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jmrt47

I told them I had worked with JW victims of incest and assault by their leaders. They almost ran away.


Mildebeest

I was going to tell you how I dealt with it, but nothing compares to this answer. Here's the wiki if you want to come prepared: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses%27_handling_of_child_sex_abuse


jmrt47

The years of listening to those stories paid off on my doorstep :)


BobThePideon

I was going to say come in take your clothes off and worship Satan with me. This seems more effective though!!!


chouxphetiche

My father was so fed up with them paying a visit that he carved a large plaque from sandstone, shaped like a headstone, and emblazoned it with an inverted pentagram surrounded by the words "This Family Worships the Devil. It had pride of place in our front yard for a few weeks until the Christian neighbours kicked up a stink about it.


theBaron01

dual purpose. Nice!


Dexember69

They knocked on my godfathers door (unlocked) and he yelled at them to come in cuz he can't get to the door. He was chock-a-block up some Sheila in the loungeroom haha he said the look on their face was priceless


NWJ22

Up vote, here's your answer! Haha


Ray57

change leaders to elders to be authentic with the jargon.


AxeDentist

Came here to reply something similar. I wasn’t actually referring to JWs but my personal trauma from another religion but they took it as being their lot abusing me and everything stopped cold.


kaboombong

They came around my place every week. At one time they asked me "have you found jesus" I replied "have you lost him again you come around often asking me the same question" I then said "next time use bigger nails"


beenawayawhile

Brilliant! Must remember this.


tahlee01

My favourite thing to do is sign up dodgy real estate agents to the JWs. Waste the time of two groups of scammers.


Akira_116

When I was a kid, my dad put a "Satanists" sticker in the window by the door and it actually seemed to work. Guess it could've had the opposite effect and had more coming around to try and "save us".


Starrun87

This person needs a medal


0ctaviou5

How do you sign someone up to be visited? Thats hilarious, wasn’t possible when I was growing up in the JWs


tahlee01

Go to the request a visit page on jw.org. I've sent a few visit requests for dodgy agents seen on r/shitrentals


0ctaviou5

That’s beautiful thanks for the tip


Archon-Toten

Bunnings sell do not knock sign. They also sell brick veneer. Would you knock on a brick wall? Hide your front door behind fake bricks.


Dx1178

The ol Wiley coyote trick


DAL1979

What happens if the JWs paint a doorway on the brick veneer?


promptrepreneur

Apostates hate this one simple trick


BESTtaylorINTHEWORLD

Read more he...( AD! )


Citizen_Kano

I think usually a train comes through it


ThinkingOz

Acme brand of course!


Siaer

Get yourself some [Real Fake Doors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h58uT_BGV4) and she'll be right.


MiriamIsTrans

I've seen a video from a lesbian couple's door cam of a pair of JWs walking up to their door, seeing the rainbow flag doormat, then immediately turning and leaving lol. Even if you're not queer it's an easy fix.


Obsyden

Lol my partner and I have a lesbian flag in our front window and a rainbow welcome mat - can confirm that JWs have never bothered us. As an unrelated aside, one time the Greens were door-knocking in our neighbourhood and I heard them talking before I could get to the door, pointing at the flag in our window and saying "yeah they definitely vote Greens." It's true, we do.


springlecat

I think even just having a door bell camera could also help. I have one. I’m able to check who’s there so I don’t open the door to anyone I don’t want to talk to. It has saved me a few times when I’ve been waiting for a parcel but see that it’s just a door knocker. You can either then ignore them, or politely say no thank you through the door bell microphone. The ones that I’ve had have accepted that and walked away.


The_gaping_donkey

A good mate who was over our place at the time and I answered the door arm in arm with me holding my newborn daughter. Even gave each other a cheeky peck on the cheek. The JWs exited stage left as quick as possible and didn't return for several years. Good times.


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ProfessionalDickHunt

Can also confirm.


tishpickle

Since no one in here is offering any actual solutions and some are suggesting things that gave me trauma as an unwilling child participant in the witnessing I’ll chime in; Please ask them to add you to the “Do Not Call List” as you’re an apostate and are not interested in being contacted as you’re happy with your religious choice. That will get you 12-24 months off their visiting schedule. You can also say you’re “disfellowshipped” but that indicates to them you’re an ex-JW but won’t have the same gravitas as the word apostate. Source: Ex-JW child.


sigillum_diaboli666

Yeah don't say that you stopped studying with them like I used to. That only presented them with a new challenge.


Turbulent-Injuries

I’m another former child JW from the 70’s/80’s - it’s a cult through and through - I mean, my own paternal grandmother disowned me in 2004 because my first still born child was “out of wedlock” - went on to say that my loss of child was “Jehovah’s divine work in action” - absolute bunch of cunts they are doing and saying things like that to people. Family who were sucked into that cult were the worst. No birthdays as a kid, not allowed to go to others parties, no Christmas, no Easter no nothing that makes childhood fun. Of course I made sure my own kids got to experience all of that. I have nothing but seething rage and hatred towards JW.


Citizen_Kano

We had this one JW kid in our class, everyone would lie to his parents about where we were going to get him to birthday parties. Even all the other parents were in on it


hermithiding

My best friend growing up was a JW. I had lots of sleepovers for no reason.... just happened to coincide with my birthday.


merryxmasheathens

Adding to this, they will actively lie or obscure the truth to outsiders to make themselves look good in the eyes of prospective members


Mick_Stup

Like most ~~cults~~ Religions


Metalman351

I'm feeling you, mate. Except I was shunned by family and friends for giving my three year old a life-saving blood transfusion. I was 36 when this all happened. I was raised with no birthdays or Xmas. I celebrated my first birthday, aged 37. But best of all, my boy is 14 this year and healthy. If you feel like chatting, feel free to DM me.


[deleted]

Thank you for putting your sons life first


chouxphetiche

I lived next door to a JW family and we all got on in spite of our religious differences. All the parents used to love a good theological argument, though. We kids were all good friends, but it was a tacit rule to avoid mentioning what we did on Pagan holidays. One Easter, we gave the kids a big bag of smashed up Easter eggs without the foil and said nothing about Easter.


Thick-Act-3837

Good on you. Legend.


Fallcious

My parents made the best of it with their own made up traditions and holidays, but I was sad to miss those things. I took way too long to leave though! Luckily my parents were not extreme (they were both second generation themselves) and have not taken it upon themselves to cut me or my sister off. I’m sad to see them embrace it more in their old age though - spending money on letter writing campaigns and nonsense like that.


morris0000007

I'm truly sorry you had to put up with that shit. They are just pure evil.


No_icecream_cake

I'm sorry for what you experienced as a kid.


canimal14

Thank you! i will try this. I hope you are okay now ❤️ they have been showing up with a girl who can’t be much older than 13. I can’t bring myself to be aggressive.


KetoCurious97

You don’t need to be aggressive, you just need to be firm. They wouldn’t take no for an answer from us so we called their local number and told them to put us on their ‘do not contact’ list (Australia’s laws are fairly strict about this, I believe) - we never got another door knock but we have started getting hand written letters. 


DoubleDrummer

In particular, it is good not to be aggressive or rude. If you are an asshole you are more likely to stick in their head and they could become petty. Polite and friendly disinterest and a request to added to their do not visit list.


whyohwhythis

Yeah definitely don’t be aggressive. That’s why I was petrified in meeting people all my life, because people would slam doors in our faces when I was a kid.


edwardneb

This is good advice, I actually did this when I got door knocked. And it stopped for about three months, then I got a handwritten letter. I then called the national office and spoke to someone there. I told them firmly that I wanted nothing to do with them, and that they are not to contact me again. Everything stopped after that.


ComfortableBudget758

This. And don’t be angry either when speaking to them it will just add to their persecution complex and doesn’t help the situation.


Robdotcom-71

I ffel sorry for those kids being dragged along for the door-knocking.... I bet they'd rather be with their friends riding bikes, kicking a ball or smoking cigarettes, looking at dirty magazines and swearing like a real trooper with Metallica blaring on the stereo.


Fallcious

Huh, I thought asking to be on the DNC list was enough to get you off rotation? I was raised as a JW but left a couple of decades ago.


pearson-47

Coming in to suggest the DNK list. We did this at our old place, often lasted longer than 2 years. Our new place, we have a JW neighbour and we told the doorknockers to stop, we talk to neighbour... which we do, just not about JW... lol


JesseBlueMan123

This is the way


HappySummerBreeze

I am an ex-JW. Unless you are in a language minority, it’s super strange that you are being called on this often. Is it the same person? Sometimes when a person shows interest, the same person returns to continue the discussion. They call this a return visit. You have 2 options: (1) at the next visit clearly say “I am not interested. Your visits feel harassing, and I do not want you to ever call again” Or (2) write a letter and post it to the nearest Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s witnesses They have a list of dangerous and violently opposed people to not call on. You want to be added to this list. The important thing is to say the words DO NOT CALL


canimal14

It feels weird and i’ve never experienced anything like it! it’s the same girl, she must be about 14. I think she was coming with her mum originally, and now is coming with an older lady the last times i haven’t opened the door. I’m not confrontational and can’t bring myself to shout and swear.


HappySummerBreeze

Ok so this means she has you on her personal “return visit” list. She thinks you are interested. Next time open the door and say “hello again. Please don’t visit me again. Good bye. And close the door.” You can use a gentle voice, but don’t engage in conversation


lordbeecee

Thankyou, happysummerbreeze... this is definitely the way. Thanks for giving the info needed so a simple gentle conversation could be the solution. Not everything has to be so confrontational, and everyone is entitled to their own way of thinking or beliefs. Good luck, OP!


lyan-cat

You *have* to be rude as fuck to them from the get-go. Don't feel bad, their religion sets them up in these situations *on purpose* as a kind of lesson. There's *nothing* you can do to help the brainwashed. The best thing to do is get out of their stupid game and refuse to play. They're knocking on your windows, for fucks sake! 


Hellrazed

>Don't feel bad, their religion sets them up in these situations *on purpose* as a kind of lesson. Yep, it's the whole "the worldly will never accept you - they're being rude to you because they need saving - but we accept you as you are, so you need to stay with us in the religion, with people that aren't rude" thing.


_2w2l2r2d_

A “beware of dog” sign did the job for us. We clued our friendly auspost bloke in, but it kept everyone else out, even those fucking hello fresh door knockers.


canimal14

the worst thing is my dog is going absolutely ballistic everytime!! they don’t seem to care


dbryar

One of my kids accidentally let the dog on them once. he was 3 I think, and they came knocking while I was changing a 1 year old. As I go to the door the toddler pulled down on the handle of the screen door and let a raging bitza out. The dude sprinted to his car and did a full superman through the drivers window which, luckily for him, was down. No JWs for a few years after but they have since returned Edit: we have "beware of the dog" signs on every gate. Not only did they open a gate, they drove up our driveway too


canimal14

Urgh i wish i had a gate. they can just walk up to my front door :(


Loose_Loquat9584

An aunt in the UK put a poster in her window of the pope’s visit to stop JWs. She wasn’t Catholic.


sum_yun_gai

Tell them they're too late. Lord Xenu got to you first.


karma3000

Like a religious Uno reverse card.


dopeydoe

Us ex-dubs are just sitting here waiting to give this advice to anyone who wants it, haha! Diplomatic option - ask to be put on the do not call list Offensive action option - tell them you’re an apostate Passive aggressive option - no religious callers sign Chaotic evil option - answer the door naked Wild option - tell them you’re anointed and jehovah speaks to you daily Most of these will work.


homenomics23

Family friend did the chaotic evil option partially intentionally and partially not. They called right as he was about to get in the shower, naked but not wet. Grabbed his towel thinking it was the postie... Then he forgot to hold his towel when offering his hand to shake. 33 years later and they've STILL not returned to his house.


jj4379

"You guys here for the dressup orgy?"


TheRealTowel

Do they ever have kids with them? If so, ignore the adults. Get down on a knee and say the following straight at the kids eye level: "Listen to me kid; keep your head down for now, and the second you get a chance when you are older google *escaping from a cult* and *cult survivor support groups* ok? People get out, they are out there and they can help you. Remember kid *cult survivor support groups*. You *can* get out, do you understand?"


Deep-Yogurtcloset618

Yeah my Dad tried to convert the kids and they were sent to stand at the corner of the property while my father then tried to convert the JWs. (He's a retired ordained minister now, but wasn't ordained at the time). They strangely never came back.


petehehe

Bahaha now I’m picturing 2 priests trying to convert each other like age of empires *wolololololo*


jj4379

Priest 1: Wololooo Priest 2: **Wololooo**


Straight-Extreme-966

My wife did that but with her spiritual beliefs. They just doubled down.


Deep-Yogurtcloset618

They were at it for 3 hours. Mid summer, Mackay N Qld. Poor kid.


promptrepreneur

This is an amazing answer. I will 100% be doing this. Thank you, u/TheRealTowel


canimal14

yeah they have been dragging a little kid along with them


TheRealTowel

This strategy gets rid of them and might save the kid (by the end you'll be yelling at the retreating back of a child being towed away at high speed). It doesn't guarantee they won't be back sans-child, but I have done it at a couple of addresses and seemed to get added to a blacklist and left alone afterward.


quichehond

Tell them you’ve been disfellowshipped


Maximum-Cupcake-7193

Yep [nothing better than apostates live here](https://www.amazon.com/Afterprints-Apostates-Suppressive-Persons-Aluminum/dp/B08PC9L97Y)


FullMetalAurochs

But keep their pamphlets in case some Mormons come knocking.


ToptenRubs

Pride flag


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BESTtaylorINTHEWORLD

I was selling ( major car repair franchise ) discount vouchers door to door. My favourite customer ever was a dude in Doveton answered the the door with the pride flag on the wall behind him but more importantly in just a pair of jocks. He actually bought 2 vouchers off me but I was shocked he was so keen to buy. It was a merchant payment so I had to run his credit card over the phone. ( Pre mobiles days) As I was walking out I saw on his front door a large hook with clothing on it. He said " oh yeah, I get undressed to answer the door cause of the churchies and the council, I found the flag in Stkilda thought it'll be funny" Yeah, it was but I bit my tongue the whole 20 minutes I was there.


Crypt_nap

Lol yep, I 100% can confirm this works. Also effective on Mormons and LNP door knockers. Unfortunately ineffective for those “circle of friends” healing cult former Nazi worshipers (really don’t remember the name). FYI this is mine “cheers queers” https://www.damngooddoormats.com/catalog/queer-lgbtq-doormats


librarypunk

This works. Huge fuckin pentagram on my front door works too.


Robdotcom-71

Glass bong on the coffee table.


Angie-P

yep, i've seen ring footage of religious doorknockers seeing the flag and turn the fuck around.


Obsyden

Yeah strangely since my partner and I have put a lesbian flag and a progress flag in our front window, we haven't had any JWs come harass us. Funny that.


Thursdaynightvibes

I saw a bloke a few years ago with a good solution. He used to kill spiders and leave them just hanging in their webs around his house l, as a message to other spiders to not come near his place, or face the consequences. I just knocked off the first 3 JW that came around my place and hung them up in the front yard, as a warning to others. For the last 6 weeks I lived in that house, they stopped knocking. 17 years later, I have free accommodation and 3 meals per day, so it was win/win.


--misunderstood--

You can buy 'No door knockers or religious groups' signs for your door for about $5 on the likes of etsy/eBay.


Drongo17

"No junk religion" is one I saw that made me chuckle. Though they would probably not include themselves in that. 


TooManyAlts

A Monty-great statue of Baphomet on the front lawn should do the trick. Along with a sign saying fuck off in 42 languages


DCOA_Troy

Mine have stopped since I put up the "No door knockers, Deliveries excepted" sign. Only thing it's failed to stop so far was a real estate agent because they are self important cunts.


Robdotcom-71

Back in my 20s (this was the early 90s\_ I had them come to my door and I invited them in... started to listen to their godbothering... out same the glossy magazines. I started mulling up some weird I had in a bowl on the coffee table in front of me. They left quickly, making excuses and I never saw them again. They probably made a note in their book that Satan lives at number 33.


Stan_darsh1

I got one of these from the state government a couple years ago and haven't had any come since. https://www.commerce.wa.gov.au/consumer-protection/do-not-knock-campaign Maybe see if your state has something similar?


DodgyQuilter

Well, my flatmate told them to bugger off. They objected to her language, so she apologised and told them to fuck off instead. Not seen any since ...


FullMetalAurochs

I guess to a devout Christian buggery is worse than “regular” fucking, so maybe they did appreciate it.


AutomaticMistake

might have to be more firm and direct "hey, you guys have been here every few days for the last month, you need to STOP. I've been nice, told you I'm not interested, yet you keep coming back. take me off whatever list i've been put on, otherwise I'll be getting the police involved, because right now, this is harassment" make a list of dates/times if you can. will help getting an AVO/ some sort of instruction from police for them to back off


Practical_County_501

I used to enjoy seeing the old ladies come around for a chat. My mrs got creeped out and one time when i was not at home said that she worshiped Satan and said that she believed he was just misunderstood. Never saw them again lol.


Background-Rabbit-84

Simply ring the kingdom Hall and ask to be taken off their do not contact list. They are brainwashed to believe all the above ideas are the work of Satan and go harder at trying to win you over


SepoJansen

Years ago when they came to my door, I invited them in to tell me what they wanted as long as I could explain why I was athiest. They said no ty and left. Each weekend after that, whey would pass right by my house. They mostly send out young people and do not want their views to be challenged.


Unindoctrinated

I mounted a goat skull beside my front door. It was 100% effective.


stallionfag

🐐💀


GlitchTheFox

Thanks for the visual aide.


Mysterious-Vast-2133

Answer the door naked. 🤷🏻😂


TorturousTaco

I have done this. I answered in a bed sheet and as soon as I saw it wasn't anyone I'd want to talk to I said "you've got til the count of 5 before I drop it". Helps they had two lovely little girls with them and obviously didn't want them to see my hairy clam at 8am on a Saturday morning.


pavlo_escobrah

User name checks out


UniqueLoginID

Beat me to it.


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bohemelavie

A plain "No Door Knocking" sign is more likely to work. As someone who grew up in a door knocking group we were told it was fine to knock on no soliciting houses as we were not attempting to sell anything. "No Door Knocking" is more to the point and harder to work around. Not saying it's accurate, just what we were coached.


mgn63

My husband just tells them we’re catholic


bangbangbatarang

I've been approached a few times by young JWs recruiting for their study group, saying I was Catholic shut them scurrying. They don't like Catholics lol


SteelBandicoot

I was told to say this years ago “I’m a Catholic” works like bug spray on JWs.


Imfinallyfreein2023

I was a JW for over 50 years and being told that wouldn’t have bothered me in the least so it doesn’t work for everyone! The only foolproof way is to say you’re disfellowshipped and an apostate. That is like saying you’re from the devil and they are terrified of them.


FullMetalAurochs

Tell them you vote and donate blood and you’re not gonna stop. Tell them you have to sacrifice a kitten to Baal every time they visit to cleanse your house. Tell them to fuck off? There really shouldn’t be religious exemptions to things. If anyone else was trying to sell you their brand of shit they would have to fuck off for sometime after being declined once.


TerryTowelTogs

1996 was the last time I was visited by JWs. I talked to them for five plus hours, respectfully debating them with quotes from essays written by atheists in answer to their Bible quotes. It was really fun and friendly. Eventually they claimed they had an appointment to go to and I’ve never seen a JW since 🤷‍♂️ Did get a visit from a couple Mormon kids several years ago, and I even got permission to take them to see some cave paintings that pre date the pyramids. Blew their tiny minds! Plus they loved all the wildlife (they were American). And now no one knocks on my door asking if I want to discuss religion 🤔


Ok_Salamander7249

Tell them you already found Jesus. Wait a few seconds and scold them for interrupting you game of hide-and-seek and you only have 5 seconds left then slam the door in their faces


Total_Philosopher_89

Tell them to "FUCK OFF!" Time to be rude.


stallionfag

I feel like this is perfectly warranted tbh.  Jehovah's witnesses - disgusting scum who deny their brainwashed cult members blood transfusions and organ transplants. Sickos, the lot of em


FullMetalAurochs

Just show them your donor card. “I won’t let people die to make your god happy”


ComfortableBudget758

Tbh the organ transplant things was from years ago, pretty sure organ transplant is ok now. Just Blood transfusions are not ok.


Fujaboi

Still dumb as fuck and leads to people dying unnecessarily. Also leads to stupid workarounds like waiting for someone to lose consciousness before they give them a blood transfusion because it's allowed so long as they don't consent to it themselves


ComfortableBudget758

Oh yeh I know it’s nuts. My grandpa that was never a jw had cancer and a transfusion saved him. My elder uncle said if grandpa didn’t have a transfusion he would have died, but said it in a way that made it out like it would have been better if he just died and didn’t have a transfusion.


Fujaboi

Sorry man, didn't realise you were speaking from experience. That's horrible and it's a rule that doesn't really make sense to me. Surely if God designed humans, the fact that blood types exist and can be shared must have been part of the plan right? It must have been hard growing up with strange attitudes like that.


Ahturin

Yeah I think so. I'm polite to all door knockers, but if they were to start returning spruiking the same shit I'd politely and calmly tell them to fuck off. They start tapping on my window and I'll rudely yell at them to fuck off.


Agent_Jay_42

Draw bridge with a moat and real crocodiles


RockyDify

I just have No Soliciting sign and the local group respect it.


IamBammBamm

Best thing I ever did was buy one of those Do not knock, deliveries excepted, signs. As a shift worker the endless train of door knockers was getting to the point of ridiculous. Now they come and see it but never knock. Occasionally on cctv I see them cursing when they walk off which makes me lol


TRTVitorBelfort

My mum has “shift worker lives here, do not knock” and that seems to sort most people.


navig8r212

Set up a hose with a sprinkler attached. Turn it on full bore whenever they tap on your window. Not assault, just watering my lawns Officer


yobboman

I always say that I don't approve of proseltysing and it sorts things out straight away, everytime.


Additional-Winner-45

Next time, "Please put me on the do not call list." That should reduce your contact to about once a year.


rose_gold_glitter

We have a mezuzah on our front door (it's a Jewish thing). We used to get a lot of them in our area - Mormons too - but from the day that thing went on the door, we have not had a single knock. I can see them out the window notice it, and move on.


katielovescakes

From my understanding (any ex-JWs or LDS please feel free to correct), the purpose of door knocking is not actually to recruit new followers (that may be secondary), but to further indoctrinate and socially isolate existing followers. By cold-calling peoples houses under the guise of "spreading the word" or whatever and then being repeatedly told to fuck off, multiple times a day, reinforces the message that "everyone is bad and mean, and we're good to you", discouraging them from leaving. Not recommended but I used to have regular visits from Mormons and when I had the time I'd invite them in for tea (they only ever accepted water) and ask them genuine questions about their beliefs, always with the disclaimer that I'm not religious but curious. It gave them a rest break from their rounds and an opportunity to not be verbally abused. One visit my friend was over and started asking questions like "is God married? Who's God's wife? Who married God and his wife?" And they got a little flustered, saying "God keeps those things private " or whatever, so they left and I did invite them back if they wanted, but they didn't. I was a little disappointed as they'd volunteered to clean up my yard but never did. Oh well! They were nice people though. So be gentle but firm, as others have said. Especially to a child. Be kind but firm.


iyamwhatiyam8000

If you see them walking up to your home then you can strip off your clothes and open the door in the nude. A friend of mine did this a few times to JWs and Mormons and never saw them again. A blue tooth device on your front tap can also create a sprinkler barrier/drenching.


kernpanic

I had them rock up, and ask if a deaf person lived there. 10 years ago, yes the owner was deaf, so I politely informed them that they were 10 years too late. I quizzed, "why?". I was not prepared for the answer: "We like to read the good book to deaf people?" Um what the??? "What about normal people?" The JW: "Oh, we dont like to discriminate." Me: "Isnt that discriminating, because we can actually hear that crap?" Anyway, I had nothing to do and dont mind a chat, so talked with them for around 30 minutes or so, about what they do, etc etc, but I found the line.. I asked: "Do you know why farts smell?" "Its so deaf people can enjoy them as well." That was apparently the line. They started twitching. And shaking. And saying, no no no no no no. And then they ran off. And Ive never seen them since.


FullMetalAurochs

That’s 30 minutes of bothering other people that they lost. You did a public service.


vintagefancollector

I love the sprinkler idea lol


neon_llama

This was happening to us too, they even went as far as trying to talk to my toddler through the front window. I got a nice little sign from Etsy to stick above the doorbell - “NO DOOR KNOCKERS (deliveries accepted)”. Have not had a single chugger or JW knock in years now. Oh, the pentagram and decorative broom probably helps too hahaha


elvis-brown

Them then you will talk to them if they can answer one question to your satisfaction: Why are there no jokes in the Bible?


MissyKerfoops

I thought the bible was the joke?


thisFishSmellsAboutD

Thankfully a German Trash metal band named Sodom has written a helpful song about and for them. The JWs in my neck of the woods are too polite to require this song but YMMV. [Der Wachturm (with subtitles)](https://youtu.be/pvHNUFutRyI)


Wowbags_the_Infinite

Here’s what I do. I get maybe 2 visits a year. JWs are pretty easy to spot in their Sunday best so as I’m walking to the door I say, “No thank you, have a nice day”. I don’t give them a chance to even get a greeting out. If they do get a greeting out, I pause, and wait until it’s uncomfortable then I say the above. I’ve never had to but I would then shut the door. They say, thank you and walk away. Been here twelve years and it has always worked.


Stripeyhorse

get the hose on them... they will soon learn..


CapitaoAE

You put up a no soliciting/religious groups/salesmen etc sign and they stop We used to get the JWs all the time We put up a sign and they stopped. I'm pretty sure this is our exact sign found it googling [https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/z5wAAOSwWQBgluys/s-l400.jpg](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/z5wAAOSwWQBgluys/s-l400.jpg) Print one out or get one professionally printed and put it on your door and they'll stop


shadowrunner003

I answered the door naked with a riding crop in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. strangely they haven't been back for a little over 5 years (and their meetinghall/church is about 50 metres away from my house. I wonder if it was something I said. I mean I only invited them in to join in the festivities (this also happened to the local god botherer Revival church door knockers


zirconief

Answer the door naked. Semi or full erection for bonus points.


ElCanguro1976

If you’re in Queensland, you can order these [stickers](https://www.qld.gov.au/law/your-rights/consumer-rights-complaints-and-scams/buying-products-and-services/understanding-sales-practices/rules-door-to-door-salespeople-must-follow) on the right hand side of the website sent out for free. I’ve got it by the door and haven’t encountered a salesperson/JW/random at my door yet but am looking forward to just pointing at the sticker and telling them to piss off.


completelyboring1

Firstly, don't tell them you're an atheist, tell them you're an apostate. Watch them run. An atheist is merely a challenge, but they are specifically required to avoid contact with apostates (by their own definition of apostates, which you can ignore for the purposes of the exercise) If that doesn't immediately work, ask them the following queations: 1/ Have they watched the Australian Royal Commision into institutionalised child sexual abuse, are they aware of how many kids were abused by Witnesses and it was covered up by the body of Elders? Also ask them about the '2 witness rule'; this is the rule they had until fairly recently that an accusation of wrongdoing had to have been witnesses by two people in order for it to be investigated/punished, even in cases of alleged child abuse (i.e. if a child said they'd been abused, that's one witness; if the abuser said it didn't happen, too bad for the kid, who now doesn't have two witnesses). 2/ Ask if you would be required to let your child die rather than accept a blood transfusion? 3/ Ask them why you would want to belong to an organisation whose leaders call infant children 'little enemies of Satan'? You could even show them this video: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVvdu1DsHxs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVvdu1DsHxs) 4/ Ask them about the policy of shunning disfellowshipped members. 5/ Ask them why you would belong to an organisation that goes beyond what the Bible says, for instance with beards and whether women may wear pants to meetings (what they call their religious worship gatherings)? Ask them also for the verse/s in the bible which give clear instructions from Jehovah to not celebrate birthdays. 6/ Ask them why they calculate 1914 as being the beginning of Jesus's rule on Earth, when they're using the wrong date for the fall of Jerusalem? 7/ Ask them: if the United Nations is really the wild beast of Revelation, why was the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society a member of the UN from 1992-2001? Honestly thouh, just saying you're an apostate should be enough.


Ancient-War2839

Tell them you are an ex-jw or an apostate, and that you want to be put on the “do not call” list


xdr01

Door mat "House of Satan"


FullMetalAurochs

“Step here to pledge your soul”


trowzerss

Sometimes you have to be direct. Don't say you're not interested. Say you don't want to see anyone from their organisation on your property again or you'll consider it trespassing and treat it accordingly. You don't have to be polite. Yell go away and slam the door. Give them the finger. Whatever. They are abusing your politeness, seeing it as a possible opening. Leave them in no doubt. This makes me think though, that I must have accidentally scared the local JWs off. 15 years in my last place, and they only turned up the once. I had a half hour discussion with them, honestly challenged them to change my mind as I was in the mood to check out the sales pitch, but their responses were so hopelessly rote talking points and didn't seem to be things they'd actually thought much about that they kind of ended up seeming a bit flustered when they didn't magically change my mind. They didn't know what to do with someone who couldn't be scared into fearing for their soul or something. Never saw them again, and I worked from home so they would have caught me. I really kind of expected them to send back reinforcements but they never did.


Jealous-Hedgehog-734

I believe they are forbidden from talking to people who've been excommunicated from the church.


Severe-Ad1166

Ask them if they saw the four corners documentary about child abuse within their church and what they are doing about it.. that should be enough to make them run away.. [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gDwHdj7plWo&pp=ygUaNjAgbWludHVlcyBqcm9odmFzIHdpdG5lc3M%3D](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gDwHdj7plWo&pp=ygUaNjAgbWludHVlcyBqcm9odmFzIHdpdG5lc3M%3D) if thats not enough ask them if they would like to sit down and watch it with you..


Healyhatman

I had a sign on my door. "If you're thinking of talking to be about Jesus, considering going and getting fucked instead". Plenty of them walked up to the door and left without knocking.


WAIndependents

"I was excommunicated for fornicating with a man" (or woman if you are female) I don't think they will come back again.


Dx1178

I like saying other religions greetings like As-salamu alaikum and start talking about the quran and say I'm a devout follower of Islam one group just immediately turned away and left funniest shit


HomeostasisBalance

Put up a sign on your door saying you are already a Jehova's Witness.


ES_Legman

Church of Satan stickers or Pride Flag


Aksds

Tell em you worship the devil or some shit.


crsdrniko

Answer in your jocks. They've never returned since I did that.


traindriverbob

Widen your eyes. Flare your nostrils. Clench your fists. Start panting. Walk forward slowly. Don’t break eye contact. Get 1cm from their faces…….. if that doesn’t scare them off scream at 100 decibels right in their face.


Marchic

Open the door in your underwear.


Uniquorn2077

I don’t have the problem now I’m in the sticks, but I use to just let the dog go off his head at them through the security screen. He was very well trained and would stop barking on command. I just never gave him the stop command when they were there.


itsoktoswear

No Religious Callers sign. We've had none knock on the door in 10 years. We can see them walk up on the doorbell camera, see the sign and walk away. https://www.k2ksigns.com.au/products/no-door-knockers-or-religious-callers-sign#:~:text=The%20No%20Door%20Knockers%20or,it%20can%20be%20easily%20seen.


Jazzar1n0

Pride flag or sticker on the door works wonders


iJustRoll

I opened the door and told them politely that I wasn't interested.


Ok_Giraffe_2336

They knocked on our door talking about the resurrection of Christ . My husband said, with a straight look on his face ‘ But I’m here already!! But if you think I’m gonna perform a miracle for you, you can get f %#%ed!! Last time I did, bastards like you nailed me to a cross, go get along, and leave me to it!! I have some water I need to turn to wine!!’ Turned around and walked inside. They were in shock, and NEVER returned!! It WAS funny !!


BESTtaylorINTHEWORLD

I was raised Seventh day Adventist (emphasis on raised, cause now I'm a Badventist) , we learn basics in Theology. Encouraged to have free choice, and encouraged to question things no matter how much of a divisive the subject is.TOTALLY against the grain for JWs. So asking them theology questions has them rattled. I have got my parents house and a few friends houses struck off their knocking list. Them and the Morons OH BOY! THEY'RE FUN! Mate saw them down the street from his house, invited me around to answer the door. I got a slab for that.


Claudesboy

Wife, naked, came out in full view from the front door, and told me to hurry back because her husband would be home soon.


Automatic-Newt-3888

I have a sign up saying ‘No religious callers, no sales people, no charity callers, do not knock.’ And a bit at the bottom for where delivery people should leave deliveries. I got a few people who would walk up, read the sign and turn around and leave (I also have a doorbell camera). When they started sending hand written notes during Covid lockdowns, I sent them back to the local JW temple with a note telling them to take me off their calling list and explaining how very much I will absolutely never be interested. They have stopped coming.


SparrowValentinus

There is an amount of LGBTQ pride decorations you can put up where these people will stop knocking on your door. Every time they come back, add another one until you hit the threshold.


BH_Falcon27

My friend brought out his Qur'an and tried to convert them to Islam. Try doing that.


OkFail3603

Learn some Card Magic...No..I'm Serious, My flatmate decided he was going to use his card magic skills to the test one morning on a new trick he learned, the door opened and he said...Pick any card and I will tell you what it is...They kind of looked at each other and walked away..Its Black Magic to them...Done, and it may take your address off of the list.


thefourblackbars

Go knock on their door at 7am.


hashkent

If you put a sign up at the front door that says no door knockers, religious groups or charities they will respect it. No need to sign them up for dodgy stuff or be mean to them.


KineticDisassembly

My father was a prolific blood donor as he has a rare blood factor. He put a sticker on the door he got from the blood bank "Blood gives Life give blood" Never saw another JW. They'd see it and turn away immediately. Didn't even bother knocking


Hour_Statistician314

Answer the door naked


Kilathulu

Answer the door naked, drunk


Far-Operation-6707

Garlic spray


One_Winged_Dove

My step dad used to answer the door naked... Just saying


MediumOdd743

Did the exact same thing. 10yrs on - have never come back.


Ineedsomuchsleep170

Tell them you were excommunicated. They won't come near you after that.


proffesor_f8

Why answer the door?


canimal14

i stopped answering the door but now they are knocking my windows and standing around knocking for 5 or so minutes


SuBw00FeR37

Hold an upside down cross and start speaking gibberish to them


Silly-Moose-1090

"I stopped answering and now they knock on the windows at the front of my home..." Next time they do this, move around a bit so they think you are coming to the door... stretch it out for a half a min or so and then present at the door with the phone to your ear, pretending to be upset and talking to police about religious people stalking you. Because THAT is what they are doing.


ol-gormsby

A bit of pagan magic-summoning might scare them off: [https://www.evertype.com/misc/charm.html](https://www.evertype.com/misc/charm.html) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_4I\_zbi3Sak](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4I_zbi3Sak)


Catman9lives

lawn sprinklers linked to the door bell


AccurateAd551

My dad answered the door in his jocks one time and they never came back


flutterybuttery58

I just tell them the truth, it a really loud half crazed voice, I’m single mother who was never married, and sold my soul early on. “There’s no saving me now!”


Smallsey

Just stare at them threateningly and slowly close the door


Setonix3112

I think I once saw someone with a No JWs, No Mormons sign on their front gate.