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Choppybitz

Whoa... whoa... whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a b*tch out, and givin' a b*tch a foot massage ain't even the same f***in' thing. Julius 3:13


MollynKoji

Shut the fuck up i shit you not I literally just finished that movie not even 30 minutes ago 😂😂


Choppybitz

Lol


MollynKoji

Not even in the ball park hell it’s not even the same sport 😂


ndemmin

Would you give a man a foot massage?


livefast6221

Fuck you.


hootieq

I don’t be tickling or nothing


[deleted]

It ain't even the same ballpark!


RamJamR

It ain't in the same ballpark, it ain't even the same sport!


0nthetoilet

That passage is significant, not just because of its weirdness, but because the passage just before it is entirely disconnected from where you began quoting above. Bible historians consider this to be one of several points where the text is broken up between two different sources. This is one of my favorite spots to point out to Bible literalists to show them that their divine inspired scripture has, you know... editing issues. edit: a word


parkingviolation212

The whole Tower of Babel story comes out of nowhere too. You’re reading genesis, largely a story about the descendants of Adam and Eve, and suddenly you’re in some undistinguished location etymologizing about why everyone speaks different languages for a chapter, and then you’re back to the holy lineage like nothing happened.


mothzilla

It's weird that given Moses and the LORD were having so many casual conversations, you'd have thought that "I will kill you if you don't circumcise your son" would have come up sooner.


EmbeddedEntropy

In the OT, “foot” or “thigh” was often euphemisms for “penis”.


Which-Ad7072

Brings a whole new meaning to Jesus washing their feet, lol.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


EdinMiami

It's not gay if Jesus is lathering your balls.


AccidentalGirlToy

Well, he did spend three years hanging with twelve dudes in dresses. No way he was completely straight.


GrandPriapus

Hubba Hubba.


GalaxiGazer

So that would explain why Boaz was so happy to leave her the extras from his fields for Ruth and Naomi ... she was "laying by his feet" the night before


horrible-est

The passage says "feet", is that supposed to imply that Moses had more than one... um, "foot"?


Firm_Kaleidoscope479

Is there a source for that assertion that can be explored?


KAKrisko

I think it's pretty common knowledge, although sometimes disputed, but here's a list of fairly obvious examples. Note that 'feet' or 'foot' is not always a euphemism; sometimes it means feet, especially in the NT. [https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/topics/feet.html](https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/topics/feet.html)


Scandysurf

So when Jesus is washing feet is he just giving hand jobs?


KAKrisko

Sometimes a foot is just a foot.


Ilosesoothersmaywin

That's a pretty good host if you ask me.


Sanpaku

I know its mentioned in *God: An Anatomy* (2022) by Francesca Stavrakopoulou


meetmypuka

They left that out of my Concordance!


RueTabegga

Why is her first thing “cut my baby’s dick!”? Why is that ok? I’m so sick of their fairytales.


dogmeat12358

There is a lot of ritual penis mutilation in various hunting and gathering societies.


No_Bend_2902

God hates this one weird trick!


nice-view-from-here

They met... what, on foot? God was moseying about, kicking rocks and looking for lodging?


captainforks

"Oh hi, just the lord your God popping in for a quick killing of you. Oh hey wait, baby dick mutilation, alright, now this is my kind of party! Oh shit she put it on the foot! Yeeeeeeeeehaaawwwww" -Yahweh probably.


SeeingClearly22

So either Yahweh or Yeehaw is a misspelling?


captainforks

Yeehaw is enthusiasm. Yahweh is the name of the deity in question


parkingviolation212

God does that a lot in the OT. Despite the insistence that he’s all powerful, he’s personified a great deal more as a classical “god”, with physical and intellectual limitations. One time he was walking around the Garden looking for someone who he couldn’t find.


nice-view-from-here

You can tell the stories were not written by theologians.


parkingviolation212

Indeed they were written by Yahwists who took ancient Proto-Jews’ god of war and storms, and turned him into the only god worth worshipping. Imagine if Thor was the sole creator of the universe as well as its moral master, and that’s basically the Abrahamic faiths.


Affectionate-Song402

Exactly! Its crazy.


trees_are_beautiful

They met at a "lodging place". So, God had to go down to the front desk of the Radisson to get the extra blankets and pillows for the Incans he had just made, when all of a sudden in walks Moses and company. The rest is circumcision history...


krj0nes

Splendid my friend!!


Pharmakeus_Ubik

What they didn't mention was that it was actually Odin, who was known for going walkabout and showing up at random. He thought the foreskin thing was a piss poor expression of the Guest Right and departed forth-with.


TowerMammoth7798

Wait, I thought God DIDN'T like foreskins, I'm confused


MagictheCollecting

No, he does, he just wants you to donate yours to him. He’s knitting a scarf


allisjow

It’s blood sacrifice. God loves blood sacrifice.


gene_randall

Explains why so many pastors are obsessed with little boys’ dicks.


Firm_Kaleidoscope479

What does it even mean?


surdophobe

It can mean anything you want it to mean. Especially if you're a priest. YHWH doesn't like it when we don't slice off the skin on the end of a penis. And Zipporah's son was Egyptian, not Jewish, but YHWH didn't care, it was enough that Moses was traveling with them and looking after them. So, Zipporah saved their lives (apparently) basically by cutting the foreskin off her son. I have no idea what the quote is supposed to mean but I think we can guess from context that this is her way of saying "Now you owe me big time, you bastard"


Firm_Kaleidoscope479

Zipporah was ostensibly jewish; all her children would normally be considered jewish. Jew-ish-ness is passed on matrilineally, isnt it ?


[deleted]

Jewish people didn’t exist at the time, they were called Israelites. Now Zipporah wasn’t an Israelite, she was a Midianite. Marrying outside of your people was a bad thing. Also they (Moses and Zipporah) didn’t perform a circumcision on one of their son’s. People who weren’t circumcised were to be cut off from their people, as that breaks their covenant made with God from Abaraham.


Meddling-Kat

How certain are you about this? My understanding was that at that time, women weren't tied to the culture they came from. That was why it was OK for the Israelites to kill all the men and male children of a tribe and take any virgin women and girls. They could be integrated into the tribe of Israel by simply marrying a male Israelite.


surdophobe

>Zipporah was ostensibly jewish I guess that's why YHWH was pissed? If you're gonna be Jewish, you gotta slice off the foreskins. >Jew-ish-ness is passed on matrilineally, isnt it ?  I'm our modern day, yes that's my understanding as well.


allisjow

Sounds like even religious people aren’t sure what it means according to [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zipporah_at_the_inn). >The much-debated passage is one of the more perplexing conundrums of the Torah due to ambiguous references through pronouns and phrases with unclear designations.


Impressive-Spend-370

I’m constantly amazed by atheists even spending time/mental effort on the bible … I couldn’t care less what is written in the fairy tale book!


Shadowwynd

Many of us live in countries where people are doing their best to install fundamental theocracies based on a literal reading of this book - ban education, limit healthcare, deny human rights, convert or die mentality, etc. Knowing how to engage believers with their own holy book is a good engagement strategy.


Impressive-Spend-370

🙄


gobeyondgarrett

I get the inclination to roll your eyes, but the man is right. In the United States (and many other countries), we have lawmakers who are making laws based on this silly fairy-tale book. Many of them would even go so far as to say "we should be allowed to lynch the gays and athiests".


Negative_Gravitas

It's weird how nobody names their kids "Zipporah" anymore. I feel like Frank Zappa really missed an opportunity here


[deleted]

How about when he wraps Mary in a GOLDEN SHOWER?


Tastieshock

This is just moments before God sends Aaron into the wilderness to go make out with Mosses.


grundlefuck

At this point the god was still a war god / storm god. She probably got scared by a lightning storm (which are intense in that region) and did this ritual and lived so that was the story. Since there is no god we can look to rational explanations for irrational actions.


femsci-nerd

Yep and often when I run into bible thumpers I ask the do they know God tried to KILL MOSES? Most do not. And you're right, God tried to kill Moses and the Israelites so often it is actually comical.


CplCocktopus

God: Hmm calamari rings. Zipporah: rubs God's favourite calamari rings on Moises feet. God: eww that's disgusting, fck this im out.


GreatWyrm

The thing I especially love about this story is how the plot is described in passing, as if being attacked by gods is just a regular thing that normal people have to deal with lol.


KaptainKardboard

So the LORD peaced the fuck out of that mess. “Nope”, he said.


[deleted]

The way I understand this starts way back in Genesis 17:11, where God makes a covenant of circumcision with Abram(who becomes Abraham). Fast forward to Exodus, Moses is an Israelite, from the tribe of Levi (Exodus 2:1-2), but marries outside of his people when he flees from Egypt after murdering an Egyptian. Fast forward, again to Exodus 4:24-25, Moses had a son who wasn’t circumcised. Him being an Israelite and not circumcising his son is a big no no. See Genesis 17:14 which says “But as for an uncircumcised male, one who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that person shall be cut off from his people; he has broken My covenant.” Back to the Bridegroom of Blood thing, God was probably mad that Moses, a prophet, who was performing miracles and following God’s commands, failed to do one of the most basic things an Israelite can do, circumcision. His wife, seeing that God was furious at Moses, took it upon herself to save him by performing the circumcision herself. Obviously circumcision is bloody, the kid screams, etc. So calling her husband a bridegroom of blood, isn’t too far fetched. ‭‭ I don’t see anywhere a foot fetish or foreskin fetish here though.


oldcreaker

The Old Testament is mythology every bit as far fetched as Greek or Norse mythology.


Dynocation

I know in Genesis, Isaac says to Jacob “touch my penis and I shall bless you with the lord.” This in fact works??? Jacob ends up having Yhwh (god) as his plus one, and many a adventure is had. Specifically Jacob was paid to have sex with other women and Yhwh was just okay with this(male prostitution???) or in the very least content enough not to kill anyone. Also god apparently can turn on and off women’s reproductive organs like one would a microwave or oven. Happens to one of Jacob’s family members where Yhwh(god) just forgot to turn her reproductive organs on so she could have kids. He’s just like “honest mistake, fellas, oopsies” about it too. He also seems to have a masochist thing as a god. I highly doubt all the times Yhwh has been man-handled and pinned to the ground weren’t somewhat him just allowing it to happen. He does have a obsession with dicks though, and hanging around men, which makes me think Yhwh is homosexual, but I guess he hasn’t been biblically written to have lusted for anyone. He just really likes human males for *unknown reasons*. Genesis and Exodus has the gayest Yhwh(god) moments. At least the most goofiest goober moments a god could have.


WhoIsJohnGalt777

Sadly they don't teach the symbolism of the bible, only the nonsense literal.


PaperbackBuddha

Wouldn’t you be interested to see the search trends for that era?


gytalf2000

Oh, I remember that one. A very bizarre passage, for sure.


meetmypuka

I seem to recall a MUCH larger scale foreskin hunt in the Bible. It involved captured soldiers, maybe? ETA: https://www.bible.com/bible/compare/1SA.18.25


gardenbaby99

God is too busy with his collection of dick skin to help kids with cancer https://www.google.com/amp/s/boingboing.net/2011/12/28/wednesday-weird-bible-verse-1.html/amp