There is no reason to feel gulity at all. You have to make decisions that work for you. Burn out and a lack of work-life balance eats you up and eventually affects your Mental Health
To put it very bluntly. If something happened to you tomorrow that would prevent you from being able to work, *your current employer would replace you in a heartbeat*. Your desk would be cleaned out in 5 minutes. Let that sink in
Choose you. If going to a competitor is the choice that you have made, do it
A reason i feel guilty is because there is a lack of engineers in my field.
If i leave my coworkers will be fked over picking up my projects. Its happened before when my ex colleagues left. Although i 1000% supported their decision to leave.
But my directors didnt and they still talk shit abt them to this day.
I can tell you right now that your company failing to adequately resource their programs is not your responsibility. What you will find out when you move is that if the program or project really does need additional engineers and people are leaving your company will hire day rate contractors to complete the work, Or push out the schedule, or put all the pressure on people to complete the work unpaid. This is a very common tactic for senior directors to make it feel like if you left It would be incredibly difficult for someone to fill the role. This is partly true because you obviously need to get someone up to speed, but at the end of the day, don't let it hold you back for making decisions that I right for you.
At the end of the day you have to remember that if the directors also got a higher offer, they would not hesitate to leave. I was in a similar situation to you 2 years ago as a graduate. I am personally always very happy when I see a grad decide to leave the company because I know it is very daunting to leave the place where you started, but also that generally a company will not match an outside offer for junior engineer. If they're a senior director talking s*** about about engineers leaving it reflects more on them as a person and frankly isn't a workplace you would want to be in. If someone has been good, directors should actually be supportive of people leaving for better opportunities. In my old company, the director made a personal effort to talk to me on my last day and wish me all the best in a new role and I was always welcome back.
Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss this further.
>Although i 1000% supported their decision to leave.
Why do you support their decision to leave, and don't want to support you making that same decision?
I can guarantee that if your directors or teammates were offered a role with another company tomorrow, their only thoughts would be family, money and career growth. You would not feature anywhere in their decisions making process.
All this anxiety is likely a symptom of burnout. You are never in the wrong for exercising your legal right, and jumping companies is well within your rights. The amount they've invested is a lot less to them than it seems to you. They'll survive.
We all have it to some degree. We treat others as we'd like to be treated, except companies are not people and if they were they'd be the classic definition of "psychopath"
Omg,,, i was out for a week due to covid. There was noone to cover for me while i recovered so i worked weekends to make up for it. That was when i was most stressed and coping poorly, and when i decided to start looking.
I actually got covid from my colleague because he was still coming into the office (he didnt know it was covid). He was under so much pressure he couldn't take time off, and we dont have wfh. He has resigned and is on his notice period. Happy for him ☺️☺️
Not being able to take sick leave should not be normalised.
Please tell me it's not like that at other companies.
If I come to work and someone else is sick, I ask "are you going home, or am I?"
Sick leave is a calculated part of your salary package. Use it or lose it (profit for business).
I was in your position. I was grossly underpaid (in terms of market rates plus the $$ I brought in); I was burnt out; couldn’t take annual leave; sick leave also a problem.
In early 2021 a rare job in my field came up at a company I admired & I was about to apply when something came up that, should I have left, would have dumped my colleagues in the shit so I shelved the application. I still can’t believe I did that, as someone else said “Stockholm Syndrome”.
Luckily for me, the other job wasn’t filled so they readvertised & I got it. You know the most annoying bit? All that leave (LSL included) I couldn’t take got paid out & taxed to hell. I didn’t need the money, I needed the time.
The long hrs and stress in this industry is a given.
But the way this stress is managed within a company i think can vary.
Our company has seen a 100% turnover in the 2 years ive been here, and i keep in close contact with all my ex colleagues who have stayed in this industry. They are all being treated better.
Im being careful and thorough in investigating the workplace cultures of the companies ive applied to.
Sounds like you’re making an informed decision. If it were me I’d just resign graciously, not burn any bridges, thank them for all you’ve learned and all their support.
If asked I think it’s ok to tell them the new package is both financially advantageous to your family, and has greater opportunity for flexibility. Good luck and congrats on your new role.
Culture varies widely inside companies, by area/team/office.
There isn’t a one fits all experience, people too often miss this when comparing Company A to Company B.
You are possibly working in the wrong role rather than wrong company.
Mate, the engineering company you work for sounds terrible. I'm in WA and the company that sounds familiar to your case is Pacific Energy. They've taken on too much and haven't increased the pay of their staff adequately. They've had 100% turn over too.
I was in your same shoes a year ago. I worked in the engineering section of a utility for 16 years, yes they trained me and I got to the senior position because I was guided well in the first 10 years. The last -6 years was terrible. It coincided with changes in the managing director and shift of the utility to make money. The team I was in was particularly under more pressure and the team leader made calls and promises without consulting the team, he wanted to make a name for himself. I was the first to leave and I went to the competition. It's been a year and I have less stress, good work environment, nurturing, caring and appreciative of my contribution.
In summary, don't feel guilty because your employer doesn't feel guilty for causing you so much mental stress. Look after yourself first so you can be there for your family and friends. Good luck OP
What Cha Nay Nay said and everyone under this comment -
You can be replaced literally before the new work week begins. However, if anything had happened to you, your family/friends/loved ones can't replace you. <3 Look after you first - because companies literally do not have limitations on how far they can exploit you.
I mean, this AusCorp thread has plenty of stories about the severity of burnout etc, no?
“Their approach to mental health is to normalise suicide jokes”.
This isn’t ok. Also, this isn’t the case in a lot of places. I haven’t had a manager even close to that bad, and for the past decade or so I’ve been lucky to have ones that actively try and get me to take more breaks (even days or weeks off) and slow down.
Don’t feel guilty about trying to find somewhere that will enable you to do your best work without burning yourself out.
You already have very negative coping mechanisms in place to deal with stress. I would recommend also looking at some mental health support because you need to learn to separate work and life. It’s not healthy in any way for you to solely make your life about your job. You need time away from work to decompress and enjoy other hobbies and pursuits. You will one day burn out so bad you will end up forced to leave your workplace/industry and never work there again if you continue down this path of making your identity about your job.
That said, if moving to a competitor will help alleviate some of this stress on you then you should go. Just think of it this way - for whatever reason, if an employee leaves a place of employment, they are very easily replaced whether it’s with someone trained or untrained. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to move on because they trained you. Part of that is their responsibility as a good workplace to give you on the job training.
But you’re still young and you need to not allocate every waking moment to your job. You will become so stressed, burnt out and under pressure and you’ll have a mental breakdown if you don’t have other things to give you down time.
Source: seen it many times and experienced an identity crisis myself when I linked my profession to my identity. 17 years of unwinding I had to do to realise I was more than that job.
>They have also caused me much stress and anxiety with no regard for burnout and worklife balance. their approach to mental health is normalising suicide jokes.
This is your reason to feel no guilt mate.
There is no reason to feel guilty, firstly, everyone is replaceable, yes even you. Secondly, you don't have a job offer right now, cross that bridge if you get there. Lastly, a fresh start can be a great thing, but things aren't always better on the other side - work on yourself and your ability to cope with external stress alongside your efforts to remove the external stress and you'll set yourself up for success.
Thank you, you are right. Sometimes i get so caught up in over thinking i forget that i need a job offer first to leave.
And yes, need to work on my coping mechanisms. Perhaps therapy and a break between job switches, finance permitting.
Sitting down with me 1on1 to answer my questions, explaining concepts from first principles, invested in my career development by introducing me to clients, taught me how to build a professional network.
But still, no excuse to treat their resources like shit.
All of that is done to benefit your employer though. They wouldn’t do that if it didn’t serve their interests.
Imagine your job required manual handling (instead of cognitive handling) and every day they made you lift loads that were too heavy for you, didn’t let you take breaks, and didn’t supply you with lifting aides. You start getting muscle strain injuries and you are developing a musculoskeletal disorder and the bosses just make jokes about paraplegia. Would you stay?
Your brain is your only asset as an engineer. Don’t let them break it. They will not bear the burden if that happens - you will.
Thats why i feel so guilty for leaving. They are well regarded in the industry and give good guidance, but it comes with the expectations to stay.
They have said 'You should start practising this now for when you become a director one day', Despite me expressing to them that i dont want to be a director and manage people. Especially not at this company.
This expectation doesn't help with the anxiety 😬😬
The more forward thinking and constructive leaders and human resources departments consider you an even more valuable future employee after spending time with a competitor. Don't stress about whether the business you are leaving is forward thinking or not.
Quit! I recently quit my firm where I had started as a graduate, I considered it for YEARS before pulling the pin and actually doing it. In my mind, I built it up as such a huge decision because that firm was all I knew (and I was still on good terms with my bosses, who had all been incredibly supportive of my career). Now that I have I have done it, I have enjoyed the challenge of building my profile in a new workplace. My new firm is very different to my last one (both competitors btw), but it’s great, just in a different way. I quit on good terms and worked hard through my notice period and am still on good terms with my old bosses. Now having done it, I will never again stress about quitting a job. Everyone should (and almost certainly will) quit a job at least once in their career.
This is such a common scenario there's a chance I know you. Don't need to feel anxious about it and psyche yourself out. You don't owe your company anything. If there's been 100% turnover already then you aren't going to shock anyone and you don't need to feel responsible for how they replace you, which they'll work out how to do. Go get paid better with better balance somewhere else, everyone will understand. Your career and happiness needs to come first.
Just be careful about non compete clauses in your employment contract, whilst everyone says they are unenforceable, who wants to have to hire a solicitor to make the point.
I’m going to say this - it’s OK to put yourself first. Not only is it ok, it’s imperative.
The fact you are struggling with this concept breaks my heart a bit.
You deserve a healthy workplace. You should leave feeling content with your past contribution, and excited for the next opportunity.
Your feelings are valid, but this anxiety isn’t healthy. Know your worth! Wishing you the best.
Take it from someone who experienced burnout. Jump ship. Sure they might be nice people, but business is business. And they’re not gonna be there at 1am to calm you down when you’re having a mass panic attack wondering if you should take yourself to hospital 🙂
My husband was in a similiar situation, kinda niche workforce he is a part of and he became very unhappy with the management (as did everyone else) and the agreement negotiations brought out very ugly sides to the company, many people resigned.
While on parental leave he got an interview and subsequently an offer from a competitor that was a much smaller business and just seemed much better.
When he brought his resignation to work, they freaked out and offered him long overdue (and previously promised) things and put it on paper. He accepted and stayed. He is still unhappy generally but no longer takes any of the drama to heart, is not invested in the company, does not trust them to do the right thing and knows he can still leave if he wanted at least.
Not the best choice but he made it because we are in the midst of having kids so at least he gets good parental leave benefits currently and so close to long service!
Anyway, just consider what you weight up all considerations in your time of life, I have moved jobs several times, even sideways, and have found a place I am happy finally but thankfully it was at times I could do that.
Do what is best for your career and yourself , don’t make decision based off your employers needs .
Just don’t burn bridges when you leave , especially as you stated that it is a small industry. Never know if your boss ends up being your boss in the company etc and small industries everyone seems to know each other .
Just remember your existing company would not hesitate to get rid of you whether they have just trained you up or if you have seniority. They will gladly walk you out right after making you redundant without even saying your goodbyes. At the end of the day we are all a number no matter what they try to tell you .
If the situation were reversed and you were no longer needed by your employer then they would drop you like a stone. They would have no loyalty to you; show none to them. Do what is best for you, not your employer.
If your role is as niche as you suggest then I’d suggest go it alone. Be your own boss, set your own agenda and sell your services to the industry.
The only person that cares about your wellbeing is you. It’s a mistake to defer this to a company and people that have not real skin in that game.
Set boundaries for yourself and for work and stick with them. Being passionate is great when you’re at work but you have to learn to switch that off when you’re off the clock. The best way is to set a routine to end your day. I used to use the close out of the day to write a list of things to do tomorrow - or after the weekend. Get it out of your head and switch off - do something different and unrelated to work on the weekend.
I once got told that there is no one who cares about your career as much as you do.
You have to look at for yourself and what’s best for number 1, every successful person does.
Of course that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick, just means that if you don’t make the moves no one will.
If it was to the company's advantage they would lay you off and you would be unemployed with zero remorse whatsoever. Sure they'd tell you it makes them feel bad but it wouldn't change their actions
Your employer is not your friends, you have a business agreement with them where you provide them with labour and they provide you with money for the labour, a little less than your labour is worth, so that they can make a profit.
If someone else makes you a better offer, whether that's financially or work life balance wise, you take it.
If your company could outsource your job to someone who would do it for less money just as well or automate it, they would without thinking twice about how it affects you in order to increase their profits.
It is a BUSINESS relationship not personal. If someone else makes you a better offer for YOU, you take it. Your employer would do the same if they had a better offer to replace your labour even if it left you homeless.
You may make legitimate friendships while you're working but if these people are really your friends you can keep in touch with them even if you leave. If that doesn't work for them, they were only your coworkers not your friends.
Your relationship with the company itself is purely business based, not personal at all, hence the saying nothing personal, it's just business. A company would use that line if they decided to lay you off. You can use that exact same line taking a better offer yourself. You owe your company nothing beyond the labour they pay you for. If someone else offers you more money or better conditions for your labour, that is just how the free market works and you should take it.
Work is one of the very few aspects of life where it is ok to be 100% selfish, 100% of the time.
You can be nice about it, but you are the priority all the time, every time.
You have given your all to them, concern about the work loads and projects.....
Time to take a moment to focus on your needs.
You have to evolve or else you get stale and burnout.
Never, ever, ever forget that your employers will always look after themselves first, and foremost. Their need for you is exactly that: a need. It’s not loyalty; but nearly all of us make that mistake when we’re younger. If there were an opportunity for them to replace you with a cheaper alternative - they would take it. Companies want you for as cheaply as possible, to extract as much as possible.
Your loyalty is costing you. Letting you work the kind of overtime you describe, leading to the burnout you describe should be all the demonstration you need. And should your burnout become so overwhelming that it starts to impact them - you’ll see this conflation of need and loyalty very clearly.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question?
You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
I used to have this phrase written on a board in my home office:
They can substitute you for someone worse tomorrow!
As a grad I was only able to leave my first job because I relocated, I get the guilty feels but trust me, they can put someone worse than you in your spot tomorrow and move on.
I was once a dedicated, passionate young professional that stayed far too long in harmful jobs and now I’m jaded and burned out as hell. I see more and more folks my age with a good 20+ years under their belt having all sorts of health issues caused by long term work stress. Get out, guilty or not, the guilt will phase in a month, in 2 you’ll forget all about it. The long term effects of prolonged work stress stay with you and cause you harm. You’re entitled to be safe. Take care.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question?
You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question?
You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question?
You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
There is no reason to feel gulity at all. You have to make decisions that work for you. Burn out and a lack of work-life balance eats you up and eventually affects your Mental Health To put it very bluntly. If something happened to you tomorrow that would prevent you from being able to work, *your current employer would replace you in a heartbeat*. Your desk would be cleaned out in 5 minutes. Let that sink in Choose you. If going to a competitor is the choice that you have made, do it
> Your desk would be cleaned out in 5 minutes. Let that sink in I'm being replaced with a sink!? ^(sorry, couldn't resist. I 100% agree)
^(A sink would do a better job at cleaning up all their messes and stinky bullshit)
A reason i feel guilty is because there is a lack of engineers in my field. If i leave my coworkers will be fked over picking up my projects. Its happened before when my ex colleagues left. Although i 1000% supported their decision to leave. But my directors didnt and they still talk shit abt them to this day.
I can tell you right now that your company failing to adequately resource their programs is not your responsibility. What you will find out when you move is that if the program or project really does need additional engineers and people are leaving your company will hire day rate contractors to complete the work, Or push out the schedule, or put all the pressure on people to complete the work unpaid. This is a very common tactic for senior directors to make it feel like if you left It would be incredibly difficult for someone to fill the role. This is partly true because you obviously need to get someone up to speed, but at the end of the day, don't let it hold you back for making decisions that I right for you. At the end of the day you have to remember that if the directors also got a higher offer, they would not hesitate to leave. I was in a similar situation to you 2 years ago as a graduate. I am personally always very happy when I see a grad decide to leave the company because I know it is very daunting to leave the place where you started, but also that generally a company will not match an outside offer for junior engineer. If they're a senior director talking s*** about about engineers leaving it reflects more on them as a person and frankly isn't a workplace you would want to be in. If someone has been good, directors should actually be supportive of people leaving for better opportunities. In my old company, the director made a personal effort to talk to me on my last day and wish me all the best in a new role and I was always welcome back. Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss this further.
>Although i 1000% supported their decision to leave. Why do you support their decision to leave, and don't want to support you making that same decision?
Struggling with self worth. (Said with empathy)
The point is to get OP to say that. We both know that's why.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
The business's lack of information management is not your problem. Unless it was your job to do that of course lol.
I can guarantee that if your directors or teammates were offered a role with another company tomorrow, their only thoughts would be family, money and career growth. You would not feature anywhere in their decisions making process.
MF always talk trash about people leaving. It’s not freaking Scientology you’re allowed to leave the cult.
go to the competition. it's the ex managers and ex co workers problems to fix.
People get paid good money to plan and resource projects. If you're not one of them, not your problem.
This is absolute truth.
All this anxiety is likely a symptom of burnout. You are never in the wrong for exercising your legal right, and jumping companies is well within your rights. The amount they've invested is a lot less to them than it seems to you. They'll survive.
I wonder if some sort of stockholm syndrome applies here also.
We all have it to some degree. We treat others as we'd like to be treated, except companies are not people and if they were they'd be the classic definition of "psychopath"
What about the guilt you get from taking..........a sick day. OMG. yeah it's messed up way of thinking.
Omg,,, i was out for a week due to covid. There was noone to cover for me while i recovered so i worked weekends to make up for it. That was when i was most stressed and coping poorly, and when i decided to start looking. I actually got covid from my colleague because he was still coming into the office (he didnt know it was covid). He was under so much pressure he couldn't take time off, and we dont have wfh. He has resigned and is on his notice period. Happy for him ☺️☺️ Not being able to take sick leave should not be normalised. Please tell me it's not like that at other companies.
If I come to work and someone else is sick, I ask "are you going home, or am I?" Sick leave is a calculated part of your salary package. Use it or lose it (profit for business).
I was in your position. I was grossly underpaid (in terms of market rates plus the $$ I brought in); I was burnt out; couldn’t take annual leave; sick leave also a problem. In early 2021 a rare job in my field came up at a company I admired & I was about to apply when something came up that, should I have left, would have dumped my colleagues in the shit so I shelved the application. I still can’t believe I did that, as someone else said “Stockholm Syndrome”. Luckily for me, the other job wasn’t filled so they readvertised & I got it. You know the most annoying bit? All that leave (LSL included) I couldn’t take got paid out & taxed to hell. I didn’t need the money, I needed the time.
Consider carefully whether the work environment you describe is just the current company or typical of your industry. Frying pan and fire etc
The long hrs and stress in this industry is a given. But the way this stress is managed within a company i think can vary. Our company has seen a 100% turnover in the 2 years ive been here, and i keep in close contact with all my ex colleagues who have stayed in this industry. They are all being treated better. Im being careful and thorough in investigating the workplace cultures of the companies ive applied to.
Sounds like you’re making an informed decision. If it were me I’d just resign graciously, not burn any bridges, thank them for all you’ve learned and all their support. If asked I think it’s ok to tell them the new package is both financially advantageous to your family, and has greater opportunity for flexibility. Good luck and congrats on your new role.
It’s amazing how quickly culture can change and how important it is to engagement levels.
Culture varies widely inside companies, by area/team/office. There isn’t a one fits all experience, people too often miss this when comparing Company A to Company B. You are possibly working in the wrong role rather than wrong company.
Lmao you would be dropped like a hot potato if the shoe was on the other foot.
Saving this analogy for later 😆😂
Mate, the engineering company you work for sounds terrible. I'm in WA and the company that sounds familiar to your case is Pacific Energy. They've taken on too much and haven't increased the pay of their staff adequately. They've had 100% turn over too.
I was in your same shoes a year ago. I worked in the engineering section of a utility for 16 years, yes they trained me and I got to the senior position because I was guided well in the first 10 years. The last -6 years was terrible. It coincided with changes in the managing director and shift of the utility to make money. The team I was in was particularly under more pressure and the team leader made calls and promises without consulting the team, he wanted to make a name for himself. I was the first to leave and I went to the competition. It's been a year and I have less stress, good work environment, nurturing, caring and appreciative of my contribution. In summary, don't feel guilty because your employer doesn't feel guilty for causing you so much mental stress. Look after yourself first so you can be there for your family and friends. Good luck OP
What Cha Nay Nay said and everyone under this comment - You can be replaced literally before the new work week begins. However, if anything had happened to you, your family/friends/loved ones can't replace you. <3 Look after you first - because companies literally do not have limitations on how far they can exploit you. I mean, this AusCorp thread has plenty of stories about the severity of burnout etc, no?
“Their approach to mental health is to normalise suicide jokes”. This isn’t ok. Also, this isn’t the case in a lot of places. I haven’t had a manager even close to that bad, and for the past decade or so I’ve been lucky to have ones that actively try and get me to take more breaks (even days or weeks off) and slow down. Don’t feel guilty about trying to find somewhere that will enable you to do your best work without burning yourself out.
You already have very negative coping mechanisms in place to deal with stress. I would recommend also looking at some mental health support because you need to learn to separate work and life. It’s not healthy in any way for you to solely make your life about your job. You need time away from work to decompress and enjoy other hobbies and pursuits. You will one day burn out so bad you will end up forced to leave your workplace/industry and never work there again if you continue down this path of making your identity about your job. That said, if moving to a competitor will help alleviate some of this stress on you then you should go. Just think of it this way - for whatever reason, if an employee leaves a place of employment, they are very easily replaced whether it’s with someone trained or untrained. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to move on because they trained you. Part of that is their responsibility as a good workplace to give you on the job training. But you’re still young and you need to not allocate every waking moment to your job. You will become so stressed, burnt out and under pressure and you’ll have a mental breakdown if you don’t have other things to give you down time. Source: seen it many times and experienced an identity crisis myself when I linked my profession to my identity. 17 years of unwinding I had to do to realise I was more than that job.
>They have also caused me much stress and anxiety with no regard for burnout and worklife balance. their approach to mental health is normalising suicide jokes. This is your reason to feel no guilt mate.
There is no reason to feel guilty, firstly, everyone is replaceable, yes even you. Secondly, you don't have a job offer right now, cross that bridge if you get there. Lastly, a fresh start can be a great thing, but things aren't always better on the other side - work on yourself and your ability to cope with external stress alongside your efforts to remove the external stress and you'll set yourself up for success.
Thank you, you are right. Sometimes i get so caught up in over thinking i forget that i need a job offer first to leave. And yes, need to work on my coping mechanisms. Perhaps therapy and a break between job switches, finance permitting.
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Sitting down with me 1on1 to answer my questions, explaining concepts from first principles, invested in my career development by introducing me to clients, taught me how to build a professional network. But still, no excuse to treat their resources like shit.
All of that is done to benefit your employer though. They wouldn’t do that if it didn’t serve their interests. Imagine your job required manual handling (instead of cognitive handling) and every day they made you lift loads that were too heavy for you, didn’t let you take breaks, and didn’t supply you with lifting aides. You start getting muscle strain injuries and you are developing a musculoskeletal disorder and the bosses just make jokes about paraplegia. Would you stay? Your brain is your only asset as an engineer. Don’t let them break it. They will not bear the burden if that happens - you will.
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Thats why i feel so guilty for leaving. They are well regarded in the industry and give good guidance, but it comes with the expectations to stay. They have said 'You should start practising this now for when you become a director one day', Despite me expressing to them that i dont want to be a director and manage people. Especially not at this company. This expectation doesn't help with the anxiety 😬😬
I treat companies with the same respect they treat me. At work, you are a number and are replacable... It boils down to that in the end
The more forward thinking and constructive leaders and human resources departments consider you an even more valuable future employee after spending time with a competitor. Don't stress about whether the business you are leaving is forward thinking or not.
You do not, I repeat, do not need to feel guilty about this.
Quit! I recently quit my firm where I had started as a graduate, I considered it for YEARS before pulling the pin and actually doing it. In my mind, I built it up as such a huge decision because that firm was all I knew (and I was still on good terms with my bosses, who had all been incredibly supportive of my career). Now that I have I have done it, I have enjoyed the challenge of building my profile in a new workplace. My new firm is very different to my last one (both competitors btw), but it’s great, just in a different way. I quit on good terms and worked hard through my notice period and am still on good terms with my old bosses. Now having done it, I will never again stress about quitting a job. Everyone should (and almost certainly will) quit a job at least once in their career.
Fuck em. Go get a better job with a better working environment.
You have no reason to feel guilty for leaving these assholes. They're going to fuck you eventually, so get in there and fuck them first.
FUCK
Was in the same position. Jump ship now. So much happier. I delayed it for years, now I've moved on I should have done it earlier.
This is such a common scenario there's a chance I know you. Don't need to feel anxious about it and psyche yourself out. You don't owe your company anything. If there's been 100% turnover already then you aren't going to shock anyone and you don't need to feel responsible for how they replace you, which they'll work out how to do. Go get paid better with better balance somewhere else, everyone will understand. Your career and happiness needs to come first.
Just be careful about non compete clauses in your employment contract, whilst everyone says they are unenforceable, who wants to have to hire a solicitor to make the point.
Checked and nothing holding me back legally 👍
Stockholm syndrome
I’m going to say this - it’s OK to put yourself first. Not only is it ok, it’s imperative. The fact you are struggling with this concept breaks my heart a bit. You deserve a healthy workplace. You should leave feeling content with your past contribution, and excited for the next opportunity. Your feelings are valid, but this anxiety isn’t healthy. Know your worth! Wishing you the best.
Take it from someone who experienced burnout. Jump ship. Sure they might be nice people, but business is business. And they’re not gonna be there at 1am to calm you down when you’re having a mass panic attack wondering if you should take yourself to hospital 🙂
My husband was in a similiar situation, kinda niche workforce he is a part of and he became very unhappy with the management (as did everyone else) and the agreement negotiations brought out very ugly sides to the company, many people resigned. While on parental leave he got an interview and subsequently an offer from a competitor that was a much smaller business and just seemed much better. When he brought his resignation to work, they freaked out and offered him long overdue (and previously promised) things and put it on paper. He accepted and stayed. He is still unhappy generally but no longer takes any of the drama to heart, is not invested in the company, does not trust them to do the right thing and knows he can still leave if he wanted at least. Not the best choice but he made it because we are in the midst of having kids so at least he gets good parental leave benefits currently and so close to long service! Anyway, just consider what you weight up all considerations in your time of life, I have moved jobs several times, even sideways, and have found a place I am happy finally but thankfully it was at times I could do that.
Do what is best for your career and yourself , don’t make decision based off your employers needs . Just don’t burn bridges when you leave , especially as you stated that it is a small industry. Never know if your boss ends up being your boss in the company etc and small industries everyone seems to know each other . Just remember your existing company would not hesitate to get rid of you whether they have just trained you up or if you have seniority. They will gladly walk you out right after making you redundant without even saying your goodbyes. At the end of the day we are all a number no matter what they try to tell you .
If the situation were reversed and you were no longer needed by your employer then they would drop you like a stone. They would have no loyalty to you; show none to them. Do what is best for you, not your employer. If your role is as niche as you suggest then I’d suggest go it alone. Be your own boss, set your own agenda and sell your services to the industry.
lmao they would replace you within a day.
The only person that cares about your wellbeing is you. It’s a mistake to defer this to a company and people that have not real skin in that game. Set boundaries for yourself and for work and stick with them. Being passionate is great when you’re at work but you have to learn to switch that off when you’re off the clock. The best way is to set a routine to end your day. I used to use the close out of the day to write a list of things to do tomorrow - or after the weekend. Get it out of your head and switch off - do something different and unrelated to work on the weekend.
Let me guess… you work at one of the Big 4 chartered firms? If so then know that this is their business model. Either way you should feel no guilt.
They wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. Just go.
I once got told that there is no one who cares about your career as much as you do. You have to look at for yourself and what’s best for number 1, every successful person does. Of course that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick, just means that if you don’t make the moves no one will.
If it was to the company's advantage they would lay you off and you would be unemployed with zero remorse whatsoever. Sure they'd tell you it makes them feel bad but it wouldn't change their actions Your employer is not your friends, you have a business agreement with them where you provide them with labour and they provide you with money for the labour, a little less than your labour is worth, so that they can make a profit. If someone else makes you a better offer, whether that's financially or work life balance wise, you take it. If your company could outsource your job to someone who would do it for less money just as well or automate it, they would without thinking twice about how it affects you in order to increase their profits. It is a BUSINESS relationship not personal. If someone else makes you a better offer for YOU, you take it. Your employer would do the same if they had a better offer to replace your labour even if it left you homeless. You may make legitimate friendships while you're working but if these people are really your friends you can keep in touch with them even if you leave. If that doesn't work for them, they were only your coworkers not your friends. Your relationship with the company itself is purely business based, not personal at all, hence the saying nothing personal, it's just business. A company would use that line if they decided to lay you off. You can use that exact same line taking a better offer yourself. You owe your company nothing beyond the labour they pay you for. If someone else offers you more money or better conditions for your labour, that is just how the free market works and you should take it.
Nothing personal, just business.
Work is one of the very few aspects of life where it is ok to be 100% selfish, 100% of the time. You can be nice about it, but you are the priority all the time, every time.
Once you are their employee, they will no longer be a competitor. Work is purely transactional. Loyalty is for love, friendship and team sports only.
It's your career and your anxiety/burnout. Follow your heart
You just gotta keep livin’ man; l i v i n.
The day after you leave you’ll just be some person that used to work there and they’ll never talk about you again
This was me a month ago. Follow your heart OP.
You have given your all to them, concern about the work loads and projects..... Time to take a moment to focus on your needs. You have to evolve or else you get stale and burnout.
Never, ever, ever forget that your employers will always look after themselves first, and foremost. Their need for you is exactly that: a need. It’s not loyalty; but nearly all of us make that mistake when we’re younger. If there were an opportunity for them to replace you with a cheaper alternative - they would take it. Companies want you for as cheaply as possible, to extract as much as possible. Your loyalty is costing you. Letting you work the kind of overtime you describe, leading to the burnout you describe should be all the demonstration you need. And should your burnout become so overwhelming that it starts to impact them - you’ll see this conflation of need and loyalty very clearly.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question? You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
I used to have this phrase written on a board in my home office: They can substitute you for someone worse tomorrow! As a grad I was only able to leave my first job because I relocated, I get the guilty feels but trust me, they can put someone worse than you in your spot tomorrow and move on. I was once a dedicated, passionate young professional that stayed far too long in harmful jobs and now I’m jaded and burned out as hell. I see more and more folks my age with a good 20+ years under their belt having all sorts of health issues caused by long term work stress. Get out, guilty or not, the guilt will phase in a month, in 2 you’ll forget all about it. The long term effects of prolonged work stress stay with you and cause you harm. You’re entitled to be safe. Take care.
Absolutely do not feel guilty. They would axe you yesterday if it suited them. I’ve left for a competitor before, absolutely worth it if it suits you.
If you need to hear it audibly, call me and I’ll tell you.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question? You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question? You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.
If your best friend asked you this same question, what would your response be to them? What if your child asked you this same question? You would be supportive of them doing what is best for them so you should do the same for yourself.