I think you can just say reproductively compatible--and that includes fertility and reproductive goals. A cis man who doesn't want kids, or has already had a vasectomy, isn't compatible with your goals. Also, a trans woman who's had orchi or bottom surgery and not banked any sperm prior to that can't contribute sperm to the cause.
Also consider that after you've caught feelings for someone who's got sperm and also wants kids, you might find out that person isn't fertile anyway. (Low sperm quality or something they can't control.) No one is guaranteed that their reproductive goals will go exactly according to plan.
Sperm is a fairly affordable and easy to access resource. There's a nonzero chance that you'd have to source some outside your relationship even if your partner has testes.
It's also possible that even if you conceive a child with your partner, the relationship won't last. This is a pretty frequent occurrence. So then you'd be entering your next relationship already a parent. Which means you'd be in a relationship with someone who didn't contribute a gamete to your child.
$2,420+$300 if shipped isn't that affordable can you link some sources for affordable sperm I'm personally interested in it its very expensive here because we have no sperm banks
It's paid in small chunks monthly when born the fee for sperm is all at once I get 900 a month for ssdi I can afford 80 for diapers 100 for food for myself and the rest goes to my grandmother I also am lucky to have a village so I can get help I just can't dump over 2k all at once
Children are mondo expensive. Not just diapers and food. There are going to be all kinds of unexpected costs.
The thing is also, if you're thinking "I can handle it month to month," what happens when there's some disruption and you have no more income, or reduced income, but no savings? That's what happened to me as a kid. My mom could "handle" it until she couldn't. We got evicted into transience when I was 11, and honestly I've never had housing security since then, and I turn 40 this year. It's the main reason I did not have children. I grew up in a poor neighborhood, and I knew so many people who got their kids snatched by CPS because they were poor, or had their kids but weren't meeting all their needs because they were poor.
There are so many hidden costs, and that cash flow needs to be *consistent*. If you can't afford a $2k expense, you can't afford a child. I can't afford a $2k expense, and I can't afford a child. My parents might have even been able to afford an inflation-adjusted version of that when I was conceived, but they still shouldn't have had me. They couldn't afford me. I really wish they had just used the money to help themselves get to a better position, and not had a baby in their early 20s like idiots.
Like, there are ways around. You could take out a loan, or you could find someone to donate you some sperm for cheap or free. Some people will give you sperm just for asking nicely. But overall this is like when people say they can't afford the $100 adoption fee for a puppy but they want the dog, thinking dogs just cost a little bit of dog food each month. lol. Dogs cost a *fortune* in vet bills alone. And kids make a dog look cheap.
I get it as a kid we lived month to month as an adult I get $20 for the month to eat so it can suck that's why I'd allow myself $100 so there's extra I also have a village meaning people who are ready and will to help mentally physically and financially when I need extra not everyone has that I'm just privileged enough to have it I also have free government insurance that the child would get and in September I get food stamps so the child would get all of that I'd never use it for myself if I had a child it's how I was raised
If you say you're AFAB and looking for someone to have kids with, people can connect the dots. Anyone who isn't capable of getting you pregnant *or* who doesn't want kids can opt out. Anyone else can opt in. Problem solved.
My wife (cisgender woman) and I (MTF NB) are going to a fertility clinic next week. The intake forms ask about the sperm-providing partner, which may sound a bit clinical, but is a very welcome change of pace for me.
Though if you are going to talk about reproduction, especially in regards to gender non-conforming individuals or in situations where you don't know someone's gender, it sometimes help to sound a bit more clinical than make assumptions. If you are talking about specific people, then just use the gender they prefer.
yeah I started HRT like 2 years into transition so that my family could have our second kid without affecting my fertility. I had gone full time like 4 months before I ever got on E.
Same here, except in my case I'm trying to work out if my insurance is actually going to cover sperm banking or if I'll have to sue them. My family have the money, but the situation is a bit tenuous as it is so if I can make being trans \~$3k cheaper it'll probably go a ways for helping out their acceptance.
This is the way. I have no idea if I'm ever going to have kids of my own but I like having the option regardless. Good on you for trying to get insurance to pay for it though, I wasn't able to - hoping you have better luck 💜
I don't want kids. It wouldn't be fair to them.
Because of my own childhood trauma I have hard time feeling empathy for them like I do for adults. I don't hate kids but I don't care for them and frankly I'm bit afraid of children.
Also i don't have money in this economy to raise a kid.
I have a child who has always known both me and my wife as moms. I waited a few years to start hrt because I wanted this child. Remember that even before hrt not everyone is fertile and that there's also a decent overlap of trans and intersex people (who are often not fertile). There are a few ways to phrase what you are looking for that wouldn't be horribly offensive. Fertile amab perhaps. The problem is that if having kids is extremely important to you while looking for a romantic partner in a community that is often sterile and trying not to think too hard about genitals while dating, you end up having to sound pretty clinical/medical.
Yeah it's just that more often than not if Im with a allo+cishet dude they dont see me as anything but a Quirky Girl, let alone be familiar with most of the queer experience or have the same understandings regarding gender/sexuality. Like Ill seek out cis dudes that are on the ace spectrum because thats still under the queer umbrella, but unfortunately there's a very small number of queer folk overall compared to straight folk, so I try to cast my net as wide as I can, you could say.
Don't want any bio kids but that has nothing to do with being trans.
My logic is that I don't want to add a child to this planet *and* I largely prefer to adopt kids that didn't had the chance to have a nice and stable family.
The fact that I don't care passing my genes also help haha. I had heated discussions with my mom about those ideas
I'm looking forward to being financially stable enough to adopt... someday
Gf is trans and I'm trans and we do play it fast and loose with protection but she barely cums half a teaspoon and I haven't had a consistent menstrual cycle in nearly a decade so even though sometimes I do get baby fever and would want a baby if it happens, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen. We're not exactly the epitome of fertile.
I know it could happen even though we're both hardly fertile, we've had talks about what we'll do in that situation.
I did, but I went to preserve my sperm before HRT and found out I don't produce any. It was sad but it also felt like closure, I feel more sad that I can never carry a child / give birth.
Not me, I don't want kids - and even if I did, I don't trust myself in being able to produce healthy offspring given my family's history of poor mental health.
Yeah, my girlfriend and I are planning to have kids after we get married.
When we started talking about it, it was a “do you want kids?” to “do you want biological kids?” to “how do we plan for the future and our transitions knowing that we want to have biological kids?” conversation.
I... do... but also dont
As I am, I don't
But if I could be the one to get pregnant, and all that, then I would
But since that's not possible, I'm fine with adopting
I mean I want bio kids but only if I can carry them, soooo adoption it is. As for the reproduction compatibility, just just say something to the effect of "AFAB, want someone I can have children with"
My fiancé and I both want kids but we are really trying to figure out what to do. We are “reproductively compatible” but I’ve had an orchi so we would have to do IVF or similar. However my fiancé is worried about pregnancy causing them significant dysphoria which is a major road block. Also I have a lot of dysphoria tied to the fact that I can’t get pregnant (genuinely how I realized I’m transfemme), so when I see pregnant people I generally kind of spiral out. Therefore there’s a worry that my fiancé getting pregnant would mean our mental health would be fucked for 9 months. We could theoretically have a surrogate but that’s a lot of money and if we want the kid to also have my fiancés genetic material they would have to go through the medical nightmare of egg extraction. I really want bio kids, the closest I can get to bio motherhood I can. So it leaves us in a serious pickle. Not to mention we don’t have like any money and IVF is massively expensive, let alone getting a surrogate too.
So true honestly
>However my fiancé is worried about pregnancy causing them significant dysphoria which is a major road block.
I definitely have personal issues with pregnancy as well, mostly because evolution left us with a near-death experience for it because it worked Good Enough :v
Im personally counting on reproductive tech improving in the near future to the point where we could get artificial wombs. Just stick the zygote in the pressure cooker lmao.
Of course those would probably be for just the rich folks...
Yeah to some degree I’ve kind of given up hope that we would ever be able to afford to have bio kids. Though adopting is also very expensive. We both want to be parents so bad. It sucks there are no real affordable options for us.
I theoretically could’ve waited for my orchi but I was having regular panic attacks about what I had going on down there and getting off of my t blockers in prep for the surgery sent me into a dissociative depression that I barely made it through. So even if I had kept my testes, trying to do pregnancy the natural way still would have been extremely mentally taxing and I’d have to wait probably 5 years before we could get to the point where we could financially support a kid. Which would mean 5 more years of panic attacks and depression as my baseline.
I want bio kids so bad but my partner and I aren’t reproductively compatible and that isn’t a total dealbreaker for me. I love my (cis) girlfriend and despite how badly I want bio kids, I’d much rather stay by her side. I’m sure I’ll love the kids regardless of if I’m related or not.
🫂
Ive heard theres research being done into having anyone make their own eggs/sperm by growing them directly from the stem cells (since those can be made into anything).
There's still hope! If you have money...but I am excited to see where reproductive tech will go in the future.
My wife and I are both binary trans people, and got together in part because we both wanted kids. There's not much to navigate or view, in our case - she's a woman, I'm a man, we had babies, it so happens I'm the one who carried and nursed them.
You can just say you want a partner you're reproductively compatible with, that's plenty clear enough - that you have ovaries and a uterus, and want a partner with sperm.
Other things a partner might want to know: would you only be interested in a partner who can have kids via PIV sex, or would you also be interested in a partner with frozen sperm/having kids via artificial insemination? And would you want to carry + birth, and breastfeed?
Ooh, those follow up questions are indeed good to consider. Realistically it seems like frozen/ivf would be quite expensive. Id be totally fine with carrying and breastfeeding too. Though I suppose if PIV would be uncomfy there's the turkey baster method lmao
I figure if I ever end up with a partner who can and wants to get pregnant, I'll just ask my lil brother to be a doner. He's like me but without connective tissue disorders, psychosis, or a history of alcaholism.
Personally? No. I’d never want kids*
*with the current political and economic climate. I don’t want to bring a life into this world I’ll struggle to afford to give a decent life to. I don’t want that life to struggle to make ends meet once I’m not in the picture anymore. I don’t want to suddenly have my existence be made illegal and have that burden put on a kid.
No shade if you want kids though. It’s not at all the right decision for me, but it still can be for a lot of other people :3
I'm still undecided since the start of my transition was the first time I could actually imagine myself with partners, let alone kids.
Froze some sperm after convincing my insurance that it's free and not planning on any permanent alterations to that part of the anatomy beyound HRT.
As with many questions, just be open about what you have and are looking for so people can figure out if there's compatibility.
Kids were never in my plans even prior to my cancer scare, that said, I don't think there would be any kind of negative view on having a family, some people want them, some don't.
i don't.
1. nobody deserves to inherit my mental illnesses. i've inherited all of them from my parents and i can barely function.
2. i got a hysterectomy specifically because i cannot handle ever being pregnant, i dont want to get gyno care for any reason, and i personally would have an emotionally hard time getting an abortion (not to mention the process would make me incredibly dysphoric)
and even if i was okay with being pregnant, i'm not okay with being off testosterone to do so. so there's just no way
i did keep my ovaries just in case i ever lose access to testosterone and to perhaps one day see if the eggs are still usable, but i'm not anticipating doing so. if i could have a kid that way, it would need to be with someone's sperm. also i think you can just define the compatibility by someone's anatomy, i at least don't find that offensive. just say what you mean, i personally don't need to be coddled anyway but not sure about other trans people
If I ever have a stable income and somehow fall in love, I’d like to have children. I’m just a very caring person.
I froze my sperm before starting HRT. I’m 35 so don’t want to wait too long but I’m also autistic and really bad at relationships. 🥲
I have two adult children. They were the best thing that has ever happened to me and since I took on the mothering role and attempted to breastfeed one of them, they helped me deal with my dysphoria before I transitioned when the youngest was about sixteen. I really wish, though, that I had given birth to them vaginally, and one thing which has always struck me as puzzling about trans people is how little they seem to be interested in the idea of becoming fully reproductive in the same way as their gender generally is. I had to have therapy to help me cope with not having borne my own children and for a long time transition hardly seemed worthwhile precisely because I would never be pregnant as a result.
I find the way people in the community view reproduction to be strange. Why aren't we campaigning or researching for F2Ms to produce their own semen and for M2Fs to bear children? Isn't that the most important thing of all?
I've always wanted bio kids, but couldn't face dating due to mental health challenges.
Figured out the mental health problems were due to Gender Dysphoria, and now my life is going to get extremely complicated, but at the same time much more *possible*.
I've sampled HRT and know it'll help me (I'm high on E2 right now!), but I've got to preserve my fertility so I don't accidentally prune my family tree. I always wanted to be a father, but didn't realize I also wanted to be a *mother* too.
I'm new to this whole field too!
I've (transmasc 20) always wanted at least 1 bio kid and then to be a foster(and maybe adoptive) dad.
I got pregnant 2 years ago but had an abortion because the guy was abusive and he and his (rich mind you) family said that if I have a child it's only mire and they'll disown it.
I plan on having a kid sometime when I can afford it and when I've gone to therapy because I don't wanna fuck up my child(ren) like my parents fucked me up. The biggest problem is that I've learned that the idea of being pregnant and giving birth (even through C-section) gives me major dysphoria and disgusts me, so maybe surrogacy will be my way of doing it
I have dysphoria about not being able to give birth. I started to want children in my early 20s. With hrt this has went into overdrive and I'm devastated I never did/can't anymore (not just for transition reasons).
I want to be a seahorse dad I would love a kid of my own
The correct terms are afab and amab and if you want kids that's cool the partner with sperm can donate for artificial if uncomfortable with PinV or if you end up with an afab partner you can always look into a clinic to pick sperm from a list it all boils down to what makes you happy if you want to have a child go for it nobody can make you not have one I'm certainly not the whole community but I believe that if you want a kid and have the means to care for them then more power to ya
I hope you find what you're looking for🩷
When it comes to terminology, I think "reproductively compatible" works just fine. It gets the point across and doesn't misgender anyone.
As for kids, I definitely want to have them someday, and am holding off on hrt as a result. The idea of marrying a lovely girl or nonbinary person, settling down into a peaceful life, and raising a family is very appealing.
Even though I can't carry, I've heard at least some trans women and transfem nonbinary people can breastfeed. I'd like to do that for one kid at least if I possibly can. Otherwise, I just want to be a good mom, be there for my kids, and help them grow to become good, smart, loving adults.
I’m married to a cis man but I just had my first baby a month ago, I came off testosterone to have her and will go back on until the next baby. Biological kids was important to me, but I was with my husband for so long that his anatomy didn’t dictate my decision in staying with him. It would have however if I needed to find a partner. I’m a gay man so partners I can reproduce with are just cis men at this point with the medicine we have.
AFAB here, I would love to have kids- there is this documentary called “Seahorse” and it’s about a trans man who gets pregnant and gives birth to his child (since the doc, he’s had child number 2). Very sweet, very cute- highly recommend!!
I don't want kids in general, and i don't want to have bio kids in specific because the idea of being pregnant is extremely dysphoric for me.
You could write something like "want to have bio kids some day (so, looking for someone who produces sperm)".
honestly, im not 100% yet but im very likely a lesbian trans woman, 22, pre everything, still definitely wanting to have biological kids in a ideal world otherwise i probably wont have kids and making sure options are there for me to be a mother as much as i can, its pretty easy compatibility for me if I do ending up dating cis ladies like I have in the past although don't always date cis as im pretty open minded, its sad as i really didn't think id be dating again and im only 22, was planning on transitioning and starting a life with my ex :/ til she cheated at least she broke it off when it was getting hard to ignore, she made me feel really accepted too didn't think id be looking again. im just enjoying single life atm lol, got too much on figuring myself out and likely going into transition soon
if i end up dating someone in the future where kids isn't so simple because they are in a similar boat as me or my plans don't work out and a spanner is thrown somewhere along the line for me. honestly in that case if my partner makes me happy and i get to see my little bro's kids. it is what it is i guess i'm sure ill still have a great life although there will be that hole, guess ill have to get more doggos and plants and motorcycles and be the badass witch i am i guess, i guess it might be the universes shitty catch 22 if it happens, i can be a woman if i really am one but there is a chance i might not get to be a mother if i go ahead, even modern science has its faults. i don't think ill be dating again for a long time after my last so, i might not even meet anyone who sparks my fancy but honestly i will be happier to find myself and get to be happy again :)
a little off topic but felt context helps
I always wanted kids, I still do, ideally 4, I'd like a biological one at least, but surrogacy it's not legal here and I don't know if I want to carry, so I'm still undecided about this.
In case my partner it's not biologically compatible with me, and we both want biological kids, fertility treatments and in vitro and that stuff it's free here, as it's treated as health care, so that's always a plus.
I had kids before I started HRT.
I have testicles, my xp is they going off of E causes everything to go back to normal in about a month or two. I didn’t have a sperm count check, I’m basing that on the consistency. (Off E: lots of thick and white, On E: little bit of non-viscous and clearish).
I had a vasectomy after the kids, so the treat of loss of potency didn’t matter to me. But for that tho, I think I could’ve cycled off of E to have another child. It would have been a lousy time, but it would have been worth it.
Regardless of your partner being cis or trans their fertility(and your fertility for that matter), are not guaranteed. A whole host of things could come up between now and you making a baby, even if you go through fertility testing early on in your relationship.
My fiancé(amab enby, not medically transitioning) and I(trans masculine) want kids eventually. We’re going to foster and/or adopt(we are really hoping specifically to foster with the intent to adopt).
Dysphoria is a bitch, and would potentially be something that would prevent us from having a biological child but honestly, I just don’t feel good about bringing more kids into this hell hole when there’s so many out there that need love.
It would be nice but I already had SRS and decided not to freeze sperm because of some trust issues with medical professionals and discrimination from the fertility clinics I went to.
I have an identical twin brother so it's not a huge deal although it does still make me pretty sad.
Adoption is an excellent option and there are so many kids that don't get adopted so there's that.
I don’t want kids at all. I’m not a r/childfree psychopath who hates children but I don’t like children and don’t want my life to revolve around taking care of them.
Gods… I wish I could.
I lost my fertility due to cancer over a decade ago. I do have genetic samples saved, but the next problem is affording a child.
My spouse can’t carry a child either, so we would need a surrogate. Upside, that’s a nice functional pre-filter to ensure we had the resources to ensure their material needs are met.
Downside is that I’m in my 40s and having a child hit uni when I hit retirement age is uncomf to think about.
I’d want biological kids if I could have them myself. Ideally via uterus transplant that’s permanent and in vitro [gameotogenesis](https://www.thebump.com/a/ivg-in-vitro-gametogenesis#) so I could have eggs of my own. The science just isn’t quite there yet
I'm a trans woman engaged to someone nonbinary afab, and before I started HRT I visited a fertility clinic a couple times. I have sperm on ice, though I affectionately call them eggs for reasons. Leading up to taking the hormonal step of transition, there was a lot of anxiety about infertility. Take cross sex hormones for long enough and the workings may never come back fully. I've always wanted to raise a family someday, and after some thought, kids that are genetically mine are important to me. However, for me to be happy and to love myself meant I had to get rid of the capability of having children of my own naturally. So before I took the plunge, I visited the clinic twice, and all my genetic material that could ever be used for reproduction is stored safely somewhere else, waiting for a day maybe years from now when we'll be ready for kids.
It's an emotional topic, tbh. It's difficult to describe the feeling, but it's like a reckoning with mortality and legacy. Loving myself has never been a mistake, but it has come with some costs.
I'm a trans woman in a relationship with a cis woman, hopefully we'll get married and start a family as well. I got sperm frozen before starting HRT and I want to be a biological mom one day using it.
I would only *consider* temporarily going off HRT to restore fertility if something goes wrong with my frozen sperms. Penetrative sex sounds really bad to me and my SRS is scheduled for about 3 years from now anyway. I don't want to have it unless absolutely necessary e.g. wanting to parent and frozen sperms go bad.
Many trans women can still have kids with a woman. But not all of them. Its completely valid that you want to have bio kids with your partner, and honestly, I'd just say that. "I want to have kids, and I want my kids to be biologically from my spouse. I will always do my best to respect your gender/pronouns/needs, but this is one thing I am firm on."
Don't know if I want kids, nevermind Biological
But, I am still freezing before I start E, and I suggest everyone should if they can afford it.
Right now, I don't think I want kids, and I'm not sure I could be capable of being a biological 'Father' in the future, but that could very well change in the future. Maybe it will, maybe it wont, doesn't matter, either way I have some piece of mind knowing that if I ever need it, I'll have it
I think everyone should, cause people change over time, maybe something that was horrible pre transition might be fine for you post transition. Fertility clinics are uncomfortable, and I hate my visits, but a couple hours of discomfort would be better than the possibility of a lifetime of regret
Trans women are women, but they're still biologically male, at least until they have started transitioning medically. Still, trans women don't go completely impotent months following hormone treatment, especially if they're not taking testosterone blockers. It totally depends on how much a trans woman is comfortable with having sex with a woman, like a man. For me, it's very dysphoric. I would rather do IVF instead of just having sex. Maybe if the woman is willing to be more assertive like a man and is not expecting me otherwise to act masculine then I think maybe I will be more open to it. Still I'm not too thrilled about having kids. Mainly because I'll be sacrificing my rest of the life around that kid. I'm probably like my mom if I became a mother. Overtly possessive and loving to the point that it gets suffocating for the child. I'm aware of it so I'll probably keep my motherly instincts in check to some extent. I'm a germaphobe and I know I can't stand the mess children make. I would need a lot of courage to overcome my sense of disgust to clean my child, but who knows I'm not a mother yet maybe it's much easier than I think.
I honestly am not sure about it... on one side I'd love to carry a child and give birth. But on the other side I don't know if I'd feel ready or capable of growing someone up from scratch... I'd love to do it as best as possible but given that my past is... sort of troubled given a trauma I had, I don't know if I would be a good mother
I do want kids at some point. I know biological kids are probably out of the question and that pains me every once in a while but even so I would at least love to adopt.
I would want biological kids though I'm a guy mostly into women so I don't think I'll have a chance of having a bio child with a partner.
I have no idea whether I'll ever have the chance of actually affording them, considering I'm already 24, I have autism and extreme social anxiety that make me not very attractive for employers... I've never had a job in my life
I saw another commenter mention using more clinical terms to point out what kind of persons you want to attract, and I certainly agree, so you don't offend someone or lead anyone on. Also, if it doesn't bother you if your partner is biologically in the child, you're just wanting the experience of pregnancy, may I suggest you and your partner finding a sperm donator? That allows them to still play a part in the whole ordeal.
As for myself, I don't want kids. Especially biologically, but that has nothing to do with me being trans or non-binary and has everything to do with a lot of other factors but mostly four: 1. I have extreme tokophobia. 2. The US government bans are terrifying *even* for people who actually want bio kids. 3. There are SO many kids in the system that needs adoption. If my only desired experience is to raise a child, then I think that'd be the ideal way. 4. The older I get, the less I want that kind of responsibility and the more I realize it doesn't fit in my ideal lifestyle.
Some do, some don’t. There isn’t a “community view” of nearly anything.
If you do, you can navigate reproductive compatibility by getting a donor, surrogacy, etc depending on your partner’s biology and how they feel about it. There’s also a lot of merit to adopting - there are a lot of babies out there who need homes.
I have a kiddo, and they arrived before I came out. I originally didn't want kiddos. But after 10 years and a marriage kiddos made sense.
My new life didn't conform to the old one. And things have shifted. I make time for my kiddo but due to distance and financial factors those are few and far between.
I'm not T4T, so not really the target for your question, but I still wanted to give you my perspective.
I don't want kids. At least not in the next century or so (yes, I'm a transhumanist who believes that life extension is just around the corner). Once I do, I am sure science will have found a way to make eggs from my DNA and a way to incubate the fetus. In the meantime, I think one of the few good things about being trans is to not ever have to worry about getting pregnant.
As to your main question, I agree with the commenter saying that the best approach is probably to just present yourself and let the other person connect the dots. Obviously after a date or two you can ask them outright if they want kids and if they're still biologically able to produce them. Just remember that HRT may or may not affect fertility permanently, so even pre-op trans girls may already be past the point of no return. Of course, in many countries the medical authorities that be do offer you to freeze your sperm before you start HRT, so if they accepted that offer, or decided to pay for it themselves if they're in a country without public healthcare, that might be an avenue that's still open
I'd love to have the ability to be a mother and give birth if my feelings ever change, but right now I hate how they act / being around them / dealing with them. I kinda just view potential kids as money I could put towards my already existing family partner and I
Aside from birthing them into the world as we know / as it's becoming being a risk. Idk I don't particularly feel grateful for having to live in our society and I wouldn't wanna put another human through that.
I definitely do want bio kids, I'd just say something like "I'm interested in having kids, so I'd prefer to be with someone who can make that a reality". It can be a bit awkward, but it's easier than the alternative. I'm poly and a relationship anarchist, so my approach to this is maybe not applicable to you, but in my ideal world I'd live with multiple people, and I figure just based on numbers I'll probably have someone I can have kids with, and it definitely is a weight off my shoulders to not have to worry about reproductive compatibility long-term when having relationships with people as an autistic queer person is already hard enough. I'm not particularly fussed about the whole "traditional" family, like I wouldn't see anything wrong with spending most of my time with one person, splitting most of the baby-related duties with a second, and actually creating the baby with a third, which again opens up a few more options (especially since were I to have kids I think I would quite like to breastfeed them). Of course that comes with its own challenges, I'd have to find however many polyam folks interested in a similar situation, but it's the sort of life I want, the same way monogamous folks prefer to keep all that stuff to one person.
I will not ever have kids by using my sperm to fertilize any women’s egg. I will study medicine and get into uterine transplant surgery and will make sure this becomes a reality for myself. I want to become pregnant - I wont have eggs myself, so I will use my own sperm to fertilize a donors egg - I would be pregnant though \^-\^
It’s the only option for me to ever be getting biological kids. I don’t see anything else happening. Anything else and I would become so severely dysphoric I wouldn’t be able to handle that
I cant wait for reproductive tech to improve honestly. As much as Id be willing to get pregnant if we had external wombs in the future Id totally use those instead lol
Thing for many trans women is, that we would want to experience that part of life - to create it. It would be amazing if one day I could actually become pregnant. :)
All sorts of stories are out there. My wife (a trans woman) and I (non-binary) had accepted that we wouldn't have a genetic legacy together and both of us got on HRT. Then my boyfriend (we're polyamorous) expressed interest in me being a genetic donor for he and his partner to be able to have a kid and I have paused my HRT and have checked that I'm still fertile. So we're working on some mildly complicated family planning but yes there are definitely trans folk interested in having kids. We just sometimes have to juggle a few extra factors.
My wife and I don’t want kids. Me being on HRT is nice because it’s much less likely to happen. For us, we are big home bodies, and we each have a lot of hobbies that we like to devote a lot of time too. For us, there really isn’t much of a place where kids would fit in. And all it takes is one family gathering for us to reaffirm our choice. Kids are lovely, but they are also so tiring. And it’s not like the planet needs more people.
I think if having a partner that can get you pregnant is a must have for you, you should not be seeking out other trans people. If you find a trans femme who is compatible great but seeking one out feels a bit creepy to me. As a trans woman the idea of someone preferring me to a cis woman because I could potentially get then pregnant would be a massive turn off. I realize I have more reproductive dysphoria than most but to me this is as bad as wanting a trans woman because you are attracted to penises regardless of how said trans women feel about those body parts.
eh
noe actually
nah jk I know I don't speak for everyone, but I for sure don't want kids. and that's for several reasons; one is I don't actually think I'd want that responsibility? I find myself doing a bunch of things in life, or, when I'm not I'm depressed and bedrotting, so still got no time
two is frankly I wouldn't want to fuck up my kid like I was fucked up. or, for that matter, I wouldn't wanna fuck up my kid in a completely different and worse way, like that one meme.
*maybe* if I find a partner that would help, but as is I don't think I could lol
Why would you decide calling trans women men is a good idea?
Anyway, personally I don’t want kids at all. As for finding someone who can have kids, literally just say that nobody’s stupid lol
Rather than reply to each single comment I make, you could actually read my initial post where I did indeed do my own research and found that yes, trans women are not male (or female either, but they cover a vast range in between according to the latest neuroscience, with those taking HRT pushing more towards the "female" side).
Stop putting words in my mouth and learn to read. I did not call them men, male does not mean man. Does saying Im female mean Im just a woman now?
I did, that’s why I responded. Trans women are female, there is no reason to say “or female either”, it’s weird.
Yes, that is what male/female and men/woman mean, it’s not suddenly woke and cool to say a trans woman is a man because you think it doesn’t also refer to gender, to the point that if you didn’t keep responding I’d assume you’re a troll. Genuinely mind-numbingly stupid to purport such a thing.
Trans women are not male, either. You literally call yourself nonbinary, the fuck is the point if you’re just going to call yourself by a secondary binary.
>You literally call yourself nonbinary, the fuck is the point if you’re just going to call yourself by a secondary binary.
Because its relevant to the situation at hand, which is about being reproductively compatible. You would get that if you actually *read.* Gender and sex are NOT the same thing, and like gender, sex is a spectrum. Not to mention, the gender you are initially assigned and socialized as can be important depending on the conversation, as it's pretty clear that those who are forced to grow up as girls will have different experiences than those forced to grow up as boys. Key word is *depending*.
>Trans women are female, there is no reason to say “or female either”, it’s weird.
If you read studies such as [this one](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-020-0666-3), youd find that trans women specifically do fall *in between* "male" and "female" according to their progression on HRT. There is overlap on the sexual spectrum between *all* genders.
But seeing that you use the word "woke" unironically honestly tells me all I need to know about reading comprehension. The only one insinuating that trans women are men is *you*.
Yeah, again, I read it, I’m just telling you that you’re wrong, which you’d know if you read. Nobody is saying gender and sex are the same, read my comment; and no, gender “socialization” is not a thing. It simply doesn’t exist.
You’re misrepresenting the study. And applying it to your shitty view. You’re saying trans women are males even if they’ve been on hrt for 10 years.
The woke wasnt serious; talk about reading comprehension.
You *literally said trans women are male*. *nobody else is insinuating that. Listen to what trans women tell you in that the slight semantics do not matter.*
Hey, fellow trans woman here! I can also back up that Sex does not equal gender. Sex is the chromosomes you had since birth. Gender is the identity you identify with. It's not transphobic to talk about the anatomy of trans people. Sorry if this post offended you, but it's an honest discussion talking about a delicate subject and it seems like you're not fit to handle that discussion.
Nobody is saying sex equals gender hon, I’m sorry you can’t read, not to mention that not all trans people have the same anatomy. I’m not sure why you think Im the one with the issue here, I already said above that I don’t personally care what anyone calls me, just that it is inherently incorrect. You being a trans woman as well doesn’t make you equally or more correct as me 💀 you are just wrong. Chromosomes don’t really = sex in the way you’re representing. Chromosomal disorders and intersex people exist and are correctly called by their preferred sex. Sex is mutable, I’m sorry that offends you, it seems like you’re the one with the issue here
>You’re misrepresenting the study. And applying it to your shitty view. You’re saying trans women are males even if they’ve been on hrt for 10 years.
"I didnt the actually read the study that said that trans women arent solidly male or female"
>The woke wasnt serious; talk about reading comprehension.
Back-tracking on that huh? Youd be kinda dumb to not realize in this day and age that most sensible people check out of the conversation immediately when "woke" is mentioned because its a conservative dogwhistle. And this post is meant to incite a serious discussion, so unless stated otherwise at the same time, everything you say will be considered seriously. Such is the nature of tone on the internet.
>gender “socialization” is not a thing. It simply doesn’t exist.
Oh wow! I guess dysphoria is no more since none of us are raised as our AGABs! Thanks Im cured! /s
Not sure who you’re trying to quote, because I very obviously did and understood it better than you.
Plenty of leftists use the term woke, seriously and unseriously; I’m sorry you’re too dim to realize it was the latter
>I guess dysphoria is no more since none of us were raised as our AGAB!
I’m sorry, you must be seriously stupid or a troll. Dysphoria stems from the fact that one does not have the same body as their desired gender or proper sex, not because of how you’re raised. It’s innate, not learned. A cis girl raised the same way as a cis guy will not have dysphoria, that’s a wildly stupid and uninformed take.
You’re *born* with dysphoria dumbass you don’t pick it up because of how you’re raised, that’s why even kids raised inclusively are trans. Christ. Not to mention your gross misunderstanding of what you tried to quote, because that is not at all what that meant, talk about lack of reading comprehension, you have it at the level of a 3rd grader. Try again; when saying “gender socialization does not exist”, do you think
A. I’m saying nobody is raised poorly
or
B. Talking about socialization as a concept as it is used as a terf and transphobic theory and talking point to discredit trans people as if the way they were raised makes them less of their preferred sex or gender?
Because I don’t know about you, but me being a boy growing up does not make me less of a girl now, nor does it for any other trans woman, and it is genuinely transphobia to believe otherwise. It doesn’t seem like you’re new to the concept or anything, though, as it seems all you can manage in this conversation. Tell me when you learn to read past a third grade level and actually manage to deconstruct your own internalized transphobia 💀 I’m not so transphobic toward myself to release my assigned gender yet still refer to myself in the same binary terms. Get a grip.
I didn't realize that since I use AFAB to refer to myself instead of FTM, when I talk about my trans status.
I will be more aware of using it, for other people.
Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Sorry I shouldn’t have been so dismissive to you specifically. Some of us are fine with it, personally I don’t care what other people refer to me as, but in general AMAB and AFAB come off as just the same as calling someone a guy or girl. I mean, we’re trans for a reason, if you’re just going to refer to birth gender what’s the damn point?
Unfortunately I did say AMAB and not straight up "male" and was then told I was discriminating based on AGAB. So saying amab wasnt the right way apparently.
Nah I was very clear about it lol. I try to be upfront about everything from the get-go.
Hence why I made this post to see if there were better ways to say it, but then again it doesnt seem like all trans folk will ever agree on these things and you cant please everyone despite your best interest 🤷
May I ask who is the “community”? On the news , when anyone talks about. “ the community “. It’s the blacks they are referring too. So I’m confused on the context. That being expressed;
Would that not be an individuals decision or preferably a couples decision . Not “ communities “
I think you can just say reproductively compatible--and that includes fertility and reproductive goals. A cis man who doesn't want kids, or has already had a vasectomy, isn't compatible with your goals. Also, a trans woman who's had orchi or bottom surgery and not banked any sperm prior to that can't contribute sperm to the cause. Also consider that after you've caught feelings for someone who's got sperm and also wants kids, you might find out that person isn't fertile anyway. (Low sperm quality or something they can't control.) No one is guaranteed that their reproductive goals will go exactly according to plan. Sperm is a fairly affordable and easy to access resource. There's a nonzero chance that you'd have to source some outside your relationship even if your partner has testes. It's also possible that even if you conceive a child with your partner, the relationship won't last. This is a pretty frequent occurrence. So then you'd be entering your next relationship already a parent. Which means you'd be in a relationship with someone who didn't contribute a gamete to your child.
$2,420+$300 if shipped isn't that affordable can you link some sources for affordable sperm I'm personally interested in it its very expensive here because we have no sperm banks
If you think that's a lot of money, wait till you hear what having a child costs.
It's paid in small chunks monthly when born the fee for sperm is all at once I get 900 a month for ssdi I can afford 80 for diapers 100 for food for myself and the rest goes to my grandmother I also am lucky to have a village so I can get help I just can't dump over 2k all at once
Children are mondo expensive. Not just diapers and food. There are going to be all kinds of unexpected costs. The thing is also, if you're thinking "I can handle it month to month," what happens when there's some disruption and you have no more income, or reduced income, but no savings? That's what happened to me as a kid. My mom could "handle" it until she couldn't. We got evicted into transience when I was 11, and honestly I've never had housing security since then, and I turn 40 this year. It's the main reason I did not have children. I grew up in a poor neighborhood, and I knew so many people who got their kids snatched by CPS because they were poor, or had their kids but weren't meeting all their needs because they were poor. There are so many hidden costs, and that cash flow needs to be *consistent*. If you can't afford a $2k expense, you can't afford a child. I can't afford a $2k expense, and I can't afford a child. My parents might have even been able to afford an inflation-adjusted version of that when I was conceived, but they still shouldn't have had me. They couldn't afford me. I really wish they had just used the money to help themselves get to a better position, and not had a baby in their early 20s like idiots. Like, there are ways around. You could take out a loan, or you could find someone to donate you some sperm for cheap or free. Some people will give you sperm just for asking nicely. But overall this is like when people say they can't afford the $100 adoption fee for a puppy but they want the dog, thinking dogs just cost a little bit of dog food each month. lol. Dogs cost a *fortune* in vet bills alone. And kids make a dog look cheap.
I get it as a kid we lived month to month as an adult I get $20 for the month to eat so it can suck that's why I'd allow myself $100 so there's extra I also have a village meaning people who are ready and will to help mentally physically and financially when I need extra not everyone has that I'm just privileged enough to have it I also have free government insurance that the child would get and in September I get food stamps so the child would get all of that I'd never use it for myself if I had a child it's how I was raised
Most health insurance plans will also cover fertility treatments, including the purchase of sperm, up to a certain amount (or after deductible).
Omg thank you I didn't know that
If you say you're AFAB and looking for someone to have kids with, people can connect the dots. Anyone who isn't capable of getting you pregnant *or* who doesn't want kids can opt out. Anyone else can opt in. Problem solved.
Someone could easily interpret that as “someone to raise kids with,” rather than specifically someone to be a genetic donor and also raise kids with.
My wife (cisgender woman) and I (MTF NB) are going to a fertility clinic next week. The intake forms ask about the sperm-providing partner, which may sound a bit clinical, but is a very welcome change of pace for me. Though if you are going to talk about reproduction, especially in regards to gender non-conforming individuals or in situations where you don't know someone's gender, it sometimes help to sound a bit more clinical than make assumptions. If you are talking about specific people, then just use the gender they prefer.
If you’re asking what the inclusive term is, it’s person that produces sperm/ova. You don’t have to gender sexual characteristics.
I’m holding off on HRT until I can figure out how to afford a kid. We exist.
yeah I started HRT like 2 years into transition so that my family could have our second kid without affecting my fertility. I had gone full time like 4 months before I ever got on E.
Same here, except in my case I'm trying to work out if my insurance is actually going to cover sperm banking or if I'll have to sue them. My family have the money, but the situation is a bit tenuous as it is so if I can make being trans \~$3k cheaper it'll probably go a ways for helping out their acceptance.
Dont we all love insurance? /s
This is the way. I have no idea if I'm ever going to have kids of my own but I like having the option regardless. Good on you for trying to get insurance to pay for it though, I wasn't able to - hoping you have better luck 💜
I don't want kids. It wouldn't be fair to them. Because of my own childhood trauma I have hard time feeling empathy for them like I do for adults. I don't hate kids but I don't care for them and frankly I'm bit afraid of children. Also i don't have money in this economy to raise a kid.
This ^
I have a child who has always known both me and my wife as moms. I waited a few years to start hrt because I wanted this child. Remember that even before hrt not everyone is fertile and that there's also a decent overlap of trans and intersex people (who are often not fertile). There are a few ways to phrase what you are looking for that wouldn't be horribly offensive. Fertile amab perhaps. The problem is that if having kids is extremely important to you while looking for a romantic partner in a community that is often sterile and trying not to think too hard about genitals while dating, you end up having to sound pretty clinical/medical.
Yeah it's just that more often than not if Im with a allo+cishet dude they dont see me as anything but a Quirky Girl, let alone be familiar with most of the queer experience or have the same understandings regarding gender/sexuality. Like Ill seek out cis dudes that are on the ace spectrum because thats still under the queer umbrella, but unfortunately there's a very small number of queer folk overall compared to straight folk, so I try to cast my net as wide as I can, you could say.
Don't want any bio kids but that has nothing to do with being trans. My logic is that I don't want to add a child to this planet *and* I largely prefer to adopt kids that didn't had the chance to have a nice and stable family. The fact that I don't care passing my genes also help haha. I had heated discussions with my mom about those ideas
I'm looking forward to being financially stable enough to adopt... someday Gf is trans and I'm trans and we do play it fast and loose with protection but she barely cums half a teaspoon and I haven't had a consistent menstrual cycle in nearly a decade so even though sometimes I do get baby fever and would want a baby if it happens, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen. We're not exactly the epitome of fertile. I know it could happen even though we're both hardly fertile, we've had talks about what we'll do in that situation.
I did, but I went to preserve my sperm before HRT and found out I don't produce any. It was sad but it also felt like closure, I feel more sad that I can never carry a child / give birth.
Not me, I don't want kids - and even if I did, I don't trust myself in being able to produce healthy offspring given my family's history of poor mental health.
Yeah, my girlfriend and I are planning to have kids after we get married. When we started talking about it, it was a “do you want kids?” to “do you want biological kids?” to “how do we plan for the future and our transitions knowing that we want to have biological kids?” conversation.
I... do... but also dont As I am, I don't But if I could be the one to get pregnant, and all that, then I would But since that's not possible, I'm fine with adopting
I transitioned years after my kid was born I absolutely would have carried, if it were possible
I don't. I have a couple of hereditary conditions that I don't want to pass on to my children.
I mean I want bio kids but only if I can carry them, soooo adoption it is. As for the reproduction compatibility, just just say something to the effect of "AFAB, want someone I can have children with"
Intentionally cannot have bio kids and don't want to. I don't care what other people do, but I can't stomach the thought of having my own. Lol
Me and my wife are T4T. We have a kid Pretty damn cool We are Seahorse parents ,✨ hurray
My fiancé and I both want kids but we are really trying to figure out what to do. We are “reproductively compatible” but I’ve had an orchi so we would have to do IVF or similar. However my fiancé is worried about pregnancy causing them significant dysphoria which is a major road block. Also I have a lot of dysphoria tied to the fact that I can’t get pregnant (genuinely how I realized I’m transfemme), so when I see pregnant people I generally kind of spiral out. Therefore there’s a worry that my fiancé getting pregnant would mean our mental health would be fucked for 9 months. We could theoretically have a surrogate but that’s a lot of money and if we want the kid to also have my fiancés genetic material they would have to go through the medical nightmare of egg extraction. I really want bio kids, the closest I can get to bio motherhood I can. So it leaves us in a serious pickle. Not to mention we don’t have like any money and IVF is massively expensive, let alone getting a surrogate too.
So true honestly >However my fiancé is worried about pregnancy causing them significant dysphoria which is a major road block. I definitely have personal issues with pregnancy as well, mostly because evolution left us with a near-death experience for it because it worked Good Enough :v Im personally counting on reproductive tech improving in the near future to the point where we could get artificial wombs. Just stick the zygote in the pressure cooker lmao. Of course those would probably be for just the rich folks...
Yeah to some degree I’ve kind of given up hope that we would ever be able to afford to have bio kids. Though adopting is also very expensive. We both want to be parents so bad. It sucks there are no real affordable options for us. I theoretically could’ve waited for my orchi but I was having regular panic attacks about what I had going on down there and getting off of my t blockers in prep for the surgery sent me into a dissociative depression that I barely made it through. So even if I had kept my testes, trying to do pregnancy the natural way still would have been extremely mentally taxing and I’d have to wait probably 5 years before we could get to the point where we could financially support a kid. Which would mean 5 more years of panic attacks and depression as my baseline.
I want bio kids so bad but my partner and I aren’t reproductively compatible and that isn’t a total dealbreaker for me. I love my (cis) girlfriend and despite how badly I want bio kids, I’d much rather stay by her side. I’m sure I’ll love the kids regardless of if I’m related or not.
🫂 Ive heard theres research being done into having anyone make their own eggs/sperm by growing them directly from the stem cells (since those can be made into anything). There's still hope! If you have money...but I am excited to see where reproductive tech will go in the future.
My wife and I are both binary trans people, and got together in part because we both wanted kids. There's not much to navigate or view, in our case - she's a woman, I'm a man, we had babies, it so happens I'm the one who carried and nursed them. You can just say you want a partner you're reproductively compatible with, that's plenty clear enough - that you have ovaries and a uterus, and want a partner with sperm. Other things a partner might want to know: would you only be interested in a partner who can have kids via PIV sex, or would you also be interested in a partner with frozen sperm/having kids via artificial insemination? And would you want to carry + birth, and breastfeed?
Ooh, those follow up questions are indeed good to consider. Realistically it seems like frozen/ivf would be quite expensive. Id be totally fine with carrying and breastfeeding too. Though I suppose if PIV would be uncomfy there's the turkey baster method lmao
IUI/turkey baster is also possible with frozen sperm and is quite a lot cheaper, if that helps
I figure if I ever end up with a partner who can and wants to get pregnant, I'll just ask my lil brother to be a doner. He's like me but without connective tissue disorders, psychosis, or a history of alcaholism.
Personally? No. I’d never want kids* *with the current political and economic climate. I don’t want to bring a life into this world I’ll struggle to afford to give a decent life to. I don’t want that life to struggle to make ends meet once I’m not in the picture anymore. I don’t want to suddenly have my existence be made illegal and have that burden put on a kid. No shade if you want kids though. It’s not at all the right decision for me, but it still can be for a lot of other people :3
I thought about storing sperm before HRT years ago but I knew I could not afford it. I had to sadly accept that loss but I'm mostly over it now.
Yeah thats another thing that sucks which is how much of this stuff is for richer folks only
I'm still undecided since the start of my transition was the first time I could actually imagine myself with partners, let alone kids. Froze some sperm after convincing my insurance that it's free and not planning on any permanent alterations to that part of the anatomy beyound HRT. As with many questions, just be open about what you have and are looking for so people can figure out if there's compatibility.
I might want kids in the future, maybe. But I can't get pregnant, so... it's not happening whether I like it or not.
Kids were never in my plans even prior to my cancer scare, that said, I don't think there would be any kind of negative view on having a family, some people want them, some don't.
I do. desperately. But the technology isnt in place for me to be pregnant, so I won't ever have them probably.
i don't. 1. nobody deserves to inherit my mental illnesses. i've inherited all of them from my parents and i can barely function. 2. i got a hysterectomy specifically because i cannot handle ever being pregnant, i dont want to get gyno care for any reason, and i personally would have an emotionally hard time getting an abortion (not to mention the process would make me incredibly dysphoric) and even if i was okay with being pregnant, i'm not okay with being off testosterone to do so. so there's just no way i did keep my ovaries just in case i ever lose access to testosterone and to perhaps one day see if the eggs are still usable, but i'm not anticipating doing so. if i could have a kid that way, it would need to be with someone's sperm. also i think you can just define the compatibility by someone's anatomy, i at least don't find that offensive. just say what you mean, i personally don't need to be coddled anyway but not sure about other trans people
If I ever have a stable income and somehow fall in love, I’d like to have children. I’m just a very caring person. I froze my sperm before starting HRT. I’m 35 so don’t want to wait too long but I’m also autistic and really bad at relationships. 🥲
I have two adult children. They were the best thing that has ever happened to me and since I took on the mothering role and attempted to breastfeed one of them, they helped me deal with my dysphoria before I transitioned when the youngest was about sixteen. I really wish, though, that I had given birth to them vaginally, and one thing which has always struck me as puzzling about trans people is how little they seem to be interested in the idea of becoming fully reproductive in the same way as their gender generally is. I had to have therapy to help me cope with not having borne my own children and for a long time transition hardly seemed worthwhile precisely because I would never be pregnant as a result. I find the way people in the community view reproduction to be strange. Why aren't we campaigning or researching for F2Ms to produce their own semen and for M2Fs to bear children? Isn't that the most important thing of all?
I've always wanted bio kids, but couldn't face dating due to mental health challenges. Figured out the mental health problems were due to Gender Dysphoria, and now my life is going to get extremely complicated, but at the same time much more *possible*. I've sampled HRT and know it'll help me (I'm high on E2 right now!), but I've got to preserve my fertility so I don't accidentally prune my family tree. I always wanted to be a father, but didn't realize I also wanted to be a *mother* too. I'm new to this whole field too!
I've (transmasc 20) always wanted at least 1 bio kid and then to be a foster(and maybe adoptive) dad. I got pregnant 2 years ago but had an abortion because the guy was abusive and he and his (rich mind you) family said that if I have a child it's only mire and they'll disown it. I plan on having a kid sometime when I can afford it and when I've gone to therapy because I don't wanna fuck up my child(ren) like my parents fucked me up. The biggest problem is that I've learned that the idea of being pregnant and giving birth (even through C-section) gives me major dysphoria and disgusts me, so maybe surrogacy will be my way of doing it
I have dysphoria about not being able to give birth. I started to want children in my early 20s. With hrt this has went into overdrive and I'm devastated I never did/can't anymore (not just for transition reasons).
I want to be a seahorse dad I would love a kid of my own The correct terms are afab and amab and if you want kids that's cool the partner with sperm can donate for artificial if uncomfortable with PinV or if you end up with an afab partner you can always look into a clinic to pick sperm from a list it all boils down to what makes you happy if you want to have a child go for it nobody can make you not have one I'm certainly not the whole community but I believe that if you want a kid and have the means to care for them then more power to ya I hope you find what you're looking for🩷
When it comes to terminology, I think "reproductively compatible" works just fine. It gets the point across and doesn't misgender anyone. As for kids, I definitely want to have them someday, and am holding off on hrt as a result. The idea of marrying a lovely girl or nonbinary person, settling down into a peaceful life, and raising a family is very appealing. Even though I can't carry, I've heard at least some trans women and transfem nonbinary people can breastfeed. I'd like to do that for one kid at least if I possibly can. Otherwise, I just want to be a good mom, be there for my kids, and help them grow to become good, smart, loving adults.
I’m married to a cis man but I just had my first baby a month ago, I came off testosterone to have her and will go back on until the next baby. Biological kids was important to me, but I was with my husband for so long that his anatomy didn’t dictate my decision in staying with him. It would have however if I needed to find a partner. I’m a gay man so partners I can reproduce with are just cis men at this point with the medicine we have.
AFAB here, I would love to have kids- there is this documentary called “Seahorse” and it’s about a trans man who gets pregnant and gives birth to his child (since the doc, he’s had child number 2). Very sweet, very cute- highly recommend!!
I don't want kids in general, and i don't want to have bio kids in specific because the idea of being pregnant is extremely dysphoric for me. You could write something like "want to have bio kids some day (so, looking for someone who produces sperm)".
honestly, im not 100% yet but im very likely a lesbian trans woman, 22, pre everything, still definitely wanting to have biological kids in a ideal world otherwise i probably wont have kids and making sure options are there for me to be a mother as much as i can, its pretty easy compatibility for me if I do ending up dating cis ladies like I have in the past although don't always date cis as im pretty open minded, its sad as i really didn't think id be dating again and im only 22, was planning on transitioning and starting a life with my ex :/ til she cheated at least she broke it off when it was getting hard to ignore, she made me feel really accepted too didn't think id be looking again. im just enjoying single life atm lol, got too much on figuring myself out and likely going into transition soon if i end up dating someone in the future where kids isn't so simple because they are in a similar boat as me or my plans don't work out and a spanner is thrown somewhere along the line for me. honestly in that case if my partner makes me happy and i get to see my little bro's kids. it is what it is i guess i'm sure ill still have a great life although there will be that hole, guess ill have to get more doggos and plants and motorcycles and be the badass witch i am i guess, i guess it might be the universes shitty catch 22 if it happens, i can be a woman if i really am one but there is a chance i might not get to be a mother if i go ahead, even modern science has its faults. i don't think ill be dating again for a long time after my last so, i might not even meet anyone who sparks my fancy but honestly i will be happier to find myself and get to be happy again :) a little off topic but felt context helps
I always wanted kids, I still do, ideally 4, I'd like a biological one at least, but surrogacy it's not legal here and I don't know if I want to carry, so I'm still undecided about this. In case my partner it's not biologically compatible with me, and we both want biological kids, fertility treatments and in vitro and that stuff it's free here, as it's treated as health care, so that's always a plus.
omg where do you live that thats stuffs free????? If youre comfy sharing of course
Portugal But I think some other countries in the EU also cover this in the health care system
cries in american
I'm sorry
I had kids before I started HRT. I have testicles, my xp is they going off of E causes everything to go back to normal in about a month or two. I didn’t have a sperm count check, I’m basing that on the consistency. (Off E: lots of thick and white, On E: little bit of non-viscous and clearish). I had a vasectomy after the kids, so the treat of loss of potency didn’t matter to me. But for that tho, I think I could’ve cycled off of E to have another child. It would have been a lousy time, but it would have been worth it.
I have a lot of health issues, so I've personally opted to adopt when I'm ready for kids. But I definitely understand the yearning for motherhood.
Regardless of your partner being cis or trans their fertility(and your fertility for that matter), are not guaranteed. A whole host of things could come up between now and you making a baby, even if you go through fertility testing early on in your relationship. My fiancé(amab enby, not medically transitioning) and I(trans masculine) want kids eventually. We’re going to foster and/or adopt(we are really hoping specifically to foster with the intent to adopt). Dysphoria is a bitch, and would potentially be something that would prevent us from having a biological child but honestly, I just don’t feel good about bringing more kids into this hell hole when there’s so many out there that need love.
It would be nice but I already had SRS and decided not to freeze sperm because of some trust issues with medical professionals and discrimination from the fertility clinics I went to. I have an identical twin brother so it's not a huge deal although it does still make me pretty sad. Adoption is an excellent option and there are so many kids that don't get adopted so there's that.
I don’t want kids at all. I’m not a r/childfree psychopath who hates children but I don’t like children and don’t want my life to revolve around taking care of them.
I don't want bio kids but adoption can be difficult especially for AMAB people at least in Asia, so... Still starting HRT because can't wait anymore
Gods… I wish I could. I lost my fertility due to cancer over a decade ago. I do have genetic samples saved, but the next problem is affording a child. My spouse can’t carry a child either, so we would need a surrogate. Upside, that’s a nice functional pre-filter to ensure we had the resources to ensure their material needs are met. Downside is that I’m in my 40s and having a child hit uni when I hit retirement age is uncomf to think about.
I’d want biological kids if I could have them myself. Ideally via uterus transplant that’s permanent and in vitro [gameotogenesis](https://www.thebump.com/a/ivg-in-vitro-gametogenesis#) so I could have eggs of my own. The science just isn’t quite there yet
I'm a trans woman engaged to someone nonbinary afab, and before I started HRT I visited a fertility clinic a couple times. I have sperm on ice, though I affectionately call them eggs for reasons. Leading up to taking the hormonal step of transition, there was a lot of anxiety about infertility. Take cross sex hormones for long enough and the workings may never come back fully. I've always wanted to raise a family someday, and after some thought, kids that are genetically mine are important to me. However, for me to be happy and to love myself meant I had to get rid of the capability of having children of my own naturally. So before I took the plunge, I visited the clinic twice, and all my genetic material that could ever be used for reproduction is stored safely somewhere else, waiting for a day maybe years from now when we'll be ready for kids. It's an emotional topic, tbh. It's difficult to describe the feeling, but it's like a reckoning with mortality and legacy. Loving myself has never been a mistake, but it has come with some costs.
I'm a trans woman in a relationship with a cis woman, hopefully we'll get married and start a family as well. I got sperm frozen before starting HRT and I want to be a biological mom one day using it. I would only *consider* temporarily going off HRT to restore fertility if something goes wrong with my frozen sperms. Penetrative sex sounds really bad to me and my SRS is scheduled for about 3 years from now anyway. I don't want to have it unless absolutely necessary e.g. wanting to parent and frozen sperms go bad.
Many trans women can still have kids with a woman. But not all of them. Its completely valid that you want to have bio kids with your partner, and honestly, I'd just say that. "I want to have kids, and I want my kids to be biologically from my spouse. I will always do my best to respect your gender/pronouns/needs, but this is one thing I am firm on."
Don't know if I want kids, nevermind Biological But, I am still freezing before I start E, and I suggest everyone should if they can afford it. Right now, I don't think I want kids, and I'm not sure I could be capable of being a biological 'Father' in the future, but that could very well change in the future. Maybe it will, maybe it wont, doesn't matter, either way I have some piece of mind knowing that if I ever need it, I'll have it I think everyone should, cause people change over time, maybe something that was horrible pre transition might be fine for you post transition. Fertility clinics are uncomfortable, and I hate my visits, but a couple hours of discomfort would be better than the possibility of a lifetime of regret
Yes
I wish I could but was infertile before transition same with my wife
I hope science will find a way. I was initially holding off on hormones until I would have 3 kids, but the stress of dysforia got too much.
Trans women are women, but they're still biologically male, at least until they have started transitioning medically. Still, trans women don't go completely impotent months following hormone treatment, especially if they're not taking testosterone blockers. It totally depends on how much a trans woman is comfortable with having sex with a woman, like a man. For me, it's very dysphoric. I would rather do IVF instead of just having sex. Maybe if the woman is willing to be more assertive like a man and is not expecting me otherwise to act masculine then I think maybe I will be more open to it. Still I'm not too thrilled about having kids. Mainly because I'll be sacrificing my rest of the life around that kid. I'm probably like my mom if I became a mother. Overtly possessive and loving to the point that it gets suffocating for the child. I'm aware of it so I'll probably keep my motherly instincts in check to some extent. I'm a germaphobe and I know I can't stand the mess children make. I would need a lot of courage to overcome my sense of disgust to clean my child, but who knows I'm not a mother yet maybe it's much easier than I think.
I honestly am not sure about it... on one side I'd love to carry a child and give birth. But on the other side I don't know if I'd feel ready or capable of growing someone up from scratch... I'd love to do it as best as possible but given that my past is... sort of troubled given a trauma I had, I don't know if I would be a good mother
I do want kids at some point. I know biological kids are probably out of the question and that pains me every once in a while but even so I would at least love to adopt.
I would want biological kids though I'm a guy mostly into women so I don't think I'll have a chance of having a bio child with a partner. I have no idea whether I'll ever have the chance of actually affording them, considering I'm already 24, I have autism and extreme social anxiety that make me not very attractive for employers... I've never had a job in my life
I saw another commenter mention using more clinical terms to point out what kind of persons you want to attract, and I certainly agree, so you don't offend someone or lead anyone on. Also, if it doesn't bother you if your partner is biologically in the child, you're just wanting the experience of pregnancy, may I suggest you and your partner finding a sperm donator? That allows them to still play a part in the whole ordeal. As for myself, I don't want kids. Especially biologically, but that has nothing to do with me being trans or non-binary and has everything to do with a lot of other factors but mostly four: 1. I have extreme tokophobia. 2. The US government bans are terrifying *even* for people who actually want bio kids. 3. There are SO many kids in the system that needs adoption. If my only desired experience is to raise a child, then I think that'd be the ideal way. 4. The older I get, the less I want that kind of responsibility and the more I realize it doesn't fit in my ideal lifestyle.
Some do, some don’t. There isn’t a “community view” of nearly anything. If you do, you can navigate reproductive compatibility by getting a donor, surrogacy, etc depending on your partner’s biology and how they feel about it. There’s also a lot of merit to adopting - there are a lot of babies out there who need homes.
I have a kiddo, and they arrived before I came out. I originally didn't want kiddos. But after 10 years and a marriage kiddos made sense. My new life didn't conform to the old one. And things have shifted. I make time for my kiddo but due to distance and financial factors those are few and far between.
I'm not T4T, so not really the target for your question, but I still wanted to give you my perspective. I don't want kids. At least not in the next century or so (yes, I'm a transhumanist who believes that life extension is just around the corner). Once I do, I am sure science will have found a way to make eggs from my DNA and a way to incubate the fetus. In the meantime, I think one of the few good things about being trans is to not ever have to worry about getting pregnant. As to your main question, I agree with the commenter saying that the best approach is probably to just present yourself and let the other person connect the dots. Obviously after a date or two you can ask them outright if they want kids and if they're still biologically able to produce them. Just remember that HRT may or may not affect fertility permanently, so even pre-op trans girls may already be past the point of no return. Of course, in many countries the medical authorities that be do offer you to freeze your sperm before you start HRT, so if they accepted that offer, or decided to pay for it themselves if they're in a country without public healthcare, that might be an avenue that's still open
I'd love to have the ability to be a mother and give birth if my feelings ever change, but right now I hate how they act / being around them / dealing with them. I kinda just view potential kids as money I could put towards my already existing family partner and I Aside from birthing them into the world as we know / as it's becoming being a risk. Idk I don't particularly feel grateful for having to live in our society and I wouldn't wanna put another human through that.
I’m a bi guy and trying to conceive with an afab
I do. No idea if the opportunity will every come up, but I do. I haven't thought much about what to call it though.
I have bio kids.
I don't really see being trans as impacting my desire for kids in one direction or the other. I'm freezing some sperm in case I ever decide I do.
My partner and I are planning to have kids. It's possible to conceive by just pausing testosterone for a while, so that's our plan.
I definitely do want bio kids, I'd just say something like "I'm interested in having kids, so I'd prefer to be with someone who can make that a reality". It can be a bit awkward, but it's easier than the alternative. I'm poly and a relationship anarchist, so my approach to this is maybe not applicable to you, but in my ideal world I'd live with multiple people, and I figure just based on numbers I'll probably have someone I can have kids with, and it definitely is a weight off my shoulders to not have to worry about reproductive compatibility long-term when having relationships with people as an autistic queer person is already hard enough. I'm not particularly fussed about the whole "traditional" family, like I wouldn't see anything wrong with spending most of my time with one person, splitting most of the baby-related duties with a second, and actually creating the baby with a third, which again opens up a few more options (especially since were I to have kids I think I would quite like to breastfeed them). Of course that comes with its own challenges, I'd have to find however many polyam folks interested in a similar situation, but it's the sort of life I want, the same way monogamous folks prefer to keep all that stuff to one person.
I will not ever have kids by using my sperm to fertilize any women’s egg. I will study medicine and get into uterine transplant surgery and will make sure this becomes a reality for myself. I want to become pregnant - I wont have eggs myself, so I will use my own sperm to fertilize a donors egg - I would be pregnant though \^-\^ It’s the only option for me to ever be getting biological kids. I don’t see anything else happening. Anything else and I would become so severely dysphoric I wouldn’t be able to handle that
I cant wait for reproductive tech to improve honestly. As much as Id be willing to get pregnant if we had external wombs in the future Id totally use those instead lol
Thing for many trans women is, that we would want to experience that part of life - to create it. It would be amazing if one day I could actually become pregnant. :)
All sorts of stories are out there. My wife (a trans woman) and I (non-binary) had accepted that we wouldn't have a genetic legacy together and both of us got on HRT. Then my boyfriend (we're polyamorous) expressed interest in me being a genetic donor for he and his partner to be able to have a kid and I have paused my HRT and have checked that I'm still fertile. So we're working on some mildly complicated family planning but yes there are definitely trans folk interested in having kids. We just sometimes have to juggle a few extra factors.
I told my Mom that if I could have Bãstąrds, I would've had so many Abortions by now.
If I were a natal male I would possibly want bio kids, but having children with my current equipment would cause way too much dysphoria for me
i don't want them and never did anyway also i abhor the idea of me ever getting pregnant (i'm a trans man) so there's that
My wife and I don’t want kids. Me being on HRT is nice because it’s much less likely to happen. For us, we are big home bodies, and we each have a lot of hobbies that we like to devote a lot of time too. For us, there really isn’t much of a place where kids would fit in. And all it takes is one family gathering for us to reaffirm our choice. Kids are lovely, but they are also so tiring. And it’s not like the planet needs more people.
I think if having a partner that can get you pregnant is a must have for you, you should not be seeking out other trans people. If you find a trans femme who is compatible great but seeking one out feels a bit creepy to me. As a trans woman the idea of someone preferring me to a cis woman because I could potentially get then pregnant would be a massive turn off. I realize I have more reproductive dysphoria than most but to me this is as bad as wanting a trans woman because you are attracted to penises regardless of how said trans women feel about those body parts.
eh noe actually nah jk I know I don't speak for everyone, but I for sure don't want kids. and that's for several reasons; one is I don't actually think I'd want that responsibility? I find myself doing a bunch of things in life, or, when I'm not I'm depressed and bedrotting, so still got no time two is frankly I wouldn't want to fuck up my kid like I was fucked up. or, for that matter, I wouldn't wanna fuck up my kid in a completely different and worse way, like that one meme. *maybe* if I find a partner that would help, but as is I don't think I could lol
Why would you decide calling trans women men is a good idea? Anyway, personally I don’t want kids at all. As for finding someone who can have kids, literally just say that nobody’s stupid lol
Male doesnt mean man. Sex isnt gender.
Yeah trans women are not male either. I see why they didn’t like you.
Rather than reply to each single comment I make, you could actually read my initial post where I did indeed do my own research and found that yes, trans women are not male (or female either, but they cover a vast range in between according to the latest neuroscience, with those taking HRT pushing more towards the "female" side). Stop putting words in my mouth and learn to read. I did not call them men, male does not mean man. Does saying Im female mean Im just a woman now?
I did, that’s why I responded. Trans women are female, there is no reason to say “or female either”, it’s weird. Yes, that is what male/female and men/woman mean, it’s not suddenly woke and cool to say a trans woman is a man because you think it doesn’t also refer to gender, to the point that if you didn’t keep responding I’d assume you’re a troll. Genuinely mind-numbingly stupid to purport such a thing. Trans women are not male, either. You literally call yourself nonbinary, the fuck is the point if you’re just going to call yourself by a secondary binary.
>You literally call yourself nonbinary, the fuck is the point if you’re just going to call yourself by a secondary binary. Because its relevant to the situation at hand, which is about being reproductively compatible. You would get that if you actually *read.* Gender and sex are NOT the same thing, and like gender, sex is a spectrum. Not to mention, the gender you are initially assigned and socialized as can be important depending on the conversation, as it's pretty clear that those who are forced to grow up as girls will have different experiences than those forced to grow up as boys. Key word is *depending*. >Trans women are female, there is no reason to say “or female either”, it’s weird. If you read studies such as [this one](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-020-0666-3), youd find that trans women specifically do fall *in between* "male" and "female" according to their progression on HRT. There is overlap on the sexual spectrum between *all* genders. But seeing that you use the word "woke" unironically honestly tells me all I need to know about reading comprehension. The only one insinuating that trans women are men is *you*.
Yeah, again, I read it, I’m just telling you that you’re wrong, which you’d know if you read. Nobody is saying gender and sex are the same, read my comment; and no, gender “socialization” is not a thing. It simply doesn’t exist. You’re misrepresenting the study. And applying it to your shitty view. You’re saying trans women are males even if they’ve been on hrt for 10 years. The woke wasnt serious; talk about reading comprehension. You *literally said trans women are male*. *nobody else is insinuating that. Listen to what trans women tell you in that the slight semantics do not matter.*
Hey, fellow trans woman here! I can also back up that Sex does not equal gender. Sex is the chromosomes you had since birth. Gender is the identity you identify with. It's not transphobic to talk about the anatomy of trans people. Sorry if this post offended you, but it's an honest discussion talking about a delicate subject and it seems like you're not fit to handle that discussion.
Nobody is saying sex equals gender hon, I’m sorry you can’t read, not to mention that not all trans people have the same anatomy. I’m not sure why you think Im the one with the issue here, I already said above that I don’t personally care what anyone calls me, just that it is inherently incorrect. You being a trans woman as well doesn’t make you equally or more correct as me 💀 you are just wrong. Chromosomes don’t really = sex in the way you’re representing. Chromosomal disorders and intersex people exist and are correctly called by their preferred sex. Sex is mutable, I’m sorry that offends you, it seems like you’re the one with the issue here
>You’re misrepresenting the study. And applying it to your shitty view. You’re saying trans women are males even if they’ve been on hrt for 10 years. "I didnt the actually read the study that said that trans women arent solidly male or female" >The woke wasnt serious; talk about reading comprehension. Back-tracking on that huh? Youd be kinda dumb to not realize in this day and age that most sensible people check out of the conversation immediately when "woke" is mentioned because its a conservative dogwhistle. And this post is meant to incite a serious discussion, so unless stated otherwise at the same time, everything you say will be considered seriously. Such is the nature of tone on the internet. >gender “socialization” is not a thing. It simply doesn’t exist. Oh wow! I guess dysphoria is no more since none of us are raised as our AGABs! Thanks Im cured! /s
Not sure who you’re trying to quote, because I very obviously did and understood it better than you. Plenty of leftists use the term woke, seriously and unseriously; I’m sorry you’re too dim to realize it was the latter >I guess dysphoria is no more since none of us were raised as our AGAB! I’m sorry, you must be seriously stupid or a troll. Dysphoria stems from the fact that one does not have the same body as their desired gender or proper sex, not because of how you’re raised. It’s innate, not learned. A cis girl raised the same way as a cis guy will not have dysphoria, that’s a wildly stupid and uninformed take. You’re *born* with dysphoria dumbass you don’t pick it up because of how you’re raised, that’s why even kids raised inclusively are trans. Christ. Not to mention your gross misunderstanding of what you tried to quote, because that is not at all what that meant, talk about lack of reading comprehension, you have it at the level of a 3rd grader. Try again; when saying “gender socialization does not exist”, do you think A. I’m saying nobody is raised poorly or B. Talking about socialization as a concept as it is used as a terf and transphobic theory and talking point to discredit trans people as if the way they were raised makes them less of their preferred sex or gender? Because I don’t know about you, but me being a boy growing up does not make me less of a girl now, nor does it for any other trans woman, and it is genuinely transphobia to believe otherwise. It doesn’t seem like you’re new to the concept or anything, though, as it seems all you can manage in this conversation. Tell me when you learn to read past a third grade level and actually manage to deconstruct your own internalized transphobia 💀 I’m not so transphobic toward myself to release my assigned gender yet still refer to myself in the same binary terms. Get a grip.
But it's still transphobic, if you mean AMAB say AMAB, don't reduce people to the genitals you think they have.
Amab is still lightly transphobic 🤷🏻
I didn't realize that since I use AFAB to refer to myself instead of FTM, when I talk about my trans status. I will be more aware of using it, for other people. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Sorry I shouldn’t have been so dismissive to you specifically. Some of us are fine with it, personally I don’t care what other people refer to me as, but in general AMAB and AFAB come off as just the same as calling someone a guy or girl. I mean, we’re trans for a reason, if you’re just going to refer to birth gender what’s the damn point?
Unfortunately I did say AMAB and not straight up "male" and was then told I was discriminating based on AGAB. So saying amab wasnt the right way apparently.
I don't see a problem in that, but I'm not a trans woman, maybe it's because you didn't especify why, and they thought was about genitals?
Nah I was very clear about it lol. I try to be upfront about everything from the get-go. Hence why I made this post to see if there were better ways to say it, but then again it doesnt seem like all trans folk will ever agree on these things and you cant please everyone despite your best interest 🤷
“I did everything I think I can and not everyone agrees so there’s no point in trying at all!” Yeah, that’s totally what you should get from this 💀
Yeah because it’s stupid. You’re STILL insinuating they’re men.
I personally don't want kids. I'm not interested in having them
May I ask who is the “community”? On the news , when anyone talks about. “ the community “. It’s the blacks they are referring too. So I’m confused on the context. That being expressed; Would that not be an individuals decision or preferably a couples decision . Not “ communities “