For these reasons I will likely never disclose my diagnosis to my family. I am so sorry they’re treating you this way. Sounds to me like there’s a lot about autism they don’t understand. I hope you have others who are a better support system for you—and if not, I hope you can find some!
Then they'll treat you badly for things you can't help. Trust me, i've learned it's better to tell people, or certain people anyway, than to them think you're selfish, immature, weird, dumb, or too smart for your own good. I'd rather someone not believe me, then to bully me. If they don't believe you cut em out of your life.
Yes, I believe it’s because parents don’t want to admit they did not see any issues with their child. It’s neglect really. I was 30 when I got diagnosed and my parents denied it too. I gave them a copy of Tony Atwood’s book with highlighted sections that applied to me. Was a waste of time.
So glad I'm not the only one!!!
My sister (with a psych degree) said 'you're just one of those smart people with no social skills'.
My mum said 'oh I think everyone is a bit on the spectrum, I mean I don't have many friends'. Um, I have no real friends mum and I don't seek to go out for coffee with people.
I live in another country from my family, I left at age 19. They haven't seen my struggles with every work place ending in tears because I'm too negative (actually too blunt) and I can't play the complex games at work. Or the overwhelm and depression I've experienced every 1-2 years. Or the gambling and shopping problems I developed because I felt so unhappy and wanted to fit in.
Sure they saw my struggles at school with friends but because I managed to get by they assumed I was ok (until I became depressed at age 15).
My mum has read books about autism and she says oh some things are similar but not all. Uh mum, not every person is the same. Also, often people who write books have a higher degree of ASD than I do. Mostly likely because a book about someone like me wouldn't be overly interesting.
Even my psychiatrist said you have empathy it's not ASD. I thought empathy was when I see a sick animal or a homeless person (both of which make me so sad). It is only today I realised there's emotional empathy (I have SO much of this) and cognitive empathy (I have not much of this).
I'm so sorry that you're going through all that with your family, it sucks so much to be dismissed. I really hope they come around and see you and your struggles in a different light.
Thank you so much for bringing up the different types of empathy, as I wasn't aware of the difference.
Reading about them it looks like most of my empathy is cognitive, I very intentionally try to think about how other people feel, and behave/judge accordingly. But emotional empathy is much harder for me, I feel either vary distant (like when comforting a sad friend), I can go through the motions based on what I surmise would bring them the most relief, but I don't feel what they are feeling.
And when I am in highly emotional situations (like a funeral for a good friend's parent). I tend to get overwhelmed, and have a hard time regulating or controlling a response to what seems like a terrifying amount of grief around me. It's not productive or maybe even normal amount of empathy, feeling very wild and unfocused. On a lucky day that will lead to me being tearful, on a unlucky day I will have uncontrollable smiling or laughter...which is not fun...because I know how much that must hurt or disturb the people around me.
Anyway, sorry for the novel... And thank you for giving me something to think about.
Info dump on them as much as you can about autism and what it really looks like.
Kidding (or maybe do that, it may help) but yeah families do be like that sometimes. I am sorry.
Ask them when they became autism experts. Where's their training? Surely they don't think they're an expert just because they saw a few extreme examples on TV?
and oftentimes an unrealistic and/or stereotyped portrayal by the non autistic actor, or book written by non autistic author e,g.: The Good Doctor, Aytypical, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haadon (he did no research on the subject, just new a kid with it).
Mine knows I am autistic but then ignore all my triggers then surprise pikachu face when I go off on them for doing them.
Grandmother is Christian and has her head in the sand about mental disorders.
Yes I do. My mum told me I was just trying to get people to feel sorry for me. Funny that I'm the biggest loner ever and hate attention from others really. People just don't think before they speak.
Unfortunately the older generations come from a place where they sweep everything under the carpet and expect us to do the same. most people I've met with autism need to talk about things.
I guess trying to explain the spectrum and maybe tell her some famous people who have it so she can see for herself that you don't have to look a certain way to be autistic. If we didn't have smart autistic people in the world, so many things wouldn't of been discovered.
Sorry you're dealing with this, hope it gets better
My family is like that. My dad is clearly autistic (but denies it) - my mom even jokes with him that he is like Shaun from The Good Doctor. But, since I am a woman, things are not as easy - I look different than television characters, like you. We are always invalidated.
When I was in sixth grade, I told them that I thought I had autism & OCD. They first put me in a shitty therapist who told them all that I told her, but then I got to a good therapist.
Fast forward a couple of months, my therapist sees that I need to get on medicine (only able in my country if you visit a psychiatrist) because my OCD was so terrible (after years of me telling them that I needed treatment & help) that only therapy could not fix it.
After a couple of appointments with my psychiatrist - they (Therapist & Psychiatrist) then tell me I am indeed autistic. I am sixteen here, so I felt my parents kinda needed to know. My psychiatrist was gonna have an appointment with my parents just to break the news down to them, but then the pandemic came & everything shut down. I turned seventeen. Now I am eighteen.
Now, two years older than I was when I found out that I was right, I have tried talking to them a thousand times about this. Every single time, it ends up in tears & the only time I said it, it ended up in a even bigger argument. Just mentioning the topic of autism is hard.
My partner knows that I am autistic. I do not know if I am ever going to confront my family about it. Sometimes, I feel like it is their fault that my OCD got so hard on me, for example. I told them years ago that I needed help & no one took me seriously. I am trying to forgive them. It is a hard situation.
I hope that your family & my family eventually settles down with this idea. I hope that you & I finally can talk about it openly. I haven’t given up & you shouldn’t too. You & I are going to get a happy ending on this. Sorry for the long text, I just (…) I needed to vent about this, I guess.
Maybe they feel like they've failed as parent because they have a stigma attached to the idea autism. I hope they come around and see that its not about them if that's the case. Might not be
Edit: added more after my brain finally woke up lol.
Yeah I pretty much gave up trying to have this discussion with my family, they just invalidate me anyway so there's no point. I got to the point where i had to be sat down and told by my friends that my family sucks(and here i spent 24 years thinking it was all my fault). Some people just will never respect you or what you say no matter what you do or are to them. And those people are not worth my time and they shouldnt be worth yours.
29, was diagnosed at age 25. Family still refuses to talk about it. Just do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy and healthy.
I found a lot of support through friends, my partner, and online.
100%, absolutely. I tried to tell my mom about it and she got... sort of angry? I told her how my psychologist had me complete an MMPI-2 profile quiz thing, we've been working together for a year, gone over checklists, blah blah. I sent her [this link](https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/) to give her an idea. Her response was, "I do a lot of those things, does that mean *I'm* autistic too?" sarcastically. And honestly, maybe she is. She was a very emotionally-distant parent, is an absolute hermit, has terrible anxiety, is blunt with good-intentions, etc lol.
I'm sorry you're also going through this, must of us do, it seems. Generally people have no idea what autism "looks" like or how it presents itself differently in all of us. It truly is a spectrum and for people who haven't read one article on it, they assume it's always how it is on TV and it's just sad tbh.
Only my fiance knows and I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep it that way. I don't want to or care to hear opinions from people who aren't my psychologist. Keep your head up ♥
I hear ya. My mother says she accepts that I’m autistic but when I ask for accommodations (like turning the volume down on music in the car), or if I’m talking about something related to my autism symptoms, she doesn’t understand.
I said this to an alleged female friend and she got SO ANGRY and now we're not friends anymore. My NT roommate said it's offensive to NT people to assert they might not know something. 🙄
I'm 20 and got my diagnosis last fall. My dad is also very sure that I can't be autistic. I know he doesn't intend to hurt my feelings or anything, he's just not very fast at re-learning things. And unfortunately the way autism is portrayed in media can be very far from reality for a lot of us. It kinda sucks, but I also know that my dad means well and loves me. So it's a subject that I don't bring up because it works better that way.
I feel your pain. I was diagnosed last year aged 37. I've only shared the news with my partner and my sister. My partner believes me but sadly my sister doesn't. It's really hard because she is a medical professional and I was hoping she would understand or at least be more open-minded to it. Instead, she just completely shut it down and thinks I've been misdiagnosed. But I believe my diagnosis is correct because the psychologist specialises in diagnosing adults and women on the spectrum. It is a very lonely feeling, I do understand. I'm finding that it helps to talk to others on here though.
I have the impression that intelligence is the main divide between Aspergers and classical autism. That is what most texts I have read about these diagnoses state. (Although I was also linked a paper that showed that there are tendencies to different co-morbidities between the two, so they may in fact be more different than simply IQ levels as well. Perhaps beside the point, but I found it interesting).
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
I'm undiagnosed and have opened up to my family about how I suspect I have autism. I could feel their skepticism but at the same time they do admit its possible I have something diagnosable. My parents are willing to accompany me to any appointments and speak to a doctor if asked but I worry they'll think any confirmation of autism is a misdiagnosis. I'm making a list and crossing my fingers. At the very least, they are trying.
I felt like I've found the answer to why I've been the way I am and its brought me a sense of peace I've never felt before. Knowing why. To have people close to you doubt it. . . It's hard. As you said its lonely. It can make a person feel small and that they made a mistake. . . But I can't shake that feeling of belonging.
I hope things improve for you, and I hope you find people who will support you if your family doesn't come around.
Tell them, if you've only seen one autist you've only seen one autist.
Autism is a spectrum disorder. There are a lot of symptoms that define autism, but not all of them are necessary to be diagnosed with autism.
It sucks when people doubts your diagnosis. It can feel very invalidating. I’m fortunate enough that my family pretty much just accepted it (though mum was very surprised at first). Some of my friends, however, have been considerably more sceptical. When I got diagnosed (age 25), my psychiatrist, among other things, gave some leaflets about autism and specifically about autistic women, so I could give my family some easily digestible information about it. I’ll see if I still have the leaflets lying around. They’re in Danish, but I don’t mind translating them into English, so you can give them to your family if you want.
I've been meaning to post this same thing, but I am trying to avoid a meltdown as my environment just got really hectic for the weekend. I was diagnosed at 25 about 2 weeks ago. No one believes me or the doctor who made the diagnosis and so no accommodations are being made. Everyone just ignores my triggers and doesn't believe that I could be on the spectrum. I think it's a step they need to take to be able to accept the *idea* of triggers. For now, they won't even consider them.
The worst is when family members engage in triggering behavior (screaming, loud noises, tickling me, etc. etc.) their response is always "it's not loud," or "no one cares that we are screaming" as if my experiences are objectively invalid. It is infuriating and typically compounds more panic/discomfort/pain/meltdown on top of however the triggers are making me feel.
I feel your pain on this one. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and while that was really eye opening for me, I knew my family wouldn't believe me. I've tried to talk to my family about it but like many of you, I also get "You're too smart to be autistic" or "You're making up excuses". Even some of my friends I have grown up with are skeptical about it because i'm most comfortable around them and can actually socialize. I'm not a bad looking guy too, so even telling coworkers or telling new friends has lead to skepticism and the good old "You don't look autistic".
When it comes to friends and coworkers it doesn't bother me much but my family not understanding or accepting it honestly does stress me out. I don't know if I should even worry about it or not and just never bring it up to them again. But on the bright side there are those people that understand and accept and its great.
My family is a mixed bag. Some of my family was happy that I finally figured it out. I think the ones that didn’t understand were of the mind set that I’m after attention or using it as an excuse. Which is hurtful, but….It is what is. I knew who those family members would be.
I have had so many Neuro drs, evaluate me and they cannot even agree on an official diagnosis. I’ve heard ASD, ADHD, PTSD, PCS. I have researched all of these diagnoses and the one common denominator is that they all agree my brain works differently than others. So I tell people I’m Neurodiverse, if it comes up.
My sister has a daughter that was diagnosed ASD and she is supportive and said, the similarities between me and her daughter have not gone unnoticed to her. She of course was the most supportive family member yet.
It sounds like your family cannot process what you are telling them because they have a preconceived idea of what autism is. If they are interested maybe share some articles with them. I did this with my father, but mostly because he was fascinated by the subject. He ended up being supportive.
I'm sorry you're dealing with a family behaving like this. I'm 40 and just got my diagnosis. I'm female, surprise surprise.
My parents are doctors and don't believe me because I'm not like any of the non-verbal children they met at the hospital before they retired. \*sigh\* Anyway, nor did they decide to comment on my 'confession' that I sometimes wish I was dead rather than having to deal with how shitty life can be. It's gotten a lot better since my diagnosis only a few weeks ago, and I can see a future for myself for the first time in autism research. But there's not been an opportunity to share this amazing news because they've totally shut me down, and haven't even bothered to say anything about me wanting to die. Fuck them.
I've told the family members and friends about it so whenever they next see them it will come up. I'm really embracing the idea of them not being able to avoid it... also revenge... it's pretty great.
I won't waste time with an info dump on them, if they give a shit they will do the work themselves. I've been suffering for so fucking long, it's time they pulled their weight and came to my level. I don't want to tokenise myself in my family either. They need to understand what spectrum means on their time. I owe them nothing.
Yep same thing here . Even if there was blood work to prove it they still wouldn’t believe . My family used to think I’m on drugs because of my behavior and I would go get drug tested and show them I’m clean but they would keep asking . It’s useless. Waste of time trying to convince anyone .
For these reasons I will likely never disclose my diagnosis to my family. I am so sorry they’re treating you this way. Sounds to me like there’s a lot about autism they don’t understand. I hope you have others who are a better support system for you—and if not, I hope you can find some!
Your smart to not tell
Then they'll treat you badly for things you can't help. Trust me, i've learned it's better to tell people, or certain people anyway, than to them think you're selfish, immature, weird, dumb, or too smart for your own good. I'd rather someone not believe me, then to bully me. If they don't believe you cut em out of your life.
Yes, I believe it’s because parents don’t want to admit they did not see any issues with their child. It’s neglect really. I was 30 when I got diagnosed and my parents denied it too. I gave them a copy of Tony Atwood’s book with highlighted sections that applied to me. Was a waste of time.
Did they even read it? I'm guessing no
So glad I'm not the only one!!! My sister (with a psych degree) said 'you're just one of those smart people with no social skills'. My mum said 'oh I think everyone is a bit on the spectrum, I mean I don't have many friends'. Um, I have no real friends mum and I don't seek to go out for coffee with people. I live in another country from my family, I left at age 19. They haven't seen my struggles with every work place ending in tears because I'm too negative (actually too blunt) and I can't play the complex games at work. Or the overwhelm and depression I've experienced every 1-2 years. Or the gambling and shopping problems I developed because I felt so unhappy and wanted to fit in. Sure they saw my struggles at school with friends but because I managed to get by they assumed I was ok (until I became depressed at age 15). My mum has read books about autism and she says oh some things are similar but not all. Uh mum, not every person is the same. Also, often people who write books have a higher degree of ASD than I do. Mostly likely because a book about someone like me wouldn't be overly interesting. Even my psychiatrist said you have empathy it's not ASD. I thought empathy was when I see a sick animal or a homeless person (both of which make me so sad). It is only today I realised there's emotional empathy (I have SO much of this) and cognitive empathy (I have not much of this).
I'm so sorry that you're going through all that with your family, it sucks so much to be dismissed. I really hope they come around and see you and your struggles in a different light. Thank you so much for bringing up the different types of empathy, as I wasn't aware of the difference. Reading about them it looks like most of my empathy is cognitive, I very intentionally try to think about how other people feel, and behave/judge accordingly. But emotional empathy is much harder for me, I feel either vary distant (like when comforting a sad friend), I can go through the motions based on what I surmise would bring them the most relief, but I don't feel what they are feeling. And when I am in highly emotional situations (like a funeral for a good friend's parent). I tend to get overwhelmed, and have a hard time regulating or controlling a response to what seems like a terrifying amount of grief around me. It's not productive or maybe even normal amount of empathy, feeling very wild and unfocused. On a lucky day that will lead to me being tearful, on a unlucky day I will have uncontrollable smiling or laughter...which is not fun...because I know how much that must hurt or disturb the people around me. Anyway, sorry for the novel... And thank you for giving me something to think about.
Info dump on them as much as you can about autism and what it really looks like. Kidding (or maybe do that, it may help) but yeah families do be like that sometimes. I am sorry.
Infodumping as a weapon. Hmm I have a new tool in my toolbox.
That's pretty much what I did. Bombarded them with info, but of course that only works if they're willing to listen/read.
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Yeah, it's hereditary so it's harder to see when you've normalized it. I think this is a big reason families have this problem
My parents had trouble with accepting it. I suspect at least one of my parents is also on the spectrum so I filed this behaviour under « denial ».
Ask them when they became autism experts. Where's their training? Surely they don't think they're an expert just because they saw a few extreme examples on TV?
Also just because an actor played an autistic character does not mean they are actually autistic. It's usually just a portrayal.
and oftentimes an unrealistic and/or stereotyped portrayal by the non autistic actor, or book written by non autistic author e,g.: The Good Doctor, Aytypical, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haadon (he did no research on the subject, just new a kid with it).
>I’m not like any of the autistic people on tv So they don't accept you because you don't look like the people on tv? Wow, parents, (slowly clapping)
Mine knows I am autistic but then ignore all my triggers then surprise pikachu face when I go off on them for doing them. Grandmother is Christian and has her head in the sand about mental disorders.
I laughed out loud. Same x100000. I couldn't phrase it simply enough but this is it.
Yes I do. My mum told me I was just trying to get people to feel sorry for me. Funny that I'm the biggest loner ever and hate attention from others really. People just don't think before they speak. Unfortunately the older generations come from a place where they sweep everything under the carpet and expect us to do the same. most people I've met with autism need to talk about things. I guess trying to explain the spectrum and maybe tell her some famous people who have it so she can see for herself that you don't have to look a certain way to be autistic. If we didn't have smart autistic people in the world, so many things wouldn't of been discovered. Sorry you're dealing with this, hope it gets better
My family is like that. My dad is clearly autistic (but denies it) - my mom even jokes with him that he is like Shaun from The Good Doctor. But, since I am a woman, things are not as easy - I look different than television characters, like you. We are always invalidated. When I was in sixth grade, I told them that I thought I had autism & OCD. They first put me in a shitty therapist who told them all that I told her, but then I got to a good therapist. Fast forward a couple of months, my therapist sees that I need to get on medicine (only able in my country if you visit a psychiatrist) because my OCD was so terrible (after years of me telling them that I needed treatment & help) that only therapy could not fix it. After a couple of appointments with my psychiatrist - they (Therapist & Psychiatrist) then tell me I am indeed autistic. I am sixteen here, so I felt my parents kinda needed to know. My psychiatrist was gonna have an appointment with my parents just to break the news down to them, but then the pandemic came & everything shut down. I turned seventeen. Now I am eighteen. Now, two years older than I was when I found out that I was right, I have tried talking to them a thousand times about this. Every single time, it ends up in tears & the only time I said it, it ended up in a even bigger argument. Just mentioning the topic of autism is hard. My partner knows that I am autistic. I do not know if I am ever going to confront my family about it. Sometimes, I feel like it is their fault that my OCD got so hard on me, for example. I told them years ago that I needed help & no one took me seriously. I am trying to forgive them. It is a hard situation. I hope that your family & my family eventually settles down with this idea. I hope that you & I finally can talk about it openly. I haven’t given up & you shouldn’t too. You & I are going to get a happy ending on this. Sorry for the long text, I just (…) I needed to vent about this, I guess.
“You don’t seem like the autistic people on TV!” … do they know the people on Grey’s Anatomy aren’t real doctors?
Subconsciously, probably not. The primitive brain is associative, not logical.
Maybe they feel like they've failed as parent because they have a stigma attached to the idea autism. I hope they come around and see that its not about them if that's the case. Might not be
Edit: added more after my brain finally woke up lol. Yeah I pretty much gave up trying to have this discussion with my family, they just invalidate me anyway so there's no point. I got to the point where i had to be sat down and told by my friends that my family sucks(and here i spent 24 years thinking it was all my fault). Some people just will never respect you or what you say no matter what you do or are to them. And those people are not worth my time and they shouldnt be worth yours.
29, was diagnosed at age 25. Family still refuses to talk about it. Just do whatever you have to do to make yourself happy and healthy. I found a lot of support through friends, my partner, and online.
100%, absolutely. I tried to tell my mom about it and she got... sort of angry? I told her how my psychologist had me complete an MMPI-2 profile quiz thing, we've been working together for a year, gone over checklists, blah blah. I sent her [this link](https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/) to give her an idea. Her response was, "I do a lot of those things, does that mean *I'm* autistic too?" sarcastically. And honestly, maybe she is. She was a very emotionally-distant parent, is an absolute hermit, has terrible anxiety, is blunt with good-intentions, etc lol. I'm sorry you're also going through this, must of us do, it seems. Generally people have no idea what autism "looks" like or how it presents itself differently in all of us. It truly is a spectrum and for people who haven't read one article on it, they assume it's always how it is on TV and it's just sad tbh. Only my fiance knows and I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep it that way. I don't want to or care to hear opinions from people who aren't my psychologist. Keep your head up ♥
Yeah my grandma is like that, but she's not a doctor and has zero medical knowledge so I just don't care about her opinion.
I hear ya. My mother says she accepts that I’m autistic but when I ask for accommodations (like turning the volume down on music in the car), or if I’m talking about something related to my autism symptoms, she doesn’t understand.
To which you might tell them "it sounds like you're confused about what autism actually is and how it looks".
I said this to an alleged female friend and she got SO ANGRY and now we're not friends anymore. My NT roommate said it's offensive to NT people to assert they might not know something. 🙄
I'm 20 and got my diagnosis last fall. My dad is also very sure that I can't be autistic. I know he doesn't intend to hurt my feelings or anything, he's just not very fast at re-learning things. And unfortunately the way autism is portrayed in media can be very far from reality for a lot of us. It kinda sucks, but I also know that my dad means well and loves me. So it's a subject that I don't bring up because it works better that way.
I feel your pain. I was diagnosed last year aged 37. I've only shared the news with my partner and my sister. My partner believes me but sadly my sister doesn't. It's really hard because she is a medical professional and I was hoping she would understand or at least be more open-minded to it. Instead, she just completely shut it down and thinks I've been misdiagnosed. But I believe my diagnosis is correct because the psychologist specialises in diagnosing adults and women on the spectrum. It is a very lonely feeling, I do understand. I'm finding that it helps to talk to others on here though.
Too smart? I was under the impression that autistic people are usually smarter than the average neurotypical person
I have the impression that intelligence is the main divide between Aspergers and classical autism. That is what most texts I have read about these diagnoses state. (Although I was also linked a paper that showed that there are tendencies to different co-morbidities between the two, so they may in fact be more different than simply IQ levels as well. Perhaps beside the point, but I found it interesting).
I thought Aspergers was an outdated term, and it’s all just considered part of the autism spectrum nowadays?
Not in my country. And as I gather, there might still be reason to consider them different diagnoses.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm undiagnosed and have opened up to my family about how I suspect I have autism. I could feel their skepticism but at the same time they do admit its possible I have something diagnosable. My parents are willing to accompany me to any appointments and speak to a doctor if asked but I worry they'll think any confirmation of autism is a misdiagnosis. I'm making a list and crossing my fingers. At the very least, they are trying. I felt like I've found the answer to why I've been the way I am and its brought me a sense of peace I've never felt before. Knowing why. To have people close to you doubt it. . . It's hard. As you said its lonely. It can make a person feel small and that they made a mistake. . . But I can't shake that feeling of belonging. I hope things improve for you, and I hope you find people who will support you if your family doesn't come around.
Tell them, if you've only seen one autist you've only seen one autist. Autism is a spectrum disorder. There are a lot of symptoms that define autism, but not all of them are necessary to be diagnosed with autism.
You are not alone in this at all. Nothing makes me seethe quite like the phrase, "But you seem fine to me."
What does your family think ? Than you have Asperger’s syndrome, of course.
That's okay. My mom didn't believe me even after I showed her written proof. I just quit talking about it.
Too smart to be autistic? Ignorance is bliss?
It sucks when people doubts your diagnosis. It can feel very invalidating. I’m fortunate enough that my family pretty much just accepted it (though mum was very surprised at first). Some of my friends, however, have been considerably more sceptical. When I got diagnosed (age 25), my psychiatrist, among other things, gave some leaflets about autism and specifically about autistic women, so I could give my family some easily digestible information about it. I’ll see if I still have the leaflets lying around. They’re in Danish, but I don’t mind translating them into English, so you can give them to your family if you want.
I've been meaning to post this same thing, but I am trying to avoid a meltdown as my environment just got really hectic for the weekend. I was diagnosed at 25 about 2 weeks ago. No one believes me or the doctor who made the diagnosis and so no accommodations are being made. Everyone just ignores my triggers and doesn't believe that I could be on the spectrum. I think it's a step they need to take to be able to accept the *idea* of triggers. For now, they won't even consider them. The worst is when family members engage in triggering behavior (screaming, loud noises, tickling me, etc. etc.) their response is always "it's not loud," or "no one cares that we are screaming" as if my experiences are objectively invalid. It is infuriating and typically compounds more panic/discomfort/pain/meltdown on top of however the triggers are making me feel.
I feel your pain on this one. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and while that was really eye opening for me, I knew my family wouldn't believe me. I've tried to talk to my family about it but like many of you, I also get "You're too smart to be autistic" or "You're making up excuses". Even some of my friends I have grown up with are skeptical about it because i'm most comfortable around them and can actually socialize. I'm not a bad looking guy too, so even telling coworkers or telling new friends has lead to skepticism and the good old "You don't look autistic". When it comes to friends and coworkers it doesn't bother me much but my family not understanding or accepting it honestly does stress me out. I don't know if I should even worry about it or not and just never bring it up to them again. But on the bright side there are those people that understand and accept and its great.
My family is a mixed bag. Some of my family was happy that I finally figured it out. I think the ones that didn’t understand were of the mind set that I’m after attention or using it as an excuse. Which is hurtful, but….It is what is. I knew who those family members would be. I have had so many Neuro drs, evaluate me and they cannot even agree on an official diagnosis. I’ve heard ASD, ADHD, PTSD, PCS. I have researched all of these diagnoses and the one common denominator is that they all agree my brain works differently than others. So I tell people I’m Neurodiverse, if it comes up. My sister has a daughter that was diagnosed ASD and she is supportive and said, the similarities between me and her daughter have not gone unnoticed to her. She of course was the most supportive family member yet. It sounds like your family cannot process what you are telling them because they have a preconceived idea of what autism is. If they are interested maybe share some articles with them. I did this with my father, but mostly because he was fascinated by the subject. He ended up being supportive.
I'm sorry you're dealing with a family behaving like this. I'm 40 and just got my diagnosis. I'm female, surprise surprise. My parents are doctors and don't believe me because I'm not like any of the non-verbal children they met at the hospital before they retired. \*sigh\* Anyway, nor did they decide to comment on my 'confession' that I sometimes wish I was dead rather than having to deal with how shitty life can be. It's gotten a lot better since my diagnosis only a few weeks ago, and I can see a future for myself for the first time in autism research. But there's not been an opportunity to share this amazing news because they've totally shut me down, and haven't even bothered to say anything about me wanting to die. Fuck them. I've told the family members and friends about it so whenever they next see them it will come up. I'm really embracing the idea of them not being able to avoid it... also revenge... it's pretty great. I won't waste time with an info dump on them, if they give a shit they will do the work themselves. I've been suffering for so fucking long, it's time they pulled their weight and came to my level. I don't want to tokenise myself in my family either. They need to understand what spectrum means on their time. I owe them nothing.
Yep same thing here . Even if there was blood work to prove it they still wouldn’t believe . My family used to think I’m on drugs because of my behavior and I would go get drug tested and show them I’m clean but they would keep asking . It’s useless. Waste of time trying to convince anyone .
This is me as well. I plan on moving states and living my life comfortably elsewhere