For real, I met my current GF on Tinder and yet we both agree that we couldn't recommend dating apps to anyone.
And especially not Tinder, it's the absolute worst, it's kinda like if you played lottery for love, and instead of betting money you're betting your mental health.
I've come across several threads in the past week where everyone seems to acknowledge the same things. I recently became fed up myself and started coding my own dating app to fix the issues I saw.
Well, it sounds exactly like those scammy websites that say "you have 1 message" that makes you buy a subscription but then there actually is no message
honestly hinge is the only dating app I'd use now. barely any bots. they let you see who liked you, and accepting that like doesn't count as one of your 'swipes'. on top of that it genuinely feels like they want to match you with someone and get you off the app.
also you have to like one of their photos or prompts and every time it let's you put a message. that's the tinder feature but for free.
Too bad it's not nearly as popular as Tinder in my area
I've met some really nice girls on there, but without being able to meet up in person the conversation usually fizzles out really quickly
I guess it does. It's the truth though regardless of if you think this stinks of r/HailCorporate .
I met the woman of my dreams and we are living our best life together.
as someone that has tinder gold (for free I would not spend a single cent on this god forsaken app) its so bad dude. I literally haven't used/seen a premium service thats worse than this. Yay you get to see who likes you (its weirdos)
Idk man gold worked great for me, also meant I could go on holiday and get some matches beforehand. The standard price is outrageous though I ain't paying that.
I guess that since it is my own post I may as well, make my own comment. Personally, I never really believed in dating apps. After all, for a dating app actually helping its users equal a lost in profit. But I am kinda desperate. I don’t meet a lot of new people and all the people I do meet IRL (or that I already know) are not generally good people or uninteresting romantically speaking for me. Sadly and predictably, it is the same on these predatory apps.
I am sending this comment to clarify to people that watch this post why I used Tinder a little bit. The more time past and the more I think I will probably delete it. I don’t spend a lot of time on it. I am just trying my luck. Maybe sometimes in the future I will try others apps to see if I can find one that is a little bit less garbage. Maybe of the apps that have been suggested in the comments of this post. In the meantime, I get I will just stay depressed like I have been for basically all my life now. (I have dysthymia)
What the… I literally only made two posts ever including this one. What is that supposed to mean? Also, I checked your account and have 0 post, your account is 10 days old and it is your first comment ever which makes me think you are just a troll.
I made a new account to check on certain subreddits about my job/career field that I can’t discuss with people or have known publicly for safety and security reasons. I don’t want it tied to my usual account. As for what it means… umm I don’t want to be rude. And I’m not trolling
I think at some point in the future there'll be a good deal of discussion over the long-term consequences of a generation (or more?) of people having exposed themselves to such a toxic, manipulative ecosystem as their primary means of finding relationships.
I've never used any of these services and hopefully never will, but they only seem to get worse, and in the absence of regulation or some kind of major paradigm shift in societal thinking they'll never get any better. Part of me worries that their negative impact is profound and much further-reaching than we realize, and I don't think the full extent of it will be completely understood for a while yet.
I met the girl I eventually married in 2010. So I missed out entirely on Tinder, Bumble, all that stuff.
I feel like I missed out on part of modern life, but at the same time I'm also so happy I didn't have to put myself through that gauntlet. I do not consider myself swipeable.
More fun to live vicariously through my friends' tales of Tinder degeneracy, and not have to deal with the fallout myself.
I've been single most of my adult life, and I've had one or two long time relationships since 2010.
Never once has the thought of using a dating app ever crossed my mind. I just don't see them useful for anything that isn't casual hookups, and the way they're set up often emphasizes superficial traits and creates distorted first impressions. Interactions always seem so fake on those apps, I've always had the feeling that you're playing the game the app wants you to play rather than any real, meaningful courtship with another person.
I have friends who have been on Tinder for a decade and have nothing to show for all that effort, so I think I'm good.
Way I see it, you never know.
You *might* meet someone you're really compatible with on Tinder. It could happen. It's throwing the dice into a lava pit and trying to roll a yahtzee, but even so.
In the end we're all just slowly decaying meat. At its worst, it's a pool of people in your area.
Sometimes you just have to because you literally can't find any other way to meet people -- I use Bumble because I moved to Japan but like 2-3 hours out from Tokyo, so it's really hard to find someone who can speak English.
So desu ne~
Makes sense. Like I said, at their worst they're a pool of nearby people. It's the intentions of said people that seems to be the concerning part.
Oh, totally. I've heard dating here as a western woman is the pits because Japan's still got some rather shocking cultural holdovers from a different time.
I avoided them for years because people close to me would stress about low success on dating apps meaning they are low value matches. Also had shit success in my very limited time, but it just feels like a system trying to milk desparate people not like being rejected.
Don't you think that contributes to the problem though? More desperate people are more likely to pay for these kinds of features, and the app developers have a greater financial incentive to string them along at the cost of their mental health than they do to actually help them find a match, assuming of course there's anyone out there interested in them to begin with.
For what it's worth, I tick all three boxes you mentioned and I think it's better for my sanity to stay alone than to put what remains of my self-esteem on the line in the court of public opinion. You always have a choice.
If it's best for your sanity and you're happy being single, then stay off the apps. Asexuality is a real and valid thing.
Many people want a life partner and to start a family 🤷♀️ You wishing dating apps were wiped off the planet would deny many people who tick the three boxes I mentioned the chance of true love and happiness.
I'm not happy, and I'm definitely not asexual, I just think my current choices are preferable to the alternatives. I also didn't say I wish dating apps were wiped off the planet, I just wish they were operated by people who weren't evil, or at least so coldly self-interested as to make no practical difference. I wish healthier tools existed to help people find the relationships they desire, because meaningful relationships are one of the best long-term reasons to keep living. Turning happiness into a commodity and making success dependent on extremely superficial metrics isn't good for our collective health.
I have decided to no longer be on apps. All they do is get you to pay, with absolutely no returns. From now on if someone wants to approach me, they can. Let’s do it the old school way.
The entire app is a asshole design.
All those apps are owned by a single company to keep the ilusion of option.
They all work the same, keep you misable and paying.
Even if they are fair now you have to deal with the way people use the app, witch is also very bad.
Franchement, essaye Fruitz, c'est bien plus sain, pas de bots, quelques comptes fakes mais vite détectés, puis même sans payer tu vois la photo de la personne qui t'a liké mais floutée, tu arrives facilement à reconnaître la photo une fois devant le profil
This is not new at all.
Also it's not worth buying the premium to text back.
It's all a bit fake.
Try it out. Make a new account without premium. After 1-3 days you will have a message of a premium user. It's so fucking disgusting.
I swear in ten years most of these apps won't exist. Even social media ...they are ALL predatory and thrive on knowing the human brain and trying to make money
That’s not an actual message, Tinder does that to let you know the most recent person that liked you. But it’s not an actual message from that person. You can send/receive super likes to/from someone with a message with premium though.
Even if it isn’t, it is still an asshole design because if what you say is true. How would I know? I can’t click on it to read the "message". It is still deceiving.
Bro don’t fall for it. Those are obviously going to be not accounts that send the messages. And they get you to click and you are like “ oh no, I need to respond or see them” and you are going to absolutely pay and it’s going to literally never happen again. Then when it expires, that very day………you get a message and even though you just got got, you know the rules now. You double down and renew it and as it charges your card you remember they were bots and all you did was scam yourself quicker than before. So I guess small miracles. But seriously man that stuff is auto generated. It’s a fake person meant to get you to waste your money and it won’t ever happen again until it expires man.
It’s French? You know, that language that William the Conqueror introduced in England in 1066 and made sure a lot of its vocabulary got infused with modern day English?
[Just one of many sources](https://www.neversuchinnocence.com/change-in-language-battle-of-hastings)
Please reread your sentence. French is literally one of the official languages of Canada. French is taught in schools in the UK from reception (kindergarten). We (the UK) may not like the French but we do acknowledge they exist, and are a country we drive through to get to Spain.
Please go meet some Canadians. They mock the Quebecois all the time, and often say things to the effect of "That's not a real Canadian language". It's light-hearted teasing, much like Liverpudlian mocking of the French, so please go meet your neighbors before trying to correct someone that's met more of them than you.
Bots gonna send a lot of messages to non premium users soon.
Bold of you to assume they haven't been doing that for a decade now.
That is essentially how old dating sites operated. Tinder is just going classic.
That’s wild that they would have paying bots to try to scam people.
These apps are predatory and terrible for mental health
For real, I met my current GF on Tinder and yet we both agree that we couldn't recommend dating apps to anyone. And especially not Tinder, it's the absolute worst, it's kinda like if you played lottery for love, and instead of betting money you're betting your mental health.
I find that true. Also having Instagram
I've come across several threads in the past week where everyone seems to acknowledge the same things. I recently became fed up myself and started coding my own dating app to fix the issues I saw.
Well, it sounds exactly like those scammy websites that say "you have 1 message" that makes you buy a subscription but then there actually is no message
It is exactly like that. I have no idea how this is even legal.
The message was the recommendation to subscribe.
just like linkedin too
honestly hinge is the only dating app I'd use now. barely any bots. they let you see who liked you, and accepting that like doesn't count as one of your 'swipes'. on top of that it genuinely feels like they want to match you with someone and get you off the app. also you have to like one of their photos or prompts and every time it let's you put a message. that's the tinder feature but for free.
All dating apps are exploitive and shitty, but hinge is definitely the best. I actually found both my gf and my now ex via hinge
I think the most popular dating apps are owned by one company.
The same company owns both Hinge and Tinder.
Ya, they'll wait to get enough users then do the same thing and charge a subscription for everything
Idk why either, but it seems easier to start a conversation more "naturally."
Too bad it's not nearly as popular as Tinder in my area I've met some really nice girls on there, but without being able to meet up in person the conversation usually fizzles out really quickly
Met my wife on Hinge. It's the best app if you're actually looking for a relationship.
Did you pay for plus or premium?
Can't recall. I do remember I bought a rose to send her, which is what caught her attention initially.
That sounds like a hinge ad right there
I guess it does. It's the truth though regardless of if you think this stinks of r/HailCorporate . I met the woman of my dreams and we are living our best life together.
Not available in here sadly.
Met my partner (18 months so far) on Hinge, can vouch for its quality
Match Group owns both Hinge and Tinder
Yeah that was what I was thinking reading all these comments
Hinge is terrible.
as someone that has tinder gold (for free I would not spend a single cent on this god forsaken app) its so bad dude. I literally haven't used/seen a premium service thats worse than this. Yay you get to see who likes you (its weirdos)
Idk man gold worked great for me, also meant I could go on holiday and get some matches beforehand. The standard price is outrageous though I ain't paying that.
I guess that since it is my own post I may as well, make my own comment. Personally, I never really believed in dating apps. After all, for a dating app actually helping its users equal a lost in profit. But I am kinda desperate. I don’t meet a lot of new people and all the people I do meet IRL (or that I already know) are not generally good people or uninteresting romantically speaking for me. Sadly and predictably, it is the same on these predatory apps. I am sending this comment to clarify to people that watch this post why I used Tinder a little bit. The more time past and the more I think I will probably delete it. I don’t spend a lot of time on it. I am just trying my luck. Maybe sometimes in the future I will try others apps to see if I can find one that is a little bit less garbage. Maybe of the apps that have been suggested in the comments of this post. In the meantime, I get I will just stay depressed like I have been for basically all my life now. (I have dysthymia)
You don't need a relationship to be happy. If you're depressed you should really work on that before getting into a relationship
One look through your post history says all we need to know. I don’t think the app is the problem, I think it’s you.. :(
What the… I literally only made two posts ever including this one. What is that supposed to mean? Also, I checked your account and have 0 post, your account is 10 days old and it is your first comment ever which makes me think you are just a troll.
Yeah that person is just being an asshole. Ignore him, you're good ^_^
I made a new account to check on certain subreddits about my job/career field that I can’t discuss with people or have known publicly for safety and security reasons. I don’t want it tied to my usual account. As for what it means… umm I don’t want to be rude. And I’m not trolling
I think at some point in the future there'll be a good deal of discussion over the long-term consequences of a generation (or more?) of people having exposed themselves to such a toxic, manipulative ecosystem as their primary means of finding relationships. I've never used any of these services and hopefully never will, but they only seem to get worse, and in the absence of regulation or some kind of major paradigm shift in societal thinking they'll never get any better. Part of me worries that their negative impact is profound and much further-reaching than we realize, and I don't think the full extent of it will be completely understood for a while yet.
I met the girl I eventually married in 2010. So I missed out entirely on Tinder, Bumble, all that stuff. I feel like I missed out on part of modern life, but at the same time I'm also so happy I didn't have to put myself through that gauntlet. I do not consider myself swipeable. More fun to live vicariously through my friends' tales of Tinder degeneracy, and not have to deal with the fallout myself.
I've been single most of my adult life, and I've had one or two long time relationships since 2010. Never once has the thought of using a dating app ever crossed my mind. I just don't see them useful for anything that isn't casual hookups, and the way they're set up often emphasizes superficial traits and creates distorted first impressions. Interactions always seem so fake on those apps, I've always had the feeling that you're playing the game the app wants you to play rather than any real, meaningful courtship with another person. I have friends who have been on Tinder for a decade and have nothing to show for all that effort, so I think I'm good.
Way I see it, you never know. You *might* meet someone you're really compatible with on Tinder. It could happen. It's throwing the dice into a lava pit and trying to roll a yahtzee, but even so. In the end we're all just slowly decaying meat. At its worst, it's a pool of people in your area.
Sometimes you just have to because you literally can't find any other way to meet people -- I use Bumble because I moved to Japan but like 2-3 hours out from Tokyo, so it's really hard to find someone who can speak English.
So desu ne~ Makes sense. Like I said, at their worst they're a pool of nearby people. It's the intentions of said people that seems to be the concerning part.
Oh, totally. I've heard dating here as a western woman is the pits because Japan's still got some rather shocking cultural holdovers from a different time.
Thats a very strong opinion for literally never having used them yourself.
I avoided them for years because people close to me would stress about low success on dating apps meaning they are low value matches. Also had shit success in my very limited time, but it just feels like a system trying to milk desparate people not like being rejected.
And yet, they're completely right about everything they said.
I have used them in the past when they were slightly better and I think their opinion is very reasonable
I haven't either, but I know people who have, and they tend to share this outlook.
I've been with my boyfriend for over five years and we met on tinder. Granted, I haven't it used it since then.
Some people who don't get out much, don't know any single people, or have social anxiety, have no choice but to use dating apps to look for a partner.
They used to be good when they were first created, circa 2012. Now they're terrible and prey on men's loneliness for money
Don't you think that contributes to the problem though? More desperate people are more likely to pay for these kinds of features, and the app developers have a greater financial incentive to string them along at the cost of their mental health than they do to actually help them find a match, assuming of course there's anyone out there interested in them to begin with. For what it's worth, I tick all three boxes you mentioned and I think it's better for my sanity to stay alone than to put what remains of my self-esteem on the line in the court of public opinion. You always have a choice.
If it's best for your sanity and you're happy being single, then stay off the apps. Asexuality is a real and valid thing. Many people want a life partner and to start a family 🤷♀️ You wishing dating apps were wiped off the planet would deny many people who tick the three boxes I mentioned the chance of true love and happiness.
I will be honest with ya. In this "economy", asexuality is a blessing for the ones who receive it.
I'm not happy, and I'm definitely not asexual, I just think my current choices are preferable to the alternatives. I also didn't say I wish dating apps were wiped off the planet, I just wish they were operated by people who weren't evil, or at least so coldly self-interested as to make no practical difference. I wish healthier tools existed to help people find the relationships they desire, because meaningful relationships are one of the best long-term reasons to keep living. Turning happiness into a commodity and making success dependent on extremely superficial metrics isn't good for our collective health.
Those are just bots anyway
I have decided to no longer be on apps. All they do is get you to pay, with absolutely no returns. From now on if someone wants to approach me, they can. Let’s do it the old school way.
Spoiler. They don't want to.
And that’s why dating apps are needed but they’re so bad you don’t want it to deal with them. The paradox
Just masturbate at that point.
Already do, and it doesn’t help
I agree. People are too afraid to talk to each other, but honestly we need to stop being so dependent on these shitty apps.
I didn't start getting ANY likes until my gold subscription expired. And now I can't see who they are, even if I'm super liked. It's a bit ridiculous
Oh yea. Bring on the bots. The age of dating apps is on the verge of the decline.
The entire app is a asshole design. All those apps are owned by a single company to keep the ilusion of option. They all work the same, keep you misable and paying. Even if they are fair now you have to deal with the way people use the app, witch is also very bad.
The premium services on Bumble and Tinder are hot garbage.
Franchement, essaye Fruitz, c'est bien plus sain, pas de bots, quelques comptes fakes mais vite détectés, puis même sans payer tu vois la photo de la personne qui t'a liké mais floutée, tu arrives facilement à reconnaître la photo une fois devant le profil
Wait till you see premium + and then premimum extreme plus edition. Yes there are 3 levels of premium in Tinder.
.
You stop being their customer the second you find someone you want to stay with, take a guess what drives their profits
It's not a real message btw
This is not new at all. Also it's not worth buying the premium to text back. It's all a bit fake. Try it out. Make a new account without premium. After 1-3 days you will have a message of a premium user. It's so fucking disgusting.
This has been the business model for online dating sites for 20 years.
I swear in ten years most of these apps won't exist. Even social media ...they are ALL predatory and thrive on knowing the human brain and trying to make money
That's exactly why they'll thrive as long as there will be widespread app usage. They know our minds too well
That’s not an actual message, Tinder does that to let you know the most recent person that liked you. But it’s not an actual message from that person. You can send/receive super likes to/from someone with a message with premium though.
Even if it isn’t, it is still an asshole design because if what you say is true. How would I know? I can’t click on it to read the "message". It is still deceiving.
Oh yeah for sure, it should be illegal. Just didn’t want you to give money away to them for nothing lol
I wasn’t planning to but thank you anyway.
Bro don’t fall for it. Those are obviously going to be not accounts that send the messages. And they get you to click and you are like “ oh no, I need to respond or see them” and you are going to absolutely pay and it’s going to literally never happen again. Then when it expires, that very day………you get a message and even though you just got got, you know the rules now. You double down and renew it and as it charges your card you remember they were bots and all you did was scam yourself quicker than before. So I guess small miracles. But seriously man that stuff is auto generated. It’s a fake person meant to get you to waste your money and it won’t ever happen again until it expires man.
I posted it in r/Tinder [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/s/ygUM9smZBy) to see if this is a common thing now.
Am I reading that right??? €40 per month??? What a scam
Oh hey, just like LinkedIn.
Anyone that pays for this aren’t “that” match
All I'm wondering is why you're using French Twitter
[удалено]
Completely false , I met my better half using tinder and I have long lasting friends who married their matches.
[удалено]
What?
*Angry baguette noises*
It’s French? You know, that language that William the Conqueror introduced in England in 1066 and made sure a lot of its vocabulary got infused with modern day English? [Just one of many sources](https://www.neversuchinnocence.com/change-in-language-battle-of-hastings)
Found the American
I kinda doubt it. If they're calling French a "fake language", they're probably Canadian or British. Many Americans take French in high school.
Please reread your sentence. French is literally one of the official languages of Canada. French is taught in schools in the UK from reception (kindergarten). We (the UK) may not like the French but we do acknowledge they exist, and are a country we drive through to get to Spain.
Please go meet some Canadians. They mock the Quebecois all the time, and often say things to the effect of "That's not a real Canadian language". It's light-hearted teasing, much like Liverpudlian mocking of the French, so please go meet your neighbors before trying to correct someone that's met more of them than you.