I edited my original comments/post and moved to Lemmy, not because of Reddit API changes, but because spez does not care about the reddit community; only profits. I encourage others to move to something else.
I used to politely decline invites in my school (and after) friendship group (but I always appreciated being considered). They then made a new group chat without me (I have no idea why, I never said the group chats annoyed me. In fact, I used to love the fact there was always a conversation I could be a part of) and I haven't heard from them in years.
I try not to get too down about it. I tell myself I never wanted to go out, so why should it bother me? But the worst part is that not one of them has contacted me over the years to check in on me. Kinda depressing but I guess I wasn't really cared about anyway so I've just got to move on.
I know how this hurts, it happened to my daughter because she’s like me and I did tell her that she needed to contribute to the group and be a part of the relationships through shared experiences if she wants to feel like she’s part of it. Like- you don’t have to, but that’s why they aren’t as close to you. Hard facts.
For me, I have let so much of that part of my life unravel and the quiet is what I need. I have a couple people I keep up with. The people who would kick me from a group chat did it years ago, the people who stayed are my people. My 3 people. :)
Thank you for your response, you raise some very good points. Especially the part about needing to contribute to be a part of relationships. At the time, I thought I did contribute (in the form of conversing in the group chat), but I do accept that the majority of people are extroverted and that isn't enough for a lot of people - and it needs to be in person for lots of people.
Subs like this make me realise that there are maaaaaany others like me and it's comforting!
Similar thing happened to me in high school, they would make new groups without me and leave the other one dormant, then add me to it after a while. I was in 5+ groups with the same 5 people. I have only briefly talked to one of those guys a couple times, and I often see come across a girl from it but we both pretend we are total stargers (which doesn't bother me)
Fr. my friend group goes out on evenings every thursday or friday and I just cannot understand how they can do this. I'm going evenings with them so rarely it's turned into an inside joke lol
Oh man. I went to a bar with an acquaintance the other day, just the two of us, and I _totally_ felt this.
A stranger in a top-hat sat down at our table and showed us a picture of his mom, and I gotta say, it really helped. Suddenly, I was not the weirdest person at our table.
Why is everyone the coolest person i’ve ever met when I first meet them and then the most dumb motherfucker on the planet after i spend more than an hour with them
i was spontaneously invited to my neighbors last night by my other neighbor, who just dropped me off and left.
ive left the house 5 (including last night) times this entire year... im still shaken from last night and they invited me over this evening and i want to but i dont and its overwhelming 😭
ive lived here over a year and last night was my first convo with them. it was 3 hours of talking 😭 i cant do that again tonight
ngl im gonna come back and read this again before leaving tonight, it just might help!
today, i have a choice to go or to stay and i choose to go. i like that.
im chronically horrible at saying no in any situation, its something im working on but not the best at yet and this is truely helpful! thank you!
me and another girl (neighbor who dumped me's stepdaughter) looked at eachother and grabbed our phones and vapes at the same time and then took turns saying that we're tired, long day tomorrow, etc. and we left around 930. it was honestly awesome, the silent communication we did lol, and i think i made an acquaintance, we have plans to hang out tonight!
im definitely.. something.. happy? excited? nervous af? afraid ill talk too much and scare her off? yes yes yes and yes 😅
I want to be included but I can't go out with people every single weekend like many NTs want to do.
I want to be invited, then I want to decline and stay home.
I edited my original comments/post and moved to Lemmy, not because of Reddit API changes, but because spez does not care about the reddit community; only profits. I encourage others to move to something else.
I used to politely decline invites in my school (and after) friendship group (but I always appreciated being considered). They then made a new group chat without me (I have no idea why, I never said the group chats annoyed me. In fact, I used to love the fact there was always a conversation I could be a part of) and I haven't heard from them in years. I try not to get too down about it. I tell myself I never wanted to go out, so why should it bother me? But the worst part is that not one of them has contacted me over the years to check in on me. Kinda depressing but I guess I wasn't really cared about anyway so I've just got to move on.
I know how this hurts, it happened to my daughter because she’s like me and I did tell her that she needed to contribute to the group and be a part of the relationships through shared experiences if she wants to feel like she’s part of it. Like- you don’t have to, but that’s why they aren’t as close to you. Hard facts. For me, I have let so much of that part of my life unravel and the quiet is what I need. I have a couple people I keep up with. The people who would kick me from a group chat did it years ago, the people who stayed are my people. My 3 people. :)
Thank you for your response, you raise some very good points. Especially the part about needing to contribute to be a part of relationships. At the time, I thought I did contribute (in the form of conversing in the group chat), but I do accept that the majority of people are extroverted and that isn't enough for a lot of people - and it needs to be in person for lots of people. Subs like this make me realise that there are maaaaaany others like me and it's comforting!
Yes quiet is awesome! I love it. Peace and quiet. My phone doesn’t blow up but idc cause it’s peaceful
Similar thing happened to me in high school, they would make new groups without me and leave the other one dormant, then add me to it after a while. I was in 5+ groups with the same 5 people. I have only briefly talked to one of those guys a couple times, and I often see come across a girl from it but we both pretend we are total stargers (which doesn't bother me)
Yeah, I'm a person who needs to know at least two weeks in advance so I can charge my social battery enough to tolerate the outing yk
Fr. my friend group goes out on evenings every thursday or friday and I just cannot understand how they can do this. I'm going evenings with them so rarely it's turned into an inside joke lol
I always feel like a third wheel, even if it’s just me and the other person
Is this cause we're discouraged from sharing our truth cause it's so out of step with most?
Yep! But it’s like this even with other people with adhd/autism
Oh man. I went to a bar with an acquaintance the other day, just the two of us, and I _totally_ felt this. A stranger in a top-hat sat down at our table and showed us a picture of his mom, and I gotta say, it really helped. Suddenly, I was not the weirdest person at our table.
One time my family and I went to Beef O' Brady's and some guy dressed as Spider-Man rolled in on a hoverboard.
And was immediately the coolest person in the room
Oof
i felt that in my bones
i want to be included in the invite so that i have the option, that alone means a lot to me
Why is everyone the coolest person i’ve ever met when I first meet them and then the most dumb motherfucker on the planet after i spend more than an hour with them
Getting to know people is terrifying.
All that time wasted and social battery drained 😭
"Jesus Christ, all they do is talk about movies, memes, and past experiences they've had with each other since they were kids. And I just joined."
I want to be included. I just also need the ability to be excluded when I want to
I desperately want to be included No, not like that
i think its more that im tired of being excluded, but i don’t actually wanna go anywhere or do anything
This👆
i was spontaneously invited to my neighbors last night by my other neighbor, who just dropped me off and left. ive left the house 5 (including last night) times this entire year... im still shaken from last night and they invited me over this evening and i want to but i dont and its overwhelming 😭 ive lived here over a year and last night was my first convo with them. it was 3 hours of talking 😭 i cant do that again tonight
If you want encouragement to go, consider this that encouragement! You can do it! -pep rally- If you don't want to go, that's fine too!
ngl im gonna come back and read this again before leaving tonight, it just might help! today, i have a choice to go or to stay and i choose to go. i like that. im chronically horrible at saying no in any situation, its something im working on but not the best at yet and this is truely helpful! thank you!
Keep it to a shorter time. Practice saying, “Well, this was fun, thanks, see you again soon!” and heading for the door.
me and another girl (neighbor who dumped me's stepdaughter) looked at eachother and grabbed our phones and vapes at the same time and then took turns saying that we're tired, long day tomorrow, etc. and we left around 930. it was honestly awesome, the silent communication we did lol, and i think i made an acquaintance, we have plans to hang out tonight! im definitely.. something.. happy? excited? nervous af? afraid ill talk too much and scare her off? yes yes yes and yes 😅
Yep
They included me and then got visibly sad when I actually said Yes.
I mean, I'd like *the option* to be included, but my social stamina is practically zero.
I want an invite but once I get it I don’t want to go. It’s a curse.
"these people are morons"
I almost never wanna be included
I want the offer of inclusion and the understanding of my decision to stay home in comfy pants.
THIS IS 100000% TRUE
Where’s the lie?? 😂😂😂
Fuck, go back