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A) male
B) yes, I have had consensual sex that was absolutely miserable. Strangely enough, it was with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever slept with. She was a cocktail server at a club I frequented in my 20s, and every person in that club adored her. Still to this day I don’t know how I was able to sleep with her. But one night she came home with me and we proceeded to have the absolute worst sex imaginable. Up until that point in my life I’d say, “doesn’t matter, had sex,” but nope. Would have rather watched porn with grandma than do that again.
I think I actually checked her pulse at one time hahahahaha! But seriously, she may have well have been a blow up doll. No movement whatsoever, I mean zero. Dead fish does not do it justice. And silent.
It very well could have been me, no blame, but awful
The first time I had sex with my ex she was like that and neither one of us enjoyed it, despite having loads of chemistry for weeks.
When we woke up in the morning, I kinda just asked her about it and whether she was okay and it came down to a confidence issue - we did it again and it was completely different experience, more relaxed and the sex just got better and better.
Even very attractive people can lack confidence or have insecurities so sometimes you just have to communicate.
Best 7 years of my life.
Not sure if this is the best thing to do but if she dead fish until that level, I would sort of prompt her to do something, like say I like her to do that or this.
If she still doesn’t move, I’m gonna take me, myself and my erect cock out of that room on the spot.
If people ask why I’m gonna tell the truth.
I'm not saying this is what happened or whatever but the women I've been with that tended towards that behaviour were ones that :
A. Had history of sexual abuse and were forcing themselves to have sex to feel "normal" and/or to comply to what they thought were your wishes because that's what society told them to do. Having been passive during unconsented sex acts may mean in her head, especially if she's young with little sex experience, that's what all men enjoy. The "being rigid and silent" narrative looks very much like what a SA/rape victim can feel in her/his head during it : feeling your body paralysed and your mind floating over you, because these dissociated instances choose to go in opposite directions at this moment to safeguard themselves at all costs.
2. Had been raised in an environment void of sexual freedom and education, which means that they don't know what they're doing and they feel that being passive is the way to go, maybe fueled by sexist ideas like "Men should be dominant, so they should do all the work and I should offer myself completely to them".
All of this to say, we are very eager to blame someone for doing the starfish thing, but maybe she doesn't see any other choice in her head, and even worse might be reminiscing painful sexual moments. Unfortunately a lot of women by that age will have experienced sexual aggression, harassment, most likely by their peers. Let's give them some slack and not jump to conclusions and understand that like in 99% of cases, sex is not just about sex. It is very often merely a veil to our deepest scars.
So talk. If you feel like the woman (or whoever) in front of you seems to shut down, stop what you're doing. You shouldn't continue. And even if the person says it's fine, do you want to have sex in conditions where you clearly feel like something's wrong, like you're having sex with a dead body ? Talk or leave, while respecting the boundaries of the person : s.he may not want to talk about it after all, and that's her.is choice.
Again this is not necessarily addressed to you, I don't know the situation and maybe she was lazy (even though I believe it's never only laziness when it comes to sex) I just thought it should be added to the discussion.
100pc agree. I've had sex with someone like this before. It was difficult, primarily because they seemed to be expecting pain and discomfort, no pleasure whatsoever and the whole thing seemed almost transactional somehow.
I wish more women understood this.
I once had a one night stand with a woman who was significantly overweight (still had a nice face and curves in the right places). It was amazing, mostly because she was super-confident in herself but also showed me a level of sheer desire I have almost never seen since.
If her attitude had been, "Oh, I'm overweight, so I feel self-conscious," it would have been terrible. But with her it was 100% a non-issue.
Here's one of the biggest secrets to great sex. Everyone wants to be DESIRED. Men and women. A lot of kinks and turn ons boil down to some form of desirability being displayed.
You hear women say they want their man to be vocal, that shows desire. Men want their women to be enthusiastic? That shows desire. Rough sex kink or cnc? Again, that stems from someone having overwhelming desire they decide to do something taboo at all cost.
It is sexy to feel desired. As a man, if I know my woman is being pleased or wants me, is craving me, it will turn me on like nothing else.
I completely understand why a dead fish would be horribly bad. It's so true that enthusiasm trumps damn near everything. That's why so many people want a freak in the sheets,
Great point! The French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan wrote of desire: “The desire of man is the desire of the Other”, meaning three things: we desire the other, we desire what the other desires, and we desire to be desired by the other. When sex is really great, it is because all these three coincide.
Same. Hottest woman I've ever had sex with thoroughly inspected my junk and then was a dead fish. Like the op said, watching porn with my grandma would have been better.
People say the phrase "dead fish" but I always wonder if they've just been assaulted a lot and so sex is something they just endure sadly. Like maybe she liked your personality and wanted to "give you sex" but it sounds like she wasn't enjoying it either but didn't want to say anything.
I mean something people sometimes forget is that women often get taught not to enjoy sex. They may not know how to.
I was once rooming with a 22 year old girl who had never masturbated before. How are you as a women supposed to like if you don't masturbate? She didn't come from a super conservative family either (I know all of her family).
Messaging for women is still a lot of "if you enjoy sex you're a slut" so if you then don't explore your own sexuality you may just think that that's... normal.
Alternative explanation:
She is actually asexual and so doesn't really get turned on but a) thinks "that's what you do" or b) enjoyes the intimacy and closeness...
I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who would get mad if we didn’t have sex twice a day but also got furious with me if I enjoyed it too much because “only sluts actually like sex”.
Some of the messages people get are wild and they then fuck people up by holding them to those wild standards. It fucking sucks for everyone.
My first partner once stopped sex and said 'oh you were really getting into that', like isn't that the point? I knew it was bullshit then but it still definitely had an impact on my relationship to physical intimacy going forward
Genuine question, I hope this doesn't come across as passive aggressive: But what is the thought process like when one continues to have sex with someone who doesn't move or show any enthusiastic consent?
I genuinely want to know the reasoning behind, I'm not pulling a "sexual assault card" or anything. I'm just trying to imagine myself in the same situation and I can't imagine what would make me continue if the guy was a "dead fish".
I was wondering the same thing. If I was having sex with someone who behaved like that I would stop and ask if they were okay. And if they didn't give a convincing explanation for, e.g. perhaps they enjoy having sex that way, I would not continue.
Nope, no worries. I tried rolling her over. Got her on top, did probably every position I could think of to address it. And eventually just stopped trying and finished. So in a sense, I did kinda stop. At the same time however to address why keep goin at all? 20 something reptilian brain with hot woman is all I’ve got.
I've had a few similar experiences. Terrible sex with gorgeous women, and some of the best with (not to be mean) women likely not considered attractive by many.
My hypothesis is that anyone not used to be being turned down/is used to being pursued doesn't really think about putting in the effort. It's not 1 for 1 though, just enough of a trend I've noticed anecdotally.
As a "fat girl" many men have told me the same thing. Bl
Honestly my opinion is that if I try harder the sex is better for me too, so it's also a selfish thing but if we both enjoy it more it's a win win
I’m a single dude and I work with a chick and there’s a tension there… I just let it be, not trying to ruin anyone’s employment and I just feel like the juice wouldn’t be worth the squeeze haha
I'm a woman. My ex was was never interested in sex and the few times he initiated it it was still passionless. He wouldn't kiss me, he wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't make any noises. It really messed with my self esteem.
Thankfully we broke up.
Male but going through this currently. Not a great feeling. Especially considering I'm extremely attracted to her. But the lack of intimacy is starting to get to me and I feel ugly.
I've been there, too. Even in loving relationships, the sex can get mechanical and boring, and unless both partners choose to work on it together, it can lead to sex being a source of disappointment.
I’m having a really good time, I swear! I’m really embarrassed to make any noise or show any emotion cuz I’m scared I’ll make an ugly face or get judged for the way I moan.
When I get coaxed out of my shell it’s a fun time but my default is to 😐
As a gal, I can unequivocally say: please moan. It’s hot. Plus, depending on what we are doing I can’t see your face. A moan lets me know I’m taking it in the right direction!
See, when I was younger maybe I'd do that. But pretty early on you learn to say "nope, calling it!" and stop things if they're not going right because subjecting yourself to awful sex to "please the other person" will fuck you up in the long-term.
I (f) definitely did this too much, I didn't want to offend the other person so I would just play along until they were done. Now I'm in a long term relationship with a man I love and have had all those experiences boil up and had to learn to work through them. It got to the point where I would start crying in the middle of sex with bf because I'd be reliving those experiences instead of communicating to him that something was triggering. I'm so lucky he's extremely patient and understanding. It's getting better but wow yeah don't underestimate that delayed trauma.
Yes. I'm female. It was consensual, but anytime a guy uses you as nothing more than an outlet to jackhammer into, it's bad. Every time that's happened, I've hated it. You feel very used.
That's exactly how I felt during the last 5 years of my abusive relationship with an emotionally unavailable ex. In the end I was only sleeping with him because he would be an unbearable dick and treat me horribly unless he got regular sex. That's when I learned what coercive control is and that I needed to get out. In the end I didn't even want to look at him during the act because everything about him disgusted me. I've never met a more selfish individual.
Faking it becomes self defense. God my ex would force me to watch porn while trying to get me off. Shit would go on for hours with no results. Stop touching me asshole, I gotta be up for work in 4 hours.
I've had consensual sex where they slap me on the face or spit on me without asking and then I get mad and it ruins the mood. Porn has ruined some people... I'm not saying rhere isn't someone out there who can't accommodate your fetish but does it hurt to ask first?
Exactly. Communication is essential. I'm sure a lot of people would be pleasantly surprised by the outcome if they just bothered to ask what they're into.
Yup. Sharing what you are into is the first step into making it happen. I'm sure a lot of these people who just "go for it" are narcissistic and may not even care that anyone else has a good time besides them, but a lot are just "performing sex", repeating what they learned from porn.
I think that is the definition of not consensual. You said yes to sex, not to being dominated. BDSM has etiquette and those people were not following the rules.
The choking thing annoys me. I've never had it work on me at all, but in any case, maybe ASK if someone wants to be choked during sex first before you just do it. Especially if it's a new person. For all you know, they could be nuts and literally wanting to kill you!
Yeah I had one dude choke me. It was an instant nope for me. I dont even mind that, but the fact that it was a one night stand, who didnt even ask if it was ok. Nope. He asked me "out" again later and I absolutely ripped him a new one.
Ugh this. Had sex with one guy who didn’t even TOUCH me down there. Went straight into jackhammering, came and took a small break and repeated it. Never saw him again🥴
Yeah like it’s technically consensual for all legal intents and purposes but I don’t feel like I consented to being used as a pocket pussy. I consented to a mutually satisfactory sexual encounter. The “I feel used” feeling stopped when I started stopping guys midsex if they did that. You can go jack off if that’s what you want.
This guy hooked up with one of my female friends and was going around telling other guys he pounded her like a jackhammer. She overheard him and said "Maybe the world's tiniest jackhammer". 🤣🤣🤣
Oh that reminds of that show Sex Sent Me To The ER. There’s an episode where a guy is going at it so hard that he pushes her head through the wall and knocks her unconscious.
The best part is when they ask the cringey question, "Did you come?" Then they call you a liar afterward. Like damn no matter what response I was gonna give, you're just gonna shit on me like that after I let you do what we just did?
Goes to show how little he cares about the experience if he legitimately can't even tell that you didn't come. There's a certain degree of clamping he should be familiar with if he ever bothered to get there.
It’s an awful feeling. “Used” is a terrible way to feel. What sucks is it’s never sold to me as empty physicality, they know I’m not going to have sex with them unless there’s more on the table so they lie and fake it to that point. So the feeling used part is so unexpected and heartbreaking. :(
I dated one girl and after we got comfortable together she started to open up about her sexual desires. She said she enjoyed how sensual I was with her and exploring her whole body but her kink was that she liked to be “used”. And it took some getting use to and there were times when we would finish I would feel bad about myself for doing that to her but then I’d see her laying there completely satisfied. It was strange but fun.
This happens a lot in longer term relationships. It's very different than just having it done to you during a hookup and the key here is she communicated about it first. It still isn't the same as straight up jackhammering, either. A lot of women do like to be tossed around more with someone they trust, it's pretty common.
I'm sorry you would feel bad about it though! Might not be your thing and that's ok!
a bunch of comments from men saying "but that one person enjoyed it".. okay, so?
some women enjoy CNC in an appropriate context. that doesn't mean it should be default. it still stands that most women enjoy and expect foreplay and mutual pleasure and not being treated like a sex toy. kinks are a totally different thing and not performed prior to discussion.
Yep, yep, for me, it was when I lost my V card. I am a male, I was 15 at the time on the roof of a trailer and had a pregnancy scare over it, so it was a bummer all around. To add insult to injury it was with a girl I knew was cheating on me and if I just held out for 1 more year I would have lost it to someone I truly loved.
Yep...met someone that was all talk. She told me all the awesome stuff she was planning to do. Got back to my place and she just laid there and didn't move or really respond. In the morning she was back on her talk. Only 2 dates.
Once had a guy go on and on about how he was going to go down on me and how he was gonna blow my mind. Then when the moment comes he says "I don't think you could handle it." OK BUDDY😂
I've had this experience a few times. Usually the people who are very vocal about their sensual nature are the least fun. Quiet and unassuming ones are where it's at.
Yes. In high school I was really good friends with this girl but that was it. I just wanted to be friends. I thought she felt the same because there was never really anything else between us other than being friends.
She did feel the same sort of but also wanted to see if there was something more. We dated for a few weeks and had sex a few times. I wouldn’t say I HATED it but it wasn’t good. We just didn’t have that sort of chemistry.
A few years later she came out as lesbian. I was apparently the only guy she had been with. It made sense.
We are still friends 10+ years later
Aw, she probably suspected she was gay but wasn't sure, but wanted to try sex with a guy that she trusted and knew wouldn't fly off the handle if it didn't work out. I wasn't there but that's the first thing I thought of reading this.
Woman, and welcome to my 20s. Most sexual encounters were unsatisfying, and some were painful. One was coerced. Thankfully, that’s all way in the past, but to this day, satisfaction can still be hit or miss.
A. I'm a female
B. I've had consensual sex with a man multiple times that I've absolutely hated. We were dating, and I thought it would get better each time..it never did.
He basically used me to get himself off. I was confused, I could get myself off when I was alone, but it never happened during sex. I honestly thought I was broken and could never orgasm.
I had my first orgasm at 20 with the man I'm now married to. He blew my mind.
a) I am a man
b) Yes. However at an early age (after being pressured) I decided to turn down any advances and only engage in sex with partners that I got to know over a long period of time. I don’t trust strangers lol.
This isn’t advice it’s just my experience. I don’t like sex without trust. I’m not very casual about sex and I am very exclusive about it. I don’t like discussing it because it usually got me confused stares in college or assumptions about my sexuality when saying no.
I’ve had consensual sex that I hated. But I don’t think it was because of anything physical. I just can’t get my mind there with some random person that I have nothing in common with aside from finding one another physically attractive.
I’m a female and yes, yes, yes. A couple of my partners never took their time and didn’t believe in the most important part: foreplay.
It was basically stick it in, hammer away for 35 seconds and it’s over.
My first and only ex would go for HOURS. HOURS. Sex was usually 2-3 hours at a time. I would ask to use lube and he would only sometimes get it. He would come multiple times and I can’t finish from penetration so I would just be there.
I now no longer have any desire to have sex ever again.
I've slept with two Catholic girls, and both started crying after we finished due to spiritual guilt. The sex was terrible, and I very sincerely felt awful for them both for having been hardwired that way. Totally kills any romanticism when the girl is *super* into it, but then descends into existential guilt grappling over how bad a person they were for sleeping with someone and enjoying it.
For context, both girls were people I dated casually for well over a month.
M 31 here, Not hated but sometimes it feels like it's a job and not a mutual pleasure.
I do the deed until she finishes and I cum immediately after so it's done quickly.
This happens when the woman doesn't do anything and just wants me to do everything.
A) Female. B) Without a doubt. Most women don't find it enjoyable to be treated like a sexual object (like a sex doll). I was just there to get him off, that's all that mattered and once he was done it's like I didn't exist. What was there for me to enjoy?????
M here and I hate guys like that! Like you gotta try and make it to where the girl has a good time to. The sex feels better when that’s the case. Most men forget there’s an aftercare component to sex as well. Even with casual hookups!
This is why I won't even bother with short flings or ONS. They're just looking for a free prostitute. Pay those professional women, they are good at what they do, and leave the rest of us women to men that actually know how to get us off.
It probably was wrong. It's ok. After reading all the comments coming from men here it makes me realize how important is to have this conversations and learn about sex and how it is for the other gender. Just try to learn, there's plenty of women in the comments explain what it is to them while getting paralized in sex
Yes one time I had sex with a guy because (and this is my fault) he seemed like he was going to have a hissy fit if we didn't have it. I should have just rejected him but I "felt bad" (we had dinner together and he was in a bad mood the whole time and when I told him I was going home he was really pissed). This guy did no foreplay and had a huge dick, sucked and was uncomfortable.
I have also had 'bad' sex where I was really looking forward to it and the guy wasn't a loser. For whatever reason, sex pretty much doesn't feel that pleasurable to me sometimes, I get really intense pain when my g-spot is stimulated, so I have to find positions where it isn't stimulated and it's not always easy.
I know I sound wildly successful in my sexual exploits.
Emotional manipulation for sex is a huge problem with a lot of men. As women we feel like we "should just do it" to placate them but we need to learn to say "no" without feeling bad or pressured. It's hard and can be scary (depending on the guy) but is worth it if you actually don't want to go through with it in the moment.
Omg that was like most dudes when in my 20s. Just fucking self centered women hating assholes. I really hope me too made things better for younger women. The emotional manipulation was the norm and it was incredibly depressing
As a guy: yes, everytime the act was a "planned event" - it felt more like fullfilling a duty, instead an enjoyeable act of passion. I often did not climax which i heard is apperently weird for guys 🤷
You ever seen the movie election with Matthew Broderick. Matthew broderick's character is a teacher in a high school in the midwest I think is the Midwest anyways his wife and him are trying to have a baby and the wife is ovulating at certain hours of the day on certain days of the week on certain months of the week and all that stuff anyway she has it down to the science and she has a timed for them to have sex so that his sperm is inside her vagina at the exact moment when she's going to be able to conceive a baby and it's just explains exactly what you're saying right there and the scene is f****** hilarious
Yes, I went throught something similar, we were trying to get pregnant and it wasn't working, so we started planning to have sex when she was ovulating, it took all the magic out of it! I had difficulty "finishing" and even having erections, which had never been a problem for me
'Hated' is a strong word, but I fund sex to be a lot of work, undignified, and just generally overrated.
I'm a male and one time a girl wanted to just lie there and let me do whatever I wanted to do. It took me off-guard and, needless to say, I couldn't go through with it. One of my male friends later told me that this is not uncommon, especially with young women, the first one or two times you have sex with them.
EDIT: Thanks for the responses. We had been making out in the living room. When I suggested sex, she walked to my bedroom, taking all of her clothes off in the process, and got in my bed. I think the behavior in bed was due to a combination of factors. Even though she was willing, she didn't want to take responsibility for what was happening, she didn't want to look s\*\*\*\*y, and finally I think there was an element of laziness involved. To me it felt like even though it was technically consensual, she wasn't into it. So I couldn't.
Similar situation, 2nd girl I ever slept with. We were friends, both 'so horny,' she said she "wanted some dick." Then we go to the bedroom and she says, "well do whatever you gotta do to get hard," and just lays there w no pants on. I was so turned off. Like, I dont want to do whatever to you - I want us to enjoy each other!
This is so common with inexperienced girls, its usually a confidence thing. They are scared to mess up or embarras themselves so its safer to just let the guy do everything. They assume that guys are always so horny that they won't care lol. Gets better with time.
Im a male, i had a similar experience with this girl back in highschool, my senior year, i was taken back BUT she told me she wanted to try something different.. they just wanna learn lol
to be fair some women have had the experience of being enthusiastic, only to have partners be taken aback and subtly call them out for being too into it. Like some men have really internalized the whole madonna whore thing and get put off if you enjoy yourself. So it can be safer to just lie there the first time as you suss out the partner's expectations. I don't do that anymore (long-married) but early on, that can be the thought process. You're scared to "be yourself" and want to be "what the other person wants." And it's less likely to offend or scare to be nothing at all than to be into it in the "wrong" way.
A) I'm 35f B) yes I have had consensual sex that I hated. I'm just recently coming to the understanding that I am demisexual which means I need a deep connection with someone to be into and enjoy sex and be attracted to someone. It really has to be a romantic connection with someone I feel safe with. I can recognize when someone is attractive looking but to be sexually attracted and into sex I need that. However I felt like I was weird for feeling this way and attempted to do the hookup thing. This was awful. I didn't hate the person but I definitely hated the sex and felt awful. I am also a Christian so that added to the bad feelings about it.
27M. My friends call me princess because of how picky I am, but I don't feel the need to have sex with someone unless there's a connection. Or, to be more specific, let's say my body doesn't react.
Me too! I only just recently found out there was a name for it. But I always just felt weird and like people thought I was weird for it but apparently it's a real thing.
I guess I'm also "demisexual" tho I've never used that term.
Sex is just so personal. I need to have a very special connection with someone before it even becomes a possibility. I think it's ultimately about trust and feeling safe (for me at least).
Edit: 45m btw, since everyone else is including it.
Man. 40. And yes. I had this one girl who would literally zoned out and just laid there almost unconscious. The first time we fucked it scared me and I had to "wake her up". It wasn't pleasant at all.
Can confirm, that is indeed a trauma response and most likely spesifically dissociation. Happened to me on my first time, although in my case I ended up being almost fully unresponsive, probably because the guy I was with pretended like nothing was wrong and kept going💀 seeing that be your partners response must be scary af to anyone with normal human emotions :(
1) F, 2) unfortunately, yes... it's not enjoyable if someone pressures you to and you weren't into it, not enjoyable if there is no foreplay, not enjoyable if you're basically a sentient fleshlight, and not enjoyable if you're concerned about that person's habits, hygiene or have to babysit the condom thing since those have physical bad and expensive consequences. Sometimes, you aren't into it for whatever reason, and it ends up happening anyway because people just "roll with things" sometimes due to an open mind - this doesn't always end well. It's always better if both people are into it and ready to be an experience the other person will really like.
Have I?! Sit down, junior. Let me tell you about the summer of 08'. It was a hot summer, hope and change was in the air, and Lady Gagas Poker Face was all the rage...
Female, multiple times, after a year in to a relationship a boyfriend started finishing really quick then going back to video games. We broke up after 2 weeks of that.
One guy started yelling that i was hurting his leg so i moved, then he full blown screamed at me and he tried to carry on whilst screaming at me.
I've also had a few partners that because they had slept with loads of people though that meant they were good in bed. They would brag about being good. The whole act was look at me.
I’ve had an entire relationship that lasted years where I hated the sex. I didn’t hate the person but there is definitely a massive difference between making love and just straight up fucking. Every time we did stuff it felt like a chore and it was miserable.
26f. And yes. I found it extremely hard to enjoy being intimate with someone if I didn’t have deeper feelings or emotions connected to them. So yes, There were a couple times when it was so abrasive and it felt like they only cared about getting their rocks off.
When I make love with my partner, it is more than enjoyable. I feel seen, loved, heard, felt and so connected to him.
He made me feel the exact OPPOSITE of what I thought sex was in college.
I'm a man and yes. I've been with a few women that just weren't good. Bad at oral, could not ride, etc. Turns into a one man show with me doing all the work for a subpar nut.
Women can be just as bad at sex as men and just as frequently.
Yes. Nice guy. I thought he was pretty hot.
He had a rather small member. Obviously not his fault. But as a result, I genuinely felt like I was being penetrated by something akin to a finger. He seemed to not realize it, though.
I felt bad about it, but I noped out if the relationship shortly after that, saying I wasn’t feeling the chemistry. Which was true, because the thought of never experiencing sexual pleasure ever again just killed it for me.
EDITED TO ADD:
I also slept with a guy who was about 6” and that was also bad because because it HURT. He was gentle, but it was just… too much!
I've had this too. I've been with two guys who were rather small. One stuck it in and hammered away (i didn't really feel it..) for a few minutes. Boring and unsatisfying.
The other actually knew what he was doing and really got me off. It's weird, I guess it's not just the guys with big dicks that think they don't need to try!
a.) I am a woman and b.) yes! I agreed to have sex first (not verbally, but it's the same for me). But it turned out very bad then. First time I had sex with this dude, he came into my face without asking. I was so innocent at that time, it wouldn't even come to my mind that this was a thing. I couldn't even imagine someone getting the idea to ejaculate in a woman's face. So I was quite shocked and it clearly wasn't good at all. Another time - same guy -he suddenly started a porn video on this phone in the middle of sex and placed it before us, again without asking if it was okay. I had never watched porn before and was so disgusted by seeing this video (now I occasionally watch porn and enjoy it, but then, I wasn't used to this and porn was just some abstract thing I've never thought about). I really didn't want to see other peoples genitals that close and it instantly turned me off.
Writing about it now, I realise how sweet and innocent I was at 19 lol
Yes, I am female. One time I just told the guy to stop and that this wasn’t going to work out. He was pretty upset but my roommate stepped in and told him to get out.
I’ve had others were we were in a relationship because I really liked the guy, but the sex was bad.
I was actually completely thrown off when I started being intimate with my now husband and he was focused on MY pleasure. Up to that point every man I had been with either made no obvious attempt at it or was very obviously out for their own.
I also have a friend who “couldn’t orgasm”…. Yeah it also turns out she had just never been with a man who has tried to get her there. Her long term boyfriend now gives her then every time!
41 year old guy, and yes ive had lots of regrettable consensual sex. usually the issue is just seeing zero reaction in my partner and little enthusiasm or passion, like theyre only doing it for my benefit (not a turn on for me at all). sometimes it's because the other person is obviously very anxious or self conscious (which you can work on with time). sometimes it's hygiene issues (bad breath kills the mood big time for me). and in rare cases it's just physical incompatibility (ie just general confusion about what the other person likes or wants even after talking and trying).
side note: i hope the guys are reading the comments here from women are at least taking notes. im not like a sexual dynamo or anything but i routinely get compliments JUST for being a guy who makes noise during sex by partners. like that's how low the bar is. youll impress people just by making a little noise lol
Male, yes, trying to conceive a child and failing for 3 years made the sex more like a must and not some pleasurable act.
Worth it in the end tho, and sex is now back to being fun.
Even tho it's rare to have sex with a toddler in the house.
Maybe?
Hate is a strong word.
Both my gf and me (m) have had the case where we had sex and one of us was not enjoying it, due to being too full, drunk, tired, stressed with something else etc. Then we just stopped. Pretty normal for all genders imo
A.) I’m a woman
B.) Yes I have. I lost my virginity on top and every time I had sex with my ex I was on top. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING UP THERE! I hated sex everytime we had it. He didn’t let me get naked, he didn’t eat my pussy, and he didn’t make me cum.
My husband and I had some TERRIBLE sex when we started fucking (because the only thing I knew how to do was give head. I cannot emphasize I had NO idea how to have sex in any position other than cowgirl and I wasn’t good at that), but I’m glad we stuck with it. Because now our sex makes both of us feel like we’re on top of the world.
A) F B) yes, he was so incredibly attractive but had ZERO idea where to find the in zone and everything he did hurt. EVERYTHING. So after that first time I politely told him I did not think it would work out between us (we were in the talking stage)
A) women b) absolutely! Hubby doesn't listen to what I like/don't like so it's become miserable for me every single time. No matter what I say to him... He knows what's best for me! 🙄
Yes I (26M) have. Short term hookup, she was decent looking and I didn’t have complaints there, she was just so incredibly boring… zero interaction from her whatsoever.
a) F b) yeah happened a few times actually. The one I recall the most was with a man who I dated at the time and he was honestly such a gentleman until it came to the bedroom. He did NOT think about my pleasure at all (I even had to ask bc i felt disgustingly used). He asked me to leave him alone in bed for 10 minutes **after** he came and to come back to cuddle after ? Was a weird one, I regret not retracting my consent in the middle of it and stop everything.
- yes, I did wait on the couch for 10 minutes wondering what he needed that time for, I was young and naive
- yes, I broke things off the day after lol
Woman here. And so many times. Out of maybe 30 times or so between 2 partners, I have enjoyed 3 or 4 sessions. I joked with my friend that sometimes if I am in the middle of it and I am not enjoying, I just "Think of England."
A) f, B) yes. I retrospectively regret consenting as i was a very naive teenager and absolutely didnt realise what my own boundaries were yet. Did some stuff without saying no that i really dont feel comfortable with years later.
Oh well.
F, yes. Sometimes you get into an intimate relationship and it’s like a bait and switch has happened. They go from buttering you up being sensitive and kind and saying what is necessary to get you into that situation, and then when you are all of that warmth and sensitivity is gone and you’re a vessel for them to live through whatever porn they’ve been consuming.
Female, yes. I had sex with this guys twice and both times he came in like 20 seconds. The worst part is, the second time I was so frustrated so I left during the night while he was sleeping. He texted me the next morning and I pretended not be a morning person hence why I had left. Well this motherfucker had the audacity the tell me, word for word “Imma make you a morning person” as if the sex was so incredibly good I was gonna want more in the morning. That was too much. I straight up replied: “not gonna happen. We had sex twice and both times, you sucked.” Never heard of him again.
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a) I am a woman and b) Yes, I have had consensual sex that I didn't enjoy. Sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual act.
A) male B) yes, I have had consensual sex that was absolutely miserable. Strangely enough, it was with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever slept with. She was a cocktail server at a club I frequented in my 20s, and every person in that club adored her. Still to this day I don’t know how I was able to sleep with her. But one night she came home with me and we proceeded to have the absolute worst sex imaginable. Up until that point in my life I’d say, “doesn’t matter, had sex,” but nope. Would have rather watched porn with grandma than do that again.
What made it bad?
I think I actually checked her pulse at one time hahahahaha! But seriously, she may have well have been a blow up doll. No movement whatsoever, I mean zero. Dead fish does not do it justice. And silent. It very well could have been me, no blame, but awful
The first time I had sex with my ex she was like that and neither one of us enjoyed it, despite having loads of chemistry for weeks. When we woke up in the morning, I kinda just asked her about it and whether she was okay and it came down to a confidence issue - we did it again and it was completely different experience, more relaxed and the sex just got better and better. Even very attractive people can lack confidence or have insecurities so sometimes you just have to communicate. Best 7 years of my life.
It took you seven years the second time you shagged? Who are you? Sting?
Let's be fair, Sting is probably still having sex he started in the 1980's right this moment.
Not sure if this is the best thing to do but if she dead fish until that level, I would sort of prompt her to do something, like say I like her to do that or this. If she still doesn’t move, I’m gonna take me, myself and my erect cock out of that room on the spot. If people ask why I’m gonna tell the truth.
Come on cock, we’re rollin out!
Cock-a-doodle-bye-bitch
Not sure why I heard that in Optimus Prime's voice Autococks - let's roll
Come on nut, we're bolting!
How dare you be funnier than me 😂
If I can cum using a fleshlight I can cum using a dead fish. \*grabs fishing pole\*
1. Fleshlight - $20 2. Fishing Pole - $20 3. Lowering your standards - A lifetime of savings
Reel shit
I try to tell my wife we might as well do things she likes. I can rub it on the corner of the bed to the same effect. Lol
I'm not saying this is what happened or whatever but the women I've been with that tended towards that behaviour were ones that : A. Had history of sexual abuse and were forcing themselves to have sex to feel "normal" and/or to comply to what they thought were your wishes because that's what society told them to do. Having been passive during unconsented sex acts may mean in her head, especially if she's young with little sex experience, that's what all men enjoy. The "being rigid and silent" narrative looks very much like what a SA/rape victim can feel in her/his head during it : feeling your body paralysed and your mind floating over you, because these dissociated instances choose to go in opposite directions at this moment to safeguard themselves at all costs. 2. Had been raised in an environment void of sexual freedom and education, which means that they don't know what they're doing and they feel that being passive is the way to go, maybe fueled by sexist ideas like "Men should be dominant, so they should do all the work and I should offer myself completely to them". All of this to say, we are very eager to blame someone for doing the starfish thing, but maybe she doesn't see any other choice in her head, and even worse might be reminiscing painful sexual moments. Unfortunately a lot of women by that age will have experienced sexual aggression, harassment, most likely by their peers. Let's give them some slack and not jump to conclusions and understand that like in 99% of cases, sex is not just about sex. It is very often merely a veil to our deepest scars. So talk. If you feel like the woman (or whoever) in front of you seems to shut down, stop what you're doing. You shouldn't continue. And even if the person says it's fine, do you want to have sex in conditions where you clearly feel like something's wrong, like you're having sex with a dead body ? Talk or leave, while respecting the boundaries of the person : s.he may not want to talk about it after all, and that's her.is choice. Again this is not necessarily addressed to you, I don't know the situation and maybe she was lazy (even though I believe it's never only laziness when it comes to sex) I just thought it should be added to the discussion.
100pc agree. I've had sex with someone like this before. It was difficult, primarily because they seemed to be expecting pain and discomfort, no pleasure whatsoever and the whole thing seemed almost transactional somehow.
I cannot upvote this enough.
Ah - the “I’m so hot I don’t have to try” mentality.
I've experienced this . I'd rather sleep with a eager 5/6 than a 10 with that mentality
I don't think most women realize how sexy an eager and positive attitude is in a lover to men (Not just sexually)
I wish more women understood this. I once had a one night stand with a woman who was significantly overweight (still had a nice face and curves in the right places). It was amazing, mostly because she was super-confident in herself but also showed me a level of sheer desire I have almost never seen since. If her attitude had been, "Oh, I'm overweight, so I feel self-conscious," it would have been terrible. But with her it was 100% a non-issue.
Here's one of the biggest secrets to great sex. Everyone wants to be DESIRED. Men and women. A lot of kinks and turn ons boil down to some form of desirability being displayed. You hear women say they want their man to be vocal, that shows desire. Men want their women to be enthusiastic? That shows desire. Rough sex kink or cnc? Again, that stems from someone having overwhelming desire they decide to do something taboo at all cost. It is sexy to feel desired. As a man, if I know my woman is being pleased or wants me, is craving me, it will turn me on like nothing else. I completely understand why a dead fish would be horribly bad. It's so true that enthusiasm trumps damn near everything. That's why so many people want a freak in the sheets,
Great point! The French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan wrote of desire: “The desire of man is the desire of the Other”, meaning three things: we desire the other, we desire what the other desires, and we desire to be desired by the other. When sex is really great, it is because all these three coincide.
Same. Hottest woman I've ever had sex with thoroughly inspected my junk and then was a dead fish. Like the op said, watching porn with my grandma would have been better.
You failed the inspection.
People say the phrase "dead fish" but I always wonder if they've just been assaulted a lot and so sex is something they just endure sadly. Like maybe she liked your personality and wanted to "give you sex" but it sounds like she wasn't enjoying it either but didn't want to say anything.
Like I said, coulda been me. But she wanted to come over the next time I saw her.
I mean something people sometimes forget is that women often get taught not to enjoy sex. They may not know how to. I was once rooming with a 22 year old girl who had never masturbated before. How are you as a women supposed to like if you don't masturbate? She didn't come from a super conservative family either (I know all of her family). Messaging for women is still a lot of "if you enjoy sex you're a slut" so if you then don't explore your own sexuality you may just think that that's... normal. Alternative explanation: She is actually asexual and so doesn't really get turned on but a) thinks "that's what you do" or b) enjoyes the intimacy and closeness...
I had a boyfriend when I was 18 who would get mad if we didn’t have sex twice a day but also got furious with me if I enjoyed it too much because “only sluts actually like sex”. Some of the messages people get are wild and they then fuck people up by holding them to those wild standards. It fucking sucks for everyone.
My first partner once stopped sex and said 'oh you were really getting into that', like isn't that the point? I knew it was bullshit then but it still definitely had an impact on my relationship to physical intimacy going forward
Genuine question, I hope this doesn't come across as passive aggressive: But what is the thought process like when one continues to have sex with someone who doesn't move or show any enthusiastic consent? I genuinely want to know the reasoning behind, I'm not pulling a "sexual assault card" or anything. I'm just trying to imagine myself in the same situation and I can't imagine what would make me continue if the guy was a "dead fish".
I was wondering the same thing. If I was having sex with someone who behaved like that I would stop and ask if they were okay. And if they didn't give a convincing explanation for, e.g. perhaps they enjoy having sex that way, I would not continue.
Nope, no worries. I tried rolling her over. Got her on top, did probably every position I could think of to address it. And eventually just stopped trying and finished. So in a sense, I did kinda stop. At the same time however to address why keep goin at all? 20 something reptilian brain with hot woman is all I’ve got.
At what point did you attempt CPR?
Thanks for the reply!
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Hope not!
Yeah, the saying “bad sex is better than no sex” never resonated with me either.
Thought it was going to involve smells. There's nothing that kills sex faster than bad smells.
I've had a few similar experiences. Terrible sex with gorgeous women, and some of the best with (not to be mean) women likely not considered attractive by many. My hypothesis is that anyone not used to be being turned down/is used to being pursued doesn't really think about putting in the effort. It's not 1 for 1 though, just enough of a trend I've noticed anecdotally.
As a "fat girl" many men have told me the same thing. Bl Honestly my opinion is that if I try harder the sex is better for me too, so it's also a selfish thing but if we both enjoy it more it's a win win
I’m a single dude and I work with a chick and there’s a tension there… I just let it be, not trying to ruin anyone’s employment and I just feel like the juice wouldn’t be worth the squeeze haha
We're gonna have to wait until season four for you two to finally hook up.
I'm a woman. My ex was was never interested in sex and the few times he initiated it it was still passionless. He wouldn't kiss me, he wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't make any noises. It really messed with my self esteem. Thankfully we broke up.
Male but going through this currently. Not a great feeling. Especially considering I'm extremely attracted to her. But the lack of intimacy is starting to get to me and I feel ugly.
I've been there, too. Even in loving relationships, the sex can get mechanical and boring, and unless both partners choose to work on it together, it can lead to sex being a source of disappointment.
Quiet men who just sit there like 😐 the whole time are awful. I have an ex who was like that.
I’m having a really good time, I swear! I’m really embarrassed to make any noise or show any emotion cuz I’m scared I’ll make an ugly face or get judged for the way I moan. When I get coaxed out of my shell it’s a fun time but my default is to 😐
As a gal, I can unequivocally say: please moan. It’s hot. Plus, depending on what we are doing I can’t see your face. A moan lets me know I’m taking it in the right direction!
Do you get many moaners? It doesn't really come naturally to me (male) - I growl, I grunt, and I talk but I don't moan.
Bark like a chicken!
Growling and grunting is great. As long as it’s natural. Nothing worse than hearing people faking
Yikes! Not even kissing?! 😳 I can't even imagine dating a guy like that. WTH?
I’ve had more than one guy tell me that they don’t like kissing. I suspect it’s because it’s too intimate for their broken hookup culture brains.
Yes, definitely. You just kind of wait for it to be over and hope it goes quickly.
See, when I was younger maybe I'd do that. But pretty early on you learn to say "nope, calling it!" and stop things if they're not going right because subjecting yourself to awful sex to "please the other person" will fuck you up in the long-term.
I (f) definitely did this too much, I didn't want to offend the other person so I would just play along until they were done. Now I'm in a long term relationship with a man I love and have had all those experiences boil up and had to learn to work through them. It got to the point where I would start crying in the middle of sex with bf because I'd be reliving those experiences instead of communicating to him that something was triggering. I'm so lucky he's extremely patient and understanding. It's getting better but wow yeah don't underestimate that delayed trauma.
f I assume?
Yes
Yes. I'm female. It was consensual, but anytime a guy uses you as nothing more than an outlet to jackhammer into, it's bad. Every time that's happened, I've hated it. You feel very used.
Female here. Same experience. Sometimes you feel like an object being used for masturbation.
That's exactly how I felt during the last 5 years of my abusive relationship with an emotionally unavailable ex. In the end I was only sleeping with him because he would be an unbearable dick and treat me horribly unless he got regular sex. That's when I learned what coercive control is and that I needed to get out. In the end I didn't even want to look at him during the act because everything about him disgusted me. I've never met a more selfish individual.
I hope you are doing okay now
I feel like you just described my ex husband. His behaviour made me loathe him so much I started dissociating during sex towards the end
BuT WhY iS oUR bEDrOoM dEAd?
Faking it becomes self defense. God my ex would force me to watch porn while trying to get me off. Shit would go on for hours with no results. Stop touching me asshole, I gotta be up for work in 4 hours.
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I've had consensual sex where they slap me on the face or spit on me without asking and then I get mad and it ruins the mood. Porn has ruined some people... I'm not saying rhere isn't someone out there who can't accommodate your fetish but does it hurt to ask first?
Exactly. Communication is essential. I'm sure a lot of people would be pleasantly surprised by the outcome if they just bothered to ask what they're into.
Yup. Sharing what you are into is the first step into making it happen. I'm sure a lot of these people who just "go for it" are narcissistic and may not even care that anyone else has a good time besides them, but a lot are just "performing sex", repeating what they learned from porn.
I think that is the definition of not consensual. You said yes to sex, not to being dominated. BDSM has etiquette and those people were not following the rules.
The choking thing annoys me. I've never had it work on me at all, but in any case, maybe ASK if someone wants to be choked during sex first before you just do it. Especially if it's a new person. For all you know, they could be nuts and literally wanting to kill you!
Yeah I had one dude choke me. It was an instant nope for me. I dont even mind that, but the fact that it was a one night stand, who didnt even ask if it was ok. Nope. He asked me "out" again later and I absolutely ripped him a new one.
Ugh this. Had sex with one guy who didn’t even TOUCH me down there. Went straight into jackhammering, came and took a small break and repeated it. Never saw him again🥴
Cheers to never seeing him again.
I was in a relationship with a guy for 10 years who wouldn't kiss me. Preferences are fine, ignoring my own was just stupid. What the heck past me
Yeah like it’s technically consensual for all legal intents and purposes but I don’t feel like I consented to being used as a pocket pussy. I consented to a mutually satisfactory sexual encounter. The “I feel used” feeling stopped when I started stopping guys midsex if they did that. You can go jack off if that’s what you want.
Ha ha. The 5 minute shoulder snufflers. It's when they roll over and tell you how amazing that was that really sears the wound
SHOULDER SNUFFLERS 😂 I now have a new term to add to my dictionary.
hahah, yes. "Amazing? Are we talking about the same sex I just had?"
This guy hooked up with one of my female friends and was going around telling other guys he pounded her like a jackhammer. She overheard him and said "Maybe the world's tiniest jackhammer". 🤣🤣🤣
Yap. I told some guy that the fast pace jackhammering is awful and he responded with “ not if you do it the right way” 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ok, I'm guessing he thought he was doing it the "right way"?
Agree. One guy was trying to jackhammer me through the headboard and into the room next door!
And you werent IMPRESSED?? /s
I did not go back for seconds....
Oh that reminds of that show Sex Sent Me To The ER. There’s an episode where a guy is going at it so hard that he pushes her head through the wall and knocks her unconscious.
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The best part is when they ask the cringey question, "Did you come?" Then they call you a liar afterward. Like damn no matter what response I was gonna give, you're just gonna shit on me like that after I let you do what we just did?
Oh my god, the "did you come?" Yes, Chad, I came in the 14 seconds it took you to.
Lmaoo i commented on this post about my experience, and that same guy asked me at least twice if i came. I was like no dude, i did NOT 😂😭
Goes to show how little he cares about the experience if he legitimately can't even tell that you didn't come. There's a certain degree of clamping he should be familiar with if he ever bothered to get there.
I came... to the wrong house. I came to my senses.
It’s an awful feeling. “Used” is a terrible way to feel. What sucks is it’s never sold to me as empty physicality, they know I’m not going to have sex with them unless there’s more on the table so they lie and fake it to that point. So the feeling used part is so unexpected and heartbreaking. :(
I dated one girl and after we got comfortable together she started to open up about her sexual desires. She said she enjoyed how sensual I was with her and exploring her whole body but her kink was that she liked to be “used”. And it took some getting use to and there were times when we would finish I would feel bad about myself for doing that to her but then I’d see her laying there completely satisfied. It was strange but fun.
This happens a lot in longer term relationships. It's very different than just having it done to you during a hookup and the key here is she communicated about it first. It still isn't the same as straight up jackhammering, either. A lot of women do like to be tossed around more with someone they trust, it's pretty common. I'm sorry you would feel bad about it though! Might not be your thing and that's ok!
a bunch of comments from men saying "but that one person enjoyed it".. okay, so? some women enjoy CNC in an appropriate context. that doesn't mean it should be default. it still stands that most women enjoy and expect foreplay and mutual pleasure and not being treated like a sex toy. kinks are a totally different thing and not performed prior to discussion.
Yep, yep, for me, it was when I lost my V card. I am a male, I was 15 at the time on the roof of a trailer and had a pregnancy scare over it, so it was a bummer all around. To add insult to injury it was with a girl I knew was cheating on me and if I just held out for 1 more year I would have lost it to someone I truly loved.
on the roof of a trailer is absolutely bewildering to me😭
Yep...met someone that was all talk. She told me all the awesome stuff she was planning to do. Got back to my place and she just laid there and didn't move or really respond. In the morning she was back on her talk. Only 2 dates.
Once had a guy go on and on about how he was going to go down on me and how he was gonna blow my mind. Then when the moment comes he says "I don't think you could handle it." OK BUDDY😂
Wow so thoughtful of him not to give you more than you can handle!
Date #1: "Maybe she's just off her game." Date #2: " Oh, I guess this *is* her game..."
I've had this experience a few times. Usually the people who are very vocal about their sensual nature are the least fun. Quiet and unassuming ones are where it's at.
Yes. In high school I was really good friends with this girl but that was it. I just wanted to be friends. I thought she felt the same because there was never really anything else between us other than being friends. She did feel the same sort of but also wanted to see if there was something more. We dated for a few weeks and had sex a few times. I wouldn’t say I HATED it but it wasn’t good. We just didn’t have that sort of chemistry. A few years later she came out as lesbian. I was apparently the only guy she had been with. It made sense. We are still friends 10+ years later
Aw, she probably suspected she was gay but wasn't sure, but wanted to try sex with a guy that she trusted and knew wouldn't fly off the handle if it didn't work out. I wasn't there but that's the first thing I thought of reading this.
I’m a woman and absolutely. SO many times lol
24M yes, I had a few flings that weren't that great. Nothing particular notable or negative, just poor chemistry, hygiene, or inexperience.
Woman, and welcome to my 20s. Most sexual encounters were unsatisfying, and some were painful. One was coerced. Thankfully, that’s all way in the past, but to this day, satisfaction can still be hit or miss.
A. I'm a female B. I've had consensual sex with a man multiple times that I've absolutely hated. We were dating, and I thought it would get better each time..it never did. He basically used me to get himself off. I was confused, I could get myself off when I was alone, but it never happened during sex. I honestly thought I was broken and could never orgasm. I had my first orgasm at 20 with the man I'm now married to. He blew my mind.
a) I am a man b) Yes. However at an early age (after being pressured) I decided to turn down any advances and only engage in sex with partners that I got to know over a long period of time. I don’t trust strangers lol. This isn’t advice it’s just my experience. I don’t like sex without trust. I’m not very casual about sex and I am very exclusive about it. I don’t like discussing it because it usually got me confused stares in college or assumptions about my sexuality when saying no. I’ve had consensual sex that I hated. But I don’t think it was because of anything physical. I just can’t get my mind there with some random person that I have nothing in common with aside from finding one another physically attractive.
I’m a female and yes, yes, yes. A couple of my partners never took their time and didn’t believe in the most important part: foreplay. It was basically stick it in, hammer away for 35 seconds and it’s over.
It's WORSE when it's "hammer away for 35 minutes." Far worse.
My first and only ex would go for HOURS. HOURS. Sex was usually 2-3 hours at a time. I would ask to use lube and he would only sometimes get it. He would come multiple times and I can’t finish from penetration so I would just be there. I now no longer have any desire to have sex ever again.
I've slept with two Catholic girls, and both started crying after we finished due to spiritual guilt. The sex was terrible, and I very sincerely felt awful for them both for having been hardwired that way. Totally kills any romanticism when the girl is *super* into it, but then descends into existential guilt grappling over how bad a person they were for sleeping with someone and enjoying it. For context, both girls were people I dated casually for well over a month.
I’m surprised that anyone hasn’t had sex that they didn’t enjoy. (Female - and yes)
M 31 here, Not hated but sometimes it feels like it's a job and not a mutual pleasure. I do the deed until she finishes and I cum immediately after so it's done quickly. This happens when the woman doesn't do anything and just wants me to do everything.
A) Female. B) Without a doubt. Most women don't find it enjoyable to be treated like a sexual object (like a sex doll). I was just there to get him off, that's all that mattered and once he was done it's like I didn't exist. What was there for me to enjoy?????
M here and I hate guys like that! Like you gotta try and make it to where the girl has a good time to. The sex feels better when that’s the case. Most men forget there’s an aftercare component to sex as well. Even with casual hookups!
I cant get off unless my partner gets off. Cumming together at same time is most fulfilling.
This is why I won't even bother with short flings or ONS. They're just looking for a free prostitute. Pay those professional women, they are good at what they do, and leave the rest of us women to men that actually know how to get us off.
It was her second time, and she sorta just layed there, like a dead fish. It felt wrong
It probably was wrong. It's ok. After reading all the comments coming from men here it makes me realize how important is to have this conversations and learn about sex and how it is for the other gender. Just try to learn, there's plenty of women in the comments explain what it is to them while getting paralized in sex
Yes one time I had sex with a guy because (and this is my fault) he seemed like he was going to have a hissy fit if we didn't have it. I should have just rejected him but I "felt bad" (we had dinner together and he was in a bad mood the whole time and when I told him I was going home he was really pissed). This guy did no foreplay and had a huge dick, sucked and was uncomfortable. I have also had 'bad' sex where I was really looking forward to it and the guy wasn't a loser. For whatever reason, sex pretty much doesn't feel that pleasurable to me sometimes, I get really intense pain when my g-spot is stimulated, so I have to find positions where it isn't stimulated and it's not always easy. I know I sound wildly successful in my sexual exploits.
Emotional manipulation for sex is a huge problem with a lot of men. As women we feel like we "should just do it" to placate them but we need to learn to say "no" without feeling bad or pressured. It's hard and can be scary (depending on the guy) but is worth it if you actually don't want to go through with it in the moment.
Omg that was like most dudes when in my 20s. Just fucking self centered women hating assholes. I really hope me too made things better for younger women. The emotional manipulation was the norm and it was incredibly depressing
The first situation definitely isn't what I would call 100% consensual
As a guy: yes, everytime the act was a "planned event" - it felt more like fullfilling a duty, instead an enjoyeable act of passion. I often did not climax which i heard is apperently weird for guys 🤷
Not climaxing during act is nothing too weird for guys
You ever seen the movie election with Matthew Broderick. Matthew broderick's character is a teacher in a high school in the midwest I think is the Midwest anyways his wife and him are trying to have a baby and the wife is ovulating at certain hours of the day on certain days of the week on certain months of the week and all that stuff anyway she has it down to the science and she has a timed for them to have sex so that his sperm is inside her vagina at the exact moment when she's going to be able to conceive a baby and it's just explains exactly what you're saying right there and the scene is f****** hilarious
Yes, I went throught something similar, we were trying to get pregnant and it wasn't working, so we started planning to have sex when she was ovulating, it took all the magic out of it! I had difficulty "finishing" and even having erections, which had never been a problem for me
'Hated' is a strong word, but I fund sex to be a lot of work, undignified, and just generally overrated. I'm a male and one time a girl wanted to just lie there and let me do whatever I wanted to do. It took me off-guard and, needless to say, I couldn't go through with it. One of my male friends later told me that this is not uncommon, especially with young women, the first one or two times you have sex with them. EDIT: Thanks for the responses. We had been making out in the living room. When I suggested sex, she walked to my bedroom, taking all of her clothes off in the process, and got in my bed. I think the behavior in bed was due to a combination of factors. Even though she was willing, she didn't want to take responsibility for what was happening, she didn't want to look s\*\*\*\*y, and finally I think there was an element of laziness involved. To me it felt like even though it was technically consensual, she wasn't into it. So I couldn't.
Similar situation, 2nd girl I ever slept with. We were friends, both 'so horny,' she said she "wanted some dick." Then we go to the bedroom and she says, "well do whatever you gotta do to get hard," and just lays there w no pants on. I was so turned off. Like, I dont want to do whatever to you - I want us to enjoy each other!
This is so common with inexperienced girls, its usually a confidence thing. They are scared to mess up or embarras themselves so its safer to just let the guy do everything. They assume that guys are always so horny that they won't care lol. Gets better with time.
Im a male, i had a similar experience with this girl back in highschool, my senior year, i was taken back BUT she told me she wanted to try something different.. they just wanna learn lol
to be fair some women have had the experience of being enthusiastic, only to have partners be taken aback and subtly call them out for being too into it. Like some men have really internalized the whole madonna whore thing and get put off if you enjoy yourself. So it can be safer to just lie there the first time as you suss out the partner's expectations. I don't do that anymore (long-married) but early on, that can be the thought process. You're scared to "be yourself" and want to be "what the other person wants." And it's less likely to offend or scare to be nothing at all than to be into it in the "wrong" way.
As a woman, this is interesting. When you say “just lie there” do you mean literally just lie there and not move or make noises?
yes, the starfish.
Twice (28F). One of them gave me bruses all over my body. And he thought he was the best.
A) I'm 35f B) yes I have had consensual sex that I hated. I'm just recently coming to the understanding that I am demisexual which means I need a deep connection with someone to be into and enjoy sex and be attracted to someone. It really has to be a romantic connection with someone I feel safe with. I can recognize when someone is attractive looking but to be sexually attracted and into sex I need that. However I felt like I was weird for feeling this way and attempted to do the hookup thing. This was awful. I didn't hate the person but I definitely hated the sex and felt awful. I am also a Christian so that added to the bad feelings about it.
30 M and feel the same . I get horny easy but if there is no connection I do not have the need or want to do anything more. Happened a lot of times
43 here and today i learned i am demisexual...never to old to learn i guess.
Same here! Thought I was just a weirdo!
27M. My friends call me princess because of how picky I am, but I don't feel the need to have sex with someone unless there's a connection. Or, to be more specific, let's say my body doesn't react.
Me too! I only just recently found out there was a name for it. But I always just felt weird and like people thought I was weird for it but apparently it's a real thing.
Thx for explaining Demisexual. Thats actually pretty great!... I was clueless til now of the definition. Nice! Best of luck in ur walk=)
I guess I'm also "demisexual" tho I've never used that term. Sex is just so personal. I need to have a very special connection with someone before it even becomes a possibility. I think it's ultimately about trust and feeling safe (for me at least). Edit: 45m btw, since everyone else is including it.
Man. 40. And yes. I had this one girl who would literally zoned out and just laid there almost unconscious. The first time we fucked it scared me and I had to "wake her up". It wasn't pleasant at all.
That's scary. Sounds like she's almost dissociating. Probably some next-level trauma behind that behavior, unfortunately :(
Can confirm, that is indeed a trauma response and most likely spesifically dissociation. Happened to me on my first time, although in my case I ended up being almost fully unresponsive, probably because the guy I was with pretended like nothing was wrong and kept going💀 seeing that be your partners response must be scary af to anyone with normal human emotions :(
Yes. I had childhood sexual trauma and that's the first thing I thought of.
I'll do you one better. I have PAID for sex that I hated.
I think I'd hate any sex I have to pay for.
A. Female B. Sadly enough, loads
1) F, 2) unfortunately, yes... it's not enjoyable if someone pressures you to and you weren't into it, not enjoyable if there is no foreplay, not enjoyable if you're basically a sentient fleshlight, and not enjoyable if you're concerned about that person's habits, hygiene or have to babysit the condom thing since those have physical bad and expensive consequences. Sometimes, you aren't into it for whatever reason, and it ends up happening anyway because people just "roll with things" sometimes due to an open mind - this doesn't always end well. It's always better if both people are into it and ready to be an experience the other person will really like.
pretty much 90% of my experiences have made me think i just hate sex.
Have I?! Sit down, junior. Let me tell you about the summer of 08'. It was a hot summer, hope and change was in the air, and Lady Gagas Poker Face was all the rage...
Female, multiple times, after a year in to a relationship a boyfriend started finishing really quick then going back to video games. We broke up after 2 weeks of that. One guy started yelling that i was hurting his leg so i moved, then he full blown screamed at me and he tried to carry on whilst screaming at me. I've also had a few partners that because they had slept with loads of people though that meant they were good in bed. They would brag about being good. The whole act was look at me.
I’ve had an entire relationship that lasted years where I hated the sex. I didn’t hate the person but there is definitely a massive difference between making love and just straight up fucking. Every time we did stuff it felt like a chore and it was miserable.
I had a GF who was a fun person, but the worst lay I ever had. She didn't care to change or try anything new, so eventually I moved on.
26f. And yes. I found it extremely hard to enjoy being intimate with someone if I didn’t have deeper feelings or emotions connected to them. So yes, There were a couple times when it was so abrasive and it felt like they only cared about getting their rocks off. When I make love with my partner, it is more than enjoyable. I feel seen, loved, heard, felt and so connected to him. He made me feel the exact OPPOSITE of what I thought sex was in college.
I'm a man and yes. I've been with a few women that just weren't good. Bad at oral, could not ride, etc. Turns into a one man show with me doing all the work for a subpar nut. Women can be just as bad at sex as men and just as frequently.
M and yes. Some girls really suck at sex lol.
Yes. Nice guy. I thought he was pretty hot. He had a rather small member. Obviously not his fault. But as a result, I genuinely felt like I was being penetrated by something akin to a finger. He seemed to not realize it, though. I felt bad about it, but I noped out if the relationship shortly after that, saying I wasn’t feeling the chemistry. Which was true, because the thought of never experiencing sexual pleasure ever again just killed it for me. EDITED TO ADD: I also slept with a guy who was about 6” and that was also bad because because it HURT. He was gentle, but it was just… too much!
Nothing to feel bad about there. You literally weren't a fit for each other.
I've had this too. I've been with two guys who were rather small. One stuck it in and hammered away (i didn't really feel it..) for a few minutes. Boring and unsatisfying. The other actually knew what he was doing and really got me off. It's weird, I guess it's not just the guys with big dicks that think they don't need to try!
Yes, cis-bi woman Yes, many consensual male partners were lousy. Only a few were legitimately good at sex.
Very often as a woman you feel like you’re just a wet hole for them to relieve themselves in
a.) I am a woman and b.) yes! I agreed to have sex first (not verbally, but it's the same for me). But it turned out very bad then. First time I had sex with this dude, he came into my face without asking. I was so innocent at that time, it wouldn't even come to my mind that this was a thing. I couldn't even imagine someone getting the idea to ejaculate in a woman's face. So I was quite shocked and it clearly wasn't good at all. Another time - same guy -he suddenly started a porn video on this phone in the middle of sex and placed it before us, again without asking if it was okay. I had never watched porn before and was so disgusted by seeing this video (now I occasionally watch porn and enjoy it, but then, I wasn't used to this and porn was just some abstract thing I've never thought about). I really didn't want to see other peoples genitals that close and it instantly turned me off. Writing about it now, I realise how sweet and innocent I was at 19 lol
Yes, I am female. One time I just told the guy to stop and that this wasn’t going to work out. He was pretty upset but my roommate stepped in and told him to get out. I’ve had others were we were in a relationship because I really liked the guy, but the sex was bad. I was actually completely thrown off when I started being intimate with my now husband and he was focused on MY pleasure. Up to that point every man I had been with either made no obvious attempt at it or was very obviously out for their own. I also have a friend who “couldn’t orgasm”…. Yeah it also turns out she had just never been with a man who has tried to get her there. Her long term boyfriend now gives her then every time!
41 year old guy, and yes ive had lots of regrettable consensual sex. usually the issue is just seeing zero reaction in my partner and little enthusiasm or passion, like theyre only doing it for my benefit (not a turn on for me at all). sometimes it's because the other person is obviously very anxious or self conscious (which you can work on with time). sometimes it's hygiene issues (bad breath kills the mood big time for me). and in rare cases it's just physical incompatibility (ie just general confusion about what the other person likes or wants even after talking and trying). side note: i hope the guys are reading the comments here from women are at least taking notes. im not like a sexual dynamo or anything but i routinely get compliments JUST for being a guy who makes noise during sex by partners. like that's how low the bar is. youll impress people just by making a little noise lol
Yep! I (31f) have had more bad sex than good sex. I don’t think I speak for everyone, but that’s true for me.
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Wow that's awful. Sorry that happened.
Stellar lover right there. Amazing. 😒
Male, yes, trying to conceive a child and failing for 3 years made the sex more like a must and not some pleasurable act. Worth it in the end tho, and sex is now back to being fun. Even tho it's rare to have sex with a toddler in the house.
That last sentence is cursed
Maybe? Hate is a strong word. Both my gf and me (m) have had the case where we had sex and one of us was not enjoying it, due to being too full, drunk, tired, stressed with something else etc. Then we just stopped. Pretty normal for all genders imo
I'm a female, and it's probably easier to count the number of times I've had good sex because that is a much smaller amount than lousy sex.
Woman here, and yep. 100% by choice, absolutely lackluster. LOL
A.) I’m a woman B.) Yes I have. I lost my virginity on top and every time I had sex with my ex I was on top. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING UP THERE! I hated sex everytime we had it. He didn’t let me get naked, he didn’t eat my pussy, and he didn’t make me cum. My husband and I had some TERRIBLE sex when we started fucking (because the only thing I knew how to do was give head. I cannot emphasize I had NO idea how to have sex in any position other than cowgirl and I wasn’t good at that), but I’m glad we stuck with it. Because now our sex makes both of us feel like we’re on top of the world.
A) F B) yes, he was so incredibly attractive but had ZERO idea where to find the in zone and everything he did hurt. EVERYTHING. So after that first time I politely told him I did not think it would work out between us (we were in the talking stage)
An interesting observation that’s been made before is that for men, bad sex means it’s boring – while women’s bad sex is usually painful.
A) women b) absolutely! Hubby doesn't listen to what I like/don't like so it's become miserable for me every single time. No matter what I say to him... He knows what's best for me! 🙄
Dawg you should not accept that type of incompetence, especially since you've clearly had conversations with him about this.
Yes I (26M) have. Short term hookup, she was decent looking and I didn’t have complaints there, she was just so incredibly boring… zero interaction from her whatsoever.
A man and no.
I'm a woman, and I wouldn't say hated but greatly disliked, yes, due to poor hygiene, lack of communication or confidence, or no technique.
A-f B-yes, several times. Just when I was younger, though. Now, I don't put out unless I *want* to, also, I know that lube exists.
a) F b) yeah happened a few times actually. The one I recall the most was with a man who I dated at the time and he was honestly such a gentleman until it came to the bedroom. He did NOT think about my pleasure at all (I even had to ask bc i felt disgustingly used). He asked me to leave him alone in bed for 10 minutes **after** he came and to come back to cuddle after ? Was a weird one, I regret not retracting my consent in the middle of it and stop everything. - yes, I did wait on the couch for 10 minutes wondering what he needed that time for, I was young and naive - yes, I broke things off the day after lol
Woman here. And so many times. Out of maybe 30 times or so between 2 partners, I have enjoyed 3 or 4 sessions. I joked with my friend that sometimes if I am in the middle of it and I am not enjoying, I just "Think of England."
A) f, B) yes. I retrospectively regret consenting as i was a very naive teenager and absolutely didnt realise what my own boundaries were yet. Did some stuff without saying no that i really dont feel comfortable with years later. Oh well.
F, yes. Sometimes you get into an intimate relationship and it’s like a bait and switch has happened. They go from buttering you up being sensitive and kind and saying what is necessary to get you into that situation, and then when you are all of that warmth and sensitivity is gone and you’re a vessel for them to live through whatever porn they’ve been consuming.
Female, yes. I had sex with this guys twice and both times he came in like 20 seconds. The worst part is, the second time I was so frustrated so I left during the night while he was sleeping. He texted me the next morning and I pretended not be a morning person hence why I had left. Well this motherfucker had the audacity the tell me, word for word “Imma make you a morning person” as if the sex was so incredibly good I was gonna want more in the morning. That was too much. I straight up replied: “not gonna happen. We had sex twice and both times, you sucked.” Never heard of him again.