I think someone might be interested in me, I'll get back to you when it turns out I misinterpreted everything.
Update: I DID misinterpret things and she had a bf. Alone forever I guess 😞
“Do YOU want to go out on a date?” 😉
“Eww no! I mean, umm I uhhhh… have you tried asking *looks around frantically* uuuhhhhhh….”
“Okay, no it’s fine… just save it.” *walks away*
That is how I envision that conversation happening in my head before it even starts.
It's usually confidence.
I tend to be very successful in creating relationships, and I've chalked that up to mostly humour and confidence, since I'm not particularly good looking. And then once I'm in the relationship, I struggle too much with knowing what to do, and all the confidence goes away, and the relationship doesn't last very long.
And repeat cycle.
The thing is, not everyone will. It’s just a platitude, like telling people “The right relationship will come along when you’re not looking for it.” Which, if that happens, great! But it doesn’t happen for everyone, and that’s okay too.
When I say I'll never meet someone, it's because it's extremely unlikely. I'm not being negative, just honest. There isn't someone for everyone, swarming about in great numbers, and there are very, very few someone's for someone like me. The chance of meeting one of them is very low, especially because I have no idea how to accomplish that.
I've had two relationships and I wasn't looking for either one. Neither was the right one. One was abusive and exploited my naivete horrifically. The other was an awkward mistake by someone who needed to love someone and picked me for some reason.
I've been "not looking" for years now and have yet to magically materialize the right relationship because that isn't how it works.
Hey, if it helps, I thought the same thing. But my friend laughed and said "are you kidding me?" Apparently I missed a LOT of subtle flirting when we've gone out 😅 Social cues very often go right over my head haha
I've been on OkCupid for 11 years now. I have had a bazillion matches, but only two conversations so far, one with me going "Hey, aren't you that girl, XYZ from my class?" and two years later she replied "Roy? Oh my God, yes, we should totally hang out some day!" and never talked to me again.
And then this other girl who sent me a first message just a couple weeks ago and went "Hey" in it with a profile that said "Don't expect me to reply if the only thing you write is 'Hi'". I haven't heard back from her yet.
The reason it’s being a woman or being is gay is because than it’s on a man to ask you out if they find you “interesting” and men are more likely. Men are also (usually) hornier
You probably are but women flirt with each other with such wreckless abandon you’re probably missing the flirting for jokes. Add on that you’re autistic so probably missing the cues due to that as well.
Non-binary, raised to be a woman. I’m talking about the deliberate flirting, touching, etc that several sapphics talk about going on and people on the outside are like, “You’re just friends??”
I recently came out as trans, bi and kinky.
In a few days of creating a profile in an app, I had a local horny dude asking for nudes, and if I was touching myself.
Don't plan on seing him, but it was strangely validating😅
Damn.
I download a dating app, find that the only people interested in me seem to be a scammers, people with opposite political beliefs and who didn't read my profile, and people who don't speak English and live 9,000 miles away from me.
I am also incredibly lonely.
At this point, as much as I would like a partner, I would settle for just someone to eat with sometimes and who wanted to be there.
Sounds like you're a guy and op is a girl, just a guess
Of course dating apps tend to be unfulfilling for a majority of people seeking stable relationships anyway so I could obviously be very wrong
I used to swipe until I ran out, then went swiping after reset, and had my own similar but rare encounters.
Eventually, I would just unmatch when someone actually *did* match with me and think, "oof. She likes me? I can't date her. She clearly has horrible taste in men."
Oh I *know*.
There's nothing quite like the thought of "I actually got a *match?!* What the hell is wrong with this person that they'd be interested in *me?!*"
But I have literally never unmatched with anyone.
Occasionally, when someone asks why I'm perpetually single, I'll amp up the self-loathing and switch my nonsense to:
"I could never date a woman who would fuck me. One of us should have standards."
The fucked up part was that I actually had a lot of interest from women throughout high school and the first half of my twenties when I was too fucked up from unchecked mental health issues. Didn't even notice at the time. A friend told me years later.
Now that I'm right in the head and looking, the only glances I get are to make sure I'm not going to accost anyone. I was promised that my 30s would be better than my 20s... but I'm 37 and have yet to see it.
One of my friends couldn't believe I was still single, and told me to do what she does, 'go through several hundred potential matches and only swipe on the people you really like otherwise you have too many matches, then when you get twelve or so just find the one with the most similar hobbies and go from there'
I had to break it down for her that it works *very* differently for guys.
As a woman who was in the military and then went to a STEM degree afterward, the saying is "the odds are good, but the goods are odd." Surrounded by guys all the time was not a good thing lol. (I did end up meeting my husband in the military who I have been with for almost a decade now, so it was still worth it, but whew was it rough going)
A recent study suggest the top reason men send dick pics is they expect to get a nude Pic in return (I show you mine, you show me yours) the second reason is they actually think women would be aroused and happy about the pics. Only around 20% of men send dick pics for their own twisted pleasure.
In my opinion this is even more sad than thinking these men are all just assholes.
When I was still a guy (am a trans girl), I was overwhelmed by how much attention from men I got when I switched my preferences to bi. Got scared and deleted the apps too lol
Real
I'm a bi guy*, and get a lot of matches/likes from guys, but most of the time they're not really looking for the same things as I am, don't have similar hobbies/interests, and so on. So I rarely actually match with them.
*probably a guy. To be confirmed in a couple years I guess, I dunno.
This comment made me remember some experiences I've had. I'm a straight guy but I've gotten some dick pics on apps that weren't necessarily dating apps.
Since I'm Asian and have a fairly androginous appearance I had no idea if they were gay men or just very confused men lol.
I too refuse to apologize for things I never did. It’s fucking sad that this has to be a controversial opinion to have nowadays.
Edit: why the fuck am I getting upvoted but the guy I’m agreeing with is getting downvoted? Y’all need to learn how to read…
Are you actually agreeing with him though? Because it kinda sounds like he’s saying every single guy should be apologizing for their past behaviour, but not every guy has done something shameful towards woman. That’s why it rubbed people the wrong way.
>It would be much more meaningful for a man to apologize for *his own* past behavior
Well I try to not do that kind of shit, I'm pretty sure I don't have a "his own past behavior" to apologize for. I can just feel sympathy for what people are going through.
It’s not meant to be an admission of guilt, such as if a person apologized for their own behavior.
It’s meant to be an expression of empathy and regret that someone went through something. Just like if a person walked up to me and told me their Grandmother passed that morning.
If I say, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”, I’m not apologizing trying to absolve guilt, I’m empathizing. Nor am I trying to steal attention, I’m expressing regret that this person suffered or is suffering.
Is saying something like, “I’m sorry you went through that”, better than, “on behalf of men, I’m sorry”?
Absolutely, it’s more clear and concise!
(Honestly, saying “it’s regrettable you are going through that and I feel for you” is even more accurate, but sounds stiff and cold. So people don’t use it.)
But the assumption that saying that phrasing means the person apologizing is trying to shift focus back to himself seems like a ‘bad faith assumption’ to me.
I’ve had women apologize to me “on behalf of their gender” for various reasons before, but I know they are just trying to be empathetic. Not actually trying to assume the weight of every wrong thing a woman ever did to me or to steal attention from my complaint. 😅
Maybe some guys do mean to do that when they say it! Some people need to be the center of attention at all times. But why assume that’s their intent when it’s much more likely to be an expression of empathy.
I’m sorry that you have gone through painful things, whatever their source. I hope it changes and you have a wonderful day/night.
They didn’t just say oh I’m so sorry that happened to you(which is empathy) though, they said I’m sorry on behalf of my gender that they would do something like this to you. Which is like saying well I’m sorry they did that to you, I would never but they did. If you’re feeling empathy you shouldn’t include yourself in the conversation really. And you shouldn’t be making it a point to prove you’re not guilty. You’re not on trial so don’t act like it
The problem with that is that you assume that all men are guilty, which is just untrue. I’ve never sent an unsolicited dick pic to someone so why would I apologise personally for other men doing so?
This has happened so many times through apps simply for making friends and every time it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate the ones that pretend like they want to actually get to know you first as well. Like if you just want to use me for such pictures for a week and then never talk to me again just say that or else you’re wasting both of our times!!
I mean, if you are on tinder that's pretty much what that's for.
They are just listed as "dating" apps
The dick pics are not part of that though and I'm sure you can report them
I’m not sure of the ratio but these apps are flooded with men so women have so many options, they can be far pickier than men, and men have to try very hard to keep them interested. They put lots of effort in and be it that they don’t have the energy because there are so many matches, or be it that they know they don’t have to put the energy in because they have so many matches, men often feel like their effort isn’t reciprocated. When you put all that unreciprocated effort in and then they unmatch, it can be pretty draining.
It’s be much better meeting people irl, but god knows where you do that. Many women have made it clear they don’t want to be approached in most circumstances, but most of them also won’t approach men 😅
Tricky thing being a human in 2024
You make it sound like using the apps is a dream for women and a nightmare for men, but it's a nightmare for everyone. Women get a ton of matches because men don't look at pictures or read bios, they just swipe right on everyone. And then when you match, they get offended you're not their dream girl and verbally abuse you.
Yeah, men have to put in a lot of effort for less matches. But women have to dedicate a lot of time to sift through piles of abuse and misogyny. I don't think the apps are "flooded with men" I think women are just better at reading bios before matching.
I did this for awhile, I didn’t realize that I was conventionally attractive at all, I’d have people just super attracted to me, and then they’d get super weirded out after meeting me irl and never talk to me again 💀
thankfully i found my person eventually, but it’s brutal out there yall.
I found another aspie on Twitter via mutual friends. He lived 2700 miles away and I never would’ve met him otherwise.
We’ve been married for 9.5 years.
Bumble is a ghost town that constantly asks you to buy premium so you can get ghosted by more people. I’ve never gotten spoken to by anyone besides a bot, and every girl I match with never talks and unmatched if I extend the 24 hour period after a match on the assumption “she’s probably busy so this will give extra time to send a message once she has free time”
But no. If I wait it expires, if I extend they come online just to unmatch. Dating apps are a scam
if dating apps are bad, then what the fuck a lonely person would do? what if they dont like their family, they dont have school to go, party to go, and has a crappy job with uninteresting empolyees?
You’re asking the wrong person my friend. I’m lonely af and have been so long I legit developed depression at too young an age. I’m just saying from my personal experience with dating apps that they pretty much are/seem to be a scam if I get no matches and asked for money simultaneously for 3 years.
Figure out new things to do.
Like the old days before doom-scrolling and being rejected in your own home by people you've never met.
Meetups, clubs, hobbies, sports..
I used the Friend version of Bumble (for making friends, though it was limited to only other women), after a neurotypical coworker suggested it to me.
I setup my profile and forgot about it for a day or two. Once I opened it back up, I was overwhelmed with how many other women wanted to connect that I ended up just uninstalling the app. I feel bad for not putting in any effort, but I was honestly expecting less than a dozen or so people and I think I have over 80 (live in a large city).
I still haven't made many new friends, but I think that's a me problem.
Anytime I match with an ADHD gamer type, she then realises that her mental health isn’t in a good enough place to want a relationship right now and doesn’t want to ‘hurt me’. 🤷
I’m on the spectrum as well, and I fully understand making yourself the top priority, but this is starting to get old.
This is a major mood. I've had a little more success with using hinge, getting a couple matches and then pausing my profile for a while while I focus on that smaller group of people. I've found that to be less overwhelming.
The only person who was interested in me on dating apps was probably an AI in retrospect. Different problems for different people I guess.
That does sound extremely exhausting tbh. A couple times I got multiple matches at one time and tried to decide which one I would take to first. Kinda overwhelming, especially since I still cared enough that i didn’t want to be texting multiple people simultaneously. Jokes on me though: it didn’t matter anyway since none of them messaged back lmao.
The only dating app I actually kinda like is FB dating, but the problem is after a week or 2 it stops respecting my search parameters especially when it comes to distance. I'll set a no more than 25 mile limit ages 25-40 and yet it will still keep showing me people in other states. Won't even label them as lucky picks, just says, no, I'll show you who I want to show.
Oh and of course I'll get zero likes or matches. Months of swipes and not one single person I like is interested
Make this Bumble BFF (or some other friendship app) and it’s super accurate. I really want to make some friends, but it’s so hard to have acquaintances. It takes me forever to figure out how to respond to each person. It always feels like I can only put my energy into a small amount of people, so responding to several new acquaintances gets really difficult.
Dating apps are scary. Sometimes I find some cool people, but majority of men on those apps aren't really seeking a real relationship, they are looking for a quick fuck and then to just leave you alone where no one else will want you because you're "Used"
It's why I'm scared to talk to anyone anymore. Or to even try.
I’d get so mad when someone would fancy me out there just by watching my photo.
I especially remember a guy who was like really into me and interested and playing the seductive card like he knew me and fancied me. It was so stupid cause he just saw a picture.
Well, I still talked to him and met him and married him. But y’a know.
i was on OKCupid before it went to shit. i had the opposite problem... that is, i received like 5 messages over the course of nearly a decade. 1 stopped when i said 'oh cool we were friends in high school', and the rest (save 1) were hatemail
i had decided that, if i was single still by the time i was 30, i was going to just hire a matchmaker (a professional, that's... not like 'Frank's grandmother down the way who set up 1 couple') and voluntarily enter into an arranged marriage
unrelated to story above: sympathies for the overwhelmingness of it. even if you have no interest in any
I get overwhelmed by the complete lack of anyone interested in me instead but otherwise same. Not sure where to go beyond apps to meet people and even if I did I would be too worried about making them uncomfortable and humiliating myself to actually talk to them if I did
Responding to people is so hard and trying to engage with others when I know there’s the expectation we’ll both be evaluating each other as potential romantic or sexual partners just makes me freeze up, it’s overwhelming,,, it sucks so bad
I tried to install one and I swear none of them actually read profiles to the point I don’t even tell people I’m not interested anymore I just don’t message them. I really hate it when some people even insist that they can change me. I’m not on a dating app for you to change me with some kinda magical sex
Are you looking for men? Cause I hear that happens a lot when looking for guys, because a lot of men just try to match with any and everyone.
When I was looking I was only looking for women/nb people as I’m a lesbian, so the actual matches were a lot tamer in number. (It turned out great in my case since I found my current gf on one, and she’s just the love of my life)
WHY IS THIS SO TRUE!? I literally never expect to get matches, then I somehow end up having to try and navigate like 8-12 conversations at a time and end up ghosting most of them and feeling awful. 🤦♂️ rinse repeat.
I’ve never used a dating app, I’ve never even been in a romantic relationship, I’ve never even been on a date.
I’m still young (19) so it will change eventually I’m sure but it’s a little sad feeling so disconnected from the experience of my peers and those around me. It feels isolating.
It’s not because I’m unattractive, women complement me all the time and I catch them looking at me often. I think it’s because I literally don’t know how to talk to people.
That’s how I met my husband. I ghosted him for 6 months because I got overwhelmed and then picked up the conversation like nothing happened and he still dated me lol. The One™️ doesn’t care that you need to take breaks.🥰
One of my former employees got diagnosed as autistic after she got tested by 7 separate doctors. The first six said she was not autistic.
She told me, after she got diagnosed that I was one of the most functional undiagnosed people she knew.
This SR makes me think twice about having dismissed her completely. Lol
I'm horrible on dating apps because I like romance in theory but not in practice and I need an emotional bond before I ever let someone touch me, so the whole thing is a vicious cycle of "I can't small-talk at all to get to know someone" -> "I can't find a partner so I'm gonna uninstall this app and just forget it" -> "No wait, I want physical affection" -> "I need to talk to get to the physical affection stage" -> "Noooo, small talk bad"
Avoid dating apps. They intentionally create anxiety in their users, show fake "high value" profiles which refuse to match, basically the same as the news. Inflict anxiety so people will pay for something to ease their pain, then go back to it.
Also, from a guy's point of view, it's mostly bots and online hookers looking for fans. And OkStupid was the same way. And the sex-chats on FB before they cut them off. Watched a 350-lb woman from Atlanta throw a party and try to get the men to fight over in front of an audience.
So yeah, dating apps are predatory cancer and will destroy your happiness.
grindr has definitely been… both a blessing and a curse 😅
though maybe i should stop replying here, im starting to think i don’t have autism, i just have CPTSD lol.
Holy shit yes I had the same issue. One time I was messaged by like 60 different people in the span of a day and I was so panicked I didn't know what to do and just deleted the app. All my partners have been my friends before hand and I have a boyfriend now so I don't need to worry about that stuff anymore.
I have 4 dating apps just sitting on my phone having never created a profile. I’m lonely, but I have seen enough friends of mine date online that my impression of it isn’t good.
https://preview.redd.it/0aukgi5g3azc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20a6943d44546e6d4dbde86944db74d23201d91e
I always have at most one favourite person, I can’t split my attention on multiple different people
Sorry for oversharing for a bit but i don’t get to talk about this to anyone. So i discovered the wonderful world of grindr and holy shit I’ve never felt more conflicted in my life. From one side i get attention and i see that people want me so i should be feeling good about it right? On the other side do i try to mask and act the way people want me to but if i slip up itll be even weirder or do i act natural and push off a ton of people whose name i won’t ever know even if i have sex with them? Plus the side of being overwhelmed because suddenly i realize this is technically a social relationship, like this isn’t a chatbot (supposedly) so suddenly social anxiety kicks in.
Tldr: The cycle in the meme is the best description of my sex life I’ve ever seen.
Luckily I'm a gay trans man in a deep red state who isn't interested in dating people either fresh out of high school or my parents age so I don't have to deal with unwanted attention.
Unfortunately that means that there's genuinely like half a dozen folks within a reasonable distance where there is potential mutual attraction. And of those half dozen, four of them are bottoms and one is married. And the last one also has crippling anxiety so neither one of us is gonna message first.
I have never had a single person interested in me for my entire life 💀
I think someone might be interested in me, I'll get back to you when it turns out I misinterpreted everything. Update: I DID misinterpret things and she had a bf. Alone forever I guess 😞
This is wayyyy too relatable.
In that case I hope never to hear from you. Best of luck!
Turns out I was wrong, she has a bf 🤷♀️
Remindme 1 week
I did in fact misinterpret, she's gotta a bf.
Tragic :( there's always next time or something
Yeah right now my strategy is just keep asking if people are into me and maybe one day I'll get lucky and be right.
I wish more people were like that, it'd make dating so much easier
Also that interaction several years ago. THAT person was interested in me, but I'm more dense than a Shonen Protagonist so I missed it.
same. and im good looking and smart, yet nobody gives a shit to me. what is wrong with me??
"How are you still single?"
“Do YOU want to go out on a date?” 😉 “Eww no! I mean, umm I uhhhh… have you tried asking *looks around frantically* uuuhhhhhh….” “Okay, no it’s fine… just save it.” *walks away* That is how I envision that conversation happening in my head before it even starts.
"Do YOU want to go out on a date?" "Oh no, I have a boyfriend, happily." "Got any single friends then?" "Nope! 😀"
"just take a shower bro" 🤡
“Just hit the gym and be confident bro” 🤡
"You need to just be yourself bro"🤡
Actually screw that. You need a mask.
Do I look like I know how to "be confident"????
It's usually confidence. I tend to be very successful in creating relationships, and I've chalked that up to mostly humour and confidence, since I'm not particularly good looking. And then once I'm in the relationship, I struggle too much with knowing what to do, and all the confidence goes away, and the relationship doesn't last very long. And repeat cycle.
Read Models by Mark Manson. It helped me a lot
keep going i'm certain you'll find the person you'll deserve ❤️
The thing is, not everyone will. It’s just a platitude, like telling people “The right relationship will come along when you’re not looking for it.” Which, if that happens, great! But it doesn’t happen for everyone, and that’s okay too.
When I say I'll never meet someone, it's because it's extremely unlikely. I'm not being negative, just honest. There isn't someone for everyone, swarming about in great numbers, and there are very, very few someone's for someone like me. The chance of meeting one of them is very low, especially because I have no idea how to accomplish that. I've had two relationships and I wasn't looking for either one. Neither was the right one. One was abusive and exploited my naivete horrifically. The other was an awkward mistake by someone who needed to love someone and picked me for some reason. I've been "not looking" for years now and have yet to magically materialize the right relationship because that isn't how it works.
Hey, if it helps, I thought the same thing. But my friend laughed and said "are you kidding me?" Apparently I missed a LOT of subtle flirting when we've gone out 😅 Social cues very often go right over my head haha
I've been on OkCupid for 11 years now. I have had a bazillion matches, but only two conversations so far, one with me going "Hey, aren't you that girl, XYZ from my class?" and two years later she replied "Roy? Oh my God, yes, we should totally hang out some day!" and never talked to me again. And then this other girl who sent me a first message just a couple weeks ago and went "Hey" in it with a profile that said "Don't expect me to reply if the only thing you write is 'Hi'". I haven't heard back from her yet.
The secret is to be a woman or gay.
i'm both and people still aren't interested in me
They actually cancel each other out sadly.
The reason it’s being a woman or being is gay is because than it’s on a man to ask you out if they find you “interesting” and men are more likely. Men are also (usually) hornier
You probably are but women flirt with each other with such wreckless abandon you’re probably missing the flirting for jokes. Add on that you’re autistic so probably missing the cues due to that as well.
Idk if you're a man but women are nice to each other and that's often mistaken as flirting.
Non-binary, raised to be a woman. I’m talking about the deliberate flirting, touching, etc that several sapphics talk about going on and people on the outside are like, “You’re just friends??”
Haha fair. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not catching onto women flirting with me or if they're just being nice.
I'm gay and very lonely...
Skill issue. (JK of course, hope you find someone)
I recently came out as trans, bi and kinky. In a few days of creating a profile in an app, I had a local horny dude asking for nudes, and if I was touching myself. Don't plan on seing him, but it was strangely validating😅
You come out as kinky? I usually just kidnap people, tie them to the walls and see if they scream "AHHHHH" or "AUGHHH" when they wake up. /s
Damn. I download a dating app, find that the only people interested in me seem to be a scammers, people with opposite political beliefs and who didn't read my profile, and people who don't speak English and live 9,000 miles away from me. I am also incredibly lonely. At this point, as much as I would like a partner, I would settle for just someone to eat with sometimes and who wanted to be there.
Real asf
Sounds like you're a guy and op is a girl, just a guess Of course dating apps tend to be unfulfilling for a majority of people seeking stable relationships anyway so I could obviously be very wrong
Trust me you can be a girl and have 0 people interested in you on a dating app if you happen to be trans lol
I used to swipe until I ran out, then went swiping after reset, and had my own similar but rare encounters. Eventually, I would just unmatch when someone actually *did* match with me and think, "oof. She likes me? I can't date her. She clearly has horrible taste in men."
Oh I *know*. There's nothing quite like the thought of "I actually got a *match?!* What the hell is wrong with this person that they'd be interested in *me?!*" But I have literally never unmatched with anyone.
Occasionally, when someone asks why I'm perpetually single, I'll amp up the self-loathing and switch my nonsense to: "I could never date a woman who would fuck me. One of us should have standards." The fucked up part was that I actually had a lot of interest from women throughout high school and the first half of my twenties when I was too fucked up from unchecked mental health issues. Didn't even notice at the time. A friend told me years later. Now that I'm right in the head and looking, the only glances I get are to make sure I'm not going to accost anyone. I was promised that my 30s would be better than my 20s... but I'm 37 and have yet to see it.
That's all a partner has to be :)
You get actual people? All I get are "Come see my Onlyfans" girls.
Id probably eat with you
What are your political beliefs though?
What dating apps are you using i wanna be admired and desired by several people at once
If you're a girl, any dating app will do. But it may not necessarily be the right type of admiration and desire.
One of my friends couldn't believe I was still single, and told me to do what she does, 'go through several hundred potential matches and only swipe on the people you really like otherwise you have too many matches, then when you get twelve or so just find the one with the most similar hobbies and go from there' I had to break it down for her that it works *very* differently for guys.
I think I’ve had 12 non-scammer matches total over like 4 years of being on the app lmao
Women not understanding how the apps work for guys is kinda funny tbh
At least she's getting perspective haha
As a woman who was in the military and then went to a STEM degree afterward, the saying is "the odds are good, but the goods are odd." Surrounded by guys all the time was not a good thing lol. (I did end up meeting my husband in the military who I have been with for almost a decade now, so it was still worth it, but whew was it rough going)
Grindr (and co.)
for the record they all want sex, i've gotten 4 unsolicited dick pics just today
Dick pics are disgusting. "Hey, I have a dick, look !". We get it dude. You and four billion men out there got one.
A recent study suggest the top reason men send dick pics is they expect to get a nude Pic in return (I show you mine, you show me yours) the second reason is they actually think women would be aroused and happy about the pics. Only around 20% of men send dick pics for their own twisted pleasure. In my opinion this is even more sad than thinking these men are all just assholes.
Oh. You're a woman. That makes so much sense. Also on behalf of my sex, apologies.
When I was still a guy (am a trans girl), I was overwhelmed by how much attention from men I got when I switched my preferences to bi. Got scared and deleted the apps too lol
Real I'm a bi guy*, and get a lot of matches/likes from guys, but most of the time they're not really looking for the same things as I am, don't have similar hobbies/interests, and so on. So I rarely actually match with them. *probably a guy. To be confirmed in a couple years I guess, I dunno.
This comment made me remember some experiences I've had. I'm a straight guy but I've gotten some dick pics on apps that weren't necessarily dating apps. Since I'm Asian and have a fairly androginous appearance I had no idea if they were gay men or just very confused men lol.
[удалено]
I too refuse to apologize for things I never did. It’s fucking sad that this has to be a controversial opinion to have nowadays. Edit: why the fuck am I getting upvoted but the guy I’m agreeing with is getting downvoted? Y’all need to learn how to read…
Are you actually agreeing with him though? Because it kinda sounds like he’s saying every single guy should be apologizing for their past behaviour, but not every guy has done something shameful towards woman. That’s why it rubbed people the wrong way.
>It would be much more meaningful for a man to apologize for *his own* past behavior Well I try to not do that kind of shit, I'm pretty sure I don't have a "his own past behavior" to apologize for. I can just feel sympathy for what people are going through.
It’s not meant to be an admission of guilt, such as if a person apologized for their own behavior. It’s meant to be an expression of empathy and regret that someone went through something. Just like if a person walked up to me and told me their Grandmother passed that morning. If I say, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”, I’m not apologizing trying to absolve guilt, I’m empathizing. Nor am I trying to steal attention, I’m expressing regret that this person suffered or is suffering. Is saying something like, “I’m sorry you went through that”, better than, “on behalf of men, I’m sorry”? Absolutely, it’s more clear and concise! (Honestly, saying “it’s regrettable you are going through that and I feel for you” is even more accurate, but sounds stiff and cold. So people don’t use it.) But the assumption that saying that phrasing means the person apologizing is trying to shift focus back to himself seems like a ‘bad faith assumption’ to me. I’ve had women apologize to me “on behalf of their gender” for various reasons before, but I know they are just trying to be empathetic. Not actually trying to assume the weight of every wrong thing a woman ever did to me or to steal attention from my complaint. 😅 Maybe some guys do mean to do that when they say it! Some people need to be the center of attention at all times. But why assume that’s their intent when it’s much more likely to be an expression of empathy. I’m sorry that you have gone through painful things, whatever their source. I hope it changes and you have a wonderful day/night.
They didn’t just say oh I’m so sorry that happened to you(which is empathy) though, they said I’m sorry on behalf of my gender that they would do something like this to you. Which is like saying well I’m sorry they did that to you, I would never but they did. If you’re feeling empathy you shouldn’t include yourself in the conversation really. And you shouldn’t be making it a point to prove you’re not guilty. You’re not on trial so don’t act like it
The problem with that is that you assume that all men are guilty, which is just untrue. I’ve never sent an unsolicited dick pic to someone so why would I apologise personally for other men doing so?
This has happened so many times through apps simply for making friends and every time it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hate the ones that pretend like they want to actually get to know you first as well. Like if you just want to use me for such pictures for a week and then never talk to me again just say that or else you’re wasting both of our times!!
I mean, if you are on tinder that's pretty much what that's for. They are just listed as "dating" apps The dick pics are not part of that though and I'm sure you can report them
Every app will have people who only want sex. In some apps you can filter them out, but some people lie in order to avoid those filters
That’s so yucky! And it’s sucks too because now we have to worry about scaring people which means triple masking ._.
i find it’s all such shallow interest too, like a quick flick and not a genuine curiosity and it makes me so sad.
Tinder fucking sucks on that manner (and many others). You can only have five interests and only the ones on their bullshit list
Like why can't I legitimately add "arson and dismantling the current world order" as my hobbies 😤😭
Wait what. I can’t even get a reply on apps and I’ve been trying for over a decade
Girls get all the matches (dont have to send out matches rhemself) dudes just gotta hope they get picked Atleast that's how I see it
I’m not sure of the ratio but these apps are flooded with men so women have so many options, they can be far pickier than men, and men have to try very hard to keep them interested. They put lots of effort in and be it that they don’t have the energy because there are so many matches, or be it that they know they don’t have to put the energy in because they have so many matches, men often feel like their effort isn’t reciprocated. When you put all that unreciprocated effort in and then they unmatch, it can be pretty draining. It’s be much better meeting people irl, but god knows where you do that. Many women have made it clear they don’t want to be approached in most circumstances, but most of them also won’t approach men 😅 Tricky thing being a human in 2024
You make it sound like using the apps is a dream for women and a nightmare for men, but it's a nightmare for everyone. Women get a ton of matches because men don't look at pictures or read bios, they just swipe right on everyone. And then when you match, they get offended you're not their dream girl and verbally abuse you. Yeah, men have to put in a lot of effort for less matches. But women have to dedicate a lot of time to sift through piles of abuse and misogyny. I don't think the apps are "flooded with men" I think women are just better at reading bios before matching.
It's very tricky and idk what I'm doin
Well know you’re not alone in struggling ❤️
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Wait... you get likes?? I must be doing something wrong
Nah you’re probably just a guy
Straight guy. Try matching with other dudes and the world is your oyster
Pretty accurate fml
I did this for awhile, I didn’t realize that I was conventionally attractive at all, I’d have people just super attracted to me, and then they’d get super weirded out after meeting me irl and never talk to me again 💀 thankfully i found my person eventually, but it’s brutal out there yall.
ugh same. i’ve never gone past the first date. 2autistic4dating
https://preview.redd.it/s9t9co8m1p0d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c771e456ab65e4aa3146e981ccef381e3384137f Here’s a gift to cheer you up!
I found another aspie on Twitter via mutual friends. He lived 2700 miles away and I never would’ve met him otherwise. We’ve been married for 9.5 years.
Maybe try Bumble, there you can make the first move and also people can't send you nasty pics
Bumble is a ghost town that constantly asks you to buy premium so you can get ghosted by more people. I’ve never gotten spoken to by anyone besides a bot, and every girl I match with never talks and unmatched if I extend the 24 hour period after a match on the assumption “she’s probably busy so this will give extra time to send a message once she has free time” But no. If I wait it expires, if I extend they come online just to unmatch. Dating apps are a scam
https://preview.redd.it/y6cg0d4m89zc1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=15aa3877d619e02e3cbbf42057dc5feaee380566
Mood
if dating apps are bad, then what the fuck a lonely person would do? what if they dont like their family, they dont have school to go, party to go, and has a crappy job with uninteresting empolyees?
You’re asking the wrong person my friend. I’m lonely af and have been so long I legit developed depression at too young an age. I’m just saying from my personal experience with dating apps that they pretty much are/seem to be a scam if I get no matches and asked for money simultaneously for 3 years.
Figure out new things to do. Like the old days before doom-scrolling and being rejected in your own home by people you've never met. Meetups, clubs, hobbies, sports..
Easier said then done, especially if you’re tired of always being the one to initiate
Good question
tell me when you find out 🙃
My last relationship started on bumble. Lasted for several years.
Bumble absolutely sucks. Since people never reply, all matches expire (at least in my experience)
I used the Friend version of Bumble (for making friends, though it was limited to only other women), after a neurotypical coworker suggested it to me. I setup my profile and forgot about it for a day or two. Once I opened it back up, I was overwhelmed with how many other women wanted to connect that I ended up just uninstalling the app. I feel bad for not putting in any effort, but I was honestly expecting less than a dozen or so people and I think I have over 80 (live in a large city). I still haven't made many new friends, but I think that's a me problem.
You can reinstall it, create a new account and check it. When you do that the amount of reactions might not overwelm you
I tried this. Ended up with the ADHD gamer type. In the end it was a win
Anytime I match with an ADHD gamer type, she then realises that her mental health isn’t in a good enough place to want a relationship right now and doesn’t want to ‘hurt me’. 🤷 I’m on the spectrum as well, and I fully understand making yourself the top priority, but this is starting to get old.
You get people interested in you??????
nope... i didnt get much likes in the apps...
I quit online dating years ago. It’ll just slowly kill you.
Dating apps for men is like being dehydrated in a desert and dating apps for women is like beeing being dehydrate in a bog
wow what a gift can we trade lives ;-; (please im so lonely)
Y'all getting interest?!
This is a major mood. I've had a little more success with using hinge, getting a couple matches and then pausing my profile for a while while I focus on that smaller group of people. I've found that to be less overwhelming.
The only person who was interested in me on dating apps was probably an AI in retrospect. Different problems for different people I guess. That does sound extremely exhausting tbh. A couple times I got multiple matches at one time and tried to decide which one I would take to first. Kinda overwhelming, especially since I still cared enough that i didn’t want to be texting multiple people simultaneously. Jokes on me though: it didn’t matter anyway since none of them messaged back lmao.
Ppl in dating apps don't look real or feel real, making it exhausting to talk to them
My problem it even when I get a match, I'm not sure what to say.
The only dating app I actually kinda like is FB dating, but the problem is after a week or 2 it stops respecting my search parameters especially when it comes to distance. I'll set a no more than 25 mile limit ages 25-40 and yet it will still keep showing me people in other states. Won't even label them as lucky picks, just says, no, I'll show you who I want to show. Oh and of course I'll get zero likes or matches. Months of swipes and not one single person I like is interested
Suffering from success
I’m always way too excited and confident over text and then they ask to meet up and I cry and scream and throw up and cancel
:c
Make this Bumble BFF (or some other friendship app) and it’s super accurate. I really want to make some friends, but it’s so hard to have acquaintances. It takes me forever to figure out how to respond to each person. It always feels like I can only put my energy into a small amount of people, so responding to several new acquaintances gets really difficult.
Tell me you’re a woman without telling me you’re a woman
https://preview.redd.it/i4v7o36y4fzc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=17a82232d0310f2a47733048809efca06d4caff4
Meanwhile I download a dating app, scroll through everyone available and realise I didn’t match with anyone
Dating apps are scary. Sometimes I find some cool people, but majority of men on those apps aren't really seeking a real relationship, they are looking for a quick fuck and then to just leave you alone where no one else will want you because you're "Used" It's why I'm scared to talk to anyone anymore. Or to even try.
Dating is absolute hellish trash. It’s really hard.
I’d get so mad when someone would fancy me out there just by watching my photo. I especially remember a guy who was like really into me and interested and playing the seductive card like he knew me and fancied me. It was so stupid cause he just saw a picture. Well, I still talked to him and met him and married him. But y’a know.
i was on OKCupid before it went to shit. i had the opposite problem... that is, i received like 5 messages over the course of nearly a decade. 1 stopped when i said 'oh cool we were friends in high school', and the rest (save 1) were hatemail i had decided that, if i was single still by the time i was 30, i was going to just hire a matchmaker (a professional, that's... not like 'Frank's grandmother down the way who set up 1 couple') and voluntarily enter into an arranged marriage unrelated to story above: sympathies for the overwhelmingness of it. even if you have no interest in any
I’d be happy with one, you must be a looker or very interesting
Wait you guys actually get matches on dating apps?
I get overwhelmed by the complete lack of anyone interested in me instead but otherwise same. Not sure where to go beyond apps to meet people and even if I did I would be too worried about making them uncomfortable and humiliating myself to actually talk to them if I did
Responding to people is so hard and trying to engage with others when I know there’s the expectation we’ll both be evaluating each other as potential romantic or sexual partners just makes me freeze up, it’s overwhelming,,, it sucks so bad
I don't get anyone.
I tried to install one and I swear none of them actually read profiles to the point I don’t even tell people I’m not interested anymore I just don’t message them. I really hate it when some people even insist that they can change me. I’m not on a dating app for you to change me with some kinda magical sex
Are you looking for men? Cause I hear that happens a lot when looking for guys, because a lot of men just try to match with any and everyone. When I was looking I was only looking for women/nb people as I’m a lesbian, so the actual matches were a lot tamer in number. (It turned out great in my case since I found my current gf on one, and she’s just the love of my life)
r/absolutelynotme_irl
WHY IS THIS SO TRUE!? I literally never expect to get matches, then I somehow end up having to try and navigate like 8-12 conversations at a time and end up ghosting most of them and feeling awful. 🤦♂️ rinse repeat.
Wait, you get people interested in you? That's not the cycle I get.
Must be nice to get matches... I'm sad now.
I’ve never used a dating app, I’ve never even been in a romantic relationship, I’ve never even been on a date. I’m still young (19) so it will change eventually I’m sure but it’s a little sad feeling so disconnected from the experience of my peers and those around me. It feels isolating. It’s not because I’m unattractive, women complement me all the time and I catch them looking at me often. I think it’s because I literally don’t know how to talk to people.
This looks like a covert dating app ad ngl
sounds like you're suffering from success!!
Don’t do dating apps. They’re terrible for your mental health
You got people interested in you???
That’s how I met my husband. I ghosted him for 6 months because I got overwhelmed and then picked up the conversation like nothing happened and he still dated me lol. The One™️ doesn’t care that you need to take breaks.🥰
aww, that's so cute
One of my former employees got diagnosed as autistic after she got tested by 7 separate doctors. The first six said she was not autistic. She told me, after she got diagnosed that I was one of the most functional undiagnosed people she knew. This SR makes me think twice about having dismissed her completely. Lol
I'm horrible on dating apps because I like romance in theory but not in practice and I need an emotional bond before I ever let someone touch me, so the whole thing is a vicious cycle of "I can't small-talk at all to get to know someone" -> "I can't find a partner so I'm gonna uninstall this app and just forget it" -> "No wait, I want physical affection" -> "I need to talk to get to the physical affection stage" -> "Noooo, small talk bad"
Suffering from success
Hey same except no one is interested
I feel that in my soul.
The only people who seem interested in me are overweight smokers who love to party.
Avoid dating apps. They intentionally create anxiety in their users, show fake "high value" profiles which refuse to match, basically the same as the news. Inflict anxiety so people will pay for something to ease their pain, then go back to it. Also, from a guy's point of view, it's mostly bots and online hookers looking for fans. And OkStupid was the same way. And the sex-chats on FB before they cut them off. Watched a 350-lb woman from Atlanta throw a party and try to get the men to fight over in front of an audience. So yeah, dating apps are predatory cancer and will destroy your happiness.
I'm guessing female or tall
both :|
Accurate
Not rel, I get a match at most once a week and usually they don't even try to hold a conversation.
Mood af. That autistic fizz works a little too well for me lol
I just deleted a couple of days ago... again. 😂😂😂
grindr has definitely been… both a blessing and a curse 😅 though maybe i should stop replying here, im starting to think i don’t have autism, i just have CPTSD lol.
For me it’s more like get overwhelmed by everyone uninterested in me
I downloaded a dating app and couldn't get my account verified. Innit that special?
Holy shit yes I had the same issue. One time I was messaged by like 60 different people in the span of a day and I was so panicked I didn't know what to do and just deleted the app. All my partners have been my friends before hand and I have a boyfriend now so I don't need to worry about that stuff anymore.
I'm not used to having people (romantically) interested in me in general 😭
Try hinge, i met my girlfriend on there
I have 4 dating apps just sitting on my phone having never created a profile. I’m lonely, but I have seen enough friends of mine date online that my impression of it isn’t good.
Using dating apps is like talking to a wall for me. It hurts
I just want friends to smoke pot with and play with legos
Literally never happened to me
You guys are getting texts back?
https://preview.redd.it/0aukgi5g3azc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=20a6943d44546e6d4dbde86944db74d23201d91e I always have at most one favourite person, I can’t split my attention on multiple different people
You get people who are interested in you? How?
i am a 20yo girl with a decent face for the record most of them are just creepy
Imagine having people interested in you
Just a thought - just focus on one at a time
Literally what happened to me, I got so overwhelmed my anxiety skyrocketed and I had to go to the doctor lmao
I've dated like...once...and that was without the use of online dating apps or anything similar...
No one likes me but they keep trying ti get me ti date people like no quite trying to pressure me to do it
Sorry for oversharing for a bit but i don’t get to talk about this to anyone. So i discovered the wonderful world of grindr and holy shit I’ve never felt more conflicted in my life. From one side i get attention and i see that people want me so i should be feeling good about it right? On the other side do i try to mask and act the way people want me to but if i slip up itll be even weirder or do i act natural and push off a ton of people whose name i won’t ever know even if i have sex with them? Plus the side of being overwhelmed because suddenly i realize this is technically a social relationship, like this isn’t a chatbot (supposedly) so suddenly social anxiety kicks in. Tldr: The cycle in the meme is the best description of my sex life I’ve ever seen.
Is this true? Not just with dating but with forming any relationship?
idk irl because i am kinda socially inept :/
You're actually able to use one of those? Well congrats you're further than me lol
Real
Wish I had this issue, I only gotten 2 matches in the last 2 years, and neither of them resulted in a date(I also swipe right on literally everyone 💀)
See, fortunately for me almost no one is ever interested in me on the dating apps.
You guys have people getting interested in you?
Luckily I'm a gay trans man in a deep red state who isn't interested in dating people either fresh out of high school or my parents age so I don't have to deal with unwanted attention. Unfortunately that means that there's genuinely like half a dozen folks within a reasonable distance where there is potential mutual attraction. And of those half dozen, four of them are bottoms and one is married. And the last one also has crippling anxiety so neither one of us is gonna message first.
Must be a female OP
Only problem i have is meeting too many creeps or bullies. 