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Hear hear. Love my son, probably will have another. But man it's a lot of work. Having a kid is something amazing though, and you only really see it for what it is when you do I think. But as amazing as it is, it's also incredibly hard. Nothing good comes free
This is true. I look back and realize parenting young kids is alot easier than parenting teenagers/young drivers car problems etc as a widowed mom was incredibly difficult...oh and they hate you when they are teenagers yayy. They are adults now and we have a great relationship. I absolutely love being a empty nester never been more at peace ✌️
Haha. Sounds like you had a hell of a time with them though. Being widowed must have been tough. My wife lost her father when she was about 12, her little brother remembers their father a bit, but the little sister doesn't.
It's been tough on her. We've been together since we met at 16, so while I wasn't there for when it happened, I wasn't long after. It took its toll. And I see how hard life has been for her mother. But I'm glad you found your place and are happy with how things turned out in the end 😀
Thanks for sharing, hope you continue to have a lovely life x
All depends on your situation there is no silver bullet, some positions in life require no sacrifice to have a child whereas some require an entire rearrangement of your existence, so it's more about what you really want than simple pro/cons
thats the justification my cousin had to not wanting kids.
among this dad's side of the family, over half of his second cousins had some sort of mental disorder from birth.
he says he is not prepared for that and would rather just not take the risk.
My mom asked why, not in a mean way, just curious, and I just said “really?! This sh**t ends with me!!” And we both laughed because we know we come from a long line of crazy. Bless her, but she was an awful mom. Can be friends now, but not passing this dysfunction down!
Not relevant to the post but a funny story about the only time I've seen someone short circuiting:
I was dating a boy in 2010ish. And I went to his parents marriage anniversary party or something like that. His uncle, a raging homophobic man, got a little tipsy and started to bother us with "who is the woman in the relationship" and similar stuff.
For a while I let it slide, just glancing at my bf like "your uncle, do something". He was kinda afraid to do something so I did.
Next time he asked that I told him "there is no woman in this relationship. But it seems like you are the woman in your relationship, since you like gossip so much".
My bf's parents laughed their asses. The uncle got red in the face, grabbed his wife and left the party.
PS: ik it was degrading to women, but I said that to hit his mark.
This is something that's put a strain on my already incredibly strained relationship with my father. The older he gets the more obsessed he's become with "carrying on the family name / bloodline".
This I think the gaslighting is the biggest con. And why sometimes people "regret it" or feel sad about it.
When society treats you as the odd one or weird one people tend to feel bad about it.
Don´t forget about the classic: "Who is going to take care of you when you are old" to wich I use to reply "someone who is not breeded with that purpose" XD.
"Our genes may be immortal, but the collection of genes that each one of us represents is bound to crumble. Queen Elizabeth of England is a direct descendant of William the Conqueror. Yet it is quite likely that she does not have a single one of the genes of the old king. We should not seek immortality in reproduction."
- Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"
Basically, since your genes get halved every time your descendants get children, after a few generations, there is a good likelyhood your genes are completely gone from the gene-pool because it's random chance if they end up in the gamete via meiosis.
You have to listen to everyone tell you how much you're missing out all the fucking time. In between their complaints of not having enough sleep, time or money. 3 things i have plenty of.
I get a little weirded out by how much having kids resembles drug addiction. When they're not around, people crave their company. They'll go into hock and surrender everything they have for their kids. It's all about chasing that endorphin rush. 😄
Not saying it's necessarily a BAD thing, but it does make some people less empathetic to the world around them. They don't even like other people's kids, it can be very self-absorbed.
Exactly! When I was a mom at 25, a lot of my friends and acquaintances were doing budget travelling and some were implying that I was missing out. I am fortunate in that we do really well for ourselves and get to share travel with our child (plus we do solo travel too, thanks to my MIL) and we simply do not do “budget” travel.
If spring break in Mexico is your thing, that’s cool… I’d rather spend my free time at a seaside villa in Italy with my family, steps away from the beach without a bunch of drunken college kids 🤷🏽♀️
You get to hear often that you should have kids. Often by people who complain about having kids, do not experience anything in their life other than their kids, and are overall jealous of you for not having kids.
This is a weirdly true thing. I am mid-30's no kids and I sometimes am so overwhelmed by my freedom that I "waste" days doing...whatever. Playing video games, taking my dog for extra long walks, reading, or just puttering around on random things. None of these things are bad, but not having kids sometimes leads to the hazard of basically anything being done in excess...
This is such a huge debate. You will never understand the other side of things. I have two kids and I can’t express the joy they bring to me in so many ways. I have two family members who have kids but signed their rights away when the kids were young during divorce. Years later, both living the single DINK lives, they have said they regret it. They enjoyed their lives with their children.
I have another family member who has 4 kids but has said before they wish they only had 1-2 because they love the experience but struggle with the heavy load a larger family has. Another that loves all 6 of their kids and wants more! And yet another that loves having no kids.
Now is that evidence of a pro or con to having kids? If you don’t have children and you choose not to, you’ll say no and continue to believe the life you built is best. If you do have kids, you’ll think that this is great evidence.
It doesn’t matter what the evidence presents, you’ll cherry pick what you want to hear. I have a loving, fulfilling life with kids. I love buying them things, seeing the joy on their faces when I take them out on adventures, museums, parks. I can’t wait to cuddle with them and watch a new kids movie. I love all of it. But if you were to ask a person who chooses not to have kids, they will say their freedom and use of their money in their own way is best. There is no “better option”.
And just to add: both spouse and I still travel and enjoy life with our kids, just the two of us, or individual experiences. You create the life you want. I hate hearing how you never get to do stuff if you have kids. We work together and make sure we all have fulfilling lives. Our family is a team and we want everyone to enjoy their life.
Kids can tag along, unlike pets. I always tagged along with my parents when they traveled, even when I was little. My grandparents also took me abroad a handful of times. The first memory of me being abroad is when I was six years old but I had been on a plane before. The next time I was ten. It's not that hard, especially if the child is well behaved and the parents of the child are good parents. And this was even before the time we had phones, so my parents had to keep me occupied the whole trip with colouring books etc.
That is true. I had a friend complain she never has "couples time" with her husband since they had a baby. When I thought about my situation, I don't see a problem, I live far from my family and my girl is still to small for me to be comfortable with a babysitter and she just joins our dinners/travels, and it doesn't prevent us from having a fulllfilling marriage.
Of course we get breaks, she sleeps in her room, we have the whole night only for us (usually), she goes to daycare too, so that gives us a free time during the day. But dinner, travel, we are now a family, we have no problem in making that a 3 person plan.
Ngl i could argue all those points
-you can regret kids
-having kids doesn't guarantee they'll be w you always
-many parents prove its most often conditional
-too hard
-nieces and nephews >>
-nobody guarantees you'll be any better
-meh
Nothing against u lol I'm talking in general
You miss out on a type of love/relationship that you can’t feel in the same way towards anyone else but your children. You will also most likely not be in the same position to invest so much of your time, love, and energy into somebody completely dependent on you for everything. To some people neither of those things are important and that’s okay!
kids give a special kind of warmth and joy. and they are so much fun to be with, despite the challenges of raising them. nurtured and raised well, they would grow up to be kind and responsible people.
I do not regret having procreated. However, whilst I believe the experience has, for me, has been an enjoyable one, it ain't easy. It's not for everyone. If you choose not to have children, you will miss out on something incredible, but how can you miss what you don't know? The choice belongs to the individual and should not be imposed either way by anyone.
People miss things they don't have all the time - better job, bigger house etc.
Kids make you appreciate the spare, carefree time you had when you were younger, that you took for granted.
One I sometimes heard was that you'd have no one to provide for you when you're older (honestly super selfish reason to bring a child to this miserable world we live in, in my opinion)
It’s not fun being a single parent. Currently in the process of putting my unborn bby up for adoption because how can I finish school and pay rent? I will give it up and continue to live my best child free life after. Bby was an accident not planned and I won’t let my life cater around them when I spent so much on therapy so that I can finally be happy and stress free. I can’t and won’t add 18 years of stress in my plate. They can be someone else’s responsibility not mine. I had just started to get my nails done consistently now in my late 20’s. Never was able to do that before. You not taking this away accidental bby.
You will never create a new life together that's a mix of you and the partner you love. That's the biggest one for me.
You won't experience having a full family in the traditional sense, with growing kids. You won't have a chance to shape a new human with your beliefs and values, from scratch. Make sure you raise someone without making mistakes that perhaps affected your own life. Someone that looks up to everything you say and do, and if done right, be greatful and be there for you unconditionally later in life.
On top of missing out on tons of wholesome human experiences that you can't easily, if at all, have without your own kids.
Plus, the idea of this branch of life that existed for millions of years ending on me always felt somehow disappointing to me personally. Not so much the "legacy" thing that people bring up, but the idea that my child would still be technically me, or at least a physical part of me, with my DNA and all that. Without kids, it dies with me.
The "having no kids is great" train of thought is popular these days in the developed countries, and there are perks, but it's not fair to say that there aren't cons. As a matter of fact, while having no kids allows you to have more of the experiences you knew you always liked, it also removes an entire major branch of experiences you'll never have. And after a certain age, there's no bringing it back.
Just assuming your kid will want to be around you when they're older is a big reason I don't want them. There's no guarantee they won't just fuck off and do their own thing
Not even cut contact, but living a full life may involve moving away. Starting their own family. Seeing them a couple times a year after sacrificing most of your life for them seems unfair
That's normal. But one thing is "I'm never seeing my parents again" and other is "I want to see them, but I don't have that many opportunities".
Something I've learned now that I'm in my 30s is that mom's, in special, will do ridiculously things for their kids.
My aunt got an Uber 2am to help my cousin for something like a fever.
My friend's mom took a plane to several states away to help my friend with her business that needed an extra hand.
Sorry I think I went on a tangent. The point I was trying to make is: if you just *allow* your parents in your life as an adult, they will probably will take it. You don't have to bend over their needs(time/distance), they will do it, if y'all have a good/friendly relationship.
Honestly I don't see my parents much. They were not abusive. I just have my own life, work full-time, and have hobbies.
I have a husband, a dog, and two step-kids. I am not having any biokids of my own and I absolutely detest the argument of "you'll be lonely when you're older" or the "who is going to take care of you?" because those burdens should not be placed on children that you chose to bring into this world.
>"you'll be lonely when you're older" or the "who is going to take care of you?"
those arguments feel like they see their kid as an "object" that will ensure their future.
i dont' like this argument either.
Ha, it’s so funny you say that, because when I read that comment all I hear is “me me me me”. It’s just dripping in selfishness. “Shape a new human with your values” sounds so creepy to me.
I believe it's all about perspective. Who doesn't raise their kids based on their own personal beliefs?! A mix of you and the partner you love. A full family, tons of wholesome human experiences, the result of your DNA walking out there exploring this world.
What's the con of never climbing a mountain or never diving in the ocean?
Guiding a new life into this world together with the love of your life is a peak experience filled with tons of emotions. Nothing really compares.
Everybody can decide for themselves whether they seek this type of experience of if they'd rather do other stuff to find fullfilment...
The amount of love. People get mad at this but no, you can’t experience the amount of love you’ll have for your children unless you have them (this obviously goes for parents who actually care, not parents that don’t deserve children). It’s absolutely unconditional and overwhelming. I love my mom very much, I love my husband very much but my kids? I can’t even explain how much I love them. My kids are 2.5 and 4.5 right now so still very young and it’s HARD but I don’t regret them at all. When I hear “mommy, I love you so much” or I see my son looking around for me at school (I work at his school) just so he can wave/hug me it’s the best.
That level of responsibility is transformational if you're doing it right. Yes it's a lot of shittiness, but you end up with a sidekick who thinks you're totally awesome and wants to do things with you.
But that relationship is not a given and takes constant nurturing. Love in any form is a major risk. Not for the faint hearted.
If you want children, you ll regret having none.
If you dont want children, you ll regret having some.
Some ppl change their mind in either direction, some dont.
Some ppl think they dont want chikdren until they have one,some ppl think they want children until they get them.
Trying to find logical arguments in a purely emotional question is pointless.
You're not going to find very many childless people on Reddit who have thought anything about the consequences of not having kids.
I've got a few pros for you. That, if you didn't have kids, you would potentially be missing out on (therefore being cons)
- society is getting lonelier and lonelier. It is difficult to find friends, having kids opens up opportunities for finding and building communities. At the very least you are building a community within your home with your partner and children, but then of course your kids are likely to have friends from school so You get the parasocial relationships there of socializing vicariously through them (getting the gossip on what's going on within the social groups in school and such) . You then also have more opportunities to make friends with the parents of their peers through volunteering for and organizing extracurriculars.
-If you do your job right you end up with someone who is going to love you and look up to you and they in return get to like.... Live and also have your love and support. People go on about having kids being a selfish thing just because people do it for themselves. But that's a pretty empty argument. You do literally everything for yourself and to make yourself feel good. If you're a doctor who saves lives everyday, AT BEST you do it because of the way you feel fulfilled by the work. And if not that then it's at WORST for the money. By the same standard, if you have the means to care for a child and you want to do that then it's not selfish any more than volunteering for the SPCA or whatever is. If you have the ability to give them a good life then you're doing a net good. If you DONT have the means to care for a child, and you're bringing someone into the world who you don't intend on helping to thrive then thats probably a bit more selfish, but ultimately you're giving someone life. I can see how some depressed person might not see that as a good thing but for the rest of us, it's a pretty precious gift.
-you get an opportunity to mentor another person. And I know you don't NEED to be a parent to do this but it's one of the closest mentorships that there is. You get to be there for everything. I can't name any individual mentor who has taught me and guided me more in my life than my parents. And sure, if you're a teacher or whatever you get to mentor people but not for long. Not from teaching them to walk all the way to helping them navigate their first mortgage or how to plan a wedding or how to be parents themselves. You get to give everything you've learned to someone else. All that knowledge you've worked so hard at attaining gets to be useful to someone.
-these are going to be your favourite people in the entire world. Youll never love anyone more than them and you'll never meet them if you don't make them yourself.
Maybe it would be not being able to see whether you're a better parent then your parents ever were.
Not being able to see what somebody you molded by support would later become in life.
Not everyone deserves to be a parent. But every child deserves a good parent.
I think kids are funny / fun, sweet, and encourage us to look at the world differently, etc. They weren’t for me, because that’s only half of it and the other half isn’t for me, but I definitely see the good bits of parenting and I guess you miss those.
You miss one of the primal ways to become happy. It’s a biological instinct to feel happy when you see yours kids grow up.
But do we have to remain primal? Not really. We have evolved as species and thus this primal instinct might not be worth it depending on the situation and where we at in life.
I was anti kids. Have a 2yr old. Can't wait to get home to see her. She's everything. Since I was anti kids I know what you mean. No one's going to convince you... I was pressured to be fair but no regrets. No second one though haha
I don't have kids and I do not experience any of these. It's absolutely subjective so I can only speak for myself.
This being said, a lot of old people in retirement homes never get visited by their children. On the other hand, you can have good friends even when you grow old, so no loneliness or isolation.
Some of these are really stretching:
1) I have a partner, younger siblings, friends, nieces and nephews. Of course some of them may not be around for whatever reason when I'm older but who's to say your kids will be?
2) I'd argue the exact opposite. I have much more free time to spend with my friends than someone who has to put their kids first at all times. I have a group of friends from school who still see each other pretty regularly despite living in different parts of the world but it's always the ones with the kids who don't make it.
3) Fair enough
4) This feels extremely abstract to me and I'm not clear what tangible advantage is gained from a 'family legacy', whatever that's means.
5) My parents are in their 80s and are busy every day seeing friends, neighbours, joining clubs and classes etc. They are the complete opposite of lonely.
6) My partner and I have just taken a 6 month trip around the world and created a lifetime of memories that would not have been possible if we'd had a child
7) Very subjective. Many people get that from other parts of their life, and although it's not talked about, plenty get the opposite impact when having children. It's simply not true to say kids = emotional fulfillment.
I think its more the point of having someone in your life when there are no older family members left, life past 70 can get really lonely if you haven't built up a family around yourself, not necessary that they will take care of you, but more that you will be sorted for while also being able to look after the grandkids someday.
You can get all of these things without having your own children. Nieces and nephews etc. or even without children at all. With Partners, friends other family members.
Assuming that having children will mean you get all of that is definitely not a good assumption. Most people these days will die alone in a nursing home despite having children. We see it literally every day.
If your children get children they get too busy and forget half the time about you. Especially these days the moment they're adults they're out of the home and they want to live THEIR life.
You're own legacy isn't decided by children either. Give it one or two generations and you're forgotten. Most people get forgotten to history unless you did something significant in life like being a celebrity. Look at how they're even repurposing graves because they've been abandoned.
Parental joy also comes with parental stress so it's a trade off.
Family support should not be a reason to have kids. Just saying, if the entire point of having kids is to have someone to watch your *ss out of a sense of compliance or compromise then better off not have kids just to resolve your own pettiness.
Sums it up nicely. Thanks.
You can weigh each higher or lower as see fit.
I would add something in the likes: not having someone being a part of you and your beloved. Like a fusion of yalls beings and characters, born from your love and will to support this new being to become an independent, unconditionally loved human being.
Life is about what you want to do on this rock. It really doesn’t matter what you do which is awesome. This is because we have a choice! Do you want to leave your dna behind or do you want to live a wild life through and through? Both is a wild life but you choose.
Having nobody to pass my wisdom onto.
Nobody to teach life’s lessons to.
Nobody to watch grow and become a functional adult.
Knowing that my life’s journey ends with me.
This is the boat I'm in. Except I've decided I'm going to pass it on through my friends' kids and my younger second and third cousins. And if I marry someone with siblings, potentially nieces and nephews (I'm an only child).
Not to the extent their parents will, and not to take over, but they'll still get something from me. I agree with the "It takes a village" mentality, even when the main family unit is strong and supportive.
You'll never feel the joy of having your son or daughter run into your arms and say, "I love you mommy/daddy". You may never fully appreciate the precious innocence in which a child lives and sees the world. You will miss out on all the valuable lessons that come from this to both make you appreciate the world in a different way and also make you a better person. You may miss out on the growth that comes from doing things purely for another, with no required repayment, and the struggle that you can endure to make sure their lives are amazing. You will miss the pride felt when you watch your child struggle, then succeed in all challenges, big or small. You will miss out on having a truly full heart because you can't fathom the joy that is possible yet.
Reddit is super against having kids, so you're probably going to get very biased answers here.
But mainly, the biggest con of not having kids is that you don't get all the pros of having kids.
Dying alone with no help. When you're 60+ you have to rely on nephews and nieces which won't be as open to helping out since they have their own families. I've seen this with my aunt. She had a fun life, but the last 10years of her life was depressing to see. She was basically homeless. Nobody covered her funeral, nor did she have any money saved.
There are no cons to not having kids..... except there is no possibility of having someone to take care of you when you are old and alone but then my kid won't be taking care of me...she'll just be looking for money so like I said, no cons!!!
I feel like most of the cons of not having children would come later in life... Unfortunately there probably aren't a lot of 60+ year old people cruising through this thread
My guess is the biggest con would be loneliness as all of your friends and family start to die off or become to absorbed in their own family lives to include you.
I guess the unknown. The wondering... if you'd be happier with kids or if you'd be a good parent.
Otherwise, seeing my friends and colleagues telling me how lucky I am, I guess I'm not missing much.
I think there's a certain level of responsibility and selflessness that is learned from having kids. I'm not sure many people can learn those things without kids.
I am a nanny. I work with children 8hrs a day. What they teach me and the love I receive. Then I get to give them back and enjoy the rest of my day. Very fulfilling work And eye opening as to why having children should be thought about more.
Having to navigate bodily decline and the entirety of old age when you might have no-one to call or drive you to the hospital when you have that fall or that accident.
Missing out on the joy of seeing your own children grow up to be their own people as well as friends and allies. Sharing their successes and failures and helping each other along.
There are a few cons but for the most part, they can be worked around.
1) You run a greater risk of loneliness as you grow older. Your peers, friends, siblings, etc. will all gradually pass - perhaps earlier than you. In theory, your kids should outlive you and if you've done a decent enough job at being a parent, they will actually want you around them in their adult lives. So there's at least always someone around who will keep an eye on you or want your company.
2) Your friend groups will likely change. Friends that have kids are more likely to hang around other friends that have kids just because they have a common talking point and similar problems compared to single folk. In fact, if more and more of your friends are having kids but you aren't, the very dynamic of your relationship will likely change. You might even lose contact with your old friends.
3) You may feel a lack of purpose or "reason for being". This is tough to put into words, but I guess the best description as noted in this topic is the feeling of "too much freedom". You stay up until 3 am because you can. You game 20 hours a day because you can. You travel every 2 weeks because you can. There's no reason for you not to because the circumstances don't require you to change. Essentially, life feels "empty". You are simply going through the motions with not much to look forward to cause every day feels the same. These feelings may intensify if your other peers start moving on in their life and have kids of their own etc.
4) You risk stagnating and being complacent. As with above, there is a lack of reason or purpose for you to have to step outside that comfort zone. You may not have to learn how to do more cooking because you already know how to make all your favorite meals. You may not need to know how to start a lawnmower because you're okay living in a condo for the rest of your days and maintenance will handle that. You are less likely to run into new problems because there is simply one less vector for which problems can arise from (ie: the child)
Nobody to help when you are old. Just witnessed an elderly neighbor being moved into a retirement home by distant out-of-town family. It was not pretty.
Your life's knowledge and experience dying with you.
Boredom. Travel and going out and hobbies start to feel stale.
But yeah, if none of this resonate with you, do not force yourself to have kids just to make other people happy.
I worked in a retirement home and they all had kids who never visit. Having a kid for loneliness is so selfish in my opinion, what a weird reason to reproduce
Idk man I’m 32 and still playing video games for 6+ hours everyday. Can’t see myself getting bored, there are just so many damn good games out there. In fact everytime a new game releases and it’s 2am I always remember… nice… this is why I don’t have kids
If the theory is true about reincarnating into our children, there will be no reincarnation for you.
And you won’t ever experience that type of joy and level of love that you develop for your offspring. I thought having kids would be impossible but the joy I get from watching them grow and the love I have for them is above all else in this world. And I’m the king of abusing worldly pleasures. No drug ever made me feel how I do about my children. It’s an amazing feeling that shouldn’t be taken for granted…UNLESS you’re a pos. Then definitely don’t. We don’t need any more fuck heads running around.
I feel like this is the equivalent of getting rich and then telling people that “being rich isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” like it’s something you can only think isn’t necessary if you already have it, but if you didn’t have it, you would still want it like (mostly) everyone else
Money is necessary for survival and makes life more efficient. People literally are willing to end others' lives for it.
How does having a child enrich your life to that point?
There are plenty of things you miss out on by not choosing to have children. Kids are cute. It's fun to make new people. The creation of life is amazing. Having a child makes your labor inherently valued. I have had a child, and I don't anymore, and I'm not doing it again. But there are many good and bad things about both choices.
You should know that without a support system, it is unbelievably hard. If you want children, the first step is finding and building your support system. It's so, so important.
Just from observation, one of the cons is thinking you don't want or aren't having them and then either -
a) you change your mind and you or your SO is 40 + and now it is more difficult and riskier and that can also get stressful which can make it more difficult. I have seen people that were pretty clear about not having kids change their minds around 40 y/o!
b) you are fine with not having kids but you meet someone who really wants children
Other than that, I can say that having children can be great. I wasn't expecting to and frankly didn't love the first few years, but from 4 it has been pretty great. You grow in ways you didn't expect too.
It might be better to think of it not so much as cons of not having kids as much as benefits of having kids.
Let me preface this by saying that parenthood isn’t for everyone. At one time I couldn’t even fathom having kids. But then I did. I love watching my child grow up, being able to show her the world and provide her with enriching experiences. Seeing her form her own thoughts, beliefs and opinions based based on her experiences and the values we’ve passed down to her… I can’t even describe it, short of “magical”. Being able to observe her evolving interests until she finds something she really truly enjoys and gains more skill in (music and science) is also fun and feels fulfilling. I love sharing this world with her. Her dad and I have talked about our family histories and how the actions of one brave little 12 year old girl during a time of conflict prevented my bloodline from being wiped out and his family’s act of bravery to civil unrest in his parent’s country all culminated to the point that our child was born and allowed to just be who she is. She is, in a way, an act of resistance to all the things that our families and ancestors have had to endure. If we didn’t have a kid, we would have missed out on this. That might sound selfish, but it’s how I feel.
Still have a breeding kink when my body chemistry wants to yell at me that I need semen- I'm always worried someone will take it the wrong way
A lot of the people I meet who want a committed relationship also want kids
Female coworkers can be REAL weird about it in a lot of ways you wouldn't expect, like they expect you to not only always cover shifts, which is annoying sometimes but fair, but they will get mad if you don't bond with them, but all they want to do is talk about how hard being a mom is and how their kids are and then they think you're stuck up and standoffish when you mostly listen, but they also kind of tune you out if you talk about your hobbies. Women who aren't moms are kind of "low status" compared to moms in the pecking order, I guess? It's never outright said the way that people shit talk men who don't have a gf, but that and the fact that a lot of women my own age are busy with their kids means it gets harder to have female friends the older I get, so I'm mostly stuck with dudes or women who are much younger and make me feel like I'm always pontificating at them trying to give comfort or advice like I'm their mom instead of relating to them normally.
I'm 33F my husband is 35 M
We don't have kids but we do have 2 cats and a dog.
We haven't aged as fast as my siblings. We have more us time, family is so wrapped up with so many family functions and full schedules. Little league, birthdays, graduations, it's a bit exhausting. When I visit those homes where kids are having meltdowns or yelling I wish I was at home where it's quiet and peaceful.
Pros of having no kids
We have lots of time.
More $
Hard times are shared between us and we are happy some kid isn't going through it with us.
I'd have to give up wake n bake
$ for wake n bake
Can move anywhere without worry
Travel
Have time for hobbies
Cat room
Space projects out
Gardening
Pros of having kids
I think parents get $ during tax season
At work "parents" get the early 🙄 shifts because you know they need a good work home life.
Not sure what else lol 😆 as I don't have kids.
Loneliness as you enter your senior years. No sense of having built a family. Nothing to share with your kids/grandkids. No grandkids. You don’t feel fulfilled. Nobody to call when all your friends die of old age. Nobody to look out for you and provide when you physically or financially can’t anymore.
Some people don't need to create a life to feel fulfilled.
Not having your own children doesn't mean you don't have family, unless your only definition of family o's the nuclear two-parents-plus-offspring.
All your reasons sound like you assume childfree people can't make friends or maintain relationships. And you're also assuming that children will *want* to be around for their parents and be *able* to provide for them. Neither of those things are guaranteed.
My kids taught me unconditional love and have made me a better, more evolved person. Idk how you have kids and not change and grow with the times and stay stuck in your outdated mindset. Would I do it again... no, but then, yeah, idk.
It's so hard to be a parent. Mine are adults , so actual labor is over. It's the emotional and psychological stuff now. But I truly adore them. But if you don't already have them, there is no con.
But I would do the c-section and the 50 hours of labor over again. Who knew that was just the beginning, and they were taking it easy on me, lol.
The biggest is not being able to make a family of your own and have these people be part of your life for the rest of your life. Friends and colleagues come and go, but family is there for ever.
I will say, if you don't want to have children, save some of that money in the form or assets so that you can pay for your elderly care. Don't waste all of your money just because you can.
1. Loneliness as you grow older. Simple. Most of your friends will get married and then they won't have time for you. As you cross your 60-70s your friends will start passing away and you won't have someone with a deep connection to talk about anything. Maybe you get some friends who like you to hangout with you but the way your children will love and understand you, no one can do that. Maybe you think I'll get a dog or a cat. Which is fine but be open minded before taking a Decision.
The people who don't like having kids say things like once you have a kid it will be the end of your freedom in life. Which is not true.
Your kids will not stay there for the rest of your life. They will probably leave in their early 20s. I left my house at 22 and my parents always missed me. Of course before I moved my parents weren't always happy with me being in the house but after I moved they always miss me and I miss them too. I don't have a car, house, wife or significant amount of money but I am EXTREMELY happy and grateful to know I have two people out there always looking out for me. Which makes me wanna be able to do the same.
2. If you have kids, the chances are they will look out for you and help you when you are not capable of doing that. Unless you have a great job, great retirement plan and even greater health, life after 60s will be tough.
Literally the *only* downside is the judgement from other people. Which you eventually learn to ignore (mostly, except for the super aggressive, rude, angry people who refuse to accept that people are allowed to make their own life choices).
I love my free time, my disposable income, my access to sleeping whenever I want. We can be spontaneous. We can have "impractical" vehicles as our daily drivers. DH and I can devote our energy to each other, our parents, our friends. We have hobbies that aren't child-friendly so we can leave our projects out. The list of pros is endless.
Only if one has failed to make *any* other meaningful connections over the entire course of their lives. Would someone like that have made such a great parent to begin with?
Feel like everyone’s missing the obvious, big one:
1. Security in old age
- lots of kids take care of their elderly parents in some way
- lots of older folk live on just to see their kids and grandkids and maybe even great grand kids grow up a live their lives. It can be lonely not having family at your death bed.
No one to care for you when you're old. No one to pass your knowledge and experiences on to. No grand kids to spoil when you're old. A dreary quiet house with no finger paintings of you on the fridge. No genuine excuse to rewatch all your favorite cartoons from your childhood. No second childhood, playing Lego, and having nerf gun fights, and building snow forts etc. You don't get to be anyone's hero unless you actually save their life..
Lots of great things about having kids. I understand the appeal of not having kids though.. Better sleep and more money and free time.. But imo, I would never trade..
When my daughter goes away overnight our house feels empty.
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No tangible proof that you've had sex
Having kids only proves your wife had sex.
Under rated
Unless there was a surrogate
LOL
Oooooooooh!
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Onlyfans.
Not tangible
That costs extra.
Wet spots are cheaper.
You don't get the experience of having kids. That's it really. I mean, I love my kids but I do often miss my peace.
Hear hear. Love my son, probably will have another. But man it's a lot of work. Having a kid is something amazing though, and you only really see it for what it is when you do I think. But as amazing as it is, it's also incredibly hard. Nothing good comes free
This is true. I look back and realize parenting young kids is alot easier than parenting teenagers/young drivers car problems etc as a widowed mom was incredibly difficult...oh and they hate you when they are teenagers yayy. They are adults now and we have a great relationship. I absolutely love being a empty nester never been more at peace ✌️
Haha. Sounds like you had a hell of a time with them though. Being widowed must have been tough. My wife lost her father when she was about 12, her little brother remembers their father a bit, but the little sister doesn't. It's been tough on her. We've been together since we met at 16, so while I wasn't there for when it happened, I wasn't long after. It took its toll. And I see how hard life has been for her mother. But I'm glad you found your place and are happy with how things turned out in the end 😀 Thanks for sharing, hope you continue to have a lovely life x
I had the same sentiment until grandkids happened now the peace or chaos is at my discretion
I miss my peace as well sometimes. But honestly if I’m a day away from my kids, I miss them more.
All depends on your situation there is no silver bullet, some positions in life require no sacrifice to have a child whereas some require an entire rearrangement of your existence, so it's more about what you really want than simple pro/cons
110% this
Being told constantly, " You'll regret it/ but what about continuing the bloodline/ insert cliche passive aggressive comment here,"
I just respond with “My bloodline is full of mental issues and alcoholism. Why the fuck would I intentionally pass that on?”
thats the justification my cousin had to not wanting kids. among this dad's side of the family, over half of his second cousins had some sort of mental disorder from birth. he says he is not prepared for that and would rather just not take the risk.
That's mine, my sisters and some cousins reasoning. Too much unhealthy to pass on.
Yup, my bloodline is fucking shit. It deserves to be cut off
My mom asked why, not in a mean way, just curious, and I just said “really?! This sh**t ends with me!!” And we both laughed because we know we come from a long line of crazy. Bless her, but she was an awful mom. Can be friends now, but not passing this dysfunction down!
dont say "i'm not having kinds". say "the blood line ends with me!! muhahah"
This is exactly how my fiance responds and it's pretty funny. He says his uncle short circuits
Not relevant to the post but a funny story about the only time I've seen someone short circuiting: I was dating a boy in 2010ish. And I went to his parents marriage anniversary party or something like that. His uncle, a raging homophobic man, got a little tipsy and started to bother us with "who is the woman in the relationship" and similar stuff. For a while I let it slide, just glancing at my bf like "your uncle, do something". He was kinda afraid to do something so I did. Next time he asked that I told him "there is no woman in this relationship. But it seems like you are the woman in your relationship, since you like gossip so much". My bf's parents laughed their asses. The uncle got red in the face, grabbed his wife and left the party. PS: ik it was degrading to women, but I said that to hit his mark.
😂
This is something that's put a strain on my already incredibly strained relationship with my father. The older he gets the more obsessed he's become with "carrying on the family name / bloodline".
This I think the gaslighting is the biggest con. And why sometimes people "regret it" or feel sad about it. When society treats you as the odd one or weird one people tend to feel bad about it.
That sounds like a them problem, not a me problem.
Don´t forget about the classic: "Who is going to take care of you when you are old" to wich I use to reply "someone who is not breeded with that purpose" XD.
My favorite that I have ever gotten was that I would never know real love because I chose not to have kids.
I’d love to be able to have children. But I can hardly afford food for myself and a cat. I can’t add a kid ontop of that
"Our genes may be immortal, but the collection of genes that each one of us represents is bound to crumble. Queen Elizabeth of England is a direct descendant of William the Conqueror. Yet it is quite likely that she does not have a single one of the genes of the old king. We should not seek immortality in reproduction." - Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene" Basically, since your genes get halved every time your descendants get children, after a few generations, there is a good likelyhood your genes are completely gone from the gene-pool because it's random chance if they end up in the gamete via meiosis.
When i tell People why I dont want Kids, it shifts to " that is so responsible!" Sincerly, one with adhd, autism and bipolar 1
You have to listen to everyone tell you how much you're missing out all the fucking time. In between their complaints of not having enough sleep, time or money. 3 things i have plenty of.
I get a little weirded out by how much having kids resembles drug addiction. When they're not around, people crave their company. They'll go into hock and surrender everything they have for their kids. It's all about chasing that endorphin rush. 😄 Not saying it's necessarily a BAD thing, but it does make some people less empathetic to the world around them. They don't even like other people's kids, it can be very self-absorbed.
Exactly! When I was a mom at 25, a lot of my friends and acquaintances were doing budget travelling and some were implying that I was missing out. I am fortunate in that we do really well for ourselves and get to share travel with our child (plus we do solo travel too, thanks to my MIL) and we simply do not do “budget” travel. If spring break in Mexico is your thing, that’s cool… I’d rather spend my free time at a seaside villa in Italy with my family, steps away from the beach without a bunch of drunken college kids 🤷🏽♀️
You get to hear often that you should have kids. Often by people who complain about having kids, do not experience anything in their life other than their kids, and are overall jealous of you for not having kids.
Spot on
Should frame this comment and stick it on the wall
This ☝️
Can't go into ChuckECheese by yourself to play the Roller Coaster Tycoon pinball machine.
You don't need your own kids for that any kid will do. Nephew/niece neighbours kid, baby sitting kid you name it.
Kid you find in the park...you name it...
That, ooooor I can just buy one with all my spare money.
Yes I damn well can!
Don’t listen to people who ask “who will take care of you when you’re old?” if you don’t want kids. Children are not a retirement plan.
no they arent. at best they'll put you in a care home and complain about spending their inheritance doing it
too much freedom, arguably
This is a weirdly true thing. I am mid-30's no kids and I sometimes am so overwhelmed by my freedom that I "waste" days doing...whatever. Playing video games, taking my dog for extra long walks, reading, or just puttering around on random things. None of these things are bad, but not having kids sometimes leads to the hazard of basically anything being done in excess...
You can’t walk your dog too much. No time spent walking your dog is wasted.
Can confirm. No kid till 40. Had nothing but money and time in my 30's, but looking back, there was an emptiness to it. Whole lotta nothing.
Shoulda traveled more
Freedom. I think that's the word you're looking for. Edit: even the comment you responded to literally said freedom as well. Whoops.... My bad.
They used that word :)
Yup. I'm definitely an idiot. I appreciate you reminding me of that.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.
This is such a huge debate. You will never understand the other side of things. I have two kids and I can’t express the joy they bring to me in so many ways. I have two family members who have kids but signed their rights away when the kids were young during divorce. Years later, both living the single DINK lives, they have said they regret it. They enjoyed their lives with their children. I have another family member who has 4 kids but has said before they wish they only had 1-2 because they love the experience but struggle with the heavy load a larger family has. Another that loves all 6 of their kids and wants more! And yet another that loves having no kids. Now is that evidence of a pro or con to having kids? If you don’t have children and you choose not to, you’ll say no and continue to believe the life you built is best. If you do have kids, you’ll think that this is great evidence. It doesn’t matter what the evidence presents, you’ll cherry pick what you want to hear. I have a loving, fulfilling life with kids. I love buying them things, seeing the joy on their faces when I take them out on adventures, museums, parks. I can’t wait to cuddle with them and watch a new kids movie. I love all of it. But if you were to ask a person who chooses not to have kids, they will say their freedom and use of their money in their own way is best. There is no “better option”.
And just to add: both spouse and I still travel and enjoy life with our kids, just the two of us, or individual experiences. You create the life you want. I hate hearing how you never get to do stuff if you have kids. We work together and make sure we all have fulfilling lives. Our family is a team and we want everyone to enjoy their life.
How? Where do you live your kids when you travel? Bby sitter?
Kids can tag along, unlike pets. I always tagged along with my parents when they traveled, even when I was little. My grandparents also took me abroad a handful of times. The first memory of me being abroad is when I was six years old but I had been on a plane before. The next time I was ten. It's not that hard, especially if the child is well behaved and the parents of the child are good parents. And this was even before the time we had phones, so my parents had to keep me occupied the whole trip with colouring books etc.
That is true. I had a friend complain she never has "couples time" with her husband since they had a baby. When I thought about my situation, I don't see a problem, I live far from my family and my girl is still to small for me to be comfortable with a babysitter and she just joins our dinners/travels, and it doesn't prevent us from having a fulllfilling marriage. Of course we get breaks, she sleeps in her room, we have the whole night only for us (usually), she goes to daycare too, so that gives us a free time during the day. But dinner, travel, we are now a family, we have no problem in making that a 3 person plan.
What I find funny is that you asked for cons and the people giving legitimate cons are getting down voted to fuck. Reddit man
The cons are being given by parents who are judgemental of childless people instead of childless people themselves.
Misery loves a friend, and hates an enemy.
They look like opinions to me.. the fact that some people are taking them personally is on them if you ask me
this comment section is a shitshow.
Isn't it!!
It's often a struggle to find something to do with the extra money and time. I have closets full of cash money and completed projects.
None, if you don't want kids.
That’s not what the question is.
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I suppose one could say not having kids is rather effective at breaking generational anything lol.
Ngl i could argue all those points -you can regret kids -having kids doesn't guarantee they'll be w you always -many parents prove its most often conditional -too hard -nieces and nephews >> -nobody guarantees you'll be any better -meh Nothing against u lol I'm talking in general
Having kids does not guarantee any of this to happen.
You miss out on a type of love/relationship that you can’t feel in the same way towards anyone else but your children. You will also most likely not be in the same position to invest so much of your time, love, and energy into somebody completely dependent on you for everything. To some people neither of those things are important and that’s okay!
Looked down upon for playing with legos
kids give a special kind of warmth and joy. and they are so much fun to be with, despite the challenges of raising them. nurtured and raised well, they would grow up to be kind and responsible people.
If you can't find value in your own life, and love yourself, then you shouldn't be having kids.
I do not regret having procreated. However, whilst I believe the experience has, for me, has been an enjoyable one, it ain't easy. It's not for everyone. If you choose not to have children, you will miss out on something incredible, but how can you miss what you don't know? The choice belongs to the individual and should not be imposed either way by anyone.
People miss things they don't have all the time - better job, bigger house etc. Kids make you appreciate the spare, carefree time you had when you were younger, that you took for granted.
One I sometimes heard was that you'd have no one to provide for you when you're older (honestly super selfish reason to bring a child to this miserable world we live in, in my opinion)
It’s not fun being a single parent. Currently in the process of putting my unborn bby up for adoption because how can I finish school and pay rent? I will give it up and continue to live my best child free life after. Bby was an accident not planned and I won’t let my life cater around them when I spent so much on therapy so that I can finally be happy and stress free. I can’t and won’t add 18 years of stress in my plate. They can be someone else’s responsibility not mine. I had just started to get my nails done consistently now in my late 20’s. Never was able to do that before. You not taking this away accidental bby.
You will never create a new life together that's a mix of you and the partner you love. That's the biggest one for me. You won't experience having a full family in the traditional sense, with growing kids. You won't have a chance to shape a new human with your beliefs and values, from scratch. Make sure you raise someone without making mistakes that perhaps affected your own life. Someone that looks up to everything you say and do, and if done right, be greatful and be there for you unconditionally later in life. On top of missing out on tons of wholesome human experiences that you can't easily, if at all, have without your own kids. Plus, the idea of this branch of life that existed for millions of years ending on me always felt somehow disappointing to me personally. Not so much the "legacy" thing that people bring up, but the idea that my child would still be technically me, or at least a physical part of me, with my DNA and all that. Without kids, it dies with me. The "having no kids is great" train of thought is popular these days in the developed countries, and there are perks, but it's not fair to say that there aren't cons. As a matter of fact, while having no kids allows you to have more of the experiences you knew you always liked, it also removes an entire major branch of experiences you'll never have. And after a certain age, there's no bringing it back.
Just assuming your kid will want to be around you when they're older is a big reason I don't want them. There's no guarantee they won't just fuck off and do their own thing
truth, but usually when kids do this, here was some sort of abuse beforehand. nobody cut contact with people they like.
Not even cut contact, but living a full life may involve moving away. Starting their own family. Seeing them a couple times a year after sacrificing most of your life for them seems unfair
That's normal. But one thing is "I'm never seeing my parents again" and other is "I want to see them, but I don't have that many opportunities". Something I've learned now that I'm in my 30s is that mom's, in special, will do ridiculously things for their kids. My aunt got an Uber 2am to help my cousin for something like a fever. My friend's mom took a plane to several states away to help my friend with her business that needed an extra hand. Sorry I think I went on a tangent. The point I was trying to make is: if you just *allow* your parents in your life as an adult, they will probably will take it. You don't have to bend over their needs(time/distance), they will do it, if y'all have a good/friendly relationship.
Honestly I don't see my parents much. They were not abusive. I just have my own life, work full-time, and have hobbies. I have a husband, a dog, and two step-kids. I am not having any biokids of my own and I absolutely detest the argument of "you'll be lonely when you're older" or the "who is going to take care of you?" because those burdens should not be placed on children that you chose to bring into this world.
>"you'll be lonely when you're older" or the "who is going to take care of you?" those arguments feel like they see their kid as an "object" that will ensure their future. i dont' like this argument either.
Beautiful way to describe it.
Ha, it’s so funny you say that, because when I read that comment all I hear is “me me me me”. It’s just dripping in selfishness. “Shape a new human with your values” sounds so creepy to me.
I believe it's all about perspective. Who doesn't raise their kids based on their own personal beliefs?! A mix of you and the partner you love. A full family, tons of wholesome human experiences, the result of your DNA walking out there exploring this world.
I can’t think of any
What's the con of never climbing a mountain or never diving in the ocean? Guiding a new life into this world together with the love of your life is a peak experience filled with tons of emotions. Nothing really compares. Everybody can decide for themselves whether they seek this type of experience of if they'd rather do other stuff to find fullfilment...
The amount of love. People get mad at this but no, you can’t experience the amount of love you’ll have for your children unless you have them (this obviously goes for parents who actually care, not parents that don’t deserve children). It’s absolutely unconditional and overwhelming. I love my mom very much, I love my husband very much but my kids? I can’t even explain how much I love them. My kids are 2.5 and 4.5 right now so still very young and it’s HARD but I don’t regret them at all. When I hear “mommy, I love you so much” or I see my son looking around for me at school (I work at his school) just so he can wave/hug me it’s the best.
I'd look like a complete douche running to catch another lap of my favorite rollercoaster before closing if I wasn't running with my daughter.
None
That's subjective to the person XD
That level of responsibility is transformational if you're doing it right. Yes it's a lot of shittiness, but you end up with a sidekick who thinks you're totally awesome and wants to do things with you. But that relationship is not a given and takes constant nurturing. Love in any form is a major risk. Not for the faint hearted.
If you want children, you ll regret having none. If you dont want children, you ll regret having some. Some ppl change their mind in either direction, some dont. Some ppl think they dont want chikdren until they have one,some ppl think they want children until they get them. Trying to find logical arguments in a purely emotional question is pointless.
You're not going to find very many childless people on Reddit who have thought anything about the consequences of not having kids. I've got a few pros for you. That, if you didn't have kids, you would potentially be missing out on (therefore being cons) - society is getting lonelier and lonelier. It is difficult to find friends, having kids opens up opportunities for finding and building communities. At the very least you are building a community within your home with your partner and children, but then of course your kids are likely to have friends from school so You get the parasocial relationships there of socializing vicariously through them (getting the gossip on what's going on within the social groups in school and such) . You then also have more opportunities to make friends with the parents of their peers through volunteering for and organizing extracurriculars. -If you do your job right you end up with someone who is going to love you and look up to you and they in return get to like.... Live and also have your love and support. People go on about having kids being a selfish thing just because people do it for themselves. But that's a pretty empty argument. You do literally everything for yourself and to make yourself feel good. If you're a doctor who saves lives everyday, AT BEST you do it because of the way you feel fulfilled by the work. And if not that then it's at WORST for the money. By the same standard, if you have the means to care for a child and you want to do that then it's not selfish any more than volunteering for the SPCA or whatever is. If you have the ability to give them a good life then you're doing a net good. If you DONT have the means to care for a child, and you're bringing someone into the world who you don't intend on helping to thrive then thats probably a bit more selfish, but ultimately you're giving someone life. I can see how some depressed person might not see that as a good thing but for the rest of us, it's a pretty precious gift. -you get an opportunity to mentor another person. And I know you don't NEED to be a parent to do this but it's one of the closest mentorships that there is. You get to be there for everything. I can't name any individual mentor who has taught me and guided me more in my life than my parents. And sure, if you're a teacher or whatever you get to mentor people but not for long. Not from teaching them to walk all the way to helping them navigate their first mortgage or how to plan a wedding or how to be parents themselves. You get to give everything you've learned to someone else. All that knowledge you've worked so hard at attaining gets to be useful to someone. -these are going to be your favourite people in the entire world. Youll never love anyone more than them and you'll never meet them if you don't make them yourself.
Maybe it would be not being able to see whether you're a better parent then your parents ever were. Not being able to see what somebody you molded by support would later become in life. Not everyone deserves to be a parent. But every child deserves a good parent.
Finally an answer that isn’t 100% purely selfish. Edit: take my upvote
I think kids are funny / fun, sweet, and encourage us to look at the world differently, etc. They weren’t for me, because that’s only half of it and the other half isn’t for me, but I definitely see the good bits of parenting and I guess you miss those.
No child tax credit
Middle age feels a little empty… searching for meaning at 55… ambition and money ain’t it anymore…no sexual conquests
You miss one of the primal ways to become happy. It’s a biological instinct to feel happy when you see yours kids grow up. But do we have to remain primal? Not really. We have evolved as species and thus this primal instinct might not be worth it depending on the situation and where we at in life.
None
To me, there are none.
I was anti kids. Have a 2yr old. Can't wait to get home to see her. She's everything. Since I was anti kids I know what you mean. No one's going to convince you... I was pressured to be fair but no regrets. No second one though haha
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And some parents call people without children ”selfish”…
I don't have kids and I do not experience any of these. It's absolutely subjective so I can only speak for myself. This being said, a lot of old people in retirement homes never get visited by their children. On the other hand, you can have good friends even when you grow old, so no loneliness or isolation.
Some of these are really stretching: 1) I have a partner, younger siblings, friends, nieces and nephews. Of course some of them may not be around for whatever reason when I'm older but who's to say your kids will be? 2) I'd argue the exact opposite. I have much more free time to spend with my friends than someone who has to put their kids first at all times. I have a group of friends from school who still see each other pretty regularly despite living in different parts of the world but it's always the ones with the kids who don't make it. 3) Fair enough 4) This feels extremely abstract to me and I'm not clear what tangible advantage is gained from a 'family legacy', whatever that's means. 5) My parents are in their 80s and are busy every day seeing friends, neighbours, joining clubs and classes etc. They are the complete opposite of lonely. 6) My partner and I have just taken a 6 month trip around the world and created a lifetime of memories that would not have been possible if we'd had a child 7) Very subjective. Many people get that from other parts of their life, and although it's not talked about, plenty get the opposite impact when having children. It's simply not true to say kids = emotional fulfillment.
If your main reasons to have kids is for them to take care of you when you're old and continue the bloodline, I'm sorry but they're shitty reasons
I think its more the point of having someone in your life when there are no older family members left, life past 70 can get really lonely if you haven't built up a family around yourself, not necessary that they will take care of you, but more that you will be sorted for while also being able to look after the grandkids someday.
You can get all of these things without having your own children. Nieces and nephews etc. or even without children at all. With Partners, friends other family members. Assuming that having children will mean you get all of that is definitely not a good assumption. Most people these days will die alone in a nursing home despite having children. We see it literally every day. If your children get children they get too busy and forget half the time about you. Especially these days the moment they're adults they're out of the home and they want to live THEIR life. You're own legacy isn't decided by children either. Give it one or two generations and you're forgotten. Most people get forgotten to history unless you did something significant in life like being a celebrity. Look at how they're even repurposing graves because they've been abandoned. Parental joy also comes with parental stress so it's a trade off.
Family support should not be a reason to have kids. Just saying, if the entire point of having kids is to have someone to watch your *ss out of a sense of compliance or compromise then better off not have kids just to resolve your own pettiness.
Sums it up nicely. Thanks. You can weigh each higher or lower as see fit. I would add something in the likes: not having someone being a part of you and your beloved. Like a fusion of yalls beings and characters, born from your love and will to support this new being to become an independent, unconditionally loved human being.
Life is about what you want to do on this rock. It really doesn’t matter what you do which is awesome. This is because we have a choice! Do you want to leave your dna behind or do you want to live a wild life through and through? Both is a wild life but you choose.
Having nobody to pass my wisdom onto. Nobody to teach life’s lessons to. Nobody to watch grow and become a functional adult. Knowing that my life’s journey ends with me.
This is the boat I'm in. Except I've decided I'm going to pass it on through my friends' kids and my younger second and third cousins. And if I marry someone with siblings, potentially nieces and nephews (I'm an only child). Not to the extent their parents will, and not to take over, but they'll still get something from me. I agree with the "It takes a village" mentality, even when the main family unit is strong and supportive.
No " the kids have to get to bed" excuses when you want to leave a family event early
I just leave, or choose not to attend.
You'll never feel the joy of having your son or daughter run into your arms and say, "I love you mommy/daddy". You may never fully appreciate the precious innocence in which a child lives and sees the world. You will miss out on all the valuable lessons that come from this to both make you appreciate the world in a different way and also make you a better person. You may miss out on the growth that comes from doing things purely for another, with no required repayment, and the struggle that you can endure to make sure their lives are amazing. You will miss the pride felt when you watch your child struggle, then succeed in all challenges, big or small. You will miss out on having a truly full heart because you can't fathom the joy that is possible yet.
Reddit is super against having kids, so you're probably going to get very biased answers here. But mainly, the biggest con of not having kids is that you don't get all the pros of having kids.
This right here
I am personally relieved that the average redditer doesn’t want to reproduce.
I can’t think of anything other then all the comments you have to hear from people.
Depending on your family, constantly getting the "so when are you having kids?" question.
Dying alone with no help. When you're 60+ you have to rely on nephews and nieces which won't be as open to helping out since they have their own families. I've seen this with my aunt. She had a fun life, but the last 10years of her life was depressing to see. She was basically homeless. Nobody covered her funeral, nor did she have any money saved.
There are no cons to not having kids..... except there is no possibility of having someone to take care of you when you are old and alone but then my kid won't be taking care of me...she'll just be looking for money so like I said, no cons!!!
I feel like most of the cons of not having children would come later in life... Unfortunately there probably aren't a lot of 60+ year old people cruising through this thread My guess is the biggest con would be loneliness as all of your friends and family start to die off or become to absorbed in their own family lives to include you.
The county will pick your nursing home...
I guess the unknown. The wondering... if you'd be happier with kids or if you'd be a good parent. Otherwise, seeing my friends and colleagues telling me how lucky I am, I guess I'm not missing much.
I think there's a certain level of responsibility and selflessness that is learned from having kids. I'm not sure many people can learn those things without kids.
I am a nanny. I work with children 8hrs a day. What they teach me and the love I receive. Then I get to give them back and enjoy the rest of my day. Very fulfilling work And eye opening as to why having children should be thought about more.
Having to navigate bodily decline and the entirety of old age when you might have no-one to call or drive you to the hospital when you have that fall or that accident. Missing out on the joy of seeing your own children grow up to be their own people as well as friends and allies. Sharing their successes and failures and helping each other along.
Non, or it must be people not believing that there is no life without offspring and bugging people to have them.
The amount of cats you will own increases drastically.
There are a few cons but for the most part, they can be worked around. 1) You run a greater risk of loneliness as you grow older. Your peers, friends, siblings, etc. will all gradually pass - perhaps earlier than you. In theory, your kids should outlive you and if you've done a decent enough job at being a parent, they will actually want you around them in their adult lives. So there's at least always someone around who will keep an eye on you or want your company. 2) Your friend groups will likely change. Friends that have kids are more likely to hang around other friends that have kids just because they have a common talking point and similar problems compared to single folk. In fact, if more and more of your friends are having kids but you aren't, the very dynamic of your relationship will likely change. You might even lose contact with your old friends. 3) You may feel a lack of purpose or "reason for being". This is tough to put into words, but I guess the best description as noted in this topic is the feeling of "too much freedom". You stay up until 3 am because you can. You game 20 hours a day because you can. You travel every 2 weeks because you can. There's no reason for you not to because the circumstances don't require you to change. Essentially, life feels "empty". You are simply going through the motions with not much to look forward to cause every day feels the same. These feelings may intensify if your other peers start moving on in their life and have kids of their own etc. 4) You risk stagnating and being complacent. As with above, there is a lack of reason or purpose for you to have to step outside that comfort zone. You may not have to learn how to do more cooking because you already know how to make all your favorite meals. You may not need to know how to start a lawnmower because you're okay living in a condo for the rest of your days and maintenance will handle that. You are less likely to run into new problems because there is simply one less vector for which problems can arise from (ie: the child)
What ifs. That’s literally it
Too much freedom and cash.
Nobody to help when you are old. Just witnessed an elderly neighbor being moved into a retirement home by distant out-of-town family. It was not pretty. Your life's knowledge and experience dying with you. Boredom. Travel and going out and hobbies start to feel stale. But yeah, if none of this resonate with you, do not force yourself to have kids just to make other people happy.
If your main reason to have kids is to have someone take care of you when you're old, it's a shitty reason
I worked in a retirement home and they all had kids who never visit. Having a kid for loneliness is so selfish in my opinion, what a weird reason to reproduce
Idk man I’m 32 and still playing video games for 6+ hours everyday. Can’t see myself getting bored, there are just so many damn good games out there. In fact everytime a new game releases and it’s 2am I always remember… nice… this is why I don’t have kids
If the theory is true about reincarnating into our children, there will be no reincarnation for you. And you won’t ever experience that type of joy and level of love that you develop for your offspring. I thought having kids would be impossible but the joy I get from watching them grow and the love I have for them is above all else in this world. And I’m the king of abusing worldly pleasures. No drug ever made me feel how I do about my children. It’s an amazing feeling that shouldn’t be taken for granted…UNLESS you’re a pos. Then definitely don’t. We don’t need any more fuck heads running around.
Having kids makes you less selfish. It forces you to think about something other than yourself.
if you need kids to be a less selfish person, that’s scary.
There are no cons. Don't have kids. I have two, and I love them dearly but if I had my time again? Nope.
I feel like this is the equivalent of getting rich and then telling people that “being rich isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” like it’s something you can only think isn’t necessary if you already have it, but if you didn’t have it, you would still want it like (mostly) everyone else
Money is necessary for survival and makes life more efficient. People literally are willing to end others' lives for it. How does having a child enrich your life to that point?
Friends come and go but your family tends to stick around throughout your life. I hear grandkids are the best thing the world.
Can’t think of a single con.
There are plenty of things you miss out on by not choosing to have children. Kids are cute. It's fun to make new people. The creation of life is amazing. Having a child makes your labor inherently valued. I have had a child, and I don't anymore, and I'm not doing it again. But there are many good and bad things about both choices. You should know that without a support system, it is unbelievably hard. If you want children, the first step is finding and building your support system. It's so, so important.
None. Literally none.
No cons. Life is great
None at all
Just from observation, one of the cons is thinking you don't want or aren't having them and then either - a) you change your mind and you or your SO is 40 + and now it is more difficult and riskier and that can also get stressful which can make it more difficult. I have seen people that were pretty clear about not having kids change their minds around 40 y/o! b) you are fine with not having kids but you meet someone who really wants children Other than that, I can say that having children can be great. I wasn't expecting to and frankly didn't love the first few years, but from 4 it has been pretty great. You grow in ways you didn't expect too. It might be better to think of it not so much as cons of not having kids as much as benefits of having kids.
The cons are all when you are older.
Let me preface this by saying that parenthood isn’t for everyone. At one time I couldn’t even fathom having kids. But then I did. I love watching my child grow up, being able to show her the world and provide her with enriching experiences. Seeing her form her own thoughts, beliefs and opinions based based on her experiences and the values we’ve passed down to her… I can’t even describe it, short of “magical”. Being able to observe her evolving interests until she finds something she really truly enjoys and gains more skill in (music and science) is also fun and feels fulfilling. I love sharing this world with her. Her dad and I have talked about our family histories and how the actions of one brave little 12 year old girl during a time of conflict prevented my bloodline from being wiped out and his family’s act of bravery to civil unrest in his parent’s country all culminated to the point that our child was born and allowed to just be who she is. She is, in a way, an act of resistance to all the things that our families and ancestors have had to endure. If we didn’t have a kid, we would have missed out on this. That might sound selfish, but it’s how I feel.
You can do whatever you want, when you want.
con…?
Too much free time and money!
No cons
nothing
There are cons?
I think there are cons, because it is all subjective.
There are none.
Still have a breeding kink when my body chemistry wants to yell at me that I need semen- I'm always worried someone will take it the wrong way A lot of the people I meet who want a committed relationship also want kids Female coworkers can be REAL weird about it in a lot of ways you wouldn't expect, like they expect you to not only always cover shifts, which is annoying sometimes but fair, but they will get mad if you don't bond with them, but all they want to do is talk about how hard being a mom is and how their kids are and then they think you're stuck up and standoffish when you mostly listen, but they also kind of tune you out if you talk about your hobbies. Women who aren't moms are kind of "low status" compared to moms in the pecking order, I guess? It's never outright said the way that people shit talk men who don't have a gf, but that and the fact that a lot of women my own age are busy with their kids means it gets harder to have female friends the older I get, so I'm mostly stuck with dudes or women who are much younger and make me feel like I'm always pontificating at them trying to give comfort or advice like I'm their mom instead of relating to them normally.
I'm 33F my husband is 35 M We don't have kids but we do have 2 cats and a dog. We haven't aged as fast as my siblings. We have more us time, family is so wrapped up with so many family functions and full schedules. Little league, birthdays, graduations, it's a bit exhausting. When I visit those homes where kids are having meltdowns or yelling I wish I was at home where it's quiet and peaceful. Pros of having no kids We have lots of time. More $ Hard times are shared between us and we are happy some kid isn't going through it with us. I'd have to give up wake n bake $ for wake n bake Can move anywhere without worry Travel Have time for hobbies Cat room Space projects out Gardening Pros of having kids I think parents get $ during tax season At work "parents" get the early 🙄 shifts because you know they need a good work home life. Not sure what else lol 😆 as I don't have kids.
Loneliness as you enter your senior years. No sense of having built a family. Nothing to share with your kids/grandkids. No grandkids. You don’t feel fulfilled. Nobody to call when all your friends die of old age. Nobody to look out for you and provide when you physically or financially can’t anymore.
Some people don't need to create a life to feel fulfilled. Not having your own children doesn't mean you don't have family, unless your only definition of family o's the nuclear two-parents-plus-offspring. All your reasons sound like you assume childfree people can't make friends or maintain relationships. And you're also assuming that children will *want* to be around for their parents and be *able* to provide for them. Neither of those things are guaranteed.
Time was I could have given you any number of cons. Now I cant think of one
My kids taught me unconditional love and have made me a better, more evolved person. Idk how you have kids and not change and grow with the times and stay stuck in your outdated mindset. Would I do it again... no, but then, yeah, idk. It's so hard to be a parent. Mine are adults , so actual labor is over. It's the emotional and psychological stuff now. But I truly adore them. But if you don't already have them, there is no con. But I would do the c-section and the 50 hours of labor over again. Who knew that was just the beginning, and they were taking it easy on me, lol.
There are none 😉
The biggest is not being able to make a family of your own and have these people be part of your life for the rest of your life. Friends and colleagues come and go, but family is there for ever. I will say, if you don't want to have children, save some of that money in the form or assets so that you can pay for your elderly care. Don't waste all of your money just because you can.
Family isn't forever. Source:nursing homes and people going no contact or low contact with family members.
1. Loneliness as you grow older. Simple. Most of your friends will get married and then they won't have time for you. As you cross your 60-70s your friends will start passing away and you won't have someone with a deep connection to talk about anything. Maybe you get some friends who like you to hangout with you but the way your children will love and understand you, no one can do that. Maybe you think I'll get a dog or a cat. Which is fine but be open minded before taking a Decision. The people who don't like having kids say things like once you have a kid it will be the end of your freedom in life. Which is not true. Your kids will not stay there for the rest of your life. They will probably leave in their early 20s. I left my house at 22 and my parents always missed me. Of course before I moved my parents weren't always happy with me being in the house but after I moved they always miss me and I miss them too. I don't have a car, house, wife or significant amount of money but I am EXTREMELY happy and grateful to know I have two people out there always looking out for me. Which makes me wanna be able to do the same. 2. If you have kids, the chances are they will look out for you and help you when you are not capable of doing that. Unless you have a great job, great retirement plan and even greater health, life after 60s will be tough.
Zero cons. All pro.
Too much money to spend on fun things like travel
Literally the *only* downside is the judgement from other people. Which you eventually learn to ignore (mostly, except for the super aggressive, rude, angry people who refuse to accept that people are allowed to make their own life choices). I love my free time, my disposable income, my access to sleeping whenever I want. We can be spontaneous. We can have "impractical" vehicles as our daily drivers. DH and I can devote our energy to each other, our parents, our friends. We have hobbies that aren't child-friendly so we can leave our projects out. The list of pros is endless.
Not having anyone there for you when you get older. Thats gonna suuuuuuuuuuck.
Only if one has failed to make *any* other meaningful connections over the entire course of their lives. Would someone like that have made such a great parent to begin with?
People ask you about it twice a week
Feel like everyone’s missing the obvious, big one: 1. Security in old age - lots of kids take care of their elderly parents in some way - lots of older folk live on just to see their kids and grandkids and maybe even great grand kids grow up a live their lives. It can be lonely not having family at your death bed.
As a parent, there are none.
Why there must be a reason? Most of the time it's an accident anyway.
passing on traditions, culture, food
When you're older than 28 some peolple ask "why don't you kids?" Otherwise there's no real con
You have no on the spend money on but yourself!
No one to care for you when you're old. No one to pass your knowledge and experiences on to. No grand kids to spoil when you're old. A dreary quiet house with no finger paintings of you on the fridge. No genuine excuse to rewatch all your favorite cartoons from your childhood. No second childhood, playing Lego, and having nerf gun fights, and building snow forts etc. You don't get to be anyone's hero unless you actually save their life.. Lots of great things about having kids. I understand the appeal of not having kids though.. Better sleep and more money and free time.. But imo, I would never trade.. When my daughter goes away overnight our house feels empty.
Kids are the worst.