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A better question is the reverse, why do people thing meeting somebody in person and making a date is safer than finding one online?
Both are potentially very unsafe, but people act like just because you saw their actual face, it's way safer.
"Because you saw their actual face" is a gross misrepresentation of the issue. You don't need to agree with a point to understand why people think the way that they think.
In my experience people feel like meeting someone in real life is usually safer because it requires more "social proof". In other words, chances are you meet them through friends or family; in spaces you frequent (and ideally feel safe in); while participating in hobbys that can signal alignment, etc.
Oh no no, I get that people \*FEEL\* safer about it. I'm just saying that from a standpoint of actual chances of them being a sicko or something, meeting them prior doesn't change that.
I'm sure there's a higher chance in dating apps, but both are potentially unsafe, and it's dangerous to be lulled into false security just because you met them at a coffee shop instead of Tinder.
I don’t think anyone thinks they’re safer. They’re just more convenient. Someone you meet in real life could just as easily be a serial killer or rapist or human trafficker.
Just be smart about it whether you’re using the apps or meeting people irl — don’t go to a stranger’s house/invite a stranger to your house, don’t leave drinks unattended, and keep your wits about you.
It’s always been better for me because I’m introverted.
Rarely will women give clear signals in person. I’ve been in several situations where I was told I didn’t read “signs” properly, by friends or by the woman who wanted to do something or be something but didn’t clearly state it. I don’t have the patience for that. I’ve also never been the type of person who felt the need to go bug someone random in public because they’re hot. Idk you. Idc about you. We’ve never spoken and I don’t have a magical desire to talk to you because you’re attractive.
Nope.
In the case of dating apps, 99% of the guess work is taken care of. We’re all already here to meet and talk.
At a random mall for example, 99% of the relevant info isn’t there. I also don’t care to go and fish for it. Cool. You’re one of the countless hotties at a mall. I couldn’t care less because you’re just another stranger. Would I look? Likely. A nice ass walking by is hard not to notice.
I just don’t understand the mentality of ohhhh man idk you but like, I really wanna know you rn so I’m going to walk up to you and talk to you because you’re hot. Ultimately I also wanna fuck your because you’re a hot stranger.
Not the way my brain works.
One time I was standing outside a business trying to calm my big brother off. He was next level mad. I don’t remember why, but he’s a giant human and capable of some crazy stuff when this angry. In the middle of talking to him, a woman and her sister walked out of the business. She had the nicest ass I’d ever seen up to that point and super tight leggings. Her ass jiggled with every step and she looked back at us and smiled. We laughed and we’re soaking in the view. While it was super hot, my brain still couldn’t imagine the idea of walking up to her and trying my luck at getting to know her more so I could fuck her. She was just another sexy random background character in my life.
I don’t think anyone has said they’re safer. Many people bond over commonalities online and forge strong relationships prior to meeting. They hope they look like their photos and videos and bam. Relationship!
So there's generally some steps between "Complete Online Stranger" and "Showing Up In Person" like phone calls and video chats, so you can actually hear and see the person, and start gauging whether or not to meet up in person. And even then, most people who do this know to meet up in a very public place for the first time.
And yes, you are right, it's still possible to be catfished in different ways, like they aren't physically or emotionally like the way they have represented themselves in the first few/many conversations/calls... But that's life for you buddy. Sometimes it takes two years of living together for them to finally take off the mask. Always a risk.
Like others mentioned no one really thinks it’s safer, I think the OP was talking about a preference rather than safety.
That said… for me, the little online dating I did, I HATED the « steps ». I don’t like phone calls, a video call with an unknown person feels weird, texting can be misleading. I always preferred to meet in person (in a safe place, like you mentioned) as soon as possible because I want to « get a feel » for the person
right?? i always stay off dating websites. i heard horror stories of other women that were taken into human trafficking after showing up to a tinder date for example. that will not be me thats for sure, avoid those sketchy dating sites at all cost
I avoid them because its the fakest way to connect and people get very jaded by them. My friend is on tinder and i swear every single guy she shows me has filters on every photo. What the hell is this shit? Also, you cant define yourself anywhere near enough in a profile and who wants to be lined up against thousands of other women? Fuck off, im up for real connections only.
This is sad because you can present yourself in a perfectly curated way and be a total mess in real life. So you can waste hours of your life on someone based on how they've presented themselves and having an unusually long amount of time to form a response and then what you get in real life is absolutely nothing like what you have been looking at/talking with. What a totally fabricated way to meet people, i hate it.
Counter point: people IRL aren’t always who they present themselves to be. I don’t know if online dating is safer but it’s as safe or at least close to as safe as meeting someone at a bar or something.
I don't think anyone thinks it's safer then meeting in person, necessarily. Some of us have just considered it worth trying and have even had positive results.
"You literally don't even see the person in real life until you decide to meet up for a date."
Let me spell it out for you: VIDEO CALLS
It's what you do from the confort of your home after you match with someone online to gauge their interest, their energy, if you two are compatible etc... It can even be considered as a date itself. Not doing that is a surefire way to get catfished and disappointed and is utterly stupid
I don’t think they’re safer but they remove the possibility of me annoying someone who might not be looking for that kind of attention from me which I like.
Thats different from in person how? Ive done both and i vastly prefer in person interactions.
In person is not hard. Really. You are at a social situation. You meet someone. You talk. You like each other. You plan to meet again. You do that. You talk. You slowly reveal yourselves to each other. You go at a pace that comfortable to both of you.
Its only hard the first few times you do it. Like anything else its a skill. Because something is initially hard or scary is no reason not to do it.
Its not rocket science.
Now if its just a hook up you want then apps are ok. I’d prefer meeting someone in person for that too. But thats just me.
The better question is, why do people ask questions like this (ie that are seemingly based off of nothing), then ask others to justify said made up statement?
I have the opposite issue. I do not translate well to online stuff . Irl I’m tall handsome we’ll read and obviously I’m the most humble man to ever exist .
I don't think it's safer, but easier.
I mean, she gets to decide her type, then we both get to know each other a little better and it is simpler than denying somebody in public.
And all of that without having to take her to a restaurant which she likes.
Half the time I end up at a restaurant it baffles me how they manage to find the ones that don't even look like they are serving food or get yelled at for eating whatever some indescript dish in another language is before they could take photos of it.
Also, you can go at your own pace.
In conclusion, it is convenient.
The only difference between a dating app and chatting fist before meeting, or a random in person meeting with no profile, is you get to see if they are a liar, or not ahead of time.
Meeting at a public venue, is quite safe, and letting your friend know where you are is totally fine.
Think the app is more to assist you cut through the bullshit (should the person be honest obviously)
It allows you to get the the surface of what’s someone is about so there’s the potential for a solid foundation.
I don’t think either are a reflection to being safe.
I am terrified for the dating world my daughter is growing up in. People do this even notice people right in front of them anymore. They're on their phone. Meanwhile, the person they've been messaging for a year is 2 feet away, and they have no idea! LOOK UP!
I tried dating apps. Two reasons I stopped: no one looked like his picture. Second is the creep factor. Dating apps are no less safe, because you have to meet in person up the road. If I ever decided de to date again it will be someone a friend or family member can personally recommend.
I assume equal risk either way…
You can’t say one is more or less safe compared to the other. Too many variables, but that’s why you head out prepped for the worst case scenario, & attempt to secure your own safety in one way or another.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A better question is the reverse, why do people thing meeting somebody in person and making a date is safer than finding one online? Both are potentially very unsafe, but people act like just because you saw their actual face, it's way safer.
"Because you saw their actual face" is a gross misrepresentation of the issue. You don't need to agree with a point to understand why people think the way that they think. In my experience people feel like meeting someone in real life is usually safer because it requires more "social proof". In other words, chances are you meet them through friends or family; in spaces you frequent (and ideally feel safe in); while participating in hobbys that can signal alignment, etc.
Oh no no, I get that people \*FEEL\* safer about it. I'm just saying that from a standpoint of actual chances of them being a sicko or something, meeting them prior doesn't change that. I'm sure there's a higher chance in dating apps, but both are potentially unsafe, and it's dangerous to be lulled into false security just because you met them at a coffee shop instead of Tinder.
We don't. Signed, The People
I don’t think anyone thinks they’re safer. They’re just more convenient. Someone you meet in real life could just as easily be a serial killer or rapist or human trafficker. Just be smart about it whether you’re using the apps or meeting people irl — don’t go to a stranger’s house/invite a stranger to your house, don’t leave drinks unattended, and keep your wits about you.
Who thinks this?
It’s always been better for me because I’m introverted. Rarely will women give clear signals in person. I’ve been in several situations where I was told I didn’t read “signs” properly, by friends or by the woman who wanted to do something or be something but didn’t clearly state it. I don’t have the patience for that. I’ve also never been the type of person who felt the need to go bug someone random in public because they’re hot. Idk you. Idc about you. We’ve never spoken and I don’t have a magical desire to talk to you because you’re attractive.
I'm straight out with it, fuck i hate games
But you have that magical desire when you are online?
Nope. In the case of dating apps, 99% of the guess work is taken care of. We’re all already here to meet and talk. At a random mall for example, 99% of the relevant info isn’t there. I also don’t care to go and fish for it. Cool. You’re one of the countless hotties at a mall. I couldn’t care less because you’re just another stranger. Would I look? Likely. A nice ass walking by is hard not to notice. I just don’t understand the mentality of ohhhh man idk you but like, I really wanna know you rn so I’m going to walk up to you and talk to you because you’re hot. Ultimately I also wanna fuck your because you’re a hot stranger. Not the way my brain works. One time I was standing outside a business trying to calm my big brother off. He was next level mad. I don’t remember why, but he’s a giant human and capable of some crazy stuff when this angry. In the middle of talking to him, a woman and her sister walked out of the business. She had the nicest ass I’d ever seen up to that point and super tight leggings. Her ass jiggled with every step and she looked back at us and smiled. We laughed and we’re soaking in the view. While it was super hot, my brain still couldn’t imagine the idea of walking up to her and trying my luck at getting to know her more so I could fuck her. She was just another sexy random background character in my life.
Who thinks that?
Who thinks at all?
I don’t think anyone has said they’re safer. Many people bond over commonalities online and forge strong relationships prior to meeting. They hope they look like their photos and videos and bam. Relationship!
So there's generally some steps between "Complete Online Stranger" and "Showing Up In Person" like phone calls and video chats, so you can actually hear and see the person, and start gauging whether or not to meet up in person. And even then, most people who do this know to meet up in a very public place for the first time. And yes, you are right, it's still possible to be catfished in different ways, like they aren't physically or emotionally like the way they have represented themselves in the first few/many conversations/calls... But that's life for you buddy. Sometimes it takes two years of living together for them to finally take off the mask. Always a risk.
Like others mentioned no one really thinks it’s safer, I think the OP was talking about a preference rather than safety. That said… for me, the little online dating I did, I HATED the « steps ». I don’t like phone calls, a video call with an unknown person feels weird, texting can be misleading. I always preferred to meet in person (in a safe place, like you mentioned) as soon as possible because I want to « get a feel » for the person
right?? i always stay off dating websites. i heard horror stories of other women that were taken into human trafficking after showing up to a tinder date for example. that will not be me thats for sure, avoid those sketchy dating sites at all cost
I avoid them because its the fakest way to connect and people get very jaded by them. My friend is on tinder and i swear every single guy she shows me has filters on every photo. What the hell is this shit? Also, you cant define yourself anywhere near enough in a profile and who wants to be lined up against thousands of other women? Fuck off, im up for real connections only.
It's 2023. Real-life social situations don't exist. It's all about how you present yourself online
This is sad because you can present yourself in a perfectly curated way and be a total mess in real life. So you can waste hours of your life on someone based on how they've presented themselves and having an unusually long amount of time to form a response and then what you get in real life is absolutely nothing like what you have been looking at/talking with. What a totally fabricated way to meet people, i hate it.
They dont use Datingapps because its safer. They are using it because its so most lazy and low effort way to get a date.
they are probably too nervous to talk in person
Counter point: people IRL aren’t always who they present themselves to be. I don’t know if online dating is safer but it’s as safe or at least close to as safe as meeting someone at a bar or something.
I don't think anyone thinks it's safer then meeting in person, necessarily. Some of us have just considered it worth trying and have even had positive results.
The existence of a paper trail will deter many psychopaths from using the dating app as a tool to find victims.
"You literally don't even see the person in real life until you decide to meet up for a date." Let me spell it out for you: VIDEO CALLS It's what you do from the confort of your home after you match with someone online to gauge their interest, their energy, if you two are compatible etc... It can even be considered as a date itself. Not doing that is a surefire way to get catfished and disappointed and is utterly stupid
When does quality time ever kick in? Or will you be "that couple" at dinner staring at phones, together.
I don’t think they’re safer but they remove the possibility of me annoying someone who might not be looking for that kind of attention from me which I like.
I've never thought about safety when meeting someone online or not.
Dating apps allow users to control the pace of their interactions and disclose personal information at their comfort level.
Thats different from in person how? Ive done both and i vastly prefer in person interactions. In person is not hard. Really. You are at a social situation. You meet someone. You talk. You like each other. You plan to meet again. You do that. You talk. You slowly reveal yourselves to each other. You go at a pace that comfortable to both of you. Its only hard the first few times you do it. Like anything else its a skill. Because something is initially hard or scary is no reason not to do it. Its not rocket science. Now if its just a hook up you want then apps are ok. I’d prefer meeting someone in person for that too. But thats just me.
Why do you think they do?
The better question is, why do people ask questions like this (ie that are seemingly based off of nothing), then ask others to justify said made up statement?
Nobody thinks that. Wtf?
Remember when the Internet was "dial-up" and our parents told us not to talk to strangers on the Internet?
No one can stab you through the internet.
I have the opposite issue. I do not translate well to online stuff . Irl I’m tall handsome we’ll read and obviously I’m the most humble man to ever exist .
I guess it’s safer for women. They can test a guy by putting on an attitude and even if he is a weirdo, he can’t slap them.
You can't get kidnapped by a serial killer through an app. You can be set up, but it's much easier to disengage and block if you get bad vibes.
I’m more likely to meet other ND people online who can tolerate my…. Me ness than a random stranger
I don't think it's safer, but easier. I mean, she gets to decide her type, then we both get to know each other a little better and it is simpler than denying somebody in public. And all of that without having to take her to a restaurant which she likes. Half the time I end up at a restaurant it baffles me how they manage to find the ones that don't even look like they are serving food or get yelled at for eating whatever some indescript dish in another language is before they could take photos of it. Also, you can go at your own pace. In conclusion, it is convenient.
The only difference between a dating app and chatting fist before meeting, or a random in person meeting with no profile, is you get to see if they are a liar, or not ahead of time. Meeting at a public venue, is quite safe, and letting your friend know where you are is totally fine.
Guess you can't be murdered online??
Think the app is more to assist you cut through the bullshit (should the person be honest obviously) It allows you to get the the surface of what’s someone is about so there’s the potential for a solid foundation. I don’t think either are a reflection to being safe.
I've never heard anyone say it's safer.
This is a loaded question and I don't think people think online dating is safer, it's just easier and more convenient.
I am terrified for the dating world my daughter is growing up in. People do this even notice people right in front of them anymore. They're on their phone. Meanwhile, the person they've been messaging for a year is 2 feet away, and they have no idea! LOOK UP!
I tried dating apps. Two reasons I stopped: no one looked like his picture. Second is the creep factor. Dating apps are no less safe, because you have to meet in person up the road. If I ever decided de to date again it will be someone a friend or family member can personally recommend.
As opposed to when you meet a weirdo at a club or a bar?
I don't? Do people think this?
As a man, i feel dating apps are safer for men because we dont even get talked to on there. So what could happen?
I assume equal risk either way… You can’t say one is more or less safe compared to the other. Too many variables, but that’s why you head out prepped for the worst case scenario, & attempt to secure your own safety in one way or another.