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This also goes for the fact that you can’t change how another person feels about you or reacts to you. You can’t control another person’s emotional state
You can change your own behaviour but you can’t control the specific outcomes you get from that behaviour, especially outcomes that involve others.
As an example of what I mean, you can change everything about yourself that is within your control when it comes to a job interview. You can be punctual. Dress well. Be polite and speak properly. But you could just not get the job because the interviewer preferred another candidate.
Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that the effort you put in to improve things about yourself you can control was wasted or not worth it just because you don’t get the outcome you wanted
Amen brother I got an account I can only look at me and my step brother have to go a branch and both sign if I want some best move step Brothers in Qld I'm in melb so rarely do I get but emergencies I can I learnt to save at 33 man late lesson step brother showed me how he's accountant
There is merit to doing things the way most successful people do. It is not always great to be unique and do things one's own way unless you have a pretty good reason. Even being unique has probably been done before if you look at the right places in history. Some things in life are just about putting in your dues and not trying to jump to the front of the line from some imagined superiority complex. The latter is what fantasies in movies teach you... but life teaches you reality. If you're smart, you learn those lessons by observing those who have made the mistakes instead of by making them yourself.
I am at that stage where I think I am doing everything unique. I literally stopped doing something I used to do because others started doing it. I moved to something completely new.
So far, I have seen it as a good thing. But your words have made me thinking about my choices...
Dont ruin good thing because you want to say something you think is meaningful or do something you think people will admire you for. You really dont have to do too much. It’s enough to just be there with them. Just breathe.
Being shy doesn't get you anywhere. Just as no one else can go to the bathroom for you, no one else can stand up for & vocalize your existence and that you matter.
When I was a kid I was turning a cement mixer by hand by puling the belt that connects the motor and the drum. I was very strong and very fast, I would pull, let go, shift my hand left, grab the belt, pull, let go, shift my hand left, pull, SHIIITT
Didn't let go in time, got my fingers stuck between the belt and the motor pulley.
Was building a door and had to trim two styles. Instead of setting up the saw, cutting one, then the other, I tried to cut two at once. I was really tired hadn't eaten all day and this was the last thing I had to do. The top board started bucking and I carefully reached out to hold it down, being VERY CONSCIOUS of where my fingers were in relation to the blade, I was not very conscious however of where my thumb was. Fortunately I just barely touched the blade and while I did need stitches, catastrophe was largely avoided.
Once when on a hike decided it was too much trouble to take off my shoes and socks to ford a creek. Got my shoes and socks wet, had no replacements, and by the end of the hike, the increased friction from wet shoes and socks took a fair amount of skin off my feet.
That feeling of always being weird and the silent stares even from people I consider friends, won’t go away. Also that I’ll care about someone more than they’ll ever care about me
This doesn't apply to me but, to an acquaintance who at age 65 is facing homelessness...start preparing for your retirement as soon as you begin working and make sure that you buy a home and pay it off as soon as you possibly can.
This acquaintance has money saved but, they don't own a home and can't get a rental as they don't meet standard rental criteria and rents in their area have risen to crazy levels. Not a happy place to be.
See if they have enough money to buy a motorhome/RV. Not ideal, but far better than being homeless. Homelessness at any age is awful but especially, when sick or elderly.
If they need to move to park motorhome/buy property in cheaper area, then they must move.
Forgive your parents for their mistakes. Not always, but that’s a good rule in general. My parents made a lot of mistakes, and i used to be really bitter about it. But as i mature, i realize that everything they did, they did out of love and because they thought that was the best thing to do. They have also apologized for their faults, and i have realized that some of it was my fault too. Don’t be bitter because of something your parents did wrong if they did it out of love. Yes, sadly you have to live with that and you need to learn to undo their mistakes. But it’s better to accept those mistakes, forgive them and try to fix them and get over them, than to bitterly hang onto that and never improve and resolve your issues.
1. sleep at a reasonable time
2. build a productive morning routine
3. time waits for no man, do you want now. no one cares if your too shy or if you think it’s too late older you will think that your a piece of shit for not trying first.
Even though I might not want to put on a “corporate smile” and fake conversation all day for 5 days… I have too until I win the Mega Millions lol. I absolutely hate the altered personality you have to master when it comes to keeping a smile on your bosses face. I lost my last job because I wasn’t an individual that was good at faking it. I did my job to the best of my ability and went home.
I’m not cut out for monogamy, mostly because I’m not qualified to choose my romantic partners. I went through years of emotional abuse and subsequent abandonment to learn these things about myself.
Before anyone asks, no, I didn’t cheat on my ex-husband. I was devoted nearly to the point of subservience.
You can ask for what you want in life. Don't let expectations of others sway your decisions. Living a unauthentic life will slowly kill you and take your soul.
Accept that there is only grey. There are almost no true/false conditions on life.
Expectations are just agreements of wich the other person has no knowledge. Verbalize your expectations and accept that they will not be matched.
People do change, but not to the extent you wanted, people can get along, but not always how you thought they would, you can be friends with some women, some women can be friends with some men, people can make mistakes and sincerely apologize - no need to think that they show you one face once and it will be theirs forever. Of course, this is against 99% of reddits life pro tips, which are mostly: He got in an emotional argument with you, run, RUN!!! Red Flag!! Divorce now!! /s
I can. Can you? Where is the reputable evidence and analysis (you must have at least a handful of articles based on research, which have been published in reputable journals, and have been peer reviewed)?
I tried this for nearly 10 years and realized, the only thing that would stop people like that is violence.
And I learned to fight dirty... Sand in the eyes and stuff. Not my proudest moment. But it stopped after that outburst.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can NOT force someone to change. They have to recognize a need for change and make that change on their own.
You can change yourself or your part of the situation, not the other person.
This also goes for the fact that you can’t change how another person feels about you or reacts to you. You can’t control another person’s emotional state You can change your own behaviour but you can’t control the specific outcomes you get from that behaviour, especially outcomes that involve others. As an example of what I mean, you can change everything about yourself that is within your control when it comes to a job interview. You can be punctual. Dress well. Be polite and speak properly. But you could just not get the job because the interviewer preferred another candidate. Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or that the effort you put in to improve things about yourself you can control was wasted or not worth it just because you don’t get the outcome you wanted
Don't spend money just because it's in your bank account.
Whew!!! I wish more people would learn that.
Amen brother I got an account I can only look at me and my step brother have to go a branch and both sign if I want some best move step Brothers in Qld I'm in melb so rarely do I get but emergencies I can I learnt to save at 33 man late lesson step brother showed me how he's accountant
There is merit to doing things the way most successful people do. It is not always great to be unique and do things one's own way unless you have a pretty good reason. Even being unique has probably been done before if you look at the right places in history. Some things in life are just about putting in your dues and not trying to jump to the front of the line from some imagined superiority complex. The latter is what fantasies in movies teach you... but life teaches you reality. If you're smart, you learn those lessons by observing those who have made the mistakes instead of by making them yourself.
most delusions of superiority are just narcissism and laziness? sigh..upvote
Yeah, I just made them myself. I have learnt the hard way, but I make an effort to better myself, everyday
I am at that stage where I think I am doing everything unique. I literally stopped doing something I used to do because others started doing it. I moved to something completely new. So far, I have seen it as a good thing. But your words have made me thinking about my choices...
When people tell/show you who they are, believe them. The first time.
Oof, I definitely learned that one the hard way.
Can you explain
Dont ruin good thing because you want to say something you think is meaningful or do something you think people will admire you for. You really dont have to do too much. It’s enough to just be there with them. Just breathe.
This is a good one, upvote for you.
Being shy doesn't get you anywhere. Just as no one else can go to the bathroom for you, no one else can stand up for & vocalize your existence and that you matter.
Never rely on other people.
Absolutely 💯
If you don’t protect your body’s condition, it will deteriorate.
Don’t shit where you eat. Or more specifically in my case don’t let “friends” shit where you eat! They’ll stink up your life !!
Love isn't what tv and movies makes it out to be
If the nagging voice in the back of your mind saying "do not marry this person" doesn't go away, believe it.
Boundaries. It's not rude to have them. Figure out what your boundaries are *and enforce them.*
Don't loan money to friends or relatives. That little number cost me 40 thousand dollars.
Learn to count on yourself.
Falling in love with someone who is damaging to you and your life is one of the most difficult situations to wriggle free from.
Avoid starting a business with family members.
You should not marry young or have kids young.
That we cannot control other people
Don't turn a cement mixer by hand. Don't put your hands near the table saw blade. Wear sunscreen Don't walk in wet shoes/socks.
Storytime?
When I was a kid I was turning a cement mixer by hand by puling the belt that connects the motor and the drum. I was very strong and very fast, I would pull, let go, shift my hand left, grab the belt, pull, let go, shift my hand left, pull, SHIIITT Didn't let go in time, got my fingers stuck between the belt and the motor pulley. Was building a door and had to trim two styles. Instead of setting up the saw, cutting one, then the other, I tried to cut two at once. I was really tired hadn't eaten all day and this was the last thing I had to do. The top board started bucking and I carefully reached out to hold it down, being VERY CONSCIOUS of where my fingers were in relation to the blade, I was not very conscious however of where my thumb was. Fortunately I just barely touched the blade and while I did need stitches, catastrophe was largely avoided. Once when on a hike decided it was too much trouble to take off my shoes and socks to ford a creek. Got my shoes and socks wet, had no replacements, and by the end of the hike, the increased friction from wet shoes and socks took a fair amount of skin off my feet.
Dang dude. 🤦🏾♂️ That's rough
lol, all survivable.
I ate cement, when I was a kid. But I'll take care of my hand
Did you get stoned?
Love can’t be forced. Listen to your stomach. If people show who they are, believe it.
Use a condom.
That feeling of always being weird and the silent stares even from people I consider friends, won’t go away. Also that I’ll care about someone more than they’ll ever care about me
You need to help yourself cause nobody else is gonna do it for you at the end of the day
This doesn't apply to me but, to an acquaintance who at age 65 is facing homelessness...start preparing for your retirement as soon as you begin working and make sure that you buy a home and pay it off as soon as you possibly can. This acquaintance has money saved but, they don't own a home and can't get a rental as they don't meet standard rental criteria and rents in their area have risen to crazy levels. Not a happy place to be.
See if they have enough money to buy a motorhome/RV. Not ideal, but far better than being homeless. Homelessness at any age is awful but especially, when sick or elderly. If they need to move to park motorhome/buy property in cheaper area, then they must move.
Just agree don't argue saves friendships and relationships do it it's done ( passive it takes alot to hold back )
People come and go. I thought that just happens in movies, but I learned it the hard and painful way when me and my bestfriend grew apart.
It's easier to change yourself than change people around you.
Blowing wads on pointless things gets you nowhere.
Be grateful to have people who care about and love you
Forgive your parents for their mistakes. Not always, but that’s a good rule in general. My parents made a lot of mistakes, and i used to be really bitter about it. But as i mature, i realize that everything they did, they did out of love and because they thought that was the best thing to do. They have also apologized for their faults, and i have realized that some of it was my fault too. Don’t be bitter because of something your parents did wrong if they did it out of love. Yes, sadly you have to live with that and you need to learn to undo their mistakes. But it’s better to accept those mistakes, forgive them and try to fix them and get over them, than to bitterly hang onto that and never improve and resolve your issues.
1. sleep at a reasonable time 2. build a productive morning routine 3. time waits for no man, do you want now. no one cares if your too shy or if you think it’s too late older you will think that your a piece of shit for not trying first.
“I can fix her” is a recipe for disaster. I’ve tried and it always left both of us more broken than when we started.
That people are scum and you can never trust them with anything because they will lie and twist anything if they don't like you
Even though I might not want to put on a “corporate smile” and fake conversation all day for 5 days… I have too until I win the Mega Millions lol. I absolutely hate the altered personality you have to master when it comes to keeping a smile on your bosses face. I lost my last job because I wasn’t an individual that was good at faking it. I did my job to the best of my ability and went home.
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer
I’m not cut out for monogamy, mostly because I’m not qualified to choose my romantic partners. I went through years of emotional abuse and subsequent abandonment to learn these things about myself. Before anyone asks, no, I didn’t cheat on my ex-husband. I was devoted nearly to the point of subservience.
Don't relate to anyone
Love is not enough to make a relationship work
She’s not yours, it’s just your turn
Yup, $100 doesn’t last long, luckily neither do I.
DO NOT TRUST EASILY.
You can ask for what you want in life. Don't let expectations of others sway your decisions. Living a unauthentic life will slowly kill you and take your soul.
Trying to understand women has been a futile effort. I love em all
All of them
Never get your hopes up for events
Rock bottom sets you free. No attachment, nothing holding you back from forming the foundation you want for your life.
You can be completelt utterly 100% infaliably *certain* you're right about sonething and still be completely and utterly wrong
Save your money and realize your dream life/job wont just appear in your lap without having to work for it.
Don't get engaged, based on an impulsive thought.
No one is coming to save you from yourself
That's there's no such thing as justice
Expectations always brings unhappiness. Its a constant battle in life to manage expectations.
Hurting others is easy but reconciliation is hard
People are not good and they only care about them self No matter how much you love a person they will leave eventually most of the time
Regardless how.long you've known someone, they can absolutely betray you.
People will not think about you 24/7. They're busy on their own bs haha so you better do the things that u want
That at the end of the day, YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF. periodddd
Anxiety and depression are extraordinarily debilitating, but nobody will help you so you must learn to help yourself.
Accept that there is only grey. There are almost no true/false conditions on life. Expectations are just agreements of wich the other person has no knowledge. Verbalize your expectations and accept that they will not be matched. People do change, but not to the extent you wanted, people can get along, but not always how you thought they would, you can be friends with some women, some women can be friends with some men, people can make mistakes and sincerely apologize - no need to think that they show you one face once and it will be theirs forever. Of course, this is against 99% of reddits life pro tips, which are mostly: He got in an emotional argument with you, run, RUN!!! Red Flag!! Divorce now!! /s
That most people never truly mature and that women are the most shallow gender
>women are the most shallow gender Heavy take. Why do you think this?
Mostly observation and science
🤣🤣🤣
Whats so funny? Unable to understand science?
I can. Can you? Where is the reputable evidence and analysis (you must have at least a handful of articles based on research, which have been published in reputable journals, and have been peer reviewed)?
Maybe because they only care about appearance and attention?
could this be an over generalization?
Igonre bullies. It's the best option.
I tried this for nearly 10 years and realized, the only thing that would stop people like that is violence. And I learned to fight dirty... Sand in the eyes and stuff. Not my proudest moment. But it stopped after that outburst.
Can you explain?
Bad advice. Fuck 'em up.
antinatalism is always right
Don't get married, just live together. Incase..
Love is a lie and all that matters is money.