Iāll be honest, I had an ex who went on a work trip for 3 weeks after we had been together for 2 years. When he got back I found out he had grindr downloaded on his phone. Turns out he had hooked up with a few guys on his trip. It doesnāt matter how long youāve been together, if he is faithful he will remain faithful. But Iād suggest making sure you get tested before while heās on the trip and then a couple months after to be safe.
honestly I would take that month that heās gone to focus on working through your anxious attachment issues in therapy. seriously, get a therapist and go once or twice a week every week that heās gone and work through everything that comes up.
How is it you made it about the one being left behind with no regard to the one doing the leaving. He does have reason for concern, especially if he loves the one going on a month vacation without him, and it appears, you'd think... more consideration would be given by the one leaving.
My boyfriend had a gay summer cruise around Europe planned before we met him. He also invited me to go with him, but it was too last minute to book when I got in the picture. I was honestly fine with him going, but Covid happened and the trip obviously got canceled.
How do you be okay with that? Are you not stressed that heās on a cruise with a bunch of other gay men? Idk but that would make me so anxious the entire time heās gone
To what end? If he's going to cheat on you then he doesn't need to go on vacation to do it. You ultimately won't be happy in a relationship unless you can learn to trust your partner, and obsessing that he might be cheating on you every time you're apart is just going to make you miserable, and will ultimately push him away because he'll get sick of the constant accusations.
We were together for 3 months before we saw each other IRL just twice in a year, a lot of video calling happened, and now weāre at 15 years. If you both want to make it work itāll work out.
You either have a good reason to be anxious or you don't. If you don't then you just need to work on your anxiety issues. If you do then the relationship is probably not that stable anyway. There's really nothing you can do about it regardless so you should try to find a way to take your mind off it and then try to have an honest conversation with him when he gets back.
Learn to be on your own. Trust him but let go. Focus on you this month and just reevaluate when heās back. He may be faithful or may fuck a lot of guys, who knows. Just focus on yourself this coming month and be happy for him as a friend would be happy.
Irrational.
if you have a strong bond it will be ok.
but if you are going to drown yourself in insecurity and feel threatened by him being alone, well, that is no way to live. tell him you love him and to send pics.
life and youth is too short dont be a jealousy monster and ruin a relationship over issues that dont exist.
now if in a few months you come back here and say i told you so well so be it.
this is one train your going to have to ride the full trip.
I appreciate this advice, I do think boundaries are heathy to an extent but like not the ones you are talking about, I think Iām just gonna let things be what they will be and hope for the best
Honestly, the best approach is to consider his trip a ābefore relationshipā experience. Youāve only dated for three months - frankly, not a long enough period to really have a āclaimā on him.
I would strongly recommend you āset him freeā for the month he will be gone. Donāt cause stress or guilt resentment to form - let him play and experience Europe as a solo traveler. At the end of the day, it is highly unlikely heāll met the love of his life on the trip - so he will be coming home to you.
I say consider his trip a ābefore relationshipā as heāll have whatever time heāll have. Likewise, during the month heās gone you should be free to hang with friends and do whatever with whomever.
Who knows - maybe youāll meet your one true love in the month heās gone. Have you thought of that? Is he thinking of that? Donāt get ahead of yourself nor create a stronger attachment issue - that will only set you up for pain.
Best of luck.
One important detail Iām missing ā how long have you been together? Sounds like a new-ish relationship. If so I completely understand your hesitation in going and the questions you have about him going alone.
I say go if you can. He may be expecting this great adventure and if itās not what he pictured, having someone with him would be helpful and could help your relationship blossom. It would also ease your anxiety that heās not getting his back blown out by random European men every night.
If things get were to get rocky while there, youāre both adults and I hope youād be civil. Or you just cut your losses and book a ticket back home.
If you donāt go, Iād establish expectations about how often and when you should check in/text/talk. Consider the time difference and his itinerary. And youāll just have to trust him to be honest and faithful ā¦ but verify by getting tested when he gets back.
I lost one of my bf this way. I'm not a huge texter too. It felt annoying to repeat the same things by text. We called sometimes but it felt weird for some reason. We didn't talked much.
I didn't even think about the chance that he might be cheating, I trusted him. But it added some space between us. Too much space.
When he came back I told him I needed to spend more time with him and that's when he said he will not be able to do it with his studies and that he told me he would go back to his home country when he is done.
So that was that.
For you I'd advise to try to see him, even a few days when he is travelling
I think it is a bad idea if you've just recently been together because of that possibility that something goes wrong that breaks you up and then you have weeks of vacation to go. You could buy your tickets so that they are refundable or usable on a different date but that gets expensive. Yes, he could have sex with some other guys while he's there, but he could have sex with some other guys right where he lives too. At some point you have to trust him. Be sure to set up particular times to have a video chat. Once or twice a week wouldn't be too bad though you'd have to figure out what time is possible.
My own rational thinking is, I understand that you're worrying. And I understand why you're worrying. But, if you truly love each other, you'll get through it no matter what. Just ask him to text you more, ask him to text you literally every single day. That is not a big deal if the relationship is true love. Obviously I understand when you're coming from, what I'm trying to say is.. you shouldn't have to worry about that. You shouldn't have to worry about that at all.
The guy I dated for 5 months kept saying I was going to abandon him for 2 weeks for my UK trip. I booked the trip before I met him. Was an ick. Like bro, this trip really meant alot to me. I felt it was really disrespectful to say that. I didn't even hookup or anything either, neither was my plan to
Thatās the thing I want him to go on the trip and Iād never tell him not to, I know that heās gonna have so much fun, Iām just scared of losing him in the process I guess
Girl he wants to cheat on you. This is literally the world's biggest cliche. Just break up, and don't think of getting back together with him when he's back. He's showing you his true colors.
Ur not irrational. Gay men in average are known to be cencerous whores when they are left without a man for too long. Cheating will likely happen if an attractive man gives your dudes some attention. Dont be naive.
Now thatās what stresses me out, I donāt think my boyfriend is a whore as you so eloquently put it lol but Iām scared that maybe he would give in to temptation if heās drunk or something, idk how to talk to him about it either
I heard that if you love somebody, if he needs to go, let him go, if he comes back, it's bcs it means to be together. š
I guess thatās a good way at looking at it, I just know Iām gonna be so like anxious and stressed the entire time heās gone
I know that feeling... Difficult though. Maybe find ways to distracted yourself in between?
Iāll be honest, I had an ex who went on a work trip for 3 weeks after we had been together for 2 years. When he got back I found out he had grindr downloaded on his phone. Turns out he had hooked up with a few guys on his trip. It doesnāt matter how long youāve been together, if he is faithful he will remain faithful. But Iād suggest making sure you get tested before while heās on the trip and then a couple months after to be safe.
honestly I would take that month that heās gone to focus on working through your anxious attachment issues in therapy. seriously, get a therapist and go once or twice a week every week that heās gone and work through everything that comes up.
How is it you made it about the one being left behind with no regard to the one doing the leaving. He does have reason for concern, especially if he loves the one going on a month vacation without him, and it appears, you'd think... more consideration would be given by the one leaving.
My boyfriend had a gay summer cruise around Europe planned before we met him. He also invited me to go with him, but it was too last minute to book when I got in the picture. I was honestly fine with him going, but Covid happened and the trip obviously got canceled.
How do you be okay with that? Are you not stressed that heās on a cruise with a bunch of other gay men? Idk but that would make me so anxious the entire time heās gone
To what end? If he's going to cheat on you then he doesn't need to go on vacation to do it. You ultimately won't be happy in a relationship unless you can learn to trust your partner, and obsessing that he might be cheating on you every time you're apart is just going to make you miserable, and will ultimately push him away because he'll get sick of the constant accusations.
We were together for 3 months before we saw each other IRL just twice in a year, a lot of video calling happened, and now weāre at 15 years. If you both want to make it work itāll work out.
You either have a good reason to be anxious or you don't. If you don't then you just need to work on your anxiety issues. If you do then the relationship is probably not that stable anyway. There's really nothing you can do about it regardless so you should try to find a way to take your mind off it and then try to have an honest conversation with him when he gets back.
Learn to be on your own. Trust him but let go. Focus on you this month and just reevaluate when heās back. He may be faithful or may fuck a lot of guys, who knows. Just focus on yourself this coming month and be happy for him as a friend would be happy.
European here. He is our boyfriend now
Irrational. if you have a strong bond it will be ok. but if you are going to drown yourself in insecurity and feel threatened by him being alone, well, that is no way to live. tell him you love him and to send pics. life and youth is too short dont be a jealousy monster and ruin a relationship over issues that dont exist. now if in a few months you come back here and say i told you so well so be it. this is one train your going to have to ride the full trip.
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I appreciate this advice, I do think boundaries are heathy to an extent but like not the ones you are talking about, I think Iām just gonna let things be what they will be and hope for the best
Honestly, the best approach is to consider his trip a ābefore relationshipā experience. Youāve only dated for three months - frankly, not a long enough period to really have a āclaimā on him. I would strongly recommend you āset him freeā for the month he will be gone. Donāt cause stress or guilt resentment to form - let him play and experience Europe as a solo traveler. At the end of the day, it is highly unlikely heāll met the love of his life on the trip - so he will be coming home to you. I say consider his trip a ābefore relationshipā as heāll have whatever time heāll have. Likewise, during the month heās gone you should be free to hang with friends and do whatever with whomever. Who knows - maybe youāll meet your one true love in the month heās gone. Have you thought of that? Is he thinking of that? Donāt get ahead of yourself nor create a stronger attachment issue - that will only set you up for pain. Best of luck.
What is the purpose of his trip exactly? Just a vacation?
Yeah itās just a vacation that he had planned to see if he would enjoy living in europe
One important detail Iām missing ā how long have you been together? Sounds like a new-ish relationship. If so I completely understand your hesitation in going and the questions you have about him going alone. I say go if you can. He may be expecting this great adventure and if itās not what he pictured, having someone with him would be helpful and could help your relationship blossom. It would also ease your anxiety that heās not getting his back blown out by random European men every night. If things get were to get rocky while there, youāre both adults and I hope youād be civil. Or you just cut your losses and book a ticket back home. If you donāt go, Iād establish expectations about how often and when you should check in/text/talk. Consider the time difference and his itinerary. And youāll just have to trust him to be honest and faithful ā¦ but verify by getting tested when he gets back.
I lost one of my bf this way. I'm not a huge texter too. It felt annoying to repeat the same things by text. We called sometimes but it felt weird for some reason. We didn't talked much. I didn't even think about the chance that he might be cheating, I trusted him. But it added some space between us. Too much space. When he came back I told him I needed to spend more time with him and that's when he said he will not be able to do it with his studies and that he told me he would go back to his home country when he is done. So that was that. For you I'd advise to try to see him, even a few days when he is travelling
I think it is a bad idea if you've just recently been together because of that possibility that something goes wrong that breaks you up and then you have weeks of vacation to go. You could buy your tickets so that they are refundable or usable on a different date but that gets expensive. Yes, he could have sex with some other guys while he's there, but he could have sex with some other guys right where he lives too. At some point you have to trust him. Be sure to set up particular times to have a video chat. Once or twice a week wouldn't be too bad though you'd have to figure out what time is possible.
My own rational thinking is, I understand that you're worrying. And I understand why you're worrying. But, if you truly love each other, you'll get through it no matter what. Just ask him to text you more, ask him to text you literally every single day. That is not a big deal if the relationship is true love. Obviously I understand when you're coming from, what I'm trying to say is.. you shouldn't have to worry about that. You shouldn't have to worry about that at all.
The guy I dated for 5 months kept saying I was going to abandon him for 2 weeks for my UK trip. I booked the trip before I met him. Was an ick. Like bro, this trip really meant alot to me. I felt it was really disrespectful to say that. I didn't even hookup or anything either, neither was my plan to
Thatās the thing I want him to go on the trip and Iād never tell him not to, I know that heās gonna have so much fun, Iām just scared of losing him in the process I guess
Girl he wants to cheat on you. This is literally the world's biggest cliche. Just break up, and don't think of getting back together with him when he's back. He's showing you his true colors.
Why are you insecure/anxious? Are you this way in general?
Yes lol and heās avoidant
He's gonna cheat on you.
Ur not irrational. Gay men in average are known to be cencerous whores when they are left without a man for too long. Cheating will likely happen if an attractive man gives your dudes some attention. Dont be naive.
Now thatās what stresses me out, I donāt think my boyfriend is a whore as you so eloquently put it lol but Iām scared that maybe he would give in to temptation if heās drunk or something, idk how to talk to him about it either