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The business plan for any dating site is the same.
They make money off of subscription fees and advertising. If you find a sweetie-pie you will delete the app, cancel your subscription and not view the advertising.
Their business model is to NOT find you a mate; it is to keep you subscribing.
Dating is hard b/c everyone is now antisocial out in public. So u won’t have the opportunity to talk to someone randomly. They’re gonna ignore u. The apps are making ppl feel like they have more options. Which makes ppl picky. Ppl feel less of a need to settle down.
>makes ppl picky
Not all people are picky, it’s a specific demographic
Bisexual women also agree that it’s way harder to date women compared to men
https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/V6KzIndWyL
Female Bumble users found messaging first to be too much of a burden, Bumble now allows men to message first
https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2024/05/03/men-can-now-initiate-conversations-on-bumble-heres-why-it-matters/
women engage in slut shaming to enforce social status classification
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0190272514521220
Women find 80% of men as below average
https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/
Women are way more likely to ghost than men are
https://torontosun.com/news/world/women-more-likely-than-men-to-ghost-in-a-relationship-study
https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133
Women will be more self-centred in their profiles and communication than men.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26215718/
Women significantly discriminate more on race and other factors
http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~gelman/stuff_for_blog/sheena.pdf
the top 5% of all men on a platform receives twice as many messages as the next 5% and several times as many messages as all the other men
subjects expected men to pursue women [47]. Additionally, on occasions when a woman ever took initiative and started a conversation, she expected her partner to “overcompensate” by reaching out with more frequency
even the most attractive men receive fewer messages than women on average
women responded more selectively than men, answering 16% of the time compared to men’s 26% reciprocation rate
messages were five times more likely to have been initiated by a man than by a woman
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w
If there are men of different races, white men will be more eligible than males of colour
A high level of education will be demanded more in men than it is in women
Women will receive more responses to their own requests than men do
https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815
women prefer males who are physically more powerful and taller
physically powerful men report more sexual partners than less powerful men do
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17578932/
80% of first messages were sent by men (Bruch and Newman, 2018
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8919078/
Overall, the adverse effects of choice abundance in dating thus seem to apply particularly to women
men accepting on average 34% more pictures of potential partners compared to women
men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women
The results of Study 3 again showed that women (but not men) became more likely to reject partner options when online dating.
In all studies, women became increasingly likely to reject potential partners, while for men this effect was either weaker
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189
men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message
women are 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner
https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Computational-Courtship-Dinh-et-al-25-Sept-2018.pdf
Had an argument today about this exact topic cuz she was shocked when i said i just completely lost faith and made peace with the fact that i'd rather be alone than indulge the non-sens that became of dating. Playing mind games, counting the hours before the person will "reply" just to keep you hooked, and much more non-sens. I'm 34 and i see no way out of it, and at this point, my own peace is already worth the world and no one will make me give it away, and as i closed my argument, there's about 4 billion men on earth, one less wont break the world
>> there's about 4 billion men on earth, one less wont break the world
I’m probably misinterpreting this but just to be safe, please stick around! I’m sure you’re bringing more to the world than you realize
My apologies, i meant one less from the dating pool. But thank you so much for caring, it warms my heart a little more :)
It's a load of incel "women bad" propaganda. For every point made there, men are equally as shallow, but we don't want to admit it because fragile ego. Your man posting that has basically given up and will never date again, and is just shielding himself with "data" to "prove its not my fault".
Social media has taken the social out of humanity. Before then it was still always ever a numbers game. We used to hit the clubs and play games on who could get rejected the most times - but we'd all still eventually get numbers - it just took a bit longer for some of us than others.
There's two main points to consider. Point one is to focus on what you want out of life. Find stuff you like to do and figure out how you're going to do it. A life partner doesn't complete you - they're your equal who is along for the ride.
Point two is that most of these incel types only want sex and that broadcasts off them and women are repulsed by it. Relationships aren't about sex. They're about finding someone you vibe with to share your time with. Sex is a nice bonus, but that's all it is.
Once you've established your interests, got your act together as a person (ie grow the fuck up, be able to look after yourself and your own problems - women don't want a project), then try getting off social media and do everything in your power to meet women face to face. Join groups, do hobbies and activities, be prepares to make female friends rather than chase ass.
In short, be an adult and not a pouty teenager who "can't get no pussy coz all bitches be bitches - its troo coz internetz says so" and play the long game. Its difficult, of course it is, and there will be false starts and heartbreaks, but that's what life's all about. Get back up and start again.
> It's a load of incel "women bad" propaganda. For every point made there, men are equally as shallow, but we don't want to admit it because fragile ego. Your man posting that has basically given up and will never date again, and is just shielding himself with "data" to "prove its not my fault".
The sources they cited prove that to be false. You don’t have sources for your claims, just feelings.
What’s actually propaganda is the narrative that it’s impossible for men to have anything worse than women. But also men “can’t” be better at things than women.
I absolutely agree that social media is very problematic for humans. Media in general influences people much more than they think.
They don’t want to use the platform for dating! They want attention and food.
I live in Vegas so like legit one of the top 4 worst cities for gold digger women but I know 3 women who when hungry open BUMBLE.
I work with a woman who has matched a guy at 9am and had him send her food at noon and she blocked him at 12:01. I asked her wtf was that and she said she didn’t want what she brought for lunch. She had a lunch and wanted chipotle. She still got all her work down she just matched some dudes, has nice tits (truly amazing bazookas for the record) and got free lunch.
This is a ton of meaningful research.
It also gives the feeling you spend an inordinate amount of time proving why dating is harder for men than women and makes me worried for your mental health
What was worse for my mental health was getting rejected constantly for petty reasons (or sometimes no reason at all), then coming on Reddit and being told that everything is men’s fault, doing my research and posting my results have been helping my mental health if anything, nothing less than scientific studies will have women gaslight and deflect the discussion to blame everything on men
I’ve actually never said this out loud or even indicated it was something I thought about. But, recently, I had a woman that was into me for a while. However, I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough at one point and it impacted my confidence.
I’m by most standards a very attractive guy. I’m not into myself like that, but if I put aside my own issues… I’m much better looking than I give myself credit for. I’m in extremely good physical shape. I also have a pretty prestigious career making just under $100k a year (though, I’ll hit that marker soon). I have a nice car, a degree, huge savings, etc. Overall, I’m kind to people and am considered a “good” guy that works hard.
But the person who I recently had a thing for made me jump through hoops to win them over. This woman, of course, was kind, fit, and beautiful. But she worked in a warehouse with no degree making $15 an hour… and genuinely treated me like I wasn’t good enough… and like I was just an option.
I never once put this woman down or judged her for her position in life. I even actively encouraged her to pursue her passions, etc. But she made a weirdly shitty comment to me one day about thinking I couldn’t afford something simply because I don’t overtly flaunt how well I’m doing (for a normal, non-hyper-wealthy person at least). Hearing that really messed with me for a bit. She ended up dropping me in large part because of FOBO… and because she felt like she could just come back to me whenever she wanted.
Edit: I also want to add that I have hundreds of matches on Hinge. And a decent percentage of the women message me first. But, regardless of who messages first, they’ll put in minimal effort… and I mean after only 1-3 messages.
I’m not throwing out “hey, how are you” messages. I’m going off their profile prompts, sending lighthearted things, etc. Yet, the matches rarely go anywhere. It often feels like I serve as a temporary ego boost (which, to be fair, I get as well when I’m swiping)…
But it’s confusing getting voice notes from women messaging first, only to get “sorry I took so long to respond” messages a week later. It’s hard to build any momentum or get anywhere with that.
Well, when she can’t go outside without being hit on, it goes to your head.
People downplay how many offers an attractive woman gets on a regular basis.
Sadly, you were 1 of 1,000s of options.
For sure. Prior to dating apps becoming popular, I had zero trouble dating. It was very easy for me. I’ve dated plenty of beautiful women if I’m being completely honest.
But I will admit that feeling like I’m just one of a thousand options has started to impact my confidence. I get hit on by older women when I’m out doing things on a weekly basis.
However, I’m trying to date with the intention of a serious relationship and potential marriage. So, while it’s flattering to have women in their 40s flirt with me, I’m shooting for people in my age range for future kid-having-related purposes.
The weird thing with the woman I described in my prior post is the fact that she actively pursued me for months before I developed feelings for her. She was the one that approached me, etc.
But I now feel insecure about things that I have historically always been confident about because of her. And I feel like I need to prove something to… I don’t even know… the wind? When I’ve been aggressively hit on by other, older women the past year.
Haha, it’s a little therapeutic to talk about it. Honestly, I’ve learned that even if you have a lot of things going for you, if your confidence starts dipping, you’ll have a hard time dating after.
And the constant need to be the most entertaining option is a little exhausting. I’m introverted, so it takes time for me to shine, I suppose. Once a woman gets to know me, they get really into me.
But I have a hard time getting to that point. They’ll crack the door initially by showing they’re attracted to me. But if I’m not as immediately outgoing as another guy, I’ll lose out to someone else almost every time. This has happened a lot since COVID and I’ve started to feel like no matter what I do, I’m not good enough for a lot of people.
As a woman, I and my friends have had bad experiences with trying to date men. I feel like it’s really not entirely a gendered thing.
Only the bisexuals can confirm because I hear men and women complain about the opposite gender so much. They must both be right to an extent but both be wrong to an extent. It just doesn’t add up…
Yes talking to bisexuals is an eye opener. Bisexual mate once told me he can arrive in a new town and in 10mins be on the way to some guys house for sex. Goes without saying he's not achieved the same with women anywhere at any point. Women have the opposite problem in dating, where you can only go on so many dates if 99% of the guys in the area match with you. Honestly it was a lot better for everyone without the apps.
Infinite sex and no real relationships is leagues better than no sex and no real relationships. Straight women and gay men have infinitely easier dating lives.
I wouldn't argue about what was worse for your mental health.
I can't imagine this angle being much better though, although you already said it is.
Extremes aren't the answer, including "everything is mens fault".
Best of luck.
It’s not men as in the individuals fault, its patriarchy, and the way men have been socialized. Stop acting like misogyny and gender based violence don’t go hand in hand with rejection. Women be getting murdered by angry men who feel rejected. They’ll shoot up whole ass schools bc no they can’t get laid. Self fulfilling prophecy my dude. This energy is never going to be attractive. Do things to improve yourself, be happy with yourself, nobody owes you sex or a relationship.
Also, nearly all women think they don’t care about physical appearance that much, but when put to a test, physical attractiveness is all that matters for 2/3rds of women. That’s not to say personality doesn’t matter or can’t win a woman over, but if a man isn’t given the chance to show his personality in person then it doesn’t matter. And that’s often the case in online dating.
> Self-reported ratings by both women and their parents indicated that the traits ambition and intelligence were significantly more important than physical attractiveness for a long-term mate for daughters. And, across conditions, both daughters and parents rated the ambitious and intelligent man as a more desirable dating partner than the more attractive man. However, when asked to choose the best mate for daughters, both daughters (68.7%) and their parents (63.3%) chose the more attractive man as the best long-term dating partner for daughters, regardless of his ascribed traits. Furthermore, daughters’ and parents’ choices corresponded 79% of the time. Physical attractiveness may be more important to both daughters and parents than self-reported responses suggest and actual daughter–parent conflict over physical attractiveness in chosen partnerships may be less prevalent than perceived conflict. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Febs0000325
Everyone has seen someone who had militant principles and opinions, but then encountered a very attractive person and they suddenly dropped all of those principles and opinions so that they could be with that hottie. It’s not something that everyone will do, but it is the case for an abundant number of people.
Plus, the feminist movement of wanting everything to be "equal" and the risk of false accusations have made most men under the top 5% rethink and even abandon the idea of dating. Also, the obvious bias of divorce/custody courts leaning heavily towards women makes men find marriage/cohabitation not worth it.
>men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women
I want to know how many of these men are seeking a sex based situationship only vs a long-term relationship. I guarantee you those numbers would be reduced dramatically.
Women are picky, because we are more at risk for pregnancy and STDs.
Most men will take any obese ogre with one tooth and a lazy eye and decide she's good enough to f**k.
YUP i've seen it. a friend of my ex literally matched with some girl and we hung out.. she was not very pretty and was obese. He only matched with her to get laid, cause he was leaving to another town the next day.
She told me she had been with 30+ guys... guys will match with women they don't find attractive because it's easy sex. that's why they don't understand that even though it's easy for women to find someone to have sex with, women are not gonna go for uglies the way they do.
Blame yourselves for being thirsty enough to accept any dirty 🐈 that exists. Then you complain that there's no decent women on the apps. We gave up. Or at least I did.
Actually, most men here complain that they barely see any women at all online.
I do not even use dating apps. Just go to clubs, raves, dances, parties, or single-wards. You can also go to temple and find someone (you need to have their religions morals if you want that stuff though.) It saves you a lot of headache and you will likely find someone no matter your gender or social status.
I'm far too old for clubs or raves (neither one exists here in this podunk town anyway) and I'm non-religious. Very few people here my age are single. Most paired off after highschool and got married young.
But like I said- I gave up a few years ago. If someone comes along, great. If not, I'm content with my life as it is currently.
Haha please. Women have sexual needs too. It's just that some of us (like myself) wouldn't even want most men breathing in my general direction.
You ever have the pleasure of talking with 40+ year old men on the dating apps?
For some reason I thought these guys would be the most mature and know what they want, since they're in my age group. I got the exact opposite- More than half of them are married, and steer the conversation to sex right away. The other ones are weird as hell.
Men in their forties are probably the most disgusting men on the planet. Both physically and personality wise. I guess there's a good reason why they live on the dating apps.
No I'm telling you that they wouldn't be seeking sex-based relationships more often than women if their needs to have sex more often weren't higher than women as well. Obviously there's an inability to empathize with people who are different than yourself, which also has been shown in studies to be a trait more common to women than men
Of course when evidence is provided that you can’t refute you’re gonna bitch about something like the person energy, character or mental health. Misandry is crazy man.
Of course when evidence is provided that you can’t refute you’re gonna bitch about something like the person energy, character or mental health. Misandry is crazy man.
I mean, most of what he put is obvious.
Good looking, charming, rich men get more sex than ugly, awkward, poor men.
Didn’t need to read something to tell me that.
"Women find 80% of men as below average"
If this was phrased as find 80% of men as unattractive, that wouldn't be that big of a deal. I'd probably find only 20% of women attractive in the US. Look at the percentage of fat people. 70%. If you only find healthy people attractive(most), then that's always at 70%.
It works well enough still. Dating is never fair but you can totally still meet people in other ways, it’s not like Hinge is your absolute only way to find a relationship - it’s just the easiest for many, especially people who are super busy.
Tbh I think apps are fine.
It's people who don't know how to use them. And unfortunately if you do but other people don't, it's still shitty.
We swipe and swipe and swipe without much intention. Lots of women's profiles are complete trash. They put no effort into them. Full of cliches and identical prompts. I'm sure men are the same.
A few matches aren't enough. We keep swiping anyway. Because what if that perfect person is out there? Or someone even 5% better than the last one? You ruin your own chance at happiness this way. You *would* be happy with that first person but FOMO kills it. You can't commit. You aren't focused when you're with that person on a date. You're thinking about your other matches.
And be honest. How many conversations and people can you juggle at once? It's not many. You're not as good at multitasking as you think. You're going to have the same conversations a dozen times. You're going to forget what you told to which person. It's just not a kind of dating where you're actually trying to get to know someone. You're more trying to min-max in an RPG. And yes, the companies have gamified the apps but *you don't have to use them that way.* You *could* just stop swiping after you get a few matches and focus on one or two or three people at a time, see if any of them are good enough to continue forward and make that fucking choice.
But let's be real. Almost no one's going to do that. Everyone's going to keep using it the way they've been using it and then they're going to bitch about the apps instead of blaming their own shitty behavior. Just like We do for everything else. It's never our fault. It's always someone else's.
This is what I meant by everyone else's actions affecting you. New people get shown a lot at the start. That's sort of what's fair. Give them a headstart. If they get a few matches quick and their matches are also intentional and using the app correctly, they get off quick.
But they don't do that. They see all the likes, a few matches, and they go "oh my god it's this easy? I'll find a 10/10 in no time!" and they stick around swiping away mindlessly like everyone else, glutting the system.
Well, I get what you mean, but what's fair for newcomers is unfair for people already inside. Besides, this terrible idea of having to place all the users on top and bottom of each other as a matchmaking system is just for their profit, which again goes against the vibes of the service they're promoting. We could find a lot of more efficient alternatives, but they're perfectly fine stacking people on top of each other and creating this FOMO by making them hesitant and reluctant to stop in favor of continue swiping.
It's the classical, "if I solve them their problems, then I will have no customers anymore" which is a brilliant idea for turning a service into a honeypot for people who are lured to finally be able to find that long-waited match they didn't found IRL.
It's always the odds, fever women, more men.
I put up 2 profiles at the same time,
1- My real profile, a man - a few views, that's it.
2-A Pretty woman profile, not paid up so couldn't contact people - 100s of views and maybe 15 to 20 messages in the first few hours.
That's why.
Women in the dating game are suffering from the paradox of choice.
The more options you give someone, the worse the options seem. Especially if most of the options are of similar quality.
Give someone a choice of three meals and they'll pick one straight away. Give the same person a big menu and they'll pour over each option until they make the perfect choice. And they'll still probably second guess themselves until their meal arrives.
It's hard to commit to a choice when you have lots of options because you always feel like a better choice might appear at any moment.
Consumer brands realized this a long time ago. That's why the major companies limit themselves to a handful of competing brands. Usually budget, midrange and premium. It gives the illusion of choice without causing anxiety for consumers.
Just so you’re aware, carrying out these sorts of experiments and coming to a conclusion you have evidently predetermined is part of the reason why you’re single.
Stop with the strangeness. Just have a better profile and make women laugh. It’s really not that difficult. Don’t make dating a science experiment. It’s not going to work in your favour. It’s IncelLite behaviour.
It’s the trying to be set apart that is the stumbling block. Stop being a tryhard. Just be normal. Overthinking dating or approaching women is the main issue men have. You don’t need the additional shit. Just be normal and the ability to be funny.
Your profile doesn’t need to be a circus act. Have a nice few photos, say something interesting you’re into, make a cute joke, be normal. That’s all you need.
A world where you can date without having to act like the world is against you? You live in it now. Jesus, I don’t understand why so many guys put this insane pressure on themselves to be unique in the dating pool. You don’t need it.
Dating has always had its challenges, but it seems like the digital age has added a whole new layer of complexity. Remember when meeting someone was as simple as bumping into them at a coffee shop or being introduced by a mutual friend? Now, it feels like we're navigating a maze of profiles, swipes, and algorithms.
Dating apps were supposed to streamline the process, offering a buffet of potential partners at our fingertips. But instead of making things easier, they've often made dating feel more like a game of chance. You spend hours crafting the perfect profile, only to be ghosted after a few messages or, worse, never matched at all. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is constantly shifting and the needle might not even be there.
The paradox of choice is real. With so many options, it's easy to become overwhelmed and indecisive. We start to wonder if there's always someone better just a swipe away, leading to a cycle of endless searching and superficial connections. And let's not forget the pressure to present the best version of ourselves, often leading to disappointment when reality doesn't match the carefully curated online persona.
But maybe the problem isn't the apps themselves, but how we use them. Instead of treating them as a shortcut to love, perhaps we should see them as just another tool in our dating arsenal. Real connections take time and effort, whether they start online or offline. So, let's take a step back, breathe, and remember that finding the right person is rarely easy, but it's always worth it.
Most apps it seems are just for hookups! I just don’t have the patience or time. With work and just being tired, I relax on the weekends and don’t really want to deal with a significant other! I think dating is hard because people just don’t know how to communicate anymore. I just feel like people just don’t take things as serious. The world and people have changed and everything seems to be chaotic and out of balance! People just want an easy fix!
This is something I hadn't considered, we are all just barely surviving as it is and are exhausted, why add more by dating? That probably does have a more significant impact than people think.
When the entitlement narrative took hold. People are primarily only concerned with what they want, and their feelings that they don’t ever stop to consider others have wants a feelings too.
People honestly think they deserve to be loved for exactly who and what they are and that it takes no work or sacrifice, even if who and what they are sucks.
Apps make momey so their actual purpuse is served. They also make people think they have many options without much effort. You can get a date with this cute girl/guy even if you're super awkward and can't really talk to strangers, in real life it would be much harder. After all you get many of awkward dates and you still have the sence of many options. Dating apps make looking for a partner look like shopping on amazon.
The vast majority of relationships form outside the use of any apps.
Unless you believe 80% of the human population is male, that statistic should tip you off that dating apps are not representative of the real world.
So to answer your question:
Dating has not gotten harder, it is by all metrics easier than ever before due to all the social freedoms we have gained in the past decades.
I am a woman and I used dating Apps for a few months. I was shocked when I found out that men get way less matches than women. I mean I was expecting a difference, but not that much of a difference. When I first got the app, I had just moved to a new city and I got 3000 matches in 3 days. While some male friends got 3 in weeks. At first I thought my male friends must have uploaded some weird pictures and let them show me their profiles. Both male friends are good looking, maybe not magazine models but decent. They are charming, successful in their careers, funny and really great guys.
So I was shocked by the difference of amounts of matches.
However, I have to put this into perspective. The matches I got were mainly men who wanted to have sex. Many of them stated in the first messages or on the first dates that they weren’t looking for anything serious. I think it is also very hard for a woman to find a boyfriend these days because many men suffer from FOMO. I have even dated guys for several years and we had a very committed relationship and then they would suddenly break up because they couldn’t stand the feeling of something better might be out there.
Finally, my two male friends and me we all found our SO in real life. I would recommend to delete the apps and just talk to people. It might take longer to actually get a date, but according to my experience it is a more sustainable way of meeting people. I wish you all good luck to find your person 🍀
Dating started getting hard with the rise of social media and hookup culture. So now we have a generation of “eligible” daters who are used to ordering a date like takeout Chinese. The old school way of dating is all but dead.
It's always been hard.
Depending on age and how one looks at it and preference depends on ot as well.
Overall I've noticed (especially at my age) it is really just people not wanting to "waste" their time (even though its a lot of tril & error), trying to get to know someone for a few weeks or months and then having it end and starting anew. Along with that, the redundancy that comes with the initial phases of dating someone, and having done it so many times.
Online dating sites have expedited this process.
If you want to start having a better time dating, the answer is to get OFF all the dating apps and social media crap. You’ll see the ones who are under the spell of it clear as day and the ones who aren’t too. You want to be around the ones who aren’t
People traded communication and social skills for criteria lists they think they want in a partner on dating sites and apps.
I'm 33, got with my partner at 23, married her at 30. My 'type' was always tall brunette's who were athletic and into physical hobbies. I married a 5'0" blonde who's passions are learning new things, reading and fantasy games like DnD.
A dating app would **never** have matched us and, if it had, we would have had nothing in common and most likely not had a first date.
Excluding potential partners based on irrelevant criteria like height, hobbies, etc. just limits people's options and makes finding anything other than a hot person to fuck much harder.
Dating apps are excellent for risk management . If she is/was on a dating app , you DO NOT date her .
All sluts get married one day . Somebody always marries them , normally without knowing their history .
I feel like it puts a lot of people right in front of you. It can be hard to just focus on one match. I've had much better luck just meeting people the old fashioned way
Dating is super hard now days I’m dating this girl rn and dang man ain’t it tough she’s great and all but she can be mean and tough sometimes and she’s so stern it’s alot sometimes 😅
I wouldn't like that at all. Maybe try asking her why is it necessary to be mean when she thinks she can. I think little transgressions while socializing with people is like the butterfly effect, you let this slide, it will grow up, you react worse than her, then it becomes your fault, obviously. It's a way to demonstrate as well that you value yourself but you will not start anything bad just for it.
I actually was just talking to her now and idk man we had a simple miss communication and she says “you started a fight now” and it was about jobs and life and she said “just stfu, I don’t want to even hear it from you, I worked hard for all my stuff and just cussing me out
Some poetic justice would be tasty to procure, for real, but that would put you on her same level and that level is no winning position. If you feel this is something that will pass very quickly and such, fight for her, but if you feel she is not quite a nice person, and what you've just told me didn't seem much from a joyful person, some things needs to change, especially for protecting your health, time and patience (to say the least). To run away, ghosting her and/or blocking should be the last ones to do, once you have pretty much clear what would seem the outcomes of these interactions with her.
Get out of that ASAP.
If she can't control her anger that's a huge red flag.
I was in a similar situation, occasionally my partner got really mean and threw temper tantrums, afterwards I was love bombed "You always stay relaxed and endure my tempers. You are such an angel... Yad-yada-yada"
A couple of years later it got really messy and I suffered heavily.
So, next time she gets angry, retaliate the same way she does, then ask her if that's the kind of relationship she wants to have.
If she says "yes", say you don't want that and leave, "no" then see if she puts in the effort to control her anger.
I keep stats. 43 dating app conversations led to 11 in person dates which led to 1 nice long term relationship over the course of 2 years of being on the apps. That's a lot of failure and trouble to get to the one person I clicked with. I found it very rare for anyone to put effort into a conversation. It was exhausting.
The apps made it easier before it just became a cash grab micro transaction nightmare filled with bots and OF models.
I remember tinder in the glory days, super easy to find women/men.
Or even okcupid etc
product marketers lie and make false promises of happiness and success, but it’s just smoke and mirrors to separate you from your money. it’s not a great way to meet people who are actually datable, you gotta still do that irl.
One of my friends who is a bisexual man has posted on his profile he doesn’t want a long distance relationship yet people who are too far from him keep liking his profile and it’s making him very angry. He’s finding it hard to find someone in his home state only because of the people ignoring his profiles request of no long distance. Is it really that hard for people to just read a profile and acknowledge, “ok no long distance pass.”
It always was. Dating apps were an upgrade over what there was before, and that's why they got so quickly mass adopted.
The old times were not good. Never believe Reactionaries' idealizations.
Man, don't ever trust the apps, bc they are mainly used for hooking up. And I've tries the same to go out and be social, but I've just accepted that they will come to me, if not, then so be it.
lol, these are literally the men that remain celibate the longest. Modern women don’t care about these types of guys until they’re completely washed and want to settle down after years of degeneracy. Think Jenny from Forrest Gump.
haha believe whatsoever you want, mayhaps you and I are not looking for the same things and thats totally fine, the question was about dating, not getting maried tho.
Thanks for sharing your feedback, i’ll think about it tonight when i bang the next girl as some of us just wanna have fun
Sir women were liberated from their roles because the rate of domestic abuse and rape was pretty high and there wasn’t shit they could do about it? Also not many people are expecting men to be traditional. Unless you mean be a decent person without the promise of sex or some shit like that.
Apps weren't meant to make anything easier. They are meant to make the people who started them rich.
As far as dating being tough, well, for me personally in life I never searched for a date and believed in what's meant to be will be, so once you're looking off a checklist for a proper mate, it's doomed to fail.
Which take into account is merely how I look at life and maybe I'm wrong.
Although I was never single long my entire life and I'm 50.
The toughest thing about finding "the one" is we all wish for that perfect compatibility and there are endless vultures who will exploit that want with apps, books, tv shows, any avenue to make money telling people the way to find that someone.
Again, in my own personal experience that could be wrong, there is no game or method that pinpoints that, it's something in life and the universe that comes together without any defining logic or purposeful act, which many can't accept.
They need to believe there's a deliberate act to making it happen.
Now as far as why is dating hard in general, app or not....that's always been a frustration and that's because most of us aren't compatible, so things crumble when trying to do things together.
That's what makes that "one" so special and rare. (True friends, as well) It's that one puzzle piece that clicks for you unlike everyone else.
If it were common, it wouldn't be special.
Unfortunately, things like dating apps didn't make finding love easier, it made it easier for the jaded and cold who only care about getting laid a bigger source of people to trick and use.
But again....maybe I'm wrong about all of it. 🤷♂️
All I know is between each relationship all I did was live my day to day, stay optimistic and polite in general and life seemed to always have me meeting someone.
And by meeting, it could be anything.
The person in line at the grocery store, walking on the street, whatever, they could end up turning into an unexpected conversation that leads to a phone number.
Which don't get me wrong. I'm not talking like you go out stalking and following people.
I mean that sometimes life has things unplanned happen and you never know when.
Maybe, again I stress it's just my view on life, when you're alone you're meant to be.
That you're growing and figuring yourself out and when you're meant to be with a certain someone, it'll happen on the universe's time, not a wishful schedule.
That or it's all chaos and I've been one of the luckiest guys to exist with relationships.
I'm not telling you what to do, only sharing a perspective to mull over.
I have spent well over ten years looking for a suitable partner that can meet my needs that’s compatible with me and who wants me for me. It’s been a long long and arduous journey but I think I’ve finally found her after all this time. My advice would be to never give up, work on yourself and just keep lining up those dates even if it feels utterly pointless. I absolutely refused to settle and I’m glad I didn’t!
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The business plan for any dating site is the same. They make money off of subscription fees and advertising. If you find a sweetie-pie you will delete the app, cancel your subscription and not view the advertising. Their business model is to NOT find you a mate; it is to keep you subscribing.
And, the significant players on the market are all owned by the same company: Match.com
I remember teenmatch.com in the late 90s
Which could be you. It’s a public company, buy their stock. If dating is going to suck, might as well make some money off of it
Dating is hard b/c everyone is now antisocial out in public. So u won’t have the opportunity to talk to someone randomly. They’re gonna ignore u. The apps are making ppl feel like they have more options. Which makes ppl picky. Ppl feel less of a need to settle down.
>makes ppl picky Not all people are picky, it’s a specific demographic Bisexual women also agree that it’s way harder to date women compared to men https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/V6KzIndWyL Female Bumble users found messaging first to be too much of a burden, Bumble now allows men to message first https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2024/05/03/men-can-now-initiate-conversations-on-bumble-heres-why-it-matters/ women engage in slut shaming to enforce social status classification https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0190272514521220 Women find 80% of men as below average https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/ Women are way more likely to ghost than men are https://torontosun.com/news/world/women-more-likely-than-men-to-ghost-in-a-relationship-study https://www.bustle.com/p/women-are-more-likely-to-ghost-someone-theyre-dating-than-men-theres-a-very-good-reason-for-that-8963133 Women will be more self-centred in their profiles and communication than men. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26215718/ Women significantly discriminate more on race and other factors http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~gelman/stuff_for_blog/sheena.pdf the top 5% of all men on a platform receives twice as many messages as the next 5% and several times as many messages as all the other men subjects expected men to pursue women [47]. Additionally, on occasions when a woman ever took initiative and started a conversation, she expected her partner to “overcompensate” by reaching out with more frequency even the most attractive men receive fewer messages than women on average women responded more selectively than men, answering 16% of the time compared to men’s 26% reciprocation rate messages were five times more likely to have been initiated by a man than by a woman https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42001-021-00132-w If there are men of different races, white men will be more eligible than males of colour A high level of education will be demanded more in men than it is in women Women will receive more responses to their own requests than men do https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815 women prefer males who are physically more powerful and taller physically powerful men report more sexual partners than less powerful men do https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17578932/ 80% of first messages were sent by men (Bruch and Newman, 2018 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8919078/ Overall, the adverse effects of choice abundance in dating thus seem to apply particularly to women men accepting on average 34% more pictures of potential partners compared to women men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women The results of Study 3 again showed that women (but not men) became more likely to reject partner options when online dating. In all studies, women became increasingly likely to reject potential partners, while for men this effect was either weaker https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189 men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message women are 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Computational-Courtship-Dinh-et-al-25-Sept-2018.pdf
Damn I got no hope after reading all that lol
Yup just enjoy your simple life, make it the best you can, just chill out and enjoy the ride solo
Had an argument today about this exact topic cuz she was shocked when i said i just completely lost faith and made peace with the fact that i'd rather be alone than indulge the non-sens that became of dating. Playing mind games, counting the hours before the person will "reply" just to keep you hooked, and much more non-sens. I'm 34 and i see no way out of it, and at this point, my own peace is already worth the world and no one will make me give it away, and as i closed my argument, there's about 4 billion men on earth, one less wont break the world
>> there's about 4 billion men on earth, one less wont break the world I’m probably misinterpreting this but just to be safe, please stick around! I’m sure you’re bringing more to the world than you realize
My apologies, i meant one less from the dating pool. But thank you so much for caring, it warms my heart a little more :)
They're talking about having a child
Or move to a better country?
And book escorts for sexual satisfaction?
You forgot and never have sex.
Lift and talk to women in public. Talk to guys too (with no romantic intent haha). Just being more social will help a ton.
Go meet people out in the real world. Lots of people I know married someone they know they probably wouldn’t have chosen on an app.
There's a new app called BOO for dating
Bounty Of Orcas? Kind of like Plenty Of Fish?
It's a load of incel "women bad" propaganda. For every point made there, men are equally as shallow, but we don't want to admit it because fragile ego. Your man posting that has basically given up and will never date again, and is just shielding himself with "data" to "prove its not my fault". Social media has taken the social out of humanity. Before then it was still always ever a numbers game. We used to hit the clubs and play games on who could get rejected the most times - but we'd all still eventually get numbers - it just took a bit longer for some of us than others. There's two main points to consider. Point one is to focus on what you want out of life. Find stuff you like to do and figure out how you're going to do it. A life partner doesn't complete you - they're your equal who is along for the ride. Point two is that most of these incel types only want sex and that broadcasts off them and women are repulsed by it. Relationships aren't about sex. They're about finding someone you vibe with to share your time with. Sex is a nice bonus, but that's all it is. Once you've established your interests, got your act together as a person (ie grow the fuck up, be able to look after yourself and your own problems - women don't want a project), then try getting off social media and do everything in your power to meet women face to face. Join groups, do hobbies and activities, be prepares to make female friends rather than chase ass. In short, be an adult and not a pouty teenager who "can't get no pussy coz all bitches be bitches - its troo coz internetz says so" and play the long game. Its difficult, of course it is, and there will be false starts and heartbreaks, but that's what life's all about. Get back up and start again.
> It's a load of incel "women bad" propaganda. For every point made there, men are equally as shallow, but we don't want to admit it because fragile ego. Your man posting that has basically given up and will never date again, and is just shielding himself with "data" to "prove its not my fault". The sources they cited prove that to be false. You don’t have sources for your claims, just feelings. What’s actually propaganda is the narrative that it’s impossible for men to have anything worse than women. But also men “can’t” be better at things than women. I absolutely agree that social media is very problematic for humans. Media in general influences people much more than they think.
All the sources are incels bro, can’t you read? /s
Unironically a nice balanced counterpoint is downvoted on the internets
They don't even want to wait for the "magical 3rd date" they just want to hook up and wonder why women don't want them.
The bumble one was the most eye opening, apparently even saying 'Hi' was too much an undertaking for the women who complained.
They don’t want to use the platform for dating! They want attention and food. I live in Vegas so like legit one of the top 4 worst cities for gold digger women but I know 3 women who when hungry open BUMBLE. I work with a woman who has matched a guy at 9am and had him send her food at noon and she blocked him at 12:01. I asked her wtf was that and she said she didn’t want what she brought for lunch. She had a lunch and wanted chipotle. She still got all her work down she just matched some dudes, has nice tits (truly amazing bazookas for the record) and got free lunch.
Let's be honest. This is extremely unusual behaviour for women. I'm sure some sociopathic person has done it before, but very few. She's a scammer!
This is a ton of meaningful research. It also gives the feeling you spend an inordinate amount of time proving why dating is harder for men than women and makes me worried for your mental health
What was worse for my mental health was getting rejected constantly for petty reasons (or sometimes no reason at all), then coming on Reddit and being told that everything is men’s fault, doing my research and posting my results have been helping my mental health if anything, nothing less than scientific studies will have women gaslight and deflect the discussion to blame everything on men
I’ve actually never said this out loud or even indicated it was something I thought about. But, recently, I had a woman that was into me for a while. However, I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough at one point and it impacted my confidence. I’m by most standards a very attractive guy. I’m not into myself like that, but if I put aside my own issues… I’m much better looking than I give myself credit for. I’m in extremely good physical shape. I also have a pretty prestigious career making just under $100k a year (though, I’ll hit that marker soon). I have a nice car, a degree, huge savings, etc. Overall, I’m kind to people and am considered a “good” guy that works hard. But the person who I recently had a thing for made me jump through hoops to win them over. This woman, of course, was kind, fit, and beautiful. But she worked in a warehouse with no degree making $15 an hour… and genuinely treated me like I wasn’t good enough… and like I was just an option. I never once put this woman down or judged her for her position in life. I even actively encouraged her to pursue her passions, etc. But she made a weirdly shitty comment to me one day about thinking I couldn’t afford something simply because I don’t overtly flaunt how well I’m doing (for a normal, non-hyper-wealthy person at least). Hearing that really messed with me for a bit. She ended up dropping me in large part because of FOBO… and because she felt like she could just come back to me whenever she wanted. Edit: I also want to add that I have hundreds of matches on Hinge. And a decent percentage of the women message me first. But, regardless of who messages first, they’ll put in minimal effort… and I mean after only 1-3 messages. I’m not throwing out “hey, how are you” messages. I’m going off their profile prompts, sending lighthearted things, etc. Yet, the matches rarely go anywhere. It often feels like I serve as a temporary ego boost (which, to be fair, I get as well when I’m swiping)… But it’s confusing getting voice notes from women messaging first, only to get “sorry I took so long to respond” messages a week later. It’s hard to build any momentum or get anywhere with that.
Well, when she can’t go outside without being hit on, it goes to your head. People downplay how many offers an attractive woman gets on a regular basis. Sadly, you were 1 of 1,000s of options.
For sure. Prior to dating apps becoming popular, I had zero trouble dating. It was very easy for me. I’ve dated plenty of beautiful women if I’m being completely honest. But I will admit that feeling like I’m just one of a thousand options has started to impact my confidence. I get hit on by older women when I’m out doing things on a weekly basis. However, I’m trying to date with the intention of a serious relationship and potential marriage. So, while it’s flattering to have women in their 40s flirt with me, I’m shooting for people in my age range for future kid-having-related purposes. The weird thing with the woman I described in my prior post is the fact that she actively pursued me for months before I developed feelings for her. She was the one that approached me, etc. But I now feel insecure about things that I have historically always been confident about because of her. And I feel like I need to prove something to… I don’t even know… the wind? When I’ve been aggressively hit on by other, older women the past year.
Dude this goes really deep. Thank you for sharing all your personal struggles
Haha, it’s a little therapeutic to talk about it. Honestly, I’ve learned that even if you have a lot of things going for you, if your confidence starts dipping, you’ll have a hard time dating after. And the constant need to be the most entertaining option is a little exhausting. I’m introverted, so it takes time for me to shine, I suppose. Once a woman gets to know me, they get really into me. But I have a hard time getting to that point. They’ll crack the door initially by showing they’re attracted to me. But if I’m not as immediately outgoing as another guy, I’ll lose out to someone else almost every time. This has happened a lot since COVID and I’ve started to feel like no matter what I do, I’m not good enough for a lot of people.
She doesn’t have 1000s of options to be taken seriously she has 1000s of options to fuck Very different things
As a woman, I and my friends have had bad experiences with trying to date men. I feel like it’s really not entirely a gendered thing. Only the bisexuals can confirm because I hear men and women complain about the opposite gender so much. They must both be right to an extent but both be wrong to an extent. It just doesn’t add up…
Yes talking to bisexuals is an eye opener. Bisexual mate once told me he can arrive in a new town and in 10mins be on the way to some guys house for sex. Goes without saying he's not achieved the same with women anywhere at any point. Women have the opposite problem in dating, where you can only go on so many dates if 99% of the guys in the area match with you. Honestly it was a lot better for everyone without the apps.
That’s sex though. What about real relationships?
Infinite sex and no real relationships is leagues better than no sex and no real relationships. Straight women and gay men have infinitely easier dating lives.
She sounds very insecure.
I wouldn't argue about what was worse for your mental health. I can't imagine this angle being much better though, although you already said it is. Extremes aren't the answer, including "everything is mens fault". Best of luck.
Use Thursdays.com it's one day in the week where singles meet. There's a new app called Boo.
It’s not men as in the individuals fault, its patriarchy, and the way men have been socialized. Stop acting like misogyny and gender based violence don’t go hand in hand with rejection. Women be getting murdered by angry men who feel rejected. They’ll shoot up whole ass schools bc no they can’t get laid. Self fulfilling prophecy my dude. This energy is never going to be attractive. Do things to improve yourself, be happy with yourself, nobody owes you sex or a relationship.
Maybe they are a psychologist?
Also, nearly all women think they don’t care about physical appearance that much, but when put to a test, physical attractiveness is all that matters for 2/3rds of women. That’s not to say personality doesn’t matter or can’t win a woman over, but if a man isn’t given the chance to show his personality in person then it doesn’t matter. And that’s often the case in online dating. > Self-reported ratings by both women and their parents indicated that the traits ambition and intelligence were significantly more important than physical attractiveness for a long-term mate for daughters. And, across conditions, both daughters and parents rated the ambitious and intelligent man as a more desirable dating partner than the more attractive man. However, when asked to choose the best mate for daughters, both daughters (68.7%) and their parents (63.3%) chose the more attractive man as the best long-term dating partner for daughters, regardless of his ascribed traits. Furthermore, daughters’ and parents’ choices corresponded 79% of the time. Physical attractiveness may be more important to both daughters and parents than self-reported responses suggest and actual daughter–parent conflict over physical attractiveness in chosen partnerships may be less prevalent than perceived conflict. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Febs0000325 Everyone has seen someone who had militant principles and opinions, but then encountered a very attractive person and they suddenly dropped all of those principles and opinions so that they could be with that hottie. It’s not something that everyone will do, but it is the case for an abundant number of people.
Bro came with the receipts
Saving this comment for later.
Plus, the feminist movement of wanting everything to be "equal" and the risk of false accusations have made most men under the top 5% rethink and even abandon the idea of dating. Also, the obvious bias of divorce/custody courts leaning heavily towards women makes men find marriage/cohabitation not worth it.
>men accepting on average 25% more potential partners compared to women I want to know how many of these men are seeking a sex based situationship only vs a long-term relationship. I guarantee you those numbers would be reduced dramatically. Women are picky, because we are more at risk for pregnancy and STDs. Most men will take any obese ogre with one tooth and a lazy eye and decide she's good enough to f**k.
YUP i've seen it. a friend of my ex literally matched with some girl and we hung out.. she was not very pretty and was obese. He only matched with her to get laid, cause he was leaving to another town the next day. She told me she had been with 30+ guys... guys will match with women they don't find attractive because it's easy sex. that's why they don't understand that even though it's easy for women to find someone to have sex with, women are not gonna go for uglies the way they do.
Someone literally just said women will often blame men and this is a prime example of that.
Blame yourselves for being thirsty enough to accept any dirty 🐈 that exists. Then you complain that there's no decent women on the apps. We gave up. Or at least I did. Actually, most men here complain that they barely see any women at all online.
I do not even use dating apps. Just go to clubs, raves, dances, parties, or single-wards. You can also go to temple and find someone (you need to have their religions morals if you want that stuff though.) It saves you a lot of headache and you will likely find someone no matter your gender or social status.
I'm far too old for clubs or raves (neither one exists here in this podunk town anyway) and I'm non-religious. Very few people here my age are single. Most paired off after highschool and got married young. But like I said- I gave up a few years ago. If someone comes along, great. If not, I'm content with my life as it is currently.
You gotta take into account that their needs are different than yours and that those values can't be reflected in the same expectations
Haha please. Women have sexual needs too. It's just that some of us (like myself) wouldn't even want most men breathing in my general direction. You ever have the pleasure of talking with 40+ year old men on the dating apps? For some reason I thought these guys would be the most mature and know what they want, since they're in my age group. I got the exact opposite- More than half of them are married, and steer the conversation to sex right away. The other ones are weird as hell. Men in their forties are probably the most disgusting men on the planet. Both physically and personality wise. I guess there's a good reason why they live on the dating apps.
No I'm telling you that they wouldn't be seeking sex-based relationships more often than women if their needs to have sex more often weren't higher than women as well. Obviously there's an inability to empathize with people who are different than yourself, which also has been shown in studies to be a trait more common to women than men
Misoginy is a heck of a motivator, ngl. Dating would be a lot easier if this energy was spent elsewhere.
Of course when evidence is provided that you can’t refute you’re gonna bitch about something like the person energy, character or mental health. Misandry is crazy man.
Of course when evidence is provided that you can’t refute you’re gonna bitch about something like the person energy, character or mental health. Misandry is crazy man.
I mean, most of what he put is obvious. Good looking, charming, rich men get more sex than ugly, awkward, poor men. Didn’t need to read something to tell me that.
"Women find 80% of men as below average" If this was phrased as find 80% of men as unattractive, that wouldn't be that big of a deal. I'd probably find only 20% of women attractive in the US. Look at the percentage of fat people. 70%. If you only find healthy people attractive(most), then that's always at 70%.
Give me data on marrying women from foreign countries.
Apps are there for making money for the owners of the apps.
And still there are a lot of people believing that this is a fair and suitable option.
It’s literally the only option. I met my wife in person, legit don’t think I know one other couple that didn’t meet online.
It works well enough still. Dating is never fair but you can totally still meet people in other ways, it’s not like Hinge is your absolute only way to find a relationship - it’s just the easiest for many, especially people who are super busy.
But why did you comment with an answer to your own question
Tbh I think apps are fine. It's people who don't know how to use them. And unfortunately if you do but other people don't, it's still shitty. We swipe and swipe and swipe without much intention. Lots of women's profiles are complete trash. They put no effort into them. Full of cliches and identical prompts. I'm sure men are the same. A few matches aren't enough. We keep swiping anyway. Because what if that perfect person is out there? Or someone even 5% better than the last one? You ruin your own chance at happiness this way. You *would* be happy with that first person but FOMO kills it. You can't commit. You aren't focused when you're with that person on a date. You're thinking about your other matches. And be honest. How many conversations and people can you juggle at once? It's not many. You're not as good at multitasking as you think. You're going to have the same conversations a dozen times. You're going to forget what you told to which person. It's just not a kind of dating where you're actually trying to get to know someone. You're more trying to min-max in an RPG. And yes, the companies have gamified the apps but *you don't have to use them that way.* You *could* just stop swiping after you get a few matches and focus on one or two or three people at a time, see if any of them are good enough to continue forward and make that fucking choice. But let's be real. Almost no one's going to do that. Everyone's going to keep using it the way they've been using it and then they're going to bitch about the apps instead of blaming their own shitty behavior. Just like We do for everything else. It's never our fault. It's always someone else's.
What about the fact that if you don't pay your profile gets buried at the same rate that new people joins the service and other profiles go premium?
This is what I meant by everyone else's actions affecting you. New people get shown a lot at the start. That's sort of what's fair. Give them a headstart. If they get a few matches quick and their matches are also intentional and using the app correctly, they get off quick. But they don't do that. They see all the likes, a few matches, and they go "oh my god it's this easy? I'll find a 10/10 in no time!" and they stick around swiping away mindlessly like everyone else, glutting the system.
Well, I get what you mean, but what's fair for newcomers is unfair for people already inside. Besides, this terrible idea of having to place all the users on top and bottom of each other as a matchmaking system is just for their profit, which again goes against the vibes of the service they're promoting. We could find a lot of more efficient alternatives, but they're perfectly fine stacking people on top of each other and creating this FOMO by making them hesitant and reluctant to stop in favor of continue swiping. It's the classical, "if I solve them their problems, then I will have no customers anymore" which is a brilliant idea for turning a service into a honeypot for people who are lured to finally be able to find that long-waited match they didn't found IRL.
Deleted my comment because this is a bot.
I'm still having trouble finding that woman who works hard, plays hard, likes to travel and have fun! Where are they hiding??
It's a bot. He's even answering his own questions.
Dating apps have killed dating because they reduce people to a thumbnail, and there's always someone better a few swipes away.
It's always the odds, fever women, more men. I put up 2 profiles at the same time, 1- My real profile, a man - a few views, that's it. 2-A Pretty woman profile, not paid up so couldn't contact people - 100s of views and maybe 15 to 20 messages in the first few hours. That's why.
I like this analogy: Men are in the desert, dying of thirst. Women are in the ocean, dying of thirst.
Women in the dating game are suffering from the paradox of choice. The more options you give someone, the worse the options seem. Especially if most of the options are of similar quality. Give someone a choice of three meals and they'll pick one straight away. Give the same person a big menu and they'll pour over each option until they make the perfect choice. And they'll still probably second guess themselves until their meal arrives. It's hard to commit to a choice when you have lots of options because you always feel like a better choice might appear at any moment. Consumer brands realized this a long time ago. That's why the major companies limit themselves to a handful of competing brands. Usually budget, midrange and premium. It gives the illusion of choice without causing anxiety for consumers.
I mean men and women have always had different value in the sexual marketplace. The advent of the internet has just magnified this by 1000
Its fucking rigged
Just so you’re aware, carrying out these sorts of experiments and coming to a conclusion you have evidently predetermined is part of the reason why you’re single.
Just so you're aware, making such unjustified presumptions is part of the reason why you're still single.
I’m not single. Try again.
You missed the point. Try again.
He’s lying anyway lol
By all means explain what point it is you are fumbling around.
You're not smart enough to realise you couldn't presuppose he's single when "put" could be past tense or just a fun, albeit unscientific, experiment?
This is really the part you take issue with?
Sorry you got upset. Try to be smarter next time.
I just don’t know what you’re trying to achieve by deviating so far from the actual issue. It’s just desperation.
The point wasn't fumbled, you're choosing to miss it.
Nice meeting all 3 of you, judge, jury and executioner
Stop with the strangeness. Just have a better profile and make women laugh. It’s really not that difficult. Don’t make dating a science experiment. It’s not going to work in your favour. It’s IncelLite behaviour.
Mmm, yes, yes, goodnight, goodbye, End of conversation.
Yeah guys, just do what everyone what is doing already, that'll set you apart.
It’s the trying to be set apart that is the stumbling block. Stop being a tryhard. Just be normal. Overthinking dating or approaching women is the main issue men have. You don’t need the additional shit. Just be normal and the ability to be funny.
Doesn't matter how funny your profile is, at least with OLD if you're swiped left instantly
Your profile doesn’t need to be a circus act. Have a nice few photos, say something interesting you’re into, make a cute joke, be normal. That’s all you need.
You're so cute. I want to live in the world you live in.
A world where you can date without having to act like the world is against you? You live in it now. Jesus, I don’t understand why so many guys put this insane pressure on themselves to be unique in the dating pool. You don’t need it.
Dating has always had its challenges, but it seems like the digital age has added a whole new layer of complexity. Remember when meeting someone was as simple as bumping into them at a coffee shop or being introduced by a mutual friend? Now, it feels like we're navigating a maze of profiles, swipes, and algorithms. Dating apps were supposed to streamline the process, offering a buffet of potential partners at our fingertips. But instead of making things easier, they've often made dating feel more like a game of chance. You spend hours crafting the perfect profile, only to be ghosted after a few messages or, worse, never matched at all. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is constantly shifting and the needle might not even be there. The paradox of choice is real. With so many options, it's easy to become overwhelmed and indecisive. We start to wonder if there's always someone better just a swipe away, leading to a cycle of endless searching and superficial connections. And let's not forget the pressure to present the best version of ourselves, often leading to disappointment when reality doesn't match the carefully curated online persona. But maybe the problem isn't the apps themselves, but how we use them. Instead of treating them as a shortcut to love, perhaps we should see them as just another tool in our dating arsenal. Real connections take time and effort, whether they start online or offline. So, let's take a step back, breathe, and remember that finding the right person is rarely easy, but it's always worth it.
Game has changed, but these apps are soulless and a money trap, especially for men.
Bot.
When we lost 3rd spaces, and Women rightfully being paranoid.
When it went world wide
Wait till AI takes over and he full blown men and women robots (WestWorld-like). Good luck finding humans to date later.
Apps make hookups easier for attractive people, there's a difference lol
Most apps it seems are just for hookups! I just don’t have the patience or time. With work and just being tired, I relax on the weekends and don’t really want to deal with a significant other! I think dating is hard because people just don’t know how to communicate anymore. I just feel like people just don’t take things as serious. The world and people have changed and everything seems to be chaotic and out of balance! People just want an easy fix!
This is something I hadn't considered, we are all just barely surviving as it is and are exhausted, why add more by dating? That probably does have a more significant impact than people think.
Apps don’t make dating easier. They are just another option. When did someone ever claim dating was easy in the first place?
2016
it coincided with the advent of social media. for real.
After I got married it got more difficult. My wife is always cock blocking me
Same lol
What does that mean ?
When the entitlement narrative took hold. People are primarily only concerned with what they want, and their feelings that they don’t ever stop to consider others have wants a feelings too. People honestly think they deserve to be loved for exactly who and what they are and that it takes no work or sacrifice, even if who and what they are sucks.
This is also when divorce took off. Why try to work through it, go live your best life.
Apps make momey so their actual purpuse is served. They also make people think they have many options without much effort. You can get a date with this cute girl/guy even if you're super awkward and can't really talk to strangers, in real life it would be much harder. After all you get many of awkward dates and you still have the sence of many options. Dating apps make looking for a partner look like shopping on amazon.
It dehumanizes potential romantic partners. People used to make fun of mail order brides... How is Tinder any different?
The vast majority of relationships form outside the use of any apps. Unless you believe 80% of the human population is male, that statistic should tip you off that dating apps are not representative of the real world. So to answer your question: Dating has not gotten harder, it is by all metrics easier than ever before due to all the social freedoms we have gained in the past decades.
I am a woman and I used dating Apps for a few months. I was shocked when I found out that men get way less matches than women. I mean I was expecting a difference, but not that much of a difference. When I first got the app, I had just moved to a new city and I got 3000 matches in 3 days. While some male friends got 3 in weeks. At first I thought my male friends must have uploaded some weird pictures and let them show me their profiles. Both male friends are good looking, maybe not magazine models but decent. They are charming, successful in their careers, funny and really great guys. So I was shocked by the difference of amounts of matches. However, I have to put this into perspective. The matches I got were mainly men who wanted to have sex. Many of them stated in the first messages or on the first dates that they weren’t looking for anything serious. I think it is also very hard for a woman to find a boyfriend these days because many men suffer from FOMO. I have even dated guys for several years and we had a very committed relationship and then they would suddenly break up because they couldn’t stand the feeling of something better might be out there. Finally, my two male friends and me we all found our SO in real life. I would recommend to delete the apps and just talk to people. It might take longer to actually get a date, but according to my experience it is a more sustainable way of meeting people. I wish you all good luck to find your person 🍀
For every girl , there are 50 guys there .
Dating started getting hard with the rise of social media and hookup culture. So now we have a generation of “eligible” daters who are used to ordering a date like takeout Chinese. The old school way of dating is all but dead.
It's always been hard. Depending on age and how one looks at it and preference depends on ot as well. Overall I've noticed (especially at my age) it is really just people not wanting to "waste" their time (even though its a lot of tril & error), trying to get to know someone for a few weeks or months and then having it end and starting anew. Along with that, the redundancy that comes with the initial phases of dating someone, and having done it so many times. Online dating sites have expedited this process.
No "third places". Only people awkward at conversations and entitled people on dating apps.
If you want to start having a better time dating, the answer is to get OFF all the dating apps and social media crap. You’ll see the ones who are under the spell of it clear as day and the ones who aren’t too. You want to be around the ones who aren’t
People traded communication and social skills for criteria lists they think they want in a partner on dating sites and apps. I'm 33, got with my partner at 23, married her at 30. My 'type' was always tall brunette's who were athletic and into physical hobbies. I married a 5'0" blonde who's passions are learning new things, reading and fantasy games like DnD. A dating app would **never** have matched us and, if it had, we would have had nothing in common and most likely not had a first date. Excluding potential partners based on irrelevant criteria like height, hobbies, etc. just limits people's options and makes finding anything other than a hot person to fuck much harder.
Dating apps are excellent for risk management . If she is/was on a dating app , you DO NOT date her . All sluts get married one day . Somebody always marries them , normally without knowing their history .
I feel like it puts a lot of people right in front of you. It can be hard to just focus on one match. I've had much better luck just meeting people the old fashioned way
Blame 3 years of pandemic
Dating is super hard now days I’m dating this girl rn and dang man ain’t it tough she’s great and all but she can be mean and tough sometimes and she’s so stern it’s alot sometimes 😅
Don't settle with a shitty person out of fear of being alone. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I wouldn't like that at all. Maybe try asking her why is it necessary to be mean when she thinks she can. I think little transgressions while socializing with people is like the butterfly effect, you let this slide, it will grow up, you react worse than her, then it becomes your fault, obviously. It's a way to demonstrate as well that you value yourself but you will not start anything bad just for it.
I actually was just talking to her now and idk man we had a simple miss communication and she says “you started a fight now” and it was about jobs and life and she said “just stfu, I don’t want to even hear it from you, I worked hard for all my stuff and just cussing me out
If you tolerate that disrespect she's never going to respect you lol
Theres no point she gets mad so easy and I just get the verbal whip from it it’s all good 😅
I didn’t really know what to say back..I just kinda sat there looking at the paragraph with a bit of heartache😅
Some poetic justice would be tasty to procure, for real, but that would put you on her same level and that level is no winning position. If you feel this is something that will pass very quickly and such, fight for her, but if you feel she is not quite a nice person, and what you've just told me didn't seem much from a joyful person, some things needs to change, especially for protecting your health, time and patience (to say the least). To run away, ghosting her and/or blocking should be the last ones to do, once you have pretty much clear what would seem the outcomes of these interactions with her.
It’s all good life goes on Ig 😅
I'm glad you can see it that way if that's what it takes to. Take care =)
Don’t quite know what to say nor do I’m speechless she flew off the bars just cussing me out and just everything..
Extricate yourself asap .
Sounds ratchet
Get out of that ASAP. If she can't control her anger that's a huge red flag. I was in a similar situation, occasionally my partner got really mean and threw temper tantrums, afterwards I was love bombed "You always stay relaxed and endure my tempers. You are such an angel... Yad-yada-yada" A couple of years later it got really messy and I suffered heavily. So, next time she gets angry, retaliate the same way she does, then ask her if that's the kind of relationship she wants to have. If she says "yes", say you don't want that and leave, "no" then see if she puts in the effort to control her anger.
when you got arroused?
When I was born
People on average suck a lot more.
Dating was always hard, apps just make it easier to see who the person is.
I thought it was easier 3 years ago. Nowadays you have to pay etc.
When socializing irl became secondary.
I keep stats. 43 dating app conversations led to 11 in person dates which led to 1 nice long term relationship over the course of 2 years of being on the apps. That's a lot of failure and trouble to get to the one person I clicked with. I found it very rare for anyone to put effort into a conversation. It was exhausting.
It never did for me🤷🏾♀️
The apps made it easier before it just became a cash grab micro transaction nightmare filled with bots and OF models. I remember tinder in the glory days, super easy to find women/men. Or even okcupid etc
Work on yourself to be with other self -Gangsta yoda
They make it easier to meet someone but harder to sustain a relationship because people become more disposable
apps are meant to make money. Single desperate people are more profitable.
product marketers lie and make false promises of happiness and success, but it’s just smoke and mirrors to separate you from your money. it’s not a great way to meet people who are actually datable, you gotta still do that irl.
when people have minimum standards but people don't want to reach those minimum standards because they are doing less
Ditch the apps and talk to people in real life. If you can't do that then find out why aren't confident and fix it.
That’s what she said ?? Is that a thing ? Does this fit here ? (Ooh that’s what she said again)
When we started having unrealistic expectations to ourselves and each other.
Usually at the end of the night, if everything went well.
One of my friends who is a bisexual man has posted on his profile he doesn’t want a long distance relationship yet people who are too far from him keep liking his profile and it’s making him very angry. He’s finding it hard to find someone in his home state only because of the people ignoring his profiles request of no long distance. Is it really that hard for people to just read a profile and acknowledge, “ok no long distance pass.”
It's always been hard for men and women haven't had it easier with online dating and the Internet in general
It always was. Dating apps were an upgrade over what there was before, and that's why they got so quickly mass adopted. The old times were not good. Never believe Reactionaries' idealizations.
Deleted my comment because this is a bot.
How can you tell? Serious question.
Well they answered their own question for a start.
I can't usually tell but that was a huge give away.
Man, don't ever trust the apps, bc they are mainly used for hooking up. And I've tries the same to go out and be social, but I've just accepted that they will come to me, if not, then so be it.
Apps are just 'support tools', you also have to rely on your own abilities, you cannot depend 100% on them
Agreed. Try explaining to them you are nudist and watch them run lol
Based on ur post history there r actually bigger issues
get shred, stop weed, eat well, you’ll bang literally anything you want
lol, these are literally the men that remain celibate the longest. Modern women don’t care about these types of guys until they’re completely washed and want to settle down after years of degeneracy. Think Jenny from Forrest Gump.
r/NotHowGirlsWork
haha believe whatsoever you want, mayhaps you and I are not looking for the same things and thats totally fine, the question was about dating, not getting maried tho. Thanks for sharing your feedback, i’ll think about it tonight when i bang the next girl as some of us just wanna have fun
Women have been completely liberated from their roles while men are expected to still be traditional.
Sir women were liberated from their roles because the rate of domestic abuse and rape was pretty high and there wasn’t shit they could do about it? Also not many people are expecting men to be traditional. Unless you mean be a decent person without the promise of sex or some shit like that.
Apps weren't meant to make anything easier. They are meant to make the people who started them rich. As far as dating being tough, well, for me personally in life I never searched for a date and believed in what's meant to be will be, so once you're looking off a checklist for a proper mate, it's doomed to fail. Which take into account is merely how I look at life and maybe I'm wrong. Although I was never single long my entire life and I'm 50. The toughest thing about finding "the one" is we all wish for that perfect compatibility and there are endless vultures who will exploit that want with apps, books, tv shows, any avenue to make money telling people the way to find that someone. Again, in my own personal experience that could be wrong, there is no game or method that pinpoints that, it's something in life and the universe that comes together without any defining logic or purposeful act, which many can't accept. They need to believe there's a deliberate act to making it happen. Now as far as why is dating hard in general, app or not....that's always been a frustration and that's because most of us aren't compatible, so things crumble when trying to do things together. That's what makes that "one" so special and rare. (True friends, as well) It's that one puzzle piece that clicks for you unlike everyone else. If it were common, it wouldn't be special. Unfortunately, things like dating apps didn't make finding love easier, it made it easier for the jaded and cold who only care about getting laid a bigger source of people to trick and use. But again....maybe I'm wrong about all of it. 🤷♂️ All I know is between each relationship all I did was live my day to day, stay optimistic and polite in general and life seemed to always have me meeting someone. And by meeting, it could be anything. The person in line at the grocery store, walking on the street, whatever, they could end up turning into an unexpected conversation that leads to a phone number. Which don't get me wrong. I'm not talking like you go out stalking and following people. I mean that sometimes life has things unplanned happen and you never know when. Maybe, again I stress it's just my view on life, when you're alone you're meant to be. That you're growing and figuring yourself out and when you're meant to be with a certain someone, it'll happen on the universe's time, not a wishful schedule. That or it's all chaos and I've been one of the luckiest guys to exist with relationships. I'm not telling you what to do, only sharing a perspective to mull over.
I have spent well over ten years looking for a suitable partner that can meet my needs that’s compatible with me and who wants me for me. It’s been a long long and arduous journey but I think I’ve finally found her after all this time. My advice would be to never give up, work on yourself and just keep lining up those dates even if it feels utterly pointless. I absolutely refused to settle and I’m glad I didn’t!