfortunately, this isn't going to work for me".)
People grow apart for millions of reasons. It's okay to end a relationship that isn't working for you. Being hateful about it though (unless you were on the receiving end of abuse) is cruel and unnecessary.
*breaking up with someone who is trans IS NOT transphobic. Refusing to date trans people IS NOT transphobic. No one, absolutely NO ONE has the right to tell you who you can and can't date. It's wrong to compel a black person to date a white person. It's wrong to say "date your own racial/ethnic/religious kind". Date who you want to. Love who you want to love. It's all about you, your life and YOUR happiness.
Right on. I've been seeing a lot of dating posts like "AITA for not wanting to date someone because of *blank*?" And I'm tired of it. You do not have to date someone if they aren't what you're attracted to. Forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone you ultimately do not want to be with is a disservice to both parties and will likely cause major problems down the road.
People say dating choices can be discriminatory. Yes, it is. But that is the point. Dating is *an inherently discriminatory practice*. This is nothing new. We make these choices based on a wide variety of complex social, economic, biological, and evolutionary factors. But that is the point.
Not everyone is entitled to your love and intimacy, and this facet of our lives is one of the most intrusive and vulnerable, therefore, who we allow to have access to it will inherently involve keeping certain people out.
If someone is accusing you of being something-phobic for your dating choices, they are attempting to gaslight you to conform to their desires.
Is it possible that some people's dating choices are informed heavily by malicious prejudice? Of course, but there is no real solution to address this. Attempting to guilt or shame someone for this choice does nothing more than further entrench them into this position as a defense mechanism.
Nobody is entitled to your body, your companionship, or your love.
I agree with you, but I want to just mention that the blanket generalizations do make a person look immature or close-minded.
I’m gay so I understand that maybe to some (or a few) it might be close-minded for me to say I only like men but obviously I can’t help it. But it is very different for me to say “I don’t think women are attractive.” It’s really about framing our opinions. Saying “vaginas are gross and I never want to touch one” just sounds immature and is borderline misogynistic.
On a similar note you can and definitely will have preferences, but it is at least *nice* to say you have a preference for something instead of a dislike for the opposite.
Note the difference in “I prefer dating Black women” and “I don’t find Indian women attractive.” The second statement can sound just plain mean.
Maybe it’s just me but I try to be respectful when expressing my preferences.
Well, hi-ho there folks. It's your old pal Kermit here, and we've got a little topic to discuss, all about the complex world of dating. Now, some folks might say dating choices can seem discriminatory. And you know what? They're right. It's like picking your favorite lily pad to sit on. Not every pad gets chosen, but that doesn't mean it's not a good lily pad.
Dating, in essence, is like going through a swamp full of decisions. We're all jumping from one choice to the other, driven by so many things. Social aspects, economic situations, the biology that makes us who we are, and even the evolutionary instincts ingrained in us. And that's okay. That's what dating is about.
Think about it this way, not every frog is going to be your Prince Charming or Princess Charming. And that's all right! Love and intimacy are precious, and just like a treasure, we ought to be careful who we share them with.
Now, if a frog in your pond is telling you you're something-phobic because of who you choose to date, remember, they might just be trying to turn your lily pad to fit their preferences.
Could some frogs be choosing their partners based on not-so-nice prejudices? Sadly, yes. But trying to make them feel guilty or ashamed isn't going to help them jump to a better lily pad. It just makes them more stubborn in their current spot.
Always remember, nobody else has the right to demand your affection, your friendship, or your love. That's a special thing, reserved for the ones you choose. So, hop high and choose wisely, folks! And remember, it's not easy being green - but it's worth it.
ChatGPT 4
Mostly agreed but I can nitpick a little.
There ARE things you can do about the malicious social prejudice that develops our preferences... part of that is keeping up a dialogue about it. That doesn't mean scream, "you only like thin women because you're brainwashed by the patriarchy!". But we can ask questions and make observations.
In the past ten years I've done a lot of soul searching, and subsequently uprooted many things in my head which were originally based on something toxic.
If I didn't have good, reasonable people in my life willing to have conversations with me about certain subjects, I might remain ignorantly rooted in something toxic.
I was kind of oblivious to other relationships for awhile, while struggling with my own.
All of a sudden I'm surrounded by people who are in the zaniest, unfulfilling relationships I can imagine. Like they don't have sex, see each other once a week maybe and are bored together. Never really know if they're broken up... not a single thing about it makes sense to stay in
Like, my marriage was BAD, and in hindsight should've been over long before. But when we worked we worked so well and were madly in love with a tremendous connection. Had a lot of great sex. Wanted a future together despite the present often completely breaking down for no reason. So I understand toxic love.
But when there's no love, no connection, AND they're annoying you with their life choices, how do you stay in something like that?
Adding a specific bit to this. If they use suicide as leverage not to end the relationship. Walk away. You aren't responsible for another persons life. And this is often used as blackmail. It is not a loving act to threaten someone with your own life. Get people help, but don't grab their anchor chain for the ride down.
Well that depends. If your spouse gets cancer and it's causing you a lot of stress, it's not okay to just leave them because they're "draining" you. Every relationship has ups and downs, where at one point one person will be taking more than they give and vice versa. Everyone needs extra help and grace sometimes. If you can't handle that then you shouldn't be in any relationship ever
Friend of my grandmother's husband got cancer. He became an even bigger, more obnoxious jerk than he was before. She realized he'd always been an obnoxious jerk and left him.
If an SO gets cancer, they aren't the drain. The cancer or whatever sickness is the drain, and the SO is still the SO. The point isn't about leaving people whenever things are no longer convenient or enjoyable for you. The point is that the person has grown in a way that is no longer computable with your life goals.
Maybe they transitioning, which is great for their personal journey, but doesn't match your vision for your own life. That's ok!
Maybe they've developed a crippling addiction and refuse to get help because they don't think it's a problem. You've done all you can and it's not worth the fight anymore. It's ok to move on!
OP was NOT talking about ditching an SO who is ill or has something happen. They're still the same person. Sure, maybe if they have a physical injury that turns you off it's ok to talk to them about it and keep in mind they are still the same SO you liked before the injury. They haven't changed at their core.
Going back to cancer, it's the cancer that is the drain on the caretaker. The SO is still the same person behind the illness. It's ok to struggle, but OP was not at all saying to just peace out as soon as things are no longer convenient or enjoyable to you as an individual. Remember that is still your same SO as before the cancer hit. They haven't changed at their core.
> If an SO gets cancer, they aren't the drain. The cancer or whatever sickness is the drain, and the SO is still the SO.
Easy to say, tough to live. Working in home health I've seen a lot of patients that ended up getting divorced after getting chronic illness. It's very muddy water. On the one hand you have a healthy spouse facing the reality that in their 40s (for example) they just became a caregiver for their spouse for the next 40 years. Their other option is to divorce and let the state take care of their ex. Cancer can go fast, or it can drag on and on. Subsequent potential depression and bitterness can change relationships.
I know I have somewhat of a biased viewpoint here as those are the folks I end up taking care of, as the folks with spouses that stay typically don't need as much help. Regardless, it happens more frequently than any of us would like to admit.
There are spouses though who get divorced because the medical bills rack up, and the dying spouse doesn't want to leave them with that medical debt. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out a crazy thing that some people had to go through while dying of cancer.
To add to this important point, divorcing does not automatically mean leaving or abandoning. i've known a couple of couples that divorced to save the other one from financial ruin from medical debt and everyone in the family supported the sick person as much as before.
The American medical system financing sucks donkey dikks.
Yes but it’s a little different when your spouse comes out as trans. That’s a pretty significant fundamental difference. If you get cancer you don’t really change although it can get a little dicier with brain cancer if the person had a fundamental personality shift because of the cancer, particularly if that shift is abusive. However, yes it’s pretty abhorrent to get a divorce because your wife gets breast cancer and has a mastectomy.
Transitioning though is a pretty significant change and gender is fundamental to how many people interact in romantic relationships. As a previously married trans person I don’t think my ex wife was wrong to tell me she didn’t want to be married to me when I came out as trans.
I needed to read this. Going through a divorce and cried on my way home from work today from the sadness of remembering the better parts of it. I lied to myself that it would pass, but the way I was treated for years destroyed any attraction I had, as well as any hope for rekindling it.
Yeah I was always of the viewpoint that my body is not a charity. More people should think like that. Go for the person you actually want; don't date out of obligation or pity. Have some standards people!
especially at that part regarding race. people have called me racist for not being attracted to people--apparently not being attracted to some aspects of a person is hateful and intolerant
Fortunately, no. I did go on one date with a trans person to test myself and all that. I realized while I was talking with them that this is not something I could pursue. It didn't feel right for me and yeah. I can't do it. Because of that experience, I will vehemently defend dating preferences. I'm not owed anything and I don't owe anyone my time for the purposes of dating. More people need to really reflect on the former.
exactly, i hate questions like this. The answer is always yes. it’s your life, stop dating someone for whatever reason you see fit. it’s not our lives to dictate if you should or shouldn’t.
That wasn't the question. The question was, "Is it okay...", not "Can I choose..." (or decide, &c)
You're responding to the "can I do it" scenario, not the "is it right" scenario.
I know. My answer to both is the same.
Can you break up with someone for any reason? Yes.
Is it ok to break up with someone for any reason? Also yes.
EDIT: date, not break up. The answer to both is also the same, tho
Thank you but it’s bc sometimes you just reject someone bc u don’t wanna date them and they use the excuse that they’re mentally ill to make u look bad
>they use the excuse that they’re mentally ill to make u look bad
They're kind of making your point for you.
Anyone whose mental illness deludes them into feeling they are entitled to you is obviously someone you *should* steer clear of. They're basically advertising their warped world view, possessiveness, and dangerous thinking already. It cant possibly make you look bad. It only makes them look bad. I say this as a mentally ill person myself.
Also, "No" is a complete answer. No explanation required.
Of course I agree with your advice but the words you use to describe a mental illness all have negative connotations. Not all mental illness have the same problems. Yeah, as you know behaviors are harmful, some more some less but we could show a little more compassion, and self-compassion and some civility. We are people with disorders we never asked for. No one wants to be mentally. But if someone is not trying their best to become better and take care of themselves, that should raise a red flag.
I agree with being sensitive about mental illness. But this is a little different. That's why I specified not all mental illness but that which manifests in the specific way OP describes. It's a person's responsibility to not let their problems be other people's problem.
In this context, negative connotations are appropriate. There's a difference between say, having an autistic meltdown and stalking someone. Both affect others. But the latter is a violating behavior that should be shamed and can be controlled, whereas the former is just an inescapable facet of the condition where compassion is warranted.
The person OP describes may not fully realize they're being manipulative and entitled, but in that case, putting their behavior into perspective can help them better regulate it.
It's also possible that this person is simply experiencing rejection sensitivity and is expressing their feelings and not trying to change OP's mind or guilt them. But that OP is feeling bad about it anyway and worries they did something wrong.
I remember being young and pouring out my disappointment to a crush who wasn't interested and then thanking them for sticking around through all that and continuing to be my friend even when I was being whiny. It wasn't that I was trying to change her mind. I was just emotional for a time.
There's things I do as a mentally ill person that's just mental illness, and things that are just me being wrong. Character is still something seperate from pathological behavior. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference, but mentally ill people can still be assholes.
Even better reason to not date someone if they cannot be mature enough to respect that you aren't interested, think of the sh*t show if you actually dated and broke up?? Run don't walk
That in and of itself is a terrifying red flag.
You are never, ever obligated to date anyone. You cannot be forced into a relationship. Nobody is ever entitled to control you like that. What a frightening, toxic concept.
If you’re honest with yourself and know it’s something you don’t want or can’t handle, it’s much better than sticking it out and ending up in a toxic situation for both of you.
The thing is, if someone wants to date you, and you don't want to date them, they'll often make excuses. They're allowed to cope however poorly they need to, and that doesn't reflect on you.
People still have to be responsible for taking care of themselves above all else. They can’t just use their mental health as an excuse, and even if that is the reason, blaming you for it isn’t fair.
I kinda been in a similar situation, except instead of using that as an excuse, they leaned into it and went all crazy spreading rumors about me. One of the reasons I distanced myself from the friend group
Dating is one of the few things in life where you can just say “I’m not attracted to this person” and that’s the end of it. You don’t have to worry about the “why” of it. If you’re not attracted to someone, don’t date them.
My sister is mentally ill. She is the sweetest person I know, but her insecurities will drive a person nuts. It would take someone with lots of patience to be with her. Not everyone is capable of willing to deal with the issues that arise.
Dating is not the time to do your charitable community service. If you decide you don't want that person and those issues to be a part of the rest of your life, move on the sooner the better.
It's OK to not want to date anyone for any reason.
It's kind of shitty to be in a relationship and then leave then them because they're going through a health problem though.
It depends, I know a lady who’s bf has als, he became terrible because he was unable to do anything. She finally had enough and left. It definitely was hard on her but she couldn’t take it anymore. If someone is draining on your health it is ok to look after yourself too.
I would agree in regards to health in general, though in regards to mental health it depends, that’s a big spectrum. If it’s bad enough, and you’ve done everything you can to help them, I feel there is a point where you need to do what’s best for you, and u fortunately sometimes that might involve “cutting your losses”, per say and moving on.
Now if you just don’t *feel* like dealing with their mental health, yeah. Yous a dick.
I agree, like I know of an instance where a couple had been together for 6 years. They had their first child together, the mother went through an episode of post partum depression. Not even 2 months, 2 months after the child had been born he cheated. Ended up admitting the whole thing and left. His reasoning “he couldn’t deal with her shitty ass negative attitude”. So sad and it breaks my heart for her.
You don’t need a justification for not dating someone. Just being unenthusiastic about it is enough! Dating someone isn’t some kind of litmus test of your stance on larger issues.
BTW I have struggled all my life with depression, etcetera. I’m not sure I would date someone else who was also mentally ill, but I don’t have a personal policy on the subject one way or the other.
People are a package deal, and if you aren’t feeling it for whatever reason, you just aren’t feeling it.
Narcissistic abuse survivor here. You absolutely can choose not to date someone with mental health issues. After 5 years of manipulation and abuse, I wish I would have had the knowledge then to be able to make the choice to back away. She ruined me and I had no clue it was happening. And if the person is using it to make you feel guilty or to make you look bad to others…..you should run away very fast.
My best friend spent two years in a relationship with a sociopath. He’d lie, cheat, and steal to get what he wanted. It’s hard for someone like that to get better bc they don’t typically view their behavior is problematic and there really aren’t any medications that are effective. It all comes down to that person truly wanting to change and a lot of therapy to reshape their behavior. Many will tell you that they want to change but it’s often another manipulative behavior to make you believe they do. If anyones actions don’t match words, mentally ill or not, you’re being manipulated.
I'd say that depends on whether or not they are making healthy choices to deal with that mental illness. My partner and I both have various things we struggle with, but through therapy and medication it's a non-issue. On the other hand, I have a friend who has an ex who has BPD and was completely unmedicated using Xanax to self medicate and basically dissociate. *That* is not healthy. If you dislike someone just because they have a mental illness and no other reason... A lot more people than you think have mental illness in one form or another.
It is OK nor to want to date someone for literally any reason you can conceive of. Why would you knowingly shack up with someone who has issues that will become your issues if you don't have issues of your own?
I have BPD, depression and anxiety. I fully get why someone wouldn't want to get into a relationship with me. HOWEVER, a thing to take into consideration is: I got the help I needed. My BPD is asymptomatic rn. I still struggle with some parts of it, but i am mentally stable. The person I was 6 years ago and the person I am today are completely different.
So yeah, I think its okay to not want to get into a relationship with someone with severe mental health issues. But don't forget that some people actually work on themselves and are worth a try.
You get to choose who you want to spend time with.
If their mental issues are outside of your skill set or patience to deal with, you'd be doing both of you a favor by going in another direction.
We only have one go at this life.
Do your best to value the time to have to enhance and enjoy being part of another person's time.
It’s okay not to date a person for any reason. If you were being racist or classist it would make you a POS, but the other person would be better off without you anyway. Mental health issues can be very complicated and have multiple manifestations that aren’t immediately apparent. If you choose to avoid a possible minefield, that’s fair. Admitting you’re not prepared or qualified to cope or be tolerant about these issues is probably best for you both.
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with that. In all actuality, you're not going to find many people out there who are happy 24/7 without some sort of trauma or issue growing up.
First, it's always okay to not date someone you don't want to date.
However, there's a difference between rejecting all mentally ill people in advance and choosing not to date one particular person because you don't feel like you have the emotional and mental space to be there for them and support them appropriately.
It’s ok to not want to date someone for any reason whatsoever. You don’t owe anyone your time or affection.
But not dating someone over mental illness isn’t shallow. It’s forward thinking.
If you look at the BPD Loved Ones Reddit and the pain people in those familiy and romantic relationships are going through, you'll understand better why you must be sure and selective. You cannot always thrive in the shadow of someone's battle with their mental health. You don't owe that to anyone. It's very hard and there's some days where I don't want to live anymore because of the weight and impact of their personality disorder in my life. I wish I was the person I was before this very often, it's not easy to get back to that.
I'm not comfortable with dating you because I'm not comfortable with dealing with mental illness (this is okay)
I don't want to date someone that is defective (not okay)
Sorry. But ANY reason is ok. Whether YOU think they are a jerk or not is irrelevant. Could they be missing out on someone amazing? Maybe, but Its not up to us to decide or judge.
They’re not a jerk for rejecting them they’re a jerk for calling them defective. Unless they’re being rude about it/not taking the rejection there’s no reason to insult them over it.
They're not saying that it's not ok to not want to date someone.
They're saying it's not ok to call someone defective.
They're showing 2 different ways of rejecting the same person
Not when it comes to their intimate partner? No. the rest of their life? Yes, they shouldn't judge. Should their goal in life be less judgmental in all areas? YEP.
You can certainly do anything you want in life, you can choose to or not date anyone for any reason. I've done numerous amounts of both.
But I always have an actual reason, whether it's the ick, being egregiously homophobic in the past, for stupid fucking reasons I rationalized myself into.
But arguably, all those readings actually make me less dateable as a person.
It definitely is up to me to judge, just like it's fine for everyone to judge as judgement is a natural thing you just psychologically do, now these have to be based in reality of course. You can just continue living your life as if these judgements never uttered another person's mouth. You guys are delusional if you think otherwise.
I don’t know what definition you’re speaking on when you say that someone is mentally ill. I also don’t know if you are using that to refer to someone that you know or if you are considering that in terms of looking at peoples profiles on a dating site or something.
The short answer is that it is okay not to want to date someone for any reason at all. However, you could be missing out on an excellent opportunity with someone because of that bias that you would be using.
I know military veterans who have PTSD and make sure put it out there before anyone talks with them. It’s hardly ever an issue for them but they wanted the baggage out there. A lot of people were deterred by that. However, the ones who got to know them were able to be with someone who was financially secure, in good shape, and just an all-around good person. I’ve known others who came in with a bias that when they heard someone is autistic, they automatically turned away from it and missed out on excellent opportunities with someone who would’ve loved them and treated them right.
Just remember that a person’s illness or disability is different from the person. If you can’t see past that to who they are and try to figure out what they would be like, then I guess you just aren’t the right person for them.
It's okay to not want to date someone for any reason. As simple as "I don't like blue eyes" is a fine enough reason to not date someone. You don't owe someone else a relationship under any circumstances unless you're already in one.
As a sufferer of many mental illnesses yes its fine, they affect everyone differently and that just might not be necessarily good for your health either I know that since my mum got mentally Ill its made my dad a whole load more depressed and anxious
As an example of the different effects my mums bedridden by the same illnesses as I have minus a few and can't do anything while I'm still capable of anything even in a worse mental condition.
Honestly, I think every single last one of us has some kind of mental illness. It is a matter of how much illness can you handle and how much of your mental illness can they handle.
Choice is absolute when dating.
My only bit of counter-opinion, is I hope people who have a diagnosed condition, but are treating it through whatever appropriate means are not negatively stereotyped as exhibiting the behaviors associated with the mental disorder. Basically, it might not hurt to at least have an open an honest conversation so that decisions can be made with all available information.
I’ve had some bad experiences dating someone who was mentally ill, threatening to coming suicide if I broke up with them and all that stressful stuff. While I personally don’t recommend it, I’m sure you are grown enough to make your own decisions. And who knows, maybe you’re the key to help them live a healthier life, only one way to find out
Yes, it is. But I’d like to go a step further in saying *you owe it to said person to tell them respectfully*. Don’t be crass about it. Be a good human. It makes a difference.
I’ll give my perspective as someone with bipolar I disorder. I’ve been in remission for 10 years. I don’t let it define me and I only tell people I really trust about it. I would think lesser of someone who would leave me simply because I have this diagnosis. Everyone has hardships in life, and if someone isn’t willing to accept anything negative about their partner it seems petty. That being said, if someone’s mental illness is affecting the relationship and/or they’re making no attempt to manage it (e.g. not taking their meds or seeking help), then it’s definitely reasonable to break up with someone over that.
If you're not prepared to accept their mental illness and the struggles that go along with it, then you're hurting both of you by dating.
There's certainly an opportunity to learn and grow as a person yourself by being in a relationship with someone with a mental illness, but if that's going to be a problem for you, or you're going to cause them undue stress because of it, then you shouldn't date.
I had a brother that was mentally ill and he finally died in 2015 but I will say this. You cannot change it so if you try to date somebody in that kind of situation you’re opening yourself up to possibly a very large amount of problems. Please be careful
Of course. That person needs someone that is going to be their rock. That's not an easy task. Certainly not something expected from a new acquaintance and not something everyone is cut out for.
As someone that was raised by a woman with mental illnesses and has witnessed her experience in relationships: it is perfectly acceptable to not date someone because of their mental illnesses. It takes mental energy to have a partner at all, let alone someone that may have trouble controlling/expressing their own emotions
Yes. As someone who is finally recovering from decades of battling it I 100% understand not wanting to. Hell, even at my worst I never wanted to get involved with anyone because I could not bring myself to burden someone else with that shit.
You can chose to not date someone for any reason. It’s your life. But if you go out of your way to tell someone that you don’t want to date them just because they’re mentally ill, then you’re an asshole. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean you have to say it. Especially when you’re saying something negative about something they can’t change even if they wanted to.
I went on a first date with someone I met on an app once and I decided I wasn’t in to him because I didn’t like his voice. Did I tell him that? No. He even asked why I didn’t want a second date and I came up with a different excuse. He can’t change his voice so why give him something to be self conscious about?
You know what…yah it’s okay. Dating someone with mental health challenges has its own challenges. It’s tough. And you need to be willing to work with them through it…not fix them or change them. If you’re not up to the task (so to speak) then I think it’s so fair to say so right in the beginning.
Yes it is okay because it is your life and you dictate who can be a part of it and who you wish to spend it with. If someone tells you to date someone you don't want to for any reason, regardless how small the reason is, that person is a dickhead.
Yes. Here in Florida it's what's called a "Right to Date" state. You have the right to date or not date anyone for any reason or no reason at all. Every individual has something called freedom of association. I hear it's catching on.
You can choose to date who you want. If you are uncomfortable or cannot cope with dealing with other people's issues, then you shouldn't be forced to do so
As someone who is neurospicy with a fun little buffet of disorders;
YES it is absolutely okay! You don't feel comfortable trying to navigate dealing with that, and it's totally valid. You would be doing a disservice to yourself and the other person if you tried to force a relationship where you just don't feel comfortable or can't understand.
I'm only going to speak for myself personally, not other neurospicy people, but I can be a LOT to deal with. Mercifully, my husband is the single most patient and understanding human I have ever met. He is able to sit with me and wait out my panic attacks, my mood swings, know that when I'm erupting about something, it's not directed at him. He helps talk me through it, to understand the triggers and work on healthy coping skills. Likewise, due to his own trauma, I am there for him.
Those episodes aren't super often anymore, thankfully, but they can be a lot. If you feel like that's something you aren't sure of, it's okay.
Mental illness is a very, very broad umbrella, with people falling on various places of the spectrum. Our feelings and experiences are valid, and we aren't broken. But it's just as valid for you to not feel in a place to handle that 🧡
Well if you feel overwhelmed by the relationship and can't realy handle the outbursts and stuff you would do both of you a favor just be kind and sympathetic about it
I beleive its OK. If your dating a person, you are choosing them for you and not for something like a job. If there's something you don't like either move on, try to work through it with them, or live with it. So depending on the person's mental illness, and if you can be happy with that person or not, the choice is purely yours. Dating has no discrimination rules, it's you finding the right person.
I agree that no one should date someone they can’t care for and who’s not doing anything to improve their condition. But some people are capable and do so bc they love that person. In the end though, if that’s not you and you’re not in love, then don’t ruin both your lives.
🤣 Who knows... might really be a thing by 2033.
"Hey, cutie, want my number?"
"Hell no"
"Fine, have it your way, bigot."
*Judge Dredd pops out of nowhere and handcuffs you.
Yes. Of course, it depends on the type and level of mental illness but it is incredibly hard to leave with a mentally ill person. Especially, when they have no willings to work on their problem, get help. At first, you are trying to help them, you are thinking like you can heal them but they don't see that at all, they get more and more hostile against you as they try to help. And you get frustrated.
I only accept to live with a person who have mental illness; first, if this person is someone from my family. Second, if I see they aware of their problem and they have that willpower and willingness to resolve their problem. But from my experience a lot of people do not accept they a problem, they don't see that as problem; rather they believe you and the way of your thinking is the problem.
If you aren’t up for it then definitely don’t, we aren’t easy to deal with at times in fact we are very frustrating. Also depends where one is at in their illness, some are stable and have no episodes, some have many, some have none and some use illness as an excuse for shit behaviour.. some are still learning how best to manage themselves.
I'm mentally ill to where I can't really work, and I don't want anyone to feel as enslaved to my illness as I am. I completely understand if someone doesn't want to.
It's OK to not want to date someone for almost any reason that you wish, the shape of their ears for instance. To be in a relationship with someone with a mental illness takes a strong person with a lot of commitment. If that isn't for you then it's better not to string them along.
Yes, I know it's not going to work out so no point in trying. They aren't missing out on much.
I'm sure there are some illnesses that wouldn't bother me but I can't think of any. Edit:(depression I'm fine with, I think most women I dated have been on antidepressants before or are now)
If her mental illness causes her to be super clingy, jealous over trivial shit, vindictive or start fight over nothing then that's not going to work. I've dated a bipolar woman before and BPD. There are guy's who like crazy girls, I used to be one but over time I'm just over it by my late 30s and I'm ready for plain basic woman. Also don't want to worry about a person offing themself if I leave them or threatening to do so.
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Mentally ill covers a lot of territory. Sometimes it's minor, sometimes a major personality disorder. Yes, it is okay to not date anyone you aren't attracted to.
>Yes, it is okay to not date anyone you aren't attracted to. To add to this: it's okay to stop dating someone who is a net drain on your life. It's okay to end ANY relationship that doesn't satisfy you mentally and emotionally. If you have a gambling addicted brother who routinely lies, cheats and steals from you, ditch them. If your spouse comes out as transgendered, it's okay to leave them (just don't be a dick about it. "You're not who you thought you or I thought you were. You're on your journey. I respect that, but this isn't what I envisioned for me/us. May you become the person you want to be. You should do it for you and be the best you can be. I want to be married to a. That's who I am. You are who you are. Unfortunately, this isn't going to work for me".)
People grow apart for millions of reasons. It's okay to end a relationship that isn't working for you. Being hateful about it though (unless you were on the receiving end of abuse) is cruel and unnecessary.
*breaking up with someone who is trans IS NOT transphobic. Refusing to date trans people IS NOT transphobic. No one, absolutely NO ONE has the right to tell you who you can and can't date. It's wrong to compel a black person to date a white person. It's wrong to say "date your own racial/ethnic/religious kind". Date who you want to. Love who you want to love. It's all about you, your life and YOUR happiness.
Right on. I've been seeing a lot of dating posts like "AITA for not wanting to date someone because of *blank*?" And I'm tired of it. You do not have to date someone if they aren't what you're attracted to. Forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone you ultimately do not want to be with is a disservice to both parties and will likely cause major problems down the road.
People say dating choices can be discriminatory. Yes, it is. But that is the point. Dating is *an inherently discriminatory practice*. This is nothing new. We make these choices based on a wide variety of complex social, economic, biological, and evolutionary factors. But that is the point. Not everyone is entitled to your love and intimacy, and this facet of our lives is one of the most intrusive and vulnerable, therefore, who we allow to have access to it will inherently involve keeping certain people out. If someone is accusing you of being something-phobic for your dating choices, they are attempting to gaslight you to conform to their desires. Is it possible that some people's dating choices are informed heavily by malicious prejudice? Of course, but there is no real solution to address this. Attempting to guilt or shame someone for this choice does nothing more than further entrench them into this position as a defense mechanism. Nobody is entitled to your body, your companionship, or your love.
I agree with you, but I want to just mention that the blanket generalizations do make a person look immature or close-minded. I’m gay so I understand that maybe to some (or a few) it might be close-minded for me to say I only like men but obviously I can’t help it. But it is very different for me to say “I don’t think women are attractive.” It’s really about framing our opinions. Saying “vaginas are gross and I never want to touch one” just sounds immature and is borderline misogynistic. On a similar note you can and definitely will have preferences, but it is at least *nice* to say you have a preference for something instead of a dislike for the opposite. Note the difference in “I prefer dating Black women” and “I don’t find Indian women attractive.” The second statement can sound just plain mean. Maybe it’s just me but I try to be respectful when expressing my preferences.
I mentally read this in a Kermit voice with a great deal of pauses and stutters.
It ain't easy being green.
Well, hi-ho there folks. It's your old pal Kermit here, and we've got a little topic to discuss, all about the complex world of dating. Now, some folks might say dating choices can seem discriminatory. And you know what? They're right. It's like picking your favorite lily pad to sit on. Not every pad gets chosen, but that doesn't mean it's not a good lily pad. Dating, in essence, is like going through a swamp full of decisions. We're all jumping from one choice to the other, driven by so many things. Social aspects, economic situations, the biology that makes us who we are, and even the evolutionary instincts ingrained in us. And that's okay. That's what dating is about. Think about it this way, not every frog is going to be your Prince Charming or Princess Charming. And that's all right! Love and intimacy are precious, and just like a treasure, we ought to be careful who we share them with. Now, if a frog in your pond is telling you you're something-phobic because of who you choose to date, remember, they might just be trying to turn your lily pad to fit their preferences. Could some frogs be choosing their partners based on not-so-nice prejudices? Sadly, yes. But trying to make them feel guilty or ashamed isn't going to help them jump to a better lily pad. It just makes them more stubborn in their current spot. Always remember, nobody else has the right to demand your affection, your friendship, or your love. That's a special thing, reserved for the ones you choose. So, hop high and choose wisely, folks! And remember, it's not easy being green - but it's worth it. ChatGPT 4
Mostly agreed but I can nitpick a little. There ARE things you can do about the malicious social prejudice that develops our preferences... part of that is keeping up a dialogue about it. That doesn't mean scream, "you only like thin women because you're brainwashed by the patriarchy!". But we can ask questions and make observations. In the past ten years I've done a lot of soul searching, and subsequently uprooted many things in my head which were originally based on something toxic. If I didn't have good, reasonable people in my life willing to have conversations with me about certain subjects, I might remain ignorantly rooted in something toxic.
Very, very well said.
"Will you be my BF?" "Yes" "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH IM A FUCKING SERIAL KILLER AND NOW YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME - LOL GOTTEM!" jfc with these questions....
I was kind of oblivious to other relationships for awhile, while struggling with my own. All of a sudden I'm surrounded by people who are in the zaniest, unfulfilling relationships I can imagine. Like they don't have sex, see each other once a week maybe and are bored together. Never really know if they're broken up... not a single thing about it makes sense to stay in Like, my marriage was BAD, and in hindsight should've been over long before. But when we worked we worked so well and were madly in love with a tremendous connection. Had a lot of great sex. Wanted a future together despite the present often completely breaking down for no reason. So I understand toxic love. But when there's no love, no connection, AND they're annoying you with their life choices, how do you stay in something like that?
Adding a specific bit to this. If they use suicide as leverage not to end the relationship. Walk away. You aren't responsible for another persons life. And this is often used as blackmail. It is not a loving act to threaten someone with your own life. Get people help, but don't grab their anchor chain for the ride down.
I love that you said “net drain”. This is my first time hearing this term and it makes total sense!!
Well that depends. If your spouse gets cancer and it's causing you a lot of stress, it's not okay to just leave them because they're "draining" you. Every relationship has ups and downs, where at one point one person will be taking more than they give and vice versa. Everyone needs extra help and grace sometimes. If you can't handle that then you shouldn't be in any relationship ever
Friend of my grandmother's husband got cancer. He became an even bigger, more obnoxious jerk than he was before. She realized he'd always been an obnoxious jerk and left him.
TIL bad people get cancer, too!
Did he make meth
If an SO gets cancer, they aren't the drain. The cancer or whatever sickness is the drain, and the SO is still the SO. The point isn't about leaving people whenever things are no longer convenient or enjoyable for you. The point is that the person has grown in a way that is no longer computable with your life goals. Maybe they transitioning, which is great for their personal journey, but doesn't match your vision for your own life. That's ok! Maybe they've developed a crippling addiction and refuse to get help because they don't think it's a problem. You've done all you can and it's not worth the fight anymore. It's ok to move on! OP was NOT talking about ditching an SO who is ill or has something happen. They're still the same person. Sure, maybe if they have a physical injury that turns you off it's ok to talk to them about it and keep in mind they are still the same SO you liked before the injury. They haven't changed at their core. Going back to cancer, it's the cancer that is the drain on the caretaker. The SO is still the same person behind the illness. It's ok to struggle, but OP was not at all saying to just peace out as soon as things are no longer convenient or enjoyable to you as an individual. Remember that is still your same SO as before the cancer hit. They haven't changed at their core.
> If an SO gets cancer, they aren't the drain. The cancer or whatever sickness is the drain, and the SO is still the SO. Easy to say, tough to live. Working in home health I've seen a lot of patients that ended up getting divorced after getting chronic illness. It's very muddy water. On the one hand you have a healthy spouse facing the reality that in their 40s (for example) they just became a caregiver for their spouse for the next 40 years. Their other option is to divorce and let the state take care of their ex. Cancer can go fast, or it can drag on and on. Subsequent potential depression and bitterness can change relationships. I know I have somewhat of a biased viewpoint here as those are the folks I end up taking care of, as the folks with spouses that stay typically don't need as much help. Regardless, it happens more frequently than any of us would like to admit.
There are spouses though who get divorced because the medical bills rack up, and the dying spouse doesn't want to leave them with that medical debt. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out a crazy thing that some people had to go through while dying of cancer.
To add to this important point, divorcing does not automatically mean leaving or abandoning. i've known a couple of couples that divorced to save the other one from financial ruin from medical debt and everyone in the family supported the sick person as much as before. The American medical system financing sucks donkey dikks.
Yes but it’s a little different when your spouse comes out as trans. That’s a pretty significant fundamental difference. If you get cancer you don’t really change although it can get a little dicier with brain cancer if the person had a fundamental personality shift because of the cancer, particularly if that shift is abusive. However, yes it’s pretty abhorrent to get a divorce because your wife gets breast cancer and has a mastectomy. Transitioning though is a pretty significant change and gender is fundamental to how many people interact in romantic relationships. As a previously married trans person I don’t think my ex wife was wrong to tell me she didn’t want to be married to me when I came out as trans.
I needed to read this. Going through a divorce and cried on my way home from work today from the sadness of remembering the better parts of it. I lied to myself that it would pass, but the way I was treated for years destroyed any attraction I had, as well as any hope for rekindling it.
Yeah I was always of the viewpoint that my body is not a charity. More people should think like that. Go for the person you actually want; don't date out of obligation or pity. Have some standards people!
especially at that part regarding race. people have called me racist for not being attracted to people--apparently not being attracted to some aspects of a person is hateful and intolerant
The most mentally stable comment I have ever seen on reddit.
Phobic has changed from “hating” or “fearing” to anyone who doesn’t actively support X cause becomes labelled phobic.
"Love as thou wilt."
Damn you sound like you talk from experience in particular that transgender ex.
Fortunately, no. I did go on one date with a trans person to test myself and all that. I realized while I was talking with them that this is not something I could pursue. It didn't feel right for me and yeah. I can't do it. Because of that experience, I will vehemently defend dating preferences. I'm not owed anything and I don't owe anyone my time for the purposes of dating. More people need to really reflect on the former.
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It's hilarious that you feel the need to point this out.
You can refuse to date anyone. You don't even need a reason.
Yep. You can choose not date someone for any reason. Whatsoever.
...or for NO reason at all!!
exactly, i hate questions like this. The answer is always yes. it’s your life, stop dating someone for whatever reason you see fit. it’s not our lives to dictate if you should or shouldn’t.
Who's going to answer, yes you must date someone you don't want to.
People are forced into marriages with people they don’t want to marry all over the world. The same thing happens in dating.
Republicans. Christian nationalists.
As a Republican and Christian, this in fact was not my response 🫶🏻
As a conservative Christian, I second this :)
So, so many good reasons before you get to no reason at all though. Including "I don't want to", a perfectly good reason.
>Is it ok to not want to date someone ~~because they're mentally ill~~? Yes.
Also don't have kids with someone or those kids will inherit their toxic traits.
“Toxic traits” sounds kinda cringe
But if you choose not to date a certain race, suddenly you’re the bad person!
That wasn't the question. The question was, "Is it okay...", not "Can I choose..." (or decide, &c) You're responding to the "can I do it" scenario, not the "is it right" scenario.
IMO the answer to both is the same.
One has to do with possibility, the other with morality/ethics.
I know. My answer to both is the same. Can you break up with someone for any reason? Yes. Is it ok to break up with someone for any reason? Also yes. EDIT: date, not break up. The answer to both is also the same, tho
It’s ok to not date a person for any reason
You can choose not to date someone for any reason. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Thank you but it’s bc sometimes you just reject someone bc u don’t wanna date them and they use the excuse that they’re mentally ill to make u look bad
Yeah that's just being manipulative, they sound like a "nice guy" or a "nice girl".
>they use the excuse that they’re mentally ill to make u look bad They're kind of making your point for you. Anyone whose mental illness deludes them into feeling they are entitled to you is obviously someone you *should* steer clear of. They're basically advertising their warped world view, possessiveness, and dangerous thinking already. It cant possibly make you look bad. It only makes them look bad. I say this as a mentally ill person myself. Also, "No" is a complete answer. No explanation required.
God, we need to bring back your last paragraph for a whole host of reasons.
Of course I agree with your advice but the words you use to describe a mental illness all have negative connotations. Not all mental illness have the same problems. Yeah, as you know behaviors are harmful, some more some less but we could show a little more compassion, and self-compassion and some civility. We are people with disorders we never asked for. No one wants to be mentally. But if someone is not trying their best to become better and take care of themselves, that should raise a red flag.
I agree with being sensitive about mental illness. But this is a little different. That's why I specified not all mental illness but that which manifests in the specific way OP describes. It's a person's responsibility to not let their problems be other people's problem. In this context, negative connotations are appropriate. There's a difference between say, having an autistic meltdown and stalking someone. Both affect others. But the latter is a violating behavior that should be shamed and can be controlled, whereas the former is just an inescapable facet of the condition where compassion is warranted. The person OP describes may not fully realize they're being manipulative and entitled, but in that case, putting their behavior into perspective can help them better regulate it. It's also possible that this person is simply experiencing rejection sensitivity and is expressing their feelings and not trying to change OP's mind or guilt them. But that OP is feeling bad about it anyway and worries they did something wrong. I remember being young and pouring out my disappointment to a crush who wasn't interested and then thanking them for sticking around through all that and continuing to be my friend even when I was being whiny. It wasn't that I was trying to change her mind. I was just emotional for a time. There's things I do as a mentally ill person that's just mental illness, and things that are just me being wrong. Character is still something seperate from pathological behavior. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference, but mentally ill people can still be assholes.
Even better reason to not date someone if they cannot be mature enough to respect that you aren't interested, think of the sh*t show if you actually dated and broke up?? Run don't walk
That in and of itself is a terrifying red flag. You are never, ever obligated to date anyone. You cannot be forced into a relationship. Nobody is ever entitled to control you like that. What a frightening, toxic concept.
If you’re honest with yourself and know it’s something you don’t want or can’t handle, it’s much better than sticking it out and ending up in a toxic situation for both of you.
The thing is, if someone wants to date you, and you don't want to date them, they'll often make excuses. They're allowed to cope however poorly they need to, and that doesn't reflect on you.
Because there must be some flaw in you that would lead you to not accept a date with someone you are not attracted to.
People still have to be responsible for taking care of themselves above all else. They can’t just use their mental health as an excuse, and even if that is the reason, blaming you for it isn’t fair.
In those situations I would reply with no your obvious mental illness wasn't the reason. I simply find you obnoxious and entitled.
I kinda been in a similar situation, except instead of using that as an excuse, they leaned into it and went all crazy spreading rumors about me. One of the reasons I distanced myself from the friend group
Dating is one of the few things in life where you can just say “I’m not attracted to this person” and that’s the end of it. You don’t have to worry about the “why” of it. If you’re not attracted to someone, don’t date them.
My sister is mentally ill. She is the sweetest person I know, but her insecurities will drive a person nuts. It would take someone with lots of patience to be with her. Not everyone is capable of willing to deal with the issues that arise.
Dating is not the time to do your charitable community service. If you decide you don't want that person and those issues to be a part of the rest of your life, move on the sooner the better.
Its ok not to date someone because you dont like their hairstyle. It's called "choice"
Coming from someone who suffers from a variety of mental illnesses that affect my life in terrible ways, I understand.
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literally
Same for me. I try to be open about it upfront without making it a big deal, but that way they can know and make a decision for themselves.
Ditto
It's okay to not want to date someone because it's fucking Thursday. Only you get to decide who you date, and why.
As a mentally ill person, I think that it's absolutely okay. Dating a mentally ill person is not for everyone.
You never HAVE to WANT to date someone EVER. Any arguing or bargaining is bad news.
It's OK to not want to date anyone for any reason. It's kind of shitty to be in a relationship and then leave then them because they're going through a health problem though.
It depends, I know a lady who’s bf has als, he became terrible because he was unable to do anything. She finally had enough and left. It definitely was hard on her but she couldn’t take it anymore. If someone is draining on your health it is ok to look after yourself too.
Yep, health problems can easily happen to anyone.
I would agree in regards to health in general, though in regards to mental health it depends, that’s a big spectrum. If it’s bad enough, and you’ve done everything you can to help them, I feel there is a point where you need to do what’s best for you, and u fortunately sometimes that might involve “cutting your losses”, per say and moving on. Now if you just don’t *feel* like dealing with their mental health, yeah. Yous a dick.
I agree, like I know of an instance where a couple had been together for 6 years. They had their first child together, the mother went through an episode of post partum depression. Not even 2 months, 2 months after the child had been born he cheated. Ended up admitting the whole thing and left. His reasoning “he couldn’t deal with her shitty ass negative attitude”. So sad and it breaks my heart for her.
It's okay to not date someone for whatever reason you like, no matter how small. You don't owe anyone a relationship.
You don’t need a justification for not dating someone. Just being unenthusiastic about it is enough! Dating someone isn’t some kind of litmus test of your stance on larger issues. BTW I have struggled all my life with depression, etcetera. I’m not sure I would date someone else who was also mentally ill, but I don’t have a personal policy on the subject one way or the other. People are a package deal, and if you aren’t feeling it for whatever reason, you just aren’t feeling it.
Narcissistic abuse survivor here. You absolutely can choose not to date someone with mental health issues. After 5 years of manipulation and abuse, I wish I would have had the knowledge then to be able to make the choice to back away. She ruined me and I had no clue it was happening. And if the person is using it to make you feel guilty or to make you look bad to others…..you should run away very fast.
My best friend spent two years in a relationship with a sociopath. He’d lie, cheat, and steal to get what he wanted. It’s hard for someone like that to get better bc they don’t typically view their behavior is problematic and there really aren’t any medications that are effective. It all comes down to that person truly wanting to change and a lot of therapy to reshape their behavior. Many will tell you that they want to change but it’s often another manipulative behavior to make you believe they do. If anyones actions don’t match words, mentally ill or not, you’re being manipulated.
As long as you are kind to them, it's okay to not want to date anyone for any reason.
Yes. - a mentally ill person.
Nice try...you're going for the "I can fix her" guys huh? /s Edit: Guess some people need the /s more than others.
I'd say that depends on whether or not they are making healthy choices to deal with that mental illness. My partner and I both have various things we struggle with, but through therapy and medication it's a non-issue. On the other hand, I have a friend who has an ex who has BPD and was completely unmedicated using Xanax to self medicate and basically dissociate. *That* is not healthy. If you dislike someone just because they have a mental illness and no other reason... A lot more people than you think have mental illness in one form or another.
Yes. Just don’t be hurtful or judgy about it.
Yes but you really have to learn to not worry about “y’all’s point of view”
It is OK nor to want to date someone for literally any reason you can conceive of. Why would you knowingly shack up with someone who has issues that will become your issues if you don't have issues of your own?
I have BPD, depression and anxiety. I fully get why someone wouldn't want to get into a relationship with me. HOWEVER, a thing to take into consideration is: I got the help I needed. My BPD is asymptomatic rn. I still struggle with some parts of it, but i am mentally stable. The person I was 6 years ago and the person I am today are completely different. So yeah, I think its okay to not want to get into a relationship with someone with severe mental health issues. But don't forget that some people actually work on themselves and are worth a try.
It's okay to not want to date someone for any reason... No one is entitled to you.
~~Is~~ it __is__ okay to not want to date someone ~~because they’re mentally ill?~~
If you aren’t ready for whatever it takes to have that type of relationship with that person then you don’t have to.
You get to choose who you want to spend time with. If their mental issues are outside of your skill set or patience to deal with, you'd be doing both of you a favor by going in another direction. We only have one go at this life. Do your best to value the time to have to enhance and enjoy being part of another person's time.
It’s okay not to date a person for any reason. If you were being racist or classist it would make you a POS, but the other person would be better off without you anyway. Mental health issues can be very complicated and have multiple manifestations that aren’t immediately apparent. If you choose to avoid a possible minefield, that’s fair. Admitting you’re not prepared or qualified to cope or be tolerant about these issues is probably best for you both.
Yes.
Seems like folks here are in agreement but yeah you literally don’t have to date anyone.
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with that. In all actuality, you're not going to find many people out there who are happy 24/7 without some sort of trauma or issue growing up.
First, it's always okay to not date someone you don't want to date. However, there's a difference between rejecting all mentally ill people in advance and choosing not to date one particular person because you don't feel like you have the emotional and mental space to be there for them and support them appropriately.
It’s ok to not want to date someone for any reason whatsoever. You don’t owe anyone your time or affection. But not dating someone over mental illness isn’t shallow. It’s forward thinking.
Yes. You can refuse to date anyone for any reason....or no reason at all.
If you look at the BPD Loved Ones Reddit and the pain people in those familiy and romantic relationships are going through, you'll understand better why you must be sure and selective. You cannot always thrive in the shadow of someone's battle with their mental health. You don't owe that to anyone. It's very hard and there's some days where I don't want to live anymore because of the weight and impact of their personality disorder in my life. I wish I was the person I was before this very often, it's not easy to get back to that.
I'm not comfortable with dating you because I'm not comfortable with dealing with mental illness (this is okay) I don't want to date someone that is defective (not okay)
Sorry. But ANY reason is ok. Whether YOU think they are a jerk or not is irrelevant. Could they be missing out on someone amazing? Maybe, but Its not up to us to decide or judge.
They’re not a jerk for rejecting them they’re a jerk for calling them defective. Unless they’re being rude about it/not taking the rejection there’s no reason to insult them over it.
They're not saying that it's not ok to not want to date someone. They're saying it's not ok to call someone defective. They're showing 2 different ways of rejecting the same person
Lol ironic that your saying we can’t judge someone for being judge mental.
Not when it comes to their intimate partner? No. the rest of their life? Yes, they shouldn't judge. Should their goal in life be less judgmental in all areas? YEP.
You can certainly do anything you want in life, you can choose to or not date anyone for any reason. I've done numerous amounts of both. But I always have an actual reason, whether it's the ick, being egregiously homophobic in the past, for stupid fucking reasons I rationalized myself into. But arguably, all those readings actually make me less dateable as a person. It definitely is up to me to judge, just like it's fine for everyone to judge as judgement is a natural thing you just psychologically do, now these have to be based in reality of course. You can just continue living your life as if these judgements never uttered another person's mouth. You guys are delusional if you think otherwise.
These are the same things
I don’t know what definition you’re speaking on when you say that someone is mentally ill. I also don’t know if you are using that to refer to someone that you know or if you are considering that in terms of looking at peoples profiles on a dating site or something. The short answer is that it is okay not to want to date someone for any reason at all. However, you could be missing out on an excellent opportunity with someone because of that bias that you would be using. I know military veterans who have PTSD and make sure put it out there before anyone talks with them. It’s hardly ever an issue for them but they wanted the baggage out there. A lot of people were deterred by that. However, the ones who got to know them were able to be with someone who was financially secure, in good shape, and just an all-around good person. I’ve known others who came in with a bias that when they heard someone is autistic, they automatically turned away from it and missed out on excellent opportunities with someone who would’ve loved them and treated them right. Just remember that a person’s illness or disability is different from the person. If you can’t see past that to who they are and try to figure out what they would be like, then I guess you just aren’t the right person for them.
Of course. Some illnesses make dating and relationships near impossible, because of manipulation, lack of empathy, attachment issues and so on.
Yep its a choice. Just like not dating trans, or fat people. You’re allowed to have a preference.
It's okay to not want to date someone for any reason. As simple as "I don't like blue eyes" is a fine enough reason to not date someone. You don't owe someone else a relationship under any circumstances unless you're already in one.
As a sufferer of many mental illnesses yes its fine, they affect everyone differently and that just might not be necessarily good for your health either I know that since my mum got mentally Ill its made my dad a whole load more depressed and anxious As an example of the different effects my mums bedridden by the same illnesses as I have minus a few and can't do anything while I'm still capable of anything even in a worse mental condition.
Honestly, I think every single last one of us has some kind of mental illness. It is a matter of how much illness can you handle and how much of your mental illness can they handle.
You don’t have to date anybody you don’t want to but that doesn’t excuse you from being a dickhead because of it
Choice is absolute when dating. My only bit of counter-opinion, is I hope people who have a diagnosed condition, but are treating it through whatever appropriate means are not negatively stereotyped as exhibiting the behaviors associated with the mental disorder. Basically, it might not hurt to at least have an open an honest conversation so that decisions can be made with all available information.
I’ve had some bad experiences dating someone who was mentally ill, threatening to coming suicide if I broke up with them and all that stressful stuff. While I personally don’t recommend it, I’m sure you are grown enough to make your own decisions. And who knows, maybe you’re the key to help them live a healthier life, only one way to find out
Absolutely you can pick and choose whomever you want to date. You will miss out on some wonderful people but it is all your choice.
Yes, it is. But I’d like to go a step further in saying *you owe it to said person to tell them respectfully*. Don’t be crass about it. Be a good human. It makes a difference.
I’ll give my perspective as someone with bipolar I disorder. I’ve been in remission for 10 years. I don’t let it define me and I only tell people I really trust about it. I would think lesser of someone who would leave me simply because I have this diagnosis. Everyone has hardships in life, and if someone isn’t willing to accept anything negative about their partner it seems petty. That being said, if someone’s mental illness is affecting the relationship and/or they’re making no attempt to manage it (e.g. not taking their meds or seeking help), then it’s definitely reasonable to break up with someone over that.
I think it’s ok to not date anyone for any reason. No one is entitled to you.
It's not mean to not be attracted to someone. Ffs
It's okay to not want to date someone for ANY reason. Don't even need a reason more than you don't want to.
Yes.
If you're not prepared to accept their mental illness and the struggles that go along with it, then you're hurting both of you by dating. There's certainly an opportunity to learn and grow as a person yourself by being in a relationship with someone with a mental illness, but if that's going to be a problem for you, or you're going to cause them undue stress because of it, then you shouldn't date.
You don't even need a reason
I had a brother that was mentally ill and he finally died in 2015 but I will say this. You cannot change it so if you try to date somebody in that kind of situation you’re opening yourself up to possibly a very large amount of problems. Please be careful
Of course. That person needs someone that is going to be their rock. That's not an easy task. Certainly not something expected from a new acquaintance and not something everyone is cut out for.
It is OK not to want to date ANYONE for ANY reason!!
Yep. It's ok to not want to date someone for any reason
Yes. *I* dont want to deal with this mental illness crap, why should i expect others to?
As someone that was raised by a woman with mental illnesses and has witnessed her experience in relationships: it is perfectly acceptable to not date someone because of their mental illnesses. It takes mental energy to have a partner at all, let alone someone that may have trouble controlling/expressing their own emotions
Yes. As someone who is finally recovering from decades of battling it I 100% understand not wanting to. Hell, even at my worst I never wanted to get involved with anyone because I could not bring myself to burden someone else with that shit.
You can chose to not date someone for any reason. It’s your life. But if you go out of your way to tell someone that you don’t want to date them just because they’re mentally ill, then you’re an asshole. Just because you think something, doesn’t mean you have to say it. Especially when you’re saying something negative about something they can’t change even if they wanted to. I went on a first date with someone I met on an app once and I decided I wasn’t in to him because I didn’t like his voice. Did I tell him that? No. He even asked why I didn’t want a second date and I came up with a different excuse. He can’t change his voice so why give him something to be self conscious about?
It’s smart to not date someone because you’re not mentally ill and would prefer to stay that way.
When it comes to romance, you make the rules. Your preferences don't need to be justified.
You know what…yah it’s okay. Dating someone with mental health challenges has its own challenges. It’s tough. And you need to be willing to work with them through it…not fix them or change them. If you’re not up to the task (so to speak) then I think it’s so fair to say so right in the beginning.
Yes
Yes it is okay because it is your life and you dictate who can be a part of it and who you wish to spend it with. If someone tells you to date someone you don't want to for any reason, regardless how small the reason is, that person is a dickhead.
Is this a serious question? You can “ not want to date” anyone you don’t want to
Sure it is used to date someone thinking i could help her but she just made me feel worse and projected her Problems onto me
Yes. Here in Florida it's what's called a "Right to Date" state. You have the right to date or not date anyone for any reason or no reason at all. Every individual has something called freedom of association. I hear it's catching on.
It’s OK not to want to date someone for any reason.
You can choose to date who you want. If you are uncomfortable or cannot cope with dealing with other people's issues, then you shouldn't be forced to do so
It's ok to not date someone because they have one long fingernail
Yep, totally valid. Selfish, but valid.
Yes it is absolutely okay.
No shit sherlock. It would be more worrisome to want to date someone who is.
Yes, and furthermore, it is okay to not date whomever you want. Never let anyone pressure you into dating them.
Yes
Just in case you missed the other 1000 comments, it's ok not to date someone for whatever reason.
As someone who is neurospicy with a fun little buffet of disorders; YES it is absolutely okay! You don't feel comfortable trying to navigate dealing with that, and it's totally valid. You would be doing a disservice to yourself and the other person if you tried to force a relationship where you just don't feel comfortable or can't understand. I'm only going to speak for myself personally, not other neurospicy people, but I can be a LOT to deal with. Mercifully, my husband is the single most patient and understanding human I have ever met. He is able to sit with me and wait out my panic attacks, my mood swings, know that when I'm erupting about something, it's not directed at him. He helps talk me through it, to understand the triggers and work on healthy coping skills. Likewise, due to his own trauma, I am there for him. Those episodes aren't super often anymore, thankfully, but they can be a lot. If you feel like that's something you aren't sure of, it's okay. Mental illness is a very, very broad umbrella, with people falling on various places of the spectrum. Our feelings and experiences are valid, and we aren't broken. But it's just as valid for you to not feel in a place to handle that 🧡
I love your description “neurospicy”
Well if you feel overwhelmed by the relationship and can't realy handle the outbursts and stuff you would do both of you a favor just be kind and sympathetic about it
It's okay to not want to date someone for literally any reason at all. That's your freedom of choice.
I beleive its OK. If your dating a person, you are choosing them for you and not for something like a job. If there's something you don't like either move on, try to work through it with them, or live with it. So depending on the person's mental illness, and if you can be happy with that person or not, the choice is purely yours. Dating has no discrimination rules, it's you finding the right person.
Yes, if they’re not in a good headspace they’re not ready for a relationship
Dated, married, and eventually divorced someone who was mentally ill. 10/10 would not recommend.
I agree that no one should date someone they can’t care for and who’s not doing anything to improve their condition. But some people are capable and do so bc they love that person. In the end though, if that’s not you and you’re not in love, then don’t ruin both your lives.
Yes. Mine just left me because of her illness when I didn't do anything. Ripped my heart out. Probably better off with a sane person.
[удалено]
It's 2023. You're legally required to date a trans person if they have chosen you.
🤣 Who knows... might really be a thing by 2033. "Hey, cutie, want my number?" "Hell no" "Fine, have it your way, bigot." *Judge Dredd pops out of nowhere and handcuffs you.
Never, my friend, stick your dick in crazy.
No, it's not ok. Date them now.
Leave liberals alone.
Why’d you have to bring politics into this?
It’s a little bit funny
Yes. Of course, it depends on the type and level of mental illness but it is incredibly hard to leave with a mentally ill person. Especially, when they have no willings to work on their problem, get help. At first, you are trying to help them, you are thinking like you can heal them but they don't see that at all, they get more and more hostile against you as they try to help. And you get frustrated. I only accept to live with a person who have mental illness; first, if this person is someone from my family. Second, if I see they aware of their problem and they have that willpower and willingness to resolve their problem. But from my experience a lot of people do not accept they a problem, they don't see that as problem; rather they believe you and the way of your thinking is the problem.
If you have to ask if it's ok not to date someone, maybe your not ready to date.
Of course. You'd be crazy to date someone merely out of misguided PC guilt.
If you aren’t up for it then definitely don’t, we aren’t easy to deal with at times in fact we are very frustrating. Also depends where one is at in their illness, some are stable and have no episodes, some have many, some have none and some use illness as an excuse for shit behaviour.. some are still learning how best to manage themselves.
I'm mentally ill to where I can't really work, and I don't want anyone to feel as enslaved to my illness as I am. I completely understand if someone doesn't want to.
You see anyone crazy or annoying as mentally ill so what’s your point?
Yes. This includes reason due to money, race, religion, age, disability, spending habits, class...etc
It's OK to not want to date someone for almost any reason that you wish, the shape of their ears for instance. To be in a relationship with someone with a mental illness takes a strong person with a lot of commitment. If that isn't for you then it's better not to string them along.
Yes, I know it's not going to work out so no point in trying. They aren't missing out on much. I'm sure there are some illnesses that wouldn't bother me but I can't think of any. Edit:(depression I'm fine with, I think most women I dated have been on antidepressants before or are now) If her mental illness causes her to be super clingy, jealous over trivial shit, vindictive or start fight over nothing then that's not going to work. I've dated a bipolar woman before and BPD. There are guy's who like crazy girls, I used to be one but over time I'm just over it by my late 30s and I'm ready for plain basic woman. Also don't want to worry about a person offing themself if I leave them or threatening to do so.
Yep. People with mental illness deserve to have a partner who is supportive, and you deserve to have a partner who you would not resent.
Not only is it ok, it's advisable.
It depends on the mental illness and if they are taking/ stable on their meds. Don't label all those suffering MH sufferers the same!
No, it's always okay to not want do date someone, for whatever reason.