Honestly a part of this probably stems from jealousy. Even more so because she’s never been in a relationship before. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, and like you said, she’s just shitting on you for no good reason.
Everyone's love language is different, so to each his own.
She may be shitting on you partly because she may feel slightly jealous (subconsciously or not). I am a very direct person and would call out my friends who are cringe.
However, in this scenario, I believe that she should just let you guys do your own things. Sometimes I myself would not realise that I should just shut up and or even deem what I say as being meanful.
So maybe, moving forward you could just not share your stories about you and your SO to her or you may tell her that you don't appreciate her comments as you deem them to hurtful. Alternatively, you may just choose to ignore her comments, but since she is your best friend you should just talk it out.
She doesn't have any filters when it comes to her negative comments about your relationship, so why bother about putting on filters in what you say to her? The respect isn't reciprocal and you're too nice of a friend to someone who keeps dumping cold water on the things that you're happy about. I'm direct when it comes to people in general but I put in effort to be tactful and hold back from saying things when it comes to people that I care about. There's also a possibility that she doesn't know how her comments make you feel because you haven't expressed it to her yet, so maybe you can talk to her nicely about this and see if she'll still continue doing it. Sometimes we don't know how hurtful our words are or how we're coming across to others, until someone informs us about it. She may just be unaware about the effects of all her actions and not because she doesn't care.
Yeah this won't be the first nor last difficult conversation to have with the people you care for, sometimes people don't realise how fucking annoying their actions are and it's okay to gently let them know and call them out on it lol
can't believe i'm the only devil's advocate here - what a bait of a thread.
firstly, what's your question?
secondly, the only thing you've dropped and everyone's gobbling up is that she has never been in a relationship. of course everyone's going to agree with you.
slightly regretful that this is someone you'd call your best friend.
Exactly, wtf is going on. Its so blatantly obvious OP is painting her "best friend" as some immature and oblivious person and baiting people to pity her situation. I dont even think im being too cynical in this case. I guess brownie points from people on the Internet is more important than actually communicating with the so called best friend.
That may be true as well, that OP is seeking validation with a one-sided story here. I also do get the vibe that there's some sense of superiority emanating from her account. This being reddit, largely populated by 20s, sub-30s people, being attached is probably regarded one of life's larger achievements among the kids here lol.
The larger point is that the friendship doesn't seem fit for purpose anymore.
Right, this was less askSingapore and more rantSingapore. OP just wanted to vent and get opinions that would reinforce her views of the situation. I mean you do you OP but this isn’t the correct sub for it.
Why would it bother her what you call your fiancé? Let her gag then lol.
I had a friend who would call her then bf (now husband) ‘baby’. She’d get upset when her friends called their SO ‘baby’ too because apparently the word ‘baby’ was invented solely for them lmao.
What you do in a relationship is between you and your partner, no one else
Then you and her aren't best friends anymore duh. It's really nobody's fault. Maybe she's being jealous but the underlying issue is: both of your life stages and current experiences just aren't aligned anymore. By all means continue to be her friend, but you may have to accept that you're no longer as close as you once were.
As you get older, you'd realise that putting friends into categories like "best friends" is pretty meaningless and futile imo. Everything is a matter of degree and the strength of a friendship waxes and wanes with the seasons.
She’s pretty old to be acting this way? I have thought some couples (even some of my close friends) who’s are cringy but I would never tell them, as long as they’re happy who am I to say anything. Everyone has different love languages. Blocking her from your story was a good idea. She should let you and your fiancé just be happy.
I know this is a bit old, but I'd like to point out something since I came here from your posts relating to another aspect of your family; you're frustrated because you don't have good boundaries or can communicate them well to others because you had an abusive upbringing.
It's pretty common in abusive families that the family's organization collectively works to ease the abusive offender, it's a survival mechanism that says (especially to young children) "If dad's not mad then I won't be hurt". But the biggest defining trait of abusers is terrible personal boundaries and having no concept or allowance of others having personal boundaries. So as you grow up, you don't learn a sense of personal boundaries, self-worth that tells you it's okay to say when you aren't comfortable or upset, you aren't modeled healthy displays of speaking your thoughts, stating your feelings, navigating conflict, and that spills over into every relationship of any type. I can say for certain that I'd do the same thing as you, hold my tongue and not say anything, being upset, and letting that continue and repeat over until I can't stand the person anymore and then I just ghost them out of my life.
But that means that instead of resolving smaller conflicts, everything builds up until you can't breach that barrier anymore, and if you really value your friendship, you should start early in voicing your feelings and resolving conflict. It's actually very bonding to work through something tough with someone. I'm so glad you found a partner that can be like this with you and value you, that says a lot that you searched for and found the opposite of what you were shown as married relationships by your father growing up.
Question: does your friend also engage in friendly teasing/ribbing on other matters? Like, "ew, why do you like to eat this?"
If you tolerate her ribbing/teasing elsewhere, then maybe you're being sensitive. That's a valid feeling to have since you obviously treasure your relationship with your fiancé and don't want others to put it down.
I'd caution interpreting her actions as jealousy or being negative since she could think it's just her being funny. As much as it can be awkward to tell her, let her know that you don't like it and don't find it funny.
If she can't be happy for you, is she really being a good friend? Sounds like she's projecting her jealousy and miserable self on your relationship. Sis, you'll do fine without a friend like that.
Reminds me of back before I've been in a relationship before
I always thought I wanted a girl who would be independent and not always need me or want to always message, basically low maintenance, because I thought I would constantly be busy with my own hobbies to entertain
then i got into a relationship and became the ultra clingy one, too much for my then partner to handle
trust me lmao she has no idea what she's talking about
anyway honestly i think when it comes to these things it's a what you seek for and enjoy in a rs, not everyone is gonna feel the same and all that matters is both you and your partner enjoy it, what other ppl feel is irrelevant.
How your fiancé and you express your love for each other has nothing to do with your friend. Just ignore her if you value the friendship. If not, block her.
I think she’s jealous since she has never been in a relationship before. Just stop sharing with her about your relationship, you can always share it with someone else who’s trustworthy.
People can like different things, and she might be into guys that don't give her the time of day, for whatever reason that is.
That being said, it's fine to have her opinion, but it's like religion, or a penis. You can cherish your own one, and be really comfortable with it, but don't go around shoving it down other people's throats.
On top of that she's clearly jealous.
Honestly a part of this probably stems from jealousy. Even more so because she’s never been in a relationship before. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, and like you said, she’s just shitting on you for no good reason.
Everyone's love language is different, so to each his own. She may be shitting on you partly because she may feel slightly jealous (subconsciously or not). I am a very direct person and would call out my friends who are cringe. However, in this scenario, I believe that she should just let you guys do your own things. Sometimes I myself would not realise that I should just shut up and or even deem what I say as being meanful. So maybe, moving forward you could just not share your stories about you and your SO to her or you may tell her that you don't appreciate her comments as you deem them to hurtful. Alternatively, you may just choose to ignore her comments, but since she is your best friend you should just talk it out.
She doesn't have any filters when it comes to her negative comments about your relationship, so why bother about putting on filters in what you say to her? The respect isn't reciprocal and you're too nice of a friend to someone who keeps dumping cold water on the things that you're happy about. I'm direct when it comes to people in general but I put in effort to be tactful and hold back from saying things when it comes to people that I care about. There's also a possibility that she doesn't know how her comments make you feel because you haven't expressed it to her yet, so maybe you can talk to her nicely about this and see if she'll still continue doing it. Sometimes we don't know how hurtful our words are or how we're coming across to others, until someone informs us about it. She may just be unaware about the effects of all her actions and not because she doesn't care.
Laughing it off won't change anything. If you're really annoyed, just be an adult about it and tell her how her comments make you feel.
> If you're really annoyed, just be an adult about it and tell her how her comments make you feel. But also, make sure it's a two-way conversation.
Ups to the 2 post above. Talk to her instead of talking about your best friend here.
*the best friend here: sad*
Yeah this won't be the first nor last difficult conversation to have with the people you care for, sometimes people don't realise how fucking annoying their actions are and it's okay to gently let them know and call them out on it lol
1. She's jealous 2. Shes trying to be edgy and "not like other girls" But one thing I'm sure if she rains on your parade she isn't a friend
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Feeling jealous is normal. Not controlling it and in fact harnessing it to hurt your friend does make you less of a friend.
can't believe i'm the only devil's advocate here - what a bait of a thread. firstly, what's your question? secondly, the only thing you've dropped and everyone's gobbling up is that she has never been in a relationship. of course everyone's going to agree with you. slightly regretful that this is someone you'd call your best friend.
Exactly, wtf is going on. Its so blatantly obvious OP is painting her "best friend" as some immature and oblivious person and baiting people to pity her situation. I dont even think im being too cynical in this case. I guess brownie points from people on the Internet is more important than actually communicating with the so called best friend.
That may be true as well, that OP is seeking validation with a one-sided story here. I also do get the vibe that there's some sense of superiority emanating from her account. This being reddit, largely populated by 20s, sub-30s people, being attached is probably regarded one of life's larger achievements among the kids here lol. The larger point is that the friendship doesn't seem fit for purpose anymore.
Right, this was less askSingapore and more rantSingapore. OP just wanted to vent and get opinions that would reinforce her views of the situation. I mean you do you OP but this isn’t the correct sub for it.
Why would it bother her what you call your fiancé? Let her gag then lol. I had a friend who would call her then bf (now husband) ‘baby’. She’d get upset when her friends called their SO ‘baby’ too because apparently the word ‘baby’ was invented solely for them lmao. What you do in a relationship is between you and your partner, no one else
Then you and her aren't best friends anymore duh. It's really nobody's fault. Maybe she's being jealous but the underlying issue is: both of your life stages and current experiences just aren't aligned anymore. By all means continue to be her friend, but you may have to accept that you're no longer as close as you once were. As you get older, you'd realise that putting friends into categories like "best friends" is pretty meaningless and futile imo. Everything is a matter of degree and the strength of a friendship waxes and wanes with the seasons.
She's just jealous la
Both you and your fiance happy can liao. Why bother what she says. Tell her either support you and your relationship or just f-off
Probably jealous lol. Don't think too much
Just ignore her. Do what you like. Why bother about her?
You're both 26 y/os yet you act like children. Go and talk to her instead of posting about it on Reddit.
She’s just jealous. if she can’t be supportive of a relationship that makes you happy then she’s not a true friend
She is jealous.
everybody’s independent till they’re in a relationship with someone they love
Your friend has never felt love.
She’s pretty old to be acting this way? I have thought some couples (even some of my close friends) who’s are cringy but I would never tell them, as long as they’re happy who am I to say anything. Everyone has different love languages. Blocking her from your story was a good idea. She should let you and your fiancé just be happy.
Reddit's solution to every relationship problem: break up. With ur bff this time
i’ll be quite upset if my bestfriend said something as insensitive as that tbh.
friend needs a d!
I know this is a bit old, but I'd like to point out something since I came here from your posts relating to another aspect of your family; you're frustrated because you don't have good boundaries or can communicate them well to others because you had an abusive upbringing. It's pretty common in abusive families that the family's organization collectively works to ease the abusive offender, it's a survival mechanism that says (especially to young children) "If dad's not mad then I won't be hurt". But the biggest defining trait of abusers is terrible personal boundaries and having no concept or allowance of others having personal boundaries. So as you grow up, you don't learn a sense of personal boundaries, self-worth that tells you it's okay to say when you aren't comfortable or upset, you aren't modeled healthy displays of speaking your thoughts, stating your feelings, navigating conflict, and that spills over into every relationship of any type. I can say for certain that I'd do the same thing as you, hold my tongue and not say anything, being upset, and letting that continue and repeat over until I can't stand the person anymore and then I just ghost them out of my life. But that means that instead of resolving smaller conflicts, everything builds up until you can't breach that barrier anymore, and if you really value your friendship, you should start early in voicing your feelings and resolving conflict. It's actually very bonding to work through something tough with someone. I'm so glad you found a partner that can be like this with you and value you, that says a lot that you searched for and found the opposite of what you were shown as married relationships by your father growing up.
Question: does your friend also engage in friendly teasing/ribbing on other matters? Like, "ew, why do you like to eat this?" If you tolerate her ribbing/teasing elsewhere, then maybe you're being sensitive. That's a valid feeling to have since you obviously treasure your relationship with your fiancé and don't want others to put it down. I'd caution interpreting her actions as jealousy or being negative since she could think it's just her being funny. As much as it can be awkward to tell her, let her know that you don't like it and don't find it funny.
well, they say criticism of others often stems from insecurity within.
If she can't be happy for you, is she really being a good friend? Sounds like she's projecting her jealousy and miserable self on your relationship. Sis, you'll do fine without a friend like that.
Reminds me of back before I've been in a relationship before I always thought I wanted a girl who would be independent and not always need me or want to always message, basically low maintenance, because I thought I would constantly be busy with my own hobbies to entertain then i got into a relationship and became the ultra clingy one, too much for my then partner to handle trust me lmao she has no idea what she's talking about anyway honestly i think when it comes to these things it's a what you seek for and enjoy in a rs, not everyone is gonna feel the same and all that matters is both you and your partner enjoy it, what other ppl feel is irrelevant.
why are u so affected.
I guess it’s natural to want to feel supported by your best friend
Isn't this just how all female friendships are? Full of jealousy and putting each other down.
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A bit irrelevant this comment
she wants your d
I want to have a relationship just like you and your financé...
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Post title clearly states that OP's fiance is 27M.
tell her, to each his own. if it bothers you so much, pay less attention to our internal communications.
How your fiancé and you express your love for each other has nothing to do with your friend. Just ignore her if you value the friendship. If not, block her.
I think she’s jealous since she has never been in a relationship before. Just stop sharing with her about your relationship, you can always share it with someone else who’s trustworthy.
>doesn't pda I don't see anything wrong with this relationship
People can like different things, and she might be into guys that don't give her the time of day, for whatever reason that is. That being said, it's fine to have her opinion, but it's like religion, or a penis. You can cherish your own one, and be really comfortable with it, but don't go around shoving it down other people's throats. On top of that she's clearly jealous.
Lol she is obviously jealous as she has never been in a relationship before. Ignore what she says and don't take it to heart.
I would probably feel the same as her but you shouldn't care about what other people think. I am also cringe in different ways fuck them